#idk how else to post these so have them all at once
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Made one of those slideshow things inspired by quotes!
#torchwood#fanart#jack harkness#my art#ianto jones#janto#john hart#idk how else to post these so have them all at once
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i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,
if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."
i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,
i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason
#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions#ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person#if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully#that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is#not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion#yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something#like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi'#I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad#honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner#and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion#and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully)#but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ?#im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them'#have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf#its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!'#LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333#ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious.#MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions#ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol#being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless#but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy#and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize#ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people#so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3#i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE#watch nobody read this fr#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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I hate when something looks like it would be RIGHT up your alley and the cast is pretty stacked, but there's one person in said cast who is just. Genuinely a horrible human being.
#and then for the sake of. not giving that one person my time or attention or anything. I see no way beyond just not watching the thing#OBVIOUSLY the focus should be the people who were hurt by said horrible human being#that IS in fact the important consideration here#I guess this is more...really just the fact that it happens so often?#because there are COUNTLESS examples to draw from of this particular type of Horrible Behavior and similar variations of it#like the entertainment industry is just. SO bad.#and that makes it unsafe for the people WHO ARE LITERALLY JUST TRYING TO MAKE ART#(and tangentially makes it harder for other people to engage with that art or acknowledge the work those other Not-Horrible people#put in. like congratulations you did direct and lasting harm to others. which in and of itself is a point of condemnation--the MOST#IMPORTANT point of condemnation. and then ON TOP OF that. extraneously. to add insult to injury. you secondhand-ruined#the experience of other people partaking in the sharing of and engagement with art.)#'well mc13 you could just watch it anyway it doesn't have to be done through streaming'#maybe other people could do that but I personally cannot handle engaging with this at all. it would stress me out and sicken me to#the point where there wouldn't be anything good to come out of watching it. I PERSONALLY cannot make peace with that.#I have...a LOT of thoughts on the idea of 'separating art from artist' and maybe I'll scream about them someday. but I do recognize that#there IS some nuance to the discussion when it comes to like...idk. people who have been kicked out of a project and then replaced once#their behavior came to light. or artists who are dead and cannot gain any kind of benefit from people engaging with their work anymore.#and looking at things considering the severity of the behavior in question and whether it seems like reformative justice is possible#like I do think there are things to be talked about. I agree there can't be One Magic Answer For All Cases Ever.#but the fact of the matter is...the hard line for what's actually unacceptable is...virtually nonexistent. and that shouldn't be the case.#this is past MY hard line. which yes does make it inconvenient in the sense of 'I cannot engage with a thing that sounds interesting' but#mostly I am just reminded over and over again of how insidious this industry is and how easily people get fucked up by it and it just...#it's so bleak. I don't want people to suffer when they're trying to make art. I don't want people to be unsafe. I remember when *I* was#experiencing those things and everyone around me was experiencing those things. I do not want ANYONE else to have to#go through that. EVER.#(<-this isn't like. COMPLETELY related to my previous post. I'm trying to organize my watchlist and I'm gonna. have to make some changes.)
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I love normal human beings that have more than two braincells and decide to make character sheet reference for their drawings.
Unfortunately god made me the laziest person alive and all I have is my tears and the tiniest stupidest doodle in the corner of the canvas to guide me.
#personal#im kinda joking tho I actually love my stupid small doodles#idk how to explain but#sitting down and creating an actual character sheet reference (or even a simple drawing that show more details of the character design)#feels kinda stressful and i almost never have fun making them lol#plus with a small fast doodle I wont overthink while creating the design#and later -once I start actually drawing the character- I can improve tiny details that aren't visible on the small doodle#but then I see people posting all the character design they created and always looks SO COOL#meanwhile I have some weird shaped blob that I put on the corner of the canvas#feels like people making the most beautiful amazing and delicious cake whilst I arrive holding the aoba cake#excuse my silly rant. its just that twitter is banned on my country so I have nowhere else to yell at the void
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the end of exams has been the biggest goal for me to get to for a couple of months but now it's here i'm realising everything is still awful even if i don't have to study for hours on end
#this is the inevitable post-exam exhaustion situation tbh#i told myself i'd sort it all out once they were over but i still can't respond to my parents. ventposting because my dad just tried to cal#btw#cant pick up#i'm so tired#just seeing his name on my phone screen makes me so scared and sad like i was all christmas but if i tell him that who knows what he'll do#probably shout at me#or tell me it's painful for him to hear and make me feel so guilty#or ignore me for a week then i'll worry he's dead#im so so scared that he thinks i don't want to talk to him or don't care and that's why i'm not responding#idk what he'll do if he gets too deep in that belief#and i want to respond and act all happy so he knows it's not true#but i can't#and my mum . :/#she's always been my mother who i love above anything else but now she's just a reminder of everything and i can't stand it#need to get away from them pls i wish i could tell them to leave me alone without the inevitable paranoia my dad will kill himself#and my mum will neglect herself#as she's admitted to doing because i didn't talk to her for 2 days#as i know my dad does too just because he doesn't care#and now i'm the worst person in the world because i can't reply and be all cheerful despite knowing these things#can't even chat to my housemates smh i fucked that up too#i'm too autistic to hold a conversation no matter how badly i want to#glad i'm not going out tonight wow#it would have gone SO badly#tw vent#i guess#got to stop this jfc
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I’m finding myself intrigued by the concept of how a Transformer’s alt mode may affect them on a personal level
I’m not sure if what I said makes sense, let me try to give examples
What I mean is like…
Shit I don’t know how to explain myself other than the concept of a Transformer not liking their alt mode and wishing they had a different one
I think it does depend on whether or not Cybertronians choose their alt mode, and if literally any option is available to them before doing so, or if they have a pre-set kind of alt mode when they’re first created, and can only really change their alt mode to something with a similar build
Also I feel like this concept I want explored is just Functionism and how it affects Cybertronians, especially when I’m thinking of it outside of just that one concept I listed above. And I assume this is covered a fair bit in the comics
But like, I don’t feel like I see much of it in the shows (at least as far as I’ve seen). Which is personally my preferred/default way of consuming the series, hence why I want to see it there. And I don’t just mean how it shows a corrupt pre-war Cybertron, but how it affects them individually, or how the influence of Functionism still affects them so long after
Crap, I’ve said the same thing like, three times now and all in the same way. I’m trying to say it in a variation that explains more of what I want, but it’s not verbalizing in my brain properly so I just end up repeating myself. I do mean in more ways, I just don’t know how to say them
I feel like this post is becoming incoherent, and reads very much like a flow of my brain thoughts, in part because that’s what it is, just not as polished as when I usually do it. But do you get what I’m saying?
#*sigh* maybe I should just give up and write this post another day#but I probably won’t untangle my thoughts and how to say them any more than I have here so#I just want to get this thought out#I’ve noticed recently it’s become increasingly more difficult to say what I mean#which I thought just relegated to actual speaking IRL but it seems it’s affecting me here too#anyways off topic once more#does anyone understand what I’m saying?#IDK I think I sounds neat#like I dunno we meet a character who wants to be a jet instead of a car#and there also comes the question of how feasible that is and how you go about it#and I feel like at some point it crosses into a transgender allegory#which granted I think would suit Transformers well I mean it’s literally called TRANSformers#but also like “freedom is the right of all sentient beings” how does this translate into their alt modes?#a fundamental part of them?#do they choose what their alt mode is or is it predetermined?#what happens if they don’t like their alt mode?#I’m realizing my post might be more coherent now if I move this to the main post but I’m too lazy to#transformers#what else do I tag#rambly post
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not sure how to word this but I was thinking about the older queers. just thinking about them. I hope they know how much they’ve impacted my life
#camera talks#and I’m not just talking about my queer elders#bc ofc them and yall too#but I mean the before stonewall queers#the queers who only wrote about their sexuality being bad because they couldn’t write anything else#the ones who didn’t get to have what I have even if the acceptance I have is so little sometimes#the ones who were out but not really#the ones who weren’t out#idk what I’m getting at or if this makes sense#but I was just looking into Tennessee Williams earlier#and I hope he knows I felt something over his stories#I hope harry allen knows I think about him#and I hope the first transwoman in the newspaper knows I cried over her#I hope all of them know. there’s someone out here thinking about the impact they made for our queer lives and experience#I’m just thinking about the old queers and how much I appreciate them.#anyways. it’s like eleven here and I have to stop crying now so#(remind me to make a post about Tennessee Williams if I can be normal about that for once because I’ve have having a lot of emotions#over his plays and his life recently (today))#also anyways idk if this makes sense I’m so slepe deprived
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now some people may not like to hear it but even the worst people who exist are still people & there is no human being who has More right than others to decide whether others deserve to live or die (does not mean i personally condemn murder in self defense or anything of the sort or killing fascists or whatever i'm just saying as a baseline This Is How it Is) & this is why the death penalty is not a good thing no matter how good & trustworthy the people in any government might be. people on average also deserve the chance to learn to do better. & no, someone who's been forcefed propaganda their entire life will not let go of that deeply entrenched mindset so easily, it's not particularly unrealistic & it absolutely sucks to deal with but in the context of tangibly working toward world peace it's also not an issue to try & help such people both in material ways & in helping them learn better rather than cut them down or abandon them to a grim fate. all this to say that's why i don't think garlemald is written badly, as unpleasant as the experience might be. walks off the stage
#ffposting#also if you hate garlemald's writing THIS much but like emet-selch i think theres a disconnect there i just dont understand.#like he made it that way. you do understand this is all because of him right. maybe you should be more upset about that.#garlemald is very uncomfortable & the real life parallels it draws make it a very very touchy Thing to deal with#but i do not think it is handled badly.#their supremacy is entirely gone by the time of edw the people there have known nothing but propaganda#the populares are known to be a minority. people like cid or jenomis aren't that common. this is why they get along#the propaganda is such that even occupied domans like asahi fell for it & feel absolutely nothing for their kin#thats what propaganda does. there is absolutely a degree of responsibility regarding what they do & i would never say otherwise#however the idea that we should let them die & not get a chance to rebuild after theyve lost everything (again) is like. huh.#when you want to work toward world peace in a meaningful way you cant just abandon anyone like that.#like thats a whole people. they suck! but it is not immutable & they deserve the opportunity to do better like any other#id much rather they face retribution for their actions in meaningful ways including working toward reparations#wrt all the peoples the empire occupied than to round them up to kill them or worse let them die to the telophoroi#OR to becoming blasphemies. that would make things so extremely worse.#i just dont understand how you can have sympathy for jullus when he was just like everyone else at first#but you want to leave the rest of them to die. & i dont get how you can like emet & want them to die.#like he fucking did this its a pretty notable very fucking bad thing that he did. no doubt varis has made it worse#but varis was in power for like 2 years at best.#that emet was playing a role & did not actually believe in or care about what he was doing does not erase that he did it#& i personally find it hypocritical to like him if you balk at the idea of garlemald restoration. clears throat#i believe in killing fascists but i also dont believe in punitive justice#& by the time of edw garlean civilians do not hold the systemic power they once mightve#which i think is also important. their entire country is in shambles.#if anything its the ideal opportunity for them all to start anew & learn better. shed their preconceptions as one might say#that said i still skip garlemald cutscenes bc i dont need cunts calling me a savage ✋-_-#do not take any of this for garlean apologia i fucking hate dealing with them on an individual level as a xaela player lmfao#but yeah. if you can feel pity for livia who is a military general WHO HAS ACTIVELY KILLED YOUR FRIENDS#but not for the civilians whove never been exposed to anything other than propaganda. idk man. 30 tags. fly free my post
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I LOVE THIS FUCKIJG FILM SO MUCH EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS PERFECT
#the casting is so good its oerfect they all do such good jobs iCAAAANNTT#roman and zsasz do SO WELL they creep me OUT its so GOOOOODODODO#“fuck fsmily! all due respect but fuck that!!!” all his. tantrums? how else would i word thst idk so. and like from the little bits we see#we learn so much about them. like idk shit avout them sorrt im a poser. but FUCKKXKCK its just so good#obviously margot robbie does incredibly. and cassandras actress! i know people have said they sorta dilute her character down which IS sad#esp bc i dont know anything about her either. but fuck#and the way it depicts gotham!!!!!!!!!! ive talked about this alot before and god its always sssoooooo#ITS JUST ALL SO GOOD. the humor THE WARDROBE. once again the causal lgbt rep. all the sexism stuff.#its just perfect its genuinely perfect#AGRGRHFHSJ I LOVE THIS FILM.#birds of prey#AND JUST THE WAY EVERYONE TALKS AND THE DELIVERY OF EVERYTHING. I DONT KNOW ITS JUST ALL. PERFECT.#also another mention to roman and zsasz. they do it SO. WELL. the changes in zsaszs voice AND JUST HIS GENERAL ATTITUDE. sionis and how wel#his actor does the quick switches. and again the delivery of ALL his lines. also special mention to his little spin at his first scene.#ALSO HIS AND ZSASZS LAUGHS ohmyod#and montoya does it all so well and inlove her voice and same with canary and i cant say much on them because its ALL so good that i cant#pinpoint it??????#ALSO THE HAIR TIE SCENE 💘💘💘💘💘#also forever thinking of roman and his thing with how people pronounce words. actually im sorta just always thinking about him and zsasz#zsaszmask hoffstrahm and now hannigram all live in my head. and another ship i wont say incase noah sees this. OH AND SUKEVE.#another mention to the soundtrack. oh. my. god.#another mention to how it depicts gotham. like you just see people living. in the daytime. hanging out living rhwir lives. and you see smal#businesses and a supermarket and a club and the graffiti and just somuch of the film being. in. the daytime. AND THE SKATING DERBY!#GOD i love this film so so so much can you tell#also why is all the content of my posts only ever in the tags. like okaaayy sure.#DINAHS SIDE EYE AT ROMAN AND ZSASZ WHEN THEYRE BEING EXTRA GAY I CANT DO THIS#am i gonna go and look at loads of zsaszmask content now. yes. dont judge.#also anti-big establishments moment (her robbing the store) and her promising to get sal the 75 cents. support small businesses#also bruce wayne mention theyrr always so funny#rain rambles
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i dont think im ever getting my funny bird toy guys
#this post is about jet the hawk action figure#hes been out for what like a year now . and i havent seen him a single time despite how many times ive looked for him#ive seen the sonic from the wave hes in Once. but never anything else#my parents are even checking for me whne they go to the store and they havent found him either#SAD !#idk why this wave specifically is so elusive to me . with every new character that comes out i usually see them at least once#even if it takes a while for them to show up . but i have not seen jet or super silver a single time#meanwhile ive seen blaze sooo many times when apparently some people are strugglign to find her. can we trade.#maybe a singular jet will just randomly show up all of a sudden one day thats what happened to me with chaos#who was another one i was struggling to find#apparently some people are struggling to find blaze which is like. ive seen her sooo many times . can we trade .
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Ur so new to this its making me giggle. also you should share more I need to Know
gloomy I can't stress enough how bad I am at this. once we got past stats and I had to actually come up with real character things it was awful. dragged kicking and screaming through character creation. also I'm realizing as I type this how little I still have in mind for this character bc I never even decided what gender they are. we've been referring to them interchangeably as "my new cringfail losergirl oc" and "my new weird little guy"
#gonna be real though it’s probably a girl. and she'll be a lesbian. why would I ever choose anything else#ok but she doesn't even have a name yet. idk how to name things that is gonna suck#she's a blacksmith though. and a tiefling druid but I think you saw me tell theo that already in the replies of the other post#and she has a fascination with fire bc I got in a projecting mood#and that sounds stupid as hell I hate saying that actually bc it makes me think of that very annoying internet time#where every single gay person on tiktok was like “ooh be gay do crime!! arson!! mother mother!!”#but I cannot stress enough this is a genuine trait of mine if you leave me with a lighter and something flammable#I will set it on fire just to watch it burn#my family won't let me light birthday candles because they don't like giving me lighters#I set a paper towel on fire in our camper once when no one was in there#and then they went in later and were like “why does it smell like smoke in here?”#and I had to admit I lit a paper towel on fire#AND THEY WOULD NOT LET IT GO!!#they rag on me about it all the time like “rori you were gonna light our camper on fire!!”#and I have to be like “NO I PUT IT IN THE SINK”#but yeah saying oh here's my lesbian who likes fire sounds stupid and annoying but that's. that's a genuine trait of mine#anyway also as for the oc creation taking 5 hours. I will say I was doing this on discord call with several people#and only ONE of them was actually helping me in character creation. so the conversation kept getting sidetracked by everyone#we debated on if a hotdog was a sandwich at some point (it is)#ask#gloomybirdie#hi gloomy!
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okay but how do you ask for help when your childhood makes you feel guilty for needing help and the help that you need feels rude to ask for
#im really struggling to function rn and i finally accepted that i wont make it to my appt without help#so i posted on my snap story asking if anyone could come over for a few hours to help me get back on track#n. two people replied saying they cant but hope i find someone but no one else has replied at all#i knew the answer would probably be no bc no one has time to come all the way here to help me to do tasks i should be able to do alone#but idk i thought i might get some comfort or encouragement or something. just some acknowledgement#i wish i had a group chat or something where i could reach out to people. bc things like snap stories people are just flicking past#i NEED to change the kitty litter today i have no choice its unusable and needs changing but i just. how. i am so tired#i have a ridiculous amount of glasses n crockery specifically for when i struggle like this n yet im still almost completely out of them#bc i just. cant do the dishes. i dont even have to wash them they just need to go in the dishwasher n i Cant#my brain just completely shut down once i got back from the trip#especially bc i got a cold n i dont cope well being sick at all#but of course thats another reason i feel bad asking for help. bc my house is full of germs. n i dont want people to get sick bc of me#but i am running out of food and clean dishes and bench space and i just. cant do it alone rn#but i used up my asking capabilities posting on snap#posting on insta would prob get more people to see it but insta feels. much more public#i dont use my insta stories like ever so it feels like a Lot to post on it for this#n when i asked for support after my parents divorce i only got a couple responses anyway#n this is. not worth support. like its a problem of my own making? i went on the trip knowing it would be a Lot for me#i wasnt planning on getting sick And getting an infection which are both exhausting me a lot but thats not the point#idk im just beating myself up over here. idk how to ask for help esp bc i expect the answer to be no anyway#like who is gonna travel an hour+ to help their friend clean their kitchen and fill out paperwork. im 28 i should be able to do that stuff#these tags are getting very maudlin and mean to myself. sigh. i wish i didnt feel so guilty when i need help#i wish i felt like i was allowed to ask for and accept help#love that childhood and autistic trauma haha lmao#anyway. brains are annoying. and im struggling a lot.
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,
#hanahaki brainstorm while half asleep🤘#working on two ideas at the same time because that’s just how my adhd ass functions#platonic familial hanahaki you know I’m thinking either Bruce or Jason#(when have I thought about anyone else honestly)#getting over unrequited love hanahaki. I’m thinking one sided superbat that’ll probs bleed into hopeful future polycule potential#because I’m a sucker for both polycules and sweet endings#unrequited love being a type of mourning is literally the only way I can relate to romance unfortunately OTL#I’m a morbid motherfucker 😭#getting over unrequited love hanahaki for Jason tho#idk who he’ll have a crush on but he’s perfect for the repressing emotions thing too#unfortunately a big fan of body horror#and Jason whump so that might be a thing too#platonic familial hanahaki where it’s both Bruce and Jason struck by it#post red hood era grief and mourning#your son’s alive and love blooms painfully within your lungs but everything’s a mess and you can do nothing about it#your family doesn’t want you the way you are now parading in the skin of someone they once loved#you don’t need them don’t need (your dad) /him/ most of all#you ignore the taste of flowers and blood blooming at the back of your tongue#suffocate on the perfume of it alongside the part of you that still hopelessly pitifully loves them#unrequited love Jason with the story ending without him confessing to the person that he loves#it ends with him thinking about them and the time they spent together and that he doesn’t regret falling in love with them#it ends with him admitting his feelings to himself and getting over them#they don’t have to be entangled that way to be in each others lives and he’s more than content with that#ooof okay I think I channeled a specific type of fanon royjay for the last few tags so maybe that’s how I’ll proceed 🤔#I keep projecting qpr on royjay or just Jason in general OTL this time accidentally I must add 😭#I’ll try to brainstorm the superbat turned cloisbat one later as a challenge to myself to just remember what romance is#*slapping myself with a slipper*#ramble#fic ideas#eepy so I go sleepy for now
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HI!!!!! whilst eating dinner i watched the “once an otter always an otter” number retirement video on youtube and thought “ooh. cool. let me see what people are saying”. opened tumblr. saw your most recent reblog, pressed play. saw DYLAN STROME say the word “davo” and immediately had to pause it lol. put my fork down to boot. like…..flabbergasted. genuinely. man oh man. my goodness. unpaused. the past tense “it was (WAS!!!!) an honor to be your friend” (😧) and the “and hopefully we can make some more [memories] in the future” and the fade to black. SHUT UPPPPPPPPP. OH MY GOD…………….i don’t have anything of substance to add just im sick!!! im sickened!!!!!! it’s never overrrrrrrrrr. absolutely unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! frank ocean ivy trust and believe you WILL be looped for the foreseeable future……..they’ll never be those kids again!!!!! and the game’s in a week and a half!!!!!!! gahhhhhhh. nuts crazy bonkers etc etc. going to have an absolutely exceedingly normal one about it for sure!!!!!! hope you have a good one!!!!!!!
also! just for future reference: do you prefer asks of this nature sent to this blog or your hockey one? thank you!!
"Centaur over Tomer Butte" [amended, abridged], Robert Wrigley
you know. i don't think i actually ever registered dylan saying "davo". i think my ears just decided i didn't need to hear that, for the good of my brain to continue functioning. who up having their present haunted by the ghosts of the past who are less like ghosts and more like someone you keep forgetting walked out of the next room but also aren't quite sure if they came back and you've only just worked up the courage to call out to them. schrödinger's best friend who might or might not be there in your future to make more memories with. but at least this time you opened the door and left it cracked for him to crawl back through.
#me when i. when i. like i was looking for a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT POEM to reply because that is unfortunately the arbitrary mechanism#brain decided to employ here and then this one was like NO ACTUALLY i am invading your brainwaves. i wanted to find all my dylan/zach you#you say his name just to keep him for a while longer in your mouth bring more of him into the world poems wherever they went because.#as mentioned. number one actually i will also say i didn't have the sound on for the first few seconds of the video because human error#of needing to hit unmute BUT my brain :) was protecting me :) from having to think about stromer :) davo-ing him :) and i am LOSING IT#idk. idk. poem felt relevant because we were talking about stars & i have very long had a note about connor & orbits even if it's re: leon#and alsO i keep looking at ash's post about a wobbler and his devoted valet because i'm in love with it and it IS them and so i also#immediately went OH MY GOD but that was second the first part was me going “ME BREATHING DOWN HIS NECK FOR A WHILE IN A FURTHER FOREVER”#DYLAN YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE DYLAN SOME ODD NUMBER OF YEARS OUT STILL TALKING ABOUT CONNOR LONG AFTER YOU'D THINK HE COULD STOP & FORGET and#we were talking about ghosts with bleachers and thinking about like. don't assume ghosts were birthed by other ghosts maybe nothing went#wrong!! the it was an honor to be your friend!! cody's post that was like we all want to know what happened in their friendship and it#sounds like maybe dylan wants to know too! y'all i can't BE HERE there's something percolating and i don't know what it is. smth smth#orion the hunter leon is a scorpio but ALSO i need everyone to understand how complex this square is like i don't hate leon and i need him#to be okay if we have mcstrome & viceversa. anyway i meant the distance between stars forever? OH ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION ME READING TOMER#LAUGHING LIKE HAHA STROMER right there and then editing the poem so it said stromer & all of you could suffer with me. in a further forever#do u think they promised each other forever when they were kids. do u? do u think the arrow drawn at the heart was one dylan always knew#connor would have to fire? shout out to the verse before that said what lives on that map (charted lightning strikes) never sees the light#& it [s]t[r]omer was significant once before a lava from the west filled its valley in. caved its <3. connor breaking dylan's <3 -> ghost#liv in the replies#anyway made myself more unhinged with the schrödinger's best friend and them missing each other thinking about like. dylan wasn't there fr.#something something time loops and alternate universes i KNOW it's kinda terrible but this is how you lose the time war-esque element#(bc i also just finished reading welcome to forever) of them never seeing each other for real right like. always just an observation. does#he care or does he not. a video of dylan a tweet from connor a text a missed invitation an instagram story the levels of separation and by#god YES i will willfully misinterpret schrödinger & also smtms quantum physics what else do u have a niche interest for. planetary bodies b#ALSO! idrc but yes pls if hrpf related (all side blogs we die like men) send asks over there & maybe i will be more tag story organized#(also while this blog LOOKS more active bc i have a queue for months i am actually more active on the hockey blog lmao) & bc also i want to#share your asks with everyone there. duh. also if i did not tell u already BESTIE THE DMS IF YOU WANT!!! i love receiving asks. u were#already immediately my friend when u sent me one & like. now i would die for u we're having conversations. but if u want a poem send here#p.s. everyone tells me i'd love frank ocean lmao but i haven't listened to him yet for literally no reason. maybe this is the stars alignin
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yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years
#text#it feels like shit all the time bc it affects Everything Else#i dont get to interact with Real People very much . i dont get any sunlight . i feel weak and sick and gross all the time#i often barely eat at all the whole time im awake bc i just dont get hungry#n i cant rlly get up during the night anyways cause i risk gettin in trouble or waking up the dogs n getting them all riled up#more often than not i will eat. just toast or cereal cause i miss dinner and then thats it all the time im awake#oh also i can barely keep track of time anymore ! i noticed this months ago but like#i only know sundays bc i hear my mom wake uo n get ready for church right before i usually go to sleep n thats abt it now lol#it doesnt rlly matter anyways i guess cause theres not Day theres just Time Im Awake For#sometimes very small . sometimes a lot longer than one day#a friend also pointed out that my suicidal thoughts seem to get worse whenever my sleep gets really bad (like once or twice a month lmao)#n those r probably related bc of everything else being worse as well#i feel like im just watching it all happen n i dont have much control over my own body or mind#i always wake up in pain or with a migraine n sometimes i have seizures in my sleep#i just spend 75% of my time lately sitting or laying down in bed doing nothing cause i cant sleep n it sucks#my mom thinks its funny how hyped i get whenever im allowed to Go Anywhere but like thats the only time im Awake For Real . alive 😭#not like we go anywhere fun but like .walmart idk. when i can go is able to pull me out of the wretched hell that is Sitting In Bed Forever#n its been like this for well over a year lol#i ride da walmart high for about 12 or so hours after n then it just goes right back to schmiserable schmiserable sitting in bed forever#my entire world has shrunk to sitting in bed forever#posting now heart emoji . hwello if anyone read this all
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Times are getting desperate boys the sandbox tools suck so I'm hunting down other planetoids for more lore
#rat rambles#oni posting#for the love of god I just want some lockers since I think those have the journal logs in them and Im definitely missing some#I Could just make a second world for lore grinding but then Id have to get my self powered sytems for passive dupe management set up again#which doesnt take That much effort but still too much for my liking#so instead I will simply fly a rocket to random question marks until smth works out#Im getting bad luck so far tho two question mark spots and no planetoids yet#maybe thus next one could be smth but I doubt it tbh#its a bit Too close to the main planetoid so while Im hoping I dont wanna hope too much#the sooner I can feel peace of mind In not missing any more logs that arent on rhe wiki the better#god I hope they gave steve a full name drop and a comfirmed id#theres currently 3 possible ids and unless I missed smth none of them appear anywhere else#I think Ive catalogued all the ids I currently have access to and theres like 5 we dont know who they belong to#at least with my current knowledge which could easily be updated once I unlock everything#if I find out How to unlock everything more like dhdkhdkdh#the story traits still haunt me I have no fucking clue what to do to unlock their shit#I worry that I might Have to make a new world to do them again in to unlock the logs Im missing#I think thats what I had to do for the fossil one so idk we'll see
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