#idk I’m thinking to myself lol
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Today feels so off wtf 😭😭😭
#maybe it’s because I feel bad for not being productive in some way#but also like I’m in that avenue of “my friends secretly hate me for some reason idk why but they just do” 💀#but also my stomach hurts so that’s not making my mood any better#idk I’m thinking to myself lol#and whether or not I should go back to work for only 3 weeks#my posts
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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ALSO how a guy in a rap battle gonna ask his opponent why he hasn’t dragged his girlfriend in to defend him?? aubrey, you’re in the beef of the century rn and he’s winning, he doesn’t need to make it her problem
#and frankly even if kendrick is an abuser why the hell would she want to talk about it publicly under these circumstances#like i’m still bracing myself in case some of it’s true obviously i hope it’s not#but idk it feels like based on kendrick’s art about how much healing he’s done it feels possible that in the past he’s done smth#like again i hope not but he’s a complicated guy idk#everything drake said abt feels like it could be something in his past that is now resolved#everything ken said feels like it’s implied to be Very Ongoing#anyway i’m crazy this is all i’m thinking about#i have two projects due tomorrow lol#ignore me#kendrick#drake#kendrick lamar
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— 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔦 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔞 𝔟𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖈𝖊 | AMC’s IWTV
also known as ”local woman is roused to learn editing to deliver everyone this fandom classic” (the video's synced better on desktop)
transcription/video description under the cut:
[video description: a fan video/edit of amc’s ”interview with the vampire” by tumblr user @eternalstateofoctober (me!!) set to a shortened version of lenka’s ”everything at once”. the video clips are cut to the rhythm of the song and its changing lyrics. the song is catchy and upbeat with a light, bouncy rhythm and a whimsical but also slightly melancholic vibe at times. it has a steady beat with repeating piano notes and some xylophone. the video clips are muted so only the song is playing, save for a few voiceover lines and sound effects.
(instrumental intro, repeating piano notes)
the théâtre des vampires orchestra starts playing and another member checks the projector. a watermark with the username @eternalstateofoctober flashes on screen and disappears at the same time as a projector light flickers.
🎵 as sly as a fox 🎵
two clips of daniel after the trial script reveal. first he tosses the script to louis, then he pushes his glasses up and casts a hard look at an off-screen armand.
🎵 as strong as an ox 🎵
armand uses the mind gift to make the coven fall asleep at the dinner table in 2x04, voiceover of him yelling ”enough!” angrily and banging the table. table settings clattering. then lestat using the mind gift at the trial to manipulate louis’ sentence. his left ear starts bleeding. VO lestat: ”banishment...”
🎵 as fast as a hare 🎵
louis sprints at daniel in ’73, making him stumble back.
🎵 as brave as a bear 🎵
clips of young daniel being tortured by armand. first he lifts his gaze, then there’s two clips of him being slammed down by armands powers. last clip is him closing his eyes while armand holds his face. VO of daniel’s grunts and whimpers.
🎵 as free as a bird 🎵
claudia on stage as baby lu mimes opening a window made of projections happily.
🎵 as neat as a word 🎵
claudia writes in her diary in season 1, the clip has a double exposure effect with her pen moving on the page.
🎵 as quiet as a mouse 🎵
a wide shot of the sewers the children of darkness inhabit.
🎵 as big as a house 🎵
establishing shot of the théâtre des vampires building. suddenly the screen flashes black and there’s a quick flickering shot of the talamasca logo on daniel’s laptop screen and a glitching sound effect.
🎵 as mean as a wolf 🎵
close-up of santiago on stage in 2x02, he looks right at the audience seductively.
🎵 as sharp as a tooth 🎵
shots of the vamps baring their fangs. lestat ripping the priests throat out in 1x01, claudia in madeleine’s shop, louis in ’73 showing off to daniel, armand hissing at lestat in 2x03.
🎵 as deep as a bite 🎵
extreme close-up of lestat biting louis at the altar.
🎵 as dark as the night 🎵
madeleine lights a candle that illuminates her face during a power outage. she’s watched from outside her shop window by a curious claudia.
🎵 as sweet as a song 🎵
young daniel embraces armand after armand has manipulated him to accept death. armand strokes his hair and there’s armand’s calm whisper as a voiceover: ”i’ll hold you…”
🎵 as right as a wrong 🎵
claudia’s real turning. lestat looks up from an off-screen louis who’s begging on his knees. in the second clip he’s kneeling next to claudia on the floor and lifting her upper body while louis’ back is still turned to them.
🎵 as long as a road 🎵
louis’ finger taps a spot on a map in the warzone.
🎵 as ugly as a toad 🎵
the vampire bruce cocking his head.
🎵 as pretty as a picture, hanging from a fixture 🎵
lestat’s portrait hangs on the wall in the théâtre’s green room in 2x02, jumpcut to it in flames in 2x08.
🎵 strong like a family 🎵
the de pointe du lac and frenière families pose for a portrait at grace’s wedding. the clip changes to the next with the camera’s flash going off.
🎵 strong as i wanna be 🎵
VO Madeleine: ”mais j'ai survécu.” (”but i survived” in french). shots of madeleine’s past, the trial by mob. extreme close-up of her crying face, the angry crowd surrounding her, her screaming while her hair is shorn. the segment ends with her throwing an iron through her shop window where a group of locals has just painted a swastika. sound effect of glass shattering.
🎵 bright as day, as light as play 🎵
madeleine’s vision of claudia as she’s turned. claudia in a yellow dress in madeleine’s shop, smiling to the camera—at madeleine—and turning to the mirror. the whole scene basks in warm, bright afternoon light.
🎵 as hard as nails 🎵
grace looks up at a slightly off-screen louis in 1x05, a hard, difficult look. they are at louis’ fake grave at night and grace is holding a funeral bouquet.
🎵 as grand as a whale 🎵
two clips after one another. first is louis being buried alive in 2x07, a silent scream as the rocks rush to cover his face. second one is his feet stepping onto the rocks in the penthouse’s sundial room. VO old daniel: ”where’s your coffin?”
(the music quiets and slows down slightly for the next line.)
🎵 as warm as the sun 🎵
close-up of claudia burning in the sun at the trial. she is turning into ash but still looks at an off-screen lestat.
🎵 as silly as fun 🎵
several clips in rapid succession. murder family laughing at a movie theatre, them dancing together—holding hands, claudia cheering riding the sidecar of a motorcycle in paris during the théâtre’s group hunting, armand smirking wearing malek’s glasses, vamp daniel’s tv interview, him laughing at the host.
🎵 as cool as a tree 🎵
real rashid steps slightly forward, hands clasped behind his back with a neutral expression.
🎵 as scary as the sea 🎵
two clips of armand in ’73. first his eyes shake as he slams daniel down with his powers in the background, then him turning slowly—eyes wide—to face daniel that’s sitting in front of him.
🎵 as hot as fire 🎵
three clips showing fire in the show. first: daciana throwing herself into the flames, second: armand’s fire gift, him looking at a flame in his hand, third: the théâtre’s fire starting behind louis as he looks into claudia’s mirror backstage. the mirror reads ”tweedily deedily dead”.
🎵 cold as ice 🎵
louis cuts off santiago’s head, louis smirking, looking down. VO: louis’ satisfied chuckle.
🎵 sweet as sugar and everything nice 🎵
VO louis and old daniel: ”would you like a sample?” ”i’m a savory man most days.” with first a clip of armand-as-rashid’s blissful expression as louis drinks from him at the dinner table in 1x05, then three clips of sweet treats: the strawberry dessert from 1x02 being set in front of daniel, daniel taking a bite of it, then young daniel sipping his grasshopper at mary’s. the clip ends with old daniel’s hand pushing his coffee cup forward, requesting a refill.
🎵 as old as time 🎵
armand stares at a painting depicting him in the louvre, eyes wide, brows slightly furrowed, head slightly turned.
🎵 as straight as a line 🎵
the recording on daniel’s laptop flatlining, him looking at armand, armand smiling warmly at him.
🎵 as royal as a queen 🎵
lestat basks in all his king raj mardi gras costume glory, he smiles widely up at the camera positioned above his head.
🎵 as buzzed as a bee 🎵
lestat on stage in 2x03, wiggling his shoulders, smiling playfully, flipping his coat tails up and bending over for the audience.
🎵 as stealth as a tiger 🎵
estelle and celeste spying on louis and claudia in paris.
🎵 smooth as a glider 🎵
armand floats up the louvre floors as louis and dreamstat take the stairs.
🎵 pure as a melody, pure as i wanna be 🎵
first, a shot of louis and paul dancing at grace’s wedding, smiling at each other. then, a close-up of paul sitting of the roof, turning to look at an off-screen louis as the screen slowly fades to black and another watermark appears. the voiceover is paul and louis’: ”i love you, louis.” ”i love you too, baby brother.”
/end video description]
#iwtv#iwtv edit#amc iwtv#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#SURPRISE!!!#not actually because i’ve BEEN talking about this hehe#i drop this at 1am and go to sleep#idk if there’s ever a perfect time to post art but hey. it’s here now!!! yay!!#HAVE AT IT!! ENJOY!!#my firstborn and my first time touching any editing software so if needed approach accordingly i guess#i wanna talk about my thoughts n choices while making this but i’m saving that for another post if i feel like it lol. enough tags for one#ost i think.#louis de pointe du lac#lestat de lioncourt#armand#claudia iwtv#daniel molloy#madeleine iwtv#jacob anderson#sam reid#assad zaman#eric bogosian#delainey hayles#bailey bass#roxane duran#luke brandon field#if this gets any notes i’ll be excited as hell but even if it doesn’t i’m still happy because I MADE IT MYSELF#i have a few favorite parts personally that i think are like the standouts. tell me if you have one 👀#ok bye goodnight lol <3
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Hmmmmmmm
Feel free to explain your answer in the tags and rub for sample size
#ray rants and junk#personal#my polls#I’m just asking because she’s in my city atm and she’s EVERYWHERE#I always thought of myself as somewhat neutral (and if not a mild hater just due to the fact that her music is overplayed)#but I think I might be coming around on her music#idk how I feel about the carbon emissions however…#but anyway#let’s see what yall think lol#Taylor Swift#please don’t fight in the comments/tags btw just politely state your opinion and leave everyone else to theirs :)
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you would think after all the yapping i do about these losers i would have a plethora of art uploaded … no… so here is my first kantrio post lol
i did these over the last month while watching the olympic weightlifting and jamming to kpop (stan red velvet and kiss of life BTW!!!)
#pokemon#pkmn#trainer red#rival blue#trainer leaf#i made them classy and smoke from a joint idk maybe i should of done the classic aussie teen experience and make them smoke from a water#bottle bong 🤩 red is a massive foodie so ofc he has the multiple options of snacks ready lol my go-to fried food was a capriccosia pizza 😭#i’m always conflicted on the blue smoking hc (just cigarettes yall lol) i often see fanart of professor blue smoking and i see the vision#50/50??? let me ask the audience 🗣️ i think i’m bias cause i am cursed with thinking men who smoke are extremely attractive lmao#there is 100% lore behind that second piece but i am so burnt out and i don’t think it’ll fit in tags lol#also just have a raging fear of sharing anything kantrio related LOL like raging projectile vomiting level anxiety#blue fears repeating the toxic cycles he grew up in but oops he’s doing exactly that in the second piece 🧐#wowzers … as kieran would say lol … i love writing and thinking about blue and his emotional growth over those 3 years red was missing#but hey sometimes something hurts so badly it takes you back to that sad and scared child version of yourself right?#strength to me is like: red >>>>>>> leaf >> blue🤷🏻♀️ they technically both canonically beat blue in gamecanon so … my girl is strong sorry#ain’t standing shy timid leaf in this house …#also - despite being acespec myself i didn’t know demi was under the ace umbrella! i think it suits red super well imo :p#pan aswell bc i don’t think he gaf 😭 also shout out to one of my fave pkmn artists kiriato 🫶🏻🤧 i was going through such bad art block and#their work inspired all of these :3 i love their stuff sm espcially their comics 🥹 i drew all of these using their brush sets too!!!#trainer blue#blue pokemon#red pokemon#leaf pokemon#pokemon art#pokemon fanart#pokemon frlg#trainer green#rival green#my art <3#kanto au
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Cried at the gym bc I’m weak :’)
#me#I’m hating my body again hah I try to take pics a lot so I look back and think I was sexy#idk it’s weird I look back on pics of myself 12+ months ago at any given time and think I wish I still looked like that#so hoping I can break the cycle idk#it’s dumb lol
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.
Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.
Long-winded interpretation under the cut!
Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.
You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)
The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.
Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.
And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.
For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.
“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)
So, where does this leave us?
It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!
Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.
To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.
And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.
Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rise don suave#rottmnt don suave#I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just#so bad at keeping my mouth shut#or uh#not typing word vomit#anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation#I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning#but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so#idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same??#may delete this later who knowssss#pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol#but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional??#(we always always ALWAYS could use more but)#we did not have even a crumb of this as kids#but also like most of that rep is new properties#and I just was thinking about what that could mean#idk man idk#once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT#man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all#anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag-#okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself#I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr
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When I finish my ghoap Christmas oneshot that I started way back in start December, and have been struggling with since, then it’s over for you fools 🎅
#maybe it will be done by next Christmas lol#god no I’m scared of jinxing it#it’s not even THAT long I’ve just constantly had to step away from it and start over#and I don’t even think it’s good 😭 but I want it done#and there are bits I like that I want to share so I need to finish this bitch#y’all better be ready to find some leftover Christmas cheer when I post it#we will pretend that it isn’t several months late 😀#they kill Santa and it’s funny and I don’t want to leave that forever in my wips#correction: they kill someone dressed as Santa but they take it very seriously#it has very much the same vibe as ‘Clue’ did and ppl enjoyed that one a lot#so I hope I’m just overly critical of myself and that this fic is actually alright#how did I write clue in one night????? where did that superpower go????#might share some snippets at some point idk#wispy update
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soooo I had a lore idea earlier that ties into the rewrite really well,,,,,,
Poor unfortunate souls am I right :)
#The plothole of the citizens questioning him about the wishes and said questions never actually getting answered by the plot drives me nuts#And I was thinking about it and this idea hit me like a truck—#1: It explains why he makes them forget about their wishes 2: it explains why there’s only one per person 3: explains the emotional drain#And 4: helps play into the dark magic/lying stuff further#Plus is just a cool idea/twist I think :3€#Literally just had the idea today tho so I’d love any ideas#I def think it’ll tie into the dark magic stuff like they give him power or something? Idk#I do know he can only do magic with his staff and not directly so maybe something to do with that ? Like the staff gets it’s magical energy#Or whatever from the energy of the souls? I’m not sure..#like I said I’d love anyone to help brainstorm further with this concept :)#rewrite the stars au#Wish au#Excuse the book looking shitty lol I didn’t feel like writing out the text myself 😭
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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again
#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining#once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol#like idk how to be friends#i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely#and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have#actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality#i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again#because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it#pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic#how do i start living again#how does one live anyway#im just in my head all the time#this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness#im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself#im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself#but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go#idk how to be a person anymore#i’m just sad#thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol
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Day 21/October 21: Day of the Departed || Reminisce (??)
GRAHH ITS STILL THE 21ST SOMEWHERE i’m apparently using morrotober to try new things this one’s a new lineart brush that i’m sorta warming up to and the POSE and the BACKGROUND and the LIGHTING i’m surprised i finished this at all tbh. and also new morro design
bg lineart and sword vs neither plus the green ghost fog thing i do basically if you zoom in really really close the lines aren’t smooth on the lineless bgs but icba the pedestal can be chipped or something. i kinda like without the sword and fog cause it gives him a more isolated feel yk (that was my original idea lmao)
this one’s my attempt at funky mannequin hands
#i was sorta going for a reminiscey vibe#if you squint he’s looking at the sword#at least that’s what i tried to do#i’m pretty sure reminisce is looking back on good things tho so maybe not#i just now realized the sword would make more sense facing the other way but whatever we ball#alo if you see this these were the hands i wanted to do w your dtiys but i couldn’t figure it out so i stuck the sword onto him lol#SPEAKING OF HANDS I DID THEM MYSELF WITH NO REF AND IM KINDA PROUD OF THEM#LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW IMPROVEMENT BABY#at least i hope these things are kinda one and done#I ALSO DID THE POSE WITH NO REF although that one may be evident#i actually did everything other than the bg with no ref#i was coloring the bg in the dark so i hope the colors aren’t too wack i just eyedropped and prayed#the texture is weird idk how i did that#deadass i think i was coloring for like 5 hours straight#i actually kinda like the fog thing the outline reminds me a bit of the preeminent#ninjargon just says morro if you want to know about that#ninjago#lego ninjago#morro ninjago#ninjago morro#morro wu#morrotober 2023#morrotober2023#morrotober#ninjago dotd#day of the departed#i had more doodles and a comic for previous prompts but i got intimidated by the comic and got stuck doom scrolling instead#i’ll finish them when i have the time#and pick my ass up to tackle the comic#maybe i’ll just post it for myself instead of morrotober
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:-)
#hm well what if i kill myself#succession#i think every point in succession comes back to the scene in the kids bedroom and here’s how—#there’s a great post on here about the scene in the kids bedroom regarding shivs pov as a woman WELL as a teenage girl#regarding the ‘don’t get into the pool’ line but i can’t remember who made the post it was a while ago#idk where i’m going with this lol you just you Know even if you don’t Know ya know#and i believe shiv didn’t know when she was a teen but she Knew and that covers her (very complex) feelings towards#Logan as well
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I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
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Can’t a bitch have a mental health day without someone immediately trying to make it theirs instead!
#the shitty thing about suddenly having all of these followers that interact with me now#is that I used to use this blog to scream into the void#like a little diary or something#but now I have an audience and it’s weird#anyway THATS WEIRD HUH GUYS#I’m like#hey idk im feeling really upset by these things going on in my life right now and I think I need some time#and THEYRE like#oh no yeah for sure#anyway suddenly I am also so sad and I cried myself to sleep and I really need your support right now#WHAT LOL#whatever whatever whatever#I guess I get to continue playing mom to my friend group#personal#I know I always play support#for you guys#and I know I’m always the DM#and I always listen to your problems and help fix them#and I’m always making you presents and packages and whatnot#but please#sometimes#just sometimes#I want to be able to be taken care of too
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