#idk i kinda hate myself rn | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

6ad6ro · 7 months ago

Text

#smashing pumpkins #rotten apples #greatest hits #vinyl #music talk #i shouldnt have bought this...#i justified it bc i got one for a friend too #and better to get this for 45 than spend 500+ on the full albums im missing #idk i kinda hate myself rn

2 notes · View notes

jrueships · 6 months ago

Text

r u the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u buy whatever little thing u want as an adult and struggle with saving for the big mandatory thing,

or the grew up poor never being able to buy the little things in life u always wanted as a kid so now u just never buy anything small bcs u had to learn to live without it and constantly try to save for the next big thing in 500 yrs

#everyones been asking what i wanted for my bday and i always say nothing #like i hate the feeling of getting somebody smthing just to get them smthing like personally #it needs to come from the heart for me. if it's for smthing big like a bday #now like getting someone a coffee judt to get them one on a random day is dif bcs it's just smthin random on a random day i can understand #but idk like as a kid into adulthood the only bday my relatives / guardians have ever celebrated was my adopted brother's n my dad's #the dad bcs hes a hyperconservative dictator lol n the older adopted bro is cus hes got higher needs #so everybody gets more money taking care of him n stuff so u gotta act like u care abt him according to the guardians #but like i never even knew bdays were that big to people. like i mean i know OTHER PEOPLES bdays are big to them #i find ppl who rlly love their bdays to be rlly cute. like i dont think theyre selfish or make fun of em cus theyre judt having fun #n like u only get one x yr bday so have fun with it!!#but for ME? my bday was never anything special n i dont think it is now #everybody feels bad or smthing for me or for not getting me nothing today but it's like?? this is the norm??? im cool with it #ive been thinking abt other stuff like i just dont have time to think abt the pleasures rn. i have to double on the pain or smthing #like my friends always laugh abt how i dont drink coffee/tea or alcohol bcs u cant be in the medical field without a lil smn smn #& it's like idk ! i like ppl that do do that kinda stuff but like! i never grew up with that & it just feels odd to do it now kinda thing #idk im very cheap but also i will use the fact that im cheap on the small stuff to justify wanting to make a big purchase #i have a weird relationship with buying things for myself vs for others like 4 others i will buy watever u want bro #sugar papi ted #hey heres this idk insert raccoon bracelet bcs u like raccoons n love wearing bracelets so i thot of u n bought it #but if i buy smthing for me it has to have a dual purpose or smthing #i got to have a free dessert today n chose the churros over the tres leches cake slicr cus u can judt make the cake #but i dont own a deep fryer so i cant make churros n storebought churros just arent the same #like im just always idk comparing or needing to know the use of things yanno #if i do smthing. i have to see it thru. & it has to have multi purpose #i mean just look at my username jrue ships or jrue's hips like #im unwell when it comes to that #idk is anyone else like this #anyways yea this whole new thing of getting stuff on one day is hard for me like it just never matches up with my time #of course ill see stuff id like to have but like. ill just make myself forget it n by the time stuff like this rolls up it's like idk #i COULD get a new laptop but i got one that works just fine. i got an ipad on its last legs but can i still turn it on? alright

28 notes · View notes

chiimeramanticore · 2 days ago

Text

waow

#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly #in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it #or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder #a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like #the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol #but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was #it was just me and brandy for a while #but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today #i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed #i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most #on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO #the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol #im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess #ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry #idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account #keyword some. i know this is tumblr #but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol #i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place #idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise #but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this #maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it #bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me

8 notes · View notes

lemongogo · 1 month ago

Text

need 2 find myself again in 2025 . tbhwu

#depression has hollowed me out in2 a shell of my former self #and i thmk i need 2 grit my teeth and just get over It whatever It is #recognizing its no easy task but also knowing i cant keep on like this #and allowing myself to spiral into misery thereby preventing any possible change or growth #sigh …. sogh .. i want 2 be a person again . picture friends circa 2008 outlining me in chalk. i want 2 know theres something there #how u ask (me asking myself)#idk but one way or anotjer . and not in that new yrs resolution fallacy way #anyways . anyways z . crazy how a week off from work will leave u feeling real again #i gotta get out of there . step 1😭🙏🙏#its especially hard when everyone arnd you is objectively doing better. partners finances purpose . >staring in2 the camera 1000 yd stare #u get thru the beast of being a teenager like thank god thats over and then b4 you even catch ur breath #your mid 20s are casting a shadow over u like some menacing thing and u have to gulp and say hes right behind me isnt he #i think people often like to give the advice that youll figure it out but it leaves me feeling so disquieted #bc its like sure im sure i will ive made it this far i can do what i need to get by when the moment matters #but it does nothing to assauge the immediate anxiety and feelings of worthlessness and lack of direction yk #goddmanit assuage i spelled it wrong everyone point and laugh #bc its like what if i dont and i mean that in a very like . existential & not material way . idk what im saying but i think thats the advice #i hate most . not sure if u have felt or do feel the same . -__- like yes oersonal experience sure whatever happens will happen and you will #simply adjust but will i ever feel like its something i want to experience/endure .#whatever anyways x2. im journalling i think that helps me the best rn . and its the one thing thats allowed me hope and i think #having that time to examine and mull over and deconstruct is rly helpful tbh. and i would like to think #over the long term i can repair my creativity and cultivate a new outlet that doesnt leave me feeling empty if i cant draw as i used to #yaar #i feel like i dont write for very long tho thats the one thing that kinda blows #two pages maybe and ive only addressed two maybe three points if im being generous lol i get so bored with the actual motion #when my mind moves 10x as fast . and idc for audio logs either ykwim.#ohh tumblr how i love u . tag system like no other

15 notes · View notes

thyfleshc0nsumed · 3 months ago

Text

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

#I love doing leather but sales have been kinda low this month #and like its definitely as a result of my relative inactivity on here plus not making much new interesting stuff y'all haven't seen before #but idk I'm feeling very uninspired creatively right now and idk #and idk I just have no fucking energy right now like just fucking zero I'm so so so so so so so so so over this I hate this #idk I just wanna fucking puke and kill myself rn I'm just so unable to manage my ADHD right now #idk #everything feels bad right now #but I don't feel like I have any energy to fix it

11 notes · View notes

valewritessss · 5 months ago

Text

This reply is hidden because you have blocked the author

“Hmm… I kind of wanna unblock just to see what they said.”

*sees everyone disagreeing and arguing with the reply*

*pats myself on the back*

#I did unblock them though #I do every single time #why am I like this #turns out it was a character anti starting problems for no reason #acting like people would agree with them for hating on a very well liked character for the stupidest reason #and I mean a really stupid insignificant reason #anyways #posting this to remind myself to just not let curiosity get the best of me next time #even though I said that last time #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #hoo #can you guess what they were anti of and why?#blocked tumblrs #my beige flag is that I love blocking people #like it’s bad #especially when I’m already pissed off #but it’s kinda good because at least I’m not arguing which I love/hate to do #annabeth chase #character antis #it’s always the character antis #I would’ve just said antis but I think that means anti proshippers right?#idk I don’t want the pro shipping discourse rn #if you scroll through my account you’ll probably find it #not me acting like anyone is gonna check lmao #I’m literally just yapping at this point #relatable #maybe

8 notes · View notes

kuiinncedes · 3 days ago

Text

akdbdndjshdf

#feel fucking crazy sometimes ugh ik rn it’s partially bc im kinda tired and i haven’t eaten #but like i do kinda wanna cry bc my friends be planning smth without me LMFAOOOOOOOOOO #it sounds so dumb :| ik it’s not tho lmfaobscbdbdndndkkdksjdhekws #i honestly just need to stop thinking and eat smth or just go to sleep bc i rly don’t feel like #making food rn lmao but #idk i like writing out my thoughts here sometimes so i think imma do that ;-;#bc like my two friends who i’ve been seeing nonstop lately mentioned getting pho w a group #and i def think i said i wanted to join #but they all like were talking abt it today and i think they started a gc to plan it and they do actually have plans #but idk shit abt it #and ik if i asked they would say i can join #but goddammit i could not bring myself to ask today #and honestly even thinking abt needing to ask makes me kinda want to cry #BRUH i wish i was over friendship exclusion bullshit #it’s this one fucking friend in middle school who made me sob a million fucking times #bc she straight up ignored me when we were w other friends #and my friends rn don’t do that #but idk being left out of this gc has made me insane ig 😀😀😀#they can’t even all fit in her car……..#idk like they also never said anything directly to me abt it even tho they were talking abt it in my vicinity #they asked someone else if she wanted to go ;-; like kinda absently but still #i hate that im complaining abt this i hate that i feel fucking crazy complaining abt this #like i can totally see a world where i just fucking ASK and my roommates like oh shit ur not in the group i didn’t realize #but also i could be deluding myself #its literally. not that deep im seeing the two of them tmrw and i can ask when im not out of my mind #ugh fucking fuck sometimes i hate relationships #but ik to some extent that these ppl like spending time w me even if its hard to believe sometimes like rn ig #but to think i have to start all over in a few months and find those ppl again #💀💀💀💀💀🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠#anyway i’m fine i need to chill and do something productive 😭😭😭😭😭

2 notes · View notes

teriiblog · 5 months ago

Text

Sometimes I have an urge to make sideblogs but I never get to them. Idk on one hand I like having my things organized but at the same time... Eh..... Sometime it get confusing.

#terii.txt #debating on making yume sideblog but like EH... EHH... i only really have one serious one (kabu) but until i actually get around to playing #swsh i wont be acting all serious (currently playing pkmn ruby for the convenience of having a lil game on my phone bc im very spoonsless)#idk idk idk. part of me wants a fresh start but like EH... i like it here.#my ass kinda scared of twt rn so i dont rlly post stuff i just lurks #and i hear abt the yumetwt whatevers there too @_@ woowoo.. scary #nyways. i also just straight up forgot abt the photography sideblog i wanted to make. idk. i miss taking photos...#i do have the url and blog but idk. its always a hassle to reupload ur works and tag them all accordingly #but hey itd be a good photography portfolio!#also bc I HATE INSTAGRAM WITH A BURNING PASSION. FUCK INSTAGRAM FUCK META 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥#nyways rant over #edit: sorry rant not over i realized i dont like doing this bc my ass never in one main fandom #like sometimes im here for years sometimes im here for like 5 months #so like i dont see myself dedicating my blog identity to one thing or brand #i hate branding im just terii

3 notes · View notes

mothjinxed · 6 months ago

Text

another vent in the tags ugh i should try and do something nice rn

#my pains got so bad again that i threw up again #it's tiring because. i can't even eat atp without worrying about whether it'll make me feel so nauseous i throw up #the doctors wanted to try another new medicine but its put straight in the rear and. shouldnt be shit out. and. yknow. IBD ....#so i obviously do shit it out like immediately ... bcus i cant help it #i probably have to call them on monday to let them know ive started throwing up too #couldnt even go upstairs today without taking breaks bcus of the stomach pains #and theres so much blood all the time #i need to. think about something to distract myself from this bcus i know i shouldnt be ashamed of my condition and i cant help it #but im ashamed anyway and im frustrated and hate myself because i cant do anything else but lie down rn. cant even sleep for the most part #i get like 2 hours sleep max in a day #i kinda wanna draw my apex oc but i suck at designs and idk how to design her clothes LMAOAOA #just wanna draw her interacting w people tbh #also i want more alter content but idk what to make #i just love her

2 notes · View notes

gregmarriage · 11 months ago

Text

currently trying to find a balance between being close friends with people and putting my all into relationships, and keeping them at arms length and it being semi casual, so i don’t hurt myself