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whimsically-ominously-auspice · 4 years ago

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One morning I awoke early

I often slept on the couch at Bobbys. If I fell asleep in my room or he carried me there, I often went back to the living room.

.....******......******

I had a tiny room but it was good enough and Bobby made it real nice, taking my stuff from the big house. But it reminded me of my old life. My life where people left me.

My dad went to the Navy SEALS and has special missions he couldn't take me on. He knew Bobby and I did better work on our own. My mom was murdered and I was stupid enough to demand to be taken to the scene of her and her two friend's dead bodies.

Jesse went crazy and his wife went Lulu. Both left, Jesse after he threw me out into the streets. So i didn't like my old bedroom stuff. Id like my bed again when my dad came home to visit and i saw him sleep in it a couple times so i knew he was alright. That would be fine then.

Bobby had washed the sheets and blankets and they smelled all new again and I couldn't smell my dad. There wasn't a quite distinct scent but more of a feeling... It was still there but was covered in the snuggle fabric softener and tide. The smell wss distracting. Good but not my dad.

I freaked at Bobby about it and he said it was fine, he still had the bedding from my dads bed. So I used his old army wooly not so soft but itchy scratchy with a hint of softness under... Like my life... Id carry it back and forth from my room. Bobby was kind enough, if he moved my sleeping body to cover me with the obscene fabric.

He warned me though that my dad had asked him specifically to wash it and he told me "if your dad wants to beat me up because i didn't you will have to protect me"

When my dad was due to arrive, i left the front door open and put a nightlight in my room so he could see for the bed to get dressed and go to sleep. Like an adult i thought. But my dad thought like a parent.

I thought I heard him creep in, drop his bag and say "finally I am home!"

But I dreamed about him coming home so many times I wasn't sure he did. "I guess ill use the bathroom then go on in to sleep"

Uh huh good one dreaming that one is new, I thought. I heard the light flick on and saw the light fill the hall, so I sat up in case he wanted to get something to eat, Bobby always did but rarely did my dad. But it was a new house and life was certainly different with Bobby. Honest. Small and I was left alone a lot. So I rarely played. Just watched the cars drive by, watch their patterns repeat. In the afternoons I'd sit on the porch and watch the other side of the street while I had lunch in case anyone worried, i sure did. And they could see me do it, too. Often I ate something normal like a bowl of ravioli.

........***,,,,,,&----''

Some hobag came a few times looking for Bobby "oh honey Bobby ain't home, his car ain't here"

I got up in went in the house. I didn't say anything to her. It wasnt her business. Her life. Wasn't mine and we didn't need no women ruining it. Yeah it was small but big enough for 3 or 4 more people. But Hell no. Not her. Not some bitch to tell me what to do or what I already knew. I banned Bobby from seeing her. Didn't stop him from going over and fucking her a few times. But we had long deep talks about romance in our life and how it wasn't happening. Mostly me to him. "Just give her a try. I did I kind of like her"

"Lets see her house. Lets go over when she ain't home" we did. "Sit down Bobby. Is this where you wanna live? You wanna live like this? Look at this stuff. Does she even dust? We would die in here. Not only do you have to clean after me and you And sometimes your brother but also her everyday. You wanna clean after this pig?"

"Alright let me look"

He looked at the kitchen stove. Noted some spots needing cleaning. Looked around. I could tell he was willing. The bathroom light flicked on. "Yuck. Oh alright honey I can clean that up after you. We all got to use the toilet Any way. What did you do to the sink!?!?! Lets go see the laundry..."

My heart was pounding. This was my only go to. I hoped to god this would get her out our lives but I had a feeling...

He came rushing down the hall... "Lets go" head down. Job done.

"But Bobby no!"

At the door he said strict "lets go right now! Get the hell out of here!"

"Yes!!! Bobby! Yes!!!!" I jumped up and ran to the door with glee. That was a this place is a dangerous dump demand. But sometimes he made a plan to go back in. Those times he strolled. This one he walked so fast i thought he had to take a massive water shit. He pulled his keys from his pocket and opened his car door. "Huh?!?! Bobby what you're gonna chase after her?!?!!? We aren't dressed for church besides she just goes to the bar!"

"Get in the fucking car!! We are out of here!!"

Last time I saw that look on his face was when he said I couldn't go to my mom's crime scene of her dead body. But this time. This was a celebratory moment.

$$$@$$$$$@$$$$@$$$$

My dad and Jesse overruled and I got in the car and rolled into a ball. "See? She can't handle it!" So when he got in. I climbed up into the front seat. Fixed the collar on his shirt, pulled his seat belt on and leaned against him, hugging his arm. "You don't want mom to see you looking dirty" so he directed the rest of the car to clean up. "I know shes dead but she has eyeballs and the rest don't. She will tell her evil friends on you then what? They will want to have sex with the dirty boys!"

Jesse messed his hair up a bit and my dad told him fix it...

"Not my mom Jesse. The other ones"

"I know"

"They're dead"

"Not for long"

Bobby who was disgusted angry turned back in,his seat.. Realizing the Zulululu already stole Jesse and took a look at my dad... Whom he looked like he was crunching numbers with every grind of his teeth.

I poked his side with my feet then put them on his leg "hey who are you?"

He poked my foot in a way only he did. Under the covers to remind me not to kick him in the face.

"Huh?! What?! I wasn't even paying attention. Who do you think put my wife there? Do you know? Jesse what's going on with you? I missed the conversation but i feel the car tension has something to do with you"

Jesse rolled down a window. Then Bobby then my dad. We went with wind blown hair. "Don't worry. My mom likes the look. Calls it sexy. Wind blown marketing should always be a thing she's always said. It's alright y'all, lets go see"

We started to walk... "Really she says the air conditioner is too cold but likes the wind chill factor with high winds."

"Did" reminded bobby, trying to rush ahead to block me. Like I wasn't only 2 and didn't use my size to my advantage. Mental note: avoid bobby, to through the legs of the others. Bobby would block me and squish my head. He's done it before. But the feeling of fear in the crowd led me back to Bobby and i got squished "hey! You'll mess my hair! Dad hurry! Can you pick me up!" I let my foot drag out to get bobby back cause that was a mad heavy thigh squish and it actually hurt.

"Don't kick bobby. Come over here. Yeah yeah ill carry you since Bobby didn't want you to come And tried to squish your brain meat out like you're a cadaver. Yeah yeah I know. I saw. Bobby can't handle it all since his wife died. It's only been 3 years. Haven't you ever noticed you only eat men and never any woman?"

I hadn't realized that it wasn't only men in the government program. I just thought women didn't die as often...

I looked back at Bobby and i saw him as a man whom had a life before me. Something I knew but hadn't realized had impacted him so thoroughly. I guess we both had something in common.

Loss.

And it was written all over his face.

I never saw it that way. I always saw it as patiently waiting.

When I waited i thought nothing. Felt clear sunshine. The birds singing and life dancing.

A cloud moved and put Bobby into the sun. He walked out of it and into the shade with a tint of annoyance.

I never would have moved. Just bathed in the sun until i burned. I never saw a difference before. Bobby used to cry a lot at our house. Mom would always say "he's different than us" I had known his wife had died but I never did understand. I knew what different meant. But Bobby was my friend.

But now I saw. Bobby and i, we didn't see the world the same

"He doesn't want you to know how he feels, he's scared. He doesn't want to lose you and or me. So don't just mind him"

"He can't see like me. He doesn't like the sun or th3 birds chirping. I bet he can't even build a sand castle"

"Sabrina what the hell are you talking to me about? Is Bobby dark and demented?"

"He doesn't like the sun burning his skin and I do" I whispered...

Bobby hasn't been in my life a long time. While I still like the heat, I don't like the reminding burn. I don't like the pain. I've had enough. I can't take anymore. Bobby was 22... I was older than him.. It began in my face... I couldn't handle my face being burnt. I was 23. Now I can't handle my arms or legs and that's been 5 years And more.

I was 7 when I couldn't handle multiple places burnt. My back and shoulders, face, and arms.

Only one place, no more.

.... ..... .... .....

I ran around the car feeling the worried face on my look but th3 joy and cheer still in my heart. I trusted Bobby and I knew him like th3 back of my hand I could piece it altogether.

I jumped in with enthusiasm. "No, no you dont have to put your seat belt on. Im not like your parents only when your intuition says."

Bobby is different now. He always puts his seat belt on. If i can get away with it. I don't. But I have my daughter and all other kids buckle up. However when I'm stressed or extra happy I buckle up automatically. Barbara, Heathers mom taught me that one. "Don't want stress to kill you. And don't want to lose your life on the happiest day of"

Plus then evil has no idea of what kind of day you're having.

"Well then Bobby where the Hell are we going? I feel I should be holding something. A bear or something" I looked out the window "you sure are going fast" I looked in Bobbys always immaculate clean car, hoping he might have something "there there a newspaper, that might work" I held it like a bouquet of flowers, thinking how we had ran errends for my mother's funeral.

"We're going to change your mother's last name to Jennings for the news paper so her in laws can take note. Is that alright with you?"

"These flowers sure are pretty. But how are they going to know?"

"They might not. But at the same time, they may. So we will see."

"Hmm idk. No. I don't want any candy"

"Ok"

He just drove past the mini-mart where Matt Hagan's dad used to work. The sun shining brightly upon it, saying we needed to still go

"But hey weren't you going to get a coffee?"

"Yep. Hold on to that thing" And he grabbed a vase. Sometimes it seemed he talked to himself out loud. Gave him self commands and orders. I'd learn they weren't for just him. But also for me and him. I found that out when I spilled his coffee a different day and I expected him to grab it, not realizing his hands were full with a sandwich and a steering wheel. "What do you want me to do let us die so I can just hold my coffee!?! I have a sandwich, too" he wasn't mean. And he didn't yell. But I cried. I felt so bad for spilling his coffee. Maybe I hadn't had enough sleep or enough food. Maybe I hadn't told Bobby enough truth so he could protect me from his brother. I remember I didn't just have a stressful leak, I had a full out bawl. And he said he hadnt seen me cry like that since my mother died and I cried into her flowers and told him nothing was wrong, he had just forgot his coffee.

I wanted to tell him what his brother did. Why I closed and locked the door at night so he couldn't come in. Why I checked all the rooms to make sure I didn't lock his brother in. I needed to sleep and my brain was getting foggy.

"You need sleep?"

I nodded and trudged to the couch. Found him cleaning the car floor "you need help?"

"No. You need to go back to sleep. You just woke up I can tell. I know there's been something wrong with you. You've been safety sleeping and I don't know why. And you need to tell someone the truth. No you can go to sleep in my bed or in yours but stay off the couch and that's an order okay? Do you hear? Now come here and give me a hug if you want to"

Safety sleeping is 20 minutes to an hour every hour and half to three hours. On average.

So he tickled me and made me giggle and asked if I wanted to sleep or help him clean

"Sleep was made for me! Much better than cleaning!" It was a made up saying for the neighbor next door... Why her room was such a disaster. He shook his head and blushed and told me to go on and he would talk to me later.

That gross gut feeling came in and I saw a Jupiter on a bike riding to Bobby to warn me ego was cunning I ran back to Bobby, "if your brother comes over dont let him in! Okay for me! We are going to have to eat him! And it's one of those blah blah blah feelings when you're cooking and tastes better and head cleaner when it's all gone"

"A raper? Alright I'll tell him we're moving and to get his stuff, ill get a new car from storage. Don't c worrythis one's not ruined."

I didn't have to tell him what his brother did and he understood. And he could protect me appropriately.

I hugged his neck "okay? And I'm sorry! And I might be wrong okay, I just can't have him around me when I'm safety sleepin' on"

"No I've always knewn. It was before my wife died. But he still keeps coming around so I let him, although I've known I've hated him for years. But raping. That one is new. He must have just started it"

"Uh huh. Yeah and on me. He didn't put it in me though but he got creamy and on my dads blanket so I cut out all the pieces that were wet with three scissors. Not a knife nor the bouy. I love you though and c you'll always be like my dad" I hugged him again ahs kissed his cheek. Paused to watch a car pass.

"Why do you always watch the cars, Sweetie?"

"You never know when they'll need me. And I'm missing two. I haven't seen them yet all week"

He looked startled. "Do you want to go look for them?"

"No I want to get sleeping. They been waiting v all week anyway. i learned that with my "mom and me." Rush around around to get to Iraq after 10 weeks only to find out c you hate the bitch."

He shook his head and laughed

I was playing with a cat from the neighborhood. I'd always put it on the porch then offer it to go in, it never did. But it knew it was welcome as a safe place to go and visit. Sometimes it would meow at the door to remind me it was lunch time and time to go out and watch the streets. He would lay and purr and I'd pet him while on my watching shift. Sometimes I'd take him in and wrap him in my dads blanket like a baby. Those were days I didn't feel so good. Depressed and sleepy they'd say. And I'd fall asleep with my adult baby cat all Heathcliff style in my arms.

It was patient and kind and didn't at all mind. I guess he needed somebody as much as I did. He'd close his eyes and sleep if I moved he opened them wide until I settled. When Bobby came home the cat would leap out and run out the door to go back where it was loved.

One time a big black van tried to cat nap him. He was my working cat. And that shit was not acceptable! He worked hard and for what!? Just a few pieces of human jerky and snuggles and hugs? I ran outside barefoot and fought the 5 guys in the gravel loose rock street. Bobby took out a shot gun and did a blast to the air. "Come on lets go!"

I saw another guy with the same gray army blanket as my dad with the cat wrapped in get in the back seat. I jumped and dove in "get me my cat! I need it back!!" I started hitting them with my hands. He dropped the cat and blanket. The cat ran out and jumped on the back of a seat, saw it was all clear and ran out. Waited and looked at me.

"Oh alright I'm coming, but I'm stealing this blanket! I had to cut all holes in it for perverts like you touching me and it! I hope you burn in Hell one day sir, you stupid fool" I heard laughing as they shut the door to drive off. At seeing Bobbys face I dropped the Blanket. Why? Why did I just do that? To the people most important to him!? Over a cat!? I must have scared himto death!

He went over to pick it up "oh don't worry about me! I had the driver pinned up along the side. He didn't like having a shot gun. Under his chin and being punched in the chestand gut."

"Oh okay but are you okay? You didn't get your knuckles bruised or anything?"

"No they're alright. We're getting you a dog. I'm checking the newspaper tomorrow"

"If that's okay with kitty. I'll go ask" he rubbed his body in between my legs, I picked him up and looked in his eyes "a dog! Do you know what that is!?" I walked over to Bobby "dad idk if he really knows can you check?"

"Dad?" He looked behind him. I didn't usually call him dad but I just had a feeling... I saw hiseyes look sad like my dad's. Bobby is usually about food and stuff and getting my room ready and laundry but a dog!?! That's a dad thing. And kitty only came in the house if I ate a piece if a steak of my mom that morning then I wrapped the car like a baby Heathcliff so maybe three Doug would be like a son to him. The cat it was like a doll that purred. That was all. A doll to me. Like company cause the cat sometimes watched TV then went to sleep... But I tried not to get attached. Sometimes he was busy and didn't come to see me but when he did, I was grateful. I didn't hate to be alone but that was my Bobby. Even if he hated me, He still loved me because he had to. But that cat? That cat came by choice. Alright. Alright, I did feed it. But even it liked ravioli made by Chef Boyardee. And it still hung around after lunch, then by 3 or sometimes even 2 or 1 and a half in the deepheart of summer and it was too hot to be outside. We would go inside and it would come with me by choice. Bobby always said "never pickup an animal and take it inside unless it's being chased by a storm or hurt by a car"

So I didn't! Really hot days I put a plastic covered popsicle in the bathroom sink for kitty to lick and cool off with. Then a always took some human jerky to share on the sofa

Sometimes not in winter I had to vacuum off the sofa when I saw Bobby in his black uniforn with cat furballs stuck to his back. Then I would put my blanket in the dryer with the clean old baby shoes to beat the hair out.

And in winter I had would rush to put the cat bowl or water in the sink. So bobby wouldn't kick it over and complain. He liked to watch TV and deink so he had to have it in a certain spot or ue wouldn't drink! Right by the sink. Exactly right in the mess of Bobbys walking pathway.

"Why don't you put the water on the table honey that way the cat can see and drink"

"You told me not to retrain him -- any animal that walks into our house that's not ours and he has another home. I don't feed him. Only snacks. 2 ravioli and some slices of jerky we share"

"Let me see how much"

"Just these pieces on the jar on the counter. That's why I asked you to put it next to this sink so I could reach it easy. See? I just go like this on this chair and lean across and dangle. Get my shirt all wet if you forget"

"You could go the other way"

"That's no fun. And kitty doesn't mind. He just sits right here and watches then jumps over to my seat and Waits for me to pick him up in my blankie. Huh don't you kitty? Oh he thought we were gonna get him a treat. Could you get him one?"

"Alrightie"

"Here you get this strip" I ripped off a narrow piece of human jerky about 3 inches long and put it in his mouth. He grabbed it with both paws like a baby does a bottle and nibbled.

Bobby was awestruck, "let me look at this thing." I handed him over. "No wonder you dove in after this thing. It's like your baby" he turned off the tv and watched cat look around then turn it back on and kitty went back to nibbling happiky. "Let me see this thing that had to be a fluke" he turned off the tv again and the cat reached out and slapped his cheek. Then closed his eyes like I'm gonna kill this bitch if he don't stop. "Well look at that he slapped me! Does he do this to you?÷?!"

"No I don't turn the tv off on him. Sometimes I change the channels but that's to watch Ma Vida that's in Spanish but its a home cooking show but I can follow along so I can help you when you come home and we are cooking and you're bored of the same old thing--"

"I --- what?!?!?÷"

"Then usually when Mazda Vista comes on after, he gets drowsy and usually he's asleep by the time its over"

"But that's a realtor show!!"

"I know and but I like it here, don't worry. Its small but not too small."

"Its a travel trailer with boxes attached to it! We can't even drive it! Its been,destroyed÷ and it leaks!"

"But that's okay. Me and kitty like it. I have a feeling,he has a bigger house down in the middle. Oh lookie he's sleeping. Here lets move his thing. I just put it down here in front of him. He's had a hard day being kidnapped and everything."

"He slapped me because he wanted to watch tv and couldn't then went to sleep!?!?!"

"Well yeah. Lets watch Mazda Vista"

I don't know what it was with the show. It made me want to look out the window to watch the highway and see the patterns. Out that way i was missing four but two more were added and that i knew was not good. After today I'd probably have 3 more and usually they drifted away and quit coming again only to come again sporadic then again some other times also when I was losing other people.

....

So they finished loading and seemed to be looking at me so I spun to my back against the wall. Then slid down and looked out around the curtain. Were those guns? Yup. Pointed at me. Only two years old. Maybe I shouldn't pretended to be Bobbys height by standing on the cushion side of the coffee table.

Bobby was still asleep, the cat really must had knocked him out. That's happened to me too some ladies claiming to be from church, me holding the cat, I remember hearing them after I woke up from my nap and seeing their pamphlets about God wanting me, tucked in the door and on the floor

...... ....

It made me scared. I felt stark white and I saw the cat staring at me from the couch. I checked the clock. It wasn't time to wake up from his nap yet. It was half past two, not nearly 3. Just one notch past the half, that meant 35. 2:35 Bobby would say. I thought the cat would be purring or pacing back and forth, but it was just there in the blankie. Looking.

I ran to him "oh kitty! That was so scare! I think I'll shut the door for the rest of today, at least until my Bobby gets home!" Kitty closed his eyes to sleep and I knew it was the truth of what to do. "Okay Kitty I even locked it. No don't worry I know he will need his key and today is Wednesday so he will probably have his groceries. I mean groceries for like you and me, then I'll go and open it. Usually I hear his car so I know it's him... Kitty went to sleep and so did I. Later I felt paws on my face. "Huh? What? What? Oh is he?! Oh do you know his car sounding too? Oh you are too good kitty! Too good! Come on lets go see! Hold on. No. I feel something else is out there lets wait till we hear full Bobby on the porch. What do you mean meow? You think we should not wait? I guess. Yeah yeah you're right, what if... He could be in danger too. If he is... But right now I want to hold you but if I can't ill have to put you down. I have a feeling it will be okay. I'll just open the door. Yeah I know I'm just peeking. So bobby always told me the strongest part of us is our feet when standing at the door so always remember that. Yeah I know. Tells, but he hasn't told me in awhile so Is it told still? Yes but not always told because he's not dead yet. I'll have to ask Bobby. That was too many words in a row. I need a comma or something and I sure couldn't hear it in my head. Idk why I can't see Bobby. Oh I can see his shadow!" A Jupiter turned to look at me "Oh I can see those men! Can other people see them kitty?"

I was busy looking out and i felt his two paws on my face and then I looked at him and saw that he and nodded and closed his eyes then I saw some Hell. "In their sleep? In their nightmares?" The cat snuggled down and purred but this time I felt it was laughing.

I looked out and Bobby kept saying no and shaking his head. "Im sorry no. I'm not going to. Then You tell her!"

"Oh I think I know what it is." I grabbed the phamplets off the stereo stand and went outside and just stood

"Did they get you?"

"No the cat saved me. You mean the ladies right?"

"Did you get a good look at them?"

A Jupiter turned to me and apologized saying how they didn't know if I knew and just wanted to speak to Bobby about it. But my pale face left knowledge that I knew. He ruffled my hair.

"These 3 ladies came to the door. The other soulmate looked for me and they tried to get in with a screwdriver but they couldn't. They heard the cat scream and car doors opening and shutting. They said "oh shit!" And took off in their car. A silver Mercedes-Benz and the meanest one was driving. They weren't all thin but close enough their license plate number was C3J4alcatraz9."

"They will be going to Tuscaloosa. Okay we will see you later Bobby. We will catch up. Thanks to you kid!"

"No not a problem. Manana!"

"She's been watching Spanish on T.v. did you know? She's looking brighter! You know you'll be alright! Those ladies they won't get you thanks to your other soul!" As they flew off Bobby sat on the porch steps and called me to him, he pulled me into his lap in a big hug, so much I could barely look out. Kitty jumped out and ran to watch the Jupiters fly off and then came back around, rubbed on Bobbys back all kinds to say "I gots you dad" then climbed back into my lap to settle down.

He had asked me how the cat saved me. And I told him usually I dont pay much attention when he falls to sleep but that day I had and it made me drowsy like when I couldn't sleep and I would look at my mom or dad's face and it would help me ease into sleep better. I explained I was just sitting up and looking down. And yeah the ladies could had seen me.

He said he had wondered why the door was shut and was getting frustrated that it was and Jupiter wasn't saying I had been taken. He was so worried I felt tears on my head and ears from his eyes.

So when Kitty came he said "so you saved my girl hu" and he held his head high with a smizle and purred. And bobby kissed him on the nose and between the eyes. "Alright y'all its been a long day and as you see I didn't even shower"

"But you didn't even give him a tight squeeze! You remind him you love him and you are thankful for his love, here ill give you one and you carry these in and ill make us some raviolis, you can have some of mine. Its okay. You always buy me enough! And you can take your shower while i cook! Come on Bobby its okay! Oh you want to come in, too, miss kitty? Its okay! Bobby we will have to share! 2 pieces each and she likes the gravy!"

"I call it a girl she tells me its a man and then she calls it Miss Kitty" he said to himself.

Right when Bobby was finishing, a Jupiter flew down, "bobby they're not going to Tuscaloosa! They're right down behind those trees! They have men and they're camping!

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