#i’m so tired. i’m so tired when does it end when does it stop when do i stop being tired
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So you're looking for franquito requests? I have too many ideas, like it's insane. The things this man does to me I swear 🥰🥰🥰
Well, maybe you could do something like Argentinian non famous reader (not necessarily Argentinian but u know) dating him and nobody knows about her, till one day they both went tired of people assuming he's single n PUM, hard launch. I don't know if I explained this correctly, English isn't my first language so I'm sorry bby 🥺
💛🇦🇷
Hard launch — Franco colapinto x fem!reader
Faceclaim — none I left it pretty inclusive for everyone Warnings— none
Fluff
Word count—
Summary— no one knew Franco was dating anyone until he was photographed at a party kissing his girlfriend.
Franco posted to his instagram
Caption— Fue un fin de semana difícil que terminó en abandono, pero tengo ganas de correr en Las Vegas (it was a tough a weekend that ended in a dnf but i'm looking forward to racing in Vegas)
Liked by — Lewishamilton, Lando_Norriss yourusername, and 292 others
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User1– not Franco making goggly eyes at Lando during the drivers parade
User2– you’ll get them next weekend Franco
User3– Franco try not to flirt with everyone challenge failed
User4– I’m surprised that Franco is still single man’s flirts with everyone
Your username— I think you did well today Franco
Liked by Franco
User5– we all saw that right?
User6– oh we saw alright
Y/n posted to her story (private instagram)
Caption— chico somnoliento 💤😴 (sleepy boy)
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Seen by … Franco_colapinto43 and yourBFF
Yourprivinstagram
Caption— adivina de quién es la casa (guess who’s home)
Liked by Franco_colapinto43, yourBFF
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yourBFF— who’s that funny looking man on my wife’s instagram account.
Franco_Colapinto43– last time I checked I was her boyfriend 🤨
yourBFF— for now 😁
Franco_Colapinto43– what’s that supposed to mean???
————————————————————————
The party was alive with chatter, music, and the occasional burst of laughter. People milled about, drink in hand, dancing in the dim light as the night carried on. Franco was standing by the bar, joking with a group of friends, when his eyes caught yours across the room. You were leaning against a wall, watching the crowd with a slight smile, your arms casually crossed. You always did prefer standing back and observing, letting the noise of others fade into the background.
Franco’s grin widened, and without a second thought, he excused himself from the conversation and made his way toward you. He didn’t care that people might be watching. He had long since stopped caring about the whispers, the questions, the rumors. It was just you two now, and that was enough.
“Hey,” he greeted, slipping an arm around your shoulders as he leaned in, his lips brushing your ear. “You having fun?”
You raised an eyebrow at him, playful as ever. “You know me, I’m just here to make sure you don’t embarrass yourself.”
He laughed, the sound low and easy. “Oh, trust me, it’s too late for that.” He pulled you a little closer, your bodies pressed together in the cozy little corner of the room. You rolled your eyes but didn’t pull away, enjoying the warmth of his embrace.
The laughter around you seemed to fade, the chatter becoming a blur, and it was like the two of you were in your own world for a moment. Franco’s thumb traced the outline of your arm before he pulled back slightly, his mischievous smile never leaving his face.
“What if we stopped letting everyone assume I’m single?” he asked casually, his eyes glinting with that familiar spark.
You didn’t have to think about it—this had been brewing for weeks, maybe even months. You’d both gotten tired of the secrecy, of the constant guessing. You didn’t care about the opinions of strangers anymore, not when it came to him.
“I think it’s time,” you said, your voice light but resolute.
And then, with an ease that could only come from the comfort of being with someone who knew you better than anyone else, Franco leaned in, his lips catching yours in a quick, almost careless kiss.
For a moment, time seemed to stop. The room fell silent, people frozen in place. But you didn’t care. You were too busy focusing on the way his lips lingered just long enough to make it clear.
As you pulled away, your hearts still beating in sync, the sound of murmurs around you slowly started up again. Whispers rippled through the crowd, but neither of you looked around. You didn’t need to.
Franco grinned and shrugged, pulling you close again. “Guess we’re not hiding anymore,” he said with a teasing smile, as if nothing had just happened. You couldn’t help but laugh. “Guess not.”
——————————————
F1.Gossip has posted
Caption— f1 driver Franco Colapinto caught kissing an unidentified woman while at a party.
Liked by— yourBFF, and 19289 others
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User7– WAIT WHAT?!?!
User8– who is she?
User9– con—😭😭—grad—😭😭—ulations—😭😭
User10– I new there was no way he was single
Franco_Colapinto43–has posted
Caption— Bueno, gatos fuera de la balsa, feliz Segundo aniversario, mi amor. (well cats out of the bag happy 2 year anniversary my love)
liked by — lando_norris, Yourusername, yourBFF and 1028 others
#f1#f1 x reader#formula one x reader#formula one imagine#formula one x you#f1 x y/n#formula one x oc#faiths inboxes📥📨#f1 smau#franco colapinto#franco colapinto x reader#franco colapinto x you#Franco Colapinto x fem!reader#franco colapinto fanfic#franco colapinto fluff#franco colapinto social media au#franco colapinto smau
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hey so this has been rotting in my brain since yesterday and I'm going crazy so I need some outside perspective
im a buddie shipper and 100% believe they are perfect for each other, but sometimes it feels like buck is a better to friend to eddie than vice versa? like buck is there for eddie all the time and often goes above and beyond for him, buck gave eddie carla, was there for him during eddie/shannon troubles (s2 christmas ep), showed up to his probie ceremony in his cast, took care of him and chris during shooting, built chris a skateboard, literally saved him in the shooting, always gives him advice on relationships (told him to prioritise his happiness over chris during ana), showed him charlie at horse therapy, was there for him with his panic attacks, and then his eventual breakdown (repairing his wall), he was there at the diaz household when eddie went to texas, helped chris when eddie was at therpay, always babysists, was with eddie when the kim fiasco went down, never judged but gave good advice, he was there when chris left and even after (eg s8 chris bday zoom party)
if we compare this with the times eddie supports buck its not nearly as extensive, or oftentime his help/time comes with strings attached, eg tsunami (gave buck chris to cheer him up, but also got free childcare (twice)), with the poker (used his maths powers, but also helped cheer him up), he was just missing mostly from buck sperm donor storyline, he did help buck with donor baby trauma and all his relationship traumas, the thing is that whenever hes there for buck its often buck instigating it, he always akss for advice/help, its very rare that eddie does something completetly selfless for buck unprompted, whereas we have so many examples of buck doing that for eddie,
it rly funny when eddie complains of buck always thinking of himself/being selfish when hes consitently THE character who cares for others more than himself, im not saying buck is a perfect uwu little baby (the lawsuit for example, but even in this case the way it panned out buck took 100% of the blame, and no one even tried to understand where he was coming from except maybe Hen), or that eddie is the devil, i just want to acknowledge that buck similar to his childhood is always giving but never getting that same energy back, and that does make him a tragic character, because even in adulthood when he does have a found family he still sometimes faces the problems he did as a child, the show should actually acknowledge that buck is so used to being treated like shit he kinda takes it from everyone, and when they do get together maybe they have a conversation about this idk, sorry for the long ass rant and feel free to maybe add some counterpoints of eddie helping buck unconditionally, but this is all i could think of
Oh no no NO no NOOOO no NO no no no NO No NOOOOOOO no NO Nonny, just NO. 🤦♀️😬🤦♀️😬🤦♀️
Don’t drop this in my ask box Nonny. You need to back waaaaaaay up with this. You need to get rid of this bad take, because it’s absolute garbage. 😖
It seems to me that you fundamentally do not understand Eddie Diaz and how much he KNOWS and GETS Evan Buckley.
So buckle up Nonny, I’m about to take you on a walk down Eddie Diaz-lane:
Buck doesn’t need someone to feel sorry for him or to indulge him. Buck needs someone to tell him that enough is enough. That’s where Eddie comes in. He is the one who steps in and tells Buck to stop spiralling, because that’s canonically what he does. Remember how Maddie had Buck’s friends and family check up on him in shifts after the lightning strike? Eddie was the only one who said no. Why? Not because he didn’t want to, but because he knew exactly what Buck needed and it wasn’t to be pampered, but to be understood. And lo an behold, who shows up on Eddie’s doorstep at the end of the day? Buck. Ready to commit murder because he is tired of everyone walking on eggshells around him. And Eddie is the only one who knew Buck enough to know this wouldn’t end well. He knows exactly what makes Buck tick.
He knows what Buck needs or doesn’t need. He knows that Buck sometimes gets into his own head a little too much and that is when he acts and does something small and inconspicuous that will resolve the situation.
Often times Buck only sees the worst sides of a problem and he becomes blind to the good things in life. That’s when Eddie steps in and puts him firmly back on the ground again, reminding him that he is loved by his friends and family and he’ll be okay.
Do you remember whose voice Buck heard when he disassociated in the scene with Gerrard? Eddie’s was most prominent. Why? Because he knows he can always count on Eddie to get him out of his spirals. Eddie understands him on a fundamental level. Throughout the whole time that Gerrard was the Captain of the 118, Buck was struggling while Eddie kept his cool. We saw him hovering near Buck a lot of the time, trying to give him some advice, but mostly he offered him silent support.
It’s at these difficult times when Eddie comes in and NO Nonny, this does not come with any strings attached. Yes, Eddie barged in and told Buck to take care of Chris before the tsunami, but not to get free child care. That was just an excuse, a little white lie. No, this was because he knew that Buck was wallowing in self-pity and he wanted to get him out of that pit. He told him that Chris never ever feels sorry for himself and that Buck should take that as an example. And it's exactly what Buck needed as well. Bringing Chris was a very clever diversion to get Buck out of the house and start living again. (Of course then they got caught in a tsunami, but that’s not the point here.)
The poker date had NOTHING to do with Eddie wanting to USE Buck’s math powers. I assure you, Buck is a grown man. If he hadn’t wanted to go on that poker date he wouldn’t have gone and if he hadn’t wanted to stay there, he could have just gotten up and left. Eddie wouldn’t have held it against him either, because that’s the kind of friend he is… selfless. In that episode we see that Eddie was bang on again. Buck thrived during that poker game. He had fun being the best and Eddie indulged him, keeping a close eye on him at all times. He knew exactly how to get Buck out of his funk and his spiral of self-pity.
When has Eddie ever been selfish in all of these scenarios? I’ll tell you… NEVER.
Another example: After Eddie got shot, Buck sat in that hospital chair, telling Eddie it should have been him that was shot. Eddie immediately said: OH HELL NO! He then revealed he had put in his will that Chris would go to Buck if anything ever happened to Eddie. And not just to the benefit of Chris, because we all know that boy would thrive with a caretaker like Buck, but also for Buck himself. Eddie knows that if anything were to happen to him, there wouldn’t be anyone there who understands him enough to get him out of that slump and that spiral of blaming himself. So he gave Buck a task and a goal, something to do to keep him focused and sharp. Buck would never give into self-blame if he had to take care of Chris.
Eddie has consistently been shown to be willing to step in to Buck’s messes, sitting down next to him and listening to his plight. The hospital talk after Chimney got stabbed and Buck decided it was a great idea to illegally get into Chim’s phone? Eddie sat next to him and really listened, told him that he understood, but that he was still in the wrong. Buck needed to hear that, as he was increasingly getting more and more anxious about Maddie. He needed the voice of reason.
The balcony talk, after Chim had given Buck the black eye, where Eddie reassured him that Chimney would forgive him. Sure, he did it with a joke, but again that was what was needed. That joke provided some levity to the situation. Something Buck absolutely appreciated in that moment.
Even that last scene in 8x06. Eddie had just danced in joy (and in his underwear), the bell rings and who's there? Buck, looking miserable. Eddie could have turned him away, unwilling to deal with his obvious bad mood. Instead he just welcomed him in and no words needed to be spoken. His quiet acceptance was enough to let Buck know that he would be there for him, no matter what.
Point is, Eddie Diaz KNOWS Evan Buckley to the core and there isn’t anything he isn’t willing to do for him. Nothing he has ever done for Buck came with strings attached.
And as for Buck helping Eddie out and doing all of the things you listed? That’s just the way Buck loves. He loves completely and wholly. Once you are a part of his family, he will go above and beyond for you, no questions asked. He goes to bat for Eddie again and again. Him and Chris are two of the most important people in his life and Buck loves to give selflessly to the people he loves.
So taking care of Chris, babysitting him? That’s not a hardship for him. He does it with love and joy. Showing up for Eddie with his leg in a cast? Eddie never asked him to do that. He decided to do this because of love. Helping Eddie out during and after the breakdown? He willingly stepped into Eddie’s mess because that is the way Buck loves.
I could go on and on about this, but I’ll end it here.
Bottom line is this Nonny…
NO! Eddie doesn’t wait until Buck comes to him to ask for help. He gives him some time, yes. But then, when he sees him struggling? That’s when he steps in to help him out, to care for him, to love him the way Buck deserves to be loved. The only selfishness Eddie indulges in is that he WANTS and NEEDS to see Buck happy again. Because seeing Buck happy? That is what makes Eddie happy.
So NO, he has never treated Buck like shit and he never will. Neither has anyone else on the 118 by the way. Buck was treated like shit by his parents, that’s true, but the moment he stepped into the 118 he found his family. And they always treat him with the respect and love he deserves.
I’m not going to get too deep into the lawsuit arc, because I think both Buck and the 118 made some mistakes there, but in the end they got through it, which is what a good family does. Eddie was a little prickly in the beginning sure, but he had good reason for that. Buck had hung out all of his dirty laundry to that stupid lawyer. But they got through it and their bond became even stronger. At the end of that arc I do feel like everyone in the 118 understood Buck a little better than before. So did Eddie.
So NO. They don’t need to have some kind of conversation about this ‘imaginary’ problem you think they have Nonny. They do however, need to sit down and have a conversation about what they want out of life and how to go on from there. Them having been friends for so long, the switch to become more than friends is huge. They definitely need to talk about that and about Chris’s part in that as well. Whatever decision they make and take in life, Chris will be a part of it.
*deep breath*
Okay, I feel like I got out of my system what I needed to get out.
Listen Nonny, I appreciate you taking the time to drop something in my ask box and asking for some outside perspective, but in the future? Maybe keep these very bad and wrong takes about Eddie Diaz out of my ask box and just post them on your own blog? I’m sure you’ll find people out there who will agree with you, but I am decidedly NOT that person.
Thank you kindly. 😌
#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buddie#911 abc#bad and wrong garbage takes on Eddie Diaz#Eddie Diaz is MY person#I understand him on a deeper level#He is like me in so many ways#He is my comfort character and he deserves all the happiness in the world#I'm legit so annoyed right now#I've been seeing so many bad takes on Eddie lately#It's exhausting#leave the man alone#nonnies galore
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Okay, after having a few days to process, I am allowing myself one vent post to get it out of my system and then it’s back to ✨positive vibes✨ only
If I see one more goddamn smarmy post about how “the writing was on the wall the whole time” (with the undercurrent of “you were too stupid to see it, I have the only valid interpretation”) I’m going to lose it
Had we not had 8x05, the breakup still would have bummed me out, but I would have said, you know what, fair, we didn’t see a whole lot of their relationship, a lot of it was fanon and headcanons. We had a good run. But we did get 8x05, apparently some of it filmed out of order knowing a breakup was coming, and what was the point? To be cruel? It felt like a slap in the face to people who liked that relationship.
They could have laid some groundwork to show some cracks in the relationship, but no. Ignoring disingenuous interpretations from people who have been rooting for the ship to crash and burn since day one, 8x05 established Buck & Tommy as a solid couple. Tommy gets along with Eddie, the three of them had great chemistry together. Tommy takes care of Buck when he’s hurt. Tommy thinks the curse is a bunch of bs (as does Eddie) but still went with Buck to have a funeral for a mummy. It’s like I watched someone cook an elaborate, delicious dinner for me and then they immediately threw it in the trash, and other people around me made fun of me for being blindsided and upset because I should have seen that coming.
I won’t pretend the general audience is a monolith who all have the same opinions. I’m sure there are people who don’t care and just shrugged their shoulders that another relationship of Buck’s fizzled out. But I have 2 friends who watch the show and aren’t Fandom Fans, and they are always my barometer for how people who don’t have brain rot (affectionate) feel about the show. One really liked the relationship, the other was neutral to mildly negative on it, and both of them agreed that it felt like the breakup came out of nowhere and made no sense given the context of the previous episode. So please stop pretending that it’s only BT fandom fans who have their knickers in a twist about how it played out.
If this isn’t leading to buddie, then I don’t want to see another love interest for either Buck or Eddie for the rest of the show. Tommy had so much potential to break the cycle of Buck’s love interests (and interviews from last season seem to support that they were aware of this and planning on utilizing that) and throwing it away feels like such a waste.
So yeah, instead of being just bummed, I’m pissed. I do not know if there was BTS drama or if Tim got some other grand idea for Buck’s storyline this season — but given how plots are adopted and dropped at rapid fire pace this season (something I was willing to forgive last season because of the shortened production timeline and fewer episodes), I’m highly skeptical that there’s any sort of overarching plan here.
I’ve never thought buddie would actually happen on the show, but I also never thought either Buck or Eddie would ever be anything other than straight, so I’d be happy to be proven wrong. I’m just a little jaded by seeing people doing a victory lap convinced that buddie canon is imminent when I think that they are giving the writers a lot more credit than they deserve for supposedly crafting this epic love story for the last five or so years when a lot of that is also just generous fanon interpretation. I need explicit confirmation within the show by the end of this season that at least one of them has caught feelings or I’m over entertaining the possibility it will actually happen.
I know the joy will come back. But I really hope the same plot lines playing out ad nauseam for every character stops because I’m getting a little tired.
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Great meta about episode 8 and about Agatha’s feelings. I’m particularly curious about Rio and I agree with everything you said about her feelings and why she lashed out. She finally gave up on Agatha after centuries, she accepted she would always hate her no matter what even if she chose giving Billy up or herself but did that kiss change anything for her? She looked like she was truly grieving her and letting go
I don’t think she knew about ghost Agatha but will that change anything? Do you think she will follow the deal and leave Agatha alone? There is also the issue about Tommy but if you don’t count the twins do you think Death finally decided to move on? Will she be free or with those two, never 😂
Heh, I did leave out the part about the kiss in my meta post didn't I? My brain was so tired lol
The short answer? It's ambiguous.
And I think that's largely deliberate because The Powers That Be (TPTB) haven't committed to where and how they want to use Rio / Death in future Marvel projects.
I think there's definitely enough setup done and opportunity in the story for Rio to come back for an AAA sequel or spin-off — but also enough ambiguity if not.
Story-wise, the kiss is significant because I don't think Agatha's one to directly apologise or walk back what she says. It's a similar thing in episode 4 where Agatha embraces Rio with all that emotion.
I think the kiss is Agatha saying she still does have love for Rio, that she does want her despite all that she said earlier, that she's sorry but she can't let this boy die.
It's very heartbreaking if you consider Rio had resigned herself to Agatha just hating and rejecting her, and she is given this reminder of their love as a goodbye.
But ultimately I think with Agatha's progress – inching her way along her arc – this still marks the end of this chapter of their relationship: these two finally had something of an honest conversation, the baseline of their interactions has changed, and Rio needs to process brand new emotions like grief (which I sure hope doesn't have cosmic consequences ha ha).
That said, the kiss does seem to put Agatha and Rio in a relatively okay place at the end of this chapter. It's a bit of reconciliation. They've shown that they still love each other, but there's still a significant disconnect between them. But as a wise Lilia once said, sad is better than angry.
Now the ghost thing: it's a really interesting change to the dynamic of their relationship but I don't know if Agatha being a ghost encourages or dissuades Rio to go after her. Rio may feel motivated to help Agatha pass on and be with Nicky. Or Rio may take it as Agatha choosing to put distance between them, and from what we see in episode 5, Rio can't really do much about ghosts.
What the ghost thing does do is give Rio some grounds to ignore the first deal because if we look at the letter of the arrangement, Agatha asks for Rio "to stop making her life hell" and to not see Rio's face when she dies. These terms are no longer relevant for a ghost.
And if one argues that the deal has Agatha telling Rio to stop pursuing her, you could argue that Rio's following Billy and trying to deal with the Tommy situation. Agatha just happens to be around all the time while Rio's doing her job.
If we ignore the whole Maximoff twin situation like you say, I think it would actually be up to Agatha to decide whether a new chapter of them begins.
Because while being a ghost is a sacrifice in a lot of ways, it actually gives Agatha more control over the relationship in a way she didn't before, not even with the Darkhold. I don't think Rio can touch her, literally. It's possible Rio can't even sense her.
The good news is, this kind of ambiguity is perfect for fanfiction and fan interpretations. There is a lot of potential there.
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Can you please write a classic trope of reader overhearing black album/load James calling her “clingy”? Like guys in the band joke about it and he is fed up? So she stops coming over to studios and bringing food over, stops asking him to pick her up from work, if he wants to go to a bar, she always has a “headache”? Maybe it’s not until Bob Rock mentions that he likes when she’s over cause James always does a better job in her presence? - that’s when he gets that something is off???
I hope you like it❤
Hurtful Word
The studio has that same familiar smell—beer, lingering cigarette smoke, and the electric hum of amps running hot. I balance a bag with burgers and a beer as I push open the door, knowing James has been holed up here for hours. I just wanted to show up, bring him something he’d actually eat, something other than junk food and coffee. It’s a small thing, but I’ve always thought it meant something.
But as soon as I walk in, Lars glances over and smirks at Kirk. Their eyes flick to me, exchanging that look they always get when they’re about to make a joke.
“Damn, man,” Lars says, his voice loud enough to carry. “You got yourself a personal chef now? Can’t even get a sandwich without her delivering it?”
Kirk snickers, crossing his arms. “Yeah, dude, she’s here more than we are. Got a whole support team working for you, huh?”
The teasing makes my chest tighten, but I keep my head high, hoping James will laugh it off. But instead of a joke or a roll of his eyes, he glances at me, looks away, and mutters, “You don’t need to keep doing this. It’s kinda… clingy.”
Clingy. The word slices through me, and I freeze. I don’t even hear the guys teasing him further because the room goes silent in my head. Clingy.
Lars laughs. “Oh, she’s clingy now?” he grins. “Better watch out, man, she might end up moving in next.”
“Yeah, at least keep some space, Hetfield,” Kirk chimes in. “You don’t want to be tied down yet.”
My smile falters. I feel my face heat, and I force myself to nod. “Right. Sorry, I didn’t mean to hover.” My voice is too tight, too fake. I turn to leave quickly, wanting to get out before anyone can say anything else.
I don’t even make it to the door before I hear James mutter something, but it’s too late. I’m already out.
____
James Hetfield POV
The next few days are strange. She’s not at the studio, hasn’t called, hasn’t stopped by. When I wanted to go at bar she said that she had a headache. I figured at first she’d just been busy. But by the second day, I realize it’s more than that. She’s actively keeping her distance. I try to shake it off, thinking it’s just her way of taking some space, but there’s an unease gnawing at me.
My concentration is shot. The guys are noticing. I can’t get anything right during practice.
Bob Rock finally pulls me aside one evening, looking at me like he knows something’s wrong.
“You okay, James?” Bob asks, his tone casual but concerned. “You’ve been off the last couple of days. It’s like something’s not clicking.”
I rub my face, trying to avoid admitting it. “Just tired, man. It’s been a long couple of sessions.”
Bob gives me a look, his eyes narrowing slightly. “I get it. But, uh... I’ve noticed something, and I’m gonna be blunt with you, alright?”
I look up, a little surprised. “What’s that?”
Bob leans in slightly, his voice dropping. “When she’s here, when she’s around, you play better. Hell, the band’s tighter, too. There’s something about the way you focus when she’s here, like she brings out the best in you. But now that she’s gone... it’s like you’ve lost your spark.”
I stare at Bob, the words hitting harder than I expected. She makes me better? I never thought of it that way. But Bob’s right. Every time she showed up with lunch or a little note, I’d felt more grounded. More centered. The music flowed easier. And now? It’s like the fire’s gone out. The sessions feel lifeless. I’ve been distracted, unfocused.
Suddenly, I feel a deep pang of regret. I hadn’t realized how much she was actually keeping me grounded, how much her quiet presence affected me. I’d taken her for granted, pushed her away with my stupid, careless words. I can’t take it anymore. Not the silence. Not the distance between us. I’ve been calling her all week, and every time, it goes straight to voicemail. It’s eating me alive. I don’t care how bad I fucked up—I need to fix this. I need to see her, to hear her, to make sure she knows that I’m sorry.
I jump in the car, my hands gripping the steering wheel too tightly. My thoughts are a jumbled mess. “Clingy” I said that word to her. And now I can't stop hearing it echoing in my head. The guys had joked, but I could see it in her eyes—she wasn’t laughing. I pushed her away, and now I can’t reach her.
I don’t even think as I pull up to her building. I park quickly, my heart pounding in my chest, and rush to the door. My breath catches in my throat as I knock, then ring the doorbell. There’s no answer. I knock again, harder this time, and then… nothing.
I press my ear against the door, and I hear movement inside. My stomach tightens. I don’t know if it’s hope or desperation, but I feel the overwhelming need to be with her, to fix what’s broken.
Finally, the door opens just enough for her face to peek through. Her eyes are tired, and she looks… fragile. Like she’s been holding herself together, but just barely.
I swallow hard. “Can we talk?” My voice cracks a little, betraying the anxiety twisting in my gut. “I need to talk to you.”
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t even step aside at first. For a second, I think she might slam the door in my face. But then she opens it wider, just enough to let me in. I walk past her, my heart hammering in my chest, and she follows me in silence.
The air between us is thick—heavy with everything that hasn’t been said. I turn around to face her, and for a moment, I can’t find the words. The look on her face… It breaks me. It’s like she’s shutting down, like she’s already made up her mind to walk away.
“I was stupid,” I blurt, the words tumbling out faster than I can control. “I shouldn’t have said that. "Clingy". What the hell was I thinking? You’re not clingy. You’re—God, I don’t even know how to fix this. I can’t take it back, but I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”
She just stands there, her eyes cold and distant. I hate it. I hate seeing her like this—like she doesn’t care anymore. The silence between us stretches out, making the weight of what I said feel heavier than ever.
“You don’t get it, do you?” Her voice is quieter than I expect, almost like a whisper. “You made me feel like I was too much. Like I wasn’t even wanted. I was just trying to be there for you, and you… you pushed me away. In front of the guys, James. You made me feel like a joke.”
Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. I can see it now—how badly I hurt her. How wrong I was. She’s standing there, so small, her shoulders slumped like she’s carrying the weight of everything I’ve said.
I feel my chest tightening, my throat burning. “I’m sorry. I swear, I didn’t mean to do that. You’ve never been too much, not for me. I don’t know what I was thinking. You’re everything to me, and I—God, I don’t even know how I got so fucking stupid.”
I take a step toward her, my hand reaching out, but she pulls back slightly. “I don’t know if you even understand how much you hurt me,” she says, her voice shaking now. “You made me feel like I was suffocating you. And I can’t keep trying if you’re not going to see me. If you don’t want me around…”
The words trail off, and I can hear the tears in her voice. My heart shatters, and before I even realize it, I’m moving toward her, pulling her into my arms.
“I didn’t mean it,” I say, my voice breaking. “I don’t ever want to hurt you. I was a fucking idiot, okay? Please, don’t walk away from me.”
She stands still for a moment, then gives in, her body relaxing as she buries her face in my chest. I feel the wetness of her tears against my shirt, and it kills me. I never wanted to make her feel like this. Never.
“I miss you,” I whisper, holding her tighter. “I need you. Please don’t leave me.”
Her hands clutch the front of my shirt, and for a moment, we’re both just standing there, tangled up in the mess of emotions between us. The silence is raw, but it feels real.
She pulls back slightly, just enough to look me in the eyes. “You’ve gotta promise me, James. Promise me you’ll never do this again. That I’m not just some fucking joke to you.”
“I promise,” I say, my voice steady now. “I swear to you, I’ll never make you feel that way again. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I had until I almost lost it.”
And then, suddenly, I feel the need to say something else. Something that’s been weighing on me for a while. I pull her back into my arms, my hands gripping her tightly as I press my lips to her hair. “You know, I always appreciated you showing up at the studio. I never said it, but you always brought something with you—something that helped me focus.
When you’re there, I can think clearer, the music just comes to me better. It’s like I’m myself again, you know? And when you weren’t around these last couple of days, I realized how much I’ve been taking you for granted. I need you there. Not just because I like having you close, but because you make me better.”
She doesn’t speak for a moment, but I feel her body soften against mine. “I didn’t know that,” she whispers.
“I should have told you sooner,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “I’m so sorry. I need you in my life. Not just in the studio, but everywhere.”
Her hand rests gently on my chest. “I need you too, James. But you’ve gotta prove it.”
“I will,” I promise, brushing my lips against her forehead. “Every day, I’ll show you.”
We stand there in the quiet of her apartment, the weight of everything between us slowly lifting. For the first time in days, I feel a sense of peace. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that as long as I don’t let her go again, we’ll find our way through it together.
#metallica#metallica oneshot#metallica fanfiction#metallica fluff#metallica angst#jameshetfield#jameshetfieldxreader#james hetfield fluff#james hetfield one shot#james hetfield angst#nausicaamusiclover20
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Austria 2019
-The Styrian hills are so pretty!!
-Charles and Max front row!!
-“Sebastian Vettel couldn’t run because of a mechanical problem in Q3”
He had a mechanical issue in qualifying for Germany too I think. What is with his Ferrari??
-Why are we calling the Force India, Racing Points now??
-“Feels like the hottest race I’ve ever taken part it” damn, should I predict tire problems?
-“Lando Norris was what- one year old when Kimi Raikkonen made his debut here? They start alongside each other today” That’s so cool
-“Verstappen gets an awful start” Ohmygod he got passed by like three cars. That was horrifying
-Charles flew off though
-Not three cars, he got passed by more than three cars. How did this happen??
-Charles just put such a big gap between him and the second car now
-“Started second, now seventh” I will cry. What the hell is an anti-stall?
-Charles setting a fastest lap. The contrast between these two right now
-“Norris didn’t look at all phased wheel to wheel with Lewis Hamilton. That bodes well for him into the future” yes it does
-Also I forgot where Carlos started but seeing him in p15 is unsettling
-“Max Verstappen has lost more positions in the first lap today, than the previous 14 races combined” oh
-Ohmygod Lando almost got pushed off the track by Sebastian Vettel
-Aah they’re going wheel to wheel. He almost got back that position too
-The orange crowd in the grandstands look like minions
-“The iceman gave Verstappen the whole freezer to himself there” I-
-Magnussen getting a drive through penalty :/
-“Tell me when to start pushing” Charles…are you not, already pushing?
-Lap 23, drivers coming in to box now
-Bad stop for Sebastian :( (He’s down to p7 now)
-“Tires are good. Tires are still good” Lewis is having a good race then
-Aah why did Kimi pit now, he’s p15
-“decent pit stop for him” I forgot he’s not in a top team anymore 😭
-I’m surprised Red Bull hasn’t pitted yet
-Oh Lewis trying to overcut Valterri
-Lando and Pierre stopping now
-Okay why do all of these look like very bad stops
-Going to enjoy both Daniel and Nico being in the points for the next few laps before they inevitably lose that
-I kind of like this light blue livery on the Mercedes
-I don’t know how but Lewis has a damaged front wing. That’s definitely going to hinder his pit stop time
-“The chase is on now for Hamilton against Vettel” Or it would have been but Max just came out between them
-Charles back to leading the race
-Carlos and Daniel have been on the same tires for 35 laps now
-“Lick the envelope and send it down the inside”Daniel! It’s so cool how he’s able to fend off Lando with those old tires
-Carlos finally pitting, going back to p14
-How is Daniel still out?
-“Lando if you can, just hold Ricciardo in your DRS. Hold him to allow him to have DRS, as long as he can’t pass” “What like, forever?” Hahaha
-Unfortunately that play by McLaren didn’t work out, Pierre has gotten past Daniel now
-Daniel really needs to pit soon
-“Come on mate, let’s get it done. Let’s get it” Watching young Max go up against experienced drivers is always such a treat. You just have to hold your breath the whole time
-“Get it boy.” “Yes boy come on” Haha, that was really good
-Sebastian pitting?? Now it’s him chasing Lewis
-✨Carlos back in points✨
-“Oh I’m losing power. Guys?!” Aaaaah no!!
-Getting directions to push buttons with different numbers while driving at intense speeds would throw me off the edge
-Ah yes Max!! Let’s go!! Back to p2!!
-“Verstappen! There’s no stopping him today”
-“Haha yes” “Alright this is game on”
-This is the most radio I’ve heard between Max and GP in a while
-“They’ve got history of course, back in the karting days. Only 16 days apart” My favorite emotional support rivals
-“I’m sure they will absolutely relish a battle like that, if it comes to fruition at the end of this race” Inchident pt2?!
-Ohmygod is this _the_ race? The race after which they unfollowed each other???
-“But I am expecting three happy drivers on the podium for once” I’m so sorry Martin
-“Here’s the glimpse of the future of f1. The youngest ever front row”
-“Verstappen’s now caught sight of him” Let’s go let’s go let’s go
-“Blistering pace Max, keep it up mate” GP has been the man this whole race. So many encouragements
-“Can Charles Leclerc win his first Grand Prix, or will Max Verstappen deny him that?”
-“He’s right behind him, the last man to beat Mercedes in a Grand Prix, the old dominating Mercedes-Benz in 2018” ”And if Leclerc’s going to do this, he’s going to fend off a mighty adversary”
-“Verstappen behind 1s” “Leave me alone” Valid
-“Bravo Charles Leclerc, that was brilliant defending” Honestly there’s no one like Charles when he’s defending from Max
-Aaaah Max!!!! “Max Verstappen has just sent Holland into ruptures!”
-The way everyone talks about this incident- it was less dramatic than they make it sound. I thought he ran into him on purpose or something
-“It’s one, two, three, four, five…six! victories in formula 1 for Max Verstappen!”
-“Max you drove a might race. You are the man. I mean, what a race, we are so proud of you”
-“You and Charles certainly did him [Niki Lauda] proud”
-“It’s hard racing otherwise you have to stay home” He has never changed
-It’s hilarious that Valterri is the one sharing this podium
-Max pointing at the Honda logo in the end was so cute
-Going to go watch Charles win his first race now. I’m expecting karma to come for Max there cause that’s how the lore between these two seems to work
#formula 1#f1#formula one#max verstappen#charles lecrelc#valterri bottas#sebastian vettel#lewis hamilton#lando norris#pierre gasly#carlos sainz#kimi raikkonen#sergio perez#daniel ricciardo#nico hulkenberg#lance stroll#alex albon#george russell#kevin magnussen#Austria 2019#austria gp 2019
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I wanna build on the Hatred Possessed Player more but I’m out of drawing juice so here’s me rambling!! :
The Possession occurs in Dream World when the Player is vulnerable and Builderman is exposed as Hatred. Quite literally, it takes over their soul but also their body
At the same time, the Manor trio (and add ons that I do, like Red, Blue, and/or Griefer) find the Player after they touched the GHOSTWALKER. In their attempts to wake them up (aka calling out their name), they wake up, but not as themselves
Cool battle sequence where you can control Terry, Jerry, AND Kitchen Wizard to fight yourself. Or other concept, you still play as the Player, just with the intent to hurt the good guys
Of course, when you beat Hatred in Dream World, the Possession stops and so does the fighting. And you still wake up as normal and get the GHOSTWALKER
Visual Idea wise, the shadow of the Possessed Player will show off as Hatred instead of their normal shadow. Their face will be shadowed and eyes will have a red outline. Whether Hatred is indifferent or enjoying fighting, their expressions on you vary.
Unless people prefer a bad ending and Hatred keeps the body. Player is too tired to fight and the Manor Trio is defeated. Hatred Player does not continue your journey.
#coro txt#blocktales#block tales#block tales hatred#I guess it counts?#I could make this a full on au#demo gone wrong au
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what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that
#at this point I’m begging people to see the overlap with adhd too bc anecdotally it seems like everyone I know also has that#and the overlap with bpd and hpd but I think the main difference is. being stuck in that high energy state. even when the energy turns sad#and bitter and hopeless. it’s essentially just overstimulation from your own brain. gets stuck overstimulating itself to cope maybe?#like i know people say it’s not triggered by life events but they sometimes can trigger it. but imho depression is gonna trigger it too#eventually. anything where everything is Too Much can start the positive feedback loop that’s almost impossible to turn off#which if you don’t know what a positive feedback loop is. means smth triggers smth which goes back and triggers its original trigger#thus getting bigger and bigger in magnitude. it’s like the chicken and the egg. egg makes chicken and chicken makes egg. more egg more#chicken and more chicken more egg. as opposed to a negative feedback loop which by the time there gets enough of smth it stops triggering#making more of it. your body relies on negative feedback loops for smth called homeostasis which is basically keeping everything stable#so obv positive feedback loops are gonna do the opposite of stable. in this case for your energy and your mood#most people are able to sleep better when they’re tired. my hypothesis of hypomania is when being tired makes you less able to rest#and that obviously spirals in on itself. mania would just be an extension of that I guess? but in some people it does happen really fast so#I get the narrative that it’s a chemical imbalance bc it is. but the specific imbalance being the tendency to a positive feedback loop make#more sense to me too. and can be why predictability and external cycles to ground yourself to are so important#there’s also never a 0% chance of you ever having a manic episode btw. anyones brain can theoretically get into this loop it’s just that if#you’re genetically predisposed to bipolar you’re much more likely to! and that’s okay. you can manage it with meds and lifestyle#but it makes sense why lowering stress (which can trigger this cycle) is such an important part of treatment and management#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth#bipolar awareness#bipolar 2#hypomania#personal mental health tag#neurodivergence#would you believe I was reminiscing about a concert I went to once. and it made me think of all this
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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once again feeling despondent and miserable. i check the clock. it is once again midnight
#my post#man i just hate the fall and winter so much. summer my favorite season because the lack of sunlight makes me want 2 die#and i’m tired all the time but i cant make myself go to bed earlier 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#ifs always going to sleep at midnight or later and waking up at 10 and not having time for schoolwork. i wish mom cared enough 2 get me up#but i lay there forgotten too tired to haul myself up but awake enough to look at the clock and freak out for like an hour#i’m so tired. i’m so tired when does it end when does it stop when do i stop being tired#man i have a swim meet next weekend too i gotta get this shit back on the rails i gotta get my shit together#fuck. sorry guys ignore me i’ve been going through it for like three weeks#vent
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(before the post starts: to everyone who follows me for stranger things i’m sorry you have to deal with my random adventures into other fandoms — this is for the marauders fandom so if you don’t care about that feel free to scroll 💞 and also as always fuck jkr)
me: this fic is going to be so fucking full of angst and jealousy and toxicity with rosekiller endgame
also me:
It’s silent for a moment— Barty convinced the Gryffindor’s eyes could bore into his soul if he let him stare long enough. “You’ve never needed to simply feel something, Potter?”
-
[Barty] lowered his voice, a hand almost absently reaching up to the other boy’s face. His middle finger ran down his jawline. “What does [Regulus] see in you?”
“What-?”
“He’s never looked at me the way he looks at you. What are you doing that I wasn’t?”
-
“I can move. Do you want-“
“No, stay.” James laid back down. It was dark, but Barty reached up anyway. His hand started in James’ hair then ran down to his cheek. His middle finger traced his jaw again— like it had that night on the tower. “I can see what he sees in you now.”
me in some tags AFTER i wrote the stuff above:
BRO OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES YOU SHIP IT AND THIS IS HAPPENING
#i drafted this at like 2:30am lmao#enjoy the chaos#HOW IS THAT PLATONIC KARSON HOW#also james is very much dating regulus during all of this and barry knows that#barty* if my phone doesn’t stop autocorrecting barty to barry i will set it on fire#this was completely an accident#but at this point it would make no sense to not have darksun endgame#more specifically it’ll be starkillerchaser#at least i think that’s the ship name for regulus x barty x james#barty is deeply disturbed in this fic because evan started playing games when he was tired of barty’s games#he can dish it but he can’t take it yk#i was about to say evan might be ooc in this but like canonically we have nothing so i can make him act however i want#but like i’m not making him the bad guy#just two dudes who don’t know how to healthily communicate their feelings then everything gets jumbled up#maybe i’ll change my mind and have james be like ‘barty you’re latching onto me because i helped you’#and rosekiller does end up being endgame#who knows man i just go with the flow because the characters never wanna follow my outlines#if you see this and read all these tags lmk your opinion on what i should do#can’t guarantee i’ll commit but i’d like the input#darksun#barty crouch jr#james fleamont potter#wizarding world#userkarson#karson writes things sometimes
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.
#don’t mind me I’m just having a night™️#i hate living with my dad more often than not#the only consistent pro is not paying rent#which I only get because every time I ask him what he wants me to pay him he gets all kinds of passive aggressive#I got roped into being his caretaker post knee replacement just because I’m here#and he can’t be bothered to treat me with half as much respect as he does his numerous girlfriends who treat him like shit#I’m so so so tired of doing every fucking thing around here#i haven’t done laundry because I’ve been in too much pain#i haven’t done dishes because I’ve been in too much pain#so of course the sink is overflowing and his laundry just sits downstairs because he ‘doesn’t want to’#the knee replacement hasn’t even happened yet#and I just know I’m going to end up doin every goddamn thing around this house even more#doesn’t matter that I am in a shit ton of pain and can’t even properly treat it#doesn’t matter that I might be having a difficult time with my mental health#doesn’t fucking matter !! he doesn’t want to do something now so I can end up doing it later#just thinking about how he and my uncle joked about ‘if you do it wrong enough times you stop getting asked to do it’#about dishes and laundry and shit#and that is so fucking disgusting to laugh about#especially when you literally put everything off so your kid can do it despite you being perfectly capable#and then refusing help when you actually do something#I’m just so fucking annoyed#i am in so much pain and all I asked was for one thing#doesn’t matter that I’m using my limited gas to drive him to and from the hospital tomorrow#or that I’m the one who went out and found him crutches#or that I’m the one who told him to think of some meals for the week since he’ll be recovering and I’ll be cooking them and then he refused#Fuck#I’m just so exhausted#and i I have to wake up super fucking early#i wanna bury my face in a butches chest and never come out#it’s fine I’m fine everything is fine
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I thought I would have a nice day today, but it turn into a big fight how great
#my mom is constantly saying we don’t care about her and that we won’t let her express herself#but the way she need to express herself hurts both me and my dad so we kindly tell to not do it please#but she get offended cause she take it that we don’t care about her feeling and take the side opposite of her#but once we tell her she dosen’t consider OUR feelings she repeat that we don’t care about HERS#no you’re the one only caring about your feeling#I’m exhausted I’m already so stress and confused about what to do I need money and the store won’t call back so I need to find somethin#but there’s nothing around my house that won’t end with me having having panic attack everyday like at my old job#but she won’t hear a word we say if we ever tell her she does something to hurt us she takes it as an insult#she says to take her as she is and she will never change even tho we tell her it hurts us but we should change and and absorb everything#todays conversation was one we have often and I feel the same way she does about the subject but I hate talking about it we don’t have#to keep talking about it what is done is done no matter how much we talk against it it just hurt#even when I told her it was mentally the worst time of my life she still thing that I should listen to her complain non stop and have#to think about it when it just hurt#i feel like Imm just repeating but imm so tired of everything and don’t wanna go in detail I hope it still clear#we had plans today and everything is just ruin#i would continue playing my game and stay distract but this ruined my mood so bad#tomorrow is probably gonna be bad to cause my botch my parents are stubborn especially my dad and he won’t talk to her now and probably#won’t tomorrow neither and she’s gonna be mad and say that he should get over it#i would cause I hate to fight I just want peace but he’s not like that#i love them but they are exhausting sometimes#i wish I could just leave but I have no one to meet and I’m scared if I leave they are going to fight even more today or tomorrow#or that my mom will get offended idk#i wish I wasn’t coming back to complain but I need to ‘’speak’’ somewhere or I’ll break down 😭#I’m not here often and I don’t feel like scrolling you can tag me in things if you want it would help or use my tag for your content 💕#I’ve been stalking a tag for a couple of days that’s why I couldn’t resist reblog that nice Eri post when I came earlier and keep reblogging#alex.txt#tw negative
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⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
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I… feel… like… a… little… zombie!!!
#get ready for a vent… oh boy this will be fun to look back on#i am so tired of being the one who cares more or at all#it is a particular hell to get attached to someone who is incredibly emotionally unavailable#especially when said person made it seem like they were romantic and emotionally available in the beginning#and then u felt crazy for questioning them when all long they never planned on actually wanting anything with you#I have wasted so much time but can’t stop somehow#I just don’t care about other people the way I do for this person whyyyyyyyyy did this have to be how it was#he cares so much about his friends and work and family and just does not feel the way I do#I keep hoping he does deep down but I’m afraid to say it just doesn’t seem like it anymore#who invites someone over then tells them right before bed they have to leave at 9 or 9:30 for breakfast with their friends#after I took the freezing ass metro for him!! and he only invited me last minute cause he decided not to go out with friends cause the cold#like what on earth how did I end up in this????? this is not how it’s supposed to be#and I feel a little sorry for him that he can’t let himself experience something intimate and great he is emotionally shallow#i never would’ve imagined this is how it would be…#I never ever vent ever but I just can’t stop talking about it or this sadness will eat me from inside#I even told my mom!!!#im sick of this…#maybe one day he will regret it but maybe not he is so apathetic it’s so frustrating#it just hurts so much to see that someone you thought you were close to does not value you the same way or appreciate you very much#he meant/means so much to me and now I see I just don’t mean much to him#he doesn’t want to commit to anything and said I’m his friend after leading me on for a LONG time#i turned down other people for him cause he just kept making it sound like once __ happened he’d be ready for a relationship#i was so hopeful :(
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·.⌇ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. toji witnesses his son’s first steps and it nearly makes the grown man cry.
wc. 1k
tags. dad!toji x female reader. fluff. reader gets called ‘mama.’ life if gege just gave us what we wanted. ending is a bit rushed if you couldn't tell.
“gumi, look here,” you coo at your child who’s sitting in his playpen. you’re laying against some stuffed animals, too tired to move after doing all kinds of chores. the baby looks up at you with curious eyes and you take your chance to make a silly face.
megumi giggles and responds by throwing a small toy your way. it accidentally hits your head, though luckily it isn’t anything too heavy.
toji, who laid lazily on the opposite side of the playpen, watches the scene unfold. he grins once he sees you rub the spot on your forehead, “oi, megumi, careful with y’r mama.”
you chuckle, dropping your dramatic act. you ruffle megumi’s hair a bit before standing up. a yawn escapes your lips and you stretch your arms above your head—clearly in need of a break.
“i’m gonna take a quick nap, honey,” your eyes meet toji’s. your husband nods and sits up with a groan. he’s also sleepy, but he knows that you did most of the work today. he’ll gladly watch over megumi while you rest and regain your energy.
megumi starts to fuss the moment you step out of the playpen. his tiny hands reach out to you—the little boy clearly too attached to his mother. toji shakes his head and effortlessly picks his son up and puts him on his lap, “naw, y’re stuck with me buddy. mama’s gotta rest.”
megumi squirms around and whimpers. he’s clearly not interested in his dad at the moment. toji sighs and tries his best to keep the baby still, but to no avail.
“mama! mama!” the baby’s cries for you breaks your heart. you stop a a couple steps away and turn around with a pout. you notice how megumi is kicking his legs, thrashing around in toji’s arms in attempt to free himself.
you sigh and crouch down, “gumi, mama’s sleepy. . papa’s gonna play with you, okay?”
megumi, of course, does not understand what you mean. he thinks you’re leaving him alone and it causes him to wail loudly. you’re about to console your son, but backtrack when you notice how megumi’s starting to stand up on his own.
his chubby legs are barely holding his body weight up. the balance is hard to find for the baby, yet he still does his utmost best. he nearly trips from just standing.
even toji looks on with wide eyes and a hint of a prideful grin on his lips. he’s silently encouraging his son in his head.
“ma..ma,” megumi babbles. he almost topples over, but toji’s quick reflexes come in handy. a big hand keeps the baby standing straight. the dark-haired man carefully lets go again, however keeps his hand near his son’s body. just in case.
neither toji nor you could believe what was happening. you both watch in awe as megumi’s left foot moves forward—the right one copying that same movement.
your precious boy, taking his first steps right in front of you both to witness. it’s a heartwarming sight. you hold your breath and toji’s lips part slightly. your husband has yet to grasp why this scene in front of him makes him feel so. . . giddy on the inside.
“c’mon! come to mama!” you squeal excitedly and open your arms, encouraging megumi to your best ability. the tiny boy giggles and moves his limbs as fast as they could go. his chubby hands flail around as he quickly walks over to you.
toji stares at his family and that’s when it hits him; how much he loves this peaceful life. his son just achieved another great milestone that he had the honour of witnessing firsthand. it made him happy that he chose this path instead of the more ‘darker’ one.
it also nearly causes your husband to shed some tears from pure joy. but, toji didn’t want to seem too ‘soft’. even if he secretly is for his wife and child.
toji coughs subtly. totally not to get rid of the irritating lump in his throat. a ghost of a smile appears on his face while he got up, immediately moving towards megumi and you.
“good job, kiddo,” toji says as he puts his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants. he stares down at megumi in your arms—the little boy getting drowned in kisses and compliments.
your ears twitch. there’s no denying it; the faint crack in toji’s voice. you give your kid a break from your overwhelming affection and tilt your head back. your eyes meet your husband’s.
you grin when you see how he quickly avoids your gaze. something he never does unless he’s. . . “gonna cry?”
toji rolls his eyes at your question. he ignores your teasing by trying to change the subject. he focuses on megumi who’s still going absolutely wild in your embrace—cutely demanding more praise and kisses.
“daddy can also give ya some kisses, y’know,” toji pokes megumi’s cheek, fascinated by the plush fat. the baby stops babbling the moment his dad talks to him. he looks up at toji and then back at the finger still prodding at his cheek.
megumi opens his mouth and doesn’t waste a single second. he goes for a playful bite, though his little baby teeth do no real damage, “yumm.”
you giggle at the way megumi frowns at toji, his teeth holding tightly onto toji’s fingertip. it’s time for your husband to take over the dramatics now.
“hey, that ain’t so nice now,” toji hisses and leans forward until his face is right in front of megumi—a similar frown on both the dad and son’s faces. they really do look alike now that you see them both from up close again.
megumi only bites down more on the finger in his mouth and toji reacts to that by feigning his anger. it’s amusing to see how neither of them gives up first.
but, it’s also rather cute to see how the father-son dynamic plays out in cozy family moments like these.
your eyes focus back on toji’s face and you can’t help but smile to yourself. he’s a good husband and father; always there for the both of you. his own way of showing support for megumi’s first steps is rather heartwarming. plus, the playful banter between the two never fails to make any moment all the more precious.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#jjk fluff#toji x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#toji x you#jjk x you#toji x y/n#jjk x y/n#toji fluff
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