#idk idk idk i just
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this is going to sound really fucked up but i just need to say it i think.
I never realized that people could actually care. I always thought that the depictions of friendship in movies and TV shows were over-the-top portrayals, and weren't things that actually happened. This was then exacerbated by the fact that my entire life I always wanted people to just Know How I Was Feeling like they do on TV and I found out that that's Not How It Works. I always thought I was naive for caring so much about my friends and for doing nice things for them out of the blue, and I always resented myself for resenting my parents for not doing more for me as a child.
So when I got to uni, and my friends started caring about me and asking if I was ok when I looked sad and doing nice things for me, I didn't know what to do with myself. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me in a long time. When I was staying with a friend, and she said that she left the window open in the room I was going to be staying in because I liked it to be cold when i sleep, I bluescreened. I didn't know how to respond. It is quite literally one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me. No one had ever paid that much attention to the things I liked. Every year on my birthday it was either a gamble if I would get something I actually wanted from my parents (spoiler alert: I was often disappointed) or I would just have to straight up tell them what I wanted. I got accustomed to the latter, and now I don't mind, but receiving two gifts from friends about languages this year made me realize that I could have it so much better.
And don't even get me started on online friends. I sort of thought that everyone was lying about them? Or that it was something unattainable, and reserved only for God's Chosen Favorites or something. But no, there are little people in my phone who care about me. They legitimately care about me as much as I care about them. I've been nervous to ask them about their well-being because I'm still nervous about being naive and getting a wake-up call that no one cares again, but after being told that they were worried about me when I overslept, I think i should know that I'm in the clear. And that's not even including all the times they tell me to go to bed when it's late, and when they ping me about things I may enjoy or things I was involved in.
All this is to say I guess that I'm touched that people remember my existence. It makes me feel good to be wanted. I will be eternally grateful to both my irl and online friends who made me realize that just because my parents or my friends from home didn't care enough to remember what I like or to go out of their way to do nice things for me, it doesn't mean that no one will. I need to step up and do more for you guys. I trained myself to push down my desire to help and check in with people because I thought I was betting on something that I'd never get in return, but now I know I can.
Thank you all, and I love you 💚
#uf this is a long one sorry 😅#i put it under a cut so it wont clog up your dash#btw if you are an online friend and you do something nice for me#what you arent seeing is me squealing and crying and bluescreening before giving your message a heart emoji and possibly the 🥹 emoji#the 🥹 emoji to me is a dear friend#🥹 to me in the context of accepting nice things means that im basically already crying#i am so incredibly appreciative of you all#i will not stop saying it#and i need to say it more to my irls faces#if you know me irl and you see this expect me to tell you very soon that i fucking love you#and if youre an online friend and you have vagueposted about something happening to you since ive met you#you may or may not get a message about it (depending on how chicken i am) because i fucking care about your well-being goddamnit#idk idk idk i just#it still amazes me that this isnt fake#that you actually care#i keep thinking that ill say something wrong or whatever and ill lose it all#but in the back of my mind i know that isnt true#i should probably be telling all this to a therapist but therapy is expensive and posting online is free#there was something else i wanted to say but i forgor so ill edit and add it when i rember#ok to rb#long post#personal
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Idk what au im cooking.. but Im cooking..
#gravity falls#au#gravity falls noir#<< calling it that#stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#dipper pines#mabel pines#my art#idk what is going on but im probably just gonna make a bunch of fake movie looking screenshots#and i just wanna see the grunkles in suits doin undercover stuff
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If you have Spotify reblog this and tag what your number one song on your “on repeat” playlist is.
#mine is#veronica mars#by#blondshell#music#tag meme#on repeat#I’m just curious and I want new music lol#spotify#meme#memes#alt#scene#emo#punk#metal#goth#gothgoth#gothic#alternative#rap#country#folk#idk what else to tag this
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[on the verge of having a complete breakdown] i need to make some kind of list or perhaps sort things into categories
#🌿 misc#idk how to tag this#i just love making lists#and sorting things into categories#pinterest#??#this is part of what motivates me to write i just love making lists of scenes and then sorting them into categories#bangers
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i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.
#sorry im bored of the same tags on this lmao#sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul#and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd.#i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist!#something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content#idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently#mine
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compiled some things
#i think after weirdmageddon soos and mcgucket became friends#like mcgucket has been pretty much out of it for 30 years#so i think it'd be fun if soos just continued to show him some of the stuff he missed#and in turn mcgucket teaches soos how to fix things idk#gravity falls#soos ramirez#fiddleford mcgucket#dipper pines#mabel pines#stan pines#grenda grendinator#candy chiu#pacifica northwest
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The secret Dungeon Meshi sauce that's getting people to eat better is that it's so non-judgmental. Senshi and the rest of the gang never talk about what not to eat besides things that taste bad and literal poison. They don't even talk about "health" that much besides the importance of a balanced diet. It's so much easier to eat well when you think of food simply as something your body needs, and that it's often worth the extra effort to make it taste good, especially when you understand how to connect "things your body needs" with "things that taste good"
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#dunmeshi#idk I just think a lot about how no one talked about hot fatty pork was unhealthy#or even scolded Maricelle for wanting something they couldn't afford#Senshi just said 'you haven't been eating fat so your body needs some. let's make something rich and delicious!'
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had a dream I went to a hozier concert and mr. hozier stopped singing and pointed to me in the crowd and asked me to go get him some extra crispy tofu and a blueberry shake for after the show and then the crowd passed his debit card to me and when I got it I could see his real legal name was Horace Bob-omb
#then the rest of the dream was me running through traffic trying to get to mcdonalds for the shake and to the store for the tofu#but i could still hear the music from the venue wherever I was#just chattin'#yeah man idk either#i guess is should tag this as#hozier#?????
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Sometimes I’m reminded that in universe Chilchuck is an actually influential figure who like. Made huge advancements for his people and community. Like as in gave them rights and protections. And who is widely known by half-foots because of that. Like. He’s not just some guy.
Idk For some reason that just makes his role in canon really funny to me. Like this older, extremely important and accomplished figure is just willingly putting himself thru it for the sake of this random autistic 26 year old.
#dungeon meshi#chilchuck#Idk I also just genuinely think that the way that contextualizes his character is interesting
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you're allowed to discuss and work together, reblog for a higher sample size or something
You have 1 week, good luck!
#neo.txt#girl idk i don't really care about tagging#challenge#ig#i'll just let y'all do this on your own#if 10 people join then that works#but the more people join the more likely you are to succeed#i just wanna sit back and see what you all do#and if you can succeed#(twitter is failing)#tumblr even poll challenge#i guess i'll name it this!
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puppet hour was brutal
#this was a part of a comic i sketched as a warmup but it was too many panels so im posting this on its own#gravity falls#the book of bill#mabel pines#stanford pines#that one page gave me hope that ford trusts mabel and treats her better than he did in the show#cuz man it always made me so mad watching the show#like iknow its the point that ford thinks he and dipper are just like... better and smarter#not that he doesnt like mabel#but like idk!!!!! idk!!!!!!!!!!#the book of bill is redeeming ford a bit 2 me
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mama n her babies
#yes i cried SHUT UPPPP#idk i just felt like hating myself today yk#just felt like dyingggg yk#HER BABIES#THEYRE HER BABIES#IM SO ENDING IT I LOVE THEM#I HATE THEMMMM#THEY MAKE ME ILL WHAT THE FUKKSIJEBFDIB#mama pines#caryn pines#stanley pines#stan pines#stanford pines#ford pines#gravity falls#squidflavoredsoup
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asking people to be mindful of others when sharing a communal space (especially one you cannot just up and leave from) is not selfish or misanthropic. come on now
#like we are human beings who have to coexist. i don’t think it should be so much to ask for some courtesy#but some of you guys act like being asked to be civil to the people around you is like being asked to sever a body part#idk it’s just a respect thing. i’m not being very coherent right now but we have to act like we can share communal spaces!#abandon ethical egoism please 🙏
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there’s something sooo sickening about how dunmeshis whole energy is like sometimes something terrible and awful happens to you and it changes you forever and nothing can make you the person you were before but there’s still love and there’s still sharing a meal together and there’s still living
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#it’s so AOUGH!!!#especially mithrun and falin and thistle#but everyone has some element of this#it’s also so important that the characters in majority DONT get what they want#marcille never gets to even out the lifespan between races#falin is never returned to her pre chimera state#mithrun never got to truly be the version of himself he want to be#like idk i could go on#but there’s smthn to the fact that not all the problems are fixed#and actually most of the time it’s better they aren’t#IDKKKK IRS JUST SO AOUGH
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hate when you find a character whose so infuriatingly Your Type that its embarrassing like yeahg no one is gonna be surprised when i announce this is my new Guy Of The Month
#shush jesse#EDIT from future me: this post was about astarion but im fully a galegirl (gendy neutch) now so idk what that says#he's also my type for what its worth#this post abt astarion#hes just so painfully on brand for me#i know so little about him though is the thing but i still feel insane#but i cant play the game and i dont want to watch anyone play it and i dont want spoilers#so like.....secondhand blorbo right now
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