#i am so tired of being the one who cares more or at all
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HELLO! Do you have a summary of how you portray Leona's personality in your stories? I'm a big fan of your Leona and Yuu stories and I've read them multiple times www /gen I always feel like you just nail how he would act and say things and you inspire me to work on my own fics and get better at writing scenarios with him. Than you in advance ily🙏 🦉anon
How I Portray Leona in General and in Romance
HI ANON! So I've gotten this question a few times and someone in my discord asked me basically the same thing so I'll share with you what I wrote a few months ago about Leona and the general way I write him. (it's quite funny bc a lot of these things come up in Chapter 7 when we see his dream. I AM CURSED WITH APOLLOS'S GIFT OF PROPHECY WITH THIS MAN ISTG)
I hope this is helpful?? I would like to point out that the way I write Leona is fully based on my biases and life experiences. And that a big part of fandom is projecting what you wanna see in characters while still making them feel like the same character we know in canon, yk? Good luck with your fic writing! And thank you!! mwah mwah.💚 --
So Leona takes himself as a direct person, BUT he hides A LOT. He purposely misdirects people to get a reaction out of them. (Ex: pretending to be incompetent to anger someone) or he's playing with them. HE LOVES GAMES. Everyone is a chess piece, he has to feel in control bc that’s all he has ever had over everyone else; his wits. He’s a dickhead. He will say offensive shit to scare people off.
It’s a test to see who sticks around. He has no reservations when it comes to this. You take him as he is. And despite how some people write him he’s kinda silly? Like dad jokes. Why does he joke so much about eating people, who knows? (He says shit like Namby-pamby ffs) Why are you a 40y/o in a 20 y/o body?
I HC he purposely talks casually and gruff to distance himself from his upbringing. (I like to mix proper language and slang with him bc it feels right? Also lots of animal puns, and nicknames. HE'S CORNY AF)
In general, I don't think Leona is an entirely romantic person in canon, however in my timeline, I do HC that he, like Scar has this “want vs need problem” with connection to others. He thinks it's just praise he wants (or to be king) BUT he NEEDS TLC. What was Scar MOST jealous of at the end of the day?? Mufasa’s connections, a ✨queen✨, a family! BEING KING DID NOT MAKE SCAR HAPPY!! He needs to be needed and in Chapter 2 novella, he admits he HAS to numb himself to not care. I feel like this is something he constantly battles with. Yeah, he's lazy but it's partly bc he’s tired. He’s burnt out.
On the surface, he projects 100% nonchalance. He wants you to think everything he says is just "off the cuff", but it's not. He plans everything!!! He’s a mentor, big bro, caretaker. He is not the best at comforting words but he enjoys being a leader bc people appreciate him and look up to him. Something he never got at home.
Leona and ✨Romance✨
He fools himself into thinking he has the upper hand at first and keeps his distance keeping an eye on the object of his affection. Why would you catch his eye? Well, his greatest strength is picking up on OTHER STRENGTHS. Chessmaster. He is a mentorrrr and caretaker lowkey, he wants others to NEED him and rely on him. HE WANTS YOU TO NEED HIM.
At first, he would place himself in your path, trying to be helpful in a very tsundere type way. But he would still be causal and keep ruffling your feathers to gauge how you feel for him. He guards his heart pretty heavily. And more and more he is slowly collecting info about you he would find more ways for these meetings to happen until he realizes: "Oh shit, I’ve caught feelings." This one is the winner. He’s the king of nonchalance but also...he’s a very overly sensitive person. No doubt he’s freaking out a little, he doesn't wanna screw this up. But, he’d never show it.
I do think he wants to be challenged and given some pushback (insert manga panel about "something being harder to get and therefore is better"), He wants to WORK for it, to prove himself to you that you SHOULD choose him. He wants to impress you. It makes him feel alive. A person who keeps him on his toes.
And once this ”game” of cat and mouse starts to happen. He might start to let his guard down if you are shown you can be trusted with his VERY VERY delicate feelings, that you DO accept his flaws, treat him differently than all others, and see past his gruff demeanor. It is a test of sorts. He is testing that you can “handle” him. MORE GAMES.
He’d let you set the pace though. He won't be the first to give in. To kiss you or confess first. But he would fall first HARD. He’s not been given much one-on-one attention in his life so he would crave that time with you. Physical touch is a big one, but he would not be pushy. He'd tease your boundaries and become addicted to your time together.
But yeah, this push and pull goes on for a while, all the while he’s gauging how you react to this. Memorizing it all.
He’s def one of those texters who erases their sentence like 5 times when they are nervous bc he is cookin' up the RIGHT response to endear you. (Not in a sappy way of course more in a: “I know you miss me, mouse.” snarky sorta way.) Though he can be self-deprecating on bad days. He’ll act confident, though soften up behind closed doors.
I think once he realizes that you have picked up on his simpery and there's no going back...all bets are off. He doubles down, no longer ashamed of hiding it. (Assuming at this point the person has reciprocated these feelings too!) He wants to be yours and he’s not subtle. Someone to be by his side.
Then you get the REAL simp Leona, who lowkey mumbles the sappiest shit to you in his native language when he holds you, (bc he’s still embarrassed to be vulnerable, though this will fade over time) He’ll be your biggest supporter, and wants you around him as much as you can be.
This just keeps going until you're married. Congrats you now have a lion to take care of forever.🦁 Hope this helps!✨
#twst#leona kingscholar#leona x reader#leona kingsholar x reader#leona kingscholar x yuu#twisted wonderland#bunnwich writes📝#lion talk🦁#ask#anon
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all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)
please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read
disposable girl (jordyn)
(old)
i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL
(new)
man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..
irreverent girl (kairi)
(old)
I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.
(new)
When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents
splitter girl (tahira)
(old)
theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe
(new)
getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^
fainéant girl (freyja)
(old)
i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make
(new)
my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me
caliber girl (nora)
(old)
唉~It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…
(new)
My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml
chocolate box girl (morgan)
(old)
i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this
(new)
girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!
taxidermy girl (mayra)
(old)
I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over
(new)
Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on
chemical girl (joy)
(old)
LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right
(new)
i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon
refraction girl (nataana)
(old)
i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better
(new)
talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that
nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)
(old)
I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.
(new)
I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!
#the post traumatic manifesto#tptm#refraction girl#weevildoing#splitter girl#nurse parallel#chocolate box girl#chemical girl#disposable girl#faineant girl#irreverent girl#taxidermy girl#caliber girl
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I'M (NOT) FINE!
a/n: requests are open!
jude bellingham x gf!reader
warnings: fluff fluff fluff
summary: You absolutely loathe being sick—the sniffles, the coughs, the shivering... And Jude? He hates seeing you in that state even more. So, what's the solution? Simple: pretend you're fine. You put on your best “everything's okay” face, a face that could fool everyone... except Jude. Yikes. With his signature mix of teasing and tenderness, he refuses to let you suffer alone. He'll keep pushing, pestering, and caring for you until you finally admit you're not as fine as you want to be. And in the end, it’s his care and persistence that makes you feel a little less miserable.
You should’ve known better than to let Jude stay up so late watching Netflix with you the night before. Or maybe it was you who needed to rethink staying up until 2 a.m., curled under a blanket with a bowl of popcorn between you two as he whispered silly commentary into your ear.
Today was different, though. As the morning crept in through your bedroom window, an unusual weight seemed to settle behind your eyes. Your throat felt like sandpaper, and a tickling cough bubbled up every time you tried to swallow. But you refused to acknowledge it.
Outside, the wind rattled the windows, hinting at the kind of day that makes you want to burrow into blankets and disappear. Jude sat at the kitchen counter, scrolling absently on his phone, his focus darting to the ticking clock as he waited for you.
He hadnt miss that you’d been odd this morning—quiet and sluggish, the kind of quiet he noticed instantly. You weren’t the type to miss a chance to tease him over breakfast or steal sips of his coffee, so when you shuffled past him earlier, mumbling something about needing first a long shower, it planted a seed of worry.
He didn’t like when things felt off. Especially not with you.
When you finally emerged from the bathroom, hair damp and face freshly washed, you looked almost fine. Almost. Your usually bright eyes were shadowed with exhaustion, your cheeks were a bit pale and you were wrapped up in a hoodie far too big for you. One of his, of course.
Jude’s cheerful voice rang through the apartment as you shuffled into the kitchen, pulling your sleeves over your hands. “Babe, what do you want for breakfast?”
“Just toast,” you mumbled quickly. Your voice cracked on the last word, and you froze. Oh no. Jude turned to look at you, brow furrowing ever so slightly.
“Feeling all right, love?” he asked, his brow creased as he leaned back in his chair, studying you.
You smiled—quick, small, practiced. “Yeah. Fine.”
You walked straight for the kettle to pour yourself some tea, deliberately avoiding him. You could feel his gaze on you, like a silent interrogation. Your boyfriend lingered near the counter as you plopped two slices of bread into the toaster, biting the inside of his cheek like he always did when he didn’t believe you. He didn’t say anything, though—not yet.
Jude Bellingham was many things, you thought to yourself, but oblivious wasn’t one of them.
Unfortunately for you, that made this whole charade harder.
“Didn’t look like you slept well,” he said, pushing the conversation gently.
“I slept fine,” you replied too quickly, taking a sip of hot tea and keeping your eyes on the mug.
“Well, you look... I don’t know a bit tired.”
“I am tired. You made us stay up late.” You shot him a pointed look, hoping the deflection would work. It almost did. Almost. “But really, I slept fine.”
Liar. Liar.
He frowned, but before he could press further, you turned, flashing him a look that you hoped was convincing. “I promise, Jude. Don’t start getting all dramatic.”
“What? Dramatic?” He placed a hand to his chest, feigning offense, but his eyes never lost that sharp edge. “I’ll let it slide this time. But you’re not fooling me, you know. You’ve got that thing going on.”
“What thing?”
“That thing where you’re trying to act normal, but you’re just a little bit too normal.”
You scoffed, rolling your eyes. “You sound insane.”
He sounded just right.
“I sound attentive,” he countered, grinning, though his voice was still soft.
You turned back to your tea, gripping the handle a little harder than necessary. In truth, you could feel the early signs of sickness creeping in—your throat tickled, your head felt heavy, and warmth pulsed at your temples like a faint drumbeat. It wasn’t bad yet, but you knew it would be soon.
And that was exactly why you couldn’t let Jude in on it.
He was attentive—almost painfully so—and you knew he’d go straight into overprotective mode the moment he suspected something was wrong. He’d fuss. He’d worry. He’d probably cancel his plans and hover over you for hours like a mother hen.
You didn’t want him to cancel his plans. And you really didn’t want to be the reason he stressed.
So, when he looked away to grab his phone, you took the opportunity to stifle the cough that clawed at your throat, turning your head quickly and clearing it in a way you hoped sounded natural. A master plan.
But when you turned back, Jude was staring. Staring into you, frowning a little and questioning you with his eyes.
“What was that?”
“What was what?”
“That sound. Did you just cough?”
You blinked, feigning innocence. “No? I don’t think so.”
His brow furrowed, lips parting slightly as if to call you out, but you were already ahead of him, changing the subject. “Are you still meeting the guys later?”
He eyed you skeptically for a beat longer, before reluctantly sighing. “Yeah. We are supposed to meet at nine.”
“Good.” You smiled sweetly, though it was mostly a distraction. “Don’t let me keep you from it.”
The shift in his expression was subtle, but you caught it anyway—something in the way his jaw tightened, the way his eyes lingered a second too long on you. Jude had spent enough time with you to know your tells, and he wasn’t stupid.
He let it slide, again. For now.
The hours went on, and your act grew harder to keep up.
Jude had been in and out of the living room while you lounged on the couch, buried under a blanket and claiming you just wanted to “relax.” You were also clutching a steaming cup of tea that Jude had made for you. You hadn’t even asked for it, which was a sign he was already onto you. You scrolled your phone lazily, trying to appear normal, but you could feel him watching you.
He plopped onto the couch beside you, spreading his long and fit legs across the coffee table. “You’re acting weird.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“You’re imagining things.”
He shot you a look. “You’re wearing two hoodies, a blanket, and you’re sipping tea in 26-degree weather. It’s summer.”
You opened your mouth to argue, but then came the moment you’d been dreading. You were mid-scroll when an itch seized your throat. You tried to suppress it—tried to swallow it down and breathe through your nose—but it was no use. The cough escaped, sharp and sudden, your body shaking slightly with the force of it.
Jude whipped his head toward you so fast you thought he might get whiplash.
“Got you.”
You froze. Slowly, you looked up to see Jude next to you, arms crossed and an annoyingly smug look on his face.
“I knew it,” he said, shaking his head.
You sighed, sinking lower into the couch. “It’s just a tickle. Don’t start.”
“Don’t start? No no no. Babe, you’ve been hiding that all day, haven’t you?”
“I haven’t been hiding anything,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze.
“Alright, that’s it,” he said, scooting closer. “Let me feel your forehead.”
“No!” you blurted, immediately shrinking back into the cushions. “Don’t touch me. I—uh, I haven’t washed my face. Gross, right?”
He rolled his eyes. “Like I care.”
“Jude, I swear—”
“Stop being stubborn and come here.”
You hugged the blanket tighter, as if it could protect you. “I’m not coming, Jude.”
“You’re so damn stubborn,” he shot back, though his voice was tinged with affection. “Let me feel your forehead.”
You recoiled slightly, eyes narrowing. “I don’t have a fever.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“Then let me feel your forehead,” he moved closer to you.
You squirmed away from him, practically sliding down the couch as he reached for you. He only managed to grab your ankle, pinning you in place.
“This isn’t fair! You’re bigger than me!” you yelped, trying not to laugh at how ridiculous the two of you must look—him holding onto your leg while you squirmed like a fish out of water.
“I don’t care. You’re not getting away from me.”
You gasped for air as you finally gave up and collapsed back onto the sofa. Jude grinned in victory, his palm landing gently on your forehead before you could protest further. His grin faded as quickly as it appeared.
For a second, you both stared each other down, and in that moment, you realized how ridiculous this little standoff had become. He looked at you like he couldn’t decide whether to be exasperated or amused, his head tilting slightly.
“Y/N, you’re burning up.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Think again then cause you are.”
“Maybe I’m just hot,” you tried to joke weakly, but he wasn’t having it. His lips set into a thin line.
“Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t feeling well?” he demanded softly. His tone wasn’t angry—just disappointed. Somehow, that was worse.
You bit the inside of your cheek, your resolve wavering. “Because I don’t want you to worry.”
His expression softened instantly, and your heart sank.
“Babe,” he said, crouching down in front of you so he could look you in the eyes. “You know that’s not possible, right? I’m always going to worry about you. You’re not invincible, no matter how much you try to act like it.”
You swallowed hard, guilt and affection swirling in your chest. You didn’t want to admit it, but part of you was relieved that he’d seen through you.
“I just didn’t want you to cancel your plans,” you muttered.
Jude rolled his eyes fondly. “You think I care about plans more than you?”
You didn’t answer, because the look in his eyes told you he already knew what you were thinking.
“Come on,” he said finally, standing up and offering you his hand. “We’re taking your temperature.”
You groaned, throwing your head back dramatically. “Jude—”
“You’re done arguing.”
“Jude, I don’t need the thermometer,” you grumbled, but he was already standing up, mumbling something about how he would decide that. You slumped back against the couch with a sigh, pulling the blanket higher around your face.
“Up.”
You shot him a glare, but took his hand anyway, letting him pull you off the couch. You knew you’d lost this round, but as you followed him into the kitchen, you caught the small smile tugging at his lips.
And you couldn’t help but smile, too.
Ten minutes after, you both stared at the thermometer, you chewing the inside of your left cheek nervously, while Jude crossed his arms over his chest, his brow furrowing deeper by the second.
“38.9,” he read aloud, his tone flat but edged with concern.
“It’s not that bad,” you muttered, trying to wave it off, but the tightness in your chest and the dizziness that followed the cough made the words feel hollow.
His eyes snapped to yours, sharp and unyielding. “Not that bad? That’s literally a high fever.”
“Barely,” you quipped, attempting a half-hearted shrug, though the effort made your head feel heavier, and your limbs suddenly felt like lead. You had no choice but to lean against the counter for support.
“Y/N…”
“Jude, I’m fine,” you argued, turning to put the thermometer back on the counter like it didn’t just confirm his worst suspicions. “I don’t need a doctor, and I definitely don’t need you hovering over me.”
His lips parted, words on the tip of his tongue clearly sharp, but he held them back. Instead, he took a deep breath, his frustration melting into something softer, his gaze still filled with concern. Jude wasn’t having it. He stood up suddenly, towering over the couch where you moved and where now curled up. “That’s it. You’re going to bed.”
Your head whipped around, eyes narrowing. “I’m not going to bed.”
“Yes, you are,” he said firmly, already reaching for your hand to pull you up. “You need to lie down properly, not camp out here on the couch like you’re hiding from something.”
“Jude, no.” You tugged your hand away, shaking your head. “I’m fine here. I like the couch. It’s cozy.”
He raised a brow, clearly unconvinced. “The bed is cozier.”
“I don’t want to go to bed yet,” you said stubbornly, sinking deeper into the cushions as though you could become one with the furniture.
“You’ll feel better if you rest properly,” he argued, his tone soft but insistent. “And the sooner you rest, the sooner you’ll get better. That’s logic. You can’t fight logic.”
“I’m not fighting logic. I just don’t want to go,” you insisted, pouting slightly for effect. “The bed is boring. I’ll just lay there staring at the ceiling, and then you’ll make me drink disgusting medicine. No thanks.”
Jude exhaled sharply, rubbing his forehead in that way he always did when he was losing patience. You knew exactly how far you could push him, but it didn’t feel good to see that frustrated look in his eyes. You hated making him worry, but part of you didn’t want to be stuck in bed just yet, even if you could feel the exhaustion weighing you down.
“Jude, please,” you said, your tone softening, almost pleading. “I don’t want to be stuck in bed. I’ll rest here, I promise. Let’s just watch something, yeah?”
You offered him an innocent smile, though it quickly wavered when you felt another cough building. You turned away, covering your mouth as you hacked into the blanket. Jude’s hands twitched at his sides, but he didn’t press the issue—at least, not yet.
When you finally caught your breath, you glanced up at him warily, half-expecting him to scoop you up and carry you to bed despite your protests. He looked like he wanted to, but instead, he sighed again and sat back down on the edge of the couch.
He sighed deeply, clearly torn. His jaw worked as he considered your plea, the tension in his shoulders refusing to ease. Finally, he relented with a short nod, though his eyes still carried a hint of warning. “Fine. But only because I know you’ll sulk if I make you move.”
You flashed him a weak smile, already pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.
“But the second you look worse, you’re going to bed,” he added firmly.
You opened your mouth to say something, probably to complain, but another coughing fit cut you off—deep and rattling, like your body was staging a mutiny. Jude was on his feet in seconds, disappearing into the kitchen as you tried to catch your breath.
When he returned, he was holding a fresh glass of water and a bottle of cold medicine. “Here,” he said firmly, handing you the water first.
“Thanks,” you muttered, your voice hoarse. But when he held out the medicine, you grimaced. “Do I have to? I mean, maybe in a couple hours this will wear off...”
“Do you want to get better, or do you want to keep hacking like a 90-year-old chain smoker?”
“You’re so mean,” you groaned, narrowing your eyes at him.
“And you have high fever. Take the damn medicine.” He was loosing his patience, but it returned every time you smiled at him.
Reluctantly, you unscrewed the cap and took the tiniest possible sip, immediately pulling a face. “This is disgusting.”
Jude snorted. “Medicine’s not supposed to taste like candy.”
“It should,” you muttered with a dramatic pout, glaring at the medicine bottle like it had personally wronged you.
Jude rolled his eyes, fighting back a grin as he took the glass from your hands. “Well, when you invent miracle medicine that tastes like chocolate, let me know. Until then, take it properly.”
You groaned but relented, though your face twisted in disgust. “I swear this stuff is just punishment in a bottle.”
“You are such a dramatic,” he countered, leaning back against the couch and crossing his arms with a smug expression.
“I’ll get you back for this,” you threatened weakly, pulling the blanket tighter around yourself.
Jude’s grin widened. “I’m counting on it.” He settled back down beside you, his hand finding its way to your back, rubbing slow circles that felt unexpectedly soothing. With a sigh, he grabbed the remote and flicked through channels, trying to find something to watch since you were clearly avoiding the idea of going to bed—much to his dismay.
The movie started playing, but you weren’t really watching it. You were fighting the drowsiness creeping in, but your body seemed to have other ideas. The fever had started to set in fully, and it made every movement feel sluggish and lethargic. You burrowed deeper into the blanket, your skin hot and clammy, and instinctively you leaned into Jude’s side, seeking the cool comfort of his presence to counter the warmth suffocating you.
He didn’t miss it. His arm immediately instinctively curled around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him, as if he could offer some comfort against the fever that seemed to consume you. You shifted, nestling your head against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. His hand gently brushed against your arm, the coolness of his skin providing a brief relief from the heat radiating off yours. You closed your eyes, too tired to keep up the act, but you could still hear the sound of the movie playing softly in the background.
He could feel your body trembling, your warmth pressing against him in a way that only made his concern grow. “Baby, you're shivering,” he murmured softly, his voice low and filled with worry. His hand moved to your forehead once again, his fingers cool against your skin as he traced the lines of your face, his thumb brushing over your cheek.
You didn’t have the energy to argue, too tired to offer your usual deflections. Instead, you let out a soft sigh, closing your eyes as the weight of your body seemed to pull you deeper into the couch. Your breath was slow but labored, each inhale a bit more shallow than the last.
Jude didn’t miss the way your body seemed to sink into him, the way you let yourself fall into his arms without resistance. The quiet, unspoken admission that you needed him, even when you refused to admit it aloud.
“And you are burning up,” he said, his voice low and gentle.
“I know, it’s okay,” you mumbled, though your teeth had begun to chatter slightly, betraying your words. You buried your face against his shirt, feeling the slight chill of his body against yours.
He shook his head, tightening his arm around your shoulders. “It’s not really okay, love,” he whispered, voice full of concern. The touch of his hand against the back of your neck, cool and soothing, sent a wave of comfort through you, but it didn’t stop the shivering.
You tried to smile up at him, but it was weak. “I’m fine here, Jude. Honestly.”
He wasn’t convinced. He could feel the heat radiating off your body, and the way you were leaning into him for that extra bit of coolness only confirmed what he already knew.
He stared down at you, a mixture of tenderness and frustration swirling in his gaze. “You’re not fooling anyone, you know,” he whispered, brushing a lock of hair away from your face. His hand lingered, fingers tracing the curve of your jaw with a softness that contrasted with the firm set of his jaw.
You tried to smile, but the effort was half-hearted, your lips barely lifting.
“Right. That’s enough,” he said suddenly, untangling himself from the blanket and standing up.
“Juuude,” you protested weakly, trying to clutch at the soft fabric as if it could somehow shield you from the inevitable.
“Don’t even start,” he interrupted, shaking his head with a small but stern smile. “I let you win with the couch thing before, but now? Non-negotiable.”
You glared at him half-heartedly, the fever clouding your ability to stay upset. “You’re so smug.”
“And you’re so stubborn,” he countered with a grin, brushing a stray lock of hair from your forehead, his touch lingering just a moment longer than necessary.
His hands rested gently on your knees, his gaze steady as he met your eyes. “Come on, love,” he said, his voice quiet but insistent. “Let me take you to bed. You’ll sleep better, and I’ll stay with you. Okay?”
You hesitated, staring up at him through fever-fogged eyes. There was something so comforting in his touch, in the way his thumb brushed over the inside of your knee as if he could ease the discomfort from your body with just a gesture.
“Can’t we just stay here a little longer?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper, vulnerable and tired. You were falling asleep in the couch.
Jude’s heart ached at the sound of it, but his resolve didn’t falter. He reached down, gently cupping the back of your head and pulling you up to your feet. “No more fighting, baby.”
Before you could protest further, he lifted you effortlessly into his arms, one arm supporting your back, the other under your legs. You instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck, leaning against him as if your body could draw strength from his.
“Jude!” you gasped in surprise.
“Shh,” he soothed, walking you toward the bedroom with gentle steps. “You’re not getting out of this. I’m taking care of you.”
You pressed your cheek against his shoulder as he carefully laid you down on the bed, tucking you under the covers with the same tender care he always showed. As he reached for the blanket, smoothing it over your shivering form, you closed your eyes, feeling a sense of safety that you didn’t want to admit you’d needed.
“Promise me you'll rest,” he said after a long moment, his voice barely above a whisper, as if speaking any louder might disturb the fragile quiet between you.
He brushed his hand across your forehead, feeling how much warmer you were now that you were lying down. His fingers lingered, caressing your skin in slow, soothing motions. He let out a quiet sigh, looking down at you with a softness in his eyes.
You didn’t answer right away. Instead, you let out a quiet breath, feeling the warmth of his hand caressing you. It felt so comforting that you couldn't resist, your body finally surrendering to the heaviness of your fatigue.
“Promise me,” he repeated softly, his fingers tracing idle patterns along your back.
“I promise,” you mumbled, your voice thick with the weight of exhaustion.
“I’ll always take care of you,” he replied, his voice low and tender. He leaned down and kissed your forehead lightly, the feeling of his lips against your skin almost a promise.
You felt your eyelids grow heavier, and the warmth of his presence slowly lulled you into a deep, feverish sleep. Jude stayed beside you, his hand resting protectively on your back as he settled beside you, never once breaking contact.
And as you drifted off, you felt a quiet sense of gratitude wash over you. You were sick, yes, but you were also cared for in a way that made everything feel a little more bearable. With him so close, it was hard to stay awake, and soon, your breathing evened out into the deep rhythm of sleep.
#jude bellingham#jude bellingham angst#jude bellingham comfort#jude bellingham fanfic#jude bellingham fluff#jude bellingham imagine#hey jude#jb5#jude bellingham imagines#jude bellingham one shot#jude bellingham x reader#jude bellingham x you#jude victor willliam bellingham#rmcf#bellingham#bellingham x reader
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𓇼 ⋆.˚ you and vi were college roomates, well she just went through a breakup and came home really drunk, well your comforting.. led to one thing to another.
𓆡 — based on the song FANTASTIC by king princess.
– MEN DNI
tw: drinking, messy making out, drunk sex, fluff
you were alone on your dorm, vi's been gone all night. All you know was her previous girlfriend cheated on her and she well.. hasn't been handling it well. Its not new to you that she'll be gone randomly and come home at 3 or 4am drunk like she doesn't have classes in the morning. You kinda liked it, not that you liked that shes going through something but you just liked being alone especially when studying for your finals for the next day.
You just finished studying and now watching your favorite series, american classics on your laptop until you heard a desperate loud knocking, you huffed irritatedly because who would be knocking at 11pm?? you didn't think it was vi, since she never comes home this "early", you opened the door and she slumped her body immediately onto you. "Vi--?? what the fuck?!" you blurted out shocked that she almost collapsed if you hadn't catched her "Mmn miss you cupcake" she said drunkenly, she had always called you cupcake ever since you moved on with her. you opened the door more open so you can help her get inside, once her arms were on your shoulder and your helping her get to bed she said something... "i've always-- wanted you.." you thought it was just her in her drunken state missing her ex girlfriend, you placed her in her bed leaving her alone for a moment to close the door and to get her a glass of water "here drink.. god, Vi you should really move on... geez she fucking played you now move on. Im tired of seeing you like this every night." you scolded her while she just chuckled sheepishly "you care about me so much yk? Just wanna say thankyou, cupcake." you smiled at her but before you could say anything she suddenly kissed you, you can still taste the alcohol in her tounge. You tried to pull yourself away but she just grabbed your waist pulling you closer to her, you moaned into the kiss and she took the opportunity to slide her tounge inside of your mouth. After some more seconds into the kiss she finally pulled away, both of you breathless from the kiss. "Wha-- what was that for?" you say catching your breath "just— i dont know, m'sorry.. i know me and that jerk broke up like 2 months ago but shes not the reason i always come here drunk— its you... you're the reason why i drink so much, you just-- drive me crazy.. ever since me and my ex girlfriend got together i knew it from the very beginning that she was cheating on me so its nothing when i caught her with a man.. I've always liked you... I really do and i was pretty sure you wouldn't like me back-- Hell, i don't even know if youre into chicks." she chuckled, the alcohol still there in her system but everything she said sounds sincere, it doesn't feel like her talking in her drunken state that left you speechless. After a moment of silence you decided to speak "Uh— I, well i am into chicks.. i dont know how you didn't figure that out in the beginning.." you chuckle, "and yeah, i like you too.. i mean— the feelings kind of stopped when you got a gf.. I didn't want to ruin your relationship at that time, but yeah when she treated you like shit i wanted to kill that bitch i cant lie." she chuckled at your words, taking another sip from the glass of water you gave her, she smiled at you and kissed you again, this time gentle and affectionate, she slowly pushed you down her bed kissing your jaw traveling down your neck. You moan and a sly grin appeared on her lips as she played with the hem of your shirt slowly taking it off of you, revealing your pink laced bra.. she didnt do anything for a moment and just stared at you in awe "You're so pretty, you know that?" she chuckled and slowly unhooked your bra, you gasp at the feeling and she got down trailing hot kisses that only stopped when she reached your abdomen, you can't stop thinking like shes a fucking doll while shes down there. She slowly pulled your shorts down, you squirm at her touch "easy.. you just have to take it babe." she says while palming your tits, you moan at her touch. "Y'know.. fuck, I couldn't stop thinking of you." she huffed, you whine and whimper under her and she coos you. "Shh, its okay babe im here.. just be a good passenger for me baby." she says her voice gentle and reassuring.
You woke up, vi nuzzled up against you. You smiled at the sight of her, her pink hair messy yet perfect. She then suddenly grabbed you and hugged you tighter in her sleep. You just chuckled and kissed her fore head, after all she did made you feel fucking fantastic last night.
a/n: made this at 7am loll, hope you guys like itttt!
#cigswme#vi arcane#vi smut#arcane#wlw#ellie#ellie smut#vi x fem reader#ellie x fem reader#vi x reader#ellie x reader#ellie williams
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I was cleaning and reorganizing my room, but I am taking a break to watch this. Also, what is going on with the thumbnails? Since Full Moon, they are getting more and more cluttered. Less is more.
Live reaction time, sad yippee.
That moment when you realize you have a WHOLE ASS DAUGHTER!
She is so real for this. Stella's VA always slays her lines, love her performance.
My new favorite background characters!! In love with the waiter imp's design. The background characters always look better than the main/speaking characters.
Okay, Moxxie and Millie are just yapping and being horny for each other, and I am just confused. What the fuck is happening? Visual noise. The M&Ms are my least favorite canon couple. maybe I will like them when Millie gets character outside of her husband.
Me when I buy too much stuff.
The joke is: She is homophobic. Since this sinner's situation is similar to what is going on with Blitz/Stolas/Stella? Is Stella going to be reveal to be homophobic? /lhj
Yes Via, your father is horny fetishizer who is a liar. Stolas is a bad father for not caring about his daughter and her wellbeing. He only cares about Blitz and his sexual desires. If my father or mother pulled something like this, I would not talk to them again. This is straight up abandonment.
When a stan sees a negative opinion about the Hellaverse.
Finally, Stolas says what we all been thinking, HE IS FUCKING STUPID. I guess being poor help wake up Stolas' braincells.
What in the fanfic? Anyway, the guy is a cheater, but they would have to kill the kids too. This does not seem like a Murder Family situation where the whole family was sick and twisted.
You are pregnant. What in the double fanfic?
Blitz throwing the sinner out the window made me giggle. Love jokes like that. See, it is possible for this show to be funny with swearing up a storm.
I hate Andy more than Stolas. Andy deserved that shit. Stolas beating the brakes off of Andy made me laugh. Why wouldn't Stolas be cool instead of being a UWU gay man?
What in the yaoi?
Loona is like a Dragon Ball character, how many forms does she got? This is for all the middle school wolf kids. The multiple eyes look dumb though.
I no longer like men. I'm homophobic now. Helluva made me hate men. /j
YES, VIA TELL HIS ASS OFF!!!!!! GET HIS ASS!!! RIP HIM A NEW ONE!!!! On an off note, Via's lines sound weird. I'm listening to the show via a Bluetooth speaker, and it sounds likes her VA was recording her lines in a closet to something. Especially the "chance to leave" part, I do not know I would be tripping.
Anyway, there is nothing wrong with cutting out toxic family members. Stolas was too busy getting his asshole tickled by Blitz to spend time with his daughter whose life was crumbling around her. I am tired of Stolas' bitch ass crying. Shut up. You should have drowned in that bathtub.
Loona has friends!!!??? I wish that was an episode of Loona finding friends instead of cringe episodes for people who have not grown out of the fujoshi middle school phase.
This show is jumping the shark. You know the writers are running out of ideas when they make one of the characters pregnant. At least make a male character pregnant, SWITCH IT UP!
Omg, this hellhound is like me for real, I own a pair of cheery earrings. Her design is peak like the other background characters. Someone please save her from this show.
YEP! :D Blitz misses Barbie so much that she has not made an appearance since. She really hates his ass that she removed herself from the show. I hope Blitz trips, taking Stolas with him and they both die and go into a better show with better writing.
RATING TIME: 4.5/10
I had more time cleaning and reorganizing my room than watching this episode. I felt nothing watching certain parts. The only moments I cared for was the ones with Via because of the leak storyboards of this episode. It seems like nothing was changed unlike what happen to Ghostfuckers.
Will I be watching season three? Viv said that season 3 take a while to be released and it is going to be 15 episodes long.
That would be around 2026. I do not know if I want to be watching this show when I am 25 years old. The writing choices of this show are baffling. I think (do not quote me on this) but Viv said season three will focus on the Ars Goetia in an interview which sounds boring. I do not care about their rich classist society. Is Helluva going to be Bridgerton but in Hell?
I can see myself watching Hazbin when I am 25 because there are AUs that I can indulge in when the show's writing gets worse and has like 1000 plots going on, if I do not care for one, I can pay attention to another one. Helluva's main plot point is just Stolas and Blitz, and I am bored of them. I dislike both of them as characters and as a couple/
I don't care for the rest of IMP, Fizz, Ozzie, Bee, Sallie Mae, Striker, and etc and their storylines. The only character I like is Mammon and Via and they do not appear that much.
Talking about this show is a chore. I had fun watching this show back in 2022 (I'm late to the fandom) but now, it is just a chore to sit though. The main plot is boring, and the side plots are the same recycle stuff. I have more fun reading the back label of shampoo bottles than watching this show.
#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#helluva boss critique#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#vivziepop critique#live episode reactions
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Prime and Protector (TF One Sentinel Prime)
Pairing - Sentinel Prime x F!Prime!Reader
summary - you're the smallest Prime, and the nicest to Sentinel. the two of you develop a close bond as the other Primes treat you like any other Cybertronian because of your size, and you fall for the only bot who still puts you on a pedestal
warnings - slight angst but mostly fluff, neglect from the Primes, a bit suggestive?
a/n - sorry not sorry, i am obsessed with this maniac
Primes were known to be massive beings, significantly taller than most Cybertronians. It was a symbol of their power and prestige, as well as their leadership over the citizens of Cybertron.
However, there was one Prime who wasn't quite as big.
You were the same height as Sentinel, who wasn't even a Prime, and you had a very slender frame. So you looked like any other Cybertronian, which is why the other Primes often treated you like such. They often left you out, "forgetting" to call you to meetings and you wouldn't even know about half of them if it hadn't been for Sentinel.
"My lady."
You were in your berthroom prepping your weapon for your next encounter with the Quintessons, when Sentinel appeared at your door. He knocked politely, giving you a smile he reserved only for you.
You couldn't help but smile back, being very fond of the advisor, "Come in, Sentinel. I assume there's another meeting?"
"Yes", he nodded, stepping into your berthroom for the first time.
He considered this progress in his relationship with you. You were the nicest of all the Primes, the one who treated him the best. He liked you the most, and maybe that was transitioning into something more...romantic. So you letting him into your berthroom gave him some hope that you at least liked him, if not felt for him what he felt for you.
Maybe one day.
You ex-vented heavily, "Okay. I'll be there soon."
He noticed your apprehension, "Is something the matter?"
It wasn't any of his business, but recently you'd grown a lot closer to him as you grew distant from your fellow Primes.
"I grow weary of my brethren," you admitted to him. "I am practically invisible to them; they don't ever see me."
He responded with something so bold he would never have thought of uttering it in your presence had it not been for you allowing him into your private space.
"I see you."
You offered him a small smile, "I know you do, my sweet advisor."
His words had a much bigger impact on you than he realised, and this was the start of the road to becoming his sparkmate. This was the point at which you realised you saw him as more than an advisor, more than a friend. And even though you held a higher status, you didn't feel ashamed about it.
"You must be exhausted, my lady."
You returned from another skirmish with the invaders, feeling exactly that, to see Sentinel standing outside your berthroom with a plate of fresh energon.
You smiled, and your faceplates heated up at how attentive he was, "Thank you, Sentinel. But you were there too, you should also get some rest."
None of the other Primes would have thought to suggest that he rest as well. And that only made him want to care for you more.
"I insist," he moved the plate closer to you. "Once you are replenished, I will take my leave to...rest." He said that hesitantly, because you both knew the other Primes would just put him back to work.
You offered him a tired smile and beckoned him into your berthroom once again, "Then at least share the energon with me. That's far too much for me alone."
Sentinel was stunned by the offer, and also flustered. For the first time, it was you making his faceplates heat up rather than the other way around.
"Are you sure, my lady?"
"Mhm," you nodded, then laughed, "Oh and please, stop calling me 'my lady'. You can use my name, you know."
"But that would be-"
"I insist," you settled on your berth. "You've earned it."
The permission to use your name made him buzz with excitement, but also nervousness. That seemed almost too kind of you, but then again he was alone with you...in your berthroom...sharing a plate of energon with you.
"Sentinel," you laughed again, "Relax. Sit down."
He didn't realise how tense he was, but as he sat down across from you he felt himself relax. You being so casual around him was, surprisingly, putting him at ease.
Sentinel admired you a lot. He often found himself unable to look away from you, the most beautiful femme he had ever laid optics on. But now, in the comfort of your berthroom, looking so relaxed, there was a different kind of beauty about you. A beauty that transcended physical appearance, and that was hard to ignore.
He didn't know how to explain it.
Your faceplates burned when you caught sight of him staring. You were speechless for a moment at the look in his optics. Far more than just respect and admiration, there was something deeper in them. Something far more...intimate.
"Power down with me," you found yourself saying, unable to believe those words yourself.
His optics widened, "My lady-"
"(Name)," you corrected, moving closer to him as if possessed.
"My lady," he insisted, struggling to deny your request to call you by name. "I don't think it would be appropriate-"
"Sentinel, please."
And then you were kissing him.
You had surged forward and closed the distance between you two, smashing your dermas against his. Locking you two in a passionate kiss in that awkward position, both of you with your legs hanging over separate sides of the bed but upper bodies turned to face one another.
You kissed him hungrily, like you were starved.
And Sentinel kissed back.
You could have done this forever, it felt so good. But Sentinel seemed to regain his senses midway, and suddenly pulled away from you. Though he found it extremely difficult to do so.
"Sentinel?" You questioned, confused. "Did I misunderstand..?"
"No, Primus no," he vented, "I'll see you tomorrow, my lady."
He got up quickly and left, leaving you confused and slightly hurt. Feeling just a little bit rejected by the one bot you thought wanted you.
The next day you noticed Sentinel doing his best to avoid you. Unlike before, if you didn't need him he wouldn't be with you. And that hurt even more, because you missed his company and you missed his attentiveness.
You closed yourself off, spending your spare time in your berthroom, thinking of various strategies and tactics - distracting yourself the only way you knew how.
"My lady-"
"What do you want, Sentinel?" You grit your dentae, words coming out cold and harsh.
He flinched at your tone, having never heard you speak to him like that before, "I would like to apologise."
"For what? Avoiding me or leading me on?" You laughed coldly.
"I wasn't-" He paused, then, "I just didn't think the other Primes would approve."
"And what do I care for their approval?" You hissed, "All they've ever done is ignore me, so I don't think they would even notice. Even if they did, my choice of sparkmate is my own."
"I apologise," he answered softly. "I didn't realise."
And just like that, you forgave him. Just like that, your anger and hurt disappeared. You looked up at him, standing awkwardly in the doorway and shuffling his weight nervously. He looked so cute, it was just so hard to stay mad.
"Come here."
He followed your gentle command, approaching you slowly. You stood up from your berth, excited at the idea of having him close again.
"Can I..?"
"Please."
His servos ghosted over your hip plating before grabbing your waist and pulling you forward to rest against him.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this," he admitted, "I want you, (Name) Prime."
"Leave the Prime out," you mumbled bashfully.
He chuckled and stared at you for a moment, "Are you sure?"
You knew he wasn't asking about your name, but you were still certain of your answer, "Yes. I want you too, Sentinel."
That night he spent in your berthroom was intimate, the most intimate and special experience either of you had ever had. Your sparks were laid bare for one another, and you ended up sealing your bond with way more than just a kiss.
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Lady in Waiting- Epilogue(part one)//King Hal
Warnings: Hal being a dad fluff, smut, male receiving explicit oral sex, cursing, smut, female receiving oral sex, brief adult breastfeeding
Yes, I’m making the epilogue into two parts bc I am a menace
The rest of your pregnancy went splendidly well, and you gave birth to a healthy son. Hal even broke royal protocol, adamantly insisting on being in the room while you were giving birth.
"Your Grace, this is not for a man's eyes." he had been warned by one of the nurses as she tried to hold him back from entering the bed chambers.
With a fire in his green eyes he said, “I am the father of that child. I have fought on battlefields; I have seen far more horrific things than you could imagine. I think I can handle seeing my first child brought into this world. I am the King, and I will not leave y/n's side."
His promise was as true as ever. He held your hand the entire time you were pushing, encouraging you with his gentle words, in the tender tone that he reserved you only for you and the baby.
When your son was born crying, Hal gave you the most passionate kiss, "We have a boy, my darling, oh how I love you. You were so brave,” he praised you, gave you another kiss, “you were so strong." The King had a stream of happy tears flowing down his cheeks, his eyes widening in awe as he caught his first glimpses of your baby.
"I love you, Hal." You were more weak and tired than you ever thought possible, but you were so full of love that day.
You decided to name the baby boy Quentin, meaning "fifth", a subtle nod to his father, King Henry the Fifth. Though your son would not be heir to the throne, you wanted to honor Hal, and he had tears welling in his eyes once again when you told him about the name.
"I love it. It is perfect. You are perfect." He pulled you close, gently, as you were recovering from the birth.
You and Hal were standing together, watching your baby sleep in his bassinet. "No, he is perfect." you cooed. "Just look at him. He is an angel."
"He is amazing, is he not?" Hal grinned. "Would he be disturbed if I held him now?"
"No, no. Go ahead, I am sure he will stay asleep, even if you pick him up. He will be calm, he will sense that you are his father.”
“Really? You think so?” asked your King, slowly cupping the newborn’s body in his hands, cradling him in his arms with the most caution. But Hal was not afraid to hold the baby, to care for him, unlike most fathers who wanted very little to do with raising their children.
“I know so.” you answered in a whisper, unable to take your eyes off of little Quentin.
He watched in amazement as the tiny boy breathed softly, barely making a noise as he slept.
You heard Hal sniffle as you grazed your baby’s cheek with the pads of your fingers. You looked at your man’s face, totally smitten and tears forming. “Hal,” you giggled, “you must stop crying.”
Holding the baby in one arm, he wiped his tears away with the other hand, “I am sorry, my love, but I cannot help it. You created the most beautiful little boy.”
“We did.” you insisted, carefully putting your arms around Hal without disturbing Quentin, and you kissed your King.
4 months later…
Hal had a long day of royal duties, and Quentin had been abnormally fussy on this day. You both needed some relief.
Hal finally got the baby to sleep after rocking him. After placing Q in his bassinet and tucking him in with his blanket, Hal hurried to join you in bed.
Immediately shifting on top of you, he said, cupping your face, “I could not stop thinking of you all day.” He kissed your lips, sucking them into his wet mouth with greed.
“Mm.” you moaned as his fingers weaved into your hair. You parted from his lips, “I want you to fuck me.”
He groaned softly, with a cheeky smirk.
“But first, I wish to taste your cock.” you said confidently. Being with Hal had done wonders for your self esteem. You knew you could do or say anything to him, and he would love you all the more for it. Especially something such as this.
His eyes widened, he allowed you to move from underneath him, and force him onto his back. He swallowed hard, watching you pull his trousers down.
“You did not think I forgot about your special spot, did you?” you teased, gingerly taking his half hard cock in your hands. You coated his length with some saliva, having licked your own hand, and massaged his cock until he was fully hard.
Your King’s eyes drew closed here and there as your tongue swirled around his girth, and down his shaft. He groaned deep in his throat, licking his lips. His hips would jolt upward slightly.
You used the tip of your tongue to tease the soft skin between his shaft and his full testicles. He whimpered, softly still. You moaned and wiggled your lower half, feeling wet between your legs. You suctioned your lips to his deep pink, thick tip.
“Fuck.” you heard Hal’s strained whisper. You looked at him, his eyes clenched shut for a moment before he went back to watching you.
“Mmm.” you then moved to the underside of his cock, placing your moistened tongue there, just below the tip.
Now he gasped. You saw his bottom lip quiver.
Slowly, you lapped your tongue along that spot, holding his cock in your hand. You made sure to keep your mouth wet with saliva, and alternated kissing, licking and sucking his cock, specifically his sweet spot.
“I fucking love you.” the King whined, rubbing your head softly with his hand as you pleasured him.
“I love you too, my King.” you said in between pressing tender kisses on the tip of his cock.
“Lay back, I need to taste you now.” he cooed sitting up, placing his hands on your legs as you obliged his order.
As you relaxed on the bed, Hal settled between your thighs, tucking his arms around them. He instantly flattened his tongue onto your clit, gliding along the sensitive bundle. He used his lips to suckle, you felt his teeth lightly nibble, but the licking was most prevalent, causing a friction inside of you.
You would inadvertently arch your hips, and Hal would hold you back down, attacking your lower lips more intensely each time you would move, thus creating a cycle of euphoria for you. Just as your vision went black and you were seeing stars, his actions stopped completely.
You nearly went into shock, but you were relieved to feel his cock, barely touching you at first, then slowly sliding inside of you, taking several seconds to fit his entire length. You sighed in relief, he always felt incredible when he was all the way inside of you.
It was always such a tender moment for you both, him laying on top of you, warming you up and shielding you from the world, your sweaty skin sticking to his, sharing each other’s breath. You both knew that you could never get any closer. Next to your son being born, this was the best feeling you would experience, being so intertwined with the man you loved.
……
A few hours later, Hal woke you. The room was nearly pitch black if not for the moonlight and the stars shining through the window. You blinked, your vision blurry and skewed, “Is it the baby?”
“No, no. He stirred a while ago, but I had him taken to the wet nurse, so he is fine.” Hal insisted in a hushed tone.
“Oh, well if he is alright, why did you wake me, my King?” you weren’t angry, you sat up in the bed, petting your handsome man on the head.
“Well, I was wondering if I could…” he spoke, but his tired eyes wandered down to your chest.
Hal had a wet nurse hired to feed Quentin. Your doctor said your condition after giving birth was too fragile to nurse him, and it was not customary for a royal woman to feed her own baby. But, your milk was in full supply because of the King.
It was your own little secret, just for the two of you. Late at night, he would free one of your breasts, or both, and place his warm lips around your nipple to drink some milk.
“Yes, go on, my love.” you answered, letting him nestle onto your lap, holding onto your breast after he bared it from your night dress.
Oh how it turned you on, the most powerful man in the country; tall, strong, and wise King Henry V submitting to you in the evening light to suckle your tits, kneading your breast hoping for more sweet nectar. It was satisfying to see him so subdued, so surrendered, his eyes glazing over as he got drunk on you.
You thought of stroking his big, royal cock, but maybe that would be too much for now. Maybe you could work up to it.
@gatoenlaciudad @thebetawolfgirl @musicandbooksaremyhappyplace @softhecreator @tchalamss @lixzey @bitchyunknownuser @ducktapebar @aoi-targaryen @yukideadinside @elloise0 @thatoneweirdgirl17 @mel-vaz @sammy-halpert @iwishchalamet @that-one-fangirl69 @jindongdongie @briefkittenearthquake @imnotoverlyobsessive
#timothée chalamet#timmy chalamet#timothée imagine#timothee x reader#timothee chalamet#timothee fanfic#timothée chalamet fanfic#the king netflix#kinghenryv#kinghal#king and queen#royal couple#established relationship#timothee chalamet smut#timothée chalamet smut#king hal#true love#smut
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Right like so hear me outttt 😍 some of the younger drivers (all trans and lowkey sugar babies) with a boyfriend whose willing to pay for their surgeries (this is the exact same person as the very first trans driver ask 😇🙏)
hello and welcome back anon :D
i am so hearing you out.
idk how young you mean in the younger drivers category so i'm just gonna use a bit of creative interpretation here.
very mild suggestive content and references to sugar baby / sugar daddy dynamics, plus mild discussions of dysphoria
franco colapinto:
it's kinda novel for him, not needing to think twice and stretch a paycheque as far as he could
when you guys first started dating he was really hesitant to tell you that he was trans
felt very silly for being worried when you start researching the best surgeons available and how much they would cost
he's like heart eyes and everything
definitely loves sending you cute little photos on track
soooooo giggly if you send him money after and tell him to buy himself something pretty x
kimi antonelli:
at first he's kinda skeptical
maybe scared you're a chaser, maybe that you're too good to be true
either way
takes him a few weeks to realise that you're being genuine and really just want him to be happy and comfortable in his own skin
very typical you fell first but he fell harder
head over heels in love with you and wouldn't have it any other way
logan sargeant:
so excited
he's so ready to have surgery
logically he knows he should probably be at least a little bit nervous
but he's just so sick of being constantly dysphoric
when he wakes up from the anaesthesia he will absolutely demand a daily quota of at least one hour of cuddles
"for recovery purposes"
ollie bearman:
he's kind of conflicted about transitioning i think?
he's absolutely so tired of being dysphoric and insecure
but i think he might've been scared about what transitioning would do to his career
i mean there's a lot more (still way less than there should be) support for women in motorsports than trans people
when you remind him that you'd literally buy him a seat in f1 if you had to (ollie doesn't really want you to, but he appreciates the offer) it just gives him the confidence he needed to know that he still has people in his corner
and you'd go to war for him without a second thought
oscar piastri:
just stares at you and blinks a lot
he has no idea how to process that
yeah, he's your sugar baby—who cares that he's an f1 driver who earns more than enough to keep himself comfortable, it's the principal of it—and i think he genuinely enjoys sending you content and getting those little compliments with the transfer that comes after
if he's being honest the messages are more of a payment than the money
but when he tells you he's not up to sending anything because he's feeling dysphoric and you offer to pay for his surgery he kind of just
melts
i think maybe his favourite part of being post-op (after the initial recovery period) is sending you content again and you making sure he knows you enjoy it just as much
that's when he starts questioning if he's really satisfied as being just your sugar baby
#vinnie's 250#formula 1 x male reader#franco colapinto x male reader#kimi antonelli x male reader#logan sargeant x male reader#ollie bearman x male reader#oscar piastri x male reader
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Surprise, @raziasark, I'm your Secret Santa for the @inusecretsanta this year! Hope you like it!
~~**~~
Something just like this
It was a quiet and peaceful night, and still Inuyasha could not sleep.
Nightmares plagued him like they hadn't since he was a child, turning shadows into monsters and the sounds outside into warnings. He pressed himself closer to Kagome but not even her scent was enough to quiet the sense of discomfort deep within him.
Too restless to lie still any longer, he got up as quietly as he could and walked the couple of steps across the room to where Moroha slept. She seemed safe and sound, but he still knelt by her side to check her breathing, anyway, sighing in relief when her blearely blinked her eyes open at him. She was the picture of easeness, but the knot within him seemed to coil even tighter as he got back up.
Anyone, anything, could ruin this bubble of happiness they had built. The kindness of a priestess had brought forth an horror like Naraku, who knew what other evils could be spawning in the world as they slept? How could he ever guarantee they would be safe?
Two arms wrapping around him from behind pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts. He brought a hand up and held Kagome’s hand against his chest.
“What’s the matter, Inuyasha? Can’t sleep?”
He shook his head.
“It’s nothing, sorry. Did I wake you?”
“Yes, I could hear the sound of you worrying all the way from over there,” she teased. “So, please, tell me what’s wrong.”
He sighed, looking over Moroha one more time. Still sleeping, still safe, but for how long?
“One day, I might not be able to protect you. The both of you,” he said softly, and turned around to face her. He knew there was fear in his eyes, but he hadn’t been ashamed of sharing it with her for a long time now. Her brow furrowed.
“Why do you think that?”
“I know I learned a lot while we were searching for Naraku, but there will always be someone stronger out there, a new evil, and when that happens I don’t know if I-”
“No,” she cut him off. “I mean, why do you think you need to protect us?”
“Kagome, you know I know how strong you are and what you are capable of, but if some disaster happens I’ll want to keep you as safe as possible.”
“No, that’s not what I meant, either. It’s the middle of the night, just gimme…. She rubbed her eyes as she gathered her thoughts. “What I meant is: why do you still think you need to do everything alone? The world isn’t on your shoulders, Inuyasha. If anything were to happen again, we will, we all will, deal with it together like we’ve always done.”
He could understand, in a sense, what she was trying to say, but the coil of anxiety was still within him.
“But what if…” He started and then took in a deep breath to keep his voice from trembling. He knew how ridiculous he was being, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that he world was about to come crashing down on him at any minute. “What if that’s not enough? What if everything gets ruined because I am not enough? I need to get stronger, be always stronger, so that nothing happens, so I don’t lose you both.”
In a moment, Kagome had his face gripped between her hands and was giving him one of the fiercest looks he had ever seen. Some would say the inherited spirit of Midoriko still lived within her, but his knew this fierceness and bravery had always been all Kagome.
“The only thing you need to be is my husband and Moroha’s father. That’s it. The only thing you need to do is stay here, help me with dinner, rub my back when I am tired, take care of Moroha when she cries and teach her how to climb trees. We don’t need you to be a hero and save Japan or the world. Just be here and hold me, just like this, and all will be fine.”
His eyes widened and then softened. He really had managed to get the most amazing woman in the world to be by his side. She always knew exactly what he needed to hear.
“I think I have some other things I need to do, too, like hunt or warm the bath or keep snakes away.”
“No, you only need to do what I said.”
“Only that?”
“Yes.”
“That’s an easy life I’ll have.”
“Yes, you deserve it. We deserve it.”
He laughed, knot finally loosening, as did the tension on his shoulders. Kagome’s eyes softened dreamily and she hummed.
“Actually, there’s one more thing.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“What is it?”
“You have to kiss me.”
“I can do that.”
He kissed her in the now welcoming darkness and quietness of their cabin. He kissed her until a soft crying and whimper rang in the night.
He turned around and picked Moroha up, holding her with one arm against his chest.
“What is it? Did we wake you? I’m sorry.”
Her whimpers had turned into happy coos, though, and she reached her hands to his face. When he ran the back of his finger through her soft cheek, she got his finger and held it tight, waving it around like a prize. Kagome chuckled.
“I think Moroha is also saying all she wants from you is for you to stay here.”
He buried his face on Kagome’s hair once more and thanked the darkness of the cabin as he quietly did something he was still too embarrassed to do in front of her:
He cried.
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I… feel… like… a… little… zombie!!!
#get ready for a vent… oh boy this will be fun to look back on#i am so tired of being the one who cares more or at all#it is a particular hell to get attached to someone who is incredibly emotionally unavailable#especially when said person made it seem like they were romantic and emotionally available in the beginning#and then u felt crazy for questioning them when all long they never planned on actually wanting anything with you#I have wasted so much time but can’t stop somehow#I just don’t care about other people the way I do for this person whyyyyyyyyy did this have to be how it was#he cares so much about his friends and work and family and just does not feel the way I do#I keep hoping he does deep down but I’m afraid to say it just doesn’t seem like it anymore#who invites someone over then tells them right before bed they have to leave at 9 or 9:30 for breakfast with their friends#after I took the freezing ass metro for him!! and he only invited me last minute cause he decided not to go out with friends cause the cold#like what on earth how did I end up in this????? this is not how it’s supposed to be#and I feel a little sorry for him that he can’t let himself experience something intimate and great he is emotionally shallow#i never would’ve imagined this is how it would be…#I never ever vent ever but I just can’t stop talking about it or this sadness will eat me from inside#I even told my mom!!!#im sick of this…#maybe one day he will regret it but maybe not he is so apathetic it’s so frustrating#it just hurts so much to see that someone you thought you were close to does not value you the same way or appreciate you very much#he meant/means so much to me and now I see I just don’t mean much to him#he doesn’t want to commit to anything and said I’m his friend after leading me on for a LONG time#i turned down other people for him cause he just kept making it sound like once __ happened he’d be ready for a relationship#i was so hopeful :(
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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Don’t think I ever quite said what my LGBTQ+ headcanons are for the boys, so these are my current thoughts! Always changing of course but this is what I feel most strongly right now.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rise donnie#rise leo#rise mikey#rise raph#donnie and leo’s sexualities being practically swapped was unintentional but it works way too well#same with mikey and raph tbh it was a happy accident#anyway I kinda hc raph as the type who doesn’t care about physical appearance just if you fight lol#Mikey’s more than happy with friends and family#Donnie is a BIG romantic but he needs time to sus a person out fully before he gets the hots for them#leo meanwhile isn’t keen on romance unless it’s with someone he grows to really really REALLY trust#I could go on and probably will later (knowing me) but it is late and I am tired haha#turtle art tag#curious as to what everyone else headcanons#the only one of these I’ll defend forever is Bi (female-leaning) donnie and trans leo#all the others can change over time but I really like where they’re sitting right now#I hope these are the right flags too because it was kinda hard to find them#went looking for transmasc flag in particular but I couldn’t find a solid agreed upon version 😭#ngl a big part of why I hc mikey as aro is because of a pun#my phone often misspells aromantic as aromatic and- and you get it- because aromatic herbs and- and Mikey is a chef do YOU GET IT#note that while I hc leo as bisexual (male-leaning) I still think he’s prob closer to demi in that as well just not as far into the spectrum#if that makes sense#headcanons are fun and hard to narrow down at the same time alas#I made this in like an hour can you tell djjdjd#I drew them all from memory so if there’s anything wrong…shhh#and if you’re wondering for April and Splinter#Both are Bisexual (female-leaning) but April is also Panromantic#I almost wanna make Splinter demiromantic too so Big Mama’s betrayal hits just a bit harder
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amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?
it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".
like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.
#iirc it was also common to tirf ideology and the baeddel group#< notoriously intersexist group#to say nothing of any other tirf beliefs#both of these misuses of agab and cagab come from the same source#but it is . deeply disconcerting with cagab#bc its like. that is such a lesser known term in the greater dyadic trans community#you would HAVE to have known what it originally meant#either YOU are misusing it INTENTIONALLY#or someone TAUGHT you to misuse it INTENTIONALLY#people that are cruel and bigoted always want to believe theyre good people#so its hard to convince them when they are being bigoted#esp as marginalized people#and especially as a marginalized people that is particularly affected by the same enforcement of normative sex#the more i learned about this the more i learned abt intersexism in trans spaces#the more i notice it. its so fucking pervasive#and like u should care abt intersexism on its own but its like#no surprise that the ppl misusing cagab terms usually are transandrophobic (as the discourse du jour) and exorsexist#these things go together and reinforce each other#anyways it sucks bc ill see a BEAUTIFULLY written analysis of transmisogyny but so often there will be#like one thing. two things maybe.#and ill go to ops blog search a few keywords and lo and behold#they are transphobic. they are intersexist. they are racist. they are aphobic.#all forms of exclusionist politic in the queer community just lead into each other ad infinitum#nauseating... and#i will read the theory of people who disgust me or who are fundamentally wrong abt other ppls experiences bc i think they still have#valuable things to say but i am SO FUCKING TIRED of running into the same goddamn problem EVERY fucking time#i think its just the posts that get circulated the most that are like that#bc i think the majority of people dont actively seek out and learn abt new queer theory as it rolls in#or other ppls experiences in general#so they dont learnt to recognize the red flags or even realize why its bad in the first place
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this isnt rlly a serious post more so than a thought I need to verbalize but like. there’s an INSANE difference between the fandom being like “hey what if jack was actually his age and got to be a little normal” vs y’all treating a grown ass man like he has to cover his ears when someone swears or sleep with a nightlight on because he’s afraid of the dark, and throwing the P word around to anyone who thinks he’s attractive. one of these things is not like the other.
#there’s a layer here about giving jack the childhood he specifically chose not to have#and ignoring his other choices because that’s just. idk a running theme with any character who struggles to have autonomy#but whatever idk#genuinely i think the past year or so that I’ve spent talking about this has burnt me out#either that or I’m just too fixated on VB to really care too much#like obviously I still care about it and wish more was done to help but it’s not really a warpath for me to walk currently#just.#I’m just tired dawg#it’s like talking to a deaf brick wall#please just do some research into infantilization I cannot keep having a one sided conversation with people who don’t care#spn#jack kline#baby jack#spn fandom#fandom critical#fandom ableism#tfw2.0#not even just ableism it’s the whole mischaracterization woobified bullshit all over again#and the using baby jack as a prop for everyone else but I digress#jack: *chose not to be a child and hates being seen as one and is more than willing to get violent if he thinks he has to*#y’all for some fucking reason: he’s just a widdle baby he can’t handle the scary movie he needs his daddies to take care of him#I’ve already said all these things before#i am tired. so tired
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i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck
#trevor.txt#zero escape#zero escape phi#phi vlr#vlr spoilers#virtue's last reward#zero time dilemma#ztd#like. not that junpei/akane/sigma Dont also kind of go through it a bit in the space they're given#especially in sigma's case how LONG it is is one of the things that messes him up a bit#but phi gets like. a matter of days mentally#which is insane. what the fuck. i personally could not handle that she is stronger than i am#like i talked abt this in the post where i mentioned how the characters chsange from 999/vlr to ZTD but like!#it makes sense that phi's notably more emotional + doesn't really care if she dies or not. its all kind of Recent#just messes me up thinking about it. especially with the whole “going from a body with radical-6 to a body that doesn't” thing i mentioned#and the flashback with diana !!! Good Lord#who else up being known for being cold and unemotional but having a moment where you're just so tired after everything youve been through#that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't even know that well#i dont know. im fucked up. does anyone understand this fucks me up a bit#phiposting#<- making a tag for this bc i talk abt her A Lot on here
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Rowaelin Chapter 41 Kingdom of Ash:
She'd rebuild it—what she had been.
Perhaps one last time, perhaps only for a little while, but she'd do it. If only for Terrasen.
Rowan swooped from the mast, shifting as he reached her side at the rail. He surveyed the night-black sea beyond them. "You should rest." She slid him a glance. "I'm not tired." Not a lie, not in some regards. "Want to spar?" He frowned. "Training can start tomorrow."
"Or tonight." She held his piercing stare, matched his dominance with her own.
"It can wait a few hours, Aelin."
"Every day counts." Against Erawan, even a day of training would count.
Rowan's jaw tightened. "True," he said at last. "But it can still wait. There are ... there are things we need to discuss." The silent words rose in his animal-bright eyes. About you and me.
Her mouth went dry. But Aelin nodded In silence, they strode into their spacious quarters, its only decoration the wall of windows that overlooked the churning sea behind them. A far cry from a queen's chamber, or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin.
At least the bed built into the wall looked clean enough, the sheets crisp and stainless. But Aelin headed for the oak desk anchored to the floor, and leaned against it while Rowan shut the door.
In the dim lantern light, they stared at each other.
She'd endured Maeve and Cairn; she'd endured Endovier and countless other horrors and losses. She could have this conversation with him. The first step toward rebuilding herself.
Aelin knew Rowan could hear her thundering heart as the space between them went taut. She swallowed once. "Elide and Lorcan told you... told you everything that was said on that beach."
A curt nod, wariness flooding his eyes. "Everything that Maeve said." Another nod.
She braced herself. "That I'm-we're mates."
Understanding and something like relief replaced that wariness. "Yes."
"I'm your mate," she said, needing to voice it. "And you are mine."
Rowan crossed the room, but halted a few feet from the desk on which she leaned. "What of it, Aelin?" His question was low, rough.
"Don't you..." She scrubbed at her face. "You know what she did to you, to ..." She couldn't say her name. Lyria. "Because of it."
"I do know."
"And?"
"And what do you wish me to say?"
She pushed off the desk. "I wish you to tell me how you feel about it. If…"
"If what?"
"If you wish it wasn't so."
His brows narrowed. "Why would I ever wish that?"
She shook her head, unable to answer, and stared over her shoulder toward the sea.
It seemed like he would close the distance between them, but he remained where he was.
"Aelin." His voice turned hoarse. "Aelin."
She looked at him then, at the pain in his words.
"Do you know what I wish?" He exposed his palms, one tattooed, the other unmarked. "I wish that you had told me. When you realized it. I wish you had told me then."
She swallowed against the ache in her throat. "I didn't want to hurt you."
"Why would it ever hurt me to know the truth that was already in my heart? The truth I hoped for?"
"I didn't understand it. I didn't understand how it was possible. I thought maybe ... maybe you might be able to have two mates within a lifetime, but even then, I just ….." She blew out a breath. "I didn't want you to be distressed." His eyes softened. "Do I regret that Lyria was dragged into this, that the cost of Maeve's game was her life, and the life of the child we might have had? Yes. I regret that, and I wish it had never happened." He would bear the tattoo to remember it for the rest of his days. "But none of that was your fault. I will always carry some of the burden of it, always know I chose to leave her for war and glory, and that I played right into Maeve's hands."
"Maeve wanted to ensnare you to get to me, though."
"Then it is her choice, not yours."
Aelin ran a hand over the worn wood of the desk. "In those illusions she spun for me, she showed me variations on one more than all the others." The words were strained, but she forced them out. Forced herself to look at him. "She spun me one dreamscape that felt so real I could smell the wind off the Staghorns."
"What did she show you?" A breathless question.
Aelin had to swallow before she could answer. "She showed me what might have been—if there had been no Erawan, if Elena had dealt with him properly and banished him. If there had been no Lyria, none of that pain or despair you endured. She showed me Terrasen as it would have been today, with my father as king, and my childhood happy, and..." Her lips wobbled. "When I turned twenty, you came with a delegation of Fae to Terrasen, to make amends for the rift between my mother and Maeve. And you and I took one look at each other in my father's throne room, and we knew."
She didn't fight the stinging in her eyes. "I wanted to believe that was the true world. That this was the nightmare from which I'd awaken. I wanted to believe that there was a place where you and I had never known this suffering and loss, where we'd take one look at each other and know we were mates. Maeve told me she could make it so. If I gave her the keys, she'd make it all possible." She wiped at her cheek, at the tear that escaped down it. "She spun me realities where you were dead, where you'd been killed by Erawan and only in handing over the keys to her would I be able to avenge you. But those realities made me ... I stopped being useful to her when she told me you were gone. She couldn't get me to talk, to think. Yet in the ones where you and I met, where things were as they should have been ... that was when I came the closest."
His swallow was audible. "What stopped you?"
She wiped at her face again. "The male I fell in love with was you. It was you, who knew pain as I did, and who walked with me through it, back to the light. Maeve didn't understand that. That even if she could create that perfect world, it wouldn't be you with me. And I'd never trade that, trade this. Not for anything." He extended his hand. An offer and invitation.
Aelin laid hers atop his, and his callused fingers squeezed gently. "I wanted it to be you," he breathed, closing his eyes. "For months and months, even in Wendlyn, I wondered why you weren't my mate instead. It tore me up, wondering it, but I still did." He opened his eyes, and they burned like green fire. "All this time, I wanted it to be you."
She lowered her gaze, but he hooked a thumb and forefinger around her chin and lifted her face.
"I know you are tired, Fireheart. I know that the burden on your shoulders is more than anyone should endure." He took their joined hands and laid them on his heart. "But we'll face this together. Erawan, the Lock, all of it.
"We'll face it together. And when we are done, when you Settle, we will have a thousand years together. Longer."
A small sound came out of her. "Elena said the Lock requires—"
"We'll face it together," he swore again.
"And if the cost of it truly is you, then we'll pay it together. As one soul in two bodies.
Her heart strained to the point of cleaving. "Terrasen needs a king."
"I have no intention of ruling Terrasen without you. Aedion can have the job."
She scanned his face. He meant every word He brushed the hair from her face, his other hand still clasping hers to his chest, where his heart pounded a steady, unfaltering rhythm.
"Even if I had my choice of any dream-realities, any perfect illusions, I would still choose you, too."
She felt the truth of his words echo into the unbreakable thing that bound their very souls, and tilted her face up toward his. But he made no move beyond it.
She frowned. "Why aren't you kissing me?"
"I thought you might want to be asked first."
"That never stopped you before."
"This first time, I wanted to make sure you were ... ready." After Cairn and Maeve. After months of having no choices whatsoever.
She smiled despite that truth. "I'm ready to be kissed again, Prince."
He let out a dark chuckle and muttered, "Thank the gods," before he lowered his mouth to hers.
"You're my mate." Her words were a breathless rush. "And I am yours."
The world might have been burning around them for all she cared, all he cared, too.
"Together, Aelin," he promised, and she heard the rest of the words in every place their bodies joined. Together they would face this, together they would find a way.
Together we'll find a way, their mingling breaths, the crashing sea, seemed to echo.
Together.
#Chapter 41#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Aelin Galathynius#Rowan Whitethorn#Rowaelin#soulmates#mates#spoilers and notes in tags cause this chapter and also spoilers in post cause this chapter first read react with me read along#Rowaelin chapters scenes moments quotes#they want to make it possible bring that love to light#am I allowed to cry? — Again the word endured — finally the dream — the sand she still sees — he’s magic being steady — them talking time#again if Maeve could convince Rowan Lyria was his mate how bad was it when she convinced Aelin her actual mate was dead… this hurts me…#the fact Aelin stopped being useful because it destroyed her beyond belief but the dreams the dreams almost got her because its all she wan#again then both feeling sorry and the other not realizing and then consent and then comfort and love & I just wanted it2be U how could I no#I know you are tired Fireheart (ALL THE TROPES IN ONE LINE… UGH I MISSED THIS SHIP)#together. one soul in two bodies. their endgame like literally they are. I’d choose you too. even the apologies that were needed just heali#what it might have once been — together — not alone — not returning alone — the king and queen of Terrasen — I need u more — 2 whatever end#Aelin watched the boat until it disappeared trying not to stare too long at the clean unstained sand beneath her boots#always north — she didn’t care she just wanted far away — who knew — what she knew-the letters she sent-Valg-dark blood that had turned red#If it had been another dreamscape or some fragment that had blended into the very real memory of Connall's death. — always a plab&theory#all these things to deal with later-she’d rebuild all she had been-her match helper mirror-matched his piercing stare with her own-wait/res#A far cry from a queen's chamber or any she might have purchased as Adarlan's assassin. — how far we’ve come-she had ENDURED she can do it#I'm your mate she said needing to voice it. And you are mine. — Lyria. — I do know. and?&what do you wish me to say?-this was perfect#If what? If you wish it wasn't so. His brows narrowed. Why would I ever wish that? — Aelin. she looked at him at the pain in his words#the way it's changed since Mistward... and grown... even in names like Whitethorn Galathynius together — the brain thoughts are back —#The kiss was gentle-light. Letting her decide how to guide it. So she did. — he’d do it all night if that was what’s he wished#Together we'll find a way their mingling breaths the crashing sea seemed to echo. Together. — mountains and oceans#Might’ve been before-thought snapped-the bond- u r my mate&I am urs-the world might have been burning for all she cared all he cared too#Together they would face this together they would find a way. — claiming him as he claimed her — a scar a marker a tattoo
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