#idk if any other lesbian feels this way
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Just sucked the first d*ck of my life sjsjdkdkdkd
#im sorry#i gotta say#its not for me#i dont know if anyone else feels this#like im.a lesbian#for sure#like yes#you think of me and its right there#but i still feel like i need to complete 'social rituals'#and do the whole thing...#idk if any other lesbian feels this way#like do it once and just know you dont like it#cuz its totally better to send naughty messages than meet up with the people#met a dude tonight from gndr#and lord#i got into his vat#car#i need shower cuz men smell#even the clean ones#he was#jesus#i was sweating so bad#lmao#what am I even doing
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OK OK OK HEAR ME OUT.... Lesbian Ichimatsu...
ichiko...
#oso san posting#ichiko#ghost's doodles#ghost's asks#IDK IF THIS IS WHAT U IMAGINED WHEN U SENT ME THIS AERO SO I APOLOGIZE IF I MISINTERPRETED....#i can always draw a lesbian (reg) ichimatsu for u as well! <3#but honestly... blushing face emoji#she makes me feel things i wouldn't feel in any other way#just... just saying... twirling a piece of hair and kicking my feet#ichiko likers come GET YOUR FOOD#i forgot to caption this woops..
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every woman on earth is the most beautiful show stopping incredible gorgeous person alive and 90% of men make me go ewwwwww…what is that..
#i don’t even mean this in a misandrist way#tho i do <3 misandry#just genuinely. any woman could make me blush simply by existing#yet my taste in men is so highly specific and niche and anyone outside of it is like..ew. to me.#idk. i like a pretty boy. a lot.#all other men im either entirely neutral like they make me feel nothing or sometimes i am actually a little grossed out#i feel weird being bi sometimes i like the label for myself a lot it feels comfy for me#but it’s like ah yes. bisexual. i am attracted to Every Woman and maybe like idk 10 men on earth?#which i know still is a valid form of bisexuality !#but still..i like being bi and calling myself bi and being able to use the label#but sometimes i’m like…what if i’m. not.#i do like men just only some. but i do still like them. so like. i don’t think im a lesbian#and i like the idea of being with a woman just as much as i like the idea of being with a man (that suits my tastes)#for me it’s generally fluid like sometimes im leaning more towards wanting a girlfriend sometimes i want a boyfriend#but at the end of the day i would be happy with either#also not trying to exclude anyone outside strictly male or female obvs#well i hope it’s obvs. i would of course be interested in someone who’s not a girl or boy or anything at all#it’s just easier for me to word it like that. while i sort out my thoughts#basically. i think im having a crisis#snow.txt
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heyheyhey. do you guys wanna know a secret :}
#a reason i like yoimiya so much; especially compared to other fem characters; is because she has more obvious proof of a journey through-#-femininity. this is also a reason i like shikimori so much!#becaus etheres an entire episode where we learn about shikimori's journey through femininity#she is such a major reason i realized that i need to go on one myself#and yoimiya idk. like. i don't really care much for genshin lore BAHAHAHAH#and i haven't looked at her voice lines in a bit but#idk. she just. theres a lot more to her than there is in canon idc she's more than what she was made to be and i love her for that!!!!#but yea elaborating on honestly not usually liking fem characters as much as masc ones. even though i dont even like guys im a lesbian JDSF#but it's because they're all made just to be people. and i lvoe all hte characters i love#but i feel like so many fem characters could be so much more than they were given the chance to be if there was a hint of a journey in her#so many just feel too hollow; especially compared to the masc characters they interact with#shikimori by herself was just a fun character. a strong girl who enjoyed being soft#but getting the background of she did karate because her brother did; she left because her brother did; she followed every trend because-#-everyone else did; she kept her hair short because her brother did; she never did anythign her brother didn't explicitly do or tell her to#and then one day he told her to be more. and so she decided to be more.#idk i just think more fem and honestly masc characters should have hints of a journey through any sort of identity!!#whether it be gender or sexuality or general personality or presentation via fashion or anything!!!!!#show me them at a young malleable age and show me them growing out of that and becoming a beautiful person but beautiful in a way only THEY#-could be. and while we didn't get that for yoimiya#i can stillfeel it. maybe im just making stuff up but. like i said earlier; she feels like so much more than the canon made her to be#adn i really love that :)#i should sleep soon but i just got my spotify workin again and catabolic seed is playingg#i lov eyou all <3#thank you for reading my rant haha#:shroom is typing...#:shroomiya:#kisses kisses!! <3
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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. (tw heterosexuality)
#i am having the worst sexuality crisis of my life. i was so sure i was a lesbian but there is this One Guy..#he makes me feel things. i think. but i cant categorize them#relationships w men sound.. unappealing.. if i think about it generally#like a random man? sounds weird. or maybe not. i dont know. i havent even had a first kiss lmao i dont really know stuff#but him............oh...........hes so funny and cool and nice to everyone. his hands are pretty (weird thing to notice but ok)#he explains math to me and i cant focus because he's too close. thats so MORTIFYING I THOUGHT I WAS A DYKE#but at the same time 12 year old me was having heart palpitations around my first girl crush and shit#and he hasnt made me feel anything that strong so far. so. idk. but also i was 12. so idk#well okay generally speaking women make me feel much more doing way less#there was this occasion where this girl who i always had a mild thing for but never did anything about it just came up to me#at school#and just. haha lol i had a dream about you last night ;)#i am not joking when i say i felt weak in the knees. she was smiling in a like playful way so i was gonna make a joke but i could not#because i was going to pass out from being too gay#this guy (or any other guy for that matter) doesn't seem to have the power to make me feel like that#..........am i bisexual with a female lean or whatever people say. or am i experiencinf the worst case of comphet of my life#this is awful. not because i don't wanna like men (its just sexuality idc) but because i don't want to prove my mom right#😭what if it WAS a phase#but who knows. mentioning the girl who dreamt about me kind of replaced the thoughts i was having of him for a bit there#i miss her she was nice. well sort of. but i was never involved in the drama so who cares fr. she graduated last year#anyways sorry for breaking character. tumblr user kaeyapilled is lore dropping
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something on my mind rn. as you all know i’m a lesbian. applause from the audience. and sometimes it just gets to be like annoying when. well. so i have at least A friend who’s asked me several times over ‘so you don’t have Any attraction to men? like at all?’ and i know they’re not being like malicious but you know. that answer has not changed since like seventh grade. and in the same vein it just feels aggravating when i have the nerve to say Oh i think she seems like a lesbian. that’s giving dyke. etc. and to be met with ‘umm well maybe she actually does like men.’ like. first of all in personal conversations if i’m just saying shit chances are i’m just going off of patterns from my own life or other lesbians i know. i’m not here for Bi Erasure and i promise you in this context your attraction to men is not ever invalidated as much as my lack of it. esp in college with so many people talking about their dating/app experiences and etc it’s 99.9999% of the time about men and i just Can’t participate in that conversation which is yk not the end of the world but a bit isolating and even if i do contribute anything it just feels like… a slight Stiffening like. and even just getting brushed off with Well yeah but you’re not even into guys. like real! i still have eyes though. and esp when my attraction isn’t being celebrated and engaged with in the way theirs is it’s just really fucking lonely! and maybe that’s a gross inner voice of insecurity that i’m projecting onto them but like you must get what i mean right. there’s still this odd air specifically around people who Do Not engage with men at all. and if i do make any kind of joke or comment abt someone maybe just Not being into guys i’m made into the asshole who’s invalidating their experiences etc when like. i’m just saying shit man idk. and it’s like many of these people are bi and claim attraction to women but get so like uncomfortable actually talking about it. i don’t think i’m the one with problems! i think there’s still some internalized shit there. you know. anyway all this to say as much as we’ve had the conversation of invalidating bi attraction some of you need to think about not treating gay attraction as this secondary awkward weird elephant in the room. and on a more personal note on top of the Everything that was getting under my skin last night this was just a cherry on top where i was feeling soo… misunderstood and invalidated lol even tho again i largely think those friends were being very supportive and kind to me. this is just one thing i was like. 😐
#esp cause the other one literally pulled the. well idk a man would have to be like Perfect but id still hook up with one. yeah it could be#any woman literally but you know men aren’t totally out of the picture if they’re like. Actually the most attractive man ever and then#i could just pretend it’s not a man#… and you want me to act like that’s not a dyke thing to say. like ok#i didn’t say that to her face btw she can figure that out herself. but you get what i’m working with#it’s so frustrating and truly. once again. just isolating. cause as long as people claim they’re into men it’s like they have this in for#so much bonding that i will never access cause i don’t give a fuck about men. so it’s like yeah i get defensive#esp speaking about a situation in which someone behaved so egregiously homoerotically with me and displayed many signs of um. being gay#and then could just run off with her bf she didn’t even seem to be that attracted to. u can see where#as MUCH as it’s not my goddamn business. when i’m dragged into that it would absolutely get under my skin and of course i’d say some stupid#shit about her needing to accept lesbianism into her heart. lol#because unfortch. yeah. That still came up as part of this. as much as i’d like to just forget it and move on#she just somehow fucking comes up and now it’s not even me obsessively talking abt it. it’s like that situation just cannot leave me alone#for my peace of mind. it’s been months. and that’s also sad and fucked for me cause it’s like#as horrible as that was for my like self esteem and peace of mind. it’s the fucking Only thing i had going for me in a long ass time#and since it just worked so well i latched onto it yk. and i have to trust as i get more confident and move on in the world#i’ll attract better people and whatnot#but it’s like personally extremely lonely and then just feels like an added stupid layer when. it just feels so invalidated in a way. idk#like no i did not have a relationship that i can technically mourn i just had a weird connection with someone who wouldn’t admit even the#slightest attraction even if it was glaringly obvious. it just preys on this stupid fucking loneliness i feel too. and i KNOW i don’t need#to constantly validate that and whatever and none of my friends actually think i’m delusional#it’s just that. i need to get a grip and not cling to it. like just accept it for what it is and go on. and when it’s brought up at random#when i’m already in a stupid sensitive spot it’s hard. u know. and then also w these friends they’re not used to hyperbole so when i say#shit like well i hope they die. they’re like Omg! 🙀 and i’m like oh my god i don’t mean that literally like. hello#this whole thing was not about film girl but of course she made a silly little guest appearance. in conversation#which is just embarrassing for me. you know.#pisses me off that she can move on and probably act like nothing even happened meanwhile i was over here sobbing like i’d been through#a heartbreak. and i’m remembered as like obsessive silly goofy crazy for it. and i was. but damn i’ve taken accountability for it 😭#abby talks#long post
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2023 reads // twitter thread
The Infinite
end of The Outside trilogy
AI gods, heretics, cosmic horror, aliens
some extra backstory!!
autstic lesbian tries to kill god
#The Infinite#the outside#ada hoffmann#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#idk how to summarise things far in a series......but aH#god origin!!! even god is a lesbian.....#i feel like none of their voices in the audio are how i imagined them jsdhgk#enga <3#the full body gasp i did when x pretended to be y…#(like a how dare you! gasp)#theres a few reveals that i think would have hit harder if they were in different places in the narrative?#or like. emotional whatever things#pacing mainly if i have any criticisms#how does it feel. to be loved by a god.#i didn’t love the cover art bc like colour and compositionally it’s way different from the others but. THAT SCENE?#HELLO?#i think its supposed to be that scene
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i crave a lesbian experience yet my boy-gender and attraction to men sorta prevent it
#idk#i mean i dont rlly consider my attraction to women straight in the same way i consider my attraction to men gay#like i wouldnt say its lesbian but it’s inherently queer#also i know we can do what we want forever but i like beinf dramatic about it#also theres the whole problem of id never be able to find someone to do that with lmao#since i would need pre-existing emotional attachment or whatever like with friendship#but the idea of dating any of my friends except that one guy feels weird to me#< and that one guy is gay in the other direction#idkk#ignore this post my queerness is bored 😭#queer#ryan shut the fuck up
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anyway, go read ikoku nikki.
#ikoku nikki#using the jp title bc iirc theres two english titles and idk which one's the right one: journal with witch or different country diaries#it's a slice of life coming of age story of a teen girl living with her aunt with two completely opposing personalities#the scanlation team really outdid themselves esp the translator#the dialogue feels natural it legit feels like overhearing actual irl convo most of the times#the aunt is only said to be introverted but tbh she's heavily ND coded#theres a genderqueer and aro side characters and their identities are just treated super casually (in a good way)#the bestie being a lesbian was kinda awkward but only when the protag discovered it bc. well. shes a teen kid lol#''i support you'' that gave me a good chuckle every single time#honestly just everyone in this comic in general. their existence and personhood‚ whatever it is‚ never made a big deal out of#(again: in a good way)#like everyone just exist. living their own separate lives. and sometimes their livings conflict with each other but thats just life#it's heartwarming and heartwrenching#it's made me nostalgic of my own teenagehood and looking forward of my 30s and older#it's just life. and i mean it. cant get any more slice of life than this#anyway yeah please do yourself a favour and go read it#now why the fuck did i write all this in the tags instead of the post#ah fuck i now have to screenshot it dont i
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.
(a lot of tmi in the tags, just saying)
#a little vent (that i hope i can phrase well)#idk how to cope with being bi#for most of my life i supposed i like guys bc that was the default but i never had any interest in persuing anyone#letterally my hobbies where the most important thing ever and i didn't need a bf or a gf#then i found out i liked girls and i liked the label lesbian and i didn't havw many problems with it but it was also v lonely#in january of this year i get a crush on a guy and basically many things change and this aforementioned guy disappeared in march and#i'm still heartbroken (i'm basically mourning a relationship that wasn't meant to be in the first place bc of power dynamics)#and now i have a lot of men hitting on me and i hate it (not bc their men but bc of the way they approach) and i'm sex repulsed which is new#and i'm not used to it bc in hs none was interested in me#i just lost weight and now i like doing my hair and makeup#but i'm still the same weird and offputting girl that happens to be also v funny and now pretty#but men don't care about me being funny or other things bc they think with their d*ck (not all men but the men that hit on me)#and in all of this i'm still obsessed with my crush and it's been 8 months and it's probably unhealthy#and i have a lot of other problems not related to sexuality or love life in top of that and they make socializing difficult bc i feel lesser#bc i don't have a degree#what do i do?#emma and her stupid vent
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ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#blaire.txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
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absolutely horrible when your sexuality and gender identity influence each other. youre telling me there are nuances to this thing? i want to simplify it like a large fraction
#happy pride!#i am a lesbian but i have zero identification with the terms femme or butch nor futch#i am also. deeply asexual which i think may have something to do with it#i also am a woman but a…..way#don’t want to change my presentation or pronouns but i dentify more with womanhood as a social category than anything#i am a lesbian woman and that’s all i got like when people want me to specify i’m like idk what you want i’m just a dyke#feel out of place with other lesbians who describe very specific butch and femme experiences and im like o do not have any of that#and idk where that lands me…..gender wise#happy pride again. no one read this i am unknowable#syd text
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#it's very strange #because i often feel like the culmination of those characters arcs #like if the point is they're ace great but like... #the option of lesbianism just *never* occurs #which--and again not to discredit any ace people or ace readings of her work--is such a common lesbian experience! #like myself and a bunch of other lesbians i know had that journey #of going 'hmm i don't like men... guess I'm asexual! (do not ask me about women i will combust)' #like lady bird... whatever #little women... alright i suppose if you wanted to make a comentary on how lma was forced to add the heterosexual romance at the end #and not suggest anything about a real person and also not deviate from the source material #but barbie was insane #the coding was next level #like c'mon birkenstocks??? #and i argue that barbies acceptance of genitalia could be read as an acceptance of sexuality or the very least exploring it #so why isn't she a dyke??? (other than mattel probably giving a hard no on that)
I don’t know, the thing that really bothers me about Greta Gerwig’s films is that there is just this gaping hole where gay women should be. Like, when you’re making these movies about the trap of heterosexual marriage, breaking free of that, and the only concrete answer is to be a single woman over and over and over again, it feels like an intentional absence. You can watch the movie with a queer lens, but it is egregious that you may only consider homosexuality in her movies in this way. It ought to be in them. There is no reason for it not to be there. Women don’t fuck women in Greta Gerwig’s feminist liberations. Often, they don’t have sex at all.
#hi I'm taking kaeden's tags with the lesbian perspective bc I'm gonna add the ace perspective#bc I have Thoughts about this#(preface I have only seen little women and barbie so I'm not gonna talk about lady bird)#1. as an ace person it is very rare that a story is explicitly about a woman being like 'actually it's fine if I don't have a relationship'#2. it is still very weird to not include queerness at all in that story#it's like. do I love to hc jo and barbie as ace? yeah absolutely#do I think that's what greta gerwig intended? honestly no#does it matter? maybe. because she's not putting in queerness in any other way#like sure there's a trans barbie but it's not like they say she's trans or have any comment to make about transness#(not that I am any authority to comment on transness)#and as trans women have pointed out better than me it's very weird to end your film about barbie with#'she's a real girl now that she has a vagina!'#it is interesting because I can understand more having a lesbian reading of jo but I didn't pick up anything lesbian about barbie#and had a total aroace reading of her#but the truth is the film wasn't trying to give her either#and we're all just projecting our own stuff onto it#yes margot robbie has said stuff that supports the ace reading but idk that she knows that's what she's doing beyond 'well she's a doll'#like as much as I enjoy it or make jokes.#and like yeah some (many) of the kens had gay vibes but they didn't actually let any of them be gay#beyond the like winky nod to magic earring ken#idk. I take a lot of issues with the barbie movie from a story perspective#but related to this post I was really hoping it would show Some sort of queerness apart from just accidental stuff we're reading into#or like the existence of kate mckinnon#it feels like greta gerwig knows queer people exist in theory but she doesn't have any interest in including us in stories#except subtly or accidentally#this is getting really long but like. part of being ace for me was being like#well if I'm not straight then I'm gay and if I'm not gay then what am I#which ironically is kinda the reverse of what kaeden said#it's that lesbian ace solidarity baybee#but it's not like greta gerwig's characters are ever even presented the Option to be attracted to women
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Oct. 15th, 2024
I was a little too high when I got to work tonight and my manager (whom I'm pretty sure thinks I'm cute and/or has a crush on me cause she lowkey acts flirty with me) was wearing a hella attractive fit with a new top that I haven't seen her wear yet & tbh she was serving hot eccentric corporate femme realness. I literally was just so focused on how good she looked & practically tuned out the work stuff she was filling me in on. All I could think was "She looks so fucking good I'm such a fucking lesbian oh my god...."
"Ok good to know," As soon as it was my turn to talk I didn't even bother addressing whatever work thing she was conveying to me and gave the blouse a quick look up, saying, "I just want to say I love that shirt btw! You look.....really nice in it." (had to pause for a second because my high ass opened my mouth to say like "you look good as hell/you look hella good" which i knew would be a little too inappropriate to say, especially considering one of the pm desk girls, May, was standing like 4 feet away from us at the other desk, and she hates Alice and is also a gossip so...) After i said that, her face immediately lit up with a beaming smile, she started saying 'thank you' and other stuff while sputtering, then she goes "I could kiss you for that!"
When I tell you it shocked me so hard and was so unexpected that my face instantly turned into the 😳 emoji, I'm not exaggerating in the slightest. I could feel my face getting flush (I turn pink really easily when I'm too warm, doing extraneous physical work, anxious, embarrassed, flustered etc. so its not like i could hide it from her.) Like exCUSE ME??? What was that, ma'am??? What to run that by me again?
I think she noticed my shock and the fact that it got quiet for like .5 seconds and she laughed loudly, backpeddeling, saying like "I'm kidding, I'm kidding!!! I'm so sorry, no seriously, I'm just joking. You're face was so funny though haha 😅" I'm just standing there shocked and trying to recover from that curveball, but in hindsight like.....it's ok girly, if you're gonna say it then say it with your chest. Like I'm sorry, what was that? I don't think I heard you very well. You're gonna have to speak up, don't be shy lmao. When she started apologizing I actually opened my mouth to say "It's ok even if you weren't joking haha," but I clamped my mouth shut because, again, gossipy coworker just feet away from us and I'm not trying to get Alice or myself in trouble. Needless to say that's what it took for me to finally be aware that like, oh shit maybe she actually has been flirting with me for months??
#im pretty sure shes het though. like she gives bi vibes but ive never heard her talk about women or her sexuality or anything lgbtq so idk#she also talks off & on about finding a rich husband/finding a husband to settle down and have a family with. so maybe bi but comp het idk#anyway more stories to come because ive written them all down & ever since that instance its just gotten more obvious#i will not/nor do i want to pursue this in any way though. shes too young for me (22) & im currently dating someone i really really like#i mean we're only casually dating but we've both established that we're only talking to each other atm. we dont have a label though#we both are in agreement that because our schedules only allow us to meet up once per week (sometimes less) we can see/talk to other people#if we feel the need to as long as we communicate that. i talked to my best friend if i should tell Tori or not & they strongly suggested no#because the way they put it is Tori has verbally established with me that they dont want to label us/make anything official yet#since we can only see each other few/far between. so if i ask tori about this it'll force them into a position where they HAVE to label us#and theyre obviously not ready for that & i dont want to make them feel pressured because i do genuinely click with them#and i fully enjoy the time we spend together & we've both established that we're really attracted to each other. we just dont have the time#and the 3rd/4th reasons i wont actually pursue Alice is that 3. she's my manager so thats very much so not allowed#4. i know neither of us is going to quit/transfer properties just for a fling. i dont mind flirting but thats as far as im letting this go#but anyway yeah. this is what kicked all this off & ultimately led to me making this blog#so im officially the token lesbian at work that the straight girl flirts with lmao#text
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It feels kinda weird that lesbianism is the sexuality that always seems to come with like 10 asterixes. like lesbianism is a diverse a sexuality as all the others but it seems like it so much more lesbians need to granuralise and be hyper specific about what their deal is in hyper specific terms.
#pladder#idk what the cause might be#just feels like leute are pressured to be anything but lesbian#this is probably just being weird tho#like this is why im kinda hesitant about hormones sometimes#i dont want my sexuality to change#and from what ive heard that has happened to some people#and like that is probably the next to worst thing that could happen to me in terms of comprehending my gender#next to a person i date changing sexuality from lesbian to bi#which gives me even more hangups about being attracted to other lesbians#which is super fun yay :)#but like seriously i feel like sometimes everyone just wants me to be bi#also im just thinking of a thing but god i want to strangle all the people who went along with that femboys are oppressed train that went b#a couple of years ago#like yeah it's actually supremly transphobic to imply that gnc cis men have it worse in any capacity than trans women#god i just want to feel like im allowed to like lesbians and not feel like the only ones i can date are bi women#makes me think of a terrible Young Left moment when somebody with more cred than me in lesbianism defined bi and pan in a way that fucked#with my sexuality for like years#bc yeah i dont have to be bi to not be transphobic when im attracted to most people that are not cis or trans men
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