#first. I have very strong need to hurt myself before someone else can energy but all it does is make sure I get hurt twice cause someone’s

[headakeinatincan]

Had a thought it is NOW a NEED-

So, Bruce has got a meeting one morning right? Video call from home, in the living room and he's forgotten all about it. So the people he's supposed to be talking to call him, but obviously he's still in bed, so instead I'm seeing Alfred The Cat just climbing on the keyboard and somehow answering the call, hitting mute, the screen is black on Bruce's side but fine on the other.

An other option is some meta or magic user that thinks the Wayne's need to be ' exposed ', because no family is so happy all the time, or are really that good of people. Maybe some goddess who is trying to help. I don't really care HOW, just that there is a way to see in without anyone knowing.

Right, now the part I'm obsessing over for no apparent reason.

I need a very tired and stressed out oldest sister / mom / second dad / big brother, Dick Grayson to be the first person anyone sees. I need him in an over sized t-shirt and shorts or sweats it can be anything just make it look like he didn't have energy to wear anything else.

Then we have him doing chores, dirty clothes basket on his hip, picking up things left on the floor. And I love Alfred, but I would like him to be wearing down a bit, more tired and it just being harder on him to do things then it used to be, so we have Dick taking up the work around the place.

And this little bit were Alfred is asleep in a chair with a cup of tea next to him, and Dick has that moment were he checks that Alfred is still breathing, (ya know what I mean?) And lets out a breath of relief and he pulls up the blanket over Alfreds shoulder and takes his cup to the sink.

I want a Dick Grayson being so obviously ADHD it's painful, sweeping the floor and not being able to remember he already did that, so he's checking a list of chores and it has a date on it, but he can't remember what day it is so he's looking at the calender but he forgot what he just read, so he goes back and forth between the calender and the list before he remembers to bring the list with him and-

I need it witnessed. I need everyone to see he is the caretaker for everyone, the one who wakes them up because they just wrapped up a case and they've been up three days without sleep ( Dick included ) and are still dead on their feet. I need him carrying Damien to the kitchen, and handing Tim and Bruce coffee and feeding them and reminding them of things they have to do that day, I want Jason and Tim and Damien to playfully call him mom, but on some part actually mean it.

I want sweet moments of care and laughing and hugs, I want him to be the one the kids come to when they need help or are sad or injured and them knowing he'll make everything better because he's big brother and that's what he does.

I want forehead kisses everyone waits in line for, I want I love yous' being as easily said as the next heartbeat, I want unspoken hurts between Bruce and Dick that aren't acknowledged because it's to painful,and the kids don't need to know, and it was so long ago they really didn't mean anything that was said so isn't it better to just forgive and pretend?

I need acknowledgement of all that is given to a family that does not know the weight of being the favorite and the role model and the good child,( but did he get a choice in being those things?) I want the horror and relief of being SEEN for the first time in so long, I want him to be told it's ok not to be strong all the time, that he can rest for a while and that he is already everything he needs to be.

I can't write for nothing or I would do it myself but I CAN'T please tell me someone else wants this kind of thing

[theuniversalscat]

Unbeknownst to many of us, we can time travel. Pretty cool, huh? In some cases, yes, very cool. We can think into the future, of all the ways we’d like to change our lives for the better. But the majority of the time a lot of us go backwards into thinking about things that have hurt us in the past that we don’t want to repeat, and trying to avoid it in the present and future.

When I feel sad, or hurt, I feel like I should share my feelings with someone I’m close to about it. It’s almost like parts of me get so inflamed that it’s a visceral reaction, like as fast as I feel it, I have to spit it back out to someone else to receive comfort and support. But I’m starting to second guess that initial reaction, because it comes from a place of lack from within me, and isn’t necessarily true. And regardless of if it’s just my perception, or done intentionally, I don’t have to give it that much of my time or thought, or worse yet, let it ruin me.

Also, when I stop to think about it, it doesn’t feel kind to “share my feelings” when the feelings I share are really lousy. I don’t want to give my upset to anyone I love or care about. I only want to share feelings that feel good. And that includes sharing things with myself. Choosing my thoughts wisely so I can experience a happier existence overall. But after something happens that I feel hurt or upset by, holding it in to fester doesn’t feel right either. I recognize I have a choice to feel better, but sometimes my old feels have such a strong momentum I find that they’ve started rolling down the track like a freight train at 200 mph without me even realizing it, carrying a ton of old baggage and cargo.

So, time passes, and whether we recognize it or not we all change. And the way we used to think about certain people and situations have also changed, due to our new reality. And as that time passes, we experience more, we become more, and we are by default, different than we once were. How we choose to feel around the old situations can be more in accordance with our new selves of the present. Or, if we ignore our feelings about things that upset us on a regular basis, it can trigger us the same way it always had, but worse because we haven’t developed a new way of thinking to cope when it shows back up after a long period of time into our three dimensional reality.

So how do we go about this life not repeating the feelings of the past? I’m no longer 3, 5, 7, 11, 16, 19, 22, 33, or even in my early 40s. I’m 49 years old, and the lenses that I’m looking at my life through now can and should be different then how I saw and felt things at all of those formidable ages. And they usually are, until you come across situations that you unfortunately still resonate with the old feeling of pain; so you inevitably fall into an equally old pattern of behavior that hasn’t worked for you in the past, but you still find yourself acting it out in your current life in the present moment. And before you know it, your old pattern of feeling and thinking could throw you back in time and in a tail spin without a safety net. And moreover, if you’re not consciously mentally prepared for it, it can set you off and you end up subsequently feeling the same age as when you first experienced the pain to begin with.

Working through the issues of your past is definitely one way of acknowledging where you are now in relation to them. And our viewpoint of the proportions of the severity of certain situations could have also changed with time. They could grow larger with the focus of subconscious fear of rejection and lack of belonging, or smaller with the focus of love and wholeness that you, yourself can create and bolster on a daily basis from within.

Now I’m not saying we don’t need anyone in our lives except for us, because we are a social network of shared energy. You can’t really survive healthfully being a recluse. We are all affecting and being effected by one another on a lot of different energetic levels. But the thing is, when you focus on holding the energy of kindness and love, you can begin to counter older feelings that you bring to the table, easier. You can decide to make a concerted effort to leave them at the door before you answer an email, a text, a phone call, see people face to face, etc. The old stories that I once told myself are maybe not applicable to the current situation, and may not have even been accurate to begin with.

Creating a new way of feeling is now my primary goal. So no matter how I’ve felt in the past, the me I choose to be in today can care for all the younger parts of me that didn’t feel loved, supported or safe in the past with people or experiencing certain situations. I want to feel health. I want to feel well being. I want to experience joy with the people in my former life without feeling I’m betraying my younger self that felt hurt. And in order to do that, the change has to start, and end, with me, and how I choose to process my new way I want to feel with my old pattern of belief.

So now, when I choose to time travel, it’ll (hopefully) be in a deliberate, more productive way to allow myself to feel better then I ever had in the past, by focusing on what was good, and what is better. 💖

[pbandjesse]

We bought a house!!! We did it! I'm still a bit in shock but I finally, finally, am able to feel excited and I honestly could cry and I just want to keep telling people. I told so many strangers today. I was, and am, so excited.

Today was so nerve wracking though. I slept but not amazingly. I was cold and lost my bear in the bed and was just unsettled. Dreams and such. When my alarm went off at 7 I was okay. And ready to go.

I got dressed and my lip was very scabby but is doing better. It would split a few times today and get blood down my face. But the wound is smaller. Progress. Healing.

While I was brushing my teeth I got a text from Alexi that the power was on at camp and if we had all wheel drive we should be good to get to camp. We all have SUVs so we would all be good even with a little bit of sliding.

I was so nervous that my stomach hurt. But I held it together and did my makeup despite how stinking cold it was in the studio. I did not want to be in there for long. And was ready to go pretty fast.

James took a few extra minutes and so I went to warm up the car and would get a goodbye kiss which was very sweet. It was crazy cold and icy today. I was worried about them biking but they are so strong. And would let me know when they got to work.

My drive was fine. Not much traffic. Everything was beautiful. But Jesus was it cold. It was 8 degrees! Reminds me of Minnesota. But because there wasn't really any wind it was just. Crisp and beautiful.

I went inside and tried to find some stuff to do. I was a bit to nervous about the house to eat my breakfast. I had a donut and was just going off vibes and nerves.

I decided I would print everything for the meeting tomorrow. My computer wouldn't connect to the printer and it took me a while to get that to work properly. But that would take a good amount of time. I would work on my drawing for the day. And just mentally prepared myself for the day.

Around 9 some workers came to install a new generator in the building. They were very nice and were glad someone was there to let them in.

I set an alarm for when I would need to leave. 1050. My stomach was in knots. I sort of wanted to go for a walk but I was to anxious and it was to cold. So I just worked on my drawings and eventually Heather was there.

I was happy to see her. She was so excited about the house and gave me a big hug and that made me feel so much better. I told her how we read the paperwork last night and how hopefully it would make everything go smoothly.

Besides being surprised supportive, she also told me that the ice at her house was so bad her SUV still slid around! Scary! And we're getting more snow on Friday. It's crazy. But we are continuing to be excited about the snow despite the annoyances. She pointed out that some of our campers have probably never seen snow. And that was just so beautiful to think about. This is their first one!

Eventually everyone else would come in. Alexi had to jump right into meetings. Poor Elizabeth hurt her neck like I did and couldn't turn her head. I helped set up her electric heating pad so hopefully that helps her. Sarah would send me some notes so I can add those into my documents for tomorrow. I was filled with nervous energy and was glad Heather gave me an email to answer to at least distract me a little bit.

But then, all of a sudden, it was time to go!! Ahh!! I said goodbye to everyone and promised to tell them how it went.

I penguin walked to the car. And let it warm up for a minute. And then I was off. 35 minutes to the new house. Honestly it wasn't much different then the current commute. I want to explore the other way the the gps suggested that was apparently the same amount of time but it was not a bad drive. And right before 1130 I pulled up.

James was already outside. We were both cold and excited. We had to wait a few minutes for Harold to come but it wasn't bad. I was just enjoying talking through things with James and being excited.

While we waited we took all the mail out of the little box. It was wet and half frozen. We found some actual mail we will send back, and we could a key? No idea what the key could be for because it didn't fit in anything. But we passed those back to Harold when he arrived.

I was excited to run around the house. James went to the basement immediately and there was no puddle. Excellent. I was slightly worried about the pipes with the cold but the house was warm and things seemed just fine.

This was the first time we have really been in the house when the sun was out and bright. The front room was nice and bright. The front and back bedroom as well. The living room space and kitchen were pretty dim, as was the small bedroom, and the bathroom and stairs were dark dark. But this is all stuff we are going to be figuring out. Things we might want to change like adding mirrors or eventually putting in one of those tube skylights.

I was surprised we get to keep the sheer curtains in the front room. We will replace the bars for sure. The rods are way way to low. But it was a nice surprise.

We went through the whole house. But once we were done it was time to head to Harold's office to finalize the paperwork.

When we got outside I saw a screw on the ground in front of our car and I was like oh dang that would ruin my day. And when I went to pick it up there were like 10 nails on the ground too!! Guys! Get it together! I picked up everything but man. I'm going to have to get a magnet and walk around the block.

Signing the paperwork was crazy easy because we had already gone over everything but we had to sign so many things. The other man that was there was from the mortgage company and he was very nice. And it was just fun. Like I felt secure and like I knew what was up and that felt really good. Harold said we did such a good job and we had good decisions and it was just great. And then we got the keys! I made everyone high five and it was just so light and full of laughter and I was just so happy.

So I decided I would share my drawing of the day. Our little house. And they were both so excited about it that I also showed them the sketches I made from each room and they were like wait this is so cool you made these??? And it was very validating and made feel really good.

And then. We were done! The house is ours! Ahh!!

After we said goodbye James said they would see me at home and I was like the new one or the old one?? Just to tease. And then I went and sat in the car and called my parents to tell them and we were all so excited and it just felt great. I can't wait to have them over and show them.

I didn't really know what to do with myself. It wasnt even 1. I thought maybe I would go look at home goods at target and think about price ranges. And I'm glad I did that. It gave me some context for what I would buy today. Nothing at target but I was proud of myself for the planning and the research.

I decided the best plan would be to go to second chance. It's to expensive but it's very fun. And I'm glad I did that! I ended up finding a ton of birthday beanies! I was literally just saying I hadn't found one in forever. And of course I couldn't remember which of the birthday hat ones I was missing but I think I got the correct ones. I may actually go back if I figure out who I'm missing. But really I just had a lot of fun digging through the boxes. I sadly did not find a cheezer.

I had a great time looking around but I did not find anything affordable I thought I could fit in the Subaru. I think we are going to have to rent a truck eventually but for now I just had fun looking around and seeing all the beautiful pieces.

I was in a great mood though and basically vibrating with excitement. Like I have not really let me be excited this whole process and now I can be excited. So I was just going full steam.

I drove to a restore next. Where I had some lovely conversations with people. I couldn't help telling people I just bought a house a few hours ago. Like how often do you get to share that. And I did have a great find!

I ended up getting a new rug and a piece of AstroTurf. Like nice fake grass. It's not as big as we might need but it's a start and for the price it couldn't be better. And I am just so excited.

After I paid I talked to a guy in the parking lot because he had an idea about hanging the AstroTurf to make a garden wall backdrop. And I told him about the house and how I was just jumping from store to store. And he thought that was very funny.

Before I headed to my next restore I realized I was starving. I went to Wawa and got a hoagie. And saw a Home Depot and thought it would be nice to go and look at paint chips. But that would be for later. I ate half of my sandwich and then continued my drive.

The second restore I got sad because I found a wardrobe I loved so much but there was no way I could get it home. Unless I rented a truck and I just didn't feel like that made sense for one piece. I talked to the worker and she was really sweet and gave me someone's number who could possibly deliver it. But I just didn't feel like it was the right moment.

So to not feel so sad I went to the home Depot to look at paint. And I think I have a some good ideas. I am hoping to get good prices and possibly utilizing restore because they have paint. But we will see what happens. Paint is surprisingly expensive! I might just go a little at a time. Like I would like to do the bathroom first so maybe I'll just pick up one gallon to start.

After wandering around for a bit I decided it was time to go. I will come back to get a real supplies I will need but for now I was just figuring out a baseline. I am really excited but I don't want to act to crazy.

I decided to go to the new house to drop off the rug and the grass. This felt so weird! It wasn't bad drive but it did feel very different. I had to go around the inner harbor instead of taking MLK. I shouldn't be surprised but I was for some reason. And then I was at our house. Alone. For the first time.

I brought the rugs in and my backpack with my ice skates. I put that in the basement. I decided the black rug should go in our bedroom. And the grass I laid out in the living room. I walked around a little. Thought about the outlets I have bought to replace. I don't think I got enough actually but I'll start replacing them soon and have a better idea of how many more I might need.

It was time to go home though. I got back here right before James got home. They were all red and frozen when they got back. But thankfully the apartment is warmer and more comfortable to be in.

I got in bed to work on a few things. And James has a call. But once they finished that they went to load a bunch of the stuff we have packed in the car. Because James is doing the first run tomorrow! I cannot believe it I'm so excited. And once they bring those boxes back I'll pack some more.

James had DND tonight. And I have just been chilling. Basking a bit. I bought a bunch of stuff for the bathroom, a medicine cabinet, storage, a shower curtain and liner. I also got some cat stuff. I spent a good amount but I am trying to get the best deals. I am doing my very best to be smart about the money we have earmarked for moving and for bettering the house.

I had some pizza for dinner. And I have been hanging out in the couch for a while. But now I think I will go and take a shower.

Tomorrow we have the consultant coming in. And me and James will do some moving. And I'm just feeling great. I hope that this good feeling just keeps going. I love you all. Until next time!!

[living-my-future-past-life]

Letting Go

You act like the words I say are delusional, wrong, like my few words in a panic are the worst in the world. But, you tainted good memories with carelessness. 

A photo I once loved of you holding a lamp, is now painful to look at. We were suppose to build the house together, but I ended up building it myself, because other things were priority to you. 

A photo of us on a boat, a good memory, now tainted by secrets you kept, and the actions of your family. 

You twisted your own words onto me, as if I said the things you did, twisting things, confusing my mind, and manipulating my joy into saddness. You weave your words with precision so that an argument blooms and you suck the energy out of me, leaving me depleated. Thinking I will always stay. 

But... I was already gone. I was gone when you stopped keeping promises. I don’t know how to respond to your love, because I know it is not love, it is manipulation. It is use, I am a tool to you, a source of your energy and your joy, while I fill your cup, you empty mine. 

The good memories gone, house shopping, when I did all the work, pumpkin picking, when a month later you broke my heart. In the end, I know I meant nothing to you. Gifts never received, affirmations never gotten, promises never kept, and hurt never healed. Betrayal at the hottest degree, the highest temperature. You stopped showing up, so I stopped expecting anything. 

So, now, I must let go of you. Whatever path you choose, is up to you. You can hate me if you wish, you can pass around rumours, call me delusional or crazy. But, the panic attacks, the breakdowns... They all happened, because of your actions, or lack thereof. If you had simply chosen to meet the needs of the relationship, as agreed, none of those things would have happened. You blame my reactions to your actions, when the fact that the actions happened in the first place, is the true problem, and yet, I am expected to fix my reactions, while you can keep up with your actions. 

You want a weak woman, a submissive woman, a woman you can walk all over, a mother, someone who cannot choose to leave or stay, someone who has to. But, I am a strong woman, and I know I am worth more than begging for the bare minimum. 

Once upon a time, I told you that I had to beg for the bare minimum before, and you called the person who put me in that place a ‘c*nt’, but then you did the very same thing yourself, and when I react the same way I told you I did when it happened before, I am the problem. Did you not learn from what I told you? Were my words wasted on you? Clearly. 

Or... Did I just give you the recipe to break me? What made you think that I would stay with you, if you did the same things as those before? What makes you more special than them? If you walk the same path as those who came before, you will end up at the same destination. 

So, I go. I let go, I set you free to do as you will, with who you will, wherever you will. And I won’t wait for some magical answer, I won’t beg to be loved, I won’t crawl on my hands and knees again, I won’t trust words when actions do not meet them. I won’t. 

There is no such thing as perfect, but something can be grossly wrong, and that is all you were. Wrong. You presented yourself as someone else, something else. Filling my cup for a few months only to completely drain it repeatedly for months on end is not equality, and you shattered my heart. 

Do not expect me to look at you with rose tinted glasses when you have shown me the darkest colors on the wrong side of the moon. 

I live this life for peace, kindness and tranquility. There is no one else, I can only compare our relationship to me being on my own, and if our relationship does not bring me joy and peace I can get on my own, then it is not for me. For months you have only added stress, pain, panic, and anxiety into my life, and these I can live without on my own. Add to my joy, if you take away from it, it is not worth my time. 

So, I let go. Be free. I hoped things would work, but, sometimes, love is not enough. Thank you, for all the lessons you taught me.

[originskey]

anghexescu​:

Kratos’ expression is as clear as day. Through his usual stoic expressions, he can see the struggle inside. The way Kratos folds his arms over his chest and the way his voice remains steady and yet there is something that really tugs at Klaus’ heart. He REALLY should not be asking any of these questions. He has no rights to be invading someone else’s past and memories. 

The guilt of having allowed those honest words come out in floods is written all over his face. Even with Kratos’ reassurance, it does nothing to quell the guilt. He feels awful and what’s worse is that he feels even worse when his mouth opens, because he knows what’s about to come out.

“I would like to listen, if you truly don’t mind.” He feels like he’s being pushy. He hates this and even though those words come out, he can feel the pinging headache at the nape of his neck. He’s withholding somethings, the need to ask for more is so strong. 

“What do you mean when you said you could have stopped them from existing?” 

The look on his face says Yes, I do mind, but the very thought of voicing it gave him a horrible headache. But he knows Klaus doesn’t truly want to hear it either... There’s some compelling force going on here, but what it was, Kratos couldn’t say.

“The Human Ranches came about as an experiment and a source of energy, more or less. The idea was to implant seeds of a certain ore onto the bodies of human beings; this would feed off the energy of its host. Afterward, the host would be discarded, and the ore--called an Exsphere--were used to power other things. Machines, soldiers, weapons... that sort of thing.”

“The enforcers of these ‘Human Ranches’ were Desians--a branch of half-elves that partnered with Cruxis.” ... “Cruxis is the organization I helped create, along with Mithos and Yuan. Originally, we intended to keep the world from fighting again--our motives were in the right place at the time, but we went about it the wrong way. We fabricated a religion, venerating Mithos’ murdered sister as a goddess, and us as her archangels.”

A sigh. The pounding in his head only increased as these memories came back; the more he remembered, the more hiding it brought with it.

“Through the years, we became more desperate. Mithos steadily became less concerned with others. At first, the end justified the means. All this death and violence was worth it, if it would bring her back. If it would control the humans below us. If it kept everyone else in line. And when those thousand years only proved that world would never accept each other for who they were, Mithos decided all beings would simply be the same. Lifeless, void of love or hatred, or any other emotions.”

“...Eventually, the man I used to know--the ancient hero--was gone. What stood in his place was a cruel, bitter god of our own creation. Yuan realized he couldn’t go back long ago and formed a resistance. All he had to do was kill me, and it’d all be over. And I...” ... “I was his mentor. Family. His guardian. I didn’t know what to do--I--couldn’t abandon him when everyone else had.”

That look of pain crossed his face once more. It’s almost a wince outright.

“...When the priests dragged that girl--the next chosen to be Martel’s vessel, after the others failed. When they brought out the ropes and threw her into the challenges all to fulfil Mithos’ wish.”

It’s dark in his mind’s eye. The screams, he turned off his senses for. His eyes, he forced to stop watching the screens. The lack of remorse from anyone in that room but he and Yuan, who had to leave the control room...

The final straw. The sheer disgust crawling up his throat, and the reality of it all sank in...

“...I realized Mithos was gone. That wasn’t my pupil anymore; it wasn’t the boy I loved and cared for.”

...

“And I left. I had to find a way to stop him, before other children like that girl lost their minds in these horrible pilgrimages. And the only reason I didn’t sooner is because I couldn’t bring myself to hurt him.”

For a few moments, it hurt to breathe. It was all coming back, suffocatingly so.

“...You can’t comprehend how many people I left for dead. One lifetime isn’t enough. They perished in the trials, gave up their lives at the end, killed each other for the prestige of being a Chosen. And I...”

Didn’t stop him.

[merakiui]

[3] 𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣 & Fɾυιƚყ

yandere!xiao x (gender neutral) reader cw: modern au, yandere, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, implied stockholm syndrome, kidnapping/captivity, mention of verbal abuse, brief mention of blood, obsessive/possessive thoughts, anxiety, fear previous chapter → [bitter & sour]

“Are you okay?” Your hand covers his and he flinches at the contact. “Xiao?” 

“I’m fine.” Yet his gaze can’t meet yours. Those golden irises flicker like a hologram, equal parts alert and distant. 

“You’ve hardly eaten anything.” 

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Sighing, you gather some curry from your nearly empty plate and hold the spoon in front of him. “Open wide.”

Xiao blinks. “Stop that. I can feed myself.”

“You say that, but you aren’t taking the initiative to do so. Why don’t you have some of mine instead? It’ll taste better because I put a spell on it.”

“A spell?”

“Exactly!” You hold back your laughter when he gives you a critical look. “I’m serious! It works every time. First I take a spoonful of this delicious curry and then I put my heart into it.”

Xiao cringes as you whisper sweet words to the curry. He isn’t a child; he can feed and clothe himself, so he absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of curry that has been graced by your kind sentiments. But the more he watches you encourage the spoon, the more you pull him in. You’re like a magnet who possesses such a strong ability to attract him even though he wants to keep away. Like waves addicted to the shoreline, always reaching closer and closer towards humanity, he’s unable to ignore the marvelous light that clings to you—as if you’re an angel who has descended from the cloudy sky, filling his once gloomy days with endless sunshine. For his own sake and for your sanity, he knows he should let you grow your wings before you end up like him, corrupted from a life spent in the shadows. 

But those paper wings have been shredded for months now and he refuses to let them flourish again. 

“Listen carefully, curry,” you’re saying, glaring at the dish. “You’re going to make Xiao happy when he eats you, and if that doesn’t work we’re going to have a problem. Now please give him the blessing of sweet dreams and good food!” The spoon stops in front of his face, expectant. “Go on. The spell is complete.”

Xiao can feel color bleeding into his pale cheeks. “I’m not hungry.”

“You need to eat or else you won’t have any energy for tomorrow.”

“I don’t care.”

“Ah. I guess I’ll have it for myself.” Defeated, you work to polish off what remains on your plate. His eyes are glued to you the entire time you’re eating and you raise your head to return his stare. “You know, I’d be sad if you got sick. We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“We are?”

“Sometimes friends live together. This is just like that.” Xiao’s skepticism seeks further elaboration from you and you figure it wouldn’t hurt to oblige his silent order. “I like it here. It’s comfortable and warm. And you always do your best to make yummy meals, even if they don’t turn out as tasty as you’d like.” As you say this, you nudge a particular chunk of meat that’s undercooked and has become rather chewy as a result. “But it’s okay because I’m safe here. That’s what’s most important, right?”

“You’re…” 

Not wrong. 

“Hopeless.” 

“You’re the hopeless one. What do you think will happen if you keep starving yourself? Small appetite or not, you need to eat something.”

“Fine.” He snatches his spoon from the table, begrudgingly scooping a generous portion for himself. His glower pierces through to your very soul once he eats it, not at all pleased with its spicy taste. “Are you happy now?”

“Very.”

Dinner continues as it normally does, with Xiao silently observing your actions. You’re eating the fruit parfait he sloppily put together with yogurt, strawberries, and blueberries and it isn’t all that terrible. He’s not a five-star chef, but he does make an effort. You suppose you would rather have a three-star chef as opposed to someone who disregards your rumbling stomach altogether. You’ll put up with his messy cooking if it means you’ll be guaranteed three meals a day. There’s always an acute relief to be felt when he’s at work because it gives you time to prepare something for yourself, and while he’s busy sitting in a humid room listening to business deals and whatnot you’ll get to explore the rest of his apartment. 

It’s a blessing you’re no longer confined to the closet, having convinced Xiao that you’ll stay inside no matter what. So there’s no need for you to be hidden away anymore, and lucky for you he agreed to give you freedom. Although you’re not sure if it really counts as freedom, considering you’re still stuck in his apartment.

A cage is still a cage regardless of its size and decor. 

The evening slips by with ease. You clean the table while he washes the dishes, and after that the both of you take turns in the shower. You’re limited to the clothes that were on you when you were kidnapped, so changing into pajamas is out of the question. At least you’re allowed to wash your clothes when they’re in need of it; that’s something that will always cheer you up whenever your worries start to consume you. Clean clothes are just a minor relief in this otherwise gloomy situation.

Xiao is laying the futon out when you stroll into his bedroom. He’s been using it ever since you came into the picture and you’re not sure why he doesn’t just take his bed for himself. You wouldn’t complain if he forced you to sleep on the floor. Somehow it doesn’t feel fair.

“Let’s sleep together.”

“Don’t want to.”

“But the bed is comfier.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to sleeping on the floor.”

“Oh.”

You sit on the edge of his bed, peering around at the blank, flavorless walls. Compared to the place you once shared with your roommate, his room is disturbingly tidy and bare. You can’t tell what hobbies he might be interested in because there’s nothing that would give you any indication as to what his interests are. No posters or trinkets. Not even merchandise from a favorite series. There aren’t any decorations in here either. All that remains are the essentials: a bed, a nightstand, a mirror, a window with plain curtains, and a closet. You wonder how he even survived in a room as plain as this one. 

“Still, it can’t be good for your back if you do it so often. I won’t do anything while you’re sleeping. You can trust me.” 

Xiao considers this for a moment. While it is true that you have been loyal ever since he took the risk of letting you roam his apartment, he isn’t too keen on lying beside you. He’s never slept in the same bed with another person before. If Xiao were to sleep with you, what would happen? There are a dozen answers to that single question and most of them allude to crooked destruction.

“It’s not a matter of trust,” he mutters. 

It’s a matter of safety. 

“But your back—”

“No. That’s final.” His gaze is locked onto yours, icy and sharp. “Don’t insist on something if you aren’t comfortable with it.” 

You open your mouth to ask him what he means, but nothing comes out and you glance down at your hands. They’re shaking in your lap, fingers interlacing with one another as you pick at the skin near your nails. It’s a nervous habit, one that Xiao catches the moment you start to tap your fingernails against one another once blood is drawn. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. 

Like a clock counting out seconds, the sound overtakes the room. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. 

“I’m not uncomfortable.” Your hands curl into fists and the ticking ceases. “I’m…not.” 

He shrugs and gives his pillow a few pats. “Just turn off the light. It’s late.” 

Nodding, you reach over and find the beaded chain. The soft, golden glow of the light clicks off when you tug on the chain and darkness engulfs the room. Xiao listens to the rustling bed sheets as you struggle to find a sleeping position that best fits your exhausted self. Vaguely, on the street below the apartment, cars whizz by in a blur of sounds. In the distance, an alarm blares, two dogs bark at one another, and a flock of birds take flight. 

I’m okay, you think, staring up into the pitch blackness. I’m not uncomfortable. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

You can’t quite explain the anxiety that grabs hold of your nerves and squeezes, prying into your head as if it’s a hazardous lobotomy. Sweat nearly encases your being like a cocoon; it feels as if you’ll dissolve into the mattress in a soupy mess of melted flesh and bone. Your hands find purchase in the duvet as you grab hold of it, listening intently for human sounds. Not the faux murmur of a blanket or the honking of car horns. You need to hear a cough or a breath—perhaps even a scream—to confirm that your existence is validated within the barren confines of this room. 

To prove that there is a world beyond these walls.

The darkness wraps its deceptive hands around your throat. Without your sensibility to guide you through the simple fact that you’re alive and not locked away in a music box built of chaos and hatred, you’re unable to register your shallow breaths. 

“Xiao.” It’s quiet at first, a mere whisper. “X-Xiao…” 

No response. You’re all alone, lying on a bed that drifts through an endless, abyssal space. And just before you can sink into the embrace of a burnt-out star his voice breaks through the box you’ve forced yourself into, effectively shattering the walls and bringing with it a mosaic of brightness. You’re not truly alone. You’re lying in a room with another person and they aren’t the one who put you in this box, having built it on insults and scoffing remarks. 

“What is it?”

“I…” Your mouth shuts, unable to produce another word. 

Xiao waits. 

“I can’t sleep,” you finally say, turning over in his bed. “Can we sleep together? Just this once?”

“You can sleep with the light on.”

“That’s not…” Sighing, you reach blindly for the lamp and light illuminates the room once more. You swallow a lump of nerves. “Xiao, I want you to know that I’m not going to leave you. And in return you can’t leave me either.”

“All right.”

You chew on your lip, not knowing where to continue from there. “Um. Can I tell you something?”

“Okay.”

“If you’re thinking about putting me in the closet soon… Actually, if you need to lock me up somewhere can I just stay inside this room? I’m not comfortable going back inside the closet right now.”

“I don’t care if you’re in the bedroom or the kitchen. It doesn't matter either way.”

“Thank you.” You let go of a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “It’s not that I’m claustrophobic. I just don’t like small spaces.”

“That’s the definition of claustrophobia.”

“I…guess it is.” Your tiny laugh makes Xiao stiffen. Did he say something funny? Is this humor? He doesn’t know how to feel about that. “Do you remember when we talked about our bosses?” 

With an affirmative grunt, he pulls the memory to the front of his brain as though it’s a file. 

“Well, I was thinking about mine again.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe this is starting to get to me.” Shuffling to the edge of the bed, you peer down at him. “I’ve never told anyone about this because I thought I could handle it. But now that I’m no longer working there I’m starting to remember everything.”

“Oh.”

“Have you ever felt trapped in a box before? Not an actual box. Like a metaphorical box. Something that traps your mind rather than your body.”

He glances at your face. “I have...” 

“Then you know that it isn’t fun. My boss put me in this box nearly every shift. I hated it, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I needed the money and if I got fired from that job it’d be a mess trying to look for a new one. So I had to suck it up and get used to everything she said.” 

Xiao’s not quite sure he understands the meaning behind your explanation. He’s been packaged and sold his entire life, forced to adapt to the tasks of a lapdog for an abusive man. But your box is far different from the one he’s been put in. It’s not as dirty. He can’t imagine someone so pure and gentle like you could ever commit a crime. He’s the defiled one, having been doused in impurity after impurity. If divine punishment exists in the holy crevice of an afterlife, he’s almost certain it will be waiting for him. 

“What did she do?”

“It’s not important anymore.”

“What did she do?” he repeats with more force.

You shrink into yourself, eyeing the bedside table. “She said a lot of hurtful things. I know I’m not the best worker and I’m clumsy, but I can remember things well. A-And I’m honest! I do my best. So why did she say those things?”

Xiao’s gaze narrows, sharper than a needle. He knows the pain of verbal abuse well; it’s imprinted into his very being like an inky tattoo. It bothers him when he learns that his secret has had to deal with such sour torment and it produces an emotion he’s all too familiar with.

“It doesn’t sound like much, but she was really mean.” A weak smile worms its way onto your lips. “Sorry. I don’t know why I started telling you this. I just...needed to vent to someone who’d listen.”

“Your boss is that middle-aged woman who often stocks the shelves.”

“That’s her. But how do you know that?”

“Just a guess.”

“We don’t have many employees, so it’s fairly easy to spot her.” You’re already turning the other way, no longer wanting to stare at Xiao in case you decide to start crying. “I’ll stop talking now. I don’t want to keep you up with my stupid rants. Sleep well.” 

“Good night…”

Xiao lies flat on his back as he absorbs this new knowledge. Your soft breaths can be heard from above, steady and relaxed as you drift closer to unconsciousness. He’s not sure if he’ll get any sleep tonight and even if he does it’s not like any of it will be good. His head is filled with white noise and he can hardly bring forth any thoughts that aren’t about you. 

(Name) is hurting. Someone hurt my secret. 

Shadows creep along the corners of his room, just out of reach from the lamp’s lively glow. His heart is beating in time with his exhalations. It’s a haggard duet that fills his empty, bitter heart with stern abhorrence. All he can comprehend through the static is the deafening reality that someone caused harm to his precious, starry-eyed secret. Such a crime is inexcusable. You’re not the bad one. You’re not the one who has been tainted by cruel hands. It can’t be true. He doesn’t want to believe it. 

My secret is pure. It’s that woman who tried to sour it with her actions and words. 

When his eyes open he sees red. Crimson ropes hang from every surface in his room, criss-crossing over one another like fateful strings meant to ensnare him. When he sits up from the comfort of the futon, he spies these strings wrapping around the arms and legs of his secret. They attach to your throat, snuffing the light that rests on his bed as if it’s reached its expiration date. And he finds himself reaching for these bindings, drawing back when they snap abruptly. Bright red trickles into a black mold that threatens to consume the entirety of his secret with its ugliness and he frowns at the manifestations of his past. 

Black and red. Colors of death and passion. The color of boiling detestation mired in sickly urges. Xiao feels a familiar pull on his mind. Something’s tugging and tugging at him, digging its sharpened nails into his sanity and tearing. It rips into him as if he’s a simple sheet of paper and his own level head fractures. Cracks spider-web along his sight, turning the room upside down in an ocean of black and red. An ocean of decay and sadness.

And then, as if those invisible claws have hit rock bottom within his subconscious, the tethered ropes snap again and darkness consumes him like a monster that has been starved for centuries. 

In that moment he thinks not of murder and malice but of the fruit parfait he made for his secret. All sweet treats should be made with care so that they can be enjoyed thoroughly. Perhaps the flavor of love is similar to that of a parfait: fruity and light. Does such a love exist in his world? Is it something tangible? Xiao wants to feel it for himself—wants to experience the same love that everyone on the planet feels. He doesn’t want to be filled with empty flavors. To be fulfilled. To eat love. To savor it. Perhaps it would become possible if he were to fight hard enough to attain it. 

His glass heart desires fruity love, but he can’t quite find it. Wading through a cesspool of horrendous flavors that have mixed and spoiled with his own bitterness, he’s almost certain he’ll never locate it. It has evaded his grasp time and time again in the form of a blank stare and an unfeeling body. Xiao has heard stories of true love. How you often feel butterflies in your stomach and a tightness that holds your lungs hostage when you’re around someone you admire. You feel undeniably attracted to a person who can give you all sorts of flavors. All sorts of emotions. It’s like a spark that ignites a firework, filling the bland sky with color and joy. 

You’re the only one who has introduced him to a world of cocktail flavors. Anger mixes with the passionate desire to kill. Depression mixes the intense dislike he feels for your sour boss. Hatred and vexation draw a blade along his skin and he knows it isn’t a knife crafted of his own fear. There are so many horrid people in this world. The types of people who are rotten to the core and fraught with undesirable qualities. He wants to throw them all in the trash where they belong. 

Xiao can’t have the fruit-flavored positivity of his secret rot into disgusting negativity. You trusted him enough to open up to him. Surely that’s a step in the right direction. Even someone as bitter as him is deserving of fruity love. If he has to sift through a dozen pulpy corpses in order to secure it, he’ll do it. Whatever it takes to finally feel the love that was robbed from him when he was just a child. 

At any cost, be it unlawful or morally despicable, the bitter man pledges to preserve the sweetness of his secret.

The smell of pancakes wafts through the apartment, stirring you from your sleep. The clock on the nightstand reflects the time and you yawn, rubbing at your bleary eyes. As much as you’d like to sleep the morning away, your stomach objects with its obnoxious growls. And so you slither out of bed, staggering your way to the kitchen. Xiao has his back turned on you as he stands over the counter, cutting up some fruit. You observe the table, pupils flitting from the silverware to the vase of fresh flowers. The prettiest of plants can be seen in the bouquet: scarlet begonias, lavender, white gardenias, and pink baby’s breath. It creates a wonderful fragrance that breathes life into your weary bones, shaking the sleep from your tired body. And on two plates are pancakes, one of which has been decorated with fruit to look like the face of a bear. 

“What’s the occasion? I thought our anniversary passed.”

He’s silent for a minute as he ponders his answer before muttering his reply. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Is that so?”

“You don’t have to eat it. It probably looks stupid anyways.” The knife comes down upon a strawberry with unexpected force. “And it’s not right. One eye is bigger than the other.”

“No, it’s cute.” You sit in your seat, curiously analyzing the pancake’s blueberry eyes. “Like you.”

“I’m not cute.”

“You are.”

He sighs. The tips of his ears are warm with color. “I’m not.”

“Then you’re not cute.” Your grin is deceptively playful. “You’re adorable.”

Xiao chooses not to respond to that and instead slices what remains of the fruit before transferring it to a bowl. He sets it down on the table once he’s dried his hands and then he sits across from you, settling into his usual habit of watching you. 

“Thank you, by the way. This looks delicious.” 

It’s amazing how fast his bitterness vanishes, replaced with a sweetness that comes only from interacting with you. He’s able to push last night’s conversation to the back of his head, briefly ignoring it in favor of spending this peaceful morning with you. He’s never done anything of this sort for anyone before, nor has he gone out of his way to search for flowers and cute recipes online. Xiao has ventured out of his comfort zone as he practically hangs onto your judgment, half expecting you to insult his cooking or the way he’s set the table. The pancake bear stares listlessly at you, losing one of its eyes when you stab at it with your fork. 

“When did you graduate?”

The question slips out by mistake, a result of the missing persons posters he saw outside of the florist’s shop. It’s been eating at him since he started putting some thought into it.

“About a year or two ago. Still haven’t decided whether or not I want to go back for a higher degree.”

“Oh.”

“School is too stressful anyways. I wish I could live as a sea urchin.”

“A sea urchin?”

“Yep! Something that’s spiny, small, and hardly noticeable. An animal that doesn’t have to worry about school or work. Life on the seafloor sounds more comfortable than life up here. Don’t you think so?” Your fork peruses the fruit bowl and you bring a chunk of pineapple to your lips. “What would you be?”

“An anglerfish.”

“What? That’s strange.” Your laugh comes out as a snort and he finds himself wanting to bottle that melodious sound—to always hear it on repeat until the end of time. “Really? An anglerfish of all animals?”

“Yes.”

“I think you’d be a shark. Oh! Or maybe a manta ray.” 

“Okay.”

“Let’s be sea creatures in our next lives! We can swim freely, live however we want, and explore the ocean together.” Your arm extends towards him, hand clenched and pinky raised. “How about it, Xiao?”

Sea creatures… 

After a moment of hesitating, his pinky wraps around yours to cement the promise. Your smile brightens the room, invigorating the flowers that have bloomed beautifully in the vase. Xiao drowns himself in the sweetness, admiring the way your hands contrast perfectly and loving the closeness of your fingers and the way your seraphic light shines down on him like a spotlight. Almost as if he sits before a divine being. His troubles sink into the dark pits of his mind as he allows himself to savor this moment. It doesn’t matter if your graduation photo is on that poster. It doesn't matter if Ajax or your boss are sour people. It doesn’t matter if this is a crime. 

If an angel cannot excuse his sins, then you are not to be compared to one.

I think you’d make a perfect dolphin.

You are Xiao’s incriminating secret, his precious sugar star. And a star composed entirely of sugar is bound to dissolve in the vast depths of the murky sea. Xiao vows to be the black hole that will keep you safe. Even if he has to swallow your light himself—severing your ties with the Earth you so wish to live in—he’ll ensure it shines far brighter than it did before your confinement. 

Actually, you’re more of a flightless seabird.

next chapter → [bitter & rotten]

[ijustwant2write]

Call Me By My Name-Pietro Maximoff x Powers!Reader

(GIF credit to @dailymarvelposts​)

Tags: @bloodorangemoonlight​ @amirahiddleston​

Requested by @husherstan​ : ‘could you write a one w pietro maximoff? idk if you know about a trend on tik tok where a gf or bf call them partners by they first name. Reader and Pietro are enemies cuz them both are always trying to be the best of t team, reader calls him by others names and when she (or gn) calls by him real name he was like "why are you calling me like that? whats wrong with you? are you feeling bad today?" (and he likes her so fucking much, a simp)’

Characters: Pietro Maximoff x Reader, Avengers team x Reader

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name   

(Character has the power of force fields, that both generate electricity and provide protection for them/others)  

Warnings: Name calling, bullying, arguing, fluff

                                      *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“For the last time, watch where you’re going Speedy Gonzales!” I snapped as Pietro almost knocked me over again.

His form whizzed around the room once more before stopping in front of me.“Maybe try keeping up next time.”

I was startled by the force he left behind as he ran off again making a show of circling the entire training room multiple times, creating a small wave of air. I groaned loudly as I went back to jogging. He was such a show off, it infuriated me. We weren’t here to compete against each other, we were supposed to be a team; but when he waltzed around the place boasting about how fast he was, it was really hard not to step up to the plate. 

Pietro was running faster than usual, trying to overlap me dozens of times, more than he would have done in a normal session. It got on my last nerve, making me stop, my powers already flowing through my arms. It would be hard to pinpoint him, so I charged up a huge ball of electricity, casting it out harshly. I just managed to catch him, laughing as he yelped out in surprise, being thrown high into the air before landing on the sparring mats. I saw him slowly get up, clearly I had caused some pain. My fun was soon ended as he ran towards me again, having to quickly put up a force field that would protect me. Pietro bounced off it, though I hadn’t put any charge in this one, so he only fell on his backside.

“Enough!” Wanda yelled out, though we still kept our guard up around each other.“Really (Y/N)? You can relax now.”

“I don’t trust him.” I replied.

She sighed.“Come on, Steve wants to talk about the mission.”

“Why? We debriefed three days ago.”

“Something to do with it being on the news.” she shrugged, walking away.

Pietro glanced back at me, looking me up and down before following his sister. However, he didn’t look at me with disgust or anything of the sort, it was almost as if he was checking me out. I tutted at myself, why on Earth would he ever look at me like that?

I wasn’t happy joining the meeting in my sweaty state.Everyone else was dressed and put together, but at least Pietro looked similar. The team was gathered around a table, looking to Steve who was stood at the front, his arms crossed over his chest. He had the look of disappointment on his face, which meant bad news for the rest of us...or whoever was in trouble. With no seats left, I copied Steve’s stance at the back of the room, rolling my eyes when Pietro stood beside me.

“Sorry to call you guys in on such short notice.” Steve started.“But I feel that we have to discuss something that’s starting to effect the team.”

He pulled up a screen showing the news. It had images and videos of our last mission. We were raiding an old factory on the edge of the city, finding a terrorist group hiding out there as they worked on their gadgets. News coverage showed the team fighting from a helicopter view, and we were all confused as to why Steve was showing us this.

“Fastest man alive,” Pietro repeated what the reporter said,“it has a nice ring to it.”

“I wouldn’t put that in your Tinder bio.” I quipped, causing a few chuckles.

Steve looked at me.“And this is why we’re here today.”

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.“What?”

“You and Pietro are always at each other’s throats. It’s...well frankly, it’s exhausting listening to you two arguing all the time. And it could seriously put someone in danger whilst on a mission, even you two.”

“He always starts it-”

Pietro held up a finger.“Hold on, you do too-”

“You’re just proving his point guys.” Natasha spoke over us.

“As I was saying,” Steve brought the attention back to him,“the media has also caught onto this. There’s multiple images of you two clearly arguing, or even getting in each others way during the mission. At one point, you’re both trying to save the same person, but almost miss that chance because you’re so invested in being better than the other!”

Steve was really mad, and from everyone else’s faces, they thought the same thing.

“So until all of this changes, you two are suspended from any missions.”

“What?!” we both exclaimed.

“And you may not approach any other team member for assistance with training.”

“Why are we both being punished?” I demanded to know.

“Oh, do not play the victim here Mrs Incredible!” Pietro snapped.

“Mrs Incredible is super stretchy, it’s the daughter who has the same powers as me, you idiot!”

“See? You’re further showing me that I made the right decision. I felt bad at first, but now I know that this is the right direction to go in.” Steve raised his voice.“You’re both dismissed.”

“Well, what are the rest of you doing?” Pietro dared to ask.

“We are going to go over all the planning we have done for upcoming missions. Everything has to change because of you two. Now please go.”

I held it together as I left the room, not wanting to appear like a toddler stomping away in a tantrum. It was impossible to get away from Pietro, what with him being ‘the fastest man alive’, but I was going to try. I didn’t need another argument right now, I was upset, needed to be alone. Apparently, I wasn’t going to get that.

“Leave me alone.” I warned Pietro as he followed me.

“I can’t believe this! They’ve kicked us off the team because you always have to say something-”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“And to think, they’re going to risk not having me on the team. I help them with everything, I’m a crucial part-”

“Pietro!” I shouted, spinning on my heel to face him. 

His eyes widened at that, glancing down to my clenched up fists, little electric sparks running over them, before looking me in my teary eyes. 

I sighed, relaxing my tense shoulders and hands before leaving. There was no point trying to explain. He wouldn’t understand. We would both get mad, probably fight, the team would have to break us up; I had no energy to do that. Slowly turning away, I was surprised by the silence that followed, Pietro didn’t even follow me. 

I checked the time on the lock screen of my phone, seeing that an hour had passed since I fled from Pietro. It also made me realise how dark the room had become, the sun would set in a few minutes. But I didn’t bother turning on any lights, instead leaning back again on the chair. I was sat in an empty lobby, it was a small room, facing the floor to ceiling window that showed the landscape that surrounded the headquarters. Besides just sitting here, I should have distracted myself. Perhaps put on a film, relax after training, something to take my mind off of things. Instead, I decided to sit with my thoughts.

“H-hey.” I heard Pietro quietly say from the doorway. 

Looking over my shoulder, I didn’t reply, facing the window again when he began walking towards me. He hesitantly turned on a lamp near us, sitting on the chair beside mine. Pietro also looked out of the window, clasping his hands together for a few seconds before fidgeting. I tried to ignore it, though after an hour of peace and nothingness, it became irritating quickly.

“Can you stop?” I blurted out.“Please?”

“Are you annoyed by everything I do?” he asked.

“Not...everything. I just...doesn’t matter, it’s not like you care anyway.”

“That’s not true.”

“I’m not falling for this Pietro.”

“Why are you saying my name?”

“What?”

“You never say my name. Actually, we never say each others names.”

“And why does that matter?”

“It just feels, it feels serious.”

“I mean, we’ve basically been kicked off the team, so yeah, it’s serious.”

“We’ve not been kicked off the team (Y/N).”

“We could be if we don’t get our act together.”

“It won’t go that far-”

“But it could! I can’t believe how calm you are about the whole thing.” I stood, distancing myself from him.“I’ve worked too hard for this. Imagine what would happen if word got out that I was disbanded from the Avengers because of a tiny argument, with a team member who is so narcissistic that he can’t put others before himself!”

I realised I had began ranting, stopping myself before I said anything else hurtful. But by the look of Pietro’s face, it was already too late.

“I...I’m sorry (Y/N).” he never broke eye contact.“And before you say anything, I mean it.”

“Pietro, I-”

“I can see how much this job means to you.”

“It’s my fault too. I always try to outdo you or challenge you.”

“No, don’t be humble.” he got out of his seat, standing in front of me.“It’s almost always my fault that we argue. And I hate myself for it.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m usually very good with the ladies.” he grinned, though it disappeared when he realised it wasn’t time to joke.“But not around you apparently. It’s probably because you’re extremely strong and sure of yourself, and I go for a different type, the polar opposite to you.”

“Pietro, I...um...”

“I was really impressed by you when we first met. It made me nervous actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, all I can do is run really fast.”

“But, you’ve been on much more missions than I have. Doesn’t that say something?” I hung my head.

“Are you crazy? You’re not on those missions because they don’t need you.”

My head whipped up to see his smile drop.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I meant that those missions are for Avengers like me. The ones they can use over and over without worrying about them being too tired for the next one. What I’m trying to say is, you’re too important.”

“I never thought I would say this, but Pietro, you’re an important part of the team too. I always rose to your challenges because I felt I needed to prove something to the others. I was new, then I was accepted after all my relentless training, but when you and Wanda came along, I instantly became old news. And you didn’t even go through the rigorous regimes like I did, so I just assumed you were better than me.”

“It seems we were both wrong about each other. We were going through a lot of effort to outdo the other when we could have saved that energy for...well, anything else really.”

“Yeah. I suppose so.”

Pietro held his hand out.“Truce?”

I smiled up at him as I shook it.“Truce.”

A cheeky smirk appeared as he raised an eyebrow at me.“Let’s not tell the team about this just yet. I feel like there would be a lot of ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s like you read my mind.”

“And another thing.”

I noticed he was still holding my hand, though they were lowered now, and his grip wasn’t as firm.“Yes?”

“Can we start calling each other by our actual names?”

“I mean, I assumed we would anyway.”

“Oh, good. I just...”

“You just?”

“I just like the way it sounds when you say my name.”

[lo-frequency]

Hiiii can I request a iida x chubby! Reader w/ some good good fluff please <3

Hello! Here’s that good good fluff you requested, enjoy 💕

Also, this kinda long, just as a warning...I got carried away as usual lol

Iida x Chubby!Reader

-Class 1A was pretty shocked to find out that their high strung class rep had an s/o. Much less someone as charming as you, but aren’t we all full of surprises?

-Yes, he saw your weight, but to him it was just one of your attributes. He didn’t view it negatively, but rather just a part of you.

-He thought it suited you, anyway, and quickly grew fond of your plump self. He began to associate it with all your other good points, so seeing you always lifted his mood, if his enthusiastic greetings were any indication.

-Thought he was slick, but it’s obvious that he tries to pair the two of you together whenever possible. When he gets called out he comes up with the worst excuses. “I-I have a special grouping system. This was the optimum pairing for us!!”

-Often consults/discusses with you for important decisions. Y’all will form a little huddle whenever something goes wrong and (loudly) whisper amongst yourselves before he turns back to everyone else to announce the new plan (as if they couldn’t hear y’all, lol)

-Was awkward about touching you at first, mostly because he wanted to but knew he had ‘impure’ intentions and felt guilty about it. He brushed your hip by accident once and apologized to you for 5 minutes straight, hand motions and all. (He couldn’t stop thinking about it later, tho 😏)

-Being the traditional gentleman he is, he confessed to you through an eloquently written love letter that he spent a whole week perfecting. Wrote a whole thesis on when he realized he liked you, why he liked you, all your good points, and why he’d be an ideal candidate for your boyfriend.

-Willing to win your heart too, if necessary. He understands his feelings may be one-sided, but he’ll work hard to earn your affection!

-Oohh imagine a kiss from Tenya Iida. He only kisses you when there’s absolutely no one around, and he usually goes for your chubby cheeks. For your first kiss, he was a lil nervous but wanted to be chivalrous about it and announced his desire to kiss you...with your permission, of course. It would’ve been perfect had he not bumped your face with his glasses. Afterwards, he just rests his forehead against yours (ooOoOhh Iida 😩)

-His favorite form of affection are hugs so tight your feet nearly lift off the ground. Sometimes he gets too enthusiastic, but he can’t help himself, there’s no better sensation than your softness against him. In moments of excitement, he’ll pull you into a hug and spin you around (again, while you two are in private lol)

-Likes to hold your pudgy hand too, and sometimes presses a kiss to your knuckles if he’s feeling especially sentimental that day.

-Compliments you all the time, he’s vocal about even the most mundane things you do, from how you pack you organize your book bag to what you eat for lunch. “Y/N, you eat an apple with your lunch everyday, you’re so diligent about getting your proper nutrients, I love you!!” Ok, not the last part, but same energy.

-Please praise him back, he’ll be feeling himself for the rest of the day. You said that about him? To Tenya, it’s the highest form of flattery.

-Cheers for you the loudest during training exercises, you can hear him loud and clear all the way from the stands. Gets you fired up every time lol.

-So proud of you, he talks about you to anyone who will listen. You’re his s/o, and you prove to him with each passing day that he has excellent taste.

-Understands how much of a struggle it can be to find clothes, considering his huge calves, so he’s very patient when you two shop together. Though, do be prepared for his opinion on your choice in clothes...even if you didn’t ask for it. He has good intentions tho, he’s just trying to help 🙃.

-Gets flustered when anyone at school mentions your relationship. He tries to remain ‘professional’ in front of his classmates, so he sputters whenever they tease him about you. (So please, hug him in front of the class and watch him fall apart)

-Despite how he acts at school, Iida is more relaxed when it’s just the two of you. He loves having intelligent (or goofy) conversations with you, and he often makes you laugh with his earnest answers to your silly questions.

-Imagine: Initially you two were just talking about hypothetical villain scenarios in his room, but somehow you ended up acting them out and now Iida was chasing you around the room as you scrambled to get away, squealing. “Foolish Y/N! Don’t you know running is futile? There’s no escaping me!” he yells, launching himself over his bed and tackling you to the ground, tickling you as part of his nefarious plans with a triumphant grin on his face at your laughter.

-He didn’t realize how loud he was until he, the class rep, gets a knock on the door and a noise complaint. Tenya is thoroughly mortified, and y’all keep the shenanigans to a minimum afterwards lol.

-Fussy, he will worry over your comfort constantly to the point where it’s a little overbearing. “Y/n, I really do think you should put on some socks, you’ll catch a cold!” “Here darling, put this napkin in your lap so you don’t drop anything on your clothes” “Are you sure you don’t want to rest a little longer? I don’t want your feet to hurt”

-Speaking of aching feet, imagine if Tenya gave you a piggyback ride to rest your sore toes...while using his quirk:

-“Come on Y/N, let’s head back to the car so you can rest,” your boyfriend said, holding your hand and tugging you along in his usual authoritative manner.

-“But Tenya, wouldn’t we get there faster if I just rode on your back?”

-“Hm” he said, holding his chin, “...I suppose you’re right, darling. Well, onto my back, then!” he says, stooping over and beckoning for you to climb on. Once he was sure you were secure (read: clinging onto him for dear life) he took off, faster than expected.

-Way faster than you could’ve ever expected. You’d never experienced speed like this before, and Iida was just warming up. At the sound of your excited whooping, Iida grinned and sped up until you couldn’t discern the trees from the ground anymore. You gave his shoulder a firm squeeze, marveling at your boyfriend’s power.

-Who needs a car when you have this big, strong man to take you wherever you wanna go? 💙

(Writing this made me wanna date Iida myself, sheesh 😩) anyway, thank for tuning in y'all :)

[redrobin-detective]

because I could not stop for death

because I could not stop for death / he kindly stopped for me / the carriage held but just ourselves / and immortality ~ Emily Dickinson

Danny Fenton was dying, properly this time.

Somehow, in the back of his head and in his worst nightmares, he knew it would end this way: bleeding on the floor of his parents’ lab where it had all began. He was so hot he felt like his skin was on fire, blood and ectoplasm were dripping all over him and his lungs and heart were working overtime to try in vain to keep him alive a moment longer. He’d imagined at the time that there would be more screaming but death, in the end, was turning out to be a quiet little affair. A lonely table set for one.

“Danny, Danny come on, you-you gotta slow down your breathing, just relax, for me, please,” Sam moaned, more than making up for his lack of noise. She was shaking and touching him all over, his chest, his face, his hair. Normally she jumped right into action but she had to know, deep down, that there was nothing she could do. All that was left was to watch her panic and cry, it wasn’t his favorite image. 

“Vlad!” He heard Tucker scream cry into the phone, “please it’s Tucker, Danny’s dying I think. The Fentons had some new invention, something about his core, please we don’t know what to do!” 

Ugh Vlad, he was probably going to be so happy Danny was on his way out. He wasn’t looking much forward to his last images being his archenemy gloating. Tucker hung up and reached down to grasp Danny’s hand so hard it hurt. “Don’t worry dude, Vlad’s coming. He knows so much about you half ghosts that you’ll be fixed up on no time.” Right, Danny was already dead. If calling Vlad, feeling like he did something, helped Tucker move on then he’d deal with it.

Danny tilted his head to the side where Sam’s fingernails were carding through his hair. It was getting harder to see with the blood pouring out of his eyes but he looked at her, and tried to memorize her face. He’d never been able to tell her how much he loved her, that any day spent with her was a blessing. Tucker too, his best bro and a part of his soul. His best friends in the whole wide world, through thick and thin. God, he was going to miss them.

“Glurk,” he said, trying to convey those feeling but the fluids in his mouth and airway made it impossible. “Blerh.”

“Shh shh shh,” Sam soothed, “it’s okay, don’t try to talk.”

“Daniel!” He heard Vlad’s voice shriek as he materialized in front of the portal. Sam and Tucker were violently pushed out the way. Danny wanted to be angry at his loved ones being taken away in his final moments but anger was for the living, he barely had the energy to breathe. This death was too long and too short all at once. He made eye contact with Vlad who all at once lost the frantic edge to his tone and and instead knelt on the floor. “Oh my dear boy. What did they do to you?”

“What is going on?” Sam demanded, shoving her way back in. Danny was glad, he could see again like this. “Why aren’t you doing something!”

“There’s nothing to be done,” Vlad said in a flat, monotone, he picked up one of Danny’s hands and patted it gently. “His core is dying, it’s like a ghost’s heart. It contains their very essence, it is from which everything they are comes from. If Jack and Maddie somehow disrupted it then there’s nothing anyone can do to save him.”

“But he’s human too,” Tucker defended, grabbing Danny’s other hand. His human warm skin burned but the contact felt so good, he twitched his fingers closer to his friend’s. “He-he doesn’t need a core, he’s already got a heart. So, so he doesn’t have powers, we can do normal again.”

“You-” Vlad hissed before taking a calming breath. “The accident that made Daniel like this irreparably altered him. His core was as much a part of keeping him alive as his other organs, without it, his body is shutting down.” Vlad turned down to look Danny in the eye and saw true, genuine grief in those hateful red eyes. 

“I cannot imagine the agony you are going through, I’m so sorry. I’d say it will be over soon but,” a hitch that sounded almost like a sob if it was coming from anyone other than Vlad. “But you’ve hovered on the edge of death for years, son, and you’ve always been such a fighter. You have minutes at most but those minutes are an eternity when you’re suffering.”

Sam and Tucker’s sobbing blended together in the background, Vlad was saying something with a miserable, stunned expression. The swirling of the portal in the background seemed louder than anything, louder than his heart beat pounding and pounding as it ran it’s last race. 

“Daniel, Danny,” he focused his eyes back on Vlad who had a stubborn, unhappy set to his brow. “Do you want me to make the pain stop? An ectoblast to your chest will end your life instantly.”

“Don’t you dare touch him,” Sam shrieked, coming back into view and looking like she was trying to fight Vlad off. “You do anything to him and I’ll kill you!” Tucker just sat and stared at him, like he too was trying memorize Danny’s face.

“It’s a mercy, Samantha or do you want his last moments on earth to be drowning on the blood in his lungs.”

“Sam, he has a point. I don’t- I don’t think we can fix this.”

“No! No we always fix things, I’ll do it myself if I have to!”

Danny’s vision was starting to go, more black than anything else. He closed his eyes and readied himself for the inevitable. 

“Time Out,” Danny opened his eyes and found he was no longer in pain. He was standing up and apart from where he’d previously been lying. Sam had her hands in Vlad’s face and the older hybrid was snarling something at her. Tucker was midmotion trying to stand up, presumably to get Sam but the three of them were frozen in the moment. Danny turned and found Clockwork floating, looking very out of place in his parents lab. “Good evening, Danny.”

“You that short on cash that you work part time as a grim reaper?” Danny quipped out of habit. He looked down at his body and grimaced a bit, that wasn’t a pretty sight. No doubt traumatizing for Tucker and Sam. God how were they going to explain this to his parents? “Gonna ferry me across the River Styx? I don’t have two pennies but I think I have a bloodied $10 on me.”

“You’re core is dying and you have 17 seconds left in this world before all your organs give out and finish the process you began when you turned on your parent’s ghost portal,” Clockwork explained as he changed into child form. 

“O-okay,” Danny said shakily, trying to be brave even when he was so, so scared. He was going out whether he wanted it or not but he refused to leave crying. “Nice of you to come say goodbye then but, uh but unless you have something to say then you should let me go back. No one knows better than me that you can’t outrun death. Thanks but I’m uh I’m ready.”

Clockwork stared at him for a bit, not sure how long, time was weird like this but he changed forms a few times. “You’re quite the remarkable young man, Danny Fenton.”

“Uh thanks,” Danny added, once more looking at his body which had, according to Clockwork, a 17 second expiration date. “What’s going to happen? Am I going to become a ghost? Does heaven or hell exist for someone like me?”

“I don’t get to decide what happens, I merely see options,” Clockwork stated easily, taking his time. “If you die naturally you’ll become ghost, a mere shadow of who you are now and one who would fade fairly quickly. You don’t have strong enough anger or regrets to tie you in the real world for long.” Not great but okay he supposed, hell for his friends and family though. “You could let Plasmius deliver his mercy kill, destroying what’s left of your ghost core and ensuring you do not come back.” Better, probably won’t help the Fruitloop’s instability but he can’t save everyone.

“That one comes with it’s own caveat but I’ll get to that in a moment,” Clockwork explained. “There is a third option where you get up off the floor and walk away.” Danny blinked then looked back at his body which certainly wasn’t walking anywhere but into a plush casket. Clockwork opened his hands and the Ghost King’s Crown materialized in his hands. “If you accept your claim to the King’s Cown, it will revitalize your core and your life would be saved.”

Danny blinked.

“By sealing Pariah Dark, you won by proxy and established a legitimate claim to the throne. The Zone has been without a king for millennia, most have forgotten the old rules. Those who remembered were not too keen on a half-ghost child assuming leadership and kept you in the dark. If Plasmius ends your life then your claim transfers over to him, which he is aware of. It had been his plan all along to trick you into defeating Pariah so he could steal the Crown from you at a later date, a much easier opponent.”

Danny’s mind was overloaded with information, he didn’t know what to focus on first. He stared at his 17 seconds from death face and tried to process it all. Crown? Claim? Vlad?

“Of course,” Clockwork tutted, “he didn’t plan on your dying and in such a gruesome fashion. If he kills you and takes your claim, he would spend his remaining years ruling the Ghost Zone in a just, controlled fashion for your memory. He destroys all the stable portals and keeps the ghost and human worlds separate.” Clockwork became and old man and titled his head, “it’s not a bad timeline, all things considered.”

“And if I take it?” Danny asked quietly.

“You’re compassionate, brave and motivated, you have all the makings of a revolutionary king,” Clockwork smiled. “The Zone would experience and unprecedented era of peace, there would be positive interactions between human and ghosts for the first time since life and death split into two. Your name would spoken with reverence for the rest of time.”

“But I don’t want to be king,” Danny frowned.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Clockwork stated. “Which is why I am giving you the choice. If you pass peacefully there will be no one to claim the Crown and life will continue on, ghost attacks and all. If Plasmius kills you, he becomes an effective but unmemorable king. If you take the Crown, you can get the chance to tell Sam and Tucker how much you love them.”

Danny rubbed at his face, he didn’t want to die but he’d be sealing away his entire future with a move like this. He didn’t even know if the Crown would let him go with death, maybe he’d die and be stuck as the Ghost King until his core finally gave out lord in who knows how long. Eternity was an awful long time to carry such a responsibility. He couldn’t bring himself to ask, too afraid of the answer.

“Is there ever a timeline I became an astronaut?” He asked instead. Clockwork hummed, seemingly unsurprised by Danny’s non-sequitur. 

“Yes, in one of the few universes where you never walked into the portal. You never go into space what with human politics putting a halt on the programs but you work for NASA. You leave Amity Park at 17 and don’t come back save for your parents’ dual funeral.” He paused and Danny felt read down to his very bones, “from the moment you became half ghost you were always heading for this moment. The circumstances varied but it always came down to you and the Crown. Time is straining to continue, to see how this drama plays out. Will you accept it and all the joy and grief that comes with it?”

Danny looked over at Vlad, still mid-sneer but there was a scared desperation in his face. He and Vlad sniped at each other all the time but Danny didn’t really hate him and he didn’t think Vlad did either. Leaving him alone, plus making him be king was a heavy burden to put on his enemy. 

Sam and Tuck probably wouldn’t recover from this, he’d put them through so much already but he just knew that they’d never be the same. Could he do that to them? Take the easy way out and leave them to suffer? Mom and Dad didn’t deserve to come home to a dead son, the truth would come out and they’d never forgive themselves. Jazz certainly wouldn’t, she was 2 states over at University but he could already hear her angry, grief-stricken screams. 

Death, death was quiet. It was quiet and merciful and sad, but it was also easy. And Danny Fenton had never once taken the easy route. He reached out and took and the crown before shakily placing it on his head. He gasped, throwing his head back as his core swelled, taking up residence once more right next to his heart. Clockwork smiled, looking like the cat who ate the canary. 

“The Crown of Fire, pardon me the Crown changes with each core, the Crown of Ice is now yours as is the Zone. Your reign begins now but so too does the rest of your life. People are waiting for you. Time in.” Danny slammed back into awareness on the floor of his parents’ lab, the floor he’d almost died on twice. 

He sat up as cold radiated off his body, causing frost to crawl down his arms and along the floor. Sam, Tucker and Vlad, who’d been frozen up until now, jumped back to life. There was a new, familiar weight on his head that he didn’t dare acknowledge. 

He squeezed his eyes shut and said a silent goodbye to a quiet, normal life. It wouldn’t be all bad, he could be happy like this but the Crown still felt like a iron manacle around his neck. But he got used to the ghost powers, he could get used to this too. Maybe one day he won’t look at the stars and say ‘what if?’

“Danny!” Sam shouted, throwing herself into his arms soon followed by Tucker. Their warm weight, their relieved sobs, their shaky breaths in his air, now this was something worth living for. He squeezed them tightly.

“But how dude, you were at death’s door!” Tucker asked, still not letting go.

“You accepted the Crown,” Vlad said evenly, “I wasn’t aware you even knew about your claim. Who told you?”

“You don’t know everything, Vlad,” Danny sighed, sitting himself upright. Ugh his shirt was covered in blood and ectoplasm. He needed to trash these clothes before his parents freaked. And find a way to hide the floating ice crown on his head. 

“Even an old man can be surprised every now and again,” Vlad said wearily. He stood up to his full height before startling Danny by dipping down to one knee. “Then allow me to be the first to welcome my new king and wish him well.”

“I thought you wanted this,” Danny questioned.

“I do, I did,” Vlad said, unusually off balance. “To be quite honest, I’m not sure how to feel about it but, right now, I’m just immeasurably happy you’re alive, little badger. Now I best be off, enjoy your kingdom, my liege, I’ll be sure to come bother you some time soon.” Vlad disappeared in a swirl of pink leaving just him, Sam and Tucker still clinging to him.

Danny may have a kingdom, a job he didn’t want and his whole life decided in a spur of the moment choice, but he also had something very important. He squeezed his friends tightly.

“I love you guys, thank you for being my friends even though I have the worst ideas for activities. Dying? On a Sunday night? How lame is that?” Sam laughed, a bit hysterical but it was real and it made Danny feel weightless. 

“Don’t do that again, buddy,” Tucker breathed into his shoulder. “So you gonna explain what just happened and why you’re apparently the Ghost King or something?”

“Yeah, yeah I will but let’s get changed first. Mom and Dad will be home soon and I think I’m going to need to have a conversation with them about my new job.” 

[jesternene]

Why is Sub Rosa about Addiction?

*** WARNING: Explicit content ***

When I first saw The Next Generation, I was warned about a certain episode in Season 7 called Sub Rosa. It was depicted as Beverly falling for a ghost and the erotic behavior was out of character and falls in the line of jokes because of how off hand it is. Even on IMDB, it is considered the 2nd worse episode of the entire series. I went in already with a bad frame of mind because of what I was told; however, when I first saw it, I ended up having a completely different view on what some called it the “sexy ghost episode”.

It is always nice to have a Beverly Crusher episode. I have enjoyed all of them and I think it is because of how Gates McFadden plays the character. She uniquely plays Beverly off as a strong independent woman but with a softer and more vulnerable side when needed. Example: In Lessons, she is curing Daren of a strain in her arm due to to much playing the Piano. Daren, unknown of Beverly’s feelings for Picard, begins to talk about how the Captain and her have been spending a lot of time together and how they seem to enjoy it. This moment is key because of how Beverly reacts. She talks to Daren professionally and even lends a little bit of advice, but the way Gates approached the character, you can tell just how much it hurts Beverly hearing Jean-Luc is growing closer to someone else; Almost as if someone had punched her in the gut. She remains pose but definitely inside she is hurting. It is brilliant and I think this is why so many fans love Gates and Beverly. Attached came 6 episodes before Sub Rosa and, as everyone knows, that is the episode where Jean-Luc and Beverly express (and turn down) their feelings to one another. This was a pivotal moment for the characters because after this they treated each other just a little bit differently then before; now enter Sub Rosa.

We all know the story: Beverly’s Nana has passed away and she is back to her home world to find out that her Nana’s lover is now interested (or shall I say obsessed) with Beverly. This is important because this is where I think the fans get confused on just how the context of the story is read. Yes, there are scenes about a lover and erotic moments but when you really think about what Ronin was doing, it actual comes off as an abuser who is using the women in this family for his own benefit; to the point they become addicted to him. As Beverly said, anaphasic energy is completely unstable and it needs an organic host to survive. He clearly figured out the Howard Women had what he needed and made sure he touched on their vulnerability (possibly loneliness) to trick them into doing exactly what he wanted. 800 years later, he has passed his obsession to every woman in her family, including her Nana. With Felisa Howard gone, it is now Beverly’s turn to enter the “Family Tradition” -- one thing Ronin did not expect was Beverly wasn’t as lonely as he thought. Her love for Jean-Luc and her crew helped her fight him off.

Of course, she almost didn’t fight him off. He was able to seduce her by telling her how much he loved her and how he will always take care of her. All she had to do was leave everything she knew behind and once they were together, she would always feel “loved”. This love isn’t sexual love, it is abuse and because they are molecular compatible, his seduction is like an addiction for her. If anyone knows someone who has had an addiction or has been an addict of some kind themselves, the addiction is a problem because of how well it makes you feel good that you have to have more. Addiction isn’t for the weak and even a Doctor like Beverly can fall short.

This scene is VERY important. When I first saw this, I thought to myself “She is tweaking!” and on some level she is. She is desperate for his touch and his feeling that she would do anything, like abandon Starfleet, to keep her addiction going. Unlike the women before her, however, she did have people that cared for her and intervened. As much as I felt Deanna was funny in this episode, going off on what Beverly was telling her, she did (later on) become concerned for her friend, feeling that Beverly was not thinking rationally and knew it was a mistake; but as a good friend, she needed her to make that mistake in order to learn from it. But Jean-Luc wasn’t going to sit back and let Beverly get hurt. After 25 years, and loving her for so long, he couldn’t let her do this alone. When Jean-Luc interrupts the merge with Ronin, this scene is also important because you can see how conflicted Beverly is. She tells him this is the new me and to leave her alone but Jean-Luc let’s her know that he loves how she use to be and he isn’t going anywhere. Even after Ronin steps in, Jean-Luc lets him know he isn’t going to make this easy for him, to the point where he harms Jean-Luc, thinking Beverly will go with him to stop Data and Geordi from unearthing Felisa’s coffin. Cue in another key moment, she doesn’t. She fights him and you can tell the effects are wearing off and she stays to save Jean-Luc. Her love for him is still evident and no addiction like Ronin can stop that.

The very end is the best part because of how bravely Beverly fights off Ronin and destroys him. Not only to save herself but to save her friends and crew. When Geordi’s life was in danger, she put herself in danger to save him. Like I said before, this is what Ronin didn’t expect; her love for other people. Just like some other addicts, they are to come out the other side because of the support and love of their friends and family and because of that support they are able to fend off the addiction. Even after she kills Ronin, she collapses and burst into tears. Not because she lost Ronin but because she felt ashamed of what she got herself into; even though part of it was not her fault (just like any addict). This is why in Picard’s log he states that her recovery will take more of a personal nature. It was going to take Beverly a long time to overcome what had happened to her; she was used and abused for someone elses benefit and she was going to have to come to terms with that.

Now can you see why this is more about addiction then just a sex driven crazy love story? Ronin was a fucking abuser, plain and simple. He only cared about himself and he didn’t care how much he was actually hurting the women as long as he got what he wanted. He made them think it was love by expressing those “erotic” feelings and because it made them feel so good, they did whatever he wanted. It is kind of a horrible way of thinking about it but it explains how Beverly can easily fall victim to it. Someone is addicted to something in their life, no matter how strong willed they may be. It can be drugs, alcohol, food, and in our day and age, even screen time. It is our way to suppress the feelings we may not want to feel; like loneliness that Beverly was probably feeling after what she and Jean-Luc went through in Attached. She was an easy target at this point.

I hope when people now see Sub Rosa, they can see it in a whole new light. Yes, some scenes are a little uncomfortable to watch and I am sure where uncomfortable to film (this is why Gates is an amazing actress and why Jonathon is a phenomenal director) but the story is there, you just have to look pass those oddly made scenes.

So, to recap here is why I love Sub Rosa:

Beverly looks AMAZING in her scenes. Her hair, her outfits, just perfect

The Love of Jean-Luc and Beverly are very important in this episode and it explores more on just how they truly feel about each other

The way Jonathon directed the episode, made it more hauntingly beautiful and the way Gates performed it just added to the mystery and the sadness.

Do you agree? Do you still see it as a funny oddly made Sexy Ghost Story? I would love to hear your thoughts!

[anonymousfiction211]

Handcuffed together: 8 The party

The party

Today was the day that Steve finally woke up. When you heard the news your ran to the medbay, you had to see for yourself. Steve smiled brightly when he saw you and you engulfed him in a big hug. He grunted, still in pain and you loosened your grip.

‘Sorry’ you apologised. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Like I have a hang-over, something I haven’t had in a very long time’ he smiled to himself. ‘I will be ok, (Y/N)’ he said. ‘Thanks for saving me’

‘Ehm.. actually, Loki did most of the work’ you admitted.

Steve frowned ‘Loki can do that?’

‘Yep, he’s teaching me currently’ you said.

Steve just laughed. ‘What’s so funny?’ you asked a bit wary.

‘To think a few weeks back we had to handcuff the two of you together, and now you are constantly with each other and he is even teaching you. It’s funny’ he said. ‘Are you sure there is nothing more to it?’

You hoped your face didn’t look as red as you think it looked. ‘Yes, just friends’ you replied a bit nervously.

‘I heard something else from Natasha’ he said.

‘What did you hear from her?’ you asked.

‘Apparently, Loki was quite cross with his brother the last mission. Hate to have missed that, I never knew Loki could be boyfriend material’ he answered.

Right before you could reply, the devil himself walked in. ‘Captain’ he nodded curtly.

‘Loki’ Steve said back as curtly as Loki.

‘How are you?’ Loki asked.

‘Great, thanks for helping me’ he said.

You saw for a quick second the surprise on Loki’s face. He wasn’t used to being thanked.

‘You’re welcome’ he replied hesitantly. Then he turned his attention to you. ‘You’re late’ he said.

‘Well, Steve was waking up. So, I think that is a good excuse’ you replied.

Before Loki could reply, Steve intervened. ‘Oh, don’t let me keep her from you. Go, (Y/N). I will see you tonight, Tony is already planning a big party’ he said while rolling his eyes. Loki looked very pleased, you rolled your eyes but followed the God to the training room.

Later that night

To say that Tony was throwing a big party, was quite the understatement. There were more people in the tower than you ever saw. The music was barely audible over the loud conversations, and alcohol was flowing freely. You had a blast, partying, and dancing with the rest of the team. Even Loki seemed to have a good time, mostly talking to people. He did scare a few of them, but that was to be expected from the God of Mischief. Halfway through the night, the party finally seemed to come to an end. Most of the team was sitting on the couch. Bruce went to bead early and Clint didn’t attend the party.  You and Tony were quite intoxicated. You noticed Loki watching you like a hawk. You actually wanted to sit on his lap, but you didn’t know if you were ready for everyone to know. Whatever you could call what you and he were doing. Even tough, most of the team knew that something was up already, thanks to Loki.

The sound of the alarm and the red warning lights had everybody on high alert in an instance.

‘J.A.R.V.I.S., what is going on?’ Tony yelled to the AI.

‘There are some unknown individuals down in the lab, sire’ the AI replied.

‘Shit, that can’t be good. Right, ehm.. everyone who can still function properly, split up. We will cover every entrance to the lab and trap them there’ Tony yelled.

Even tough Tony gave the command, he was clearly to drunk to actually put on his suit. The only people who were capable were Thor, Loki, Steve, and Natasha. Steve had ordered the rest to stay put and the four of them went downstairs to the lab. So, you were left on the couch with Tony. The alarm didn’t stop and you heard explosions. After a while, the doors of the room you were sitting in burst open. Loki was quickly advancing at you, and you immediately noticed that something was off. Before you could react he grabbed you by the throat and lifted you into the air. You panicked, you couldn’t breathe anymore and no matter how much you struggled against his grip, he was too strong for you.

It took a moment for Tony to react. He sprinted towards Loki, in an attempt to tackle him. But Loki just slapped Tony out of the way and he went flying across the room. You tried to plead but didn’t have a voice anymore. Thor finally burst through the doors and flew at Loki. You fell down on the ground hard but didn’t care. You were gasping for air and tried to stay conscious. Natasha was by your side in a second and Steve went to help Thor.

‘Are you okay?’ Natasha asked

‘Y- yeah, but what?’ you barely could make audible.

Before she could answer you saw Loki in your eyeline again. He advanced towards you. You saw Steve and Thor both on the ground grunting. Natasha stood up, putting her body between you and Loki, but he pushed her away hard. The only thing you could do, was cower in fear. Suddenly Thor’s hammer slammed into Loki’s head and he fell down. To your relief he was unconscious. It took a moment for the whole team to get up and walk towards you and Loki. Thor extended his hand and helped you to your feet. He pulled you close and you hold onto him for dear life. You couldn’t help but starting to cry.

‘It’s okay. When he wakes up he will be normal again’ Thor whispered while stroking your hair.

‘WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?’ Tony yelled to Thor.

‘We don’t exactly know. But they got to him, it wasn’t his fault’ Steve said quickly.

‘What do you mean they got to him?’ Tony wanted to know.

‘I don’t exactly know. But when we split up, Loki found the creatures first. They talked to him, there was some weird energy surrounding him. Then he stormed of to here and the creatures just disappeared’ Thor explained. You could feel his voice vibrating through his body.

‘Did you recognize them or heard anything?’ Steve asked.

Thor just shook his head. Everybody’s attention switched when Loki started to groan and grab his head. He slowly sat up right, while everybody watched him intently. He blinked a few time and scanned his surroundings. He looked a bit disoriented. Suddenly, he looked at you with horror. You looked away and tightened your grip on Thor, to your relief he did the same.

‘I think you have some explaining to do’ Natasha said.

‘You’re not going to attack again?’ Tony asked.

‘No’ Loki replied, you could tell he was struggling. ‘I- I’m so sorry. I don’t know where to start’ he said. ‘I need to leave’

He quickly got to his feet, but swayed a little. Getting hit in the head with Mjölnir had his effect on him. Thor grabbed your arms and guided you towards Steve. You put your arms around him and Steve let you. Thor walked towards Loki. ‘You’re not leaving, sit down’ he sat strictly. He pushed Loki backwards and he fell onto the couch.

‘I need to leave’ Loki said desperately. He got up right, but Thor pushed him back down. You could tell he was exhausted and didn’t have much strength at the moment.

‘Tell us what happened if you need to leave afterwards you can’ Natasha said.

‘That’s a lie’ Loki replied.

It was silent for a long time. Everybody was looking at Loki, wating for him to speak. Loki was visibly struggling to find the words, that was rare. ‘Alright. It’s quite a long story’ he said.

‘We have all the time we need’ Tony replied.

‘You actually don’t, but anyway.. there is someone out there who is collecting all the infinity stones. And his minions were looking for the sceptre’ he said.

When he didn’t continue Thor asked ‘Who?’

‘He is named Thanos’ Loki replied.

‘What happened down there between you and them?’ Natasha asked.

Loki gritted his teeth. ‘They.. they put me in a trance’ he said.

‘Why did you attack, (Y/N)?’ she went on.

‘It’s complicated’ he replied.

‘Try me’ she quipped back.

Loki looked away, ashamed. ‘My first intention wasn’t to come here and play the hero’ he said.

‘I KNEW IT!’ Tony exclaimed! ‘I knew we shouldn’t trust you’

‘Shut up, Stark’ Thor boomed. ‘Loki?’ he asked.

‘Look, I convinced Odin to let me come here to ‘redeem’ myself for my actions. I was planning on escaping and starting over elsewhere… but Thanos contacted me and gave me another chance. So, I was stuck here’ he explained.

‘Another chance? At what?’ Natasha asked.

‘Collecting the mindstone, after that the Tesseract from Asgard’ he said.

‘I’m not buying it. How could they manipulate you so easily?’ Tony asked sceptically.

‘Once you’ve been under mindcontrol for a while, it’s easier to control the same person again’ Loki said.

‘When were YOU under mindcontrol?’ Tony snorted.

‘New York’ Loki said, still gritting his teeth.

‘Bullshit, we won’ Tony said.

‘I intentionally lost, there is a difference’ Loki said angrily.

‘Alright, why do you need to leave then?’ Natasha asked. ‘And don’t you dare lie to us’ she added.

‘To speak the truth, my first intention was to grab the stones and kill you in the process. Thor would grief too much to notice the attack on Asgard and after that I would be free’ he said, still not being able to look at the team. After a pause he continued. ‘But.. I didn’t expect.. I mean, I hadn’t planned on. You know, not wanting to kill you all.. so, I thought my best chance was to help you and if Thanos came defeat him’ he said.

‘We will circle back to the killing us part, but the latter sounds like reasonable? What changed?’ Natasha inquired further.

‘I’m okay with Thanos killing me. But today they told me they wouldn’t. They would use me to kill her and then keep me alive until I die naturally, should I fail’ he said while fumbling his hands.

You just stared in shock at Loki, but he wouldn’t meet anyone’s gaze. ‘So, I need to leave’ he said then. Everyone stayed silent.

‘No’ you whispered, breaking the silence. You felt everyone’s eyes on you but couldn’t care less. The only eyes you stared into were Loki’s. A mix of horror, pain, hurt, hope and love danced over his face. He was trying hard to hold back tears, it shocked you to see the always so dominant and in control man reduced to this. You slowly walked towards him and to your surprise he backed away on the couch.

‘Don’t’ he whispered, his voice croaking a little.

You ignored him. You sat beside him on the couch and put your arms around him. He didn’t react for a minute. But then he put his arms around you, pulled you close and hang onto you for dear life.

The moment was ruined when Steve started to speak ‘All right, ehm. This is a lot. And still a bit vague. Maybe, we should go to bed and Loki, tomorrow you tell us everything. Every detail, only the truth. After that we will come up with a plan’

Loki let go of you and looked at Steve ‘The truth is, it would be easier for me to leave. That would fix all your problems’ he said.

‘You’re part of the team, and we look out for each other. So, the answer is no. And if you even think about leaving I will personally track you down and put you behind bars again, just to keep you here’ Natasha replied.

Loki cocked an eyebrow, surprised by this reaction. Most of the team just nodded, Tony however looked at the ground. ‘When you decided not to kill us anymore, your highness’ Natasha answered his silent question when he kept looking at her. Adding a bit of humour to lighten the mood.

Tags: @delightfulheartdream​ @the-best-phineas​ @theaudacitytowrite​ @l0nelyasian​ @ragweed98​

[i-growl-growl-growl]

hi can i do a nct and seventeen ship. im 5'9 [ 175 cm ~ ]. im african american with short dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, full lips and hip dips. im very quiet, but not shy. i can be bratty at times, but not too much. my favorite hobby is to listen to music. i can pretty much chat with anyone because im very open minded. i can sometimes care too much about what other people think of me. i also sometimes put people before myself. i don't do a lot of skin ship tho. im also an aquarius. thanks!♡

I’m a needy person but at the same time i get so emotionally exhausted from the ppl around me no matter how much I LIKE to be around them which makes me quite distant,I’m an introvert and most of my hobbies are things I do inside or alone because I don’t like relying on others, it’s the only way I’ve really learned to hang out w myself instead of just seeking attention from others which really helps when I need to “emotionally recharge”. (2/2!)

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Yandere Winwin: He's very needy with you, unlike the way he is with everyone else. This is because you two share a lot in common and he feels he can trust you to open up to you about how he really feels. Will cherish you're selflessness and adore your brattiness so long as you make up for it with hugs, kisses, and other forms of affection. This is because he needs to know that you aren't actually feeling angry with him just so he can be sure theres nothing that needs fixing or punishing. He can be more traditional but wouldn't mind hearing your viewpoints and opinions because he wants to know everything about you. If you're having a bad day because someone upset you, he'll give you a warmhearted, albeit quick, talk about how you should only care about how those who love you feel, not some unimportant strangers. Then he'll hunt them down and make them pay. You'll never find out it was him unless he was about to lose you, then he'd spill everything and confess his true feelings as a means to guilt trip you and scare you into not leaving him.

You can absolutely bet that most of your time together will be spend indoors enjoying each others' hobbies. He'll teach you how to dance and will learn your hobbies too. This could be a problem because he's obsessed with you and doesn't want space. You'd have to really sit him down and convince him that you need some space, not because you don't love him, but because you just need space for yourself. He'll be sad but will understand- that is, if you've already been kidnapped. If not, he'll assume that you've fallen for someone else and will kidnap you. He's got secret pictures of you and some of your favorite things that he knew you liked. He's not very violent but don't push it because he will snap and hurt you and neither of you want that. Overall, very peaceful, calm, loving, and affectionate.

Yandere Vernon: Vernon is a lot like his non-yandere self, however, he's more serious, dark, and he has a temper that, when crossed, is dangerous and terrifying. He wouldn't mind your quietness since he prefers peace and quiet anyways, though he doesn't mind being around people. He'd gravitate to you because you have that in common and he'd get to know you better. He stays because of your open mindedness and selfless nature. He prefers having an s/o who won't mind putting him first because he sees it as trust as well as a weakness that he can exploit. During your interactions, he's charming but his strong energy compels you to comply with his wishes, even if he wasn't being outwardly aggressive. To his surprise, he enjoys your brattiness because it sparks a desire in him that's hard for him to feel for anyone else. He wants to punish you for talking back to him or acting out, and he will. In public, this will be a piercing gaze and a firm grip on you as he pulls you close to him. At home, well, it depends on his mood. If he's not up for your attitude, then his subtle hints will be painful (his grip could leave a bruise and his gaze is more like a threatening glare) and his punishments at home will be harsh. If he is then you're in for a wild ride. He a quiet guy so no one will notice the red flags and either no one would suspect him or no one would be courageous enough to confront him, so he doesn't really have to worry about others. As far as being needy, he also prefers this in an s/o because he can control how much attention he gets from you rather than having to force it out of you. He'd rather not be bothered with someone who will give him a hard time, so it's best that his s/o is needy. He gets an enjoyment from telling you 'no' and/or turning you down though. The disappointment/hurt they feel and express puts a smile on his face but don't worry, he always makes up for it later. Is also pleased that you'd rather spend time at home because he's the same way. He doesn't like going out unless he either has to or he's in the right mood for it. Expect to spend lots of quiet time bonding with one another and DO NOT turn him down. If he's happy, then you'll be happy!

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Sorry if its too long, hope you enjoyed!

~Ahreum Rhea

[shywitchyfangirl]

Tips for Beginning Spirit Workers!

Me? Posting something useful instead of just memes? GASP!

1. Plan communication and housing methods in advance. This is your responsibility, not the spirits’. Housing can include binding them to an object, binding them to yourself, letting them wander your house, or (my personal method) building an astral temple for them. Communication can take all kinds of forms, including dreams, hallucinations, Ouija boards, body sensations, intrusive thoughts, and telepathy. When starting out, you’ll probably be working with sensations and intrusive thoughts, and work your way up to other forms. An important thing to remember is if you’re ever unsure if something was them, assume it was. False negatives do far more harm than false positives when you’re trying to learn how to communicate. Assuming your spirit said something they didn’t might annoy them, but denying real messages will prevent you from developing your senses and harm your relationship with them.

2. Set boundaries and keep them! It doesn’t matter who they are, how powerful they are, or if they’re a literal god. You have rights, and they do not own you. Take no excuses, make no compromises. You don’t need to explain anything. If you give some spirits an inch, they’ll take a mile. I have a rule that no one can possess me while I’m on my period. Why? Because I don’t want them to, end of discussion. If anyone throws a fit about your boundaries, you don’t want to work with them anyway. If you’re planning to let them stick around, setting house rules is also very important! (”Don’t mess with the other human residents” is always a good starting point.)

3. Doubt happens. Even the most experienced spirit worker has moments of “Oh gods, I’m just crazy and talking to myself.” Don’t beat yourself up over it! Healthy skepticism is what keeps us sane. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad spirit worker. Try taking a moment to reflect on the times when your spirits did something that proved themselves to you, because I promise, those moments will happen too! One of my earliest moments was when a spirit possessed my and drew a bunch of dicks in my notebook before I even realized what she was drawing. If you haven’t had one of those moments yet, just remember the golden rule: You can’t be imagining it, because your imagination should never surprise you.

3.5 Know your craft, not others’. Related to the above, a big source of doubt is when you read about other spirit workers’ doing things differently. Remember, the term UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) exists for a reason. Your Mileage May Vary! Every spirit worker experiences spirits differently. Different doesn’t mean wrong. Figure out what’s best for you and your spirits, and have confidence in your craft.

4. Don’t trust just anyone. Not every spirit you contact will be on your side. Some have their own agenda, others just want a plaything. Some spirits will pretend to be someone else to get past your defenses. The best way to stay safe is to always trust your instincts. If a spirit gives you a “bad vibe,” DITCH THEM. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. There is not a single spirit you NEED to have in your life, and thus there’s no reason to give a sketchy spirit a chance. Aside from that, don’t just assume any spirit you contact will be friendly and benevolent. Most spirit workers go through a “vetting” period of at least 3 months before deciding if a spirit is truly good to join their team. Yes, THREE MONTHS. You don’t want to allow just any powerful astral being into your life, do you? Remember, spirits have power, and they CAN hurt you. If you wouldn’t allow any random stranger into your house, don’t allow any random spirit into your life.

5. Do your research! Spirits aren’t human, and they don’t have the same wants and needs as humans. Research in advance what the particular species you’re summoning wants and needs. If they’re from a pop culture series, research the series. Research their friends, family, and enemies. Know who they will or won’t work well with. If they’re a nonhuman character, pay special attention to their species’ attributes, such as behavior, communication, and any unusual needs or weaknesses. You are responsible for your spirits’ safety while they’re with you! Remember, there’s no such thing as knowing too much. The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be!

6. Respect their boundaries. Not every spirit wants to be worshipped, especially pop culture ones. Some find it flattering, others find it creepy. Similarly, not every spirit wants to be your best friend forever, and not every spirit is eagerly waiting for your call every second of every day. Spirits may be cool, but don’t be a stalker. Give them some dang space. Also accept that many spirits don’t plan to stay with you forever. There may be a few that will be with you until you die (or even follow you to your next life!) but the vast majority have lives outside of you just like humans do, and there will be a time when you don’t need them or vice versa. Don’t feel bad about them leaving, and don’t try to force them to stay. Spirits come and go, and it does not mean you’re a bad spirit worker if you lose a few allies. Your closest friends will be the ones who choose you, and those are the ones you really want in your inner circle.

7. Don’t call up what you can’t put down. Always always ALWAYS have a banishing spell ready, and be sure to start small. Practice with a simple Pikachu before you go summoning Arceus. And keep that banishing spell handy during the vetting period! Many spirit workers suggest doing a banishing spell after every summoning unless you plan on letting the spirit stay permanently. It’s also always a good idea to have some kind of restraint the first few times you call on a spirit, even if it’s just a circle of salt. Personally I like to keep one of my stronger spirit family members around to babysit the new guys.

8. Always stay protected. Shield spells are your best friends. Use them. Keep them updated. There is never a reason to not be shielded. There is also never a reason to not have your house protected. At least once a month, update your wards, cleanse and banish everything, and recharge your home’s energy. Don’t worry, you can set your wards to whitelist your approved spirit family and any specific spirits you want to lure in, but it’s best to not allow just anyone in off the street. Consider placing sigils around to mark your territory as your own, or you may find someone or something trying to move in and claim your house for themselves! 

9. Know the facts about spirit attacks. The first rule is that you’re probably NOT being attacked. If you have to think “Was that a spirit? Am I being attacked?” you’re definitely not being attacked. Spirits are empowered by your fear, they WANT you to know they’re attacking you. One time when I was attacked, the spirit broke my rainbow fountain right in front of me in a way that made both separate lights simultaneously only glow blood red. That doesn’t just happen. And then they immediately and obviously tried to pull me out of my body so they could take it over. The other two times, the spirits tried so hard to suck me out of my body that it made me disoriented and felt like someone was vacuuming my head while my body felt cold. Spirit attacks are always obvious because they’re trying to scare you. Which leads to the second rule: NEVER PANIC. The more afraid you are, the more power they have over you. Stay calm, put up a shield, call a trusted alley to aid you, and banish their ass to next week. Remember, most spirits who attack are just bullies looking for a new toy to torment. Even a simple “fuck off” can give them the message you’re not worth the trouble.

10. Be prepared before opening up to possession. Possession is real, and it can be dangerous. With a trusted ally, it’s tons of fun, and you can even ask them to handle things like chores for you. With literally anyone else, you’re putting your life at risk. There is nothing stopping a strong enough spirit from throwing you off the nearest bridge. The good news is that forced, full possession is rare. The bad news is it can still happen, and it’s very hard to stop when it does. This is why it’s so important to vet your spirit allies before allowing them close to you, ESPECIALLY before letting them possess you. If a spirit shows any sign of not respecting your boundaries, get them the hell out of your life. Luckily, partial possession is much more common (when you’re still in control but either being influenced, or only your limbs are moving without your input). This version can be fought off via internal struggle or countered with a cleansing spell or an ally’s help.

11. Get creative with offerings. Offerings are Spiritwork 101. You won’t be getting a lot of help from spirits if you don’t pay them back. But the important part is knowing exactly what to give them. There are certainly things that are standard, and things that are easy enough to guess (Moon water for the moon goddess, flowers for the nature spirit, etc.) But the best offerings are ones that are personal, creative, and meaningful. Your fairy friend probably has a thousand flowers, but have they tried your pancakes? Would your familiar like a friendship bracelet in their favorite color? Hell, does your ancient ancestor want to try Starbucks? Also note that offerings can be experiences, not just gifts. Some spirits love to hear new music. Jevil loves to possess me and play games, or even just watch me play them. And Seam likes to be cuddled while he possesses a body pillow, or to be read to. The better you get to know your spirit friends, the more ways you’ll find to make them happy.

12. Recognize a spirit calling, but don’t answer them all. As you progress in spirit work, you’ll start receiving “spirit callings”. Callings are different for everyone, but they’re generally feelings of obsession over a certain spirit. You may find yourself thinking “everything would be okay if X was here” when you’re having a bad day. You may find yourself wanting to know everything about them. You might notice signs of them, such as feathers if they have wings.  If it’s a pop culture spirit, you may start obsessively tracking down fanworks of them. If you can’t get a spirit out of your mind, you’re probably being called! This means that good things could happen if you work with this spirit (though it does NOT mean the relationship will last forever!). However, this doesn’t mean you should answer ever single calling. It’s always important to know your limits. If you already have lots of spirits hanging around, adding one more won’t benefit you or them, no matter how strongly you’re called to them. Remember, there will always be another calling. 

13. Know your limits. Speaking of which, remember that you’re responsible for your spirits, and you should never take on more than you can handle. Spirit hoarding is a real thing, and it’s harmful to everyone involved. Know how many spirits you can handle at once, and know how close you can get to each of them. My astral temple is designed to let dozens of spirits come and go as they please, but of those, I’m only comfortable getting truly close to exactly two at a time. There is no shame in letting a spirit you no longer need go before bringing in a new one. There is also no shame in not being perfect. If you need some space for a few days, take it. If all you can muster today is a halfhearted “hello” to your familiar, do it. Your spirit allies will always be there waiting once you’re feeling better. If they’re true allies, they’ll understand if you’re not feeling well and need some time to yourself.

[juminly]

The Death of Me (Nobunaga x Reader)

Fandom: Ikémen Sengoku.  Pairing: Nobunaga Oda x F!Reader.  Summary: After being away from you for a while, Nobunaga finally comes back... and he misses you so.

Rating: Explicit. (Minors, DNI)

Warnings: Fingering, Teasing, Nipple Play, Dom/Sub Undertones, Slight Exhibitionism, Very Very Light Choking, Dirty Talk, Marking, Implied Oral Sex, Outdoor Sex, Doggy-Style.  –♥– ”Why is my queen looking up at the midnight sky when she should be waiting and watching the woods, seeking my arrival?”

His low husky voice swept into your ears without warning, it was unclear whether it was the sudden gust of wind that sent your skin shivering or if it was the sensation of having your Devil King pressed against your back, hovering behind you as he settled his chin on your shoulder and his hands found home on the top of your thighs. You knew better than that, feeling the minuscule movement of his hands as they began to travel up your body. He murmured against the column of your throat but all you wanted to know was if your Nobu was safe and sound and if his mission was successful. When you parted your lips to speak, the way his name fell from your lips in an inquisitive tone, your lover knew exactly what you were going to say and what was going through your mind and reassuring you was absolutely his top priority before anything else. He was still human after all and you would fear for his life, even from a mere cold and he has seen it with his own two bloody eyes.

“Tsk, when all my victories are sure and certain, my Queen, you worry about such trivial matter when it seems that my apparent claims of territoires that are exclusively mine and occupied by myself have been fading?” His hands meandering over your supple curves squeezed your small waist, right over the obi that had the kimono you were wearing tied together, tearing your mind away, wondering what your Devil King was talking about and what he was planning to do to you.

"I suppose my fireball is due for a reminder since she's been fiery enough to be wearing my clothes upon my unexpected return." The heat of his breath increased as you felt his lips part against your skin, his teeth grazing ever so gently before sinking into your flesh as he soon sucked on you as gently as he could. Not.

This was only a preamble to what he had planned for you and having spent over a week away from you already had him reeling and aching for a taste of you. The thought finally clicking in you brain, the blemishes that clearly marked you as Nobu's were no longer there. And the thought did not please him in the slightest. However, there was a silver lining. Now he could claim you over again, as he had many times before. As he will continue to do so as long as he is able to breathe.

Sucking in your breath with an audible hiss, you could feel the blood rushing through your veins as Nobu began so diligently marking very visible spots, tactically choosing the lands in which he wanted his claim to be the most apparent. His breathing seemed to be controlled yet you could feel his heart beating fast, hard and strong against your back, his hands were now cupping your breasts, over the fabric of the kimono of his that you had so brazenly worn, the same kimono that you had worn from the desire of wanting to be surrounded by them, the feeling of having him on you, his scent... anything of his.

It was all you needed, especially when he was away. You looked beyond delectable to him...The fact that you were dressed in a piece of apparel of his taunted him in inexplicable ways, especially since you did so when he had been away. What were the thoughts that you had of him when he was away? Were you thinking of him as much as he had been thinking of you? There had been so many thoughts whirling through his mind even as he had been so immersed in his role as King during his mission, yet deep down, nothing could change the fact that he was your lover and he would yearn for you, in any time, any place. He was irrevocably yours and the way you had occupied not only his heart and soul but his mind as well spoke volumes. Someone had to pay and it had be both of you.

His lips were ruthless on your skin, visible dusky spots appearing in his wake as his tongue teased your earlobe as he sucked on it ever so gently and whispered in your ear. "Is my queen glad that I have returned or maybe we shall allow your body to speak for you, hm?" Tracing a wet trail over the seams of your earlobe before speaking once again, every word from him blowing on it and eliciting the slightest of trembles while his calculated motions only caused the sleeves of the kimono to slowly fall off your shoulders, slowly but surely exposing more of your chest, the fabric barely even covering your breasts.

He could feel your pebbled nipples as he gently brushed his fingers over your breasts, the hardened beads noticeable even through the barrier that had dared to separate you from your lover and almost, excruciatingly so, he finally allowed the fabric to fall and unveil what you both sought.You wanted nothing more than his hands on you and he wouldn't even fathom the thought of depriving you of that wish.

Finally, his calloused fingers flicked over the sensitive pebbles while he palmed at the tenderness of your mounds, every part of you hanging on every word he spoke as you were aching to turn around and be utterly consumed by crimson, a pool of darkened blood that had every ounce of your being screaming in yearning. You knew the moment you looked upon it, you would then be rendered completely helpless, not that you already were. You were lying to yourself. As you tried to wriggle in his grasp, wanting to act upon your thoughts, Nobu pinched you, hard enough to elicit a small gasp from you and gentle enough not to hurt you.

"Nobu, please. Let me hold you. I've missed you and I want to just.."  Pushing you against him as he pressed you against the railing of the balcony, you couldn't help but squeal, a surge of adrenaline mixing with the desire rushing through you. "You better not let me go, Nobu. I've waited long for you. Let me have you first and then you can let me go."

Nobu chuckled, the resounding sound making your heart fluttering with happiness as if it were a bell that chimed in reaction to the blissful echo coming from the depth of his throat. ”My fireball has enough energy to tease me even in a compromising situation such as this.”

Finally turning you around, you were finally able to lay your eyes upon your lover. Finally taking him in, knowing that he was safe, knowing that he was back where he belonged, in your arms. You were expecting to see that devilish smirk of his, that expression that made your skin tingle and a deep knot being tied so tightly in your stomach. Yet, you were welcomed by a serene smile and eyes shining with emotions that you could only identify as affection and adoration. Bringing your hands to cradle his face, he leaned down and greeted you with an enrapturing kiss, his tongue stripping you from any thought that wasn't of him in your mind while one of his, hastily slid over your midsection and over the obi that was the only piece that kept the kimono on you, traveling down to smooth his hand over the apex of your thigh.

A deep chuckle resounded from his chest. You, out of everyone in Japan, being able to read his mind on specific occasions and especially in intimate ones, knew what he was thinking and aiming for. As he pressed himself harder against you, pinning you against the railing so you couldn't even move, even if you wanted to, the imprint of his hardness becoming imminent as you felt it probing your waist but you were far more distracted by what he planned to do with those fingers that had been teasing the softness of your inner thigh.

Right when you broke the kiss to catch your breath, Nobu pushed two fingers inside you and curled them immediately, caressing your inner walls and watching you with a fierce gaze, with bated breath that matched yours. “I know how the fire of impatience burns within you, love, I can tell by feeling how wet you are for me. But patience..." His smile grew wider as he watched your back arch and your mouth fall open as he easily slid in a third finger inside you.

"You shall find what you seek. See, I have all the intention to ravish you after I watch you fuck yourself with my fingers and tell me how much you have longed for me in my absence. Move, my love. I want to see your hips thrusting down on my fingers, bringing yourself over the edge, using me just for your own pleasure." One of your hands gripped his hair tightly when the other scratched at the skin of his nape, not even eliciting a wince from him as he watched you with a pleased smiled while you hump his hand, his thumb finally joining to drive you even closer to your climax.

"May the past lie in the past yet I can’t help but find myself curious and jealous of the thought of you not thinking about me the way I’ve been thinking about you. I’ve rode miles before my men as I left them to rest just so I can be here with you, my warrior Queen." Noticing how you had bitten your lips, the influx of sensations coursing through you, your legs quivering and barely managing to keep you standing, your grip around his shoulders even loosening as your strength is slowly drained out of you with the sheer intensity of your desire. His lips crashed down on yours, biting your lower lip and prying your mouth open, taking in the delicious sweet and soft moans that you were making in your kiss.Taking your breath away, his lips still hovered against yours, his eyes now even closer to yours, an unmistakable yearning in them.

"This nonsense of you being my future Queen than actually being my Queen is nothing I want to hear from you. Especially when you know the power you hold over me. People know you as The Queen that reins over the Devil King himself and that is not something that I'm saying.” What he told you were not just mere words, coming from him, they meant more, they weighed so heavily on your heart as you continue to get more acquainted with how deep his love truly runs for you. Brushing his lips gently across your cheeks, he whispered in your ear.

"It is what the people say. And I can tell you... It's true." And that's when you snapped. Your vision blurred as the waves of pleasure came crashing down on you, your core clamping down on his fingers which he was now pumping in you, helping you ride out the aftershock of what was just the prelude of the night. And he wasn't going to stop there.

"You're going to turn around for me, Queen of mine and let me fuck right under the midnight sky, so that the Heavens can look upon us and watch me as I claim you as mine and no one has a single say in it but me... and you." He spoke as he licked your slickness that dripped from his fingers, his attitude as haughty as it had always been but there was so much more in it than that. The vulnerability dripped from every word he said, the way the crimson of his eyes shined for comfort, for solace that he could find within and with you.

Removing your hands from around his shoulders, he brought of your hands to his lips, kissing your hands and your palms before turning you around and placing them on the rails of the balcony. "Since you had so eagerly took it upon yourself to decorate your body with a kimono of mine, you will not be taking it off until I am through with you." Pushing the fabric of the kimono to the side and exposing the lower half of your body to the cold wind, shivers ran over your skin but soon, you would have enough to warm you up.

"Nobu, I don't think I can stan... Ahh..." With a swift thrust, your King had completely sheathed himself inside you and began rocking his hips against yours, the slap of his skin against your behind joining the chiming of the cicadas that accompanied you in your intimate reunion. Your slick from your previous release only aided him in thrusting in and out of you at an intense pace, each time he plunged deep inside of you, the head of his cock would brush that sweet spot of yours and your body rocking forward with the sheer force of your warrior.

One of his hands were wrapped around your neck when the other had been placed on your lower stomach, his middle finger running incoherent and cruel circles over your sensitive nub. By the end of that night, you knew that you would be shaking from overstimulation and it was clearly bound to happen. Squeezing his hand around your throat briefly, Nobunaga growled against your neck. "Right after I'm done fucking you on the balcony, I'm going to carry you to my room and you're going to show me exactly what you were thinking of doing to me while I was gone." He chuckled lightly and kissed your cheek, the gesture almost a little too sweet for what he was doing to you. Completely and utterly wrecking your body.

"I'm going to watch you 'bounce on my dick' as you always say in the middle of your sleep, your naughty thoughts always revealing themselves to me. Shamelessly. And I wouldn't accept otherwise. Just like how your body tells me how much you want me. Your cunt is milking my cock so good... Gods... What are you doing to me?"

Gripping you a tad bit tighter, he turned your head so he could kiss you senseless, his hold on you the only thing keeping you both seemingly grounded. "You'll suck both your cum and mine off me, looking at me with those fiery eyes as you devour me whole and show me how determined you are to make me weak for you. Hah... Before I... take you all over again... Until you are completely spent. Don't you know how weak for you I am, my love? You... If I'll allow anything or anyone to be the death of me, it would be you..."

Only you... –♥– Tagging: @delicateikemenmemes, @sweetlittlemouse come get your man... again hehe.  Please feel free to leave some love in the comments or some feedback!💜 You can also check out my Masterlist ! 

[missallsundayyy]

Could you write a story where Law takes Robin's first time and she's first all hesitant and shy about it? But he really can't control himself. Just read all your stories in your masterlist and my gosh it's beautiful

I TRIED MY VERY BEST TO WRITE THIS AND THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORIES I APPRECIATE IT ALOT 🥺❤️ PORN WITHOUT PLOT BCOS IM GOING STRAIGHT FOR IT. Thank you for requesting this fic i’ll try to cater to every request because I KNOWWW THE FEELING LIKE I GOT YOU! I even have a perfect picture to match the plot of the story xx

RESEARCH

“You’re a damn tease woman..” he scowled while attacking her neck giving wet open kisses all the way down to her collarbone. “I can’t hold myself back if you’re going to wear provocative outfits” he said, palming her left breast roughly.

“Mhmm la-law...please..” she whispered. He chuckled ceasing his actions, “You know how hard It was to convince your crew to let me borrow their beloved archeologist….to help me decipher my research…” he stopped to look at the now bare and naked beauty below him, her face away from him Her nipples were perky and erected and not to mention the size of her breast...it was enormous almost covered her whole entire face which was now looking at anything but him. She was shy and he most definitely didn’t expect this from the confident and collected Nico Robin. It was a whole nother persona right in front of him and he was enjoying every second of it. The woman below him could easily use her devil fruit powers and snap every bone he has and stop him but no...every touch he placed on her body made her caved into him. Her body sensitivity was heightened for him, his touch, his kisses and his presence. “ fuckk look at you, you’re so beautiful underneath me, bare like this and on my sheets.” he grunt, his boner was evident and growing harder and larger by the second.

“Baka! Don’t say embarrassing things like that” she squeaked out turning to face the pirate captain. He laughed “Your crew gave me only 2 days with you and at this rate i think i’ll use it to fuck you senseless here in my room since you prefer to be in here more. Maybe I'll take you in my operating room tool so that I could always remember you when we’re apart.” he said confidently.

Needless to say the historian’s face was beet in colour, she was embarrassed by his bold words and never did she expected Trafalgar Law to have such a foul mouth.

“La--law-kun, i--” Robin stuttered, finding it hard to put her words together. He has her right where he wants her and she is starting to get hesitant like could she even handle him. Maybe it was a bad idea to tease him too much. He had always known her ways of flirting with him but she guessed when she broke into his room in a white spaghetti strapped top that literally does nothing to hide her enormous breast with a pair of jean shorts to sneak around his room and see his personal collection of books he owned was apparently the last straw for him.

“Look at you, the pirate goddess with 130million berries, a strong willed woman with an extraordinary beam of confidence and elegance...looking so reticent and self conscious right below me.” Law said with a smirk lifting one finger to bring her chin up, facing her to him. “Don’t be shy with me Nico-ya, you’re the only woman that has successfully made me so riveted. Your beauty has captivated me since the day I first saw you and can you imagine how keen I was to know you when I found out how smart, wise and pacific you are.”

Robin was touched by his confession and before she could reply he continued “I like you Nico-ya. I like you so much and I’ll make you feel so good and I will only put you and your pleasure first.” His fingers were already ghosting her entrance that was already slick and wet, she was so horny for him and was solely turned on with just his voice and also mostly with how Law presents himself. He was in short, Robin’s type.

“So wet…..all for me” he slipped one digit in and she threw her head back with a whine.

“M...more please, go faster!” she moaned softly bringing her palms to cover her mouth. He smiled and added three of his fingers in all the way and lunged all digits in a quick and hot pace, he was fingering her and she wasn’t mentally prepared for such swift and agile pace because when she asked him to be fast she didn’t THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FAST. She missed the part where she was a complete total virgin but of course she wasn't entirely innocent either. She was still a woman with sexual needs but sexual intercourse was never relevant to her since she was dead focused with her life goal. She never did thought that pleasure would feel this fucking good or maybe because its him that's bestowing it. Law had awakened her needs and reminded her that aside everything else she needed this and she deserved intimacy and she deserved to be touched and pleasured.

Her vision was clouded with a layer of tears, her mind was hazy and she was on cloud 9 and he was only doing the bare minimum. He brought his hands and gripped her neck, bringing her back to reality.

“Feel good my love? Look at me c'mon..” when she locked eyes with the doctor she felt her insides throb more and not just from the invasion of his fingers. She could feel her juices gushing out and dripping on his hands from the way his knuckles or hand would ever so bump the side of her thighs. “Hhh-hai! Feels so...mhmmmm full” her eyes couldn’t take the intense pleasure anymore she had to break their gaze and her eyes fluttered and closed momentarily and he took the opportunity and dived face first into her wet hole and gave her a viscous long hard lick.

Robin’s eyes flew wide open with her both hands instinctively grabbing his shoulders and hair pulling it roughly.

“Ohhh!” she moaned out and he was eating her out vigorously, she was a lost cause the moment his mouth made contact with her pussy. He made her a moaning hot mess, her fingers raked his scalp, pulling and tugging his hair softly while pressing his face deeper into her cunt, ushering him to go intensely because she feels her high coming...and then…. He heard him groaned out and she moaned loudly. A burst of energy surged throughout her body, it was exhilarating, almost current like, she felt her orgasm ripping through. Was it cum? No...she didn’t think it was so what the hell was that feeling.

“Fuuuckk.” she heard him swore and she felt him stopping his assault on her. Her eyes fluttered open and her vision returned to her slowly and it slowly processed his face that was covered in strings of milky white liquid, he was taken aback by the sudden orgasm and didn’t expect her to even squirt from his tongue and fingers. Shit. Her body sprung up and her panic mode was on, she was beyond embarrassed and mortified she didn’t even know she was capable of squirting and she was now telling him how sorry she was, basically having a word vomit which was very out of character for Robin to be anything but calm and collected. But out of all the apologies and her trying to explain herself, he only caught and focused on one thing she had accidentally let slip out.

“First time..?? You m-mean? You’ve never done this Nico-ya?” Law’s lust was now uncontrollable, knowing that he was going to be Robin’s first and he would have the honour and pleasure of deflowering the beauty and the best part, this was all in his bedroom and he would always have the memory of his first time with her even when they were apart.

Robin shied away from his question and shunned her face away...this only confirmed Law’s question. Such a fierce woman and now was timid and innocent looking, all just for him. His feral and dominant side took over him and he grabbed Robin’s hands and pinned her completely down. Hands on both sides interlocked with each other in a death grip, he was literally panting from lust and he was turned on beyond words not to mention his cock was PAINFULLY hard and if he didn’t bury himself in her he would burst anytime soon.

“You’re so fucking cute.” he groaned at her facial expression. “I’ll make you feel good my love” he ended all talking there and plunged himself all the way in and because of how fucking wet her pussy was from the foreplay before it didn’t hurt her at all, strange because it was anything BUT pain. Robin had read in books how painful it was for women but all she felt was extreme and overwhelming amounts of pleasure. “Oh my god!” she screamed when he sheathed himself roughly into her and went in a god like pace.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck so tight!” he groaned and dipped his head down and took her mouth in his and they kissed, it was sloppy and borderline nasty and the sounds emitting from their kiss alone screamed HORNY. Robin was enjoying every second of this, she had never had sex and her first time was with the man that she was slowly falling for and someone she found so hot and attractive. All hesitance and shyness was thrown out the damn window when he took her roughly like this and she was a moaning mess, and her moans was music to his ears, it was so inviting and sultry he could literally fuck her the whole night. His cock reached all the right places and it was perfect for her pretty cunt, going in and out at a monstrous pace yet managing to stimulate her walls so well and hitting all the right nerves. He could hear the gushing and sloshing sound from their connection and how his precum was mixing with her own juices was now sopping out from her hole, fuck what an erotic sight.

“Ah...ahhhh law..please, oh my g--law ha... it feels so hot---” her hands fought his gripped and flew free and she gripped his shoulder for support and her hips rocked harder and towards his thrusts. Her mouth opened wide, head thrown back in bliss and Law buried his face on the crook of her neck and he fucked her hard for god knows how long because they were both so clouded with lust and both chasing their own high. “I’m goin--fuck...im going to fill you up like this if you keep clenching around my cock like that Nico-ya!”

“In me pp-pplease spill it in me, don’t pull out...ha ha ah ah! I-i’m go..going to cuum!” her legs shook and she vibrated in frenzy when her second high overcame her soul once again. She came with a loud cry and ropes and ropes of milky white cum gushed out from her sloppy hole making spurt sounds in addition to Law’s cock abusing her hole all the sound waves was heightened to him, his view of her large breast bouncing from their rocking, her hands holding and hugging onto him for dear life, her face contort to absolute pleasure, mouth wide open, moaning hotly and panting for air. She was so lewd right now and he knew there was no other woman that could take him like this and there was no woman he would rather pleasure than Nico Robin.

“F..fuck take it take it take it!” he grunted in her chest and came hard, shooting his load into her, painting her walls white and staining her innocence right there and then. “Ahh! I--its too full Law!!” she screamed loudly and both of them were sure that his crew could hear everything they were doing right now but he couldn’t care less. They both continued and rode through their highs and orgasm until they were satiated.

That night, they spent the whole night making love but mostly hard raw fucking, he explored every part of her and touched her in so many aspects and way possible. She lost count of how many times she cummed and how many cosmic orgasms she felt. He pleasured her like no other and he had branded sex with him into her very soul.

The bedsheet was now a MESS, it was stained with cum, sweat and saliva and it was fucking sinful to even get his ship’s cleaner to clean this mess for him. Law had fully exhausted himself and the goddess underneath him was close to passing out from all the fucking they did but he wouldnt let her drift asleep without cleaning her up properly.

“I’ve run a warm bath for us Nico-ya, let me clean you up properly and then i’ll rub you to sleep okay?” Law said lovingly while scooping her up bridal style, he was gentle with her knowing she was going to be sore everywhere, she was extremely brilliant for him and put up with his pleasurable abuse so of course she was receiving royalty like aftercare.

~BONUS~

“Neh Robin! Are you okay? You seem to be limping ever since you came back from your stay” Chopper asked worriedly.

“Fufufu don’t worry, it was just a little accident on the Polar Tang but Law-kun had already taken care of it” Robin assured her nakama. Chopper smiled “Well! If Law said it's fine then you should be okay soon Robin!” With that the little reindeer walked away finding Usopp who was fishing for their dinner.

Nami who was listening to their conversation wasn't buying her story one bit “So you and the captain of the Heart Pirates are boning each other huh Robin?” The orange- haired navigator hugged her best friend from behind, “We let you go for two days and you finally decide to make your move on him” Nami teased.

Robin giggled “I think he suits me well don’t you think so Nami?”

“Well you know what this means...girls night!!” Nami exclaimed, dragging Robin for an afternoon sun tan.

[beyondspaceandstars]

While You Sleep

Chapter 6

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Reader Warnings: mainly fluffy, brief mentions of violence Summary: Soulmate!AU - Throughout life, you’re given glimpses of your soulmate through dreams. As you sleep, memories flash in your mind showing you the life your soulmate has lived. Everyone around you raves about how their soulmate reads great books or volunteers in their spare time. But you can’t relate as your dreams end up being more like nightmares. Through initial images of death and violence, you come to learn your soulmate is the Winter Soldier.

(a/n: this was probably the most fun chapter for me to write so far it just came out so cute and sweet i think!! also super sorry all my energy has been focused on this fic i haven’t written many other one shots or anything i just really am getting into this story!)

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

When you woke up the next day, something new was in the air. Everything felt lighter, a bit more relaxed. You actually felt refreshed for what seemed like the first time in your life. As dramatic as it sounds, it was unreal. 

You sat up in bed, taking in the morning without the dread. Sure, prior to your dream last night there were bits of chaos still lurking. You couldn’t ignore it and it certainly was not going to go away overnight but everything had shifted, and you could at least appreciate what lulled you to sleep. 

You sighed, almost looking off into a daydream like a lovestruck school girl. You had seen Bucky in such a normal fashion just sitting in his bed reading. You didn’t know when exactly the memory had been from but that didn’t matter. It was something without violence, it was a real look at him. He was so content as he focused on the book...

But you didn’t have the time to sit around pondering about your soulmate’s hobbies forever. You still had a life to get on with. 

Despite your body’s reluctance, you lugged yourself out of bed and started getting your work uniform together. There was a bit of pep in your step, a complete contrast to just a few weeks ago when you were pulling yourself around holding on to the last bit of will you had. It was insane what one meeting with a soulmate could do. Maybe you now understood everyone’s fuss over it.

You redid your hair and touched up your makeup before packing your bag for the day. Once your sneakers were on and you felt actually good (the most glorious feeling, you thought), you headed out your apartment door. 

As you were making your way down the stairs, you noticed someone was waiting by the building’s entrance. You rarely ever saw people around the space so the figure stunned you a bit. As you walked closer, though, you recognized that shoulder-length brown hair.

“Bucky?” You said, surprised, as you opened the lobby door. He turned around, greeting you with a warm smile.

“Good morning.” He spoke so casually as if he always stood outside your apartment waiting for you.

“Everything okay?” You asked, suddenly worried his presence here wasn’t as cheery as he was leading on.

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, I just came to walk you to work if that’s okay.”

Your jaw dropped slightly. “Walk me to work? W-Why?”

Bucky shifted his stance slightly as if suddenly embarrassed. “Because I think that’s something that, uh… that…”

“Soulmates,” you said, finishing his sentence. Bucky looked relieved at that. “That’s something soulmates do?”

He chuckled at the little smirk you were giving him. Your heart felt so full at the thought of Bucky wanting to walk you to work, make sure you got there safe and everything. Maybe even check out the area where you spent most of your days. 

“You can say no, of course.”

You shook your head. “I’m flattered you want to walk me.”

At your acceptance, Bucky extended his elbow for you to take. You giggled as your hand wrapped around his arm and you two began on the route. You were too giddy to look back up at Bucky, even though you could feel him sneaking glances at you, so you turned your attention to his arm. Surprisingly, it was the metal one he had offered to you. While most of it was covered by the sweater he wore, his hand was still peaking out of the sleeve. You stared down at it, curiously, watching the light bounce off the material and listening to the little groans it made as his fingers moved every now and then. 

“It’s not going to hurt you,” Bucky said suddenly, making you jump. You quickly pulled your gaze away, opting instead to look up at him. Your heart sank at the tinge of worry behind his eyes. 

You shook your head as your cheeks warmed in embarrassment. “I didn’t think it would,” you confessed, honestly. “I just think it’s interesting.”

He hummed, unsure. “Interesting?”

A sudden uneasiness fell over you as you found yourself maybe crossing lines now. Sure, you had seen here and there in the nightmares what the arm had done, but you also could see that wasn’t what it was doing right now. Right now it wasn’t a weapon, a danger. It was a guide for you, physically bringing you a tad bit closer to your soulmate. 

“Well, yeah,” you shrugged. You had to choose your words carefully, you thought. “I don’t have to tell you this but it’s unlike anything else out there. It’s powerful. Seems very strong, as well. Probably… Probably has seen a lot but you extended it towards me showing you’re at least a little comfortable with it,” A pause. “I-I don’t think it defines you if that’s what you’re worried about, despite how it’s -- how you -- have been weaponized.”

Bucky didn’t respond at first, making your heart plummet. Had you actually burnt this entire thing down in less than twenty-four hours? You two fell into silent steps as you continued your path to work.

As you rounded a corner, just when you were about to spontaneously tell him it was okay if he never wanted to see you again, Bucky finally spoke up.

“Have you seen the things I’ve done?”

“I’ve read some articles-,”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You brought yourself to a stop on the sidewalk. Bucky halted beside you and shook off your grip. You frowned at the action but didn’t acknowledge it any further. 

“I don’t think it matters what I’ve seen,” you said, a bit of confidence finally mustered up in your tone. It was true, too. Over the past few hours, you hadn’t seen anything from the nightmares that aligned with the actual Bucky in front of you. “We can discuss this another time but I promise you, Bucky, I’m only focusing on what I see right now. Right now I see a man who voluntarily woke up at a ridiculous hour just so he could surprise me and walk me to work. It’s incredible.”

Bucky’s eyes were faintly glossing over, threatening to cry. You didn’t know what to do other than take his hand, intertwining your touch with his metal one. He accepted it, wordlessly. With a nod, you got back on your walking route to the shop. 

“Thank you, doll,” Bucky said just above a whisper. You nearly missed it. Your heart did somersaults as you registered the words.

You two fell into more silence until you decided you needed to lighten the mood. You weren’t letting him drop you off at work like this. 

“Now,” you said, clearing your throat as your own tears had just about formed, “how did you spend the rest of your night?”

Bucky shrugged. “Nothing crazy,” he sighed. “I did some reading before bed.”

“Hmm.” Your interest had been peaked. You thought back to the little dream you had last night, portraying a very studious Bucky. You figured that while it was recent, it wasn’t from last night (dreams rarely ever came through that quick), making you now curious of his reading choices. “Interesting. Wouldn’t have taken you for a reader. What’s the book about?”

He let out a breathy chuckle. “Some new science fiction series Steve picked up for me,” Bucky explained. “I’m not too far into it but I think it has something to do with time traveling.”

You nearly laughed. You thought back to how the nightmares you had been getting recently were all over the place as if you were on your own time-traveling journey -- only it was the cruelest way possible. Fate was such a character. 

“Is that the kind of books you prefer? Science fiction?”

Bucky nodded, “Guess I’ve always been interested in all that science stuff.”

That science stuff. You giggled. “I’ll keep that in mind,” you said. “I’ve fallen a bit out of reading but I’d love to get your recommendations one day.”

“I’m not exactly well versed in all the books out there.” Because he had missed so much -- there was always that unspoken fact in every other thing he said. You wished you could coax him out of that habit but that didn’t seem possible right now. I

“Well, good thing I’m not looking to know about all the books,” you smiled, looking up at him, “I’m just looking to know about your books. Whatever comes across your radar that you end up loving, I’d like to hear about it.”

Bucky returned the smile. “What did you do with the rest of your night?”

“Nothing really,” you shrugged, turning your focus back to the sidewalk ahead of you. “I fell asleep pretty much right after getting home.”

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you. From the corner of your vision, you could see a bit of a frown on his lips. 

“You didn’t do anything?”

You shook your head.

“No hobbies or anything?”

You sighed. “I’m usually just too tired or too into work to do very much. Last night had been… Overwhelming for me, I think. When it was over, I was exhausted. All of me, body and mental.”

You felt Bucky’s thumb start rubbing soothing patterns on the back of your hand. Your breath caught a bit in your throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean for you to get overwhelmed.”

You began shaking your head profusely, “No, no, it’s not your fault, Bucky,” you insisted, “I psyched myself out a bit, I think.”

He let out a long sigh at that. “Well, you shouldn’t do that anymore,” he said, so sincerely. “I never want to bring you pain or worry, okay? That shouldn’t be what… we do.”

“We do?” You looked up at him but he had already turned away. “Oh, you mean what soulmates do.”

“The word still gets caught on the tip of my tongue.”

Your cheeks started feeling hot. “I understand.”

As the conversation faded, your coffee shop came into view. You two stopped outside it. Glancing in the window, you made eye contact with your coworker who had just begun setting up for the day. Her eyes got wide as she realized who the man was behind you. Her shock promptly morphed into excitement.

You turned back to Bucky. “Thank you for accompanying me.”

He flashed you a smile, making your heart just absolutely dissolve. “Of course,” he said. “Anyday, anytime. I’d be happy to accompany you anywhere.”

You were shamelessly full-on blushing, once again feeling like a ridiculous school girl. You had to avert your gaze as Bucky’s eyes on you were making you feel all sorts of things in these fluffy moments. 

With a pointless nod and no more words, you turned to face the coffee shop entrance. One hand on the handle, you stood there. Just holding it. You could hear Bucky walking away. 

Fuck it, you thought. 

You quickly turned back around and dashed to catch up with him. He was walking so leisurely as if he expected this. You called out his name and he whipped around promptly, looking as if he was fighting back another smile. 

“Here,” you said as you grabbed a napkin and pen from your bag and scribbled down your phone number. “It’s my number in case you want to, I don’t know, text me or call or something.” 

He took the napkin gently as if it was the most precious gem in the world seconds away from shattering. With a nod, Bucky responded, “Sure, doll. Thank you.”

You smiled, giving him a nod back. That wasn’t all, though. You had another caution to throw into the wind. Quickly, you placed your hand on Bucky’s shoulder and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. It was so fast you barely had time to register your own movement but Bucky definitely picked up on it. Now his face was the one with a tinge of warm color coming up on it.

“Have a good shift.” It was all Bucky seemed capable of saying as he shot you a wider smile, eyes softening at your nervous form. Before you could respond anymore, prolonging this weird but sweet goodbye for the day, he resumed his walk back. 

As feelings of all sorts washed over, you headed back to the coffee shop where you finally entered… And was greeted by your coworker standing in front of the entrance, arms crossed, staring you down.

“Good morning,” you said, avoiding eye contact and trying to get around her. She stepped in your path.

“Was that…” You nodded before she could finish the words. She broke out into a surprise fit of giggles. “You met him?” She asked in disbelief. 

You nodded. “Last night. We had dinner and he walked me home. It was very nice.” You kept it short and sweet, not feeling like gossiping about something so fresh. But you also secretly wanted to just throw everything out there. It was exciting, it was new. Overall, though, it felt great. 

Your coworker let out gasps, almost in awe. “That’s so exciting,” she said. “Is he, like, nice? Anything like-,”

You shook your head quickly, making her cut off her words. “He’s nothing like…” You didn’t want to say them anymore. Well, at least for right now. You knew a talk with Bucky about it all had to be coming but you want to push it aside for now. “He’s wonderful. A true gentleman. He showed up this morning to walk me to work. What man nowadays would do that?” You chuckled, almost in your own state of disbelief. “Plus, he’s kind of fascinating. Unexpected, even. Would you have guessed he’s a reader?”

You made your way farther into the shop, discarding your bag and throwing on an apron. You began wiping down the counters as your coworker followed. 

“He sounds almost… normal?”

You stopped your movement, taking in that observation. You finally nodded in agreement. Yeah, you guessed that so far he was kind of normal. At least, personality-wise. 

After a moment you said, “I think I’m glad I didn’t try to move on.”

Despite not looking at her, you knew your coworker wore another ridiculous, lovey smile. She was practically in awe and, you had to admit, you kind of were, too.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

taglist under construction right now, deepest apologies!