#i'm numb to pain

[worthless-misery]

I hate myself.

I hate my face.

I hate my eyes.

I hate my ears.

I hate my nose.

I hate my mouth.

I hate my lips.

I hate my hair.

I hate my neck.

I hate my shoulders.

I hate my chest.

I hate my back.

I hate my belly.

I hate my hips.

I hate my arms.

I hate my hands.

I hate my fingers.

I hate my skin.

I hate my crotch.

I hate my thighs.

I hate my knees.

I hate my legs.

I hate my feet.

I hate my ankles.

I hate my toes.

I hate my smile.

I hate my laugh.

I hate my scars.

I hate my stretch marks.

I hate my bones.

I hate my body hair.

I hate my voice.

I hate my mind.

I hate my thoughts.

I hate my dysphoria.

I hate my depression.

I hate my anxiety.

I hate my eating disorders.

I hate my trauma.

I hate my nightmares.

I hate my past.

I hate my memories.

I hate my childhood.

I hate my adolescence.

I hate my adulthood.

I hate my existence.

I hate my life.

I just hate every single thing about myself so fucking much...

[iliothermia]

Doctor said my condition 'looks and sounds just like lupus' in his own words, repeatedly comparing my facial patterns- to then blaming it on me being transgender after seeing my chest scars while checking my heart rate. Blames it on testosterone use. I haven't been on T for years.

On the way out asked what pronouns to use on my medical papers. I said I don't care, whatever's least confusing. He then asks again, stating that trans people are 'sensitive' and get upset about their paperwork.

Starting over again. More medical bills and need new referrals. :(

[vaguely-concerned]

Thinking about the symbolic weight of smoking in the TLT universe that comes to the fore in The Unwanted Guest -- the way it moves through from person to person: Pyrrha smoked, and Augustine wanted to impress her in all her stone cold fox MILF James Bond glory (and tbf who wouldn't) so he started too. and even though as far as he knows she's been gone for a myriad and is never coming back, he keeps the habit. Ianthe sees something in the hollowed-out Faberge eggshell of Augustine that resonates with her, all that gilded eloquent emptiness and disdain through the ages, so she picked it up from him to try to emulate it. She picked it up so hard that Palamedes -- the exact spiritual antithesis of the 'smoking! on a space station! what a powermove' ennui Ianthe so admired -- spontaneously unnerded enough to even known how to, simply from a sort of contact contamination of the soul.

G1deon and Augustine sharing a jittery smoke after their near-Harrow experience during soup night, and it's the closest thing to any real sense of brotherhood that remains between them. Pyrrha going ten thousand years dying both literally and for a smoke (and then Camilla sold her fucking cigarettes (for a third of what they were worth, probably Pyrrha's own good, and also more importantly grocery money). what an entirely haunted time to be alive etc.). Augustine and Mercy trading a cigarette back and forth in the middle of their collusion over the love and murder of god.

An act of small and measured self-destruction in the name of something a little bit like connection when you're stuck somewhere in yourself where love itself dares not or cannot tread (ritualized, transmissible)..........

[mirensiart]

Youve got MY brain churning now >:D

With regards to the lu x kiznaiver au, if someone is in so much pain that they pass out, do the remaining Links get an instant reprieve? The panic that would seep thru the chain if so- especially the first time it happenssss oohohoho

Im also watching the anime with a friend next week, ty for the unintentional recommendation 😂

It's such a fun concept, the brainrot is real lol!

And ooh, I would think so! Like when u pass out cause of pain, it's because the brain wants to shield u of it, so I would assume that if one of them passes out the rest would stop feeling that link's pain 🤔

The potential hurt/comfort though... you're cooking!

I actually want to rewatch the anime now too! I've watched it twice, but the last time I did was in 2017 so it's been A While lol

It's a short but fun watch, i liked the concept a lot, and I believe there's so many ways to explore it outside of what the anime did !!

I hope u enjoy it! I do remember the cast being very lovable hehe

[poi-rinch-lover]

It's Friday, I have raging toothache so I'm thinking about this man to make me feel better!!

[hannigramislife]

Me, 18 years old: Oh, God, wangxian love each other so much, they are soulmates, their love has survived the worst of trials, they stood by each other when no one else would, Wei Wuxian has done nothing wrong, ever,–

Me, 21 years old: Oh, God, Wei Wuxian, what did you do? How am I supposed to be happy for them when there's. So. Much. Pain– Jin Ling lost so much while so young. Nie Huaisang had a reality check in the worst ways. The Wens were a casualty of war. Oh, poor A-Yuan. Oh, God, Jiang Cheng– Jiang Cheng, you were hurting, it was never your fault, you are enough, Meng Yao, stop–!

[aflyingcontradiction]

How does one politely tell a dentist: "No, I have precisely zero issue with needles, the reason I said no to your offer of local anaesthesia is that I have a macho streak approximately a mile wide and would have kicked myself all week if I hadn't at least checked to see if I could take it. And now I'm also very mildly offended you think it's the needle thing."?

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

[neptunes-saddest-alien]

I am so fucking tired. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of trying to do everything . I'm tired of waking up. I'm tired of fighting with myself to keep going. I'm tired of feeling nothing I’m tired of the pain.I’m tired of myself . I’m just so tired

[dogearedheart]

someday I won't have to face autumn alone

[skwivr]

-

[worthless-misery]

I would say today has been a bad day.

But that's been every day for quite a while now.

[mymarifae]

i think i was developing ulnar tunnel syndrome but not to worry! i crashed my electric scooter and hit my arm so hard that whatever was compressing the nerve got moved out of the way and now everything in there is fine and more or less normal again

[blackmetalsnake]

Me, burned out from mental and physical illnesses and now living only on the power of testosterone in my body:

(^ I will definitely survive)

[hikeyzz]

going out to a two hour dinner with family means breaking down sobbing as soon as i get home because it was so loud and busy and crowded it was so overwhelming and my body hurts so bad and everyone treats me like a freak when i have any emotion besides glee and it was all just so much it was way too much for me to comfortably handle and every sob hurts my body more and more and i just am so tired, i'm so tired

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death