#this is the inevitable post-exam exhaustion situation tbh
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the end of exams has been the biggest goal for me to get to for a couple of months but now it's here i'm realising everything is still awful even if i don't have to study for hours on end
#this is the inevitable post-exam exhaustion situation tbh#i told myself i'd sort it all out once they were over but i still can't respond to my parents. ventposting because my dad just tried to cal#btw#cant pick up#i'm so tired#just seeing his name on my phone screen makes me so scared and sad like i was all christmas but if i tell him that who knows what he'll do#probably shout at me#or tell me it's painful for him to hear and make me feel so guilty#or ignore me for a week then i'll worry he's dead#im so so scared that he thinks i don't want to talk to him or don't care and that's why i'm not responding#idk what he'll do if he gets too deep in that belief#and i want to respond and act all happy so he knows it's not true#but i can't#and my mum . :/#she's always been my mother who i love above anything else but now she's just a reminder of everything and i can't stand it#need to get away from them pls i wish i could tell them to leave me alone without the inevitable paranoia my dad will kill himself#and my mum will neglect herself#as she's admitted to doing because i didn't talk to her for 2 days#as i know my dad does too just because he doesn't care#and now i'm the worst person in the world because i can't reply and be all cheerful despite knowing these things#can't even chat to my housemates smh i fucked that up too#i'm too autistic to hold a conversation no matter how badly i want to#glad i'm not going out tonight wow#it would have gone SO badly#tw vent#i guess#got to stop this jfc
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