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gumims · 2 days ago

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(feels a lot like) love ༺ levi ackerman

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wc : 2.7k

content : oneshot, fluff, soft levi, probably ooc, no use of y/n, set two months after the battle of shiganshina, semi? established relationship? more of a messy situationship by agreement. i've always wanted to write established relationship and first kiss in one fic with both of them coexisting n somehow i managed it. thanks lina for helping me decide the title

maybe he's been loving you this whole time.

levi ackerman has decided you hate him.

well. hate is a bit of a dramatic word. and levi is anything but dramatic. he’s practical. logical. rational. he knows what needs to get done and doesn’t hesitate in doing it.

so why does all of that fly out the window when it comes to you?

and if it’s not hate, he reasons, then it can only be something worse - indifference, for one - and he’d rather not consider that at all.

sure, it’s not like it’s a big thing. he doesn’t care. not really. not even when you’re slinging an arm around hange or patting armin’s head or doing anything with everyone except touching him. but it’s not like he can just up and ask why you’ve never done any of that with him because how exactly is he supposed to go about that - why don’t you touch me? what the hell is that? there’s a heat rushing to his face just thinking about those words leaving his mouth. he’d never live it down.

to be fair, he’s never been one for receiving touch - giving it is another story, he’s great at hand-to-hand combat and the occasional hair ruffle if he likes you enough - and with the way he’s always firmly establishing his personal space around everyone else he’s sure it’s common knowledge.

but it was different with you. key word: was.

so he’s resigned to suffering in silence, and god is he suffering. maybe you want to break up. if you can call it breaking up. if you can call it a relationship. well, he likes you, and you like him, and you both know you like each other, and he guesses you’re exclusive because there’s no one else you’d really go for anyway - not like there’s a myriad of options anyhow (maybe you like him by necessity, then). and you’ve never kissed or held hands or done the other couple things that he sees other couples doing, like sharing a meal on a hill - and yes, he’d never share a meal from the same plate with anyone because it’s entirely unhygienic, and watching a view together is romantic enough to give rise to a sudden debilitating nausea, but the problem lies in the fact that you’ve never offered.

and, okay, you’ve called him unwarranted and quite frankly inappropriate things like “cute”, “pretty”, and once even “baby”. though was it just flirting? maybe it was. because you did laugh at how red he got after that. maybe everything’s in his head. even when you told him “i really like you, levi.” you could’ve meant something else. like, as a friend.

the thing is - this weird, in-between situation had suited both of you before. you’d purposely stopped yourselves from pursuing anything because relationships don’t last in the survey corps, not when you’re facing death every other day. so there’d never really been. anything. he’d thought that would change after the battle of shiganshina. no titans, nothing life-threatening anymore, just the looming existential threat of a whole world beyond the walls that wanted them dead.

but it’s been two months and he’s here, sitting at his desk, hands folded in front of him. he should be asleep, trying to fix his sleep schedule like he promised. he should be doing a lot of things. instead, as it often boils down to, he’s thinking about you.

he tallies it up in his head. you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist as you fled titans on horseback, forced by erwin to stay in formation and don’t do anything stupid, but he doesn’t think that counts since your horse was somewhere in a ditch with its legs crushed. perhaps a better contender would be the time you’d forced him to take a break with you to watch the sunrise after an entire night of paperwork cooped in his office, your hand burning into the skin on his wrist as you dragged him out. oh, yes - your side had pressed into his as you stared up at the sky, legs stretched out on the roof in front of you. was that before or after his gaze had dropped to your lips? before or after your hand had risen to cup his face then hesitated, barely brushing the curve of his jaw, before dropping back into your lap? before he’d pulled away from you - inches neither of you’d realised you’d closed between you - and you’d gotten to your feet, not even bothering to make an excuse anymore like you used to - i need to shower, let’s go get breakfast, erwin’d asked me to meet him.

because you both knew. there’d never really been anything. but you’d always been on the edge of something.

and then everything ground to a halt entirely.

this is on him, levi thinks, exhaling as he leans back and stares at the ceiling, chair creaking slightly underneath him as he balances it back on two legs. he was naive to think your feelings would stay the same for so long. how many years has it been, since it all began? he doesn’t know. you’d been in the corps before levi; you’d been on the expedition he’d lost isabel and farlan. you’d always just been. you and levi. levi and you. when had this started? when would it end?

the trembling legs of his chair fall back to earth with a thud. that’s it. he needs to make a plan of action. if something’s not working, change it. a simple concept he’s always stuck to and it’s gotten him this far. whether you’re still interested or you’ve fully moved on or you’re just waiting for him to make the first move (which is very unlike you), he just needs to talk to you. he’s never been one to beat about the bush or spend nights worrying away at something - current circumstance notwithstanding - and he’s not about to start building bad habits now.

he exhales. he can breathe a little easier now that he’s finally made a decision. but sleep’s not going to come to him any easier.

to be fair, it’s been an insanely busy two months. the transition’s been rough for even levi. the deadliest things he faced these days were piles of paperwork and tenuous relations with other politicians and of course the ever-dreaded publicity, as society inside the walls struggled to comprehend the existence of society out the walls. and he’s in the thick of it. humanity’s strongest. whoever came up with that one has a special appointment with a jail cell.

you’ve barely had time to talk to him, he knows, let alone - well. touch him. (another shudder.) and it’s not that he rarely sees you - though sometimes he thinks that would be better. he’s just left with these daily glimpses of you, momentarily crossing through the same spaces, sitting in the same meetings, only to inevitably have to part ways quicker than you came together.

there was that one time you’d caught up with him in the hallway after a long discussion with historia that’d spanned several hours - policies and information release and the like. (you’d dropped your hand on her shoulder before you’d left, comforting her with one of your warm smiles. levi’s shoulder felt strangely empty.) but you’d only gotten out, “levi, we need to talk” before someone’d called your name and pulled you away.

how many times are you going to slip through his fingers?

but then again. if something’s not working, change it.

he gets the chance a couple weeks later - half of another month hurtling by in the blink of an eye. he’s been worrying about you for a while, actually. the worst part of it all is that there aren’t scheduled mealtimes anymore and he knows you forget to eat when you’re overworked and those bags under your eyes are only getting worse (he hopes you know you’re still beautiful). which is why he’s outside your door with a tray of food still hot from the dining hall and a cup of tea, all skilfully balanced on one hand while he opens the door with the other after your tired, “come in.”

you’re hunched over your desk, all tense lines and messy hair and exhaustion, scanning over a thick leaflet of something, who gives a frick. you haven’t even looked up yet which levi finds mildly amusing. no survival instinct at all. he could be an assassin. an assassin who politely knocks on doors.

that’s until you tuck a piece of hair behind your ear and say, “hey, levi”, brow scrunched over your work.

okay. well.

levi could say a lot of things to that, but he settles with, “where do you want me to put this?”

your gaze finally rises to meet his and he’s definitely been away from you for too long because he’s seemed to have forgotten the weight of it. the depth.

“levi - you didn’t have to.”

“i knew it. you haven’t eaten.”

“well—”

“you had lunch at least, right?”

your mouth purses. “well.”

so that’s an obvious ‘no’. levi sighs and strides over, sweeping your papers to the side to make way for the tray - you clearly didn’t have much order in the first place. he’ll sort them out later for you if he gets the chance. you take the opportunity to lean back and stretch your arms behind your head, hissing at the soreness of your shoulders.

“black?”

“mountain rose.”

“mm.”

you tip the cup to your lips, breathe out.

levi takes the floor next to your desk, back resting against the wall, stretching his legs out in front of him. he’s glad you know him well enough that you don’t bother telling him to sit on your bed like a normal person, because levi is decidedly not a normal person, not when it comes to hygiene.

there’s a comfortable silence as you eat, levi convinces himself. it’s a complete and utter lie because levi is definitely not comfortable and it’s not because he’s sitting on the floor. it’s just a little hard to breathe in here. what with. you. and he’s having the overwhelming urge to make conversation which, for levi, is a sign of borderline hysteria.

he manages to ignore it, until you’re nearly done and he gives in, the silence having stretched for far too long, even though you look completely at ease.

“so. it’s been a while.”

“mhm.”

so maybe small talk while your mouth is full isn’t the best idea. levi does the smart thing and shuts up until you’ve put your spoon down and wiped your mouth, and you’re the one who picks the conversation up from there.

“you’re a little tense.”

“you’re a little overworked.”

his tone’s a bit too snappy - he can’t help it, he knows he’s been called out - but you take it in your stride, laughing.

“well, you’re not wrong.” you slip out of the chair to sit cross-legged in front of him. there’s inches of space between your knee and his leg. he hates it.

“but there’s so much to do.” your voice goes quiet. “i have no idea how erwin managed it.”

levi swallows harshly. “yeah,” he manages. “well. erwin was different.”

your eyes meet his; he looks away.

“how’ve you been doing?” you ask after a moment, in that way you do, where your tone is light enough to let him escape if he wants to, and he does.

“great.”

“haven’t gotten to do this in a while, have we?”

“yeah.”

“i missed you.”

“...yeah.” he clears his throat.

you make a small sound of amusement. “you can—”

“you know i did, so i don’t know why i have to say it.”

you shift closer, leaning forward, that goddamned look in your eye. he’d lean back in response but he’s got the wall behind him. “maybe i’m testing you.”

“mhm.”

“to see how much you care about me.”

“that’s an awfully long-winded way to go about it. normal people would just ask.”

“did you miss me, levi?” you’re struggling to keep a straight face.

“yes, i did,” he says flatly.

you laugh. he likes it. your hand’s resting on your knee instead of his.

“can we do this properly, levi? because i really want to,” you say, eyes locked on his. levi doesn’t need to ask to know what you’re talking about. he’s glad you brought it up, and so easily too. now there’s only one thing left.

“on one condition.”

you raise an eyebrow. “and what’s that?”

“you don’t treat me like my skin’s poison,” he grumbles.

that’s got you stumped. you sit back on the carpet, head tilted to the side a little. “what do you mean?”

“you’re avoiding touching me.” levi folds his arms, scowling.

your eyes widen slightly in comprehension. “i was. because i didn’t want - it would’ve made things more complicated, the way we were. but i guess that can finally change now. if you want it to.”

“of course.”

he’s sitting like he’s waiting for something. you drop your hand to rest lightly on his shin. “you want me to touch you, levi?”

“you don’t have to say it like a degenerate.”

you slide your hand up to his knee, past it. “like this?”

“frick off.” but his mouth is dry.

your hand closes on his shirt as you tug him close. his brain short circuits as you rest your forehead against his, your hand sliding up his chest and around to cup the back of his neck, fingers scratching gently at his undercut. he can’t hear past the thudding of his heart. like a schoolboy in love.

in love.

you don’t move, and he doesn’t move. it’s just the warmth of your skin against his and the steady support of your hand. it’s just you and him. you’re close enough for him to feel your heat. you don’t move, and he doesn’t move, not for a long minute, not until he calms down enough to reciprocate just a little, finally gathering enough control over himself for his arms to come up around your shoulders into an embrace. your palm frames his face as you pull away slightly to breathe, “we made it, levi.” thumb slowly, slowly brushing across his jaw. you’re so tender with him. he doesn’t know why. “we made it. we’re okay.”

there’s a thick knot of emotion swelling in his throat all of a sudden, nearly blocking his air passage. he's not crying. obviously not.

“you’re okay,” you murmur.

he’s sure he is, if you say so. or at least, he will be. his eyes are fixed on yours. you’re so close. so beautiful. he’d like to kiss you. he knows you’d like to kiss him too. you’re not very subtle about your gaze dropping to his lips; you never have been. he’s fine with that. levi doesn’t really need subtlety.

the space between you shrinks rapidly, your hands coming up to levi’s face, tilting his chin upwards, noses brushing. he remembers the last time you were this close. the first time you nearly kissed, before you’d both backed away at the same time before that last line was crossed. salvaging it by a thread.

you’re waiting for him. levi surges forward across the line and far beyond.

he kisses you tenderly, once, and then you kiss him back. it’s quick and soft but you’re both breathing hard when you pull apart.

“your ears are red,” you comment.

levi is unamused. “your whole face is red.”

“well.” he’s not wrong. you laugh a little, then pull away so his hands drop from around your shoulders and you can thread your fingers tight through his.

“there you go. i’m touching you. happy, baby?”

he likes the way the endearment slips out. though he’d kill anyone who heard you call him that. “very.”

and he is. more than happy. joyful, maybe. it’s a bit of a dramatic word for him. and levi is anything but dramatic. he’s practical. logical. rational. and he doesn’t think he’s quite there yet. the future is still uncertain, as it’s always been, and sorrow weighs heavily over him, over you both. but he’s happy to let all of that fly out the window when it comes to you.

he’s not joyful - he can’t be. not now, but maybe. maybe sometime soon.

either way, he’s content.

either way, levi ackerman has decided he loves you.

yes that was his first kiss Ever

idk where this came from

was lowk fun to write scratches head

overusing italics is always Fun

tags !! @cinnamxnangel

#this.. cleared my skies.#i love you for this omg this is so beautiful #favs!!

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