#i dont get to interact with Real People very much . i dont get any sunlight . i feel weak and sick and gross all the time

[sleepyjim2]

yap sesh in the tags ! <3 nothing new im just frustrated abt my disordered sleep schedule as always . woke up at 5 pm and i will probably be failing my All Dayer and going to sleep shortly At 8 am and then sleeping for 1 billion years

[cityofjieun]

★ . . . . jia in 5-star era

highlights !!

they won a moonman!!!

jieunnie was among the members that had a big shocked reaction.

she, beomgyu, and jeongin took a selfie together (ily 01z).

ji also met megan thee stallion at the award show??

she had gone to the bathroom with one of their staff during the show and ran into her in the bathroom

jia is a huge fan and had to take the opportunity to compliment her performance earlier in the night. the two had a cute little convo and exchanged instas and even took a selfie together. long story short, jia is the first person in skz to follow a non-member.

she didn't get to mention the interaction to any of the members because after she returned from the bathroom, they were announced and everything was kind of a blur after

but imagine everyone's surprise when jia is trending the next morning because meg had posted the selfie on her story and stays have noticed that they are also mutuals now

also she’s so blonde now y'all.

really one of her best colors

we got tiktoks with lsf yunjin, p1h keeho, shinee key, and tbz eric.

the pilot fanmeet.

jia x seungmin x hyunjin cafe hopping rachalog.

they hit up like 4 cafes and spent time eating and chatting at all of them.

hyune brought his sketchbook and minnie brought a book while jia was writing notes for one of their dance practices.

side note: these last couple comebacks jia has really taken to helping lino monitor dance practices and stuff of that nature.

she has gained a lot of confidence in herself as a dancer.

anyways, they took some time to just do their little things independently.

it was giving very much study with me video.

a gift for the stays in school for real.

she also got to guest host on inkigayo.

this is the second time she's guest hosted on a music show and she really needs a full-time slot, someone get on that.

jia’s favorite schedule this era by far was kstar next door

she is an avid watcher of the show and was really upset to not go on last time

10/10 era

mv styling !!

photocards !!

concept a vers, concept b vers and digipack vers.

lines !!

hall of fame 0:00 - 0:20 (original: seungmin) ★ i write my name into the stars right now on gaelleorie nal namgyeo nal jungshimeuro doraga sunlight 0:57 - 1:00 (original: han) ★ ibi tteok beoreojige mandeuneun gwanggyeong legendary 1:12 - 1:16 (original: felix) ★ shaking the industry quaking reality making it iconic 2:24 - 2:29 (original: bangchan) ★ hear the people call my name here i’m on the hall of fame

sclass 0:20 - 0:28 (original: hyunjin) ★ byeollan geottuseongi byeonhameopji beonhwahaneun geori 0:57 - 1:00 (original: seungmin) ★ luxurious like i’m an s-class best of the best on first class 2:47 - 2:48 (original: han) ★ nune ttineun tenshyeon 3:11 - 3:13 (original: felix) ★ bichi beonjyeo deouk binnaneun star

item 0:52 - 0:58 (original: han) ★kkeunimeopshi i make it mine, never die 1:05 - 1:08 (original: han) ★aitemppal? igeon naeppal purop jangchak gadeuk cha 1:46 - 1:50 (original: seungmin) ★ got the best of the best nothing much, i confess 2:22 - 2:28 (original: han) ★ i do things that nobody can do god blessed, i’m the one and only

superbowl 0:37 - 0:40 (original: felix) ★ fresh taste, fresh scent fresh shape, fresh everything 2:23 - 2:29 (original: han) ★ i’ll do it again, just the way you want it i’ll do it again for the days to come 2:33 - 2:35 (original: han) ★ yeah we bring the rain

topline 0:43 - 0:48 (original: seungmin) ★ drawing, i’m moulding, i’m rolling my waves yeah i’m counting wins on the grand line 1:01 - 1:03 (original: felix ) ★ cause we dont give a fuck 1:22 - 1:25 (original: felix) ★ BOM DIGI DIGI BOM BOM BOM BOM 2:13 - 2:18 (original: jeongin) ★ gijuneul olligo mollineun moduga brave but they can’t pass me i’m the red line

dlc 0:00 - 0:11 (original: changbin) ★ we’re only going to dance like crazy It’s just that, I like it la la la 0:54 - 0:56 (original: han) ★sunrise 1:26 - 1:29 (original: felix) ★ amudo moreuge 2:50 - 2:18 (original: jeongin) ★ got me feeling like lalalala got me feeling like lalalala

get lit 0:35 - 0:40 (original: jeongin) ★ geocham soreum dotge tto hal georago saenggiji ilgeori sandeomi oh yeah 1:37 - 1:42 (original: bangchan) ★ I don’t wanna do it, I don’t wanna do it geunyang da naeryeonoko manyang michin deushi nollae 1:56 - 2:00 (original: seungmin) ★ oneul urin bureujua eokkae pyeogo danyeo dangdanghi saramdeul apeseo chumsawido 2:27 - 2:28 (original: han) ★ let's go

collision 0:31 - 0:36 (original: bangchan) ★ romantic haetteon chueok hwesang sogak haneullo heuteojyeo beorin maeyeon gatta 1:04 - 1:14 (original: hyunjin) ★ uri dul bappi chungdo 1:11 - 2:18 (original: hyunjin) ★ yeah chungdol 2:01 - 2:07 (original: seungmin) ★ shigani jina urin mannaseo buseojideora geu heunjeogi on uju jeonchereul maemdoneun i bam

fnf 0:31 - 0:37 (original: jeongin) ★ nal dulleossan fauna and flora meonjiga dwaedo i really want you back 1:26 - 1:28 (original: leeknow) ★ yeah i’ll never be the same 2:09 - 2:17 (original: bangchan) ★ i’m catching up 2:45 - 2:50 (original: felix) ★ dallyeoga jjochaga bulganeunghaed oh

youtiful 2:13 - 2:18 (original: bangchan) ★ “I don’t know if I’m ready to show myself” you worry day and night 2:13 - 2:18 (original: seungmin) ★ cause when you give me a glance i am sure that i see the universe in your yeyes 2:13 - 2:18 (original: jeongin) ★ then that little star was surely going to become the biggest thing 2:13 - 2:18 (original: hyunjin) ★ you are a miracle, miracle you are youtifull

the sound 0:48 - 0:51 (original: jeongin) ★ ttarawara da ttarawara da 1:27 - 1:30 (original: hyunjin/jeongin) ★ oh nothing better yeah nothing matters 2:12 - 2:17 (original: bangchan) ★ deo keuge nopyeo volume up jogeum deo gwitgaeneun hamseongsoriga meolli peojyeo ganda

time out 1:09 - 1:18 (original: han) ★ so come on let’s go tteona da mirugo eodideun gaja yeogiseo meolliro run to (run to) run to (run to) 2:39 - 2:47 (original: bangchan) ★ so come on pack up piryohan geon teong bin meori sallangineun baram ttaragaja we run to (run to) run to (run to)

©︎ cityofjieun, all rights reserved. pls, do not copy or repost my work.

[kiss2012]

final 911 thoughts…

k tommy’s entrance in 7x03 kinda slayed ngl. the fake static LMAO

“i’d follow your hunches any day” “it’s cap and athena let them fire us” CATCH ME CRYING IN THE CLUB

eddie’s incredulous happy little laugh when they saw the flare <3

this show is at its best when 1) it’s about the inherent goodness of humanity and how everyone deserves to be saved, 2) when the members of the 118 are in Situations, 3) when they r all a happy family, and 4) when they are flagrantly disobeying orders to save the people they love

TJE BACHELOR HAHAHDHHSHSHHSHAHAHAH

u don’t understand how funny this is to me (person who watched the most recent bachelorette live)

making buck bi in the bachelor episode literally the greatest thing they have ever done.

I LOVE MADDIE CHIMNEY AND JOSH TRYING TO FIND OUT WHO THE BACHELOR IS DHDJKDD

scream at joey’s face when the contestants proposition buck and eddie

once again buck continues his trend of either flirting on purpose or flirting without realizing he’s flirting.

HOW DID ANYONE GET THROUGH THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK ARE BUCK EDDIE AND TOMMY ALL DOING

buck saying he’s “keeping his options fluid” LOL.

look im glad to see harry even if the actor’s different i missed him but WHERE IS MAY

ravi i love you so deeply

oh my god ravi looks so beautiful

“you and tommy have a lot in common: both in the army both like watching half-naked men pummel each other” WHAT???? WHAT THE FUCK AM I WATCHING

so i understand exactly what’s going on with buck right now he is certifiably insane but he’s obviously jealous over eddie and jealous over tommy and worried about being replaced especially with chris and insecure and confused about what he’s feeling etc. but eddie 😭😭😭 what’s going on babe

I LOVE MADDIE

ok seriously did we need a rehash of the WORST athena plotline to date???

BUCK IS SO EMBARRASSING.

oh my god i physically can’t watch this

ummmmm yikes

i’ve seen a lot of people both blindly defending buck for this and a lot of people hating on it and i don’t really think it’s that simple. like i think it was wrong wish we could see him apologize but it is some delicious drama. like suck ur teeth in hand over mouth kinda drama.

chimney pretty much summed it up and maddie was so right…love u madney

maddie’s hilarious for being like yeah buck i understand where ur coming from i also made desperate bids for my friend’s attention. when i was a 14 year old girl.

“so stop acting like one” YEAH LMAO

END OF 7x04. WOWWW THAT WAS A LOT

you’d think seeing half of this in gifsets would’ve desensitized me to it. but it hasn’t.

this would have been the perfect opportunity to have tommy talk about how he regrets his behaviour during the begins episodes and talk more about his friendships with hen and chimney??

tommy. BUCK!!!!!!!

scream.

um im sorry i cant blame tommy for leaving buck at the curb after that hot chicks comment. and then the “bro”??? im in agony.

i thought u guys were joking this is marisol’s like fourth appearance on screen and we’ve barely heard her speak let alone seen her interact with eddie but he “really likes her” and they’re moving in together? um excuse me??? WHY ARE THEY LYING TO ME I DONT KNOW THIS WOMAN NO ONE KNOWS THIS WOMAN NOT EVEN EDDIE KNOWS THIS WOMAN

ohhhh my god that post about how unlike tommy eddie’s always treated buck like an equal partner no matter what from the very beginning. yeah…

denny is so sweet.

MADDIE AND BUCK COMING OUT SCENE MY BELOVED

disaster bi buck fr (affectionate)

the “christopher is out of town for a couple days” is still killing me. where is he.

eddie is such a dreamboat truly who wouldn’t be in love with him

so many shannon mentions this season thank you…i miss you shannon

if you need me i’ll be thinking about eddie’s thumb on That Spot.

this end scene is the best buck has looked all episode the choice to have him literally bathed in sunlight is so real and true

7x06 time oh my god im so scared

maddie and hen look unbelievably stunning. jesus christ.

eddie looks beautiful in his beautiful pre-destroyed pink suit. buck…your suit was a Choice. i will free you from whoever is doing your hair like that pls buck just let me in i can fix it pls

eddie wasn’t overtly bitchy about tommy being there until he saw tommy hug buck. he’s so funny.

HENREN AND RAVIIIIII 🥰🥰🥰🥰 and all three of their outfits r a slay

can’t explain to you how much i love clipboard buck if clipboard buck has no lovers i am not on this earth etc. and a karaoke bachelor party really is such a thoughtful idea even if it’s not what chimney wanted

but once again buck is so embarrassing i can’t do this

thanks we had a…time. HFJFJDKD

MONTAGE <33333 buck and eddie’s bestieism is off the charts im gonna cry…

“i am 911” maddie buckley the woman that you are…

i unapologetically looked at a million spoilers for this episode but i still don’t know What happened to chimney and im scared

kevin and the lees 😭😭😭😭

CHIMNEY GOING BACK TO THE KARAOKE BAR HE AND KEVIN WORKED AT. OH IM SICK

“telling buck no is like telling a dog not to jump your leg” is definitely. a line. that. they chose. for this episode.

I LOVE YOU CHIMNEYYY

home and he went to the lees. god….

IM GONNA BE SAD ABOUT KEVIN FOREVER

moment 1363673 of buck giving me the worst and somehow most affectionate secondhand embarrassment i’ve ever felt in my life

perfect episode no notes. actually one note WHERE WAS ALBERT. but other than that im in shambles time to listen to islands in the stream on repeat

[lampd-intheface]

vampire LAMP au

okay but like imagine a vampire au with polysanders except virgil is the only human???

roman got bitten by a vampire in italy just for kicks and then he was left to his own devices. he had to suffer through the shift alone with nobody to help him

for a little while, he was ravenous and accidentally killed a lot of people. in the end, tho, he snapped out of it and taught himself how to control his hunger

roman lived through the italian renaissance and moved between italy and spain (which is why he can speak really good spanish/italian) and even settled down a little in england for some time too

when roman settled down in england, he met patton who'd been a vampire for a while now

patton became a vampire becos he was hit with the plague and his mother was desperate to find a cure. this vampire they met ended up helping and then taking patton under his wing

roman and patton eventually find themselves in america (which was still a pretty new country at the time)

logan lived during the industrial era where everyone was just inventing things left and right and it was booming in terms of science and machinery

he was turned becos a vampire thought his genius was too valuable and death shouldn't put a stop to logan who had a lot of potential

the three then settled down in america

roman made some money writing fantasy books under pseudonyms. logan made money through patents or really any kind of intellectual work he could find. patton spent his time at home, just helping out and taking care of roman and logan

they had to move often, of course, becos people would be suspicious if they just stayed in the same place for too long. they couldn't get attached to people either becos getting attached to people meant people who would keep track of them

after all of their years being alive, patton and logan and roman have amassed enough money that they're just chilling and living comfortably

now, it's the modren era and, in this au, all of them either have online classes and/or night classes

virgil takes night classes and online classes because it limits his social interaction with other people and he's much more comfortable interacting with smaller groups of classmates (night classes)/not physically interacting with classmates at all (online classes)

the others because well duh they're vampires

it's not becos they dont like sunlight (they can be exposed to a little but too much gives them rashes). it's just that it's easier to keep a low profile if they interact with less people

logan is really the only one seriously taking classes and not for any other reason than because he loves learning. patton and roman will take classes here and there but only for their hobbies

insert virgil. i haven't thought this one through but logan probably meets him first because they share a class together.

anyway, LAMP have a meet cute or whatever

maybe like virgil is in an art history class and the prof says something wrong abt a certain part of history

logan is about to correct the prof but virgil beats him to it and logan is impressed with how accurate virgil was with his facts because logan lived that era and not a lot of people are so knowledgeable about it

that aside, their friendship takes time

logan has to introduce patton and roman separately and then the three of them have to keep attempting to get closer to virgil slowly and at virgil's pace

eventually, for their own reasons, they fall in love with virgil

logan falls in love with how much he relates to virgil. virgil is so smart and the two of them can talk and have debates and virgil just understands him so well

roman falls in love with how snarky virgil is becos he'll tease virgil and he knows virgil will serve it right back to him. virgil challenges him and its exhilarating and exciting

patton falls in love with how soft virgil is and how much he wants to protect virgil from all the bad things in the world. he loves how virgil has been through so much and yet virgil is still so strong

virgil is unaware of how smitten the three of them are tho and he falls in love with them too. he kind of just... plans to be with whoever asks him out first (if any of them ask him out at all)

because virgil struggles with his anxiety a lot, he can't really work at normal places. there's too many interactions, too many people.

he had thought that he'd eventually get used to it and then he'd be able go get a job but it's taking him a lot of time to get over his anxiety

precious time he can't really afford since he's putting himself through college

which is where his vamp boyfriends friends come in because hello, if they can't pay for their cute human crush's essential college classes, then what's the point of having all that money?

in any case, they find out abt virgil's financial problems and they're like omg... we're the solutions to his problem!!!

roman: i can finally actually slay what ails virgil!!!

logan: you won't be slaying anything--

roman: LET ME HAVE THIS ONE THING

before they establish that sort of relationship though, logan and roman and patton all agree that they want virgil to know the real them first so that virgil can decide whether or not he wants to be associated with them

the last thing they want to do is make virgil feel like he's obligated to stay with them even tho he fears them becos they're paying for his college and housing him and stuff

so, they plan get to know virgil more and then tell virgil they're kind of sort of creatures of the night

definitely easier said than done

when they tell virgil, he's like *phone error sound* ??? before realizing oh my God, they're serious

he then laughs about it a little and the other three are confused but he clarifies that the situation was very ironic

becos like omg, how hilarious is that??? the one goth guy who's super pale and avoids social contact and is practically the stereotypical vampire is actually the only one that's NOT a vampire??? that's irony at its finest

virgil then also assures them that the three of them being vampires doesn't bother him one bit

virgil, the epitome of tumblr humor: bold of you to assume i wouldn't f**k a supernatural being

jokes aside, he does reveal to them that he couldn't care less about what species they were, just that they loved him and he loved them

and damn did virgil love those three idiots

roman: woah there, you might pull a muscle from all the i love you's you're spouting

virgil, sweating up a storm after showing the most emotional vulnerability in his life: sh*t u rite

jokes aside, they do form a sort of weird relationship where the three of them happily provide for virgil because virgil doesnt have the means to do so

it takes virgil a while to really get used to it since he's not used to accepting things from other people without giving back

he struggles for a little while becos he keeps trying to find ways to repay them for what they do for him but there's only so much he can do

eventually they have a conversation abt it and they're like babe honey sweetie no

patton: you give us your love and that's the absolute most important and priceless thing in the world!!!

virgil, known pessimist who cringes away from romantic gestures out of habit: sounds fake but ok

but like eventually they work it out in like a slowly but surely kind of way.

virgil learns to see money the same way the other three do (replaceable and pretty much worthless to vampires who have a large abundance of it) and the other three learn to kind of tone it down on the expensive gifts

virgil: im so glad you guys dont buy me really expensive things now

roman, sweating profusely as he hides the golden apple he had commissioned to be made especially for virgil: oH YEAH OFC HAHAHA

(logan, when roman had suggested getting virgil the golden apple: first of all, no??? in what way is that even romantic--)

omg imagine if virgil does the thing where he coops himself up in his room??? and then someone tries to get him to get out by pulling the blinds open to let in light??? and virgil hisses???

patton, having just let sunlight in, looking absolutely offended: OKAY FIRST OF ALL, you're not a vampire so don't take that tone of hiss with me--

someone is like teasing or bullying virgil abt his aesthetic and virgil is obviously getting uncomfortable, esp when they call him twilight (in reference to the vampire romance novel)

so one of the boys, probably roman, steps up and he's like 'the person you should call twilight is me' and he scares the bullies by flashing his eyes red and showing them his fangs

omg!!! roman doesn't have a reflection so virgil helps him put on make up or smth!!!

maybe virgil in this au is an artist so he paints a picture of all three of them so they know what they look like becos they dont show up on pictures and reflections

patton, gazing down at the picture: this is what true love feels like

logan, also feeling the same way: really? how unpleasant

logan:

logan: give me more

omg also logan having only really kept up with the intellectual side of history so he doesn't know abt memes and like stuff like that so virgil teaches him and he has his Flashcards™

iDK MAN JUST VAMPIRE BOYS BEING SOFT FOR EACH OTHER AND FOR THIS SMALL LITTLE HUMAN THEYVE PULLED UNDER THEIR (bat) WINGS

[bma-2020]

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

[rimurutempest-bounced]

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

 if so, what are yr favourite stims? 

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.  

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

ya

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")? 

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

no

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you? 

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

[maxattack-powell]

The Freshman: 2-1

Book 2 - 1 Chapter 1: Winter in Hartfeld

Masterlist - go here for other chapters and related original fics

Disclaimer: The following are fics (adaptations from actual game chapters AND original works) to Choices: The Freshman and The Sophomore stories. It is a fictional adaptation. I (we) do not work for Pixelberry Studios, the game developer or own the rights to the characters Chris Powell, Nicole or any other IN GAME character. All of the ORIGINAL characters, storylines and events were developed for my adaptation of The Freshman story.

Comments: I enjoyed playing Choices The Freshman… and then I found this awesome group of people and their works - I’ve loved it all, very much so. Deciding that I wanted more interaction than the options allowed, I’ve gone through the first book, chapter by chapter (omg painfully slow) to follow the story (95-99% I’d say) and add to it as I felt would benefit. Now I am doing the same to Book 2 as well.

Basically, I wanted to include certain things that weren’t really full fic worthy, adding more substance to the story. However, I did add some full size fic moments also… some are included in cannon chapters and some are their own full chapters in between. I wanted to see MC and Chris through their freshman year… with more angst, fluff, sweetness, real life and overall detail. So, if you like that pairing then you’ll be satisfied, otherwise sorry James & Kaitlyn fans lol. I even added some parts from Chris’s POV, so that we have a chance to see what he’s thinking, knowing what she experienced.

NSFW moments in future chapters - Mature Readers Only Please

Paring: MC x Chris

POV: ~MC~ or ~Chris~

~MC~

Morning finally comes for the last day of Winter Break. MC is sad, but also beyond excited to get back to Hartfeld. She’s missed her family and friends while at school, but now what she misses more than anything is a single person. The thought baffles her mind, but she accepts it with a warm embrace as it just feels right.

Early yesterday, she told her mom that she wants to get to Hartfeld bright and early, which was slightly different than the original plan. That mornings text from Chris might have had something to do with it, seeing how just thinking about the text makes her stomach flip. MC assumes her mom knows why, but she doesn't care. She just wants to get there, to see her friends, and to see Chris. The only thing she wishes she could change would be to bring Max. Leaving him gets harder every time.

Her bags were packed and ready before she went to sleep the night before, so when the alarm went off this morning she was easily jumping out of bed and getting dressed within minutes. She did take a moment to send a ‘Good Morning, handsome’ text to Chris, beating him to the punch, a rare win for her over the Winter Break.

Even With all of her preparations, her mother moves slowly around the house, as if she had nowhere to go all day. MC was trying not to become furious with her, but her mother knows she wants to get back to Hartfeld. She internally grumbles about losing her truck to her dad. He had to sell his car after he lost his job, and since she wasn't using her truck during first quarter, he commandeered it. Now she was actually without wheels, something she hoping to have soon at Hartfeld. She wasn't going to give up though, she would find a way.

After a few minutes of following her mother around pointlessly, MC drops to the sofa with a huff. That's when she notices a message from Chris.

‘Morning, beautiful. Decided to sleep in huh?’ She can see the smirk on his face when he typed it. She quickly checks the time and sees that it's only just now about 9 a.m. She frowns and wonders what he means. Then it hits her. He's been on the road for hours at this point, how could she forget. He had asked her last night when she was going to leave in the morning, and now she knows why - he left in time to meet her at Hartfeld.

The crease in her brow deepens when she counts back the hours to guess at his departure time. She frowns and sends him a message. ‘You better not be texting while driving. And OMG, what time did you leave?!’

She quickly shakes her head and sends another. ‘Don't answer that. Don't text while driving. Dont read this!’

MC smacks her palm to her forehead lightly and rubs down her face when she realizes what she just did. Clearly, she’s not thinking straight. Maybe she didn't get enough sleep, or maybe she's distracted. Suddenly her phone rings, making her about jump out of her skin. She quickly lifts it to see who it is and grins when she sees Chris’s picture.

She jumps up from the sofa and bolts to her room, narrowly missing her mother as they pass in the hall. She blindly kicks her door shut with her foot as she answers the call. “You better not be driving Christopher Powell.”

She hears him laugh lightly on the other side. “I wouldn't dream of it. I promised… a long time ago. Do I need to prove it?”

MC shakes her head even though he can't see it. “No. I trust you.”

“Good. Now, what are all these texts about… you made me pull over. I have a hot date to keep.” She can hear the grin as he says the last sentence.

“What time did you leave this morning?! You should have taken your time… it's such a long drive.”

“Nah, I’ve got good coffee and let's just say I’m highly motivated to start the new quarter…”

She laughs. “Oh yeah? And why is that exactly…”

“I’ll let you assume what you will.” He laughs but gets quiet when he hears Max bark. “Are you… are you still at home?”

She sighs. “YES. My mother won’t hurry up… I’ve been ready to leave since last night.” She grumbles.

Chris laughs. “Well, that's alright. Gives me time to get settled and ready for you when you get there.”

“Ready for me, huh?” MC lowers her voice, teasing Chris.

He doesn't miss it, letting a frustrating sigh out over the phone. “MC…”

“Whaaaat…” She asks innocently.

He doesnt fall for it. “Okay, thats enough from you. I’m going to get moving again. Message me when you get close. I’ll be there in less than a minute, kay?”

She smiles, knowing he speaks the truth. “Alright… See you soon, captain.”

"I cant wait, baby… you guys drive safe.”

“You too, please.”

They hang up and MC immediately feels relieved. Even though she wanted to leave at least an hour ago, she knows it won't be long before she gets to see Chris again. She lays there for a minute before her door flies open suddenly, her mom leaning against the frame dramatically.

“I'm late, I'm late. For a very important date. No time to say ‘Hello, Goodbye’. I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!” Her mother sings, ending with a chuckle as MC throws a pillow at her head. “So ungrateful... “ She scoffs as she turns and disappears down the hall, her voice fading as she yells back. “Well, are we leaving today or what…”

MC doesn't hesitate as she jumps off her bed and runs down the hall to catch up. The drive back was pleasant, the pair discussing school, movies and books as well as other interests they share to pass the time. It makes the time fly, and MC is grateful for it. She enjoys talking with her mom, but she dearly wants to get back.

It's the first official day of winter quarter at Hartefeld. MC’s mom parks her blue SUV in one of the campus parking lots and gets out to help her with the luggage. “Brrrr! It's so cold here! Good thing I took you shopping for winter clothes, huh? Told you you’d need them.”

MC closes the passenger door and heads towards the back to meet her mom. She’s dressed in a soft grey sweater, fluffy black scarf and a dark green army style jacket with a fuzzy hood. She has knee high brown leather boots on top of her skinny jeans, helping her stay warm. Her hair's a little longer than before the break, but not enough to consider a cut quiet yet, otherwise she looks exactly the same.

As her mom opens the back hatch, MC pulls out her duffle bag and drops it on the ground, giving her mom a goofy grin. “Yup, I’m eternally grateful, Mom. And it’s not like I didn't need them at home. It’s just about as cold at our house.”

Her mom closes the door and sighs as she brushes her hands off on her pants. “Yes, I believe you are correct. I probably just miss some of the places we lived before. We had so many warmer options in the past. The were much more agreeable than our home now during the winter.” She sighs and shakes her head. “So… are you glad to be back?” MC can see the mixed happiness and sadness in her mom's eyes.

She gives her a big smile. “Of course! Partying all day, every day.” She holds her smile, trying to appear completely serious.

Her mother's mouth falls open. “Is that all you've been doing?”

MC keeps a straight face, her smile unwavering. “Well, that and petty crimes. I’m trying to stay well-rounded. It's always good to diversify you know.”

Her mother snorts at her. “Very funny. Just make sure you take full advantage of your time here, okay? These are important years.” She reaches for MC to give her a friendly pinch, but she dodges just in time, laughing at her mom.

MC sighs when she jumps far enough away, rolling her eyes. “I know, mother…”

She turns and looks around the snow-covered campus, shielding her eyes against the reflected winter sunlight on the snow. When she turns back to her mother, she receives a knowing smile.

“Let me guess… looking for that special someone?” She laughs softly.

MC shakes her head at her mother, suddenly regretting telling her more about Chris over the break. A huge grin splits her face as she looks down at her duffle. “Maybe…”

“So, is it, you know… official? I know you young people ‘don't do labels,’ but you did go to formal together. And then you guys took those two trips together, right?” Her mother prods. “I’d say that's pretty official.”

MC gives her mom a look, hoping she will drop it, as she and Chris have yet to have that type of talk. Sure they had spent hours, almost daily, talking and texting, sending snapchats and facetiming… for weeks during winter break. Not to mention their time spent together… first to California and then to the National Championship, both thanks to a Hartfeld alumni.

Her thoughts pause for a moment as details from both trips flash through her mind, her neck starting to flush towards her cheeks. There was never a good time to bring it up, at least not from her point of view so far. And even though Chris had said what he did the night before the championship, she wasn't sure if he was ready to lock down and label the thing.

“Well, if your trip to L.A. or to the championship game together is any indication, I’d say you mean a lot to him.” She flashes MC an honest smile. “Might be time to get official, MC.” She gives her daughter a playful bump, shoulder to shoulder.

Just then MC spots Chris approaching through the snow. He was right. It only took him about a minute to get there after she sent the last text. He waves at her, a big cheesy smile on his face. She immediately feels warm as his eyes roam over her body and search her face. She has been beyond excited to see him, in the flesh, again. But she had no idea it would affect her physically like this.

Her heart starts beating faster and her palms begin to sweat, even in the cool crisp air. None of it changes her smile though as it continues to grow with every step he takes towards her. She watches his chest flex under his henley, smirking to herself as she just knew he would wear it today. Chris knows how much she loves it on him, so his wearing it now is very intentional.

Her mom steps next to her and does not hide the fact that she's staring. “Wow, the pictures you showed me did not do him justice…”

MC quickly tears her eyes from Chris and glares wide eyed at her mother. “Mom! Just…be cool!”

Her mother’s eyes go wide and she covers her mouth. “Sorry!”

Chris jogs over and sweeps MC up in a big hug. She wraps her arms around his neck as he spins her around, staring into her eyes the whole time. He appears to be completely unaware of the audience next to him, having eyes only for MC since he spotted her from across the field.

MC laughs and squeezes her arms around his neck. “Whoa! Down, boy!”

Chris chuckles and gently lowers her to the ground, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around her. “Sorry… just happy to see you.” His 6’3” frame folds around her slightly shorter one, only slightly having to lower his head to make contact with her forehead as he stares into her eyes.

He loosens his grip on her, turning to face her mom, finally noticing her presence next to them. He holds out his hand and gives her a friendly smile. “Hi, you must be MC’s mom. I’m Chris.”

MC watches as her mother gushes over her… ‘Well, you can't call him your boyfriend, MC…’ she suddenly thinks to herself. She sees her mother's face become giddy as she shakes his hand.

“So handsome! And a strong grip, too…” She smirks.

MC’s face flushes. “Mom, what did I just say?! You're gonna creep the poor guy out…”

Chris turns his head to face her and tilts to the side, clearly amused. “Heh, no harm done. I certainly don't mind being called handsome.” His eyebrows pop once to show his amusement.

“I’m starting to see why MC never shut up about you the whole time she was home…” Her mom continues, causing MC’s face to flush an even deeper red as she snaps her eyes over to glare at her.

Chris turns his gaze away from her mother and back towards MC’s blushing face. “Really?” His smile expands like a sponge in water.

“I wouldn't mind hearing what she had to say, exactly…” MC watches as his mischievous eyes sink to her lips momentarily before they pop back up to hers.

MC sucks in a deep breath and grinds her teeth, quickly whipping her head towards her mother. “Agghh, stop! This meet-and-greet is officially over. Goodbye, mom.”

She starts pushing her mother towards her SUV, eager to split the two up.

“All right, I’ll leave you two alone. It was nice to finally meet you, Chris.” She waves at him as she opens her car door. “MC, make sure to call home at least once, okay?”

MC forces a huge smile and quickly responds. “I’ll do my best. Bye!”

Her mom waves one more time before getting into the SUV. “Bye, sweetheart.”

She turns to Chris and watches him flash her a cocky grin as he shoulders her duffel bag.

“C’mon, let’s get you back to the suite. Everyone’s been dying to see you.” He wraps his free arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

“Aww… I think I need some alone time with you first…” She lifts her hand up to his chest and runs it up around his neck. She can feel him softly groan at the contact.

It has only been four days since she last saw Chris, then another three weeks before that. Well, in person anyway. They had communicated daily since they last saw each other at the dorm the day after they returned from California. She remembers how much he hated doing that, leaving her alone to wait for her ride while he began his long journey home. She made him do it though, not wanting him to get tired or have issues on the trip back. So she forced him to leave. She never let him know at the time, but she hated that part too.

He pulls her closer, nuzzling next to her ear. “I was thinking the same thing. But I’m pretty sure they’re gonna grab you as soon as you walk in the door.”

She flashes him a flirtatious smile. “I guess we’ll just have to stay out here a while longer then…” She lifts up a little to press her lips against Chris’s, running both her hands up and around his neck into his hair.

He closes his eyes and melts into her lips, only speaking briefly when they break for a breath of air. “Guess so…”

He drops her bag in the snow and leans closer to kiss her deeply, wrapping both arms around her and holding her impossibly close. After what feels like hours, they finally break apart and gaze into each other’s eyes for a long second. Chris smiles at her as he leans close to her ear, kissing her neck softly a few times.

“Let’s finish this later. Our suitemates will kill me if I keep you away from them any longer.” He quietly says into her warm skin.

MC smirks at him. “Well, I wouldn't want that.” She steps back, breaking the embrace and grabs his hand. “Let’s go say hi.”

She squeezes the same hand and he quickly scoops up her bag and flings it back onto his free shoulder. The two of them walk slowly across the campus towards their suite, enjoying their time together, hand in hand. As they cross the quad, MC spots a glamorous young woman looking around campus, clearly lost.

She makes eye contact with MC and hurries over to them as they draw nearer with an ingratiating smile on her face. “Hi there, you couldn't possibly direct me toward the faculty offices, could you?”

Chris turns to look at MC. “I think you're a little more familiar with those than I am, right, MC?”

The woman takes a step back, her mouth suddenly agape. “Hold up… you’re MC?!”

MC cautiously glances at Chris, his brow furrowed as he listens to the strange interaction. “Uh… yes.” She finally spits out, her eyebrows coming together as she studies the woman. “Do I know you?”

The stranger gives her a sickeningly sweet smile. “Not yet… but I certainly know you.”

The woman looks sidelong at Chris, a sly grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. “So… that must make you Chris.”

Chris raises an eyebrow at her, shifting uncomfortably next to MC as he gives the woman a crazy look. “How did you--”

The stranger interrupts him before he can finish as she eyes them both. “I should’ve recognized you both sooner. You're exactly like I pictured…”

She smirks. “You know what? I think I can find my own way from here. My friend just texted me directions.”

A bewildered look crosses MC’s face. “Uh… okay.”

The young woman hustles off, throwing a last lingering look over her shoulder at the stunned pair. They both watch her for a moment, waiting for her to be well out of hearing range before Chris turns his befuddled face to hers.

“Um… who was that?” He blinks a few times.

She frowns at him. “Your guess is as good as mine…”

They both watch her disappear in silence before looking at each other one last time, simultaneously shrugging and starting their journey again. They arrive at the suite to find Zack and Tyler in their usual spot on the couch, their eyes glued to the videogame on the TV.

Tyler looks up first and smiles. “Hey, MC! Long time no see!”

Zack quickly looks up and flashes her his usual grin. “Sup, doll! I’d get up and hug you and all that, but…” His eyes jump back to the screen as he tilts his head to it.

MC snorts at him and laughs. “Don't worry. I can see you're really busy.”

Chris just shakes his head and chuckles. “Have you guys moved at all today?”

Tyler suddenly looks perplexed as he tries to sort through his memories. “I think I got up to go to the bathroom? But don't quote me on that.” He purses his lips and nods.

“That's it? Respect.” MC laughs at their craziness.

Zack grins. “We’re in the zone. We’ve achieved a state of serious flow.”

Tyler bounces in his seat, clearly excited. “We’re this close to beating Yothag, Thrall of Xelia! This is the furthest we’ve ever gotten!”

MC looks at them both with endearment and a little bit of sarcasm. “I’m very happy for you both. Are Abbie and Kaitlyn here?”

Just then, Kaitlyn pops her head out from the back hallway, a big smile on her face. “MC! I thought I heard your voice… come here!”

Kaitlyn runs over and wraps her up in a tight hug, pulling her from Chris’s warm embrace. He winks at her and takes her bag down the hall to her room. Over Kaitlyn's shoulder, MC sees Abbie coming out of her room, passing Chris in the hallway, clearly excited to see her as well.

“Hey, MC!” Her shy friend waves at her with a smile.

“Abbie! Aw, it’s so good to see you guys. I really missed you over break.” She flashes them a huge smile.

Kaitlyn takes a step back and bounces a little on her toes. “Same! Now, enough small talk… Abbie has some serious gossip to share, don't you, Abbie?”

Abbie is caught off guard by Kaitlyn's sudden question. “Oh, uh…” She glances over at Tyler and tries and fails to hide a smile. “I might…”

MC can't help but let her grin spread across her face as she lowers her voice a little. “Ooh, you and Tyler? Tell me everything! I know you guys went to formal together. I assume things went pretty well after that?”

Abbie blushes. “You assume correctly.” She glances at Tyler once more before continuing. “We didn't end up meeting up over break, but we did talk online a lot. And on the phone. And on video chat.”

“Aw, Abbie! Are you two finally together for real now?” MC pauses, suddenly excited at the idea.

Abbie blushes and catches Tyler’s eye, raising her voice so he can hear. “What do you think, Tyler? Are we together?”

He briefly looks up from his game with a adorably cute grin. “Totally.”

MC suddenly taps Abbie on the arm to make her turn back to her. “Wait, video chat… no clothes or clothes?” She quietly jokes with her friend.

“Oh my god MC!” Abbie’s mouth falls open and she swats at MC.

Kaitlyn turns to grin at Abbie. “You didn't answer the question, Abbie…”

Abbie snorts at them both before she grins again. “Clothes, obviously.” She clears her throat. “It is way too soon for… that.”

Tyler perks up and looks away from his game. “Too soon for what?” He eyes her curiously.

Zack elbows him and nods towards the TV. “Dude, focus!”

Tyler looks back at the screen just as Yothag, Thrall of Xelia devours his character with one snap of his spectral jaws.

“Nooooo!” Tyler wails.

The controller falls from Zacks limp hand as he sighs and pouts. “Game over, man.” He turns to MC. “See what I have to deal with, MC? Ever since these two got back from break, they’ve been making googly eyes at each other.” He humorously glares at Tyler. “It's completely throwing off Tyler’s game!”

MC raises her eyebrow at him. “This is exactly what you wanted Zack…”

He looks at her for a moment and then shrugs, a small grin slipping across his lips. “Eh…”

MC, Kaitlyn, and Abbie sit down on the couch while Tyler powers off the game console.

“Speaking of game, hows your love life going, Zack?” MC wiggles her eyebrows as she shoulder bumps her best friend. “You and Brandon were the hottest couple at formal if I remember correctly.”

Zack quickly throws his hand up. “Oh, we’re still the hottest couple at basically any social function. Except now it's a little more ...official.” His eyebrows jump slightly at the word.

MC raises an eyebrow at him, surprised that two of her good friends are now officially seeing someone. “Seriously?”

Chris reenters the room just in time to hear Zacks news. “Nice one, man!”

Zack flashes Chris a big smile. “Thanks! He’ll be coming to our party later, actually.”

“Ooh, that reminds me. We’re throwing a party tonight. You down?” Kaitlyn turns towards MC.

MC nods at her bubbly friend, ready to start the new quarter with a great time. “Definitely.”

Just then, MC’s phone vibrates. She looks down to see a text from Professor Vasquez. ‘Looked out my window and saw you performing your characteristic woe-is-me shuffle across the quad. Report to my office ASAP.’

MC sighs and glares at her phone. “Wow, I haven't even been back five minutes…”

Her phone buzzes again, and she glances down to see a winky face emoji on screen, immediately confusing her. “What the..?”

She almost instantly receives another text. ‘Disregard. New phone. I’m not used to this contemptible touch screen technology.’

Abbie notices the change in her mood and frowns a little. “Everything okay, MC?”

MC sighs. “Only if you define ‘okay’ as Vasquez suddenly having the ability to text me orders at all hours of the day…”

She shakes her head and stands. “I guess I’d better go see what he wants. See you guys later…”

As she heads towards the door, Chris follows, taking her hand in his. “Wait up just one sec, MC…” He lightly tugs on her hand to slow her down.

She turns and looks into his eyes, curious. “What’s up?”

“I know Vasquez is expecting you and all, but… I was thinking maybe I could walk you over?” He holds her gaze and gives her a small smile.

“Plus, there’s some kind of winter festival going down in the park… There’ll be hot cocoa, live music, chestnuts roasting on an open fire…” His grin grows.

“Sounds pretty romantic, right? And we still haven't had much of a chance to catch up…” He gives her hand a gentle squeeze and rubs his thumb over her knuckles slowly his eyes searching hers.

She looks at him for a moment, watching the corner of his lip curl higher. The look he's giving her makes her toes tingle. She doesn't want to go to see Vasquez, she wants to be with Chris, wherever that is. Especially when he gives her that look. Her heart beats harder in response as a small smile appears on her lips.

“Okay. Let’s go check out the festival. I’ve never said no to hot cocoa, and I’m not about to start.” She takes a step closer to him. “And… you're pretty cool, too.”

“I’ll take it.” He grins and shifts closer, running his free hand around the side of her neck, his thumb running across the edge of her jaw as he leans in for a soft kiss.

They separate only to put their jackets and shoes on before heading outside. Once downstairs and outside of the dorm, the pair cross the quad to the park. Her arm is hooked through his,  while she snuggles close in the crisp air. They stop by the frozen fountain and look down at the glistening ice. Chris turns to MC and grins as the smell of roasting chestnuts and hot cocoa reaches them both.

“It seems like a long time ago since we had a slip ‘n slide set up here.” MC stares into the ice as the memories of their first day at Hartfeld float through her mind; the first day she met all of her amazing new friends. The first day she met Chris.

“Yeah. The campus looks so different.” Chris takes a long deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment, absorbing the wonderful aromas.

MC watches him as they stand there for a moment longer before he opens his eyes and they begin to slowly walk down the main path. She has learned that this is his favorite time of year, as it was one subject they thoroughly covered during their winter break conversations. She loves that he gets so excited about the holidays, spending time with his family and friends and just the overall magic of this time of year.

While she has a good time with her own friends and family, after meeting the guys on the championship trip, MC almost wishes she could have been with him in Cherryfield over the last few weeks. His friends seem like great people from everything she’s seen so far. And if Chris is that close to them, she knows they are. Ryan and Ethan already feel like her best friends.

Then there is his family, who sound beyond adorable from all the random things Chris had told her over the break. She wants to meet them so badly, because she knows that it will help her see an entirely new level to Chris.

He finally opens his eyes and tilts his head to look into hers. “Aren't you glad you decided to come with me?”

She can't help but stare back, his deep blues pulling her in. “Definitely.”

MC glances down at the snowy path, reflecting on her memories. “I guess a lot has changed since fall quarter.” She speaks softly.

~Chris~

Chris grins at her when she looks up. “Not everything.” Chris shifts their arms to hold her hand in his, before leading her over to a nearby booth, where a student volunteer fills two styrofoam cups with hot chocolate and hands them roasted chestnuts.

Chris lets go of MC’s hand to quickly grab the offered cups and stuff the bag in his pocket. “Thanks man.”

He turns to MC and hands her a cup before they continue their walk. Clutching their new steaming cups of hot cocoa, MC and Chris walk further into the park. The soft strains of holiday music fading into the distance as they settle onto a private bench.

Chris blows onto his hot cocoa softly as he watches MC, his eyes bright with enjoyment. She licks her lips in between sips, and he watches intently. He wants to be that cup of hot chocolate right now. He wants to taste her lips, knowing they would be doubly sweet with the chocolate on them. She sees him staring and blushes a little before turning her eyes away for a moment.

“Mmm… maybe it's just because I’m freezing, but this is the best thing I’ve ever tasted.” MC clutches the cup tightly between her hands, her eyes shifting up to his briefly before she turns them away again, her expression fun and flirty.

“If you’re cold, it's the perfect time for me to give you your Christmas gift.” Chris reaches into his back pocket and produces a crinkled package. “I, uh, wrapped it myself.” He chuckles.

He hands it to MC with a lopsided grin. She holds it close for a moment, looking into his happy eyes as she takes in a long breath. She quickly looks down and tears open the paper to reveal a pair of soft, wool gloves.

“Wow… these are the softest gloves I’ve ever owned! And they’re just the right size...” She looks over to him after she puts them on, clearly impressed with how perfect they are.

“I can't take all of the credit for that.” Chris laughs. “I got them at the clothing shop where my mom works… I showed her a picture of you, and she was able to guess your size.”

He watches her face as she hears his words. He wants her to know that he’s told his mom about her, that he's confident in his feelings to not only tell his mom about her, but ask for input.

~MC~

MC’s face warms as she realizes that Chris must have talked about her to his mom after they returned from Nationals. “That’s a pretty neat trick.”

He flashes her a soft smile. “I’ll tell her you said that.”

“I didn't realize your mom works in a clothing store. I haven't really heard that many stories about your life back home…” She looks up at him sweetly, indirectly asking him for more information as curiosity gets the best of her.

“I... “ Chris frowns suddenly. “I don't like to talk about it. But, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” He stands and offers his arm to MC.

She happily takes it and they start walking slowly down the path. As they take a few silent steps she wonders if she’s hit a nerve. He clearly isn't excited to share something, but she has no idea what it is.

She gives him a small smile, carefully choosing her words as to hopefully avoid a sore spot. “What about your family?”

Chris looks down to the ground as he begins to answer her question. “Let’s see… there’s me. My mom. My brother Kyle is 10, and my sister Jo is 8.”

MC smiles. She remembers him talking about them some over the break, but he never went into much detail. She wonders why he is so guarded. “They seem pretty awesome...”

He turns his eyes to hers, his own a little melancholy although he gives her a small smile. “They really are.”

“So you had a good break?” She raises her eyebrows as she squeezes his arm, trying to be supportive.

“It was great to see my family. It always is. I gave my little sister a game ball signed by the whole team…” He begins to chuckle. “She and my little brother promptly went outside to play with it in the snow.”

“Sounds like she's a trouble.” MC laughs.

He shakes his head and grins through a scoff. “You don't know the half of it.”

MC hesitates, sensing some tension about the one person left unmentioned. “Your dad--”

Chris clears his throat and looks up and down the path to an unknown distance. “Was a long haul trucker.”

MC’s voice becomes quiet as she looks over at him carefully, unsure what he means. “‘Was’?”

“Let’s…” Chris sighs and shakes his head, quickly replacing his frown with his normal happy smile. “...not get into that today. It’s a happy day.”

He turns to look deep into her eyes, his plea obvious inside them. “My mom, Kyle, and Jo are everything to me.”

She gives him an understanding nod and rubs his upper arm. “Can you tell me more about your hometown?”

He nods, happy to oblige. “Cherryfield, Maine. The blueberry capital of the world.”

She blinks a few times. “So why is it called… nevermind. Wait, is that why you like blueberries so much?” She grins at him, receiving the same in return as they both recall their strong blueberry muffin bond.

“Maybe?” He laughs.

“I’d love to take you there sometime. Its beautiful…” He pauses and looks away, almost as if ashamed. “...but also dirt poor. There’s the high school, a tiny downtown, and exactly two restaurants.”

He turns to look at MC, a hint of sadness swimming in his eyes. “If I couldn't throw a football, I’d probably still be there, scraping by like most of the guys I went to school with. I’m not going to lie. It was hard to be back home. Now that I’ve seen more of the world, my town looks awfully small. It’s beautiful, of course… but the people are dirt poor, and mostly unhappy.”

He stays quiet for a moment as he searches her face. It doesn't take long for his grin to grow as he looks at her. “And… of course, I missed you.”

“You did, huh?” She tilts her head, curious about his statement.

“What’s with the slack jaw?” He raises an eyebrow at her.

She clears her throat. “It’s just… I feel like I know you so well in certain ways. The two of us have had some uh, great… moments together…”

She feels her face flush warm. “But… we still don't know much about each other's past.” Her eyes flick back and forth across his eyes, trying to learn whatever she can.

Chris lets out a long sigh and looks forward again, away from her searching eyes. “Trust me, it’s not important. My past is the least interesting thing about me.”

“I’m sure that's not true, Chris.” She playfully bumps him as they walk, hoping to get some type of reaction from his suddenly stoic demeanor. “But for the sake of enjoying this date, I’m going to let you off the hook for now.”

~Chris~

When he turns to look at her with a grin she winks at him and he laughs. “Lucky me.” He watches MC, his eyes bright with enjoyment.

She can't help but giggle at his expression. “What are you smiling about?”

He clears his throat and looks away bashfully for a second before he musters up the courage to look back into her eyes and hold the gaze this time. “I guess I’m just happy. I told you. I uh…” He reaches over and covers her smaller hand with his much his larger and warmer one before he shrugs slightly. “I just… missed you.”

“We talked or whatever, like everyday… ” She gives him a curious look before she continues,

“And then there was Nationals…” They both grin cheekily at each other, causing her to full on blush and look down at their connected hands as he lets out a soft laugh.

“Okay, I missed you, too. Winter break was too long. Even with the trip last week...” She looks up and bites her lower lip as she locks eyes with him.

“Yeah I know, we did talk… and text… and FaceTime a little…” He shakes his head and laughs, his entire body shifting with embarrassment. “But it’s not the same.”

He squeezes her hand and clears his throat before changing the subject. “Anyway, what kind of stuff did you do the rest of the time?”

She looks at him for a few seconds, watching as he forces his body to relax. “Hmm, I caught up with my high school friends some, but you knew that. There were some parties… and we watched an old movie that we can't seem to let go.” She laughs. “Spent time with the family of course.”

“How did that go? Is everyone doing good?” Chris inquires with sincerity.

MC lets out a weak laugh. “It was… mostly good.” She frowns a little. “Well, the job I told you that my dad got… it was only temporary. He still hasn't found permanent work, but my mom was able to get her old job back at least.”

Chris frowns as he picks up on her demeanor. “Well, that’s good, right?”

She gives him a small smile. “Yeah… but it’s just enough to support them. She’s not exactly making college tuition money. They sold his car and had to take my little truck for now too, so he can continue looking for work.”

He takes his hand off hers to wrap his arm across her shoulders and pull her close, kissing her on the temple. “I hate to hear that, I’m sorry. But you still have Vasquez though, right?”

“Yeah… right.” She frowns.

Chris pulls her even closer, squeezing her upper arm with the hand he wrapped around her shoulders. He leans over and lays his forehead against her temple before he softly speaks. “It will be okay, MC. I promise. Just like first quarter, we will figure it out.”

She lets out a long sigh. “Thanks Chris. Sorry for getting mopey…”

He winks at her when he straightens up and she looks into his eyes. “No reason to be sorry.”

MC quickly thinks of something else to change the subject. “So, besides what I saw myself… how was your break? Did your family have a good Christmas?”

He laughs as memories begin to cut across his thoughts. “Yeah, you could say that.”

“Do you have any pictures?” She looks at him hopefully.

He raises his eyebrow and laughs. “Ayuh, I have a few…” He pulls out his phone and swipes through his photo stream.

“Here’s my brother and sister… making dinner on Christmas Eve.” He grins as he shows her the picture he took with them behind him, selfie style.

MC smiles as he recalls that night and the mess they made. She listens to him intently, smiling hard at his faint accent as he reviews the events of the night.

He turns to see her face and stops, his left eyebrow arching up sharply. “What?”

Chris then lets out a short knowing laugh. “Are you laughing at the way I speak again…”

She shakes her head. “I’m not laughing. I love it.”

“Oh, you love it…” He smirks at her as she blushes after realizing her word choice.

She tries to shrug it off, making him feel butterflies for a moment as he watches her backpedal hard. He decides that she can bring up his accent anytime as long as she continues to look at him the same way.

“Well, my family doesn't really have any accent. We’ve moved around too much over the years and they came from all over. So I uh, I think yours is... neat.”

He pulls her close. “See, I think that's neat. You're a chameleon. You can go anywhere and blend in. No one will ask you where you're from.”

“It's really not that obvious, yanno… Sorry if I’m bothering you.” She gives him a sweet half smile-frown.

“You could never bother me, MC. I love that you like to listen to my voice…” He says it in a slow, husky tone as he gives her a flirty look, making her laugh again.

He instantly knows that her laugh is and will always be, his favorite sound. Something he will forever love to hear daily. He takes the moment to nuzzle into her neck right near her ear, receiving a shiver in response, making his lower abdomen tighten in return, sliding his arm from her shoulders down around her waist as they slowly continue to stroll down the path.

~MC~

She asks to see more pictures and he obliges, scrolling through more images of his family and of course, all of his friends. Some she recognizes from FaceTime calls and from their trip to the championship. She can’t wait to meet the others and hang out with Ryan and Ethan again.

He stops on a particular picture when MC puts her hand on his. “Oh my god… you guys are so cute.”

She studies a picture Chris tells her his mom took. It’s of Chris and his siblings on the couch after they had fallen asleep together. Chris in the middle with his head leaning slightly over the back, his mouth slightly open because of the odd angle. His brother Kyle is on his right, leaning on Chris’s shoulder. His sister Jo is tucked under his arm on his left, snuggled up as close as she could possibly get with his arm wrapped protectively around her. All three are passed out, bundled tightly together, the Christmas tree sparkling in a blur behind them.

She looks up and sees Chris studying her face, a small smile on his lips. “I would love for you to meet them someday. They are great kids. Pretty sure they are going to make me look bad as they grow up…” He lets out a hearty laugh.

She shakes her head at him and pulls his arm tighter around her waist. “I don't think that's actually possible.”

A sad look crosses his face for a moment but he pushes it away and lets out a huff of air. “Heh. Yeah…”

MC picks up on his mood shift and nudges him slightly with her shoulder. He gives her a quick grin and he starts scrolling again. She jumps next to him suddenly.

“Wait! Go back!” She demands, almost knocking the phone from his hand.

He stops and gives her an odd look before he slowly starts scrolling through his pictures backwards. When he pulls up a particular shot she lunges at his phone, excitedly grabbing it with both hands. She studies the picture with wide eyes, etching it into her memory as much as possible.

“Who took this?” She holds it up to him and he laughs and looks away, a faint red tint creeping up his neck.

“Uh, Jo did… My little sis-ta.” He smirks as he leans closer and purposefully enunciates the way he says sister as MC giggles and continues to evaluate the picture.

The picture is of Chris, on a shore in Maine during a sunrise. He’s facing the barely visible sun as it creeps into view, lighting his front while the rest of him remains in a dark shadow, creating drastic contrast. His sister must have snuck up on him to take the picture, because his focus is way off into the distance, almost like he's searching for the sun itself. He appears deep in thought, but happy at the same time. She finally looks up and finds him studying her face again. This time with an odd look on his own.

 “What?” She asks apprehensively.

He tilts his head. “Just curious… of what you're thinking about?”

She looks back at the picture, still holding his phone in her hands. “I guess I’m wondering, what you were thinking of here. How she managed to sneak up on you like that. It must have been something…” She looks over at him. “Do you remember?”

~Chris~

Chris lets out a small laugh. “Ayuh, I remember.” He lays on a thick accent to purposefully make her smile again while he stalls for a moment, trying to decide how, or possibly if he should answer truthfully. “Jo kept trying to get me to tell her for the rest of break after she took it. But I never told her...”

MC must sense his hesitation because she scrambles to retract her question. “It’s okay, if you um… If you don't want to say. I just think it's a nice picture…” She quickly hands him his phone and shyly looks forward, avoiding his heated gaze.

Chris stops walking then, tugging her until she stops as well from his arm wrapped around her waist. He holds the phone up in front of his face to study the picture for a moment before he shifts it directly into MC’s line of sight. He tilts his head towards her slightly, his arm tightly wrapped around her, before he speaks.

“I don't mind. If you really want to know.” He looks at her as he speaks slowly. “I was thinking of you.” He watches her swallow hard, absorbing what he just said about the picture.

She eventually turns to look at him, her voice quiet and soft. “Can I have it?”

Chris smiles warmly at her, his eyes crinkling at the corners as his happiness grows. “Of course.”

He pulls his phone back and sends her the image through text. MC smiles as she hears her phone ding with the message notification.

She unwraps herself from his arm and grabs his hand before pulling him into the snowy quad. “Come on. We’re at a winter fair! let's do some winter stuff.”

Chris gestures to a group of students knee deep in the thickest snow banks in the area. “How about we build a snowman?”

She nods and stops to look at them before turning to him. “Sure thing… but I’m fresh out of magic top hats.”

He laughs, instantly getting the reference. “Gah, I love that movie.” He chuckles. “Guess we’ll have to use our imaginations instead.” Chris hunkers down and starts packing snow together.

MC quickly kneels beside him to help. “We can use two of the chestnuts for his eyes! We can name him… Mr. Chestnut.”

Chris doesn't even try to hide his laughter, enjoying her goofy sense of humor. “Wow. How creative.”

He effortlessly lifts two sizable balls of snow onto the largest, stacking them perfectly. He watches her as she moves around the snowman, her face soft and happy, making his chest swell.

MC gives him a mock pout. “Hey! You’re going to hurt his feelings!” She packs snow between the sections, securing the snowman’s upper body and head.

Chris returns with a mock apology as he pats the snowman on the head. “Aw. Poor guy. Sorry, Mr. Chestnut.”

~MC~

MC notices Chris shivering slightly as he finishes putting the finishing touches on the snowman with his bare hands. She suddenly feels horrible.

“I didn't realize it since I was wearing gloves… but your hands must be freezing! Maybe you can wear my gloves?” She quickly takes them off and hands them to Chris.

He looks at her thankfully but gives her a sweet smile from the offer. “But these gloves are the perfect size for you. My big hands won't even come close to fitting.” He gives her a wink.

MC frowns. “Oh, yeah.”

She shakes her head and sighs, thinking of another way to warm him.

Chris gently grabs her wrists and puts the gloves back in her hands. “Please put these back on. I couldn't stand to watch you shiver. Even for a second.”

MC blushes as he holds her gaze with a very serious look, daring her to disobey. She smiles and shakes her head while she puts them back on, racking her brain for another solution. Then it hits her and she takes a step closer to him.

“Quick! Put your hands inside my coat.” She unbuttons her jacket and opens it to him as she eliminates all the space between them.

Chris looks at her with concern. “Are you sure?”

MC frowns at him and raises her voice slightly, very worried about his hands. “Just do it!”

Chris snaps to and reaches under her coat around her body, his icy hands touch her warm skin as they run along her waist, pulling the hem of her shirt up. He grimaces as she feels his hands pull the warmth from her soft skin almost instantly.

MC gasps as if the air was sucked straight from her lungs at the ice cold contact. “So… c-cold!”

Chris flinches and begins to remove his hands quickly. “You told me to do this!”

She swiftly grabs his retreating hands through her jacket and holds them to her skin as she shudders for a moment, trying to focus on something other than his frozen digits. “I… I know.”

She takes a few breaths in and out, clenching her eyes shut for a moment before she looks up to meet his very concerned eyes. She shakes her head to let him know it is okay and leans in, wrapping him with her own arms, holding them together chest to chest. He sighs and leans his cheek against her’s as they stand like that for a few minutes, his hands finally starting to warm up. She lets out a light laugh once she can start to feel his fingers move again, no longer the ice sculptures they were just minutes prior. She leans back and looks into his eyes, now softer but still full of concern.

“This is… actually starting to feel nice.” She feels Chris relax against her finally, looking at her somewhat apologetically.

~Chris~

She sucks in a quick breath as he begins to move his fingers around under her shirt, familiarizing themselves with her soft skin again. She looks deep into his eyes as Chris continues to blindly explore. He struggles not to react to the memories that start to pop into his head. Memories of the last time he touched her like this in his hotel room only a few days prior.

“I almost forgot how much I missed you touching me.” A small grin cracks across his face as she continues, “Almost.”

Chris pulls his now normalized hands out from under MC’s jacket and away from her warm skin, knowing he can't continue down this path here and now. He helps her button her jacket again as she struggles with her new gloves. She gives up with a huff and stands there, watching him dutifully button each one with a smirk, until she is warm and cozy again.

“Let’s get some more cocoa. It will help warm us up.” Chris grabs her hand and they both run back to the cocoa stand for fresh cups.

Chris takes a long sip after blowing across the top a little. “That feels so… good…” He sighs and cherishes the warm cup in his hands.

MC watches him over her own cup as she takes a sip as well. “Careful. You’re going to make me jealous of a cocoa cup.”

He lowers the cup and gives her a sultry look. “Maybe you should be.”

They both start softly laughing as they keep eye contact while finishing their cocoa, each peering over their steaming paper cups and drinking through playful grins. After a few minutes they finish their second cups and toss them in the trash as they pass by on their walk. They end up near the string quartet that begins to play a winter waltz as they move to a quieter part of the path.

Chris slows down and turns towards her, making her stop as well. He lightly cups her cheek in his hand and rubs his thumb over her bottom lip as he gazes into her eyes. His voice becomes very low as his expression turns serious.

“When I got home after nationals, I had a nightmare, you know…” He swallows hard and takes a deep breath. “In it, I showed up here today, and you didn't exist. Everything we’d shared last quarter and over the break… it had only been an illusion.”

He squeezes her hand, trying to force the panicky feeling from his body. Even thinking about it now was making him feel like it just happened, that she isn't real even though he’s holding her right now. He takes a deep breath.

“I woke up in a cold sweat, picked up my phone, and scrolled through my photos until I found one of you.” Chris gives her a weak smile.

~MC~

“Aww, Chris…” MC smiles softly at him, feeling the anxiety rolling off him, making her chest tighten as he continues.

“And then I knew you were real. And I took a deep breath and went back to bed.” He lets out a held breath of air, his bangs moving a little from the force.

He hesitates for a moment before suddenly leaning in and kissing her hard on the lips, his stubble lightly caressing her cheek. She only stays stunned for a fraction of a second from his swift invasion of her lips, quickly giving in and forcefully kissing him back in return. She can feel the power behind his kiss, his need to prove that she’s real and actually here, in his arms. So she gives it to him.

She lets him in when he asks, his tongue soft but demanding with hers. She matches his exuberance as he becomes excited with her level of participation, and she makes sure he knows it is real. She reaches up behind his neck, holding him close to her with one hand and running her fingers through the hair on the base of his neck with the other. When he pulls back, his eyes are a familiar deep blue, cutting straight through her with raw intensity.

“We… should find somewhere… private.” Chris holds her close, leaning his forehead to hers, trying to slow his breathing as he closes his eyes, forcing himself to focus.

She does the same, forcing herself to breathe slowly, trying to lower her elevated heart rate while her head spins. They hold each other tightly for a while, almost as if they are afraid they might disappear.

Disrupting their moment, MC’s phone beeps again with another text. She sighs and almost pitches it down the snowy path, knowing exactly who it is without looking. She squeezes it tightly before Chris gently grabs her hands with soft pressure, silently asking her to let go and relax.

She looks to him then, finding his focused stare as he gives her a reassuring hug. “Later tonight. We’ll make up for lost time. I promise.”

He gives her an excited smile. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

They walk back towards the quad hand in hand. They split off at a certain point on the path, each going their separate ways; Chris back to the suite and MC towards Vasquez’s office. Chris doesn't let her leave without a quick kiss to her temple as he hugs her close. MC swears she can still feel tension in him and makes a mental note to talk to him later. He glances over his shoulder at her one last time just when she does the same to him. They both smile warmly before turning back towards their destinations.

As MC walks into Vasquez’s office she is immediately addressed by the professor. “MC. What took you so long? I’ve been waiting for… Hrrrk.”

He suddenly bends over and coughs into a handkerchief. When he pulls it away, she notices a red spot bleeding through the white cloth. He quickly stuffs the handkerchief in his pocket before James can see it. James does however hear the cough and consequently finds the professor folded over.

Concern instantly covers his face. “Professor, are you--”

Vasquez quickly cuts him off. “I’m fine. James, could you get me a glass of water?”

James lingers for a moment, his eyes glancing back and forth between the professor and MC. He then frowns before nodding and walking out of the room.

MC frowns at Professor Vasquez when his eyes meet hers. “You need to tell him.”

He glares at her. “Don't you dare try to tell me what I need to do. You need to remember who's in charge here… who holds your future in the palm of his hands.”

“Well… I’m sorry.” She sighs, feeling defeated from this situation.

He stands up straighter and eyes her suspiciously. “Interesting. Last quarter, you would have barked back some insult at me. Perhaps you’re capable of evolving as a character.”

Her face scrunches up in irritation. “I’m not a character. I’m a person.”

He lets out a small chuckle. “Whatever you say…” He clears his throat and looks back down at his desk. “Back to your question. I’ll tell James when the moment is right.”

She rolls her eyes and frowns. “You mean when it causes the most drama?”

He snorts at her. “No… when I’m ready.”

Just then, the office door bursts open, and the young woman from before enters with James at her heels.

“Professor Vasquez. How nice to finally meet you in person.” She extends her hand towards him. “Let me introduce myself… I’m Yasmin Udoka.”

James quickly comes around her and places himself between them. “I’m sorry, Professor. I tried to tell her you were busy, but--”

Yasmin waves him away. “It’s my job to push for what I want, James. It’s what makes me the best agent in Manhattan.”

Professor Vasquez looks at her less than amused. “I’m afraid you're about forty years too late to sign me. I already have an agent, Charles Wallace!”

She smiles sweetly at him. “Charlie retired on Tuesday. I took over his client list and jumped on the first flight here. I used the flight to catch up on your latest book. Very provocative stuff. Especially the MC character.”

MC quickly turns to glare at the professor. “Vasquez! You actually named your character MC?”

He scoffs at her. “You should be grateful! You’re being immortalized in a work of classic literature!”

Yasmin smiles at MC in a way she doesn't like. “If half the stories I read are true, you’ve had quite an interesting freshman year so far…”

MC’s eyes narrow a little. “Oh yeah? What exactly did he write about me?”

Yasmin's smile becomes even more twisted and unappealing to MC. “Oh, I wish I could tell you, but I couldn't possibly violate Vasquez’s trust like that.”

MC glares at them both. “I guess I’ll just have to wait for the book to come out like everyone else…”

Professor Vasquez ignores her response. “On to business. What do you want, Yasmin?”

“First, a little bookkeeping We need to renew publication rights for Winter in July. That includes going digital! I’m afraid no one reads print anymore, dear…” She holds her hand up to look at her nails.

Vasquez quickly snaps his eyes up from his desk and glares at her. “Don't patronize me. Just because our entire culture’s sinking into a morass of shallow self-absorption doesn’t mean I have to help the slide.”

She walks over towards his desk, digging in her bag for a stack of papers. “All I need is your signature, Enrique. Then you can go back to your ivory tower and sneer all you want.” She holds the document out across his desk.

“I… I’m not ready to sign. I need to think about it.” He gruffly replies, quickly looking away from her extended hand.

She pulls it back towards her, taken by surprise. “What’s there to think about? Your book sales could double or even triple if we release Winter in July on digital platforms.”

MC and James share a worried look from their places on opposite sides of the room. They already know why the professor doesn't want to sign, not to mention that he will probably get upset if she keeps pushing.

“I said I need to think about it, okay? As far as I’m concerned, the matter is closed for discussion.” He gives Yasmin a serious glare. “I’d rather focus on finishing The Freshman. Hopefully it will serve as a cautionary tale to today's youth.”

MC sneers at him from her spot in the room. “Yeah… a cautionary tale. As in… never trust your professor.”

“You’ve clearly misidentified the theme of my book, MC. Whether you trust me or not is a moot point. You have to work for me.” He looks at her, his face devoid of emotion.

“So it’s a book about the way millennials are subjugated by a corrupt power structure set up by your generation?” She grinds out between clenched teeth.

“Interesting take. I like that angle…” Professor Vasquez smirks. “But… it still ignores the main character’s central flaws.”

“What flaws? I bet you can't even come up with one example.” MC is tired of holding back.

After being ridiculed as nothing other than a character in his book, pure substance for his story, she's had enough. Now she's seething.

“Actually, I’ve got half a book’s worth of examples. And by the end of the year, I should have enough to finish this thing.” He gives her a haughty smile.

Yasmin frowns. “I take that to mean, you don't have any more pages for me?”

“Actually… I’m getting an idea for my next chapter now… of course, this is going to require a bit of ‘help’ from MC and James.”

James takes a step back, his face clearly showing his disagreement with the plan. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Leave me out of this. I’m your mentee, not your puppet.”

He flashes MC an apologetic smile as he realizes what he just said. She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms as she glares at the professor.

Vasquez gives him an eerie smile. “Hear me out.” James and MC share worried looks.

“There’s a nice benefit in this for you, if you play your cards right.” He clears his throat. “Here’s my proposal: MC is going to put on James’s play, here on campus, next week.”

The other three all look at each other with shocked confused glances.

“And Yasmin here is going to watch. If she likes it, she’ll take James on as a client.” Professor Vasquez finishes with enthusiasm as MC and James stare at each other in shock.

Yasmin’s eyebrows lift as her eyes widen with surprise. “I will?”

“Think of the drama! James’s future on the line… an agent out to land her first client after inheriting a bunch of literary dinosaurs… And at the center of it all, a girl who risks losing her scholarship and getting thrown out of school.” He chuckles to himself as his eyes lock with MC’s.

Yasmin grins. “That does sound compelling. Very well, then. I accept.”

They shake hands over his desk before she turns towards James. “I’ll look forward to watching your play, Mr. Ashton. It had better be worth my time.”

MC takes a step forward, her expression showing her concern. “How am I supposed to put on a play just like that? I don’t even know any actors!”

Professor Vasquez gives her a blank look. “Oh, you won't be using actors, MC… The stars of this play will be a few of my favorite characters… you and your friends.” His eyes narrow as his grin grows.

[juni-ravenhall]

mbti (functions) related thoughts on me, juni, her brother 

juni is prob enfj (ive been thinking about it for a long time just unsure) and it makes sense to me that my adult general persona (of which juni is one iteration) is enfj in this way -

intj (self) - high ni low se; low fi enfj (persona) - high ni low se; high fe (= high F)

due to trauma and abuse, as well as growing up with 3 ppl who have high se, ive developed my fi se (my last 2 functions) much earlier and much stronger than the average intj (by excessive forced introspection and forced behaviours and practicing), but no matter how much it develops, fi is still a low function for me. 

however, i put strong emphasis on fi se and care about it a great deal (easy to compare to average intj who tend to run with the “i dont need feelings i like being cold” thing and repress for some time, or for their whole life). without fi specifically i see no point in being alive. 

due to being an intj with strongly developed F, i relate a lot to enfj’s (fe ni se related) worldview about love and appreciation for every single creature and thing in the universe (for some reason infj on average are less like this than me which i think is interesting). theres a certain kind of dissociation into ni where all the dots connect and the patterns overlap. when you have strong F, this floating in the ni “view of the entire universe at once” habit, becomes something relating to love and perspective of how great and small everything is at once, etc. 

anyway, my point is that that whole thing is a very enfj thing, but something that also is me as an intj with strong fi se, and for various reasons my main “big sister” persona (juni and other iterations) who is sort-of-me-but-not-quite and who is healthy and mature, ends up being enfj. not bc i would want to be enfj, i want to stay intj, but i think the idea of the removal of the very painful fi is soothing, probably. a symbolic wish to remove the pain by removing all of fi but still having strong healthy F. 

-

(when i was a teenager my persona was closer to esfp or 1st se in general (i had two estp in my life at the time alongside *sfp) in order to survive in society (”introverts cant survive you have to become extroverted” etc, abusive concepts forced by my “parents”). i was loud and physically expressive (and threatening) which was part of the whole thing with me developing fi se more than the average intj, because i USED fi se a lot to fake being a different person for coping and survival. the place where you can see my personal relation to esfp today is in winterborn, juni’s horse, who is esfp in order to express that part of myself; winterborn is a relatively healthy esfp.)

-

juni’s brother is my actual self during deep depression so i assume hes intj (i dont think i can really know unless i see his character develop). he is at any rate deep in an abyss of ni with fi, which is very painful. his te and se are repressed - being trapped in pandoria (similarly to anne but for his whole life) represents the inability to stimulate/use te and se in healthy ways; he has nobody to talk to or interact with (te), nothing to physically do since he’s unable to move freely or healthily (te + se), and pandoria being toxic to humans and confusing is disturbing to se. he’s in a sort of physically forced ni-fi loop with close to zero input from the world around him, but he also isnt able to develop fi much as he has nobody to interact with. (the fi here is more in the story itself being symbolic of my pain, parental abuse, isolation, anhedonia)

when juni rescues him from pandoria, he is thrown into a world that would let him stimulate and use te se, (and having juni with healthy mature se to guide him to appreciate the world if he wants it), but he isnt used to it and has gone so far into the ni abyss (getting to the core of everything; looking from a wide universe view; etc) that its hard for him to see the point of anything (to feel any motivation to use te se). he has been locked into a ni spiral with fi, in his mind, alone, and its hard to break out of that since when ni gets to the true core of everything, you deeply realise how completely pointless and meaningless everything is. if you cant engage your other functions at that point to distract yourself from life’s futility, it becomes destructive to your own mind.

in juni’s mind it seems as a natural development for anyone with se to grow into feeling love and appreciation for everything big or small in the world, but she’s too healthy (she didn’t suffer much) to comprehend what it’s like to be in the ni abyss and to be repressed and isolated for your whole life and how that affects your ability to care. for her it seems that as soon as he could breathe fresh air and feel the sunlight on his skin and taste a fruit for the first time, he would experience the se he needed and start healing and developing his se, but this is not possible as he is too far gone (he never had the chance to even start developing normal te se since he’s been alone in pandoria since birth). it would take incredible amounts of time and work for him to be able to have even close to average te and se without the ni (fi) going “this is pointless and i cant care” in the background.

(also worth noting that enfj has higher se than intj to begin with, so juni’s se is stronger than what an average intj’s se would be)

the above is symbolic of how ppl keep talking as if my mental illness could be solved with basic simple measures like “get exercise” or “think positively”. i ALREADY have been doing those things for most of my life and it didnt change a thing, because my mental (emotional) illness is severe. those people only know about people with basic level depression and problems, and can’t comprehend what its like to live with the level of mental illness those of us have who have double depression for our entire lives, who have anhedonia for years, who have (c)ptsd, personality disorders, etc. its not a matter of eating more salad or “just trying harder to get happy”. (not to say diet doesnt have an effect - its very good to eat healthy - but it can help you cope better with severe mental illness, it doesnt fix it, and when your mental illness is at a certain point, a healthy lifestyle isnt enough to help you at all)

anyway, yeah, juni’s inability to help her brother heal (much) once he’s been rescued - in other words, she could make a positive physical change for him but she can’t help him emotionally or mentally - is representative of both what i said above and of the fact that my personas can only help me cope with certain things but not others. having juni in my head can’t fix me, but sometimes i can imagine my big sister persona taking over my body and forcing me to go cook or take a shower or make the bed, which again is a physical help even if imaginary.

juni having fe (being a person with strong F but lacking fi) is also relevant since she just cant relate to how her brother feels. regardless of how good her fe is, she will never have fi. (it feels weird for me when i think too much about juni not having fi bc its such a core thing in me and she is part of me so how can she not have fi? whats it even like to not have fi??? but thats just a feeling, i do think it makes sense for her to have fe)

-

if anyone read this ill have to assume youre a real nerd. shakes hand

[crimesandunicorns]

Things back home

Things specifically smoking weed with family and friends back home haha I miss every single session or every time I smoked weed back when I was at home, basically that’s the seed of my homesickness that Im experiecing right now. Listening to Reggae music has become very nostalgic for me because it’s what I listen to mostly when I was stoned back home, the very special moments I have ever had when Im high are filled with Reggae tunes, beaches, sunlight and of course good people. Well I wouldnt say I only listen to Reggae music nor am I an avid listener of Reggae music. Our sessions were also filled with lo-fi hip hop music and lo-fi indie/grunge to create the whole “chill” persona, whether it be in my/friend’s room, in the car or even out in the open like the beach or anywhere where we could be surrounded in nature. Back then, especially in 2015 (I can;t believe that it’s been 2 years) life with weed treated us, my friends and I very well. We created memories, mostly smoke sessions with everyone being around at either one of our houses. In my country, they treat weed just like the way they treat crack or heroin and it’s sad to be honest, so the chances of being caught by our parents or even the narcotics are very high. But throughout our years of smoking weed together, none of us got caught AT ALL, not until after 2015. As you can judge by what I’ve typed down so far, my friends and I are very very fond of the friendly herb that we like to call weed or, this is just between my friends and I, we call it “skreng”. It’s almost a some sort of code name that we have amongst us. So with our strong love for weed, throughout the whole year we literally smoked EVERY single day and our doses are not to be compared to regular pot smokers, sounds cocky but its actually a fact. We start our days with at least 2 bowls...and that’s only before we take a shower, then it proceeds to another 2 bowls after our shower and 2 more before we leave for college, or basically leave the house at any time possible. So as you can imagine, our days of college went by when we were crazy baked. After college finishes we would always go to my friend’s house which is like only two minutes drive away from my house and continue with our very organic journey. As our days are occupied with the amazing buzz of marijuana, it doesnt end when the sun sinks into the horizon. We get back home and blaze some more of our own stock, as soon as we get home, and my favourite is, before we have our home-cooked dinner made by my amazing mother who has the best hands possible, the bowl that we smoke before dinner basically enhances our taste buds and oh how much do I love that loving feeling. Now dont ever think that it’s bad or “rude” that I smoke before dinner and face my family because honestly, Im a very anti-social person when it comes to facing my family and the state of high that I was in during dinner makes me more interactive with my family. But of course, Im always rushing to go back upstairs to have myself another bowl of the sweet sativa. The day is not over yet, my fellow readers. As soon as my parents lock their doors to their bedroom, that is when our session would usually start. We would sneak out at around 10 -12 midnight with a bag of weed in each of our pockets and in some situations, those who have a bag of weed in their pockets would be the real rescue rangers for our friends who have run out of weed. We would usually assemble ourselves at one of our houses and blaze that shit up. My favourite in that year was when we went to my buddy’s place in Rimba. He has this small shack behind his house that place is full-on pimped out and Im not even exaggerating, this fucker got UV lights installed in that shack and he even got laser lights to go with that shit. It’s also filled with different kinds of liquors, beers and other sorts of alcohol but fuck that, it was his mom’s anyway. Then the usual thing would happen in a session, music, clouds of smoke, the contagious laughter that swam around the room. There was this one session where we were all on the same level of high and we put on Frank Ocean’s Novacane and ever since that, the song has been an icon for our year. We all sang our hearts out to that song and we LITERALLY would feel the good vibes being passed around that night. Oh man, do I miss those free and careless nights of blazing. Then 2016 came and I could tell you, it was literally the opposite of the year 2015. A LOT of shit happened in 2016. But dont get me wrong though, we niggas still blazing now. Just not as much as we did back in 2015. Right now, my fingers are crossed for this year to be just as chill as it was in 2015. Peace out fellas