banepenis

[banepenis]

[fucking someone (unfeelingly on my part, as is my principle) with a strap-on despite having a perfectly functional penis and balls and they comment how it's so hot that even still they can tell I'm hard under my pantaloons, or some similar silly nonsense] hmm? Uh, no. This bulge is a bic lighter I keep there for just this sort of moment. [I pull it out] see? I told you at the start I had no intention of satisfying you, even comedically. You brushed it off so callously so you fell into my rather obvious trick. Now I've at least somewhat ruined the mood, as was my plan. You want to apologize now, you rube, or are you going to buckle up and accept that this is what you ordered? Oh, what's that you're playing on your gaming station. Overwatch? Oh, you're checking your bank account balance? Okay.

[banepenis]

I hope if you have a sexual account on any website you at least make one post about me per week. I won't read it, since I don't know where all the sex happens. But it will teach you how to lie, bit by bit, and eventually you'll get so good at it that you could bank robbery your way into a million dollars, for instance this weird little place at 75 N University Ave, Provo, UT 84601, United States, starting the caper at say 1:38pm when due to faulty wiring and wifi connection all security systems have a lag of approximately 13.2 seconds. Idk

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My friend I am just trying to suck penis! And win at a spectacular game of craps

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i keep trying this cool trick where i throw a knife sort of wrong at a guy so it hits them on a flat side and just bounces off their face and by then i've leapt towards them and grabbed the knife again and then i jump in the air and do a twirl and throw it at their face again and kill them so precise but every single time the knife just goes straight in because i'm too good at my killing art or there's no enemy there to begin with because i've already killed them all. because i'm too good at my killing art

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Ha ha ha check it oooouuut I'm DEI Arnold, I get to the chopper, haha, kill meeeeeee, blue haier and pronouns, just made poopie in my diapyyyyy for biden

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I am a hateful, spiteful man, yes. But I'm really a lovely woman when you get to know me.

[banepenis]

i (a deeply-psychological no-exceptions sexual sadist) went for a walk in my locale (medium-sized german town) and saw someone fall over (typically okay on its own but i heard him say 'ow, fuck, my knee, i think it's bleeding) and popped a huge boner (2 inches soft, 6.6 recurring inches erect, uncircumcised, lacking in visible veinature) due to my perfect sense-sensation empath powers (also how i ascertained the nature of the aforementioned incident) so i started to run to a crowded street (komplette narrenstraße in german) and used my empath powers (see above) to seek out nervous and introverted pedestrians (feelings of ambient shame would reduce my rager, and so on) but realized that nobody around me was giving off any energy (medium-sized german town populated with germans, i.e. europeans are incapable of human emotion) and fortunately due to the extra blood flow (bonar) i had the mental fortitude (212 IQ, tested in a city in oregon that really doesn't like to talk about its first couple hundred years of history) to realize if i threw up a hitler salute (act i am well-versed in aside) it might inspire upset in those around me but when i did it (hitler salute) everyone started applauding (medium-sized german town) and rushing over to me to bow at my feet for my bravery (medium-sized german town) and it got me really over-stimmied (adulting is hard) and my boner got even harder (i believe sex should stay in the bedroom no matter what) so i'm afraid i can't chaperone you to your brother's funeral, honey, i get that he's my family too but i'm just really in the need of some me-time in a safe space, ok?

[banepenis]

Moussaka inducted into the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame with 100% of votes

[banepenis]

EVERYONE IS TELLING ME TO BLAST HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE PEEPEES! i dont want..

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hmmm. you know, I feel like figuring out the location of the compound where all the 20 year-old pastel Goebbels types are on the Internet. I'll probably have to sift through a lot of white gravity falls characters being twice-whitewashed and forced to lose another 60% of their body weight in png form. Probably not worth it.

Tumblr:

Ringo Starr's wife: ello Ringo! fought yew moight want to knouw that moi fanny wants your willy!

[banepenis]

My Bane. Is Large. And Sharp. And Handsome. You Need?

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my female labrador got sucked down the alt-right/trad-wife pipeline and now all she does is go on facebook and post "this is what they took from you" type shit about english countryside dog breeding farms that leaves the mothers all mangled, and deus vult images of dough boy

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Sorry man! I can't come to your party, I have to go to court today. Accusations of malepratcice. Hm? No, I said that right.

[banepenis]

Frutiger Aeromorph

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I would like you to meet my new chaaracter

His name is The Walking Closet and he is the star of my new upcoming RPGMaker horror game.

[banepenis]

Hi, hi, um. I um. I need a lesbian's advice.

[banepenis]

I have gained some ideas about what it means to be a woman! But its all really fucking boring so I've discarded it and replaced it with some new information, which I will now shares with you:

Family Juy will air its next season in December 2025