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deadcactuswalking · 1 month ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 23/11/2024 (Sam Fender, Tate McRae, Linkin Park, Sabrina Carpenter, Jin)

Well, there’s a much bigger story to this Friday in music other than some Christmas songs on a singles chart… but that can wait. For now, “That’s So True” by Gracie Abrams lands a third week at #1 – I really am surprised by how well that’s lasted – and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, references to sex and abusive relationships

Rundown

The festive season is starting to be in full swing, but this is still a remarkably busy week on the UK Singles Chart, one that I didn’t initially expect to be as intensive as it ended up being, but we have nine new songs to cover, a whole bunch of re-entries and I’m hoping to get it out soon enough so I can listen to the Kendrick album and still get a good night’s sleep. Regardless, as always, we start our week with the notable dropouts, songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. This week, it’s honestly a bloodbath, in which it makes more sense to split what we have into different categories: first being songs that are hurt by the three-song rule as the artists have a new debut we’ll end up having to discuss later on in this episode, those being Tyler, the Creator with “Darling, I” featuring Teezo Touchdown and “Espresso” by Sabrina Carpenter. We follow that with a series of old songs – firstly, those that stick around forever and always resurge like “Yellow” by Coldplay, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and yes, even “Mr. Brightside”, with the next set of old tracks being One Direction songs that had returned after Liam Payne’s passing, namely “Night Changes”, “Story of My Life” and “What Makes You Beautiful”. Then finally, after all those qualifiers, we have regular chart entries we bid adieu thanks to competition, ACR, the Christmas flood, or most likely a combination: “on one tonight” by Gunna, “NEW DROP” by Don Toliver, “Dancing in the Flames” by The Weeknd, “Guess” by Charli xcx featuring Billie Eilish on the remix, “Cry Baby” by Clean Bandit, Anne-Marie and David Guetta and finally, “Who” by Jimin. It’s likely that we see at least some of these re-enter come January anyway, so take everything from this Christmas period with a grain of salt.

Now for our gains and returns which are really all over the place, starting all the way down at #74 with the return of “Headlock” by Imogen Heap, thanks to TikTok virality. Fun fact: this song has spent two weeks on the chart across 18 years, and both times, it was at #74, a peak it first reached in 2006 whilst My Chemical Romance were #1 with “Welcome to the Black Parade”. I love “Headlock”, I was introduced to it via samples by Clams Casino and A$AP Rocky, who actually are the co-leads on the weird remix mashup below the top 75 also with Imogen Heap (itself her first time charting since “Headlock”). Imogen Heap charting two songs incredibly low on the chart right before Christmas, neither of them new, both of them sampled by A$AP Rocky, is really a 2024 chart moment – anything happens nowadays, man. Then after that, we dip fully into holiday music.

As for our Christmas songs that re-enter this week, we have “Snowman” by Sia at #71, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #65, “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by the late Andy Williams at #62, “Merry Christmas Everyone” by Shakin’ Stevens at #60, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #52, “Jingle Bell Rock” by the late Bobby Helms at #51, “Fairytale of New York” by the Pogues featuring the late Kirsty MacColl at #48, “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande at #46 and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee at #34. These aren’t necessarily all my personal favourites, but they’re the ones you expect to get in this early every year, alongside Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You” and “Last Christmas” by Wham! from last week, which move up to #17 and #16. Most of the other upwards movement is for songs new to the top 75, but we do see some gains in the top 40, for “Like Him” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Lola Young at #39 (more on both later), “it’s ok i’m ok” by Tate McRae at #28 thanks to her new single (more on that way later), and finally, Linkin Park land two gains thanks to their #1 comeback album, From Zero: “Heavy is the Crown” at #21 and “The Emptiness Machine” at #10. Yes, unfortunately, more on them later as well.

As for our top five, it’s nearly the exact same apart from one smash hit debut: “The Door” by Teddy Swims is still at #5, but right above is a new debut from Sam Fender, “People Watching”, his third top 10 hit, which we’ll discuss in more detail later, once we get through… everything else. Then it’s more typical: “APT.” by ROSÉ and Bruno Mars at #3, “Sailor Song” by Gigi Perez at #2 and of course, “That’s So True”. With all that out of the way, we still have a lot to get to with our new songs so let’s take a deep breath and begin.

New Entries

#75 – “MAYBE.” – SIENNA SPIRO

Produced by Max Wolfgang and Sol Was

This is an artist completely new to me, SIENNA SPIRO, a London singer-songwriter with just a few songs out that were recently released, compiled into a full album that’s just four songs. Given her earliest release is from this year, it seems that TikTok virality has helped her break out so quickly, with this being her first to chart and more interesting than I was expecting, given the stressful pace of the piano that leads the track, though SPIRO’s vocals are very much in typical indie girl territory and not showing much character. The breathy nature of that style of delivery definitely helps rather than hinder in a song so paranoid and minimal, taking hard turns into slower and faster piano melodies yet not adding much in the way of new layers apart from what appears to be some string swell in the back of the chorus. The relationship spiral that she sings about is not that specific, wrapped up in analogy rather than specific details for the most part, which doesn’t let me connect as much as I’d want to with a song this empty, but her vocals and those pianos fill up so much of the space in the mix that the song drowns in her regret for the previous relationship, taking a sinister edge with that chorus and bridge being about wanting to take revenge by ending the relationship, which is a draining pain for her but clearly fixes some kind of insecurity that would spiral out of control without her presence, hence why leaving would hurt so much. What that is I’d love to know, because that would make the song more biting and really sell me on the scorned woman angle, but that bridge would be the perfect place to drop it and it never happens, which is a damn shame because there is a lot of potential for a really resonant song here that never realises itself. I also personally could see some subtle horn sections elevating this tone-wise, really accentuating the righteous villainy of her lyrics that doesn’t fully come through with melancholy pianos and a weaker vocal performance. I like the idea of this song, but I’m hearing the blueprint instead of the fuller idea, and I really want to know where this could go, so I suppose eyes are on SPIRO’s next hit – if this can make it through the winter freeze – to take more steps.

#64 – “Sticky” – Tyler, the Creator featuring GloRilla, Sexyy Red and Lil Wayne

Produced by Tyler, the Creator

Like many albums that stick around and not just for a few big hits, Tyler, the Creator’s CHROMAKOPIA is playing around with the three-song rule and having songs drop out just for another to fill its space and this week, we get a track that I expected to swiftly enter the week the album released, that being “Sticky”, one of the album’s bangers and unfortunately I think those are sort of its weak points. I still like this one, though, even if only the second half seems to serve much of a purpose in the record’s overall thematics, mostly as a victory lap but also to warn the audience about how messy this album’s emotional baggage and honesty can get, and by extension, to just embrace that as much as one embraces the obstacles in life Tyler’s otherwise facing. Outside of that, it’s a brag track, and definitely a well-structured one, starting with a minimal, slightly annoying whistle and characteristic pitch-shifted chanting alongside other sound effects that will make it a perfect fit for high school and college bands, especially given the female group vocals that ride the incessant hook over calamitous, Timbaland-esque drums (turns out he co-wrote the record). Tyler’s falsetto verse makes reference to “the zone” – which could potentially be both the gay club and the hood, in a twist of words only Tyler can really do, making the lazy pronouns line later on even more disappointing. That said, if you don’t like one verse, it’s not like you get much time to decide, or much time to lament a mid performance, as the verses are nearly all just four lines, with GloRilla commanding the song despite not even being on the album’s vinyl editions, Sexyy Red flailing into a bombastic horn loop at least, and Lil Wayne clearly having more recorded that ended up getting scrapped.

What I mostly appreciate about this song however is the madness that ensues once the female group vocals start cheering “CHROMAKOPIA” with a squealing chuckle and quickly leading into that intimidating horn loop borrowed from Young Buck’s 2006 track “Get Buck”, and allowing for T’s longest and most fun to follow verse, no doubt helped by the added piano and Solange’s cooing. Sure, he spends most of the verse either flexing or, well, actually getting sticky, but it’s delivered charismatically and over undeniably hard production that it’s difficult to say it doesn’t work out, especially when that second hook of “Better find a mop, it’s gettin’ sticky in this bitch” might be the bigger earworm of the two, especially with how that deadpan mantra leads into frankly the hilarity of Tyler crooning “sticky” on the outro, a word that should never be sung that sincerely, let alone with that much detailed vocal layering. CHROMAKOPIA is Tyler’s funniest album since he got out of his less mature phase in the mid-2010s, and if any song shows it, it may have to be this one, even if for me, its charm wears off through middling guest appearances and perhaps a little too much commitment to its initial, quite thin bit. I personally would probably pick “Balloon” over this, but I can’t say why I don’t get the hype. It’s still a banger.

#55 – “Messy” – Lola Young

Produced by Solomonophonic, Manuka, Monsune and Carter Lang

We go from sticky, and now it’s getting messy, with British singer Lola Young, who I hadn’t heard of until her feature on Tyler’s “Like Him”. I was curious to how her solo work sounded but just hadn’t gotten the chance yet and I suppose what better time than this episode? This song, from May of this year, has finally bubbled up enough traction to appear in the top 75, and is way more relaxed than I’d expected, with a slick acoustic guitar line and detuned synth noodling that I suppose isn’t far from what you’d expect from Solomonophonic’s production, but what did catch my ear is Young’s delivery, which is a confrontational and semi-spoken approach that starts off with a typical smoky R&B style then consistently derails into angry ranting before catching herself and going back on track. It’s a perfect representation of that back-and-forth that comes with the frustrating relationship she’s describing in the song: the imperfect rhyme in the first lines of the chorus is great too, because of how her partner is clearly giving her diminishing returns for her stressing about not just how she acts but how she presents herself, none of which can be perfect for them. She’s rarely actively frustrated about it though, instead going for a dismayed tone that sounds hopeless with how much she’s tried to change and how little effort and love she gets in return. I love the bursts into harmonies from the end of that second verse onwards, they are beautifully blended and the production here strikes a subtle balance, even if that guitar solo between choruses feels weak and jerky, I would have included a vocal bridge or at least a change in the lyrics for the final chorus to make the crescendo work instead of an honestly awkward intermission that turns an amazing song into a great one that could be close to perfect. It’s still great, though, it just feels like finishing the song was the last touch that just slipped by. I am definitely interested in checking out that album now to see what else will connect but for now, I’d recommend checking this one out.

#44 – “Dirty Cash (Money Talks)” – PAWSA and the Adventures of Stevie V

Produced by PAWSA and The Adventures of Stevie V

We’re really making PAWSA a thing, huh? Even with how uncreative he is as a throwback house producer? Okay, well, this time he’s grabbed another great sample, that being from The Adventures of Stevie V, a dance act formed by, as you’d expect, Steve Vincent, and had a massive hit in 1990 with their 1989 debut single, “Dirty Cash (Money Talks)”. The track is a fantastic amalgamation of early 90s dance trends, with some great breakbeats and sampled yelping, deep-voiced incompetently-rapped interludes, and an anonymous diva at the lead vocals over a hypnotic bassline. This track in particular comes with a jazzy horn line too, kind of reminiscent of what Soul II Soul would put out in the same era. The seven-minute 12-inch edit is the best version, in my opinion, as the extended length and blend of samples really accentuates the sinister edge to the money-hungry vocalist. Back in 1990, this peaked at #2 in the UK, blocked by a similar but even better house classic from the same era, Adamski’s “Killer” featuring Seal, one of the greatest #1 hits ever, so you can’t complain, and it’s definitely not been forgotten since. Not only did it act as a rare stateside crossover for European house on the Hot 100, it was remixed in 1997 for a #69 peak, and was famously given a rework by UK rapper Dizzee Rascal, a fantastic song dissing both the people who spend their money without thinking, and the politicians who spend the state’s money without looking over the state of their own country, using London’s slums as an example and placing an entirely different meaning to “dirty cash”. Dizzee’s recession-era rant “Dirtee Cash” peaked at #10 in 2009, whilst Taio Cruz’s “Break Your Heart” was #1, but would later spend two weeks at #2 the year after as part of a mash-up with Florence + the Machine. “You’ve Got the Dirtee Love” was blocked by Helping Haiti’s cover of “Everybody Hurts” and Jason Derulo’s “In My Head”.

To this day, “Dirty Cash” still gets a lot of play – in fact, it briefly returned to the chart under the top 75 this year and is doing great in the dance charts, which brings us to PAWSA’s remix under the same name but shortening it down, using stemmed vocals and replacing them onto an admittedly catchy if basic 90s throwback beat. Here we perfectly see what the 90s actually sounded like at its best versus what we may want it to sound like for the marketable pastiche, in a side-by-side comparison. Once again, PAWSA lazily reworks the song, using practically the same verses and choruses, in a very similar structure, just one with much less to it thanks to a shortened runtime and hampered instrumental, with much less moving parts here, especially in terms of ones that aren’t ripped straight from the original. With that said, it’s still “Dirty Cash” and there is an intensity to the bass and glitched sound that he finds by time-stretching mid-quality stems and stammering some of the vocal take. There’s more to this than what we’ve seen from PAWSA before, but considering we’ve had a hit song that brilliantly reinterprets and recontextualises an already charming song itself full of samples, this just doesn’t feel necessary. Are we just set to regurgitate forever? Listen to the original instead, but this isn’t worth spending much time on overall, and I doubt it’ll actually last either.

#25 – “Running Wild” – Jin

Produced by Gary Barlow, Ryan Carline and Jacob Attwooll

Clearly to draw attention away from his massive son, former Take That singer Gary Barlow is now producing solo work for BTS’ Jin, who has left less of an impact than his bandmates but did release a solo album last week, with this being his lead single and holy shit, of course this was written and produced by Gary Barlow. Not only can I hear Jin’s exact inflections in his voice, but it has a plastic synthpop sheen that’d fit an X Factor winner from the early 2010s, maybe not the winners’ single but absolutely a follow-up, especially with that cheap guitar lick and dramatic pre-chorus soundtracking pure lovestruck cheese. I wish Jin didn’t go into his falsetto so often so he meshed within the chorus’ mix a bit more and didn’t just stick out, but that level of unabashed commitment to something that sounds like a relatively cringey theme song – it reminds me of what the English dub of Pokémon would occasionally spit out – is charming in itself. There’s also so much compression here that a buzzy new rave angle could be heard in the synths, adding an extra layer of just “going for it” that’s full of charm. Sure, there’s basically nothing to it – not even a great cinematic bridge to really help it click – but it’s a vehicle for Gary Barlow to have a cheap slab of cheese hit the charts once again, and there really is something addictively sugary about it somehow. Give it to BTS to make fun from the insufferable, I suppose. Oh, and there's like eight versions but fuck that noise.

#24 – “Juno” – Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by John Ryan

Much like with Tyler, Sabrina Carpenter’s Short n’ Sweet has been able to consistently have fan favourites pop in and out of the chart, this one being a long time coming and a personal favourite of mine and many others on the album’s release. Production-wise, it’s not particularly special, given its love of reverb and those delicate guitars that form a decent albeit admittedly stiff pop rock groove. Sabrina is truly what makes this song, with writing as awkwardly horny as the blank spaces she leaves in between certain lines to let them linger in the verses then a pre-chorus that goes for a much jerkier guitar lick and accommodating vocal line that leaves no space in the mix and even less to the imagination. The chorus, with a wonderful “ow!” to tail-end it, is when the writing really gets into interesting territory: the title of the song references the 2007 film Juno, about teen pregnancy, and Sabrina herself debunked any deeper double meaning it could have. It simply means that this guy should “mark [his] territory” as said in the hilariously cinematic bridge with those panned drums that make drama out of very unsubtle lines. She continues down this line of argument, saying that he should make her pregnant because this would mean there’s a second, even cuter version of her… okay, well, considering the film’s content and all the bizarre implications of that line, it gets a bit messy. Sadly, Tyler still has my mop, so it’s not time to discuss that – fun song, let’s move on.

#22 – “Two Faced” – Linkin Park

Produced by Mike Shinoda

Out of all of the songs to chart from Linkin Park’s lazy, fine-tuned-to-work-on-rock-radio “comeback” From Zero, it really didn’t have to be the one that best exemplifies why the album is so insufferable. The entire record is mostly just bog-standard Linkin Park delivered soullessly, with the lyrics doubling as bitter reflections upon their fans for not accepting “change” – lyrics about identity and belonging are nothing new from Chester, or even Mike, but coming from the controversial new lead vocalist Emily Armstrong, they ring a little hollow and angry, whilst the writing, production and instrumentation doesn’t reflect that by being raw or aggressive in ways more than your average LP record, if not actively re-treading prior ideas. If your mission statement is “Fuck you, we’re back, accept us as who we are or get out”, maybe a deliver a product that is something worth pissing people off for, and not some stale, half-baked intimidation of better music. Otherwise, it comes off unjustifiably bitter, with this entire song being immature vagueposting, potentially veering towards the divided fanbase and the late Chester Bennington himself, with nothing ever really being up to the fault of Armstrong or Shinoda, in fact there’s a degree of patting themselves on the back for their bravery, whether that be in the pre-chorus or the passive-aggressive chatter outro wherein Mike reassures us we’re “on the same page”. Well, not exactly, given you haven’t updated your formula to fit the cleaner production or to make your rapping any less phoned-in and amateur. Hell, we even get a reference to the “zero” motif, the whole “starting anew” theme in the album that is completely unwarranted when what we’re working with here is the same foundation, just worse. Linkin Park can probably make great work with Armstrong – “The Emptiness Machine” is there – but that would involve making the pathetic half-risen middle finger much more prevalent. If you’re going to tell me to fuck off, do it with guts and gusto, not a half-hearted, flattened version of a decades-old formula that Linkin Park as a band was constantly trying to stray from during their time with Chester. I understand why after the lacklustre reception of their pop-focused then-final album that Shinoda would want to leave that behind and return to “form”, but he may have learned the wrong lessons for the frustrated and confused themes he wishes to pull from. Much like the rest of this album, this is worthless, sanitised and unnecessary, and I’ve spoken much more than I need to about this revival, which has been wildly successful regardless, than I’d have wanted to in the first place.

#8 – “2 hands” – Tate McRae

Produced by Ryan Tedder and LOSTBOY

So, Tate McRae has yet another song and I’m really struggling to find the appeal with her in general, and this is no different. Ryan Tedder goes for another 00s pop and R&B-influenced track but with a glassy monogenre sheen and faceless misunderstanding of what made songs from that era special – there’s a male vocal interplay ad-lib but it’s either this pitch-shifted refrain which, to be crass, just sounds fucking gross, or the same exact “Yeah” sound clip. It’s a charmingly unabashed sex jam with busy drums, but there’s a constant whooshing nothingness to everything else, whether it be the crashes, the airy synth fuzz, the Frank Ocean-esque vocal filters on the male vocal, or those obnoxious horn stabs that never justify their existence. I think McRae is in a difficult place wherein she needs to be interesting to survive in the pop climate as her kind of anonymous, generic pop star is not big on a global scale anymore, but being interesting is the exact opposite of her cursive-singing personality-devoid delivery, and it's the direct antithesis of ongoing hack Ryan Tedder, so we get vaguely interesting but completely tarnished messes like this and “exes” to try and fill a void that I’m not sure people were clambering for exactly, but if they were, Tate was simply the first to fill it, and we’ll be dealing with her for a while as a result. I just wish there was more to this and honestly more to her as an artist overall.

#4 – “People Watching” – Sam Fender

Produced by Sam Fender, Adam Granduciel, Joe Atkinson and Dean Campbell

Because of how long “Seventeen Going Under” ended up sticking around, to me, it didn’t seem like it had been that long since North Shields singer-songwriter Sam Fender had released new material, but this new single comes as the title track for an upcoming record that will be released nearly four years after his last. Fender has been performing this song for months, and detailed its subject on social media, that it was about a maternal figure that had passed away the year prior, and that Fender experienced this loss gradually in real time, being sat next to her as she died. This next album is in part dedicated to her, it seems, and what he owes to her, and that is definitely present in this one as despite its jangling, almost fluttery indie guitar tones and pianos making for a really big and joyful sound, the lyrics start on a much sourer note: “people watching” refers not to people watching him but how he will look at the public surrounding him when going home, feeling envy for them despite not knowing what problems they may be facing. Youth and perceived carefreeness provide some level of hope, but by the chorus, reality treads in: these people are just running on the treadmill of life, and it begins to feel like the entire town is collapsing in on him, under all the lights and weather. That second verse may be the most devastating – he describes the decaying care home, how he “cornered” the nurse to understand why this loved one wasn’t getting the treatment he thinks she deserved but soon coming to the sobering knowledge that it’s an understaffed, neglected institution that can barely be called “home” – the vision of seeing the nurse fleeting across the home overworked is what takes that last glint of youth and optimism out of him, and the yelled chorus with its propulsive drive and horns give a massive, heartland-rock sensation that reflects being faced with overwhelming wrong and being helpless to right any of it. If anything, there’s a guilt to having been able to contribute to it, and an endless fear that leaves him wanting to escape the entire country, stretched painfully into that strained squeal of the sax by the end.

“I fear for this crippled island” feels like it sums up tactfully how many people feel about the UK and what many would say is a state of perpetual decline, lacking the power it once had and falling into delusions about the shells it has left of its formerly great institutions. There’s not much focus on personal tragedy here – I imagine there’ll be more on the deep cuts – but there is a righteously devastated sense of how his loved one was failed by the systems he’s made to believe are working and supposed to be there for the general public’s safety. It’s not yet boiled into an anger, either, just an overpowering emotional weight that is prevalent in much of his music, and this is no different, in fact, it takes very little in the risk department and apart from the lyrics, wouldn’t be too dissimilar to “Seventeen Going Under” and songs from that parent album. It’s still a great song, of course, and there’s no problem in having a signature sound, but part of me wants something a bit new – Hell, maybe something a bit more stripped down and acoustic – from Fender in the long term. We’ll see next year, but for now, you really can’t complain about a song this potent launching into the top five on its debut week. Brilliant track.

Conclusion

What an exhausting week. So many new songs, so much to discuss in a few of them, and a messy rundown. We’re nearing December even closer next week, but as for what we have going on in this episode, it should be obvious who’s taking what: Linkin Park take Worst of the Week easily for “Two Faced” and fittingly, in second place, is “2 hands” by Tate McRae as the Dishonourable Mention. There’s more trying to snab the best but it isn’t particular close for Sam Fender’s “People Watching” taking Best of the Week, so I may as well tie the Honourable Mention between Sabrina Carpenter for “Juno” and Lola Young for “Messy”. I think we all know what’s happening next week between Christmas and Kendrick Lamar, but for now, thanks for reading, rest in peace to Andy Paley, and I’ll see you then.

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #tate mcrae #lola young #sam fender #people watching #tyler the creator #chromakopia #sexyy red #glorilla #lil wayne #pawsa #the adventures of stevie v #sienna spiro #bts jin #sabrina carpenter #linkin park #from zero

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cal-daisies-and-briars · 3 months ago

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Up next are the broader fire-fam feels fics! (I swear these alliterations aren’t planned they just keep happening :p)

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ (eddie bobby stories have such a special place in my heart! Throw in some unknown identity, estranged family, and a dash of buddie and I’m absolutely there!)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟 (oh nooooo I can’t believe buck and eddie are stranded. What a shame i guess all there is for them to do is grow closer, learn to have each other’s backs, fight to get home to their family, and fall deeply in love. Gee that’s really upsetting oh well! And I really want to know who’s in town! I’m really not sure and I can’t wait to find out!)

- PCA <3

Fire-fam feels! Love it!

36 for ❄️ (AH YAY! So excited you're on board for this one):

---

It’s not until Charlie speaks that Eddie finally maybe gets the point of all this. The reason it could be valuable to be in a group. Because when Charlie talks, Eddie hears himself.

“I had a complicated childhood,” he begins. “Not a terrible one, just a complicated one.”

Yeah, Eddie too. That’d be exactly how he’d categorize it.

“I was raised Catholic. Family was serious about it. There was a right way and a wrong way to be.”

Yes.

“My old man was traditional. Put pressure on us. Me more than my younger brother.”

Yes…

“That’s all a long way of saying… I couldn’t be me. Couldn’t face who I was until I was almost fifty. It’s been over a decade and I’m still not living the way I want. I’ve outlived both my parents. I don’t… I don’t want to die hiding.”

Well… Eddie can’t say he relates to the outliving his parents part. But he’s definitely survived more than many he should have. And he gets it. If he died tomorrow, and in there job he could, no one in the world except maybe Frank would know this about him. He doesn’t want that.

No one really knows Eddie. Not entirely. And that’s a lonely thing to know about himself.

So when Charlie speaks, Eddie decides he’s going to listen. Really listen.

Maybe he can actually learn something.

▪️▪️▪️

Eddie doesn’t speak much the first session.

He just listens mostly.

---

63 for 🧟 - but I don't think I can give that many because the chapter is nearly done (indeeeddddd what will they do)

---

Karen grabs her hand. “I think you know we need to fight for our safe place in the world. That’s what you’ve always done, Hen.”

“I just don’t want my family to get hurt,” Hen sighs.

“That’ll always be a risk,” Karen replies. “Nowadays.”

Hen supposes that’s true.

“So whatever we have to do to defend ourselves? To defend our son?” Karen continues. “We do it.”

“You’re right,” Hen concedes.

“I usually am,” Karen winks.

Yeah. She usually is.

Hen doesn’t exactly sleep well that night. But she does sleep a bit better. So that’s something.

September 9th, 2018

When Hen wakes the next morning, it’s to the feeling of Denny pushing against the side of her arm.

“Mom! Mama! Wake up!” He insists. “Something’s happening!”

Hen opens her eyes. She reaches around Denny for her glasses.

“What’s going on?” Karen asks groggily.

“Something!” Denny insists. “I heard shouting!”

Hen shoots up into a sitting position. That’s all the warning she needs. She knew it wasn’t safe. Something happened. She let herself relax a little and something happened.

#daisies and briars writes #a cold world fic #go and kill go and die fic

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thatbanditqueen · 2 years ago

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I’m going to be delusional and make myself feel special by saying the extra domesticity and gentleness was in part for me. I want to start off with many thank you’s and hugs of gratitude for every delicious mention of Big Daddy’s stomach and physicality. Even in the car when he pulls Becky over into his arms and her elbows rest on his protruding belly before her hands wrap around his waist, it is a dream of mine to be able to feel him against me the same way. The fact that they’ve been in the car for a while now but Becky was still bitching at Elvis made me laugh out loud and it was exactly what I’d expect from her! I’m Team Becky when she lays down her boundaries on what she doesn’t appreciate/like like how he went behind her back and tricked her. I don’t think a lot of people in Elvis’ life every established boundaries with him and the power he held over them/their actions. And her saying he was gonna have to clean up his own mess, not any of his Mafia members clean it up for him, YES BECKY! Charlie’s happy reaction seeing Becky arrived pulled my heart strings, Charlie and Becky friendship supremacy rise… and of course Elvis was immediately not happy about it. Wanna add in a tidbit here that you describing him standing with his arm around Becky and a hand over his belt was so realistic visually and very in tune with the characteristics of Elvis in real life. Did anyone expect that tour to truly go any differently than it did? Elvis is such a perv but I honest to God love and enjoy it. Another inclusion of hearing him thundering behind Becky Butt - oh to be the woman being chased by Big Daddy so he can dick you down. She’s so real for wanting to feel his sweat against her skin and allowing his large body to push her up in to the frame. “…Elvis grinned at the sound of Becky’s wet nakedness squelching against the yellow leather bar stool…” I truly do not know what to say to explain what this little detail did to me but yes I’m just gonna leave this here. Becky Butt breaks my heart, she’s a beautiful character with a free spirit and the fact that she hasn’t been treated the way she should and loved on hurts me. That butt and those boobies and gorgeous face and smart mouth have gone too long unappreciated. It’s okay Becky, Big Daddy’s here now. It’s one of my favorite things when Becky allows herself to be soft with Elvis though. Becky Butt please keep sucking Big Daddy’s cock you get every time, please, I live through you and would do it all day every day if I had the chance so I beg of you to continue giving him the best head. Between Vernon and Lisa it seems like there are people in the house with loyalties to Linda but I know once they get to know Becky she will easily win them over. The dinner scene, how everyone was quick to react to Elvis’ temper of Becky’s plate but Becky didn’t let him get his way and they’re all observing awkward and silent but Elvis responded to her with gentleness and affection while still managing to stay within the nature I think of as real life Elvis. Jerry isn’t my favorite right now, causing trouble, although I know he has good intentions for Becky’s heart in the long run. Becky, baby, I’m so sorry Elvis is so hardheaded and blinded and egotistical right now to do this to you. Me, as a person, even though I was expecting him to do something stupid like that but I was still so disappointed for our Becky Butt. And then he has the audacity to go and be rude to Charlie like if he didn’t just get off the phone with someone! Becky is stronger than me, but she’s also trying to remind herself that the situation is temporary even though lines are crossing already. Elvis possibly letting it slip he wants her as a girlfriend even though he was high? And so true heartbreak begins. Becky is an amazing mom and her interactions with Lisa further prove it. She handles the situation so well and Lisa is immediately at ease with her and Lisa’s honesty had me CACKLING!! “and she showed me her big bobbies” bet you Elvis didn’t expect that to be the third sentence of the day directed to him from Lisa. LOVE IT!

Dearest Bri I LIVE to turn you on and make you cackle. If you observe fluffy sweetness and more in-depth descriptions of his large girthy wonder its because a) GIVE ME BIG DADDY I cannot get enough of Elvis largesse and his human realness but also b) you and @eliseinmemphis are some troublemakers who encourage this and I cannot resist it.

I almost called this chapter "Polishing The Furniture".... wink wink...

Your chats and messages are so influencing, thanks for taking the time to talk with me about stuff...

xoxoxox

norAHHHHHH

#no one walks out on big daddy #bandit queen asks #elvis presley #i love you bri

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or-something-better · 1 year ago

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Sam’s Story Corner

Nov 9, 2022

🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨🔮✏️🚨

The Writing Topic this week is brought to you by our own lovely Bela.

“Share with us about a memorable Hunt that you’ve been part of, Good or Bad.”

Bela

The most memorable hunt I've been apart of? Well I was involved... I must say it has always been a fun game of cat and mouse with Sam and Dean honestly. I just love getting them all riled up. Magical artifacts and relics have always been a thing that caught my eye. I think the most fun was when we went back and forth over the rabbits foot mostly.

I felt bad about the two other men who stole it from me. That cooking fork to the head had to hurt. And the gun shot wound the other guy got. Too bad I didn't feel anything. That was their fault though for stealing it from me the losing it.

After Sam got it. It took me awhile to be able to catch up with them to get it back. Eventually I caught up with the silly Muppets at the cemetery. Unfortunately for me I ended up touching the bloody thing when Dean threw it to me, so I was forced to help destroy it.

I still get a laugh at dean's face in the rear view mirror as I drove off with his winning lottery tickets. Since I lost out on the money from selling the rabbit foot on the black market, That was the best money I ever earned I can say considering it was well ... Free.

………………………….

Patience (Not for this Topic, but a cont. of her original Story)

continuing on from my very story. After seeing my dad at the supermarket he agreed to sit and have coffee with me. We found this quaint little coffee shop and went in had a seat and talked. I began by telling him that I had a vision just before running into him. Well, he wasn't all to happy about that, but I told him "Dad I am surrounded by people who love me and accept me for who I am" then I asked him" Dad with all that you've seen and with what you're own mother went through how can you not accept me"? Dad I have Gabe he is God of all and takes good care of us, and there's Donna 36 children she and Gabe have and she still finds time to help us all when needed, Charlie she's the genius that keeps everything running smoothly, Sam, Sam has been through so much this year I don't even know how he's still here but, he's here for us another genius, Ellen well she's kinda the mother of, Jo sweet little Jo I love her to pieces, Bela, that one has grown on me she's not been with us long but I'm certainly glad she joined us, Crowley well he is a demon and king of hell but he's been here for us when we need help, Henry, Henry is the sweetest kindest little dude a girl could have as friend, bobby singer also known as beer belly bobby a nickname gave had given him. He comes off as this gruff older guy but deep down has a heart of gold and then there's Meg, she is also a demon but totally on our side I love her. And we have Ruby, Ruby has done so much for me I'm getting a handle on my visions thanks to her. And we do have Lucifer that helps out sometimes. Dad I'm telling you about out team (I said) because I need you to know and understand that this is what I was meant to do saving people hunting things is our motto. I love these people they have saved me more times than I can count. I want you in my life (I said) but I need you to accept me for who I am. My Dad looked at me and said "honey I love you more than anything else in this world but I just can't. I looked at him with a tear in my eyes and said 'dad I love you too but I have to be where I am at now (then a thought came to me) dad why don't you come with us it's tough at times but we also have a lot of good times? Dad looked at and said 'I can't '. As he was getting up to leave I stopped him and said Daddy please don't worry about me I'm in good hands I love these people with all my heart and knowing what I know I can make a difference in this crazy world I stand up and go to him I give him a hug and say goodbye Dad I hope you'll at least call once in a while but if you don't I understand I love you dad

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jumblejen · 2 years ago

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We Were Always Going to End Up Together - Ch 27

Suptober 22, Day 27: Liar

On AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42237885/chapters/116673178

(Or read from the beginning: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42237885/chapters/106051008)

“Gabe’s coming to town,” said Cas as Dean poured himself another cup of coffee before shuffling back to the kitchen table.

“Yeah? When?”

“Next weekend. I think he has plans with Rowena. Kept saying something about the equinox.”

Dean snorted, “We probably don’t want to know.”

“Probably not.” Cas paused looking at Dean intently. “You okay?”

Dean grimaced. It had been almost a month since the blowup with Sam at the Roadhouse. He was okay, mostly. It was just hard every time he thought about Sam. Their lives had been so intertwined; even growing up hadn’t changed that. All his usual rituals of texting Sam, or having drinks, or just making plans were all out the window. Dean hadn’t heard from Sam, and Dean sure as hell wasn’t reaching out. Not this time. He’d smoothed over rough patches before, but this was different. Sam had gone too far and until he was actually ready to apologize and show he could go five minutes without being an utter asshole, Dean wasn’t interested. It didn’t mean that all the reminders, even one as oblique as Cas asking a little too gently about how Dean was, didn’t take their toll. Still, he wouldn’t complain that Cas cared.

“Yeah. I’m okay Cas. Slept a little better last night.”

Cas gave Dean a soft smile and a kiss on the temple. It was a gray Sunday morning. Despite sleeping in, it barely looked as though the sun had risen outside.

Dean may not have heard from Sam, but he heard from plenty of other people, starting about ten minutes after he had gotten home that night. Their blowup was apparently big news and spread through their social circles like wildfire. Even Benny had gotten some messages about it. Dean, Cas, and Benny had all decided not long after the notification parade started that they should all silence their phones and put them in the kitchen where they wouldn’t be tempted. All that noise would keep until any of them felt like actually dealing with it.

Dean had opted not to go through any of it until noon the next day, Benny and Cas crowded next to him so that they could read over his shoulders no matter his requests for them to knock it off. Messages from Charlie and Jo were a priority, and Dean wrote them both reassuring notes back that he was okay, and a polite refusal for Charlie to mess with Sam electronically. Some of the messages were clearly hoping he’d dish about the details of what went down. Most of those he ignored. Bobby left Dean a voicemail that made it clear he thought Sam was out of line and that if Dean needed some time off to get his head straight, well that was okay with him. The most surprising part of the message was that Bobby also said to tell Cas he hoped he was okay too. The message was gruff but Dean felt the love shine through, glad that Bobby was solidly on board with Cas’ place in Dean’s life.

Benny had stayed until he had to get ready for his show that night. In retrospect, Dean appreciated how both Benny and Cas had stowed all their crap for almost twenty-four entire hours. Benny had dropped by a couple more times since then and Dean was relieved that the thorny bits were back for both men, though they never came close to causing any actual harm. He liked the fact that Cas and Benny seemed to be becoming friends, instead of just friendly for Dean’s sake. They continued to not rag on Sam, at least where Dean could overhear, and he didn’t care if they did it privately since Sam had done plenty to deserve it.

The biggest surprise that first weekend had been a message Dean received from Eileen the Sunday after the fight. She had sent Dean a long text saying how sorry she was and also letting Dean know that she’d moved out for the time being. It made Dean’s heart hurt a little to see that, but it also was a nice reminder that Eileen wasn’t just Sam’s girlfriend, she was also Dean’s friend. He didn’t push for details from her, but he did let her know that he cared about her. He hadn’t seen her since then, but they did text a few times a week.

“Dean?”

“Hmmm,” answered Dean distractedly.

“I asked if it was okay for Gabe to spend the night here next Saturday.”

“Sorry. Was just thinking about nothing. Yeah, man, of course. I mean, it’s your house and all.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t be.”

“What?”

“I’ve been thinking,” said Cas before promptly trailing off.

Dean pushed Cas lightly with his foot under the table. “’Bout what?”

“Oh. Well. A couple of things. I, uh. I know you still have your apartment, and I don’t want you to feel like there’s any pressure. Not that I don’t want you to…”

“Cas you’re using a lot more words than usual and not getting anywhere with them. What’s up.”

“Will you move in with me?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. Of course Cas. I’ll move in with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve only spent 2 nights at my place in the last month. It’s a good idea.”

Cas smiled at Dean, his whole face lighting up.

Dean loved that look on Cas. He would make Cas light up every second of every day if it was possible. “You said a couple of things.”

“Yes.”

“That’s one thing.”

Cas dropped his gaze and picked at the edge of his napkin. “Do you like this house?”

“What?”

“This house? I bought it and had all these plans about renting out the fields or working them myself. But I don’t think I want that.”

“So not the house so much as the house and all the land.” Dean scratched his chin. “I don’t want to be a farmer either. The house is alright, but I’m not particularly attached or anything.”

“I want to sell it.”

“Okay.”

“I want us to get a place that’s ours together.”

Dean grinned. “Okay.”

“Really?”

“Look. This is your place. You don’t want to stay here anymore, you wanna sell it? Okay. You want to find a place with me? That also sounds great. No arguments here.”

“Is it okay if I tell Gabriel when he comes to visit? He’s pretty good about how to do these sorts of things.”

“Why do I have the feeling that Gabriel is secretly a complicated dude under all his goofy impishness?”

Cas sighed and smiled at Dean. “I’ve found that it’s best not to ask him too many questions. He does a lot of things, seemingly on a whim, that turn out with a giant upside for him. It’s been years watching him do it and I’ve learned that for all his casual ridiculousness, he’s fairly savvy.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I wanna play poker with that guy.”

“I recommend not betting against him ever if you can help it.”

“So him and Rowena are still a thing, huh? I would’ve thought they’d drift apart what with him never being in town.”

“From what Gabriel says, they like the random nature of their relationship. He always starts spouting something about the caprice of the universe and fate and the cosmos and stars aligning.”

“Still best not to ask, then.”

“Yes.”

“Is it okay if I put in notice for my apartment right away? I don’t have to. But I could move in here while we figure out where we wanna end up and how to sell this place.”

“Of course Dean.”

“I’ll see if I can arrange a packing party next weekend. See if Charlie and Jo can help in exchange for pizza and beer.”

“And Benny?”

Dean figured why not. It’s not like he hadn’t met the girls yet, since they met at Thanksgiving. And Dean wouldn’t complain if Benny became a little more integrated into his general friend group. It still surprised him that Cas was sure to include him. “Why not?”

Gabriel blew into town like the whirlwind he was the following Saturday. By Sunday afternoon, he was off to spend time with Rowena, leaving Dean and Cas somewhat exhausted and bewildered in his wake. He’d offered his support about the whole Sam situation while grinning excitedly about Eileen being possibly single. He was also thrilled that they were moving in together and readily agreed to help with selling the farm. In light of this development, Gabriel decided to extend his stay to help with the packing party. Cas had blanched a little at the thought of Gabriel staying for over a week, but it turned out that most of that time was spent with Rowena. Something about the moon phases just after the equinox and that was when both Dean and Cas tapped out of the conversation.

Dean had spent Friday night in his apartment for old time’s sake. After finishing his morning shift at the garage, Dean borrowed one of Bobby’s trucks to help haul things to the farmhouse later. He arrived back at his apartment to find it stuffed with his friends, eager to help. Unleashing Gabriel on everyone was an unexpected twist, but when Dean walked in, he found Jo and Charlie laughing and Benny merely giving Gabe a slight frown, which probably meant Gabe had refrained from pinching anyone’s ass. Cas gave Dean a big hug and they got to work. Dean had to shoo everyone but Cas out of his bedroom, insisting that the other areas of the apartment needed more packing than his very private room.

The bedroom didn’t have that much to pack in it, all things told, as Dean had been moving most of his clothes and other personal items to Cas’ place since he started spending the night there regularly. Still, Dean had no idea what potentially embarrassing items were laying forgotten in his closet, and he’d rather not give any of the four others fodder for never-ending jokes.

Dean left the bedroom in search of more boxes when he overhead a snippet of conversation he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear.

“…he looked absolutely pole-axed to see me walk in. I was polite though tempted to really mess with him.”

“How did he seem,” asked Jo quietly.

“Gotta be honest. A little rough. Tickled me to see it.”

Dean could hear the frown in Charlie’s voice. “Isn’t that like kicking a guy when he’s down?”

Gabe snorted. “Nah. That would be actively kicking him. Or telling Rowena exactly what went down between him and Dean.”

Was Gabe talking about Sam? Yeah, Dean was pretty sure he didn’t want to overhear any more by accident. He was definitely grilling Gabe later, though. He walked into the living room where Jo and Gabe had been working on packing boxes, along with Charlie who was breaking down all his computer stuff from his home office setup. They all looked up with guilty expressions on their faces as Dean entered. Dean could hear Benny in the kitchen.

“Dean,” started Charlie brightly. “We, uh…”

Dean held up a hand. “It’s okay Charlie. I know you were talking about Sam. It’s okay. Just didn’t want any of you to keep going not knowing I was listening.”

“Soooo, Dean-o. Don’t suppose you will completely ignore anything I might have said,” said Gabriel.

“Oh, I won’t forget. But we can have a conversation later. Especially about the part where telling Rowena would make a damn bit of difference to Sam.”

“Spoiler alert. She’s his boss,” muttered Gabriel with a mock attempt at secrecy.

Dean closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Nope. Definitely not the time for him to get into it. Dean grabbed a couple of assembled boxes and headed back to the bedroom where things were much simpler.

Five hours, four pizzas, and three trips to the farmhouse later, Dean was ready to corner Gabe which Cas was fully on board with. Two against one, Gabriel decided he couldn’t put off explaining any longer.

“How much did you overhear?”

“I came in right around ‘pole-axed’,” said Dean dryly.

Gabriel grimaced and sighed. “Well, like I said. Baby bro was more than a little shocked when I walked through the door on Rowena’s arm.”

“She’s his boss?”

“Well, more like his boss’ boss. She knows who he is though. Apparently he’s ‘good at research’ and it was quite the bummer to realize that wasn’t a euphemism.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You said he looked rough?”

“A little. Like maybe he was missing a few key pieces of his life.”

“Dean…” started Cas.

Dean squeezed Cas’ hand in reassurance. “It’s okay. I don’t feel bad that Sam might actually be experiencing some fallout from all this.”

“Well, I did talk to the giant oaf for a bit. Ro had to take a call before we could both take off for the afternoon.”

“And?” prompted Dean.

“Let me set the scene…”

“Gabriel,” said Cas warningly.

“Party pooper. Yeah, I talked to him. Started off at ‘civil’ so that he knew I wasn’t going to cause a scene. Made small talk. I acted like I hadn’t had the dish from the two of you already, asked after Eileen, played it completely clueless.”

“You are such a liar, Gabriel,” said Cas full of exasperation.

“I didn’t lie, I was just selective with the truth. Anywho, he reluctantly admits that he and Eileen had a fight involving the two of you but sort of glossed over the idea of having a huge fight with his brother in the middle of the local bar. But whatever, we all tell our stories our own way, blah blah blah. Conversation was petering out, which was fine by me. I have a source of endless amusement in my pants (It’s my phone you perverts, contain yourselves) so I was ready to wrap things up and just wait semi-patiently. But I can see he still has something to say. So I leave my phone alone and wait for him to decide he can’t hold it in any longer.”

Gabe paused to drink some of the soda in front of him. “Imagine my not-surprise thanks to the convos with you when he starts hinting about my little cousin and how he supports himself. And I’d like to think I took the high road here, but I absolutely did not. I think Sam sees me as just some sort of jester, as if any of us are just one thing. Well, I shut that shit down tout suite.”

Dean found himself fascinated. Whatever he was, Gabe was a captivating storyteller. “Whaddja do?”

Gabe gave Dean and Cas a feral smile. “Well, I, at a reasonable volume because fancy firms aren’t really the place for a shouting match unless you’re burning shit down, told him to go to hell. And I invited him, on his way to hell, to stow all his shitty classism where the sun don’t shine. And his judgmental bs while he was at it.

“I may have also informed him that you were quite wealthy, Cassie. What can I say, I lost my temper. I know you don’t like telling people, though I assume loverboy here knows. Anyway, I may have defended you with some specifics and I’m not sorry about that at all. Plus I might have pointed out that a lot of his arguments about Dean’s questionable choices seem to center around the men in your life instead of partners of all genders, which I understand is a just the way you roll.”

Dean’s mouth had dropped open somewhere in the middle of all this. It was incredibly clear that Gabe would happily cause maximum damage if crossed and was glad Gabe was on their side. Dean nodded dumbly at the last thing Gabriel said.

“Cool, bro. Samesies. Sam did NOT like that one bit. It was pretty damn funny to watch his expression contort through all sorts of discomfort. And of course the first thing out of his mouth was about how he is a staunch ally to the ellgeebeeteequeue whatever community. Who knows where the conversation might have gone after that, but Ro was done with her call and we exited arm in arm with Sam left stewing in his own juices.”

Dean shook his head. “Do you think it made a difference?” he asked quietly.

“What? Me sharing some truth with him? Maybe. It’s impossible to tell,” Gabe said.

“Does Rowena know that Dean and Sam are brothers?” asked Cas.

“Oh absolutely. After we hooked up the first time and decided we wanted to keep going, I looked at her company and saw a pic of Sam. Wasn’t a surprise to me at all that he was at the office. I mentioned it to her sometime, just like a ‘small world’ sort of thing.”

“And did you manufacture a reason for you to go to the office?” asked Cas pointedly.

Gabriel shrugged, the very picture of a kid caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “You got me! I may have finagled a site visit…”

“Gabriel,” said Cas with a growl. “I told you not to interfere.”

Dean looked at Cas in surprise.

“Don’t get your feathers ruffled. I promise that it wasn’t exactly interference.”

“How is that not interference?”

“Semantics?”

Dean interrupted the growing tension with a snort. “Cas, when did you tell Gabe not to interfere?”

“We talked about what happened the day after it happened.”

“And Gabe, what’s the deal? The truth this time, preferably.”

Gabe huffed and said, “I originally wanted to come back to town right away and knock some sense into your brother. Literally if necessary.”

Dean looked at Gabriel dubiously given the size difference between his brother and Cas’ much smaller and slighter cousin but said nothing.

“Castiel refused for me to do anything like that. And I acceded to his wishes. But I got to thinking…you’re basically family and the Samsquatch is literally your family which makes him at least sort of family to me too. And I want nothing but good things for our family. Ro and I had been discussing getting together, and I may have suggested her place instead of mine, but her place is genuinely nicer.”

“And confronting my brother at work?”

Gabe looked actually contrite this time. “Not the most noble thing I’ve ever done. My intentions were pure, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t satisfying. Neither of you, or your friend Benny for that matter, deserved any of what you got from Sam. I’m a firm believer that the only people allowed to mess with my family are me. I promise, I didn’t make a scene, I didn’t play any pranks or besmirch your bro’s reputation or whatever. Less than he deserved, but I promised Cas I wouldn’t go nuclear on the guy and I didn’t.”

“Thanks?” said Dean.

“You mad at me, Cas?”

Cas sighed. “No. I suppose not.”

“Great,” crowed Gabriel. “Well then that’s all settled. Now, can I help you unpack…”

“Nah,” said Dean. “Most of the stuff that was packed up today can stay in boxes until Cas and I decide on a place.”

“So you’re really moving out?”

Cas looked at Dean fondly. “It’s the right decision. Someone should actually use this land instead of just having it sit here.”

“So no developers.”

Cas’ expression grew dark. “Absolutely not.”

“Just making sure I’m clear on my assignment. No developers, no corporate owners. Preferably a family with an interest in farming.”

“Or rehabbing the land,” added Cas.

“Or rehabbing the land,” repeated Gabriel diligently. “Want help finding a place too?”

“Why are you a realtor,” asked Cas tartly.

Gabriel grinned. “Not last time I checked, but you never know when I might hear something promising.” Dean let the conversation wash over him. He added his two cents when he had any to give, but for the most part he was content to just sit and listen to the cousins talk and bicker. It felt comfortable with no ugly undertones. He wasn’t entirely sure how he felt about Gabe’s conversation with Sam. It was strange to think there was someone besides just his everyday friends who would be willing to come to his defense. And from what Gabe had said, it was Dean’s defense and not just Cas. Was this what it was like to have family, real family, who knew the truth and didn’t just love you anyway, but loved you for being you? Who didn’t second guess you, didn’t offer support only after evaluating your choices to death? His heart swelled at the thought. Getting his own place with Cas was just going to be icing on the cake.

#destiel #suptober22 #liar #gabriel #also you may have noticed #i didn't post Ch26 #i forgot about it #if you see this and are wondering #where's chapter 26 #you can read it on AO3 #or message me and i'll post it #here on tumblr

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spn-fanfic-reblog-writes · 2 years ago

Text

My Birthday Supernatural Dabbles for Readers and Followers

Today is my birthday and I thought I would give YOU a present. I am still getting the hang of writing, so I thought I would try this out. Please read the instructions below and send me an ASK. It may take me a few days but I will get to all my asks regarding this.

Below is a list of prompts and a list of Supernatural main and supporting characters that I will write for.

Instructions: Please provide one to thee (1-3) prompts and which character(s), one to three (1-3) of them a well. If it’s a preferred ‘ship,’ please let me know and I will do my best. 😊

Characters: (choose up to 3)

Reader

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Bobby Singer

Castiel

Charlie

Mary Winchester

Crowley

Sheriff Jody Mills

Claire

Alex

Rowena

Prompts: (choose up to 3)

I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.

Why are you helping me?

You could have gotten yourself killed! (But I didn’t!)

You have to leave. Right now.

Trust me.

You’re in love with her.

Watch me

I don’t believe you

It’s okay I’m here

Everything is okay

I’m going to protect you

Why can’t you love me back?

I have nothing left to give.

How could you do this to me? After all we’ve been through.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

This isn’t your fault okay? I promise.

I’m scared. What if someone finds out about us?

What were you thinking?

Don’t you know who I am? (Yeah, I just don’t care.)

I can’t believe you would do this to me! After everything I’ve done for you!

I can’t even look at you!

Stop coming back

I thought we were family.

There was never an us.

Do you want me to stop?

I fucked up. (No shit).

You’re hurting me.

I can’t live without you

You can’t sleep yet kid. I need you to stay awake.

If something were to happen to you… I don’t think I could take it.

Why not? (Because I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt.)

If I never see you again, just know that I love you.

Was I really that drunk?

I made a bet. I lost..

Whose side are you on?!

I wish you were here.

Pretend to be my date.

I can explain.

I’m sick of being useless, let me help.

I thought you were dead.

You look cute when you’re sleepy.

I can’t lose you.

Shh. Stop fussing I’m just braiding your hair

I might have slept with your robe while you were gone

You are my new pillow

It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep anyway

I heard you talking in your sleep

We’ll do dishes together

Did you just kiss me?

I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It’ll save water

Why do you run away from your problems all the time?

You can’t keep it all inside you know? Bottling it up won’t do any good

You’re not good for me

I had to get new bedding because I couldn’t lay in it without you there.

Our song came on and I needed to talk to you after I heard it

You made that choice, not me. You’re in this alone

Picnic date

It’s been too long since you really laughed/smiled

Back then I lied when I told you I didn’t love you. You needed to move on from me… I needed to protect you from me

Quit trying to fix me when you need to just fix yourself

What are you doing in my shirt? (I’m cold)

I want you. Only you.

Don’t shut me out

Give me one single reason why I shouldn’t leave

Are you drunk?

People are staring

How much of that did you see?

You’re mine.

Make me

I’d keep quiet unless you want to get caught

Instead of staring you could join.

Oh bite me. (Where?)

Don’t make me pull over… that’s it.

The only way you’re getting off is on my thigh or face

I’m going to remember this moment when I’m jerking off later (why not find me for the real thing?)

Let’s add to your mind porn collection

Can I?

Please, Sir/Ma’am/Daddy

If you don’t like me teasing then why are you moaning?

Pay attention to me

Say…Sir,understood?

If only you knew

What the hell?

Truth or dare?

I’m going to enjoy this far too much.

Tag list:

@fluffiest-dreams @myloversgone @riley-phoenix

29 notes · View notes

carni-val · 3 years ago

Text

Pomegranate Seeds [Jax Teller]

pairing: Jax Teller x F!Reader

summary: You finally explain your departure from The Underworld.

warnings: Timelines here not totally syncing up with the timeline of the show, Slight angst but comfort, smut [oral f!receiving, protected p in v, minors DNI]

author’s note: Here’s the second last part! I can’t believe we’re almost at the end. I hope you guys enjoy it!

Also, my requests are still open! If you want to request but are lacking inspiration, check out the writing prompts I’ve reblogged here!

Charlie Hunnam Masterlist | Jax Teller Masterlist

PART IV: RETURN TO THE UNDERWORLD [Pt. I]

PREVIEW | PART I: THE SURFACE | PART II: THE UNDERWORLD | PART III: THE IN-BETWEEN | PART V: RETURN TO THE UNDERWORLD [Pt. II]

after

It was six-thirty and there was still no sign of you. When six o’clock came around, Jax was hanging around the front door, pacing but ready to welcome you with open arms. Surely, you had to be nervous about being back after so long so he wanted to make sure that you knew you had nothing to worry about because everyone was so excited to see you again. At six-fifteen, Jax stepped outside and looked around to see if you were just approaching. At six-twenty, Gemma suggested Jax come and join everyone already seated at the table. Jax complied but his leg shook in agitation as his mind reeled with thoughts spanning from anger to concern. Did you only say yes to appease him? What if you said yes and meant it but something happened to you on the way over here? Jax couldn’t help but think about the last night he spoke to you. Really spoke to you:

I’m doing this for the club.

I have to do this on my own.

If you get involved, it’s just gonna make everything worse.

The table was all set up with food, fine China and cutlery all polished and shining under the light hanging above. The room was silent and with every tick of the clock, Jax grew more and more restless. He knew he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up. You had refused Jax’s invitations for the past five years, so what about this year would make you answer differently? The room was silent and Jax felt mortified under everyone’s cautious glances over at him. When you said yes, Jax had told everybody that you were finally coming. He couldn’t help it, he was just excited to have you back and upon the news, so was everyone else.

Gemma, Clay, Opie, Piney, Half-Sack, Chibs, Bobby, Tig, and Juice sat at the table, waiting for someone to say something. While they were excited at the news that you would be showing up, they still had some apprehension for Jax’s sake. They all knew how much Jax loved you, despite all of the time that passed and all of the women that followed and they didn’t want to see him get hurt. Jax only ever had eyes for you. Now his eyes were downcast at the table, eyeing the food that was getting cold. Eventually, all eyes landed on Gemma who shifted in her seat uncomfortably at the task that was silently handed to her.

“Maybe we should get started, baby,” she said to her son, trying hard to mask the disappointment in her own voice.

Jax’s hand was clenched on the table and he was digging his nails into his palm to bring his focus to something other than the way his throat constricted and eyes teared up. After a single pound of his fist against the table that sent the cutlery and plates bouncing against the hardwood, Jax stood up in an instant and made his way to the door, ignoring the calls of his mother and brothers. He was gonna figure out what the hell was going on with you once and for all because he played this game your way and frankly, he was exhausted. He held out hope for so long that things would go back to how they were soon only to crash when he found himself still stuck in the same position you left him. Now, it was time to play it his way. If you weren’t interested in coming back to the club, he needed to hear it straight from you so he could cut ties completely. Jax already had enough shit going on with the club and RICO, he really couldn’t weather another raincloud in this storm.

He grasped onto the door handle and yanked the door almost off its hinges. His stomping came to a halt at the sight of you standing at the door, one hand holding a bouquet and the other raised and ready to knock on the door. At the sight of you, Jax felt every piece of anger settle, like boiling water in a pot that just moved onto a cool burner. He was ready to apologize for every negative thing he said about you in his head just now, but as it stood, Jax was unable to say anything because you were here. You actually showed up.

“Hi,” your velvety voice caressed him. “I’m sorry I’m late, I had to stop by the store,” you gestured to the bouquet of red and white roses in your hands.

“Jax?” Gemma called before Jax could answer.

He heard Gemma walking up behind him and heard the stutter of her steps, most likely at the sight of you. You were like the ghost of SOA past and Gemma had to blink at the sight of you to make sure it really was you that was standing on her doorstep now.

“Hi Gemma,” you nervously chirped, cowering under their gazes. “These are for you,” you gestured to the flowers once more.

Jax turned to look at his mother who was as still as a statue a few feet away, eyes slightly glassy. “Hey sweetheart,” her voice was barely above a whisper and Jax couldn’t help but smirk as Gemma continued the rest of the way over to you two. Gemma never cared much for the women Jax had been with but you were different. Your bond was special: Jax noticed the way you admired his mother and the way she was around the club. You thought she was a great Old Lady and you wanted to be just like her and it wasn’t news to anyone but Gemma loved to be adored. It was still different though, because she admired you too.

“Um, is it okay if I come inside?” you breathed out a nervous laugh after checking over your shoulder and down the street.

Jax moved to the side, telling you that of course it was — that’s what you were here for. Gemma made her way over to the two of you and you handed the roses over to her, wishing her a happy Mother's Day. The Tellers had to take a moment to tear their gazes away from you, worried that if they looked away for even half a second, you would disappear.

“These are beautiful,” Gemma smiled as she buried her nose in one of the roses and took a breath in. “I’m gonna go put these in some water,” she smiled, glancing over at her son.

You began to take off your jacket with some help from Jax who then hung it up on a coat hanger next to the door along with your bag. Your perfume lingered in the air at the rustling of your clothes. It was a scent he only caught in passing in the store and it was different than the perfume you grew up wearing, but he liked this one better. It was more floral.

“I was beginning to think you weren’t gonna show up,” Jax admitted before he could stop himself.

“I’m sorry,” you casted apologetic eyes up at him. “I’ll explain everything later.” Silence was in the air as Jax tried to decode what exactly “everything” entailed: was it everything that lead to you being late today? Or was it the everything that had kept you from him for the last five years?

“I’m a bit nervous to be honest,” you breathed out an uneasy laugh.

“Don’t be,” Jax put his hand on the small of your back, deciding he’d find out later. “Everyone’s excited to see you.”

Entering the dining room, the quiet but bubbling chatter came to a halt and everyone turned to the two of you. You recognized many faces except for two of them. You noticed Gemma’s hand intertwined with Clay’s on the table and although you heard about JT’s death and Gemma remarrying, it was still strange to see the two of them together.

Opie had a soft smile on his lips, though it was hidden by a full beard now that even had grey strands within it. The two of you hadn’t seen much of each other, but you were sure Jax was keeping him in the loop about you. You knew that he got married to Donna and had a couple of kids with her. You were kind of hoping she’d be there too.

Chibs, Bobby, and Tig nodded your way and Piney had a sort of loving look in his eye. He was the last member of the trio that consisted of him, JT, and your father. Piney now had an oxygen tube under his nose that wrapped around his ears and it hurt your heart momentarily to see how older age was effecting him. The club looked so different and you felt further from it now than you ever did before.

You sent everybody a small smile and a quick hello as Jax led you to a seat between his and Gemma’s and across from Opie’s. The room was quiet as nobody really knew what to say or where to start. You felt like you were intruding and you were beginning to question whether showing up was the right choice or not.

“I’m Juice,” one of the unfamiliar faces spoke. He had a mohawk with two identical tattoos along either side of the strip of hair. He had a child-like smile and big doe eyes. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

You bit the inside of your lip to fight off a smile at that. Juice had come up in conversation occasionally as he was SAMCRO’s tech guy. “Good things I hope,” you smirked.

Juice nodded enthusiastically before you turned to the other unfamiliar face who had curly blonde hair and big blue eyes. You noticed he was prospecting by the lack of patches on his kutte, so he had to be Half-Sack.

“And you must be Half-Sack,” you nodded over to him.

He straightened in his chair, breathing out a nervous laugh. “K-Kip,” he nodded, “Half-Sack works too,” he shrugged.

“How was the surgery?” you quirked a brow.

“Rejected,” Bobby piped up from his chair before some of the other members began laughing.

“That shit swelled up like a balloon!” Tig laughed.

The table was all laughing now, even Half-Sack who had to admit that it was pretty funny looking back on it. You couldn’t help but laugh along with everybody around the table, feeling the tension ease dramatically. You looked over at Jax who was laughing along as well. His eyes glided over to you, catching your gaze and in that moment, you realized how different your life could’ve been. You’d imagined what it would be like to sit around a chatty dinner table with the club when you spent your nights eating dinner alone in your room, or even worse, with Jonathan at the dinner table. You could’ve had Jax by your side again with that look of adoration in his eyes and unapologetically happy smile on his face. You felt a rift in your happiness knowing you’d never have a moment like this ever again, but you anchored yourself in Jax’s eyes, trying to enjoy the night for what it was.

“Alright everybody, dig in!” Gemma smiled as the laughter died down.

Eager hands were flying everywhere, scooping all kinds of food onto plates while rambunctious conversation accompanied the clanging of cutlery against plates. You had caught up with the club, getting more details on the vague overviews Jax provided you with whenever he came to the shop. You spoke to Opie some more, asking him about Donna and his kids and he looked as happy talking about them now as he did when talking about Donna when you two were younger. He couldn’t fight back the smile and shoved more food into his mouth to try and suppress it which made you and Jax laugh.

You didn’t feel like a stranger in your own skin anymore as you found yourself talking to the club like you normally did, almost as if you’d been there the whole time. Almost as if you were home. Gemma would scoop more food onto your plate when you finished eating, wanting to make sure you ate well and didn’t feel hungry even though you assured her you were perfectly satisfied. You missed her more than you realized. When you had stopped communicating with the club, you were so caught up in how bad you felt about leaving Jax that you didn’t even think about how this effected Gemma. You worried that her love for you depleted over the years; she was like a mother to you and she saw you as the daughter she never had but always wanted and to take that away from her with no explanation must have been hard. You assumed Jax kept his promise and hadn’t said anything to anyone because if he did, you were sure Gemma would be knocking down your door looking for answers.

“So how have you been?” Gemma asked you as the chatter quieted down slightly. “What have you been up to?”

“Not much,” you shrugged, deciding it was best to keep things vague. “Working at the shop a lot. It’s been pretty busy with Mother's Day and all.” You worked nonstop not only to be away from Jonathan as much as possible, but to save up some money.

“Still gardening?” Opie smirked at you.

Your mind flashed to images of your dead and dry backyard. It hadn’t received nourishment in years due to your lack of motivation to get out there and maintain a large garden like you did when you were younger. After your conversation with Jax that night, you let the garden perish once and for all. You were too heartbroken to continue on doing much of anything really. You only recently started gardening again and the only flowers that remained lived right at your front door. You looked over at Jax and you found yourself making a mental note to buy some carnation seeds. “A little,” you nodded, sending Opie a smile back.

“How’s your brother?” Gemma asked, “He should be graduating soon, right?”

The dynamic in the room shifted at the mention of Jonathan. Your eyes flashed between Opie — whose soft facial features now turned to stone — and Jax who eyed you, trying his hardest to read you the way you easily read him. You looked to Piney when he gave a disgruntled grunt at the mention of your brother. You didn’t blame him; you didn’t blame anybody for their discontent with your brother because you, of all people, understood it best.

“He graduated a few days ago,” you simply replied before taking the last bite of your meal.

You noticed all eyes on you but Jax’s gaze was particularly piercing. You didn’t want to simmer on this topic for long so you turned the conversation to Bobby, asking him something about his side gig as an Elvis impersonator. He took the bait, seemingly understanding that you needed a lifeline right now. Bobby went into a whole story that had everybody laughing. You played along but felt unmasked under Jax’s unwavering gaze.

Eventually, plates we emptied and cleared away from the table before a new set of plates and cutlery were set down. Gemma emerged from the kitchen with her famous apple pie in hand. Clay had prefaced her entrance by trying to tell the table that he tried to keep her out of the kitchen today but she insisted on doing this. The Sons hooted and hollered and you couldn’t keep the smile off of your face as the smell of it brought back good memories. She placed the steaming pie in the middle of the table before beginning to cut into it and distributing pieces out to everybody. The room was quiet as everyone dug in. The pie was still as delicious as ever and you made sure to tell Gemma that.

“I decided to make it once Jax told me you were coming,” she whispered as the boys were caught up in their own conversations.

Nearing the end of your piece of pie, you picked up the last piece on your fork then looked beyond it to see Opie had one piece left too. He looked over at you and mirrored your action. You hesitated for a moment, wondering if it’d be weird now; maybe it’s something Opie had grown out of or even forgotten about but when he reached over across the table, you met him halfway and tapped your full fork against his before you both ate your own respective final bites with matching grins.

The sun set and one by one, the Sons left the house until it was just you, Jax, Gemma, and Clay. Jax sat beside you at the table, holding onto your hand now. He didn’t remember when or how this came about but he was thankful it did. All night, he tried to stop himself from jumping the gun, but he thought maybe this was the beginning of something long overdue. This might just be the first of many dinners you attended from now on and now there would always be a seat at the table for you located right next to him. Maybe you were finally coming back to the club and whatever you had to do was finally done.

It was starting to get late and Jax decided that he should take you home. This dinner was borderline antagonizing because all he could think about was getting you alone and finally receiving answers that he’d been waiting for all these years. The need only grew when your brother came up in conversation and your answers were cut and dry. The whole table could feel the dynamic change in the room and he wanted to know what was going on.

Gemma protested at Jax’s mention of you leaving and he could tell just how desperately she missed you. He knew that being a woman surrounded by men at all times was not easy and you were really one of the only other women she liked. Still, you handled it well when Gemma pulled you into a hug. Jax stood behind you and could see the fear in his mother’s eyes.

“Come back soon?” Gemma asked, almost pleading.

You wrapped your arms tighter around Gemma and took a moment to respond. Your body was completely still before you nodded your head. “Yeah,” you breathed out before pulling away from her. “Nice to see you again, Clay,” you told him before turning to Jax who had your jacket in his hand.

“Yeah, you too,” Clay said, staring right at Jax with the same look he’d been giving him all night.

Jax knew Clay wasn’t happy about him discussing club business with you, but it’s not like he told you anything you shouldn’t be hearing. Besides, you were part of the club in your own way and Jax trusted you with club information. You were SAMCRO by blood, whether Clay liked it or not. Anytime you brought up anything about the club at the table, Clay would glare over at you, listening to every word you said before Jax’s icy stare caught his eye. If he could’ve, he would’ve jumped over that table and beaten Clay’s eyes until they were both swollen shut.

“So, home?” Jax asked once you were both outside and you were strapping his helmet on your head.

“Actually, do you think we could go to the clubhouse?” you asked, wringing the strap of your bag with your hands. “We didn’t have much time alone at Gemma’s.”

Jax nodded without another word before you used his shoulders for balance as you climbed onto his bike behind him. He put his head down, pretending to adjust the footrests on his bike to hide his smile as you got settled and wrapped your arms around his waist. He felt your chin hovering above his shoulder and he composed himself and raised his head, turning to look at you. He noticed the slight upward curve at the ends of your lips and he couldn’t fight the grin that stretched across his face.

“Ready?” he asked.

You looked at him and your smile grew before you nodded. That’s all Jax needed before he started his bike and took off down the road.

Jax’s laughter rung in your ears long after you guys got off of his bike and into the clubhouse. You felt butterflies in your stomach just thinking about how tightly you were wrapped around him and the way he let his shoulder be the resting place for your chin at red lights. He would sometimes turn his head to look at you and his mouth would be close enough to kiss and other times, you two would sit in silent bliss and Jax would tilt his head closer to yours and let it lean against your head. When you closed your eyes, it felt like you had entered a time machine and were back to being a kid again. However, the occasional waft of his cologne brought you back to the present day. It was a more mature cologne, you didn’t know exactly which cologne it was but it was a lot better than the axe spray he was used to using when you were kids.

It was only a matter of time before the two of you attached to one another like magnets. One touch is all it ever took for the two of you to be physically inseparable. Once Jax took hold of your hand in his, you knew that was just the first domino to fall and take all of the other dominos in front of it down with it.

Jax stood behind you, his right arm wrapping against your waist as you looked at the wall of mugshots in front of you. You found your father’s mugshot still in its place without a single spec of dust on it. Memories of your father came and went these days: whenever you planted lilies and gladioli, when you heard a motorcycle roar past your house, or when you reread JT’s manuscript with your father’s handwriting in it, but tonight, you were able to remember your father without feeling a hole in your chest. Maybe because after so long, you weren’t alone.

“You guys kept it,” you jutted your chin towards the photo.

“Of course we did,” Jax confirmed as your eyes kept scanning the wall. Your eyes fell on Jax’s mugshot and you could only imagine what crime he committed to get that. You found Opie’s mugshot a little to the left and JT’s right in the middle. Even in his mugshot, JT still had kind eyes. You remembered the last time you were standing with him right in this very spot looking at this wall with him. You felt the hole in your heart expand just a little when you heard the news that JT died. The hole was like a gaping abyss with no way out and it almost sucked the life out of you. There was nothing there to stop the growth, but plenty to aid it.

You turned, walking deeper into the clubhouse and thinking about the days you’d spend here with your father and your best friends. Seats that were now empty were filled with visions of you, Opie, and Jax sitting in them and having the few drinks your parents would allow you to have. The pool table was once littered with balls, sticks, and the three of you trying out various trick shots you’d seen some of the other members do so effortlessly. You glanced at the door to the chapel, almost expecting JT, your father, and other founding members to pile out of there and greet you as they made their way to the bar — their chatter breaking the silence in the vicinity right now.

You looked down the corridor to your right to see JT’s powder blue bike hoisted up on a riser at the end of the hall with a couple of lights shining down on it and an American flag hung up behind it. It was the bike JT was riding when he had died. You didn’t know if it ran anymore but it looked salvageable. You remembered when Jax would boast about how his dad would give him that bike when he became President of the Sons.

“I never got to say sorry about your father,” you looked up at him to see him eyeing the bike himself.

He looked back at you, hiding his pain with a seemingly nonchalant shrug. Without another word, you wandered down the hall to the dorms and opened the door to Jax’s room. An overwhelming rush of memories flooded you about the last time you were in here. Not much had changed, it still had shelves that were cluttered with things, a dresser that you were sure housed unfolded clothes and a mirror attached to it that held pictures of Jax and Wendy — Abel’s mother — Jax and Opie, Jax with some of the Sons, and Jax with you. Then there was just a photo of you. Walking closer, you took the photograph out of the edge of the mirror which it was tucked into and bought it closer. It was a photo of you the night of Opie’s birthday party where the both of you had your first kiss. The thought of it made you cringe. You were so nervous around Jax back then and now he was the only person you felt comfortable around. Looking into the mirror, you noticed just how far you’d strayed from the person you once were.

You saw Jax stepping closer to you behind the mirror and you set the picture down onto the dresser before turning to him. He had his hands in his pockets, watching you. You watched him, not knowing where to start as your bag suddenly became very heavy on your shoulder. You both had such a good night and you didn’t want to ruin it. You loved Jax too much to hurt him again. Your eyes fell from his and to the floor as the weight of what you were about to do strangled you and brought tears to your eyes. The dread that polluted you was diluted by a single drop of catharsis knowing that now, you’d finally get it out in the open and you wouldn’t have to live this lie for much longer.

“What is it?” Jax stepped towards you.

You didn’t cry much anymore. You had trained yourself to be this way after you had been given the ultimatum by Jonathan, but your feelings for Jax always usurped your desire to be as strong as Gemma. You had to be transparent somewhere. If you weren’t, you’d snap. Still, you fought back against the tears before looking at Jax who was now looking down at you in concern.

“Sit down,” you prompted him calmly while gesturing to the bed behind him and although confused, Jax complied as you reached into your bag. “Do you remember when you got patched in and the feds were using RICO against the club for the first time?” Jax nodded silently. “It was after my dad died, when I was skipping school and spending all my time with you and Op and the club.” You clutched the piece of paper in your hand as Jax nodded again. “Jonathan wanted to get me out. He tried through making sure I stayed in school and keeping an eye on me as much as he could, but those ways didn’t work and he tried to get me to stay out of the club by using the club.”

Jax’s brows furrowed in confusion at your statement. He was gripping onto the edge of the bed and you could tell he just wanted you to come out with it already. Still, you held apprehension about what the club might do to him if Jax decided to tell them any of this. It wasn’t just what the club would do but the cops that would be asking questions that would uncover things that had been swept under a heavy rug years ago. You had a lot more to lose now.

“Promise you won’t say anything to the club about any of this?” you asked of him.

Jax hesitated for a moment, still dizzied by where you were going with all of this, but still, he agreed.

You began digging into your bag, “Jonathan was gonna give this statement to the feds to help with the RICO case if I didn’t stay away from the club,” you handed over the sheet of paper you pulled out. It was a photocopied version of the statement Jonathan had shown you all those years ago. You had it made a few days after that fateful night in the kitchen while he was at school. You wanted to make sure that if Jonathan ever tried to submit a statement that made it look like you ratted, that you had proof that you didn’t. You watched Jax as he read the words, his eyebrows furrowing at one part then raising at another. “I couldn’t take any risks in being anywhere near the club because your dad was still alive back then and this would’ve put him in some serious trouble and I didn’t want you to lose JT like I lost my father.”

Jax looked up at you with exasperation. He was glad to finally know the truth, but he could’ve helped you; he would’ve figured something out for you. You were gonna be his Old Lady and Jax was supposed to keep you out of trouble like this. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Jax asked.

“If I said anything to anyone in the club, Jonathan said he’d give in that statement but make it look like I ratted,” you answered. “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t risk telling anybody anything or being around the club and if I left then Jonathan would’ve given the statement to the feds and I’d look guilty.”

“Why didn’t you say anything when the feds gave up on RICO?”

“Because Jonathan’s statement was too strong to not reopen the case if he gave it in after the fact. It pinned your dad — the president — for murder. The feds wouldn’t be able to resist opening it back up if it meant they would get your dad.” You sighed, walking over to him and sitting next to him on the bed. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you but there was nothing else I could do — nothing that didn’t involve too many risks. My hands were tied.”

Jax let his eyes leave the page and look to you, “Why are you telling me now?” he questioned. “RICO’s back and this still pins existing members of SAMCRO.”

Your heart pounded in your chest as you looked at the agony in Jax’s eyes. You were not only ripping the band-aid off but you were about to pour salt in the wound. “I’m leaving Charming,” you whispered, unable to meet his eye.

Jax stilled for a moment before he turned his body to face you and he put the piece of paper on his bed. You dared to look up at him and immediately regretted it when you saw the disbelief and excruciation in his eyes.

“Jonathan said that once he graduated, he’d be taking me with him out of Charming. We’re gonna Texas to be with Helene. Our flight is tomorrow morning.”

Jax pushed himself up from the bed and began to pace in front of you as his breathing quickened. “That’s why you came when I asked this time,” his body was shaking. His head whipped towards you and you nodded, your vision clouding with tears. Jax ran his hands through his hair and then over his face as he took in deep breaths to calm himself. Jax looked to you with red, teary eyes, unable to say anything in this moment because he was so swarmed with emotion.

“I didn’t want to leave without telling you everything,” you stood up. “I needed you to know why I did it.”

Jax turned his head to look at you, “You should’ve come to me.”

“I couldn’t, Jax—“

“You should’ve!” he cut you off, turning towards you.

“I wasn’t gonna let him hurt you the way he hurt me!” you fought back. “Being without the club and without you made me miserable and you’re more entrenched in this club than I ever was and I knew if you lost this club and your dad because of me, you’d never forgive me!”

“I love you, Jackson,” your voice wavered after a moment of silence and it caused a stray tear to fall down Jax’s cheek. “And I can stand to love you from a distance but I can’t stand you hating me,” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence and Jax saw your face streaked with tears.

Jax fell silent as his words, feeling the anger subside and all that he was left with was raw pain, the kind he tried to numb with other women. You were right and he knew that. You loved the club — you never wavered on that — but you knew what the club meant to Jax and if things had gone Jonathan’s way, Jax would’ve been blinded by his love for the club and the pain that would come from believing you would hurt him this way when things were already raw between you. He would have hated you for taking away two things in the world that meant so much to him.

Being away from you nearly killed him but you were suffering all these years in a completely different way right in front of him and he didn’t do anything about it; that’s what hurt him the most. That’s why he was so upset. He should’ve done something because you were his Old Lady — even when you were apart, even when the both of you were with other people — and he didn’t do the one thing that he was supposed to do for you.

Jax reached out and stepped in front of you. He held your head in his hands and pressed his lips to yours without missing a beat. He held you in a tight grip and pressed his body against yours. His heart jumped at the feeling of your arms wrapping around his waist and sealing him right against you. His heart was pounding against his chest and he wondered if you could feel it. You clutched at the back of his kutte where your hands rested and Jax ran his hands from your jaw down your neck and under the lapels of your jacket, feeling your skin against his sent lust shooting throughout his veins. Like an addict, he was desperate to feel that rush again so he slid his hands underneath the leather and pushed it back.

Your lips pulled away from his but Jax was eager to press his lips against yours again because finally it was you on the receiving end, not just an imagined version of you.

“No, no,” you panted against his lips, “I can’t.” Jax pulled away. “Jonathan is expecting me to come home, and if I stay out he’ll come looking for me and then he’ll know I’m not at Shelley’s.”

“You’re not going back home,” Jax concluded before pressing his lips against yours again. He’d deal with Jonathan later because right now, he had more important matters to tend to. “You’re safe here,” he panted as he pushed your leather jacket off of your body, letting it fall to the ground. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.” The words were ghosts that still lingered since the last time the two of you were here together, but still you carried on.

Jax’s kutte fell on the floor next to your jacket before he hoisted you up and laid you down on the bed. Your legs wrapped around him felt like bliss and he didn’t mind being trapped here forever. Your fingers worked on the buttons of Jax’s flannel and stripped him out of it as he kept kissing you. Once he got rid of it, he moved his lips lower to your neck and the pleasure caused you to arch slightly. Your hands ran along his back and the uneven texture on his skin made you open your eyes. When you did, you noticed traces of ink along his back in the notorious Sons of Anarchy tattoo that covered his whole back. You blushed at the effect it was having on you.

Jax had the urge to pinch himself whenever he looked down at you but he never went through with it because if this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up anytime soon. He let his calloused hands warm your cheeks and cup your chest as he let his fingers tug and twist at your nipples before his mouth captured them one at a time. Each time you moaned his name it made him more and more desperate to just bury himself in you already but the need to take his time was stronger. You two had lost out on so much time and he wanted to worship every part of your body because he was rewriting the memory of it and your reactions in this moment.

You were bare beneath him as he let his lips travel down your body until he was nestled between your legs. He looked up at you and met your eye. You were watching in anticipation as your legs had goosebumps springing up at the feeling of his thumbs caressing the soft skin of your thighs. Jax kept his eyes on you as he leaned over and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your right thigh. He noticed the way your chest jumped at the sharp intake of breath you took and your eyes grew hooded as you continued to watch him.

Jax couldn’t remember the last time he had done this without a blanket over his head. In the beginning, he would just close his eyes and imagine that it was you but when that stopped working, he’d crawl under the covers and do this, making it easier to substitute the girl in front of him with the thought of you. He vowed that those days would come to an end starting tonight. He wasn’t letting you slip away from him, not this time, not when you looked so good in front of him. Not when the only other option was you moving to another state. You were perfectly fine here as far as Jax was concerned. There was nowhere else you belonged other than with him.

He planted a few more kisses along the skin of your thighs, letting more goosebumps bloom along the surface before he turned his face forward. He couldn’t hold back anymore as he felt the heat pooling in his stomach and the ache in his cock begging him to do something. Jax leaned forward, capturing your heat in his mouth and using the muscle of his tongue to massage your clit. Your body jerked in his hold but Jax held you in place as he continued. Your moans and whimpers motivated him to keep going and he noted the spots that made you gasp and arch. His eyes closed in bliss as he relished in the taste and sound of you. Your cries made him work harder and moan against you.

Jax felt your fingers dig into the space between your thigh and his hand. He loosened his hold and let you entangle his hand with yours next to your body on the bed. His heart soared and elevated his pleasure to heights it hadn’t been taken before. You grasped onto his hand tightly but your thumb was soft as it ran against the back of it. He wanted to be close to you again; he missed the warmth of your body completely underneath him. Jax decided that for now, he just needed to be close to you. Next time, he’d take more time leading up to this, but right now, he needed all of you.

Jax pulled back, rubbing his thumb along your thigh at the whimper of protest. He released your hand as he made his way up your body again and once he was hovering above you, he brushed away the hair sticking to your forehead before kissing you. Your hands wrapped up and around his back and shoulders, holding onto him and keeping him close. Your mouth pressed against his neck when he turned his head to grab a condom from the nightstand. Your warm tongue casted over sensitive spots on his neck that had him leaning into your touch and made his head heavy with lust. Your hands had moved up to his hair, clutching it and bringing him down for another kiss once he finally got the condom on.

The kiss broke upon your gasp when Jax began to inch himself in. He was holding himself up with his forearms and grasping onto the pillows at the feeling of you engulfing him. He desperately wanted to give into the pleasure and let his head fall into the crook of your neck but the sight of your face contorted in pleasure and eyes turning nearly black because of your expanding pupils couldn’t be beat. Jax stayed there for a moment, trying to get his breathing under control as he felt his heart racing erratically for a multitude of reasons. He watched as a single tear rolled down the side of your face and got lost in your hairline.

“Jackson,” you choked out as he cupped your face and wiped away the trail that the tear left.

“I love you.” The pleasure punched it out of Jax and sent him into a dizzying pleasure. He slowly inched his hips away before letting them press against yours again. A choked out moan left your mouth.

“I love you,” you pulled his head down to press his forehead against yours. Your lips were only inches away and he pressed an occasional kiss to your open mouth as he’d raise his hips only to let them collapse against yours again electrifying all of your nerve endings with pure pleasure. Jax never looked better; his hair was all over the place thanks to the deft movements of your fingers, his muscled chest was heaving against yours in the space between your bodies, and his eyes were fixed on you. The sight of him now was one for sore eyes; eyes that cried and puffed up when in his absence.

Jax brought your legs up to wrap around his waist before elevating himself on his hands and thrusting his hips against yours harder and with more purpose. He shuddered as he felt your hand run down the expanse of his chest and fall into the dips and curves of his tense and muscled abdomen. Your hand rounded his waist and trailed up the dip of his spine, up and over the reaper settled on his back. Your palm flattened against the skin before you pulled yourself up pressed your lips to his neck, muffling your moans as you left sloppy kisses against the warm skin there before they fell to his collarbones. You licked and sucked and it sent Jax’s eyes rolling back in his head and his hips thrusting harder as he was so close and by the way your warm, wet walls were fluttering around him, he could tell you were too.

Jax looked down at you once he heard his name fall from your lips again. It was a sound that could open the gates of heaven, even for sinners like the two of you, and convince the powerful beings up there to willingly hand over all their treasures. Your hand was pressing harder against his back as you peered up at him with eyes that held more love than he’d ever experienced in his entire lifetime. Nobody loved him as well or as much as you did.

“Kiss me,” your quiet voice was broken by a moan.

How could Jax refuse that? He let his muscles relax and bent his elbows to rest on his forearms again as he let your hand pull him closer to you until your lips met. Your legs wrapped tightly around his waist, limiting his movements to a slow grind right where you needed him. The moans were endless and pouring out of the both of you like a fountain. Jax was pressed right up against your sweet spot and your convulsions squeezed Jax perfectly.

Jax brought a hand up to your cheek cradling it just for a moment before your hand wrapped around it and pulled it down your body. His palm brushing against your nipple on the way down made you gasp into the kiss before you settled his hand in between your bodies. Jax nestled his thumb in the space between and began rolling firm circles over your clit. You moaned into his mouth and Jax devoured them all, letting some of his fall into the mix. As you were approaching your high, Jax had to pull his mouth away from yours and watch as you fell apart underneath him. He watched your mouth fall open, your eyes screw shut, and your eyebrows pull together in pleasure. He worked his hand and hip harder, wanting you to stay in this state of bliss for as long as possible. After all you’d been through, you deserved it. He was holding off as best as he could but just as you were coming down, he lost all control, burying his face in the crook of your sweaty neck and groaning as he pushed himself as far as he could go before stilling his hips and letting the pleasure take over all of his senses.

Jax was brought back to reality by you pressing gentle kisses anywhere your lips could reach and gently combing out his frayed hair with your fingers. You stayed connected for a moment longer, both of you basking in the afterglow with gentle kisses pressing to each other’s skin occasionally. Eventually, the two of you lay pressed together in silence as Jax’s thumb ran along your hairline and your fingers gently combed through his beard. Once your breathing returned to normal, the two of you disconnected and exhaustion swept through you and took all the energy that you had.

4:15am flashed at you from Jax’s nightstand that stood beside the bed. Despite the exhaustion, you lay awake, listening to the rhythmic thudding of his heart and letting your head be carried by the wave his chest created as he breathed deeply in and out. His arm wrapped securely around you and held you close as he slept. Your mind kept you up by replaying the events that transpired hours ago and comparing and contrasting them to the last time you were here. You lay awake in this room, watching the clock as it warned you that dawn would soon be breaking and all these years later, it was warning you of the same thing and reminding you of something your father wrote:

You can’t be half in-half out. The club always wins. You can try and compartmentalize — play the part the other side expects of you at any given time — but before your eyes, you’ll become fully submerged in it again. Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing depends on you but no matter the decision you make — to stay or go — you will bleed.

#jax teller #jax teller imagine #charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam imagine #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine

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majesticnerdynerd · 3 years ago

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A Guide to My Supernatural Fics and Series

I thought I could put together links to my fics in case anyone is interested. I also have a superwholock fic in progress, but I’ll center this purely on the SPN fandom.

It’s the Fluffy Destiel That Keeps Us Going Series

Status: in progress (accepting prompts!)

Description: This is a series of destiel adventures, featuring Sam Winchester as the best Third Wheel ever! Most of the stories stand on their own, but perhaps some of them will be related...

Changes Are Taking the Pace I’m Going Through Summary: Cas and Dean grow closer until the line between friends and more than friends is indistinguishable. Or, 3 times Cas and Dean were platonic, 2 times they weren't, and 1 when Sam lost his shit. These are five snippets of how Destiel came to be~

I Put a Spell On You Summary: There are rumours that a witch in town is acting out, putting people under spells. No person got hurt, yet, and it seems that most of her magic serves to be merely inconvenient as opposed to harmful, but is it? Team Free Will investigates, although, as per usual, there are troubles. The witch puts a spell on Cas and Dean while singing Bicycle Race by Queen that causes them to act like a couple in love (though aren’t they already?) and Sam has to find a way to break the spell. But will Cas and Dean, after facing their desires in the bluntest of ways, want the spell to end?

Take It or Leaf It Summary: Cas is a florist. Dean is an angry customer-become-regular-become-head-over-heels. Flower puns follow. Go figure.A flower shop AU. The ‘fuck you’ bouquet tumblr post inspired.

As I said, the above is still in progress/incomplete, usually one-shots or multi chapter shorter pieces for fluffy destiel (of sorts). I am accepting prompts to write, so if anyone has something they’d like to see, hit me up!

Take It or Leaf It Series

Status: in progress

Description: This series details the love story of Cas and Dean, who met at Castiel's flower shop when Dean came in to request a 'fuck you' bouquet. It grew from there, and so did their love and adoration for one another.

This sprouted from a then-one-shot from the above series, and is currently my most popular fics/fic series that utilises flower puns!

Take It or Leaf It Summary: Cas barely had time to look up over the bouquet of lavender roses he put there before a calloused hand slammed a couple bills on the counter and his eyes met a piercing, fuming, green look surrounded by exquisite freckles all around. “Quick, how do I say ‘fuck you’ in flower?” the man said, and Cas found himself at a loss for words momentarily before snapping back to present.

Tulips Together Summary: Cas and Dean wake up after their shared night together after Cas offered Dean a place to take a shower at, and it goes all domestic (and later hot). Dean cooks breakfast, Cas takes a cold shower, and Daphne and Velma are fluffy. Also, Kelly is smug, and very excited to finally see Cas stop pining and be in his boxers with Dean standing behind him and grinning madly.

You Made My Daisy Summary: Cas is busy working at the flower shop when a customer, a tall man in a suit, strolls in asking for a bouquet to express his loathing for a colleague, he offers him his and Dean's trademark 'fuck you' bouquet. Turns out, it is Sam Winchester, the younger brother of Cas' boyfriend Dean. Hilarity and sibling banter ensues.

You Can Poppy-n Anytime Summary: Cas and Dean finally give in and it's time to meet all the important people in their immediate lives. Charlie makes a gracious appearance, Kelly makes a buddy immediately, there's smut because Cas and Dean just have the rights, and later there is dinner with Mary Winchester, Sam and Bobby, so Cas gets to meet Dean's family properly. There's more flowers, flower puns, and more cute relationship stuff between the boys.

Last Bud Not Least! Summary: It is September 28th - Cas' birthday. The Sunday starts off slow as Cas goes to his flower shop to prep for the week ahead, and Dean and Kelly lose no time preparing a surprise birthday party for him. Jimmy, Cas' twin brother, his wife Amelia and daughter Claire join the planning too. There's cats, chocolate cake, decorating of said cake (Claire helps Dean), and so much fluff Cas could die seeing the people most important to him do such a gesture for him.

That’s it for now. This post will likely expand. Again, prompts are open and welcome for the Fluffy Destiel Series!

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holylulusworld · 4 years ago

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Play Pretend

Title: Play Pretend

Summary: Sam betrays you in more than one way. Years later you meet again. Can he win you over again or will you never forgive him for breaking your heart?

Squares filled for: @spnquotebingo

Quote: ("I wake up in the morning and I feel like I'm missing something. I know that there's something not right, and it takes me a while to remember what it is... then I remember. My best friend is gone. My only friend. It was silly of me to rely so much on one person." - Love, Rosie)

Word Count:

Pairing: Sam Winchester x fem!Reader, implied Sam x Ruby

Characters: Dean Winchester

Rating: Mature

Warnings: angst, language, cheating, sadness, break-up, mentions of blood junkie Sam, hurt & comfort, fluff, meeting again, second chances???

A/N: Set in Season 4/later on Season 10

Divider by @firefly-graphics

SPN Quote Bingo masterlist

The night before your world exploded…

“Hey, sweetheart,” Dean pokes his head into your room, or rather the room you share with your boyfriend of four years, Sam. The love of your life. “Sammy is still at the bar and tries to find out if there is anything the victims got in common.”

“Dean, I love you like a brother,” you whisper, not even lifting your head to meet his eyes in the dim light of your bedroom, “but please stop lying for Sam.”

“I did not lie, Y/N,” mumbling the words Dean steps closer into the room, eyes glued to the wrapped gift on the nightstand. “A gift?”

“He forgot our anniversary, Dean. I know he's with her, that demonic bitch again. I can see her red lipstick on his shirt and smell her cheap perfume and the sulfur. I tried to make Sam see she’s not what he wants or needs but-“

Your voice cracks and you wipe your eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” Dean sits on the bed next to you, eyes glued to the gift on the nightstand. “Sammy, he changed since I’m back, or maybe it was while I was gone.”

“The moment you were gone he stopped being my Sam and became a shadow of the man I fell in love with. I let him stray, even leave me for weeks as he lost you but now – you are back, and he still leaves me.”

“Maybe you should talk to Sam, Y/N,” you turn around, shaking your head lightly. “What do you want to do?” Dean asks, already knowing the answer. “I will miss you, Y/N. You’re the annoying little sister I never had.”

“I will miss you too, Dean,” choking out a sob you close your eyes. “You know that you can always call me. Just give me some time to calm.”

Just like any other night for months you lie on the edge of the bed, ignoring Sam sneaks into your shared bedroom.

You can smell her on him, and if the moonless night would offer more than dim light you could see the lipstick on his neck and the scratch-marks on his back.

Sam hides his infidelity poorly lately. Hickeys. Lipstick. Her scent on him. He seems to want to rub it in your face that he’s no longer interested in you.

His hands, the ones which once felt so warm are cold when he touches you now. Not sexually, of course. Sam didn’t even look at you for months. Not that you wanted him to touch you.

You pretend you are asleep when Sam settles on the bed next to you. He sighs, mumbling your name when his eyes land on the gift on his nightstand.

“I forgot our anniversary, babe,” he whispers, rolling to his side to look at the back of your head. You can feel his hand gently run over your arm, but you don’t move, not wanting to break things up with him tonight. “Gonna make it up to you after we killed Lilith.”

Tonight, you will let your hatred burn all the love your felt for him out of your heart. Tonight, you will play pretend and ignore the pieces of your heart on the floor when he kisses your neck softly.

Tomorrow you will get back up and leave the love of your life for good.

The next night you are gone. You don’t lie in a cold bed, waiting for the love of your life to pretend he still loves you. And you don’t pretend to not see the love in his eyes is long gone…

“Gone?” looking around your shared bedroom Sam balls his hands into fists. “How can Y/N be gone? She was with you the whole time.”

“You mean the time you spend with your favorite demon, the one you love to fuck?” Dean spats, stepping toward the nightstand. “She even bought you a gift even though she knew you fuck that corpse. I think I’ll take a few days off.”

“Do you want to leave me too? Just like the useless girl I dragged around for years?” Sam spats.

“Sammy, I love you but right now, I don’t recognize my brother anymore. No wonder Y/N left and didn’t look back…”

Around six years later, St. Cloud, Minnesota

“I’m telling you, Sammy,” Dean smirks, jerking his head toward the bags with food on the table at their shared motel room, “this is the best burger in town. The owner makes the pickles, Sam. You should learn to enjoy the little things.”

Sam makes a face, not in the mood to talk about food with his brother. “If you say so,” he shrugs, glancing at his phone. “You know, we could just sit this one case out.”

“I’m fine,” Dean grumbles, thumb running over the mark on his arm. “It’s calmer today. Just let me enjoy my food, drink some beer and forget about anything else.”

“Rowena said she’s close to finding a spell to break the bond. Charlie and Castiel help her stay focused on helping you and not rule the world,” laughing Dean looks at his brother, shaking his head.

“You need to get laid, Sammy. Find a girl and stop worrying about me.”

“I’m not in the mood,” Sam tuts, looking at Dean’s greasy food. “I just-“

“I know, I know,” rolling his eyes the elder brother takes a large bite of his burger. “You can’t focus on a sweet girl while your brother runs around with the Mark of Cain.”

“Exactly.”

“That’s bullshit, Sam. Go to that bar we passed on our way here. Hit on the bartender or whoever floats your boat. Get laid,” adamant Dean hands Sam a condom. “Don’t come back before you got laid.”

“DEAN!”

“SAM!”

“FINE!”

“What can I get you?” the bartender asks, giving Sam a sweet smile. The kind of smile she spares for men like Sam who rarely stumble into her bar. “Beer, Whiskey, or something sweeter?”

“Beer is fine,” Sam looks around the almost empty bar, hating Dean made him leave. “Maybe some peanuts too.”

“I wouldn’t eat the peanuts,” watching someone sit next to him Sam eyes you warily. “It only makes you thirstier for their cheap beer,” you whip your head to meet Sam’s gaze. “It’s awful by the way.”

“Y/N,” choking your name out Sam lets his eyes wander to comfirm it’s really you. He looks at the tiny tattoo on your neck, a tiny butterfly. The one you got while Sam held your hand tightly.

Your hair is a little longer, and your face shows your journey since he last saw you. But it is you. Undoubtable.

“Winchester,” you tap your glass, glaring at the bartender who ignores you to shove a piece of paper with her phone number toward Sam. “You look good. Heard you killed that bitch.”

“That was six years ago, Y/N,” Sam moves closer, places his large hands onto the dirty bar counter. “H-How have you been? Do you still hunt?”

“Never got out of business,” you shrug, eyes glued to your glass now. “Heard you got out of business some time ago. Seems like you’re back to business to me. Wasn’t your style?”

“Dean came back,” mumbling Sam looks at you, feeling his heartbeat quicken when you nod silently. “Guess she wasn’t the one.”

“No one seems to be ‘the one’ to you, Sammy,” it’s a low blow but you deliver it with a smirk. “That you cheated on me was the best thing happening to me. I finally had the time to train more and focus on the one thing I’m good at. Killing.”

“You’re not a killer, Y/N,” you scoff at Sam’s words, not wanting him to believe you are still the broken girl he betrayed years ago. “I wasn’t me back then, Y/N. Ruby, she fed me demon blood. I wanted to become more powerful to defeat Lilith.” he sits next to you, hand reaching out for his beer to hold onto something to calm his nerves. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix what you have broken, Sam. I trusted you. Dean and Bobby trusted you. None of us was good enough to you. It wasn’t Ruby pushing me away, it was you,” you down your drink, slamming the glass onto the counter. “Go ahead and fuck the bartender, Sam. She almost drools all over you.”

He watches you toss a few bucks onto the counter before you turn to leave. Sam can’t let you go, he just can’t, so he does the only thing coming to his mind – he grasps for your arms to slam you against the nearby wall, his lips silencing you.

“Sam, let me go,” you pant. God, you hate he looks even better in the dim light of the dingy bar. The years have been kind to Sam. Even though you see the pain and loss he endured in his eyes and the fine lines around his eyes, he’s still the most attractive man you ever met.

“Please, let us talk, Y/N. I know you’ll not believe me, but I never forget about you. And I never forgave myself for hurting you deeply,” he whispers, lips pressing against your temple.

“I can’t talk to you, Sam. Do you know how I felt? Do you?” you cry, tears on your cheeks. “In the first weeks I-I felt like-“ you choke out a sob, shaking your head when Sam tells you he’s sorry again.

“Y/N,” he whispers, voice deeper than you remember. You missed Sam grew out of his insecurities and became a man. He’s no longer the boy he used to be when you still were a thing. “Give me the chance to talk to you, please. Dean, he would be happy to see you too.”

“Back then all I could do was to leave and still, you affect me. I wake up in the morning and I feel like I'm missing something. I know that there's something not right, and it takes me a while to remember what it is... then I remember. My best friend is gone. My only friend. It was silly of me to rely so much on one person." you sniff.

“Oh, Y/N,” you hate his eyes soften and you know it’s only a matter of time Sam will try to bring you into his arms. “I should’ve never let you go. You were my best friend, the only woman I loved after I lost Jess. Please, believe me, I never wanted to hurt you.”

“You were not only my lover but my family too. Do you know how lonely I was? I had no one left, no one,” crying you let Sam bring you in his arms. The pain and hurting hit you out of nowhere when you feel his warm chest press against your face. “How could you cheat on me with that corpse?”

“’m so sorry, baby girl. So sorry,” Sam curses. He thought about you now and then, never forgot about you over all those years. He believed you got over him and found love in someone else’s arms. It pained him to think about you; but seeing you like this, facing the consequences of his failure shatters his heart. “Please, let me take you to my home, show you a place where you can feel safe.”

“I never was safe, Sam. Not without you by my side. I-I got broken, beaten, and ripped apart more than once. Do you see the girl from back then in me? I don’t. She’s gone and I don’t know if I’ll ever find her again.”

“Y/N,“ Sam whispers your name, kissing your hair softly. “I found you again. Now let me help you find yourself…”

Tags in reblog.

#play pretend #spnquotebingo #Sam Winchester #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader #angst #tw: cheating #sam x reader #sam x you

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creativeashproductions · 4 years ago

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If I Stay Part One // Luke Patterson

Summary: A beautiful day Luke visits a record store to relive the times he would buy an album, but he finds more than memories. He meets you and a connection blossoms between you two and then Reggie and Alex as well. All is well until Julie discovers something.

Warning: Swearing, talk of death and car accident!

Words: 2.6k

A/N: This is based off the movie If I Stay and the movie Charlie St. Cloud. Sorry for not posting sooner, my sister in law along with my three nieces were in a car accident. Thankfully the kids are okay but my sister-in-law in currently in hospital due to minor injuries thus far.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX PLEASE!

Masterlist

So, Julie’s life changed dramatically in the lost year and few months, firstly her family lost their mother. Secondly, Julie’s love for music faded until the melody and lyrics were haunting memories. Thirdly, after losing her place in the music program, she had to question her sanity. For in her garage lived three teenage ghosts to her disbelief and horror quite frankly; the ghosts grew on her so much she was in a band with them.

In the hours that Julie was attending school, the boys tended to tour the entire city. They enjoyed seeing the changes that had happened for the two and a half decades. Reggie really enjoyed the western-themed stores, even scaring a little girl with a floating cowboy hat that disappeared once on his head. Alex adored learning about the drastic changes within in the LGBTQ+ community, he had plans for when 2021 LA Pride came in June. Luke, of course, would go anywhere that had music such as music stores, record stores, concert venues and even followed a rock legend once.

“Ooh.” A voice spoke in the record store, “This would be the perfect gift.”

Luke turned to see you gazing at the Rock N’ Roll records with a passion in your eyes and an adorable smile that melted his heart. He couldn’t help but walk closer even if he had no clue if you could see him or not.

“Def Leppard? Definitely one of my favourite bands.” Luke spoke anticipating the usual one-sided conversation. His speculation shattered when you turned to face him with big eyes, “You can see me.”

You nodded your head, pushing your hands into your faded blue jeans glancing around the store, hoping the owner didn’t notice. To your relief the man was oblivious, Luke glanced over before stepping closer.

“You’re alive?”

“Mhm.” You spoke, removing a single hand to play with your burgundy jacket that cinched at the waist to give form. It was open to reveal a plain black shirt that left an inch of your midsection free, “I always wondered if ghosts were real. I got my answer.”

“This is so cool! My friend is the only person that can see my friends and me.” The grin was breathtaking on the teenage ghost. There was a connection between the two that was immediate and intense.

“At least you’re not alone.” You supplied turning to pick up the record, turning it around to read the tracklist. In the end, you decided you didn’t feel like buying it, replacing it you started for the front door.

A college-aged person walked in glued to the screen of the phone not replying as you mentioned a thank you before the door closed. Luke rushed to follow your steady pace in black hiking boots.

“Where are you going?” Luke questioned coming to the same stride as the girl that had taken his attention quickly. His interest had grown when he found he could hold a conversation with her.

“It’s a nice day. I thought I would go for a walk.” You replied, stopping to look around the street with curious eyes. Luke yearned for those eyes to look in his again because he swore he saw a galaxy in them, “Would you like to join me?”

Luke’s head was nodding in response with a new pep in his step as you walked down the street filled with all different kind of stores. Luke recognized Family Living Grocery store as the one that the Molina got their groceries, he and the guys had joined Julie on a trip once. It was one of his worst memories as a ghost, surrounded by snacks and food he couldn’t indulge in.

“So, what’s your story, Caspar?” You questioned stopping to look as at a beautiful dollhouse, “My cousin had one. We actually renovated it a while back for her unborn niece.”

“Caspar?” Luke teased, watching the nostalgia faded from your expression as you continued on the walk. His hazel eyes, greener at the moment, glittered at the different banter he had with you than the guys or Julie.

“Well, I don’t know your name!” You exclaimed turning the corner at a parlour with gorgeous stencilled artwork on the glass.

“Luke. My name is Luke. Hey! I know this shop!” Luke beamed, stepping back to take in the storefront. In the twenty-five years since he last saw it, the blue faded into a teal, but the door was still the same as it always was.

“You have a tattoo?” You asked, scanning his arms bare in the cut off shirt he wore. You couldn’t see any ink on his skin. Luke couldn’t help the smirk on his face at the blatant heated gaze.

“No. It was 1994. We just played our biggest gig at the time, and Bobby decided we should get tattoos.” Luke’s mouth twisted at the mention of his former friend, “Of course we were sixteen and Alex just about fainted in the shop. The guy took one look at Reggie and laughed at our fake IDs. Told us to come back in a few years.”

One of the few memories that weren’t tainted by the betrayal that Trevor Wilson had gone on to do a year after the tattoo fiasco. It was more than not being credited or his songs being stolen, but it was also that someone he wholeheartedly trusted turned his back on them. Luke frankly didn’t care how Bobby coped after that fateful night. Still, he changed his name and refused any mention of his previous music experience. That hurt a lot.

“So, you’re a ’90s kid.” You raised an eyebrow coming to a stop on the edge of the street, pressing the button to cross.

“Technically a ’70s kid. We died in ’95 a few hours before a life-changing gig.” The mood turned sombre as Luke thought back on that one night that life decided to raise both middle fingers at his dreams, “Death by a hot dog.”

The snicker fell from your mouth before you do anything about it but sobered up quickly in the view of his painful admittance.

“So, you’re seventeen?” You asked crossing when the crosswalk light flickered on. Your attention focused on crossing while listening to the teenager.

“Forever seventeen but I would eighteen physically, but if I had survived I would be forty-three.” Luke mused shoving his hands into his staple black jeans with the chains and his constant accessory of a blue rabbit’s foot.

“Oh, damn. I’ve seventeen as well.” You replied dodging pedestrians before humming a to a song you had heard recently but where you did was unknown. You didn’t want to bump into anyone.

Luke glanced down at his watch, somehow even in death it worked, noticing that it was around the time rehearsal would commence. The thought barely ended before a flash of light preceded Alex’s presence. You slightly jumped in response.

“Luke! Julie’s wondering where you are. We have rehearsal.” Alex was surprised that Luke wasn’t already at the studio. He was always the first one holding his guitar for the rest of them.

One glance at the girl beside Luke cemented a reason for his tardiness. Alex could see that you were the reason and a pretty reason too. Alex wished he had your jacket with such a beautiful colour, but the music was more important.

“Oh, man!” Luke panicked fearing that being late would cause Julie to leave the band after the whole school dance fiasco.

“So, Luke. I like your name by the way. I’m Y/N.” You greeted holding back from offering you a hand, your theory would have been proven correct. Ghosts can’t touch other people, all the movies portrayed that.

“Nice to meet you! I’ll find you soon!” Luke shouted seconds before Alex poofed them both away with a single hand on his bandmate’s shoulder.

A content smile appeared before you continued on your way, unaware of the lack of acknowledgement from people on the street.

The next few days, Luke would find you either in the record store or just out front during his free time. He hadn’t realized how lonely he was touring the music entertainment spots until he had your company. Soon you were joined by Alex and Reggie every once in a while.

The three were planning outings with their new lifer friend as Julie grabbed her songbook from her room. She was amused when the three wouldn’t shut up.

“What are you planning?” Julie questioned scanning their animated expressions, even taking in the slight change in Alex’s appearance.

Alex had a braided bracelet of the rainbow on his left wrist that definitely hadn’t been there yesterday. He even seemed calmer and less anxious, as well.

“What happened to Alex?” Julie questioned with a small smirk, “Did you bump into Willie?”

Alex shook his head, “No, Luke met this girl at a record store and then Reggie and I met her. She’s cool! There’s this app she showed us, and it had videos of anything you could imagine!”

Julie’s teasing smile faltered at the mention of Luke meeting someone before it returned once more. She pushed the feeling away as this girl had brought peace to the drummer.

“What’s her name?” Julie asked, pushing the songbook away to listen intently to the new piece of the boys’ afterlife. The three burst into stories of the girl.

“She took me to this cool place nearby where people store their horses!” Reggie burst out, clapping his head, “I already have a country song started! This is so a hit single for our future country album!”

Alex only released an exasperated sigh at Reggie’s idea that he voiced every single day since the beginning of the band. Luke was just used to finding sheets of songs from Reggie around the studio and often his songbook too.

“She also brought me a bag of clothing she had in her house that she let me go through. Apparently, her house is the place where cousins take their old clothing.” Alex supplied striking a pose in his new white sweater with a rainbow logo on the front.

Julie grinned at the positivity radiating off the two boys.

“Is she a ghost?”

Luke shook his head, “No. She’s alive.”

A spark of happiness flits itself inside of Julie before it dissipated because Flynn had already gently let the girl down about Luke.

“What’s her name! I’m gonna find her Instagram!” Julie took out her phone waiting as Alex supplied her the name. Her thumbs froze before she could type staring down at the black screen.

The name was familiar.

Laying on a bed on San Pablo Street was a girl with her eyes closed and a serene expression. This bed wasn’t just any bed in a home. Instead, this bed was one no one wished to be in. A bed with machines surrounding and right in the middle of those machines was Y/N.

The very girl that had met Luke, Reggie and Alex were in fact in the ICU of a hospital recovering in a coma.

“Why do you look like that?” Luke demanded as the colour drained from the lead singer of their band.

“Are you sure it was Y/N Y/L/N?” Julie gulped dread filling her veins as each boy nodded their head and the girl slumped, “I go to school with her. The thing is she’s been in a coma for two weeks now.”

You were outside the record store once more as the three ghosts appeared in front of you each looking the worst you had ever seen them.

“Did you lie?” Luke questioned stepping closer to the teenage girl that furrowed her brows in confusion, “You said that you are alive. Why did you lie?”

“Lie?” You asked, taking a step back from the odd energy the boys had. A look of distraught on each face, “What are you talking about?”

“Why are you here every day at this exact time. Never late, never early.” Alex questioned sick to his stomach as your brows came together.

“I- walk…” You trailed off thinking of the last week in deep thought paling as you had no recollection of going home or getting to the store. It was like you blacked out each time.

Actually, the last time you remember not being with the guys or at the store was two weeks ago.

“I don’t re…member.” You whispered, “I haven’t seen my family since…oh my god.”

Luke stepped closer, terrified as he reached out, hoping with his entire being his hand would go through you. It didn’t. Luke’s hand rested on your arm, still wearing that burgundy jacket. Your eyes flickered between his solid hand and the same outfit you wore for weeks now. Why would you be wearing a jacket and hiking boots in Los Angeles?

“My cousin had been saving up for a trip for her eighteenth birthday. She wanted to go skiing, so we split the cost between our families.”

As if a wall broke, you realized with horror that the college boy that hadn’t held the for you like you first thought. He hadn’t seen or heard you because in his world you weren’t there. No one had acknowledged you because they couldn’t see you just like they couldn’t see Luke.

“What else do you remember?” Reggie spoke up next, noticing that Luke was getting more upset. His eyes going so light the green appeared to be blue and glittered with tears and his heart dropping.

“My parents, my cousin and I were driving up the mountain in the rented car. There-“

Two Weeks Ago

Your head leaned again Lou’s head sharing the headphones connected to your phone blasting the carefully curated playlist. Lou had been living with your parents and you the last six months as her parents were travelling for work. It was a dream because she was like a sister already and vice versa; Lou as a surprise baby with her older sister being ten years older.

“We haven’t been to the slopes since we first got married.” Dad said glancing over at your mother in the passenger seat, “Didn’t we conceive-“

“Dad! Gross!” You shouted, wrinkling your nose as he glanced in the rear-view mirror to smile at your antics. Your mother’s laugh was probably one of your most favourite sounds in the world, it was warm like hot chocolate on a cold day.

“Did you see that video of the hologram band?” Lou asked, not paying attention to your family’s antics, “It’s super cool.”

“We still have half of our playlist to go through. You should show me when we get to the cabin.” You replied, “We could put it on the projector with the others.”

The others being your extended family, including the surprise of Lou’s parents. Your mother pointed out the snow on the mountain gaining everyone’s attention. It was beautiful compared to sunny Los Angeles.

Lou’s thumb was just about to click the video of Julie and the Phantoms against your wishes. You felt the fear before the yell, snapping your head up you watched as a pickup truck hit ice swerving into your lane. The screech of tires preceded the crunch of the vehicles hitting each other. Throughout the surrounding area, the echoes of the crash bounced off the mountains scaring birds away. Miraculously Lou’s phone survived the crash and played the electric video of ‘Edge of Great’ by Julie and the Phantoms. A song you would hum under your breath during your walks meeting the guys.

The snow turned red under four of five bodies. You lay nonconscious a stark difference in the burgundy jacket and black shirt you had painstakingly chosen that morning.

If I Stay Part Two (Final)

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autisticandroids · 3 years ago

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happy birthday! this is charlie fashion. lets talk endverse!lisa?

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO.

first of all this concept is completely taken from the first church at the end of the world, a fic that i'm pretty sure everyone here knows i'm obsessed with. go read it but also mind the warnings.

and like. okay there's a lot of things that i find compelling about specifically the lisa at chitaqua concept. let's start with the basics: i love cas-dean-lisa. i love it in all forms it's my favorite love triangle. but most of the time cas is carrying all the weight. like, he's absenting himself from the picture, he's all eyes no body. he's watching dean rake leaves but dean can't see him.

but in endverse, cas can't absent himself. they're all stuck at chitaqua together. like i'm fascinated by this in other contexts (like this one) but at chitaqua it's particularly compelling because at chitaqua they live in a society.

like, maybe this is a bad read, but i never got the sense that dean and lisa, during the year of lisa, got out much. like sure they went to the neighborhood barbecue and dean had that one friend but like. no one seemed to miss them. they could just pick up and move like that.

whereas at chitaqua they're fully integrated into the community. everybody knows everybody, everybody's involved with shit, all the cracks will show. and that makes introducing cas into the dynamic way more interesting, as well, because people will see. people will look at cas, and dean, and lisa, and they'll see that something is going on. dean's worst nightmare.

next, there's one thing about 5x04 that i really don't like, which is the fact that he sleeps around on risa. i just don't find that believable, i don't think dean is a cheater. he may be callous, but "not cheating" isn't about preserving the emotional well-being of his girlfriend, at least not for dean. it's about honor and duty, his two favorite things. like, people think of endverse dean as just like. generically shitty, but that's not right. endverse dean is frozen over. there's no warmth in him anymore, no real love or emotion. he's dead inside, in a very real way.

like, one of the big cores of dean's character is that he lives a cold, cruel, brutal, violent lifestyle. he's a killer and he's a man and these two things are in and the same, they're what he is meant to be. both him and the people around him are preserved from this cold brutality by the fact that dean can't really control himself, can't live the way he thinks he's supposed to. warmth and empathy and love seep out through the cracks in his facade and protect both others and himself from the worst excesses of his manhood. endverse dean has sealed up all the cracks, and the warmth has died anyway.

so i think that making the role dean freezes into not "uncaring don juan" but "cold and monstrous patriarch" is much more fun. like, you guys know this about me, but i'm really obsessed with like. dean-as-patriarch, and that being his absolute worst self. and i think making endverse dean a patriarch would be a fun way of solidifying him in this toxic role as "leader" and "adult."

and then also, there's the fact that dean's choice to involve himself with lisa is like. really different if cas is around. like. okay. in canon, their relationship is loveless but there's still going to be some degree of bond there, for one very important reason: dean has no one else. sam is dead. cas is back in heaven. dean cut bobby off to leave the life. dean has no one to fill his emotional needs except lisa. so there's going to be at least some degree of like. very genuine bonding.

like, one of the things that's so very compelling about the first church at the end of the world is that it draws your attention to some fascinating and very genuine parallels between season six and the endverse. and the biggest of those, the most important, is that sam is gone.

in both 5x03 and 5x22, dean is grasping desperately at any possible replacement for sam, and finds them in cas and lisa&ben respectively. going into 5x04 and 6x01, he has integrated them pretty thoroughly into his life specifically because there was that gap.

but 5x04 dean has cas already. lisa is not serving as a replacement for sam for him. instead she is serving only the purpose of performance, of dean trying to make a man of himself. any genuine affection he had for her would be absent.

i'm thinking now about 5x17, the way that when dean is at his lowest point, when he's totally dead inside (as endverse dean is), he goes to lisa and he makes his speech. when i picture myself happy, it's with you. he's imagining a little dollhouse, featuring lisa as the beer ad girlfriend and himself as the beer ad boyfriend. it's flat. it's a picture. it isn't real.

and that's where endverse dean would be at, if he got involved with lisa. i'm imagining him getting with her after he finds out that sam is dead. all of that emptiness, with none of the sam-replacement-affection. what's left of that (almost nothing) is reserved for cas.

and at the same time, this is infidelity against cas. i know i said dean isn't a cheater, but i should clarify: he would never cheat on a woman with another woman. he doesn't acknowledge his relationships with men in a way that would make them "cheating," let alone "cheat-on-able." so dean goes to lisa and gets involved with her entirely openly. he probably tells cas first, because cas is his greatest confidante and most trusted. it doesn't even really occur to him that this is infidelity because whatever he's doing with cas is not "love" and "sex," those are things you do with a woman. possibly he and cas are genuinely not actually sleeping together, they're just emotionally in a relationship, but it's still something that hurts cas deeply, being abandoned for lisa. even though dean doesn't abandon cas, he's still far more cas' than lisa's. even though he doesn't really want lisa. even though dean and lisa's relationship is much more a public front than anything genuine.

anyway this is a probably-incomplete list of reasons endverse lisa is catnip to me.

#spn #asks #charlie-fashion-montage

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deanwasalwaysbi · 4 years ago

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Castiel - First on his mind - 13x01 - 13x05 - Destiel Canon in Early Season Thirteen

So I’m still not over this. The confession before the confession. This is the moment that I completely stopped questioning whether Destiel was canon. At the end of season 12 Dean has just lost everyone but Sam at once. There is not much whiskey spilled for Crowley, and Sam is unwilling to accept the loss of Mary, but neither of those are what Dean is focused on.

youtube

Dean prays to god - to chuck - I think for the only for only the second time in the entire series. Dean prays in earnest for the return of Castiel. He mentions others but he has just lost his mother and yet his first demand is “and now you’re going to bring HIM back. You’re gunna bring them all back.”

Dean mentions everyone, his family, bobby, even Crowley, but he starts with Castiel. It parallels Castiel’s first version of the 15x18 deathbed confession in 12x12. “I love you. I love all of you.” A mirrored response.

Below the cut for full analysis of Dean’s prayer, grief, and closet themes in the first 1/4 of season 13.

Dean’s prayer goes unanswered and he beats the door up in a visual homage to brokeback mountain (x). It is at this point chronologically that Dean completely loses his shit. In the car on the way to the pirate stop Dean is unable to say the words out loud.��

“Let’s see, Crowley’s dead, Kelly’s dead, Cass is... ... Mom’s gone, and apparently the Devil’s kid hit puberty in 30 seconds flat.”

Sam asks if Cass is really dead and unable to say those words Dean goes stoic as he can and says, “you know he is.” Dean’s upset, very upset, and that grief and anger is not focused on Mary.

Dean gains a tiny instantaneous moment of hope from a demon who then completely smashes it.

After his prayer Dean becomes completely inconsolable, an angry vengeance machine, the killer he used to project himself to be. The change is supposed to be such a plot point, such a surprise twist, that it is only revealed LATER that it happened. Such a major plot point that it must be teased and foreshadowed, with Sam asking Dean, “Dude, whatdiyou do to your hand?” Giving the viewer their third clue that Dean did not have this cut on his hand from the fight with Lucifer and Jack.

Dean spends five full episodes without Castiel after dropping to his knees beside Castiel in 12x23, and in that time we see Dean unravel.

In 13x01 he no longer cares about secrecy, immediately explaining the situation to the sheriff. We see him choosing to approach Castiel’s body alone, looking upon him with such deep pain, tenderly wrapping, pausing multiple times to steel himself so he can finish that task. Sam continues to get more and more concerned for Dean’s mental state. Dean taking out his anger and rage and grief all on newborn Jack who continues to do nothing wrong and idolizes Dean.

We see Dean drink himself under the table, rage against Sam and Jack, and actually become suicidal, killing himself in an unnecessary way with a flimsy excuse. Billie sees it and notes something has changed. He no longer believes he can win and no longer wants to live.

At the shifter Psychiatrist, Dean says that Sam is delusional because Sam won’t admit that Mary is dead, “If he admits it then it’s real. If it’s real, then he has to deal with it, and he can’t handle that.” Yet we repeatedly see Dean trails off unable to say the words that Castiel is dead. This is not how Dean has reacted to the loss of Sam, John, Mary, Charlie, or any other familial loved one.

In his loss of Castiel, Dean becomes John in the aftermath of his loss of Mary. Dean becomes the abusive father to Jack that he himself grew up with. Jack has a moment of self harm and Dean ‘comforts’ Jack by telling him he’ll kill him so he can’t hurt anyone else.

Jody’s Speech to Patience - In Contrast to Dean’s

In addition to Dean’s grief the writers show Dean struggle with his identity - with whether to stay in the closet. In the third episode of the season - Patience - Dean tells Patience to deny who she really is.

“This life, [hunting] there’s no joy in it there’s nothing but pain horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.”

Jody corrects Dean. In disbelief. “You don’t have to listen to him, to either of them if it’s not what you really want.” Jody then talks about her daughter Claire, her gay daughter Claire.

“I asked her to stay in line, to fight who she really was ‘cause I thought it would keep her safe. It didn’t work. It never does. ... you try to force it down to make someone else happy, you will only make yourself miserable.”

If that isn’t a blatant acknowledgement of the metaphor I don’t know what is. This stopped being subtext and became... text. Jody has dropped Dean clues about overcoming toxic masculinity before. In 12x06 Jody and Dean talked about big feelings, and that conversation was preceded by Dean beings shocked that Jody could be both badass & like chick flicks at the same time. She’s been teaching him. However, this time was much more directly and specifically about coming out of the closet, about living in a way that is true to yourself.

After the loss of Castiel, the Dean that had developed over 12 years was gone - and he only returns upon the return of Castiel, right in time for tombstone.

Meanwhile we get Castiel’s side - where he is being tortured by the Empty with his love for Dean and his fear that Dean doesn’t love him in return.

Everytime Dean can't say Cas is dead I die a little inside.

"...no matter who we lost, whether it was Dad or -- or Bobby or... And I would take the hit."

"...and now Mom and ... and Cas... And I -- I don't know. I don't know."

Dean was in love with Cas. Dean is bisexual. Dean has spent 12 years unwilling to admit it.

Dean had been repeatedly lit in orange in the car rides, but the second he believes Castiel is alive his face is inexplicably relit in white light.

We then come to the final shots of the episode - where the camera COMPLETELY IGNORES SAM and focuses exclusively on zoom in reaction shots between Dean and Castiel while “It’s never too later to start all over again” plays in this conclusion to a five episode romantic longing and grief arc completely platonic reunion between two dude bros.

We also see the Orange Light / Dean’s Ongoing Fear of Loss Motif come to it’s climax, the burning of Castiel’s body (13x01), and Castiel’s return (13x05).

I legitimately don’t know what the writers thought they were doing if they WEREN’T explicitly writing a romance story.

It was much later that we learned there was an angle we never got of their reunion, where Dean was cupping Cas's face and neck in his right hand.

But we do get the look on Dean's face in 13x06 when he's able to get his arms around Cas after he's deflected and called Cas 'Pal' again, Gif via @inacatastrophicmind

Bonus - Dean’s stages of grief by @mariethalienne

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apocalypseornaw · 4 years ago

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Open My Eyes

Apocalyptic AU.

Dean gets increasingly jealous of your bond with Gadreel and things come to a head after a misunderstanding on a run

Dean had known you for years. Long before the dead started to rise and the world as it was previously known came crashing down. He knew you inside and out, you were one of his best friends. Maybe that was why it was bothering him so deeply to see you get closer with someone who was fairly new to your group. Gadreel had come in with the Banes twins. They’d gone through Bobby’s usual line of questions without missing a beat and had fit in smoothly enough with everyone else. That had been nearly six months ago which was a lifetime nowadays.

He tried to get you out of his head as he walked across the field that stretched between the outer fence and inner fence of the compound all of you now called home. It’d started life as a high school but with some hard work and a lot of blood, sweat and tears it was now a suitable place to survive the new world. Unfortunately before he could reach the sanctuary of the building where Bobby, Sam and Jody were waiting to talk about the new run that needed to happen he heard the all too familiar sound of your laugh.

He turned and found a small smile working its way onto his face when he saw you walking with Alicia and Max. You had your arm around Alicia’s shoulder and was laughing at something Max had said. He started to call your name but before he could he heard it called from a different direction and felt his mood immediately sour when you pulled your arm from Alicia to greet Gadreel as he made it to the three of you. He watched you pull the other man down to whisper something in his ear and felt anger flick at his mind. Especially when Gadreel laughed then whispered something back to you. Dean spun on his heel, he didn’t need to see any more.

------

The door to the meeting room slammed open but luckily for the three people sitting around the table it took a lot more than that to rattle their nerves. Bobby barely glanced up from the map “Nice of you to join us Dean now how about leaving the damn door on the hinges?”

Sam watched his brother drag a chair out and flop down into it. He wanted to ask what was wrong but knew that they needed to get this meeting through and that Dean was prone to shut down if asked directly what was wrong. He always did better with letting it slip through cursing whatever had soured his mood.

“From what we can figure there’s a couple veterinarian clinics along the route as well and considering the fact that people medicine isn’t actually any different than animal medicine they may have supplies there and it wouldn’t hurt to check” Jody spoke tapping a few different places on the map. Bobby nodded then cut his eyes at Dean “You and Sam up to taking a team and checking it out? We need the supplies to winterize this place once and for all, not to mention having extra medical supplies on hand wouldn’t hurt”

“Yeah we can handle it Bobby” Dean promised although it was apparent his mind was still not focused on the meeting. “All in all it’ll probably take about a week or so considering the ground you’ll have to cover so I’d pick a good team. Take Y/N with you too she hangs out with Alex and Kaia enough she can spot anything that has medicinal usage from a mile away” Jody added with a wink to Bobby before pushing away from the table to head out. She’d be gathering supplies for whatever team was picked and wanted to get it together.

Bobby watched her leave then turned back to his surrogate sons. “So I was thinking Y/N, Alicia, Max, Gadreel and Charlie would be a decent team to take. Ain’t like any of those girls can’t handle their own in a fight. Max can get through any tight spot and Gadreel is strong as a horse” Dean scoffed at that which earned him a look from Bobby “You got an issue with any of that son?”

Dean shook his head “Nope” then pushed his chair back “I’m going to gather my gear, you two can make sure everyone is up to the run” with that he walked out leaving Bobby to throw a questioning look at Sam who simply shrugged “I don’t really know what that’s about either” “Make sure he keeps a clear head. There’s a lot of dangers out there and not just the biters got it?” Sam nodded “Yes sir”

------

You were helping Jody to gather supplies for the upcoming run after she’d come out of the meeting with Bobby, Dean and Sam. “Do you know anything that could be bothering Dean?” She asked, holding out a pack of dried meat. You took it and shook your head “Not that I know of but I could always just ask him?”

She shrugged “No he’ll tell you or Sam if whatever it is gets to bothering him too much” You would hope so anyways. You always went to Dean if anything was bothering you. He’d offer advice if that’s what you were after or simply offer comfort or a place to vent. “I’m gonna grab my jacket and go bag from my room then I’ll meet everyone by the front gate” she nodded to let you know she’d heard you so you turned to head towards the living quarters.

The halls that had been transformed to be mini dorm rooms were actually quite comfortable considering. You considered yourself lucky that you’d been close with a lot of your group before that fateful day that a widespread virus was alerted in the news. You could still remember Sam’s phone call to you “Pack just what you need. Dean will be pulling up at your place any time”

You’d hastily thrown clothes and the contents of your medicine cabinet in a bag. Before you were through grabbing what you deemed necessary you heard a heavy knock on your door followed by Dean’s voice “Come on sweetheart! We gotta go!” When you opened the door your eyes widened when Dean shoved a gun into your hand. “Dean, what’s going on?” you asked and he took a deep breath “Long story short? The dead are rising. True,blue zombies. We gotta go cause shit is hitting the fan fast”

You gripped the gun noticing the one in his own hand and nodded “Lead the way Winchester. You know I trust you”

------

You shook yourself out of thoughts of the past. You needed to focus on this run completely. You grabbed your go bag from the floor checking what ammo you had and slipping a machete at your side. You glanced at your bat leaned next to the bed but decided against it. It was better the few times you’d go out solo or with just one other person. From what Jody had said there was a full team going after the winterizing supplies.

You slipped your jacket on then slid the strap of your bag across your chest. You walked back towards the doors that led outside. The electricity that the compound ran off of came from a mixture of solar panels and generators. The good part? Bobby knew enough to be able to brew enough corn liquor that the generators had fuel for years.

The only downside was that meant the few vehicles you had could only be used in moderation. Short runs horses were used for but considering this one would take about a week and would be gathering supplies for all the black panel van that was used for such runs was parked by the front gate awaiting those going.

You walked towards the gate and smiled when you spotted Dean standing with Bobby and Sam at the front of the van. They were clearly going over the mapped out areas one more time but you knew neither of them would mind you inserting yourself into the conversation. Since Dean’s back was to you and Sam noticed you first so you raised one finger to your lips. He quickly turned his attention back to the conversation so you wouldn’t be noticed.

You quietly took a few steps forward and slid your arms around Dean’s waist and leaned your head on his shoulder even if that meant you had to stand on your tip toes and still barely reach “So where are we going?” you could see the corners of his mouth tick up and knew he was fighting a smile “We’re going to a few different places sweetheart. You wanna hang off me like a spider monkey or you want to actually look at the map?” you feigned a pout “Why can’t I hang off you like a spider monkey and look at the map?” he rolled his eyes with a laugh “Get down”

You pulled your head down from his shoulder and moved your arms from around his waist to step slightly in front of him and look at the map Bobby had laid across the hood. Sam went over the stops with you, highlighting the couple where you’d be taking the lead since you knew more about what was needed for medicinal purposes. “Sounds good to me. Who’s the rest of the crew?” you could’ve sworn you saw a look be passed among the three of them before Bobby said “Alicia, Charlie, Max and Gadreel” you nodded approvingly at the choices “All good picks”

You heard a sharp whistle and turned to see Charlie walking towards the four of you trailed by the rest of the crew. “What’s up bitches? We ready to ride?” “Of course dear” You replied meeting her halfway.

------

Dean watched as you greeted the rest of the crew going on the run. Charlie was like a sister to him, Alicia and Max were cool but spending the next week in close quarters with you and Gadreel? Yeah he may look for some biters just to have an excuse to kill something.

“Alright! Everyone load up!” he barked out and you cut your eyes up at him “Depends, can I have shotgun for the first few miles at least?” He barely glanced at Gadreel before saying “Of course sweetheart” . You shot him a wink then walked around to the passenger side of the van along with everyone else who was climbing into the back.

Sam didn’t miss the look Dean threw at Gadreel or the way his brother had bristled anytime over the last few weeks when he’d see you with the other man. Was that what the attitude was about before the meeting? Was Dean jealous? He chose not to say anything for now and instead simply walked around to sit next to Gadreel on the middle seat since Charlie had taken up the backseat along with the twins.

------

Your destination was two states over. It was a contraction warehouse that had fallen early. Bobby kept an eye on the amount of biters in it versus the prospects of anyone actually getting inside.

Considering the zombies had lightened up in that area and everything needed to finish winterizing the compound and green houses could be found there it was worth the risk to go. That way you'd have running water and fresh food no matter how severe the coming winter got.

You were curled up with your feet under you watching the road whip by as Dean drove. You had a shoebox full of cassette tapes in your lap looking over them to see if any peaked your interest. You plucked one out of the box and stuck it into the player simply to see Dean's reaction when it started playing.

When the first few notes of It's My Life started playing he cut his eyes at you "Bon Jovi really?" You grinned "Hey Bon Jovi rocks...on occasion" then started singing along and couldn't help but laugh when Sam, Charlie and Max joined in.

No matter the music or the company Dean couldn't fight the smile that worked its way onto his face. You had shifted to have your legs out in front of you and were now drumming on the dash along with the music and had everyone in the van either singing or laughing along. Why had he never realized how amazing you were before? Why had it literally taken an apocalypse to open his eyes?

He watched you turn in your seat and bump Gadreel's leg as You Give Love a Bad Name started and felt that same flicker of anger. Maybe he'd waited too long to see what had been in front of him for years, maybe Gadreel had realized it a lot sooner.

The first day on the road was pretty uneventful. There were no stops to be made marked on the map so it was filled with just driving besides stopping for everyone to find a tree.

Considering the route was figured to be about three days there and three back (giving plenty of leadway for any issues that might arise) you asked Dean once the sun started going down if he was ready to pull over somewhere for the night or if he wanted you or Sam to take over driving.

He glanced in the mirror at Sam "What do you say Sammy? Wanna take the wheel for a while?" "Sure" Sam agreed so Dean stopped dead in the center of the road..not like there was a lot of traffic.

"Well I'm gonna climb in the back and get a little sleep" you announced after realizing Charlie, Max and Alicia were all knocked out. "Yeah Gadreel you wanna hop up here man? I'm pretty wiped too" Dean suggested and Gadreel replied "Sure. I already caught my few hours"

Gadreel held the side door open so you slid under his arm with a smile "Thanks '' he smiled in return. When Dean walked around he grabbed the door "I got it. Thanks" Gadreel simply nodded and climbed into the passenger seat.

You were already slid in next to the window when Dean climbed in next to you. You waited until Sam had started driving to turn so you could curl up next to Dean. He looked down at you with a raised eyebrow "What are you doing?" You grinned "Sleeping. Now hush and be a good pillow" instead of pulling away like you half expected he raised his arm slightly to pull you closer to him "I'll be a good pillow if you be a good pillow" you smiled when you felt him lean his head over on you and whispered "Deal"

"Look alive. This is the first of two vet clinics we gotta hit on this trip" Dean spoke as he pulled the van to a stop and glanced around. "Seven people so I'm thinking three teams of two and leave one person behind the wheel in case we need a fast exit?" You suggested and he winked at you "Just what I was thinking"

You slid your gun into the holster on your thigh but grabbed the machete from your floorboard as first line of defense. Guns were loud and the last thing you wanted was a herd of amped up zombies descending on the group before you could even go through the clinic. You turned and looked at everyone then nodded to yourself “Ok so Charlie you up for setting this one out?” She shrugged “Sure but I get to help clear the next one”

You shot her a smile then said “Ok Max and Alicia, Dean and Sam then Gadreel you’re with me..everyone good with that?” Everyone nodded but Dean who just walked to the back of the van to grab the canvas bags out without so much as a look in your direction. You raised an eyebrow to Sam who shrugged so you followed behind Dean keeping an eye out to make sure all of the commotion hadn’t attracted any undue attention.

You stood slightly behind him hearing him mumble to himself before he turned around and realized you were standing there “Son of a bitch Y/N. Make some noise sweetheart, the point is to not blend in with the dead” you grinned playfully “Is that your way of asking me to bite you?” he rolled his eyes but you could see just the barest hint of a smirk trying to work its way onto his face “Just be careful in there. Sure you trust him to have your back?”

You cut your eyes over to your group where they were all watching the woods line that bordered the back parking lot of the clinic “Yeah, I’ll be ok. Not gonna lie I don’t think I’ll ever trust anyone to have my back the way I trust you or well Sam but Gadreel has proved he’s good in a tight spot”

He nodded and for a second you thought he was going to say something else but he simply held out one of the bags “Remember get in, get out” you took the bag with a small smile “Aye aye” then walked back over to the group.

Dean watched you walk over to Gadreel. You said you’d never trust anyone the way you trusted him..that meant a lot didn’t it? He shook his head then walked over himself to pass Max then Sam a bag before nodding at Charlie “We’ll be out in five”

------

The clinic had three entrances. One to the side of the building, one to the back and one to the front. You and Gadreel took the back entrance, the twins took the side leaving the front to Sam and Dean.

You touched the handle of the door then looked at Gadreel “You want me to pull and you be ready or vice versa?” “Ladies choice” he replied with a laugh. You nodded then motioned to the door “In that case you pull and I’ll be ready”

He got into position but waited until you gave him a nod to open the door. You hoisted your machete but no noise came. You leaned inside and stomped your foot a few times “Hello? Anyone home?” You cut your eyes at him and he shrugged. “Maybe no one ended up here?” “We can only hope” you replied before walking further inside.

You could hear the rest of your crew checking but it appeared the clinic was well and truly empty. You picked a room and waved to Gadreel to follow you. The moment you stepped into the room you pulled your flashlight out of the pocket of your jacket and saw that from the looks of it you’d picked the operating room.

You motioned to the wall of shelves in front of you “I hate to ask but do you think you can give me a lift to the top one so I can see what’s up there?” He laughed lightly and you could feel the short jokes coming but instead he simply pointed to the machete in your hand “Lay that down so I don’t accidentally get stabbed and I’d be glad to” you laid the machete down on the silver table that was in the middle of the room then turned back to Gadreel “Better?” he nodded “Turn around so I can give you a boost then I’ll keep one hand on your back to steady you” you turned towards the shelves like he said and felt his hands around your waist a second before he lifted you into the air.

You climbed onto the highest shelf that normally would take a step ladder to reach then smiled over your shoulder at him “Thank you.Now get ready so if I find something good”

------

Dean and Sam had cleared three different cabinets. They’d found a good amount of first aid supplies ranging from suture kits to wound cleansers. “I’m gonna check on Alicia and Max” Sam said so Dean replied “I’ll check on Y/N and Gadreel”

Sam headed towards the back of the clinic where the twins were so Dean headed towards the operating room where you and Gadreel had gone into. He could hear you laughing right before he opened the door to see Gadreel putting you back down on your feet, his hands were still on your hips and you were smiling up at him with your hands against his chest.

Dean felt that same flicker of anger but this time it was mixed with more emotions than just that. He almost felt sick with just how angry he felt, not to mention the hurt. You weren’t even kissing Gadreel but he felt as if he’d walked in on a lot more intimate moment than he had. Luckily he was able to reel it in and sounded emotionless when he waved a hand towards the two of you “Didn’t know I was interrupting something. Times up, we gotta go so whatever you two are doing, stick a damn pin in it or something” then turned and walked out without saying a word.

------

Gadreel watched Dean walk out then looked back at you “What was that about? I was just helping you down..he doesn’t think we..?” you weren’t sure what to say. To anyone else Dean would’ve sounded almost bored but you knew him well enough to know when he was blocking emotions. You weren’t sure what was going on but when Dean sounded emotionless were the times that his mind was being his worst enemy “I have no clue honestly Gadreel. Don’t worry about it though, I’ll handle it” “I’d never disrespect you or any woman for that matter. I mean well don’t get me wrong you’re a beautiful woman but I thought..” he trailed off and looked again at the door when Dean had disappeared out of then shook his head “Just know if I did anything wrong I apologize” “You didn’t Gadreel. Don’t worry Dean just gets a little antsy on runs” you explained with a strained smile.

By the time you and Gadreel made it to the parking lot everyone had loaded their bags and only Sam stood outside the van. He took the bag from Gadreel then glanced at you, You followed him to the back of the van and watched as he added your bag to the bunch. After he shut the door he turned around and leaned close to you. “What happened in there?” You groaned slightly “He didn’t make a scene did he?” he shook his head “No but I know him like you know him. Now what happened?” You took a breath running your hand down your face “I think he got the wrong idea when he saw Gadreel with his hands on me. He was helping me down off a tall shelf that was it Sam I swear! You know me I wouldn’t do anything on a run and honestly? Yeah Gadreel is a good looking guy I have eyes but that doesn’t mean I’d screw him on a run for fuck’s sake we both have sleeping quarters back at the compound..I don’t know why Dean acted like that! Nice to know one of my closest friends thinks so highly of me that he thinks I’d risk anyone's life to fool around on a run”

You were starting to move past confused onto anger the more you spoke and Sam knew that so he reached out and squeezed your shoulder “Breathe, ride in the backseat with Charlie and Alicia. I’m gonna ride up front with him and Max is riding in the middle seat. I’ll try to talk to him ok?” you nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment because you were highly conflicted.

Finally you managed “Ok” then walked back around the van to climb into the backseat with Alicia and Charlie. Charlie raised an eyebrow at you not riding upfront with Dean but welcomed you into the conversation she and Alicia were having.

The third day on the road meant clearing the second vet clinic. You were going through a list of top things to look for with Alicia. All of you had stopped a few miles from the clinic to clear the road of an overturned tree. You and her were keeping an eye out for any dead that may be attracted to the noises. So far you both had killed one a piece.

“All clear ladies!” Charlie called out so you both headed back to the van. You wanted nothing more than to ask Dean why he’d acted like he had but refused to start an argument in the middle of a run. You’d push it down until all of you got safely back to the compound then you’d confront him about it.

You climbed into the backseat silently sliding between Alicia and Max. You didn’t really want to spare a word for anyone but since Bobby had been clear the clinics were more your wheelhouse everyone was looking at you as to what to grab for human use and what could be left behind.

You finally spoke as Dean was pulling into the overgrown parking lot of the clinic “I’ve went over the list with Alicia and Sam so they both know what to look for” Dean knew you were talking to him in particular and barely cut his eyes at you in the mirror before saying “I’m staying behind the wheel this time. Charlie can go in with Sam” you nodded more to yourself than in response to him. Why was he being so damn infuriating? If he’d just talk to you then...well what exactly would you say?

You climbed out and once your feet hit the dirt you turned to Gadreel “Ready?” he nodded so you looked around to everyone for their acknowledgement that they were all set.You shot one final look at Dean before falling Gadreel across the lot.

------

“Son of a bitch that damn thing came out of nowhere” you cursed kicking the now permanently dead zombie at your feet. Gadreel pulled a bandana from his pocket and held it out “You’ve got some blood smeared across your cheek” you wiped at it and gave him a small albeit appreciative smile “Thanks and again I’m sorry about how Dean acted” he shrugged “It’s ok really. It’s understandable”

You laughed harshly “Accusing us of screwing around literally on a run? That’s understandable? You’re a little too zen” he looked at you for a moment as if there was a second meaning to what he’d said but if there was you couldn’t quite grasp it. He shook his head after a moment then held a hand out “I’ll carry the bag”

------

Dean was watching the door of the clinic closely. Max and Alicia were the first duo out followed by Sam and Charlie. You and Gadreel bought up the rear.

He tried to bite his tongue but when you started to climb in considering you were the first one in the van he couldn’t stop the words before they came out “You and Gadreel didn’t get into anymore tight spots did you?” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth but it was too late to pull them back then. He could see the shock in your eyes when you froze halfway into the back seat and slowly turned to look at him the shock quickly turning to anger “Believe me Dean if I was to fuck Gadreel I’d wait until I had longer than a few minutes to try him out” before either of you could say anything else Sam opened the front door and Charlie stepped up to climb in behind you.

Dean was still staring at you in the mirror when he heard Alicia ask if you were ok since you were balling up what looked like a bandana in your hands. “Yeah just took out a biter so Gadreel gave it to me to clean the blood off”

------

You purposely turned to stare out the window and cursed the moment you’d agreed to come on this run. You wouldn’t cry. Hell you couldn’t afford the luxury of hurt feelings these days but knowing that didn’t exactly take the sting out of Dean’s words. You looked down at your hands as you tied Gadreel’s bandana into a loose knot then untied it and repeated the process. You just had to get this run over then you could distance yourself from Dean. You’d said the first thing that had came to mind that would hopefully hurt him the same way his words had hurt you..what had exactly become of yours and Dean’s friendship over the last few months?

Day four meant the last leg of the run before the turn around to head home to the compound. You hadn’t spoken a word to Dean and hadn’t really spoken to anyone without them saying something to you first. Dean hated that his jealousy because whether he liked it not he was jealous he hated that he’d let it put a wedge between you and him,

He had no idea what he could do to even slightly make it up to you. He spotted the turn off for the construction warehouse so he cleared his throat “Charlie you wanna be a wheelman again?” she glanced up from her spot next to you and nodded “Sure!” “Then we’ll do two teams of three that good with everyone?” he was hoping you’d say something but instead of what he wanted you to say you looked up “I’ll be on the team with Alicia and Max. I have the list you said we needed. I’ll tear it in half and hand Gadreel the other half. You, him and Sam can find that stuff”

Dean didn’t attempt to argue with you and only nodded instead “Sounds like a plan” Sam cut his eyes at his brother not really being used to him being ok with someone else calling the shots but it was you after all. “You good?” he asked quietly and Dean replied “Yeah” then pulled into the parking lot of the construction warehouse.

------

You were out of the van the moment it stopped rolling. There were two zombies shambling around the lot and you took them out in tandem. You turned to look at everyone as they climbed out of the van and managed to crack a smile when Charlie teased “My oh my someone woke up on the wrong side of the apocalypse” you shrugged “Hey beats any other stress release there was pre-z”

A small chorus of laughter went through everyone and you were glad for that. You didn’t want whatever was happening between you and Dean to affect everyone else. You winked at Alicia “Grab your brother and lets go shopping” she laughed and grabbed Max by the arm then motioned to you “Lead the way”

------

Sam could practically feel the tension in the air between Dean and Gadreel. He had thought for a while Dean’s feelings for you went deeper than friendship but it hadn’t been as blaringly apparent until Gadreel came into the picture. He was a good guy, he got along well with everyone in the compound. He respected that the women helped keep everything going and always managed to pull a smile to your face over some small joke. Dean was threatened by him because up to this point there hadn’t been any other guy that garnered any of your attention away from Dean not one anyone that you would be a possible match with.

The three of them were working in silence quickly gathering what was on their half of the list. Sam was personally just hoping no fight broke out that he’d had to break up. He noticed that Dean kept cutting his eyes at Gadreel and said a prayer under his breath that just for once Dean would let it go.

He had no such luck because although Dean didn’t say anything Gadreel cleared his throat “Dean” Dean raised his eyebrows in response to the other man “Yeah?” “Just so you know nothing happened between me and Y/N. She’s a beautiful, amazing woman but...”

Dean cut Gadreel off before he could finish speaking with a shake of his head “I was in the wrong man...to snap at either of you. You’re both grown, what you do is your business and I trust the fact that neither of you would do anything on a run to risk your lives or anyone else's”

Sam watched the both of them for a moment trying to decipher if they were actually trying to get along or mutually waving the white flag for your benefit but the moment was broken by Alicia’s scream of your name. No words had to be passed amongst the three men; they all started running towards the sound.

------

You were following behind Alicia and Max trying to keep an eye out for the last couple items on your half of the list. You glanced up at a shelf that ran nearly up to the high ceiling of the warehouse and decided to check it out. Max stopped when he saw you looking and offered “Want a hand getting up there?” you shook your head with a slight smirk “Naw I think I can handle it but stay close just in case”

You made it to the halfway point and had even grabbed a few things you knew were needed when you went to step on a board and felt it crack under you. One minute you were standing the next you felt yourself falling and only barely managed to hold onto the backpack you had been storing supplies in.

You hit hard behind the shelf and heard a low growl.You pushed yourself to sit up and saw three biters shuffling towards you “Son of a bitch” you groaned trying to get to your feet. You went to push yourself up but felt a gush of blood from your left arm so you used your right to get to your feet just barely avoiding the chomping teeth of the zombie that was bearing down on you. You could hear Alicia scream your name but couldn’t spare a response. You had to show attention to the threat in front of you. You slammed your machete into the skull of the first one in front of you and cursed again when you realized that while you’d killed it your blade was stuck. You reached for the knife at your side knowing it was your only chance. You kicked the second one square in the stomach knocking it back long enough you could stab the last one in the eye.

You pulled your knife free and felt the one you’d kicked grab your jacket. You struggled to get out of it before the zombie sank it’s rotting teeth into the material. You slammed your knife into it’s skull then leaned heavily against the wall. The shelf slid away to show you an exit route. You ran towards the sunlight now streaming in and saw that Dean, Sam, Gadreel, Max and Alicia had all worked to get the shelf pulled out.

The moment Alicia saw you she looked at the guys “Turn around let me help her check herself out” the men all quickly obliged so you let her pull your shirt up and check across your back,stomach and both arms to assure you hadn’t been bit. “Didn’t you find a few suture kits at the last clinic?” She asked and you nodded then spoke loud enough the guys could hear “All clear boys. You can look now”

Dean’s eyes were glued to your left arm where the sleeve of your grey shirt was soaked with blood “Please tell me that’s a cut sweetheart” you smiled slightly “Bastard tried to bite me but only got my jacket” “Thank god” he breathed. You simply nodded and looked around “Did we get everything we need cause I’d really like to go home to the compound now. It’s been a long week” Sam laughed lightly and nodded “Yeah we got it all but first someone has to help stitch you up before we roll out”

------

Charlie had been nominated to help you stitch up your arm so you were sitting in the back of the van while she worked. Everyone else was keeping an eye out to ensure no more biters made their presence known. “So are we gonna talk about some of the weirdness?” You raised an eyebrow which made her nod in response whether at you or at herself “Ok then guess not” she tied off the last stitch and snipped it “I don’t have to tell you to keep it clean” you slid your shirt back on fully and gave her a small smile “I know aftercare instructions ma’am”

------

Dean watched you in the rearview mirror as he drove. You’d fallen asleep in the jacket Gadreel had given you to wear considering yours had been turned into a zombie chew toy. He couldn’t find it in himself to be angry that you were leaning against Gadreel asleep. He’d nearly lost you. Nothing else mattered. Why had he acted like he had towards you? Why couldn’t he just tell you he had feelings for you? Why hadn’t he realized it before Gadreel joined the compound? He let out a breath which made Sam look his way. “You good?” He nodded “Yeah be even better when we get home”

A few days had passed since all of you had made it back to the compound. You had barely spoken to Dean since getting back. You were still conflicted about the way he’d acted on the run.You were walking through one of the greenhouses checking the medicinal plants. You could hear someone walking behind you but didn’t have to look to know who it was. You’d know Dean’s footsteps anywhere.

“What’s this one?” He asked stopping at the plant furthest away from you “Echinacea, it helps for colds and flu” you replied barely looking in his direction. He walked a little closer to you and touched another plant. “What about this one?” You sighed loudly before answering “Ginger, it has anti-inflammatory, antibacterial,antiviral property and helps with nausea”

You finally turned to look fully at him “Can we not act like you actually give a damn about any of these plants? Why are you here Dean? You’ve avoided me for days, hell I’ve avoided you too so why are we talking now?” he took a few steps towards you stopping only a mere foot away “I miss you, you’re my best friend and I acted like an idiot..” “And practically accused me of being a whore that couldn’t even wait to get back to safety to fuck someone” you added and he chuckled lightly “That too”

“Why Dean? Why have you been pulling away from me for months and why did this run just cement the fact that our friendship is apparently broken beyond repair” you felt your voice break but didn’t try to hide it. You cared about Dean even if you’d resigned yourself to only being a friend to him because he’d never see you as more. Now you’d even lost that.

“Please, don’t say that Y/N. I was an asshole I’ll admit. I never should’ve acted like that towards you or Gadreel..it’s just..” he trailed off and you were too tired of beating around the bush by that point so this time you were the one to snap “Just what Dean?”

“I saw you getting close with him. I saw the way you two looked at each other then seeing his hands on you and the way you were smiling..I knew I’d lost any chance with you. It took me seeing you with him to open my eyes to just how much you mean to me” you were stunned into silence at his words. After a moment without you replying he laughed bitterly “Yeah and now I look like an idiot to add to it. Look I just wanted to say sorry and I hope you’ll forgive me”

He turned to walk out and only then did you find your voice “You are an idiot” he turned around to face you “Excuse me?” You crossed the space to stand in front of him “You’re an idiot Dean Winchester. I've had feelings for you for a long time. Yeah Gadreel is a good looking guy and a sweetheart. We’re good friends and I like spending time with him but as far as who I want? It’s been you, it’s always been you”

A smile slipped onto his face “Well does that mean we’re gonna give this a try?” you shrugged nonchalantly “I don’t know. Are you gonna be a jealous ass if I have male friends and hang out with them?” he laughed “No, I promise you my days of being a jealous asshole are over. If you’re sure you want me I know you only say what you mean” you tapped your chin in mock thought for a moment before saying “In that case why don’t we seal it with a kiss?” “Thought you’d never ask,” he replied, pulling you into his arms.

#spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x female!reader

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