#i'm so drained...
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I finally made one! Happy dragon age day everyone
(prints)
#dragon age#dragon age day#dragon age the veilguard#dragonageday#arlathan#arlathan forest#datv#my art#legionofpotatoes#this took forever and I kept being interrupted by my own government wanting to send me down the drain#but I managed just in time. I'm exhausted haha#i was so happy to just wander in arlathan snapping photos and looking around. such an incredibly vibrant and rich level
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real talk having the 2nd worst new years eve yet 🤢🤢🤢 (throat infection, twisted neck, banged-about-foot, ego AND the rest o' me all bruised like misjuggled peaches 🍑🍑🍑)
im bent outa shape and suspectin the universe owes me 8 buck if anyone wannsa chip in
#yes the 🍑🍑🍑was just an excuse to shove ass emojis in your face i'm only (occasionally. allegedly) human#now ask me about my FIRST worst new year eve. it involves wizards and portals and elaborate lies i make up on the spot#SAD REAL TALK <STARTS>:#also made the mistake of reaching out to my mom post-xmas#like what kind of c-ptsd NOOB does that. what kinda chronic holiday trauma survivor NOVICE??? embarrassing#THE SEDUCTIVE FALSE HOPE OF NOSTALGIA WILL LURE YOU IN EVERY TIME#'oh but maybe they won't disappoint me. but maybe they won't rip my heart out this time'#sweetheart that's your dear sweet inner child's yearning for what never was or will be. BEAT IT BACK WITH A STICK!#SAD REAL TALK <ENDS>#....back to that part where i talked about being bent out of shape#if anyone w/ metalwork skills wants ta take a blowtorch & hammer & tongs & have at... I'm open to experimentation is all im sayin#in lieu of that i would also welcome someone buying me a sandwich. i am. so sore.#(metaphysically sore but also the other more urgent im-at-my-daily-NSAIDs-limit kinda sore)#(hence: sanwimch)#...i got so sleepy writing this i started imagining the astonishing hedonism#of stroking a freshly grilled cheese-dripping sandwhich across my body like a loofah#the soothingness of the gooey warm near liquid cheese. the vaguely spongelike quality of toasted sourdough slice.#look i didn't imagine it on PURPOSE it just came to me like a vision like a threat#like one of those weird mens locker room ads where the sportsball is watermelon??? u know the one#where there's nudity & food & homoerotica & hot steaming showers in the background and STILL the overall effect is more offputting than sex#look i have a throat infection. i can barely swallow. i'm sipping chocolate milk to survive and i'm NOT EVEN ENJOYING IT. each drop is agon#(opposite side of the Tantalus spectrum but i'm suffering more than he has in 3.5 thousand years)#i'm dehydrated. barely conscious. electrolytes are circling down the drain. doctors should be incubating me w/ capri sun straws right now.#I GET A PASS ON THESE TAGS#i don't know what i wrote! and i don't stand by it! and you can't make me read em!!!
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they have me training a new guy but he's already been trained and he's actually competent so he picked it up quick so i'm basically just supervising and god it SUUUCKS
#ace rambles#he's already good at the job!! just slow and i can't teach him speed!!#i've had to lightly assist a couple times but that's about it#i was only supposed to have him shadow me for a bit until he could get his own device but there's been no devices all day#and the prolonged social interaction is... h#i'm so drained...#this would be easier if he was worse at the job because then at least i could take over and be actively doing something#but he's actually competent so i'm just trailing behind him#which is boring and somehow even more draining than actively talking to him#and like we get along great! (strongly suspect he's autistic too no one gets along with me THAT well if they're not)#but i'm tired of being a people#i want to do my own thing by myself
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why the fuck am I the way I am
#i want to use all the insults i know on myself#im so tired#vent#venting#i'm sad#depressing shit#vent blog#mentally fucked#mentally tired#tw depressing thoughts#actually mentally ill#suixide#su!cidal#angry#self h@te#tw selfhate#i hate my self#anger issues#mentally drained#mental illness
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This stupid dog
#sorry for not doing asks for a while#i think i'll be super busy until may#i have so many things to do and i am.tired. again. sorry. i'll try to post as much as i can but i think i'm just draining a skinny cow atp#sorry sorry sorry#team fortress 2#tf2#team fortress 2 fanart#tf2 fanart#tf2 scout#tf2 sniper#sniperscout#speeding bullet
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Philza lore :D
I desperately want to make a full animation but I'm wary of losing motivation/not having enough time so I wanted to post some frames just in case I don't get farther
#qsmp#qsmp philza#qsmp chayanne#qsmp talullah#qsmp philza lore#I'm so happy with this style#I always want full animation but thats so draining so mostly still scenes with little movements seem to be a good halfway point#i have no clue if these kept the quality they had butwe shall see#also 5fps might be too quick for some of these but maybe its fine and Im overthinking idk#ratsday-art
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#destiny 2#beyond light#eris morn#exo stranger#the drifter#i swear i am working on actual art it's just a really draining piece and i needed to shitpost#also have no idea if someone already did this so i'm sorry if that's the case
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so i tried to draw the drain- talk abt process in cut
okay so. have to stress just how much of this is kin shit. one- thespius is there because my thesp friend actually remembers going to the drain once while still being a human. the person beside him is unnamed, they weren't intended to represent anyone specific, maybe just someone leading him through. but uh.. yeah.
lots of water. like- inescapable. lots of crumbling infrastructure, buildings built on top of one another, not a lot of natural light- if any at all, the further down the drain you go. electricity going out all the time. resources being scarce- clothing, food, just basic needs for survival. using a lot of the flora that grows in wet, cold environments like this- mushrooms, algaes, etc, and cooking with that. communities coming together and being pretty tight knit, making sure everyone has what they need. and that was something that hector was particularly skilled at doing- organizing people, getting resources to those who need them most, etc. helping rewire downed power cables. finding and rescuing a beloved item swept away in the current and further down the drain. being a community leader and beloved team member. and upon finally leaving the drain, it's these skills that the gods see and decide to grant him godhood for
#great god grove spoilers#great god grove#my art#ggg#the drain#the drain ggg#i'm not gonna comment on my rendering i had this thumbnailed originally and blew it's resolution up huge then fixed it#so it's weirdly artifact-y and blurry in some spots and different brushes and stuff used in others and. spek. i'm tired. sorry#maybe someday ill fix it up and make it an actual painting instead of whatever weird little study this wound up being#other#bizzyboys
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spirk using telepathy to keep each other alive. kirk, desperate, psy-null and untrained, reaching clumsily into spock's dying mind and pulling, dragging spock's essence into himself, wrenching him forceably from the very jaws of death and holding him there through sheer strength of will, saying you can't die, i won't let you, you can't leave me, i need you, and binding him to life and to himself until it's impossible to fully separate them. spock, more skilled, carefully managing each one of kirk's vital signs - keeping his heart beating steady, his lungs drawing breath, his temperature within a safe range, all while suppressing kirk's pain, and at the same trying, vainly, to keep their minds from tying themselves inexorably together, but they're pressed too close and he can't, and he hopes that kirk will forgive him, for bonding them like this (he will, of course he will), but the alternative, letting kirk die, was - unthinkable.
#no matter which direction it goes the one who formed the bond feels so guilty about it because That's Marriage & they never got permission#and the other just looks at them and says “i would have married you the day we met if you'd only asked”#it works both ways because they are both so stupidly down bad#i think there's a special sort of devastation with telepathy like this because If They Fail - they have to feel the life drain away#you tie yourself to them and you know that if it doesn't work. if they die. it will feel like your soul has been torn from you#because you're in love! and in order to save them you've taken them into yourself and given yourself over to them#so when they die - they take you too. maybe not ALL of you but certainly part. neither one can die without tearing the other to shreds now#star trek#star trek tos#tos#spirk#james t kirk#spock#jim kirk#k/s#tbh i've got a fic (SLOWLY) cooking which features spock desperately holding kirk to life while bones (panicked) operates on him#(w/ some mcspirk vibes because bones is afraid that if he loses kirk he'll lose spock too but spock refuses to let go)#but i'm such a slow writer so. in the meantime here's this
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⚰️ A speedpaint video of this will be available at my Patreon on august 1st!
#the phantom of the opera#phantom of the opera#phantom#erik#my art#here have a a sad man#sorry the packaging is a little morbid and moist#he is having a moment#so am I ...god I'm so drained my mental health is in the negatives
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if tommy doesn't propose by asking buck "will you be my last, evan?" then what's the point of anything really
#and it needs to be an impromptu spur-of-the-moment thing for maximum satisfaction/hypocrisy#buck's letting tommy set the pace the second time around so all the big steps forward are up to him#it's 2026. tommy's gotten rings 4 months ago but he's been delaying asking bc he needs to be absolutely certain and it needs to be#absolutely perfect. so he's taking his sweet time planning an elaborate proposal but that all goes down the drain one afternoon#they're at the grocery store and buck's going on a tangent abt the herbal sweeteners of protein powder or something#tommy's so full of fondness he just blurts out 'marry me' in the middle of the health/nutrition aisle#'...come again?' 'marry me' 'are you seriously asking me that now? here?' 'i guess i am'#'well i'm no traditionalist but where's the ring? or at least the speech?'#'i have both. ring's at home. this isnt as impulsive as it sounds' 'okay then let's hear it' 'what?'#'your speech. ask me properly and you'll get your answer' 'here?' 'finish what you started kinard'#olivia wilde nodding.gif#bucktommy#rima.txt
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Intrusive thought fights back intrusive thought.
#Do not lick the Connie#Messy comic before hitting the hay#This is the third time he licked her so she's fighting back. lol#connverse#Steven Quartz Universe#Connie Maheswaran#SU#my shiz#steven universe#Have to wake up earlier than the usual day off#bcoz it's gonna be fiesta day very very soon which I'm not thrilled tbh. Fiesta Day = many visitors.... the thought already draining.#skedoobles#my comics#comic
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Sometimes... the world can be a little too much.
#cod#call of duty#cod mw2#call of duty modern warfare 2#call of duty ghost#simon ghost riley#manysart#manyrambles#vent in the tags beware#drew a little ghost to see if it made me feel a little better and it did... maginarly...#I have been having the roughest month (roughest year reallly) of my life mental wise...#I feel so drained everything is too much everything is too little#it's like my brain is covered in static and not the good kind#I'm exausted mentally#my nerves feel rubbed raw#feels like I'm so close to snapping#I don't even know why I'm like this that's why it's so frustrating#now I'm gonna work on my assigment that does involve soap so that makes me a little happy#personal stuff yee haw
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not now please I'm busy rotting in bed
#vent#venting#vent account#actually mentally ill#mentally tired#personal#depressing shit#i'm sad#vent blog#anxienty#mentally fucked#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing stuff#depressiv#tw depressing thoughts#tw depression#tw depressive#anxi4ty#anxitey#anxeity#sad thoughts#i'm tired of everything#i'm so tired#tired#im tired#im exhausted#emotionally exhausted#emotionally drained
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So I read Trimax...and rewatched Stampede after...
I cried so hard and for so long and so frequently that the next day my eyes and head still hurt. I think about it and just want to curl up and cry over it again. Tis peak 10/10, I am resisting the urge to read it all again. I will rewatch Tristamp and 98 another 10 more times.
#These quotes keep coming back to me when I'm trying to do stuff im being haunted#Trigun might take permanent residence in my head#I need those deluxe editions right now#I need an estimated release year for season 2 of tristamp from studio orange#im clawing at the walls im so in love with this series oh my god#trigun#trigun stampede#trigun maximum#tristamp#trimax#i dont think trimax is meant to be read in a less than 48 hour period cause im so emotionally drained#btw this is dated the 21st
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as we enter the start of a semester and the dreaded Hour of Making Friends us upon us... if ur ever at a loss for what to say in one of those weird social situations where you only vaguely-know people, one of my favorite questions to ask is "what is your favorite food crime." a food crime is like the food combination that you love that other people find revolting. press them to take it further than pineapple on pizza, that's rote. food crimes is a good topic that has many benefits as it turns out all people are degenerates and also it will give you some cool ideas to try out later in the privacy of your own degenerate kitchen
the other good thing to ask is "okay but has anyone here ever been someplace haunted" bc it turns out if you ask most people directly they don't believe in ghosts, but many people are like "oh yeah i lived in a haunted house. ghosts aren't real tho"
#my food crime is that i regularly make a “pasta and tuna” situation that has somehow gotten even more evil and degenerate over time.#it is a ''white wine reduction'' (it's just white wine and garlic powder & seasoning)#and tuna from a can.#and plain pasta.#if i have the spoons i will actually chop garlic for it but this tends to be my comfort food for a REALLY bad day#bc its super easy to make:#boil pasta. drain. put into bowl for later. into same pot u used for pasta.#put tuna (with oil/water from can). let fry a little for like 2-3 min. put in whatever amount of wine. season to taste.#the tuna will get a little crisp on it which is nice. important side note:#this began as a Bolognese sauce.#and one day i had to sub for tuna. i know. not ideal. i cried about it too.#somehow over time it is now its own little evil thing. i would never make someone else eat it. it is beautiful.#but yeah i don't even stir the pasta in afterwards i just slap pasta into serving bowl#slap this ''''''sauce'''''''' on top#molto bene#(i really can cook fairly well btw. this is a food crime. not a suggestion of skill or ability)#(i LOVE baking but when i cook for myself. the autism is obvious. bc i just don't understand the point of most of the steps)#(.... i can just eat the deli meat out of the bag. it is protein. i don't even have to like it. i just have to eat enough calories.)#(also i used to cook MUCH more before this apartment which is so small that i can stretch my arms out and overreach the counter length.)#(.... i'm 5.2. so.)
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