#i’ve just tried editing it and i really hate it

[foreverdolly]

ೃ࿔ SAVAGE BONDS part I 『 feyd rautha x atreides!reader 』

summary: destined to one another since conception, your very life belongs to feyd rautha. as a token of good will you are sent to the strange planet of giedi prime a week before your wedding ceremony, only to learn that it is far more hostile than you imagined it would be. a failed assassination attempt has tempers flaring and sparks flying when it is decided to be safer to sleep alongside feyd. you hate to admit it, but he has played the part of a "protector" better than the guards who were tasked to watch over you. whilst you have been dreading this union all of your life, feyd has been anticipating it. meeting you as children had left him awe-struck. . . and a bit obsessed.

warnings: !SMUT HEAVY IN FUTURE PARTS!, feyd is super overprotective in this fic and kills multiple people in your honor, blood and gore, it's a dark romance folks, political marriage, forced proximity, temporary unrequited love, a lil dubious consent in some scenes, there's a lot of talk about breeding, enemies to lovers (in your mind, not his), there's a "who did this to you" scene, knife play, blood kink, breeding kink heavy, lots of scent marking/marking. (needs to be edited, so please excuse any temporary errors!)

word count: 5.3k

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The ancient walls of Castle Caladan were a fortress, the long winding halls a labyrinth to those unfamiliar with its layout. You had tried feigning sleep when you had been made aware of the surprise guest’s arrival, a one “reverend mother”- as your mother referred to her. The cool air from the hallway nipped at your exposed arm, which currently hung limply over the side of the bed. 

“She’s even smaller than your son, Jessica.” The voice sounded more like a wheeze- and it certainly didn’t belong to anyone you had ever met before. 

“As I’ve already said, the Atreides are slow to grow.” Your mother’s tone didn’t hold even a semblance of a bite to it, not like you expected. She was usually fiercely protective of you and your brother. 

Your finger twitched, causing the woman to stifle whatever disapproving comment she was about to make. Being caught eavesdropping like this certainly wasn’t ideal, but you found it impossible not to be curious. 

“She really is just like her brother,” More like he was more like you. You’d always been the rowdy one of the two. Paul must have been listening in as well, and you imagined that he was more insulted at the comments of his lack of height and muscle than you were. “The little rascals.” 

There was a beat of silence before the woman began to crone again. This time you opened your eyes just a sliver, staring into the dark abyss of your room so that you could make out the shapes of your mother and the stranger. 

“Rest now. Both you and your brother need to be prepared to meet my Gom Jabbar.” The reason couldn’t be pinpointed, but there was something about her tone that filled you with dread.

Your mother woke you up the next morning, bright and early. 

Not even the breathing exercises that your mother had taught you had been able to calm you down last night. The darkness had swallowed you whole, which resulted in a dreamless sleep that left you feeling just as unrested as you had felt the night before. Your mother noticed your hesitations, the skirts of her dress dragging against the stone floor as she moved in the direction of your closet. The dress that she picked out for you was one of your more official garments, the red hawk of the Atreides crest proudly sewn onto the right breast. 

“Did you sleep well?” She questioned as she laid the dress neatly onto the edge of the bed, urging you to stand once her hands were free. 

You blinked at her, nervously brushing your hands along the soft cotton of your nightdress. Your voice felt stuck in your throat, but you still managed to lie. 

“Yes, of course.” Your tone was flat, and for once she didn’t question you on the reasoning. She knew exactly what had you feeling so uncomfortable in your own home. 

Gom Jabbar. Gom Jabbar. Gom Jabbar. 

What exactly did the old woman want from your family? Lady Jessica was a Bene Gesserit, which could only mean that this woman was a higher up, sent to pay you and your brother a visit. You knew nothing about any “coming of age” rituals. 

Paul barged into the room, dressed in his finer clothes as well. He leaned against the wall of your room, lips pursed as if he was deep in thought. You tilted your head to the side, leveling him a worried glance. He simply shook his head, and you knew at once that he wasn’t trying to dismiss your worries. 

‘Not here. Later.’ His expression told you, and for once you obeyed. 

“The reverend mother is waiting on the both of you. Paul, get out of your sister’s room so she can get ready.” She commanded, her tone leaving no room for whining or disobedience. 

He groaned, pushing himself off of the wall so that he could head back out and into the hall. You shrugged out of your dress quickly at the hurried insistence of your mother, allowing her to do up the clasps of the dress for you. 

“Who is she?” You asked simply, brushing your hair to the side so that she could get a better grasp of the dress. 

“She was my teacher at the Bene Gesserit school and now she is the Emperor’s Truthsayer.” Your mother sighed out your name, turning you quickly so that you were facing her. “You need to do exactly as she says. There is no room to be prideful today, do you understand?” Her eyes were pleading, and you knew that she had your best interests in mind. 

You and your mother walked wordlessly out into the hall, catching up with your brother who was busy running his fingers along the uneven stone walls. You flashed a quick look at your mother before jogging to catch up with Paul, taking the hem of his sleeve into your hand. 

“What do you know?” You whispered, turning your head so that you could look at your mother. Much to your surprise she seemed to be in no hurry to separate the two of you. 

“I’ve had dreams about her before,” He whispered, and you had to pick up your pace to keep up with his strides. “And mother told me this morning that I have to tell her about my visions.” 

Your mouth went a bit dry at the realization that this woman truly was here just for you and your brother. What is the Gom Jabbar and what did it entail? There was no telling. 

“She’s in my morning room, you two.” She called out after you. 

Jessica caught up, leveling the both of you a disapproving motherly look that had the two of you slowing your strides to match hers. She seemed a bit hesitant, eyes flickering between you and your brother and the closed door. 

The “reverend mother” sat in one of the tapestried chairs, her arms perched on either side of the armrests as she watched the three of you come in. The view behind her was beautiful, the sprawling, green farmlands of the Atreides family holding on full display through the large windows behind her. You glanced at your brother, eyes widening when you realized that he was already looking at you. He bowed in her direction and you followed his lead. 

“They are a cautious bundle, aren’t they?” The witch-like woman croaked, looking between the two of you. 

“As they have been taught, your reverence.” 

In this room, here in front of this woman, Jessica was no longer the Duke’s concubine nor your mother. She was reduced to that of a pupil in the face of her teacher. You kept yourself from fidgeting, clasping your hands in front of you. You fought the urge to reach out and grab your brother’s hand, as the two of you so often did when faced with anxiety as children. Fear hadn’t regressed you to that of a blubbering child in years. 

Your mother also seemed to fear the woman before her. There was something in her tone that led you to believe that whatever she was here for, it surely wasn’t a pleasantry. Your brother was tense at your mother’s other side, jaw tense as he stared the reverend mother down. 

“Teaching is one thing, but there are some things that cannot simply be taught,” Paul’s eyebrows furrowed as she spoke, and as if she was dismissing a servant of the castle, she waved your mother off with a flick of her wrist. “You and your daughter leave us. It will be her turn soon.” 

For the first time that morning your mother hesitated, eyes softened as she looked upon her son.

“Your reverence, I-” She began, but was cut off before she could finish whatever it is she was going to say. Surely it was meant to be an objection. 

“Jessica, you know that this must be done.” Her voice held a tone of finality. There was no room for your mother to try and wiggle the both of you two out of this trap.

“Yes. . . of course.” Your mother straightened, turning towards both of you. 

“This test. . . It’s very important to me, you two.” She spoke in a hushed voice, eyes still fearful. 

“Test?” The two of you questioned at the same time, looking at one another in concern. You were confused, even more so than you were before. 

“Remember that you’re the duke’s son.” And with that your mother was grabbing your arm, pulling you in the direction of the door. 

“I suppose that it is my turn?” Your voice shook with anger as you practically tore the door off of its hinges, anxious to take your brother’s place. His cries and whimpers did not go unheard, even with the thick wood separating the two of you. 

Looking at him now, his right arm still shaking from the pain, was like being slapped across the face. 

“Right you are, girl. Jessica, please escort your son out of the room.” There was a silvery glint in her bright eyes- a challenge. She could sense it in you. 

Your mother didn’t interrupt this time, and without any words exchanged the door closed. Your brother was too shaken up by whatever had taken place in that room to fully comprehend that the same thing was going to happen to you. He tossed a terrified glance over his shoulder at you just before the heavy doors closed. The sound of it echoed around the room, pulsing in your chest as you tried to steady the adrenaline pumping through your veins. 

“Your future. . . do you know what is expected of you?” 

You eyed the black box that sat next to her as you began closing the distance between the two of you. The question she had asked. . . it was a touchy subject with you. Of course you knew. A day didn’t go by that you weren’t mortified by the prospect of your future. You only had three short years to live and enjoy before you would be forced to abandon your family to join hands with another one. 

“Of course I do. It is my duty to marry.” Your voice had a bite to it, your eyes unwavering as you stared her veiled face down. 

“It is your duty to marry a Harkonnen. It is an honor to be the only reason that these two great Houses are allies. Your heirs will be powerful beyond comprehension.” The way she spoke. . . she truly believed the shit she was spouting. 

It was impossible to consider marrying Feyd an honor. It was an ever-present looming threat. 

“Put your right hand in the box.” She commanded, nodding her head in it’s direction. 

It seemed harmless enough, nothing more than a metal box. You bent your head ever-so-slightly, trying to have a look inside. It appeared to be a pitch black, endless void. No beginning or end in sight. 

You did as you were told, biting the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from muttering anything too disrespectful under your breath. If Paul’s screams were anything to go off of then this was going to be painful. Still, you were shocked by how cold the box was. You wiggled your fingers a few times, feeling the metal encasing them. Slowly a tingling sensation began, almost as if they were falling asleep. 

“You’ve heard of animals chewing off a leg to escape a trap? There’s an animal kind of trick. A human would remain in the trap, endure the pain, feigning death that he might kill the trapper and remove a threat to his kind.” 

The tingling sensation somehow melded into. . . heat. No, not heat. Burning. It felt as though you had your hand held up to a bright flame. You flinched, but froze when you finally noticed that the reverend mother was holding something against your neck. Your eyes flickered the best that they could to her hand, not wanting to turn your head. 

“What I hold at your neck is the Gom Jabbar. The tip of the needle is dipped in poison. Remove your hand from the box and I will plunge it into your neck.” 

The palm of your free hand began to sweat, the gravity of the situation finally landing on your shoulders. You would be forced to endure the pain and there was nothing that anyone outside of the doors could do. No guards had come to protect your brother when it was his turn, and no matter how emotional your mother had gotten whilst hearing his screams she still hadn’t rushed in after him. You could truly die here in this room. 

“Why are you doing this?” You urged, wincing again as the burning continued to worsen. 

Now it felt as though you were almost touching a flame, fingers dancing dangerously close. It wasn’t just uncomfortable now but painful.  “To determine if you’re human. Now be silent.”

Meant for greatness, yet stifled before her prime. 

It was impossible for your clipped wings to take flight. The Bene Gesserit had instilled in you your purpose from a very young age, letting it be known that you were little more than cattle to be sold off to breed. The whole arrangement was dehumanizing, but this was the way of galactic high society. Every House had been developed by the close, watchful eye of the Bene Gesserit. Your mere existence was a result of a centuries long breeding program, so how could you ever expect for your own life to be any different? 

Every child, especially in their naive youth, dreams of greatness. There was a point in time where you had hoped to mean something. There were differences to be made, rules to be broken, wars to be raged- but you would never be at the helm of any of it. But Paul. . . Paul was different. 

“You know something that I don’t.” You weren’t asking Paul, rather telling him what you already knew. 

Where you were used to your brother pulling no punches, he had been overly cautious with his treatment of you during training today. For a second he just stared ahead blankly at the wall, and you wondered whether he would try to lie. The older you’ve gotten, the stranger other people’s treatment of you has become. Women were little more than something to be owned. It was a hard lesson to learn and was one you were still grappling with. 

Your femininity were the chains that bound you. And what of your ambition? It was currently acting as the flames licking at your boot heels. Soon you feared that it would fully engulf you; become your undoing. 

“Tell me.” Your lovely features crumpled, and as childish as it was you found yourself giving his arm a slap. 

He jumped at the sudden contact, eyes widening as he turned to face you after what felt like an eternity of prolonged silence between the two of you. The hard flooring felt cool beneath your legs as you stretched them out beneath you, and for a second you found it hard to keep yourself up in a sitting position. The world felt unsteady beneath you, both literally and figuratively. 

Paul didn’t have to say anything at all. You looked, you saw, you felt, you understood. Your shared connection had nothing to do with your genes, rather it had to do with your likeness. Two bodies, two minds, but one soul. Your twin’s features crumpled, mirroring that of your own as he pushed a few strands of dark hair away from his face. 

“So there is nothing I can do? My fate is sealed.” Your lips felt numb as you spoke. 

Your brother’s visions were more frequent than they had ever been before. “Horrors”, he’d described them.

“If there was something I could do. . .” He started, turning quickly to face you, tucking one leg beneath himself. “My hands are tied. Mother and father’s hands are as well.” 

Hiding you away or knowingly allowing you to escape your duties would be seen as an act of treason. You’d be putting your parents and their status in danger, and no matter how desperate you were to get out of any sort of marriage pact, it was far too late. Since the very moment you were conceived, this was what you were meant for. 

“When will the orders come down, you think?” You pulled your legs up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them tightly. 

You wished that you could stay like this forever, protected from the rest of the world. If only you hadn’t been born as twins at all. You wanted so badly to be like Paul. 

But the galaxy didn’t work like that. You were not fortunate enough to get what you wanted. 

“Soon.” 

You felt comforted by the hand that he placed on your shoulder, and even more so when he kept it there until you felt as though you were able to stand up. 

You were to marry into House Harkonnen. That was your purpose; to unite the feuding houses and birth powerful offspring. You had met Feyd once before, but only for a fleeting moment. It hadn’t been awkward- no, back then the two of you hadn’t cared enough to pay any mind to the looming threat that was your betrothal. You’d been too young back then to fully grasp the severity of the situation. 

You remembered being shocked by his size. He towered over Paul, appearing to be years older than he really was. His hair had been dark back then, thick and slightly curly. 

He had only just been taken under his uncle’s wing at the time. The environment of Giedi Prime had yet to fully sink into the young boy. The Harkonnen’s looks had always been startling to you, no matter how many times you’d been exposed to it. They were dark creatures, brooding, hairless with skin as pale as milk- not to mention violent. 

The desperate way that Paul had clung to you was not lost on you. You let him squeeze you as tightly as he needed, your arms locking around his back. This meeting would change everything. In a matter of moments your life as you knew it would be taking a drastic turn, and not for the better. 

You’d made that very same trek to the parlor room a million times. This was your ancestral home- had been in your family longer than you thought was conceivable, and yet this felt new to you. Wrong. The shadows from the windows were casting strange lights on the wall beside you, and your footsteps sounded muffled in your ears as your pounding heart nearly deafened you. Your father’s hand brushed against your palm a few times, his attempt at showing you physical comfort without causing any sort of scene. You knew that this was Feyd-Rautha’s right. 

You were Feyd-Rautha’s right. That simple fact alone was enough to send you reeling, that morning's breakfast churning in your stomach. 

“It will be fine.” Your mother’s fingers shaped the words at her side, a comforting and silent presence. 

Your parents had always protected you. They had taught you well in all aspects of life. She was right. You had to trust yourself just as much as you trusted them. This will be fine. You will survive. 

But god, you wanted to live. 

Your worst fear was being locked up like a caged animal, only taken out to be played with or paraded around. You didn’t want to be somebody's little wife; you were no homemaker or bed warmer. 

‘I am better than this.’ You thought to yourself, your hands balling into fists at your sides. 

As the double doors began creeping open, you felt the sudden urge to run the opposite direction, your parents be damned. The feud between House Atreides and House Harkonnen would surely become deadly if you were to turn your back on the promise now, and that was the only thing that steeled your feet. You stood, back straight and hands clasped tightly at your front. 

You looked to be a pillar of strength, but oh- you were so close to crumbling. Your father took a step past the threshold, eyes hard as he bowed his head respectfully in the Baron’s direction. There was still time to turn around. The door was right there, and you were sure that you could commandeer a ship. You’d piloted a few times before in your life, and while you weren’t the best, you were certain you could get yourself the hell off of Caladan. You shuffled your feet, eyes wide as you looked up and caught your mother’s gaze. Her lips were parted, and you could tell that she was trying to decipher your expression. 

“What are you doing?” Her hand moved quickly at her side, the flowy gauze-like material of her skirts hiding her frantic movements from the visitor’s view. 

Nothing. You were doing nothing. There were no options yet. If you fled then the insubordination would fall back on your parents. If you downright refused then the outcome would be the same. There was nothing you could do but keep your mouth shut and try not to show the Harkonnen even a semblance of vulnerability. 

Disdain rolled off of you in waves as you breezed into the parlor, eyes locked on the side of your father’s face as he conversed with the baron. Tensions were high, even now. No pleasantries were being exchanged, that you were sure of. The Harkonnen’s stark black attire was a startling contrast to their pale skin. There, in the middle of two other men, whom you were sure were present for reasons of protection, was Feyd. 

He looked the same as the rest of them. Hairless, blue eyes dripping with something that could only be described as malice. Gone was the curly haired child that you remembered. In his place stood someone unrecognizable to you. You wanted to question what the Baron had done to Feyd, but you already knew. Perfection was expected on Geidi Prime. 

He had shaped Feyd into the very likeness of perfection. The once dark haired boy was now a walking, talking machine; not even a dead leaf echo of the boy you met all those years ago. 

You tried to map out every single one of his microexpressions, searching desperately for any sign that he might disapprove of the predicament the both of you had found yourselves in. He tilted his head to the side, observing you with a horrifying level of concentration. The Baron began to speak, saying something that you didn’t care enough to listen to. You were too distracted by the terrifying man before you. 

“She will come back home to Geidi Prime with us. No objections, correct?” 

You were marrying him out of an obligation, this he was already privy to. He had seen the reluctance written plain across your face as you’d entered the room. You’d wanted to run. Away from him, away from your responsibilities- and he could not blame you for it. His understanding stopped there though, simply because this proposal wasn’t going against his own wishes. 

“The wedding isn’t taking place for another week.” The Duke didn’t seem to like the idea of his unwed daughter leaving his side. 

Feyd fought back a smile, having known that the Baron’s sudden request would have this effect on the Atreides family. He watched you squirm like a bug under a magnifying glass, your hand moving at your hip. For a second he thought that you might be tugging at the seam of your dress, writing it off as nothing but a nervous tick- but then he saw the way your mother’s eyes followed those movements. 

The two of you were communicating. 

“That may be so, however I think that it is only right that your daughter,” Baron Vladimir motioned in your direction. “Becomes better acquainted with Feyd. You don’t agree?” 

His uncle decided that it was best to test the boundaries of this alliance. He was pushing the Duke, seeing how far he could get. Leto’s lips twitched, his eyes flickering thoughtfully towards you. Feyd was finding it hard to pay attention to anyone else other than you in the room. He’d spent years imagining what you would look like as an adult- dreamt about it. He’d eagerly been awaiting this moment, counting the days that he could finally be reunited with you. 

It wasn’t just because he had been promised powerful heirs. It was the thought that someone was fated to marry him. Since before he was even conceived, you had always been promised to him. That idea had been put into his head since childhood. You were the constant topic in his mind, a person that was unavoidably meant to be in his life for the rest of his days. 

In a strange way he had loved you since he was but a child. 

Seeing you for that first time had been better than he had anticipated. You were a beautiful little girl, but now? The child that he had met all those years ago did not hold a candle to the grace and brilliance of the woman that stood before him. Nobody else could ever compare. You didn’t have to fall for him right now, he was content with that. Hell, you didn’t even have to tolerate him.  He would find pleasure in wearing you down. He was going to make you love him.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. 

The adrenaline had run its way out of your system, leaving you cold and alone on a planet that was so incredibly alien to you, you weren’t sure how you’d ever be expected to adjust. Even the oxygen felt different in your lungs- the sweet, acrid smell of chemicals tinging the air around you. It was nothing like your home on Caladan. Your home was a stone castle, but this? This was a cold, black fortress. 

You weren’t sure if it was meant to keep people out. . . or in. 

You thought back to that fateful day with the reverend mother. 

“You’ve heard of animals chewing off a leg to escape a trap? There’s an animal kind of trick. A human would remain in the trap, endure the pain, feigning death that he might kill the trapper and remove a threat to his kind.” 

You couldn’t chew your leg off to be free of this. No, you had to lay in wait. Only then could you strike if the situation called for it. 

“Striking” could wait until tomorrow though. For now you wanted to rid yourself of the anxiety. Sleep was the only cure you could think of. 

“Is the room to your liking?” That husky voice of his was already grating on your nerves. 

Feyd had only attempted to speak to you a few times and already you were sick and tired of his presence. He was a constant reminder that you would never know what it was like to be free. Then again, was anybody in the galaxy truly free? Feyd sure seemed to be carefree in his current position. 

His tone felt off, like he was toying with you. 

“I would be far more pleased about my new living quarters if you were to leave.” You said simply, pulling the slate gray blanket up and over your chin. 

You weren’t sure if it was due to his ill-breeding, but he didn’t seem to care that you were in nothing but your night dress. He walked into the room in long-legged strikes, letting the door shut behind him. Never before had the two of you been alone together, not since you were children at least. If you were back in your family home you would feel safer during a moment like this. 

You were in his territory now, meaning he had full reign over everything. Your father and family name couldn’t protect you on Geidi Prime. 

“You’re in quite the rush to be rid of me,” He didn’t falter for even a second as he moved to sit down on the edge of the bed, leaning back against the plush mattress with a small sigh. “If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you didn’t like me.” He didn’t seem upset at the notion of you disliking him. In fact, there was a glint in his eyes. That same sort of silvery glint you’d seen in the reverend mother’s eyes all those years ago: a challenge. 

This was nothing but a challenge to him. You were a conquest, and you detested that. Your stomach soured, your face becoming pinched as you glared at him. This was all too much too fast. You were in the comfort of your own home not even four hours ago, and now you were expected to make small talk with the source of your life-long discontent.  

“And what of your concubines? Could you not pester them tonight and give me a moment's peace?” 

“I dismissed them from their duties, permanently, weeks ago.” He said simply, his fingers running along the cotton of the comforter. 

“What?” You’d never heard of such a thing. 

“Spending time with them would be a waste.” His blue eyes flickered up to meet your eyes. “Acquiring concubines had just been a show of status.” 

It took you a few moments to process what he was saying, the burning hatred you had felt just moments ago flickering out into a dull flame. 

“Why would spending time with them be a waste? Am I expected to spend that much time with you?” A horror, truly. You had hoped that you’d be able to get away with spending a night or two a week with him, if only to achieve the Bene Gesserit’s goal of siring an heir. 

“A waste of time. A waste of seed,” He looked at you pointedly, his lip pulling up into a smile that revealed more of his black teeth. “And both of those things are important to me.” 

Your stomach hollowed out as you were once again reminded of what was expected of you. You had a week to prepare mentally for your wedding night, which you weren’t sure was enough. 

“And what happened to the concubines? Are they still being housed here?” 

“Why? Are you jealous?” He was smiling even wider than he was before. 

A shiver ran through you as you noticed how predatory his body language was- you felt like prey under his haughty gaze. It was hard to believe that Feyd had been administered the Gom Jabbar test and passed. 

This man was no human. He was an animal, that you were certain. 

“Wickedly.” Your tone was flat and noncommittal. Even now, you never saw Feyd as a potential lover. 

The man that was your so-called “destiny” was also your jailer. 

“Well then you’ll be happy to know that they no longer live here. . . or anywhere, for that matter.” He sat up, rolling his shoulders back to stretch his broad muscles.

The blood drained from your face as you stared up at him from your spot on the bed. He must have felt the weight of your gaze and turned his head, his eyes alight with. . . pleasure. Violence was as ingrained in him as breathing was. It was his life. Standing before you was the prince of death- pale, striking and terrifying. 

Animal, indeed. 

I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. 

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A/N: this chapter was plot heavy, I know, however it was crucial to give you guys some background information so that I can better build tension. the beautiful dividers were created by @ kitsunecafe!

[beenbaanbuun]

cock warming w/jongho

words - 🫣

genre - fluff, nsfw

warnings - cockwarming, dom!jongho, sub!reader, kind of non-sexual intimacy (cockwarming but not necessarily horny), a single spank, praise, guidance, it’s just very cute

you cant convince me that jongho doesn’t absolutely love cockwarming. like there’s just something about the intimacy of it that really gets him going. mix that with the casual dominance of it all - him pinning you down with a strong arm, spanking your thigh if you begin to grow restless, mumbling sweet nothings into your ear as you lay your chest against his in a dizzy haze - and he’s going practically insane.

it’s movie night, just you and him, and for some unknown reason he decided to use that feature of netflix that picks a random film for you

of course, after 4 or 5 tries, it lands on nothing good (because it never does) and the two of you decide to settle for whatever random film it decided on

it starts off with you two making fun of the poor editing and direction of the film, picking at all the plot holes until you were both giggling incessantly

that little game lasted a while, but it didn’t take long for it to become boring and the two of you were plunged into a comfortable silence once more

until, of course, a sex scene!

in the grand scheme of things, it had no relation to the film whatsoever and was quite frankly incredibly poorly made

like you don’t know who those moans were coming from, but they didn’t match up with the mouths of either of the actors

but just as you were about to make fun of it to jongho, you noticed a little something of his lap

well, more like a big something, and you couldn’t help but gasp

“this is making you hard?” you scrutinise, eyes narrowing as you pull them away from the tent in his pants to instead look at his face

you expected him to be embarrassed or ashamed, but he wore a stoic expression as he shushed you

again, you gasped and sat up from the position you were in, leant up against him

“first you get hard to the worst sex scene i’ve ever seen, then you shush me?” you scoffed, “just say you hate me, next time.”

you watched as he rolled his eyes, finally tearing his gaze away from the screen to look at you

“i’ve been hard for the last 20 minutes,” he grumbled, “you just didn’t notice so i didn’t say anything.”

oh… that’s weird

it’s not like you’d been doing anything to try and make him hard, and it’s not like the film had even been remotely sexy in any way shape or form

like you’d understand if you were lay there in lingerie, but you were in what you described as your ‘grannie nightie’, curled up against him like you would be on any other night

you frowned

“well, why are you hard?” you asked

“am i not allowed to be?” he replied

it was a fair response, but you still wanted answers

“well there has to be a reason…” you mumbled

“i’m sorry, why don’t you just call the erection police?” his voice was dripping in sarcasm, “hello? 911? yeah, i was being cute around my boyfriend and now he’s hard. come arrest him please!”

at this point the film was just background noise as the two of you went back and forth bickering about his penis of all things…

“wait, your erection is because of me?” you cock your head to the side in confusion

again, your pyjamas were hardly the sexiest thing in the world, unless you’re an 80 year old man and this is the most thigh you’ve seen in years

but jongho wasn’t 80, and he saw your thighs on a daily basis

fuck, he saw a lot more than thigh on most days

“well who else would’ve caused it?” he glanced between you and the screen, “you can’t seriously believe this shit show made me hard?”

“oh,” you mumbled

“yeah, oh…” he rolled his eyes

and you thought that was it for a moment before his hands were on you and you were being tugged onto his lap like you were nothing more than a rag doll

you squeaked in surprise as his strong arms pinned you to his lap, erection digging into your thigh

you squirmed, but the look he gave you quickly stopped you in your tracks

“you want to know why i’m hard?” he mumbled into your ear, a soft smile gracing his lips

he looked so innocent, and you would’ve believed it if it weren’t for the obvious

you nodded

“you’re just too cute, baby,” he chuckled deeply into your ear, the sound heading immediately south, slicking you up a little, “in your cute little nightie, making your cute little comments. sue me for being attracted to you…”

“but that’s not…” you trailed off, “i’m not being sexy, am i?”

“you don’t have to be, baby,” he cooed, “you don’t have to make yourself sexy for me to want you. i want you just as much now as i would any other day.”

“so you want to fuck me because i’m not sexy?”

he scoffed, “i want to be close to you, baby. it’s not the same.”

it sounded the same to you, but still you nodded as if you understood

“want me to take a seat?” you grounded down once and he groaned

his eyes rolled back into his head in pleasure, but just as you were about to do it again he stopped you

“not if you’re not going to be a good girl and sit still for me,” you barely registered the sound of the slap until the stinging sensation spread though your thigh a moment later, “i said i didn’t want to fuck you, and here you are grinding on my dick like you can’t understand basic instructions!”

you stilled at his comment, a frown forming on your face

now you really didn’t get it…

he seemed to notice your sudden change in demeanour and sighed

“i don’t want to fuck you, but that doesn’t mean i don’t want to be inside of you,” he explained slowly, desperate to make you understand, “i just want you to be around me, sweetheart. no expectations, i just want to be close to you.”

oh…

you supposed that made a little sense

with a slightly less confused look, you nodded

you didn’t move though

you misunderstood him before, now you wanted him to guide you through it so you didn’t get it wrong again

luckily for you, jongho took more than a little pride in telling you what to do

it boosted his ego, and he couldn’t deny how sweet you looked when you followed his every instruction

so he gave you a sweet smile before setting his hands on your waist

“straddle me, baby.”

his hands never left your sides as you followed his directions

“good girl,” he praised, making you puff your chest out a little with pride, “now i need you to pull my bottoms down, hm?”

and you did it, because jongho was right - you were his good girl!

you reached your hands down and shuffled back a little to give his dick enough room to spring free

and when it did spring free, you couldn’t help but sit in awe of how pretty it was

you’d seen it before, but you were still shocked at how perfect it was every time you saw it

a decent size lengthwise, but thicker than most

a pretty pink tip that leaked pearlescent precum in little droplets

jongho chuckled

“you done staring, or do you want to take a picture?” your eyes widened and your gaze shot up to his face again.

he wore a wide smirk as you mumbled an apology

“it’s okay, sweetheart,” his thumbs rubbed circles over your sides, “now, can you slip your panties to the side for me? i want you to sit on me…”

and again, you did as he asked because you were good and you wanted to behave for him

so your fingers slid south and pushed the thin cotton to the side (ignoring the way you had to peel them away from your gooey wetness) and you shuffled forwards until your core was hovering above his cock

you slid down slowly, the stretch almost painful but not quite

it took a moment for you to bottom out, his tip snug against your cervix and your thighs resting against his own

the temptation to start bouncing was certainly there, but at the risk of no longer being his good girl, you decided not to

not that you could anyway, not when he brought his arms around you, pinning you to his chest and holding you there like it was just any regular cuddle on any regular day

like his dick wasn’t resting heavily inside of you

like you weren’t so close to disobeying and seeking out your own pleasure

a big hand came up to the back of your head to hold it against his shoulder, fingers lacing themselves in your hair and giving it gentle, rhythmic tugs like he always did when you needed to chill a little

his fingernails scratched against your scalp in a way that was so soothing, it seemed to turn your whole body to jelly

and suddenly, the horny tension that laced itself up within you dissipated like it was never there

well, it wasn’t completely gone - you still had your boyfriends dick in you, after all - but it was duller, more manageable

you moaned as you relaxed into his warmth that surrounded you from every angle possible, and he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle

“do you get it now, honey?” he whispered into your ear, “do you understand what i mean when i say i want you close?”

you just nod

“oh, you’re so precious, baby,” he gave you a particularly tight squeeze with his thick arms, “so good for me, hm? letting me hold you close like this. i expected it to take you longer to settle down, but you’re such a good girl, right? shouldn’t have doubted you, baby…”

his words made your mind cloud over as you sank into the praise that he spoon fed to you

you just lay there with your head on his shoulder, staring up at him like he was your entire universe, eating up every single word he said to you

“love you, bear,” you mumble into his neck

he chuckled

“love you too, honey.”

[vxnuslogy]

— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

-

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums. 

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself. 

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

-

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently? 

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

-

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible. 

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

-

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

-

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends.  thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile. 

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own. 

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end. 

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go. 

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

© vxnuslogy 2024. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my works.

[deluluonmyback]

impulsivity in bpd can be cutting and dyeing your hair, but it’s also frying and destroying your hair to a point where it’s completely ruined and you’re self conscious of it everyday.

impulsivity in bpd can be having an attitude and saying some petty things to people, but it’s also ruining every good friendship and relationship you’ve ever had and you can’t stop yourself from sabotaging everything, so you end up alone in a deep pit.

impulsivity in bpd can be having some drinks, doing dr*gs, or having a lot of meaningless sex. but it’s also relying on drinking and dr*gs so much that you’re completely off your face all time and it ruins your image and every aspect of your life. and it’s also no one wanting a relationship with you because you “sleep around” or “probably have an std”.

impulsivity in bpd can be browsing an fps facebook. but it’s also stalking their every move online and their every step in the real world constantly because you need them so bad. you can’t live without knowing if they’re okay, knowing what they’re doing, knowing if they’re leaving you for someone else, etc.

the list goes on. us borderlines post a lot of shit about bpd, and in my personal case, laughing it off and sharing it to others makes me feel a bit better and i know that it makes others feel less alone knowing that other people are doing the same horrendous shit. but stop romanticising being obsessive, quirky, impulsive, and having an attitude. it’s fucking painful. the emotional aspect is PHYSICALLY painful. watching the world crumble around us because most of us can’t fucking stop ourselves is painful. the withdrawals from substances, s/h, etc because we are so prone to addiction is PAINFUL. i’m all for supporting our fellow borderlines and cluster b peoples, but STOP self diagnosing to be “trendy”. i’m not on about self diagnosing, etc if you’re certain and it means you’re getting the support that you absolutely need. everyone is deserving of help, whether healthcare wants to agree or not, EVERYONE deserves the help they need. but stop trying to make bpd sound fun. being euphoric is fun, the rest of it IS NOT. ITS FUCKING PAINFUL. thank u bye 💕

(ps. i hate making rant posts about this, but seeing people act like bpd is a “fun choice” in life pisses me the fuck off, every day is just pure fucking suffering. the people romanticising and hyping this shit up are the same people who will talk shit about any cluster b who is showing symptoms or having one hell of an episode. but this NEEDS to be out there x)

(edit: the amount of support i’ve had on this is unreal 😭❤️ i tried to word this the best i can but when i have a lot to say it often comes out making no fucking sense at all or something comes off the wrong way. i saw someone reply about the yanderes shit. I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. i don’t know why the fuck people fetishise it, it makes me feel disgusting to have an fp even if i’m keeping as far away from them as possible. and also the “euphoric is fun”, i still do a lot of embarrassing and over the top shit when i’m euphoric that i regret. but in the moment, the happiness i feel i just embrace now because it’s not been often that i ever get to feel like that. thank you so much for the likes and reblogs, i really hope this post has helped y’all. I LOVE YOU ALL ❤️)

[chloryn]

anyway if no one else will i guess it has to be me!!

klaus hc’s : the situationship edition

part one

content warning;; klaus x reader, klaus with he/they pronouns, female reader, friends to friends who have sex ?, unexpected boners, sexualization without knowledge, guilty conscience (for a minute), oral sex, 90% not canon, mostly just self indulgent writing

a/n;; there’s simply going to have to be a part two, i tried to get all my thoughts out and i couldn’t. it’s three a.m. and i got out what i could.

- it’s his fault truly, i feel like he is such a romantic

- friends first, you’d meet in the evening, at a record store maybe right before closing, or maybe in a café

- when it comes down to people asking about how you met neither of you have the same answer, always the same line

- “we’ve known each other forever”

- late night phone calls to soothe each other

- klaus would be the first to ask you to come over past the usual “hang out” hours

- “i’ve really tried everything y/n, even the hour long meditation cd”

- “please just come over and sit with me?”

- “i’m bored to death” (he’s literally immortal)

- you agree, you’re only a few blocks away from the academy anyway and besides, you couldn’t sleep either

- klaus would meet you halfway and walk you back, he hates the idea of you outside, alone, in the dark.

- definitely the first time you’ve had a good look around their room, you’d only been in it a handful of times and only for a moment or two

- klaus is a messy kind of organized, but it feels so much like him

- his bed sheets are burnt orange, and their duvet is a dark blue, there’s tons of pillows and fuzzy throws littered on the bed. it feels cozy.

- his nightstand is the cleanest thing surrounding you, an incense burner, a pack of old cigarettes, a bottle of high dollar whiskey, and some jewelry strewn around.

- it smells like the night in his room, one window cracked to let in a breeze, a soft candle burning with the scent of pine, and the scent of him causing you to feel oh so comfortable

- for a moment you question why you hadn’t spent more time with them here, why you wouldn’t want to experience such a private part of your best friends life

- but that was it exactly, this was too private

- but klaus felt better, he felt so much safer with you around, with people around in general but when he had called you he knew he wanted you specifically

- he wasn’t completely honest with you about why he couldn’t sleep or what was bothering him, he didn’t want you to know his past or what kept him up at night

- he was lucky enough to have convinced ben to let him have alone time with you, as he wasn’t sure he could keep up that charade much longer without at least claiming to be delusional

- nothing happens the first time you stay over, or the second, or third even

- the weirdest thing to happen is the morning after, at least the first time he walked you out you wore your own clothes

- by the the third “sleepover” you had strolled into the kitchen, one of their sleep shirts and a pair of boxers you prayed passed as shorts thrown on

- you had only been caught by diego and five, both of which seemed to have been in shock and blubbering, obviously a little disappointed in your decisions by the looks they gave

- you knew it looked strange, you weren’t completely oblivious. the real problem was that you expected klaus to be more conscious of what they were thinking. he wasn’t.

- after your third night over in less than two weeks ben broke the news to klaus, everyone in the house, including him honestly, thought you two were hardcore banging. maybe even more since you were sleeping over and wearing his clothes out.

- klaus was APPALLED.

- they literally had no clue what to say, he was slightly embarrassed but also he didn’t completely mind, it was obvious you two were just close friends

- the next time though he was outside your front door when they called.

- “hey”

- he was too nervous someone would embarrass you, what if you were to find out about what everyone was thinking. his house was super off limits right now.

- he figured you’d be more than happy to sleep in your bed anyway.. and maybe they wanted to snoop a little

- you guys spent such little time at your house

- the reality of it was a horrified expression and profuse apologies, you didn’t have nearly as much space or even an excuse to why your house wasn’t as tidy as you wanted it

- you let him in, walking the both of you back towards your bedroom after noting a couch is no place for a sleepover

- deja vu

- klaus would examine all your trinkets, take note of how everything smelled of you, he truly felt so calm

- “y/n?”

- as if it couldn’t get worse, he pulls out your vibrator from beneath the blanket where he sat. snickering, his ears turning a light pink.

-face flushed you would take it from him, scrambling to put it in your bedside drawer

- it finally clicks, he gets it, he knows why everyone thinks you two are at least messing around. because for the first time, he has a painfully hard cock, and it’s just the idea of you touching yourself in the same spot he’s lounging about on

- he tries so hard to play it cool, covering himself with a blanket, using his hand to gently push it down before you notice

- “you wanna do a movie tonight?”

- “ooo of course!”

- you’d beg him to watch a slasher, and as per usual he’d give in, even though he hates them passionately

- comfy clothes, and popcorn with m&ms mixed in, and sugary sweet drinks to pair with

- “pleaseeee” he’d give into your crocodile tears, giving up his clothes to please you

- turning around so one another can change clothes, covering your eyes with your hands

- shirtless klaus

- after his first *ahem* problem, it would only get worse. you’d hide your face in his chest during the jump scares or when things would get eerie, tucking your arms around his torso

- only wearing a pair of thin pajama pants, opting out of the boxers he had so kindly given to you to wear as shorts yet again, even though your entire closet was mere feet away

- he can feel the curve of your breasts against his arm, and your legs slightly intertwined with his and it may actually give him a heart attack

- god it made him feel so guilty, to know you trusted him with so much of you, your life. just for him to be sitting here, in your bed, sexualizing you while you were just trying to hang out

- he tried everything to make it stop, even thinking of how ben would scold him if he were here

- you probably had a quarter of the movie left when your balance would betray you, accidentally slipping and grazing your forearm against his dick

- both of you bolting up. a mixture of shock and embarrassment across your faces

- your thighs clench ever so slightly at the thought of his arousal being over you, tension fogging your brain

- “y/n i’m so sorry”

-“fuck”

- “i don’t know what’s going on with me tonight”

- cue klaus clambering to get up, but you ushering them back down

- “what if.. we just tried it?”

- “maybe we’re just horny, it’s not a big deal”

- soft kisses, wide eyes

- pulling down his pants, his head slightly purple with pre cum leaking, smearing on his happy trail

- “are you okay with this?”

- “you’re allowed to say no”

- slowly kissing up their thighs, licking and kissing up the shaft, suckling hickies onto their lower belly

- SO so sensitive

- “ahh, st-stop”

- “i- i’m not joking, please- please i’ll cum-“

- smooth about the transition, slipping off their pants and straddling you ever so slightly to slide his hands under his your shirt, nudging your breasts further into their hands, whimpering when their fingers wrap around and twist your pebbled nipples

- “you sound so pretty”

- “fuck, are you sure?” “you’re okay with this?” “tell me if you wanna stop, okay?”

- with your consent he slowly tugs on the waistband of his boxers that rest on your hips, letting your shirt fall back down, he may be fully naked and bare but he doesn’t wanna push you to hard

- he waits for your little nod of approval before hooking his fingers, and sliding them down your soft legs

- klaus has seen bare skin before, he’s seen people who had their cocks leaking for him, or their pussy glistening and puffy waiting for him, but he’d never seen anything that compared to you

- the way you were dripping, pussy swollen and visibly aching, clit prominent and perked up, over him, if there was a heaven waiting for him he was sure he’d found it

- he’d start slow, flattening his tongue, lapping all the way up, moaning every time the taste of you hit his tongue, until he got greedy, swirling his tongue around your clit, sucking and teasing, reaching his free hand under your shirt again to palm your tits

- messy and a bit uncoordinated, bucking your hips ever so slightly as your climax approached

-pulling his hands back and wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold you still

- “‘m gonna cum, please, oh god”

- “i’m right there please honey, please”

- the endearment, that’s what would send him over the edge, he’d replay the sweetness of it in your voice over and over coming untouched, moaning and crumbling all while still pulling you closer to your orgasm

- following your orgasm till the very end, letting you guide him through, he’d speed up and slow down for as long as it took as long as he knew he was giving you a complete experience

- nuzzling and lapping up your sap

- “you’re so sweet” “so divine”

- he’d be so exhausted after, but he’d want you to have everything you needed

- “can i get you anything?” “i’ll grab you some water” “let’s clean up, i’ll help you”

- after he was sure you were well taken care of and comfortable, he’d ask you to lay with him. to soak up the afterglow of it all.

- he’d never had this kind of erotic experience before but he knew he may never have it again so he wanted to savor it. and potentially attempt to make it so good you wanted it to be a regular occurrence.

- he would give you the option of him leaving or staying, the sleepover boundary had officially been crossed creating a whole slew of new possibilities

- “stay, please”

- cuddling while sleeping was like a whole new kind of intimacy for him. the way your hair tickled his nose, being able to hear your steady breaths.

- bonus content: ben appearing at an ungodly hour to make sure klaus is okay, and realizing not only would he have to live with his nosey decision, but also with the fact that he couldn’t tell anyone what he knew.

[miniwheat77]

Tight. (Mean!Keegan x Reader.)

!CW! NSFW, Smut, Keegan being a meanie, rough sex, hate sex, unprotected p in v sex, sorry if I missed any.

This is not edited give me a break lmao

You flinch slightly as he passes by you, body going rigid.

You cross your arms, nervously passing by him. You hate that he’s able to do this to you.

He’s mean to you. No matter what you do, he hates it. He’s cruel and it’s worse when there’s no one around. You hurry into your room to avoid him anymore. You don’t know what you did, but he hates you.

When you were first on base, you were happy. You loved being in the military and you loved helping people. Until now. His hatred for you made you bitter and cold. Waking up was tiring and miserable and sometimes you just wish you hadn’t. Seeing him, hearing what he had to say. All of it. It was sickening.

You really liked Keegan at first. You tried your hardest to get on his good side. Nothing you did ever seemed to work. Eventually you just gave up.

A sigh leaves your lips. Wiping your tired eyes. You had to trade for watch soon and you weren’t ready.

You stood up, looking out your door to make sure the hallway was clear, you didn’t want to run into Keegan anymore tonight.

You made your way down the hallway, closing your door behind you. You exit through the large metal door and make your way across base to the watch tower. Making your way up the stairs to relieve the last person on watch.

He thanked you before going back down the stairs you had just come up. It was basically a room full of cameras up in a watch tower, meant for watching everything. “Hey, before I go.” He stops just as he’s out of your sight, coming back inside. “Keegan was telling me a little bit about you.” He smiles. He’s standing with his back to the door, closing it. You notice his fingers twist the lock on it. The hair on your body stands up and you stand up from your chair, resting your hand on your sidearm. “If Keegan said it, I’m sure it’s not true.” You mumble. “He was just saying that you like to… get around. Was thinking maybe since nobody will be up here for a couple hours.” He shrugs, tugging the zipper down on his vest. “What he said wasn’t true. I’m not interested.” You say quickly. “Oh come on.. is it me?” He breathes. Taking a step toward you. You raise your shirt up to reveal your gun. “I said I’m not interested. I won’t say it again.” You breathe. He raises his hands up, a laugh leaving his lips. “Alright. Suit yourself. Thought I’d try my luck.” He mumbles. Taking a step back. “He said you were a slut, thought you’d be easier.” He laughs. Disappearing through the door finally. As soon as he’s gone, you’re rushing to lock the door. Sighing in relief. What the fuck was that?

Tears burn your eyes as you sit down, letting your head hang. You can’t help them as they fall. You were so defeated, and so fucking angry.

You wipe your eyes, regaining your composure for a minute before picking up your radio. “Hey, Maria, can you cover my watch for me early? I’ve got a headache and think I need to go see a medic.” You call to her over the radio. “No problem.”

You hurry down the steps, not wanting to be spotted by her. Keegan always spent his time in the mechanic shop on base, he got along with the mechanic and liked learning new things. Most likely he’d be there. It was late, but he didn’t sleep well during the night. You rush across the base, ankles burning from fast walking as you burst through the door to the shop. There’s only one Humvee currently inside. Keegan is sitting at the desk, working on some kind of paperwork. You startle him slightly when you barge through the door, making him look up. He stands up when he sees you. “What are you doing here?” He mumbles. “Fuck you.” You seethe. You pause, the tears slip from your eyes before you even start talking, you want to hold them back but you can’t. Not anymore. Your feet are planted on the ground a few feet away from him. “I just had someone come onto me in the goddamn watch tower because of you. Because of what you keep saying about me.” Your voice is unsteady. “I don’t know what the fuck I ever did you to Keegan, but I can’t fucking take it anymore. You win.” You spit. “You’re so fucking dramatic.” He mumbles. “Dramatic?” You freeze. You turn to him. “You’ve done nothing but make my life a living hell since I met you.” Your voice is quiet and serious. “I used to love this. I used to love knowing that I was helping people. I used to love every second of a mission, getting to meet civilians of all kinds, seeing all parts of the world and looking at peace through the violence. Now? I dread every single second of every single mission, because of you. I pray that I’ll die on them. Get shot, or stabbed. Just so that I don’t have to see your face. When we have to parachute out to reach a mission? I pray that my parachute doesn’t open. You’ve made my life a living hell, you’ve ruined me. So yeah, you win Keegan. Maybe that makes me dramatic but it’s the truth. I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much that it hurts.” Tears stream freely from your eyes. “Okay? What do you want me to say hm?” He breathes. “Why. Why do you do it?” He can’t lie, the heartbreak you feel unsettles him a little bit. “Because. You think you’re so perfect. You think that everything is all fine and dandy. The military isn’t for pathetic people like you. I mean.. look at you?” He laughs.

“So.. because I choose to see the good in everything, I deserve to be torn down? Treated like shit?” You’re moving closer to him. He laughs. “I’m sorry that not everyone can be a miserable sack of shit like you.” You growl. A gasp leaves your lips when he grasps you by your throat, backing you up and slamming you up against the wall by the desk. “Watch your fucking mouth.” He growls. A whimper leaves your lips. “Fuck you.” You seethe. He tightens his grip. You try to swallow but can’t. “Do your fucking worst, you can’t hurt me any-“ he cuts off the rest of your oxygen, watching you turn red. His eyes are fixed on your lips and you look confused. He lets go, hearing you take in a deep breath. He moves closer to you, looking at your eyes before they flicker to your lips.

You’ve got to be delusional.

He grits his teeth, hand shaking as it sits at your throat. “You’re pathetic.” He growls. “Little bunny can’t even take a joke.” He chuckles. You try to push him back, but he forces you back even harder. “I hate you too, you know. Everyone fucking likes you and they don’t know how fucking pathetic you are.” He shakes his head.

“You feel good? Does treating me like shit make you feel good? You’re the pathetic one here. You spend every second of every day making someone else’s life hell because you’re so unhappy in your ow-“

His lips are what cut you off. You freeze for a second, and despite every nerve in your body telling you to force him off of you, you kiss him back. He kisses you hard, forcing his tongue into your mouth, he’s got his mask pushed up to the bridge of his nose. He tightens his grip on your throat unintentionally as he kisses you, like you’ll slip away from his grasp. He lets go of your throat finally, lowering his hand to grope your breasts, hearing you gasp into his mouth. When he pulls away, you take in a sharp breath. Seeing the way you’re looking at him makes him regret it. The loving stare you always have. Intensified by his touch.

He reaches lower, unbuttoning your pants and pushing them down your legs. Once your lower half is completely exposed to him, he shoves some of the stuff on the desk to the side. Lifting you up and setting you on the desk. He hurries to unbutton his own pants, tugging them just low enough to expose himself. You’re still staring him down, lips parted slightly. “Stop looking at me like that.” He growls.

“What?” You breathe, “like you like me. You should hate me.” He growls. Lining himself up with your entrance. He tugs you closer to the edge of the desk, pushing himself into your entrance, hearing you gasp. “Oh fuck- you’re fucking tight,” he growls. Your eyes move from his face to where the both of you connect. Watching him slide into the cavern between your legs. You can’t peel your eyes away from him, your body betrays you for him. “Keegan-“ you whine. “The door-“ you gasp, clutching onto the desk. “Shut up.” He growls. “Let them see us.” He pants. He’s got a death grip on your thighs, the desk making an awful screech with each thrust he takes into you. The metal scratching the concrete. You try to be quiet, but it’s hard. As much as you hate to admit it, he feels good. Sliding up against parts of you that’ve been completely untouched. He stimulates parts of you that you didn’t know existed, you didn’t know you needed this. You can feel something building in your lower stomach.

You know that you should push him away, feel disgusted for letting him have something so intimate. You’ll be another notch on his belt, he’ll return to being the asshole that he is. The cry that leaves your lips interrupting your thoughts, you sit up, holding yourself tight. You’re watching him slide into you, seeing your arousal build at the base of his cock. You go quiet and that’s when he’s concerned. Seeing you staring between the both of you. You don’t push him away, so he keeps going. Your breathing picks up, but you can’t tear your eyes away from it. You’re having sex with him, with Keegan. Your eyes finally flicker up to his face and he laughs. “Thought I lost you in there for a second.” He mumbles. Gritting his teeth. You say nothing, breath catching in your throat. “Look at you. So fucking dumb because of my cock.” The knot that’s wound up in your stomach is about to snap. “Keegan- I-“ you breathe. You can’t even finish your sentence, your body lurching hard as you cum, his eyes widening when you soak his cargo pants. Your eyes roll back, knuckles turning white as you hold onto the desk. “That’s it. Cum on my fucking cock.” He growls. You’re gripping onto him tight, sending him right into his own orgasm, hearing loud moans and whimpers leave his lips as he reaches his peak. He fills you up to the hilt, teeth gritted as he fucks you to ride out your high. Enjoying the way you tense up at the way he overstimulates you.

You’re quiet when he pulls out of you, whining at the loss of you wrapped around him. His filth spills back out of you, and he bites his lip when he sees it. He adjusts his mask when he steps back from you.

You move quickly to slide your pants back on, quickly putting your boot back on. You take in a breath to say something to him, but stop yourself. He’s got his back turned to you to clean himself up, and that’s when you take your opportunity to leave. He hears your footsteps and assumes you going to get something. Whipping around when he hears the door open. He sees your arm shutting the door behind you. He sighs. “Goddamnit Y/N.” He mumbles, buttoning his pants and fixing the desk.

—

The following day, he can’t seem to find you. He’s been looking all day. Finally, you emerge into the hallway from your Captain’s office into the hallway. “Well. If you really think that’s what you want, we’ll set you up an appointment and fill out the paperwork for a transfer.” He nods. You smile nervously. “We’re really going to miss you, and between here and there, I hope you’ll change your mind. You’re a good Sergeant Y/N.” He nods, passing by Keegan. Your eyes follow him, and your smile fades when you see Keegan standing there. He’s staring back at you. You tear your eyes away from his, turning and making your way to your room.

You step inside, closing the door behind you with a sigh.

He opens it and steps inside, startling you. He closes it behind himself, locking it. “You’re not going.” He breathes. You stay quiet. “Keegan. You need to leave.” You finally say after a minute. “No. You’re not going. If you go, I’ll follow you.” He breathes. “Wherever you go, I’ll find a way to be there with you. Don’t care what it is or where.”

“You can’t. You’ve done enough.”

He growls at your response, stepping closer to you. “You’re not going. No.” He shakes his head. He grasps his mask, tugging it off. “No. You’re staying.” You close your eyes as he moves closer. “Nobody will touch you like I can.” He breathes. You clench your eyes tighter. “You saw the way your body reacted to mine. I made you cum on me, I filled your pussy with my cum.” He breathes. “Stop-“ you flinch. “You loved it.” He mumbles, he’s backed you up into the wall behind you. “Keegan stop.” You breathe. “Open your eyes. Look at me.” He breathes, pressing his hand to your throat but not being rough. “Nobody will fuck you like I did. Nobody will understand you.”

“You’re wrong. I can’t live like this.”

“Give yourself to me completely and things will change.” He breathes.

“You call me a slut, I’m not doing this.” You push him back but he forces you back. “You are doing this.” He grits his teeth. “I know, I know I don’t say the right things. I didn’t mean it. I just.. you’re so fucking perfect and I can’t.. but you.. you let me fuck you. You let me touch you.” He closes his eyes. “Don’t go.” He breathes.

Your eyes prick with tears and you keep your eyes closed because you know if you see his eyes you’ll change your mind. “Stay.” He breathes. His breath is warm on your face as he holds you there. “You have to stop. If I stay.” You breathe. “You have to stop saying what you say about me.”

“I can do that.” He sighs. Running his hand between your legs. “But I’m going to be rough with you.. I have to be rough with your pussy if you want me to be nice.” He breathes. You go tense as he touches you. You sigh. You don’t know what to do. You feel his lips against yours once again, and you know you won’t be able to stay away if you kiss back.

You’re delusional. He’s played mind games with you. What is happening?

You can’t help it, melting right into him, kissing him back.

Here you go, spiraling out of control once again.

[arienotari]

Drowning

Summary: When your worst fear becomes a reality and all you have on the other side is a brown eyed boy.

Pairing: Wally Clark x Reader

Warnings: Death, Drowning, Bullying

Edit: I am terrible at editing, and I tried my best so I'm sorry if you find any mistakes. This is my first full story I am releasing out into the world.

Word Count: 3330

I’ve never liked swimming.

People say it makes them feel free, but I felt anything but free. Every chance I got I avoided water at all costs. It's suffocating. Something about floating in a body of endless water and possibilities always made my skin crawl. One major problem that contributes to my fear is the fact that I can’t swim. I don’t blame anyone for this setback because I've never asked how to or showed interest. My inability to swim didn’t become a problem for me until my senior year of high school. I’ve gotten out of swimming class every year up until now and I had no choice but to take it. I tried to tell the swimming coach and counselors privately that I couldn’t take the class. All they said was I could stay in the shallow end. That I’ll be fine. I believed them. 

Word spread quickly throughout my class that I couldn’t swim once they started noticing I wouldn’t leave the 4ft mark. I didn’t really care, all I cared about was getting through the year. I was never really popular which didn’t matter much to me but being in this class never made it more obvious how much I hated it here. I felt eyes on me at all times which only made being in the water worse. 

It was March 12, 2015. Only a couple months left of school and then I’d be off to NYU living my dream of being a writer. First I had to get through 4th period swim class of course. I walked into the girls changing room preparing for the next 50 minutes of anxiety as I put my swimsuit on. I folded my dark blue jeans, my gray sweater, and a white tank top with lace on the trim that I wore under the sweater. Making my way to the pool I started putting my hair up in place of a hair cap I seem to have forgotten. Staring at the water I can see the bottom but it doesn’t stop the feeling of wanting to crawl up from my throat. Half the girls were already in the water preparing for a game of volleyball. Step by step down the ladder my hands begin to shake and my mouth becomes dry like I just ate pancakes. I make my way to the back to avoid any confrontation or any chance of being involved in the game. The one thing good about this class is it has a perfect view of the sky. I always get lost staring out at it wondering who’s also looking back. It makes me forget the situation I’m in and my environment. That's until a ball lands in front of me and about 15 girls are looking back at me waiting for my next move. I pick it up with my now calmer hands from before and spike it. Thankfully I made it over to the other side and the girls immediately turned back to the game. Not without some dirty looks but quite frankly I don’t really care. I watch as Mrs. Withers gets a call which seems to be serious as she tells us that she needs to step outside and when the bell rings to just go ahead. It’s only 10 minutes later when the shower bell rings and I feel the crushing weight lift off my shoulders. The other girls split based on which ladder they are closest to heading to the locker room and I help one of the girls get the volleyballs together. Making my way back to solid ground I rush to put the balls away not wanting to be one of the last to leave. I grab a towel on the rack near the other end of the pool as I make my way back seeing the last of everyone leaving. At least that’s what I thought until I heard someone behind me scream “Wait up” before running past me tripping me in the process. Losing my balance I watch as the one who screamed leaves the room leaving me alone. I hit the water with a loud splash waiting to hit the bottom to kick back up only to never feel my feet hit the concrete. I try to reach for the surface but everything I try seems to pull me down further. I panic, feeling my lungs on fire from filling with water. I tried to scream but no one could hear me and no one ever would. Everything was starting to go black and everything was becoming numb. All I could think about was how much I would miss out on. Finally, everything goes dark and I feel like I’m floating but I’m not, I’m being pulled up. I grab onto whoever’s pulling me up as if my life depended on it. Once I reach the surface my lungs fill with air as I begin to cough unbearably with my eyes screwed shut. I feel myself being hoisted up on the ground and out of the water. I’m pulled into the person who saved me as I am unable to move from exhaustion. When the person holds my face to center it I finally open my eyes as I am met with wide brown ones. 

“Are you okay”, he’s breathing heavily as I study him blocking out his yell to someone to bring his jacket. 

I feel a warm weight on my shoulders seeing its a blue and white letterman jacket out of the corner of my eye. 

“Thank you for saving me” I give him a weak smile but all I get in return is an expression filled with nothing but sorrow and guilt. 

Still seated on the floor I hear a horrified scream from beside me causing me to whip my head towards the chaos. Suddenly time stops and everything goes silent as I choked out a sob watching as a student and Mrs. Withers pull my body out of the water. The whole class comes to watch as they try to resuscitate me but nothing is happening. I feel the stranger push my head into his chest and I begin to cry harder than before. He repeats “I know’s” and “I’m sorry’s” as my world comes crashing down on me. 

Hours later we are still in the same position my hair and clothes dry now along with a tear-dried face. It’s dark outside with only the poolside fluorescent lights to illuminate our two figures. I begin to shiver more and more as the stranger who pulled me out of the water rubs my back and arms. 

“We need to get up, you're getting too cold” he whispers, pulling his body to get a better look at me. 

I lift myself up getting a better look at him as well as I memorize his long structured face, beauty marks, and brown eyes. After a minute I nod and try to stand up realizing that I’m still exhausted, the position not helping adding to the pain. He helps me steady myself and fully extend as he holds my hands making sure I’m okay. 

“You should take a shower and change into your regular clothes, I’ll probably do the same and I will explain everything once we're done. Okay?”, he says softly with an uneasy half-smile waiting for my response.

“Okay,” I whisper back at him not wanting to raise my voice feeling it’ll be too much to handle. 

His smile fills out more as he nods and begins to turn away to do the same tasks as me. I begin to turn away as well before I realize I never got the guy's name who pulled me out of the pool and stayed with me for hours. 

“What’s your name?,” I said, grabbing his arm to stop him from walking away. 

He looks down at my hand holding his arm which makes me see I’m still holding onto him causing me to let go. 

“Wally, Wally Clark”, he said with a wide smile that made me feel alive again for just a split second. 

After warming up from the shower I changed into my clothes from before that were neatly folded. As I begin to walk out of the locker room I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look back at the girl staring at me feeling disconnected from who she was or what she could’ve been. I take a heavy breath before opening the door to leave and face the reality of my situation. Stepping into the hall, the school looked unnatural to me with the lights off. I look over and see a less wet and cold Wally approach me with the same smile as before. 

“How was the shower? Do you feel better?”, he asked one right after the other. 

“The shower was good and I’m doing the best I can with the fact that I am already dead,” I said, peering up at him only noticing now how tall he really is. 

“I know it's hard and I’m sorry it happened this way but I will try to explain everything the best I can.”, he said, extending his elbow out for me to take it as we began to walk further down the halls.

And Just like he said Wally kept his word and explained everything to me that he could. Like how we’ll never be able to leave school grounds unless we pass on. He also showed me all the other kids stuck here just like us and told me how some passed. As well as the weird support group that the kids attend in the gym. Even though he’d joke he never sugar-coated anything, which I couldn't help but appreciate. I won’t lie, the first couple of weeks were rough. I was plagued by the memory of what happened as well as the thoughts of the future I’ll never get. It definitely didn’t help that everyone at school was mentioning it and not in a sorrowful way. During those few weeks, Wally helped a lot with trying to be a distraction so I wouldn’t focus on others. I guess one of the perks of being dead is being able to duplicate belongings so I was able to get my phone and journal. I found the perfect spot on the football field to just listen to music and lie down. I’d close my eyes and imagine what life could’ve been but I knew I couldn’t do that forever, so I started to write more. It was easier to put my wishes and fantasies on pages without having to dwell on them. I usually kept my writing to myself so around 7:30 every day I’d go to my little bubble of solitude on the field and write. It was May now so the sun would start to set around 8 giving me enough light and a view. 

“What are you writing?'' I suddenly hear Wally's voice right next to my ear. 

“Jesus Christ Wally you scared me to death”, I said, jumping in reaction to the sudden deep voice, placing my hand on my heart and dropping my journal. 

“I mean it's a little too late for that someone must’ve beat me to it.”, he said smiling at me as he sat down next to me grabbing my journal to open it. 

I glare at him and snatch my journal back. 

“What too soon?”, he said with a stupid grin trying to get my journal back.

“Just a little,” I said, scrunching my nose. 

“No but seriously what are you writing? You come out here every day and write in that little journal.” He said leaning back on his arms a bit more to get my full face into view. 

I try to hide the blush that has crept up on my face when I realize that he’s been watching me come out here. After a moment I brush my hair out of my face and am met with those famous brown eyes. I take a deep breath before explaining to him my reasons. 

“I don’t want to stay stuck in the living because all it’ll do is bring harm. All I thought about for the past couple of months was what I’ll miss but I never stopped and processed my death. I’ve been hurting for all the things I couldn’t change and it caused me to push anything away, even you. So I thought why not write my wishes and wants down so they don’t stay on my mind. At least this way I can close the journal.” I said with a tiny smile looking up at him as he was staring back intently listening. 

“Before I died I wanted to be a writer and I had my whole life planned out, I was going to attend—“ 

“NYU, I know,” he said, finishing my sentence before I could. 

I watch as Wally sits up straighter and scooches closer to me before tilting his head. I can tell he’s trying to figure out what to say because he’s fidgeting with his necklace. I wait for him because there’s no point in rushing, I have all the time in the world. 

“I’ve been watching you for a long time,” he says with a breath held in waiting for my response. 

One of my eyebrows lifts as I tilt my head in response to the slightly weird statement. 

“Oh god, that came out creepier than I meant it to. What I meant to say was even when you were alive I knew who you were.” He said laying back fully down in the grass. 

I watched as he covered his eyes with his hands with a frustrated grunt like he was trying to revert into a hole. 

“What do you mean?”, I said moving towards his laid position to where I’m now bent over leaning towards him leaving my crisscross position to now on my knees. 

I grab his hands that are covering his eyes and pull them down to his chest as I hold them to keep him from covering his eyes again. How he’s looking at me I can tell he’s debating with himself. I wait and listen before I watch as he closes his eyes. 

“The first time I saw you was during your freshman year in the library. I was looking for something to watch for group movie night. I had Rhonda yelling at me in one ear and Charlie telling me something in the other. I was getting a little annoyed but then I looked between the bookshelves and there you were.” He takes a pause to look at me and I squeeze his hand in return to continue. 

“You were tucked into the corner where the bookshelves meet, where no one could see you. In your hands was The Devil’s Highway by Luis Alberto Urrea. I watched as you cried the further you got into the book. After that day I came back to the library every day to see you. I even started picking up some of the books you read, but I couldn't finish half of them though.” He said with a small smile on his face and in his voice.  

He sat up which caused him to become closer to me while he took my hands instead of me holding his. He was looking at the grass for a minute while rubbing his thumbs over my knuckles. When he looked up I could see that he was tearing up making my heart ache. 

“I knew you had anxiety when it came to swim class because you couldn’t swim so I’d go to try and help. Even though you couldn’t see or feel me, I was always there.” He said lifting his hand up to tuck a loose strand of my hair that fell. 

His hand stayed in place as he cupped my cheek and I went to ask why he was tearing up because of this before he spoke. 

“I watched you die. I was there and I couldn’t do anything until it was too late, that’s why I was there. I had to watch you struggle knowing I couldn’t grab you or even scream for help.” He said with his voice croaking with the struggle of what he’s had to go through. 

My eyebrows furrowed as I watched the walls I built up crumble down with one look at him. I never knew he’d been holding in something like this for so long. If I had known I would’ve never tried to shut him out. I was scared of what had happened and how my life had ended but I never thought about him. He was always there and whenever I needed help he was right by my side. I moved from my position pulling him into a soul-crushing hug. It took him a second to respond to the sudden gesture but after a couple seconds, I felt his arms wrap around me.

“Wally my death wasn’t your fault, I need you to know that.”, I softly spoke while hugging him harder, feeling him return it. 

We continued hugging for what felt like years but could never be enough for me to be satisfied. One of my arms is coming up from under his arm grappling his shoulder while the other is around his waist. His arms are wrapped around my waist and I can feel his hands rubbing small circles on my back. Looking up from being tucked away in his shoulder I notice the sun is beginning to set. I begin to pull away and when I make eye contact with him again he’s only a mere few inches away from my face. I raise my hand to brush his hair away from his face as it has flattened from the hug. My hand slips down as it trails from the side of his head to where it now rests on his neck. He’s staring at me the whole time while I do this and when I look up to meet his eyes my heart quickens. Well, I imagined it quickened. There’s something about those brown eyes I’ve grown fond of that makes me feel alive again. His eyes flash down to my lips and back up to my eyes like he’s silently pleading. I give into his wants that now become a need for me and all I can do is nod. His hand comes up to my face pulling me towards him as our lips meet. The kiss felt like everything in my little life led up to this moment. Nothing else seemed to matter to me but the boy in front of me right now who just confessed that he’d been watching me for years. Wally’s the one to pull away first. I slowly opened my eyes to look at him wanting to capture this moment forever. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear before cupping my cheek and giving me a quick peck. I can’t restrain my gleaming smile as he pulls away for the second time. 

“Well I’m glad we got that cleared up”, he laughed as he spoke. 

I glared at him while punching him in the arm causing him to fall back but not before dragging me down with him. I land on his chest relaxing in his touch like it’s something I've been craving but have been deprived of. We lay in comfortable silence as I felt Wally rub circles with his thumb on my hip. 

“I’m glad it was you who found me. I don't know what I would’ve done” I said, being the first one to disturb the still air. 

“I am too,” Wally said into my hair as he kissed the top of my head. 

We lay there all night even when the stadium lights came on we just talked about everything and anything. Maybe the afterlife won’t completely suck. 

[writingwithcolor]

Author with cultural disconnect: How do I write without making it seem as if I hate my own heritage?

Anonymous asked:

I’m a white-passing Asian author, and I’ve never felt all that connected with my heritage. My current story centers on a fairy (re: fantasy-world POC) child and ends with her realizing that her parents are toxic af and her human best friend’s family takes her in. This is the perfect opportunity to sort through my own issues with my heritage and finally convince my monkey-brain that it’s okay to not know how to cook Vietnamese food or celebrate tet or speak Vietnamese��� But I also realize that if I’m not careful, this could easily slip into “Hey, I hate my heritage and so should you!” So how can I stop that from happening?

Writing for yourself first, not an audience

I ask you a simple question: why put pressure on yourself to have any sort of non-offensive messaging for a story that hasn’t been drafted yet and is to convince your monkey brain it’s okay to exist as yourself?

That seems like the fastest way to stop the story from being actually cathartic and instead a performance art piece when you already feel hung up on performing as “properly” part of your culture.

As I said in Working Through Identity Issues and Other Pitfalls of Representation, not all stories you write need to be for public consumption. Especially stories you’re using for your own self-processing and therapy, because you’re trying to get a cathartic moment that is rewriting your own story.

At what point does the public need to be involved in that?

I do understand the compulsion to want to post—I have definitely posted some Questionable™ material in my drive to get validation for feeling the way I do, wanting people to witness me and say “same.” It’s a powerful urge. Sometimes it’s worked, but most of the time it’s just made me feel horrifically exposed.

But you really do not have to post in public to get any sort of validation. Set up a groupchat with friends if you want the cheerleading and witnessing—people who will know your story and give you good-faith interpretations and won’t accuse you of anything. Honestly I’d suggest setting up this groupchat anyway; as someone who just got one again after quite a few years without it, my productivity has skyrocketed from being around supportive people.

Let the monkey brain have its monkey brain moment and shut off the concept the story is for the public. Shut off the concept of performing for an unknown audience. It’s for you. Be authentic, no matter how bad it would look to outsiders. They’re not reading it. Part of getting catharsis, sometimes, is being the worst version of yourself, somewhere nobody else can see it.

Deciding to publish the work

If, after you do write it, you find that you actually do want to polish it up and put it somewhere… edit it. Rewrite it entirely if that’s what it takes. Take the story through the same drafting process every story needs to go through, ripping out the unfortunate implications as you go.

Editing can be its own form of healing, as you try to figure out what this character would need to not be hateful. As you realize, once this longform journal entry is out of your head, what was bothering you now that you can see it pinned down on a page. But you absolutely do not need to write with the intention of editing in that healing. When I’ve tried, it’s fallen flat.

The healing will come from being yourself, no public involved, and writing about your feelings in their rawest form. Anything else is extra.

There’s no point in trying to put guard rails on the drafting process, not for a deeply personal piece. And by the time that drafting process is done, you’ll likely have specific scenarios and contexts that you can ask about, and you might even have ideas on how to fix it yourself once the story has a shape to it.

This is 100% a situation where there’s no real sense in idea workshopping something in the plotting stage. You’re doing something for you. Decide if it’s for public consumption later (while acknowledging “no” is a perfectly valid answer), and only figure out how to make the story not overtly harmful if you decide to put it out into the public.

~ Leigh

[iamgonnagetyouback]

hi it's me back again this time for the trope corner! my fave character atm is definitely remus and I'd love something with the trope roommates to lovers with him pls? maybe with a bookworm!reader if that's okay? love ya bunny 💕💕

roommate!remus lupin x bookworm!reader where he acts like he hates you but still there are new books lying on your desk every day

As a bookworm, your life has always been about books, shelves packed to the brim, and stacks overflowing onto every available surface in your room. And then there was your roommate, Remus Lupin. Tall, thoughtful, annoyingly observant Remus, who, despite his quiet nature and penchant for his own bookish pursuits, seemed to approach reading differently. He devoured classic literature and thick academic texts while your heart beat for modern fantasy and anything with a fairytale retelling. You’d always thought he found your taste… well, inferior. There were times you’d catch him glancing at your bookshelves with a slight furrow in his brow, and it made you think he didn’t really like you, or worse, that he found your tastes childish.

But then something strange started happening.

One morning, you’d found a new book on your desk with a small sticky note: "I thought you'd like it. - Remus." The title was something you’d had on your “to-read” list for months, a limited edition copy with a beautiful cover. You’d been bewildered, touched, but totally thrown off. How did he know? He barely even seemed to notice your genre.

From then on, more books started appearing, each one exactly something you’d wanted to read, always with a note in his scrawled handwriting: "Saw it and thought of you." or "Seems like your thing. - Remus." Each time, you’d been filled with a strange mix of happiness and confusion. Whenever you tried to bring it up, Remus would brush it off with a casual, “Oh, they were on sale.” Yet, none of the bookstores nearby had any sales at all—believe you, you’d checked.

Finally, you decided to return the favor. After sneaking glances at his desk and asking him (subtly, of course) about his favorite authors, you picked up a series you thought he’d like. You left it on his desk with a little note—but no signature. When you heard the familiar jingle of his keys in the lock, you dashed to your room, grabbed a random book, and opened it, pretending to read with intense concentration.

Only to hear footsteps pause in your doorway. You didn’t look up.

“Dove…” Remus’s voice had that exasperated yet amused tone you knew all too well. “Why are there new books on my desk?”

You looked up innocently, feigning ignorance. “What books?”

His hands went to his hips, and he gave you that intense stare he used whenever he was piecing something together. “Some new books that, interestingly enough, I mentioned to you in passing last week. Books I happened to say I’ve been dying to read.”

You shrugged, not meeting his eyes. “I don’t know anything about that. Besides, don’t flatter yourself, Lupin. I don’t hear half the things you’re saying most of the time.”

“Sure,” he said slowly, though his eyes gleamed with mischief. He turned, but as he reached the door, he paused, then poked his head back around the frame. “By the way, dove…”

You raised an eyebrow.

“Your book is upside down.” He smirked, taking in your mortified expression. “While I think you’re quite brilliant, I don’t think you’ve quite mastered the art of reading that way.”

You felt your cheeks burn as he left with a wink, and as soon as he was out of earshot, you grabbed your pillow, letting out a muffled scream into it.

The next day, a new book sat on your desk, along with a sticky note: “I’ll gladly accept more book recommendations if they come with you pretending you don’t like me. - Remus”

You bit back a smile, your heart hammering with a mix of frustration and excitement. Remus Lupin was infuriating. But maybe, just maybe, he was also a little bit wonderful.

guys i think i found my most favourite oneshot i've ever written

[cuubism]

thoughts had while traveling turned into a ficlet

[E]

-

After university, Hob had always kind of assumed they'd end up in the same place. He doesn’t know why he was so foolish as to think that. But he was always foolish about Dream.

Hob had stuck around in London. He liked traveling, liked seeing new places, but London was home. And it was nice to feel like he had roots somewhere. Like he was maybe sort of building a life.

Dream, meanwhile, had essentially vanished.

He’d picked up some kind of remote editing job that he could do anywhere on top of his writing, and took full advantage of it to bounce all over the globe. Hob didn’t even know all of the places he’d lived, Dream moved so often.

He’d been in Los Angeles for a while and apparently hated it. He’d been in Singapore for about six months at some point. Then he’d been in Istanbul— or was Istanbul before? At one point he’d been in a rural village in Slovenia.

(Hob got emails about these things.)

Then at one point, he’d been in Paris, which at least seemed to suit him a tiny bit better. Still hadn’t last long, though.

Now, Hob’s not sure where he is. He tries not to take it personally. Tries not to take it like he wasn’t enough for Dream to want to stay. Dream just had some things to figure out, he thinks. That’s all.

One day, seemingly at random, he gets a FaceTime call.

“Hob.”

Hob squints at the screen. It’s very bright. He can barely make Dream out. “Where are you?”

“Rhodes,” Dream says.

He pans the phone around to show Hob what must be just about the most gorgeous beach he’s ever seen. It’s a little cove with fishing boats bobbing, water still and sun-drenched.

Dream turns the camera back around. He looks like he’s been crying, eyes red-rimmed, eyeliner smudging. He’s sitting on the sand, phone propped on his knees.

“What’s wrong?” Hob asks, alarmed.

“Is it better,” Dream wonders, “to be full of despair on a beautiful beach, or does it not matter?”

“What d’you mean?”

Dream wipes at his eyes. “I. I thought if I just went. Somewhere. That it would get better. Death even said. Try changing your environment. I did. I did.”

“You did, you went to a lot of places, didn’t you?”

Dream nods, and sniffles. “Why didn’t it fix anything?”

“Oh, darling.” So that’s what it is. He’s just running away from himself.

“What is wrong with me,” Dream continues, “that. I am sat watching the sunset in one of the most beautiful corners of the world. And I feel nothing.”

“It’s not the corner of the world that's the issue,” Hob says, and Dream sighs, sniffling again.

“I want to go home,” he says, despondent.

“Come home, then.”

“Is that still with you? After all I’ve put you through?”

“Yeah, Dream.” To my peril. But Hob will never be able to turn Dream away. “It is.”

Dream nods. “Okay.” Then he stands. “I suppose I may as well go for a swim, while I am still here.”

“Not going to drown yourself, are you?”

Dream huffs. “No.”

He risks the fate of his phone taking Hob with him, though. Holds it above the surface as he treads water, hair increasingly fluffy and clumped together from salt.

“It really is gorgeous,” Hob tells him. The water is so, so blue and the sky so wide. “You’re making me jealous.”

Dream smiles faintly. “You would enjoy it better than I.”

“Maybe. I’m enjoying watching you though.”

“Oh?” Dream raises an eyebrow. Only his throat is visible above the water, but it’s enough. Hob can imagine the rest. His attraction to Dream’s never wavered. “Tell me more.”

“Come home and find out instead, idiot.”

Dream smiles. “Hmm.”

“Oh yeah, hmm.”

Dream’s smile widens. God, he’s so gorgeous. “You’re making me want to leave now.”

“Do it then.”

“Okay.” He starts swimming back to shore, and Hob laughs.

“I missed you, you maniac.”

“I missed you,” Dream echoes.

“S’gonna be okay, yeah?” Hob tells him. “So Rhodes didn’t fix anything. It’s alright.”

“It’s alright,” Dream echoes, eyes looking misty again.

“Just come home.” Hob can’t promise to fix anything. But he can promise Dream a home.

“Yes,” Dream agrees, sea water flowing around his throat, sunset in his hair. “Yes.”

-

Hob half-expects Dream actually won’t. That the flash of melancholic clarity will give way to his usual method of running, that Hob will get an email that he’s now in Samarkand or somewhere and isn’t actually coming “home.” Maybe London isn’t really home for him. He hasn’t been there in years anyway. Maybe.

But one day Dream wanders into the pub they used to get Friday drinks in, the pub Hob’s taken up bartending in, partly for the extra cash, partly to feel closer to Dream.

Hob drops a glass when he sees him, Dream flinching at the crash where he stands in the doorway. Hob ducks behind the bar to clean it up, heart pounding. God, he’s actually here. After three years.

When he stands again, Dream is standing right before the bar, looking uncertain. He’s terribly underdressed for the weather, hair damn from the rain, black t-shirt sticking to his shoulders.

“Um,” Hob says, wringing a bar towel in his hands. “Get you your usual?”

Not that Dream’s usual is necessarily the same, after all this time—

Dream leans across the bar and hugs him.

“My usual,” he says, voice so close to Hob’s ear now that he shivers. Dream’s damp hair tickles his cheek. Hob ought to get a towel and dry him off.

He hugs Dream back, leaning awkwardly over the bar. “Missed you.”

Dream hums, finally releasing him. He takes a seat on a bar stool, a faint smile on his face now. On instinct Hob takes off his sweatshirt—New Inn branded—and gives it to him.

Dream takes it, gaze lingering on Hob’s face as he pulls it on. He immediately looks less frigid, though.

“Is it still the driest red on the menu that you want?” he asks, and Dream laughs.

“Yes.”

Hob pours him one, sliding it across the bar. Their fingers brush. It feels, almost, like no time has passed at all. Nothing changed.

“So,” Hob says, grateful there are no other customers awaiting his attention. “Rhodes?”

“The last of many,” Dream says wearily.

“Looked beautiful?”

“Yes,” Dream agrees, and sips his wine.

“So.” It’s hard to ask what he really wants to ask. Are you actually back? Are you actually here for me? “Are you. You have somewhere to stay?”

“I am not wandering the streets,” Dream says with a half smile. “I have a hotel room. For now.”

“Still itinerant,” Hob says, before he can think better of it, and Dream’s smile turns sad.

“Yes.”

“Learn anything?”

“I learned that moving about doesn’t fix anything when the problem is inside of you,” Dream says. Hob winces at the phrasing of it. There’s no problem with you, he wants to say. But he understands what Dream’s getting at. “I do not know what does fix it,” Dream continues.

Hob doesn’t either. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be in Dream’s head. “Try staying here, then,” Hob says. “What’ve you got to lose?”

Dream studies him. “Indeed.”

It really does feel like nothing and everything has changed between them. But maybe not everything. And maybe it’s okay.

He rests his hand against Dream’s on the bar. “Finish your wine,” he says. “And come home with me.”

Dream takes a final sip of his wine, eyes locked on Hob’s over the rim of his glass, and licks the red droplets from his lower lip as he takes Hob’s hand.

-

Hob has him bent over on the bed, bobbing his head on Hob’s cock, before they’ve had the chance to pass more than a few additional words. Dream seems not to need words, anyway. His expression is finally slack and peaceful, neck craning, eyelids fluttering, as he takes Hob’s cock down, down, down, Hob’s grip tight in his hair. He hasn’t lost any of his skill in these intervening years, apparently. Or his enjoyment of it.

“Yeah, that’s it, darling,” Hob praises, thrusting up into his mouth. “Good. You’re so perfect at this.”

Dream whines, the vibration traveling through Hob’s body, reaching awkwardly around himself to press needy fingers to his own hole.

“I’ll do right by you, darling, don’t worry, come here.” Hob pulls Dream off and hefts him up, sitting back so he can settle Dream in his lap. “Don’t worry, love.”

Dream looks down at him with wide, dark eyes, breathing hard, mouth open and wet. He swallows, says, voice thready, “I need you in me.”

Hob’s heart thumps, hard. It hurts. “I know.”

Dream pushes his cheek into Hob’s temple, lips smearing saliva over his skin, clutching so tight at Hob’s shoulders it hurts. “Hob.”

“Shhh.” Hob holds him close as he works him open, Dream crying out and clutching at him with each touch. God, Hob remembers what he was like. He really hasn’t changed at all.

When he finally sinks Dream down onto his cock, Dream lets out a long moan, then goes slack again as he shivers. Hob tries to breathe evenly and stay still, letting him adjust, no matter how good it feels to be buried in him again.

“It has been too long,” Dream says, when his breathing’s evened out.

“Didn’t have tons of adventures on all of your travels?”

Dream shakes his head. “Not the same.”

It’s not the same. No one Hob’s hooked up with in the intervening years has been the same, either. No one else makes this feeling rear up in him, like he would do anything for the man in his arms, like he would dash himself to pieces just to have him. It might not be a good feeling but Hob wants it nonetheless.

He doesn’t say all that. He says, “It’s not, no one takes me like you do, I’ve missed how gorgeous you are bouncing on my cock, missed how perfect it feels to fill you.”

“Yes,” Dream says. “It’s so good. I missed that. Please, Hob.”

Hob hefts him in his lap, bouncing Dream on his cock. Dream cries out, holding to him tight. “Yes—!”

Fuck, he feels good. He’s so pliant and wanting, need burning in his fingertips and his wet panting breaths by Hob’s ears. Hob would give him anything in the world.

“Came back just for this, didn’t you?” he says. “Didn’t you?”

“Yes, yes— I missed— oh, Hob!” This as Hob nails his prostate, Dream wailing and clutching at him. Yes. Hob remembers exactly how it feels to make him feel like that. God, it’s everything to make him feel like that.

“More,” Dream begs. “More, harder.”

Hob will give him more. More and more until he’s full up on it, until it’s enough for him to feel satisfied, enough for him to cease his wanderings and stay.

He fucks Dream harder until Dream’s reduced to incoherent wailing, throwing himself into Hob’s touch like to feel nothing and everything is a relief. And Hob feels everything, too: the tight heat of Dream’s body, the dig of his fingertips, his wet panting breaths—and more than anything, the overwhelming want. He wants Dream. He has always wanted Dream.

Dream comes first, pushed over the edge with Hob’s hands on his waist and his cock rubbing over Hob’s belly. He cries out, and then wraps his arms around Hob’s shoulders, holding tight as Hob chases his own completion in his body.

Hob closes his eyes as he comes, just floating in the feeling of having Dream around him. He’s missed that so much. He’s missed Dream so much, in these years he’s been left behind.

He doesn’t realize how emotional he’s gotten about it until he feels Dream’s fingertips tracing over his cheeks, wiping away tears.

“Sorry,” Hob says, voice choked, holding Dream close even as he gently slips from his body.

Dream strokes his hair. “Perhaps I ought to go,” he says quietly, but makes no move to get up. “I fear I am being unfair to you.”

“I’m the one that told you to come back. Wanted you to.” Even if it just breaks his heart all over again, when Dream decides he still isn’t happy, and can’t stay.

“Even so.”

Still he doesn’t move to get up. Hob runs his hands up and down his back, just feeling him.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Dream continues some time later, still stroking Hob’s hair. Hob’s long since buried his face in Dream’s shoulder. “How you. Can feel content.”

Hob barks a laugh. “You think I’m content?”

“Are you not?”

“I don’t know, Dream.” Content to be here, in London, maybe, to not need to uproot himself, chasing some nebulous sense of better, but content? While knowing Dream was out there somewhere?

“My mistake,” Dream says. He rests his cheek on top of Hob’s head. “Perhaps there is no contentment, then.”

That makes Hob laugh for real. He finally lifts his head, looking Dream in the eye. “You’re the most dramatic bitch I’ve ever met. ‘There’s no such thing as contentment'? Dream.”

Dream smiles, then leans in to kiss him. Hob sighs into the brush of his lips. There is such thing as contentment, he thinks.

“What if I don’t leave this time,” Dream says, when their lips part.

“You mean it?”

Dream nods, forehead leaning against Hob’s. “I am. Tired. And this. Is the first moment I have not felt fatigued in longer than I can remember.”

“I’ll have to tire you out better, then.”

“Hob.”

“I’m kidding you, love.” Really, all of Hob is leaping in cautious joy. Could Dream truly mean it? “I want you to stay. Let’s get cleaned up, yeah?”

Dream nods, and lets Hob help him up. They make their joint way to the bathroom, where Hob pulls Dream into the shower with him, and they hold each other close under the warm spray, and Dream washes Hob’s hair with careful focus, mindful of tugging it. Afterwards Hob gives Dream some pajamas to borrow, for all of Dream’s things are still in his hotel room. Dream cuddles up to him in bed, hesitant at first, until Hob opens his arms and assures him of his welcome.

The feeling of Dream laying his head down on Hob’s chest is heavenly. It’s dangerous. But it’s so good.

"I'm sorry," Dream murmurs, into the dark.

“For what? Leaving? You don’t have to be. It’s your life.”

“I don’t know quite what for,” says Dream. “I feel I am wavering about and dragging you along with me.”

“Maybe I want to be dragged along.”

Dream lifts his head to give him a look. “Precisely,” he says, and Hob feels skewered. Seen in his pathetic wanting. Like if he had more self-respect, he’d hold his inconsistent friend at a distance, not invite Dream right back in to break his heart again.

Dream’s decision to leave the first time wasn’t even about Hob. They weren’t really together, more on again, off again, falling into each other and then away. “Friends with benefits.” Only Hob had always cared more about the ‘friends’ than the ‘benefits.’ Maybe if he had made it clearer, Dream would have stayed.

Maybe he needs to stop making it his fault, when it wasn’t about him.

Only. The fact that it wasn’t about him also means that it was.

“Why didn’t you stay?” he asks, grip tightening around Dream’s shoulders.

“I wasn’t happy,” Dream says. The words feel like a shove to the chest. “I didn’t. I did not know how to fix it. I tried to leave. Then I tried to leave again. Only. You can’t leave yourself.”

“What makes it different this time?”

If London— if Hob— didn’t make him happy before—

“Maybe nothing,” Dream admits, quietly, still lying on Hob’s chest. “Maybe it was a futile chase from the start. And I should give up trying.”

“Dream—"

Dream plows on, as if he needs to get it all out. “I called you because. I was staring out at the ocean. I felt nothing. But I thought, ‘Hob would like it.’ And when I showed you, that did make me happy. For a moment. And when I told you how I felt… that made me happy, too.”

Hob wants to say something, but his throat is too tight. God, Dream always finds new ways to break his heart.

“I think that maybe contentment is not… for me,” Dream adds, fingertips stroking lightly up and down Hob’s side. “But the closest I've felt, in fleeting moments, is when I am with you.”

“Dream…” this time it comes out as barely a breath. “My love.”

“Still?”

“Yeah. Always.” Maybe Hob doesn’t have very good self-preservation. But it’s Dream. It’s always been Dream.

“For me as well,” Dream says, and Hob lets out a long, heavy breath.

“Now you’ve got to show me Rhodes in person,” he teases, to break some of the heaviness in the air.

Dream’s smile curves against his skin. “You will like it.”

“I’m sure.”

“I think I will like it more with you there,” Dream adds.

“Yeah?” Hob says.

“Mmhm.”

“I think you just want to ogle me on a beach.”

“If I’m to be in a beautiful place, I ought to have a beautiful man as well,” Dream says. The feeling of his rare smile still pressed to Hob's chest is devastating.

“Completes the picture?” Hob asks, chest tight.

“Yes.” Dream wraps his arms around him and cuddles in close. “I believe it does.”

[concreteangel92]

Fine line Between love And Hate

Noah Sebastian x female reader

18+

MASTERLIST

Warnings: mean dom!Noah, sub/dom relationship, spanking, spitting, slapping, degrading, oral (male receiving) PiV, bad language

This request is right up my street ahaha I love me a bit of mean Noah, especially when it leads to something better 😏 I hope you enjoy this, definitely turned out longer then I planned but I couldn’t stop writing haha

Also the new photo of him was perfect for this 🥵🥵

“You really are one arrogant cunt aren’t you!”

“What the fuck did you just call me?!”

You couldn’t help yourself, he just brought out a rage within you, ever since you started working for Bad Omens, Noah Sebastian Davis just got right under your skin.

“You deaf as well as stupid?!”

You were old friends with Bryan and jumped at the opportunity to come work along side him as the second videographer for the band. Everything seemed to be going great when you went out on the road, you took some incredible shots and edited together some amazing videos for the bands social media which was a huge hit with the fans. You got on with the rest of the crew and the band….all except one.

It seemed from the moment you met Noah, he took an instant dislike towards you, and he wasn’t shy about making it known. Noah would roll his eyes when you spoke, took digs at you whenever he could, make comments about how the bands videos ‘could be better’ or ‘they aren’t our style’.

It was exhausting constantly feeling like you were at war with Noah, no matter how nice you had tried to be, he still treated you like shit, so you started doing it back, which only fuelled him more.

Today this argument had started over something stupid, you couldn’t even remember at this point, you were both back stage, most of the crew had gone out for a late lunch as everything was now set up for the show later tonight so you were alone. Noah was following behind you as you stormed into the green room to grab your bag, you were so riled up that you just couldn’t hold back anymore, so you called him what he was, an arrogant cunt.

And you’ve never seen him look so mad.

“You better be really fucking careful taking that way to me”

You laughed in his face.

“Why? What the hell are you going to do to me? You can’t fault me on my work at all, I’ve been nothing but a great employee! I tried to be so nice to you, I even looked forward to meeting you originally but you are nothing but a fucking cocky asswipe that loves the sound of his own voice. I give up with you because nothing I do is going to please you!”

The next thing you knew, you felt Noah’s hands grab onto your face and pulled you into a hard kiss, his body pushing into yours and you could feel how hard he was against you.

“Will you shut the fuck up already! Ever since Bryan brought you here, you have been all I can fucking think about! You are driving me insane and it’s infuriating, and you aren’t scared of talking back to me and the one thing that I constantly think about is how I want nothing more than to put you in your fucking place!”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Noah’s hand grab hold of your hair and pulled you back in, it was hard and dominating and everything you could have hoped for.

“You’re going to be a good girl for me and get on your knees and show me how sorry you are for running that pretty mouth of yours”

Hearing him calling you a good girl had definitely flipped a switch in your brain, the sub within you fully coming to the surface.

You fell onto your knees and undone his trousers to help pull him out, your mouth watering at the sight. He was hard and heavy in your hand, you gave him a couple strokes before leaning forward and running your tongue along him causing him to groan from above you.

Noah’s hands gathered your hair into a makeshift ponytail, you wrapped your lips around his tip and then sucked down on him hard, his hips jolting forward as you did.

“Fuck, just like that”

You started to bob your head up and down on him while using your tongue to swirl around and tease his head, one of your hands came up to grab him at the base to help simulate what you couldn’t fit inside your mouth and your other hand gently massage his balls.

Noah wasn’t shy in letting out his groans as you worked him up, you felt his hips start to move and his grip in your hair became tighter as he used your mouth, feeling your eyes water as he hit the back of your throat but forcing yourself to relax into his movements as you carried on sucking him off.

“Fuck…look at you…not so back chatty now are we?”

You moaned around him as he spoke down to you, tears ran down your cheeks and you felt your saliva dripping down your chin. You were so turned on from his reactions that you couldn’t help but reach down to try and relieve the ache in between your legs, something that Noah clearly didn’t like.

“Don’t you fucking dare”

Noah immediately pulled you off of him and back up into a standing position, still towering over you of course. You weren’t prepared for the light smack that Noah planted across your cheek.

“Did I say you could touch yourself?”

You shook your head, your body tingling in anticipation of what he was going to do.

*Light smack*

“I can’t hear you”

“No sir”

Noah smirked at the nickname and stroked the cheek he had just slapped.

“That’s better baby, now open your mouth”

You did without hesitation and moaned as Noah spat onto your tongue.

“Swallow it”

You did as commanded, your eyes never leaving his.

“That’s my good girl, I knew that mouth could be put to better use”

Noah then walked you back until you hit the sofa and he turned you around so you were bent over it. He pushed your leather skirt up over your hips, ripped your fishnet tights apart and moved your underwear to the side before you felt him lining himself up and teasing your folds.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this”

You jumped when Noah spanked your ass before gripping it hard.

“You have the most spankable ass baby, no wonder I’ve not been able to concentrate on anything”

You pushed yourself back onto him as he started to slip himself in. You shut your eyes as you felt him stretch you open, the slight burning sensation only adding to how good you felt.

“Noah…”

You felt his hand run down your spine as he let you adjust to his size, you felt yourself clenching around him.

“It’s like you were made for me…fuck…you feel incredible”

Noah spanked your ass again before he started to move, he set up a fast, relentless pace that had you practically screaming for him.

You gripped onto the sofa, your thighs shaking as Noah ruined you, you had no idea how it had got to this but you were so glad it had.

Noah continued his brutal pace, hitting something deep inside you, you felt so used by him but in the most sinful way, you wish you could see what he looked like as you bet he looked beautiful. You felt his hands on your hips, pulling you back into him hard.

“This pussy was made for me, who does it belong to?”

You cried out at his words, not being able to form a coherent sentence until you felt yet another smack on your backside.

“I asked you a question angel”

You arched your back as he carried on thrusting into you.

“Yours Noah, fuck….I’m all yours”

Noah groaned deep from within his chest as his hips faulted at your words. His hand wrapped itself in your hair and brought you back into his chest, the new angle making your head spin deliciously.

You felt Noah’s free hand work its way in between your legs and he started to rub fast circles onto your clit, causing your stomach to twist up beautifully tight.

“Cum for me, that’s it, be a good girl and cum for me”

Hearing his words mixed with his expert touch was all it took to send you over the edge, you cried out and arched back into him as your orgasm washed over you in hot waves, Noah holding onto you and working you through it until his hips stilled and he emptied himself into you.

You both tried to catch your breath as you leant into the sofa, moaning as he pulled out of you slowly and leaving you feeling empty and your legs like jelly.

Noah kissed your shoulder and moved your underwear and skirt back in place before fixing his own clothes and turning you around to face him.

You felt your cheeks burn under his intense gaze, he leant down and gave you a gentle kiss, a far cry from the dominant persona you’d just experienced.

“Have I ever mentioned that you drive me crazy?”

You giggled and kissed him again.

“I’m definitely getting that impression”

Noah smiled down at you.

“So….can I take you out for dinner?”

[samandcolbyownme]

VAMPIRE MATT VAMPIRE MATT VAMPIRE MATT YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

i cant wait for part two!!! (no rush tho OBVI!)

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

Warnings: strong language, vampire!Matt, mentions of blood, death, blood drinking, vampire!reader, killing, compulsion, angsty?, kissing

Word Count: 4.4k | kind of edited

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“Where the fuck have you been?!”

You look up at Macie who is standing there with her arms crossed, “I woke up, and you were gone. You’re lucky I didn’t call the cops!”

“I went out for a walk.” You shrug, “Sorry, I should have left you a note.”

“Are you okay? It’s not like you to just-“

“Yeah.” You cut her off, “I went out to get some fresh air. I woke up early and I was on the verge of a breakdown thinking about Matt and I know you said I need to let go of him.. so that’s what I tried doing.”

“Oh, y/n, I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean- you could have woken me up. I’m here for you, no matter what.” She walks over and wraps her arms around you, “I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to me. That’s not at all what I tried to say.”

“No, I know.” You squeeze her and lean back, “I just.. needed to do this on my own.” You nod and walk over to the couch, “I just.. went out and sat outside for a while, cried, went over all the memories I have of him and I..”

“Look..” she walks over and sits next to you, “What I said last night.. ignore it. I shouldn’t have said it. Grief is just.. tricky.”

“You’re telling me.” You laugh slightly, “I hate this. You’d think a year later, I’d know how to function without him but I just.. can’t.” You look at her, “He was the love of my life, still is.. the love of my life. I just can’t see myself moving on from him.”

“And that’s okay. Honey. I promise it’s okay.. but it wouldn’t hurt to just get out and have a little fun.” She holds her hand up, “I’m not saying go out and kiss someone new, not what I’m saying at all, what I mean is.. come to this party tonight.”

“I’ll come to your place tomorrow..” Matt’s voice replays in your head and you sigh, “Can I skip out on this one?”

“Ugh.” Macie groans, “I really wish you wouldn’t.”

You chew on your lip, quickly thinking about what you want to do.

“Hey.” She waves her hand infront of your face, “Still here.”

“Yeah.” You laugh, “Sorry. I guess I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Tell you what.. you..” she stands up, “Take a nap. I’ll go get everything we need for our costumes and then I’ll come back later?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” You nod, faking a yawn, “I’m going to go lay down, lock the door when you leave.”

“I’ll call you if I need anything, but we’re still set on going as a vampires right?”

You let out a laugh and she gives you a weird look, “What’s.. so funny?” She tilts her head and you shrug, “Have you heard the stories of our town?”

“You mean that the dead walk amongst us?” She furrows her brows, “vampires and shit?”

You nod and she shrugs, “I mean, Yeah.. I heard the stories, but I don’t really believe in them.. do you?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. All of the stuff about our town at the library is beyond fascinating, but none of it seems..”

“Believable?” She asks as she raises her brows and you nod, fully intending to lie, “Yeah, believable.”

“I know what you mean. If there is any, we’d know about it by now, right?”

“Right.” You nod, “Alright, I’m going to go to sleep now.”

“I’m going to head to the Halloween store now. Hopfully they have fake blood capsules left.” She laughs, “I’ll see you later.”

“See ya.” You walk to your room and close your door, stopping when you see Matt. He holds his finger to his lips and you nod.

You hear your door open and close and Matt quickly moves over to you, “I’ve missed you.” He presses his lips to yours and you smile within the kiss, “I’ve missed you.”

He pulls you over to the bed, “take a nap.”

“But-“

“We can talk about that later. Right now, I just want to lay with you.” He sits down on the bed, looking up at you with a smile, “Come on.”

You smile and crawl onto the bed, collapsing onto his body. You laugh slightly and he looks down at you, “What, baby?”

“It’s weird not hearing your heartbeat.”

As soon as the words roll off of your tongue, you feel your emotions shift and it hits you that you won’t be able to hear it ever again.

“It’s okay.” Matt holds you tighter, “I know.. it’s a lot to get used to.”

You take a deep, shaky breath, “When can we do it?”

“Do.. what?” He chuckles slightly and you sit up, “Not that.” You tilt your head, “The thing we talked about in the woods last night.”

“Ohh, yeah. Soon, baby.” He runs his hand over your hair, “We need time.”

“How long does it take?”

“A few hours..” he shrugs, “Give or take. It depends on a few things. The person. How much blood they have in their system.”

“And if it’ll even work?” You look at him, “will it work?”

He nods, “Yeah, it’ll work. We just.. with Macie coming over later, it’s not a good idea to do it now, because if she finds you dead..”

“Yeah.. you’re right..” you sigh and lay back down, “I’m just sick of still pretending you’re not here.”

“Don’t worry.” He plants a kiss on your forehead, “I promise, we’ll get to it. You need rest.”

You didn’t rest, you spent the next few hours talking about Matt living the vampire life and what you have to expect.

You couldn’t lie, you were nervous. Nervous about all of it, but you would do anything for Matt and he knew that.

“Macie is coming up the steps. She’ll be here any second.”

“So that means you have to leave?” You look up at him and he nods, “Yeah, but you know that if you need me, I’ll be there in a flash.”

You smile as you sit up, “I just.. wish you didn’t have to leave.”

“I know, baby.” He sits up and cups your cheeks, giving you a final kiss, “I love you.”

“I love you.” You smile and watch as he walks over to your window, “Oh, hey. Quick question.”

“Yeah?” He looks back at you and you walk over to him, “I thought vampires couldn’t come out in the daytime?”

He holds up his hand, “A new friend of mine had this made for me. It’s a daylight ring. One of his witchy friends made it.”

“Witches are real, too?” Your jaw drops slightly and he nods, “Oh baby, you are in for a world of surprises.” He presses his lips to your forehead, “Macie’s here. Gotta go.”

“Bye.” You watch as he disappears and your bedroom door opens, “Are we feeling refreshed on this spooky afternoon?”

“Yes. That nap did me good.” You turn around and smile at her, “did they have the blood capsules?”

“They sure did!” She sets down the bags on the bed, “That one is yours. This one is mine.” She moves a bag towards you and you nod, “I’m actually kind of excited for this.”

She gasps, “There we go! That’s what I like to hear!” She walks over and hugs you, “I know you won’t get over Matt for a while, but this, y/n. Is a start. I’m proud of you.”

You smile and shrug, “Baby steps. I’m just not getting drunk tonight because that’s really when the emotions will flood out, and no one needs that ruining halloween.”

“If it does, it does. No one is going to judge you. I promise.”

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All night you were looking for signs of Matt.

Deep down you knew he wouldn’t show his face, but a little part of you hoped he would just say fuck it and show up for you.

The more you thought about it, the more you started to really not know what you were looking at getting yourself into.

“Having fuun?” Macie walks up to you and you take a deep breath as you look around, “It feels.. weird? You know, being here.. but..” you shrug, “I am having fun.”

She smiles, “Good! I’m glad to see you out and enjoying yourself, it’s okay to do this!”

“How much have you had to drink?” You laugh, shaking your head as she leans against the wall for support, “I, um, doesn’t feel like enough, just yet.”

“Yeah, okay. If you need a place to crash, we can walk back to my house so you don’t have to drive.”

“I’ll be okay. Damian is here.”

Your eyes go wide, “Wait, Damian’s here?”

She nods, “Yeah, he came back from seeing his aunt a few days ago.”

“Oh, well I’m glad he’s back.” You smile, “I’m going to get more soda.”

“Make sure you mix in a little alcohol! You’ll have even more fun!”

You roll your eyes and bat the air as you walk over to the table. You set your cup down to unscrew the cap on the bottle and you hear Damian’s obnoxious laughter.

You chose to ignore it, until Matt’s name comes off of his lips, “Who Matt? Fuck no. I didn’t do it.” Him and his friends laugh, “I don’t know, D. The timing of you leaving is pret-y weird.”

You tilt your head, subtly stepping closer to listen in a little more clearer. Damian laughs, “My aunt got sick, what can I say?”

“Do you know who did?” His one friend asks and Damian shrugs, “Nah, but I’ve heard he whimpered and cried like a little bitch, though. I don’t know, I think that asshole deserved it.”

You clench your jaw, looking around before walking towards the open front door.

“Hey.” Macie grabs your arm and stops you, “Where are you going?”

“Home.” You pull your arm away and he grabs it again, “What’s wrong? You seem mad, what happened?”

You shake your head, “N-nothing.” You clear your throat and look down, “Turns out I just can’t do this just yet.”

She nods, turning her head as Damian walks up and wraps his arm around her waist, “Hey babe.”

You clench your jaw and look away.

“Hey, y/n. Didn’t think I’d see you at this shindig.”

“I’m actually leaving, so.” You look at Macie, “Have fun.” You turn and walk out the door, ignoring his commentary.

You look around, making sure the coast is clear before you take off running into the dark woods. Once you’re far enough in, you call out for him, “Matt!”

You stop, wiping off the red lines on your chin that Macie drew on with face paint, “What a fucking joke.”

“Whoa. Hey.” Matt appears in front of you, “What’s a joke?”

“W-who..” you take a shaky breath, looking up at him with watery eyes, “Who killed you?”

He presses his lips together and stares at you, “What did you hear?”

“That Damian left town right at the time your-“ you put air quotes, “Disappearance, came to light.” You scoff, “It was him.. wasn’t it?”

Matt sighs, “Him and two of his buddies jumped me.. they..” he tilts his head, “Drug me into the woods.. kicked my ass to the point they thought I was dead, and they just..”

“Left you? Like nothing.” You feel your lip quiver, “I’m sorry.”

He lays his hand on your cheek, “Then, one of the things your best friend doesn’t believe in came along, Roman, pretty cool guy by the way. I’ll have to introduce you to him.” Matt laughs slightly, “He tried to save me, but by the time he forced me to drink his blood, it was too late.”

You stand there in silence, shaking your head as you fight back tears.

“I woke up, confused as hell, but Roman explained it all. He’s the one I spent a year with, getting myself under control.”

“And.. what about the others who disappear with you?”

“Oh them? That was a completely different story.” Matt looks around, “They decided to venture off into the woods for their own personal reasons, but they must have not read what happens when the moon is full and the wolves are hungry.”

You swallow, “Oh..”

“Yeah.. hearing their screams in the distance while I was bleeding out on the ground wasn’t a fun experience. Ten out of ten, do not recommend.” He laughs slightly to try and break by tension, but you just nod, “Yeah. I don’t even want to imagine that.”

“I would have turned you last night, but I was hoping you wouldn’t find out because now that you know..” Matt bites his lip and you nod, “I know who my first target will be.”

“Not just that.. but..”

“But what?” You furrow your brows and he gives you a look, “Nothing.”

Your eyes search his face and you shake your head, “There’s, something else.. isn’t there? Someone else who was a part of making you disappear, right?”

He gives you one nod and you swallow, “I swear to god, if you say-“

“Macie.”

You squeeze your eyes shut and take a long, deep breath, “Why?”

“I don’t know.” He shakes his head, “When I got myself under control.. I followed them, and Damian has been a vault, but Macie on the other hand.. she was blabbing to Amara about how she was scared she would go down for this if Damian talked.”

“Did she say why she..” you shrug, air quoting, “Put the hit out on you?”

“Basically she was jealous. You were her little puppy all these years, following her around, then we met, and you started getting distant and I guess she didn’t like that.”

“I’m going to kill her.” You take a step back and start to pace, “I can’t.. I can’t look at her the same now, Matt. I-“

“I know, I know, I know, baby.” Matt walks up and wraps his arms around you, “It’s okay. I promise.”

“I want you to turn me. I want out of here. I want to be with you. Please.” You look up at him, “I want to be with you.”

“It’s too much of a risk right now, y/n. If you get caught ripping out their throats..” he scoffs, reaching out to cup your face, “I can’t lose you a second time.”

“You won’t.” You shake your head, cupping his face, “Matt, please.”

He lays his hands on yours and turns his head to kiss your palm, “I hate saying no to you.”

“So don’t.” You laugh slightly, more to hide your tears, “You don’t have to. We can do this.” You nod, “You can teach me the ropes.”

He takes a deep breath and starts to nod, “As much as I want to kill them..” his lips crack into a smirk, “It will be so much hotter watching you do it.”

“So is that a yes?” You tilt your head and he leans in to press a kiss to your lips, “I’ll meet you back at your place.”

Your stomach flips and you nod, “Okay.”

“Oh, and I gotta ask..” Matt steps back and looks at your costume, “Were you trying to persuade me with this?”

You laugh, shaking your head as you look down, “No, no. I- Macie picked out our costumes, which was weird that she did because of what she said but it’s whatever.” You lean in and press your lips to his, “I’m done with her.”

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You wrap your arms around yourself, smiling down at the ground as you walk back towards your apartment. You couldn’t help but think about the potential life you and Matt could live.

“Still looking for you dead little boyfriend, I see.”

You freeze, snapping your head up to see a figure standing a distance, “No. I’m just.. going home.” You look around and the figure walks closer, “You do know, he ain’t coming back right?”

Before you can say anything, Matt’s right beside you, “What, Jace?” He chuckles as he steps towards the figure, who is one of Damian’s best friends, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something?”

“H-how the fuck a-“

“Well, you see.” Matt grabs Jace’s shirt collar and pushes him back against wall, shaded with the large tree, “When you have the forces of the supernatural on your side, turns out you can do anything.”

“You’re supposed to be dead.”

Matt shrugs, “I mean, I am, but-“ he tilts his head back before sinking his fangs into neck.

You watch as he completely rips apart Jace’s throat, the sounds of choked gurgles fill the air and you gasp quietly as Matt spins around, his eyes returning back to their normal shade of blue.

He stares at you, blood dropping down his chin.

“I’m sorry you-“

“No..” you shake your head, stepping closer to him, “You don’t- don’t apologize to me.” You reach up, ready to wipe the blood off of his chin but he stops you, “Don’t get any of this on you.”

You nod, “O-okay.” You swallow, “Let’s just go back to my place and you can wash up.” You glance down at the lifeless body on the ground and you take a shaky breath, “Come on.”

Matt leads you back to your place, making sure to keep you out of sight as much as possible.

As you reach the back of your building, he stops, “Macie is upstairs.”

“What? Like in my house?” You look up and he shakes his head, “No, I think she’s outside your door. What is she doing here?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. I left on a pissy note before I came to find you. She was also drunk so..” you whine, “You’re going to have to compel me or something to keep me from losing it. I can’t-“

“No, no. I told you. I don’t want to do that to you. You can do this. If she’s drunk, maybe she’ll come clean.” Matt lays his hand on your cheek, “I’ll meet you upstairs.”

You let out a sigh, watching as he leaps up to your bedroom window.

You turn, walking around to the front entrance. As you make your way up, you stop when you see Macie sitting outside your door.

You take a deep breath and walk over to her, pulling your keys out from your purse, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, hey.” She laughs, “Damian and I got into a fight so I hope the offer to stay here is still available.” She looks up at you and you look down at her, pushing open your door, “Come on.”

You help her up and as soon as she steps foot into your apartment, she starts to cry, “I shouldn’t have gotten drunk, I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to..” you kick the door shut, “Apologize to me for getting drunk.” You walk her over to the couch and sit her down, “You’re fine.”

“Where were you? You said you were going to be here, and you weren’t.”

“I took the long way home.” You lay a blanket over her and she sobs, “I-I’m just- you didn’t deserve to lose Matt.”

You glance up to see Matt leaning against your bedroom door frame, shaking his head.

You look back down at Macie and sigh, “It’s fine.”

“I-it’s not.” She sits up, “I can’t- believe he’s just..” she sobs louder, “Oh I can’t even say it. I’m just.. so, so.. I’m so sorry.”

You look up at Matt again and he nods, quickly moving over to kneel down in front of Macie and she goes pale.

“you’re not going to say a word, you’re just going to sit here quietly until I come back.” Matt speaks and she nods, leaning back in to rest against the back of the couch.

“Come on.” He looks at you and you nod, following him to your room. He closes the door and turns to look at you, “I’m proud of you for handling that well.”

“Wasn’t easy.” You roll your eyes as you change from your costume into more comfy clothes, “Do you think that’s why she kept saying sorry?”

He nods, “It was.”

You walk over and sit on the bed, “I’m ready.” You look up at him as he moves to sit next to you. He raises his brows, “Are you sure?”

You nod, turning towards him, “Yes, just tell me what I need to do.”

“I’ll puncture my wrist, and then you’ll just.. drink.” He licks his lips, “Afterwards, I’ll..” he laughs slightly, “You’ll wake up with a sore neck.”

“Why will I- oh..” you bring your hand up, rubbing the side of your neck, “I see.”

“That’s the quickest way I can think of.” Matt shakes his head, “I don’t want to, but-“

You cut him off, “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.” You nod, taking a slow, deep breath, “I’m ready.” You reach up to touch his face, “I love you.”

He lays his hand on yours, “I’ll love you forever.” He leans in and presses a kiss to your lips, “It might taste bad, but don’t stop, okay?”

You nod, watching as he brings his own wrist to his lips, and when he pulls it away, red pools on his skin.

You lick your lips and slowly reach out to grab his arm, “Just.. drink?”

He nods, “Yeah.”

You pull his wrist to your lips and you wince at the sudden taste, tilting your head, and closing your eyes as you such the blood from his body.

You look up as you continue, watching Matt’s jaw fall slack as he watches you.

He reaches out with his other hand, brushing hair from your face before he pulls you away, “That’s good.” He stands up, pulling you to your feet, “You shouldn’t feel anything. I’ll make it quick, like I said.”

You nod, swallowing before you look up at him, “Don’t tell me when.”

He nods and slides his hand from your cheeks to your neck, “I’ll see you soon, baby.” You smile slightly, “See you soon.”

With a swift twist of his hands, everything goes black and he catches your limp body in his arms, moving you to lay on the bed.

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Matt sits next to you, anxiously bouncing his leg up and down as he waits for you to wake up. He brings his thumb to his mouth, chewing on his nail as he stares at your lifeless body.

He lays his other hand on yours and his eyes snap down when he feels your fingers move under his palm, “Hey.” He whispers as he moves closer, “Y/n, baby.”

Your eyes snap open and you sit up with a gasp.

“Hey, hey.” Matt cups your cheeks and you look at him, “Did it work?”

“How do you feel?” He tilts his head and you look around, “My neck hurts..” you lay your hand on your head, “My head hurts.”

You snap your head, “I-I can.. I can hear Macie breath-“ you clench your jaw and stand up, “That fucking bitch.”

“Whoa. Whoa. Okay.” Matt stands up and beats you to the door, “Not on the couch, okay. It’ll be bitch to get the blood out of that.”

“So. So where?” You were feeling erratic, “I-is this what you meant? I feel like I can feel everything, fuck, her breathing is so loud. Matt.” You whine, “Tell me what I need to do.”

“You need to feed, baby.” He runs his knuckles down your cheek, “I’ll bring her to you, okay?“

You nod, but you follow him out anyway. He glances back at you, shaking his head as he walks over to kneel in front of Macie, “Snap out of this, forget I was here.”

Macie looks around, “H-have I been here all night?” She turns around, sighing when she sees you, “Y/n. Hi. Sorry I showed up last night.”

You speed over to her and she jumps up, “What the fuck?” You stares at you, a feared look in her eyes, “Y/n, what.. I don’t..”

You speed over to stand in front of her, your eyes locked onto hers, “shut up, and answer my questions. Who killed Matt?”

“Damian, Jace,and Hardy.”

“Tell me how.” You squint, and she doesn’t hesitate, “They drug him into the woods during the Halloween party and they held him while Damian hurt him.”

“Who told Damian to hurt Matt?”

“I did.”

“Remember this conversation and stay still.” You step back and she looks at you, “H-how.. y/n.. please I can.. I’m sorry.. I’m sorry.”

You swallow, “You’re a fucking bitch and you deserve what’s coming to you.”

“What’s coming to me?”

“Just a little thing called revenge.” Matt says as he walks to stand next to you, “I know what you did. Y/n knows what you did.”

Macie goes pale, “I-I song.. how are you.. oh my god.” She looks down, tears falling down her cheeks as she tries to move but can’t, “Please, please I-“

“Begging won’t get you anywhere.” Matt walks up to her, “Don’t scream, don’t make a sound.” He looks at you, stepping out of the way, “Go on, baby. I know you’re hungry.”

You speed do Macie, sinking your fangs into her neck and ripping her flesh apart as you feed.

Matt walks around, watching you in awe as you moan at the taste of her blood. You step back, dropping her limp body to the floor.

“How’s that? How are you?” He walks over to you and you nod, breathing heavy, “Much.. better.” You push him against the wall and he smirks, “Yeah, I’ll say.” He smirks, leaning in to lick the blood from your chin before he crashes his lips to yours.

“What.. do we do about.. the body?” You ask in between the heated kisses, “We can’t just.. let her.. here.”

“I’ll take care of it, baby.” He nods and kisses down to lick more blood off of your chin, “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

“Who next?” You kiss down his neck and he shrugs, “Who ever is on the other end of her phone.” You look over at the phone sitting on the coffee table, moving to pick it up, “It’s Damian.”

꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷

I’m already working on part 3… I didn’t plan to have this much detail, but hey, on the bright side, we get a mini series for Matt 🖤 thank you so much for reading! I love you so much catch you in the next one!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[hunny-waffles]

-WELCOME HOME FANS PLEASE READ-

Hello everyone, I just wanted to make a little text post about something that just happened to me. I open all the messages I receive due to my commissions being open and I opened one a few minutes ago from a user Ive never seen or interacted with before. They had told me to harm myself and called me an “uggo”. This sort of thing has happened before and I was prepared to think nothing of it, it sucks but it happens. There was an image attached and I, foolishly I admit, tapped to view it. They had sent me an extremely graphic photo of a hand. I wont go into detail but It was gore and very upsetting to see. Im not sure if it was real, but if it wasn’t, it was extremely convincing and has left me shaken. This person seems to hate Welcome Home and any media that contains puppets that aren’t “real”. Im assuming they came after me because Im a fan of WH. I don’t know if it’s a burner joke account or if someone is really this bold and hateful on main, but it is disgusting behavior. I don’t want to start a big stink about this, but I want my fellow fans to be aware. If you receive any messages from an account named “3thepuppet” DO NOT OPEN IT, just report and block. It is most likely something similar and I really don’t want anyone else to see what I did. When I got the message I blocked them immediately out of shock and unfortunately lost the messages, not that I wanted them, but it was the only evidence I had that this happened. But anyways, thank you for reading this, stay safe guys.

Edit: it seems like the account is gone, either that or I’ve been blocked. If it’s gone I hope it stays gone, but it looks to be a person who has harassed Welcome Home fans in the past and has come back. If you receive anything from an account with a similar name, I would play it safe and block them, I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried this again.

[nightprompts]

&. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐧 (𝐞𝐩𝐬. 𝟏-𝟒) 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  dialogue  prompts  taken from episodes 1 - 4  of max's  the  penguin  (2024),  created  by  lauren  lefranc.  feel  free  to  edit  and  change  as  you  seem  fit.. )

❛ i see you've made yourself at home. ❜

❛ so this new deal you got going... maybe i can help. ❜

❛ you know what i like most about you? you are who you are. you couldn't change if you tried. ❜

❛ you got a girl? good looking guy like you... ❜

❛ can you imagine? to be remembered like that? revered? ❜

❛ you really think people’d make a float of your dumb face and march it down the street, chanting your goddamn name? ❜

❛ you messed with the wrong fucking guy on the wrong fucking night. ❜

❛ you’re gonna do everything i say. or else i’ll murder you and, uh... anyone you care about. ❜

❛ what do you think of this? it’s a little air freshener. aqua paradise. you smell it? ❜

❛ we used to go there every day in the summer. you know, we’d mix the flavors for a suicide. you ever mix the flavors? ❜

❛ i ain’t trying to get in your business, but... i need an alibi. ❜

❛ i asked for extra pickles, and they give me two? so what, a normal amount of pickles is one? makes no goddamn sense. ❜

❛ there’s a nice sunrise behind you. you should take a look. ❜

❛ i could help you with whatever it is. whatever you need, whatever it is, all right? ❜

❛ well, maybe it’d be useful, keeping you around. for now. ❜

❛ but if you step out of line just once, i swear to god, i’ll gut you like a fucking fish. do you understand? ❜

❛ all right, listen, if i don’t come out... nah, i’ll be fine. you’ll be fine. it’s gonna be fine. ❜

❛ you know, maybe you don’t like me. that’s fine. i’m an acquired taste. ❜

❛ i’ve been rehabilitated. ❜

❛ you’ve really moved up in the world, haven’t you? ❜

❛ are you nervous? i’d hate for you to feel nervous with me. ❜

❛ you know, people underestimate you, but not me. i’ve always known you were capable of more. ❜

❛ this city is meant to be yours, sweetheart. what are you gonna do to get it? ❜

❛ the world wasn’t built for guys like us. that’s why we gotta take whatever we decide is ours. ❜

❛ but i gotta know. no bullshit. can i count on you to pull through? ❜

❛ i know who you are. i know what you are. i don’t work with people whose loyalty is for sale. ❜

❛ i’m gonna run this goddamn city. and i want you in on it. ❜

❛ i'm not safe. i'm home. ❜

❛ very, very convenient that, all of a sudden, you’re on my side. ❜

❛ you are scrambling for whatever dignity you have left and you’re hoping i will save you. ❜

❛ rough night, detective? ❜

❛ i refuse to let these old fucking men push me aside again, like i’m nothing. so, i’m going to take from them now. ❜

❛ you in? ❜

❛ let's dance. ❜

❛ you act like wanting more is a bad thing, but, i mean, don’t you want a better life than this? ❜

❛ are we, uh, kinda... partners now? ❜

❛ i mean, you fucked up. huge. but you learned, right? ❜

❛ whaddaya think the new clothes are for? you’re my guy. can’t have you lookin’ like a schmuck. ❜

❛ and from now on, you want something, you ask for it. ❜

❛ how’s anyone supposed know your worth unless you tell ’em, huh? ❜

❛ man of the hour, i was just thinking about you... ❜

❛ you do anything stupid, i’ll sense it. ❜

❛ that’s why you’re here. you seem to know everybody’s business. so, now’s your time to shine. ❜

❛ you’ve got a good thing going here. i’m really happy for you. ❜

❛ i know you’re not right in the head. i mean, that’s pretty damn clear. but i’m not scared of you. ❜

❛ you think i’d come here empty-handed? come on, we both know that if i ever truly left you hanging, there'd be a bullet between my eyes. ❜

❛ i got a real opportunity for you here, but it’s kinda hard to focus with a gun pointed at my face. ❜

❛ you got fight in you. you gotta let it out. ❜

❛ you’re fun at a card game, or over drinks, i’ll give you that. but people don’t keep you around because they think you’re smart. and they sure as shit don’t trust you. ❜

❛ i wouldn’t ask you to do this if i didn’t know you could handle it. i believe in you, kid. ❜

❛ i can't tell who wants this move. me or you. ❜

❛ i want this for you. ❜

❛ what you did to me. was it worth it? did you get everything that you wanted? ❜

❛ you wanna go, what are you waiting for? fuckin’ go. ❜

❛ you coulda left whenever you wanted. but you chose to stay. how about you ask yourself why. ❜

❛ i fucked you over. that what you wanna hear? ❜

❛ i’m fuckin’ sorry for everything that’s happened to you. ❜

❛ you meant something to me. still do. ❜

❛ i don’t know where to go from here. i don’t know how to trust you. ❜

❛ you need a cigarette, take the edge off? ❜

❛ a lobotomy couldn’t take the edge off. ❜

❛ when the time comes, i want you to take my place. i want you to run this family... if that’s something that would interest you. ❜

❛ they know you're mine. they'll do as i say. ❜

❛ why would you do this now? picking away at old wounds... you know how it upsets me. ❜

❛ you still haven’t told me what you want for your birthday. ❜

❛ i don’t need your advice. i don’t care what you think. no one does. you are my driver. that is all you are. so stop talking and drive. ❜

❛ listen, i get that you’re angry, you know. but i was just doing my job, looking out for you. ❜

❛ i’m not gonna make it in a place like that. i’m gonna die in there. ❜

❛ it’s okay to be scared. i was scared at first, too, but it’s not so bad here. you get used to the noises. ❜

❛ a woman beat the shit out of me while everyone stood around and watched. so, yeah, i had an incident. ❜

❛ i don’t know how to convince you i’m sane when you’ve already made up your mind about me. ❜

❛ i told you i’m fucking innocent. ❜

❛ i’m gonna get you something to eat. if you wanna get cleaned up, there’s a towel and a change of clothes in the guest bath upstairs. ❜

❛ i trusted him... when everything in my body told me not to. i should have killed him when i had the chance. ❜

❛ you abandoned me. ❜

❛ i left because i had to. because i could. i know you didn’t have that choice, but I’m here now. ❜

❛ you don’t have to pretend with me. ❜

❛ i haven’t forgotten, you know? the way you looked at me. so curious. ❜

❛ what did it feel like? to get to watch a person unravel? and now, you’re numbing yourself as punishment. ❜

❛ they think i'm broken. i'm not broken. ❜

❛ i'm not the one who's sick. and neither are you. the world is. ❜

❛ for the first time, i have hope. ❜

❛ to new beginnings. cent’anni. ❜

[m1ckeyb3rry]

i just read your sae fic and it was absolutely amazing, gorgeous, life-changjng! and when i went on to check your masterlist for bllk, i was shocked when you were the one who wrote the nagi x reader x kira fic bc I've been following it for a while and then i immediately tapped the follow button :x but if you can (only when you have the time and energy), can you write rin whose family is a host for exchange student! reader from another country? it could be hs or college, depending on whichever you're comfortable with. thank you <33

── CHERRY TREE

Synopsis: You are one hundred percent convinced that Rin Itoshi hates you — and he does, but not exactly in the way you think.

Event Masterlist

Pairing: Rin x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 6.2k

Content Warnings: cheesy and cliched asf, otoya and KARASU <3 make brief appearances, rin is rude ngl but reader is as well, rin does not know what a “crush” is, he’s probably ooc as well atp i should just include that on all of my works jic

A/N: i can’t believe i started bllk because of a rin edit and yet i’ve never written for him…also i’m glad you liked seabird and peregrine anon!! thank you for following 💖 sorry it took me a min to respond to this

Additional: part of my 500 follower event! see the event description and rules to make a request of your own.

If you didn’t know that your parents would probably put you in an early grave for wasting their money, you would’ve caught the next flight back home from Japan in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, you were far too afraid of their ire, which meant you were stuck in this hostile environment until the end of the semester — assuming, of course, that you managed to survive for so long.

Over the summer, applying to your university’s special first-semester-abroad program had seemed like a good idea. You were already going to be traveling far from home to stay on campus regardless, so your reasoning was that you might as well experience a different culture while you were at it. Besides, the program claimed to pair participants with a host family that would be good fits for their personalities and needs — based on a survey, which in hindsight you really should’ve lied on — so you would be living in relative comfort, at least compared to the ancient dorms on the main campus that probably had thirty different species of mold growing on their walls.

Or, well, that had been the plan. Maybe it was even a reality for the rest of the people in the program, who had no doubt been placed in normal homes, with normal people, who had normal children and normal lives. For you, though, it could not be further from the truth — because you had had the great misfortune of being chosen to live in the same house as Rin Itoshi for the duration of your stay in Japan.

To put it simply, he hated you. He had started hating you from the moment you stepped foot into his house and put your things in his brother’s old room, and he had not stopped since. If you happened to cross paths with him, he’d scoff at you, and considering the fact that the two of you lived in the same house, this was a frequent occurrence. Whenever you tried speaking to him in Japanese, he’d wrinkle his nose and respond in English, telling you that you were so terrible at the language, you might as well give up now and move back to your country early. Once, his mother had suggested he take you to hang out with his friends, as you were all roughly the same age, and he had rolled his eyes so hard that it was a surprise they didn’t get stuck in the back of his head.

There was no doubt about it: your mere existence was a burden to Rin. You couldn’t explain it in any other way; after all, how could he have decided he disliked you before you had even spoken? So you did your best to be as helpful and kind as possible, keeping the house neat, cooking food whenever the elder Itoshis had to work late, staying silent if he happened to enter the same room as you, and offering nothing but slight smiles if you were forced into an interaction with him.

“You know,” Mrs. Itoshi began one day, as you were eating the dinner she had made for all of you. Rin was on your right, and Mr. Itoshi was across from him, his jovial face such a contrast to his son’s dour look. “Rin’s on the Japanese soccer team.”

“Wow,” you said noncommittally. You hadn’t known that; you had assumed that Rin’s hobbies involved throwing stones at unsuspecting children and tripping old ladies as they crossed the street. Soccer had been the last thing you expected, though it did explain his admittedly splendid physique. “Very impressive.”

“Not really,” Rin said. 

“Why don’t you take her to watch your practice over the weekend?” Mrs. Itoshi pressed. 

“She’s not interested,” Rin said. Of course, you really weren’t — why would you want to watch Rin and his friends kick around a ball for a few hours? It would be a waste of time, time that you could spend working on homework or clearing your ‘to-be-read’ list. But you also weren’t fond of people speaking for you, especially not him. He was the last person who could claim to know anything about you, so by what right could he say that you weren’t interested?

“Actually, I wouldn’t mind going,” you said, batting your eyelashes at him innocently when he glared at you out of the corner of his eye, his expression one of utter disgust and incredulity.

“There you have it! Be sure to introduce her to your teammates. I’m sure they would love to show her around,” Mrs. Itoshi said. Rin snorted.

“Oh, I’m sure they would,” he said, though when he did, it sounded different than what Mrs. Itoshi had surely meant. But you were obviously the only one who picked up on it, and you didn’t want to make dinner unpleasant, so you could only ponder what he might’ve meant in your head instead of asking him outright, as you really wanted to.

Although it was the weekend, Rin’s practice was early in the morning, before the day could really heat up and make exercising unbearable. That meant it was before even the sun’s rise that you were following after him, your books clutched in your arms as you waited at the bus stop.

“Why’re you bringing all of that?” he said when the awkward silence grew to be too much for either of you to bear.

“I’m planning on getting some homework done while I’m there,” you said.

“Why didn’t you just stay home if you wanted to do homework?” he said as the bus pulled to a stop in front of you and the doors flew open. Due to the early hour, there was almost no one else on the bus, but given your unfamiliarity with the route, you still followed after Rin, sitting across the aisle from him and putting your things on the seat beside you.

“I dunno,” you said. “I guess I wanted to meet your teammates. Since they would just love to show me around.”

“Stay away from them,” he said. “They’re a bunch of NPCs. All of them are probably the worst people you could ask to show you anywhere.”

“NPCs?” you said. “That’s pretty harsh to say about your own peers.”

“It’s not like we’re friends or anything,” he muttered, crossing his arms petulantly. “I’ll call them what I want.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” you said, massaging circles into your forehead to ward off your impending migraine. Rin raised his eyebrows.

“Got a headache?” he said, in that same clinical, detached voice he always used.

“Yeah,” you said. And you’re making it worse. You wanted to add that, but you thought it probably wouldn’t be prudent, so you kept your mouth shut.

“Don’t stay up so late on your phone, then,” he said. 

“It’s the only time I can call my friends and family. They’re in a different time zone,” you explained before pausing. Why did you feel the need to justify yourself? It wasn’t like Rin particularly cared either way. He was just giving you that advice because he wanted to boss you around and be rude to you. It was a symptom of dislike, not worry.

You had imagined Rin to be an obsessively punctual person, but to your surprise, it seemed like you both were actually some of the later ones to show up. Perhaps the rest of the team was even more concerned with earliness than him, or maybe you had somehow caused him to be later than he typically was, but either way, by the time you walked onto the field, the others had already gathered, chatting amongst themselves while they waited for their coach to arrive and start the practice.

“There he is! We were beginning to think the world might’ve ended,” a boy with dark, styled hair and a beauty mark beneath his left eye said with a grin. “Nothing less could get you to miss practice, eh, Rin?”

“It still might have,” another boy said. His pale hair was streaked through with green, and he wore an inviting smirk as he pointed at you. “Yo, girl. What kind of blackmail does he have on you? Blink twice if you need help. We’ll get you out of there.”

“Um, he’s not blackmailing me or anything…” you said, glancing at Rin for aid before remembering that he would probably rather jump off of a cliff, backwards and into the jaws of a dozen waiting sharks, than help you out.

“So you’re hanging out with him willingly?” the pale-haired boy said. “Yikes. You can do much better.”

“I kind of have to hang out with him,” you said. “I’m staying with his family for the semester.”

“Oh, you’re the exchange student!” a third boy, this one with icy blue hair and wide, pretty eyes said. “We’ve heard a lot—”

“All of you, be quiet and leave her alone,” Rin said, finally, thankfully speaking up. “Otoya, don’t even look at her, or I’ll make sure you’re benched for the rest of the season.”

The pale-haired boy — Otoya? — held his hands up in the air and whistled innocently, shooting you a wink when Rin turned to address the rest of his team. You raised your eyebrows but suppressed your giggle, not wanting to condemn him to further rebuke from Rin.

“This is Y/N L/N. She’s the exchange student my family is hosting. She wanted to come watch our practice because…actually, I don’t really know why,” Rin said shortly. “But she’s just going to be doing homework on the bench, so if any of you were planning on showing off to impress her, then you can give up on that idea now.”

Otoya noticeably wilted at this, but the others didn’t seem to mind. The first boy, the one with the beauty mark and the strange hairstyle, gave Rin a thumbs up.

“Don’t worry, Rin, we’ll leave the showing off to you. It’s about time you—”

“Shut up!”

They must’ve begun practicing at some point, but you hardly took notice, too busy typing up the outline for an essay you had due in a couple of weeks to care much about what they were doing. Occasionally, someone would shout out a particularly creative insult, and you would have to pause your work to identify the trash talker in order to be able to congratulate them later, but for the most part, you were lost in your own world.

“Hey.” Just the sound of Rin’s cool voice was enough to send shivers of fear down your spine, and you hastily closed your laptop as you looked up at him. “Practice is over.”

“Okay,” you said. “Will you introduce your teammates to me now? I know you told them who I was, but I’d like to at least meet some people my own age.”

“Nope,” he said. “Let’s go.”

“Hold on, I only even came because I wanted to meet them!” you said. “Outside of school, you’re the only one I know. I get that you don’t want me infiltrating your friend group or whatever, but you literally said you don’t like these guys, so why’s it a problem if I become friends with them?”

“They’re so dull and half-baked that your opinion of this country will actually fall if you interact with them further,” he said. “This is just my national pride talking. Come on.”

You stomped after him. What was his problem? He didn’t want to be nice to you, but he also didn’t want anyone else to, either. Was he that determined to make you miserable? Why couldn’t you have been placed in a family with children who weren’t so weird and annoying? Which question had you answered incorrectly on the survey that had resulted in your match-up with the Itoshis? You wished you could retake that stupid quiz and end up somewhere else. You wished that Rin had been the one sent to Spain instead of his older brother, who was certainly more well-adjusted. You wished that you hadn’t chosen to study abroad at all, that you had instead stayed at home with your friends and had a typical first semester like everyone else.

After that day, you stopped even pretending to be polite to Rin. Both of you were cold, hissing insults whenever you passed in the hallways of the home, leaving the room if the other happened to enter, and generally doing what you could to make each other’s lives difficult. It was only in front of Rin’s parents that you maintained some semblance of civility; after all, making Mr. and Mrs. Itoshi choose sides in your silent war would be unethical and wrong.

“I really don’t get it,” you said to your best friend one night, the covers pulled up over your head, your phone screen dimmed so that you were not blinded by its light. “He’s such a jerk, and for what?”

“Boys suck,” she said, hunched over a calculus problem set. The time difference meant that sun streamed in through her window as she wrote, illuminating the shining graphite of her neatly penciled answers. “Did his teammates mention anything suspicious the one time you met them? They’d probably know better than you or I why he’s acting the way he is. Maybe this is just how he is with everyone — if that’s the case, then you can be reassured that it’s not something you’re doing wrong.”

“Not really,” you said. “He forbade all of them from talking to me. Which, by the way, is a real tragedy, because some of them were super cute.”

“Really?” she said.

“Want descriptions?” you said.

“As much as I would like to say yes, I need to focus on this problem set, and anyways, it’ll just make me jealous, so no,” she said.

“Jealous? Let’s trade places, because at the moment, I’m jealous of you. Maybe all of the guys at your school are ugly, but at least you don’t have to deal with Rin!” you said.

“Is Rin attractive?” she said. 

“No — actually, yeah, I can see why a person would think he is,” you said. Personal biases aside, Rin really was very handsome, and that combined with his aloof arrogance afforded him the aura of a YA novel’s male lead. There was no doubt in your mind that he was popular with girls; however, you doubted he himself was aware of this fact. “He’s such a dick that it cancels out, though.”

“Personality is important,” your best friend said. “Oh, fuck!”

“What?” you said.

“I’ve been forgetting to add the integration constant to my answers. Easy fix, no worries. You can keep talking,” she said.

“Thanks,” you said. “There isn’t really much else to say.”

“Well, if you couldn’t get anything out of his teammates, why don’t you try talking to him?” she suggested. “Ask him to his face why he doesn’t like you.”

“Isn’t that kind of uncomfortable?” you said.

“Not like things can get much worse than they already are,” she said.

“True,” you said. “But the thought of confronting him is actually sickening. I’ll pass. This is character building, isn’t it? I’m going to come back home as an entirely new woman. You won’t recognize my mental strength and fortitude.”

“Sure, looking forward to it. I miss you,” she said.

“Miss you more, but it’s pretty late here, so I’m going to have to hang up,” you said, yawning.

“Goodnight, Y/N, and sleep tight. Don’t let Rin Itoshi bite!” she said.

“Oh my god. Go do your homework,” you said, hanging up before she could respond and almost immediately passing out as the moon rose higher and higher in the sky.

Things between you and Rin continued on in that tense manner for the next few weeks, until you became convinced that your heart might give out from the stress. You couldn’t continue to live in this way. You were supposed to be enjoying your time abroad, not counting down the days until you could finally go home.

Rin was watching a horror movie on the computer when you barged into his room. A woman screamed in sync with your entrance, and you jumped at the jarring sound. Rin did not react, clicking on the mouse to pause the film and then turning in his chair to face you.

“What?” he said.

“What? What? What do you think?” you said.

“I wouldn’t have asked if I had the faintest clue why you were storming into my room in the middle of the night,” he said coolly, crossing his arms. “The movie was finally getting exciting, too. So, what do you want? Hurry up and say it.”

Your eye twitched. “I want to know what your problem is.”

“Huh?” he said. 

“Why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you that’s made you so determined to ruin my life? I could even understand if you didn’t want to hang out with me, but you brought me to your practice and then refused to let me talk to just about anyone! What’s the big idea? I just want to enjoy my semester!” you said.

“Oh,” he said. “That’s easy. You’re ruining my soccer career.”

“I’m ruining your soccer career,” you repeated dubiously.

“Yes,” he said.

“Care to elaborate on how I am accomplishing that, exactly?” you said, your hands on your hips. “I went to one practice, and I didn’t even speak the entire time. If your career can be ruined so easily, then it isn’t much of a career in the first place.”

He huffed in aggravation. “I keep thinking about you. It’s messing with my head. I need to focus on soccer and getting better, but for some reason, I can’t stop my thoughts from wandering to places they shouldn’t. It’s worse because I can’t escape you. If I could have just one day to clear my mind, I could forget about you and get back to considering more important things, but you’re always there, worming your way back in.”

Now it was your turn to be confused. “What?”

“I don’t get it, either. You’re not that special, so why can I quit it? Even my teammates have begun to notice. The other day, Isagi told me to go home early because I was ‘bringing nothing to the team.’ Isagi said that! Yoichi Isagi said that I was useless!” he said.

“That would be a lot more impactful if I knew who that was,” you muttered.

“You’re only here for a few more months, right?” he said. “After that, I can get back to my earlier performance and things will return to usual. Just leave me alone until then.”

Confronting Rin had the opposite effect that it should have. Instead of making things better, they actually became worse. What did he mean by saying that you were ruining his soccer career because he couldn’t stop thinking about you? What a stupid excuse! You weren’t that tiresome, so for him to claim that you were taking over his mind because of that was an offense. 

“Y/N, Rin, will you be alright by yourselves for the week?” Mrs. Itoshi said when, once again, you all were gathered to eat dinner. The Itoshi parents had thankfully not yet noticed the enmity between you and their son, so family meals were a regular occurrence — meals in which you and Rin were made to sit by one another and act kindly, lest you make things awkward for Mr. and Mrs. Itoshi, too.

“It’ll be fine,” Rin said, answering for the both of you, the downturn of his mouth daring you to argue. “You guys should have fun in Spain.”

Apparently, Sae had invited his family to visit him in Madrid for the week that he had off from training, but unfortunately for the both of you, Rin was unable to go due to his practice schedule. It was unfortunate for Rin because it meant he couldn’t see his older brother, who he had the world’s most complicated relationship with, and it was unfortunate for you because it meant you couldn’t get a break from Rin’s dramatics.

The week started off normally enough, which meant that you and Rin did not speak, leading your lives with as much separation as was possible. It was actually easier than you were expecting, mainly because Mrs. Itoshi had left you both enough food to last the week, so you could eat when you wanted to instead of having to sit with one another. Gone were the days of turbulent coexistence at meals; now, you could finally enjoy eating without worrying about the boy beside you! You almost wished his parents would never come back, just because of that rare peace.

The fourth night was when it all went wrong. You were video calling your best friend as a storm raged outside, ranting to her about your professors and the heaps of homework you received every day, when the lights flickered.

“Is something wrong with your wifi?” she said. “You’re breaking up.

“It’s raining,” you said. “Pretty hard. The power’s kinda spotty, but I’m hoping it holds—”

The universe must’ve heard your words and decided to play a joke on you, because in that moment, the lights turned off and your call disconnected with a sad beeping sound, alerting you that your poor connection was what did you in. Pouting, you set your phone aside and stared up at the ceiling of the room, deciding you might as well try to fall asleep, given the late hour. Even if the power was out, you wouldn’t be able to tell with your eyes shut, so it was really the best option.

There was a scratching sound on your window, causing you to jolt into a sitting position once more. Rin had watched a horror movie just like this the other day. You remembered it clearly because you had turned on a rom-com once it had finished, and he had called it lukewarm, which made you so mad that you had turned the TV off and gone to take a shower instead.

What had been the plot, again? Oh, right. The power had gone out, and the victim thought that it had been because of a storm, but it had actually been a serial killer taking advantage of the weather to mess with her house’s fuse box. He had done it so that the cameras didn’t catch him as he climbed into her house through her unlocked window and stabbed her in her sleep. The resolution was that her neighbors saw him and called the police right before he killed them, too — yeah, it was a pretty gory film. Lots of blood and knife wounds. You weren’t sure what enjoyment Rin derived from watching it, but you figured it was another one of his irrational attributes that defied explanation.

Another scratching sound. Had you locked the window? What if the power outage wasn’t due to the storm at all? What if Rin had accidentally manifested the same ending for you as that stupid movie? And you were home alone, too, the scenario was just so similar…

This time, the scratching sound was more like an eerie drag of fingernails against the glass, and you couldn’t help yourself. Squealing, you turned the flashlight of your phone on to guide your way as you sprinted out of your room, racing towards the only other inhabited place in the entire lonely house.

“Rin!” you shrieked, convinced that the shadows were actually ghosts come to haunt you and strangle you and bury you alive. “Rin, wake up! We’re both going to die!”

The door to his bedroom banged open, and you pointed your phone at him, the harsh white glow sharpening the angles of his features, the awkward hang of his pajamas off his body, the way his normally neat hair stuck up in every direction. 

“What are you talking about?” he groaned, using his hand to shield his vision from the blinding radiance of your flashlight.

“Do you remember that movie you were watching the other day? The scary one, with the fuse box?” you said.

“Yeah?” he said, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning. “Point your flashlight at the ground, stupid, or you’ll blind me.”

You did as he directed, belatedly remembering that the two of you very much did not like each other. But beggars could not be choosers, and it remained that at the moment, Rin was your best chance at survival, so you had to stick close to him.

“It’s happening,” you whispered. “It’s literally happening to us right now, as we speak. The serial killer already cut our power, and now he’s trying to break in through my bedroom window, and then — and then he’s going to kill us!”

“I cannot believe you woke me up for this,” he said.

“I’m serious!” you said.

“Seriously dumb,” he said. “Why would somebody try to kill us?”

“Don’t you have any rivals that hate you? Maybe they’re taking advantage of the storm to do you in while they have the chance!” you said, creeping closer to him.

“I play soccer. I’m not in a gang,” he said dryly. “No one’s going to come murder me for being better than them, trust me. Or else I’d already be dead.”

“Go see for yourself, then!” you said. “Wait. But I’ll go with you. People who split up in horror movies always die. There’s real merit to the ‘safety-in-numbers’ theory.”

“How many horror movies have you watched, to make you such an expert on them?” he said.

“You always have them playing, so of course I’ve learnt by osmosis!” you said, inching along behind him as he trudged towards your room. He gave no response bar a click of his tongue as he yanked open the door you had slammed shut in your haste, striding in authoritatively, grabbing your phone and lighting his own way with it instead of relying on your shaky hands.

He pulled the curtains open with a flourish, and you cringed, using his broad back to hide yourself, expecting to see some grotesque face and keeping your eyes screwed shut so you didn’t have to be met with the visage that would spell your death.

“Hey. Y/N. Open your eyes, dumbass. You made me get up because of a damn tree,” Rin said, shaking you by the shoulder. 

“A what?” you said, opening your eyes against your will and then blinking properly when you saw there was nothing there but the boughs of the cherry tree planted in front of Sae’s room. The frenzied wind caused the branches to rub against the window, and this, you realized, was the source of the sound you had been so afraid of. “Oh. A tree.”

“I’m going back to bed,” he informed you. “Wake me up again and you really will be dead, but it’ll be at my hands, not some imaginary serial killer’s.”

You tried. You really tried to stay asleep — you were an independent woman, weren’t you? You had gotten full marks on all of your midterms. You had flown to a different country and learned to live there without much trouble. You had shared a house with Rin Itoshi for the past couple of months, and he was more like a creature out of a nightmare than anything else ever could be. Sleeping alone when the power was out was a piece of cake. You could do it. 

It was not, in fact, a piece of cake, and you could not, in fact, do it. Tip-toeing to Rin’s room, you knocked as lightly as you could, half-hoping that he did not hear. You doubted he had made his earlier threat lightly, after all, and there was a real chance that this action would be your last.

“What now?” Rin said, answering the door a few seconds later. You crossed your arms and stared at the floor obstinately, your pride not allowing you to say anything. He waited for a moment, and then he pinched your upper arm. “Are you sleepwalking? Hello? Wake up if you are, so that I can get to bed myself. I have practice tomorrow, and I need to be well-rested!”

“I’m not sleepwalking!” you said. “I can’t.”

“You can’t sleepwalk? Okay,” he said. “I didn’t really care either way, so there was no need for you to tell me.”

“I can’t sleep at all!” you said. “It’s because of those dumb movies you always watch and those creepy games you play. I keep thinking that something’s going to happen, even though I know that those things aren’t real.”

He narrowed his eyes at you, like he was trying to discern whether you were telling the truth, and then he ran a hand through his hair.

“You have problems,” he said. “They aren’t real, but whatever. Come in.”

“Uh, what?” you said.

“I’ll take the floor, and you can sleep in my bed,” he said, rolling his eyes like you were the ridiculous one for being taken aback by the offer. “That way you can be less nervous.”

It was the kindest thing he had ever done for you, and you almost called him out for it, but then there was another crack of lightning, so you opted not to argue, darting into the room after him and diving into his bed without a second thought.

“Hand me a pillow,” he said, settling on the ground with a blanket he pulled down from the top shelf of his closet. You were about to throw it at him before wavering, considering what he was truly doing for you. Rin Itoshi, who was so careful with his body, who was a pro athlete that required an exact amount of sleep and the perfect balance of nutrients, had woken up in the middle of the night twice and was now offering to sleep on the floor, all because you were afraid of a power outage. 

If only there was electricity! You needed to call your best friend and get her opinion on this. You had avoided telling her the results of your confrontation with him, believing that she would just make fun of you, but for some reason, you thought she might be interested in this development. You thought that she might be the only one who would understand it, because obviously, neither you nor Rin did.

“Um, you can have the bed, if you’d like,” you said, pushing the blankets away reluctantly, your neck protesting at the mere prospect of spending the night on the hardwood. “It’ll be bad for your back if you’re on the floor.”

“It’s not a big deal,” he said. “At least, it won’t be, if you give me that pillow.”

You caved, giving him the pillow and rolling to the opposite side of his bed, which was even larger than the one you were used to. He grunted out a thank you, and then both of you were silent, but it was obvious that neither of you were asleep.

“Rin.”

“Yes?”

“We could share. Your bed is pretty big, so if we put pillows between us, it won’t be weird. Anyways, it’s only until the power comes back, and then I’ll go to my room, so it won’t even be for that long,” you said. The suggestion was met with sputtering from the ground.

“You — me — what — share? No way! No way, terrible idea, why would you suggest that?” he said.

“I just feel bad that you have to be on the floor, that’s all,” you said. “Especially because it’s your room and you’re doing me a favor.”

He didn’t say anything for so long that you were certain he must’ve fallen asleep. “I don’t mind sleeping on the floor for you.”

“Really? I thought you hated me, though,” you said. The bed creaked from an unexpected weight dropping on it, and when you shifted, you saw that he had settled beside you, fluffing up a pillow to serve as a barrier, his face a light pink as he lay on his side to face you. You did the same, peering up at him over the pillow and swallowing when he did not avoid your gaze.

“I do,” he said. “A lot. But I also don’t.”

You furrowed your brow. “I don’t get it.”

“I’ve never been distracted by anyone or anything before,” he said. “That’s why I hate you. I hate things I don’t understand, and I don’t understand why you’re constantly on my mind.”

“Am I that annoying?” you said.

“Yes,” he said flatly. “You’re annoying every time you smile or laugh or say something — say anything, and you’re especially annoying when you act friendly towards my shitty teammates, especially that ninja bastard Otoya. You’re annoying whenever you talk to me, and you’re annoying when you do your homework instead of watching me at the practice you asked to go to. Your lukewarm movies are annoying, and so is your hatred of anything horror-related. It’s annoying that you’re nice to my parents, and it’s even more annoying that you’re better at coming up with insults than I am. You’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met.”

You didn’t need your best friend to translate this for you. Despite what Rin liked to say, you weren’t that stupid — you had been selected to study abroad out of hundreds of applicants, after all, and for the first time, you were so grateful for that fact. Because the thought of somebody else being here, in this bed, hearing these things from rude, haughty Rin Itoshi, was unbearable.

“Do you have a crush on me?” you said. He immediately stiffened, his eyebrows drawing together, low and heavy over his half-lidded eyes.

“No,” he said.

“Sure,” you said. “That’s good, because I’m going to leave soon. It would be problematic if either of us liked one another.”

“Exactly,” he said.

“You’re annoying, too, just to be clear,” you said. “The most annoying guy I’ve ever met in my life. Super annoying.”

“Uh-huh,” he said. 

“I’m telling the truth. Once I go back home, I’ll be incredibly bored. No one back there could ever hope to irritate me even half as much as you do,” you said.

“Good,” he said, and at that you smiled into the softness of his sheets, hiding the expression from him. “They’re not allowed to. You’re the only one who makes me feel like this, so the reverse should also be true.”

“I won’t be able to come here again for a while,” you said after a bit. “Likely years. I’ll be busy with school and work and my friends and family, so it’ll probably be goodbye forever when I go.”

Rin’s voice was sleepy when he spoke, reminding you of the late hour and how early he had to wake up daily.

“Then I can finally focus on soccer again,” he mumbled. “That’s a relief.”

You reached across the pillow to pat him on the cheek. “Yes, you can.”

“After I retire, I’ll come and find you,” he said. 

“That long?” you said. “What if I forget about you by then? Because I might.”

“Don’t,” he commanded. “Wait for me. Let me win the next World Cup, and then…and then…”

 His words trailed off into a soft exhale as he finally succumbed to sleep. You allowed your hand, which still lay against his face, to trace his jawline before retracting it and holding it close to your heart. 

He was definitely still a jerk, but maybe you did not hate him quite as much as you had thought You did. Actually, maybe he wasn’t that bad at all, and maybe you could not imagine what an existence without him, which you had craved so desperately only days earlier, might be like. 

You weren’t sure what would happen if that day he spoke of came, if he did fly across the world to find you after the next World Cup. Would he still be himself, or would he be some gentler version? And what of you? Would Rin Itoshi still be someone you paid any mind to, or, by then, would he just be a not-so-fond memory? The strange boy who may or may not have had a crush on you, who was obsessed with soccer and horror movies, who argued with you constantly and made you more infuriated than you had ever been…well, if you thought about it, then there really was no chance of you forgetting him at all. Not so quickly.

So you sighed, turned away from him and let your own eyes shut as well. The house was dark and still, the familiar hum of the refrigerator silenced, the crushing of the ice-maker temporarily halted. Only Rin’s steady inhales and exhales cut through the blackness, lulling you to sleep despite the atmosphere you had previously found sinister.

“I guess I have no choice, huh?” you said as you, too, drifted off. “Brainless, rude, pesky Rin Itoshi. Fine, then. If that’s how you want it…I’ll wait. Just until the next World Cup, I’ll wait for you.”

[fandomgirlz01]

You Matter Most  Pt. 1

Evan “Buck” Buckley X Reader

Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No  

Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: No

Style of Writing: Small Series

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,677 

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

You can listen to the story be read out loud here.

Post Date & Time: August 24th 2023 at 10:41 PM

Summary: {Based off of S6 E18 Pay it Forward} When a series of freeway accidents lead to a big catastrophe, Buck must worry for his team as he rushes to help them all before it only leads to  an even bigger disaster. All while working on helping his team he worries mostly for his best friend who’s unconscious for most of it. 

Third Person Pov:

“May-day! May-day! Air ambulance two reporting a collapse at the 710 interchange. Firefighters down. Repeat, firefighters down!” A voice comes through Maddie’s coms, making her quickly answer the distress call. 

“Air ambulance two, this is dispatch. Can you reroute to assist?” Maddie asks before pausing, waiting to get an answer. 

“Negative. We have a priority spinal transfer,” the voice solemnly tells her. 

“Do you have a visual on how many firefighters are down?” Maddie asks and there’s a long pause as she waits for the information. 

“All of them— the entire 118. They were on the upper span when it collapsed. They all went down,” the voice tells her in a very worried tone and Maddie’s heart drops. 

Her mind immediately goes to thoughts of her fiancé, brother, and sister-like friend, worried for all three. Her heart beats wildly and suddenly she can hear it in her ears as she types up details on her computer. Tears cloud her eyes for a moment and she tries to will herself not to cry just yet. 

Y/n’s Pov:

I groan as my alarm goes off and roll over onto my back to look at the ceiling. It takes me a few minutes, but soon I’m reaching over to my phone and turning it off. With one last sigh, I push myself up from my bed and start to get ready for the long shift I have to work. 

Once I’m ready, I grab my backpack as well as my morning hot cocoa and keys. I quickly make my way out into the hallway of the complex and lock my door. Just as I lock the bottom lock, I hear Buck’s door open and shut. 

I turn to him and let out a giggle when I see the pure exhaustion on his face. He locks up his door before turning when I giggle and he smiles. 

“You must have had a lousy night, E. You really look exhausted,” I say, using the nickname I’ve had for him forever with humor laced in my tone. 

“Ugh, not exhaustion. More annoyance at the two idiots that won’t make up,” he replies with a roll of his eyes before we both start walking out. 

“I’m sure they’ll make up soon, bubs. Just give it a little more time,” I try to reassure him and he hums, shaking his head at me. 

“Sure. Then maybe I won’t have to deal with Kamron needing me 24/7. Or the smell of pickles. She keeps needing me to open them. Never did I think I’d hate pickles,” he rants with a roll of his eyes and I giggle again. 

“You definitely won’t and I’m sure you’ll like pickles again soon,” I joke with him as I playfully hit my arm against his. 

“Anyway, wanna carpool to work today?” he questions me, now changing the subject. 

“Sure, why not. Anything to hang out with you a little more,” I joke as I bump my arm into his again and he shakes his head, chuckling. 

“As if we don’t already hang out everyday,” he playfully scoffs and I shrug. 

“No, we definitely don’t,” I playfully deny and he chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Ok, dork. Let’s go. Bobby will kill us if we’re late. Again,” he remarks and I giggle. 

“You got that right,” I agree with him as I roll my eyes while we walk out to his car. 

“Breakfast on the way?” he asks and I smirk. 

“You buying?” I ask him with a raised eyebrow and he groans. 

“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t,” he playfully growls out like he’s angry when I know he indeed isn’t. 

“Then hell yeah. I'm hungry,” I tell him and he groans. 

“Don’t be like Kameron now,” he says as he rolls his eyes and I laugh. 

“What, pregnant? E, I don’t know if you know how that works, but I kinda need to have some relations before that, and you know I’m not seeing anyone right now…” I playfully tell him and he shakes his head. 

“Of course I know how that works? You know I didn’t mean that. I mean, I was a sex addict, remember?” he asks and I giggle, letting my eyes go wide jokingly. 

“Oh I vividly remember, Mr. Do it on the rooftop of the firehouse. Dumbass,” I joke as I smack his arm and he rubs it. 

“Well, what would you have done?!” he fights back and I laugh. 

“Not on the rooftop, that’s for sure,” I joke back and he rolls his eyes. 

“Whatever. Let’s just get the food and get to work,” he tells me and I giggle. 

“Awe, E, I’m just messing with you!” I inform him and he shakes his head. 

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, you Gremlin,” he tells me and I giggle, smiling softly at the use of my nickname Buck had given me when we were younger before we split up to get into his Jeep.

“Okay, 118, let’s gather ‘round and settle in. We have some outstanding tasks from our last shift and I’ve got an important announcement about our upcoming weather conditions,” Bobby announces, making me and Buck, who's up on the truck, sit down with our legs hanging off the side. 

“So cute, huh? Oh, wait. I promised her I’d wear it all day. Take a picture so we can…” Chimney talks with one of the other firefighters as they walk out of the locker room. 

“Firefighter Han,” Bobby calls out, cutting Chim off and making him look up from the play ring on his finger. 

“I was gonna save this until the end, but why not make it the first order of business? Congratulations on popping the question,” Bobby announces as he uses his clipboard to point at Howard. 

“Yeah, Chim! Whoo, whoo!” I shout out as everyone else claps while I shake Buck. 

“Ok… ok… a little less shaking, there,” Buck comments as he pushes me lightly, making me giggle softly. 

“Didn’t she do the proposing?” I quietly whisper to Buck, who chortles and nods. 

“She finally made an honest man out of him!” Ravi shouts as he grabs Chimney by the shoulder and shakes him lightly. 

“All right, everybody. Let’s settle down. We still have to get to the weather update,” Bobby calls out and all the laughs die down. 

“All right, apparatus maintenance. Firefighter Diaz will be running point this morning on engine service. We’ll be doing an oil change and a brake fluid change,” Bobby explains as I yawn lightly and lay my head on Buck’s shoulder. 

“Tired?” Buck quietly questions me and I hum at him. 

“Didn’t sleep too well last night. Tossed and turned all night. Don’t know why, just had a weird feeling,” I whisper back to him and he smiles softly before wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 

“Hmm, comfy,” I mummer out as I cuddle in closer and he chuckles softly. 

“Eddie?” Bobby calls out, making us all listen in. “Yeah, cap?” Eddie asks nonchalantly as he looks at his phone. 

“Did Eddie finally find someone?” I quietly question Buck, who shrugs. 

“He didn’t say anything to me if he did,” Buck informs me and I sigh. 

“Then why’s he staring at his phone like a lovesick puppy?” I query and Buck gives a small ‘huh,’ before shrugging. 

“I guess maybe he did. He’ll tell us when he’s ready,” Buck comments to me and I cross my arms. 

“I wanna know now. We’re the three musketeers. Two musketeers can’t just be left in the dust by the other,” I whisper as I cross my arms, pouting and Buck chuckles. 

“You and that impatient ass of yours,” Buck comments and I give him a playful smirk. 

“And you like this ass of mine,” I joke with him, wiggling my eyebrows at him and he shakes his head. 

“Can’t say I don’t,” he plays right back and I giggle before we both turn back to listen in. 

“Apparatus maintenance,” Bobby pointedly comments as Eddie moves into a different sitting position while closing his phone. 

“I’m on it, Cap,” Eddie promises and Bobby nods as Buck’s phone vibrates. 

He quickly silences his phone, but it vibrates again and again. He groans quietly and presses the answer button. 

“Okay. All right, now for the weather update,” Bobby starts as Buck puts the phone up to his ear. 

“Uh, hey, listen, I-I can’t… I can’t talk right now. No, I can’t. Kameron, I don’t know why he’s calling you. Maybe if you answer the phone you’ll find…” Buck talks into the phone and I smirk as Bobby turns around. 

Booby walks over to us on the truck and looks up at us. He gives me an irritated questioning look and I just shrug, making him look at Buck, who trails off. 

“You're in trouble…” I jokingly mutter out as I try to hold in my giggles while poking his side lightly. 

“Umm, I got to go,” Buck tells her and I hold back a giggle at his ‘oops’ tone before hanging the phone up. 

“Uh- s-sor… sorry, Cap. Um…” Buck stutters out his apology, but Bobby just ignores him and turns back around. 

“Alright, folks, listen up,” Bobby again tries to get to the point. 

“Uh, Cap?” Ravi questions, holding his hand up and Bobby gives him an unamused look that tells him to go on. 

“Can I just say, if Buck needs to get the pregnant lady out of his apartment,” Ravi starts and Buck hops down off the truck before turning to me to help me down real quick. 

“I do have a two-bedroom that’s about to be on the market, so…” Ravi finishes as Buck and I walk towards him. 

“Thank you, Ravi! Maybe a discussion for another time,” Bobby humorously chides as everyone laughs a little bit. 

“118, it’s time to dial it in,” Bobby starts to try and corral us in again. 

“We have a Job to do, but in order to do that job, you have to be here. I need precision, I need focus, but most of all, I need you to be present,” Bobby pointedly announces as Hen cautiously walks in and around him to take a seat. 

“Sorry I’m late, Cap,” Hen quickly apologizes as she sighs. 

“Okay! Let’s get cracking,” Bobby finishes before starting to walk off. 

“Hey, wait. What’s the important weather update?” Chimney asks as Bobby walks past him. 

“There’s a moderate marine layer,” Bobby answers, unamused as he continues to walk away. 

“I’ll see you for lunch?” Buck questions and I nod in confirmation. 

“Yeah. That is, if we don’t get a call before then,” I promise him with a small smile. 

“Don’t jinx it,” Buck jokes, pointing at me with a chuckle. 

“Ok. I’ll see you in a-” I start, but the alarm sounds and Buck groans. 

“You jinxed it!” he shouts, throwing his hands up and I giggle. 

“My bad…” I reply with a shrug and he shakes his head. 

“Come on, dork. Let’s get into our gear,” Buck tells me with a grin. 

We both rush over to our lockers and start to put our gear on before running over to the truck. Buck hops in on the left side as I hop in on the right and we get into our seats as Bobby starts to pull out of the garage. Bobby drives throughout town before coming up to the scene on the bridge. Once the engine comes to a stop, we all quickly pile out and get to work. 

“Hen, Chem. Check the driver of this camper van,” Bobby orders as he points to the van. 

“Buck, y/n Eddie, Ravi, I want you guys to check these surrounding vehicles for injuries. Let’s go,” Bobby commands and we all give him a nod before rushing off. 

Buck, Ravi and I walk around, making sure there's no more injuries. Once we deem there are none, we walk back over to help. We stand back as Chimney and Hen communicate with the girl inside. 

“Cap, second victim in the back. She didn’t have her seatbelt on when the accident happened!” Chimney shouts as he looks around the side of the van. 

“Okay, these back doors are obliterated. I want you guys to pull that windshield,” Bobby commands, making Hen and Chimney nod.  

I quickly rush back to the engine and pull out the windshield suction cups as Ravi grabs the pry bars. Once I have them, I rush back to the van with Ravi in tow. I hand the suction cups to Hen as Ravi gives the pry bars to Buck and Eddie. Hen quickly places the suction cups on the windshield and pulls as Buck and Eddie use the pry bars. Once it comes off, Hen quickly passes the windshield to Buck, who takes it and sets it aside. 

“All right. What’s your name?” Hen asks the frightened girl softly. 

“Jo,” the girl cries out her reply. 

“Jo. Can-can you move?” Hen questions the girl and she looks down at her leg. 

“Um, I don’t know. It’s my leg. I think it’s broken. Um, please help her!” Jo cries out again as she looks up at Hen and Chimney with tears cascading down her face. 

“I'm on it, Jo, but I need to get back there, so we’re gonna pull you out. You might feel a little pain, okay?” Chimney calmly explains to her and he moves aside for Hen to get in a bit more. 

“Buck, can you carry her to the ambulance?” Chimney queries and Buck nods, moving behind Hen and getting ready to grab her. 

“Okay! Ahhh!” Jo agrees before screaming out in pain as they move her. She cries as they pull her out of the vehicle. 

Buck quickly lifts her up and carries her over to the back of the ambulance as Chimney moves into the van. Hen quickly stands up and pushes me along with Buck. 

“Go help him look her over. You have more medical training then he does. I’ll stay with Chim,” she commands me and I nod before rushing off behind Buck. 

I quickly help Buck get her down on the floor so I can look over her leg. In one fast fluid motion, I pull out a tourniquet-like brace and start putting it on her leg along with Bobby’s help as they wheel a gurney over. 

“Cap. We’re going to need an air ambulance. Patient is unresponsive, breathing is weak and she’s lost bladder control. Could be a spinal,” Chimney explains over the radio as we continue to work on Jo. 

“Copy that,” Bobby replies as we start to prepare Jo to get her on the gurney. 

“Spinal injury? Is she okay?” Jo asks me in fear and I look at her. 

“We won’t know until we get her to the hospital,” I inform her as they bring the gurney closer, now ready to get her up onto it. 

“Please, please don’t take me now because I need to see her,” she begs as she grips my hand and I pause as Hen walks up. 

“Hey, hey. You’ll be able to before they airlift her. I promise, okay?” Buck promises her before Hen or I can say anything. 

Eddie walks past us with the backboard, headed towards Chimney and we quickly move Jo onto the gurney. Jo keeps a grip on my hand and I squeeze hers before letting go. 

“Don’t worry. You know the firefighter that told you you’d see her?” I ask her and she nods in understanding. 

“That’s my best friend. I know when he promises something, he keeps it. You’ll see her just like he said,” I promise her softly and she gives me a small thankful smile as she seems only slightly less freaked out. 

“My name's y/n. I’ll stay here till your mom’s out, okay?” I tell her and she smiles a thankful smile at me again.

“She’s not my mom. She’s my mom’s best friend. My, uhh, mom passed away three years ago. Mallory was insistent we take this trip as an honor to my mother…” Jo explains to me and I smile softly at her. 

“I’m sorry to hear about your mom. You're very lucky to have Mallory. That sounds like a lovely plan. I’m sure you two can pick up when everyone is okay again,” I try to comfort her to the best of my ability and she shakes her head. 

“No. I think we’ll find a different way of traveling,” Jo informs me and I nod. 

“I would probably do that too. Nothing wrong with that,” I agree with her and she nods in agreement. 

We wait maybe a few more minutes until we see Chimney come out first. Then Eddie pushes Mallory out and together they lift her backboard onto another gurney that was taken over to them. They then start to roll her over and I move over next to Hen so they can roll her next to Jo. 

“She’s right up here,” I hear Chimney inform Mallory as they get closer. 

“Okay, she’s right up here,” he repeats himself as they get closer. 

“Mallory!” Jo shouts when they get closer before coming to a stop right next to her. 

“I’m so sorry,” Jo apologizes as they both reach out to hold hands. 

“I can’t lose you, too,” Jo continues on the verge of tears and I feel tears well up in my eyes. 

“I’m not going anywhere. We still have a lot of ground to cover, okay?” Mallory asks her as she squeezes her hand. 

“Next time, we’ll take the train,” Jo insists quickly as the others start to load her in the back of the ambulance as air support flies overhead. 

“Air support. You are clear to land,” Bobby gives the okay through his walkie and soon the helicopter is landing. 

Eddie and Chim start to walk her over to the helicopter and I let out a puff of air as my emotions take over. I take my jacket off in hopes a little air is all I need. I quickly try to sober up so I don’t start sobbing before I feel a hand on my back, making me turn to see Buck next to me. 

“Hey. You doing okay? You’re getting fidgety,” he queries with a raised eyebrow and I shake my head before nodding. 

“Yeah. No. I’m fine. Just had a flashback to my sister, that’s all,” I inform him and he nods solemnly at me. 

“I know. She’s watching over you. You know that,” he solemnly tells me, trying to comfort me as he rubs at my back and I nod, sniffling. 

“Thanks for checking on me,” I say in gratitude and I only hope Buck knows just how much I’m thankful for him. 

“Always, you know that we stick together, right?” he asks me and I smile. 

“Right. Stuck together like glue,” I reply to our life long promise we always tell each other and he smiles, nodding. 

“Okay. I’m gonna go help Chim. We’ll talk more about this later, okay?” he questions me and I nod. 

“Yeah. Go. Go. Do our job,” I agree with a soft smile and he nods before rushing off. 

“Possible spinal! She’s coming over now!” I hear him yell to the air tech that gets out of the helicopter.

“Can’t get rid of me, can you, Buckley?” I hear her voice and I immediately recognize Lucy. Red hot jealousy flares up in me, but I push it away. 

“Great to see you again, for real this time!” I hear Buck shout back as he stops to point at her and I huff, rolling my eyes. 

He turns and walks back towards me, but only frowns as I brush him off. I walk over to Bobby just as Eddie walks up. 

“Hey, Cap, think there’s a propane stove in the van. I’m gonna go check it out,” Eddie explains to him as he walks up to us. 

“Good thinking, Eddie. Y/n, go with him,” Bobby commands me and I nod. 

“Actually Bobby, can I have a quick moment with her?” Buck asks and Bobby shakes his head. 

“I guess. One minute, then back to work. Got it?” Bobby asks and Buck nods. 

“No, yeah, I promise,” Buck informs him and Bobby nods before walking off. 

“Hey, what’s up. Why are you giving the cold shoulder?” Buck asks as he looks at me. 

“It’s nothing, Buck, really. Go back to work,” I play it off and he sighs in frustration. 

“Y/n, I thought we talked about closing up? Talk to me, you know you can,” Buck begs me and I shake my head. 

“Buck. Nothing is wrong, it’s just a hard case. I told you I’d talk with you about it later,” I deflect away from what’s going on. 

“No. I know—” he starts, but gets cut off as the bridge suddenly starts to shake as it cracks down the middle, making both me and Buck fall to the ground with me on top of him. 

There’s more shaking and creaking as the bridge slowly starts to collapse. Buck looks up and suddenly he’s rushing to get up, pulling me with him. 

“Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey! Let’s move!” Buck yells out as the ambulance comes flying back at us and Buck quickly moves both of us out of the way just in time. 

“Hey!” he continues to shout as the ambulance rushes past us, quickly crashing at an angle. 

Buck quickly maneuvers, but somehow he gets pulled down with the ambulance, making me go with him. He smashes into the ambulance’s windshield and it cracks. 

“Buck!” I yell out as I fly past him, but he doesn’t reply. 

I let out another scream as I come to a landing on a slab of concrete, hitting my head in the process. Pain surges through my side, but I don’t notice it for long as suddenly everything goes black. 

Buck’s Pov: 

I groan as I come to, still laying on the windshield that’s now cracked from me smashing into it. There's a quiet, eerie, metallic creak and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. When I do, I take a moment to push myself up on all fours. I look around in fear for y/n, but there’s no sign of her, so I look into the ambulance next. 

“Hen!” I yell out as I see my friend still strapped into the driver's seat of the ambulance, now unconscious. 

“H-hen, can you hear—” I ask her as I bang on the window. 

“118, report in. I need a headcount,” I talk into my radio, hoping to get any answers. 

“I’m grabbing the ropes,” Ravi radios back first as I look around, trying to assess where everyone could be. 

“I’m in the van. Pretty sure I broke a couple ribs, but this van is about to get pancaked,” Eddie groans out as he radios in and I keep looking around with no sight of y/n. 

“Okay. Eddie, uh. We’re coming to you,” I inform him before taking a pause. 

“Han. What is your status?” I ask into my radio before letting go to get his status. 

“Han, come in,” I practically beg over the radios when he doesn’t answer. 

“Han…” I question again and wait a moment. 

“Han here,” Chimney finally radios in and I throw my head back in relief. 

“Captain Nash, firefighter Maysen, still haven’t heard from either of you. What is your status?” I ask into the radio again, only hoping to get something but nothing comes. 

“Bobby, y/n. Come in,” I repeat through the radio again, but still silence. 

“I see firefighter Maysen! She’s on a slab near you, maybe twenty feet away, just covered by some rubble,” Ravi explains to me through the radio and I sigh in relief. 

“Is she under it?” I question and wait for a moment. 

“No. She’s just close enough to be hidden. She’s out, though, and there’s one other thing…” he voices again though the radio before trailing off. 

“What? Is she okay?” I question him and he takes another pause, making me wait with bated breath. 

“She’s been impaled by a piece of rebar, Buck… right though the side of her stomach. I- if we don’t get to her soon, she might bleed out,” he breaks it to me easily and I sigh, putting my head down for a moment. 

“I’ll get to her as soon as I get Hen and the others out,” I inform him as I make the hard decision to wait, even though I want to rush over to her first and get her out. 

“Ok… only if you're sure. You're acting captain right now,” he informs and I let out a huff before pressing the button on my radio to reply. 

“Yeah, I know. So everyone’s safety is on me right now. Luckily if I can get Hen awake, she can take over. Let’s get to work,” I command before letting the button go, letting out a sigh, and looking down at Hen again. 

“Hen. I’m- I’m coming to you. Just stay right there,” I tell my unconscious friend before I move off the windshield and down the side of the ambulance. 

Very slowly, I make my way to the window and try to shove myself though it. The ambulance starts to tremble as I do, but I keep going. 

“Hen?” I call out to her as I pause for a moment. 

“Chim. Chim! Chim, you back there?” I shout out as I finally slide though the window of the ambulance. 

“I’m alive, but not great,” Chimney calls out in a winded tone. 

“Okay,” I pant out as I move over to Hen. 

“Come on. Hey,” I voice as I try to get Hen to wake up. 

“What happened?” Hen questions as she looks around, confused. 

“Bridge collapsed,” I inform her and her head starts to fall back. 

“Hey, hey, hey. Hen, you with me?” I question her and she squints at me. 

“I’m good. Thank you,” she conveys to me as she starts to reach towards me. 

“You okay?” she asks as she wipes at the side of my forehead. 

“Yeah. Oh. Uh… I mean, physically, yeah,” I tell her, my emotions betraying me ever so slightly as I feel a lump form in my throat. 

“Where is everybody?” she asks me as she continues to clean my face. 

“R-Ravi is up top. Eddie’s in the van. Chimney’s in the back. He needs our help. I’m gonna go up top. Get the ambulance secure. Then we get you out, okay?” I explain to her before asking if she understands. She slowly nods before letting her head fall back a bit. 

“Okay. Where’s Cap? Where’s Bobby? A-and y/n…” she suddenly asks as she quickly lifts her head straight. 

“He’s MIA, and y/n…” I pause and take a deep breath. 

“She’s currently bleeding out maybe twenty feet from us,” I inform her and she just stares at me. 

“You, uhh… y-you’re sure you’re good?” I ask her one last time just to make sure. 

“Yeah. I… I’m-I’m good,” she stumbles out in her shock and pain. 

“Just get some rope so we can get out of here,” she commands me and I nod before starting to try climbing out. 

“Okay, Ravi, I need a line,” I grunt as I call out while climbing out of the window. 

I get about halfway out the window when Ravi throws the rope down to me and I slowly finish pulling myself out. I hold onto the ambulance as I grab the rope before using it to climb back to the front. Once around the front, I continue to climb up the side until I can pull myself up to the top. Ravi hands me a part of the rope and I quickly slide under the engine, tying the rope to the underside of it. I quickly rush back to the side and let out a puff of air when I see what Ravi had seen before. 

The van is under the ambulance and both are close to falling. I let out another breath and close my eyes when I see y/n. She is indeed impaled and blood pools around her as she lays unconscious. 

“Buck, we’ll get to her,” Ravi promises as he puts a hand on my shoulder. 

“Yeah. I know. I’m not letting her go out like this. Not yet. It’s too early and there’s a lot that needs to be said,” I inform as I promise myself in my head that if we make it out, I’ll tell her how I really feel. 

“And it will be said,” he agrees with a head nod before going back over to the truck. 

“Please tell me you made it, Cap,” I whisper to myself as I look out over the scene again. 

“Okay, Ravi. Let’s go!” I shout to him as I turn around, ready to scale the concrete. 

“118, LAPD on scene at the lower level and here to assist,” Athena’s voice comes over the radio just as I hop over, ready to scale down to Hen. 

“118? Captain?” she asks in a scared tone when she gets no response from her husband. 

“Hen! That’s you!” I yell out to her, leaning back a bit. 

“LAPD, this is Wilson. Captain Nash is unaccounted for, we also have one impaled and unconscious. I’m in command. Anything you can do to help survivors on the ground level would be appreciated, ” Hen replies over the radio as I start to quickly scale down with a harness bag. 

“Copy that!” Athena quickly replies again over the radio. 

Once I get down to the ambulance, I set the bag on it and I get closer to the front of it. I quickly tie the rope to the car and pull on it ever so slightly. 

“Hey, Ravi, tension!” I call out to him and I wait a moment before leaning against the ambulance. 

I bounce on it a couple times to see how stable it is and smile when it comes out very stable. I quickly climb back to the top of the ambulance and pull the harness bag in front of me. 

“Okay. Hen, you got a harness and capture strap. Take Chimney and the patient, you send them down,” I explain to her as I throw the strap and harness in the window to her. 

“I’m headed to the van. Then I’ll get y/n. I’ll see you at the bottom,” I inform her of my plan before getting off the ambulance and heading to Eddie. 

It takes me a few minutes, but soon I make it to the van. I come to a stop next to it as Ravi looks over the side. 

“Sending down the saw!” he shouts to me before dropping me the saw bag. 

“Okay, Eddie, you in there?” I ask as I pause and listen in and he gives me a small ‘Yup’ through his groans of pain. 

“Let me get these doors open. Just shield your eyes,” I inform him before I pull the saw from the bag along with the protective glasses and start to saw at the door. 

I work for a few minutes at the door before soon I can start to pull at them. I pull one open and groan as I pause, taking the glasses off to look in at Eddie, who’s trapped under the fridge looking up at me. 

“Hey,” I pant out as I hold onto the door. 

“Any sign of Cap?” he huffs out as he struggles to breathe and I shake my head. 

“How’s y/n?” he asks and I sigh. 

“Currently, she’s bleeding out. I’m getting her next,” I inform him and he nods. 

“Sorry about this,” I apologize as I move closer to him and grab his arms. 

“Yeah. It’s gonna suck,” he comments before I pull on him. 

I pull him out and he yells out in pain as I do. Soon I’m pulling him out of the van all together and he grits his teeth. 

“Okay, I got you,” I comment as I pull him out and quickly we’re climbing down so he can get medical. 

Once he’s down standing on his own feet, some other paramedics come over to us. They get Jo first and Hen groans as she leans over before puking. 

“Hen!” Eddie yells out as we watch her double over. 

“Hey,” Eddie tells me before we both rush over to Hen, who lays flat on top of the truck she’s on. 

“I’m okay. I’m okay. I’m okay,” she groans, waving us off. 

“I’m okay. I’m pretty sure I’m just concussed,” she explains as she sits up and moves her helmet. 

“We got to get Chimney and y/n! We got to get Chimney and y/n!” she suddenly yells out as she looks back up. 

“No. Hey, hey, hey. We’ll get Chimney and y/n. Let’s get you down. Come on,” we both try to stop her as she groans. 

“Come on down. I promise I’ll get him and y/n,” I inform her as we all reach out for her. 

“We got you. We got you. Come on. No rush,” I rant as she finally starts to try and crawl down. 

“Okay. Come on. Let’s go. Let’s go. Let’s go,” Eddie chants as he wraps her arm around his shoulder while she pants out of breath. 

“Eddie, you got her, yeah?” I ask and he nods, giving me a small ‘hmm’ as they continue to walk. 

“Okay. I’m going back for Chim and y/n. I’ll be back,” I promise and he nods. 

Just before I turn, there’s another loud, metallic creaking noise and we all turn around. My eyes widen as the ambulance starts to shake around and the van starts to look like it’ll fall any second. 

To Be Continued…

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