#idk anyway thank u guys

[papersirens]

i really really hate to be doing this but things have been really bad all week and im running out of options lmao i understand people have their own issues and medical bills and im nothing special but im gonna put like idk my issues under a readmore for context of why im basically begging not to guilt but idk for context maybe?? anyway

i have a patreon and prices are going to go up in october so now's a great time to subscribe. there's 2 fics a week, 1 jjk 1 jjba plus 4 requests of varying characters from franchises. on top of that the second highest tier offers every fic available which is around 102 fics total for only like $10 you can also see what fics are available in the masterlist. there's only 1 jjk currently but more to come. patreon // masterlist

i also have halloween commissions still open. 1k words for $10 of any fic with any jjk or jjba char of your choice. bunch of batch spaces since im practically caught up with the commissions and they will be sent to you within a week. halloween commissions info // masterlist

i do have regular commissions open too if anyone is interested but there's currently a waitlist. the current eta for new people is around end of november if you dont mind waiting but you'll have a bigger wc range. commissions info

if none of these interest you i have ko-fi and buymeacoffee. i can do direct paypal but you'd have to dm me about that but you're probably better off just going through the ko-fi link tbh. buymeacoffee can do direct bank transfer for those who have paypal issues and also is an option for commission payments just pls dm me beforehand about it. i'd also rather you commission me or buy patreon but ik some people are happy to just give tips so they are also options. ko-fi // buymeacoffee

im forever grateful for any help and support people can give. like i say i know people have their own struggles and health issues and i am not special but things have been bad enough for me to have to make a post like this. liking, reblogging my fics is still support i appreciate along with reblogging and boosting this post or doing one of the options mentioned. i appreciate u all <3

the juicy part everyone wants lmao gonna keep it brief and not give anyone a super sob story because theres people dying kim but

i suffer from plaque psoriasis, don't look it up it's nasty especially if you're queezy lmao i had it somewhat bad from the age of 13 until i was 24/25 all over my arms and a little on my legs but just dealt with it until i finally was able to get treatment back in the uk. it cleared up entirely and i was put on injections a year before moving to japan. these injections are pretty serious im not sure the name but theyre bio something i am not a doctor they just clear my skin gjkf ANYWAY so moved to japan last august and i was clear up until january/february this year where it came back and hit me like a train. i couldnt see a doctor due to insurance until april/may so for months i was forced to wrap myself in saran wrap because i was in agony otherwise, i couldnt bend my arms and sleeping was a nightmare even if i was fully clothed becausee my whole body was irritated. got to see a doctor and he put me on cyclosporine which ive been on before.

anyone who knows that medication knows you cant be on it for very long. when i was on it before i was on it for a year before my injections because it isn't a long term fix and long term usage can damage your kidneys iirc. 3 months into taking my meds my bloods were coming back bad and he wanted me off them and onto my injections. i am now struggling to pay for my injections even on insurance. my insurance caps at 50k yen a month and i gotta take two injections a month which cost 35k yen each, so the cap still helps but 50k yen ($340/£275) is still a lot and basically my rent every month lmao majority of income comes from my husband who works as much as he can as an english teacher.

but melk, why don't you get a job if writing fanfic can't cover your meds?

great question uh i have very severe social anxiety lmao online im for the most part ok but i can't even go out for walks by myself. great example is i tried to just go to the arcade the other day, something ive only done once before and because i wasn't feeling great and wanted to take myself out to just get a soda and look at what they have. halfway there i had a severe panic attack and sat in a dark in the dark during a storm before managing to run home and throw myself into a cold shower because i was alone and scared lmao as can be expected i cant buy anything from a store by myself, my husband buys things for me or comes with me whenever i go anywhere which is a strain on him along with being the bread maker.

im also unmedicated in terms of my anxiety because i cant afford that either lmao so i am truly raw dogging my daily anxiety and social anxiety while trying to handle everything else. i dont have a therapist i dont have medication just free online resources and a handful of super understanding and supportive friends but that's still not enough to help me in getting a job. im still looking semi-regularly for remote jobs that involve few phone calls and only emails but from my experience either i need to be in the country (typically US or UK) and/or emails and live chats are secondary to the phone calls being main job. believe it or not, phone calls are worse for me than speaking to people face to face lmao.

the icing on the cake of all this is i dont have family to fall back on, i havent spoken to anyone in my family including my parents in 5 years now and any help we do get is from my husbands family and they also helped us even get to japan so its incredibly unfair to be constantly leaning on them.

i dont think this post or anything will help and fix all my issues, but with how severe things have been its the only thing i can think to do to help while we attempt to organise ourselves and figure out ways to cut back our money further and make more side hustles.

yeah sorry anyway melk lore enjoy that like i said i appreciate anyone and everyone who supports me in any way they do and thanks for reading <3

[kijeu]

happiest birthday, christopher chan ♡ 1997.10.03

template credits: x x

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

[v1p0]

[foolsocracy]

I can't help but notice you haven't posted any angst in a while and I'm suspicious

whipped this one up just for u anon

[ruvviks]

sweet sunshine girl ☀️ ↳ shots by the talented @mojaves, edited by me!

taglist (opt in/out)

@velocitic, @lestatlioncunt, @euryalex, @ordinarymaine, @bialanwake;

@mojaves, @shellibisshe, @dickytwister, @mnwlk, @rindemption;

@ncytiri, @calenhads, @noirapocalypto, @florbelles, @radioactiveshitstorm;

@strafethesesinners, @fashionablyfyrdraaca, @aemondtargeryen, @radioactive-synth, @katsigian;

@estevnys, @elgaravel

[pcktknife]

what do you think about the newest penacony story patch in hsr?

penacony numero uno. actually the best arc out of the 3 so far but sunday should kill himself*

[merlins-strawberriesandroses]

Personally I have not forgotten about the post-finale golden age!!! Merlin is planning continued diplomatic visits with magical beings (a picnic with Freya) 😌

[always-a-joyful-note]

Based off ch. 19

[boxwinebaddie]

Hi Uncle Neen! HYH! It sucks to see you struggling cuz you are a big inspiration of mine :( but you said you did your makeup the other day. Can we seeeeeeeeee maybe?

d'awwww ksahdlkdss, you are so sweet, nonnie! thank you so so soooo much, baby! xx i really needed this. i hope i heal ( i will...i have to, i am too much of an asshole to let god win, fuck him ) and i hope you heal from whatever harms you as well! you can do it! mWAH!~

-- also brb crying ;-; <3333 whenever y'all tell me i inspire you, it seriously makes me want to cry; you mean SO much to me, so to mean so much to you; it's Everything to me, my love. thank you for believing in me, know i believe infinitely in YOU and will keep fighting the good fight, living authentically and modelling pos behavior on this blog bc i take being a role model very seriously. :')

BUT ANYWAYS! sakhdlasd oh my god aaAaaAAAaa please!!! YOU ARE SO CUTE, THIS IS SO CUTE OF YOU, hELP AAAAA!!!!!! but yes, of course, of course. considering i am super bacteria nina right now and had to resign from my ( admittedly ) trash job and am no longer, at this moment, an education girlie ( besides on here, ofc, educating you on my two gay sons in love ), i can freely exist and post pictures of myself again! thank you for for giving me a safe place to do that. <3

i'll elaborate on what 'safe' means to me down below, but just for context i took this...sigh...last week, when i was told i would 'all better', just trying to feel like myself again after a month of being unmadeup and unfitted and ugly and troll-like and on death fucking row and fucking miserable as hell, i had my new hair appointment lined up, was about ready to take life by the balls again...and that shit BLUE BALLED ME SO HARD AND SAID *ravenstan vc* JK, BABY!

okay, sorry i have some really bad scarring and wounding up there by my neck so i had to cover her up but...there she is! the she beast!

as for posting pictures of myself just...please...PLEASE BE KIND. and i wish i meant that as a joke, i mean it very, VERY seriously. i am at a point right now, where i look my very fucking worst, i am weaker than i have ever been in my life, there are abrasions all over my body, which per the results of my culture ( i was right...several fucking times and no one would listen to me ) my body is trying to kill me and right now...it is Winning. ( i'm not gonna lose tho, dw, i am a nasty bitch from hell and i refuse to die this ugly, i fucking won't; choke )

tldr; I AM VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT HOW I LOOK. I DO NOT FEEL PRETTY, I AM LIKE ONE BAD COMMENT AWAY FROM TEARING THE SKIN OFF MY FACE AND I AM TELLING YOU GUYS I CANNOT DO THAT, I CANT CREATE ANY TEARING ON MY BODY OR THE BACTERIA WILL TUNNEL AND ITS HARD ENOUGH AS A BITCH WITH DERMATILOMANIA.

PLEASE BE NICE TO ME.

i know we shoot the shit on here and are funny and clown eachother, you guys are my family; it's what families do, but my boundary is that you can say i am pretty and be objectively kind or Please do not send me anything At ALL about how i look; i CANNOT take it rn. i know were just joking, but please, please, PLEASE Do NOT compare me to any ugly creatures, make me feel weird about any part of my face, tell me i look blurry, say anything is too big or too small…

please don’t meme on me abt my appearance...Ever.

it’s a very sensitive spot for me and makes me v anxious.

all this to say, i love you; thank you for being my home.

HYH.

-uncle nina, single ravesey mother and human petri dish

[lemongogo]

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

[cinnaminsvga]

actual conversation i had with my dental hygienist

hygienist: so what did you study at university?

me: chemistry...

hygienist: damn, no wonder you look so sad!

[byanyan]

can i just be emotional on main for a sec & thank y'all again for sticking with me & supporting my weird little brand here these last few months while i've been like. worse than ever about getting any writing done? just like. hhh. all of u putting up with my shitposts & liking the hcs and whatever else i shove out onto the dash while i'm struggling with energy for replies, and everyone who still wants to plot & develop our dynamics despite me being the WORST at keeping up with dms (& being somehow even worse at being the one to actually initiate dms), and!!!! those of you who continue to indulge me by sending me asks despite the fact that you've been waiting 5 years for me to reply to our thread!!! i appreciate u guys sm, like i don't think u actually understand just how much. i mean this so sincerely: thank you

[deus-ex-mona]

i miss her…

[newlyy]

Your post about misogynistic/patriarchal women really resonated with me and I empathize SO much girl I would be rich if I had a dollar for every single time i’ve seen a woman say some variant or another of “women are WAY worse than men!!!!��� and wholeheartedly mean it. It ESPECIALLY makes me feel like the Joker when I see women who by all means carry themselves as feminist/progressive say shit like “misogynistic women are way worse than misogynistic men!!!” or some other misogynistic gaslighty bullshit that came straight from the ancient misogyny playbook.

I wish there was more of us having the space and drive to criticize our own sex class’ actions in a fair and just way without carrying the guilt of how our sex class is treated & without also following the subconscious path of least resistance (woman bad, man good). I wish there were more outlets for us to just be so fucking for real with each other, but in the way of respect, maturity, empathy, dignity, and accountability. I wish we all had more self awareness about the patterns we perpetuate.

It sucks when you not only have to cope with 50% of the population automatically hating you because of the morally neutral biological sex you happened to develop as in the womb, but you also have to deal with the members of your OWN sex perpetuating the cycles of subjugation and working against their own interests on top of that because of how deeply the knife of misogyny is plunged into our stomachs. As an individual girl/woman in the world, you have to incessantly deal with and mentally prepare for the indiscriminate bombardment of misogyny that is almost guaranteed to sneak up on you from every single direction possible. Feeling like you have close to no true allies, or only very few of them on a global scale. It’s a brutal, harrowing feeling.

It definitely gave me more insight into how the human mind copes with pain and injustice in bizarre and miserable ways, I guess. Newlyy I am ripping off the skin of my face thinking about this, it truly is suffocating. The patterns, the cycles, the history repeating itself!!!! I see you and I get it

exactly. you're completely right. no notes.