#idk how i feel about fuck or die
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🥵 Shuake Week- Day 2 - fuck or die 🥵
in which goro is hit with a status effect and its up to joker to help him out😳💘💦
alt vers under the cut:
"oh no! crow's in danger!! joker, you've gotta help him!"💦💦
#shuakeweek2023#shuake#goro akechi#akira kurusu#persona 5#p5#a million points if you can guess where i referenced this pose from lmao#idk how i feel about fuck or die#but im a huge sucker for status ailments😳💘#crow's enraged. i kind of like it!#lol#♡♡♡♡♡♡#shitty#(< that's my art tag)
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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amazing episode EASILY one of my most favorite battle episodes of all time. How Ever is it insane of me to wish it went Just a little bit worse than it did. for the plot
#needed more riz torment LOWKEY. IM JUST SAYING. PUTS HANDS UP#HE DIDNT HAVE TO SEE FIRSTHAND THE POSESSIONS? DIDNT GET ATTACKED BY BARON PERSONALLY?#i mean i love the way kristen and adaine had those clutch loves that saved riz while he was in jawbones room but STILL#and im also glad baron didnt die. HOWEVER#IDK. HELP.#i really hope its talked about more in the ap or next episode or something#can we hear the word aromantic said out loud PLS! PLS?#aro community is Unsure how to feel?#ann bangers#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#MOVES***** MOVES. MOVES. MOVES. I DONT HAVE AUTOCORRECT ON. FUCK I DIDNT CATCH IT EARLIER#yeah loves why not they all love each other it works i guess what tha hell
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Would be waiting for acheron brainrot ramble here
Is it time for Acheron brainrot ramble? It’s time for Acheron brainrot ramble. Prepare for the most stream of consciousness post ever, I had so much fun writing this she has taken over my consciousness and puppeted me for my own ends, and commanded me to demonstrate how peak she really is. So enjoy, hopefully I can get others to love Acheron just as much as I do.
I think there are three reasons why I like Acheron 1) she’s really fucking cool 2) I love characters who guide/mentor others 3) She’s charming as hell.
Hoyo you aren’t allowed to make characters this good.
The music in her trailer, her aesthetic, the amount of fire fucking one liners. THE COLOR RED (I’ll get into it)
“Find me, your end, my origin.” Who cooked here who wrote this who’s the chef please where’s the restaurant I’m eating this up
“On the still waters of oblivion, I guide the wandering souls” GRAHAJDJWJKSSW YES YOU DO OH MY GOD I CANT PUT INTO WORDS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LINE SHUT UP EVERYONE SHUT UP. Like she literally is at the edge of existence fighting to help others find their future, I just. RAAAA
SHE CUTS A BLACK HOLE IN HALF?? HUHH AUGHH a black hole that’s the manifestation of meaninglessness in the universe, and she goes “nah” and fucking obliterates it?!!?
“I weep for the departed” Those who have died are gone, and slowly losing themselves even further. For decades, centuries, millennia, even, Acheron has witnessed this, and still cries for them, still guides them to the other side, even if the task itself is meaningless, because someone should do it, someone has to do it, and that someone is HER.
She saves Aventurine, she saves the Trailblazer, she saves the entirity of Penacony. Someone blessed by the manifestation of nonexistent dedicates her life to giving others a reason to live.
Aventurine asks her why people should bother living, if the dice are always weighted in a certain outcome, then why should we keep going? Aventurine asks her why people should bother living if the universe is meaningless?
He fully expects her to say people shouldn’t.
But Acheron doesn’t do that. The dice are weighted against us. Not just in game, but in reality itself. We will all die, you will die, the people you care about will die, I might die, it remains to be seen. However, before that inevitable ending, before the curtain finally closes, we have so many choices to make. If the ending is the same for everyone, it doesn’t matter, and Acheron tells Aventurine this.
Because the Nihility envelops everyone equally, the universe is equally meaningless for everyone, nobody is the special someone destined to have a destiny. Therefore, it doesn’t matter. Aventurine has no reason to live. And Aventurine has no reason not to live. She tells him his time hasn’t come, because it hasn’t. Until that dice roll, until his final breath, Aventurine can still make choices and he can still choose to live for himself, and that’s the answer Acheron gives him.
But she knows that’s not enough. Aventurine will still struggle to live for himself, after all he’s been through, after the mountain of expectations and hopes and dreams piled onto him. So she tells him his friend has already given him the answer. Aventurine pulls out the note written by Dr. Ratio. It doesn’t give him a plan, doesn’t inform him of what expectations he has for him, doesn’t list every single reason why Aventurine should keep going. Ratio tells Aventurine to stay alive and keep on living, because he doesn’t need anything more than that, there isn’t anything more than that. Her caring about Aventurine, Ratio caring about Aventurine, that’s enough to keep him going, because other peoples love is enough of a reason to exist, universe be damned.
existing. The Existence. AKSJAKKSNDKKWEN.
Like you don’t understand, you don’t understand. ACHERON IS ENVELOPED IN THE MEANINGLESSNESS OF THE UNIVERSE BEFORE SHE FINDS ITS EXISTENCE, ITS VALUE, ITS MEANING. Even if it can never be achieved, Acheron is willing to destroy herself completely as she walks farther and farther into the Nihility trying to find the Existence, even if it takes every from her she will find it. Only by giving up her existence can Acheron find the Existence and kill the Nihility. Only by sacrificing her own life and giving up her own meaning can she give it to others.
Red. She tells the trailblazer that when they can no longer see the world in anything but black and white, there will be a brief flash of Red for them.
Red is the Existence. Red is the color of her blade that allowed her to cut that black hole in half. Red is the only color left when she unsheathes her sword. Red is the color of the tears she cries. Red is the color of the words she speaks to us that truly matter.
Red is the color she cuts into reality. In a world of black and white, in which all the light has been swallowed by IX, and the path ahead is blurry, Acheron illuminates the universe’s future in bright red, creating color, creating life, creating Existence in a world devoid of it.
We will encounter the Nihility along our journey, just as we would encounter every other aeon. The world will seem meaningless, and it will be devoid of color, but when the Trailblazer needs it the most, there will be Red. A reason to keep going, a reason to exist, a reason to keep on Trailblazing, because the path of the Trailblaze’s end is also at the Existence, and we will meet Acheron there again. Whether that color will come from us or her remains to be seen, but it will be there for us when we need it.
However, I think we/the Trailblazer will be alone. As that flash of red isn’t the only thing Acheron tells the Trailblazer.
Only when left alone can people pick themselves up. Only when help is absent can people truly fight for themselves. Only when you are alone, can you truly understand your existence.
That doesn’t mean other people don’t matter, that you have to walk the world alone, that you can only exist devoid of others. Quite the opposite actually, other people can be your reason to exist, something to help keep you going. Acheron knows this, which is why she directs Aventurine to Ratio’s note. That’s the meaning he can find in a meaningless universe.
Moreover, people help each other, they provide the tools other people need to exist, the anchors that ground people in reality, the reason why you might want to wake up in the morning, they create the things and ideas that you need and enjoy. It’s when you are ripped of these comforts, stripped of the things that make you want to keep going, is when people fight for their existence. As in a world devoid of everything, can you truly appreciate the things you have, and acknowledge that since there is now nothing, you are the only something. When there is no one there to save them, fools pick themselves up, and that is Existence.
I love Acheron. I love her silly amnesiac tendencies, I love her beautiful design, I love that she’s a Mei counterpart, but most of all, I love what she stands for.
Acheron is the indomitable human spirit personified, she quite literally chooses to exist in the face of absolute nothing. When the world loses all color, does she paint reality in a bright red with her sword, writing her own destiny with each and every slash.
And for that, I will always adore her.
#honkai star rail#hsr#acheron hsr#acheron#hsr acheron#She does not get talked about ENOUGHHH#aventurine#dr ratio#Aventio somehow made it in here I’m sorry#Not my fault she’s their biggest shipper ok?#But like god#Nobody appreciates her like I do#Yall ignored the coolest fucking character in the game and I will never forgive you for that#SHE OWNS A COLOR!!! A COLOR!! ITS HERS!! I WILL NEVER SEE RED THE SAME#“she’s not that cool” incorrect don’t care didn’t ask yes she is don’t give a damn if another franchise did it better bc they didn’t#idk how you feel about Hoyo but the pen was on fire when writing her#Peak trio#Acheron and Ratio need to meet too or I will die#Bc there philosophies are so similar#ask me anything#i love answering them#i hope you like it
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with the obvious addendum that act 3 isn’t out yet and we can’t form true opinions until the show’s officially done, i’m still really feeling like it could have maybe benefited from a third season. they’re hitting all the right plot points and those moments are full of really intense emotion, but everything in the middle feels so underwhelming in comparison and so much of it still feels rushed to me. idk
#arcane#arcane spoilers#i could kinda deal with it act 1 bc there was a lot to cover through the fallout after s1. but act 2 i'm reallyyyyyy feeling it#like dont get me wrong it's still so so so good#and i guess that's what makes it so much more frustrating#like you can see all the ways it can be just that littlest bit even better#but i guess if the biggest complaint viewers have about your show is that they want more then that already says a lot you know#anyway#it's the warwick / isha plot that bugs me specifically bc isha (love her to death) feels lowkey like a cop out#introduce a kid just to heavy push the 'cycle of violence' 'find your humanity again' character arcs only to kill her six episodes later#like EVERYONE was saying 'ive never seen a character so obviously created to die'#the subversive thing would be to have her live and show the cycle of violence is ending or something#but here's another broken kid killed by the system here's more proof that jinx is. well. a jinx.#idk idk idk#and warwick. i wanted so much MORE#heavily build up warwick all through act 1 just to have him die end of act 2#we barely got to see him at full power.#we barely got to see him with vi and jinx.#we barely got to see him reckon with the man he was and the monster he is now.#we got next to nothing before he's just dead. again#and again those scenes hit SO GODDAMN HARD. THEY ARE GOOD. but they couldve hit even harder if they just had more time to flesh it out !!!!#but again again no act 3 yet so who goddamn knows at this point#they aint dead til we see the bodies and even then they might not be dead bc thats just how arcane works#but fuck i just wish we sometimes had time to sit and FEEL things before the next new thing starts#ok im done rambling i just had to say something somehwere because its driving me insane#my posts
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i think the argument that using the orientalism in dany’s chapters as a reason to dislike her character is part of ~stan wars~ or is like, not a valid reason to dislike this arc to be so stupid. i see this about white women saviors allll the time in fandom & i find it really grating esp when it’s coming from white people in fandom. it’s great that You can talk about this in a vacuum but reading a story about a mighty whitey and being told that i’m somehow not serious as an analyst bc often times i cannot stand the racism dany herself feels & is justified in feeling and find myself resenting her for liberating the poor oppressed brown women from the evil raping misogynist men is like, SUCH a privileged ass take i don’t know how otherwise very smart people can’t see they’re making fandom hostile to people of color.
#there was a nurse who called my uncle a savage to his face & tried to spin him as being a misogynist#bc he told her to fuck off when she called security on him for leaving the group home at 7 pm to get chips from the gas station.#and oftentimes i see the way dany acts amongst the dothraki and feel like physically nauseated by what’s coming in vaes dothrak#that’s not stan war that’s me thinking about how all these brown people are going to die so dany can have her paul atreides arc#when i say some of u are too straight. some of u are also so white & so involved in stan wars#u think poc saying ‘i don’t like dany’ somehow makes us stupid.#that’s racist bro. idk how else to say it!#getting on my soap box#anti dany stans
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went to post this on twitter but i didnt wanna get banned . crazy that u can scrape my entire lifes work and i cant even tell u to die over it <3
#im just so ........#grips fists#i feel Helpless#i hate feeling like the people i know are receding further and further Away from art communities and the public because its so#painful right now#to be posting art :(#it just IS.#and to the motherfuckers in Toyhouse doing this like... i cannot stress enough how much if u called me rn i would tell u to die 2 ur face#i just... cant pretend like im Okay with u being anywhere Near the same space as me anymore <3#there are people i Hate on an individual level and#i still want to see them eat. just not at my table#but to everyone who Scrapes Art. I want you to Die <3 ....#you value having pretty little image and serving yourself over the grief of millions of artists#to the point where you break into Our spaces where we trust that we're at least safe from *you* motherfuckers#and take Even More ...#youre fucking#selfish and greedy#truly an embodiment of every fucking sin#unable to fucking Help Yourself ?#imagine if all of these people were like. contributing to society.or. idk. DRAWING#the Waste it generates stresses me out to no fucking end too#like you will literally harm the entire human race for Yourself#i Hate you . I Hate you so Wholly#I hate Everything you are and Everything you have done to me and Everything you have done to my community and my peers#yeah. i want you to Die. The same way i want a politician to die.#no human Deserves death <3 but i still want you to <3#annnyyywaayyyyyss#i wont tag this as my art LMFAO its basically a fucking#vent post#i just HAD to get my feelings out cuz genuinely every time i talk about this with my friends it
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christ alive I love my parents and I'm glad I got to see them but they are just. so fucking exhausting
#i've identified something about them#which is this#they genuinely do not grasp that other people have Real Experiences that don't map to their view of the world#like it's not that they don't view those experiences as valid or whatever#it's that they genuinely and truly do not grok that other people have experiences they don't approve of#like that the experiences actually happen and aren't made up#“why do you insist on referring to X with they/them pronouns?”#“because they don't identify with a gender”#“well you're either one or the other”#“well they don't feel that way and they don't identify with a gender”#“well you're one or the other”#“okay but literally they do not feel that way and you not liking that doesn't change it like wtf and also sex and gender aren't the same”#etc etc etc ad fucking nauseum#fucks sake#also this is always my mom who drops this shit#my dad just pretends like nothing is happening and ignores the conversation like the wuss he is lol#to be fair i get it because i would not go up against my mom either if i was him because he has to live with her stubborn ass#it's probably obvious but they blithely misgendered me the whole goddamn time they were here#UNLESS THEY WERE IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE IN PUBLIC LOLOLOLOLOLOL#HMMMMMMMMM#FUNNY HOW THAT WORKS#anyway fuck them and i hope they get home safe because they're old as fuck and probably going to die in the next 5-10 years#and when they do it will be terrible and also part of me will be relieved and idk how to feel about that tbh#so like#yeah#:/#covington-shenanigans gets personal#(to be clear they just didn't use pronouns for me at all in public)#(they have never once gendered me correctly and probably never will)
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Godless Prophet
#wtnv#welcome to night vale#wtdb#welcome to desert bluffs#kevin wtnv#kevin wtdb#kevin desert bluffs#gart#haha so fun fact about this one#i haven't seen the sun in like. two weeks. so i thought#''what do you think would happen if kevin went that long w/o the sun i think he'd die''#so thus. uhm. i got thinking. and then i drew#i miss the sun where the fuck is she#oh also this like. idk man. somewhat based off frown night#this being. kevin feels abandoned by the smiling god#anyways. VERY PROUD OF HOW THIS TURNED OUT AND I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY! YAY!!!#LAST BIG PIECE IF THE YEAR!
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I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.
Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.
Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.
#'hey people are forcibly detransitioning you and raping and beating you and you lost your job and are going to be homeless and#probably die of infection from being stabbed for trying to go to the bathroom. but at least you arent part of a demographic that has a#higher murder victim rate! shhh just ignore that we dont actually have data on the murder rate of your group.'#do ppl like. forget state based violence exists. and that thats most violence minorities face.#idk man im just. mad about people on here acting like youre only oppressed if youre a perisex trans woman who was AMAB.#cause i exist at the intersection of multiple minorities and being told hey u experience violence but at least you wont be murdered by an#individual feels like a slap in the face.#like it doesnt matter if i have to mask my neurodivergent behaviour bc if people see they could assume im on drugs and call the police and#i could potentially be really hurt but not die but hey at least i wont die just be horrifically traumatized by police brutality!#there are millions of people with mental illnesses similar to my own around the world who are institutionalized and forcibly medicated or#living on the streets or dependant on horrifically abusive caregivers#but hey at least they arent being murdered!#like. the way the transphobia discussion on tumblr rn discusses (and doesnt discuss) race and ability and class and health makes me#feel very invisible.#like if people had to choose who to believe about my experiences between listening to me a black/mixed mentally ill maybe disabled (used to#be disabled) hella nd trans nonbinary person#or listen to a white middle class trans woman's take on my experiences that theyd choose her. its such a weird weird microcosm.#its like a monkeys paw like people are finally listening to trans fems and finally recognising the violence they experience and finally#actually caring about them but for some reason decide that in order to do that its necessary to throw every other minority under the bus#like fuck man have you seen how 'anti transandrophobia truthers' discuss race? its NOT okay#we all matter we all are so similar and are part of the same groups and same communities we need to stick together#stop using trans fems as a battering ram to hurt other minorities challenge#cause like. yes its some trans fems. but its mostly NOT?#like its non trans fems telling other non trans fems that they arent oppressed#and even when many trans fems are like what the fuck dude of course other trans ppl matter whats wrong with you#the group of like 80% non trans fems 20% trans fems are like 'hmm if you are defending other trans people you must not really be trans fem'#like. denying trans fems their identity bc they disagree with them?? dude someone doesnt stop being a trans fem cause they recognise#people other than trans fems matter and exist#its just all so WEIRD its a weird little tumblr microcosm#i wanna stress. for those of you who dont have access to other lgbtq+ communities. how much it seems to be primarily a tumblr thing. to
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Hotd is just not team black centric enough for me to give two fucks about it but I'm disappointed coz I've been waiting for it since the first time it was announced. Too much greenies is such a turn off. Nobody cares!! We need more of the best and cuntiest Targaryens not the lewser group.
#team black#pro rhaenyra targaryen#I'm just so annoyed that these writers kept shoving down the rhaenicent bs & now the pointless alicole nonsense#but like we just don't fucking get the interpersonal drama between the blacks#which is crazy coz they're such a FAMILY! together through thick and thin#rhaenyra's allies were so damn loyal to her & we just don't get enough of that. how was such an alliance created?#the loyalty between cregan and tb#there is this weird tension between Rhaenys and Daemon but nothing comes of it#does Rhaenys actually believe in Rhaenyra's claim? i mean whe did die fighting for her#I'm sure they'll do that in the show as well but i couldn't tell you a single reason as to WHY are they loyal to her#and didn't take Alicent's offer in s1. everything feels like it's happening because the Book Says So.#we just don't feel inevitability and urgency of things.#like idk but something about this just feels so lacking.#daemyra's relationship for instance was always SO interesting to me. Daemon as a character itself was so much fun#same for rhaenyra! but their potential is just not realized to it's fullest#it actually pains me to see how little the show cares about rhaenyra actually#anti hotd#anti ryan condal#anti rhaenicent#anti team green#posts#mine my own
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I hope everyone knows and understands that I think of Iwa like I think of no other. I breathe him. I exist simply to celebrate him, and that is enough for me. He’s literally, truly, the source of me I think. Not to be too melodramatic but if there was no Iwa I would not be here today. He’s so so so so important to me I cannot explain it better
#I don’t talk too much about him because I don’t wanna be too fucking annoying on dash#but when I think of him I could die happy#he means the world to me#I juST AAAAAJSJRJRJJFJKDJDKD#IDK IDK IDK I CANT EXPLAIN HOW I FEEL WHEN I SEE HIM#WHY IS A 2D MAN THAT IMPORTANT#BUT HE IS!! hE IS HE IS HE IS#ring ring
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Honestly could we throw out the idea that totk's story issue is that it isn't consistent with the lore of the older games but instead drops intresting world building from botw because it might have gotten actually dark
#seriously eveeyone keeps up bring up the triforce not being the same like the older games instead of HEY why DOES the royal family just.....#have it#like all of it#and was the sheikah tech from the last game that functions the same was as light arrows/the biden blast was uh#how do i put this#how did they weaponize lightmagic in robots and does this all tie in with the “banishment” thing#or idk dropped point from botw zelda's fucking chracter arc#i know it ended with LOOOK!!!! YOU FUCKED UP BY DOING WHAT YOU THOUGHT WAS RIGHT#But damn they could of just not done that shit in totk making her just the#what was jt#idk man they just keep taking away her agency#man and it sucks cuz the dragon is so cool but mf shes forced to do it what she gonna do stay in the past and DIE?#idk man it just all feels hasty. makes me sad#and it sucks cuz a lot of shit shit is really cool and intresting but man idk i may become a botw zelda deserved a better weiter for her#becuase girl she needs a break. not saying chracters cant go through hardship#but there is something so nasty about the framing of youll never be anything but eveey past princess zelda trope and nothing more#instead of a crystal she turns into a dragon like guys this is the same as skyward sword but idk man is it werd to say#when Hylia does it aginst a thing that wants to steal the god triangles and is also a god its like yeah you had no other choice#how the fuck did one fuckass stone make ganondorf into a god like being you would think that like#mannwhy are the stones THAT powerful and why werent the other bitches able to take them down what because#did#did rauru give sonia the equivalent of the one ring at their wedding hey wait a fuck#sorry for all my spelling mistakes but what the fuck man
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conservatives hate to admit that this is what biblical femininity looks like:
she is leadership! she is not afraid of getting her hands dirty for the sake of winning the war! she is committed! a true judges 4 woman.
#grace chasity#had to have a pic of her with the wwjd bracelet in shot#npmd spoilers#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#especially when modesty is more about not showing off wealth#now. in ddmd. maybe not. but at this point yeah i feel comfortable saying that#Biblical women did murder. by God's command but still#how do you think grace thinks ab women in ministry#like she should support it given who she is but also she's bi and homophobic so idk at this point in life#and she's not wearing a fucking skirt good grief
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vet’s verdict is to swap meowmeow’s food over and give her the portion of a 4.5kg cat to hopefully help her out
#listen idk HOW she’s putting on weight when she’s not given treats except her birthday and christmas#and her portions are good and she’s always sprinting about#like it must be the food brand :/ so we’re swapping over to a weight loss food instead to help her out#stelle yaps#i just want her to be her healthiest and the prev vet was like really cryptic about the shit that could go wrong for her if she keeps#gaining weight so here we are#she’s just a beautiful chunk but i don’t want her to get diabetes or like die early with heart issues or anything#it feels irresponsible to keep going like this so third time lucky when it comes to changes i guess#prev vet had me SO stressed like fuck me
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#I'm sorry I'm behind on asks I feel like it never fucking ends#can't talk to family about it. they worry too much. cant talk to friends about it. they just start giving unwarranted (well meaning) advice#and plus they basically live with me atp with how often they're over helping me fuck do I do?? bother them more??#dude it's embaressing even if it's not chronic shit it's just unlucky shit like how u gonna have an allergic reaction & then seizure same d#idk about therapy therapists scare me. it's not a therapy issue though I'm just tired and in pain all the fucking time#one more person says “same omg” or “well have you tried-” i will start cutting peoples throat and eating their livers#you do NOT know what it's like having to write your own will before 30 like this shit aint right shit aint fair#makes me petty and shit too people who are healthy like can you just fucking suffer why do you get that freedom but not me#it just never ends#like I really fucking hate it when people say “oh you have so much to live for” because no I don't#Not so sound like a right winger gosh dang god fearer but like deadass people focus so heavily on “mental health!!” they don't#realize even if you feel better and get therapy or shit that's not gonna be realistically helpful for anything physical going on in sm#it's a cycle even if you manage 1 thing - the medications cause a 2nd thing#and that's alongside all the OTHER things you take medications for which cause all those other things#it's like multiplying and makes your body slowly deplete but like never quite die. like I know realistically I can just die anyday#and yeah it is getting worse but it's no different because it's not about that#when you're sick it's not just “OMG DYING!!!” it's like. everything else in your life dies.#you can't cook for yourself. you can't clean. you can't move. you can't hang out with people anymore. you can barely work LMFAO.#I'm REALLY close to quitting it's not even funny lmao. cant put clothes on without struggling.#do people not know it's. physically impossible. to even eat sometimes. just vomit it all up or seize.#yeah it does make me petty#rant
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