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Vent: ?
In 5th grade I had the assumption that it would be just as nice as elementary school had been. No one ever told me otherwise. No one ever told me about most of the differences.
I knew that I would be bullied already. No one had to tell me that. My parents had already warned me of bullies and what to do. I hadn't had too many experiences yet, but I knew they were coming. I still felt pretty prepared.
But of course when 6th grade came, just by the first day I was disappointed. I didn't expect something big and great, but I didn't think I would be thrown into it like this.
I didn't know I met both of my bullies here.
NBB really hadn't bullied me before this garde. Only ever persuaded me into things. Not always bad things. But I would always do them. I like making people happy.
But because my expectations were ruined so bad, I decided to no longer have expectations at all.
It doesn't sound necessarily like a bad idea. But it turned out to be that way.
I couldn't find a way to balance it.
It wasn't really just that I was let down. But it was that everything that everything was became worse. And everything worse became terrible. So that was the mindset I was in.
But doing this has made it to where I don't get excited for things anymore. Unless I'm really certain.
Which makes things like governor school have a bad cloud over them in the beginning.
Things that are bad I don't prepare for well. Because I don't have my expectations there.
I wish that I could just take it off now or something. But I don't think so.
I really enjoyed governor school. I liked it. So wish that I could've let myself be excited instead of assuming it would be another disaster.
Bad things did happen there. But bad things happen everywhere. And I liked being able to be around people who didn't bully me and were supportive.
I liked it there.
I miss how it was there.
On the day before the last I felt like I had finally acclimated to it. But then I had to go.
#cheeseburgerboy#id like to be somewhere like that again.#im going to be doing something simar to it. but only for one week rather then two#it seems to be futher away from home.#id like to get excited for it. but im just so scared.#the disappointment is so crushing. and it hurts so bad being ripped away from something you hoped to enjoy#i don't want to be excited for my birthday. i still assume disaster and pain. so i have been trying to not expect much from it#im sure it will be good. but im still scared#especially since the people i bring there will be staying overnight probably.#im still to scared to call any of them my friends#because of what NBB did to me probably.#haven't had much luck with that.#very confused on her stance.#seems fine but she say something and it gets weird.#kittykiddy#cookiebearcat#whatevs#acclimated.#NBB ex is weird and i don't like him#privacy invader.
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I think sonic had a really good time not being playable for once and just being supporting cast for his friend shadow. i just know he was soooo excited to explain the controls and not worry about rings and cheer on his friend (and sometimes be a final boss :3)
#sth#shth#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonic the character#fanart#id in alt text#i have. another batch of shadow (game) drawings after this#bc im having a really good time with it#it is definitely somewhere in the top 3 sonic games for me. it's good! and anyone who says otherwise just hates fun#sonic in this game soooo funny he IS so annoying but it is so cute truly#im really bad at the hero mission in space gadget but sonics dialogue is sooooo cute in that..#he's just having fun racing with his friend again 🥺#shadow is having the most intense and miserable experience of his short life and sonic is just like yaayayayay video game yaaay!#anyway. return of my adventure-era sonic design. even tho shth canonically takes place A While after sa2#whatever. they r the same to me
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Steven Universe au where Greg got a haircut in season 1 and nothing else of note happens
#steven universe#pink diamond#steven quartz universe#rose quartz#rose diamond#su#steven universe au#i was just kidding about the haircut thing. too ooc#id name this au if i had any confidencd whatsoever that id ever draw it again#edit ykw what. i feel like i accidentally stole this caption from somewhere#did i. i cant remember im trying so harx
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so what if . slime rancher au
#qkdraws#id in alt#back at it again w the sr au bullshit#this time mob psycho edition :) and w vague plot instead of general vibes <3#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#mp100 mob#mp100 shigeo#shigeo kageyama#???%#mp100sr#slime rancher#slime rancher 2#the text is somewhere in the alt if u can't read my handwriting btw#every time sr2 updates i am consumed once again by The Tism#i tried my best to keep mob's design simple bc he's . yaknow. mob#i have a tendency to add a lot of details to designs (The Curse) so i tried to tone it down VEIAYAVG#his fav slimes are yolky slimes btw :] i just think he'd like them
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the love is stored in presser partners choosing to stay for foreign media segments because the buddy system shant never fail! (but also theyre terribly in love its not even funny like this is just spouse duties like buddy system but they are also married dont forget that)
no it really gets me that matthew was so prepared to leave the minute he was allowed to like a kid hearing the dismissal bell but went WAIT united front united front united front "ill wait for you" and adjusts his shawl so daintly like he meant to do that like he absolutely wasnt gonna book it a second ago...YEAH SUPPORT YOUR SPOUSE YA NUMBSKULL THESE ARE TRYING TIMES
our lady forgot her manners for a second please forgive her she too is going through these trying times...
sasha was absolutely succumbing to the fate of being alone considering how flighty his wife was being beside him but still appreciates the effort nonetheless for staying... the way he was :[ and then absolutely lights up when matthew says that he'll wait and he goes "thank you :)" UNITED FRONTTTTTTTTT THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE THROUGH SICKNESS AND THROUGH HEALTH AND ALSO AWFUL MEDIA SCRUMS APPARENTLY WOOOOOOOO YALL HAVE NOTHING ON WHATEVER THESE TWO GOT GOING ON WOOOOOOOOOO
post practise interview | 6.23.24 (x)
and obviously the most important part in all of this? tit scratch.
#matthew tkachuk#aleksander barkov#florida panthers#2324#playoffs 24#1619 is 1619-ing again#may god help us all#matthew dont leave your spouse to the wolves (media scrum)#if you suffer you suffer together#matthew is so expressive you can genuinely see every single thought that passes through his head#sasha having to deal with his flighty wife#i feel like theres a horse metaphor somewhere in here#the reiteration that he'll wait for him.. YEAH HES A GOOD WIFE DESPITE THE FACT HE ABSOLUTELY GONNA LEAVE SASHA FOR DEAD#BUT WHAT COUNTS IS THAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT AGAIN AND DIDNT DO IT#LETS GO USING OUR HEADS FOR A SECOND LONGER AND NOT GIVING INTO OUR IMPULSES 🗣🗣🗣#sasha how do you deal with this id be so offended if he did that to me#LIKE COME BACK HERE NO YOURE GONNA STAY HERE NOW#they are everything to me if we go down with the ship at least we have this
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
#ganondoodles talks#also probably sounds like self pity#but this feeling hits everytime i see a super popular artist be the popular cool artist#i am a little weird i know that and thats not somethign bad i think#but the internet never gets to see that much of me#i tend to write posts when i am at my worst bc it has to go somewhere#so the image it tells people is that im a weirdly strong opiniod freak that gets breakdowns over nothing#i also dont feel like im otherwise -cool tm- enough to balance that out#i dont think my art is as stylized or as inventive as others nor am i cool to interact with bc idk how to be cool to interact with#i feel double bad when i misstepped with someone i used to talk to bc of something stupid ... or just dont know what i did wrong#im guessing its especially when i am in that spiraling state of mind where i really am not myself tbh#it still feels very bad bc i feel like i can never make it up to anyone again#sorry i acted like a jerk my brain was exploding in emotions in a desperate attempt to deal with something idk how to deal with-#-and made me not act like myself but now i feel really dumb about it#doesnt sound like a good excuse#... i want to thank those that do stick with me#even if i acted strange sometimes- even if i disappointed sometimes- even when i couldnt keep a promise#there are little things that still make me angry at myself#like that one time i asked in the tags whod read as long as the end of them and if someone did shoudl send me an ask so id draw a lil thing#and i got two#and i kept trying to remeber oh shit i need to do that and forgetting again/not having energy for it in a loop#i still feel like a jerk about it but now its probably too late#i wish i could answer all asks i get but man my energy for that is always rock bottom#no matter how much i enjoy the ask#and i love getting asks!!!#im sorry :((
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anyone else here go through the "falls in love easily but realizes its bc they're arospec and couldnt comprehend it" phenomenon or is it just me
#in short its bc im somewhere along the lines of demiromantic#so often times id think id fall easily when really it was just that. i actually realized i ONLY fall for ppl i consider friends#that i couldnt bring myself to find romantic feelings towards anyone i didnt know bc my romantic attraction just doesnt work like that#so ofc surrounded by friends = feels comfortable enough to 'fall in love' = assuming i just fall easy#idk#i wish i wasnt like that sometimes though bc thats what basically led me to get manipulated in my last relationship lol#being said though it also means i lose feelings easily if i stop seeing someone as a friend. which made dating hard#bc when they stop acting like a friend its just like. oh this. doesnt feel good anymore#again idk#vinny rambles#aromantic#demiromantic
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#okay again being real with myself im glad i didnt date him because i wouldnt have felt comfortable to explore my gender otherwise#im like really heavily considering the fact that i might be trans or somewhere in between#i dont know if id ever want testosterone but#theres been multiple nights when ive drawn on facial hair and just stared at myself in the mirror#and i really miss my binder#i might actually do tape but i digress#and i want to make a packer#i noticed my jorts gave me insane jeanis the other day and was like yooooooooooo#sigh like#i dont think im cis at least a cis woman does Not do these things#and like imagine if i dated that straight guy. then had to grapple with my gender while dating him.#have to remind myself that this is the best path
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im sure ive said this before but now that im wearing this one scarf i double knit in undergrad pretty much everyday ive been thinking more about it. id really like a double knit scarf based on ancient greek pottery. somethin like this:
#the problem is that i know very little about like. greek epics or greek pottery and art so i cant think of a way#to make it cohesive. id need a lot of research orz.#cos like a scarf is LONG... wont be good enough to just choose the one vase#ohhh one idea is to start with the oldest type of designs/art on one end#and it progresses to later art by the end...#another idea (which could be concurrent idk) is like. idk going thru depictions of the iliad or the odyssey or smth#but again i dont actually know much about either#i think i have a copy of the odyssey somewhere tho.. from the op shop lmao#save
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umm who is this guy
#authors notes in tags#art#invincible#invincible show#invincible fanart#mark grayson#my art#stormwave arts#who is this fucking guy...#also sorry ... me and my shitty backgrounds#i didnt feel like drawing SHIT so i just smacked pngs around#idk where the fuck he is but rest assured he is Somewhere#anyways#i was practicing using this pen and i REALLY like it ... its so fun#also yeah sorry but my hcs will be in all of my invincible art .. trans scars and pointy ears FOREVER#ALSO FUCKING LAST TIME I POSTED MARK I TWEAKED HIS SKIN TONE BUT WHEN I LOOKED ON MY PHONE IT WAS SO OFF IM SO SORRY THAT WAS NOT ON PURPOS#I TRIPLE CHECKED TO MAKE SURE THE TONE WAS RIGHT THIS TIME#guys dont EVER hype me up like that again#thats unrelated to this post but whateva i thought id put it somewhere#kisses kisses im done blabbing now
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I am like literally begging the Internet to write image descriptions at this point
#sometimes I swear when a fandom gets an ID blog the individuals who had been writing their own just stop#just assuming the ID blog will pick up the slack so they don’t really need to worry about it anymore#how many times do we have to say an ID on the original post is 1 million times better#than going dumpster diving in the notes of every single mystery image on the dash with little to no context#hoping for the off chance that somebody somewhere has actually written one in a reblog#I see descriptions way more often than I did 10 years ago but still not nearly often enough#and I feel like the number of descriptions I see on my own dash has dropped significantly while I was gone#during those several months where I straight up couldn’t use Tumblr because they broke any excuse for accessibility on the app#don’t know if people just went ‘hey that one blind person I know is gone so I probably don’t need to bother with this anymore’ or what#but my dash is once again flooded with images that mean nothing to me and I seriously need to do a big unfollowing
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Rotbtd AU ideas I think low-key go hard but I'm working on other stuff so I can't explore them (ranked by how much I've thought abt them)
Small town horror au
Modern au (with a side of Hiccup having unsettling ability to communicate with the local wildlife better than any normal person should)
Xmen mutants au
Wakfu au
Pokemon trainer au
Infinity Train au
Nge au
Vld au
Peer gynt (inspired) au
Mako mermaids au (mako mermaids is fire you just don't understand)
#rotbtd au#rotbtd#if anyones curious pls ask (specifically abt the ones higher on thr list tho those will have better answers) 🙏🙏#nge au would go crazy im sooo predictical erm.. jack as kaworu anf hiccup as shinji#'get in the robot hiccup.'#for the mutants au i have somewhere written down like what their powers would be ill see if i can find it if anyone's interested#small town horror w jack as a ghost hiccup as a medium with his weirdly intelligent cat getting#into shenanigans with the girl who lives in a weird cabin in the woods 'alone' and. idk what merida would be bc again ive not explored much#peer gynt au.... my love <- fire au idea but id have to REMEMBER peer gynt to make it. EEEEKK!!! REMEMBERING.#moth.txt#my aus
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Thoughts on Philip?
he silly :]
any time i think of him i can only think of [that art of carmen holding him like a lamb] bc like. yea. yeahg. thats how i see him, prettymuch, yeah. legally a blorbo in law due to th propaganda of someone i know. i will see him and point and pog.
icouldnt speak for him like they can, but hes an interesting little guy. like damn buddy! thats fucken rough! deeply funny how th library let him leave and decided 'oh buddy i know EXACTLY where to drop you off.' and inflicted him with Cloun(tm). his half-ego form is sick as hell and i will never forgive argalia for making him look like that (A Dorkus). made my man look like a wet crumpled paper towel. yknow the ones. i guess he kind of Is a wet crumpled paper towel but like; its. its the principle, ok.
#deeply funny all things considered but i feel like he might benefit atleast a little being a real life actual library assistant somewhere.#id see him shelving books at my local public library and go 'ah yes makes sense. excellent.'#piktalk#projmoon#uh um um again my memory is hazy so imight remember things wrong so um um \o/#especially with him; the post-partialego scene w him in the circus is kinda where i started getting confused th first time so-#-yknow. my ass is Not retaining information. poses.#do you think he has to mime with the hands on his face to speak..#WAIT I KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE HOLD ON
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No greater feeling of pain than when the obscure character you’ve been pulling for in a tumblr tournament is put up against a character with an unstoppable horde of dedicated fans. And in the first round too. My despair is immeasurable. Injustice in the tumblr poll tonight I fear
#My beloved blorbo gwen cooper from a 15 yr old dr who spinoff with a dead fandom that doesnt even like her that much up against GORO AKECHI#Genuinely let out a cry of despair when the misrepresented morally gray characters bracket dropped and i realized shes cooked in ROUND 1#She’s up against the fucking profile picture of the blog… agony#polls#Ik theres a post to this effect out there somewhere already but I could not find it#This is also roughly how I felt about james steward vs toshiro mifure … jimmy…..#Then again james isnt really that obscure toshiro is just an unsoppable force of sexiness. Id bet money that he takes it all
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i have been having to hand wash my own clothes and dishes etc by hand for like a week now but i imagine myself as a little woodland creature living in a tree doing my tasks and it makes it ok
#they say that they wont fix the power again for ANOTHER WEEK i hate florida...i wanna get out of here...#i go charge my phone and battery at a friend or familys place every night so i never am stuck without one but its still inconvenient tch. i#need to come home cause of my cats otherwise id prob just stay somewhere else the whole time#they dont like being moved around it stresses them out a lot#and i want to keep an eye on them so they dont overheat with no ac cause if they do i WILL have to take them to my friends house. but hers#Nd mine hate each other and fight LOL#meowing
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flowers really ended up hitting right in the emigrant part of me yesterday which is new
and i could fully just be homesick cause it's summer and i am not there, and yeah that's it i miss the summer flowers and warmth and my friends and family at home, and i might be regretting leaving for the rains and early autumn just a little, and maybe that just got to me a bit
#hadestown#like i love it here and id make the decision again#i am not eurydice here but let me have my moments of indulging in my homesickness#even when i dont actually want to make different decisions#like i have friends here that i miss dearly when im back home as well so ive doomed myself to always be homesick for somewhere#im being dramatic#but so let me be
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