#freddy carter imagines

[jahayla-parker]

New Chapter : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 4.2k wc, Freddy and his wife welcome their newborn into their lives. Can be read as a stand-alone or as a part two to Pregnant Pause. Fluff, family.

Warnings: pregnancy and newborns and related topics including by not limited to: pregnancy, labor, blood, discharge, accidents, changing diapers, breastfeeding, hospitals, etc.

This is a Ko-Fi request from @missdreamofendless 💜 thank you so much darling for your support! 🤗

“How are ya feeling, love?” Freddy asked as he checked in with his wife for the millionth time. He hadn’t left y/n’s side since they arrived at the hospital, but he was still worried he would miss a sign that she needed him to do something for her. She’d just given birth to their newborn baby and Freddy wanted to make sure she was okay. “You did so great, my darling,” Freddy praised when y/n gave him a tired smile and a weak thumbs up in response to his question. He leaned over and pressed his lips to her still clammy forehead.

“Aren’t they just the cutest?” Y/n mused tiredly as she gazed at the clear roller bin coated with a fuzzy blanket the hospital had their newborn resting in. Her mind and body were exhausted beyond belief. But she hadn’t ever been happier than this moment, here with her husband and their newborn.

“Just like their mum,” Freddy agreed, squeezing y/n’s hand as he admired their baby. “You’re seriously so amazing,” he whispered lovingly as he turned back to his wife. He caught sight of the bashful expression she had after his earlier compliment, grinning as he watched it increase with his latest one. He was so amazed by her, especially after today. “You can sleep darling, I’ll watch over you two,” he promised as y/n tried to stay awake.

Y/n hummed softly and shook her head. “You need to rest too,” she whispered. She sat up, despite Freddy’s protests, and leaned forward until she could gently roll the baby bin towards them. Once she stationed it between them, up by her head, she smiled down at their newborn. “There,” she said, looking up at her husband. “Now, you can sleep too,” she offered.

Freddy grinned and kissed the back of y/n’s hand.

“Oh, let me slide over so you can use the bed too,” y/n suggested. But before she could move, Freddy’s hands clamped carefully over her forearms as he restricted her movements.

Freddy shook his head. “I’m fine where I am,” he promised. “You need to let your body heal, darling, you’ve been through a lot,” he reminded her softly.

Y/n gave him a tired smile, clearly not in a state to argue. “If you’re sure,” she mumbled as her eyes became heavier. Once she saw Freddy was seated back on the cushioned window bench beside her, she fully let herself rest against the pillow behind her head. “But, when we get home, I intend to sleep beside my husband,” she said lovingly.

Freddy smiled and squeezed y/n’s hand. “Of course. Anything you want, darling,” he promised. He watched y/n closely until he was sure she’d fallen asleep. He kissed the back of her hand as he checked on their newborn. When he knew his family was safe and resting, he curled up on the bench and laid down beside them to rest.

Y/N’s eyes flew up upon hearing her newborn’s cry. She groggily leaned up, blinking rapidly to get her vision to clear.

Freddy snapped awake upon hearing y/c/n crying. He jumped up from the bench and reached into the rolling bin crib that was beside him. He carefully lifted the baby up into his arms and rocked them slowly as he shushed them. He gave his wife a loving smile briefly upon feeling her eyes on him.

Y/n watched patiently for a few minutes as Freddy desperately tried to get y/c/n to settle down. He was doing everything right, but their newborn hadn’t stopped crying. “Honey,” y/n whispered, setting her hand on Freddy’s forearm. “I think (s)he needs me,” she explained cautiously. She could tell Freddy was a bit upset that he hadn’t succeeded in calming down their little one. Y/n could also tell he was feeling bad that he couldn’t take care of this for her.

Freddy nodded sadly and passed their baby to y/n.

Once y/c/n latched onto her, y/n laid her head back and looked up at her husband. She smiled upon seeing Freddy beaming down at her and their newborn proudly.

Freddy leaned down and pressed a long lingering kiss to Y/N’s forehead, his hand resting on the outside of her far shoulder lovingly. As his lips left her head he leaned back to take it all in, a blissful look in his eyes. “May I?” Freddy asked, grabbing his camera, “just for us”.

Y/n giggled lightly and nodded. She gazed down at their newborn as Freddy snapped some photos.

“Okay, one with you looking up, please, love,” Freddy requested. He smiled as y/n quickly complied with his request. Once he’d taken the photo of his incredible wife and precious newborn, he set the camer aside and rushed back to y/n. “Okay, sorry,” he gushed as he rubbed her shoulder as their baby continued to nurse, “I’m done”.

“You don’t have to apologize, Freddy,” y/n said with a smile as she turned her head his way.

Freddy gave her an appreciative half-smile. “You’re over here feeding our baby,” he pointed out, “after just having gone through labor for thirteen hours”. He shook his head. “Meanwhile, I’m just taking pictures,” he sighed.

“Freddy,” y/n said. She frowned upon seeing the tears in her husband’s eyes. “Stop,” she ordered, wanting to squeeze his hand but having to settle for a reassuring expression since she was cradling y/c/n as they nursed. “You were by my side the whole time, getting me everything I needed and helping me through as much as you could,” she pointed out with a smile. “You’re an amazing husband and already a wonderful father, please don’t let your tired brain make you believe otherwise.”

Freddy smiled lightly as he tried to blink away the tears in his eyes. He bent his head and kissed y/n’s chapped lips gently as he whispered a thank you. His smile grew when their baby stopped nursing and he was able see their face again. Freddy applied the hand sanitizer beside him and let it dry before putting his left pointer finger against their baby’s tiny soft hand. Y/c/n’s little fist clung onto Freddy’s finger, making both parents smile at them and then each other. Freddy used his right hand to brush some loose hair away from Y/n’s face and gave her another loving kiss. “I’d do anything for our family,” he whispered.

Y/n gazed lovingly at y/c/n as (s)he lay in their crib, sleeping peacefully. She felt Freddy wrap his arms around her carefully, being extremely gentle with her as he knew she was sore. She practically melted back into his embrace as her eyes stayed on their newborn.

They stayed like that for several minutes, just silently admiring their baby and each other.

Freddy was the one to step away first. He placed a tender kiss to y/n’s cheek before unwrapping his arms from her waist. He moved in front of her and took hold of her hands. Freddy slowly and silently guided her towards the rocking chair in the nursery, neither one wanting to wake the baby.

Y/n watched from the padded chair as Freddy quickly made his way out of the room and back. When he returned, he had a y/f/c gift bag in his hand and a smile on his face. Y/n shook her head in disbelief. He’d already gotten so much for her and the baby since finding out she was pregnant.

“Before you say something about how I didn’t need to get you anything,” Freddy whispered teasingly. “First, don’t, because you’ll wake the baby,” he joked with a smirk. “But also, it’s your push gift,” he explained as he passed her the bag.

“Freddy,” y/n whispered, also keeping her voice low as to not wake y/c/n. “You’ve already gotten me, and us, so many gifts that could be considered push gifts, you really-“ she mumbled.

Freddy just shook his head and nodded towards the gift bag he’d set on y/n’s lap.

With a light chuckle, y/n smiled appreciatively at her husband before she opened the gift. Her smile grew ten times as her heart soared upon pulling out the first item. It was a framed heartbeat sound wave of y/c/n from the first time they had heard their baby’s heartbeat. Tears welled up in her eyes as she whispered a shaky thank you. She bit her lip as she also pulled out a beautiful photo album. Inside it were photos Freddy had taken throughout her pregnancy and from earlier earlier today in the hospital. “Sweetheart, this is beautiful,” she cooed.

“I can’t have you forgetting just how incredible you are,” Freddy said as he moved to stand beside her. “You were unbelievable today, my darling,” he said as y/n flipped through the photos from the last 24 hours. When she stared up at him with teary eyes and a prideful smile, he knew he’d chosen the right gift. “Thank you,” Freddy said, echoing his appreciation for y/n giving life to their little bundle of joy.

“Freddy, do you know where the diaper bag went when we got home?” Y/n called out from the nursery.

Freddy rushed in with the diaper bag in hand. As he caught his breath, he placed a hand on y/N’s back. “I’ve got this, love,” he offered.

“Oh,“ y/n smiled, “you don’t have-“.

“I know,” Freddy promised as he kissed y/n’s cheek. “But you’ve done more than enough,” he stated. “Now, please, go rest,” he pleaded, “I’ve got this little one”.

Y/n smiled gratefully at her husband. She pressed her lips against his stubbly cheek for a quick kiss. “Alright snuggle bug,” she whispered to their baby. “Daddy is gonna take care of you, okay?” She cooed, making Freddy grin. She gave Freddy another appreciative kiss before heading out of the room.

“Did you change your shirt?” Y/n asked as Freddy entered the living room. She knew she was exhausted, but she could’ve sworn he was in a blue shirt when they left the hospital earlier.

Freddy blushed and nodded bashfully as he walked over towards where y/n was seated.

“Why-“ y/n began but cut herself off and laughed. “Oh,” she giggled realizing what must’ve happened when Freddy was changing y/c/n.

“I’ll get better,” Freddy promised as he sat beside y/n and took her hand in his.

Y/n calmly shook her head. “Sweetheart, I’m not worried,” she assured her husband. She quickly rested her head on his shoulder as he held her to him. “Is (s)he asleep?” She asked tiredly.

Freddy hummed a soft ‘yes’ as he pulled y/n closer. “We should get you to bed too,” he commented. When Y/n gazed up and over at him, he smiled at her. “The book says you should be sleeping when the baby is sleeping,” he explained.

Y/n grinned and pecked Freddy’s nose. “I love you so much,” she remarked.

Freddy beamed. “I love you too, my amazing superwoman,” he replied sweetly.

“Love, it’s alright,” Freddy said trying to stop y/n from crying more. “It’s just bedding, alright?” As he removed the dirty sheets from their mattress he gazed over at his exhausted wife. “Let me go get the laundry started, and then I’ll come help you in the shower, okay?” He offered.

Freddy’s heart broke as y/n simply cried harder. He knew part of it was surely her hormones and exhaustion after everything she had gone through in the last few days. But he was still worried about her nonetheless. “Love, ‘ey, what’s wrong?” Freddy questioned, sensing there was more at play than what he was noticing so far.

“I made a mess, and we’re both tired, but now I kept us from sleeping, and it’s gross, I’m gross, and-,” y/n rambled as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Woah, woah, woah, no,” Freddy argued gently. “Love, you are not gross.” “This is extremely natural. The doctor said this could happen, it’s part of the process,” he reminded y/n. He set the bedding aside for the moment and cupped her face in his palms. “I’m terribly sorry you have to deal with this, but you’re not alone. I’ll be here with you through this as much as I can, love,” Freddy promised. “There is nothing gross about this. Besides, as far as I’m concerned, you can make as much of a mess as you want or need, you just gave birth to our child, do you realize how incredible that is? How much with your body just went through?” He gushed in admiration. “You’re not gross, and don’t worry about my sleep, darling, I promise that’s not a problem in the slightest.” “Come on,” he whispered as he helped y/n stand and lead her to their bathroom. “Can you strip out of these clothes for me while I start the wash?” He asked.

When y/n nodded slowly, Freddy smiled warmly and kissed her forehead. He rushed out of the room to start the laundry. On his way back, he peaked in the nursery to check on y/c/n before quickly making his way back to his wife.

Upon entering their bathroom, Freddy noticed the way y/n was staring at herself in the mirror. She had taken her clothes off and was now just looking at her reflection with a deep frown on her face. Freddy shook his head to himself in disbelief before he walked over to her. “You look beautiful,” he commented casually.

Y/n shook her head. “Freddy-,” she began to argue.

“Yes, you do,” Freddy defended. “I’m still so amazed and appreciative of what you just went through,” he admitted. “And yet, you still look radiant after all of that. I’ll never understand how you do that.”

“Love,” Freddy sighed upon seeing y/N’s tears. He cautiously held her to him, rubbing her back slowly as she tried to calm down. When y/n stopped crying he could see her eyes were once again soft, he smiled down at her. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and back to bed.”

Freddy helped comb through the knots in y/n’s hair that had likely formed during her lengthy labor. He lovingly massaged her shoulders and muscles as he went about cleaning her up after the bleeding incident she’d had in their bed. He had always been careful with her; as if she were glass. But tonight he was extremely cautious around her hips/pelvis, only faintly even touching her just enough to get any blood off. Once y/n was cleaned up, Freddy helped her out of the shower and dried them both off. He led her over to the toilet for her to sit on while he dried her hair. But when y/n winced as she sat, Freddy quickly realized the hard surface was a bad choice. “Shit, one moment, love,” he said as he helped her back up. He rushed out of the room, only returning once he had her hospital bag. He helped y/n step into her postpartum underwear. He then set the folded up blanket on top of the toilet seat lid for a better cushioned seat. Freddy was pleased when y/n sat back down without as much pain showing in her eyes. He quickly blow dried her hair before putting it up for her. Freddy helped her off the toilet seat and back to their bedroom. He guided her as she slowly get into bed, each movement clearly hurting her. “I’m going to get your meds,” he said; hating setting her in such pain.

Just as Freddy had reached the doorway to their bedroom, the baby monitor went off with the sound of y/c/N’s crying. Freddy knowingly whipped his head around to look at his wife. “No,” he said, stopping her as she tried to sit back up in order to get out of bed. “I’ve got it!” He rushed out, slightly panicking. “Just rest, please,” he begged as he darted out of the door.

Freddy sprinted into the nursery and scooped their newborn baby up into his arms. He rocked the baby as he walked to the kitchen to grab y/n’s meds. He knew the prescription was not super strong, as the doctor said there was only so much y/n could take while breastfeeding. But, Freddy still hoped it would take the edge off and help her sleep. He very carefully held the baby to him with one arm as he picked up the pills and put them in his pocket before cradling the newborn in both of his arms again. The baby finally stopped its crying as Freddy whispered lovingly to it as he walked back to the main bedroom.

Freddy smiled at his wife as she watched him enter with their child. “Figured you might want to say goodnight,” he smiled, kneeling down beside y/n with their baby in his arms.

Y/n grinned and reached out to take the newborn. She held them to her chest as she sleepily gazed down at them. “Goodnight my little angel,” she cooed. As her eyes began to get heavier, she looked over at Freddy who seemed to have already noticed.

Freddy smiled and kissed y/n’s forehead as he took their baby back into his arms. “Pills are in here,” he informed Y/n as he turned his hip to her; the bottle of medication visible in his pocket.

Y/n smiled appreciatively and pulled the bottle out of Freddy’s pocket.

“I’ll be back with some water, don’t move,” Freddy said as he walked to their door.

After placing the baby back in the crib, Freddy hurried to the kitchen again to grab a water bottle. He filled it and made his way back to the bedroom. Upon entering, he quickly passed it to Y/n to have her take the pain medicine. He bent down and kissed her forehead before he went to his side to get into the freshly made bed. He scooted over and snuggled up to her, carefully holding her.

When y/n noticed Freddy’s resistant and worried touch, she leaned into him. “Thank you,” she whispered. Sensing his confusion, she continued. “You were absolutely incredible today, I’m really glad I had you,” y/n told him.

Freddy kissed y/n’s head. “Ditto, my love,” he whispered. He turned and ensured that the baby monitor was on before facing his wife again. “Rest my dear,” he advised, smiling as she willingly closed her eyes.

“Don’t you dare,” Freddy scolded as he walked into the living room and noticed Y/n was about to vacuum.

“It has to be done, we have people coming over in-“ y/n argued.

“I know,” Freddy nodded, walking over to y/n. “But, I’m doing it, you’re resting,” he said as he took the handle of the vacuum from her.

“Freddy!” Y/n exclaimed with a sigh.

Freddy simply shook his head. “No”. He leaned forward and kissed y/n’s nose. “You should know by now, I’m not going to lose these arguments,” he grinned.

Y/n shook her head back at her stubborn and protective husband. “That was when I was pregnant,” she reminded Freddy. “The baby is fine, me doing chores isn’t going to risk hurt them,” she promised warmly.

“No,” Freddy agreed as he plugged in the vacuum cleaner. “But, it will risk hurting you,” he argued, glancing up at his wife. When y/n sighed, Freddy moved closer to her. “You didn’t truly think my worry when you were pregnant was only about y/c/n’s well-being, did you?” Freddy shook his head in response to his rhetorical question. “I was always worried about you too, my love.”

Y/n closed the space between her and her husband. She quickly wrapped her arms around him and snuggled into his embrace as he held her. “I love you, Freddy,” she whispered against his chest.

“I love you, darling,” Freddy replied tenderly. “Now please, go sit your sweet little arse on the couch, before I have to carry you,” he scolded playfully.

Y/n giggled loudly and shook her head. “I’ll secede to not vacuuming, but I’m going to go check on y/c/n since the sound will likely wake them up,” she argued. “Plus, I want to change them into that insanely cute bear onesie you bought!”

Freddy chuckled happily as he smiled at the excited state of his wife. He nodded in acceptance, “deal”.

“Freddy!” Y/n squealed, coming out of the nursery, holding y/c/n in her arms. The hood on the bear onesie was resting just about their baby’s eyes. Y/n was smiling widely as she showed her husband how cute their child was.

Freddy smiled back and quickly took his phone out to snap a photo before asking y/n to wait so he could get his good camera. With his camera in hand, he ushed back and snapped a ton of photos; some of y/n and y/c/n, some of him and y/c/n, and then some of both of them and y/c/n.

Presently, the new parents had settled y/c/n on one of their blankets on the couch in order to get some photos of just y/c/n. Y/n was gently playing with y/c/n the whole time as Freddy took the photos of their newborn. As such, they did not hear nor see Freddy’s family enter until they were done with the impromptu newborn photoshoot.

Y/n softly rubbed y/c/n’s tiny little nose as Freddy put his camera’s lens cap back on. She smiled to herself as she looked up to see her husband. Only, she caught sight of a group of people behind him. Before she could even process the fact that she knew these people, she had leapt you from the floor and had y/c/n securely in her arms.

Freddy noticed his wife’s fear and instinctually threw himself in front of his wife and their baby. Once he realized that it was their family, he settled and slowly moved to the side. “Did you forget how to knock?” He teased; slightly.

“We did, honey,” Freddy’s mother teased. She slowly made her way over to the couple and gave her son a hug.

“We worried something happened to you lot when no one answered,” Freddy’s oldest brother, Tom, laughed.

Y/n smiled as she watched Freddy’s side of the family embrace and congratulate him. As they turned to her, so too did her husband.

“Not until you use some hand sanitizer,” Freddy ordered his family as he lifted up a new bottle from the table.

Freddy’s family smiled at his protectiveness and complied with his orders before they made their way to y/n and the baby. They all took turns holding the baby, the others talking to y/n and/or Freddy as they waited for their turn to greet the newborn.

Freddy had been watching his wife closely the whole time and realized she was feeling a bit emotional still and overwhelmed. So, he lead her to the couch, making the others follow. “Your mum should be over any minute,” he explained, having been the one to arrange the timing for everyone’s schedules.

Y/n nodded and leaned against her husband as she kept an eye on their newborn.

Freddy noticed y/N’s behavior and kissed the side of her head before resuming doing the same thing himself.

Both sides of the newborn’s family had hung around for quite awhile, even throughout the countless breastfeedings and diaper changes. It wasn’t too late in the traditional sense, barely having hit 5pm, but Freddy was exhausted and he knew his wife was too. So, he kindly asked everyone to leave so the couple could have some alone time with their little one before bed.

“There are just so many cute onesies!” Y/n gushed as she flipped through the collection of baby clothes in y/c/n’s nursery. “Not that (s)he’s not cute enough on their own!” Y/n added quickly.

Freddy chuckled and wrapped his arms around y/N’s waist, placing his head on her shoulder. “I think (s)he should wear the frog one today,” he suggested, eyeing the fuzzy green outfit.

Y/n hummed and picked up the onesie Freddy had requested, setting it to the side. “Frogs it is!” She grinned. She spun around and smiled as she moved in to kiss her husband. “Time to get this little one dressed!” She said walking to the crib.

“Can I?” Freddy asked quietly as he watched his wife approach y/c/n’s crib with the onesie in hand.

Y/n turned to Freddy, her confusion evident on her face. “What?”

“Can I dress them?” Freddy asked with a bite of his bottom lip.

“Of course, handsome!” Y/n reassured. She walked over and cupped Freddy’s cheeks. “Why do you feel you had to ask?” She wondered.

Freddy shrugged with a light laugh. “Sorry, it’s just all so new,” he explained.

Y/n smiled widely and nodded. “In a good way though, right?” She checked.

Freddy vigorously nodded. “Yes,” he promised quickly. “I love this new chapter of our lives,” He grinned.

Y/n hummed in agreement and passed Freddy the frog onesie. “So do I,” she agreed. She watched from the side in bliss as her husband gleefully and cautiously dressed y/c/n inside the crib. “They’re going to adore the frog onesie,” y/n complimented, “great choice, love”. She smiled to herself as she thought about how their friends would react when they came over in an hour to meet y/c/n and were greeted by an adorable little 3 week old baby in a green frog onesie.

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @whistle1whistle @booklover2389

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[spider-stark]

GREED IS GOD

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary - If Kaz Brekker insists on being a jerk to you, then why does he keep threatening the boys you like?

Warnings - fem!reader, toxic, subtle power dynamic, kaz being emotionally constipated, could deviate from canon, based more on book!kaz than show, !minors dni 18+!

Word Count - 2.2k

// masterlist // send me your thoughts // comments & reblogs appreciated! //

“You had no fucking right, Brekker!” 

The words tear straight from your throat, rageful as you swing open the door to one of the Crow Club’s private gambling parlors. Inside, several heads snap to where you’re looming in the doorway. Some of them wear baffled looks, unsettled by the violence of your intrusion, while others look as if they’re holding in a cheeky laugh behind tight lips.

You’re not sure what they find so funny, whether it’s the prospect of Kaz Brekker getting his ass handed to him by a girl or something to your expense.

The grunts—about ten of them, in total—sit around a black poker table, the center of which is lavishly adorned with the striking silhouette of a crow, styled in sleek, bloody crimson. At its head is Dirtyhands himself, his elbows digging into the bolstered edge, leather-clad fingers pressed together in a stiff steeple. 

His eyes slide to yours, cold and detached. 

Your chest locks, lungs constricting around a breath. 

“I assume you’ve all been introduced,” Kaz rasps, a terse nod in your direction, “to the Dregs dearest asset and resident instigator.” 

There’s a snort or two, but no laughter. No one can ever tell when Kaz Brekker is making a joke, and as such, it’s best to never laugh at him. 

In the main hall behind you, the Crow Club’s usual clamor seems to grow, low-lives and thugs barking over games of Blackjack and Craps. It’s loud and obnoxious, a rival to the incessant pounding in your head, your blood turned to an erratic rush in your ears. 

It hits you this might’ve been a bad idea. 

Then—like an idiot—you choose to double-down. 

“You had no right.” The words catch in your teeth, serrated on the way out. You point at him. “You over-fucking-stepped, Brekker!” 

It’s a domino effect, the low snicker of one grunt setting off the next until they’re all laughing at you, chortling like a bunch of rowdy pigs. Your fingers curl, rage smarting—but then there’s embarrassment, too, red hot as it crawls up your neck. 

Why is it that a man's anger earns restraint, but a woman’s is entertainment? 

Before you think to find the answer in the way Jesper would—by drawing the pistol at your hip and shooting a Saintsdamned hole in the ceiling—Kaz lifts a commanding hand. 

“Shut up. All of you.” 

Kaz doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t have to. 

The grunts fall into a wary silence. Kaz’s glower drags around the table, marking each face. The men start shifting in their seats like the cushions have been set on fire, but they’re too afraid to stand up. 

“Get out.” 

Chairs screech back. Cheap boots scuff against polished floors, the grunts shuffling toward you in a disorganized heap. You suck in a breath, turning sideways to let them file out past you. They avoid your gaze—not because they’re scared of you, of course, but because Dirtyhands had already snapped their leash once tonight. 

When the last grunt skulks out, Kaz gives you an order, too. 

“Close the door.”

And damn if your feet don’t obey, so used to blind obedience that you immediately step into the parlor and do as he bids, a palm pressed flat to the door's glossy-black paint, feeling it in your bones when it clicks shut. 

The air shifts. 

A lump forms in your throat. The sensation of a noose getting tighter, tighter—the persistent, strangling fear of a child who knows they’re about to be scolded, who's still innocent enough to wonder if maybe, just maybe, they can escape it by crawling under their bed, by keeping their back turned. 

But you’re not a child. And this isn’t your fault. 

You turn around. 

“Do you know what keeps men in line?” Kaz asks, giving you no time to answer before he continues, “I’ll give you a hint. It’s not respect. Not loyalty, either. So what is it? What keeps a gang from going off the deep end, from turning order into chaos?” 

You swallow. Try to feign nonchalance. “I don’t know, Brekker. The enduring power of friendship?” 

Kaz doesn’t so much as blink. 

“Fear,” he answers simply, firmly. “Fear keeps them in line. Fear of consequence, fear of uncertainty—” he leans slightly forward, gaze unnervingly intense—“fear of me. And do you know what jeopardizes that fear?” 

Your skin feels tight. “Me?” 

An irked, tight-lipped smile. “Exactly. You.” 

Kaz relaxes back into his chair, and it strikes you how he almost looks like a fixture of the room—his dark, austere style blending seamlessly with the parlor’s imposing black-and-crimson decor. Or maybe that’s not right. Maybe it’s the other way around—the parlor, the Crow Club itself, exists merely as an extension of Kaz. It’s his blood woven into the crow’s silhouette, the blackness of his soul that paints the walls. 

A tired, gloved hand combs through his slicked hair. Pink lips part with a sigh that feels purposeful. “So. Next time you want to act all big and make a fool of yourself, give me enough time to clear the room, hm? That way, I don’t have to deal with men getting it in their heads that they can talk back to me all because you do it without losing your tongue. Understood?” 

You suck on a tooth, glancing off to one side. It takes a minute for words to find you, and when they finally do, they spill out in a frustrated heap. “Raske told me about Leon,” you tell him, more an accusation than a statement. 

Images flash in your mind, the spattered freckles and gap-toothed smile of the dealer you’d gotten sweet with. 

The dealer that, as of a few days ago, disappeared from the Crow Club without a trace. 

“What,” you press, brows lifting expectantly, “you’re not even gonna say anything? Deny it, even?” 

His expression is one of perfect neutrality. Still, the tiniest hint of satisfaction slinks into his tone. “I’m not sure why you’re so upset,” he tells you, almost patronizing. “Did Raske not tell you everything? I was quite gracious, all things considered. He even convinced me to let Leon keep his tongue.” 

A scoff pushes from your lungs, frustration bubbling into childish fury. It takes all your restraint to keep from stomping your foot at him. 

“You broke his hand, Kaz!” 

He looks offended. “I broke both of his hands,” he corrects you, the distinction incredibly important. “Leon should consider himself lucky I didn’t take a finger for all the times he’s been caught skimming. So long as the bones heal, he should relearn his shuffle just fine.” 

But you’re no fool. The bones won’t heal. Not properly. 

Leon will never deal again. You’ll never see him. And Kaz… 

Kaz wins. 

“Leon isn’t a skimmer,” you defend, a bitter growl as you stomp for the poker table. You stop opposite him, palms pressed flat to the felt-top as you hold his stare. “And even if he was,” your voice cracks, “we both know that wasn’t your reason, Brekker.” 

Kaz lifts his chin, the muscles in his shoulders tensing in a slight, barely perceptible shift. “Oh?” 

You count on your fingers. “Leon. Junip. Teller.” 

Each name tastes acidic in your mouth, cheeks burning with the memory of friends and almost-lovers, boys with nothing more than the misluck of smiling at you in a place where Dirtyhands could see. 

“Kerrigan, Donni.” Your voice climbs, “Mikael, Alyn!” 

How many have been punished? Made to pay for fallacies at the cost of shattered bone or cut-off digits? And why, why is it that anytime you seek happiness, Dirtyhands comes to tear it away? 

“Do I need to keep going?” you finally spit. “Or have I painted well enough for you to get the picture, Brekker?” 

He nods, dusting a speck of lint from his suit coat. “Oh, you’ve painted plenty well enough. This is becoming an epidemic, isn’t it? Parents giving their children such stupid names.” A harsh shadow flickers across his face. “Or was the point simply that you get around?” 

The words land like a blow—and you falter with the impact. 

Your stare drops, nails scraping against the felt-top. “This isn’t fair,” you mutter, head shaking. 

“What isn’t?” 

“This!” 

It’s an exasperated breath, an explosion that wracks through your body. You shove back from the table. Kaz sits straight, a line between his brows. 

“I do my job, Kaz!” 

“As is expected.” 

“I do more than my job!” you argue. “I do everything you ask!” 

“Good.” 

“I scale every rooftop, climb through every window, gather dirt on every fucking rat in this absolute sewer of a city!” 

His head tilts, antagonizing, “As does Inej.” 

You jab a finger to your chest. “I helped you steal a DeKappel!” you hiss, careful not to speak too loud of the one-hundred-thousand kruge painting you’d nabbed from Van Eck. “A fucking DeKappel, Kaz!” 

A sigh slips from his nose. Two leather-clad fingers press to his temple, rubbing in circles as if to soothe some budding ache. “Could we speed this along?” he asks. “I’m a busy man, and dealing with Leon took precious time out of my–” 

“Why?” Your voice is wretched, desperation lashing with every syllable. “Why is it never enough? Why can’t I have one, just one thing outside of my obligations to you? One thing to make me happy, one thing to-” 

His hands brace the table, shoving to his feet so quickly the chair screeches from underneath him, clattering back onto the ground. “Because it makes you weak,” he snarls, low and threatening. “It distracts you.” 

Bullshit. You audibly call bullshit. 

Then something snaps. 

Kaz slams a fist against the table, hard and loud enough to make you jolt. He won’t look at you. “Because,” he starts, pained as if the words have to slash and claw up his throat, “it distracts me.” 

Everything. 

Your wretched feelings, your childish fury, your anger for Leon. 

It all fizzles into something static. 

“It… what?” 

“You heard me.” 

You blink. Once. Twice. 

A third time for good measure. 

“Well—I did, but… Why?” 

Kaz sucks a breath deep into his lungs. Low, to himself, he admits, “Because Inej was right.” Dark eyes look up. “I am selfish and violent. Hungry to the point I feel it in my bones. Greed is my god,” he rasps, wavering, “and you, you are my altar.” 

Oh. 

You take a step back, nearly stumbling over your own feet. “Sorry, I…” a breathy, humorless laugh. “What do you… what does that mean, exactly?” 

Fucking hyperbole. 

A gloved hand rakes through his hair. “That I want,” he starts, only to trail off. 

But then the words settle. Become their own sentence. 

“I want.” You’ve never heard Kaz this desperate. Never seen his eyes this soft, this hazy with apprehension. “It’s abhorrent and I’ve tried to stop, but I can’t. I can’t stop wanting,” a pause, a space left for the word he can’t quite form. You. You, you, you. 

There’s a moment. 

Silent consideration, internal debate. 

Kaz is a monster, one part of you argues. He doesn’t think before he speaks, shatters the bones of any boy you bat eyes at. 

Kaz is a shield, whispers the other. He’ll dismiss a room on your behalf, threaten the lives of any who might hurt you. 

There’s a moment. 

Then, all at once, there’s motion—glorius, frantic, thoughtless motion. The scuff of your boots across the floor; the shocked catch of his breath; the feel of stiff fabric bunched between your fingers, pulling him closer closer closer by his lapels, brow furrowing when his head turns to dodge your lips. 

Gloved hands settle on your waist, the electrifying feel of cool leather brushing bare skin, shirt lifting as Kaz pushes you backwards, up onto the poker table. 

“I can’t,” he struggles. But your legs tighten around his waist, core pressed to the growing bulge in his trousers, and hips seem to meet yours to the tempo of Oh, but I want to. Saints, I want to.

“I can’t,” it's a pant, a moan, his head shaking, dark eyes fluttering, “I can’t be what you deserve.” 

“Then be what I want,” you beg, “be what I need.” 

Your palms lay flat against his chest, slowly drifting up toward the smooth nape of his neck. Your fingertips barely graze the warmth of his skin before a leather-clad hand snaps from your waist, roughly taking hold of both your wrists. 

“No,” he almost chokes, desire held back by fearful restraint. “Not yet.”

His grip loosens—trusting you to obey, to let him set the pace.

And he does.

Nimble fingers are already sliding your pistol from the holster at your hip, sliding it across the table before setting to work on your trousers, fiddling with the flimsy closures before tugging them down, bearing witness to the parts of you he’d only ever seen in dreams. 

Not yet, you think, hot and desperate, cool leather grazing against sensitive skin. But eventually, inevitably. 

Perhaps greed is your god, too. 

a/n - yeah, idk guys? i guess i just can't write smut. the amount of times i walked up to my sister while writing this just to scream "I can't take Kaz Brekker's pants off" was alarming. alas, this exists now and maybe some of you will enjoy it! i'll give true smut another go at some point, probably will something shorter so i don't get distracted with other things lmao

anyways, would love to hear what you think (what works, what doesn't work, what you love, what you hate lmao) and thanks for reading! 

[strangermurdock]

freddy carter really gave us the most book accurate kaz brekker, I had chills during this scene.

THATS MY KAZ BREKKER!!!

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

I cant handle this

[futurecorps3]

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

[delic7te]

sweet dreams | kaz brekker

kaz brekker x reader

summary: after an exhausting day, kaz lets you spend the night in his office

a/n : sorry for not responding to reqs, life was kinda happening. anyway here's something I wrote a long long time ago

Kaz caught himself looking at you for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, as if you might fall into the ground if he averted his gaze away from you.

The Crows were heading back to The Slat, worn out after a risky heist that ended up being a success but left them all exhausted and weak, eager to go lay back for a good sleep.

Except Kaz. The man was almost always wide awake and on watch, busy with something buisness related. He allowed you to tag along with his work at times because you had quite a gift for things like he did, even though he hired you as a weapon more than as a mastermind. But you became both and Kaz trusted you enough to let you help him out with planning heists and managing the Dregs, as you were in the buisness almost as long as he was. Of course, you had your own reputation and jobs, sometimes working for Kaz but mostly for yourself.

Still, Kaz and you partnered up at times.

When you were finally at the Slat, everyone drifted into their rooms immediately and shortly fell sound asleep. But Kaz needed to get some work done as always, which meant he would take you with him.

"Y/N, come along", he told you when you came through the door, glancing down at you again. You looked like you hadn't slept for weeks, your eyelids threatening to shut down any second now. "Huh?"

"There's some paperwork left if you don't mind", Kaz explains as he limps up the stairs, you following behind.

"Alright." A quiet sigh leaves your lips. "I planned on staying up a little anyway" , you lie.

Kaz felt bad for keeping you up even though he knew all you wanted to do was to lay back on your bed and give your mind a rest, but he still kept a straight cold expression when you both sat down in his office.

You took of your coat and put it on the couch by his window, sitting down on a chair opposite of his at his desk. Kaz sat right down, picking up files and spreading them all over the desk. "Where were we?"

You let out a yawn, covering your mouth with your hand. "Are you sure this can't wait until the morning?"

It could. He knew it could. Yet something in him told him to keep going and keep you by his side for as long as possible.

Tonight, during a job, Kaz got really concerned for you. It was dangerous, bloody and filthy out there and even though you fend for yourself perfectly in jobs like that, he still sometimes saw you as a butterfly whose wings are about to be torn off by vultures and the cruel world.

He hated that. He hated feeling that type of cautiousness. But when you were in his office, working by his side, he could have an excuse to be in your presence while you were perfectly safe. He would never admit that to you, so he would rather keep you occupied and close to him.

"Hang on for just a few minutes, can you?"

With no choice and a small nod, you get back to all the paperwork scattered on the desk before you. "Atleast we got what we needed tonight."

♤—————————♤

After some time of silent working together, Kaz stands up from the desk. "Excuse me for a minute", he says as he limps to the bathroom.

Kaz shuts the bathroom door, taking off his gloves. He splashes his face and gloves with water, refreshing himself.

His thoughts shift back to his partner in the next room. When had he begun to trust a person like this? Maybe it were your talents: your fighting skills, your calculated moves, your bright, sharp mind. Or it was simply your charm and wit that enchanted him whole.

Those few minutes of peace with you were all he wanted for the rest of his life. It frustrated him, how much space could someone take up in his head.

Kaz walked out of the bathroom, when he saw you lay your head over your crossed arms spread out on the desk. Your eyes were shut and you looked as if you just passed out.

He realized how he kept you up for no reason, just his selfishness, even though you were tired out of your mind. This time he didn't want to wake you, but he figured you won't be comfortable if you fell asleep in the position you were currently in.

"Y/N?", he whispers softly, careful not to startle you.

Your head rises from the wooden surface. "Sorry", you mumble, rubbing your eyes.

Kaz sits back down. "Don't be. You can stay here overnight, if you wish. My room is open to you."

You shook your head. "No, I'll go back to my place, I'll be fine."

He scoffs. "Just accept something for once. We don't want you to pass out on your way out, do we?"

There was silence after you sighed, burying your face in your hands.

"I insist", Kaz finally says, and you didn't want to resist anymore because you knew that in the end he would make you stay.

"Where would you sleep?"

"I don't need to, yet. Don't worry about me."

"Even geniuses need sleep, Kaz", you frown, standing up from your chair.

He shrugs. "Exactly why you're gonna stay here and get some rest."

"I'll just take the couch here."

When you finally layed down on the couch close to his desk, none of you said anything for a long time. Kaz kept scribbling with his pen, which lulled you to sleep even more.

"You did a good job tonight", Kaz breaks the silence, surprising you.

Your eyes find his and you gaze at each other for a moment. A small nod of appreciation was all you left off before letting your eyelids close and the darkness take over.

♤—————————♤

Kaz was finally done with working for the night, which was slowly turning into the morning. It was really late, and you had been asleep for about an hour on the couch, eyes shut and eyelashes spread over your plum cheeks.

You looked relaxed, pleasantly at peace. It was a sight Kaz couldn't take his eyes off.

Before heading to his room, he noticed that it was getting chillier in the space and that nothing covered your body from it.

There was an old blanket hanging from the end of the couch and he picked it up, placing it on top of you and protecting you from the cold in the air.

He admired you one last time. "Sweet dreams, Y/N/N", he whispers, turning around to leave the room.

"Night, bastard", replied a sleepy voice behind his back. Kaz freezes, slight embarrassment washing over him.

He was now glad he wasn't facing you, because he couldn't contain himself from letting his lips stretch into a wide smile.

[writersblockedx]

The Things we do

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - When Kaz finds out a rivial gang has taken you hostage, he'll stop at nothing to find you again. Warnings - Angst, violence, torture, wounds, blood, hurt/comfort vibe Words - 2.8K

Masterlist

Kaz didn't know where you were. And, even worse, neither did you.

What you did know however: your head was pounding, the room was dark and you were tied to a chair. Your head dragged up, blood trickling from your cut lip as you faced your captor. She was a mean face. Her eyes flooded with fury that you doubted ever left and she bred the sense of vex with every step she took. If anyone was to be a psycho kidnapper, it would have been her.

"Y/n Y/l/n." A voice called your name like it was illegal, like it was something to be dragged through the dirt.

Your captor took a step back, revealing the man who was sitting in the chair behind her. In no way was he rough around the edges like the girl was. In fact, he wore a suit to fit, his lips moulded into something he seemed to use as a weapon. And despite her cut lip and likely bruised features, her head tilted and she pushed her luck. "Nice to know you know, because I've got no idea who you are." Maybe had you not just been kidnapped, you might have been more composed.

The man stood and she felt herself lean as far back in her chair as she was able. "It doesn't matter who I am." He said; his voice so monotone for the context of the situation. "I just need to know about you."

You weren't so sure where this was headed. Your mind was still trying to catch up with the punches you had just endured, attempting to understand where you were and how you were in fact going to get out of it. "Me?" You reiterated, flashing some puppy dog eyes you knew weren't going to work. But it was worth a try in this situation.

He nodded and then a word slipped from his lips. Just one word and that was all you needed to know you were in the shit now. "Crow." Them puppy dog eyes slipped away as easily as they had settled. Suddenly, you came to realise the severity of the situation and you questioned if you would be able to get out of it. The suit man looked over to the captor, nodding his head as if giving a silent command.

Like that, just as he turned his back and started walking away, a fist came flying. The knuckles of the woman's palm cracked against your cheeks with a thud. You had groaned but didn't dare say a word. You glanced back up at her through the lingering bruises. "Are the rest of you crows at the crow club?"

"Why do you want to know?" You should have known where speaking back was going to get you.

Just as quickly as them words had left your lips, another punch came crashing at your jaw. And you struggled with that one. It erupted a groan as you settled within the pain that plagued you. "What about Kaz? He's the boss right?" She continued to interrogate.

You gazed over at her through stern, mean eyes. "You can punch me till I'm bloody, I'm not telling you anything."

This time, a punch didn't follow. Instead, you watched as the woman wandered around the chair you were glued to. She walked over to a side table, retrieving a small box. It wasn't until she opened the box that you grew nervous. There were several tools. Many of them rusty and blunt but in the hand of your kidnapper, still rather painful. She took one of the bluntest knives, one that had rusted so much it was burnt and brown. With that in hand, she wandered around once again.

"Anything you went to get off your chest now?" Asked the woman.

You could feel your breath itch in your throat, feeling her shadow hover right over your shoulder. It was daunting but didn't stop you as you quipped back, "Do your worse." And she certainly did.

She took the blade. At first, it brushed over the prickles of your skin, then, within a flash, you felt it jab into your shoulder. With that, you let out a piercing scream. The metal seeming to have shot so deep into your body it felt as if it were scraping against your bone. You didn't have to look to know it was bleeding. By the time the weapon had dug into your skin, the blood was dripping down towards your elbow.

The woman took a firm grip over the blade. With every single, slight touch it was painful. Just the brush of her fingers against the metal had felt agonising. So when she took a hold of it, a groan escaped your lips. She leaned over the bleeding shoulder, "You're gonna tell me what I need to know." Her voice was a whisper but it felt deafening in your ear.

Your breath was uneven and, just as you were about to catch it, she shoved the blade down further. Another scream erupted from your lips. This one louder and much more of an echo. And once more, she leaned over your shoulder, "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

Once you let out a sigh, you looked over at her, "I'm not telling you." You were stern in your words even if everything in your body already wanted to give in.

This was what being a crow was. It was criminal. It was getting beating up and getting bloody, but it was dealing with that. And so you would. At least, you would try. Because when she even grasped the metal, you were regretting your decisions. "Wait, wait!" She stopped; so did the pain. You took a breath, trying to gather your thoughts that the pain had cut through. "Please..." You couldn't imagine anything worse than another touch from that blade.

She asked the same question: "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

A long moment followed. One in which you knew you were going to give in, even if it killed you to betray Kaz like that. Your fellow crow, your boss, the man who had took you in when you had nothing. "There's a safe. It's under his desk in the office. The office is upstairs in the crow club." Like it was nothing, you spilled everything.

"See," She paused and in one swift movement, tore the knife from your skin. Another scream erupted. But it was the last one you would have to endure. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?" She had no idea what you were in for with Kaz now. "Now, when's this office left empty?"

You knew this plan was so this gang could get their sticky fingers on Kaz's money. And maybe you should have cared more to not spill all this information considering Kaz paid your wage. But alas, the fear of the pain was seeming to pull the words from your lips, "When there's-"

You didn't know why or what had happened at first, only that your kidnapper had fallen right in front of you. Then you spotted the knife in her back. You almost couldn't believe it at first. Well, not until your head snapped up to figure that was wandering from the doorway. "Inej?" The woman removed the scarf that masked her face as she rushed forward without another word.

She went around straight away, her hands reaching out and untying the rope which bound you. "Where is she?" Came another voice which boomed through the building. A wave of guilt passed you as you came to recognise the voice: Kaz.

"In here!" Replied Inej.

And like that, the man came through. His eyes pooled with sympathy, completely unaware of how you had just betrayed him. Not that he had noticed. In that moment, Kaz had never felt such relief. Over the period you had been lost, he hadn't felt himself breathe. He sent Inej and Jesper left, right and centre until finally, they got a hit. A rival gang that barely hand enough bullets to take down the three of them. He couldn't care who had taken you. It could have been the king himself and he would have still swug through battlefields, explored every inch of this world, whatever it took just so it could get to you.

Now, with your eyes interwinding with his, he rushed to you. Inej had only just let the rope fall from your body and it was suddenly being engulfed by Kaz. At first, it had shocked you. Then you soon settled into the comfort which was ever so familiar. With your head situated on his shoulder, your gaze glanced to the doorway, finding Jesper stood there. He too just as relieved, taking in the sight of his boss and his friend tangled within the comfort of one another. Jesper knew that Kaz needed that hug just as much as you - if not more so.

When he pulled away, you were met with that worrisome gaze which seemed to devour you. "Can you stand?" Kaz questioned.

And while you couldn't exactly give him a reply, you nodded and that was enough. His hands came around, taking a hold of your own as he helped you to your feet. He guided you towards the exit, not daring to let his touch fall. About half way there, you both stopped. There came the sound of a thud from behind you. It wasn't until you turned, finding that Inej had pulled her knife from your captor's back that you came to realise why. Of course she taken her knife back. No one chose to comment. Instead, you found that it was normal and continued walking, following Jesper.

By the time you made it home, the Crow Club was empty. It wasn't until later that you would come to realise Kaz had closed the club, needing the empty space to focus on finding you. Something he was thankful for now he had you in his arms.

Once you got home, Jesper pulled a chair up for you, forcing you to sit down as he tended to the wound plaguing your shoulder. Inej was sat on a table across from you, sharpening a knife while Kaz was standing behind you. And for a moment, it was all silent. All their attention was focused on you and the wound which was buried deep into your skin. Yes, it felt as bad as it looked. "You sure you're okay?" Inquired Jesper as he pulled your shirt down for easier access.

You didn't bare look at any of them, knowing the pity you were likely to receive. "I'll be fine, Jesper." You replied without much emotion in your tone.

Jesper gave a concerned look to the man standing behind you. Something of which you had missed, too busy replying the memory of the knife in your shoulder to take note. "Okay, okay." Jesper said. "But just know," He paused as he gathered his needle and thread, "This isn't going to be pretty."

You didn't look to him as you answered, "Just clean it up, will you?" You weren't so much in the mood for Jesper's playful mood like you normally were. "I don't want an infection and a stab wound."

And like that, Jesper's lips stayed sealed as he gathered his items, staring at the wound as he attempted the best way to tackle it without hurting you so much. "What were they asking you?" Inej spoke up as her head lifted to meet yours. "Did you tell them anything?" That question made you wince.

Jesper scoffed, "It doesn't matter anyway, you killed em'." He did make a good point there, something you were silently thankful for.

"And by the looks of things," At the sound of Kaz's voice, you finally turned, meeting his gaze which seemed attached to the wound sitting on your shoulder. "You didn't tell them anything either."

Had it not been for the groan that came with the needle making contact with your shoulder, you might have said. Instead, you sucked in a breath before letting out a, "Jesper." in a snap.

"Sorry," He apologised. "I did say its not gonna be pretty." And with that, he started to thread you skin back together like it were clay.

"Do you know who it was?" Inej continued to interrogate.

You thought on it for a moment but with your pounding head, you couldn't come up with much. "No." You said first. "He wore a suit like he was trying to be more fancy than he was."

"That's it?" Critiqued Jesper from behind you, his snooty tone prompting you to gaze over at him. "He was too fancy for a suit? That's what you gathered?"

Your glare turned deathly, "I was a bit preoccupied with the fact they kept punching and threatening me...obviously." You agrued.

"Careful," Said Jesper. "Don't forget whose holding this needle." The small prick of metal glistened in his hand before your eyes rolled, turning back around.

"So we have no idea who these people are." Kaz concluded as his gaze jumped from you, something which had only enhanced that ever-heavy feeling of guilt which burdened you.

A loud exhale, almost loud enough to be classed as a sigh, came from Inej, "Suppose it's a good thing you didn't tell them anything the-"

"Ouch!" Your voice shot through the club.

All eyes came to you and your burning stare that was being pointed at Jesper. He had slipped. Only the smallest of bits but still, you had snapped at him like that. And what was worse, your anger didn't die down. Instead, you stood abruptly, tearing the needle from further patching up your wound. "Y/n-" Kaz started but you were already walking away.

And without even looking back at him, you said, "I'm fine." And continued on, eager for some privacy where the guilt of spilling your guts didn't linger.

You escaped into your room, taking in the air like it was fresh, like it wasn't intoxicated like the rest of the club was. The room was lonely, and it was empty, free of anyones opinion and judgement. With tears pricking your pupils, you wandered over to the mirror. Your shoulder took all your attention. Sure, Jesper had sewed up about half of it but the wound was still sharp and deep into your skin. It's edges ridgid and screaming to be tended to.

With a huff, you pulled your t-shirt back up, groaning at the pain which came with the contact. And you continued on with shakey legs and even shakier breath as if you could continue on. You soon came to realise it wouldn't be that easy.

The door clicked open and you tensed, suddenly appreciating your back was facing the door. The tears were easily about to slip from your eyes and that was something no one needed to see. "I told you I was fine." You said, sucking in a sharp breath that you preyed gave you the air you needed to not let those tears fall.

"You're not meant to be." Only then did you come to realise the intruder in your room was none other than Kaz Brekker. And his voice was enough to prompt you to turn, meeting his soft features which made you weak. "Whatever you went through, it was always going to be painful."

He had no idea what was truly the cause of your pain. "I've been beaten before Kaz." You argued.

He took a cautious step into the room, knowing you could force him out at any given moment. "None of us expect you to be okay, this wasn't just any normal beating, Y/n." He went on, providing comfort which would normally be accepted. But considering he didn't know the full story, it was a struggle to accept it.

Until, in a rushed decision, you gambled your whole relationship with Kaz. "I don't care that they hurt me, that they punched, stabbed, bled me like I was a doll. I couldn't get less." That part was true. "But I just- I had to."

Kaz's brows knitted, "Had to what?" He queried.

"I had to tell them." Like that, the words hung in the air. "I had to tell them everything." The tears finally started slipping until they were streaming down your cheeks.

The moment Kaz caught sight of that, he rushed over. And just as needy as before, he engulfed your body into his own. "Hey, it's okay." He assured. "All that matters is that you're safe."

[zepp-l1n]

His Anchor

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!reader

summary: sometimes Kaz needs a comforting presence. fic type - angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship warning - Kaz's haphephobia and trauma :(, also a little ooc Kaz at the end?? word count - 1,494 a/n: hiii! hope you guys enjoy!

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It wasn't unusual for Kaz to get overwhelmed and slip into one of his episodes. Too much time spent in interactions, physical or not, would cause him to feel the water rise up his spine and start to consume him. In the past during times like these, Kaz would run off and lock himself into his room. No one was to come in, and no one was to go out. Now things were different. Now he had (Y/N).

The girl had become apart of his team of Crows early on, but it wasn't until a little while ago that the two crossed into a relationship status past friends (one that Kaz refused to call "lovers" due to his hatred for visible weaknesses). Since they had reached this point, the two had been working on trying to break down Kaz's walls. Understandably, the couple had been taking it slow, and didn't try to go to far out of Kaz's comfort zone.

So far, they had managed to make some progress. The first step had been hand holding in short time frames - which was okay, with or without gloves.

Next had been opening up about Kaz's childhood. (Y/N) still didn't know much, due to the fact that she didn't want to push him to far to fast, but it was enough for her to understand where he was coming from. Now, when he had the episodes, she was right there with him - staying far enough away so to not make it worse, but close enough that he wouldn't have to go through it alone. She was now his savior, pulling him back to shore when the waters threatened to drown him. And he needed that safety, especially in moments like these.

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Kaz was crouched in the corner of his room. His goal had been to huddle up on his bed where he would be more comfortable, but the waves had become to much for him to go any farther. All he could see was Jordie. All he could see was Jordie. There was no escaping him. He could feel the cold hands of Jordie and the others gripping at his body.

Kaz had been alone in his study when the attack hit him, so he didn't have far to go to hide away. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) had seen his shaken form enter his room. She subtly excused herself from the conversation she was having with Nina and Matthias, and calmly made her way to the room. Inside, her brain was running a mile a minuet. She knew how bad Kaz could get sometimes, and she could only hope that he was alright.

Inside the room, the boy had curled into himself farther, trying to get any slight piece of relief. He was too far into his own head that he didn't notice (Y/N)'s knock on his door, nor did he notice her enter the room.

"Kaz?" she quietly called out. Her gaze drifted to the boy on the ground - the boy she had grown to truly care about. She could tell he was hyperventilating, a common occurrence during these episodes, but his breathing was far more erratic than usual. "Kaz, sweetheart?" (Y/N) closed in on the boy, arms cautiously open and outstretched. Kaz still didn't notice her. Once more, she stepped towards him. "Kaz, I need you to listen to me, okay?"

His gloved hands were painfully clasped around his shoulders. He couldn't take in anything other than the water and Jordie. Nothing else seemed to be real.

(Y/N)'s hands reached for Kaz's. She didn't know what she was planning on doing, but she knew that she needed to bring him out of the episode fast, for his sanity and hers. "I'm here Kaz." she mumbled, soft hands winding around the leather she had become happily accustomed to. "You're safe. You're here with me." Her words and movements were gradually becoming more frantic. While keeping one hand on his, she brought the other back to herself for a moment. She knew that holding him anywhere else was way past the boundaries they had broken, and although it could possibly help, she wasn't sure if it would make things off between them afterwards.

A broken gasp brought (Y/N)'s attention back to the boy in front of her. Kaz's chest was rapidly heaving, trying to take in unnecessary amounts of air. His already shaking body seemed to increase in speed. She needed to do something, and fast.

(Y/N) knew that even the slightest bit of cold flesh may send him farther into his episode, so she quickly pulled both hands away and started rubbing them together to get some friction. Once they were as warm as she could get them, (Y/N) placed her hands onto his body - the left cradling his neck, and the right caressing his face. She pulled his body tight against hers, resting his head on her clothed chest. From this angle he would be able to hear her madly-paced heartbeat. "Kaz, darling, please." she loudly begged.

In Kaz's head, and behind Jordie's angry yells, he started to hear a steady 'thump'. Warmth enveloped his face and neck, pushing away some of the violent waves.

Soft cries started to leave the girls mouth. She couldn't help the frustrated and scared tears misting over her eyes, or the overly panicked thoughts rushing through her head.

Kaz could feel the waves dying down, but he still couldn't get away from the cold and damp feeling of the death he experienced. The thumping was still a steady tune, pulsing through the back of his conscience. He knew something or someone was there, but he couldn't get away.

"I'm here." her choked words returned to their former softness, but still repeated rapidly, as if speaking them over and over would bring him out of his trance. "Please..."

The thumping grew louder, and faster in pace. Whatever it was, Kaz was sure would burst in minuets. It echoed in his mind, blocking out Jordie's yells - blocking out the smell of sea water and the feeling of water filling his lungs. Then came the call of a soft a familiar voice - one that he could recognize and point out within all of the crowds in Ketterdam. (Y/N). The dark haze started to clear from his mind, letting him take in the sight of the girl holding him.

For a moment everything stopped. It was as if Kaz was someone else - as if he hadn't lost Jordie, or been dumped with the other bodies, or as if he could freely touch anything and anyone he wanted. He felt the soft skin pressing on his neck and face, and subconsciously leaned into it. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, coming into contact with the soft skin he now adored, and he couldn't help but let out matching whimpers and cries of his own.

A soft gasp sounded from about him, "Kaz!" He could feel the girl start to pull away, the feeling of her warmth leaving his cold body, and he swiftly pulled her back.

"Stay." his broken voice whispered. "I'm sorry." Her heartbeat rang in his ears, proving to him that she was real, not some body he was forcefully sat beside.

"Don't be," she hoarsely muttered. "You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me." Her right hand ran over the rough skin of his cheek, brushing against the small scars that littered the area.

"I do." his voice vibrated against her shoulder. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

(Y/N) pulled his face away from her, and used her hands to force his stare back in her direction. "Kaz Brekker, don't start with that. I am here - to help, to hold, to get you through the unnecessary suffering. I will be here every step of the way." Her voice never raised above a whisper.

"But-" he started, but (Y/N) cut him off.

"No. I will be here. I will be your tether back to reality, whenever I am needed. I will bring you back to me - back to the crows - back to yourself. We will get through this. One day, things will get better. One day, I will have you, without your armor. But until then, I will be with you every step of the way." (Y/N)'s eyes pierced into his own throughout her entire speech. Her words and look were enough to render Kaz, for the first time, speechless.

Kaz leaned forward, securing himself back into her arms. He didn't know how much longer this moment would last, or how much longer he'd be able to hold her without feeling the need to throw up, but he knew she would wait as long as it took for him to be free of his fears and hold her like this always. He knew that he had her. he finally had his anchor, and he wasn't letting it go.

[sharksnshakes]

Killers' Big Spoon vs. Little Spoon! HCs

Everybody has a soft spot. Even killers in the fog... right?

AN; still very conflicted over some of 'em but fuck it we ball. monstercuddlers, your time is now

TW; none i can think of

Big spoon

CALEB QUINN, Frank Morrison, Ji-Woon Hak, Albert Wesker, Herman Carter, Pinhead

Little spoon

Philip Ojomo, Max Thompson Jr.

Both

EVAN MACMILLAN, JOEY, Pyramid Head, Danny Johnson, Kazan Yamaoka

Would never be caught dead cuddling with anybody (or so they say)

ALBERT WESKER, Danny Johnson, Kazan Yamaoka, Evan MacMillan

...What do spoons have to do with cuddling?

Freddy Kreuger, Michael Myers, Pinhead, Max Thompson Jr.

[jahayla-parker]

Practice Run: Freddy Carter x Reader

Part of Love of a Lifetime Mini-Series

Warnings: this part has some suggestive scenes/behaviors.

For full warnings and description, see mini-series masterlist

3.2k wc

Freddy ran his hand down the back of y/n’s neck and to her middle back as he moved to sit beside her. “‘ere, let me help”. When she smiled over at him, he grinned back and took a small stack of fabric. “The way we studied on Pinterest, right?” Freddy confirmed, eyeing the folded napkins y/n had completed.

Y/n hummed and nodded. “You were right, it did get easier after the first few,” she commented lovingly. “So I redid the first few,” she added with a laugh.

Freddy chuckled and shook his head. He placed a tender kiss to y/n’s temple before turning his attention back to his current task. He’d helped get his groomsmen going on properly setting up the seating for the ceremony tomorrow moments ago. So now he was able to return to his fiancée’s side and help her with the task she’d chosen to start with.

Y/n giggled as she watched Freddy’s nose scrunch up in slight frustration. She leaned over and placed her hands on top of his that were holding the cloth and pressed them down to the table gently. With a smile, she then moved her hands to Freddy’s shoulders and turned him to face her. She giggled more as he gave her a sheepish smile. Y/n leaned forward and kissed his pouting lips. “They look fine, honey,” she encouraged sweetly.

Freddy smiled from the kiss. But his expression changed into a dramatically skeptical one as y/n tried to reassure him his napkin folding wasn’t as tragic as he knew it was. He couldn’t help but smile as her laughter rang out in the air again upon seeing his nonverbal disagreement.

“Here,” y/n spoke gently as she took hold of Freddy’s hands. “It’s easier if you do it like this,” she advised. She guided her fiancé’s hands as she instructed him on how to best handle the task. They’d both searched Pinterest weeks ago to decide which style of cloth napkins they liked best and had studied how to complete the style they’d chosen. However, y/n had quickly found a simple trick that made it much easier.

Freddy smiled and nodded as y/n’s hands left his; one napkin from his stack complete. “Thank you, darling,” he said, quickly pulling another piece of cloth to him.

“What’s next?” Y/n questioned aloud as she spun around frantically.

Freddy watched y/n with an amused smile. “Right now?” He clarified, moving closer to her. He set his hands on her shoulders to keep her from twirling around again as she tried to think.

“Mhm,” y/n answered, her eyes scanning the dining hall to see what they still had to do.

“Right now,” Freddy hummed, lowering his hands to his side now that y/n wasn’t pacing in circles. “I think you should kiss me,” he smirked.

Y/n promptly turned around to face Freddy. She gave him a smug smile before she pulled him in for a kiss. She giggled against his lips as he pulled her closer while kissing her back.

Y/n shifted the charger plate slightly as she worked on the current table. She was making final adjustments to the table settings their bridal party had set up. She was just about to move to the next table when she received a hurried kiss to her temple. She beamed as she straightened her back to stand up straight. Y/n’s eyes admiringly watched Freddy’s fleeting frame as he continued to rushed to whatever task he was currently working on.

Freddy watched from afar as y/n stood at the end of the dining hall, clearly looking over the scene. He quietly strode over to her, analyzing her facial expressions as she studied the room. He smiled as he made his way to her, a satisfied smile on her face. He pressed a light kiss to her left shoulder before wrapping his right arm around her waist to guide her to his side. “Pleased?” He questioned in a whisper.

“Beyond,” y/n murmured warmly as she snuggled into Freddy’s side. She smiled and rested her head on the side of his upper chest. Everything looked perfect. And she was so excited for tomorrow.

Y/n smirked to herself as she watched Freddy set up the welcome sign. His tongue was preciously sticking out slightly as he concentrated intently on making sure it was centered. As he stepped back to analyze his work, y/n shook her head lovingly. “Get over here, cutie,” she warmly commanded, staring over at her fiancé.

Freddy grinned proudly as he lifted his gaze to meet y/n’s. He blushed faintly upon noticing that others around them had heard her comment. But he didn’t truly care, he was more than okay with it. After all, he had the world’s most beautiful woman calling him cute. What was there to be shy about?

Y/n noticed the way Freddy’s cheeks briefly flushed in reaction to her compliment. “I’m not scared to admit my fiancé is so insanely adorable,” she defended, wrapping her send around his back to pull him to her. Upon seeing his blush deepen, she tsked playfully. “Don’t act like you don’t know how pretty you are, Freddy.” Y/n beamed at the prideful smile her fiancé now donned and pulled him in for a kiss.

“Be careful,” Freddy gushed as his hands quickly found their way to y/n’s back. She was in the middle of hanging up some final touches, but in doing so, she was standing on a ladder. He knew she was likely going to be fine, but he couldn’t help but be slightly concerned that no one was around to make sure of it. After noticing her bridesmaids were busy working on the decorations in another area and not just ignoring her needs, he relaxed some. But it wasn’t until she stepped off the ladder and into his arms that Freddy’s protective worry fully subsided.

“Freddy!” Y/n scolded despite her giggling. She had been absentmindedly standing in the center of the ballroom’s dance floor, mentally checking off the remaining preparations for tomorrow, when the flash from her fiancé’s camera caught her attention.

Freddy blushed and bit his lip upon having been caught. But, as he made his way over to y/n he shrugged and smiled innocently. “You are so stunning, I couldn’t help myself,” he defended, pressing his lips to her cheek.

Y/n’s giggles echoed around the room while she squirmed in Freddy’s arms as he relentlessly tickled her. “Fr-Freddy,” she whispered through her gasps and giggles, “we’re not done yet”. She looked to the right as she watched her maid of honor smile in her direction before she stepped back into the main hall to continue setting up. Y/n heard Freddy playfully state that he didn’t care as he continued to tickle her sides; all while being sure to keep her from falling over.

When he noticed y/n was getting slightly out of breath, Freddy slowed his tickling until it came to a stop. He wrapped his arms securely around her waist and placed his chin in the crook of her neck. “Will you marry me?”

Y/n laughed loudly as she turned around in Freddy’s arms so she could face him. “Mmm, I’ll think about it,” she answered coyly.

Freddy’s shock was clear on his face as he began laughing. “You’ll ‘think about it’, hmm?” He teased. When she simply laughed more and nodded in response, he grinned and shook his head. “I guess I’ll just have to convince you then, hmm?”

Y/n bit her lip and innocently blinked at Freddy. “You can try,” she joked.

Freddy gasped, his eyes wide and mouth parted in disbelief. He chuckled and smirked as an idea formed. It took less than a few seconds for him to pick her up and set her on the bar counter.

It was now y/n’s turn to gasp. She giggled and clutched onto the material of his dress shirt as she steadied her hand on his shoulder. “Freddy!”

Freddy smirked, a visible shine to his eyes as he moved closer. He slotted himself between y/n’s legs, his right palm resting on the bar counter while his left hand caressed her cheek. He closed his eyes and hummed as he began to press sweet but lustful open-mouthed kisses across her forehead. He craned his neck to each side as he tenderly kissed her temples. Freddy then tilted her head up before moving his kisses down to her eyelids. He selfishly took his sweet time kissing all along her skin.

Next was her cheeks.

Then her earlobes.

Then her nose.

Her jawline.

Her neck.

Her collarbone.

As Freddy’s slightly hungry lips met her clavicle, y/n gave into the urge for her lips to meet his. She gently tilted his head up until his loving gaze lifted to her eyes. She silently but assertively pulled his mouth to hers, her hands instantaneously moving to his hair.

Y/n moaned lightly against Freddy’s lips, making him grin smugly. He moved his hands to her lower back and tugged her closer. Her butt was now resting on the edge of the bar’s counter, but his waist was pinned against it, keeping her from falling off. Y/n locked her legs behind Freddy’s hips and used them to force him closer. He echoed y/n’s earlier moan as his chest slid into hers and his hips grazed against her inner thighs. It was now y/n’s turn to smugly grin into the kiss .

“Woah,” Tom, Freddy’s older brother gushed as he sauntered back into the room. “Alright you two, save it for the honeymoon,” he joked with a wink. He shook his head playfully as he turned to grab the checklist y/n’s maid of honor was looking for.

Y/n and Freddy froze and bashfully detangled themselves from one another. He helped y/n down from the counter and straightened her clothes and hair for her. He smiled lovingly as he gazed down at her. “Would it be incorrect to assume you’re convinced?” He teased, seeing the dazed look in his fiancée’s eyes.

Y/n laughed and smoothened Freddy’s hair back out. She rose to her tippy toes and kissed his nose. “I never needed any convincing.” She lowered herself back to the soles of her feet and took his hand in hers. “I’ve been waiting for you all my life,” she said as she went to leave to help their loved ones finish.

Freddy shook his head and pulled on y/n’s hand, spinning her back to him. He bent his head slightly until his lips were at her level. He smiled and kissed her yet again, this time purely filled with love. While they knew they still had some more work to do, when they parted they simply gazed into each other’s eyes, smiling lightly.

“Do you mind if we stay like this a little longer?” Y/n asked as she stood in the entryway, wrapped up in Freddy’s arms. She smiled happily when her fiancé shook his head and held her tighter.

“Alright mates, what’s next?” Thomas, one of Freddy’s groomsmen asked, walking up to the couple.

Freddy wrapped his arms tighter around y/n before answering. “Nothing, you’re all dismissed,” he stated. “In fact, can you tell the rest? We’re going to take a moment to ourselves”. He kissed y/n’s cheek as Thomas nodded and smiled widely at the pair before exiting.

“We have to get ready for the rehearsal dinner,” y/n spoke up begrudgingly as she rested her head in the crook of Freddy’s neck.

“Hmm, they can wait a bit,” Freddy argued simply. “We still have some time, they’ve all got to change still,” he reminded y/n. He held her closer to him smiling as she hummed in agreement and snuggled closer to him.

“Can you zip me?” Y/n asked as she turned to face her fiancé. She had changed out of her white button up blouse and into an elegant black dress.

Freddy wore a smile as he dutifully spun towards y/n. “‘Course, love,” he cooed, stepping closer to help. He gently turned her around so her bank was to him. His fingers gripped the zipper and slowly pulled it up until he could secure the hidden clasp at the top of the seam. Once finished, his eyes lifted until he was able to proudly admire y/n through the mirror.

Y/n smiled back at Freddy through the mirror. She let out a soft sigh and leaned back against him. Her hands were placed over his as he held her waist. “I can’t wait to marry you,” she whispered after a brief silence.

Freddy’s smile grew. “Thank you for saying yes,” he commented happily.

“Thank you for asking,” y/n retorted softly. She closed her eyes as she let her body melt backwards into Freddy’s embrace.

Freddy beamed as he gazed down at y/n. He was truly the luckiest man. He pressed a delicate kiss to the side of her head.

Y/n opened her eyes at the contact. Instead of looking at Freddy through the mirror, she tilted her head back into his chest to peer up at him.

Meanwhile, Freddy was still watching y/n and himself through the mirror. He blushed as he noticed the loving look in her eyes as she peered up at him. “Ready my darling?” He asked quietly.

“Ready,” y/n hummed.

“That went well,” y/n sighed with relief. She was thoroughly pleased with the walkthrough rehearsal of the procession and everything they’d just completed with their bridal party.

Freddy simply nodded as he tried to refocus.

Y/n noticed Freddy’s uncharacteristic silence and turned to see him better. She frowned on seeing his eyes were watering a bit. She quickly became worried and decided to lead him away from their guests who were mingling and dishing up. “Freddy, honey,” she cooed, squeezing his hand as she pulled him to a more private part of the room.

Freddy’s best men, his brothers, both smiled as they watched the scene unfold. It was sweet that y/n was so protective and worried about their brother Freddy. But, the brothers also knew why Freddy was tearing and they knew it wasn’t a bad thing. They were both happy for the couple and shared a pleased expression before they went to help their parents get some dinner.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Y/n asked, voice full of concern. “Was it the order of the groups? I thought you wanted Mikey and Will next to each other, but we can change-“ she began, hoping to find a solution to her fiancé’s sadness.

Freddy cut y/n’s worries off with a kiss. When he pulled back, he felt that the tears in his eyes had been to escape and quietly roll down his cheeks.

“Freddy,” y/n cooed again, quickly drying Freddy’s tears. “Talk to me, please,” she requested. “What’s wrong?”.

Freddy shook his head. “Nothing,” he said with a breathy chuckle, still in disbelief at how luck he was.

Y/n squinted as she analyzed Freddy’s facial expressions. “Handsome, I don’t-,” she mumbled in worried confusion.

“I’m just really happy,” Freddy answered in a whisper.

Y/n blinked slowly as she began to relax. “Really? That’s why you’re tearing up?” She asked with a wide smile.

Freddy nodded in confirmation and snaked his arms around y/n’s waist, setting his interlocked hands just above her tailbone. “Seeing you walk down that aisle,” he reminisced as he shook his head, starting to tear up again.

“Awe, Freddy,” y/n hummed. She pulled him in for a tight hug. “I love you so much, sunshine,” she whispered, holding him snugly.

Freddy returned y/n’s secure grip. “I love you too, my darling”.

When y/n pulled back, she met Freddy’s eyes. She hummed quietly as she dried the last of his happy tears.

Freddy grinned warmly at the action.

“Much better,” y/n commented lovingly. The heels she’d put on for tonight allowed her to not have to stretch upwards so much as she went to kiss his forehead.

“Let’s get you some food,” Freddy suggested, reconnected to the present moment. He shifted their stance so his hand was resting on the small of y/n’s back as he guided them to the dining tables. “Cannot have my darling bride be hungry,” he commented with a smile.

“He was, and still is, so smitten,” Freddy’s mate Mikey laughed as he concluded his story. “Obviously, he’d do anything for her, no matter how embarrassing it might look in the process,” he teased, grinning as Freddy’s cheeks flushed again. “In all seriousness though, I am very happy for you mate, I know you two cherish each other more than one could ever imagine, cheers!”

“You’re supposed to save those toasts and embarrassing stories for after the ceremony,” Freddy scolded playfully. “Then she can’t back out,” he commented knowing full-well his cheeks were crimson thanks to Mikey’s cheeky story.

Y/n laughed and shook her head. She snuggled into Freddy, holding onto his bicep. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promised, peaking up at him.

“Good,” Mikey smirked. “‘Cause, don’t worry mate,” he said, grinning wickedly at Freddy. “I’ve got plenty more stories and toasts to give after the ceremony tomorrow”.

Y/n’s friend, y/f/n abruptly stood as Mikey returned to his seat. “If he’s going to say something now, I will too,” she grinned, winking over at the couple.

“Oh God,” y/n mumbled, closing her eyes.

Freddy laughed softly. He looked over at her lovingly and kissed her head as her friend began to tell everyone how y/n was after he’d taken her on their first date years ago.

After dessert and everyone wishing the couple endless congratulations and best wishes, the evening came to an end. Meaning the couple was now standing a few meters from the main doorway, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Do we really have to sleep apart tonight?” Y/n asked rhetorically as she frowned up at Freddy while he held her.

“No, not if you don’t want to, darling,” Freddy reassured.

Y/n sighed softly as she felt the eyes of her friend and Freddy’s brothers on them. She knew they were waiting for them to part for the night so everyone could go home to rest before the big day tomorrow. “I think it’s out of our hands,” she laughed lightly.

Freddy hummed as he peered over at the group who were trying to pretend they were not watching the couple as they waited. “It’s not up to them, my dear,” he argued. “It’s up to us”.

Y/n lazily shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I can handle one night alone,” she sighed dramatically, “for the sake of tradition”.

Freddy chuckled and kissed y/n’s forehead. “I don’t know if I agree,” he replied playfully. “But, anything for you, darling,” he said with a dramatic bow. He grinned as she began to laugh. Once he stood back up, he tenderly pulled her closer. “But tomorrow night, it’s me and you.” “And no one is going to convince me to part from you,” he whispered in her ear.

Y/n bashfully bit her lip and unnecessarily hid in Freddy’s coat collar. The action made him hum with a chuckle before he kissed the back of her head. She leaned back and cupped his face. “I love you, Freddy,” she smiled, “goodnight handsome”.

Freddy grinned widely. “I love you too, gorgeous, get some rest honey, I’ll see you tomorrow”. He gently kissed her one last time before letting her go, looking at the group as they headed over to separate the couple for the remainder of the night before their wedding.

Y/n peaked back over her shoulder at Freddy as she departed. Catching sight of her gaze, he winked. She gleefully giggled to herself as she turned her head back around and followed y/f/n out of the door.

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi

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[minasvalentine]

SOMETHING‘S PURRING OH LORD

[spider-stark]

A BOY'S FIRST PEST

Kaz Brekker x Reader

Summary - Kaz Brekker thinks Per Haskell's daughter is a (very lovely) pest

Warnings - fem!reader, traumatraumatrauma, the woes of troubled youth, light mentions of blood and death, these bitches trauma bonded yo, could deviate some from canon, based more on book!kaz than show, NOT EDITED WE DIE LIKE MEN

Word Count - 2.0k

!MINORS DNI!

// masterlist // send me your thoughts // comments & reblogs appreciated! //

Everyone knows Kaz Brekker put his own money into fixing up the Slat. 

He hired men to patch the leaky roof (though it still drips during a heavy rain) and put proper insulation in the walls (which keeps the house warm enough, even if it does nothing to muffle the noise of its occupants). He had all the doors fitted with working knobs (but easily picked locks) and ensured the kitchen was capable of making a warm meal (even if seriously doubted any of the Dregs knew how to cook). 

And while he would never admit it aloud, Kaz was also the one who made sure there were always clean linens in every room (albeit the cheapest Ketterdam has to offer) and spare clothes in every closet (sizes ranging from wafer-thin to barrel-chested). In keeping, he also takes it upon himself to keep the bathing room stocked with a steady supply of toiletries (because if someone uses his toothbrush again, he’s going to kill everyone in this place and then himself). 

Because of Kaz Brekker, the Slat was more than just a safe place to hole up. It was a haven, the closest thing many of the Dregs had to a home. 

But it did, of course, have one enduring problem. 

The pests.

Or, namely, the one pest—one that he could never quite exterminate (though the spider privy to the inner-workings of Kaz Brekker’s mind might argue the merit of replacing ‘could never’ with ‘would never’). 

Per Haskell’s very annoying (and very lovely) daughter. 

In the midst of Ketterdam’s hottest season, you find yourself lying sprawled on your back atop the dark sheets, clad in the skimpiest nightclothes you own: a matching set of black silk shorts and flowy, thin-strapped camisole. The air is thick and near stifling in the attic-bedroom, but you don’t mind it. You prefer being hot to cold, if only because the heavy weight of winter clothes makes you feel trapped, eliciting the urge to crawl straight from your skin. 

When the door finally swings open, you eagerly push up onto your elbows. 

Kaz doesn’t so much as spare a glance in your direction. He’s got one hand on his cane, the other shoving the door shut behind him as he limps toward his desk, guided by the bright moonlight spilling in from the muggy window. 

Your shoulders slump, huffing out a breath. “Seriously? You’re not even gonna greet me?” 

With his back turned to you, Kaz removes his hat and places it on the desk. He doesn’t look at you. “You’re in my room.” 

“Yeah—so I was actually thinking something more along the lines of hello,” you drone, lips pursed. “Y’know, that thing normal people say when they see their friends.” 

“We’re not friends.” 

A hand flies to your chest, as if struck by his words. “Um, ouch? Rude. For your sake, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” 

Kaz tugs off his signature gloves and tosses them next to his hat. “I can always repeat it,” he says, so impassive you can’t tell if it’s a joke. 

Knowing Kaz, you’re pretty sure it’s not. 

You push up the rest of the way, scooting down to sit cross-legged at the end of his bed. It’s so much nicer than yours—the sheets softer, the mattress plusher, the smell so familiar and warm. 

If it were up to you, you’d sleep in here every night. 

And most nights, that’s exactly what you do. 

“Would it kill you to be nice sometimes?” you ask. 

“Not usually, no.” Kaz faces you, his weight leaned back against the desk, his cane propped against it. “But we both know you’re a special case.” 

“Is that a compliment?” 

“Not at all.” 

Your bottom lip juts into a pout. “Has anyone ever told you you’re an asshole?” 

Aside from the subtlest lift of his brows, Kaz’s expression remains vague and disinterested. “Regularly,” he deadpans, looking the image of austere melancholy. 

Your laugh comes so sudden it sounds like a snort. “I should’ve guessed,” you nod, forever unphased by Kaz’s forbidding attitude. 

This is the way things have always been between you. Ever since a surly twelve year old marched head-high into your father’s office to see if the Dregs needed a new grunt, oblivious to the girl beaming up at him from a lonely corner, weaving colorful scraps of thread into bracelets for the friends you’d yet to make. 

Kaz Brekker is dark and foreboding while you’re bright and bubbly; he’s rude and standoffish while you’re sweet and flirtatious. Some may liken your relationship to oil and water, but you prefer thinking of it as a carefully crafted balance—a yin and yang sort of thing. 

Kaz, on the other hand, would simply say you’re a thorn in his side. 

Fortunately for yourself, you’re not an easily offended thorn. 

The rickety floorboards creak as Kaz starts around the desk. His bare fingers trail along the varnished edge for support. His limp is always at its worst by this time of night, so you’re not surprised to see the flicker of relief that slips over him when he finally sinks into the chair. 

“Have you ever considered that maybe you work too hard?” Your voice teeters on the edge of concern, tracing idle shapes against the sheets with your nails. 

His answer is curt, and contradictory to the purple smudges beneath his eyes. “No.” 

Fumbling with his cufflinks—simple, unadorned things—Kaz rolls his sleeves up to his elbows. Afterwards, he flips open the thick ledger laid before him, plucking up a pen and dipping it into an awaiting pot of ink. 

Kaz keeps track of the Dregs expenses in his head—a skill you’ve always found most impressive, since you can hardly do a simple equation without scratch paper. Still, he keeps the physical record for the sake of having something to point to in case someone’s ever stupid enough to claim Dirtyhands flubbed the numbers. 

As he works, boredom quickly becomes a chip on your shoulder. 

Your legs unfurl, bare feet stretching toward the floor as you slip off the edge of the bed. Every step is purposeful, traipsing toward him with a look that’s not so unlike a cat readying to toy with its favorite mouse. 

“Maybe we should take a holiday,” you suggest, your voice a soft trill. 

One part of you expects to be ignored, the other to be shot down. 

He lands somewhere in the middle. 

“And go where? His eyes remain focused on the ledger, dark brows drawn tight in concentration. You envision numbers flashing before him, adding and subtracting at the steady pass of the nib scratching against parchment. 

“I don’t know. Ravka, maybe?” 

“Ravka?” It’s like the word tastes sour on his tongue. “Why?” 

You stop just short of his desk, an answer instantly rapping at your mind. You quickly replace it with one that’s far less tragic. “I wouldn’t mind seeing Nikolai Lantsov with my own eyes,” you drawl. “Nina says he’s quite the looker, y’know.” 

Kaz sits up a little straighter, shoulders pinned with newfound tension. 

“Of course he is.” He seems to press the nib down harder, his disinterested tone bordering close to resentful. “He’s a prince—looking pretty is all they’re good for.” 

Your head tilts. “Well, he’s actually a king now, so…” 

There’s the briefest falter in the smooth motion of his jotting wrist. “I’m not taking you to Ravka so you can seduce the Lantsov bastard.” 

“And why not?” You reach for the tip of his cane, still propped against the desk, skimming a finger over the crow’s head. “You think I can’t do it?” 

The pen keeps on scratching, accented by the dull hum of the Slat’s perpetual motion—doors slamming, voices cackling. Your ego grows larger for every second Kaz stays silent, your satisfaction settling into a feline smirk. 

Simply, yet firmly, Kaz eventually maintains, “We’re not going to Ravka.” 

Your exhale is something over dramatic, laden with feigned disappointment as you huff, “Fine!” Kaz never looks up, continuing with the ledger. 

Abandoning the crow’s head, you swipe one of Kaz’s abandoned gloves off the desk, fiddling with the smooth leather. Still recovering from their civil war, you imagine Ravka isn’t an ideal travel spot right now, anyway. Not unless someone has a morbid desire to tour the sites where Saints met their often-grisly ends, that is… Besides, for all Nina’s praise of the Lantsov king, you’ve never actually had a thing for blondes. 

And yet— 

“I really would like to go someday.” Your voice is hardly a whisper. Your other answer—tragic and rapping—crawls up your throat in a hoarse admission, “My mother was Ravkan.” 

That persistent scratching finally comes to a sudden halt. 

For the first time since he entered the room, Kaz looks up. There’s not a hint of pity in his eyes, though they gleam with solemn understanding. Your lips thin, pressing his glove tight to your chest. 

In the winter of your fourteen birthday, you snuck into your father’s office and stole a full bottle of kvas. Dressed in clothes too light for the frigid weather, you sped up the crooked stairs to Kaz’s attic-bedroom, pleading until he begrudgingly agreed to join you on the moonlit roof. For a boy who claimed such an aversion to you, he was always doing things you asked—even if he’d griped the whole time. You both gagged after the first sip of hard liquor. After an hour or so, the full bottle had dwindled to just a drop, your tongues seeming to move with more freedom. 

Neither of you had been prepared for the way the carbonated joy in your chests fizzled to something stagnant. 

I don’t like being alone, you told him, fiddling with the frayed strings tied around your wrist, the friendship bracelets no one ever wanted. If I’m alone, it means I’m thinking, and if I’m thinking, it means my mother won’t stop dying. 

You told him of the endless montage in your head. How at six years old, a walk along the Stave in your favorite winter coat ended with getting crushed beneath the weight of your mother’s last act of devotion, shielded by a body crumpled and crimson, shorn in the crossfire of unexpected gang violence. When you fell silent, Kaz drained the last drop of kvas and told you about a coffee shop near the Exchange. About a sickboat and a boy named Jordie, about a frosty harbor and an impossible swim that left him unable to bear the touch of another’s skin. 

When neither of you had any soul left to bear, Kaz chucked the bottle off the roof. You don’t remember hearing it shatter, and maybe it never did. Maybe it hit some hapless pigeon and fractured his skull. Maybe it ceased to exist the moment it went over the edge. The bottle didn’t matter. Not to you. Not when Kaz Brekker reached for your wrist, leather-clad fingers gently tugging the bracelets off your wrist. 

Don’t make a thing of this, he told you, stuffing them in his pocket. You’re still a pest.

But it was a thing. A strange, beautiful thing—and both of you knew it. 

“Fine.” Kaz’s voice—the rasp of stone on stone—drags you back to the present. He sits the pen down beside the ledger, a strand of black hair swaying with the subtle shake of his head. “We’ll go to Ravka. You’ll seduce some sorry prince and live happily ever after in a gaudy palace. I’ll make my fortune snagging the Lantsov Emerald and use it to hire a proper bookkeeper. Deal?” 

Your lips twitch, still hugging his glove to your chest. “King,” you correct him. 

His eyes roll, but a flicker of something warm betrays his affection. “Pest,” he calls you, though it doesn’t sound like much of an insult. 

“I imagine the Grand Palace has fine exterminators,” you muse. 

“Then I suppose your marriage will be short-lived.” 

“Will you save me, then?” Your heart leaps with the question, how it slips from your tongue before you can grasp it. 

Kaz hesitates. Then—remarkably—smiles. 

“Maybe.”

a/n - you know what they say. a bottle of kvas is never just a bottle of kvas, amirite

(☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞

anyways, i was procrastinating an essay and thought "lets write something with a somewhat ambiguous ending!" and voila, a boy's first pest is the product. now everyone say: lainie, go work on your original writing and stop writing so much fan fiction! (but i'm already thinking of a kaz smut drabble so) anyways, comments and reblogs much appreciated, i cry with joy every time someone actively interacts with my work so THANK YOU

[authorred]

To Love Kaz Brekker | Kaz Brekker x fem!Reader | Shadow and Bone | Part 2

Masterlist

Preface: A botched solo mission leaves you injured and forced to kill to escape. You enter the Crow Club in a hurry and don’t talk to anyone. You isolate yourself in your room so you can fix yourself, but someone decides to make his presence known outside your door.

Kaz Brekker is a different kind of ‘love from a distance�� yk

Part 1 Part 3

Warning(s): Mild injuries, mentions of blood, description of injuries

Tags: Softcore pining, awkward interaction, losers in love

To love another is no easy feat. It takes patience and trust. Respect and compassion. To be able to wait for someone through a finite storm is an ability not everyone has, nor wants. But you have it. And you’ll wait through any severity of weather, even if there’s no promise of a rainbow at the end.

Hobbling to your room like a battered old woman, you made sure to cover yourself with a cloak you took off a merchant before your arrival. Jesper and Inej observe you skirt around the Crow Club, hugging the side walls before scurrying up to your room. The sharpshooter and wraith share a look before shrugging. They’ll check in on you later and they know better than to annoy a heartrender.

You shrug off your outer clothes and examine your wound through the shredded fabric of your shirt. Some shitbag nailed you right in the torso with a bullet. Luckily, he didn’t hit anywhere vital, but it still hurt, and you’re still bleeding. With a soft grunt you untie your shirt and carefully peel it away from your body. A clean entry wound presents itself at the front of your torso and you’ve no doubt the exit wound looks worse.

With a sigh, you carefully sit down on a chair, grunting lightly when you irritate the injury. Looking down at yourself, you carefully start to weave your tissue and muscles back together, face cringing lightly from the feeling. It didn’t hurt because you were blocking pain receptors, but it felt weird to your other nerves. The squirming and sewing-together of your insides felt equivalent to sliding your hand through a large trough of mucus-covered meat. You wanted to shiver but you couldn’t. 

Sewing together your entrance wound took an agonizingly long time. If it was on someone else, you could’ve done it in ten minutes. Perhaps it was due to the fact there’s no rush; you’re safe in the Crow Club (hopefully). The real issue is trying to do the exit wound, which is almost directly behind you. You’ll need mirrors and very flexible shoulders.

Standing and shuffling around your room, you manage to assemble a doable set up--with a standing mirror behind you and a wall mirror in front of you. You adjust both to be able to see your exit wound--which is as gnarly as you thought. You sigh deeply and bring your arms behind your back, attempting twist your wrists so your palms are facing your body. You succeed, but it’s extremely uncomfortable, and you already hurt from being shot.

That’s when you hear it. A strong, steady heartbeat outside your room. No one announces themself--no one knocks--but they’re standing there. You know who it is. You know why they’re there.

“Kaz,” you call out. “People can suffer in silence, you know. You have to see them to know if they’re okay.” A few seconds pass and you know Kaz is thinking. You turn your head to the door when it slowly starts to creak open. 

When Kaz opens the door enough to walk into your room, he immediately looks to the side when he sees you in undergarments. You can see him swallow nervously and his heart picks up speed a little. 

You look back at your reflection. “You should be coming up with a new plan with Inej and Jesper. I didn’t fail, but I did alarm. And that’ll cause problems.”

“The planning can wait until you’re fixed.”

“I’m already halfway there.” Your wrists and hands flex uncomfortably when you move them, soft grunts leaving you. “I’ll be patched up by the time you’re done.”

Kaz sneaks a glance at you, eyes lingering on the wound you’re trying to patch up. Then his gaze moves to your arms and hands, which are in a specific position that makes you look like a demon’s possessed you. You’re succeeding; he can see your wound being manipulated and the hole getting smaller, but you’re struggling. Swallowing, he takes an unsteady step forward until he finds himself traipsing over to you.

You pause your heartrending when you see his reflection standing behind yours. You blink, then slowly turn your head to look at him. “What? You can’t help with this.”

He’s struggling to keep your gaze as it switches between your eyes and down at your arms. Picking up his cane to hold between his arm and side, he slowly reaches out to gently press his gloved hands against your arms.

Your brows scrunch when you’re trying to figure out what he’s doing. He’s not grabbing your arms, rather he’s supporting them. He’s taking tension from your shoulders.

You turn your head back around and continue to heartrend yourself, having an easier time than before. You’re painfully aware of his close proximity to you--you’re insanely aware of his physical contact as well. You can feel him shaking and you can hear his heart racing.

“You don’t have to do this,” you say quietly. “Your heart is racing. Please move away if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine,” his response is slightly forced and shaky. “Stop listening to my heart and focus on fixing yourself.”

You sigh softly and try your best to fix yourself as fast as you can. You cringe lightly when you reach a particularly painful part of your body where you didn’t block the pain receptors. You let out a strained grunt in response and you can see Kaz’s eyes look at you in concern from the mirror.

“I’m fine,” you quickly say. “It just hurt a little. I’m almost done.”

Kaz nods and looks back down at your hands and back, silent.

You’re done in two minutes and as soon as you are, you move away from him to keep him from being uncomfortable. You turn to him and smile softly. “You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve managed.”

Kaz places his cane back on the floor and leans on it. “You got done faster though, didn’t you?”

You stare at him for a moment before nodding. “I suppose I did. Thank you.”

Kaz attempts a small smile, but it’s almost indiscernible--it looks like a weird wince. “We meet at the bar in ten.” He turns and walks to the door. “Jesper and Inej are wondering if you’re okay.”

“Tell them I’m fine and I’ll be down in five.”

Kaz nods, not turning to look at you. He closes the door on his way out and you can hear his heartbeat move farther and farther from your room.

You notice how it’s faster than before.

You notice how yours is faster than his.

Ah, yes. To love Kaz Brekker is no easy feat.

[bi-bard]

No Saints Ever Watched Over Me - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: No Saints Ever Watched Over Me

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Sun Summoner!Reader

Word Count: 1,798 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: Kaz held onto the belief that no saints had looked out for him and none were in a rush to rescue him. When forced to face the very saint that he refused to believe in, will Kaz accept that he was wrong or continue on his path of denial and avoidance?

Author's Note: Here's how one piece of dialogue made me want to throw all sorts of canon to the wolves just so this idea could happen.

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At some point, hiding became as natural as breathing.

My parents taught me to hide before most things.

They were the only ones who knew about my... condition that I hadn't directly told.

They had seen the sunlight that coursed through my veins. The prophecy unfolding in their very home. The future presented to them on a silver platter.

They knew what would happen if I was ever discovered. They never wanted me to hear, but I did. They knew that I would be hunted for the rest of my life. That I would be shoved into harm's way in the name of Ravka. Men would be happy to watch my blood spill for their battles if they were wrapped in the flag of their country.

I was young when a group of men showed up at their door.

My dad took me away. As far away as he could. My mom didn't have a chance.

When he knew that what was happening was inevitable, he told me to run. Run, hide, and never tell anyone about my gift.

I was alone.

I never saw my power as a gift. Especially not after that day. In one swoop, this "gift" had taken everything from me.

And I still had to survive despite that.

I settled in Ketterdam. Alone and terrified. I needed to find work and a place to stay while I was still very young.

Working with Kaz Brekker was an accident more than anything else. It had been a few years since I had seemed to plant my feet on the ground. I had made friends with Jesper, who had offered me a chance to make myself a decent amount of money.

After that, Kaz seemed to come to me for every mission they had. I don't know why. As far as he was able to know, Kaz could have found a hundred people who were just like me.

Granted, I didn't have to keep working with him. I could have taken another job. But I didn't. Working with Kaz just felt right. Working with the Crows felt right.

I was a regular part of the team.

It was nice.

None of them seemed willing to say it out loud but it was like having a family. A real family for the first time in ages.

I kept my... situation private. They didn't truly need to know.

However, I knew that it would be foolish to think that I could hide it from them forever. It did take them longer than

Inej was the first to find out.

Kaz had noticed that something was "off" about me. Something was different. He couldn't figure out what that thing was. And Kaz Brekker hated not knowing everything about a situation.

He sent her to spy on me for the night. Follow me. See who I did business with, who I met for drinks, who I brought home with me (which I never did).

I had been curled at the foot of my bed after a long, exhausting day. I was tired and sad and angry all at the same time. I needed something of comfort. I allowed a ball of sunlight to form in my hand and sit in my palm. The fog and dreariness of Ketterdam didn't allow for one to enjoy a moment in the sunshine, so I had to make my own.

Inej must have caught me just as I was sitting there with it.

Not that she told me.

Instead, she went straight back to Kaz with what she had learned.

I could imagine what his reaction was. The disbelief, the anger at the insistence, and the dismissal of the whole event with some comment about it all being some clever trick on my part.

I hope she asked him what the point of a trick was when I was alone.

I only found out that Inej knew when I was told to go meet Kaz in his office. As I passed the bar, Inej and Jesper watched me go by. I watched Inej's hand move to her forehead and chest. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. I hadn't told her anything, so why did she do that?

Kaz was standing behind his desk when I walked in.

"Close the door," he instructed bluntly. I did so.

I walked over to stand across from him, waiting for some indication of what this was all about.

"What are you," he asked.

I paused for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"What are you?" he repeated, putting an emphasis on each word.

"I'm (Y/n), you allow me to work with you because I can fight, and you said that I can be pretty clever-"

"I said what, not who."

"Will you just tell me what this is about," I asked. "I clearly don't know."

"I had Inej follow you last night."

"Kaz!"

"You were hiding something from me," he tried to explain.

"So you sent someone to watch me? That is incredibly invasive!"

"She saw your trick," he continued. "The sunlight in your hand."

I felt frozen. The motion at the bar suddenly made sense to me. Inej was firm in her beliefs. Private, but firm. She saw me and thought that I was the saint that the stories were about.

"How did you do it?"

"I... I just can," I shrugged. "You think it was a trick."

"I know it was a trick," he replied. "The sun summoner wouldn't hide away in Ketterdam."

I took a deep breath. "My parents paid for me to get here. They knew what I was. They knew what would happen if the Grisha got their hands on me. It was meant to protect me. I kept my head down. I stayed quiet. Worked with you for money because it was the safest choice I had at the time."

Kaz didn't speak up. He didn't truly believe me. Not entirely. I wasn't surprised by that. Kaz had trust issues when it came to normal people. Never mind... someone like me.

I took a step away from the desk. I let a ball of sunlight form in my hand.

Kaz slowly walked around the desk. He studied me, stepping in a small circle around me. He was looking for the trick. The effect. Some sign that what Inej had seen was wrong.

He stopped in front of his desk again.

I closed my hand, scuffing out the sunlight.

"You are never to do that unless in the presence of me, Inej, and Jesper. Understood?"

"I know how to hide," I replied. "I've been doing this for a long time now."

He just nodded to me.

I kept to that agreement as best I could. I never showed my gift outside of my room. The only time anyone else saw it was when Inej came by, begging to know if it was all true.

She tried to praise me. Call me a saint.

I didn't let her. I begged her to not see me as a hero because I wasn't one. I had no interest in being one. All I wanted was some semblance of normalcy. She respected that.

My agreement with Kaz didn't crumble until I saw it as absolutely necessary.

He had told me to join him to get through the door of some place.

He had been doing that more and more. Having me work directly by his side. I had no interest in questioning it, but I did notice it.

It had been going well. However, the number of guards had been greatly underestimated.

The only part that I truly remember was one of the guards choking Kaz. His cane had been thrown across the room from him. I didn't have the physical strength to stop the guard. I knew that.

So, as if on instinct, I threw a ball of sunlight at him.

He fell to the ground, allowing Kaz to lean back against the wall and catch his breath.

I ran over to grab his cane. I walked over slowly, holding it out to him. He snatched it from my hand, an angry look taking over his features.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He didn't bother with my question, instead posing one of his own, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“That you were about to die."

“You could have gotten yourself killed, hunted! All that you have claimed to have been terrified of!”

"You would truly rather die by the hand of your own stubbornness than ever thank someone for their help," I rolled my eyes.

"You agreed to never use your powers around others! I don't need you to save me!"

I scoffed at him. “Kaz, I understand that you think you’re invincible, but please believe me when I say that you are nowhere close.”

“And you are?” he stepped closer to me.

“Would you like to compare a list of things that I could survive versus what you could survive? I really don’t think you would because you would end up quite embarrassed!”

Kaz’s jaw clenched as he merely continued glaring. As if he were stunned that I had the nerve to yell at him the way I did. To question his power and control and leadership the way I did.

“I hate to tell you this, but you have people who care for you, Kaz Brekker,” I continued. “There are people that actually don’t want you dead. Let them help you. That’s why you have a crew in the first place.”

"Don't claim to be my savior."

"Don't claim that you never need to be saved!"

The silence after that was tense. He was angry and the boss of the whole gang. I was angry and able to scorch the earth beneath his feet.

"We have work to do," I finally muttered, walking around him.

"What happened to keeping your... affliction a secret," he asked as I did so.

I stopped at the door, turning back to him. "If the choice was letting you die or exposing my secret, then the choice would be you. Every single time."

There was a long pause before Kaz spoke up, "Why?"

There was another, even longer pause. "Is it not obvious?"

His face didn't shift. Not at all.

I had some feeling in my chest that he knew the answer to his question long before he asked it. Maybe he just needed the personal confirmation. Maybe he wanted me to say something entirely different so that it would bring some comfort. Allow him some escape route from his own feelings.

"Can we go now," I asked.

He nodded. "Fine."

Kaz may not have believed in saints. But I would like to believe that some part of him believed in me.

And that was enough for me.

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