#like idk but something about this just feels so lacking.
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some thoughts on the lucanis romance. caution! spoilers
you know, i've seen a lot of people complaining about how lucanis's romance is somewhat lacking and i agree, at least a little - i can't say i enjoy the scene where you lock in his romance (could have been a banter) and i honestly didn't get that it was supposed to be a 'i'm scared of wanting you' kind of romance until the end where he actually said that (i was constantly sleep deprived while playing though, so maybe that one's on me) - but i don't really think more scenes were really necessary. i loved the last one and the one in the middle was also pretty good, even though i didn't like how scripted it was.
what i really, really miss in this are the party banters. you know, like the one with alistair and wynne, where she teases him about checking out the warden?
imagine for a moment: davrin and lucanis
'they're fine.'
'i- what?'
'they're fine. you keep staring at their legs, but the venatori barely even graced them. you can stop checking every time they climb up a rock or bend to pick something up.'
'of course! i was checking on their injury! that damn venatori, nearly got them, huh?'
... (awkward silence)
'right.'
oooor maybe taash and lucanis?
'you're not being subtle, you know'
'excuse me?'
'saw you sneaking in with rook's favourite food yesterday.'
'so? i make everyone's favourite every once in a while.'
'not in the middle of the night just after they tell you, you don't'
... (stony silence)
'yeah'
ooooor i dunno, harding and lucanis?
'lucanis?'
'hmmm?'
'it would be okay, you know. if you liked someone and told them how you feel. hypothetically.'
'what? what are you talking about?'
'nothing. i just... thought someone should tell you.'
'mierda, harding, there's no one like that. so this is completely irrelevant.'
'hmhm, sure. but in theory, if there was... i'm pretty sure they like you, too. and you both deserve to be happy.'
i'm obviously not a writer, but i really think some stuff like that would have helped to set up the romance more. i tried so desperately to look through the game and find something, and maybe i just haven't discovered it yet! but the few banters i did find were all after the relationship was officially established. i don't know. i'm really disappointed because i think the potential was there, it could have been such a sweet, angsty slow-burn but they just.. didn't set it up right? the yearning™ feeds on other people seeing exactly what is going on and rolling their eyes at the idiots involved not getting on with it (/getting it on lmao). maybe something like that was planned but they had to cut it because all the companions had to get their 'making it official' chat at the same time? and pretty late in the game, too. that would sort of explain why his relationship with neve was more fleshed out as well. idk. that and my added frustration that i can't really roleplay my rook the way i want (in my roleplaying game) probably means i'll just have to write some stuff myself. and wait for someone to search through the audio files so i can get my grubby raccoon hands on all the banter i didn't hear yet 🤞
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age the veilguard spoilers#dragon age#lucanis dellamorte#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#dav spoilers
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feel like im having a DA2 experience again where I really liked it and was in my little "this is good" cocoon where i played it many times only to emerge from underground and find everyone else hated it (i mean ive found the other da2 cicadas since but at the time it got really slammed). i've been really enjoying DA:TV so far ( lol tho obvs have notes) here's an early thoughts review, may be a bit spoilery, def rambley, trying to stay vague on stuff still (i think i'm about half way maybe? im trying to not look things up and doing it blind on my first run through. it's hard to tell b/c i went hard on all the side quests and am now way over level for the msq)
the combat system is a little jarring at first and i still miss at least being able to switch to and play as party members if your character dies (instead of the god of war style of full wipe), but i've gotten used to it (it's more annoying for boss fights, regular combat it's very zippy and fun). the targeting at least on controller is kind of annoying sometimes- i'll think i'm pointing at one enemy only to have rook turn and fire at nothing or companions to hit an add instead of a boss. I wish we at least had more control over how it queued who it was hitting. some of the arenas are obnoxious design wise - there's bosses that teleport to you and they give you like a tiny little box to dodge around, not the most fun. i do like that you can punch way above of your weight class sometimes which reminds me of DAO a little bit (like how you'd just wander into a fight or hit a gong and be like oh no, those enemies have skulls over their heads, oh well YOLO). sometimes it doesn't work out but when it does it's very satisfying. It's nice to be able to conquer something mechanically even underleveled (smol fromsoft vibes) Having always been a big fan of the strange composition parties (i.e not just war/rogue/mage), i like that this is now even more viable (and not just me being cheeky "we're having a leather party!" of all squishy rogues). but like the main thing about bioware games is the companions/interpersonal shit and i'm enjoying the heck out of that .i only do main quests to get more side quests from companions (or more side quests in general so we can troll around for more banter). i like petting griffons (and cats and dogs) and playing games with manfred*. I wish the gift system was more interesting like DAO or DA2- i was so excited to see it again and then it was a little disappointing to have them barely react when you get them stuff.
my current fave party are rook and the poison boys (emmerich and lucanis) since they're a rogue too and we just stack necrosis, bleeds and other elemental effects on things till they disintegrate. i like the lighthouse, it feels much cozier than skyhold. I love that you can just wander up to companions having convos and awkwardly eavesdrop. I do miss the little interactions/quests you could get with cole esp*** i think the animations are a little lack lustery? Idk there's something with the face model morphs that sometimes feels weird but the voice acting is strong enough that I don't notice too much. i do miss some of the more bioware-y cheeky things like item descriptions or weird notes near random silly environmental tableaus (there's a little but i just want to read all the notes! there's some in the grey warden areas where i was just like WAIT I HAVE QUESTIONS but there was no plaque about them T.T). where are the stacks of cheese (i do appreciate the fereldens love cheese jokes tho and harding getting so excited when someone says something nice about ferelden) i was esp bummed that there were no random things to read in the black emporium and it's all codex entries instead (that's my favorite tiny bit in DA2 where there's junk you can click on and xenon says weird shit to you). i also wish more had been done with accents of npcs- like i wish all the antivans had similar accents or your crow rook had an antivan accent, stuff like that (having a lot of "ferelden" generic british accents everywhere is disappointing. takes you out of the immersion a lot) My biggest gripe is probably the pacing - I wish it had more horror/mystery pacing like dao and da2 had- the reason we're all scarred by the brood mother is b/c the build up to that was so so creepy (also the necromancer bit w/hawke's mum in DA2). They gave us time to be unnerved or afraid and I do feel the evanuris reveals have been a little rushed so you can't really feel that worried about them (some of the side quests get close to this but still not quite there**). I wish they'd let them breathe a bit more instead of rushing from one giant world changing event to the next. Some of the reveals have been not so great- like lore that the fandom has poured over for 15ish years explained in one line?? i wish there'd been more build up of rook as a character too, maybe even a time skip from a prologue to finding solas kind of thing. the first trailer made it seem like that's what was going to happen but then it in media res'd us in a strange way. the first 10 hours of the game are probably the weakest imho, it took it a bit to get rolling and feel more natural. I appreciate that the first major decision doesn't really let you scum save for it (bit of a jump scare for me lol).
I also don't really need this much varric anymore, i kinda wish we had a different narrator if we have to have one. He feels really awkward to just have there and not doing anything(and not just kill off or have something happen to him? he got stabbed by the dagger and harding only touched it is what i'm saying). at least let him get better pjs and slippers or something Idk it does feel like bits of previous iterations they were working on are still there and they don't completely serve the plot well. And ofc there's the decisions not meaningfully carrying over thing- which is a huge bummer. But in reality they've never been good at that- the characters from previous games we see in new games don't really carry through their plots/arcs that much (it's more like cameos or they're a new person now) and the world states are usually effectively the same just with aesthetic faction swaps. I was sort of hoping we'd get some solavellan SOMETHING but it doesn't look like we will get much at all past the stuff in minrathous. i feel like if they were going to only include the one choice it really should have had more impact on the story. (i am also still a clown and want to talk to solas constantly still even tho he has no reason to talk to my rook at all, i do not care, i love a sad woof. i wish we could just casually visit him in the fade. i wish we could switch to lavellan and visit him in the fade, idk something. need more gareth david-lloyd pls) the interpersonal character decisions have been the only ones that mattered much and then only within the constrains of their own games- the bigger world changing stuff is usually the illusion of choice. It would have been nice if they let us have one protagonist carry through but i can also see why they liked changing it up and felt stuck in that format. tl;dr: i'm really like it for what it is but it's def got flaws. Parts of it feel super polished while other bits do not- i think knowing how game dev works that they had to make decisions on what was going to get prioritized and some of it works while others not so much. I wish the pacing was better for sure but i love the characters/companions which is generally what bioware is best at. sad it won't get meaningful dlc, i don't really care about mass effect 5 tbqh. So far I like it better than inquisition for the most part- it feels like a bigger/more polished DA2 in a lot of ways if that makes any sense (with similar budget/pacing issues, but the environments are more fun). as i mentioned in my other post, i really appreciated the trans/non binary inclusion into the story/cc tho. like that can't be discounted, even if the rest of the game has issues. (all the holes in the narrative make me want to do fan art and fan fiction tho so idk, maybe that's an okay thing. maybe dragon age is best at inspiring us to sandbox around in it)
*side note, i am surprised at how much i like emmerich like holy shit what a lovely soft nerd of a man! going to have to play through a few times and romance him and also bellara for sure (romancing lucanis this time round) i find myself shipping my companions with each other more than i normally do too. I just want them to be happy! I wish they'd let us have polyamory, like i could see little polycules in this squad so easily. i need to give bellara hugs and lucanis head pats. taash deserves head pats too, but my rook will need a ladder.
**i am going to cry if they do with the griffons what i think they're doing with the griffons. like straight up, feeling like it was a cursed wish to have them now T.T *** do we think the caretaker is cole? the character design makes me wonder (like the hat/silhouette is very cole like but maybe not. maybe i just want it to be cole lol) there's def characters i want to see show up that aren't going to and then bioware is like "what about this fan favorite??" and i'm like "eh".
#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#datv#dragon age spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age review#review#games#thoughts#text post#long post#my thoughts#rambles#veilguard#veilguard review#the last flight#griffons#bioware please i just want the griffons to be okay#veilguard spoilers#early thoughts#maybe the real dragon age was the fandom we made along the way#solavellan#solas
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So we all gonna not look into Ben that deeply especially since he is the only one who seems to check in with Dermontt or am I the only one who is looking deeply into the existence of Ben. Ben who are you buddy….i wanna know.
Ben shows up in moments about the boys (Dermontt counts here). 1) Dean figuring out about clones & finding Rusty is a clone, 2) Dermontt check in 3) Hank reassurance. Special mention to 4) Rusty creation of the boys
To me Ben bc of his minimal info feels like the most classic mystery mad scientist trope appearing when you feel lost to specifically these men. Ben knows probably most than anyone, I want to know his deal. But the lack of info makes me think just like…he’s a mystical figure oooooo 👻
It also has made me hone in on every time we see him his mindset in the small scenes he has or read far into what he says. Jonas cared for him, Ben cares about the Ventures as a whole to stick around, he considers them family (kinda) from the watch scene.
Idk who Ben is, I think it’s interesting his interactions are mostly with the boys. Like Brock knowing they’ll probably be fucked up I think Ben when he does Interact with them tries to put in something positive for them. It’s spinning in my head deeply about it too, reassurance and confidence.
I do like the fan theories of Ben being: Benton Quest (hilarious and dark actually) or my REAL fav Ben Edlund creator of The Tick which look wise I see it and if you google simply Ben Venture bros he shows up after the character wiki lol!
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Hotd is just not team black centric enough for me to give two fucks about it but I'm disappointed coz I've been waiting for it since the first time it was announced. Too much greenies is such a turn off. Nobody cares!! We need more of the best and cuntiest Targaryens not the lewser group.
#team black#pro rhaenyra targaryen#I'm just so annoyed that these writers kept shoving down the rhaenicent bs & now the pointless alicole nonsense#but like we just don't fucking get the interpersonal drama between the blacks#which is crazy coz they're such a FAMILY! together through thick and thin#rhaenyra's allies were so damn loyal to her & we just don't get enough of that. how was such an alliance created?#the loyalty between cregan and tb#there is this weird tension between Rhaenys and Daemon but nothing comes of it#does Rhaenys actually believe in Rhaenyra's claim? i mean whe did die fighting for her#I'm sure they'll do that in the show as well but i couldn't tell you a single reason as to WHY are they loyal to her#and didn't take Alicent's offer in s1. everything feels like it's happening because the Book Says So.#we just don't feel inevitability and urgency of things.#like idk but something about this just feels so lacking.#daemyra's relationship for instance was always SO interesting to me. Daemon as a character itself was so much fun#same for rhaenyra! but their potential is just not realized to it's fullest#it actually pains me to see how little the show cares about rhaenyra actually#anti hotd#anti ryan condal#anti rhaenicent#anti team green#posts#mine my own
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main take aways from Halloween (1978) rewatch:
michael myers is canonically 21??? this bitch should be at the club
*sees tiddies* ***MURDEROUS RAMPAGE NOISES***
that's it that's the movie
outside of the fact that everyone who has sex is murdered by the narrative, this is a surprisingly chill portrayal of female sexuality? these teen girls are horny and actively enjoying Getting It On with their boytoys. no pushy boyfriends sneaking in through their bedroom windows--these ladies are taking the initiative to sneak out and GET SOME. one of them gets laid and then immediately orders her boyfriend to get her a beer. (yes she gets Slashered soon afterward, but so does the boyfriend so honestly, gender equality.) yes the Final Girl is the only one not having sex, but she's not bullied for that, nor are her friends slut shamed except possibly by being murdered by the narrative
actually the only character who is shown being morally condemned on-screen is michael myers. specifically FOR his violent overreaction to other people's sex lives. (people he is spying on). metaphorically, the villain is American Puritanism sticking its judgy nose into other people's business.
aka Michael Myers Is A Republican
but actually the real villain is the doctor. guy's a judgemental, shaming, pathologizing asshole. and he's been in charge of michael's care since he was SIX YEARS OLD? kid never had a chance. i'd go on a killing spree too
also the parents. where are the parents? it's halloween night and all the teenage girls are home babysitting their younger siblings? come to think of it, michael's first victim was his own older sister, whom he killed while she was babysitting him. teen girls are really shouldering a labour burden here. maybe parentification is the true villain
side note: mike commits his first murder wearing a clown costume...which is never referenced again? his 'iconic' costume is a generic mask and wig and jumpsuit, when we coulda had a Killer Clown Michael Myers??? travesty
i like how the Final Girl and her friend casually smoke weed in her car. yeah she's an honor student and her friend is the sheriff's daughter. yeah they smoke weed. so what it's 1978
(to reiterate, mike is 21 and should be at the club. im not saying he shouldn't be rampaging, im saying it's sad that he broke out, tasted freedom for the first time in his life, and immediately snuck back into his childhood home to go rampaging. let's have a remake where he goes to a nightclub and has a few beers. maybe some slutty dancing. then rampage)
oh no he's hot
#HALLOWEEN#halloween the movie#michael myers#do you think he's a mike? mikey? to his friends? if slashers had friends?#i'll be honest i was expecting this movie to be way more of a bitch to its female characters#i mean yeah they died but so did some dudes#there's just a lack of cattiness compared to the way most later movies portrayed teenage girls idk#yeah the Final Girl is a Virgin and a Bookworm. but there's no bullying or any strong sense that's she's morally superior to everyone else#mostly she AND the other girls feel a bit sorry for her lack of a social life. one even tries to set her up with a date to the school dance#solidarity! trying to get your nerd friend laid!#overall it's just teenagers being teenagers and then a slasher comes in and ruins everything with his Lack Of Chill#like yeah dude sometimes teenagers have sex. get over it#also something to be said about how while the girl who survives is the one who isn't sexually active and dresses conservatively...#ultimately those things aren't ENOUGH to prevent her from being targeted#you could say that the other girls 'provoked' the villain (the same way women irl are so often accused of provoking their attackers)#but ultimately that doesn't keep the Final Girl safe. it just delays the inevitable.#because violent men never need excuses. no matter how eager society is to provide them.#ultimately she is at the mercy of the same violent whims because it was never her behavior that invited the violence.#gendered violence doesn't need an invitation.#also she doesn't save herself the doctor saves her#it's not her actions or choices that put her in danger OR save her from it--once again it is the whim of a man#no this wasn't intended to be a feminist movie it's just fun how you could argue it that way
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Rellana, Twin Moon Knight & Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon
prints ✦ full process on patreon
#elden ring#rennala#rellana#my art#shadow of the erdtree#ngl i don't share fandom's obsession with Rellana and find her character quite lacking#I wish we knew something more about her other than “hehe messmer simp”#bc yes rennalas marriage is a big part of her story but we also know a lot about her in other contexts and before the liurnian wars#which makes her much more interesting to me#bc idk im just not a fan of when in media the whole plot arch of a woman's story resolves around her relationship with a man#and i feel like with other women characters fromsoft did a better job at showing that they are human beings with different agendas etc#so when it comes to Rellana i love the POTENTIAL of what she could be
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i think that if kabru saw that “laios meeting falin for the first time” strip he’d be sobbing uncontrollably
#feels like it is SO fundamental to understanding laios on a deep level#idk something about not expecting ‘common sense’ from babies#something about how he is so deeply laios. maybe im just projecting#but that comic resonates with me SO hard#the lack of expression (taking her in) and the way he looks up for permission#and by that time his father already knows? that hes looking for permission to leave. he doesnt say it. he just looks.#and then! he runs to his kitty! and whispers like its a secret! hes a big brother now kitty!#and he whispers to the chickens! he’s got a little sister chickens! shes called falin doggies!#to see laios as an adult and to know he cares for his sister is par for the course#to see that he was enamored with her the second he met her and told all of his friends is just. fuck#they tell you many times in the series that these siblings care for each other above ALL ELSE#like knowing that all people die is separate from knowing there is no reality for either of them that doesnt contain their sibling#im going insane over the touden siblings#but i think kabru would go through these same motions and cry idk#dunmeshi#labru#if you squint#kabru of utaya#laios touden#falin touden#dungeon meshi#bumblysdumbly
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Blyke and John: Parallel Characters
I’ve written multiple entries about this,
[x] [x] [x]
But I’m back to make a comprehensive analysis about the glaring similarities between these two. I’ll try not to repeat myself here.
‼️SPOILER WARNING for the whole series‼️ but this mostly focuses on the story before John’s suspension.
Firstly, this scene:
ch. 121
This conversation takes place near the beginning of the Joker arc. It’s after John targets Zeke, after he targets Juni, and the day before he goes after Seraphina’s kidnappers. The timing is important.
“If someone hit your best friend, would you let it slide?”
That question is supposed to remind us what John does to people who hurt Seraphina: hunting them down and sending them to the hospital. Blyke shooting a destructive beam really close to John was an example of a trait they share: they both blow up violently when people mistreat their friends.
John’s downward spiral carries strong themes of hypocrisy. He’s angry at the world, he’s angry at himself, and as a coping mechanism, he chooses to believe that everyone else is as bad as he is. That means that most of the traits he hates others for are the same things he hates about himself. In this scene, Blyke is unintentionally calling out this hypocrisy: “What I did is no different from what you do”.
But Blyke’s just trying to connect with John here, he has no idea what John’s been doing. And John, of course, doesn’t give a shit about what Blyke has to say. This line was here for the audience to notice.
They’re both so similar, but their similarity immediately causes tension between them because, well, John was on the wrong end of Blyke’s protectiveness.
I really love the way this was written— there are so many flashbacks to this scene, but they remember it differently. John remembers the part that hurt him— he’d describe it as “the time that jackass shot a beam at me”. Blyke remembers the part that hurt him, or rather, hurt Remi: “the time that jackass hit Remi for no reason”.
Blyke and John are both hotheaded characters with strong ideals. They’re similar enough that Seraphina points it out:
(ch. 80)
As Blyke grows as a character, he becomes more like John: sticking up for low tiers and speaking out against the injustice in the world. But while Blyke is doing that more, John is going in the opposite direction, until they are fully opposed to each other.
Speaking of Blyke’s character arc, it took me a few rereads to actually understand what part of him changed. His kindness, selflessness, bravery— all of those things were there from the start. Blyke’s character arc was about becoming more aware of his surroundings, and how his carelessness can harm others. Blyke was never malicious, but after X-Rei and integrating more with the school, he becomes aware of people suffering around him and how he unintentionally contributes to it. He becomes less reckless, privy to the flaws in the system he grew up not questioning, and uses his power more responsibly. He even comes up with a more controlled way to wield his ability. The part of Blyke that changes is his maturity.
Part of John’s character arc is also about being careful. It’s not as close of a parallel as other things are, but one of the things that John works on during his redemption arc is holding back. Both of them learn self-control throughout the series, and for John, that means acting early before his emotions spiral out of hand.
Adding onto my first point about the two of them wanting to protect their friends— the fact that they can’t do that makes them both angry and desperate. For most of the story, the “block” that prevents John from protecting Seraphina is in his head. It’s his own trauma that holds him back. The block that prevents Blyke from protecting his friends is, guess what? Also John’s trauma! Parallels abound.
Another thing I noticed in Episode 80 is this:
Notice that when Seraphina says “I’d take that over strength any day,” John is looking at the camera. He’s avoiding Sera’s gaze. Seraphina is saying she prefers honesty over strength. John is very strong, and very dishonest, but Seraphina thinks the opposite because John is so dishonest. John appears to be reflecting on this disconnect.
In relation to this analysis, Seraphina is actually pointing out a major difference between Blyke and John. Beyond that, she’s praising Blyke’s traits, (less strong but very open) above John’s traits, (strong as fuck but a liar with his pants on fire). Furthermore, John really cares what Seraphina thinks of him. Knowing that she would think less of him is the main reason why he spent so much time and effort preventing her from catching his lies.
This leads into my main point here: Blyke is the “goody-two-shoes” version of John. Or, more accurately, the person that John wants to be. Blyke has a clean track record and doesn’t really get into trouble. He is respected and left alone by the school without being hated and feared, he de-escalates conflicts without taking things too far, he doesn’t lose control, he’s someone Seraphina thinks highly of, hell, even his grades are better! Blyke represents everything that John wants to be, and the person that he could have been if he’d gone down a different path.
But, crucially, John is also what Blyke wants to be. Well, not wholly, but his ability? His strength? It’s one of the things John hates about himself, but Blyke wants that strength so desperately that he risks his life for it over and over again.
They’re both desperate to be like each other, even when they hate each other the most. Neither of them have any idea how alike they already are.
I don’t know what Season 3 holds in store for us, but I do hope that John realizes that Blyke embodies who he wants to be, because mutual jealousy would be a very interesting dynamic to explore in my opinion. I also hope that it ends up being something they can bond over, by helping each other accomplish their personal goals. (Blyke being another helper in John’s character arc, and John helping Blyke train.)
A side note: John beat up Blyke four separate times. That’s more than any other character, which is interesting because John’s main rival is supposed to be Arlo. For reference, John has beaten Arlo twice, three times if you count the time when Seraphina intervened, and he only beat him unconscious once. But John beat Blyke to the point of passing out all four times, the worst of which being a shot clean through his chest. (shoulder? Unclear. S1 finale).
It’s odd, isn’t it? Out of everyone, Blyke is the one who John physically hurt the most. John’s only grudge against him is an old memory from episode 33, of an event that didn’t actually harm him. John’s grudge against Arlo is much more serious and again— that’s his main rival. So why is it that he’s so much more violent towards Blyke?
The problem here is that I’ve been thinking about these fights as “John picking on Blyke”. And that’s… kind of true? But while Blyke didn’t start any of these fights, they were all consensual in a way. He didn’t seek to fight John, nor was he ever happy about fighting John, but he was always a willing participant.
(138, 153, 206, & 211)
In three out of these four fights, John didn’t even expect to be fighting Blyke going into it. This is significant because while Arlo is John’s main rival, John absolutely fills that role for Blyke. Blyke’s own agency is what leads to most of these events. The reason, narratively speaking, why they fight so much is not for John’s character, but for Blyke.
For John, his reason for fighting Blyke so much is not narrative but moreso symbolic. John is angry at everyone and everything, but ultimately the person he hates the most is himself. It’s only fitting that the character most like him would bear the brunt of his wrath.
As John is having his positive character arc (suspension and post-suspension), he is becoming more like Blyke, and the two of them reach a point where they’re even more similar than they were at the start of the series.
In the Rowden amusement park, John does start to realize how similar they are:
(249)
Additionally, I want to draw your attention to the parallels between this scene:
Blyke and John’s argument in chapter 249
(which the image limit won’t let me add, scroll until you see red hair.)
And this scene:
Argument in ch. 121 (it’s at the beginning)
Two sides of the same coin.
Furthermore, in the S2 finale, Blyke is shown being taken to Keon. There is an implication that by Season 3, Blyke and John will share Keon-related trauma as well. Despite my pessimistic predictions, I do hope that this is a similarity that can bring them together rather than tear them apart.
#unordinary#I had another point that i had to cut#because it was about the john slaps remi scene#and how like blyke knew he wasn’t gonna miss and hit john by accident but john doesn’t necessarily know that#and that john assumes the worst (blyke was aiming for his head) bc he’s mad#and blyke also assumes the worst (that john hit remi for no reason). But when i was looking for screenshots to back it up#and i was looking for the one panel where john referred to blyke as “that idiotic redhead who tried to blow my brains out”#as proof of john assuming the worst#But then i found it and it doesn’t even say what i thought it said#it says “THREATENED to blow my brains out”#Smh john didn’t even assume the worst. He knew it was jyst a threatening shot even thogh he was mad#And then my whole thing kinda falls apart because blyke assuming the worst is actually just the logical conclusion since he can’t read mind#Like how was he gonna know john was having trauma issues#Yargh okay so i think i cut all the parts that don’t really make sense but it’s late so this is a low quality proofread#Gonna be honest this is NOT structured very well#Theres more to be said about john hating other people for the same reasons he hates himself#and I didn’t quite hit it#but it’s lateeeeeee#something about how Blyke is so similar to john but lacks most of what John hates about himself so John projects his insecurities—#back onto him anyway#Something about in ch 249 when he says something something “because I couldn’t cope with the fact that you guys weren’t actually bad people#Yeah idk im too tired to get into it#blyke unordinary#john unordinary#oh also has something to do with when john says “i may have deserved those classes but they sure as hell don’t” about keon#i think that’s significant#analysis#i have a bad feeling that someone in my notes is gonna purposely misinterpret my “goody two shoes” blyke statement ngl#”did you say that blyke is perfect and john is evil”#like something like that
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You’d think that, between Gideon and Kremy, Gideon would be the easier one to get a read on (in terms of feelings towards certain situations and party members), but no. I can read Kremy like a motherfucking book. The way he spins lies and half-truths like a spiderweb; the way his tone will shift subtly depending on who he’s talking to, what they’re talking about, his feelings on the situation/subject/towards the person, etc; all of it. Kremy is so fucking easy to read for someone who’s supposed to be a silver-tongued conman.
But Gideon? His tone doesn’t shift all that much. He generally has a happy, confused, or entertained tone in his voice, with the exception of when he’s angry, frustrated, or upset.
Idk, maybe it’s harder for me to read Gideon because I listen to the podcast (it’s just easier for me since I can listen while driving or working), so I have to rely on tone shifts and other verbal cues. That, or maybe it’s because all of my past blorbos have been emotionally constipated men, who would only express their actual feelings about a situation based on tonal shifts, body language, and reading into what they’re saying.
#I swear all my irl points were dumped into insight and absolutely nothing else#and with emotionally constipated men I roll with advantage#no but seriously it’s so hard for me to get a read on how Gideon feels about Coalecroux situations#like the wedding or the scene during the opera#I’m not counting the love curse because fae magic and all that#I can tell when he understands that Kremy is upset or uncomfortable about something#but I can’t tell how he generally feels about him aside from being his best friend#maybe its more obvious with visuals???#I mean I will rewatch the series eventually on YouTube once I’m all caught up#but rn I have to rely on verbal cues and by god that’s hard for this genasi#also I’m not hating on either Richie or Mace here#I love being able to read my favorite emotionally constipated alligator#and the lack of tonal shift in Gideon makes sense for his character#it���s just weird to me idk#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#also if this is worded weirdly blame it on the fact that it’s currently 2am
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i do believe you all followed me because of writing sorry you have to deal with the deeply mentally ill girl that comes with it.. slight rant in tags ? i guess ? ily all anyhow
#this year has been so horrible LMAO#every other week something new is popping up#like i thought it couldn’t get worse and then it does#idk how i’m coping (im not)!!#but i really wanna be here and be able to post and write and give you all the good content you followed for but i do genuinely feel like#i’ve been lacking a lot lately and i’m sorry for that#i’m talking to my doctor about upping my meds and going back to therapy#and just trying to do things to make me feel better rather than offing myself#melo will be okay i’m sure of it but im trying my hardest i promise#✧ melody posts
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paul isn’t percy’s step father he’s the father that stepped up
#hello hello! is this thing on?#writings and musings#okay rant time#sometimes when i feel strongly about something the words get very jumbled and hard to read#like w the annie and finnick fic and lucy gray fic#i think this one is more simple in terms of sentence structure (maybe? idk) but the emotion is lacking#like not in a bad way bc i’m so used to writing very emotional characters bur since percy is chill as fuck i had to tone it down#it’s just the type of fic where u go fuck it we ball and press post#maybe i should tag the pjo fandom#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#sally jackson#paul blofis#while i have the pjo fandom here pls just keep in mind i haven’t done a reread in ages 😔#that’s why the timeline is so vague lol#moral of the story call me beep me if u wanna reach me about any sally and percy and gabe and paul thoughts if u wanna share em
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Conflict test..? Moe fucks up Badly test.
#feh#i'm ngl there's not a lot that's presentable in here. this sketchbook does feel like a waste tbh#like i just did not do a whole lot w it. lacks substance. i'm itching to just start over tbh.#sad!#anyways something i was trying to test here and that's been in the back of my mind forever#is moe offering a hand. literally. like it just does not know what else to do.#extremely picky about being touched. leads to it being extremely maybe overly cautious of touching others.#in a way remaining distant is its way of showing comfort. but that usually does come off as well. distant.#unreachable even.#and here i think alfonse is so hurt that he won't even accept moe's gesture. ouch! you fucked up big time!!!!!#i def get really in my head about presentation and how good anything is though like#i feel like i could nitpick the HELL out of this. BUT. BUT. IT'S JYST A CONCEPT. JUST A TEST#maybe i'll work on something else today...... idk idk i feel aimless but i wanna raise morale. somehow.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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I don’t know if you’re still doing this, but I’d love to see your reasoning for ‘Talks’ in D tier. (As someone who also agrees that it’s kinda a weird/bad moment, I want to see your thoughts on it!)
I'm always open to discussing my reasons for liking or hating certain moments so I will absolutely answer!!
Ok so "Talks" was always odd to me as a moment because I never quite understood why Terry and Miranda fought in the first place (and I still don't, or if anything it seems...silly? Like something a young teenager would fuss over not an 18 year old) not only that but the only interesting part about it is if you fight with Cove, and even then I understand Cove's reasonings to get upset and it makes sense character wise but it's so...it feels out of character? Again it is mostly because I don't understand the conflict in the first place because it's so minimal as a conflict. We could have had real conflict.
The fact that the main conflict is about Terry getting stressed over how to get home and Miranda trying to help feels...eh? It took me people telling me what the conflict was about for me to understand. And again it feels juvenile and something you'd be able to discuss with a Friend after a night's sleep, not saying that it can't be realistic but it feels more like something a 14 year old would be hung up over than an 18 year old.
The conflict would have worked ten times better if it was about their immediate future, you're going back into the themes of growing up into an adult and you also make these characters feel like actual 18 year olds. They still wouldnt know how to properly deal with fights, but it's also way more realistic if like, Miranda mentioned a college program while hanging out and Terry getting more and more upset as she talks about it but doesn't want to ruin the evening but Miranda notices and tries to make him talk about it only for them to fight. And I just came up with this and we can still have MC and Cove fight and reflect in how their mental state is about this and also how they both feel about moving out from their childhood homes. LIKE FUCK WHY DID WE HAVE THEM FIGHT OVER WHOS GOING TO PICK TERRY UP RATHER THAN THIS??
I'm especially saying this as someone who is 19, like I'm sorry the conflict in "Talks" doesn't make sense and it feels like everyone is overreacting over something so small?
I don't hate the idea, but conflict in our life is always awkwardly handled, then again I think step 3 is the step Kab/GB Lady wrote while in burnout (same goes for Baxter dlc) so step 3 is just a very awkward step that tumbles between great (charity, reflection, happiness, drinks, planning) to alright (hang (both versions), errands, sightseeing,road trip) to straight up mid (talks, late shift,boating, mountains (though mountains is less that and more like "why the fuck is MC spending nights away with someone they barely know?")). With that said it is my favorite step and it does have good moments it's just a hit or miss most times
#our life#olba#misty talks our life#our life beginnings & always#our life beginnings and always#ask tag#cove holden#terry brooks#miranda eckert#i have more thoughts on other moments so feel free to ask always happy to answer#step 3 isnt bad per se is just for ol standards is very meh on a writing standpoint that is#is my personal favorite but it is not the best written one#step 2 and 1 are the ones who are legitimately the best written ones#step 1 might be my least favorite but it's a wonderful set up for the game and for you and coves relationship#step 2 is just...great (idk about when in indifferent because i never played in indifferent) but like that we explore more the relationships#there step 2 is heavily focused on character relationship with is something step 3 lacks which is a shame because the game is at it's best#when it focuses on character relationships (hence why i wasnt the biggest fan of Baxter dlc)
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~
#very random (not snz) haha but#does anyone else feel like their social battery fluctuates like. 0 to 100 with no middle ground or is this perhaps something wrong with me#i will go for weeks without having the social energy to talk to people i love and treasure 😭#maybe it's a lack of dopamine in general idk... would not be thrilled to add another mental illness to the list#but then i'll have a night where i am super talkative and happily reply to half the people i've been talking to#or times when i send off all my responses and sit at my laptop like when are my friends going to reply 🙂 i can't wait to talk to them 🙂#i apologize if you have personally been on the receiving end of my extreme inconsistency 😭#i have been thinking about it recently and i think that's in part the reason why i also gravitate towards long form conversations;#it feels mentally easier for me to deliver a meaningful response once in a blue moon than like sustain that level of#conversational depth on a more consistent basis? because i am inconsistent#but sometimes in the long wait between responses (which i have arguably played a large role in establishing) i feel unexpectedly social and#then feel strangely lonely 😭 (🤡)... truly i feel like i am lowkey a badly adjusted adult#this is not a catastrophizing post (though i did catastrophize slightly more over it in past weeks); just passive musings atp#i go through similar flows with artistic motivation but the highs and lows are not synced with my social energy at all#i think i am someone who likes to analyze my habits just as a whole because i really enjoy optimizing for things 😭 so this tendency in#particular really perplexes me#delete later perhaps because i know this is truly a yap post. (i apologize)#i met with a friend earlier irl and this might be the remnants of the social energy from seeing her or it might be a function of#the drink i had (strawberry matcha 🥰) if you have read this far i apologize personally
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