#idk i’m going with my mommy
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trying out spin today!!!!!!!!! i am 95% going to get my ass kicked 💖
#🔪 - mello talks too much#spin is like a class where you ride bikes#i think#idk i’m going with my mommy#but i am so out of shape LOLOL i’m fucked#i used to do a lot of yoga at home#and this is cardio#so#i#am fucked#💖#wish me luck promise#promise#POOLIES#POOKIES#FUCK
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i had an idea
#crowley#good omens#go fanart#art#genderfluid crowley#fem!crowley#femme crowley#david tennant#mommy sorry mommy sorry mommy sorry#marry me#as a slutty nonbinary asexual myself#crowley is the representation ive been looking for my entire life#i also love queen and unholy amounts of black coffee#she’s just like me fr#davina#bbc#(?)#idk i’m not british and i’m lazy to look it up ✌️#goth gf
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Went to the dentist guess who has 9 FUCKING CAVITIES 😭😭😭
#my mommy was NOT happy y’all#IDK WHY I GOT THEM I BRUSH MY TEETH EVERY MORNING AND NIGHT 😔#THEY DONT HURT EITHER#she should be glad I’m not as bad as my brother 🙄#he literally had to get his teeth sanded down TWICE because his teeth were so orange since he never brushed#when he had braces they literally had to pull two of his teeth to make it go faster#‘cause his teeth were rotting 😛#anyways#red vs blue#rvb#rooster teeth#edit#rvb carolina#rvb tex#rvb texas#agent carolina#agent texas#rvb beta
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… why are we excessively vilifying one of the characters who are meant to clearly show the concept of humanity being flawed and concept, when it’s clear she’s mentally ill and you guys haven’t done this to literally any other character we’ve met whose been more reliably established as worse… :3
#rhine#sorry. sorry. can I talk about this? I need to#why the FUCK are we doing this#sorry SORRY !!!!!#SHES EVIL I KNOW FHIS.#BUT EHERE ARE THESE IDEAS SPROUTING FROM#SHE WSS.. STRICT?? AND MENTALLY ILL???#guys! albedo is NOT a baby! he’s not gonna be like ‘but my mommy’s good.. 🥺’ if she was THAT fucking horrible#there’s a REASON he had affection for her still#he’s studying humanity he isn’t DENSE#WHY DONT I SEE THIS ATTOTUDE FOR ANYONE ELSE. ONLY HER???#WHAT ABOUT EI. WHAT ABOUT SCARA OR. I DONT KNOW. THE FATUI????????#idk guys! seems silly! and makes me sad#-> SHES EVIL!!!! YES!!!! BUT THATS NOT SLL????#ALL THE SOURCES ESTABLISHING SHES ONLY EVIL ARE. PROPAGANDA AND BIASED#we haven’t even MET her#and all her sources are incredibly mixed#the ONLY main reliable source is bedo#and he clearly establishes. she’s not satan?? hello???#she was cruel. yes. cold. no shit#but she OBVIOUSLY held some affection. and she wasn’t heartless???#she sent him off??? to be with Alice??? who she knew who only showed him with love???#and affection????#these mfs trying TOO hard to antagonize her when she’s more#go onto dottore or some other insane antagonist fi you can’t take nuance. I’m sorry😭#-> okay now that I’m done time to do the monthly promote for nutmegs fic#everyone pleaseeeee read it#Pllleeassdeeeeee read show me and I will lie on ao3#it will change your life. okay.#it’s the best and most canon characterization of Rhine. SORRY !!!!!!!!!
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i need a new therapist LMAO
#hdmiports#she’s sweet but like. idk if she’s actually understanding what i’m saying to her#went in today and she called me back like 5 minutes late and it wasn’t even a big deal but she goes ‘sorry sometimes you get a real talker’#GIRL ISNT THAT YOUR JOB ???#and she just keeps giving me worksheets like bitch can you talk to me about my mommy issues or are you just going to keep giving me#grade school homework??#maybe that works for some people but i just feel like she’s more equipped for children not a grown ass adult lol#idk#but also i would like to have a black therapist and there are none that are close#to me lol#rip me i guess
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“Why choose me, who does not even offer up prayer in your name, to be your Champion? Surely you could pick another, anyone else, surely, there is someone better suited to your trials than I,”
Felt inspired after seeing This Artwork and thoroughly toasted my brains doing posing ;w; lighting, my nemesis…
#ffxiv wol#ffxiv hydaelyn#ffxiv au’ra#somehow managed to pick just 3 screenshots out of 15+ hooray for me#tried using Ktisis again and I do like it I feel like I toast my brain less but!!!#idk. new thing. lmao. has anyone else been having trouble using loaded Ana/glamourer npcs in gpose?#I had to find a carbuncle turns into hydaelyn MOD because no matter what I tried whoever I made Hydaelyn would turn into a random Hyur man#as soon as I entered gpose. I’m up to date? and it’s acting up with Ana AND glamourer so I’m not. like. idk what’s causing this but I’m sure#it’s my fault somehow? since it’s Ana AND glamourer I am reluctant to go asking in servers for an assist OTL#feel like I’m gonna get hosed for making some obvious blunder lol#anyways.#ffxiv Mochi#Mochiie Kaisuri#makes a WoL that doesn’t believe in Hydaelyn at all. mommy’s special little pogchamp doesn’t even recognize Her authority until like.#idk when tbh. longer than ARR. lol. lmao.#man who is fully convinced he’s been tempered and is t sure why he’s Lucid. questions whether his compulsion to Do Good and Help Others#is his own or A Primals exerted will.#Endwalker spoilers#ultima thule#ffxiv Mochiie
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writing sqx is going about as well as i could have predicted. by which i mean i’m projecting all my mommy issues onto him but what can you expect
#rambling#sqx#fic stuff#i just#i’m writing this beefleaf thing which completely spiralled and it’s just like. sure ok#not like i relate to this character immensely surely none of my issues are going to show up in this fic—ah goddamn it#it’s not even rlly mommy issues exactly it’s just. h. complicated. this is getting longish but idk if i’ll bother cleaning this one up#beefleaf
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#I gave my mommy a bartskull for her car and she hung it up right away :3#my student cancelled so I didn’t go hang out so I just went right to my moms and we went to Starbucks and to a couple stores#and then we went home and planned costume stuff#and I wanted a hair cut so bad and the only appointment they had was like IMMEDIATELY so we left and then me and my mom both got one#we look so good I love her#and then we went and got lunch w her husband my buddy and then I hung out w Andy and we watched law and order I love barba I love making#like ytp sounds when he comes on screen and andy repeats them I love goofer to goofer interactions#and my mom was tired so she went to sleep while we watched and then when she got up we started costume stuff for real#we have like 3 of the pieces half done but we need to go get a special foot for the sewing machine or something#idk she’s the genius I’m just there#me and Lydia are gonna look so so so insane at the Boston concert I’m so excited#I need to make a bunch more bracelets I want to just give them away again#and it stormed super bad on the way home I was worried my car was going to get struck by lighting and I was scared I was going to crash#and I was crying so then I was more worried I was going to crash but I was fine and also I got gas I hate pouring gas they need ppl that#like pump it for you bc I don’t want to anymore#ough tk mom is waking up so early and I told her to call me so I will also get up early bc I need to most time possible to costume work#bc I have to be on a plane in like 6 days lol WITH THAT COSTUME in my suitcase#ough okay I love personal diary posting my apologies#my posts#byeeee byebye :-)
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For me Christmas is about confusing my relatives they can not comprehend why I want to see the Turkeys heart but not eat it
#the answer is because it taste and smells bad and anatomy is cool#my aunt seems to have forgotten im a lesbian too and idk how to approach that like yes im single but its future wife not future husband#she should know this im so confused#the holidays is about being confusing and being confused#ive also been vegetarian(ish) for 10 years now and every year they’re like??????? what could you possibly eat#my uncle offered me turkeys soup for lunch and when I said no it has turkey in it he said yeah but it also has peas#I can’t wait to go to my moms tomorrow I miss my mommy#anyways this is my scream to the void#get me out if here#its okay I’m playing skyrim on the switch
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I may actually get CoAi week done. Is it gonna be perfect? No. Is it close to what I envisioned in my head when I first plotted this idea? Also no. But am I sorta on track? Debatable… where was I going with this? See, I’m not cut out for this writing thing. Who let me attempt this? Oh that’s right, me. It’s me, hi I’m the problem, it’s me.
Update: unrelated but there’s a storm approaching and yet I was emotionally wrecked before it even hit cause I’m a basic bitch with daddy issues. I really cannot wait to be away from the bay blues. So yeah, I didn’t make any progress on CoAi week and it’s literally coming up this week. *sigh I guess the good news is I am finally on chapter 6? There’s just a lot and I’m tired of everything (my tags, how foolish I was just 24 hours ago. I cry. I’m still a believer and I don’t know why.)
#cynful babbles#at this rate I’m just going to be happy if I make the deadline#there’s so many things going on still and I’m just exhausted#I get to see my mommy for a few hours tomorrow though#and I get to go home soon! idk when yet but it’s soon#so there are good things to look forward to. but I’m incredibly stressed and anxious#but also excited about CoAi week I love being a fangirl and I miss it being my full time job#seriously why did I decide to try writing? worst decision ever#I say as I plan to see my WIPs through *sigh#curse my inability to give up. loyal to a fault it’s why I’m still here I guess
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“You have me. Until ever last star in the galaxy dies. You have me.”
— Amie Kaufman, Illuminae
#SIRE#♥️#single mommy#tingz#I’m so excited#for him#to see#all of his gifts#omg#I wrapped everything#myself#today#✨✨✨#thank you God#for blessing me#enough#financially#to bless#my son#more Christ#vibes#♥️♥️♥️#the ornaments#disappeared#at the bottom#idk what’s going on#😹
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Holding myself back from flying off the handle at a friend bc they said wearing white to a wedding would be a very me thing to do, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN-
#Its just a dress up game it’s just a dress up game it’s just a#Am I not the most autistically etiquette obsessed person you know#I may make some stupid fashion choices#Like the harrier Dubois swag outfit#BUT I ALWAYS CONSULT LIKE 9 PEOPLE BEFORE GOING OUT#I be consulting mommy dearest I be consulting my teenage sisters I be consulting the neighbors I be consulting the cows-#The only etiquette I disgrace is opening the door for someone else#Like if a man opens the door for me he better hope I’m too distracted to fight him to the death to open the door for him#Oh also The Men sit on the outside of the booth table of restaurants. WHOS BEING ACTIVELY EMASCULATED I GOT DIGESTIVE ISSUES#I CAN SIT ON THE OUTSIDE AND FIGHT OFF ATTACKERS IF I WANT! I CARRY SO MANY KNIVES!#WHAT ABOUT ME BEING EMASCULATED. WH……ahem.#this got out of hand#cw personal#maybe?#idk man I’m flying into a rage#vent#etiquette#Fashion#alt fashion#Ramblin’ again#fashion disaster
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Vent channels in group discord servers can be useful sometimes (like if you wanna talk about an issue with a group but have it be opt-in so people who aren’t up for it don’t have to look), but I think part of the reason they don’t always work for my system is that we often need a response of some kind to not feel like we’re just shouting into a void. Like even if reassurance or support or comfort or whatever isn’t what we need, just some kind of acknowledgment. And sometimes nobody’s available so it doesn’t really work, so we have to find other ways to vent our problems instead, which can be kinda hit or miss. But that’s part of what this blog’s for for me I guess
#anyway does anybody wanna listen to my girlfriend talk about her mommy issues#idk I’m just rambling here. maybe I should make a tag for posts like this idk#flicker speaks#<- there we go it even kinda looks like my url I’m a comedic genius
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How’s it going friend?
Have you been working on any stories?
I have a oneshot done but I haven’t proof read and I’m not sure how much I actually like it
#pov I’ve been second guessing anything and everything from writing to art since my mom skipped my graduation lol#welcome to neons mommy issues#see yesterday when we had uh#*reading smudged writing on hand*#oh that one person I was friends with who died#lol that’s fun#high key Dysphoric as hell#just not vibing this week#idk what I’m gonna do with my life#I don’t know where I’m going to go#neon vented#also my cat has fleas hahaha#and even tho I’m 21 I live with my mom and can’t start hrt because my mom is bitter and olde#ugh dude I don’t even know man#I’m not even like mad about any of this#I’m like vibing#but in the same way I’ve been vibing watching everything happening around me#I’m just#heavily medicated#and profoundly aware of all the situational emotions piling up#basically I need a drink but also know that’s a very bad habit to get into#I’m self aware self obsessed and self destructive#I’m a triple threat babey#that being said I’m probably just going to post this one anyway#neon answers
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How do me and my mother manage to get into a fight every fucking day I want to dieeeeee how have we fought about bullshit and it’s not even ten in the morning like what the fuck I’m so fucking miserable and no one likes me they all make fun of me I need to move out or I’m going to fucking ruin my life !!!!! (Also why won’t my fucking period just start so I can get all of these emotions to stop bothering me!!!)
#literally been home for less than three days and every interaction with my mother has felt like a punch to the gut#today she was bitching to me about my brother leaving his hoodie and his hat on/around the couch he sits on and my mom was bitching about#how he leaves his shit everywhere and whatever else and I was like dude you gotta cut him some slack yknow like he’s been used to living in#a dorm and having a living space where he could be a person and my mom proceeded to be like ‘he doesn’t live here’ AND IM LIKE HE DOES NOW#HE GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME AND YOURE TREATING HIM LIKE A CHILD HE IS DOING ONLINE COURSES AND LOOKING FOR JOBS AND YOU TREAT HIM LIKE#A CHILD#UGHHHH#my mother then proceeded to once again tell me off for being bossy and telling her what to do and I’m sitting here like maybe you should try#fucking listening to me then and treating my brother like a part of the family instead of like company#I know he’s in the guest room technically but he’s part of this fucking family and you and I both have side tables to put shit on its not#his fault that he put his jacket on the couch he has no where else to put it he’s gonna wear it again next time he comes out like what the#fuck why is she such a bitch and then she gets mad at me like idk what you want from me#I used to never get along with my brother and now I’m defending him to you and you act like he’s the worst person ever#like why do you hate your children so much why do you love him but you hate me I’m so sick of crying over mommy issues#but if my mother could just like me that would be incredible I really feel like everyone hates me constantly and no one wants me around and#I try to defend my brother and be nice and it only makes my mother hate me so I just go into my room bc I’ve tried over and over again to be#nice to my mother and apparently I’m doomed to just fucking hate her and have everything I say be an insult or some nit picky bullshit bc my#mouth won’t stop saying whatever my brain is thinking and I keep apologizing and then I keep saying shit it’s like I have the happiest two#few days after months of being alone and miserable and then I come home and immediately it’s like my mother just no longer likes me#I feel like I’m stuck in perpetual coming home from a sleepover mode#do you guys remebrr that? coming home from a sleepover after being happy and your family would instantly make fun of you for being happy or#excited or wanting to talk about the sleepover and then you’d cry and go into your room and feel like shit bc everyone hates you and then#you’d start to assume that everyone at the sleepiver thought the same thing as your family and thought you were annoying and interrupting#their lives by being happy I mean whatttt haha yeah did that happen to anyone else or just me 😭👍👍👍👍#life recently feels like it’s me being happy vs me realizing joy doesn’t last vs me needing to ruin my own joy so someone else doesn’t do i#first. I have very strong need to hurt myself before someone else can energy but all it does is make sure I get hurt twice cause someone’s#always gonna hurt my feelings and not care so I should be showing myself compassion but all I want to do is tear my skin apart#been so fucking depressed since I got home I’m fucking miserable and my family hates me I hate everything and I’m so stressed I hate this#anyways 😭😭😭😭 can’t stop crying recently after not crying for months now talking about anything makes me cry and I hate it#I’m embarassing myself constantly bc I can’t hold back from crying
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#love when I post a pic of me in a subreddit just having fun and then I get messages from a throwaway acct#telling me to die and that I’m’a fatherless incel’(???)#like. buddy I have mommy issues okay? me and my dad r chill#also incel??? I’m just a lil guy! woman enjoyer and respector even#idk I know it’s just someone with nothing better to do and nothing going for them but it still hurts#rants n rambles#vent
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