#i’ve never been a priority! and that’s nobody’s fault but my own

[bylroos]

not to sound like my teenage self again but. man am i tired of always being left behind when my best friend gets a significant other.

[gayofthefae]

Notes: this is all the Duffers’ fault aka this whole idea was inspired by the line used in the Stranger Things diegetic soundtrack “even as I wander, I’m keeping you in sight” implying a level of self awareness during Mike’s relationship with El or even some awareness before based on the use of keeping as something to maintain from some implied “before”.

Thinking about bi Mike saying when he developed romantic feelings for El he realized that he had had them before.

And now that I’ve said it out loud, thinking about the complexities of Mike realizing that what he had felt/been feeling for Will was romantic because of the romantic feelings he was developing for someone else.

And then being in mourning so obviously he’s not just gonna jump tracks back to Will again as if nothing happened and then he’s torn. For the year and a half since. 

Thinking about Mike acknowledging his feelings for Will at the same moment he acknowledged his feelings for El and this fascinating idea of one not being able to exist without the other. THINKING ABOUT MIKE REJECTING THE IDEA OF HAVING FEELINGS FOR EL BECAUSE IF THAT’S WHAT ROMANTIC FEELINGS FEEL LIKE THEN THAT MEANS THAT-

oh i am thinking thoughts

and then I put a bunch more in the tags so I’m not reformatting them but here

#whether it's like THE answer that the duffer's are providing or have planned or not i just think it fits into the puzzle in such an interest#ing but aligned way i'd never thought of before#it explains his hesitancy to admit his feelings despite being insecure about not having had a crush yet#it explains his projection and seeming torn#it explains his focus on el as the second/more recent person he developed feelings for and trying to equate that to being a separate instanc#e from will#like because he started having feelings for her second that means that his feelings for will should end soon and he will transition to el#he realizes he's had feelings for will but he tries his best to treat it as: i learned some hard to swallow information about myself. that i#HAD feelings for Will#but it isn't that#and then it bleeds into the retroactive repression theory and the compartmentalization of yeah i had a crush on him no biggie though because#i don't anymore so it doesn't even really matter actually so idk why we're even talking about this really#he's using his self awareness as an excuse to equate it to being past he held off acknowledging 1/2 of his hand in hand feelings he knew he#as torn but tried to focus on el even though he was still emotionally pulled to will and that pull overrode the commitment to singular roman#tic focus in the instances that he realized it was negatively impacting will. because not losing Will will always be more important to him#than whatever shit he's dealing with in his own head. it's like that threat of losing people grounds him. reminds him of the consequences of#his actions and the ripple of his repression and he snaps back into acting on his emotions of getting Will back and he'll deal with the#emotional and romantic repurcussions of that later but it's the instinctual priority

Oh my god also the SHED SCENE as it plays into this whole idea? This a very exciting new avenue to explore. Okay, Mike going through the grief without El but still having those feelings for Will and that same applicable instinct to save and help and comfort him overriding the idea of socially “right” or acceptable and just acting on his feelings and something about the way that scene is shot and the way everyone turns around to face them and how he isn’t sitting in the place everyone sits when they talk to Will and how it was impulsive. impromptu. Nobody expected him to talk in that moment. It was just Joyce there. He stepped up to help and maybe he wasn’t even sure he was gonna tell that story. Maybe it was a conscious choice or maybe it just fell out of his mouth, I honestly don’t know. But thinking about that same prioritization instinctively that he’s shown to disregard social ideas to focus on El and actually allow himself to pay needed attention to Will as well (not saying social pressures is all that makes him pay attention to El just that it does influence his lack of focus on Will) coming up in the original supernatural context.

Thinking about how El showing up made Mike feel better after Will was dancing with that girl. But how Will’s presence and comfort made Mike feel better after El “died”. And how it’s always been this exchange that we knew about but his self-aware feelings never had to actually be addressed until season 3 because he was mourning but she was also dead supposedly so at the very least he no longer had to decipher between or prioritize those feelings until she came back. And then her coming back was a good thing but then they were both there and he had to face that El’s presence hadn’t erased his feelings for Will. Maybe he thought that his feelings, like their presence, would be mutually exclusive. Because even if he had feelings for Will in season 2, it was in El’s absence. So maybe he felt fine in the idea that that was the nature of their existence. And then he was comforted well El showed up - distracted from Will and that girl. Thus, again, telling him that they could exist separately. 

Even when the summer came he wasn’t actually struggling to balance them that much. He had both of them - maybe a bit more focus on El just in his routine tardiness but besides that pretty balanced. He maintained the relationship he always had with Will because there’s no harm in that, right? And likely hoped that because he was in a romantic relationship with El and not in one with Will that that would even the scales and he would get over this thing with Will as long as he didn’t reinforce the romantic aspect and it would be fine but then shit hit the fan and we’ve already been over that a million times including in this post so. If I think of more, I’ll make more edits. :) Excited about this new perspective. I love when things just    fit  !

[harry-styles-obsessed]

You are enough.

Request: hey, I was wondering whether you could do something along the lines of mental health? I’ve been struggling recently and your stories brought me out of the darkness in some way or another so if possible? Thank you!

A/N: hey anonymous, thank you so much for the request. I understand how difficult mental health is. I’m so glad my stories have been able to do that. I’m sending you all the love and I hope this is okay. Remember you’re not alone. My DM’s are always open. Much love, Amber x

TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts, pretty dark topics, panic attack, self hate, depression&anxiety- please read at your own discretion.

Mental health was a beast no one could tame. Depression, anxiety and so many more… it was almost torturous. As if the demons within your head created a pact together and decided it would be fun to torment you. It was never ending and to be quite frank it was exhausting. You sometimes felt as if no one understood you. It was so tiring. It felt as if the soothing words that were repeated over and over again became less soothing every time. As if the demons within you were becoming more tolerant to the words, to the comfort, as if they were slowly beginning to drown you. Harry, your boyfriend of 3 years even paid for you to get therapy… out of his own love and own money which you felt terrible for but he assured you it was for the best. The therapy was going well for a while but then it started becoming repetitive… you struggled talking and when you couldn’t talk and felt the pain wrap it’s cold loathsome hands around your throat constricting your breathing you simply couldn’t and wouldn’t talk.

That day was going awfully- first you encountered an ex friend whom you were not on good terms with, next you were caught in a flood of rain absolutely drenched and the cherry on the top was the fact when you walked inside your apartment it was empty. Cold. Sad. No one to wrap their arms around you. No Harry. No nobody. Just you and your confused uncontrollable emotions. You felt like such a waste of a human being.. no… you were a waste of a human being. You were meant to go to your weekly therapy session but you were exhausted, harry was out recording songs for his new album and you were just here wasting your life away. It felt as if everyone was accomplishing something… all except you. You dropped your bag onto the floor slowly moving towards your bedroom, the door hitting against the wall as you sniffled. You tried desperately to not cry. To not be weak but you couldn’t control the anger and resentment you felt… and not because of anyone… no… simply because of yourself. You hated yourself and didn’t know how to control the feelings flooding your blood stream. Your body sank into the bed, wet clothes still clinging to your skin as you curled up in a ball closing your eyes tightly as soft sobs began leaving your lips until the crying turned into little whimpers those whimpers turning silent too as you managed to somehow cry yourself to sleep. Everything was going so well… so damn well… and you just had to go ahead and ruin it. Harry would tell you it wasn’t your fault and you were being too harsh on yourself but he wasn’t there to soothe you… you couldn’t bear to even think good things about yourself. You were broken.

Harry had spent most of his day recording, he wanted to release new good songs and he knew the fans craved new songs. The recording went really well everything was coming together and he was quite proud of it however he had a horrible gut feeling that he simply could not shake. He knew what you went through and you were always his top priority no matter what, of course concerts mattered and performing for his fans was also his priority but you would always come first. If you needed him he would be right there to support you. He knew you quite well he knew how the simplicity of a hateful comment on social media could send you spiralling and so that’s why he made sure you got rid of social media, he didn’t want to be possessive or controlling but he didn’t want to see you go through the brainwashing factor of all the hateful comments, the comments that stripped you of your self love… you hated yourself and Harry had to do a whole lot to make you love yourself again and he wasn’t gonna let some child mess up your mental health. Most of the comments came from jealous 11 year olds who had no clue what the hell they were doing, it was harmful. Harry remembered the time when hate comments got the best of him too… but he built a tough skin, a wall around himself that protected him from any hate.. he knew how to cope with it but you… you just needed a tad bit more of TLC and he was more than willing to be that person to remind you that you are enough.

“Babe I’m home!” He called his voice echoing off the walls as he quietly shut the front door his ring adorned fingers lightly twisting the lock on the door to make sure they wouldn’t get any visitors. Stalkers most definitely weren’t a shock to Harry. “Baby?” He called once again his concern growing more as he slowly walked into your room his frame pausing as he saw you, your frail body laying weakly on the bed. He let out a soft sigh just glad you were okay before he took slow steps towards where you lay. He slowly sat down beside you on the edge of the bed his hand gently resting upon your shoulder his hand rubbing up and down your back slowly and gently his fingertips slowly drawing patterns “y/n?” He whispered out as he slowly laid down beside you his arm wrapping around your waist as he pulled you close, and once he saw the way your eyelids fluttered every so slightly he let out a sigh as he gently caressed his hand over your face brushing some hair off of your forehead so he could look clearly into your tired puffy eyes, he knew you should be at your therapy session now but he didn’t bring that up… he knew not to. He knew you were having a mental crisis but that was okay. “What happened?” He asked simply and quietly “I-it doesn’t matter…” your voice was tired and weak his expression turning more stern as he gave you a disapproving but soft look “don’t say that. Of course it matters.” He murmured softly his lips gently pressing against your forehead as he pulled you closer to his body. “You matter, y/n… I don’t want you hiding your emotions from me. You matter, so therefore your feelings matter. C’mon. Talk.” He urged gently he knew when you got like this it took a while to coax it out of you but he had become petty expert at understanding you and understanding what helped knock you out of it. “I don’t wanna.” You whispered into his ear and he nodded, his fingertips gently soothing against your skin “okay. We don’t have to. But I’m gonna stay with you until you want to talk alright?” He said and for the first time you nodded slightly proving you wanted that and that you didn’t want to be alone.

His grip on you loosened ever so slightly as he sat up again scooting backwards so he was propped up on a couple of pillows his back resting against the headboard “c’mon sweetheart, cuddle time.” He murmured giving you a small smile his arms opening wide for you a soft little breath leaving your lips as you lugged your tired body up clambering on top of him, legs straddling either side of him before you leaned into his chest, his arms wrapping around your shoulders tightly and securely making sure you felt safe and sound as you practically melted into his embrace, eyes fluttering shut. “Want to watch a movie? Series? Marvel? Harry Potter? Stranger things? Back to the future?” He named all things you had both watched together at some point. You shook your head remaining nonverbal but he didn’t mind, he knew you needed him and he was going to be right there for you. Your head which rested upon his chest listened to the way his heart thumped rhythmically against his chest, so calmly, so warmly…. So peacefully. “Cartoons” the word soon left your lips as he gazed down at you a small smile tugging at his beautiful lips “alright.” He said simply, not judging one bit, cartoons were comforting in some aspects especially when you were going through a tough time. He put on your favourite cartoon before dropping the remote back down next to him his arm wrapping around you once again as he let out a soft sigh “I’ve got you… I’m right here… never leaving you.” He spoke softly as he pressed a little kiss to the top of your head.

The cartoon soon became a slight murmur in the background as tears blurred your vision a little sniffle coming from you “I’m sorry, H” you whispered meekly, he didn’t respond- simply wanting you to get whatever was on your mind out. “I-I…” you swallowed harshly unable to say it worried he’d be embarrassed of you, worried he would be disappointed. He knew the sound of your voice all too well, the way your eyes were full of worry “you hurt yourself didn’t you?” He asked and the tears that cascaded down your cheeks were enough of an answer for him a soft sigh leaving his lips as he held you tighter more protectively “oh darling… it’s okay..” he whispered quietly your breathing becoming heavier your heart racing so much so it was starting to hurt “I-I’m so sorry harry… I don’t know why I did it it was stupid… I- i was clean for so many days and now I go ruin it like a fucking idiot! I’m so stupid!” Your voice raised more with anger “hey hey hey… look at me.” Harry demanded his hand gently caressing against your chin as he made you look at him “don’t. Don’t. You’re not stupid. Everyone has little bumps in the road… you’re allowed to stumble and fall every now and then. We all are. I’m not angry at you. I’m not disappointed. I’m not upset with you. Breathe. In for four… hold for four… out for four.” He soothed slowly and gently your breathing soon calming down again as he looked into your eyes a soft assuring smile resting upon his lips “I’m sorry… so sorry.” You said quietly and he shook his head “you’ve got no reason to be sorry…” he assured gently “but-“ he shook his head silencing you by pressing a kiss to your lips “but nothing y/n.”

His words were assuring but calming as he smiled softly at you, he was sad you had hurt yourself but he wasn’t angry. No. Not in the slightest. “Can you show me?” He asked softly but once you shook your head he knew not to push your boundaries “okay sweetheart… you don’t have to… did you cover them though? Not bleeding anymore?” And as you shook your head he let out a soft sigh “y/n, I know things are hard right now, but I need you to be vocal with me.” He urged gently and as you looked into his eyes you remembered just how much you could trust him. “Didn’t use a knife or razor” you whispered quietly “lighter” you said, a soft sad look forming on his face as he nodded “okay.” He pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek “thank you for telling me… I’m proud of you.” He murmured softly. You leaned back into him your lips resting beside his ear “I don’t know why I did it… I just felt empty… sad… it seemed as if the whole world was against me today… just felt hopeless.” You whispered to him and he listened giving you his undivided attention “that’s valid. You’re allowed to feel like that. Your feelings are valid.” He comforted his hand gently sliding up the back of your T-shirt as he allowed his warm hand to caress against your skin “I love you y/n.” He said softly and gently. “Love you too Harry.” You whispered and a small smile tugged at his lips. You deserved the world and he knew that… one day he hoped he would be able to help you see yourself through his eyes.

“Tell me, would you treat somebody the way you treat yourself?” He soon asked and you looked into his eyes a small frown forming on your face “of course not.” You said and he nodded “then why do you treat yourself the way you wouldn’t treat others? Do you not believe you deserve the same amount of love others deserve because that’s not true… maybe take some of the love you have for me and give it to yourself. You need to start loving yourself… seeing yourself the way I see you.” He murmured stroking his fingertips against your cheek gently. “How do you see me?” You asked and he smiled softly “well I see a beautiful woman who doesn’t see her worth… I see a woman who’s badass but doesn’t let that full badass potential come out to play enough… I also see a scared anxious girl who doesn’t know how to express herself properly… but within that is a beautiful girl who deserves nothing but happiness. You deserve it y/n. You’re worth it y/n. You’re enough, Y/n.” He said softly and the more you gazed into his eyes the more emotional you became “tell me…” he said softly “what?” You asked softly and he smiled reassuringly “tell me. Tell me you’re enough.” He said and you looked into his eyes “I’m enough.” You said softly and he smiled “good job… now a little louder.” You repeated it again… over and over…. Until somehow it was imprinted into your mind and he wouldn’t ever stop reminding you of that small but very big factor….

You’re enough.

[heroes-of-olympus-next-gen]

Hi !!!!!

Can u write a promt where percy just worries and takes care of annabeth after their reunion

Like percy is changed with all the new added truma but still the same .

Thank you for your ask! Keep them coming <3

I will rescue you

Percy couldn’t fall asleep in his cabin. Not when she was only a few feet away from him. After everything that they had been through, he hated being away from her. She was like oxygen; without her he would die. Her lifeline was connected to his and he put her above of all his needs. She was always going to be his top priority. And he felt it inside his bones that she needed his help. She had put walls around her and tried to hide her feelings from him. But he wasn’t going to let her stay away from him, not when he knew that she needed him the most.

She was right where he expected her to be. In the library of Argo, where nobody else would step inside except for her. Percy entered the room and locked the door behind her. “Percy? What are you doing here?” She asked him as he sat next to her.

He kissed her softly to try and help her get loose. He didn’t like how tense and guarded she had been since he had returned. Deep down he was wondering whether it was his fault she was like that. Maybe she didn’t want to be with him anymore and she didn’t want to tell him. “How long have you been in here?”

“Just a few hours. I ate my breakfast and started researching for our mission.” She explained as he put his hand around her waist.

“It’s nearly midnight, Wise Girl. You’ve been holed in here all day long.”

“It can’t be midnight.” She shook her head. “No way.”

“It is. So, I’m officially getting you out of here.” Percy said and got up.

“No, I’m still not done with my project.” Annabeth refused and continued reading the book she was holding.

“You need to eat and sleep well. The project can wait a few hours. I promise.” He held his hand for her to grab, so that they could leave. Annabeth stayed still like she was trying to ignore him. Percy had been self-destructing his entire life and he was not going to let his girl do the same with her. She had gone through too much torture already for her to keep hurting herself to not let others see the most vulnerable parts of herself. “Let me take care of you. Please.”

“I’m fine, Percy. Don’t worry about me.” She reassured him with a broken expression.

“You always worry too much. I want to help you out. You don’t have to do everything on your own.”

“What we need to worry about at the moment is making out alive.” Annabeth said and her voice cracked at the end.

“We’re going to make it. I’ve already promised that I am not letting you go anywhere. You don’t win anything by overthinking the whole situation. I know it’s easier to say than do but try to turn off that incredible brain of yours every once and a while.”

Annabeth stayed quiet, looking at his direction with her beautiful grey eyes staring deep in his soul. He wished he could take away all of her pain with the click of a button. “I want you to tell me what’s really going on. You’ve been worried and distant, and I need you to be healthy and happy to not go insane. I love you so much it hurts. You’re the only one who keeps me going, so do me a favour and let me take care of you.” Percy was sure that she wouldn’t say anything and just shut him off, but her reaction surprised him even more. She started sobbing. She put her hands on her face and started crying. He had never seen her like that.

“I’m not fine, I know I said I was but I’m not.” She confessed trying to catch her breath. “I hate it. All of it. I thought I lost you and now you’re back and nothing is the way it was, and I don’t want to be alone again.”

Percy pulled her closer to him and she cried on his shoulder while he caressed her skin. “You are never going to be alone. Not as long as I’m alive. You’re allowed to let down your guards and be vulnerable. Let me carry some of all the weight you’re carrying.”

“I can do it all. That was what I was made for. To be a soldier.” She sobbed as she looked in Percy’s eyes. He put his hands on her face with their faces only a few inches apart.

“That wasn’t the reason you were born. You’re so much more than your mother’s daughter. Screw her. You’re your own person and as soon as we are done here, we’re running away from this world. You have so much to live for and I would hate myself if I couldn’t make you understand what a beautiful person you are.”

“You’re sure that we’re going to make it?”

“100%. Now please let me take care of you. That’s literally my job.” Percy said and helped Annabeth get up with him.

“I thought your job was to save the world.” Annabeth wiped her tears away.

“No, my job is to take care of my amazing girlfriend that never takes a break.”

[specialagentlokitty]

Lokittys prompt list

“If I don’t make it back, just know I’ve loved you all along.”

“I’m so much more than my parents said I’d ever be.”

“You think you know me but you don’t!”

“Whenever something good happens you say you don’t deserve it, but you do!”

“All you know about me is the rumours you’ve heard and the side I’ve chosen to show.”

“I’m so hopelessly in love with you, so, utterly, consumed by the thought of you. The thought of a person I knew long ago.”

“It was the wrong time.” “I believe there’s a right time, even for us.”

“For so long I’ve wanted to take your hand, for so long I’ve stopped myself. I was confused, lost, I wanted to tell you I loved you, but I never knew where to start.”

“We all have our pasts.” “But they don’t have to define us.” “But they always do.”

“I’m so incredibly proud of you.”

“Even if you fall a million times, I’ll pick you up every single time.”

“You’ll ever be alone, even if you can’t see me I’ll be there.”

“But what if you die and I’m left here alone?” “Then you’ll have to hold your own hand, wipe your own tears…”

“I would have died for you…” “and I would have lived for you!”

“I’d wage wars just to keep you safe.”

“Because no matter what you do to him/her/them, I’ll never let her/him/then walk alone!”

“Trust is a fickle thing.” “Trust is all I’m asking, just s little bit.”

“She/he/they’re my kid! My responsibility!”

“Would you love me even if I wasn’t here?” “Dear I’ll love you until the universe itself dies.”

“I won’t watch you sit on a throne built of the bodies you’ve built!”

“You’re not the same person…”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Come here, come on.”

“Just say the word. I’ll do it for you.”

“You believe me?” “Of course I do, I always did because I know it wasn’t you.”

“I wish it was me not you…”

“Me and you? We’ll take on the world.” “Promise.” “Always.”

“I told you I was always gonna be here.”

“Look in my eyes…” “why…?” “Because I’m never going to leave you.”

“Are you insane?!” “Clinically? Yes.”

“Run!” “What do you think I’m doing moron?!”

“You’re my past.” “I want to be your future too.”

“I love you.” “Okay?” “Jesus you could at least say it back we’re married!”

“Are you hurt?” “Yeah… but as long as you’re okay it’s okay.”

“Are you ready?”

“Let’s go!” “Where?” “I’m going to give you the best date of your life.”

“Nobody knows you like I do.”

“Even if the sky comes crashing down my love.”

“Take my hand.”

“Wherever, whenever, whoever, I don’t care. You will always be my priority.”

“You’ve got the whole world at your fingertips.” “Really?” “Yeah, and you’re going to do great.”

“Don’t be afraid.”

“We all make mistakes (Y/N), that’s just life. We learn from them.”

“Look at this!” “It’s a rock?” “I know, I thought I could throw it as you.”

“Let’s go home.”

“I’ll keep you safe, okay? Nothing bass gonna happen while am here.”

“Are you scared of the dark?” “No.” “What are you scared off?” “The things that live in the darkness…”

“You are enough, you’ve always been enough. Whoever told you otherwise is lying.”

“I promise I’ll do better.”

“I’ll give you everything I’ll have, I’ll give you everything I know, I’ll always hold you close, just promise me you’ll remember me…”

“You are loved.”

“Show me.” “Show you what?” “The real you.”

“You taught me courage before you left…”

“Will you tell me it al again? About the stars and the universe…”

“It’s amazing that we even exists, even more amazing I’m here with you.”

[dearclem]

dear @malachiphillips,

i just know our talks are never going to go well because i can never seem to think with a straight head when you’re around ( were you ALWAYS so frustrating? ), so i figured i’d just do what i do best instead. whether you read this or toss it is up to you. 

you see, malachi, i should probably preface this with saying that i’ve always been a little odd. someone who didn’t quite fit into any of the molds predetermined by society, so i tended to exist on the outskirts. there, but not really. much like a ghost. nobody really noticed me at first, except jacob. he was the sole reason i was ever able to pass math, did you know that? that math was my worse subject? i'm not sure if you ever noticed, but i digress. i preferred staying a ghost – until i saw you.  

gosh, you were so vibrant! surrounded by so much love from both your family and your peers, i just wanted in. i wanted to know what that felt like. except good things didn't happen to people like me, so i never bothered hoping you’d notice – think i was worthy of a conversation, let alone any type of connection – but then i made that stupid bet with grandma and suddenly i felt like jasmine; being with you was, quite literally, like being in a whole new world. i met so many new people and made new friends. there was love, finally, and i seemed to have it in abundance, but the funniest part of it all is that i don’t know if i was ever once myself. in order for us to fit, i had to be someone else ( or that’s how it felt ). except maybe in those quiet moments we shared, but we didn’t share many of those, did we? you were always so busy, laser focused on basketball, that we – i – often fell to the back burner, huh? but those are some of the things i loved about you: your dedication to honing your craft and your desire to grow in order to reach the goals you had set for yourself.  

and don’t get me wrong. i’m not saying any of that was your fault, because it’s not. i think we're both to blame for the way we ended up.

you know..i had a psych professor once tell me that we teach people how to treat us and i was never upfront with you about what i wanted. i never showed, or told, you how i wanted to be loved, but i wanted you to support me. i wanted you to learn about track the way i learned about basketball. i wanted you to show out for me at my races the way i showed out for you when you played. i wanted to be a priority to you, malachi. just once, i wanted you to actually choose me; choose us. and not just because i was convenient.

but i wrote all of that to say that i’m finally putting it all down ( and for clarification purposes, i mean that i’m going to stop letting you have power and influence over me ). or that i’m going to try to. for once, i’d like to put myself and my own happiness first without carrying all this baggage. 

and whereas i don’t exactly believe you when you tell me you want to be friends, on the off chance you’re being honest with me, i don’t know if we could be because, for the sake of complete transparency, i want you to hurt. better yet, i want to be the one who makes you hurt. just for a day, i’d like our hearts to trade places. i want you to know what it’s like to live with the mess you create. i want you to experience firsthand just how badly you hurt, but despite all that, there’s also a dumb part of me that wishes you happiness, that wants to be there for you should you ever need someone, that hopes you’ll always think of me fondly in spite of my inability to think of you the same. 

maybe there’s friendship for us in the future, or maybe there’s not. despite trying to put everything down, i don’t know if you’ll ever stop being a sore subject for me. i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to hear your name and not want to claw the eyes out of whoever uttered it to keep myself from crying. i don’t know if i’ll ever stop being some sort of in love with you, but i hope i will. i really hope i will, because then maybe we could be friends again. except this time, truly. 

♡ clem. 

[ina-nis]

The few people that still reached out to me in the past only did so due to fear of me committing suicide - yes, sure, they “care” about me... but it felt more like a “please be alive, don’t do anything stupid” kind of thing, and lot of life “lessons”, unwanted advice and unintentional toxic positivity.

In the end, this is too much work and stress for people to deal with, so they don’t. I don’t blame them, I would walk away too if I could. Why do you think I’m suicidal?

Now that I started telling people the “truth”, that I’m sick and need to stay away. They’re gone. They don’t bother. Good for them. I wish I had that option too!

Deep inside, I wish I mattered to them. Deep inside, I wish they would pick me, go after me and fight for me, even when I don’t, even when I’ll just push them away because I don’t want anyone to be hurt. Deep inside, I wish I would be chosen.

But the reality is that I’m probably very low on other people’s priorities, and that’s nobody’s fault. I’m just some person they know. And for the ones I’m more than that, I feel like it still doesn’t change things. My wounds are too painful and no matter how close they were to me, it was not, never enough.

There’s no point in my resenting people over some connection or relationship that was either non-existent or superficial at best, but felt like something so profound for me - this is why it feels so one-sided, huh?

But yeah! I have to do this on my own! It’s my own problem after all! Only then, I should let people in, because as I am right now, it will just end up badly for everyone involved with me, including myself. I know that way too well.

Here I am trying to solve an issue of loneliness by myself, using stopgaps and distractions. Trying to fill an evergrowing void inside of me with whatever is meaningful to me, exercise, a good diet and sleep habits, hobbies, going outside, being around other people and animals and seeing absolutely no improvement whatsoever because ultimately, I’m still alone and I still feel alone and none of these things have helped alleviate the loneliness because I need something specific that happens to be... none of those things.

It always and only works for a little while... then I need to try again, or to try something else, and so on... the pain is dulled but doesn’t dissipates, my feelings become numb and the emptiness only grows. My needs remain unmet. My desire has nowhere to go and no one I can redirect it to.

Oh, but I tried... I tried using fiction as a medium, I tried the whole fantasy thing and just using about anything I could think about to cope and to redirect my feelings into something else... art, writing, music, and so many other things...

It’s gone now.

The things that I manage to do now feel mechanical and dull, they feel heartless and empty... it’s so ironic, isn’t it? My creative outlets took a hit when they stopped working as coping mechanisms. I try to look on the bright side here and believe that, ok, this sucks and it’s hard but I’ll not be able to go back into hiding or avoidance anymore - I literally can’t, it’s literally not working anymore, and I tried several times in the last few months - I have no other option but address things.

Being alone and dealing with this on my own is making things worse. And trying to not stay alone, and forcing myself to be around others is full of triggers which make me feel even lonelier, and ends up being worse overall.

It’s like I’m going down a path where things get worse and worse... the only options I have at the moment will end up poorly and it’s just a matter of how fast they will “work”. I have to find more options...

I’m really scared I will not get proper help... I’m scared it will go the “social anxiety” route, or maybe the “embrace loneliness” route. Neither have worked for me and I’ve been trying to do the latter for several years now: it obviously doesn’t work.

My longing keeps me going, and so does my desire to get better. I don’t know if there’s a way out but I still feel like I have not exhausted all my options.

I will see this through the end.

[ksfreckles]

Trigger Warnings - Venting - Personal

I think I’ve been grieving my entire life – and that’s nearly 32 years. I have grieved my lost childhood. The getting locked in bathrooms and bedrooms while heads were knocked against walls and screams came from underneath closed doors. The watching boiling water getting spilled over unexpecting bodies cause I had said the wrong thing – I was eleven then, and the guilt haunts me to this day. The creeping feeling from the first time mommy touched me wrong and nobody could know cause it would’ve been my fault when she inevitably got hit again. The hearing how my sister (and I never blamed her for that, I must point out) was better looking than me, looked better in a dress than me, was smarter and bound to a better life than me. Eating was never survival – it was a way out. The victims were also abusers in that house and I needed to protect my baby sister – but I was only a child too. Did I? Did I protect her? I don’t know and I’m afraid to ask. Did it start with her when it stopped with me? I grieved knowing too much about how awful the world was before I managed to be 14. I have grieved my lost teenager years. Being called a whore because I wanted to go to school. Having plates full of food thrown into the ground cause mom – another mom, now, “she was so good to adopt you!” – thought I was being a rebel for telling her I liked how the takeout tasted. Maybe I just freaking liked the food? I don’t know. Being accused of performing witchcraft because my knife was a little misplaced by my plate. Being accused of trying to dress up for boys when I wanted to learn how to put make up on. Feeling guilty again, for the restless fingers in the night – good girls don’t do that. “Good girls don’t touch themselves, you must’ve been whoring around if you know how to do it.” No friends, no parties, no drinking, no taking part in school presentations. “Stay home, sweet girl, take care of mom, will you?” “You look so much like your real mom, you’re gonna be just like her.” I grieved my young adulthood. Not going to college, taking an online course cause “you’re gonna whore around if you go somewhere”; someone needs to stay home and take care of mom while baby sister goes to college herself. Defending baby sister from whoring accusations –  “oh, no, you’re covering for her. You both have that blood, and blood will always speak louder.” “You are both so lucky, lucky girls with a mom that doesn’t let you work or have your own money even if you’re in your 20s.” I grieved my first love, the girl who played my fucking heart so damn well I took all of her shit in and thought it was my fault. But how, oh how, could I blame it on her when I was already so unlovable? I should be thankful she even bothered talking to me. I wanted to believe she cared. So I did. How could I blame it on her? I grieved not grieving mother’s death. “Be strong for your sister, she’s having it harder than you.” Strong, always so bloody strong. Strong until your insides are bleeding and your throat is on fire but your eyes are dry. Strong until you think you’re overreacting for screaming and losing control and not having the words to say what you’re feeling but how could you if all you’ve done your entire life was to hold things in? When was I supposed to learn how to say things? When was I supposed to learn how to voice my needs and say “hey, that’s not ok?”. So I grieved my first relationship in life and the existence of an ex that wasn’t mine and not being made a priority – although in her mind I was – and took everything in because “oh, she was trying”. And I know she was. I grieved the missed or hidden holydays and the tighten throat whenever her phone rang cause I knew it was her ex. I knew she would be away for hours to come back with red eyes, and although my heart was shattered, I would only comfort cause isn’t that what I’ve been taught my entire life? Be strong. For others. Stand up. For others. Speak up. For others. Tuck all of those feelings in, stupid girl.  Just swallow them up with the pills you’re too afraid to take, with the strings you’re too afraid to cut. I’m no stranger to this darkness. And I feel guilty and annoying. I’m pushing people away cause I can’t talk light talks. I’m sad, so very sad and this sadness never ceases, even when I’m laughing, even when the happiness comes. I’ve been in this battle for so long and now I just feel like this is what I have become. There’s not enough room in my brain for those ghosts. No more sorrow for the death. No more empathy for the suffering. I can only look at me, that little girl who was never chosen first, never cuddled, never held. I don’t think I’m winning this battle. I can’t go back in time and tell on mommy. I can’t go back in time and fight mom. I can’t go back in time and have a fresh start with Julia. I can’t go back in time and share the burden with my sister. I can’t go back in time and have a new beginning with Bruna. And I know I should get over it. And I’m trying. But I need to talk and talk and talk and say things I don’t even dare to think about and therapy should be helping but it’s just not fast enough and I’m not a little girl anymore. “Are you alright?” “Are you feeling better?” They ask me. But they all have an answer they’re waiting for. They don’t want to handle me like this. God, I don’t wanna handle me like this. And I’m just so broken and tired and punched left and right that I wonder. I have to wonder if I can be fixed. And although I don’t wanna leave, although I still have fight in me, I wonder how long I can keep going like this. It’s not getting better. It’s getting worse. So much worse. Maybe I stared into the abyss for too long. It’s staring back at me. And I wished I had safe hands to hold on to, and I wish I had a name to call into the dark, but I feel so desperately alone and so desperately responsible for everybody else. But I don’t wanna go. I’m not trying to go. I’m just tired and I could stop and breathe and be still. Without feeling like I’m a burden. Without being strong. Without any expectation. Breathe in. Breathe out. The irony? I am exactly the kinda person I would need right now. But I can’t carry myself out of this. Not again. Not anymore. I just wish I could get some sleep.

[mountainashfae]

I’m in a DnD brainworms mood (misdirected as I try to prep a session) and honestly I’m kinda mad that some really fun character concepts I’ve had were squandered on a group where one game just halted itself into hiatus and the other game is the one where I got unceremoniously blocked for reasons that I still don’t entirely know.

They were both so COOL to play around with even with the characters not having a ton of motives on their own. Sometimes it’s fine to have a character go with the flow of the party until they have a big moment and know what they want for themselves. Putting this under a cut because it got a lil long and ranty

Victor was a really fun concept for me of a dullahan with amnesia, dropped into an unfamiliar landscape and time and having to slowly relearn things about himself. He was a Neutral Evil Oath of Treachery Paladin. His top priority at all times was his own self-preservation at the expense of others if need be, but not actively malevolent. He technically had broken the paladin oath from his life that he doesn’t remember, by betraying his comrades with the intent of saving himself. He was in the middle of Barovia tossed in with the party and nobody trusted him because he was SO accidentally shady. There was another dullahan who was missing his head and CONVINCED that Victor’s was his own. Victor didn’t even know if his head belonged to him or not. We never got past the village of Barovia because the progress was at a crawl for some reason despite playing for months and by the time we got to Ireena and Ismark we learned that nobody trusted the non-human and magic using PCs so it was like the narrative was punishing us. Victor could’ve been so cool to explore. He could’ve had a cool arc about realizing the things he did in the past and seeing if the interactions he had with the party up to that point would make him regret the past or not.

Lucio was a backstory NPC turned into a PC just for fun. The entire idea was that the True Neutral Draconic Heritage Sorcerer (who tHAT DM messed up the original concept of by making him half-dragon and then teased me for not making him a dragonborn. Like come on. You did this. I’m keeping him an elf) was only in the city because of a bet he made with his brother. He didn’t CARE about everything else going on. He just wanted to keep his young son safe and make progress on that bet and the party was a means to an end. They knew from the beginning that he was not interested in anything else, that he was not good at socializing, that his father murdered a large group of paladins that one of the other party members belonged to. And yet? It was my fault for seeming disinterested in the group antics in a campaign that I was told was supposed to be more dungeon delving? For involving my son in a lot of interactions because otherwise Lucio would not participate? For showing interest in fighting the antagonist group (even if we knew they would kick our ass) because they badly injured my brother? He was true neutral raised by lawful evil, I’m always fascinated by how a character of that alignment could have their actions influenced by those around them.

well that turned into a rant and I’m so glad I’m not in that group anymore because I really did stop having fun. I want so badly to find a way to repurpose Victor and Lucio without being reminded of that group.

[rcksmith]

Desire — Kaz Brekker

(Photo not mine)

Requests: “Hello there! I've been around this blog for a bit now and you are an amazing writer! I was wondering if you would be ok with doing something with 21 28 & 29 from the smut prompts and kaz brekker? If you are uncomfortable please just ignore this!”

“Kaz brekker Smut prompts 28 66?? Love you💖!!”

“I can request Kaz smut prompts 29?❤️”

Smut prompts:

21. “Look at you, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

29. “I didn’t know you were so sensitive.”

66. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader

Warnings: swearing, mention of shot, mention of desire, desire, mention of smut, explicit smut, NSFW.

Word count: 3k

A/N: All smut requests for Kaz must follow these rules.

I hope you like💕 English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

— — — —

There was something about you. Something impossible to decipher, with a glow hovering around you like a electrical energy. Wrapping your whole body in a cloak of magnetism. There was something about the way you spoke, walked, laugh. Something about what it was like to be you, in your beauty and mysteries like a sphinx.

Something that made Kaz Brekker completely furious.

You couldn't be more distorted from the image, in Kaz's mind, than what was to be a peaceful woman. Calm, controled, with steel emotions and wit in eyes. Someone who, like him, knew how to dance the waltz of negotiation, manipulation, who could blend in with the shadows and know the best time to listen more than speak.

You were not like Inej, you were not like Jesper. Hell, you were like nobody Kaz has known in all of his 28 years.

Nothing reminiscent of calm and control would be used to describe what it meant to be you.

Your soul are stormy, loud, obstinate, too stubborn and too talkative. You needed to speak loudly, laugh, move, expose your opinions to the seven winds and to whoever listened the most. You needed to question, inquire, doubt and test the limits of any situation. A direct order for you would be an affront to your free and independent spirit. A command that would curtail your freedom or tame your strong genius was almost like an invitation for you to do exactly the opposite of what they had ordered you to do.

So, for a man of trained reasoning, subtly balanced world, and who was used to his every command being followed vehemently and promptly in blind obedience, such a personality like you was like introducing a disturbing factor capable of shaking all his judgments. Sand in a watch, or stone in a shoe, would be no more a nuisance than a strong nature like your.

The extraordinary stubbornness and mania to counter his orders - when, in your words, they were unreasonable - had made you different from all the women Brekker had ever met. Kaz liked challenges and responsibilities, a good puzzle, but you were on a level far beyond that.

You were a danger to his peace of mind. And you knew that. All his aversion to your indomitable spirit only served as fuel for your own mission in to piss him off. Few men were like Kaz Brekker, you knew that, with a strength of character too powerful to be ignored. He was not just comfortable in his position of authority as he was obviously unable to act in any other way than as a leader. His stoic figure and always so contained in a wall of indifference made you want to ruffle his hair to see if you could remove any emotion. And being a girl who hasn't always liked leaders, Kaz Brekker was a huge temptation. Few moments had been better than those that you managed to piss him off beyond what he could handle.

However, all the reasons why the two of you were so exasperating for each other, did not explain why the air crackled in ambiguity when your eyes met. The hemisphere was adorned in a thought-provoking, poignant veil, like a warm honey flowing down its throat, and there was something else in the way blood flowed like flames of fire through veins of you two.

Jesper said that the sexual tension between you was so tangible that it could be cut by one of Inej's knives, but you refused to think of Kaz that way. At least until that moment.

Not pure images of what the infamous Brekker could do to you between four walls swept you like the strong Arabian wind. Making you be surprisingly breathless. Kaz was not a man whose private life was exposed, nor was he involved with many women, but you have heard two or three of them when they were drunk saying that Kaz Brekker in the room could be incendiary.

Everyone knew that his touch reserve didn't limit him to anything, but that his job was at the top of the priority list and that sexual encounters were almost never on that list.

"It was not my fault!” Jesper defended himself one night, slightly drunk, sitting at the club's round table next to the other crows “I didn't know he was married to another man! That damn pretty face seduced me!”

"Did he seduce you?" You asked, skeptical and playful.

"I swear to God! And it had been a long time since I had sex with anyone, and I went… ”

“But you did sex last week." Inej laughed, chocked.

"Exactly!" Jesper said, as if he were obvious.

You laughed with your beer glass in your hand, taking another sip.

“Is a week a long time to not sleep with anyone?" Matthias retorted, trying not to laugh.

“Are you going to tell me that is not?” Jesper and Nina spoke at the same time.

“If a man has time for sex more than once a week, he clearly doesn't have much to do. And I'm sure I gave Jesper a lot of tasks that would keep him busy.” Kaz narrowed his eyes at his friend, and Jesper hid his guilt behind the rim of his beer glass, looking to the side.

"So you are saying that you are a very busy man?" You teased, trying not to laugh at the scathing look Kaz sent you.

"I disagree. The values ​​of hard work and discipline cannot match the hot body of a woman in bed.” Matthias said, exchanging a brief conspiratorial look with Nina, who winked at him.

"There are more important things." Said Kaz.

"Like what?" You rested your chin on the back of the hand whose elbow was on the table, the playful look of a rebellious student.

"Progress." Kaz held your gaze.

He wasn't going to take your bait. But you didn't give up easy.

"Tell me, if God gave you a deal: all the hunger in the world would be extinguished in exchange for you never being able to have sex again, what would you choose?" your eyes had a teasing feline glow.

At that moment, Kaz felt a shiver up the back of his neck, like a warm breath of autumn. Something crawled, like a snake, across his rib cage and down to his groin, pumping blood like fire through his veins.

He held your gaze, but the feline glow in your eyes promised to contain the most ardent sins. Suddenly, Kaz's mind was flooded by the wave of obscene images of you, on his bed; moaning, squirming, shouting his name and being very obedient with every order he gave you.

He would make you such a good girl...

"I don't believe in God." He replied succinctly, the predator's eyes still in your eyes audacious feline's.

A big, satisfied smile spread across your face, and you said: "As I thought. Bad luck for hungry people.”

Realizing that he had fallen right into your cunning trap, Kaz got rid of your diabolical magnetism and cursed.

“I didn't say…” he stopped, impatient “It doesn't matter. I have more important things to do than waste time here.”

But the smile you hid behind the glass was noticeable to Kaz.

After that night, the crackling, gasping flame that circled the two of you intensified to alarming levels. Kaz could feel you holding your breath when he was too close, and you could see him squeezing his cane harder when you sweetened your voice for him.

However, regardless of Kaz's wanted to fold you at a table and put an end to your brat girl pose, enjoying the groans he was sure you would let out, the two of you still fought like dog and cat.

Just as it was now.

“What do you mean, I'm not going?!” You looked at Kaz, amazed, when he told you that you would not participate in the robbery that week “I know that security system like the back of my hand!”

It was true, what you had of stubbornness, you had of technological intelligence. There was no computer that you would not hack, a program that you would not hack, and a system that you would not unlock. Your genius with technology made up for all your lack of obedience.

But Kaz ignored. “I've already told you. It's a more dangerous mission than you're used to and we don't have time for the plans you come up with right away.” He needled you.

“Are you referring to Switzerland?” You were never anything short of direct and inquiring. It was logical that you would question every orden. “But I already told you that when the alarm went off your plan didn't work anymore! I was more useful inside to deactivate the alarm than waiting outside.”

And stubborn. Holy God, how stubborn you were!

"And it cost you to get shot."

"But it was just a shot!"

Kaz looked at you, puzzled. “Just?! And wasn't it enough ?! You put the whole team at risk!”

“But if I hadn't deactivated the alarm, we would all be arrested! And only I knew how to do that!”

"My fucking God, isn't there a speck of common sense in you?!"

But you answered boldly: "Not when you impose clueless plans on me."

Mortified would be an understatement to describe how he was now. What an unbearable creature! Kaz felt the anger spread from his neck to his face, igniting his breath and squinting his eyes in annoyance.

Why was it so difficult for you to follow a simple goddamn rule?!

“Besides, your initial plan was flawed and there was no reason for me to be out when it was necessary inside and...” And you kept talking!

If you had noticed Kaz's completely enraged state in front of you, you would have been scared, shut up and ran. But, truth be told, Kaz suspected that even if you knew how to read the murderous humor in his eyes, you wouldn't have left that office. Much less be afraid. You could argue with the demon. And you would probably beat him out of tiredness.

However, regardless of the desire to shake you up, to see if that put any good sense in you, in that second, watching you gesture with your hands, defending your point of view as if it were the england queen's crown, something swept Kaz's body from the top of his head with dark hair to the tips of his illustrated boots.

The sound of the world was drowned out by the flow of blood itself in his veins. His heart hammered hard in his chest and, in that instant, a sharp sting in his groin and the pit of his stomach set him on fire.

His gaze went down to your mouth, which kept moving. And when it came up to your eyes, your stubborn and defiant gaze sent Kaz's rationality into space. He dropped the cane abruptly, which toppled to the floor with a hollow crack, and advanced towards you in firm and determined steps.

Gluing his gloved hands to your face, Kaz silenced all your protests with a strong kiss. Hot, fiery, domineering. The kind of kiss that held years of camouflaged desire, years of irritability, years of an unnerving desire to make you shut up with all the perverse forms that existed.

You weren't afraid of him. But you should. You should if you knew everything he wanted to do with you.

However, as if you have been burning in the same desire for years, you responded to that kiss with the same urgency. The same hunger. Kaz slipped his hands into your hair, closing his fingers there and deepening the kiss with ferocity. He felt beside himself, like a hungry wild animal that had been denied food for years and that only now had its teeth set on its prey. You moaned against his lips, bringing your hands to his lean, strong biceps, squeezing your fingers there.

You both needed air, but neither seemed to give a damn about that. Misted of desire that burned like a fire in their bodies, Kaz pushed the two of you backwards, slamming your back against the wall and swinging a frame beside. You gasped, and the gesture made it possible for Kaz to invade your mouth with his tongue, hunting every piece of hot meat. You two fought the same battle in that kiss: invade, dominate, conquer.

They both wanted to take the waltz, but Kaz would never let you conduct the show.

He pulled your wrists up, pinning them with one hand against the wall, leaving you immobile while sinking his mouth further into yours. Kaz felt you try to get rid of his tight grip, but he was stronger than you. And much more when he have a objective.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He murmured against your mouth, the tip of his tongue playing with your bottom lip. “You know I don’t like to be teased.”

Was impossible for you to control the loud moan that escaped. Your body trembling with desire, your legs wobbly, your wet core vibrating with his words. Kaz Brekker was a fallen angel. With a beauty and charm you've never been immune to.

How can you think you'd win the dominance game with him?

And, like the fallen angel he was, his smug and arrogant smile painted the corner of his lips when he saw what his lines did to you.

“I didn’t know you were so sensitive.” Kaz mocked “If I knew it was only necessary to do this for you to shut up...” he brought his lips closer, his voice hitting yours “I would have fucked you like the naughty brat you have been a long time.”

If his caustic and maddening kisses hadn't been enough to break you in half, that statement would have done all the work.

In that second, you hoisted your white flag, biting your lip in a needy moan and closing your eyes for a second by the overwhelming vibration of your core. God, you needed more. Whatever he gave you. Anything he wanted to give you. You just needed more.

"Are you going to be good?" He played with the dough you were in his hands, his devilish mouth going down your neck, leaving a trail of fire and debris wherever he went.

You agreed, desperately. “Yes, Sir."

That title seemed to do things with Kaz. Because in the next second, his mouth was back on your. More urgent, more needy, more dominating. You shifted your hips for more friction with his, and Kaz rewarded your obedience by pulling one of your thighs forward, making your skirt go up, aligning your thigh on his hips and giving access for his member to fit perfectly against your pulsating core.

You moaned louder this time. Fingers clenching, heart pumping frantically. Kaz pulled his lips away from you for a second, taking his hand off your thigh and bringing it to your mouth.

“Pull.” He ordered, referring to the glove.

You murmured a low, excited moan, bringing your mouth to the glove and clenching your teeth on the cloth at the top of his middle finger. Satisfied, Kaz pulled his hand back, watching the alabaster skin peel away from the leather fabric. As soon as he was free, he removed the glove from your mouth, replacing it with his own and stealing all your breath in that fiery kiss.

His free hand wandered over your thigh, touching you for the first time with a touch that promised to show you all the most delicious and secret sins in the world. His tongue wrapped around your again, and the moan you let out was even greater when his long fingers brushed against your wet, throbbing core.

"S-sir!" You sobbed, your hips rocking against his hand, desperate for more.

"Look at you." His fire voice beat against your lips, the tightness against your wrists getting stronger, more possessive "I’ ve only started using my fingers and you ’re already shaking"

Your body cried out in unbridled desire, sobs mingling with loud moans and heavy sighs as Kaz tormented you with his fingers. He touched you, slid, opened and sank, increasing the volume of your pleas.

“P-please" You begged, the body in need, the urge too urgent.

Kaz looked you in the eye, a dark, malicious gleam burning in his Egyptian blue irises. "Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" He teased you.

But you no longer cared about his teasing. With your lips swollen and red, your heart racing and the core pulsing in despair on his experienced fingers, you were already surrendered.

"Please. I n-need." You mumbled submissively, rummaging your hips in his hand.

"I bet if I wanted to fuck you against my desk, here and now, you would be very happy to do it, wouldn't you?"

He was foisting all of his dominance on you, bending you to your knees for him. And you knew that. You knew he was taking years of anger out on you. But you couldn't care less. You wanted him. Ardently. Desperately. And if it was a good girl Kaz wanted, damn it, you would be a good girl for him.

You readily agreed, your eyes shining in supplication.

“Good.” Kaz pulled you brutally off the wall, turning you over to the table and pushing your chest against the icy wood, pulling your hips at him. “Because that's exactly what is going to happen.”

Suddenly, desire and hunger roared like a wild beast. Kaz watched you, bent over his desk, obedient, surrendered, offering every inch of your body to him.

His breath was burning in his throat and it was no longer possible to order his thoughts, contain his euphoria. He would fuck you so hard that it would make that memory the only thought when you remembered him. When you dare to rebut his orders.

Kaz pulled you skirt up and your panties down, letting out a groan that sounded more like a growl as he saw your wet core. Pulsing and desperate for him. For anything he wanted to give you. It sparked a fervent desire that Brekker had never felt in his life, devastating any possibility of thinking about anything other than fucking you.

Playing with your fingers in your slick, wet folds, you whimpered again, the core pulsing whenever he teased you inside, pressing his fingertips there but never entering.

"Do you want me to fuck you?" His voice came over the top of your shoulder, hoarse, animalistic, full of profane desires.

"Please." You were quick to beg “I do what you want! But just...please, please… ”

You already felt your eyes watering from over-stimulation, your heart burning so hard it was beating, your core aching from emptiness.

You sealed the end of the game between you. Kaz had won. In a triumphant checkmate.

And you didn't have to beg again. Barely seeing when he unbuttoned his pants, you just reasoned his hard, hot, pulsating member by opening your from the inside. Claiming everything that was yours as his in a strong, desperate, hungry lunge.

"S-sir!" You screamed, your nails scraping the wood from the table, the core pulsing overwhelmingly around his rigid member.

In a more badly lunge, Kaz sank completely into you, moaning loudly as he hit rock bottom. The gloved hand slid over your shoulder, propelled you to him while the bare hand tightened on your waist, hitting you at a steady, raw, animalistic rhythm.

The sounds were pornographic, dirty and loud, echoing off the walls. The air was hot like molten lava, pungent and muffled, driving you two lost breath. Their bodies clashed as if the world was going to end tomorrow, in aggressive, rough thrusts. These were thrusts that made half of his things on the table fall to the floor, mixing in a mess that would serve as a reminder later about the sinful activities you two did.

You screamed when Kaz took on more force, his fingers squeezing you so hard that they would leave you with marks on your shoulder and waist the next day.

"Fucking hell!" Kaz snarled between his teeth, feeling your flesh throb around him, squeezing he with such desperation that he knew you were close.

You sobbed, tears streaming down the corners of your eyes as you pushed your ass towards him, trying to bring him as deep as possible, as deep inside you as possible. But every time his pelvis smashed into your ass, a loud moan and the feeling of being completely full drowned you.

You begged, pleaded, for something you didn't know. But Kaz seemed to know. Taking both hands to your hips, your pace became even more unperturbed, pushing you to the limit until you cum in a scream in his name, your lungs on fire. Kaz came close behind, sinking as deep as possible and pouring all the hot liquid into you. Almost like a brand.

The air was filled with sex, lust and desire, filled only by the sound of their ragged breaths that struggled to stabilize.

You were still panting when Kaz's voice came after you: "Whatever I want, don't I?"

A deal with the devil.

[mcheang]

In another’s eyes

Inspired by https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13849241/1/Signed-Gifts

Basically Adrien finds Marinette’s signature on his blue scarf and connects the dots.

Adrien is hurt that Marinette let him believe his father gave him the scarf. He understands why but it hurts worse after all this time thinking his father finally gave him something new. It’s having new hopes crushed

He visits Marinette and gently confronts her over it, chiding her to tell him the truth next time instead of letting him believe a lie.

Frantic, Marinette wildly points out that he lets their classmates believe in Lila’s wild promises. How is she any different from him?

Pause.

Adrien never really thought about it that way. He just wanted his classmates to be happy. But if he told them the truth, they would be sad and Lila would also be angry at him and probably akumatized.

If he kept the truth from them, then wasn’t he being a hypocrite?

Marinette worried she said something she could never take back. “Adrien...”

He held up a hand, needing to think.

What was the Chinese saying again? “Do not do unto others what you don’t want others do unto you.”-Confucius

Well, Adrien wasn’t one to deny an ancient philosopher’s wisdom.

Adrien: no, you’re right, Marinette. I’m a hypocrite for scolding you for something I’ve done as well

Marinette: you haven’t-

Adrien: but i have. Please don’t sugarcoat this, Marinette. Don’t try to spare my feelings when the truth is more important.

Marinette was nervous and predictably, she rambled. “Well, if you are planning to expose Lila, you would also be in trouble because while i constantly doubted her trip to Achu, you were aware of her playing truant.”

Adrien paused and took a breath. “I know. And I’ll accept my due punishment. But what matters is making things right. We need to tell everyone that Lila is a liar.”

Marinette: but how? They don’t believe me. And who knows if they’ll believe you!”

Adrien frowned, thinking again. “Don’t you have Jagged’s number?”

Marinette: Yup. I barely got him to cease suing Alya’s Ladyblog for Lila’s interview. He doesn’t really follow her anymore.

Adrien: do you think he’ll help us expose Lila?

Marinette: we can ask. But I think it’s a safe bet. The only reason he didn’t go after Lila herself was because she up and vanished after turning into Volpina.

Jagged was thrilled to sic Fang on Lila

Marinette: we said expose! Not kill

Jagged: I never feed Fang rotten food. He’ll just sit on her or chase her up a tree

Adrien: thank you. I’m just worried Lila will be akumatized again, though. The last time, Ladybug chewed her out for claiming to be BFFs; though after hearing Lila pronounce herself a better self-proclaimed heroine, it’s not that hard to see why Ladybug was angry (Adrien may have been upset with Ladybug but I imagine he would try to justify her behavior later. seriously, who wouldn’t be angry after hearing Lila insult her like that? He’s not very sensitive to others’ emotions)

Jagged: you can’t keep everybody happy. And sometimes you shouldn’t. Some people don’t deserve to be coddled. And besides, once the witch is exposed, who is to say the others won’t be akumatized?

Adrien paled. He didn’t consider that.

Marinette: well, we could try to keep an eye out for akumas. And maybe even get the heroes to stand guard?

Adrien: good idea. But how to contact them?

Marinette: leave it to me. I’ve seen the heroes jump on rooftops plenty from my balcony.

Jagged: just say the word and set the date, and your uncle Jagged will be there faster than you can say “Croc”

Marinette soon called Adrien and Jagged to tell them that Ladybug would be happy to stand by and even offer her own testimony that she is so not friends with Lila.

However, after hearing how Lila framed Marinette, Ladybug wanted Marinette absent in case Lila blamed her for Jagged exposing her.

Jagged: well, she’s not totally wrong.

Marinette: uncle Jagged!

Jagged: what, you did call me for this.

On the day of Lila’s downfall, school had just ended and students started heading home. Marinette was one of the first, having to work at the bakery. Chloé and Sabrina also left, not bothering to stay around and chat with the peasants.

To the lingering students’ surprise, a popular and familiar rock song began blasting into the air as a tour bus drove up to the school.

Jagged: hello Dupont College! Are you ready to rock!

Students crowded up and screamed.

Lila paled and could not escape the gravity of the crowd.

Jagged: now where’s my guitar? Fang, if you don’t mind?

Fang waddled up, guitar on his back.

Jagged: now Fang’s been with me since he hatched from an egg. And he’s the best pet a rocker could ask for.

Alya: what about your cat?

Jagged: cat? Since when did I own a cat?

Alya: but Lila said-

Jagged: who? Sorry miss, but I think you must have confused me with someone else.

A pause for the class as Jagged started playing a guitar riff.

While the crowd cheered, the class stared at Lila.

Lila: he doesn’t like his kitten to be brought up

Ivan: he doesn’t even know you

Lila: he does! Right, Adrien?

Lila glared at him meaningfully. But Adrien ignored her and just sang along. He promised to maintain a guise of friendship, but no more lies. Though if Lila was exposed, maybe their deal could be considered pointless now. Still...better not to antagonise her so openly.

Nino: you’re asking the wrong person. The only other people in class who can get close to Jagged are Chloé (same hotel) and...Marinette. That’s how she knew you were a liar!

Jagged: hey, what’s going on over there?

The student body turned to stare, annoyed at the interruption.

Aware of unwanted scrutiny, Alya quickly said, “oh, we were just having a priority one class meeting. Sorry! We’ll keep it down.”

The class dragged Lila off, and Ladybug secretly followed. Adrien reluctantly did so too.

Surrounded, Lila could not run away, so she burst into fake tears.

Lila: why are you being so mean?

Mylène: do you think her tears are real?

Kim snorted. “Doubtful. But I don’t think she’s worth bothering about anymore.”

Alya: what? She lied!

Kim: and we believed a con artist. But unless we lost a lot of money or whatever, what’s the point of doing this?

True. While Lila had promised favors, that didn’t mean the class had stop working hard on their own. And Alya’s credibility was also her fault for not checking her sources and getting more proof.

Alya huffed. “Fine! But she just gets away scot free?”

Max: unlikely. There is the matter of forging doctor’s letter and skipping school.

Lila: you can’t prove that!

Alya: I can just call your mother right now.

Lila: and tell her that you’re bullying me?

Alya: no, we are just going to ask her some questions. And if she was duped by you, too, I don’t think she can deny the truth if we walk up to her office and make a scene.

Adrien: is that really necessary?

Alya: Mrs Rossi must really believe her daughter. She may think us all bullies if we expose Lila but the presence of her colleagues will influence her. Besides, our questions are simple. Was Lila really sick? Was she at Achu?

The class dragged Lila to the embassy and made such a ruckus that Mrs Rossi came out, especially when she saw her daughter in the center of it all, yelling at them to be quiet.

Mrs Rossi was angry but answered their questions that Lila had never been sick or to Achu while Alya filmed her. But there was the akuma plague. At this, the class told her the truth and even her observing colleagues backed them up.

Lila was distraught. Where was the freaking akuma?

Ladybug was lounging on the roof, her yo-yo stuffed with butterflies. As long as she didn’t use her lucky charm, she was in no danger of detransforming.

When Adrien didn’t back Lila, she told everyone he knew she was a liar.

Adrien admits his faults and realized his lesson now. The class knew why Marinette kept the scarf secret so they could sort of understand why he wanted to keep everybody happy. He also was the one who got Marinette back into school, so they forgave him.

Lila was expelled once Damocles saw the footage and Mrs Rossi confirmed it.

Lila was sent to boarding school instead where everyone knew she was a compulsive liar. Nobody took her seriously there.

As for Adrien, he was always determined to hear the blunt truth, tired of being sheltered.

[seyaryminamoto]

Do you think canon Zuko has any understanding of the idea of duty? That he, especially given that he aspires to political power, should act like his status as Prince gives him certain responsibilities? That doing what's best for the for Fire Nation or the world might require him to do things which make him unhappy or uncomfortable or require him to make grave personal sacrifices? Does he even understand duty as a concept?

Oof. Complicated questions, thus, this sat in my inbox for a veeeery long time.

I honestly, seriously, genuinely... don't think Zuko truly understood, at any point in canon, what it really meant to be a leader. I know many of us (and I think you, too?) don't particularly like the comics, but in my opinion, The Promise did a surprisingly decent job at highlighting several problems left in the wake of the end of the war, and perhaps unintentionally, this is one of the problems: upon becoming Fire Lord, Zuko is remarkably erratic, unsure of his choices, even seeking advice from his FATHER, of all people, because he has no idea what he's doing.

In the most favorable possible view of Iroh, he taught Zuko to be a better person. I don't entirely adscribe to this belief, but fine, let's concede that he did, or else this answer would never end: not just because you're a good person, however, are you guaranteed to be a good leader. Zuko, as we both know, is far from the best person in the world, and he is prone to making impulsive, emotional mistakes that can cause harm and trouble, and typically, Zuko doesn't face the consequences of most his actions, or the narrative just pins the blame on someone else. When we see this sort of behavior in a real-life politician, the immediate reaction we would have is "this guy is awful at his job", and sadly, I find myself thinking that quite often when it comes to Zuko's canon tenure as Fire Lord.

So... what is Zuko's concept of duty? Going by his pursuit of Aang in the first two seasons, duty is a task given to him by someone whose approval he seeks (in this case, Ozai) and he must pull it off, no matter what, to gain said approval. By Book 3, this logic still applies fairly easily to how Zuko acts over Iroh: I've highlighted in the past that the main motivation for Zuko's redemption is Iroh, doing right by Iroh, making amends to Iroh, regretting how he treated Iroh. He points that out explicitly in Ember Island Players, he does it as well indirectly by bringing up Iroh first of all, when confronting Ozai: this is his main priority. Ergo... I'd honestly say it's safe to judge that this is what Zuko regards as duty, as what he has to do. Iroh wants him to be Fire Lord? That's exactly what he becomes. The difficulties and complications in this particular line of work are taken for granted, and so, we have an outcome that was remarkably well depicted in The Promise, despite that comic's many glaring flaws: Zuko gets swept back and forth, twisted left and right by all the pressures and responsibilities, because he has no idea what he's doing as Fire Lord, and no idea/experience in how to be a real leader.

As far as I can tell, the core of the matter is that nobody really seems to have taken Zuko all that seriously as future Fire Lord. Ozai, evidently, wasn't training Zuko to be his personal heir. Ozai himself is a questionable source of information regarding learning what it means to be Fire Lord, considering he, as well, wasn't raised to take that role, just as he didn't raise Zuko for it. Yet Iroh didn't exactly teach Zuko how to lead anyone either, as far as I can tell: his lessons were meant to be of a more personal nature, and even then, Zuko had lots of trouble accepting most of them. Iroh's firebending lessons to Zuko were typically stunted in the basics because he was hot-headed and rash about getting to the intense and interesting stuff...

So: neither Ozai nor Iroh gave Zuko actual responsibilities. Ozai gave him a punishment Zuko was trying to endure however possible, a punishment he wanted to prove himself unworthy of by finding the Avatar and "regaining his honor". Then, Iroh punished Zuko as well by giving him the cold shoulder in Book 3, then he escaped and Zuko did everything he did, after betraying Ozai, to prove himself worthy of Iroh's kindness once again. It's not actual duty, the way it is in Azula's case: no doubt, Azula wants Ozai's approval too, but she has the madman's trust when it comes to finding her brother and uncle, to taking down the Avatar, and to conquering Ba Sing Se, as far as anyone can tell. I do doubt Ozai gave her all these missions at once, but he gave her the resources through which she pulled off ALL of them: she had the firebending procession, she had a ship, she had a train-tank, she had mounts... Zuko had a rundown ship that looked like a 1:10 scale version of every other ship in the harbor back in the very third episode: he was being punished. In contrast, Azula is entrusted with a mission, with LEADERSHIP, while Zuko has no visible, tangible, objective experience with the latter (consider how Azula steals the Dai Li's loyalty from under Long Feng: when did we see Zuko pulling off something like this? Even with Jet, Zuko was more of an associate to the Freedom Fighters, and Jet was still the leader).

I've always thought Zuko wasn't prepared to be Fire Lord, and the main reasons are the ones you indirectly point out through this ask: Zuko doesn't seem to treat the throne as a responsibility, but as his right. I won't get tired of pointing out that this was NOT Zuko's birthright, he was NOT born thinking he'd be Fire Lord: he was born to the second branch in the Fire Nation family. We literally SEE the day in which Lu Ten's death is revealed to him. According to somewhat official sources? He's ELEVEN in Zuko Alone's flashbacks. I, personally, think he looks a little younger than that, but I think that's the official wikia age, no idea where they got that info but that's what it says. Meaning...

Zuko, objectively, only had been crown prince for FIVE YEARS.

Zuko was NOT raised, not by his mother, not by his father, with the belief that the throne would one day be his (Ursa is gone before Ozai is crowned and Ozai clearly wanted Azula for the job rather than Zuko).

And yet, when you backtrack to the show? It seriously looks like that was the case. He clings to the throne in Books 1 and 2 as though he had no other purpose in life, as though this was everything that was promised to him (in contrast, Azula only ever indicates wanting the throne in Sozin's Comet: Part One). Even when he's an outlaw, discarded and cast out, he STILL talks about the throne, as though most his identity were built upon the notion that he must become Fire Lord: why? How come? Within five years, he's crafted his entire existence around being the heir to the throne? That's... a bit weird.

And a bit wishful, too. Which is why I commend that the comics show him struggling as Fire Lord, if anything they should've had him struggling MORE than that, because Zuko is simply NOT prepared for these responsibilities. He never gave any indication, any sign, of seeing it as such. He sees it as his right, his birthRIGHT. Why? Why more people don't ponder how utterly strange this behavior is, beats me. But it really does bother me that Zuko built his entire existence around being Fire Lord in a very similar way to how Korra built her own about being the Avatar. I have very little praise to give LOK in general, but the premise of Korra learning she was a person, a human, and not just the Avatar felt like the perfect parallel to Aang's story, where he was very much anchored in his humility and belief that he was just "one kid", and his rejection of his duties as the Avatar was meant to change gradually as he learned to accept himself as he was. Korra, however, never fully hit the mark with this subject, in my personal opinion... much as Zuko doesn't hit the mark either, since the show's only direct attempt to "deconstrue" Zuko's clinging to the throne happens in one dialogue, and his attachment to the idea is built up again, right afterwards:

Zuko: And then ... then you would come and take your rightful place on the throne? Iroh: No. Someone new must take the throne. An idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor. It has to be you, Prince Zuko. Zuko: Unquestionable honor? But I've made so many mistakes. Iroh: Yes, you have. You've struggled; you've suffered, but you have always followed your own path. You restored your own honor, and only you can restore the honor of the Fire Nation. Zuko: I'll try, Uncle.

And there we have it. The only point in the show (that I can remember) where Zuko seemed to not feel worthy of the throne and questioned he should be the one sitting on it (RIGHTFULLY!), buuuuuuuut he goes right back to wanting it, right afterwards, based on how this single exchange was enough for him to be 100% determined to take down his sister, merely a few lines later.

As for his willingness to make personal sacrifices... some might say he was outright willing to die for Katara in the finale -- though I'll point out he was trying to redirect the lightning anyway, didn't do it as well as he should have, but he wasn't exactly, consciously, trying to DIE for her... --, some might say that he left Mai behind in the FIre Nation, and that as well was a sacrifice... but was it? We don't see him missing her, or suffering about her fate, at any point in time after SHE sacrifices herself for him in the Boiling Rock (my biggest gripe over this particular canon couple is this, tbh). I feel like the show generally presents Zuko's situation as somewhat... self-sacrificial? Especially in Books 1 and 2, and yet that's really not the case: it isn't Zuko himself who makes the choice of traveling to find Aang, it's a punishment inflicted upon him.

This particular view upon his circumstances makes it so Zuko is never responsible for... well, any of his choices? It's always someone else's fault, therefore, whatever he suffers through, there's always someone he can (and usually does) resent for it. Therefore... I can't genuinely think of anything Zuko sacrificed in order to come as far as he did. He was forced to let go of things by his father, typically, by Zhao as well, maybe, but even then, it's not like we saw that he has a super healthy and happy relationship with, I don't know, Earth Kingdom people (his only meaningful positive EK bond was with Jin, which went nowhere and goes forgotten after a single mini episode)? The Palace staff? The commoners of the Fire Nation (they just treat him like a hero and he seems awkward and distant about it anyway, like he can really just do without their worship)? He doesn't have other friends beyond Azula's own friends... thus, he doesn't sacrifice anything that really matters. And in a sense, some people might say he doesn't have to sacrifice anything at all: he already went through so much strife and struggle that why would he need to sacrifice anything else? But the thing is... you DO have to learn to make such sacrifices if you're going to be a good king.

So often, people who devote themselves to their jobs have to consciously neglect their families, to name one thing: Zuko neglects Mai and she explodes at him for it in The Promise, then he just tries to get her back at all costs in Smoke & Shadow, with no thoughts given to the fact that maybe he isn't ready to juggle both a relationship and the throne, that maybe Mai could be happier with someone other than him, someone who can give her the attention and relationship she's looking for... THOSE are the sacrifices I'd be referring to, personally, sacrifices where his happiness and peace of mind have to be set aside for the sake of something much more important than himself, and I expect that's the kind of sacrifices you're referring to, too. I seriously don't think he's ready to make them, and with the comics as reference, there's seriously no evidence to suggest he's prepared to accept these burdens that come with the heavy mantle of leadership and ruling. I've never seen any signs of him being ready for it, myself. Maybe I need to reexamine the show and see if maybe I'm missing something... but I don't really think I am.

The worst part, for me, is that Zuko isn't even doing the bulk of the things he's doing in pursuit of genuine happiness: he's doing it over a sense of destiny. He never stops to reason with that destiny, to wonder if maybe he doesn't need to be Fire Lord, if maybe he could have a life beyond that role. Book 2 veeeery briefly suggests he MIGHT be on his way to questioning that destiny, but as I've said before, I don't see the sense in Zuko's big change of heart after the Appa incident considering we don't really understand what he's learned, other than how to be the perfect nephew for Iroh, apparently. Zuko never really is happy, as he says in the show: his happiest moments are with Mai and they're only like a 25% of his relationship with her, everything else is a mess (and his relationship with her isn't exactly the core of his character, either). So, the way I see it... Zuko is even worse off than it looks at first glance. He's out to fulfill a destiny he has never stopped to reason with, a destiny he's 100% sure is his, despite he has only been on that path, objectively, for five years? Despite he wasn't raised all along under the belief that this was what he was supposed to be? If given a chance to be genuinely happy, what on earth would he even do? A lot of the growth I gave him in Gladiator was based on that particular question: is the throne really what Zuko needs to be happy? It doesn't look like it, even in canon. If it's not... then it's not happiness he seeks, it's some sort of sense of assurance that he's doing the right thing, according to the figure of authority he follows at a set point in time: by Book 3, said authority is Iroh, and Iroh wants him on the throne. His motivation, as far as I can see it, is as simple as that.

Long story short... I don't think Zuko really has a strong grasp on many concepts that he absolutely should have reasoned with and worked out in order to become Fire Lord. In a sense, he's way too young for the role he's given, for the heavy burdens he has to deal with, and I'll NEVER see the sense in not having Iroh taking the throne (beyond how "poetic" the creators and writers found it to crown Zuko to finish his story, of course), at least for a short time, before Zuko can be ready. This is exactly why I wrote things that way in my oneshot where Azula takes Zuko's role, more or less: Iroh serves as regent while Azula prepares for taking the full role of Fire Lord when she's ready. I love her, she's awesome, I absolutely adore her character... but I don't think an Azula who was sidelined and sent on a long voyage with her uncle for YEARS could possibly be ready for the responsibilities of being Fire Lord right away.

Meanwhile? Iroh was given leadership of military missions enough times that he became a general in the Fire Nation forces. By all evidence, he was Fire Lord Azulon's pampered and spoiled son, whom he DID prepare for the duties of a Fire Lord for as long as Iroh was born: Iroh literally had fifty-ish years of preparation, as far as I can tell? How is he NOT the better suited person to take the throne, if just temporarily, while his nephew learns what it really means to rule by watching him, or by maybe learning leadership by managing smaller duties first, a specific town or city, and then putting his knowledge to good use by becoming Fire Lord properly?

Eh... because it wouldn't be an epic enough finale for the show, I suppose. That's the only answer I can find for this particular question.

So... yeah. That got long :'D but in short... I don't think Zuko has a strong grasp on responsibility and duty, let alone on the burdens inherent to these concepts. Yet more reasons why his character's arc can't hit all the marks it should, imo, to make it as great as the whole fandom is already convinced it is.

[eisukevint]

Always You

Eisuke Ichinomiya

This one’s for you @leoamber66 - i should be ashamed of myself for taking this long but here we are! your graduation and your birthday gift. and a massive thank you to @cupidocherie for major help bec idek where i would be without her😭😭 anyways enjoyyy, i love you <3

»»»»

“Do you remember the first time we met?”

“You mean when you tripped and almost fell in front of everyone on your first day in elementary school?”

“No! oh my god, I told you to forget that!”

“Pftt, how can anyone ever forget that? I’m sure soryu and luke remember too”

“I hope they don’t haha, but really, we’ve come so far” Yuki commented, reminiscing about one certain day.

Eisuke’s POV

“So children, today a new student will be joining us. This is Yuki Freya. I hope all of you will be nice to her and welcome her warmly!” The teacher, Miss Hale as she introduced herself, addressed the class.

“Yuki, you’re going to sit with Eisuke. Please raise your hand so she can know where you are, Eisuke!” Miss Hale announced.

The clumsy girl, Yuki, made her way over to me earning several stares from both girls and boys present in the classroom.

“Hi, i’m Yuki!” She enthusiastically said extending her hand towards me.

I shook her hand, “Eisuke”

“Nice to meet you!” She said and then turned towards the teacher as she started her lesson, not giving me a chance to reply.

At least her smile is cute.

»»»»

Yuki didn’t follow me around like the other girls in my class did. Instead, she became friends with Luke and Soryu who happened to be my best friends. They seemed to like her a lot. Now that was rare.

It was P.E. and the teacher partnered me with Yuki despite the other girls begging him to partner them up with me. I didn’t complain considering she wasn’t annoying like the others.

“Are you ready?” She asked me tying up her left leg with my right one, preparing for the three legged race. Why is this even a thing? Couldn’t we just race like normal people?

“Of course I am” Eisuke Ichinomiya is always ready.

It didn’t take long for me to come off my high horse when Yuki couldn’t keep up with my fast pace and fell down, twisting her ankle.

Yuki groaned in pain and tried to get up but failed. The P.E. teacher came forth and asked me to carry her on my back to the infirmary as a punishment which was just across the field.

“But it’s not my fault that she fell!” I retorted back despite knowing it was partly my fault she fell since I was moving too fast for her.

“She was your partner Ichinomiya, it’s your responsibility.”

“Fine” I said when I realised there was no getting out if it. With that, i asked her to get on my back and carried her to the infirmary.

As the nurse tended to her injury, she turned towards me with that same cute smile “Thank you, Eisuke”

I instantly felt a stab of guilt.

“Hmph, I didn’t do it for you” I didn’t notice the blush that crept on my cheeks but I did notice the way my heart flipped. Just as she was about to say something, Soryu and Luke came looking for her.

“Are you alright?” Luke asked to which she replied with a grin and swinging her leg back and forth.

“Never better!”

Seriously how can someone be so cute.

»»»»

high school

The murderous intent was evident in my eyes as I gazed at Yuki laughing at something the principal’s cockroach son said.

In the beginning, Frank tried to befriend me but I felt something was off and eventually it became very clear to me that he only wanted me to be a handy tool in his pocket ready for emergencies, so I shook him off pretty quickly. Somehow, Frank’s always lingering around me. He’s always loved to single me out whenever I express disinterest in something, in hopes that others would join in. Instead, the girls that fawn over me often tell him to shut up and then they’re confronted by his fangirls and in the end, it’s just a massive cat fight.

He’s nothing but trouble. As the principal’s son, he’s quite popular, almost as popular as me, and he can pretty much get away with anything. Luckily for him, he’s very sly. Hiding behind his minions, he’s never once flat out done anything. Good with underhanded remarks, letting other people take all of the blame, coercing them into doing what he wants. His little groupies pay no heed to any of this, all because he’s handsome. But there’s a large group of people who don’t like him, but nobody has ever said anything straight to his face, thanks to his feared status.

There were rumours earlier this year that on Valentine’s Day, Frank asked Yuki out but she told him that she wanted to focus on school. I’m surprised Frank didn’t get angry at her and punch a wall or something. That sounds like something he would usually do. While I’m proud of Yuki for turning him down, part of me hopes that what she said was just a lie she made up so she could just get away from him. But now, Frank and Yuki are partners on this project, I’m convinced this teacher is trying to set those two up. Soryu, who was partnered with this over-zealous girl looked as if he would smash either his own head or the girl’s if she didn’t stop with her chattering. I’ve been paired up with Luke, unfortunately I’ve been neglecting our work because keeping an eye on Yuki has become too much of a priority. I hate how he gets too close to her, the way he continues to flirt with her and the smug look that’s plastered on his face when he realises that I’m watching. All Luke can do is sigh and shake his head at me.

“I’d gladly switch with Yuki if I didn’t have to put up with him, Eisuke...”

“Hey watch out, you’ll hurt yourself!” Yuki yells, pushing him away before she yelps in pain, drawing her hand back.

For a split second, it’s like I can only see red. I march right up to their desk, in close proximity to the two only to see a red mark across Yuki’s hand. It looks painful. If Frank hadn’t been so careless then Yuki wouldn’t have gotten hurt. What were you thinking!? Why do you need to care so much about everyone else!?

“Oops, I’ll take you to the infirmary.”

“No, I’ll take her.”, I sternly tell Frank. Yuki insists it’s not too big of a deal and that she’s fine.

“Hmph, alright. I’ll make it up to you another way then, Yuki.”

“You don’t need to. Stay away from my girl.” I felt Yuki tense up beside me the moment those words left my mouth. Thinking nothing of it, I took her dainty uninjured hand in my right one and pulled her along with me towards the infirmary. Yuki, being the obedient and polite girl she was followed without a hint of refusal.

Upon our arrival to the medical department of the school, the nurse immediately treated Yuki’s injury. As I gazed at the familiar scene before my eyes, a certain memory played in my head.

“What’s with you and infirmaries?” Were the words that came out of my mouth the very second the school nurse disappeared, probably went back to her office.

She whipped her head towards me, a tiny smile adorning her graceful features. Adorable giggles escaped from her mouth indicating that Yuki too was reminiscing about that particular day.

“You’re too amiable for your own good.” I chuckled, moving to sit into the chair where the nurse was not long ago and grabbing her hand with the nasty burn on it.

“How dare he ruin your precious soft skin like this” Placing a gentle kiss on the back of her hand, I held onto it as I stared deep into her gorgeous blue eyes.

“Is it true you rejected him?” She stared back, cocking her head a little bit to her left at the question, confusion etched on her face.

“On Valentine’s Day, I heard he confessed to you but you turned him down, saying you wanted to focus on your studies. Is that true?” Her face lit up upon remembrance but an almost gloomy expression took over right after.

“Ah...yes, now that you mention it” I squeezed her hand a little tighter but not tight to enough to hurt her as I waited for her to continue.

“That’s only half true though..”

What?

“I also told him I like someone else.”

Oh.

I immediately loosened my grip on her hand.

So that’s why. Heh, what were you even thinking Ichinomiya?

Yuki glanced over to me, fidgeting in her seat with nervousness.

“Won’t you ask who it is?” This time, she grabbed my hand and lightly tug on it preventing me from standing up, causing her to hiss in pain.

“Does it even matter?” I sighed, patting her hand lightly with that flicker of hope in my heart slowly diminishing. As I was about to get on my feet a second time, she said those words which haltered my every movement, completely catching me off guard. Words i’ve wanted to hear for the longest time now from a certain girl I adored more than anything.

“It’s you, Eisuke.”

Good Lord.

“It’s always been you.”

Will I survive if my heart continues to beat this fast every time i’m around her? I’ll have to ask Luke later.

“Eisuke?” Yuki peered at my astounded face snapping me out of my daze. When I look back at her, I thought I could resist just pulling her into my arms and claiming her as mine but boy, was I wrong. I immediately grabbed her chin and captured her silky lips in a somewhat soft and gentle kiss. Laying every emotion bare into our first kiss, Yuki loosely wrapped her arms around my shoulders as she kissed me back with equal passion. We parted and just sat there basking in the pleasure of being in each other’s arms until I decided to break the comfortable silence since a significant amount of time had passed and we needed to go back to the lab.

“You’re mine and I won’t allow you to leave me.” She hummed in response and with a little peck on her lips, I pulled her up with me and exited the infirmary.

Our fingers intertwined perfectly as we walked back to the class feeling oddly at peace - mind, body and soul.

»»»»

“And Soryu teased us so much when we went back to class! But no one was surprised, I mean we were kind of inseparable...” Yuki said bashfully, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. The diamond of her engagement ring caught the light of the setting sun.

“It’s because they knew you were mine.” Professing my undying love for her, I place a fierce kiss on her lips imagining a bright future with my one and only,

“Always have been and always will be.”

•••

[triggerhappyimagines]

How about the V3 boys, (the ones who died) with a s/o whos the Ultimate Spirit Medium/Necromancer and they call the spirit of the dead character? I just wanna see some scenarios/hc's of that, if u could do it that'd be gr8! If not thats okay, i understand ^^

hey everyone, long time no see! sorry for sort of vanishing for a while, i’ve been super busy with school and my job and kind of lost interest in danganronpa for a little bit,,,, but i’m back and i’m gonna try my best to get through the requests in our inbox and maybe even try and finish a few more of the october prompts (if you guys would still be interested in seeing those!!).

anyways, sorry for the long wait on your request, anon! this was one i had started a few months ago back when i was writing regularly and i finally buckled down and finished it!! i decided to do all the v3 boys (except kiibo because uhhh hes a robot) instead of just the ones who died in canon to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t finished the game yet!! i apologize if some of these seem repetitive i sorta started running out of ideas by the end lmao. i hope you enjoy, anon!

warnings: mentions of death/dying (obviously), general angst

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:

Shuichi Saihara

— to say the least, Shuichi is a little shaken up now that he’s gone and you’re... well, not.

— he always told you he’d stay by your side forever, and he feels guilty. he feels like he broke a promise

— but... you talk to him again that first night. you say his name and look straight at him. can you see him? no, it couldn’t be... right?

— of course, once he puts all the pieces together, it all makes sense

— you’re the ultimate spirit medium, for goodness sakes! of course you can see him and speak to him the same way you would any other living person

— after a while, Shuichi stops feeling so guilty for leaving you. partially because it doesn’t feel quite like he’s abandoned you, and also because you reassure him that he didn’t do anything wrong by dying

— i mean, come on, it’s not his fault he got killed! how could you ever hold that against him?

— still, it takes him some time to come to terms with everything.

— though he loves you, he still finds it sad that he can never speak to anyone else ever again. at least, not without your aid.

— but as long as he has you by his side to help him cope... he knows he’ll be alright

— after all, he loves you, and you love him. and that’s enough to give him the strength he needs to keep from falling apart.

Rantaro Amami

— he's still very protective of you, despite the fact he’s merely a spirit now

— he’s always right by your side, no matter what.

— even when you aren’t able to take a moment to talk to him, or even look in his direction, Rantaro is right there

— if he were still alive, the way he now follows you around all the time may seem obsessive and creepy, but you actually appreciate it

— nobody else can see or speak to him but you, which makes his constant presence comforting, in a way

— Rantaro isn’t able to touch you in the same way he could when he was alive, but nonetheless, he still tries

— he’ll try to place his hand atop yours, or wrap his arms around your figure, but he always just passes straight through you

— you find the chill that blossoms on your skin where he touched you comforting; it’s a reminder that even though he’s gone, he’s still there with you

— it breaks his heart that he can’t truly be with you, but he tries not to focus on his own problems too much

— after all, your happiness is much more important to him than his own; you are his priority

— you’ll have to remind him that it’s okay for him to be sad, and that he shouldn’t bottle up his own emotions to be there for you

— he’ll want to keep being the person to take care of you, and watch out for you, but he needs you to be that person for him

Kokichi Ouma

— you didn’t really think Kokichi would start behaving himself just because he’s dead, did you?

— honestly he uses the fact only you can see and speak to him to his advantage

— good luck trying to keep your cool around other people while he’s off being a clown right in front of you

— but of course, he’s not all fun and games

— i mean... he’s dead. and that sucks

— he probably won’t show it, at least not right away, but he doesn’t like the feeling of separation between you two

— sure, he’s still around, but not like before. before, he could surprise you with a kiss or a suffocating hug, but he just can’t do that anymore

— it hurts. really bad.

— but he knows he’ll be okay. he know’s he’ll get used to it someday, as long as he has you with him to cheer him up when he gets especially sad

— you’re his sunshine, and he may not show it, but he needs you. so don’t leave him all alone, okay?

Gonta Gokuhara

— lets be honest... Gonta has the hardest time of the bunch adjusting to being nothing more than a spirit

— you’ll likely have to give him a lot of comfort. he’s confused, and he misses being able to be with you for real :(

— the hardest part for him is no longer being able to touch you

— he longs to feel your lips press gently against his cheek, to lay in your lap as your hands comb through his hair... he’d give anything to hold you in his arms again...

— unlike Rantaro, he’s not content with merely passing through your body when he makes contact with you

— it just... upsets him. it’s a cruel reminder that his life ended, and that he will never get to hold you, kiss you, and just love you the way he could before his life ended

— be patient with him, please... he’ll adapt eventually... but it could take a while

— just make sure to remind him how much you love him, he’ll need a lot of reassurance and comfort from you

Kaito Momota

— surprisingly, Kaito adapts to the situation pretty well

— if he is struggling with any sort of major emotions, he’s doing a stellar job of hiding it from you. and you hate that

— you don’t totally believe him when he says he’s okay, or when he tells you not to worry about him

— you know him better than that. it doesn’t make sense to you. he just died for crying out loud! he can never follow his dreams, never have the future he always wanted with you

— and you don’t understand how he can just shrug all that off and continue being your boyfriend like normal

— you confront him about it one night. he’s laying on his back, hovering beside you as you read (Kaito loves being able to float around in midair. perks of being a ghost, right?)

— "how can you be okay?" you blurt out suddenly. he looks at you, confused.

— you continue, asking all the questions that had been gnawing at you for days, and when you finally finish, he just laughs

— "of course i’m upset. but it’s a man’s job to protect the ones he loves! and being there for you is much more important than staying upset about this." he explains

— you can’t help but feel a little stupid. he’d always put you first, always prioritized your needs over anyone else’s, even his own. and he wasn’t about to stop just because he died

— fortunately for you, he isn’t upset with you sort of asking him why the hell he wasn’t a huge, depressed mess.

— in fact, he thinks it’s really sweet that, despite the fact you should be worried about yourself so you don’t end up joining him in the afterlife, you spent your energy fussing over him

Korekiyo Shinguji

— with Kiyo, not much changes. at least, not on his end.

— he’s very fascinated by the mere notion of being a spirit and has the time of his life unlife getting used to his new body

— at first you’re happy for him. i mean, it’s good that he’s not struggling, right? shouldn’t you want him to feel okay? you wouldn’t want him to suffer in sadness like you, right?

— but he’s so enthralled with his new state of being he... almost forgets to check up on you

— and even when he does spend time with you, it almost feels like all he does is talk about himself and the new things he’s discovered about being a spirit

— it’s frustrating, to say the least. you know you didn’t truly lose him, but it feels like you did

— when you finally tell him that you feel like he’s changed, he’s confused

— when Kiyo hears you say how much you miss him, how you feel like he’s so different now, he’s kinda just like ???????

— how could he be different? it’s still him, don’t you know that?

— after a long night of reflecting while you sleep (not needing rest is one of the many perks of being a spirit), Kiyo realizes what he’s been doing wrong

— you used to love when he’d talk to you endlessly about his work, his research, etc.

— but now, when he’d ramble on for hours about new things he’d learned thanks to being a mere spirit, it was just another painful reminder to you that he was dead. that he was gone.

— the moment he gets a chance, he apologizes to you. it’s a bit of an emotional moment for both of you, being the first time either of you have confronted the end of Kiyo’s life head on

— he tries to hold you, but all you feel is an icy chill where his flesh would have met yours, but oddly enough... it doesn’t make you feel worse

— you’d anticipated another tsunami of your own tears after Kiyo’s body passed through yours, but it’s comforting, albeit in a morbid way

— he’s gone, but you haven’t lost him. and you’ll never lose him; he’ll remind you of that every day if he has to

Ryoma Hoshi

— man, if you thought ryoma’s attitude and general outlook on life was depressing before, you’ve got a big storm coming

— for a long time after his death, he’s very... cold. to everyone and everything

— he’s upset. but not because he’s dead, but because he can’t protect you anymore

— being there for you, to defend you and keep you safe, had become his raison d’être, so to speak

— he knows you can still see him and talk to him. he’s not stupid. but he pretends he doesn’t hear you at first. part of him thinks that if he shuts you out long enough, you’ll come to your senses and realize you should be upset with him

— but you never do. despite what he thinks he deserves, you never turn on him, never give up on him, never stop loving him

— with time, he’ll come around and start learning to cope with his own death, and the fact you outlived him

— and you’ll be there with him every step of the way (whether he likes it or not)

[wolvesandpetals]

Loki x Sylvie Post-Finale Fanfiction (Angst, Rated Teen) Part 1 of 2

SPOILER ALERT.

It's probably just the alcohol, but the beats of the music are starting to sound a little bit like a marching drum that's announcing war. She can feel herself dancing along to it, but her whole body is on alert, ready to switch to fight and flight any second.

"So, cool place huh?" The bloke in the leather jacket asks.

She tries to remember his name. Jeff something. Or maybe Jed. No, not Jed, she's thinking of Star Wars again. That's what happens when you binge watch a multiverse of movies in a single day.

Oh, yeah, that's right. She broke the multiverse.

Another shot of tequila, and she takes not-Jed's hand in hers. It doesn't feel right, at least not the way-

No.

She realises he asked her a question, but she can't remember what, and she just laughs, because that always works.

Encouraged, he leans in close and whispers into her ears. "How about we get out of here?"

"And go where, exactly?" She asks, but she's not sure he understands, not with how slurred the words come out.

She laughs again, and this time, it's bitter. This time, she's laughing at how this is so him, this getting drunk in the face of imminent danger and making a mess of things.

(But I'm not you.)

---

She's frozen in her place the second the glowing yellow door appears. But it's not for her, at least not this time.

She hasn't been on the run for a while. Doesn't need to be. Because even though she is the one who unleashed the chaos, it's the chaos that needs to be contained immediately. She's low on the list of priorities.

The TVA will come for her. But not right now.

---

It's extremely easy pretending to be a psychic. All she has to do is take her client's hands and enchant him, find a memory, describe it back to him.

Sometimes she does it just for fun, just to see the look of amazement on their faces.

Other times, she does it for the money she needs to survive.

"And I see a blonde woman. Very beautiful."

"That's my wife."

The way he smiles, loving and proud, makes her heart drop.

"What do you see in her future? Is she happy? Does she get the job at the magazine?"

There is definitely at least one timeline where she does get the job, but The Enchantress cannot exactly tell if it's this one. She can't actually see the future, after all.

She sees the colors drain from his face as her silence swallows the room. "She's going to be okay, right? I just want her to be okay."

(I just want you to be okay.)

There's that bitter laugh again, because-

No. She can't do this right now.

"She loves you very much", she whispers, to the man in front of her, and to the man who is not there to hear those words.

---

Mobius finds her in the middle of a concert by a Nirvana where Kurt Cobain never died. She can easily slip away, disappear into the screaming, writhing crowd if she wants.

Or she can just take him some place quiet and hear him out.

"Help us", Mobius pleads. He sounds exhausted, and not just physically. "We're outnumbered and outwitted. Our world is in danger."

"This isn't my world", she reminds him.

"Yet, you're here", he retorts.

Her smile is pained. "Where else will I go?"

He is sympathetic, like he always has been. And he offers her a new glorious purpose. "Come with me. We need you. He needs you."

She feels the air find its way out of her lungs the same way she pushed him out of her life- painfully, forcefully. "H-how is he?"

"He's okay... all things considered."

Now there's a cocktail of relief and disappointment that will give her months of sleepless nights.

"Tell him I'm-" she starts, but she doesn't know how to finish that sentence. What can she tell him? That she's sorry for not trusting him when she should have? That she's sorry for making the universes collide?

That she's sorry for betraying him and breaking his heart?

(How will I know you won't betray me at the end?)

"Nevermind."

---

It's been really hard facing the consequences of her actions, watching the timelines bleed into each other and destroy people's lives- families torn, achievements gone, every little anomaly delving into death and destruction. Every headline on the newspaper is her fault, and she has to live with that.

But that seems so easy compared to this moment where she has to face him.

The plan was to send him away, kill He Who Remains, give people their free will back, save the world, then come back to him. Yeah, he'd be mad at her at first, sure, but he'd forgive her eventually, she was confident.

Then the timelines started to branch the minute she stuck the dagger in that terrifying man's chest, and she knew she had screwed up.

She had sunk to the ground in defeat as the realisation of the repercussions hit her, and she did what she has always done- run.

She didn't even realise she had sent him to the wrong universe until she teleported herself into another universe as well. The journey back was long and lonely, but she dreamt of him in colors while the world was bleeding red, and that was enough to keep her going.

She doesn't really know what she'll do when she sees him again. Neither does she know what reaction she expects from him. Nothing he can say to her can be worse than what she thinks of herself.

A part of her hopes he would be overwhelmingly happy, he would come running to her, just like he did at The Void, greet her with the smile that has won a hundred hearts- including hers, and tell her everything will be alright. Another part of her fears that he would be furious, and he would confront her with accusations of unleashing havoc on all worlds- especially his.

What she never expected is this eerie calm that makes her feel like she is standing in the storm center.

His walls are up.

And it causes her to redirect the anger she feels at herself towards him. There's venom in her voice. "So you do get to rule, after all."

"I don't feel much like a king." He shrugs. "I'm more of a multiversal janitor. Mopping up multiversal messes."

"My messes."

"Our messes." He corrects, his features softening around the edges. "We made a mistake." He has been saying that ever since he found himself in the alternate TVA, and that hasn't changed even after getting back to his own version of the bureau. Always "we", never "she". He simply cannot bring himself to blame her without taking accountability for his part in the mess.

"Don't patronize me." Her hands are shaking, just like her voice, a sharp contrast to his steady silhouette, and can he just hold her, please? "I don't need you to take the fall for me."

His eyes go cold, like they were forged in the heart of Jotunheim. "Of course not", he says, fully composed. "You don't need me for anything. It's not like we're in this together."

(Maybe we can figure it out-together.)

---

She now knows her walls don't- can't- keep the hurt out- it just keeps her locked inside this cage of distrust and insecurities. And the price she has to pay for it is too high.

They could have been lying on a beach somewhere, sipping mimosas right now. Instead, they're here, in the vast, silent library of the TVA, sitting on separate tables, reading files on variants.

The only thing worse than bearing the weight of his gaze is having him stare at his files without looking in her direction even once. She can't take it anymore.

"I'm sorry." She suddenly blurts out.

He looks up, confused. "I'm sorry?"

"I'm sorry for what I did." She repeats. It's difficult to start an apology, but once she finds the strength to begin, the rest of it flows automatically. "I'm sorry I messed up everything. I'm sorry I broke the timelines. I'm sorry the world is in danger." She takes in a deep breath. "And I'm sorry I betrayed you."

His smile is the saddest kind. "A Loki betraying a Loki. That's the least surprising thing in the world. What's shocking is how I didn't see it coming. You really had me going with that kiss. Very nice distraction. Very Loki."

Free will comes with the fine-print of living with the consequences of your choices. And she has to live with hers every day. The tears finally spill out of her eyes. She hasn't let herself cry for a long, long time. But now she's breaking down worse than the multiverse. "I didn't do it to distract you. I did it to say goodbye."

He gets up, and she panics that he's leaving. Instead, he sits down in front of her, reaches for her hand, but changes his mind mid-way and lets them fall to his side. "You didn't have to say goodbye."

"It's all I've ever known." She feels like that scared little girl, far from home, running from minute men, with nobody to turn to but herself. "I told you, I don't have anyone."

"You had me."

That's the saddest part of it all, isn't it? Everything else in her life is the TVA's fault. She's torn from Asgard? Hasn't seen her parents in years? Can't remember her brother Thor? Spent her whole childhood running and hiding? All TVA.

But this? This is all her own doing. This is the one time she had something real, something worth holding onto, someone worth fighting against the world for. Instead, she questioned his intentions, didn't hold on, fought him and ruined everything.

"I didn't want to rule, Sylvie", he finally tells her. "I wanted you."

She has dreamed of this moment when he tells her how he feels. They have come so close to it so many times, the words dangling off the edge of his tongue but never quite finding their way out. She has always known- every word, every action pointed to it. But it was so hard to imagine someone could love her.

It's so hard to imagine someone can love her again. The past tense in his wording terrifies her worse than any danger ever could. "Is it too late to fix things?"

His smile doesn't reach his eyes. "We are fixing things. That's why we are here. Saving the universe."

"You know what I mean."

"I don't know how to trust you again, Sylvie." He tells her point blank- no deception, no lies, no Loki-ism. "And you never trusted me to begin with."

That's not entirely true. She trusts him more than she has trusted anyone. "I really thought I was doing the right thing."

"I know."

(Not to be dramatic, but yeah, we're saving the universe.)

---

The Avengers are much nicer than Loki described them, considering they don't kill her for what she has done, instead tell her about their own journeys towards redemption. Wanda tells her about the man she has loved and lost, and the pain she has caused to an entire town. Barnes talks about his past as a brainwashed assassin. Clint tells her the story of Natasha and how she took charge and changed her life.

Thor is the kindest of them all. He talks about how far Loki himself has come. He tells her stories of his version of Asgard, the nine realms, the glorious battles, the beauty of earth.

She still dreams of death, but sometimes she doesn't.

Sometimes, she hopes.

---

(To be continued)

[poe-supremacy]

poe x reader (bsd)

Soooo, I was bored and it's been a while since I've written. So here's a poe x reader... for my bb poe : D

enjoy it, that's all that matters.

tw: idk sry...

---

You and Poe recently had an argument about his obsession with the detective. (Fuck you, Ranpo)

He yelled so much that you started crying, crying so hard that your throat gave out and your heart hurt.

He took you by the arm and pushed you against his desk, talking about Ranpo, what happened 6 years ago, and how he hated you for not letting him "be himself".

From exhaustion and lack of iron, you fainted and now you are in the nearest hospital that poe could find.

----

You wake up slowly, lying on a bed that does not belong to you.

You have a killer headache, but you resist the pain. You try to sit up, but you feel a weight on your chest.

You look down and realize that Poe is lying there, crying his eyes out.

You place a hand on his hair as he can't see your face, which is full of pain.

You whisper a

"hey, Poe, I'm awake-"

before he hugs you.

You blush and tell him

"Why am I here?" in an exhausted manner.

Poe was surprised, and parted with you, ashamed and really sad.

He said to you

"I'm sorry, honey. I'm so sorry."

You were surprised. Why did he say that?

"Poe, why did you say that?"

"I...um...it's my fault...what happened yesterday..."

you realize what he was talking about.

"oh...no poe! it's not your fault, I'm just out of iron, you know you know hehe!"

you smile, while Poe is still sad. he always promised you he would never hurt you...he broke his own promise, and that's no small thing.

"I broke my promise, our promise. The promise of your happiness..."

"aw, poe, it's okay, sweetheart, after all, tell me, who am I to decide what you can love and what you can't? Nobody, exactly!"

"don't put yourself down like that...you are so precious to me, that I might go so far as to give up my dream of beating ranpo, and have my...revenge. Please, my dear, tell me I've been horrible to you, you let the bad acts slide by being too nice..."

"Maybe, but I've had worse, I don't care! Come on, get over here, I want a big hug!"

Poe said no with his head, refusing to touch you again. Not because you disgusted him or anything, but simply because he was afraid of hurting you again. It was so painful for him, but he told himself that your happiness was his priority. :(

"n-no...no...I can't...I might hurt you again..."

a small tear rolled down your cheek.

". . ."

a clear voice echoed throughout the hospital, or at least your floor.

"Visiting hours are over. Please come back another time. Please remember to say goodbye to your loved ones and leave in the next five minutes."

poe froze at the sight of the tear, but regained consciousness before leaving, leaving you here, all alone, demoralized. Completely demoralized.

"poe, are you really sure you want my happiness?..."

----

i'm so sorry if you cry or anything bestie : (((( *cry in poe kinnie*

alsooo, i take the request

bye-bye