#and then they went in later and were like “why does it smell like smoke in here?”

[rotisseries]

Ur so new to this its making me giggle. also you should share more I need to Know

gloomy I can't stress enough how bad I am at this. once we got past stats and I had to actually come up with real character things it was awful. dragged kicking and screaming through character creation. also I'm realizing as I type this how little I still have in mind for this character bc I never even decided what gender they are. we've been referring to them interchangeably as "my new cringfail losergirl oc" and "my new weird little guy"

[mustainegf]

This is a crazy sad idea I had the other night

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ¹⁹⁸⁷

I wake up to the pitter of rain against the windows. The air was dead, with the smell of old wood and the remains of cigarette smoke from the night before. The house held its breath. Lying there, in sheets that smell of memories, the leather and aftershave smell with the damp air and cleaving to everything in this room. His room.

James has left his space this way ever since, the mess of records that he insists have some sort of order, utter chaos to anyone else. Guitars leaned against the wall, scattered papers on the desk. Hard to tell, really. A few half empty beer bottles remained on the nightstand, one of them with the label peeling off where his fingers had unconsciously picked at it.

I sit up and blink away fogginess in my head. My body is heavy, I'm trying to move underwater. Really, I don't want to get up. I want to be wrapped in the warmth of this room, in the memories that lean against me from every corner. But I know I cannot stay here forever. The guys will be up soon, and we'll all gather in the kitchen, making laugh, eat whatever we can find, making plans for the day. It's 1987, and life moves fast. Even if I don't feel like keeping up.

Lately, James has been different. Quieter. Or maybe I'm just noticing things that were always there. The way he sometimes stares off into space, his fingers tapping out rhythms for his own ears. The way he lingers a little too long in doorways, expecting something or someone to appear. He doesn't talk about it, though. None of us do. We just keep going, acting like everything is okay.

Maybe he's downstairs already, fiddling with his guitar, a low hum of his voice humming along to whatever song's in his head. I smile at the thought. James Hetfield. My roommate, my best friend, and sometimes... I don't know what. Something more, maybe. Or something less. It's hard to define what we are.

I drag myself out of his bed and into my jeans,the necklace around my neck is getting heavier with the days. The little locket inside, the one I never take off, a picture of him. I rarely open it. I don't have to. I can pull up his face on the screen in my head anytime. Those diamond cut blue eyes, that wonky smile capable of illuminating the whole damn room.

I trudge softly down the stairs, trying not to make any noise. I used to joke this place was haunted, maybe the ghosts of musicians still waited here, looking for their chance at popularity. James would laugh at me for it, calling me ridiculous, but sometimes. Sometimes, I truly wish it were. And maybe it is.

But it's still an empty kitchen. No James, no one else. Just the light patter of rain, the ticking of the clock on the wall. My face droops immediately. He's probably out in the garage, messing with his guitar, or he went for a drive. That's what he sometimes does when his head needs clearing. I'm fine. I'll see him later.

I sit at the table, running my fingers over the grain of the wood in an absent circle. The house is too quiet. Too still. I shut my eyes and try to recall the last conversation we had, but it's all hazy, reaching for smoke. My mind drifts and for one moment, I might have sworn I heard him, his voice calling my name up the hallway. I snap my eyes open and my heart's racing. But there's nobody.

Just the house. Just me.

I shake my head, feeling pathetic. Need to stop doing this, stop waiting for things that aren't there. I'm not some little girl anymore.

But still… I was hoping the house was haunted.

I lie later on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling, the Scorpions poster on his ceiling boring an image into my skull. The rain has calmed. I have no idea why I am in here. I should do anything else, do something else. Instead, I draw his pillow closer to me, inhaling into the now-faint scent of him that still clings to the fabric. I know if i keep breathing it in, it'll only smell like me. And that's no good.

I simply wish that he would just come back now.

I heard the opening of the door behind me, and my heart leaps half a second, hoping it is him, but it isn't. It's Cliff.

He steps inside, his eyes soft as they land on me, knowing exactly what's going on. That's always been him, kind and patient. He doesn't say anything, not for a minute or so, just walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, his weight sinking into the mattress.

And then I don't know why, but I just start crying. It's out of nowhere, tears spilling down my cheeks before I can even attempt to stop them. They soak into James' pillow like a hello. It's kind of really embarrassing, actually. I'm not a crier. But here I am, sobbing into James's pillow like some sort of broken thing, and I have no idea why.

Cliff says nothing more, but reaches out and gently brushes my hair from off my face, and I imagine his touch is James'.

"He loved you, you know," Cliff says in a voice soft enough that it caresses my slow heart.

My body freezes up. "What?

"James," he says, his fingers still moving through my hair, soothing me like I was a little girl. "He was crazy about you."   I shake my head, a bitter laugh escaping my lips. "You don't have to say that, Cliff. I know you're just trying to make me feel better."

But he doesn't laugh. He doesn't even smile. He just looks at me with those sad eyes of his, chestnut hair falling slightly in his eyes.

"He was gonna tell you," Cliff whispers. "After the tour. He had this big, stupid plan. He wanted to take you out to dinner, make it all special, you know? He was nervous as hell about it, too."

Why is Cliff saying this? Why now?

Again, Cliff says, "He never had the chance." Cliff's voice is no louder than a murmur. "But he loved you. Really did."

I wrap myself into a tight, clinging ball with his pillow. "But he's still here," I choke. "James is… he's still here, Cliff. He's just… he's just out somewhere, right?"

There's such a long pause, when Cliff speaks again, his voice is full with a sadness that I don't want to recognize. But I do.

"He's gone, sweetheart."

I shake my head wildly, eyes refusing to believe what I already know is true. "No. No, he's not. He's coming back. He's just—"

"He passed, remember? Last year. The bus."

I stop breathing as the room tilts, heavy with fog, pushing against my skin, promising to smother me. I remember, yet I don't want to. I don't want to think about that night, the phone call, a feeling of my love slipping away.

"I saw him," I whisper, my voice shaking. "I swear, Cliff, I saw him. He was right here."

Cliff doesn't argue, won't try to reason with me. He just pulls me into his arms, holding me as I break apart. He strokes my hair, whispering soft words that I can't quite make out, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that James is gone. He's been gone for a year, and I've been living in this house, waiting for a ghost that will never come home.

Cliff lays me back down, tucks James’ blankets around me as if I am some sort of child. He doesn't leave, though. He stays beside me, his hand resting on my shoulder.

"He really did love you," Cliff says again, much softer this time. "More than you know."

The house isn't haunted. At least, it isn't haunted the way I wish it was.

I still wear you in my locket, James. I always will.

And maybe someday I'll find you again.

[tieronecrush]

part of me, apart from me

rating: E (18+ only, MDNI)

word count: 14k....its a whole thing okay?

summary:

kindly requested from a lovely anon "You and Javi had one kid together when you were very young, maybe you broke up due to his work schedule. You reunite at their college graduation 👀"

javier & you had daughter right after he graduated college, you with a couple years left yourself. when she was 15, he got the call to head to colombia, deciding with you to pursue his career and leave the two of you in the safety of laredo. seven years later, your daughter is graduating from college and javier is back home for good after cali, forcing himself to face what he finds are his failures, and hold out hope that you still feel the same as he does.

warnings (SPOILERS): BIG self doubt, self deprecation, heavy guilt, separated relationship, co-parenting, javier being in unrequited love, chucho being a king and a great grandfather & father, strained familial relationships on mother's side, discussions of death/violence/drugs, smoking, alcohol use, mentions of food/eating, use of spanish, javi has total DAD moments, he is a DILF ofc, dirty talk, oral sex (f & m (briefly) receiving), unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, becomes established relationship, etc.

a/n: i don't think the anon who requested this realized what it would do to my brain, but i have created a whole universe for this fic. i am in love with their little family and they will live forever in my head and heart. a huge thank you to my bestie el @northernbluess for screaming about javi, this fic, giving me the title for this, and beta-reading this long ass fic for me. love you friend!!!! hope you all enjoy, and that you love them as much as i do!

The engine of Javier’s truck cuts as he turns the ignition, the loud rumble of its mechanics quieting to reveal the sounds of birds chirping. For Texas in May, it’s a pretty mild day, sunlight shining bright against the blue sky. There’s a handful of wispy clouds above him as he opens the door and steps down from the cab, shutting it with a metallic click. He rolls his shoulders and swings his arms to loosen up, the sweat at the nape of his neck is from his nerves more than the temperature.

It’s been two years since he has seen his daughter, Liliana, in person. He’d come back from Colombia after everything that went down with the Cali cartel and the government only a mere 48 hours ago. He’s exhausted, but he made the drive from Laredo to College Station to see his princesa, the light of his life for the last twenty-two years, graduate from college. Specifically, his alma mater, Texas A&M University.

He has been counting down the days until he was back for this occasion, after repeatedly reminding everyone in the embassy that he would be out of the country. It just so happens that he doesn’t need to return to Colombia as he had originally planned.

A deep inhale and slow exhale attempt to calm the jitters that are trembling his fingers.

Fuck, he really wants a cigarette.

But Lili would kill him if he showed up smelling like burnt tobacco when he had promised a week ago he was on the Nicorette thing.

Instead, he shakes his head to himself and hooks his sunglasses in the open chest of his light blue short-sleeve button-up. Out of habit, he reaches to his lower back to feel for his pistol, his touch brushing denim.

Another inhale, slow exhale.

He can do this.

It’s you and his daughter. Two people that he loves. Two people he’s been working for.

Maybe that’s why he’s so fucking nervous.

How can you welcome him back every time he makes a visit? How can his daughter be excited to talk to him every week from across the equator? He’s been gone for years. Most of her teenage life, and nearly all of her college career. He’s only been back once since she moved to university. Once.

What a fucking asshole.

Certainly not a good father.

His boots tick against the pavement of the front path up to the dingy, weather-worn two-story house. He remembers getting photographs of Liliana in front of this house a couple of years ago, sent from you and stuffed in an envelope along with photos retelling her entire summer. That one of her standing proudly in front of this house hung on his fridge until he packed it up two days ago.

Every day he looked at it, he wished nothing more than to have been like one of her friends’ dads that helped with moving in and fixing up the house, maybe slipping her a hundred dollar bill to spend on groceries or alcohol on his way out to the car after saying goodbye.

Instead, he was stuck in Colombia under the thumb of the U.S. government and sleazy CIA agents that were controlling him like a puppet.

He’s here now, though. And he’s trying so hard to get over the tightness in his chest, to clear the lump in his throat, and to dry his sweaty palms when he gets up the creaky wooden steps and up to the front door. His middle finger presses the doorbell aggressively, taking a step back and shaking out his shoulders again.

Gaze focused on his shoes, he looked up as he heard the door unlock. A wide, genuine grin breaks out on his face when he sees Liliana in the threshold, that same smile copied and pasted onto hers, even down to the dimple on his right cheek.

“Tata (Dad)! You’re here!” she exclaims, jumping out of the door and hooking her arms around his neck. He laughs as he catches her, one arm wrapping around her waist and his other hand reaching up to hold the back of her head. He pets her long, brunette hair, squeezing her in a tight hug against his chest.

“Oh, Lili Pad. Missed you so much, mija.” He kisses the side of her head before loosening his hold on her, taking in the sight of his daughter after seeing her only through photographs for years.

“Tata, I’m graduating college tomorrow. Not little Lili Pad anymore.”

Her eye roll gives Javier’s attitude a run for its money.

Damn, she really got a lot from his gene pool.

The same deep brown eyes with hints of amber, softened and round give away their every emotion. The same mouth that finds a perfect pout, combined with those eyes he was always pushed over when she was younger. Anything she wanted, he would give to her. Even now.

She has your nose, though. Your ears. Your feminine facial structure. Your charming, warm personality.

“You’re always gonna be Lili Pad, amorcita. Always gonna be my babygirl,” he presses another kiss to her temple, unraveling her from him, “But you have grown into such a beautiful woman, Lili. You remind me of your mamá when she was your age.”

“There’s that Peña charm.”

He looks over his daughter’s shoulder and sees you leaning against the banister, arms crossed over your chest with a smirk playing at your lips. His heart rate increases to double speed, his now dry hands clamming up again as he drinks you in from head to toe.

Years away and he is still so fucking in love with you.

Another reason to curse his time in Colombia.

It was a mutual decision, to split up before he left. There was no timeline for how long he would be gone or when he could come back that first time he went down there.

And there was no way in hell he was putting the two most important people in his life in the middle of what was basically a fucking warzone.

So, that was that. Co-parents, and close friends.

And an agonizing ache every time he saw you since he left.

He grins right back at you, Lili waving him inside after her. Crossing the entryway to you, he opens his arms with a quirk of his brows.

Your smirk reaches its full stretch, shifting into a gracious smile as you drop your arms and step into his, snaking your hands around to his back. He holds you tightly, a shorter embrace than the one with Liliana but long enough for your signature scent to pull him back to being a young, dumb college student who was madly in love. A chaste kiss is pressed to your cheek before he pulls away.

“I’m pretty sure she gets that from you, amor. I don’t recall a time when you weren’t able to get what you wanted — everyone you meet thinks you’re a delight.”

“See? More charm. Laying it on a little thick, Jav,” you tease, hitting your fist against his bicep gently.

He glances at your arm when you lower it back to your side, catching the glint of the bracelet with Liliana’s initials in gold charms that is always on your wrist. He gave it to you after she was born, once she was taken home from the hospital and the two of you were standing over her crib watching her sleep. Ever since then, he’s never seen you without it.

“Alright, alright. Enough of the weird, complimentary back-and-forth you guys do. Do you wanna see the place before I move out, viejo?” Lili cuts in and Javi’s eyes leave your wrist to look at her with a smile.

“Ay, no soy viejo, princesa (Ay, I am not old, princess). Now lead the way and no more making fun of me,” he nods for her to walk ahead of him, taking a few steps and glancing back at you, “You not coming on the tour, amor?”

You shake your head and give Liliana a look that says ‘Care to explain?’. Being on the receiving end of that look many times, he knows it a bit too well coming from you.

“Mom is being amazing and helpful and wonderful like Mom always is and is packing my closet for me.” Lili cringes as she admits it to her father, Javier shaking his head and letting out a long exhale.

“Liliana, you have known you’re moving for months and you’ve waited until the day before graduation to pack? Dios, somos demasiado parecidos (God, we are too much alike),” he nods for her to continue walking as you laugh behind him, the sound traveling as you walk upstairs and bringing a faint smile to his lips as he follows his daughter.

He hovers around Lili’s room as you pace from her closet to the cases laid out on the floor, organizing everything and folding as you walk back and forth. Your daughter is downstairs, tasked with packing up her items from the kitchen and the living room. Javi’s been given the whole tour, now dropped off to “catch up with Mom”, as Lili put it.

Across the surfaces and walls, he spies the little gifts he’s sent her over his years away: all of the birthday cards he’s hand-picked and written letters in stacked in a box on her desk, the mola depicting lilies framed and hanging on her wall, the brightly colored Wayuu mochila that he’d bought from one of the open air markets in Bogotá hanging off of the door knob to her closet.

There’s a sharp pain in his chest when he sees the small picture frames sitting on her nightstand. He sits on the edge of her bed and picks them up one by one to study them. The first is a photo of you and Lili, smiling from ear to ear. He recognizes the photo as one he took on his visit before last, the one he made before Lili went to college. The pair of you are standing in the middle of an overgrown field on the Peña ranch, sun setting in the background. Lili insisted on watching the sunset all together on Javi’s last night at home, and he snuck the camera out with the three of you.

He has a copy of the photo right next to his bed, too.

Setting the frame down delicately, he picks up the next one, this one of Lili and him alone. It’s from years ago, the wide smile on Lili’s face showing off her missing front tooth. Javi grins back at his little girl in the photo, his eyes combing over to the younger version of him, way back when he was a sheriff in Laredo. It must have been during the holidays — there’s a shiny plastic red gift bow on his chest and Lili is wearing a knit sweater with a snowman on it.

Where did all the time go?

The last photograph grows the lump in his throat and the ache in between his ribs. It’s a photo of the three of you, one from his most recent visit a couple of years ago. Dressed up for a Dean’s Award ceremony that Liliana was nominated for. She looks like the spitting image of you, and you are absolutely glowing with pride for her. You two are so beautiful. He looks exhausted, anxiety in his eyes that never seems to have left since his first year in the DEA. It was around the time when he thought he was going to be able to stay, to be around for Lili and for you. He told you what happened in Colombia that got him sent home; you understood, of course, you understood why he did it all. And he admitted it all with the faintest smile on his face, the thought of getting to settle was appealing more and more to him.

And then he got the call.

He battled with the decision.

He talked to you about it.

You said, “We’re always gonna be here, Jav. You need to go. What’s a few more years?”

Everything. A few more years was everything.

He missed so much.

“You okay, Jav?”

He looks up from the photo in his hands, eyes focusing back on the room instead of a million miles ahead. You are kneeling next to one of the suitcases, carefully placing some of your daughter’s clothes in neatly. Those eyes you’re giving him turn his brain to mush, all of the escalating thoughts dripping away.

“Yeah, yeah, all good. Reminiscing,” he nods to himself as he turns the photo for you to see before setting it back down, pulling a grin onto his face, “Do you remember when the three of us would all go out to dinner or meet up with my tíos and tías when Lili was a baby? And they would always ask us when we were getting married?”

A gentle laugh comes from you as you think back, knowing how many times you got asked the same question over and over again.

“Yes, I definitely remember that. I also remember you getting so annoyed one day that you just—”

“Lied and said that we got married at the courthouse?”

“Yes! I got such an onslaught of questions after you said that. That news, which wasn’t even news, spread like wildfire throughout your family.”

“Well, at least it got people off our backs, esposa,” he winks, grin lifting to one side to meld into a smirk.

You roll your eyes dramatically, the wide smile peeling your lips apart making Javi’s heart race faster.

“You want some help, amor? Feel like an imbécil not doing anything,” he slaps his hands on his knees as he stands from Lili’s bed, taking the handful of steps that separate you. One knee is bent to bring him down to the ground, huffing out a sigh as he gets fully onto his knees.

“Sure you’re gonna be able to get up from the floor, viejo?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you continue to put rolled clothes into the luggage. Javier rolls his eyes, shaking his head.

“I think I can handle getting up from the ground, bromista. Been jumping off of roofs and trekking through fucking jungles for seven years.” He doesn’t wait for your response, grabbing one of the unfolded shirts from next to you and attempting to fold it as neatly as you’ve done with the rest of them.

“Alright, alright. I believe you. How about I roll, you organize what I hand you into the suitcase? Sounds good?” You hold a hand out for the shirt in his hand, a small laugh as he resigns his attempt and passes the fabric over.

“Sí, jefa (Yes, boss),” a soft grin pulls one side of his mouth up, deepening the dimple on his right cheek. You look at him with your own tender smile when you hand him a rolled pair of jeans to put away, reaching your hand up to poke the little crevice in his cheek like you always do — like you always did.

The two of you work quietly for a few minutes, falling into a rhythm. Liliana makes noise from downstairs, cabinets open and closing, sounds of bubble wrap being ripped echoing throughout the house.

“How’re you doin’, Jav?”

The question strikes him, slumping his shoulders and training his gaze on the shirt in his hands as he rubs his index and thumb over the softened cotton.

It’s a simple enough question; he expected you to ask when you first saw him. In a greeting, he thought it would be easy to brush it off, tell you ‘Estoy bien’ or that he was happy to be home.

But right now, packing up his daughter’s clothes to move her out of college and back into your home — the day before his little girl’s graduation — it feels too difficult to lie.

Sitting alone here with you, the mother of his daughter, the beauty that gave him his greatest gift, the woman — the strong, commanding, warm, gentle woman that he is still so incredibly in love with — is drawing the truth out of him before he can fully catch up with what he’s admitting.

“Feeling like a real pendejo. I missed so much. Too much, amor. I’m sorry.”

“Jav. You are here now. You always show up when she needs her Tata. Even if it’s not physically, you show up for her every day. No more of that talk this weekend, do you hear me? You’re here. That’s it. Not missing anything.”

How do you always know what to say to him?

How did he ever walk away from you?

Javier nods his head, pressing his lips into a tight line as his fingers twitch for nicotine. He would kill for that slow drag of smoke filling his lungs, relaxing his racing mind and heart with a break that lasts as long as the burning paper and tobacco.

Instead, he stands on his knees, grabbing the plastic pack out of his pocket and popping out a chiclet of gum, tossing it into his mouth, and chewing furiously. The look on your face is observational, a twitch of your lips into the faintest grin calms him nearly as much as a cigarette would.

He sits back on his haunches, one of his hands reaching to touch you, faltering when your head turns down to fold the item of clothing in your hands.

“Te quiero, esposa,” his hand grazes his fingertips along the denim covering his thighs, twitching to move the hair curtaining your face, “Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, Jav,” your head shakes back and forth subtly, eyes lifting from your lap and softening as you smile at him, “Love you, too.”

“Jesús Cristo, Liliana, you have a lot of shit. I went to college with a suitcase and a duffle bag — and left four years later with just the duffle bag,” Javier shakes his head as he carries the last piece of luggage downstairs to the living room where the rest of her packed belongings are accumulating to pack up in your three cars the day after her graduation.

“God, Jav, you sound like my father. ‘I walked twelve miles to school with rocks in my backpack and in a foot of snow’,” you drop your voice to mock him, laughing with your daughter as she walks in from the kitchen and stands next to you, “Getting to be an old man, Peña.”

“Mamá is right, Tata. You’re the youngest dad out of all my friends and you sound the oldest right now,” Lili says through a wide smile, and you laugh with her now, sending Javier a brightly teasing grin.

He grumbles and rolls his eyes, waving a hand at both of you dismissively.

“Yeah, yeah. Enough from you two bromistas. Y’know, I didn’t miss you two ganging up on me — it was one thing through the phone, but in person is just too much.”

Your tongue clicks and you walk over to him, pinching his cheek as you pass by him, “Aw, Jav, it’s all love. You’re just easy to rile up, makes it fun.”

You wink at him with your back to Liliana, slipping out of the room to grab more of her boxes from the kitchen. At your touch and the minuscule flirtation, his heart rate thumps louder in his ears. His eyes follow you out of the room, snapping back when Liliana asks him a question. He shakes himself out of the trance, looking over to his daughter and stepping over to where she’s stood in front of an open box.

“Qué pasa, mija? (What’s up, my daughter?)” Javier reaches an arm up and wraps it around her shoulders, holding her against his side as he presses a kiss to her head. His eyes drop to what’s held in front of her, a chill running down his spine when he sees a photo of Escobar across the front page of the newspaper, the headline reading ‘ESCOBAR KILLED IN MEDELLÍN’.

“Do you want this copy, Tata? I kept two of them, but I think the other one is already packed away and I don’t know if I need both anymore really. Kept one to show my professors all about you,” Lili turns her head and looks up at him.

Javier shakes his head, a tight smile facing his daughter before he drops his arm from her shoulders.

“No, no thanks, mija. No need to keep the other one either. I wasn’t even there for that, amorcita. I think I was actually about to come over to Mamá’s house to see you when I got the call,” he tasks his antsy hands with sealing a cardboard box with packing tape, “May as well toss them out. Or send them to Mr. Murphy if you want them to be kept safe.”

“I don’t want to get rid of the other one. I want to keep it. Even if you weren’t there for it, you still did so much work to get to that point, Tata. I mean, you doing all of that in Colombia is what made me want to do criminal psychology,” she carefully slips the newspaper into one of the open boxes, closing it up and holding her hand out for the tape roll.

“Mi princesa, you—“

“I know, Tata. I promise I am not going to be running on rooftops or caught in the middle of shootouts with the DEA. No fighting cartels, viejo. I just want to work with profiling and behind-the-scenes stuff.” She takes the tape, closing up the box completely as Javier’s heart cinches in his chest.

He is so incredibly proud of his Lili Pad, but he can’t deny how angry he got when Liliana chose her major finally — of course, it had to be criminology. She explained she was drawn to it because of his work, but assured that she is not interested in doing the same thing he has done for years. Behind the scenes, possibly going into forensic psychology or helping to profile criminals. Office jobs, for the most part. But he couldn’t shake that anger inside for months; never been angry with his daughter, and he knew she was as headstrong as him and would achieve what she wanted. He was angry with himself, for even planting any sort of seed, even unknowingly, for Lili to get into this type of work. He knows that eventually her end of the promise might not be kept — he knows her, how easily excitable she can get with new opportunities. She’ll likely end up climbing ranks or even getting into some agency like the FBI or something.

The thought of her out there, in a tac vest or with a weapon, makes bile burn his esophagus.

“Alright, I think we’re done here for today. Better go check into the hotel and we can get ready quick, then we can swing by and pick you up for dinner, Lili.” Your voice pulls him out of his spiral, stare focusing back into the room and glancing over at you in the doorway from the kitchen.

“Sí, jefa. Sounds like a plan,” he pats the pockets of his jeans and feels for his truck keys, “You gonna be ready if we come in an hour, princesa?”

Lili rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest and popping her hip out, a stance all too familiar to Javier.

“Sí, Tata. Besides, I’m not the one you should be asking that to. Mom is always the one who takes longer to get ready.”

Javier laughs when you walk over to your daughter, pinching her side playfully. He shakes his head and gives Liliana a knowing look.

“Mija, I have known that fact about your mamá for longer than you’ve been alive. I’m guessing it will be an hour and a half until we’re back, but wanted to make sure you were actually ready. An hour to you women is at least an hour and fifteen to the rest of the world.”

Javier smiles with a loud laugh as both you and Lili approach him and swat his arms, pinching his sides without causing any pain whatsoever. There were protests on either side of him, his daughter and her mother annoyed with the judgments on their time management but all three of them knew he was right.

“Alright, alright, I apologize…” he surrenders from the assault with his hands up, taking deep breaths as he recovers from his laughter before continuing with a smirk, “But we all know I’m right!”

Javier makes a quick exit out of the room and through the front door before any other hits or pinches can be given to him, hearing the stifled laughter from you and Lili from inside the house.

“Yeah, you better run, Jav!” you call out as you gather your purse and fish out your car keys, saying a quick goodbye to Lili and following his path out of the house, “Now I’m gonna be ready in an hour just to prove you wrong.”

“That would only make me overjoyed. Maybe we could make our reservation in time then,” he waves goodbye to Liliana before turning to continue down the front path of her house, to his truck parked in front of your small SUV.

“You wanna follow me over there?” he asks as he unlocks the driver’s side door, watching you open yours and nod to him.

“Yeah, sounds good to me. Don’t be driving like a bat out of hell, though, Javier.”

“Hey, I can’t make any promises. Used to driving all around Colombian cities, it’s a lot different on those roads,” he jokes before making sure you get into your car, hopping into the truck, and listening to the engine turn over before he leads you both over to your accommodations for the rest of the weekend.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Peña. We would normally be absolutely willing to find a solution for you, but we’re fully booked for the graduation weekend. We only have one room for you.” The front desk receptionist looks terrified of Javier at this moment, his glare that he has perfected, normally reserved for serious criminals or dirty agents, is aimed directly at the young college student working here.

When the two of you were trying to check in, they had been informed that the reservation Javier had made for the two of you, two standard rooms, had been double booked, resulting in the parties involved only getting delegated one room each. 

His jaw notched to the side, hands gripping the edge of the front counter with his arms wide and head dipping down in annoyance. He picks it up, addressing the hotel employee again.

“I made a reservation months ago. I called from fucking Colombia — I paid about forty dollars wasting twenty minutes on the phone with whoever was working that day just to get this booked—”

“Jav,” your hand finds his chest as his eyes find yours, the rapid heartbeat thumping in his chest definitely not slowing down at what was supposed to be your soothing touch, “It’s fine. We can survive with one room for two nights. It’s either taking this or sleeping on the floor at Lili’s.”

Holding your gaze, he can see the words unsaid in the look you’re giving him.

Shut up and take the room key.

And there’s no way he is continuing to argue with the kid in front of him as he squirms under your own stern stare. With a grumble, he straightens up, your hand leaving his chest and cool, conditioned air chilling the spot that was covered in your warmth. The rest of the check-in process is painless, with Javier paying for the stay and taking the room keys. He turns around to face you, handing you one of the access cards and nodding toward the elevators.

“Let me take that, amor.” He leans down and grabs both duffles from the floor, one his and one yours, following your lead over to the elevators. The two of you stand and wait for the doors to open, the familiar ding alerting them to which one will be taking them up to their floor. When the doors slide apart, a large group of people started to spill out into the lobby. You step back to avoid a collision with a man not watching where he is walking, and Javier’s hand immediately finds your lower back to steady you. It lingers as the rush of people clears out — he makes no move to take it away until he guides you into the small square space, dropping his touch to press the button for your floor.

Once the two of you make it into the room, he sets your bags down on the desk and dresser, walking over to the thermostat to turn it down for you without a second thought.

“You remember,” you observe with a grin, rifling through your bag to find your toiletries and a change of clothes for dinner.

“Course I do, always had to have the air blasting in our apartment or the house. You never could sleep without a massive blanket and your toes under my legs. Never did understand your need to be freezing, always,” he chuckles at the memories of every night with you, until the separation when he was assigned to Bogotá.

“I dunno why either, just was always the most comfortable. Felt cozier, plus it always gave an excuse to cuddle.” Your giggle sends a tingle from his ears down the back of his neck and across his shoulders, a shudder easily blamed on the intense fans of the air-con.

“Go ahead and take the first shower, esposa. I’ll wait so that you can have more time to get ready and all that,” Javier crosses the room, saddling up next to you to rummage through his own weekender bag. In his periphery, he can see you flash a smile as you gather your things in one arm, using the free hand to brush across his shoulder blades when you walk behind him.

“Very kind, Jav. I’ll be quick, I promise.”

You stand in the doorway of the bathroom and he picks his head up, turning it to look at you. Head to toe, he scans you quickly before settling on your face, shaking his head.

“Take your time, amor. We both know I can be ready in ten minutes if I need to be,” he sends you a wink and half a smirk appears when you laugh, shutting the door behind you.

He hears the water run, kicking off his boots and sitting at the edge of the bed with an extensive sigh. Rubbing his eyes of exhaustion, he’s still for a moment. Shoulders drop, limbs feeling heavy as the day catches up with him. Moving, packing, even fighting with himself has drained him over the course of the day.

He loved spending time with his Liliana again, seeing her eager to walk the stage tomorrow and collect her diploma. And being around you again, drudging up all of the feelings and desires and words that he has tamped down for the last seven years. But it all comes with reminders of how absent he was, thousands of miles away, how undeserving he is of being welcomed back into the arms of you two, how his daughter was so proud, idolized him so much that she chose to study a major that puts her in the same field of work. He deserves distance from her, a cold shoulder from you — aloofness of some sort for the choice he made.

At least that’s what he’s told himself over and over for nearly the last decade. No matter how much you or Lili continually proved those thoughts wrong, they always came back.

He glances at his watch before standing and moving toward the bag again, hearing the water shut off and moving to grab his toiletries. Taking out the leather Dopp kit jostles something else in the bag loose, flinging it out onto the floor. Bending down with a sigh to retrieve it, he’s faced with the metal badge emblazoned with the DEA seal and ‘USA’ carved into it. It must have been in the bag from his plane ride earlier this week, and it serves as a blatant reminder of what he needs to talk to you about on this trip. What he needs to tell Liliana, too.

The badge gets thrown back into the bag and he walks toward the open bathroom door, stopping short within the threshold. You’re standing at the counter, products splayed around you to do your makeup. Even after living with you for 15 years, he barely has a clue what any of it does besides lipstick and mascara. He’d spent many mornings and evenings listening to you explaining your routine, but never quite getting down all the product names. There’s a pang in his chest, felt deep in the bones of his rib cage; the sight gives him major deja vu, nostalgia wavering over him. Even his subconscious longs for a time when you were his.

A humorous smile reflects back at him with your eyes glued to his in the mirror. Your fingers tap a rogue-colored product across your cheeks, giving you a bit of a brighter, subtly flushed look.

“Sorry, Jav, promise I’ll be out of here in like five minutes. I am trying to be quick.”

“Cálmate, amor. No hay prisa.There’s no rush, really…” he clears his throat, setting his toiletry bag down on an open space at the counter. He leans one hip against it, body facing you and studying the motions of painting your face while his mind works up the courage to bring up the pressing conversation.

“I, um, I actually have to tell you something.” His eyes cast down to the side, the grout of the tiles suddenly interested him.

“What is, Jav? You can tell me anything, you know that.” The compact in your hand is forgotten, clicked closed, and set down next to you as you mirror his stance. One hip against the counter, facing him.

“I know. I know. There’s just—It’s kind of a big thing and I wanted to tell you as soon as it all happened but I didn’t know how things would exactly shake out…”

“Javier. Take a breath,” you instruct him, hand against his chest with purposeful pressure, taking a deep inhale along with him and letting it out slowly. You don’t remove your hand, and he’s grateful for the gesture.

“I retired from the DEA two days ago. The morning before I left to come home. So, uh, I’m back at the ranch with Pop and I’ll be here now.” A mess of emotion comes out of his voice — fear, anxiety, relief, disappointment. Painfully, he drags his eyes up to your face, seeing your eyes wide with surprise and your brows relaxing from shooting up at the news. It’s an unreadable, unfamiliar expression; he watches as it all morphs behind your eyes before sympathy washes over every feature of yours, tender tone speaking up in the tiny bathroom.

“What happened?”

Everything was spilling out after that — information that was surely spreading across the US over the last 48 hours, not that he paid any attention to the news right now. Ambassador Crosby told him that he had won, that the Cali Godfathers would be locked up, at least for the foreseeable future. How dirty he felt when Crosby said the words, “You played the system like a goddamn fiddle…” The ledger proving the Colombian president’s campaign donations from the Cali cartel in exchange for immunity, the knowledge that the US government allowed all of it to occur, how he had spoken about it all to the reporter from El Tiempo.

“Javier, Jav, oh—I’m so proud of you.” The air is knocked him his lungs when the sound of those words reaches his ears, the next second being wrapped up in your tight embrace. It takes a moment to register your hug before he relaxes his weight against you, tension melting as you speak to him right next to his ear, “You told the truth. You helped every single Colombian citizen know what their government was doing to them. Just, holy shit, Javi. That’s fucking badass. I’m so, so proud of you, honey.”

Kindness, understanding, and comfort ooze around him and break down the stoicism that he’s been masked with for the last two days, tears welling in his eyes and spilling a few over that he quickly wipes away.

How can you always seem to find endless compassion for him? He’s just told you he quit his job with no real backup plan and all you said was how proud of him you are.

You’re a really good friend.

A great friend, actually.

Fuck, he is so in love with you still it hurts.

“Thank you…I don’t deserve your pride though, I did so many bad things,” his voice is hoarse on the last word, tightening his arms around you to quell his emotion.

“None of that, Jav. You uncovered a whole fucking…political scandal. Told people what their governments were doing. That’s honest; it’s ethical and respectable. You did the right thing, Jav.”

The last few words grow the lump in his throat, a slow nod against the side of your head. His lips brush your ear, confiding as if it is something he hasn’t said many times before, “Te quiero, amor.”

The smile is evident in your voice despite the fact that the hug keeps your face from his sight, and the saccharine sweetness of your voice sends his heart racing again, “Love you too, honey.”

At dinner, once there’d been a few drinks and some food served, Javier told Liliana the news he broke to you in your hotel bathroom. Albeit, it was an abridged version, details of his mistakes and pains of guilt left out for his precious daughter’s sake. She was eager to get out into the world and make a difference, and he had all the faith that she could, unlike him. He didn’t want his story to taint her view of what she was going to be able to achieve with her sheer determination.

He had that at one point. Probably lost it sometime in the last few years, slowly and then all at once when those tapes were found.

Liliana was understanding of her father resigning, chalking it up to his years down there catching up with him and teasing him for being an old man now. He took it gracefully, laughing along with the two of you and riffing on his own, with self-effacing jokes. As the conversation wrapped up, questions from Lili were answered by him — he was home, for good, living with Chucho and helping run the ranch. He would absolutely be around to help her get ready for her first day at work and help her move into her new apartment in San Antonio. And yes, he would be delighted to come over for dinner once or twice a week to spend some time with her, and you. Liliana had formulated the idea herself, earning a nod of approval from you and a warm invitation seconded.

After he accepted, Liliana changed the subject to rant about whoever the university had chosen for the commencement speech and how random of a choice it was. He listened intently, always hanging on every word from his Lili Pad, but he couldn’t help but be distracted by your hand coming to the place on his thigh closest to his knee, resting there for a moment before giving him a supportive squeeze. Nothing was spoken about the gesture, no looks were exchanged when your hand stayed there until the food came.

Sitting in the booth, observing and listening to his girls bounce back and forth in conversation, he finds the first moment of resounding comfort that he’s felt in seven years.

The last conversation he had with Spencer just days ago after the recent trial in D.C. rings in his mind, the two men standing at the displayed photos of Special Agents from the DEA.

He had asked Javier, “What else is a guy like you gonna do?”

At the time, Javier wasn’t too sure.

But now, with two of his favorite smiles beaming, one identical to his own, and the chorus of laughter that soundtracks his life, and his heart racing, the heart that bleeds for his family sitting here with him, he knows what he’s gonna do.

Be a father.

Be a partner.

Be a friend, a son, a lover, a teacher, a student, a listener, a provider, a protector.

Be everything he hasn’t been for nearly a decade.

He is going to be there for you two. No matter what.

The two of you are back in the hotel room, Liliana dropped off safely at her home and promptly reminded of the schedule for tomorrow. Javier threw her a, “Don’t be too hungover,” that you rolled your eyes at, the faintest of smiles on your face, knowing exactly how Javier was at his own graduation. You, unknowingly pregnant with Lili at the time, were feeling sick and extremely nervous to be seeing his parents the next day, so there was no drinking for you that night. The next morning you were rubbing his back as he threw up before dragging him into the shower and then dressing him like a doll.

He remembers the only thing he was thinking that morning was how much he loved you, how much he was going to miss you after moving home to Laredo to become a sheriff while you were finishing school the next year.

Life seemed so simple back then; only had to worry about visiting his girlfriend at the weekends, showing up for work on time, and taking care of his parents.

A few weeks later, you told him you were pregnant.

God, how fast was time moving? He feels like that was merely last year.

“Bathroom’s all yours, Jav.”

He looks up from his duffel to see you walking out in your pajamas, a smirk crossing his face at the faded Texas A&M shirt he recognized from his own closet from years before. With a nod to you, he unbuttons his shirt halfway before talking to you over his shoulder.

“I can take the floor, amor. You take the bed.”

A loud laugh from behind turns him around, and you look at him like he’s got about four heads.

“Javier Luis, you’re not going to be able to get up in the morning if you sleep on the floor, viejo. If it’s weird for you to sleep in the bed with me, I’ll be the one to take the floor.”

“No, you’re not. And it’s not weird for me, I just didn’t know if you would be comfortable with it.”

“Don’t know if you forgot, but we have slept in the same bed together before, Jav. It’s kind of how we have a daughter, you dork,” you snort and climb onto the plush mattress, slipping under the duvet and leaning up against the pillows.

“Hey, I was trying to be a gentleman, no need for the name-calling.”

“You are always a gentleman, hon, no need to try. Plus I have to call you names, who else will keep you humble?”

“Our daughter. That’s who. I think she’s worse than you with the jokes,” he laughs.

Your smile widens, laughing along with him and shrugging, “I wonder where she gets that from.”

A wink is sent his way, stirring his stomach before he clears his throat and nods to the bathroom, “Gonna get ready for bed, you all done in there?”

“Yeah, yeah. Go for it,” you wave toward the bathroom, grabbing your book from the nightstand.

Javier makes quick work of brushing his teeth and the rest of his night routine, avoiding his tired reflection before shutting the lights out and going back into the bedroom. Book still in your hand, he stands in his jeans again, rubbing the back of his neck. Without looking up you pat the spot next to you.

“I know you sleep in your boxers, just get in the damn bed.”

Ever since you became a mom, your power of reading his mind has gotten way too good.

Well, maybe it isn’t perfect cause if you could read his mind, you probably wouldn’t have suggested sharing a bed again with the amount of time he spends thinking about you.

“Sometimes it makes me mad how often you know what I’m going to say,” he grumbles and shucks off his jeans leaving them at the side of the bed and climbing under the covers. He stays comfortably at the side of the bed, sighing deeply as he closes his eyes. 

“Comes with experience.”

“Why can’t I do it for you then?” He opens his eyes and turns onto his side to look at you, “I’ve known you just as long as you’ve known me.”

The book in your hands is closed, and laid in your lap, looking down at Javier and shrugging, “You have your own way of it. I might know what you’re going to say, but you always anticipate everyone’s needs and you’re always one step ahead of me. I mean, you always see like four steps ahead. You saved Lili many broken bones at the playground growing up and you always used to be able to cheer me up and fix whatever was making me sad or angry before I really even knew what it was myself.”

A grin slowly pulls the corners of your lips apart, one of your hands reaching over to tap the top of his head. 

“Well, I quickly learned the signs of your hangriness. That was most often the reason you were upset,” he chuckles, one side of his mouth ticking up as he relaxes further into the bed.

Comfortable silence falls over the two of you as you read your book for a few more minutes, Javier lying next to you and trying, half-assed, to fall asleep. He really was just sneaking glances at you every time he adjusted positions, admiring the concentrated look on your face, engrossed in the story.

At one point, the book was shut for the night and set on the nightstand, the lamp clicked off and you relaxed back into bed. You turned on your side to face him, voice whisper quiet, “You asleep, Jav?”

He hums lowly, vibrations absorbed by the mattress before his eyes peel open and adjust to the darkness.

“Not yet. Qué pasa, amor?”

“Did you quit smoking?”

“Uh, I guess so, yeah. Why are you asking that now?”

“Just curious. I didn’t see you dip outside to smoke at all today and you got a non-smoking room, too. Very un-Javier.”

“Oh, is that all I am to you, esposa? A smoker?” He has a lilt of teasing in his voice, raising his eyebrows as you laugh faintly.

“Shut up, I didn’t say that.” There’s a gentle shove to his shoulder before your hands are back by you, tucked under your chin as you curl up again.

“I was going to congratulate you on quitting, but now I’m not sure if I want to, meanie.”

“You’re the one randomly questioning me about my habits! Meanie.”

“I am not a meanie, I had no bad intentions!”

“Sure, and what would you have said if I told you I didn’t quit?”

Javier gives you a satisfied smirk when you’re silent, shaking his head to himself.

“Knew it,” he rolls onto his back, hand resting on his stomach and turning his head to the side, “I quit ‘cause Lili called me before I came home and asked me to. She’s asked for a while, but I kept putting it off with the stress of work and everything. Thought now’s the time after I resigned.”

In the darkness, he suddenly feels your hand on his bicep closest to you, rubbing up and down slowly.

“You’re a good dad, Jav. The best. Glad you’re the one I got to have a kid with.”

If he says anything now, it will come out incoherent from the lump sitting in his throat. Instead, he hums in response, nothing else spoken until you’ve fallen asleep.

“I’m glad it was me, too.”

It is hot as fuck.

He’s trying so hard not to sweat his ass off while in the cattle of people funneling into the arena at this moment, attempting to keep his light beige button-up dry. He was going to wear his normal uniform of jeans and a short-sleeved shirt when he heard the weather report on the TV this morning, but your face when you saw him pull out navy slacks and his long-sleeved shirt that he packed, was too excitable and adorable to not wear anything else — “We’ll be matching! Our pictures will be so cute with Lili in her white dress.” Standing in your floral, mid-length navy dress, who was he to deny you those coordinated photos? 

Things had been much more…familiar since last night and this morning. It was the back and forth that was effortless, the fall into a perfectly choreographed routine — him anticipating your moves and you knowing what he was thinking before he could even ask a question. The close quarters of the shared room suddenly felt much too large to Javier; he was desperate for too small of space so he could stay close to you, but with 15 years of experience living together, and even longer dating, you moved too in sync with each other to collide.

He was close to you this morning, though, waking up at the sound of the alarm clock next to his side of the bed; his arm moved to shut it off, coasting along your hip and thigh before reaching behind him to stop the noise. A grumble from you pulled him back, positioning himself again on his side and adjusting the arm that ended up underneath your head, his chest enveloping your back when his other arm slung around your waist. If he closed his eyes, he could swear it was any other morning from before Colombia, stretching all the way back to his bed in his shitty college apartment that you tolerated spending nights in.

There isn’t a thing in this world he wouldn’t give to be able to have this wake up every day from now on.

He knows he needs to talk to you, to tell you all that he is feeling, but he can’t bring himself to do it now. Not before his daughter’s college graduation when the two of you are getting along like old friends. The peace shouldn’t be disrupted by you potentially rejecting him.

Which has brought him standing behind you in the crowd of parents and families, a hand on your lower back to keep a tab on you as everyone filters in through the doors. He keeps his eyes scanning out of habit, searching for a danger that surely isn’t there, while you chat away with Chucho walking directly next to you.

His attention is elsewhere, anxiety creeping into his bones at the masses gathering here, impossible to keep tabs on everyone. The three most important people to him are in this building, and he has no means to protect them if something happened—

No. Enough. This isn’t Colombia. There are no sicarios here.

It’s supposed to be an enjoyable day.

The thoughts circle in his mind as a mantra while the three of you find seats, Javier tailing with you in the middle of him and his father. You sit at the end of one row, holding the same order when you finally take your seats.

Smoothing your skirt, Javier watches as you turn to Chucho, giving him an update about something that was recently repaired in the house.

“Wait, you had to get a new water heater? Why didn’t you tell me you needed one?” he interjects with an edge, brow furrowing as he grills you.

“Jav, it was fine, Pops helped me call around for quotes and we found a good deal. It was solved in like two days. It didn’t seem like it was something I needed to make a long-distance phone call for,” you sigh defeatedly, leaning back and looking down at your nails, fidgeting with your fingers at his harshness.

Javier rolls his eyes, grumbling under his breath, “I should have known. Could’ve helped with it…Eres tan terca. Nunca pides ayuda, incluso si la necesitas. Terca. (You are so stubborn. You never ask for help, even if you need it. Stubborn.)”

Chucho stretches an arm behind your back, hitting his shoulders to sit up and addressing him with a stern tone.

“Mijo, no te pongas tan quisquilloso. Ella no quería preocuparte todo el camino allí abajo. Disculpas. (Son, don't be so oversensitive. She didn't want to worry you all the way down there. Apologize.)”

His jaw ticks to the side, sitting up straight, and shaking his head. With a sigh, he turns to you, leaning closer to speak without his father overhearing.

“I’m sorry, amor. I didn’t mean to be rude; I get frustrated not being around to help you with stuff like that. Shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that. ‘M glad Pop was there to help if I couldn’t.”

Your hand rests on his thigh, patting lovingly as you respond at the same level as him, “Next time, I’ll call you first, Jav. And then you can be the one to call Chucho for actual help.”

A smirk grows at your jest, and he falls back into his seat with a scoff.

“God, you are ruthless. Always with the jokes, esposa. Don’t know if I should be sticking around if it’ll be like this,” he chuckles, stretching an arm behind you and resting it on the back of your chair. 

“Yeah, yeah. We both know you’re gonna be around a lot more now.” His head snaps to the side to see you looking ahead with the faintest of smiles, biting back a much wider one as you lean back into his arm.

After a processional to Pomp and Circumstance, all three of you waving madly to Liliana when she spotted you in the crowd, the ceremony proceeds with little fanfare. Speeches are made, congratulations extended to all of the students from various faculty members and the special guest speaker. When it finally came time for conferring of degrees, Javier awaits the long line of A though O names. The three of you stand, watching the handful of students ahead of Lili cross the stage.

The dean of her college stands at the microphone, saying with a rehearsed smile, “Liliana Raquel Peña, Summa Cum Laude.”

At the announcement of her name and honors, the three of you erupt in cheers for the young woman crossing the stage. Javier whistles with his fingers, holding out the sound as long as he can before clapping his hands together wildly. Once Lili is descending the stairs and back to her seat, you all wave to her again as she beams up at you and shows off her diploma folder.

The moment he’s seated again, he turns his head to the side, seeing your faint tears streaking your face. On instinct, he reaches for your hand before he can second guess it and laces your fingers together with a gentle squeeze. A pitiful laugh slips out from you when you look back at him, a blubbering smile parting your lips.

Javier leans closer to you, centimeters from your ear to confide, “I think you did an amazing job raising our girl, amor. Thank you.”

In the back room of a local restaurant, the Peña extended family mills about, filling the room with sound from the music over the speakers and everyone chatting and catching up with each other — especially congratulating the guest of honor.

Aunts and uncles and cousins that were available have all flocked together to celebrate Liliana, and despite the overwhelming urge to Irish exit this party because of the constant comments and questions about Colombia, Javier is staying until you’re ready to leave. Which undoubtedly will be until the end of your reservation.

He sits at one of the tables pushed to the side of the room, sleeves rolled up to expose his forearms and crossing his limbs over his chest as he reclines in the wooden chair. Buttons of his shirt have been undone post-photos with the grad, the air conditioning cooling his sun-baked skin. His fingers can still feel the phantom of your linen dress, his hand affixed to your lower back in all of the photos taken.

Easily, with a quick scan of the room, he finds you talking to his mamá’s sister, Tia Rose. You’re smiling brightly, the crinkles at your eyes showing off your joy as his aunt surely is congratulating you or complimenting you on how you raised your daughter.

He really meant what he said at the ceremony. There is no way he could have done what you managed if you were the one to have left for work. You were a fucking hero to him, not himself. He’s been hearing it over and over every time he returns home — “You’re a hero, Javier.”

It’s complete bullshit.

His results were rigged, the system played him as much as he supposedly played it.

When he thinks about being a hero, he doesn’t think about anything close to what he’s done. He thinks about sacrifice, compassion, strength — you have it all. You’ve saved him from himself time and time again, and you’ve done it all while being a working mom and dealing with your partner, your co-parent, being thousands of miles away for years.

“Ay, mijo, estás tu cabeza en las nubes otra vez? (Son, is your head in the clouds again?)” Javier looks up to his right at the sound of his father’s voice, standing to offer him help into the chair next to him but waved off with a grumble from Chucho.

“Is it that easy to tell, Pop?” he asks, a half-hearted smile on his face as he retakes his seat.

“Eh, to me, yes. Probably to your girls, too, but I think anyone else would think you’re doing your sulky, pendejo act.”

“Pendejo act? Don’t think it’s an act at this point, Pop. Been feeling like one more and more.”

“Sí, y por qué es eso? (Yeah, and why is that?)”

“Estoy ausente (I’m absent.)”

“Dios, Javier…” his father sighs and shakes his head, turning his head to look at his son, “You are not absent. Quit telling yourself that, or you really are going to be. You’re home now, so be home.”

“It is a blessing to have Liliana at home for this summer, spend as much time as you can with her…And you know how I feel about mi nuera (my daughter-in-law).”

Javier sighs, leaning forward to rest his forearms on his knees and find you in the crowd again. As if you can sense his eyes on you, you turn toward him and give him a tender smile that quells his near constant nervous energy.

God, it’s unfair how beautiful you are.

And how kind, and forgiving, too.

This conversation is making him want a cigarette. Really bad.

Instead, he pulls the plastic packet out of his pocket, popping out another chiclet of gum and tossing it in his mouth.

He prepares for a lecture from his father; Chucho seems to know a lot more about you these days than Javier. Every week since he left for Colombia, you’ve gone over to Chucho’s house for dinner at least once. With Liliana away at school, you still went. It filled Javier’s heart with a syrupy, oozing warmth whenever he thought about the relationship you have with his father. How you 're always going to be family, a daughter to him, after your parents cut you off those twenty-something years ago.

“She’s still coming over every week, y’know. Didn’t seem to be doing too great until about two weeks ago. Came over after she received a phone call. Was all excited and basically bouncing off the walls. I asked her why, and she said she got some exciting news. You know what it was?”

“Qué?”

“You coming home. I think you called to confirm your flights with her, and she was just so excited, mijo. Cooked your favorite for dinner that night—“

“Pollo asado?”

“Sí, con mole.”

“Mierda, estoy celoso. (Shit, I’m jealous.)”

Chucho laughs from his belly, shaking a bit in the seat as he reaches up and adjusts his cowboy hat.

“It was delicious, as always,” Javier hums in acknowledgement before his father continues, “But I’m not telling you all of that just to tell you what I had for dinner. I’m telling you cause I need you to get your head out of your ass and talk to her. Anyone with eyes can see how in love with her you still are. I wanted you to know that there’s something there for her, too. Hazla mi nuera de verdad. (Make her my daughter-in-law for real.)”

“I’ll talk to her, Pop. Don’t need a wingman, so please don’t say anything to her. Please.”

Chucho stands and shrugs, nonchalantly closing with, “If you don’t do it soon, I’m taking matters into my own hands and telling her myself how lovesick you are. I will not make any promise I cannot keep, so you better keep that one if you don’t want me involved, mijo.”

Javier stays put as his father filters into the party-goers, shaking his head as he smiles to himself.

Maybe he does still have a chance.

The end of the night was fairly uneventful, everyone saying their goodbyes and final congratulations to Liliana. You insisted on helping to set the room up as you had all found it, correcting the tables and chairs back to their usual positions. When you were about to start taking dishes back to the kitchen, Lili rolled her eyes and walked out to the front of the restaurant while Javi grabbed you by your hips from behind and physically directed you out of the room.

“Jav, I feel bad, we made a mess! Let me help!”

“Esposa, you are wonderful and so sweet, I’m sure they appreciate your help. But this is a restaurant, cariño, and you don’t get paid to work here so I don’t think they’re gonna want to be liable for you,” he slides his hands up and down a few inches of your sides, dragging the fabric of your dress up and letting it fall back when he takes his hands off of your sides, placing one on your back.

Javier helps you into the cab of his truck, you taking the middle of the bench and Lili following into the passenger side to be able to get out easier. He drives over to Lili’s house, dropping her off with both of you giving massive hugs and final congrats for the day.

It was a quiet car ride to the hotel, but you ended up back in the middle seat closest to Javier, leaning your head on his shoulder.

Walking into the building, he bit the inside of his cheek as he brushed your hand with his, no recoil from his touch giving him the confidence to take your hand completely in his. Fingers intertwined as you both got in the elevator, tender, unspoken words in your eyes.

Now, Javier sits at the edge of the bed, a short plastic cup in his hand filled with half a mini bottle of champagne. There’s a matching cup in your hand, standing in front of him as he looks up at you with worshiping eyes.

��Cheers, Jav. Good on us for getting our kid through college,” you say with a smile, the sound of plastic crinkling in your hands following your little toast. Each of you takes a sip of the drink, Javier leaning around you to set his down on the desk. His hands move to hover at your waist, your permission granted with a small step to stand between his opened legs.

Javier’s calloused palms catch on your dress again, inching the fabric up as his tongue pokes out to wet his lips. He looks up at you while you return the stare down at him, your free hand finding the curls at the nape of his neck.

“Thank you, amor. For taking on so much more responsibility and shouldering the weight of raising Lili Pad in her teens, and getting her into a great school, and supporting her throughout these last four years when I couldn’t—

“Jav, it was both of us.”

“No, please let me give you the credit you deserve, esposa. You did it all without ever being angry with me, and you always supported me, too. And every time I’ve come back for a visit, you make it seem like I never left with how welcome you make me feel.”

“You’re always a part of our family, Jav. Always.”

He nods, feeling his chest tighten at your words, gripping you tighter as if you’re going to slip away, as if he’ll wake up and this whole trip will have been a dream, as if he will be stuck in Colombia, or forced to go back to the DEA and work in Mexico.

“Thank you, really, thank you for always making me feel a part of it all from so far away. All the photos, all the letters, the birthday cards, and care packages…You are a great mother, and an even better woman. So much better as a person than I ever could be, and I am so lucky that you chose me to have a kid with. Lili is incredible because she’s part of you. Thank you, amor, you have given me a life I don’t think I deserve.”

His head drops, tugging you closer to rest his forehead against your stomach. Silence blankets the room, your fingers running through his hair soothingly. After a moment, you take his chin between your index and thumb, turning his head up to look at you again.

Javier wants so badly to be able to read your mind right in that second, the look in your eyes puzzling him. As he opens his mouth to say something, anything, to fill the air, you’re folding forward and catching his lips in a kiss. It’s light, too faint for his needs, and you’re pulling away much too quickly. His spine elongates, chasing your mouth before you can get too far and locking you in a breathless exchange.

His hands paw at your sides, a desperate attempt being made to pull you as close as possible while also running his hands along your curves. In the surprise of it all, getting lost in his lips, you drop the cup in your hand. Champagne splashes onto your feet, ignored as Javier lifts your mid-length dress to your hips, climbing back on the bed and pulling you over him without breaking your kiss.

Your knees cage his thighs in, settling on his lap as he slots his lips around your bottom one, tracing along it with his tongue. Parting with a gasp, your mouth opens to let him in, melding your tongues together. A whimper escapes from you when he tugs you further onto his lap, feeling his bulge in his slacks press against your core.

Javier pulls away from your lips, dragging his nose along your cheek and leaving a trail of wet, open mouth kisses along your jaw. At the spot on your neck close to your ear, he sucks a mark, smirking against your skin when your back arches and squeezes your chest against his.

“Fuck, Jav…” you sigh, fingers tangling into his hair.

He hums against your skin, pulling away and kissing under your chin.

“You’re so beautiful, amor. I missed you so fucking much. Thought about you all the time.”

“Yeah? What did you think about?” Your voice is  shaky when Javi drops his hands to your hips, starting to drag them back and forth against his cock straining against his zipper. 

“Mm, thought about how good you smell all the time, how sweet you taste…how much I miss having you in my bed every night. Being able to have you when I need you,” a groan slips from his mouth at your moan, moving your hips faster the more he talks, “I thought about how fucking stupid I was to leave someone like you behind. Mi vida, la luz de mi vida (My life, the light of my life)…felt like I left half of my soul when I went away.”

From above, you lean down to catch him in a passionate kiss, breathy exhales and muffled moans exchanged while your fingers work as the buttons on his shirt. Javier leans forward, shrugging off the materials before his arms are around you again, snaking around your back to grip your ass.

“Jav, I missed you so much. Never felt the same, there was always something missing…I always needed you. I always need you.”

“Mi amor, lo siento (My love, I’m sorry). I’m here now. Never leaving again.” His hands roam to your sides, finding the zipper of your dress on his left and pulling it down. He bunches the skirt of it in his hands and slowly takes it off over your head; he’s faced with you sitting in his lap, no bra and only panties on.

As if magnetic, his hands fly right back to your sides, skimming up until his thumbs lay under your breasts, fingers splayed along your rib cage.

“You’re so beautiful, mi amor, so fucking beautiful. Can I make you feel good, baby?”

“Please, Jav, need you so bad.”

“Oh, baby, mi esposa, I’ve got you. Get on your back, cariño.”

Javier watches as you move off of him and fall back onto the bed, the plush duvet sinking underneath you and pillowing out at your sides.

An angel in the clouds.

No more time is wasted as he tugs you to the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor and booting your legs over his shoulder to open you up.

“Wait, Jav, here.” You twist to the side and stretch to reach for one of the pillows, giving it to him with a thoughtful smile.

“For your knees, viejo. Not a twenty year old athlete anymore, hon.”

Javier rolls his eyes and moves to kneel on the pillow, already feeling better in his joints from the cushion. He wraps his arms around your thighs and nips close to your panties, rolling out a groan.

“Sometimes, I hate when you’re right.”

“That’s ‘cause you always have to be right, Peña. It’s always been th—“ you trail off into a moan when his fingers prod through your wetness, one hand hooking your underwear to the side.

“I don’t always have to be right, esposa. You know you’re the boss out of the two of us,” he winks before he tugs your panties off of your legs, settling back between your legs.

You nod, sitting up and leaning your weight on one arm to look down at him.

“Mhm, glad y’know your place still, Jav,” you tease as your other hand pushes his hair away from his forehead, a smirk mirrored onto his face, “Make me come, mi esposo.”

You can see his eyes darken, breaths shallowing. Feather light kisses scatter across your inner thighs until he reaches your core, pursing his lips and blowing cool air against your wetness.

“Fuck, cariño, guess you did really miss me. So fucking wet. All for me?”

“Javi,” you whine, scooting your hips closer to him, “Please, need you.”

“I know, baby, I know. I can see how much you need me.” He licks one long stripe from your tightest hole to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. “You want me to play with your sweet pussy, mi amor? Make you feel so good?”

“Please, please, Jav.”

He soothes you with circles on your lower stomach, nodding as he lays his head on your thigh, “Don’t worry, baby, I’ve got you.”

Before you can beg out a response, his lips are attached to your clit, sucking hard before laying his tongue flat against it, moving slow circles around.

His muscle memory guides him to fall into the pattern that he memorized to get you off with his mouth and fingers, pushing one of his thick fingers inside of your cunt knuckle deep and stroking against that same spot he knows drives you wild.

Your back arches off the bed, pressing your clit into his tongue harder. He slurps up your wetness, sighing at your familiar taste that he missed so much. Another finger is added, the rhythm of their thrusts building up faster and faster. Right at the edge, your fingers tangled in his hair tugging hard, he switches positions, tongue plunging inside of you and fingers rubbing quick circles into your clit. Before you can even register, you're coming around his mouth, flooding his tongue and his lips.

“Javi, oh my god, fuck me…”

He leads you through the orgasm, pulling away with a boyish smirk.

“That’s kind of the plan, hermosa. Gonna fuck you.”

You roll your eyes, beckoning him to stand up. Sitting up fully, you strip him of his slacks and boxers, briefly taking him in your mouth before he’s pulling you off of him and pushing you further up the bed. Climbing over you, a heady kiss is shared as he settles between your legs. In the moment, you easily get him onto his back, moving to straddle him as he looks up at you breathless. Large hands hold tightly to your thighs, jaw dropping as you grab his hard cock and easily slip him inside of you, sinking down until he’s full hilt.

“Fucking Christ, amor. Take my cock so well, show me what you can do.”

Your hips find a slow, aching rhythm that makes you both breathless. As you continue to grind yourself around him, you lean forward and press yourself against his torso, skin sticking to skin.

“Jav—Javier, you are such a good man. I never doubted how much you loved me. How much you do love me,” you breathe out, hips faltering for a moment before you recover.

 “You were always there for us, and I’m so proud of you for going after what you wanted. Making the world a better place…” you move your hips slowly as you ride him, leaning down to press your foreheads together, stuttering but managing to get the words out for him, “You are a great man and an even better father. I couldn’t have chosen a better partner. I love you.”

Javier whimpers and stutters out a moan when you move your hips faster, your hand on his chin keeping his forehead against you. He squeezes his eyes shut for a moment before opening them, facing you and him whispering back, “Te amo, te amo, te amo. I love you so much, mi esposa. Mi amor. Te amo siempre.”

The sound that leaves you at that moment, hearing his proclamations of love, flips a switch inside of him. The primal need to make you his again, completely. His arm around your hips grips you tighter, feet planted on the mattress behind you. He uses the leverage to meet your rhythm with his own thrusts, sweet sounds slipping from your lips egging him on.

Your nails dig into his shoulders and he looks up at you in awe as you arch your back, head falling to the side as your face scrunches up in pleasure.

“Oh, fuck yes, yeah. Right there, ohmygod, papí…”

“Fuck, that’s right, baby,” he says in a drawn out exhale, hammering his hips up into you, “Say it again, mi amor. Say it again.”

“Papí—Feels so good, papí.”

“Yeah? Haven’t heard that one in a while, baby. Love it coming from you, say it again. Please, baby. Por favor.”

“Papí, papí, papí…Harder, please, want it harder.”

“Anything for you, mi amor. I’ll give you anything you want. Fuck this pussy however you want it, whenever you want me.”

One of your hands drops from his shoulder to the mattress, bracing yourself from his unrelenting pace. You’re a whining mess, opening your eyes and looking down at him under you, sweaty and glistening with his wild hair and mustache shiny from your come. Javier rumbles a loud moan of your name, on the verge of a growl when he feels you clench around his cock. 

“Come for me, mi esposa. Let me feel you…” he pulls you flush against him as he fucks up into you, lips brushing your ear as he whispers, “Te amo, mi esposa, te amo. I love you. Love you so much.”

“Pa—Papí, fuck! Oh my god, Javi!” Your head rolls back as you come around him, bounces faltering as you slip against his chest like jelly.

“Fuck, baby, gonna fill you up. You want me inside you all night, mi amor? Want me to make you full of me again?” His lips brush against your ear, whimper and nod in response.

“Yes, yes please, papí. Want you inside.”

“Fuck yes, mi amor. One more time for me, say it one more time.”

“Come inside me…please come for me, papí.”

A moan stutters in his throat as he buries himself fully in you, twitching with each rope he spends. Grip tightening around you, he stays inside of you as he kisses you deeply, pulling away to brush your hair away from your face.

“You have no idea how long I have been wanting to do that again, mi esposa. Te amo, hermosa. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jav. Missed you,” your head lays on his chest, sigh warming his sweaty skin, “Will you be around when we’re home or—“

“Mi amor, you’re gonna have a hard time keeping me away from you and Lili now. I wanna spend every moment I can with you both. My girls.”

It’s a Sunday evening at the Peña ranch, a few weeks after Lili’s graduation. You and her have come over to Chucho’s house for dinner, Javier already there from working the day with his father. He’s mostly over at yours in the evenings, coming over to spend time with Lili, and you, staying for dinner, having movie nights, grilling out. He’s been basking in the slow life, the life of a father that he’s been so desperately craving. It’s been an itch like he has for a cigarette, finally taking an inhale and his nerves melting away as he adjusted to a balance with you two.

Tonight, however, Chucho insisted that you and he keep your weekly get-togethers, despite Javi being home for good now, and the four of you have had dinner around the cozy dining table off of the kitchen. Javier is gathering the dinner plates, Liliana standing to help him clean up.

“Anyone want any dessert? What d’ya have here, Pop?” he looks between his father and you, awaiting an answer.

Before Chucho can say anything, you sit up with a quiet gasp, “Oh, do you have any mangoes, Chuch? I really would love some mango with Tajín. Or some strawberries with honey. Or both.”

You grin up at Javier and he laughs, nodding his head.

“I’ll see what I can do, amor.”

“Y’know, mija, my Lucia always had mangoes around the house when she was pregnant with Javi. She would slice them up and put so much Chamoy and Tajín, you could barely see that it was a mango underneath it all.”

“That honestly sounds perfect right now, I bet Lucia made some kickass mangonadas, too,” you laugh softly, looking up behind you as Javi squeezes your shoulder lovingly.

“Oh, she definitely did. Whole family begged her to make them every time we all got together,” Chucho belly laughs fondly at the memories, nodding to himself, “We thought for the longest time that we were going to have a girl. All Lucia craved were sweets or fruits, and there’s some old wives tale, una fábula, that if your cravings are sweet, it is a girl, and if they’re savory, it’s a boy.”

“Huh, how funny. Guess thinking back, I did crave a lot of chocolate ice cream with Lili.”

“Oh god, I remember being kicked in the middle of the night and having to go to the town over cause they had a 24-hour gas station just to get you some Ben & Jerry’s,” Javier laughs, kissing the top of your head as you shrug.

“And now look, you’ve got the sweetest daughter to ever exist. All thanks to me,” you grin, sending Javi a wink as he finishes gathering the dishes from the table.

He sees his father smiling to himself as Chucho leans back in his chair, Javier retreating to the kitchen to find something for dessert for you while Lili washes up and the two of you at the table strike up some conversation.

Later that week, you gave Javi a call and asked him to come over after he was done on the ranch. He agreed immediately, of course, and couldn’t fight the buzzing excitement he felt to see you again. It took him back to those days before Lili, before the two of you were ever really anything, you calling and asking him over to your dorm room or your apartment. He felt like a giddy teenager again.

He showered quickly and changed before heading over to yours, parking in the driveway of your small three bed house he had bought for you all. At the door, he knocked before using his key to get inside, calling out to you.

“Amor? Lili Pad? Anybody home?”

The pad of footsteps on the tile floors catch his attention, a smile stretching across his face as you come around the corner into the entryway. He kicks off his boots before meeting you in the middle, arms wrapping around you and holding you tightly to his chest. He sighs an exhale, relaxing around your warmth.

“Long day, Jav?”

“You have no idea, mi amor. Had to chase a fucking bull that got loose in the pastures when we were trying to corral all of ‘em. My ass is hurting from having to ride the horse so much.”

You laugh into his chest, pressing a kiss to his shirt before leaning back to look at his face, “Oh your poor butt. You wanna sit on the couch then?”

He hums in confirmation, kissing the top of your head before you lead him into the living room and let him flop down on the sofa.

“Where’s Lili Pad?”

“Oh, um, she’s out with friends tonight. Thought it could be just us…” You join him, sitting with a couple of feet between you two. He can see how tense you are, sitting up straight, fiddling with your fingers, placing a pillow in your lap. Extending an arm out, he holds his hand palm up for you to take.

“I’m more than okay with just us, cariño. What’s going on with you? You seem anxious. Everything at work okay? Everything okay with Lili?” He rubs his thumb across your knuckles after you take his hand, brows knitting with concern.

“Yeah, yeah. Everything is great with Lili. And work is, well, work. No complaints…” your eyes stay trained on your hands together, swallowing before you speak up again, “I actually think it would be easier to show you.”

He feels even more concerned and confused as you stand up, disappearing out of the room for a moment before coming back with a hand behind your back. You don’t sit again, opting to stand in front of him; you bring your hand forward, passing the object to him.

It takes him a minute to register what it is, the last time he saw one this up close being about twenty something years ago.

A pregnancy test.

A positive pregnancy test.

Positive.

“Think we could do as good a second time around?”

You’re pregnant.

He’s going to be a dad again?

He’s going to be a dad again, with you?

He’s going to be a dad again. He gets to have another child with you.

His heart is beating out of his chest, mouth dropped open with no words coming out.

A shake of his head knocks him out of the shock, setting the test to the side and looking up at you with welling eyes.

“I get to be a papá again? With you, mi amor?”

A beaming smile widens on your face, your hands finding the sides of his head as you nod down at him.

“Yeah, honey, you’re going to be a dad, again. Lili’s gonna have a little brother or sister. Much, much younger,” you say with a chuckle.

Javier laughs a little breathless, eyes flickering between your face and your stomach that is eye level with him.

“Oh my god, oh my god, mi amor—Te amo, te amo siempre,” His hand finds her tummy, roaming around in circles, attempting to feel the familiar bump or any side of his baby growing inside there. Soft kisses litter your torso as he pulls you closer, resting his forehead against your ribs.

“I love you too, Jav,” you push back his hair and he stares up at you in wonder, pulling you gently to sit in his lap, “Do you…I mean, I want you to come home. Maybe we can actually get married this time. Have the family life with Lili and the little baby. I know we used to just joke about our fake city hall marriage, but I’ve always wanted that with you, Jav.”

A soft, tender kiss is shared, the two of you holding onto each other. One of Javier’s hands rests on your stomach, his heart already completely overflowing with love for the person growing inside of you. It’s quiet for a moment, both of you sitting with each other in silence. With another kiss, Javi hugs you, your head resting on his shoulder as he whispers in your ear.

“Graciás, mi amor. Thank you — for never giving up on our family. On me. Thank you for giving me everything I could have ever dreamed of. I can’t wait to have another baby with you, they’re gonna be as perfect as you, and Lili. My girls. Te amo, mi esposa, te amo siempre.”

javi's photo board in colombia <3

tagging mutuals that might be interested??

@northernbluess @swiftispunk @johnwatsn @cannolighost @joelsversion @cupofjoel @darkroastjoel @atinylittlepain @beskarandblasters @wannab-urs @jksprincess10 @bearsbeetsbeskar @smokeinherperfume @thetriumphantpanda @atticrissfinch @perotovar @mrsquill @javiscigarette @yazsos @deathwife @pr0ximamidnight @undrthelights @lunapascal @ladamedusoif @haylzcyon

[squerlly]

flames of desire chapter 7: setting it off

Alastor x (f! bunny reader) -NSFW-TW: mentions of rape

your POV:

"cmon relax I can make you enjoy my company in more ways then one~" with the snap of his finger the girls that were once at his side were gone, and it was me, him, and the background noise of the club "so what is a cutie like you doing here alone" "I-I was with angel..." "angel is here? well ill deal with that later, for now~" snaking one of hands on my thighs he inches closer under my dress, using his other hand to take a puff of his pipe, he blows the pink smoke in my face, drool dripping on the corners of his mouth "how about we have some fun yes~?" "wait-" my words are trailed off as I start to feel dizzy, I feel light like I could be blown away by the slightest breath, my body begins to feel hot, really hot "w-what did you do to me...." "oh nothing you wont enjoy" being laid down on the seat my head spins and his hands lift my dress "no- stop!" "don't fight it I know you want to~" no I'm not going to let this happed, come on y/n snap out of it!!, grabbing his hands I push him off "No I wont" frustrated he yanks me forward pinning me, my chest pressed against the seat "damn you stubborn bitch!" "NO get off of me!!!" after a while of struggling somebody pulls me up, everything went silent, no people just music. opening my eyes there's a hand around my waist, looking up its Alastor?! what the hell is he doing here!!

Alastors POV:

when my shadow informed me that valentino was at the club and with her I rushed there, were the fuck was angel, why isn't he with her!!! barging in the club everybody moves out of my way as I storm past the crowd seeing valentino on her. I rush to grab her up pulling her dress back down "valentino, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this short" "alastor, what are you doing here!" valentino said through gritted teeth, I tried my best not rip all four of his arms off right then and now, maybe later...."I'm afraid your messing with something that's mine" "uh huh ho does this little conejita have a contract with you" "no but that doesn't give you permission to touch her without permission!" "if she doesn't belong to you, then she free game~" "you wont dare if you value your life!" by now my patients is running thin "I'm taking her and if you ever lay a finger on her you will never see that finger again!!" picking her up I walk of with her in my arms, the poor thing was shaking and she smells of alcohol, surly drunk "this isn't over Alastor I will get her eventually!!!!" ignoring Valentinos yelling I head out of the club, outside was a very panicked angel.

your POV:

I have a terrible headache, I'm cold and I cant think straight what the fuck is happening, being carried I look up at Alastor he looked pissed, angry, the static radiating off of him was loud but he was gentle, like he was holding a piece of glass. angel ran over "Y/N!! there you are, iv been looking every wear for ya!! what happened" as angel reached out to touch me Alastor pulled back "angel you said valentino wasn't supposed to be there" "he wasn't h-he was supposed to be filming with the others back at-" "well he wasn't, and because of your carelessness valentino got his hands on y/n" angel turning his attention to me "he didn't hurt ya did he, y/n are you alright!?" "no angel I'm-" "he almost did, I'm taking her back, this will never happen again"

back at the hotel we walked through he doors, Charlie and vaggie waiting for us "Y/N!!! oh my Satan are you ok, we saw Al running out of the doors in a hurry" how did he know I was in trouble..."I'm alright Charlie I promise" "what happened!" "unfortunately valentino was at the club and angel lacking in supervision lost her, letting valentino take his chance" "Voy a matarlo! (im gonna fucking kill him)" "I got there just in time" "thankfully she's ok, you guys are ok..." "I'm gonna...I'm gonna go change"

walking out of the lobby Alastor follows close behind me "what are you doing.." "making sure you get back to your room" "why" "do I need a reason?" "no but can you explain how the hell you knew I was in trouble!" he pauses for a moment stopping in the hallways by my door "I was watching you.." "why are you stalking me" "because angel is carless and I was just being cautious!" "ok but you didn't have to be so mean to angel he was just-" "just what!?, explain to me my dear what do you think would have happened if I wasn't watching you, angel couldn't saved you because he was to busy fooling around" "why do you care!" "what do you mean why do I care" "the radio demon a mercy less overlord who was known for his broadcasted carnage over hell, heartless, and terrifying so why... why are you so concerned for me, I mean nothing to you, you follow me around give me weird looks, vaggie told me about you, told me to stay away..." "I don't know, I don't understand why..." looking up his smile is almost none existent, his eyes are dark as he look at me, the radio static in his voice was gone, just his plane old voice "I though my interest was just playful amusement, to toy around a bit, but the more I know about you, your smile your laugh that dress, it irks me, this feeling... I-I don't know what you did!" "Alastor-" "I would kill a demon for even looking at you funny!, I never cared about some lowly sinner...but I care about you, you have me rapped around your little finger and you don't even know it" all this time I though he wanted to kill me, even eat me or something but I never realized "Alastor.." I huff out a small laugh "what's so funny..." "I didn't put a spell on you, or curse you, or anything" grabbing his hand "this is all you and its completely normal" bringing my hand up to cup his cheek he leans in to the touch "don't look at me like that, you did something and I know it.." he mutters as I lean in closer, hunching over he leans in breaking the distance into a soft kiss pulling me closer. once I pulled away, looking at him I smile "I don't think I will ever understand this feeling but...I will try my best to show you how I feel" bringing my hand to his lips he places a soft kiss "goodnight my dear and get some much needed rest~" "goodnight Alastor"

I hope you enjoyed and I love you guys so much for the love and support have a wonderful day/night!!!

-squerlly

@pooplyface1423 @strippezzz

for more content or chapter please click this masterlist

[avonne-writes]

Angel AU drabble

A lot of people asked about this AU, so here's a little drabble to hold you over until I can start writing this story 😇 Read the premise here

Invisible to the human eye, Gale follows his ward everywhere he goes. After a few years of careful guidance, humans tend to become more independent, and then he has time to pick up a second or even a third case, but John is a rescue. He’s going to need all of Gale's attention for a much longer time if his soul is to be saved. It’s exciting to be challenged with such a difficult ward. Neglected by an incompetent guardian - who's now demoted to administrator - he went down the path towards Hell. Gale's priority is to guide him back. His second, more personal goal is to make him happy too. They’ll have to see how John manages, but Gale will do his best.

Currently, they're on a dirty bus that coughs a trail of smoke as it chugs on towards the most dangerous neighbourhoods of the city. Gale tried to discourage John from boarding the repulsive vehicle, but his suggestion was ignored. It’s only their first day though - Gale just has to find the right technique to get through the wounded exterior of his soul. For now, he just settles down beside John and radiates an aura that keeps people from sitting next to him. He can tell that a stranger's closeness would distress John.

There are earbuds in John's ears. Gale examines them curiously, leaning in real close to see the emotions flickering through John's mind as he listens to the music. Human music has always fascinated Gale. He used to wonder if humans were trying to find the tunes of Heaven, but he knows that's not the case ever since he discovered rap music. He wants to learn John's musical taste. It could come in handy if Gale wants to influence his mood in the future.

The bus rolls to a stop, and John moves to get off. Again, Gale tries to hold him back. This isn’t a good place - he can already see the stains of malice peeling off the walls of a house by the bus stop, like a black, rotten layer of skin. He knocks a woman's suitcase over and makes a backpacker move to block John's way, but John is determined. He shoulders his way out of there and gets off the bus.

Outside, the night greets him with a chill and cruel blows of the wind. John's bruised face hurts as he squints against it. As he takes off towards an alleyway, Gale makes that wind stronger, even though his own nose wrinkles at the smell of depravity it blows out from the direction they're headed.

"Why don’t you go back home? You could take a hot shower there." He tells John gently. If he talks to John from the ethereal plane, his words form suggestions in John's mind, ideas that he thinks are his own. It's the easiest tool to use. Humans usually go along with what they call their sixth sense. And indeed, John stops. But a moment later, he squares his shoulders and resumes his steps.

Gale frowns. He has to step up his game.

They enter an establishment that Gale identifies as a nightclub. A shady one. Spilled drinks sticky on the floor, cigarette smoke, knives tucked into pockets, unprotected sex in the putrid bathroom. Gale can hear, see and smell it all as he traces John's steps, but his senses also reach beyond that. The place is swarming with demons and malicious spirits. Their waste litters the ethereal plane and clings to Gale's feet until he blasts it off in disgust.

His feathers ruffle. Behind him, his wings move from their relaxed position to a casual back-shield. He doubts that the slimy creatures cowering from him in the corners would attack him, but it never hurts to be cautious. As it is, the sea of demons threaded through the dancing human crowd parts for him, hissing at his light. His lower ranking siblings, those few who had the strength to brave this place, all seem to breathe a sigh of relief when he nods at them in greeting.

"Sir." They say as he passes.

"Keep up the good work." He replies calmly.

John doesn’t stop on the dance floor, so he doesn’t linger either, no matter how much fun it is to see the cowardly demons skitter, scared that he might smite them. He follows John to the back of the club, then out into the alley behind it.

There, they wait. It’s raining. Water soaks through John's hoodie. The residue of malevolent beings falls from the sky with every raindrop. Soon enough, Gale’s brushing its black soot off his wings. His iridescent white feathers contrast harshly with it.

"You don’t want to do this." He tells John. "Come on, why don't we get out of here?"

As if in reply, John mutters to himself. "The fuck am I doing here."

Gale smiles. "You don’t belong here."

He can feel the ideas battling in John's head, and he tastes the sweet scent of a step in the right direction, but suddenly, in a sharp twist, John's thoughts plummet into despair. Unpleasant memories swirl in his mind. "Right where I belong."

Gale's wings twitch. This won't be easy. They have a long road ahead of them, don't they?

[ironstrange1991]

Forbidden (Part 8): I'm Yours

+18 Smut

Pairing: Doctor Strange x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: When Y/n attends a doctor's appointment she ends up discovering something about Stephen's past. At night, desire and reason wage a battle that both she and Stephen cannot fight against.

Word Count: 11,3k

Warnings: SMUT: Fingering, oral sex with male and female receiving, cum eating.

A/N: This one is very long but I had a very nice time writing it. I really hope you guys enjoy it and have a nice reading ;) - Also I was very tired while editing this one so any typos os grammar mistakes will be fixed later.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Stephen had no idea what he was doing. He didn't know how to cook.  He barely knew how to make coffee and tea, but he needed to have something ready to offer you when you woke up. So he got up and went straight to the kitchen to try his luck preparing breakfast.  However, his attempt was frustrated when the eggs began to stick to the bottom of the pan and the bacon, forgotten in the fire, turned to charcoal.

"Shit" He cursed, turning off the heat and using the napkin to try to remove any evidence of smoke from the kitchen. "Okay, plan B." He said throwing the napkin on the stove and resorting to the sling ring in the pocket of his pants. He was about to open a portal when he heard Wong and America's voices approaching.

"What's that smell?" America said as they entered the kitchen. She looked from Stephen to the stove and back to him. "Were you trying to cook?"

He sighed, returning the sling ring to his pocket.

"How many times have I told you to stay out of my kitchen, Strange?" Wong scolded, taking a good look around and then pointed to the frying pan. "Was that supposed to be bacon?"

 "It's my kitchen. I'm the master of this Sanctum and yes, it was supposed to be bacon, but I forgot it in the fire because I was trying to cook the eggs..."

America sat at the table and looked at him for a second. "This is so weird. Why are you acting so weird? And since when do you try to cook?"

Wong moved his fingers and immediately the remnants of Stephen's attempt to make breakfast disappeared. The smell also disappeared. "What does she eat?"

"Wait, who?" America asked and then smiled openly. “Does Y/n here?”

"He wouldn't try to make breakfast for himself." Wong confirmed. “He would rather starve.”

Stephen rested his hands on his hips, running his tongue around the corner of his mouth. "It's not what you’re thinking."

America grimaced. "Oh, gross."

"It's nothing like that. I picked her up at a party and we talked and it got late. That's all."

Wong smirked, clearly unconvinced. Somehow he had already started making a batter that Stephen thought was pancakes. The eggs were already scrambled and ready to go in the frying pan and the bacon slices were already arranged in the other frying pan. Of course he used magic to cook, but Stephen didn't even know how to do that. He never understood the cooking spells books.

"I have no idea what she eats..." He admitted.

"I'm sure she'll be satisfied. She doesn't seem very demanding..."  Wong said without a trace of humor.

Stephen frowned at the comment, but decided not to say anything. Instead he turned to America.

"How are things at Kamar Taj? Have you learned anything special that you want to show me?"

"Boring." The girl replied, "But my portals are more stable, and Wong let me read the astral projection books."

Stephen nodded turning to face Wong. "Is she ready for this yet?"

"No, but she's impatient and stubborn, much like someone I know." Wong responded. He was finishing preparing the eggs and bacon and starting to fry the pancakes.

The corners of Stephen's lips turned up in a discreet smile. "I'm sure she can handle it, then."

America smiled proudly.

...

When you opened your eyes, you had to make an effort to understand where you were, but little by little the memories of last night came back to you and you felt your heart racing in your chest. Your hand felt the mattress next to you, finding only empty space where Stephen once was and you understood that you were alone in the room.

You smiled to yourself while a movie played in your head and without thinking about what you were doing, you hugged his pillow and brought it to your nose, breathing in his delicious smell into your lungs. It was fresh, like some kind of herb scent you couldn’t identify. You decided you loved that smell.

 Everything was so surreal, but at the same time it felt so right. Every kiss, every touch, and that orgasm... Even though you felt blushing, you didn't feel like you had done anything wrong, quite the opposite. And you wanted more. So much more. You wanted to experience everything with him, give yourself completely to him. Somehow you felt like everything made sense now. You never found anyone to lose your virginity to because in reality it was always Stephen.

It took a few minutes for you to finally get up and you were leaving the bathroom, dressed in your dress and boots when Stephen entered the room.

"Hey, good morning." He said, approaching you and kissing you softly as if you had already done that a million times.

"Good morning" You said into his lips. "I used your toothbrush again."

Stephen smirked "Hmm, I can get used to this."

"Hmm, you're so responsive." He whispered in your ear and then stepped away smirking, pleased to see you falling apart for him.

"Maybe you should." You wrapped your arms around his neck and stood on tiptoe to kiss him properly now and his tongue tasted like coffee and toothpaste.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and broke the kiss only to tuck his head into the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. Not satisfied, he rubbed his goatee on your skin and finished with a little bite on your earlobe, making your entire body tremble.  He was such a tease, you thought.

"Breakfast is ready." He informed casually. "Wong and America are back. They're waiting for us downstairs."

You needed a minute to recover from the state he left you in so you could finally think straight.

"Stephen... I don't know if it's a good idea. Wong..."

"He made you breakfast. He has his reservations because of the age difference, but he's on our side, sweetheart. Both are."

You seemed to think for a second.

"Or I can take you home now, like I promised." He offered but you could see the disappointment in his expressions. You shook your head taking his hand in yours.

"No, it's okay. I'm starving and I'm not looking forward to leave you, anyway."

"Me neither." He confessed kissing you. “I feel like a teenager. Don’t want to let you go.”

You smiled feeling your heart flutter in your chest.  You were understanding little by little that that feeling would be an usual thing from now on.

You couldn't say that you ever imagined sitting at the table having breakfast with Wong knowing that he knew you and Stephen were together. It was kind of a dream come true, but at the same time it was scary too. Wong was scaring. He didn't hide the way he looked at you and Stephen. America also didn't make a point of hiding the smile on her face and you began to realize that both of them had joined the dots and reached the very obvious conclusion that you were Stephen had slept together. Well, you had slept together, but the term usually implied that you had had sex, but you hadn't. Not exactly. Well, everything was a bit confusing at the moment.

"America told me you have a show scheduled for tonight." Stephen said, breaking the silence that was starting to get awkward. "You hadn't told me anything."

In fact, you had completely forgotten. Ever since Stephen took you to the Sanctum, everything outside seemed to have ceased to exist.

"I forgot to mention. I actually have a rehearsal this afternoon. It's a big avenue, I'm excited to see how it goes."

Stephen smiled reassuringly at you, clearly noticing the nervousness in your voice. “I’m sure you’re going to be great.”

"Thank you.” You smiled  “You guys should come.  I'd love to have some familiar faces in the audience." You added.

"I would love to..." Stephen started to say, but was quickly cut off by Wong.

"But he will have to decline because we have work to do."

"Come on Wong, it's Sunday." America complained. "Stephen just got back."

"And that's why he has a lot to do." Wong completed and then returned to you "You'll see that dating a master of the mystical arts is not as advantageous as you think, Miss Y/l/n. Especially one his age."

You could notice a slight blush on Stephen's cheeks, that’s why you were firm in your answer. "I am very grateful for everything you guys do to protect us, Wong, and I am prepared for the challenges that await me."

Stephen smirked, but soon turned his attention to America who was whispering about the possibility of going to the show.

Wong pretended not to notice and turned to you again "What about your family? I don't believe Stark will be satisfied with this new arrangement."

"It's not an arrangement, it's a relationship, Wong" Stephen corrected.

"We agreed that we'll wait to tell Tony. It's still too early, but I'm sure he'll understand." You said trying to sound confident, but deep down you were terrified with the idea.

Wong didn't say anything else and you had the strange feeling of being in an interview, as if Wong wanted to know if you were good enough or weren't going to cause problems for Stephen. The situation was awkward, but the idea of ​​Wong caring about Stephen was pleasant, after all you knew Stephen had no family besides Wong and America.

...

“Have a nice show” Stephen said as you walked through the portal to your room.

"You are not going?" The disappointment in your voice was palpable which made him smile.

"I promise I'll try." He said threatening to close the portal.

"Stephen..."

He waited for what you had to say, but you actually didn't have anything specific to say, you just wanted to spend a few more seconds in his presence.

"I really loved last night." You confessed, feeling your cheeks blush.

He smirked seeming visibly relieved.

"I know you're insecure about what we did, but I enjoyed having that moment with you and... I really want to have more of that, of everything."

He nodded and his smile widened into a cute sideways smile.

"Me too, sweetheart. Me too."

"Bye then. Hope to see you tomorrow."

"You will. One way or another."

...

The days that followed were a torment. You were on fire inside, but you needed to pretend everything was normal. You needed to contain all that euphoria and act as if nothing was happening and of course you were failing miserably.

Your life was changing for the better. College was going very well, your band, that you always saw as something condemned to failure, was having success and recognition that you never dreamed it would have, your show on the biggest avenue you've ever played was a real hit - it could have been better if Stephen had been there to see you, but unfortunately it wasn't possible as he explained - and most important of all, you and Stephen were together and even though everything had to be hidden, you were more than happy about it. It was a dream come true.

It was a Wednesday morning and you were having breakfast with Nat, Tony - who had returned from the mission the day before - and Pepper. You were late for college, but you had decided it wouldn't hurt to miss the first class of the morning since you were way ahead of your class anyway. You hadn't been able to see Stephen since Sunday night and although you spoke every day on the phone you missed him deeply. You thought about making up some excuse to go to the Sanctum, but it seemed he would be too busy and couldn't pay attention to you even if you did.

You sighed, feeling bored and just pretending to participate in the conversation and your cell phone started to buzz with messages that didn't stop arriving. You knew it was Stephen. He always texted you at that time to say good morning and wish you a good class. It was cute actually, but you didn't want to answer because you knew you would look silly reading his texts, blushing like a teenage girl, and you didn't want Tony to ask questions, but the texts kept coming and at first Tony pretended not to care by putting a lot of effort into reading his newspaper, but when the buzzing continued he placed the newspaper on the table and stared you.

"If you don't read these texts I'm going to make Friday hack your cell phone and read them to us." He threatened.

You took your phone and read the texts feeling your cheeks blush and of course Pepper noticed because she were very observant, but she made a point of starting a new topic to distract Tony for which you were glad.

"The record company called to schedule a new meeting with Y/n. Apparently the success of Sunday's concert caught their attention."

"The fact that her songs are playing on the radio non-stop seems like a good reason too." Tony added.

"Those fuckers were extremely disrespectful last time. I don't see any point in giving them a second chance when you're doing so well on your own." Nat addressed you, but you weren't really paying attention to them, your mind was still on those texts.

"Y/n... are you listening to what we're saying?" Tony pressed.

You put your phone back in your pants pocket without answering and shrugged, "I like the idea of ​​being independent. I've never really wanted a record company, not like this. We all know they're only interested in having the Stark name under their wing."

Tony sighed "You might be right." He pointed to your pocket "Who was it?"

"America" ​​You lied through your teeth.

"What does she want?" He asked and Pepper gave you a disapproving glare  that said she wasn't buying that lie.

"She's still struggling with her philosophy classes. Maybe I'll stop by the Sanctum tomorrow to help her." You said taking the opportunity to come up with a excuse to go there.

"It's a great idea. Just be careful not to end up disturbing the wizards. You know, protectors of reality bla bla bla." Tony teased.

"Stephen and Wong will probably be at the Kamar Taj." You ran to explain.

"Excellent." He said, wiping his lips on his napkin and standing up. "Anyway, I trust your good judgment about the band and everything else. It's been working out really well so far." He said, bending down to place a small kiss on the top of your head like he always did since you were a child. You smiled at him sheepishly, feeling bad for hiding something so important from him.

"What are the plans for today?" Pepper asked getting up too.

"Work in the workshop if I'm lucky. You?"

"Company shareholders meeting."

He made a funny face "I'm glad I'm not you."

You watched the two walk away with a smile on your face. Tony and Pepper were perfect for each other and they gave you a sense of family and belonging that you never imagined you would feel again after your parents died.

Your cell phone buzzed again, and you knew it was Stephen asking for an answer.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on or am I going to have to threaten you too?" Nat asked looking visibly bored. Apparently life as a convalescent Avenger wasn't all that exciting and since Bruce had a lot of work he couldn't give her the attention she craved.

GOOD MORNING, LOVE. I HOPE YOU SLEPT WELL AND HAVE A GREAT DAY.

You took your cell phone and decided to show her the texts. It was time for you to tell someone and the options were her and MJ, but MJ was in Boston.

You stayed silent watching her reading the words you knew by heart.

I SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT FOR YOU WITH DR PALMER AFTER OUR CONVERSATION YESTERDAY. SHE ATTENDS AT METRO GENERAL HOSPITAL. IT WILL BE THIS AFTERNOON. I KNOW YOU ARE FREE BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME.

PLEASE GO AND WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT TONIGHT IF YOU WANT.

 I MISS YOU, SWEETHEART. TALKING ON THE PHONE IS NOT ENOUGH AND I CAN'T GET THE MEMORIES OF SATURDAY NIGHT OUT OF MY HEAD.

SO, WHAT DO YOU TELL ME? ARE YOU GOING?

It took Nat less than a minute to google who Dr. Palmer was and the look on her face showed that she had gotten it all wrong.

"You two aren't that stupid!" She said sharply and you felt offended that she could make assumptions about you like that.

"It's not what you are thinking." You defended yourself and took the cell phone out of her hand. "It's actually the opposite of that."

Nat waited for you to explain, and you glanced around the empty dining room.

"Nat, I'm virgin. I swear I thought you knew that, after all you are a Russian spy."

She raised an eyebrow. "I always knew that, but according to these texts you no longer are."

You smiled to yourself remembering the night you had with Stephen and decided that nothing in the world would make you tell that to Nat. "We had a moment together, it was good, but we didn't get to do anything. Not yet. He's decided to take it slow and respect my own time."

Nat nodded in agreement, looking offensively impressed.

"But the truth is, I don't want to wait another minute to do it. I really love him, Nat. It has to be him. It couldn't be anyone else."

"Look, I confess that Strange has surprised me positively. And I think it should happen, it's been a long time coming."

"Nat!"

"I'm just trying to say that I think he's sensible. As sensible as possible since he's picking this fight with Stark."

You bit the corner of your cheek trying to decide whether or not it was better to stop that conversation, but ended up not resisting. "But you're on our side, right? Stephen thinks that when we tell him, the Avengers will be against him. It's important to have at least one Avenger on our side. Someone who truly understands."

Nat sighed heavily, probably realizing the trouble she'd gotten herself into, but finally she smiled reassuringly. "I'm by your side."

...

You hated hospitals. Your nails continued to dig holes into your palms as you headed to the elevator of the huge, luxurious building to get to the obstetrics and gynecology floor, but it wasn't just the fact that hospitals made you feel sick that was making you anxious. In fact, you did yourself the bad favor of searching for Dr Palmer online during boring morning classes and found some photos of her and Stephen together at some events. You knew very well that Stephen worked at that hospital for years before his accident and that it was normal for him to have photos with his coworkers, but your anxious mind kept telling you that there was a compromising intimacy in those photos you saw.

You got out of the elevator in a kind of daze and observed the waiting room, which at that time was completely empty.

“Miss Y/l/n, right?” The secretary asked as you approached the counter. You smiled and nodded. You had been used to being recognized in places for a long time. It was the price you paid for being Iron Man's goddaughter.

"I have an appointment with Dr. Palmer."

"I need your ID for registration and we will need a photo for your record. Can you look at the camera, please?"

You did what the woman asked almost automatically, a whirlwind of thoughts racing through your mind.

You waited for what seemed like an eternity as the woman typed.

"Ready." She informed you and you handed her the credit card, but instead of taking it she just smiled.  "It says here that the appointment has already been paid for. Your ID. Just wait a minute. She'll call you."

You rolled your lips together "Is it okay if I ask who paid for the appointment?"

She looked at the monitor looking equally curious. "Let's see... It says Dr. Strange. Oh, he used to work here, you know? I came to talk to him a few times. Brilliant doctor. Of course, now that he's a superhero he doesn't come to the hospital anymore."

"I'm sure the fact that he can't practice medicine anymore is the real reason." You answered.

"Ah of course. A tragedy!"

You just nodded with a polite smile and walked away, sitting in one of the many empty armchairs drumming your fingers on the arms of it and letting your mind do what it did best. Stephen was a neurosurgeon, what reason did he had to come to the gynecology floor often enough for the secretary to remember him? What if they were more than work friends? What if they still kept in touch? Stephen just said that she was a friend, but didn't give any more details, however he felt free to pay for your appointment  with his own card. What if he had told her everything about you?

“Miss Y/l/n?” A velvety voice called, and you faced the doctor in all her glory dressed in a ridiculous pink coat, but it didn't make her any less beautiful for that. "Come in, please."

You entered the huge office that had plaques and awards with her name on shelves as if they were trophies.

"Before we begin, allow me to formally introduce myself. I am Dr. Christine Palmer."

You smiled politely "Y/n Y/l/n."

"Tony Stark's daughter." She said with a kind of reverence in her voice.

"Goddaughter, actually. But I don't think there's much of a difference." You corrected it.

She smiles, showing annoyingly perfect teeth. "Stephen told me about you. He called me personally to ask for the appointment, given his insistence should I assume something is wrong, miss Y/l/n?"

"Please, call me Y/n." You said feeling yourself blush. You had no idea how to start and the fact that this woman knew Stephen didn't help matters."

"I saw some pictures of you and Doctor Strange, are you friends?" You asked, scaping from the initial and most important question.

She seemed slightly confused by the question, but replied simply "Stephen and I are work friends, well we were work friends. I hadn't seen him in ages, in fact I was surprised when he called me."

You agreed "There's nothing wrong. I actually need a method of contraception." You exhaled slowly and finished speaking at once, "I'm a virgin and I intend to stop being so."

She nodded, keeping her expression professional, but you knew her head was working on the connection between what you just said and the fact that Stephen was so insistent that the appointment be as quick as possible, in addition to the fact that he paid for the appointment. For you, at least, the truth was almost obscene.

"I see. Well, there is a huge variety of methods. Pills are the most common, but I personally really like Implants.

"What is the most effective method?" You asked apprehensively.

She smiled, seeming to notice your hesitation and continued. "The pill requires an almost religious commitment. It must be taken every day at the same time and cannot be forgotten. For this reason, I usually recommend the implant. Furthermore, it is one of the methods that least affects your libido and since you just explained that you want to start your sex life now, I imagine this is an important aspect for choosing."

You nodded feeling like your face was on fire and she continued to pretend not to notice.

"It lasts for 3 years and can be reapplied after that and as there is no danger of forgetting like the pill, its effectiveness is usually 99.9%"

"Does it hurt?"

"It's a simple procedure and we use local anesthesia. It can be done today if you prefer."

You swallow thickly. "After I put it on, how long will it take before I can..." You let the words trail off in the air.

"It depends on when your last period was, but in general it is preferable to wait 10 to 15 days to be sure. Remembering that this does not mean that you cannot have sex before this period, but you need to use condoms."

You nodded. "Does it have side effects?"

"It is common for women to stop menstruating when using it, but it is also common to have breakthrough bleeding. In general, menstruation will be very irregular until your body gets used to it. The good news is that it tends to greatly reduce the effects of PMS."

You nodded. "Can we put it on now?"

"Sure." She said, getting up and going to one of the huge closets in the office.

When returning home in the taxi you could feel your arm slightly numb due to the anesthesia and the small bandage, as small as it was, was quite visible and you were going crazy thinking about what to say in case someone noticed.

Luckily when you entered the tower you didn't bump into anyone on the way to your room and after closing the door you threw yourself on the bed and called MJ, after all you owed her an update and there was indeed a lot to tell.

...

Stephen checked his cell phone every five minutes waiting for news, but every time he was disappointed. To make matters worse for him, the day was being particularly slow and he would rather be dealing with some interdimensional beast than facing that anxiety alone. He was particularly worried about the fact that he hadn't explained to Y/n that he and Christine had an affair years ago and being as smart as she was it was clear to him that it wouldn't take long for her to find out. That's if she hadn't already discovered it. God, he looked like a teenager experiencing his first love. What was Y/n doing to him?

He was in the Kamar Taj library doing the worst, most boring job in the world when America came running in looking for him.

"You won't believe what I almost managed to do!"  The enthusiasm in her voice made him bite back a snarky comment.

"I hope it's better than spending the whole afternoon cataloging books."

"So much better. I almost managed to conjure the mirrored dimension. I could even hear and see the glass breaking, but I couldn't maintain focus for long enough. Master Hamir said it's normal and that I have to keep trying."

"And he's right." Stephen said, putting the last book on the shelf and closing the ledger. He placed it in the librarian's desk drawer and checked his cell phone again. Nothing.

"Something wrong?" America asked and he shook his head.

"I hope not. Come here, I'm proud of you, kid."

America walked over and he wrapped his arms around her. It was a strange sensation. Letting someone get close to him like that after so long running away from any relationship with another person, however since America arrived, she started to soften his heart and Y/n was doing much more than that.

"Uh Stephen... you can let me go now."

"Oh ok." He said a little sheepishly and released the grip of his arms around her. America stepped away looking at the Sorcerer Supreme's book collection.

"Oh they are so mysterious. I would die to read one of those." She exclaimed!

"You wouldn't read them if you were dead."

She looked at him rolling her eyes "Have you read them yet?"

"Sometimes."

"So, I don't need to be a Sorcerer Supreme to be able to read them?"

"No. You just need to be smarter than I was when I read them and not cause problems."

She smiles "I think I can do that."

Stephen was ready to tell her it was easier said than done when they heard footsteps approaching in the hallway.

"Strange, are you done working here?" Wong asked, looking at them with a look that clearly said 'shouldn't you be doing something useful?'".

"Yep. By the way I'm heading back to Sanctum to check if everything's okay. Are you coming with me?" He asked America to which she grimaced.

"I still have one more class."

He nodded, taking his sling ring from his pocket and opening a portal home.

"See you tomorrow then."

...

It was past 10pm and you and Stephen were texting like two teenagers and you had to cover your mouth to muffle the sound of your giggles as you read each of his texts. He was so silly and cute and dirty and funny and so many other things that you had no way of knowing before you actually got to know him. Yes, he was a powerful sorcerer and a famous superhero, but when he talked to you, he was just Stephen and you felt yourself falling more and more in love with him with each passing minute.

I WANTED YOU WERE HERE

You suddenly confessed to which he texted back immediately.

YOU KNOW I CAN FIX THAT, RIGHT?

You bit your bottom lip, sitting up in bed immediately. Were he serious?

WOULDN'T IT BE VERY INAPPROPRIATE?

He answered with an emoji smiling sideways exactly like he used to do and just thinking about that smile made you simply abandon your reason. You got up and locked the door and took a look in the mirror. You were reasonably presentable. Fresh from the shower, comfortable lingerie covered by an old tee, hair tied in a messy bun. You smile at your image in the mirror and throw yourself on the bed, picking up your cell phone and answering.

I’M WAITING.

It didn't take a full minute before you heard the familiar hiss of the portal and Stephen walked past it with a smirk on his lips. He was dressed in sweatpants and a tee and his hair was wet and the smell of cologne made it possible to tell that he had also just gotten out of the shower.

"We can't make any noise. Tony and Pepper's room is next door." You whispered.

His smirk widened into a cocky grin. "I can fix that too." He whispered back.

"Yeah? How?"

He moved his hands in a complicated gesture and the walls were enveloped by a kind of ring of golden light that soon dissipated completely.

"Totally soundproof." He informed proudly. “Very useful spell.”

"That was sexy." You smiled, getting up and going to him. Stephen wrapped you in his arms containing your sudden advance and held your face gently directing you to his lips and kissed you slowly, but devilishly good and you felt your knees getting weak.

"I've missed you all day." He confessed as he finally allowed his lips to part to breathe. "I don't care how this sounds, Y/n, but I really don't know how I managed to spend so much time loving you from afar. I don't want to be away from you anymore. Never."

You didn't have time to formulate an answer because he pulled you to his lips again and this time he tightened his grip around your body and you could feel every muscle beneath the thin fabric of the t-shirt and the inviting heat coming from his skin.

"I've missed you all day too." You confessed, holding his hand and pulling him to your bed. You sat crisscrossed against the headboard and he sat facing you, but he stole one of your pillows and lay down next to you with the same naturalness as someone who always did that.

"But you kept me waiting for a text all day." He complained.

"Because I was a little mad at you and I didn't know what to say."

He sighed, "I knew I should have talked about Christine with you, but Sweetheart it was years ago, I swear I didn't think it was important enough to mention."

You ran your tongue along the corner of your cheek. "I knew there was something in those photos. MJ kept telling me I was being paranoid, but I'm never wrong."

Stephen buried his face in the pillow groaning, "That wasn't what you were mad about, was it?"

"No, but thanks for adding another reason."

He looked at you trying to be serious, but there was an arrogant smile on his lips. "I've always wanted to know what you're like when you're jealous."

"I am not jealous!" You defended yourself taking one of the pillows that were next to you and throwing at him. "I just think you have no idea how uncomfortable it was for me to be there talking to your ex about losing my virginity and choosing contraceptive methods when you made a point of making everything so obvious by insisting that the appointment was scheduled as soon as possible and the worst part, you paid for it."

"It was the very least I could do. You went there because of me." He defended himself.

"That’s not true. I went there because of me and Stephen, don't make me talk about a topic I don't feel comfortable talking about."

He said nothing, instead he continued looking at you waiting for you to speak.

"I don't need you to pay me anything. I'm Tony Stark's goddaughter!"

He rolled his eyes. "It's not about the money..."

He stopped and took a deep breath and then began to explain himself. "Y/n, you're half my age, less than that. You're a virgin, which scared me a little, I confess, but it also makes me feel protective towards you. I wanted you to have the best doctor in the city, probably in the country and I was anxious for us to resolve this as soon as possible and I didn't stop to think for a second about my past with Christine because it didn't mean anything to me. She was a friend I had sex with at work, that's all."

You opened your mouth to interrupt him several times, but ended up giving in. Deep down you knew you were being dramatic.

"She is very beautiful." You said with a pout.

"No more than you." He responded, opening his arms so you could cuddle into his chest. You lid down letting yourself be hugged as you became aware that Stephen was really in your room at that time of night. It was wrong somehow, even though you were an adult, the secret made everything feel so dirty, but you couldn't deny to yourself that you were enjoying the feeling.

You held Stephen's face in your hands and kissed him hard like you wanted from the moment he arrived and he let out a soft moan on your lips that made your heart jump in your chest.

"Now tell me about the appointment." He asked when you finally broke the kiss.

You told all the details of the most awkward medical appointment of your life and each time you brought new information you felt your face getting hotter.

"It's just a little sore now." You said as he ran his index finger lightly over the band aid you placed on your forearm.

"Well, I also have something to show you." He said moving the fingers of one hand and conjuring a sealed envelope. He handed it to you with a somewhat shy smile that was unusual for him, but equally beautiful.

"What is this?" You asked curiously.

"Open it."

You opened it and only after finding his name in the top right corner of the sheet did you understood.

The laboratory exam had a list of tests that were carried out to detect herpes, syphilis, hepatitis, HIV, among others and at the end of the sheet there was a single line that said: negative for the pathologies tested.

He waited silently for some kind of response, but all you could think was that you didn't need that. His words were enough for you.

"When did you take these tests?"

"Yesterday."

You handed the sheet back to him and kissed him softly "I believed you when you said you haven't had anyone in the last six months. You didn't need to..."

"But I wanted to. It's important to me that you know I'm clean. It's the least I could do since you..."

You waited for him to finish, but he just smiled.

“Since I…” You pressed.

"Since you're giving yourself to me."

You smirked at his choice of words.

"Is that what I'm doing?"

He held your chin steady and bit your bottom lip to tease you.

"You know very well what you are doing, young lady, and you know very well how much I am looking forward to it."

You nodded, but pouted "Your ex said we should wait at least 10 days..."

He rolled his eyes, "Don't call her that. It's not fair."

You let out a soft giggle "Fair enough, but it doesn't change what she said."

He kissed you softly and ran his index finger down your neck, down to your breast and circled your nipple until it got hard under your shirt.

"I’m a patient man." He said in the most anti-climax statement you could imagine.

"Well, but I’m not a patient woman. I'm so tired of waiting, Stephen. I've already waited too long." You grumbled, crossing your arms like a child indignant at being denied their favorite toy.

"For someone who have waited until now, you are very impatient indeed." He teased.

"For someone who hasn't had sex in six months, you're really slow."  You replied to which he let out a small laugh, but then he held your face in his hands and kissed you hard with tongue, teeth and a newfound passion that literally took your breath away.

"Just because I was trying to play nice, but now I think you've changed my mind. Now I’m going to take advantage of your inexperience. What do you say, sweetheart?"

You bit your lower lip, feeling your cheeks heat up, but you didn't let yourself be intimidated by your shyness. "Yes."

Stephen's eyes darkened with desire and a sly smile played on his lips. "Yeah? You don't even know what I have in mind and you're already saying yes."

You nodded "I trust you."

"But you shouldn't." He kissed you and pushed you onto your back and came on top of you, spreading your legs with his knees and fitting himself between them. He made a point of rubbing his hips against your core, making you feel his half-hard cock contained inside his pants. Unable to control yourself you let out a small moan and he chuckled in your ear making your skin prickle.

"You have no idea how much I want to make love to you finally. I've already waited too long..."

He kissed you again and ground himself against you without any shame and this time you didn't even try to contain your moan as your body responded to the stimulation with a wave of pleasure.

“Stephen…” You mumbled almost incoherently.

"Yes, sweetie. Tell me what you want."

"Touch me. I need you to touch me. I always imagined what it would be like to have your hands on me, your fingers..."

He smirked taking his hands under your t-shirt and grabbing your panties.

"You’re sure?" He confirmed and you nodded, raising your hips for him to take off your panties and your whole body shivered with the night air when he did so.

He lifted your t-shirt to waist level and finally allowed himself to look at your naked body, his hands slid up your legs and before you could understand what he was doing he started placing little kisses on the inside of your thighs and the brush of his goatee against your skin made your entire body prickle.

"Your skin is so soft and smells so good."  He praised, moving his lips in small wet kisses down your crotch and getting more and more dangerously close to where you really wanted him. "I imagined myself doing this so many times..."

"Stephen...please." You wonder if you knew what you were begging for. You just knew you didn't want him to stop, you just wanted much more."

But he stopped, at least long enough to give you a smug look and put his middle finger to his mouth. He sucked his own finger and then took it between your legs, opened your folds with his other fingers and touched your clit lightly, but enough to make your entire body tremble with the sensation.  He slid his finger up and down between your folds with absurd ease and you realized that you were shamefully wet and of course he noticed that too.

"Fuck sweetheart, is this all because of me?" He teased, moving his finger in circles on your clit and making your hips buck against his hand. "So sensitive. I've barely touched you yet."

You bit your lip trying to hold back a moan, but it escaped your lips anyway.

"It's okay, I like listening to you, love." He cooed encouraging you. "I'm going to try something else and you're going to tell me how you feel about it, okay?"

You nodded watching him dive between your legs. He licked you from bottom to top and then used his fingers to spread your folds and then licked again directly on your clit this time and you moaned outrageously loud. No words were necessary.

He hummed pleased with your reaction and gave it a long lick again and then began to flick the tip of his tongue on your clit sending shocks of pleasure throughout your body. The touch of his beard on your sensitive skin increased all the sensations even more.

"Fuck Stephen... oh my..." You stopped biting your lip and grabbing his hair with one of your hands without realizing what you were doing, but he didn't seem to mind.

You always heard about how good oral sex was, but you never imagined it felt this good and at the same time you were a mess of sensations and feelings because you had never been touched by a man before and not just any man was doing, it was Stephen, your Stephen and the realization of that brought you surprisingly close to cumming and you found yourself desperate to warn him because... wouldn't it be rude if you came in his face?

"Stephen, I think I'm gonna..."

But he stopped immediately upon hearing those words and emerged to look at you with the most beautiful and naughty smile in the world.

"You're very sensitive, sweetheart. I've barely started." He said, running a hand over his face.

"I didn't want to... in your face." You confessed and he smiled sweetly at you.

"Sweetheart, there's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I'd love it if you did."

"But isn't it gross?" You asked, still unsure, to which he shook his head. "I like it."

You felt yourself blushing "But you stopped."

He smirked "Just because I don't want it to end so quickly. Sex shouldn't be a quick thing, at least not most of the time, we should make it last and that means lessening the stimulation before finishing." He moved so he could kiss you and you found the taste on his tongue strange, but at the same time you found it sexy knowing that it was your taste. "We're just getting started." He whispered against your lips as he brought your index finger back to his lips, he sucked on it and then brought it between your legs and teased your entrance lightly.

"Tell me, when you touch yourself, do you only play with your clit or..." He forced your entrance slightly and you felt your muscles contracting involuntarily.

"You never used your fingers here?" He asked and you shook your head.

"Okay, but I can try a little, can't I? Or do you want me to stop?"

You held his face in your hands.

"Will it hurt?"

He kissed your lips gently, "Not if I do it slowly. And I won't go deep. You just said you trust me, remember?"

You nodded. "I do."

He smiled and you felt a small pressure at your entrance and you immediately squeezed your eyes closed waiting for the pain, but it didn't come, on the contrary you were washed by a wave of pleasure when he started to use his thumb on your clit as he slowly penetrated the middle finger on you.

"Shit." You cursed through your teeth and he chuckled in satisfaction.

"Good girl."

He started to move his finger in and out and the feeling was strange but good at the same time and the next thing you knew you were moving your hips against his hand seeking more friction. He understood immediately and began to put more pressure on his thumb, circling your clit slowly while fingering you.

"I'm going to put another finger, okay? Tell me if it hurts and I'll stop immediately."

You nodded without doubting his word for a moment. You knew Stephen would never hurt you on purpose.

He used his index finger to stretch you a little more and you felt the pressure again and an uncomfortable tug that soon disappeared giving way to pleasure.

"God, you have magical fingers." You heard yourself confessing.

"That's one way of putting it." He teased "But you haven't seen anything yet, sweetheart."

You bit your bottom lip, holding back a moan when he circled his thumb around your clit just the right way and your legs shook with the wave of pleasure that enveloped you.

"Then show me. I want you to teach me everything."

He smiled brightly and pulled you to his lips and kissed you hard, his tongue chased yours in a battle for dominance that you had no intention of winning and he hummed in your lips adorably.

"You're every man's dream, you know that?" He said as he finally allowed himself to break the kiss. "Beautiful, inexperienced and so willing to please. Somehow you make my heart beat faster in my chest and my dick throb in my pants with the same intensity at the same time."

You smiled proudly "Then take me. I'm yours. I always wanted to be yours and no one else's."

You entwined your fingers in his hair and pulled him to your lips again, but his lips didn't just stop at your mouth, they went down your neck where he placed little kisses and bites and then went up to your ear, brushing his goatee there and making your skin prickle again and you swallow thickly. You loved when he did that and he sure as hell knew that.

"Stephen... make love to me. I want it... tonight."

His fingers didn't stop stimulating you for a second, but you wanted more, you wanted to know how it would feel to have him inside you thrusting into you with the same passion you saw the actors in the movies doing, but he shook his head.

"We can't, love."

You shook your head trying to reason with him "We can. We just need to use..."

He interrupted you by kissing you and then explained "I know, but I don't want our first time to be with a condom. It's not the same."

"Oh" That's all you said, and he smiled seeming a little embarrassed "It doesn't change much for you, but for me... shit, now I'm being selfish..."

"It's okay." You reassured him cupping his face gently "I didn’t know. We can wait."

He sighed smiling "But that doesn't mean I can't give you what you need." With that he dived between your legs again and used his tongue on your clit again, but now he wasn't content with just licking, he started sucking as if he was nursing on your sensitive bud and while he did this his fingers continued playing at your entrance, moving in and out at a lazy pace and the combination of stimulation was enough to push you to the edge.

"Oh shit... oh Stephen... gonna cum."

He hummed satisfied and this time he didn't stop, on the contrary, he increased the intensity of the suction on your clit which made you scream in the middle of the orgasm that washed over you.

Your legs shook around his head, your nails dug into his scalp and your fingers pulled his hair and the most beautiful little scream in the world escaped your lips when you came in his mouth. He lapped up all your fluids like a thirsty man and then emerged from the paradise between your legs to look at you and the way you glanced at him made his heart jump in his chest.

Stephen couldn't remember the last time he had given oral sex to a woman. A sexist part of him thought it was too intimate to be done with any of the women he had slept with in recent years, but with you it was natural. It wasn't like he planned it. Stephen was coming to the conclusion that nothing with you happened as planned, you were too spontaneous for that and he was weak in his convictions when it came to you, but it didn't matter, he had loved it, every second between your legs, listening to your little moans were like a trip to paradise and he felt ecstatic.

He moved on top of you, careful not to release the weight of his body on you and cupped your face, pulling it to his lips.

"God I love you, sweetheart."  He heard himself confessing. Stephen had never been so in love in his entire life and as such he never found himself confessing his feelings like that, but it was true. He loved you so much that somehow he knew he couldn't contain it inside him, he needed to pour that love into you again and again.

As if you could read his mind, you smiled the most beautiful smile in the world "I love you too." You whispered and your face turned red with the realization of what had just happened and he thought it was adorable. Yes, he had been surprised by the discovery of your virginity and yes, that had complicated things a little, but he would be a liar if he said he wasn't loving every minute of it. Your innocence and inexperience made everything more exciting.

"I love the way you blush."  He confessed, kissing your lips lightly and then rolled to the side, resting his head on his pillows.

"That's good because I can't control this. It's all so embarrassing, will this become normal for me one day?"

He couldn't help but laugh at your comment.

"Do not laugh at me." You protested, covering your face with your hands, but Stephen held them and replied, "I'm not laughing at you and the answer is yes. It'll become normal."

You turned to snuggle into him and he wrapped his arm around you, letting you lay your head on his shoulder as he intertwined your leg with his.

"Do you remember your first time?" You asked as your fingers traced his goatee absently minded.

Oh yes, he remembered it perfectly and never stopped feeling embarrassed by it.

"Tragically yes." He replied.

"That bad?" You asked curiously.

"I had no idea what I was doing, and it must have lasted three minutes."

Now it was your turn to laugh, but he didn't care, he had already overcome the trauma.

"I was always afraid of doing it with someone my age and ending up in an awkward situation where we both wouldn't know what to do." You confessed, still stroking his beard and Stephen noticed how much he liked feeling the touch of your hands on him.

"I think it's very difficult for a guy your age to still be a virgin, sweetheart. The risk was practically zero."

"But they wouldn't be like you." You insisted and your face flushed again "You're very experienced and although I don't like thinking about you with other women, I like the fact that you know what you're doing, it makes me feel safer."

He nodded. What impressed Stephen, besides the fact that you were a virgin at age 21, was that you had almost no sexual experience besides watching porn and touching yourself.

"You made me feel very safe while you were..."

"Going down on you" He finished for you and you nodded.

"I didn't imagine it would be so good. I mean, I've read about it, I've seen it in the movies, but nothing prepared me for reality."

Stephen smiled broadly. "I'm not going to be modest about it and say it's always like this. Most men have a hard time satisfying a woman this way."

"But not you." You said and pulled him to your lips and Stephen let himself be guided by the intensity of your kiss. So inexperienced, but kissed like a whore. He thought and quickly scolded himself.

You hummed adorably at his lips and then broke the kiss and said simply "I want to touch you now."

His cock pulsed in his pants at that, but he tried hard to reason with you.

"Are you sure? You know you don't have to do this just because I did it to you."

You nodded "I know. I want to. I want to see you the same way you saw me and pleasure you to hear you moaning too."

Stephen couldn't help but smile and comment, "You're going to have to be really good to make me moan, sweetheart. Do you think you can do that?"

You blushed heavily but were firm in your response "I learn fast, you just need to teach me how to do it."

Another twitch in his cock and this time it didn't go unnoticed by you. You lowered your hand that was resting on his chest and touched his dick through his pants.

"It's so... hard." You said

"Because of you. Your innocence leaves me like this." He confessed.

"I'm not innocent." You protested to which he chuckled.

"Maybe not in other things, but in this you are."

His cock started to throb again and you looked at him in surprise, but didn't say anything. It was as if you knew that asking anything would prove his point.

"Hard is good. It's exactly how you want me. And this..." His cock twitched again "It's also because of you, it shows how much I want you."

You were blushing, but a proud smile played on your lips.

He watched you move your hand lightly over his erection and then your fingers threatened to go inside his pants, but you stopped confirming "Can I?"

"Yes." He said and his voice sounded shaky with excitement. Stephen had fantasized about this so many times.

You put your hand inside his pants and seemed surprised to notice that he wasn't wearing any underwear. He never wore underwear when he got dressed to sleep, in fact when it was hot he even wore clothes to sleep.  To his surprise, the brief moment of hesitation was replaced by the impulse to touch him, and you grabbed him in your hand and started moving up and down, probably imitating what you had seen in the movies. The sudden stimulation made a small moan escape his lips and you smiled victoriously.

"Brat" He said biting his lower lip and surrendering to your touch. "Wait, let me take this off, you need to see what you're doing."

You moved your hand away enough for him to free himself from his pants and then your eyes feasted on his thighs and finally settled on his cock.

"You can touch me however you want now." He said

You held it firmly in your hand and moved it up and down slowly and he had the feeling that that was pretty much all you knew how to do. The stimulation was delicious. For someone who had had no sexual stimulation other than his own hand for six months, any foreign touch was enough, but he wanted just so much more.

He moved his fingers quickly conjuring up a bottle of lube and explained "Here, sweetheart. You lube naturally, but I need this. Give me your hand."

You turned your palm upwards and waited for him to pour some of the clear gel. He was not modest in quantity. Stephen liked a lot of lubrication.

"Now you can do what you were doing, but it will feel much better."

You nodded, grabbing his cock again and slowly moving it up and down, letting the lube spread over his entire length making a delicious squelching sound.

"Make sure to touch the head when your hand goes up. Here..." He showed his frenulum to you "It's very sensitive, I like it when I'm touched here."

You nodded, completely concentrated on his explanation and started to raise your hand further to touch where he had shown you, a wrinkle of concentration formed between your eyebrows and Stephen found it adorable. His cock throbbed in your hand again and a loud moan escaped through his teeth.

"Shit, love. You’re a fast learner."

You smiled happily at the compliment "Can I use both hands? I saw it in a movie and the guy seemed to like it."

Stephen nodded. "Give me the other hand, let's get some more of this."

You did as he asked and then grabbed him with both hands stroking him nice but very lightly.

"You can use a little more force, sweetheart." He instructed and his voice sounded shaky.

"I don't want to hurt you. I know it’s very sensitive."

He smiled widely. You were so sweet, he was basking in your inexperience and there was no reason for him to hide how much he was enjoying the whole thing.

"Not that sensitive. You can squeeze a little more. I'll like it. Isn't that what you want? To make me feel good?"

"Yes." You said biting your bottom lip while tightening the grip of your hand around him and for a minute the only sound that could be heard was the wet squelching of your hands on his dick and the heavy breathing followed by moans that he couldn't control. .

"So fucking good... these little hands feel amazing, sweetheart."

You smile "Really?"

"So, so good. I've fantasized about this moment so many times..."

You bit your lip, looking undecided whether to say something or not.

"What is it?" He asked.

"Is it okay if I put it in my mouth? I've never done this, but I'd like to try."

Stephen moaned loudly "Wanna give me a blow job?"

You nodded. "But I do not know how..."

He moaned loudly and his hips jumped against your hand. At that point, Stephen didn't know if he would last long.

He cupped your cheek gently and ran his thumb across your lips, forcing you to separate them. "Open it for me." He asked, placing his thumb inside your mouth when you obeyed. He left his finger on your tongue collecting saliva and forcing you to swallow around it and when you did he closed his eyes and imagined the feeling of it around his dick.

"Suck it." He ordered and you obeyed, sucking his finger slowly.  You were so good at following orders, so sweet and so obedient. Something about it all was revealing a side of Stephen that even he didn't know and he was enjoying it.

"See how easy it is? Now let's try to do the same thing but on my cock." He took his finger out of your mouth and grabbed his dick and directed it to your mouth.

"Open it big for me." He asked and you did exactly as he said.

Stephen smiled, placing just the head in your mouth. "You're going to suck it like it's a lollipop. Don't use your teeth, just your lips and tongue."

You seemed lost at first, the sweet taste of the lube wasn't exactly ideal, but it was better than saliva, at least at first. Deep down he was dreaming of seeing you going dirty, spitting on his cock without fear of making a mess.

A wrinkle of confusion appeared between your eyebrows, but you continued sucking his head slowly.

"Now use your tongue, you can flick it around my cock, it feels really nice."

You did exactly as he asked, eliciting a surprised groan from his throat when the tip of your tongue flicked onto his frenulum. "Shit, you learn so fast, sweetheart."

You took it out of your mouth to breathe and smiled proudly at him as he couldn't help but tease you. "You like being praised, don't you? Does it make you feel good?"

To his delight you blushed heavily making his cock pulse in your hand.

"See? That's how much I want you. Because you are so fucking special to me..."

He was interrupted when you leaned in to give him a hard kiss that took his breath away and then you put his cock in your mouth again and without him needing to teach you, you started using your hand around what you couldn't take and Stephen grabbed the sheets with one hand while he brought the other to your head, threading his fingers through your hair. You let out a sweet moan of approval around his cock and he had to control himself not to push your head or thrust against your mouth. Stephen liked to be rough when given oral, most of the time he forced deep throat because he loved cumming deep in their throats, but he could never do that to you. At least not yet and definitely not without your consent.

"Fuck... twist your hand while you move it up and down, sweetheart and keep using your tongue, give me a hard suck on the head... just like that... yeah, use your tongue just like that."

You followed each of his instructions masterfully which was quickly taking him to his limit and when he noticed how you started to moan while sucking him, how your legs started to rub against each other, clearly feeling pleasure while giving him pleasure, he knew he couldn't hold on much longer.

"Wait, sweetheart... stop, please." He moved his hand down to your chin and gently pulled your mouth away from his dick.

You seemed a little confused "Why? I thought I was enjoying it. Did I do something wrong?"

He chuckled nervously "I was, I am...very much." He ran say a little embarrassed. "I don't want to finish in your mouth. It's your first time and it might be a little gross." 

He saw the realization on your face immediately and then you stared at his cock with a newfound curiosity.

"What does it taste like?"

Stephen smiled "To be honest, I don't know. It's salty. Most women don't like it."

You frowned, "I'm not most women."

"Of course not. You're my sweetheart." He said and watched you blush again. He would never get tired of it.

You went back to holding his cock, stroking it lightly up and down, being careful to touch the head as he explained and watched him twitching.

"I want to see you finish." You confessed.

He nodded "Just use your hands then."

"But will they be enough?" You asked increasing your grip again while stroking his cock.

Stephen groaned through his teeth.

"Of course. These sweet tiny hands are more than enough."

You smiled watching Stephen surrender completely to your touch. You were learning a lot that night and one of the things you enjoyed most was the sweet noises he made when he felt pleasure. It was hard to imagine such a stoic man making those sounds and your chest filled with pride knowing that you were responsible for leaving him like that.

He kept one hand firmly on the sheets and the other found a home on the back of your neck. His eyes were glued to yours, his cock was so hard and red and wet pulsing in your hand. You didn't stop or reduce the stimulation, remembering perfectly what he had explained to you. You wanted to see him finish.

"Oh, fuck sweetheart... I'm so close... just do it faster and don't stop." His baritone voice was even sexier when covered in lust like that.

"I won't stop" You promised moving your hands faster and harder and finally getting what you wanted. Seeing the magic happening before your eyes.

He moaned loudly, his jaw became rigid, his legs shook and cum began to squirt from the tip of his dick, spilling over your hand, entering between your fingers and making a mess in his stomach.

"Oh shit... oh fuck sweetheart." He muttered through clenched teeth and then pulled you to his lips and kissed you hard.

You kissed until you couldn't breathe and when he broke the kiss he smiled almost shyly.

"Shit, look at this. I made a fucking mess, sweetie."

"You get a dirty mouth when you're horny." You teased and he let out a small laugh.

"Good point. Does it bother you?"

You shook your head "No. Actually, I liked it." You said, observing the puddle of cum on his stomach and then looked at your hand, seeing the sticky, whitish liquid running through your fingers. You could smell it, it wasn't bad, it was just different and suddenly you were struck by a burning curiosity and the next thing you knew you were bringing your hand to your mouth and running your tongue between your fingers. You didn't know the look on your face when you tasted it, but Stephen smiled in disbelief, and you knew he was loving it just like he had loved everything else.

"It's salty and something else. It's not good, but it's not bad either. It's... strange."

"I don't think there's a better word to describe it." He teased moving his fingers and conjuring a damp towel with which he began to gently wipe your hands.

"It's the first time I've seen a woman taste my cum like it was a foreign dessert and I admit it was sexy as hell."

You felt your face getting hot which made his smile widen even more. He used the towel to clean himself and then got rid of it in the same way he conjured it and touched your cheek affectionately. "You're giving me so many firsts." He said contemplatively and then kissed you again. He pulled you on top of him and made you snuggle into his chest. With a flick of his fingers he dressed you and he and you laugh softly.

"I'll never get used to this."

He hummed "Yes you will because I will do this all the time and I will be by your side all the time.”

"Promise?"

He kissed the top of your head and held you in his arms.

"Promise."

You were silent for a minute listening to nothing but each other's breathing. It was you who broke the silence.

"Don't you think this is all very silly for you? I mean, we're together and we haven't even had sex yet and you're an experienced man..."

"There's only so many times you can say that to me without making me feel old." He warned making you laugh softly.

"I like my men older." You teased.

"Man. Your man you mean."

You smirked "Yes, sir."

Stephen sighed and you closed your eyes, reveling in the feeling of his hand rubbing your arm.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm loving every minute we spend together, sweetheart. You're making me live so many new experiences and I love you for that. There's nothing silly about this."

You smiled "Okay."

"There's just one problem, young lady."

You turned to look at him and there was a cute smile on his lips.

“Which is?”

"I want to come here every night from now on."

"I won't object to that."

He smirked and you rolled to the side on the bed and he was quick to pull you close so you were cuddled into his chest.

Reblog please! Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing!

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[mrprettywhenhecries]

Interesting things I've learned about Billy and Max from reading the Runaway Max novel

Thought these would be worth sharing for those who haven't read the book, but like me, crave more Max & Billy backstory/lore.

Billy antis DNI

putting under a cut for spoilers

Billy's dad was a security guard at the bank where Susan Mayfield worked as a teller in San Diego, and that's how they met.

Max's mom has not so great taste in men, so compared to the other losers she dated, Neil seemed way better in comparison, at least at first.

Neil thinks Reagan is "the best thing to happen to America since Eisenhower". Figures.

The first time Max met Billy she thought he was super cool because he had an earring.

Max really hoped Billy would be a good brother to her 😢

Billy's car smells like hairspray and cigarettes. That tracks lol

Max's dad sounds super cool, but I can understand why Susan divorced him. He was into some kinda shady shit.

Billy's never been in a serious relationship. He dated a different girl every week, but seemed pretty disdainful of them all. -- "It was like he hated them, except he still took them up to the Sunset Cliffs to make out." Though honestly, it seems like Billy's just disdainful of everyone.

Once Billy got in trouble with the cops for trespassing at a construction site with his friends and Neil gave him the choice of losing his car for two months or signing up for junior ROTC and Billy willingly gave up his car.

Like Tommy, the main reason Billy hung out with his "friends" in California was because they basically just did whatever he said.

After Tina's Halloween party, Neil went off on Billy when he got home for not picking up Max after trick or treating (plus coming back drunk/high). Max left the room, but could still hear Neil hitting Billy. She tries not to care, but she still does. 🥲

Billy canonically works on his own car 🥵

Once Billy Max a cigarette after she told him smoking was bad for him. Susan caught them and went off on Billy, though he thought it was funny. However when Neil got home, asking what was going on, Susan lied, telling him it was nothing. Max had expected her to rat Billy out, but she didn’t. It was then than she realized that her mom wasn’t afraid of Billy, that she was afraid for him.

The first time Max had seen Neil actually hit Billy was after he’d gotten a speeding ticket. Her mom left the room and Max half expected Neil to stop when he realized that Max was still there, but when he took off his belt to use it, Max yelled at him to stop.

Neil only used her outburst to taunt Billy, saying he was weak and needed a girl to stand up for him.

After it was over, Max asked if Billy was okay, but he turned on her, embarrassed that she’d seen, and told her to get away from him. That’s when Max’s illusion that the two of them were in this together was broken.

When Billy said “You know what happens when I get angry. I break things.” is a reference to him breaking Max’s friend Nate’s arm because Nate had stood up for Max.

Billy had said it was an accident, that he’d been showing the boy a wrestling move that went awry, and the adults believed him.

Afterwards, Max's friends avoided her.

When their parents decided to move to Hawkins, they gave a lot of excuses for why—a new start, to get Billy away from his bad friends, to give Max more room to run around and be active—but it was really because Billy was acting out so much and they didn’t know how else to control him.

When Neil and Susan told Max and Billy they were moving to Hawkins bc the bank gave Neil a transfer, Billy cornered Max later in the laundry room and grabbed her by the arm. He blamed her for the move, thinking she’d told them the real reason behind her friend’s broken arm. She denied it, but Billy didn’t believe her.

The day that Billy saw Max with Lucas at the arcade he backs over her skateboard with his car ‘on accident’ but she knows it was his punishment.

Neil tells them that Billy will have to drive her around from now on, though he’d basically been doing so already.

Max decides to try to run away to her dad again, this time from Indiana, but she needed a lot more money for a bus ticket. She asked her mom for some money to go clothes shopping and her mom believed her. However, after Lucas showed up at the house asking her to come with him, she decides to stay in Hawkins.

Overall, it was a good read, a little hard to read at times during the abuse scenes, but I appreciated the back story and the insight into the characters. I was kinda hoping however that there'd be more info about what happened after Max knocked Billy out with the tranquilizer.

[iluvmegantheestallion]

Cigarettes

(This story is inspired by another writer @scaredofbrits)

Summary: You've been a good girl all your life. Never party, did drugs, have sex, drink alcohol, or smoke until now. You tried smoking until your boss caught you, but instead of firing you, he joined you and taught you how to smoke.

Living in this small town has it perks. Y/n did not like staying here since her parents decided to move here, but you didn't complain. You worked at Freddy fazebear's pizzeria. You do enjoy working, fixing the busted games, and smelling the greasy pizza. Y/n only worked here to save up some money so she can leave this town and enjoy her life. Y/n is best friends with Michael.

Y/n first met Michael in school. He was a popular kid, and you'd see him in your math and science class. He's been suspended a lot. You first got a chance to talk to him when you first became a tutor for him since he was failing his classes. You helped with work, and he started to actually understand, and his grades went up, and that's when you guys became best friends.

You were walking with Michael, and he couldn't be more thankful for you helping him with his homework. "Thanks y/n for helping me, I couldn't do this without you, seriously." Michael looked at y/n sincerely as he smiled at her. "No problem, anything for a friend." Y/n smiles back at him. Y/n saw Michael reached inside his Jean pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. He took one cigarette, and he looked back at you. "You want one?" Michael asked. Your goody two shoes mind would clearly say 'no', but you somehow wanted to say yes. "Uhhm, no, thank you." Y/n said, passing on the offer. "Suit yourself." Michael shrugged, nonchalantly placing the cigarette between his lips as he took out his lighter lighting the end of the cigarette.

Y/n stared at intriguingly as he huffed the smoke out. Y/n seen her mom smoked in the house whenever she was stressed about something. "You're missing out, y/n. This shit is relaxing." Michael smirked at y/n as he continued smoking. "Uhhm, trust me, I'm fine." Y/n said back as they continued walking.

Y/n looked down at her watch, and she was late, and she had to go back to work. "Oh shoot, I have to go, I'll see you later, Michael." Y/n says as she hugged him goodbye as she walked away.

Y/n urgently rushed inside the pizzeria. "You're late, y/n." One of her colleagues said to her. "I know I lost track of time -" "Chill out, y/n I was just kidding, I don't think they care. You've been employed of the month, I don't think they give a fuck if you're since your Mr. Afton's favorite." Y/n's coworker said to her they cleaned the messy tables.

"Why do you think I'm his favorite?" Y/n asked curiosity getting the best of her.

"Well, you listen to the rules. You're a workaholic. You fixed the games, and he's never rude to you like he is with the rest of us." Y/n's coworker said to y/n blandly, not focusing on her.

Y/n never knew she was Mr. afton's favorite. He does seem a bit less intense when he was around y/n. He pays her very fairly, and he congratulates y/n whenever she does a good job at fixing the games for the kids, works overtime, and covers other people's shifts.

"I know this may sound crazy but do you have a pack of cigarettes and a lighter?" Y/n as her coworker looks back at y/n surprised with a little smirk on her face.

" Is Miss Goody two shoes asking to smoke?" Y/n's coworker jokes as she rolls her eyes. "Look, I know I'm uptight and never do what teenagers do, but I wanna see what it's like." Y/n answers back. "Ok, fine, but on one condition." Y/n's coworker says smirking, knowing they want something. "You have to cover my shift while I'm gone, I'm going to a party and I don't wanna stay here." Y/n's coworker explains. "Deal." Y/n says as they shake hands with each other. The coworker looks around as they hand y/n the lighter and pack of cigarettes. "Knock yourself out, princess." Y/n's coworker says as they give y/n the rag and walks out of Freddy's.

Y/n has been cleaning, fixing the game, and making sure the kids don't get too close to the animatronics. Y/n checks her watch and decides to take a little break. Y/n went to a secluded room, Michael told her that this was his favorite place to smoke in. "Cmon y/n you can do this, stop being a chicken." Y/n told herself. Y/n pulls out the pack of cigarettes as she puts them between her lips. Y/n started to think about how Michael smoked. Y/n pulls out the lighter and closely puts it at the end of the cigarette, but she is interrupted.

Y/n was startled as the door flinged open as she knew who it was. Mr. Afton. Y/n urgently places the lighter in her pocket and the cigarette in her hand and hides it behind her back.

"I've never knew you were a smoker y/n? You don't seem like a girl to do that?" William says camly making y/n a bit nervous.

"I wasn't smoking?" Y/n lies as William chuckles.

"Oh love, I'm not blind I saw you." William smirks, coming his way over to y/n.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Afton, please don't fire me. I just wanted to try. And how it feels like -" y/n was rambling as her heart started racing but William cuts her off.

"Nonsene darling, I just came here for a smoke break myself. It gets tiring running this establishment." William told y/n as he comes closer to her.

"I see you wanted to learn how to smoke, I can teach you if you like." William smiles. Y/n felt a bit weird about this situation since her boss was teaching her how to smoke, but she was Willing to learn.

"Don't be afraid, darling. I don't bite." His whispered as he smirked. Y/n nodded her head as William smiles at her.

Y/n places the cigarette between her lips as William lights it. "Take your time, darling. Inhale and let it out." William explains as y/n follows his exact words.

Y/n inhales the smoke as she lets it out all out. Y/n coughed a little bit, but it was actually quite fun. "There you go, darling. Now you're getting a hand of it." William congratulates. "This quite relaxing, actually." Y/n smiles as she continues smoking.

William pulls out a pack of his own cigarettes and puts in between his lips. "May I borrow your lighter, darling." William asks his soft British accent, rolling off his tongue so perfectly. You give him the lighter as he lights his cigarette as he inhales the smoke and lets it out.

"Come closer y/n, I want to show you something cool, sweetheart." William says as he smokes but holds it in his mouth.

Y/n comes closer to William as they look like they were gonna kiss. Making y/n have butterflies in her stomach. The two of you connected your lips together, and the smoke went into your mouth as you both didn't take your eyes off of each other. William chuckles as he inhales and blew it out. You both started smiling, which turned to laughter.

"This was really fun, but I have to get back to work, darling." William says making y/n frown, but William notices.

"Don't be sad, darling. we can still do this again." William holds your face into his hands. Y/n smiles as he looks at William.

"This will be our little secret." William says as he kisses the tip of your nose as he smirks at your flushed face. William walks towards the door, winking at you, leaving you alone in your room.

Y/n smiles to herself as she continues smoking, and she smells the strong and toxic smell that fills the dim light room. I guess y/n isn't goody two shoes after all.

[deedeeznoots]

She Won’t Know… Right?

➺ Characters: Shiu Kong, Fem!Reader

➺ Word Count: 4.9k

➺ Genre: Smut

➺ Content: MDNI, Married!Shiu, Handler!Shiu, Assassin!Reader, Mentions of murder, Cheating, Oral (M!Receiving), Manhandling, Praise, Face sitting, Oral (Fem!Receiving), Degradation, Backshots, Spanking, Getting caught, Nonconsensual Cuckqueaning, Missionary, Hatefucking, Choking, Face Slapping, Squirting, Creampie, (optional) Plot twist ending

➺ A/N: The behavior in this story is completely despicable in real life. If anything in this story brings up bad memories from your personal life do NOT continue reading. I have various different smut scenarios that are much sweeter like this one and this one. That being said… if you don’t mind feeling a little dirty, I hope you enjoy this story ❤️

➺ Synopsis: You know it’s wrong to want to fuck your handler, let alone your married handler…but why does it feel so good? 

The details on how it happened in the first place are mostly blurry. 

Being an assassin wasn’t the best job in the world, but you made do with it. You told yourself that as long as you got your money, you could deal with lesser details like the trauma it brought on later. Still…seeing the light leave people’s eyes as you took their lives wasn’t the best thing to end the work day with, so it was a good thing you had the sexiest handler to drive you home every day to soothe your eyes after a long day. 

You had just finished a job to kill some random high end guy at a local nightclub. You don't know the details, but it was probably just another rich asshole who bit way more into the world of illegal businesses than he should’ve. You killed him in private, but it would only be a matter of time before someone found his body, and you would’ve rather not dealt with running away from the cops. 

“Where the hell is this guy” you said to yourself, Shiu (your handler) wasn’t typically one to make you wait. You hear the sirens approaching and some people murmuring about a murder. “Fuck” you whispered, it’s not like you would’ve gotten caught, but you didn’t want to waste time lying to the police and answering questions. “Come on, Shiu…” 

Almost on command, the man’s black car pulled up in front of you. Finally, you were able to go home, take off the uncomfortable dress you had on, and run a hot bath for yourself.

You open the door and close it as you enter, the smell of cigarette smoke polluting your nostrils as you get inside “Smoking in your car? Fucking gross” you faced the person responsible for the smoke, a cigarette still in his mouth. “That’s no way to greet the guy driving you home like you’re some kind of school girl” Shiu responded, moving the gear shift from ‘park’ to ‘drive’ as he prepared to drive you home. 

“I can say whatever I want if you’re late, asshole” you leaned into the window on the car door. Even if it seemed like you hated him, you enjoyed being around Shiu. He was fun to be with and showed that he cared in little ways, like getting you food after particularly hard missions. Not only that, but he was hot too. If he wasn’t technically your co-worker, you’d probably pursue him. 

The stop light causes your eyes to wander, leading them to the ring delicately placed on his finger. 

…Right. 

If he wasn’t your co-worker and married, you’d probably pursue him. 

Shiu feels your eyes staring at him and looks at you as his foot presses on the gas, “What’s up?” he asks. You shook your head to break yourself out of your daydream, you didn’t realize that you’d been staring at him for an awkward amount of time, so you simply went “Nothing, just take me home” while you turned to look out the car window. 

While you were looking away from him, you still felt Shiu’s eyes on you, or more specifically…your body. When you kill rich assholes for a living, you come to learn that the easiest way to get them alone is to make them think they have a chance with you. Plus, looking hot while you killed someone made you feel a little better about the whole ordeal. Due to this though, every so often when you get Shiu to drive you home you feel his eyes on you, seemingly more focused on mentally undressing you than keeping his eyes on the road. 

Still… the silence was giving room to tension, so you decided to break it with the easiest conversation starter possible when it came to any married man. “How’s the Missus?” you shift your body to once again face him, something he didn’t expect as you noticed his body awkwardly flinch as he almost got caught staring. He clears his throat and starts to talk, “She still thinks I’m working as a Detective, so it’s probably going well”. 

Shiu didn’t like dragging his wife onto his dirty work, so you didn’t know much about her, all the information about her coming from Shiu’s words and the occasional photo you were able to glimpse from his phone. Shit, you didn’t even know her name. From what you did know… she seemed to be a nice enough lady, but someone Shiu didn’t seem too compatible with. Though it probably didn’t help that Shiu was chronically lying to her about something as big as what he did for a living. 

Feeling brave and a little bit tipsy from the drinks you got at the club, you said “I don’t get why you don’t divorce her already” stretching your arms as if you didn’t just say something definitely classified as a fucked up thing to say.

You see Shiu’s eyes widen ever so slightly, but he tries to play it cool, “Now why would I do that?” he asks, still trying to focus on the road. This pisses you off slightly, you don’t know why, but it does. His marriage wasn’t your business, you shouldn’t answer him, but the floodgates that were your words had already opened. 

“Well you’re eyefucking me in this dress, so your marriage must not be going as well as you think”.

Fuck.

Why did you say that?

Shiu stays silent, only blowing another puff of smoke that pollutes the already stuffy air in the car. As the smoke clears, your eyes once again find their way back to Shiu’s wedding band. Why were you saying any of this? It was so wrong, you know it’s wrong, but still…

“I just don’t get what the point of lying so much to keep someone is when your needs aren’t even being fulfill–”

“Shut the fuck up”, Shiu cut you off, his knuckles turning white as his hands tightened around the wheel. “My needs are plenty fulfilled”, Shiu had never looked this angry before. Maybe it was a bad idea to call him out on something that wasn’t technically your business. You were known for doubling down though, so you added on “Yeah sure, keep telling yourself that… maybe it will come true and your wife could finally give you an orgasm”. Maybe it was overkill to say such a thing, you didn’t even have anything personal with this lady, but something was pushing you to keep talking.

Shiu suddenly stopped the car after hearing your words, pausing to face you. You aren’t able to clearly read his facial expression. Was he… shocked? Angry? You couldn’t fully tell. Shiu exhaled, his fingers loosening his grip from the wheel “Damn it” he murmurs as he changes course and drives away from the main road, going into one of the more empty ones. It was definitely not the way to your home. “What the hell?” you try to say before Shiu cuts you off and goes “Shut the fuck up”, your heart skips a beat at his sudden harsh tone. Fuck… you really fucked up this time. Was he going to kill you for what you said? With where you two were…it looked like it. 

After a little while of driving away, he makes his way to a road with little people and likely no cars for miles. Parking in a random spot covered in grass, Shiu keeps his hands on the wheel. “Fuck…” he whispers to himself, looking as if he was contemplating something as he threw his used cigarette out the car window. 

You start to feel guilty about what you said, and you also begin to fear the very real possibility of getting murdered over your nonsensical comments, so you try to apologize when Shiu speaks once again, now facing you. 

“Get over here” he leans over to you and smashes your lips together in a hungry kiss. Your eyes widen in shock at first, but against any better judgment you lean into the kiss anyway. Your tongues intertwined together as Shiu brought his hands all over your body. “Mmph–” you moan into his lips as your hands wrap around his neck to bring him even closer to you. As wrong as it was, this was something you wanted to do with Shiu for a long while, and you’d be damned if you were going to waste this opportunity now. 

“You’re so hot” Shiu whispers to you as he breaks your kiss, his wet tips connected to your own through a string of saliva “...but you’re such a bitch” he growls as he kisses you once again, bringing his hand to your hips to keep you in place. 

He stops the kiss and leans back into his chair, unbuckling his belt. In the few seconds he spent away from you, it finally dawned on you that this was really happening, “Wait Shiu… we shouldn’t do this, your wi–” 

“I’m lying to my wife enough already, this is nothing” Shiu says as he pulls his pants down to reveal his length. 

“Get over here” he orders as his hand reaches for the back of your head, pulling your hair toward his throbbing hard cock. You stumble your way over to his lap, your ass now facing the car window. Seeing Shiu’s cock in your face helped you realize something. He was big, way bigger than you unashamedly imagined, and he was girthy too. You didn’t know how’d he’d fit inside you at all, let alone in your mouth. 

You look up at Shiu, who now has a new cigarette in his mouth. He nods at you, silently telling you to go on and suck him off. You shouldn’t do this, you know you shouldn’t. Fucking a married man is one of the stupidest things someone could do. Still… that doesn’t stop you from swirling your warm tongue around his tip anyways. 

“Fuck…yeah just like that” you hear Shiu above you as you taste his salty precum on your tongue. Slowly, you fit as much of him as possible down your mouth, moving your tongue from the tip of his dick all along his long shaft. “Mmph…haven’t had a blowjob this good in so long…” Shiu says in between moans, and you feel oddly proud of yourself at the sentiment, even though you know how much you shouldn’t be. You’re able to reach about halfway through his dick and don’t force yourself to go further, something Shiu was not going to let happen. 

“Come on, I know you can do better than this…” Shiu then forcefully begins to grab at your hair and starts forcing you to take his entire cock down your throat. “Mmmmph!” you choke out on his dick as you grab onto his lap for some semblance of balance. He continues forcing his cock up and down your throat, causing you to continuously gag all around him. “Yeah… there you go” he chuckles as he fucks your throat open. 

You feel your dress hiking up your body, exposing your ass even further than it already was. Shiu doesn’t seem too bothered though, only focusing on your lips around his length. “Your mouth is so good, you’re so good” he praises your dirty work. You feel your saliva all over your face and your makeup begins to smear from all of his force. You couldn’t bring yourself to care, however, as you are only focused on sucking him dry. 

“Fuck…I’m gonna cum” Shiu announces, finally loosening his grip onto your hair, pulling your mouth off his dick but keeping your head nearby. “I wanna do it on your face, baby” he says, enjoying that he was able to see you all messy for him. Too fucked out and out of breath to really know what you’re doing, your hands automatically reach their way to his cock, jerking him off. He becomes a moaning mess before he finally comes undone onto your face and your fingers, with some droplets of cum finding their way down to his own lap. It felt so dirty, so disgusting, but you still wanted more.

You sat up, your now ruined face covered in his cum and he gave you another kiss, cleaning some of the cum off your lips. You think it’s over, but unbeknownst to you, this was only the beginning. 

“My wife will be home in an hour, I’ll make sure to fuck you properly before that”.

Which is how you find yourself in Shiu’s home, sitting on his face getting the life eaten out of your pussy. Shiu’s tongue swirls all along your clit, causing you to spasm out from the sensations you felt all throughout your body. “Mmmm… Fuck, Shiu” you moaned out, not having a care in the world about how loud you were. 

The two of you were in such a hurry to fuck each other that neither of you even bothered to fully take off your clothes, with Shiu simply opting to pull your dress up and rip your panties away. You didn’t mind it, only focused on how amazing you felt with Shiu’s tongue under you. 

This was…wrong, right? You were in his marriage bed, his wife’s belongings were surrounding the both of you as he tonguefucked you stupid. Fuck, you could even smell the perfume she probably wore before she went out, oblivious to the fact that her husband was currently using his mouth to please another woman on her bed. There was no question about it, this was wrong. Still… it felt so amazing that you were willing to ignore all of that and grind your needy pussy against Shiu’s tongue anyways. 

You feel a knot in your stomach warning you of an upcoming orgasm. You were close, so close. You grind your pussy on Shiu’s tongue at an even faster pace, grabbing onto the sheets as you feel yourself nearly uncoil…

When suddenly Shiu taps your thigh, silently telling you to get off of him, which you begrudgingly oblige. “Didn’t I tell you I was going to fuck you properly?” he wipes off your juices from his face as he unzips the fly of his pants, taking out his erect member for the second time.

He bends you over, forcing you on all fours as he aligns himself along your wet folds. “Yeah that’s right” he whispers as he pushes his dick into you. As you feel his dick fill you up inch by inch, you can’t help but feel like he was almost made for you, with every additional inch of his thickness leaving you even more fulfilled. 

He finally bottoms out, feeling his pelvis hitting your ass as he starts thrusting into you. He wastes no time, going in and out of you with animalistic vigor, leaving you a moaning mess under him, feeling your arms nearly give out as you attempt to keep up with his speed. 

You hear nothing but grunts and moans from him until you hear him say “You like this, don’t you? Fucking a married man?”. You don’t answer him, too focused on your pleasure to understand his words, let alone talk back. Plus, with the way he was fucking you, you could probably forget the entire English language. Shiu wasn’t happy with this, and he roughly slaps your ass to get your attention “I asked you a fucking question”. 

You moan out, squirming at the wave of shock his hand sent throughout your body. Without thinking, you yell out “Yes! Yes, I fucking love it, Shiu”. You were willing to say anything if it meant he kept fucking you, you didn’t care what it was as long as he kept his dick in your pussy. “Yeah you do” he laughs as his thrusts get even harder. 

You begin to feel your orgasm approach again, you couldn’t wait to be carried in through your bliss. You were close, so close you could taste it. You feel that familiar coil fill up once again in your lower stomach, this time threatening to be even more intense than what you would’ve felt on Shiu’s tongue. Shiu seems to be getting close too, his moans getting more desperate and his cock twitching inside of you as his thrusts get faster and sloppier. 

You both are so close, being pushed so close to the edge, with you almost seeing white.In fact, you are both so lost in pleasure that neither of you even realize that an hour had already passed.

“Honey I’m ho–” the door suddenly swings open and a woman walks in. She looks a little different from the photos that you’ve seen of her, but her shocked expression gives you enough of an idea to understand that she was in fact, the last person who should’ve seen you two in this position. 

The two of you stop in your tracks, with Shiu still inside of you as she walks into the room. Perhaps you both should’ve covered up more, but it’s not like that would’ve helped in any way. In a split second, the woman’s once happy face contorted into one of sadness and disgust. 

First she looks at Shiu, not wanting to believe that the man she was looking at was truly her husband, her eyes begin to fill with tears when it dawns on her what was going on. Her teary eyes then make direct eye contact with you, trying to sense any type of remorse you could possibly feel for fucking her husband. You wish you could feel sorry, you really do, but you feel nothing but disappointment at the fact that your orgasm was once again interrupted. 

You hear a quiet whimper coming from the woman in front of you and a soft “...why?”, though you simply look down at the bedsheets, refusing to look her in the eyes. Shiu is still inside of you as he tries to speak, trying to come up with any possible explanation for his actions, when he feels your wet pussy clench around him, begging him not to let go.  

Without even thinking, he began to do something disgusting. 

“Baby I– Fuck…” Shiu cuts himself off to look down at your pussy, all glistening and wet all around his cock. As if he were a man possessed, Shiu began to start moving in and out of you in rhythmic movement. 

His wife didn’t even realize what he was doing at first, too focused on the tears of betrayal in her eyes. That was until she heard an audible “Nghh~” coming out of your mouth from Shiu’s sudden movement inside of you. 

“Oh my– I can’t believe this” you hear the woman’s disbelief at your actions. As fucked up as it was, you felt turned on at the prospect of her watching as Shiu fucked you while she begged for him to speak to her. You loved hearing the both of them argue about the future of their marriage while Shiu gave you the most amazing backshots known to man. 

You hear them both argue over your moans of pleasure, their words getting drowned out in your ears, not understanding a single word either of them are saying. You did understand one thing, though. You understood that even with his disgusting actions, even with the disgusting action he chose to inflict upon her at this moment, she was still begging him for something, begging him for some semblance of care for what she was witnessing. However, all that simply served to do was turn you on even more than you already were. 

Your pussy tightens at this revelation, causing Shiu to pay attention to you once more. “Fuck– I’m sorry baby…We’ll talk later, yeah?” his thrusts get deeper inside of you, hitting the perfect spot inside of you, leading you to let out an even louder moan. “You’re fucking her right now! I– I can’t even look at you… I’m leaving” you hear her cries get further away from the two of you as she leaves the room, leaving the bedroom door open. “Fuck…baby wait–” Shiu tries to call out to her while he’s still fucking you stupid. All you wanted at this point was to cum, you had been edged to oblivion twice already, and you were willing to do anything for Shiu to not go after her and to let you cum on his dick.

You sense your fears coming true when you feel Shiu stop and pull out of you. Too fucked out to feel any shame, you stupidly asked “Why’d you stop?” as you turned around to face him.

Shiu loved his wife, or at least he thought he did. Don’t get it mixed up, he was a terrible husband, that was a fact. However, he at the very least loved what his marriage represented. His job wasn’t the easiest either, being the middle man between literal murderers and people fucked up enough to pay people to murder wasn’t the most fun thing in the world either. So to come home and be able to play happy family for a little bit at the end of the day was something he enjoyed, and something he did not enjoy being in shambles. 

All of this showed in Shiu’s face as he faced your own. His expression showed a mix of guilt from what he just did, fear of the consequences, and most of all anger.

Anger towards you, for making him this way.

You feel his hand snake around your neck, choking you. “Why’d I stop? Are you fucking kidding me?” he says as you gasp for air around his hand, your fucked up pussy twitching in excitement at the loss of oxygen. He puts his dick inside you again, and his thrusts get even rougher than they were before. He was going to take out all of his anger onto you as he fucked you if it was the last thing he did. If his marriage was over, he was going to make damn well that your pussy was worth it. 

“You fuckin’ whore, I might be getting divorced because of you” he spits out as his grip on your neck tightens. He puts your legs around his waist as he begins to start fucking you vigorously. “You got tight when I said that, you got tight when my wife went in the room too. Do you enjoy being a homewrecking slut?”. 

His verbal abuse was overwhelming, and the lack of air wasn’t doing you any favors either. Still, you’re able to choke out a soft “No” as you moan from his dick inside of you. “You say that but your pussy says otherwise, fucking whore” Shiu grunts as he continuously hits the perfect spots inside of you, allowing you to ignore his harsh words and the air he was constricting from you.

The truth was you did enjoy fucking him in front of his wife, you did enjoy the fact that he’s still here with you after his wife left the room, even if it’s just to take out his frustrations onto you. His hand loosens around your neck and he eventually removes it completely, causing you to let out a sigh of relief now that you are finally able to breathe. The relief was short lived, however, as you felt a sharp sting of pain on your cheek as he slapped you across the face. 

You whimper at the pain, something Shiu doesn’t seem to care much about as he orders for you to “Apologize”. You don’t even think before you blubber out a plethora of “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” as if it were a chant.

You feel Shiu’s lips on yours once again, a stark contrast to the harsh slap he gave you just seconds ago. You feel your orgasm building up once again and try to grab Shiu’s shoulders in order to brace yourself but he pulls your arms away from him. “Don’t fucking touch me” he breaks your passionate kiss as he warns you. 

You follow his words, willing to follow anything he says as long as he makes you cum in the end, opting to grab onto the sheets instead as you feel his tongue reach deep in your throat.

You feel your orgasm coming ever closer and Shiu breaks your kiss once again in order to announce his own orgasm. “Fuck… I’m going to cum. You better be on birth control, I don’t need your kid” you hear him say through his teeth. 

Rather than focusing on his words, you focus as your pussy spasms around his cock as you finally reach your orgasm. Your eyes widen in shock as you feel a surge of clear liquid flood out of your pussy. You feel Shiu grunt at the new sensation as his own orgasm approaches, his cum filling you up as your pussy milks him dry for all that he’s worth. After being brought to the edge for so long, finally being able to feel yourself let go was something you cherished, and it quickly became the best orgasm of your life.

However, when you come down from your high, you begin to fully sit with the realization of what you had just done. You had just fucked your married handler, parts of it in front of his crying wife. Hit with a sudden pang of guilt, you look to Shiu for guidance. To your surprise, he had already gotten out of bed, zipping up his pants and fixing up his suit to look as presentable as he could after what you two did.

He doesn’t even take another second to look at you as he walks toward the door, “Clean yourself up then leave as soon as possible” he lights yet another cigarette on his way out, “I’m going to talk to my wife”. 

You hear the door slam shut, and you are left to deal with the mess you made alone, with Shiu’s cum inside you being the only trace left of him around. 

🝮 Alternate Ending 🝮

You sit in bed, still feeling gross from the events just moments ago. You feel Shiu’s cum begin to run down your leg as you attempt to get up. Unfortunately, your legs don’t seem to want to work and you slump back down onto the bed. It had been about thirty minutes since Shiu left, and despite his words, you weren’t sure what to do with your legs unable to work.

Suddenly, the door to the bedroom opens once again, revealing Shiu in his messy suit with his hair ruffled. You scramble to your feet as you both silently stare at each other for a few seconds…and you’re the first one to speak. 

“Shiu! Where were you for so long?!”. 

Shiu laughs and places what looks like a to-go bag of food by your bedside table. “Sorry baby, I went to pick up some food for you. I got your favorite” he gives you a chaste kiss on your lips, and opens the bedside drawer, grabbing a towel to clean you off. 

You allow his gentle touches, very different from the kind he gave you just moments before, and you say “Good…I’m good. I guess I was just so immersed in our play that I’m just a little emotional”. You weren’t wrong, you did feel fine and you enjoyed your session with Shiu, but you couldn’t help but feel a little emotional. 

Shiu simply gave you a kiss on the forehead and a warm hug that you gladly leaned into. “It’s alright…I know I was pretty rough today. You did so good…I hope I did good as well?” he smiles softly as he looks down at your form. 

“The best” you giggle into his chest as you lean into him.

“I still can’t believe you paid some lady to pretend to be your wife catching you cheating. She was so convincing too! Such good acting, better than the people in this movie even” you say as you stuff your mouth with food. You and Shiu had decided on eating dinner while watching TV on the couch for the day, something typically reserved for special occasions. 

“She cost a real pretty penny too” Shiu groaned as you both cuddled on the couch “It was so worth it though, it really brought you over the edge” he laughed as you rolled your eyes, he wasn’t wrong, though.

You looked up to look at his face, to really look at his face. The reality hit you as you looked at him, he wasn’t some co-worker you had sexual tension with, he wasn’t some quick fuck, he was the love of your life. “Hey…” you said to him.

“Hm?” he asked, looking away from the movie to look back at you. “Thank you for doing this with me… I know it isn’t the most common kink” you laugh as you lean into his chest. 

“Well you being an assassin and me being an ex-detective who hates his wife is oddly specific… it was also pretty fun to do”. 

“Oh shut up” you hit his chest lightly, causing him to let out soft ow’s in response. After that though, you simply leaned back into his warm body, simply letting your mind wander. 

Rubbing your arm, he goes “Thank you, too…I really enjoyed doing this with you” he kisses your head. You laugh and go “Ehh don’t enjoy it too much, if you actually cheat on me I will kill you”. 

“Yeah yeah we get it assassin” he laughs, “I love you” he says as he kisses you.

Pulling away, with all the feeling in your heart, you say “I love you too”. 

A/N: This was originally supposed to be pure filth but I can’t help myself, I had to make it fluff in the end or else my heart would’ve died 😭 You don’t have to consider the alternate ending the “real” one if you don’t want to! This story can be enjoyed both ways. 

Enjoy your stories being a little rough? This story featuring Sukuna might also be to your liking!

[catierambles]

They sat across from each other in her room, neither one of them making any move to talk. A thousand questions ran through his head. Where would he even start? If he hadn't seen her...claws, he wouldn't have believed what she had told him, but after seeing them for himself, he knew better than to doubt what she said.

"Well?" Delaney asked finally, taking another pull of her vape, the smell of the smoke making his nose wrinkle slightly. "Sorry, I'll get some fresh air in here." Getting up from her seat on the foot of the bed, she went to the balcony and open the doors. The rain was coming down steadily now, but the balcony and the awning would keep the inside of the room dry.

"How long..." He stopped with a sigh, "How long you been like this?"

"All my life." She said, sitting back down and pulling a leg underneath her. "Call it the Cox Curse. I do."

"And the--" He gestured at the device in her hand.

"Like I said, wolfsbane. Poisonous to humans in large doses, but it does have some medicinal properties. For...people like me, it suppresses that side. Jason came up with the idea."

"The Colonel?" He asked and she nodded. "He knows?" Another nod.

"I used to have to smoke it, like an herbal cigarette." She explained, "Jason thought it was weed or something, had to tell him so I didn't get fired. Proved it the same way I did with you. It's currently being run through the FDA as an approved delivery method, myself and a few like me being the testers, along with others. To alleviate the effects and symptoms of a rare genetic abnormality, or so the official paperwork says, but it also works on migraines, rheumatism, stuff like that. Less chance of the nastier side effects if inhaled rather than ingested, apparently. My...condition comes up as a defect, some gene sequence went on a bender during development."

"I think one of my Aunts is in the trial." Sy said and she arched a brow at him, "She ain't like you, that I know of, but she's had migraines since she was a teen. Started vapin' recently, I asked her about it and she said she was in some clinical trial."

"Probably." Delaney said with a shrug. "It working for her?"

"She ain't bein' knocked on her ass every other day with a migraine, so I guess so."

"I'll let Jason know." She said, "Before you ask, no one else in the company knows. No one running the clinical trial knows. I'd prefer to keep that way, if you don't mind."

"Who would believe me?"

"Good point." She said with a shrug.

"You by yourself? Wolves have packs, don't they? I mean, the ones not on two legs."

"Yeah, I'm by myself. No pack wants to take me, not that I've pushed for it. I'm better off alone."

"Why do you say that?"

"The last pack I was in..." She stopped, shaking her head with a sigh, "I'd rather not talk about it."

"I won't pry."

"Thank you." She said, "And thanks for, you know, not freaking out."

"I'm sure it'll hit me later."

"Sorry for flipping you off earlier."

"Sorry for callin' you Princess."

"It's okay, I know how I come across." She said, and while she wasn't looking at him, he did notice how she was rubbing the hand he had examined earlier.

"Delaney."

"Yes?"

"Look at me." She didn't so he pushed up from his seat, kneeling in front of her on the bed. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out, putting his hand on hers and she sighed, her eyes closing.

"Sorry, I'm just a little--"

"Touch starved?"

"To put it mildly." She said and his hand left hers only to reach up, his fingers moving over her cheek before he palmed it. She shook slightly in a full body shudder, moving her face into his hand and covering it with her own. "Sorry."

"Stop apologizin'."

"S--" She stopped herself, but gave him a nod. Her eyes were still closed as he moved into her and he saw her take in a breath through her nose right before he pressed his lips to hers gently. She pulled him closer with her hands fisted in his shirt and he held the back of her neck, angling his head for a deeper kiss, catching her whimper against his lips. "I can't." She gasped, pulling away from him, "I can't. I can't. I can't."

"Laney." Sy whispered, resting his forehead on hers.

"God-fucking-damnit." She said and pulled him into a kiss with a hunger that made his lower stomach tighten.

[verdemoun]

@alphabetpal your beautiful mind

Kieran constantly doubts his relationship with the gang. The slightest hint of annoyance and he is mentally preparing himself to be thrown out. Overthinks interactions constantly. He still thinks he needs to be useful to have a purpose to the gang, which is why asking him to 'help' with something is such a quick way to over-ride the change is scary part of his brain and introduce new things. He keeps a backpack ready with the bare necessities for survival if he did need to run. Over years, later decades, it might collect dust, but the backpack never goes away.

One of the reasons he retreats into his room when distressed is to re-pack his bag and make sure he has everything he couldn't live without. When Hosea was in hospital, he was not doing well. He cried because not only would losing Hosea be devastating, because Hosea is decent to him and they spend so much time together, but he was preparing himself to lose his home. He went through his bag a dozen times trying to figure out what he would need, certain Arthur or Bessie was going to turn around and blame him for Hosea getting sick and throw him out.

But Kieran and Bessie. If he ever thought Bessie was actually mad at him, it might kill him. Bessie is a lifeline because she wasn't there in canon era. She has no obligation to him. He whole-heartedly believes Hosea, Lenny and Arthur, despite being some of his favorite people, are only so much nicer to him in modern era because of the guilt of seeing what happened to him: both during the VDLs and his death.

He still feels like the pretender. Hosea might be like a dad to him, but he isn't his dad the way he is for Lenny and Arthur. Hosea is still Mr Matthews, right-hand of the VDLs, and he is still a former-O'Driscoll. That feeling never goes away, and every time someone else timewarps it comes back tenfold. It is a subpoint in picking up someone new from canon era is making it clear that Kieran is one of them and the 1899 gang will defend him if needed because they know how sensitive he is to that fear of being thrown out or pushed aside.

Bessie is his mom. She is so overwhelmingly kind and patient, and she has no reason to be. He was so suspicious of it at first, because people aren't just nice. Begging to know what he can do to repay her for buying him clothes because no one just gives people things. Maybe she would turn around one day and suddenly demand everything returned or repaid? She was already referring to him as her son when Kieran was still working his way through 'is she doing this because she pities me or could it actually be possible someone doesn't mind my presence'. Of course it took months for her to convince him to call her Bessie instead of Mrs Matthews.

Hosea being in hospital was actually the event where Kieran's brain finally clicked 'yes Bessie does actually like me as a person' only to steamroll into 'this is my mom and I love her and would kill or die for her'. Hospitals are sensory hell, and Kieran has his own trauma with hospitals after the first day he timewarped he is flinching and holding his sleeve over his nose because the smell of disinfectant feels like it burns. The fact he even came along was deeply touching to Hosea, how explicit the action in itself made it clear Kieran does worry and care about him. But hospitals are hell. Once he was satisfied Hosea was actually going to be okay, and was doing better, Kieran politely excused himself.

After making sure her silly husband and their poor emotional sons were okay, Bessie tracked Kieran down like a man on a mission. Sure enough, Kieran had found his way to the smoking area, because he is also one of the more useless members of the gang when it comes to quitting - and a smoking area is usually quiet, tucked away from everything, and smoking in itself is a sensory break. When Bessie Matthews held out a hand, Kieran was so shocked he almost dropped his own cigarette.

Bessie laughed and told him not to look at her like that. She has quit, quit long before the gang got to modern era - but sometimes she just needs a cigarette. Her husband being in hospital and son about to get arrested for assaulting the next nurse to walk into the room was a good enough reason to need a cigarette. It would have to be their secret. Immediately Kieran is at ease because being trusted with a secret as scandalous as the Bessie Matthews smoking is hilarious.

She proceeded to tell him about her plan to hide the cigarettes at home, which Kieran found very amusing (honestly they all have at least one pack tucked away for bad days), and also warning him that Kieran was not to give him a cigarette. She knows her husband is a bastard and would ask Kieran first because he thinks Kieran is too much of a gentle soul to say no but she was expressly giving him permission to say no and to go to her if Hosea tries to pull any funny business. When he agreed, she smiled, very gently put a hand on his shoulder and said something to effect of 'that's my boy'.

Even if she's said it a hundred times before it was the first time his brain noticed. The two of them stood there together, not needing to talk, having a very sneaky cigarette outside of the hospital, Kieran feeling a little warm and fuzzy because Bessie Matthews had decided he was her boy and it felt nice. She proceeded to let him sit in the car to avoid the escalation that was no doubt going to happen in the hospital room and it really just sank in that all those efforts to make sure he's content and happy is because she genuinely cares and thinks of him as one of her boys.

[layuhsblog]

winwin x reader angst? :3

Hii thankyou for requesting, i hope you like it! Lemme know if you want a part 2.

The Surprise- Winwin X Reader

warnings: swearing, angst, mentions fire, no animal was hurt, a cat named Panko, reader is clumsy, winwin being a meanie.

also please dispose broken glass in a safe box or anything so that incase wild animals search through it they dont get hurt

You were in the kitchen, making Sicheng's favourite food for dinner, humming to yourself. You were in a great mood today considering how it was Sicheng and your 1 year anniversary. He was coming over in an hour.

You hadn't wished him yet, hoping to surprise him.

Sicheng always took care of you well and the past year had been the best year of your life. You wanted to return the favour and make today special for him. Stirring the pot, you took some broth in a small spoon and blew on it to taste it. Everything had to be perfect today.

Half an hour later you were done preparing for dinner, you set the table. Lit up the scented candles you bought together and went to take a bath.

Just before you could take your robe off and step into the bath you heard a crash sound and you immediately ran towards it.

Your cat, Panko had knocked over the candle; setting fire to the tablecloth. The cutlery you put down were all on the floor, plates shattered everywhere.

You ran towards your cat, picking her up in your arms, first checking if she was hurt anywhere. The fire alarm was now beeping rapidly. Panicked you ran outside your apartment and took the emergency extinguisher to put the fire out.

Thankfully both your cat and your apartment was alright. You reacted quickly and put her inside your room and closed the door so she doesnt get hurt 'cus of the broken plates.

When you sat on the floor to pick up the big pieces of glass into an empty cardboard box and you finally broke down. The adrenaline rush subsiding. You didn't even realise your hand got a little burn in the whole process. You quickly calmed yourself down and reassured yourself that you were quick enough that nothing went wrong.

Just then Winwin came home tired from practice. He was in a fowl mood as he got scolded by Kun for being distracted while practicing. He was also upset because you did not remember your anniversary.

When you texted him to come home early, he had hopes. Maybe you'll surprise him or something. Even if you forgot he was expecting to atleast have a nice dinner with you and go to sleep but this was far from what expected.

The house smelt like smoke, broken plates on the floor, you kneeling beside it, eyes swollen like you had been crying

"Babe, w-what happened, why does the house smell like smoke?!" he ran towards you

"I went to take a bath and Panko knocked over the candle that was on the table. I should've been more careful. she's not h-"

Sicheng couldn't help it, in his poor defence he was tired. Before he could think about what he wanted to say, before he could check up on you or Panko, his mouth moved faster than he could help it,

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! How can you be so fucking irresponsible? You can't even remember our anniversary or take care of a fucking cat. What if she got hurt? Would you come crying to me for that too? I'm tired of cleaning up your messes ___. Can you even handle a relationship? You can't even look after yourself."

You couldn't believe the words coming out of him right now.

You stood up in anger,

"I didn't know you felt that way Sicheng. I'm sorry you've had to parent me this whole time. I'll set you free if its really that big of a problem. Happy fucking anniversary. I'll get Panko and the rest of my stuff in the morning, yknow considering how if I take her right now I "might end up not taking care of her properly." By the way, we're okay. Thanks for asking." You spat out. Taking your car keys and without sparing him a second glance, you left. You cannot let anyone disrespect you this way.

He heard the door shut behind him. It finally dawned upon him what he had done. Too ashamed to follow after you, he started cleaning up the room. When he went to the kitchen he saw the pot that had his favourite dish and a bunch of side dishes on the counter. There was a half written letter by the side in broken Chinese characters;

'I will always love you Sicheng, thankyou for everything you do for me. I wanted to pay you back with a surprise. I'm taking Mandarin and Wenzhounese lessons so you can speak comfortably with me. Happy anniver-'

He took a sharp breath after reading that letter as he realised how badly he messed up.

[petalsofyouth]

properly together | ran haitani x reader

tw: friends with benefits, implied cheating, implied underage illegal activities (lol), unestablished relationship (obviously) aaand that's it i think | if i missed something and it's worth mentioning here please do tell me.

wc: 6818

~

The windowsill in the boys’ bedroom of Haitani’s apartment is wide enough to fit three people and for that you are very grateful. 

The room is dark. The only light here is the streetlamp and that of the lit cigarette. Ran’s “Hero” smells bitter and they taste even worse. You wish he had bought menthol “Seven Stars”, but he said there were none of those in the vending machine and he was too tired to go somewhere else. You pout and he laughs, but you know that it’s the thought that matters and so you smoke “Hero”. The three of you share it together. 

It’s not really the smoking that you like. Quite the opposite. It’s the atmosphere that covers the entire world when Ran fishes out a pack out of his sweats, jeans or a cupboard. It’s the way he is the first one to light it and then he always gives it to Rindou - ladies first rule doesn’t work here - and only then it’s yours. Usually it already has a sweet taste to it. Of energy drink and something else that you can’t quite tell. You don’t mind it. And they don’t mind a stain of lipstick or gloss on it. 

You think, it only adds to experience. 

One after one, you smoke the whole pack. It’s a long night and neither of you wants to go to bed just yet. Ran had a bad day. He didn’t tell you that, but his body is tense as he lays between your legs, his back on your chest, and you can see how Rindou eyes him every now and then. Maybe something went shitty on the streets. It always does. Or maybe he had an argument with his mother again. They always have something to quarrel about. His way of living or her morals. 

You don’t pry though as prying never works with Ran. It only gets him angry. 

“Do you think we’ll miss this time when we get older?” It’s Rindou. The dawn won’t come if he hasn’t asked or said something pretentiously deep. Despite the teasing and snorting he gets from you and Ran, you genuinely love his questions. They make you think. “I mean. We won’t be sixteen. Like ever again. And I can’t imagine us sitting here in our thirties. Sharing a whole pack of cigarettes. That’s what teenagers do.”

Ran’s lips quiver and not from crying. With half-closed sleepy eyes he looks at his younger brother as if he is the dumbest person alive. You can’t see Ran’s face, but by the immediately offended look on Rindou’s, you can imagine it well. 

“You wouldn’t understand.” Rindou mutters, snatching a last cigarette out of Ran’s fingers. He gives it away easily. He laughs. 

“You are dumb. Why wouldn’t we be able to sit on the fucking windowsill and smoke some dumb cigarettes? Who’s gonna tell us no? They tell us no now and we are still doing it. So I don’t see why you are being sappy.” Ran raises his head that lays on your shoulder and tilts it to the side so he can see your face. “What do you think?”

The words are dead on your tongue. You don’t really know what to say or better how to phrase what you want to say. Everything seems not quite right. You blame the time and the fog of cigarettes that is overflowing your brain. You shouldn't smoke that much. 

The expectant look on Rindou’s face is what gets you talking and taking his side. If Ran is your best friend, Rindou is your soulmate. You love him a little more. “I do get you. It’s like we can’t ever get back to this. We might do whatever we want later, but this is not going to happen ever again. I think it’s sad too. I’ll miss these times.” 

“You are silly. When we get older I’ll be hella rich. I’ll buy us a penthouse and we’ll smoke the whole day by the open window if we want.” Ran’s hand reaches out for the cigarette and Rindou obediently gives it to him. Before he brings it to his mouth and finishes it off, he lets you take the last drag for this night. “I bet we also will smoke something better than this crap.” 

“There’s no windows in penthouses, dumbass. You can’t open them.” 

They bicker for some time and you tune out of it, appreciating the raw beauty of the moment instead. It’s summer and you don’t have school tomorrow and Ran promised he will take you to the party this weekend with him. And Rindou promised you will go to Kujukurihama beach to swim and sunbathe and if some of your female friends come too or covers for you, you can even stay overnight there. [You believe it’s stupid of your parents to tolerate your sleepovers at Haitani’s all the time, or rather they know you are here, but you tell them you aren’t and they are forced to believe you and you are also living on the same street which is another factor for them worrying much less. Still, you think it’s stupid. Not that you can do anything about it, either way.] And this summer is full of promises that are so basic for the people your age, it finally feels normal. 

Because before that was juvie and you were waiting for your best friends to get released. And after that was a lot of gangs and street fights and Ran dropping out of school with Rindou following him and them - but mostly Ran - trying to sustain the remains of their family. Their mom, a drinking shadow of what she once was. Their father, long forgotten. We are just kids, you think, and there’s a possibility they won’t even make it to their mid-twenties. What about the penthouse and windowsill and sharing a pack of cigarettes? What about it then? 

“What’s wrong?” Ran’s face is millimetres from yours. His body is a dead weight on you, pinning you down. You shove him in the shoulder as a signal to get off you, but he doesn’t get the memo. He presses his lips to your forehead. “I think you need to go to bed. You are tired.” 

Behind Ran’s back you can hear rustling of clothes and a small masked yawn which sounds more like a knowing sigh. Rindou’s feet spank the wooden floor and he winces. His legs are probably numb from sitting in a crumpled position for so long. He kisses your cheek goodnight. “Where are you sleeping today?” 

“Auntie said I can take the couch.” 

“Nah. Stay here. I’ll sleep there. You and Ran won’t wake up before noon anyways.” 

You want to stop him and say that he shouldn’t and that you all know you won’t really sleep in Rindou’s bed, but in Ran’s, because that’s what you’ve been doing for the last year and a little before that too. You want to catch Rindou’s wrist and stop him and tell him that you have no idea how it happened and why. That it has no meaning. That it’s just you and Ran comforting each other in a way no one ever can comfort either of you. Not even him. Their brother and a best friend. The soulmate. 

And so you let him go and he slips out of the room, winking at you before he closes the door. You think that he might do it for himself too, because it’s awkward listening to your and Ran’s whimpers, grunts, small giggles and moonlight promises that mean nothing in the light of the day. You think that’s the main reason. There’s no way Rindou doesn’t know.

It’s silent for a while. Ran’s laying on his side, his head on your chest and arms around your waist. You are afraid he’s fallen asleep. If he is there’ll be no way you could wake him up and be doomed to sleep on the windowsill with his weight stealing your every other breath away. 

There’s only one way to know. 

Gently you brush the long hair away from his face. You tuck them around his ear. A blonde strand, his natural hair colour that you love so much, gets caught in his earring. It’s a new one. The one he bought because the stripe on it was a purple colour. No way he wouldn’t have an earring that matches his eyes. “So. Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” He asks, opening his eyes. He grimaces when you tug on his hair a bit. 

“Should I take it off?” You are referring to the earring and when he nods a ‘yes’ you quickly work out the lock. It’s harder than you thought so it takes you a while. He patiently waits for you to be done.

When you don't speak he chuckles and you feel his smile on your skin, through the old worn out T-shirt you are wearing. “Was it your way to change the topic?” 

“Not really. No.” You shrug, finally done with his earring. You take it in your palm, caging it inside, so it won’t fall. “I mean I was thinking about what Rindou said and then I think I got overwhelmed. That’s it. Do you want to tell me what was bothering you? Another gang issue I won’t understand?” There’s much more to that simple “overwhelmed’. He’s well aware of that, but he also knows that you aren’t explaining it further for his sake. 

Because you don’t want to guilt trip him. 

Because you don’t believe he is to blame for anything that happened and will most definitely happen again. 

Because you don’t see him the way most people see him. 

Because you care. 

Because you love him in whatever way it is that you do. He’ll accept it. 

He accepts it then and reaches out to kiss you on this little spot under your jaw. 

“Not because you won’t understand, but because I don’t want you to think about it. Don’t want you to worry about me and Rin. We’ll be fine.” At this moment you are the same. You smile at him and hook your hands under his arms, bringing him closer to you, hugging him. Kissing his soft hair. “Get in bed. Let’s fall asleep while it’s still dark.” 

That night you don’t do anything besides sharing lazy sloppy kisses where he says i swear it’s the last one and then it never is and he steals another one and another one and another one. You giggle into his mouth and he smiles and you never want this to end, because you after all understand Rindou. 

You’ll never be sixteen again.  ***

The first time it happens Rindou is not around. He’s out on his very first serious date. He didn't tell you it was serious, but he asked for Ran’s black turtleneck, polished his motorcycle and before hopping on it checked his wallet to make sure he got enough money. He told you not to wait for him and Ran shrugged saying you guys weren't going to. He was too quick to speak though because you were ecstatic to learn how it all went and what they did. In all your fifteen years you’ve never been on a date once. 

The evening was supposed to be spent quietly. You threw a small dinner from whatever leftovers they had in their fridge. Ran was talking the whole time. He was in those rare moods of his where he would tell you about what the gang were up to. 

Nor he nor Rindou would particularly go into details with you around. Yes, you knew some of their friends. Yes, you sometimes hang out with them. But that’s it. You knew almost nothing about their activities. And all you knew were not coming from their mouths. 

It was when you munched on oyakodon with his strangely sober mother that got home from another date just in time for food, the doorbell rang. You couldn’t see who it was and Ran didn’t let the person come in. He sprinted upstairs, came back dressed in his gang uniform and ignored his mother telling you to wait for him to come back. He promised not to be long. 

And just like that he was gone. 

You looked at his bowl with food. It was half-empty. Your heart sank. As if it would make him return you stared at the door, but it wouldn’t be opened until well into the night. You of course couldn’t know that.

“Do you think I can have it?” His mother, sometimes a stranger in her own house, brought the bowl closer to her, inspecting it. “Oh. That boy. He ate all the chicken. He was always like that. Eating what he liked first. You know, I…” 

Her words fell dead on your ears. You didn’t listen to her, but that small, not remarkable in any way fact, that he ate chicken and left only rice brought you enough comfort to not obsessively think about his whereabouts for the next few hours. 

When Ran shows up, his eyebrow bloody and split, he finds you on the couch with a book in your hands. Before you close the book he sees the cute cat on its cover and reads the name of the author and title of the book. “I am a cat” by Soseki Natsume. He wonders if you brought the book along with you or stole it from his mother’s bedroom. Back in the days she used to read a lot. Just like you. 

“Ran…” You start, standing up from the couch. Your voice is small and you sound like you are sorry, but he has no idea why you should be. “Let’s get you to the bathroom. Are you hurt or…?” 

He interrupts you, wrapping his arms around your shoulders and falling with you to the couch. He takes a deep breath. “I am just tired. That’s all. Let’s sit here a bit.” 

“Okay. If that’s what you want. If that will make you feel better.” 

He hums and closes his eyes, absorbing the calm air of the house and your body warmth. His ears are ringing. He still hears shouting and he so desperately wants it to stop he is ready to do anything. But the voices won’t leave him alone until a certain time passes. He knows that well. He’s been there before. 

“Ran?” You raise your head to look at him and all you see is blood and drained beauty. He is in pain. You can tell that much. You can feel that much. Your hand reaches out to his face and soon your fingertips are red with his blood, but the voices in his head have stopped and he flashes his eyes open, staring at you in confusion. “I am sorry. I know you don’t really like it when someone touches your face. You just looked so uncomfortable I thought I could make it better. I made sandwiches for you and Rindou. He isn’t home yet, though.” 

You are spurting out nonsense and Ran hopes it’s not because you are afraid of him or because you think he might get angry because you touched him. He dreads the reason so he allows you to talk to your heart's content and you don’t stop for a very long time. Not until you notice his soft gaze and small quite smile. 

“What is it?” You ask as if you weren’t throwing a word after word at him that barely made any sense. 

He doesn’t reply. There’s no need and there’s no answer. He leans in and pecks your lips. It’s gentle at first. Barely there. Somehow, he isn’t afraid or nervous. Somehow, you are the same. But everything seems so achingly right, you kiss him back and it’s a mess of teeth and tongue and he knows he’s the first man you’ve ever kissed and therefore he is patient with you. And he is careful. And when his hands dip down to fondle your breasts and then inside your panties to play with you, he is considerate enough to ask you if you really want to do it with him. If you don’t it won’t change a thing between us. 

Ran takes you right there on the couch and then he takes you to the shower where he licks every sore part of your body under falling warm water. 

It’s in his bed between the kisses when he tells you. “When I wake up, you'd better be here. I won’t regret this and I don’t want you to either. Ever. We are still best friends. We always will be. Right?” 

“Right.” 

Right. Right. Right. 

***

The first big fight with Ran or as he would later say a simple misunderstanding happens a week after your seventeenth birthday. 

As usual you spend it with your close family and friends of your parents who they invited over to your house for dinner. It’s not really that big of a celebration and there’s less than ten people in all, yet, as a centre of attention it feels as if you are some sort of relique everyone is praying to. You don’t despise it, but at the end of the table there’s Rindou who coughs every time someone says something that only adults in their mid-thirties say in a proud voice as if they just discovered how to eliminate everything evil on this planet. And then, of course, there’s this certain evil that stares at you the entire day since they got there. 

You try your best to not get caught in him and everything he is. However, it’s too tempting and you look at him as he tilts his head and mouths a small what. You frown and his lips quiver in a smile. With his hair down, he looks exceptionally handsome today. You are almost not mad at yourself for sparing him attention. 

Your unnoticeable to anyone - or so you think - exchange is cut short when your father’s best friend asks you if you have a boyfriend, because, of course, he is sure that you do, since you are so beautiful and extremely smart. And if not a boyfriend, maybe you do have someone you like? The timing is divine, you think. 

“No. Not really.” You say and Ran’s gaze makes you burn. 

The dinner carries on till the end calmly. 

It’s when the three of you join your friend to celebrate you in a proper way that things take an ugly turn. Ran’s first thought is that you are a liar, because no way this boy, your so-said friend from school, doesn't like you. No way you don’t notice it. His heart is fast to assume and his brain is a little bit slower to stop him. 

The whole night he doesn’t speak to you. His downturned eyes narrowed watching your every movement. The way you laugh with the boy and how you touch his arm so gently and how he whispers something into your ear and you nod. So happy and so content.

Ran fucking hates it. He hates the guy and the rest of the night is spent trying to prove it. 

Too caught up in mutual joy you don’t pay attention to his mood swings. It’s Ran. He’s always been like this. He never liked your friends and he never tried to befriend them. [For that there was Rindou.]

Before four in the morning Ran disappears. He takes a call, makes sure you’ve heard that it was from a girl, and never returns. You and Rindou go back home alone. He stays over at your house. Your parents laying out a mattress in your room. It has two pillows and two blankets, but Ran obviously won’t need any today. The sight of it fills Rindou with unbearable sadness. 

For the next five days Ran avoids you as best as he can and when you come to his house to confront him about it and about his rude behaviour at your birthday party, like what do you have against Kage he didn’t do anything wrong, the switch inside him breaks and he goes insane. Not only you are on a first name basis with that boy, you also came here, to Ran’s house, to defend him. Ran’s mouth tastes bitter and the words that he spits at you are bitter too. 

“So fucking desperate for someone to fuck you.” It would be easier if he was screaming. If he would let his rage run wild, but he doesn't. He speaks through gritted teeth and for the first time ever you are genuinely scared of him. You wonder if that’s what he looks like in fighting. Calm, collected and so intimidating. There’s something eerie about this new Ran you are seeing before you. You step back as he comes closer. “You are always like this. Always willing to hand your body to anyone who would have you.” 

On the stairways to the second floor is his mother sitting with a bottle of cheap wine. Today is a bad day because she is drinking it straight from the bottle. The corners of her lips twitch as she watches the drama unfolding before her feet. It’s unclear what she is really thinking and if she’s thinking at all. Her eyes are cloudy and there’s tears in their corners. Rindou who’s in the room too is afraid Ran might snap at her. 

He tries to intervene. “Ran. You better stop it right now.” 

“Really? Defending her? Did she let you hit too?” He turns to his brother, sees his calm, serious expression and doesn’t like it. Doesn’t like it one bit. So he returns back to you, because looking at you upset hurts him better than anything else can. “One Haitani isn’t enough for us anymore? Need two? That’s why you were so loose the other day. I couldn’t even…” 

When Rindou takes off his glasses you panic. They’ve never physically fought before and you don’t want them to breach this small achievement. If they lay a hand on each other it would alter their relationship forever. 

You don’t want that. 

Not over something so stupid. 

Not over you. 

You try to slide in between them - because you know neither of them would willingly hurt you; not even Ran in his present state - but Rindou grips your arm and puts you behind him. He’s grown taller over the last few years and his shoulders are insanely broad. And despite him being shorter than Ran he looks massive and more developed. Still, you have a feeling if they do fight he won’t win. It’s a shameful thought, but it’s there and you can’t brush it aside. So you plead. Once again.

“Rindou please. I don’t care. I’ll leave.” The desperate tone to your voice and the tears that can be heard in it as well don’t work on Rindou as you might have thought it would. He gets angry. He pushes Ran, his large palms coming in contact with Ran’s grey sweatshirt and Ran stumbles, taking a step back. The next punch is landing on Ran’s face and you swear you can hear the skin being torn open. You see the red blood gushing out blotching Ran’s fair skin and you sob. 

Your first instinct is to rush out to him and treat his wound, unafraid of the dirt and spears he smudged across your heart earlier, but you don’t move. You accept Ran’s anger and you accept Rindou’s anger as well, and you bleed open, your cuts invisible, until the muddy clammy blood forms puddles around you and you are in them, suffocating.

“Get the fuck out of here, Ran.” Rindou says, his breath uneven, when Ran doesn’t strike back. “Go get some fresh air. I don’t fucking know. Just go the fuck away.” 

As Ran leaves, their mother laughs. She says you chose the wrong Haitani, not knowing that there was never a choice. 

You spend the night on the couch talking with Rindou. You both cook a simple meal to lose yourself in the simplicity of routine and then steal a cheap alcohol from his mother’s cupboard. You both doubt she would even notice. That night you confess to Rindou about everything and he listens calmly. Half he knew, half was just revealed. He doesn’t comment on your special relationship with his brother. He wouldn’t dare. The only thing he says is that he always knew it would end up like this. You and Ran and the absurdity that you both are. He doesn’t understand it and he probably never will. He just hopes the three of you will make it to that promised penthouse. To a better life. Together. 

“Are you gonna wait for him?” Rindou yawns, stretching his hands as he stands up from the couch. “If you want, you can sleep in my bed today. I can crash here.” 

“It’s okay, Rin. You don’t have to.” 

He nods. There’s no point in arguing with you and he’s too tired to do so anyway. Before he goes to sleep he brings you a blanket and a pillow. As to say he doubts Ran would return today. 

But he does. He does return when the night turns blue. You sit on the couch wrapped in a blanket and stare at the ceiling. Your eyes are glossy and your brain hurts from the crying so much, you can feel it pulsating. You don’t react when he opens the door and you don’t when he quietly closes it behind him. He sees you immediately and he sighs, his lips parted. Ran hoped you would be asleep when he’s back. It’s not that he didn’t want to see you. He just wasn’t ready to have a talk with you when the worms of guilt still eat him alive. 

Of course, he can go upstairs and not say a word to you. Ignore you. He’s not going to lie. He’s still mad at you. Still mad at you being all over that guy [you weren’t really] and still mad that you don’t see it as something he could be upset over. But he is also mad at himself. And the relationship he has with himself is even more painful and messier than the one he has with you. So he takes off his shoes and with a conbini bag in hands walks towards the couch, where he sits next to you. 

There’s a distance between the two of you and neither wants to be the one to rupture it. The guilt that didn’t let him abandon you a few minutes before now won’t let him speak. 

“Ran…” You start and your voice in the empty house, with two people asleep and two awake, sounds too cold. He rolls his head on the couch headrest and looks at you. “I never wanted you to feel upset about my birthday party and I never would do something intentionally with the other guy when you are around. I know that what we have is not exclusive and we both can do whatever we want, but I’ve never been with other people besides you yet. And I don’t want you to feel bad about it, because I know that you have and I…” 

“Come here.” He interrupts you mid-sentence, because what you just said hurt him more than all the punches and wounds he has received in his life and he doesn’t know how to cope with this pain if he doesn't have you everywhere around him. 

You let him take your hands and tug you toward him, and by the way he spreads his legs you understand he wants you in his lap. You throw one leg over his hips and settle down, straddling him. Usually it would work him up in seconds, but today, right now, there’s nothing sexual about it. It’s sadness all around you. 

“I am sorry. Look me in the face, please.” Your hands are now in his and he keeps them locked, intertwined together, near your belly. “I am really sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything of what I said. I don’t think about you that way. You are the most precious pure thing in my life and what I said was not about you. It was about me. Oh, please. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.” 

There’s panic in his eyes as you tremble, crying silently, and he doesn’t know what to do. How to stop you from whatever nasty emotion he planted in you today. He kisses the corners of your lips and nudges your cheek with his nose. He cradles your face and his thumbs smoothes your eyebrows. He holds you so close to him and whispers sweet nothings along with earnest sorries. And he is so tender, so soft, so young at this moment you forgive him everything. You realise you have long before he even did something wrong. 

“I brought you strawberry sando.” He whispers in the crook of your neck. You sniffle, your fingers in the web of his long long hair. “Do you wanna share?” 

“Always.”  Always, if it’s with you. 

***

His first girlfriend doesn’t change anything and neither does your first boyfriend and all the girls and guys you both date after. 

You still kiss every given chance, you still have sex and you still run to each other if something goes slightly wrong. 

Bad argument with parents? Ran’s arms. 

Lost fight? Your bed. 

Failed exam? A long make out session. 

Can’t come to a decision about something? A good head would solve all the problems. 

Your last guy dumped you? He wasn’t worthy of you anyway. He wasn’t the one, I swear. 

It’s an irony in itself. It isn't healthy and Rindou is the one constantly pointing it out. To you. He wouldn’t say anything to Ran about it. For he gets very defensive when spoken about you. A few arguments they had about it didn’t end up too well and Rindou was too smart to try to straighten his older brother. It was an ungrateful work Rindou didn’t want to commit to. 

Besides, they now - a few arrests later and in a new gang - lived on their own. A shiny new large apartment in a posh area of Roppongi. Not the penthouse Ran promised you two, but something close to it. If younger Rindou doubted they would make it, now he was almost sure they would. The trust in them was never that strong. 

You, a university student now, still lived with your parents on their childhood street. You too wanted to move out, but the rent was too expensive and other than freelance jobs here and there, you had no income. So you were doomed to linger around old ghosts for a bit longer. You didn’t mind it that much and if you want to get out from there you could always crash at Ran’s and Rindou’s place. You did that quite frequently. 

“What are you gonna do if he starts seeing someone seriously?” Rindou asks as he watches you cut the cabbage in half. 

It’s an expected question. He asks you this all the time when you speak about Ran and you and whatever you two have. Still, the unpleasant burn in your chest rings a bell and you shrug which Rindou interprets as i don’t care. In reality it’s a weak attempt to shed the thorns this question prompted. 

“I don’t understand how you can do it daily…” “We don’t do it daily.” He squints. “Yeah. Anyway. Don’t you at least feel something for each other?” You set the knife aside and think about it for a bit. There’s nothing to think about, really. You know very well how you feel. You just don’t want Rindou to know it as well. 

“He is one of the closest people I have. It's understandable that I feel something for him.” You leave it at that. Rindou is not satisfied with your answer, but it will do for now. As he picks up the other knife and starts helping you with the cabbage, he tells you about the new DJ setup he wants to buy and you talk about it for the rest of the evening. 

For now everything is well. 

Days later, though, you walk in on Ran making out with his new girlfriend and even if you’ve seen him kissing other girls before this one is like a breath of fresh air, sobering you up. The only difference is that the air is venomous and there’s hands around your neck, choking you. You feel dead. 

“Oh God.” You say, apologetically, covering your eyes. You’ve been saying something the moment you opened the door to their apartment with your own key [because of course you do have one, just in case]. Something about how much you hate your university and how much you want to drop out. Now, the words are stuck in your throat and you wave your hands at them, apologies leaving your mouth. 

Ran understands that something is wrong with you immediately. He hopes it’s not what he thinks it is. He hopes it’s not the end of you. 

He is wrong. Because it is. 

Because while he slaps the girl on her butt urging her to get off him, you are already at the door, putting your shoes back on. He catches you there. He asks you to stay and you do. Your hands tremble as he holds them, his grip is painful, but he needs to clasp on you to feel that you are still there. With him. You let him do it. 

Neither of you notices the girl leave. 

“I don’t want to sit there. I…” Your eyes are everywhere, but not on him and he thinks that even if you look at him, you won’t see him. Not now. Not ever again. You smile sheepishly, suddenly afraid and foreign. “Can we sit at the table instead?” 

Instead, he takes you to the bathroom. Sits you on the toilet and fills the bath. He adds scented salt you bought and lights a candle that you so like to have lit when you are soaking together. For whatever reason, he wishes he was at his old house. There they have shower. Somehow, Ran thinks standing and having you in his arms would be better than sitting opposite of each other or him facing your back, that’s if you let him hug you now. He believes you won’t. 

He believes you are already far far away from him and the mundane routine and stupid false idea that it would be different, that he still could’ve made you stay, would you be in his old childhood house is what keeps him together. 

Ran clutches to it as if it could save him, when he knows so well, no one but you have this power over him. 

In the bath you sit opposite him, your knees pressed to your chest, you don’t touch him as if you are avoiding him, but when he reaches out you slip your hands in his. It kills you that it doesn’t feel like anything, but burnt sugar. Like something sweet that is already buried. 

“Remember that time Rindou said he never wanted to get older?” 

You nod. Curious as to why he had remembered this particular insignificant moment of your life. But maybe, the significance of the moment is exactly in its insignificance. You rarely miss something with that deep ache in your heart that is obvious to miss. You always long for fragments of your life that are small and tiny. The way he drinks his water. The way his lips curl before he laughs or how he always pecks you before kissing you fully. 

Before your eyes is cloudy blue-ish water. Your vision gets blurry. It’s how you understand you’ve been crying for some time now. 

“I do think I understand him now. I don’t want to get older, because it means you will leave me.” 

“Ran…” 

“It means I will spend the rest of my life killing the need I have for you.” 

“Ran, please…” 

“It means I will always regret how this is my confession to you.” You rush to him, your hands around his neck and you are everywhere. Inside this apartment, inside his arms, inside his beating heart. Inside his very being. You are him and you are his and kilometres away you still will be. 

“Don’t go somewhere I won’t find you.” He whispers as your lips fall near his temple above his eye. He takes off his chunky silver ring off his finger and puts it on yours. It’s the first jewellery he ever bought in his life. He was sixteen back then. It has the meaning of his whole self. “Don’t go somewhere where I can’t follow you. Promise me, love.” 

“I promise, Ran. I’ll always be within your reach.” 

The next day you drop out of the university. Without telling anyone anything you move from Tokyo to Kumamoto where you work as a freelance photographer and a waitress for roughly more than a year before moving abroad. 

No one looks for you. 

The world is silent. 

***

Life doesn’t stop when you turn twenty six as you always thought it would. Age doesn’t crush you or diminish the person you once were. To be completely honest, it didn’t do shit. You don’t feel especially different. Life went on the same it always went and the same it always would. There’s a raw prominent beauty in this phenomena, you can’t quite put into words. It makes you feel very small, in an extenuating kind of way. 

You don’t hate it, but you don’t like it either. 

It is as if you are waiting for the wave that might never come. 

Lately, you’ve been dreaming a lot. The dreams are usually the same. It’s the floor to ceiling windows, the smell of cheap cigarettes that are now long discontinued and a presence of two people that never ever left you. The other one has the small street where your childhood house is and this one is full of cicadas chattering. It’s always summer in this one and you are always young and loved there. You are always happy. 

You don’t differentiate these two dreams, because they are about the same things. It would be naive to think they aren’t. 

Today, it’s the first time this week that the sun decided to show up and warm this wet groggy city. It’s been raining for the whole month almost non-stop and  you lock the door to your apartment rather hurriedly, wishing to get out of your box even for an hour, before it rains again. The key hits the ring on your ring finger and the metal sound it produces echo in the hallway. Until it bumps at something. You freeze. 

“I didn’t know what apartment was yours.” He says and you are so desperate to turn around and you are so so so afraid he won’t be there when you do, because his voice sounds exactly as all those years ago and it should be different, shouldn't it be? Shouldn’t everything be different now? But it’s not. You are the same. The burn in your chest and the tie in your belly are the same too. And suddenly you are sixteen again. You drop the keys and you run to him; the only person you would’ve run to. 

You bury your face in his neck noticing how there’s no braids, no hair. He has cut it short. But it’s still him. The smell, the laugh, the way his palms feel on the small of your back. The way you love him and the way he loves you. Only you. It’s never been anybody else. 

“I bought the penthouse and now I came to take you home. Would you come with me? There’s no windowsill, but we can smoke in the kitchen. Rin was right after all. He is so smug about it. You can’t imagine. He’s in the car now waiting for us. Do you wanna go see him?” You do. 

I do, I do, I do, you say, and he relishes in the sound of your voice. Bathing in the substance that is you and in this moment Ran wishes he could go back to his old bedroom in his childhood house with blue nights in Roppongi and promise all of you that everything is gonna be alright, that you will make it out together and that there's so much more to your stories. Even now, six years later, you still have your lives ahead of you.

And your stories are still not finished. Not even close.

There’s still so much more to come. To live. And this time properly together.

[mara-and-its-the-same]

(center Tangerine icon by @cherriedt that was linked on pinterest, and the rest of them are just from pinterest :/, and the pictures of the necklace and the dress aren't meant to show the reader, just the kind of outfit I was picturing, it just happened to be Dua Lipa's met gala necklace and Lady Gaga)

Requested by my love and my life (but I forgot to put this under that and I'm in too deep) @loving-and-dreaming thank you for everything you've ever sent me, asked me, or tagged me in <33<333 Warnings: None graphic violence, bruising, bleeding, language (duh), smoking and sickeningly rich people el oh el WC: 2.7k and not proof read

When your mother invited you to one of her friends’ charity galas, this is hardly how you expected the night to go. You slipped into that black velvet gown that she offered you, with the perfect neckline to show off the necklace that was a gift from both your parents for your last birthday. The one with the fat diamond right in the center. It was certainly the gem to talk about. It even made quite a few headlines. 

And it was certainly the talk of tonight, with half the conversations you had almost certainly leading to their eyes being drawn to your chest within the first 30 seconds. And for a masquerade, it was quite hard to remain anonymous when the thing was practically a shimmering name tag. Which was a fact you came to regret sooner rather than later. 

About an hour after you arrived, after finding your table with your parents and greeting your friends, another masked man asked you to dance. He was tall, with quite the head of thick brown hair, and a hell of a mustache. But there was something about him that you couldn’t quite place, as you made polite conversation on the ballroom floor. His accent, maybe. 

“May I ask where you’re from?”

“Oh well, that’s hardly the point of a masquerade now, love.” You spun away on cue and he drew you back in. “It’s about the mystery.” And with that the waltz ended with his chest against your back and your breathing heavier than it has been with any other partner that night. You tried to clear your throat quietly, with the way he was breathing down your neck. He was so overwhelming, what with his deep blue suit in such subtle contrast to the sea of black you were swimming in, and the strength of his arms that he didn’t use against you, but with you as he led you through the dance. 

You twirled out of his arms and bowed along with the rest of the ladies on the floor. You nodded in gratitude for the dance then left to go find your friends with a shake of your head. “Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.”

“Looking a little winded there,” your closest, and most likely only true friend, Remington (or Remy to you), offered you her arm as you aimed for the restroom in hopes of a chance to catch your breath. Once inside, you reached into one of your deep pockets that were hiding beneath the voluminous fabrics of your skirt to pull out a small pack of cigarettes. You slipped one of the few remaining sticks between your lips and fumbled through your other pocket for the lighter you couldn’t reach. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“You have a better one?” Remy sighed and took her zippo out of her little handbag. “Thank you, dahlin’,” you put on an accent like the man you’d danced with.

“Ooh, so you’ve met the mysterious gentleman.”

“Dance with him too.”

“Oh my.”

“Oh yes.” You looked over your makeup in the mirror and checked your hair. 

“Why does it smell like cherries?”

“They’re flavored.”

��That’s literally worse than smoking on its own.”

“I know but…cherries.” You took a final drag then stamped it out on the side of the sink and brushed the ashes down the drain. “Alright, gotta go get yelled at by my mother.” 

You both gave each other salutes before you went back out into the hall and she went into a stall. There was a strange sound coming from around the other corner of the hallway towards the ballroom. It was most likely some sleazy billionaires’ sons thinking much higher of themselves than anyone should, so it was best to move on back to your table. 

The whole time you sat there, you’d often catch eyes with the mysterious man from earlier. You didn’t see him dance with anyone else, but when you looked at him and looked like you meant to really look at him, and leaned back in your chair, he took that as a sign to ask you for another dance.  

He wordlessly offered you his hand, which you took with more grace than he’s ever seen. He led you to the floor with a hand on the small of your back and you both assumed your positions for the most intimate dance of the night, it wasn’t too fast but it was very intricate and required you to trust your partner.

The music started and he was the best partner you’ve ever had. The way he lead you was perfect, every dip was like being held as a feather, every lift felt like floating, and every step was like walking on water. “You smell like cherries…and smoke.” He said as he brought you down from the lift.

“Hmm.”

“Didn’t think to share?”

“Didn’t think you’d be interested.” You slid your hand over his left shoulder as the dance required and flicked his gold hoop with your finger.

“How’d you learn to dance like this?” He spun you out again and 

“Swiss boarding school,” you answered as if it was obvious. 

“Figures.” You didn’t see the way he looked down at your necklace over your shoulder, you felt it more. “Dance with me again, love?” He turned his head so you felt his words too.

You hummed a yes and resumed your positions. 3 dances later, he tilted his head to one of the doorways that lead to a vast balcony. You nodded in agreement and took the arm he offered. 

Once you were out there, alone, the only sounds were the busy city below you and the flick of his lighter behind you. You braced your hands on the railing behind you and watched the way the light of the small flame refracted through his eyes like a kaleidoscope. Once he brought his hand down you saw the slim cigarette and then smelt the cherries that followed. “That’s not yours.”

He put that hand down next to you on the railing and stood right in front of you, almost caging you in. “It’s much nicer to share, love.”

“You expect me to share my things when you won’t even share your name?”

“I don’t recall you tellin me yours either.”

“Didn’t think I had to.”

“Really?” His accent seemed more present now when he was all you could hear, not the music or the bustling crowd. “She’s that sure of herself, eh?”

“I can’t help it if most people, especially in a crowd like this, know who I am. Are you telling me you don’t?”

He used his other hand to flick the ashes off over the railing, now really caging you in. You took it from him when he was bringing it up to his mouth, drawing a smooth breath while he gave you a disapproving twitch of his mustache. He didn’t answer your question beyond a shrug. 

“I can’t even get a first name out of you? Nothing?”

“How’s Tangerine?”

You smirked with a scoff of a laugh, he didn’t look very happy with that. “Like the fruit?”

“Yes, like the–”

“Your mother named you after a little orange?”

“She didn’t– No, it’s an alias.”

“Ooh, a code name then?”

“Yes.”

“What for? You hiding from something?”

“In a sense.”

“I think you’d have to be. A fake name and a mask, I think you mean business.”

“And what do you fancy that business is?” He traced a finger down your collarbone to the chain of your necklace until he reached the large stone resting on your chest. Usually, such a thing, focusing only on the jewelry, would be an absolute turnoff. But for some reason, it was different when he did it.

“I’d say something–” You were cut off by a strange figure moving at the other end of the balcony. “What was…” It was his turn to smirk at that as another man emerged from the shadows. He was a little bit taller than “Tangerine,” and his coily hair was bleached almost to white besides the roots, but he had the same earring. 

“Evenin’, I’m Lemon.”

You rolled your eyes at what your night has come to, you knew better than to go anywhere with strangers with masks and no name. “Oohh, Lemon and Tangerine, clever,” you bit sarcastically and pushed Tangerine off of you a little harder than he must have been expecting with the way he stumbled back.

Lemon looked at Tangerine like he expected such a reaction. “Listen, love,–”

“I’m not your ‘love’,” you mocked his accent and Tangerine tilted his head with his eyebrows raised and his lips in a thin straight line. With a wave of your hand, you let him go on.

“You’re gonna keep the mask on, we’ll walk outta here, real calm, and it’ll all be over soon.”

“I’d really rather not.” You went to take a step back inside but Tangerine caught your arm. Again, really not how you wanted your night to go. You rolled your head to the side and looked at him like he was boring you. You wrenched your arm from his grip and Lemon tried to catch you too, but you ducked under that and landed a swing to Tangerine’s cheek, knocking his mask to the ground. This was one of those rare occasions that he looked better under the mask, but there was no time to dwell on that when he lunged towards you. You dodged that as well, but it was difficult for them to keep you away from the doors and windows so no one inside would notice, and it was difficult for you to watch both of them at once and also move in such a dress. 

It was quite a tussle, “Where did you learn to fuckin fight like this?!” Tangerine groaned as you had one arm around his neck and the other under his arm coming over yours, only restricting him as much as you needed to get him to stop. 

“Swiss boarding school.”

Lemon huffed with his hands on his knees then stepped towards you. You pushed Tangerine at him and ran to the nearest door. Just as you were stepping into the ballroom, hair a mess and cheek smudged with makeup and blood from one of Tangerine’s rings, someone stepped in front of you and blocked your path. It a second to recognize them but with a blink it was all too clear. Remy pushed you back and Tangerine had you by both wrists behind you. 

“Let’s go then,” she said definitively, making you laugh. “What?” She barked.

“Like this? As if everyone isn’t looking at me anyway, I think they might if I look like this.”

“You don’t look any worse than usual.”

“Remington, that is a ridiculous thing to say, and no, I mean people might fucking notice if I look like I’m being kidnapped.”

She nodded to the man behind you and after a sharp strike to the back of your head, you were out.

***

You woke with a twitch of your nose and a throbbing pain to your left cheek and right temple. There was a tickling on your eyelid that made you want to sneeze, and you could feel the cold of the bathroom tile through your skirts. “Stop moving.”

“Can I fucking breathe for a second? Jesus Christ.” She backed off from you and held up the makeup brushes in annoyed surrender. 

“Put the mask back on, then we’ll go.”

“Go where?”

“It might be easier if you stay quiet, love.”

You went to push yourself up but your hands were restrained behind your back so you you suffered with turning your aching neck to look at Tangerine instead, noticing his tie was missing. “Might be easier if you let me go, and you kidnap literally anyone any less recognizable.”

He cracked his knuckles and looked like he was going to step towards you but Lemon held him back and started talking about what sounded like Thomas the Tank Engine. The choo choo’s Lemon was saying were not helping their case. 

Remington grabbed your chin and looked you over. “You look fine. Put your mask on.” She threw it at you then seemed angry when you didn’t act immediately. Tangerine came behind you and lifted you up and Lemon stood in front and did your mask. In all their years, he had to have been the least professional of all their clientele. 

“Is this how you typically spend your Saturdays?”

“Kidnapping ridiculously rich women for other ridiculously rich women?” Lemon asked and you nodded. “It’s usually our day off.”

“You were a special case.” Tangerine said as he untied your wrists and redid his tie. 

“How sweet.” You shook out your wrists and Remington took you through back through the halls leading to the ballroom. 

You want to run up to one of the guards or guests or literally anyone, you want to throw elbows and break Remington’s jaw, but you don’t know what they have on them, you don’t know if they’re working with anyone else. It’s best to go along with it and keep everyone else safe, just keep your wits about you and your head high. It’s not like you were particularly visible at the moment, walking close to the wall with Tangerine on your left and Lemon on the right between you and the rest of the crowd with both your hands in the crook of their elbows. Your face must have betrayed the depth of your thoughts since Tangerine put his other hand on top of yours, funny of him to try and comfort you when he’s more than aiding in your kidnapping. “Where's the smile? They're going to think I'm holding you hostage, honey.” 

“Sorry.” You tried to find some humor in his sarcasm but the reality was tumbling at you too fast and your cheek was beginning to bruise. 

“Like I said, it’ll be over soon.” 

There was a black car waiting outside, and at least Lemon held the door open for you to get in the back seat then helped make sure none of your skirt got caught in the door. He sat with you and Tangerine drove while Remington sat in the passenger seat. It was hard to stifle a scoff when she tried to put her hand on his wrist as he shifted, only for him to immediately bring it back to the wheel. It was a busy European city, difficult to navigate its crowded streets but he managed. 

“Can you roll down the window a little bit? I need some air.” You asked sweetly, meekly so they might be more inclined to acquiesce. Besides the initial fight and your sharp tongue, Tangerine thought you’d been quite cooperative, so he lowered it a few inches.

Just enough space for you to unclasp your necklace and throw it out the window. It was at that horrific moment that the car slowed down exponentially and in the instant Remington saw what you did she let out a horrific scream. Yelling “What the fuck is wrong with you, you bitch?!?!?” at the top of her lungs like you threw her ten million dollar necklace out the window, not your own. She jumped out the car to go find it and slammed the door behind her just as the traffic was letting up.

“Did she pay you already?” You said hurriedly.

“You think we’d be dealing with her shit if she didn’t.”

“So you’ll drive?”

“To get away from that fuckin bitch? Anything.” He slammed his foot on the gas and wove between cars. 

“What about your necklace?” Lemon asked. 

“This one?” You pulled it out of your deep pocket and they both whooped and laughed at your cunning. 

“You’re something else, love.”

“Thank you.”

“So, where to?” Still going top speed on the now open road.

“Wherever you like.”

thank you for reading and I just want to remind you that if you really want to appreciate your writers, comments and reblogs especially are the way to go, that's how things circulate here and as much as I appreciate the likes, your words mean more than I could ever express

[growup-thatbeautiful]

come what may

Word Count: 1.8k

Tags: Tangerine x you, Tangerine x Reader, Bullet Proof Universe, Pre-Bullet Proof, Proposal Fic, Romance, Fluff, Cursing

Taglist: @venusthepirate @shadows-of-nyx @syd-vixious @thefloatingpickle @sallyp-53 @fictionalcomforts @s-haa @the-bisaster @phoenixhits @wee-little-mouse @cupofstarss @eefos @slut-f0r-u

Summary: When Tangerine proposed before things went wrong. It is not necessary to have read Bullet Proof, which this is a prequel to and can be found linked in my masterlist.

A/n: hi guys! i love this couple so much, i just wanted to write a short little backstory for them :) more to come in the future. please please please send in requests for them, i would love to hear what y'all want

Bullet Train Masterlist

Masterlist

~*~

The low hum of Tangerine’s record player fills your flat, some jazz album that you haven’t learned the name of. He’s in the other room on the couch, blowing smoke up into the air.

If you were in a nicer place, you would care about the smell of it sinking into the walls and the furniture, but there’s not much you two have left to ruin here. It’s a shithole, with leaky faucets and fault smoke detectors, but you’ve lived here with him for three years, and you can’t seem to make yourself leave when you have no reason to. It’s only recently that moving out has even been an option, though. Money, before now, had usually not been in abundance. That all changed when Lemon and Tangerine started taking bigger jobs, getting more recognition. Things, somehow, are looking up.

“Tan, what are you doing? We’re supposed to be leaving in a few minutes. Lemon’s waiting,” you call from the bathroom, putting on your earrings and finishing your makeup. Finally, you put on your heels, armed with a holster on your thigh underneath your silky black dress. The gold accent of your jewelry glints, even in the stale bathroom lighting.

“Fucking hell,” he sighs. “You look like an angel, love.”

“I’m very far from an angel,” you laugh. He knows very well that you have blood in your past, just like he does. “Are you ready to go?”

“What?” he asks, his head cocked to the side.

“We’re supposed to be meeting Lemon for dinner,” you remind him, walking over to the kitchen where your purse is. “It’s on the calendar.”

“Goddammit. I made other plans,” Tangerine groans, throwing his head back against he couch, but there’s a glint in his eye that you recognize as scheming. “Why don’t we tell Lemon we’ll meet him at a later date?”

“You’re up to something.” He looks at you while he goes to the record player and carefully takes the record off of the player. The dark black of his suit matches your dress, as does the gold of his earrings and rings. It wasn’t on purpose, at least on your part, but it’s endearing.

“Me? Never.” His cheeky smile melts you, like it always does, and the way he stands up and walks towards you slowly, his hands fixing his shirt cuffs and twisting his rings, doesn’t hurt either. “I’m an open fucking book.”

“You didn’t forget,” you say slowly. “What are you up to, then? Come on, out with it.”

“And ruin all the fun? No fucking way.” The grin on his face is full and his eyebrows are raised, asking you to trust him. You do, of course. One of his hands slides across your waist and the other reaches for his coat as he herds you out the door.

“Fine, but you’re the one who’s going to tell Lemon.” You look over at Tangerine to see him grinning and looking sideways at you. “He already knows, doesn’t he.”

“There were never any plans,” Tangerine explains, laughing when you lightly slap his arm and shoulder him.

“Fucking twat,” you accuse. “You could have just told me.”

“Probably,” he agrees. “But I didn’t want you to know because then you would ask questions.”

“Said like a true serial killer.” You lock the door behind you and Tangerine, with his hand still on your back, leads you to the elevator. The night air is cool against your skin, but Tangerine keeps you warm with his arm around your shoulders. Your street is lively in the nighttime, with laughing families and couples like you, and the moon lights up the cobblestones underneath your feet.

The car ride there is in the back of a black cab that smells like cigarette smoke, and Tangerine’s hands don’t leave you the whole time., whether they’re resting on your thighs, holding your hand, or skating along your arms.

At some point, Tangerine makes you close your eyes, which lasts a few seconds before you can’t take it and open them. With a sigh, Tangerine leads your head into his neck and you rest it there. “Come on, love, just rest here, yeah?”

It isn’t much longer before the cab pulls to a stop, and Tangerine helps you out of the car. It’s much darker, wherever you are, and you’re surprised to feel dewy grass underneath your shoes. There’s a short man standing off to the side, wearing a bowler hat and a bright green shirt. “You’re late,” the man notes, his head cocked to the side with his hands crossed in front of him. “I should give your spot to someone else.”

“Oh, come off it, yeah? I’m here now, that’s all that matters,” Tangerine says to the man, looking over at you before pulling the man aside and whispering animatedly with him. You know him well enough to know that he’s probably threatening the man in various, creative ways.

Finally, he looks at you and waves you toward him. “Come on, love.”

“Are you sure you aren’t going to murder me here?” you ask, motioning at the still-black night around you. “This feels very murdery.”

“If I was, I wouldn't fucking tell you, now would I? Just trust me, this is going to be worth it.”

“You could have at least told me not to wear these shoes,” you complain, wobbling as you step through the grass and dirt.

“Give them here.” Tangerine holds out his hand and you hold it while you slip your shoes off your feet. When you’re done, he takes them, holding them in the hand that isn’t holding onto yours. “It’s not much further.”

“Thanks,” you say absentmindedly, looking at the stars. You don’t see them a lot, from your place in London, so anytime you can, it’s hard to take your eyes off them. You know Tan’s not the same; he grew up, at least briefly, in a place where he could see stars all the time, and they never helped him out, as he says.

He says they’re cold and far away, unlike you. You’re prettier than them, and you glow brighter than they ever will. According to him.

You come to a clearing, barely lit by the moon hanging big and pale above you. The bell-like sound of a stream is somewhere nearby, accompanied by a symphony of nighttime insects. Tangerine is sure with his footing, leading you towards some point you don’t know. His sharp profile is illuminated, accented by the moon’s silver glow, his earring glinting. He looks like some otherworldly being, an ethereal creation of someone’s perfect image.

“Watch your step, love,” he says, holding your hand tightly as he leads you onto a rocky path. With his other hand, he turns you to face him, your hands resting on the material of his suit. Tangerine reaches in his pocket and draws out a small remote, pressing a button. Your setting is revealed to you in a flash of lights hanging above you.

The bridge you’re standing on, what you thought was the stone path, is mossy and covered with string lights, the night around you starry and quiet. There are colorful wildflowers surrounding you, and a little creek underneath you, all looking like they’re out of some fairy tale book. Iridescent green fireflies come alive, like Tangerine controls them too, floating around you and swaying with the wind.

“Oh my god,” you exhale, mostly because you don’t know what else to say. “Where did you find this place?”

You don’t need to be able to see him clearly to see the smirk on his face, however tinged with adoration it is for you. “A gentleman never reveals, darling.”

The only response he gets from you is a hum in agreement as you take in your surroundings. You find yourself, however, unable to tear your eyes away from the man in front of you for more than a few seconds before you're drawn back to the way the lights reflect in his eyes and the creases at his eyes when he smiles at you. You don’t think he had those before.

When your eyes have settled in him at last, Tangerine takes a deep breath “You’ve been with me through my hardest times when Lemon and I were just two kids trying to figure it out on our own. You stood by my side when we figured this out, how we were going to do this, and there isn’t anything that will ever change the way I feel about you.” Tangerine takes your hand and kisses your knuckles before kneeling down on the ground.

“Tan,” you whisper, your voice unsteady and weak. It’s not like you to be this caught off guard, but he’s always had a way to find your cracks.

“Love, there isn’t anyone else in the world I want to be with as much as I want to be with you. So, I thought to myself, why not make it official?”

“Are you- is this actually happening?” you ask, a hand coming up to cover your mouth as tears come to your eyes. “You better not be fucking joking.”

“I’m not, love. Can I ask the question now?” His cheekiness makes you laugh, an ugly, wet laugh that makes him grin wider.

“Yes,” you choke out. “Fucking ask me.”

“So demanding,” he chides without malice. “Will you marry me?”

You can’t get an answer out before you’re on your knees with him, arms around his neck, fingers twisting into his hair.

“I take that as a yes, then?” he asks into your ear, a

like against your hair. His arms are strong around you, holding you up and holding you down to reality.

“Yes,” you grin. “Yes.”

Carefully, Tangerine takes the signet ring off his pinky finger and puts it on your ring finger. The golden band is set with a plain black stone, smooth and shiny. You think it’s one of the ones he’s stolen, maybe from an art museum or some fancy jewelry store. Either way, you’ve never known him without it. It’s not a perfect fit, but you’d rather have something of his than anything else. You can always get it adjusted.

You keep your hand in his and sit back against the stone of the bridge, his shoulder up against yours. Automatically, your head finds its home on his shoulder, and he leans his on top of yours, a puzzle that fits together perfectly.

Right now, it doesn’t matter that your dress is getting dirty and the stone is cold, or that it’s dark and you’re unprotected. All that matters are the million more seconds you have with Tangerine, the fights and the makeups, the happy moments and the sad ones. You can see your future through a hazy glass window: sleeping next to him and waking up with him, cooking in the kitchen and eating on the floor, your child, whoever they may be, laughing with his curls in between you. It’s so stunningly clear and so uncertain, but it fills you with absolute joy.

You’ll tell Lemon tomorrow, and you’ll figure out the details at some point. Right now, you’re content to sit her with the love of your life and watch the night unfurl around you, his warmth steadfast by your side.

[bluejaysandblackbats]

blood on your altar

Fandom: DC Comics, Titans (fab five), Aquafam, Arrowfam

Summary: Roy Harper is haunted by a strange sight he witnessed while on holiday by the seaside.

Chapters: 4/?

Characters: Roy Harper, Garth, Oliver Queen, Hal Jordan, Dinah Lance

Relationships: Roy Harper/Garth

Additional Tags: Cannibal Mermaid AU, Sacrifice, Cannibalism as a Metaphor, Secrets, Angst, Romance, Horror, 1950’s AU

Chapter Four: Death at the Eclipse

Being followed at nighttime is a strange feeling. I remember Ollie told me something about the true nature of a man coming out when his life is on the line, and I thought it was war talk. Shuffling through the sand at a steady pace kept me from panicking as I listened to the sound of someone’s feet trudging behind me. I didn’t turn but I should have… Because the second I felt his breath on the back of my neck and smelled the stench of liquor and cigar smoke on him, it was too late. I felt something strike me in the back of my head, and I recalled Ollie’s words clearly. “When a man comes across a situation that is undoubtedly life or death, there’s nothing to separate him from an animal… And at that moment… He becomes a predator or he dies like prey,” Ollie’s words echoed in my head while my ears rang like a bell. I was out of it, knocked on my back with a man on top of me, punching me. I couldn’t hear him speak, but I had time to look when he stopped attacking me to see the glint of a blade. I blocked his attempt to stab me with my forearm. I went wide-eyed, staring into the eyes of my attacker. The man from the ice cream parlor. I struggled to get the upper hand, but he’d knocked me so hard in the back of my head. 

I felt his weight fly off of me, and I heard a crunch and squelching noise. Once my ears stopped ringing, and I regained my senses, I tilted my head back in the sand, staring at the blood on the rock ahead of me. Then my eyes focused on my boy creature in full creature form. His entire body covered in dark abalone shells glistened in the moonlit showers. His teeth were sharp and white, and his sharp, scaly claws tore the limp mess of a man’s head from his body. I sat with my legs crossed in the wet sand, staring at him. “Ur ye awrite?” the boy creature asked. I couldn’t speak. He cleared his throat, looking at me with his bright amethyst eyes. “Are you okay?” His American accent was exaggerated and dragged out but I understood him much better. 

“Are you going to eat me next?” I asked. 

“Of course not, dafty… You didn’t hurt anyone,” he answered. He lugged the limp thing on his shoulders carrying what remained of the head with one hand, and walked through a rock mass toward a closed-off beach area. I clutched my head and grabbed my satchel, following him dizzily. “You didn’t tell anyone you saw me… I listened for a tale, and you didn’t speak. You didn’t utter a word about me. Why?” 

“I don’t know. I was curious about you,” I confessed. 

“You made pictures of me. Will you make more?” he asked. He was talkative for a creature. We reached a half-submerged cave and he threw the body down ripping the man’s limbs from his body. “Does this make ya ill? I could eat him later.” I shook my head. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have drawn you that way—.” 

“Why not? Do you not like your drawing?” he asked innocently. 

“I—. Well—.” I stammered before taking a deep breath. “I draw what I like to look at. I never draw anything that I don’t like.” He smiled. 

“I liked it too. You made me look special… I’ve never talked to a human before. I have so many questions,” he replied. He could’ve yammered on forever. He seemed lonesome. I wondered if there were others like him. But I figured it’d be better to let the person who could tear men limb from limb ask the questions. I nodded. “Do your parts change?” 

“Huh?” I asked. I watched as he set the arms aside and wiped his mouth. Holding eye contact, he took a fully human form and started touching himself. I felt my face go red hot as I turned away. “Is it not human enough?” I swallowed hard, trying not to let it arouse something in me. 

“It’s human, alright,” I answered. He rinsed his hand in the water and touched my head where I’d been struck. The pain subsided, but I felt so dizzy that I fell forward on him. He held me. 

“I didn’t know if it’d work on ya. Does it hurt still?” he questioned as he smelled me. I thought it was strange, but he didn’t seem like an immediate threat to me. 

With my forehead pressed against his shoulder, I glanced down at his lower body, and I found myself staring. “Are than any others like you?” I asked. 

“Not like me… But there are others,” he answered, “It’s my eyes… There’s a superstition. I don’t know much about it, but people who have my eye color are usually killed at birth… I’ve been alone for most of my life, but I’ve had contact with others. They’re like a family to me. I come here to hunt. I need things that they don’t. That’s why I eat humans. I won’t eat you, though. You make me look nice in pictures… Why do you cover yourself with so many things?” 

“It’s cultural. Most humans prefer we cover most of our bodies. Why did you hide when I saw you that night?” I asked. 

“I thought you’d want to hurt me… Humans don’t like it when people aren’t like them. I wasn’t going to hurt you,” he mumbled. He wrung his soft human hands and frowned. 

“I don’t want to hurt you. I want to—. What I want to do doesn’t matter,” I paused to gather my thoughts and say something more appropriate. “What’s your name?”

“Garth,” he answered. 

“That’s a good name,” I smiled. He removed the man’s sleeve as he bit into a bicep. He went half-creature as he ate, humming and groaning with pleasure. He ate until he picked the man’s flesh clean from his bones. His body alternated between varying degrees of human and inhuman. He wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb. 

“What do you want to do?” Garth questioned without looking at me. He kept eating, and I didn’t mind. I knew I should’ve, but I was so intrigued with him that I didn’t care. 

I silently stared at him until he looked at me. “Will I see you again after this?” I asked. 

He nodded, still focused on cannibalizing the ice cream parlor bigot. Garth paused as if he’d remembered something important and grabbed my face. I tensed, wondering if it’d be my end, but he rubbed the bridge of my nose with his thumbs and touched my lip with his bloody fingers. The pain in my face subsided, and he returned to his meal. “Wash your face… No one will know he hurt you. I fixed your face. It’s pretty again,” Garth reassured me. Pretty? Ha. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him for a moment. His eyes went from bright amethyst to their indigo color, and I wished I could’ve kissed him. I wanted to, but I didn’t dare. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen,” I whispered. He grinned at me, studying my features. 

“If you come back, I’ll take you to see the beautiful place. It’s going to rain again, so I can’t take you today. Your human skin is too fragile. The lightning could hurt you. After I finish eating, you should go home,” Garth suggested, “And you never told me your name… But I’ve heard it. Roy, isn’t it?” 

“Mhm. Roy Harper,” I replied as I washed the blood off my face. 

When I dried my face, Garth grinned at me. “You’re not afraid of me. Will you bring me a picture soon?” Garth asked. He pushed the body into the deeper, murkier part of the water and washed his hands and face. That’s when he leaned forward and kissed me. I pulled away. My thoughts raced as I tried to grasp at something sensible. “Sorry, I thought—.” I reciprocated before he could finish his sentence. I felt him creeping across every inch of my spirit, and I believe I did the same to him. Like an eclipse, for a moment we were perfectly aligned, sharing the same thoughts and feelings. My heart raced as I reached for his face, soft and fleshy like a human’s. Our lips captured each other, and I could taste blood. It made my ears ring and my whole body tingled, raising goosebumps from my neck and down my arms and back. How could I turn back? How could I stop myself from falling in love? I couldn’t be bothered with my conscience. I wanted him, body and soul. He had me. Everything I was… I was willing to give. If he wouldn’t eat me, I’d let him devour me. Heart and mind. Mind and all.