#i'm busy & depressed lol

[infernal-lamb]

Hey, I've seen your drawings from Neves. They are brilliant. I like her a lot, and are you writing fanfic about her?

Ahh thank you!!! That's really flattering fkljgfjf....It's always a pleasant surprise that people like Neves :'-) (and I love when I get an excuse to post my doodles of her and the Lamb lol)

I am in the works of trying to write a cotl fanfic abt this specific au (I call it The Apostate & The Martyr in my head lol), but writing doesn't come as easily as drawing to me SIGH. I've actually written quite a bit, but the problem is putting all these random excerpts together to make something coherent LOL. But yes, the fic is intended to be the story of The Lamb and Neves' friendship amidst the brutality and terror of the Lands of the Old Faith, how to deal with the consequences of their choices, and the mutual alienation they experience in their positions....as silly as that sounds lol. It's very self-indulgent! I just liked the concept of the "Outsider" POV, so to speak, being subjected to the sort of normalized violence that exists in cotl. Though, I might end up just making comics if I can't pan out this fanfic well enough!

[im-getting-help]

Okay but, imagine. Oliver and Felix.

They had the 💫maze moment💫 but after Felix says the magic words (you make my fcking blood run cold) Oliver freezes. He thought Felix was mad at him but he realizes he hurt him. Oliver never thought for a second that Felix would care enough to actually be hurt by him. He not only hurt him but he is scaring him. And so, he lets go, he mutters an "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Felix" and he's gone.

Felix is UPSET, cause after all that he can't keep denying that he's in <something> with Ollie (was? is?). And he's mad cause Ollie is right. He wouldn'v care at all about him if he hadn't been interesting enough from the beginning. How did Ollie knew him that well? How did he know what lies to tell to keep him intrested? (Doesn't this just proves how much of a good friend I actually am? How well I actually know you?)

He needs space, he needs to simmer whatever all of this is. But not tonight.

So he gets out of the maze and drinks and smokes and fucks whoever and then Duncan is waking him up, giving him some tylenol or something and taking him to his room.

When he actually wakes up is late in the afternoon, he moves instinctively to the dining room, still dizzy. When he gets there all eyes are on him. What happened? It's not the first time he passed tf out after a party. Elspeth seems upset.

After he ate and is a little bit less dead Duncan informs him that Oliver is gone. He took all his belongings and left at some point during the night or morning who knows. No one saw him leave.

Felix gets up and goes back to his room, through the bathroom and... empty bedroom. No signs of Oliver. The room was clearly recently cleaned. He opens the closet, nothing. Back to the bathroom, empty too.

Fuck.

Duncan tells him that the only thing he left behind was the costume and the black suit Felix lend him. Oh, and a blue button up that was still in the laundry room.

The rest of summer Felix tries to get a hold of Oliver but is impossible. He texts, calls and leaves voicemails, nothing. He finds the phone number of Oliver's house but when he calls Oliver's dad tells him that he's not home, he's probably back at Oxford. Felix packs and leaves Saltburn early. Back at Oxford he goes straight to Oliver's dorm, he knocks but nothing, he stats pounding the door "c'mon Ollie, I just want to talk!" he tries the knob, the door opens, the room is empty.

He learns quickly that Oliver moved. He didn't just moved rooms, nope, he moved colleges. He's gone.

That night Felix cries holding Ollie's shirt :)

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

[birdycage]

i miss drawing metaltango...i'm so excited to do chrisker week stuff, but I gotta get back to my roots 😤

[arlecchno]

turned 18 almost a week ago and i still don't know wtf i'm supposed to do with my life LMAO

[ecto-mochi]

Obsession

    It started out as a necessity. The opening of the portal was his fault; his brash, stupid, dangerous mistake. So it was only right for him to do damage control. That’s all it was at first. Danny cleaning up the shrapnel of his errors, nothing else.

    And even if it somehow wasn’t his fault, even if the portal would have opened without his intervention, be it through the sheer idiotic determination of his parents or through the awesome strength of an overzealous ghost…

    Well, if that was the case, then this outcome was inevitable. He would’ve needed to take up his parent’s mantle at some point, halfa or not. His father always said that ghost hunting was in their blood. At first, that simply wasn’t true. Danny didn’t capture rouge ghosts because he enjoyed it, he did it because it was his burden to bear- it was only right for him to correct his mistake. After all, if he didn’t, an entire town would suffer.

    Soon, it became routine. People began to know his name, began to look for him in the skies when the ghosts were close enough for even a human to feel its otherworldly chill. There was a thrill to it, along with the weight briefly lifted off his chest. Each ghost caught was another life saved and an iota of guilt temporarily relieved, but it was also proof that his actions were necessary. It was proof of the damage he had done all those years ago, and proof that the fallout would never stop.

People would just keep getting hurt because of him, fighting in their honor wasn’t a choice. With these powers, he could, no, had to, help, even though (no, because) he had caused so much destruction. Even though he would continue to do so. 

And anyways, maybe his dad was right, maybe ghost hunting wasn’t all that bad. Sure, it hurt sometimes, but he always made it through, saved the day, made a few witty jokes, et cetera. And he could always smile through the pain if it meant a few less disgusted glares at his snow white hair and ethereal glow. After all, Danny wasn’t human. He deserved to suffer. So why was he trying so hard?

    Now, he isn’t quite certain what it is. He has so much help and so many friends. He could take a break. He doesn’t have to keep fighting, keep hurting; keep spending those late, late nights sewing together his own skin, trying so hard to not let his parents see the old green and red stains crusted between the bathroom floor tiles. But he’s having trouble sleeping now, when the nights are quiet, when there’s nothing otherworldly about Amity Park. Even through his exhaustion, he feels the need to get up, to protect everyone, to come home yet again, bleeding and bruised, hiding secrets that don’t need to be hid. And anyways, he can’t stop now. Since, after all, this is his fault. If he let other people help, opened the door to his rotting heart, then what would he be? Just a ghost boy with human powers? 

Or maybe just a freak- somewhere between ghost and human, lost in the misery between living and dead.

[sunnikko]

Saying Goodbye to My Mask event on project sekai may have been a premonition of having my own mental health tank to the same level as Mafuyu's because well. Let's just say. The depression. (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

[heavierthanlaila]

the solidarity stage of my life's game is super boring i can't wait to get to the next level.

[guinevereslancelot]

fighting my friend's sad beige baby aesthetic by introducing the bold color of navy blue to the baby clothing for my baby shower gift 😌💙

[somuchbetterthanthat]

some days the world is just exhausting

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

not me, buying Expensive Yarn Fades like that might Fix Me

[daydreaming-in-daisies]

Thank god I'm retaking my cell bio class online because there's no way I'm wasting energy, time, and gas on commuting to that hellish campus twice a week

[lupe-jess]

you know somethings wrong when you're happy to go back to work

[eggmeralda]

what's the point of being depressed if you can't even indulge in any unhealthy coping mechanisms

[ajarofpickledtears]

i dont usually really mind being a chronically online introvert with social anxiety most of whose friends live far away

but then my sister is on vacation in Spain with friends once again and sends pictures of herself and the sea and herself by the sea or on boats and

[lasslauren]

i might actually not have any plans for new year's eve this year, does this mean it's time to bring back my new year's eve tradition of playing the sims for 8 hrs straight? perhaps