#i’m sad we lost you
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i, like many of you, read fanfiction. yes i have an ao3 account but i am not constantly logged in on the device i primarily read on. i save fics by keeping my tabs open and just coming back to them as a guest. i rarely leave comments because i feel like i should have something more to say than ‘love this!’ or ‘i stayed up all night reading this’ or ‘thank you so much for writing this’ i’m an artist too and so deeply value those analytical comments and i hold myself to that standard when it comes to leaving them myself. stupid i know.
but anyways if you’re like that, if you think oh just a ‘like this a lot!’ doesn’t mean much, i might as well not say it if it isn’t multiple paragraphs picking apart the fic, stop that i need you to stop that right now. i just saw a post talking about how this persons friend decided to stop updating their fic due to low engagement and it broke their heart. i went to reblog before i remembered, how many fics have i read as a guest, kudos but not commented on. comment, even as a guest, even if it’s just three words please comment. i was never as passionate about fic writing than i was drawing fanart but it’s the same way, low engagement discourages me from posting. i posted fics at some point too but i would be lying if i said low engagement wasn’t one of the reasons i stopped. and— im not saying to do it for the likes or track the numbers or whatever, people don’t typically share their work for those reasons but it certainly doesn’t hurt. i’m going to go through all of my saved tabs and comment, even something small. please do the same if you have time. it’s a privilege for us to be allowed to see these artists and writers works, let’s really show them.
#jay is jabbering#fanfic#fanart#fan artist#ao3#woah big post sorry#that post made me emotional i guess#hi author if you’re out there reading this#i’m sorry your engagement has lowered and been discouraging#i’m sad we lost you#but thanks for putting your all into something you love for this massive community#all of you#i saw another post on insta a zine titled ‘love letter to fan girls’ i’ve just been emotional okay
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DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT TO READ LIFE IS STRANGE DOUBLE EXPOSURE SPOILERS STOP READING THIS JUST SCROLL DO NOT READ THIS CMON YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO PLAY THE GAME AND FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS ON YOUR OWN SCROLL RIGHT NOW
so um. i am NOT buying this game. from the little i saw i can already tell how much of an out-of-character cash grab it is. also, pricefield broke up. i am SO done with this shit. they really should’ve left Max and Chloe’s story (because it’s THEIR story dude this whole thing is so dumb) alone. this is not respecting both endings. r.i.p. Chloe Price you would’ve hated this
#life is strange#lis#life is strange double exposure spoilers#lis de spoilers#lis double exposure spoilers#life is strange de spoilers#double exposure spoilers#chloe price#max caulfield#pricefield#still hoping something magically happens that makes up for it all#but it is way too late for that i fear#positive side of things : I AM SAVING MY MONEY AND BUYING LOST RECORDS INSTEAD EVERYBODY SAYS HOORAY#“my powers might not last” “that’s okay we will forever”#“don’t look so sad i’m never leaving you”#OH YEAH GUESS THAT WAS CASUAL#also Max feels so un-Max#LIKE 2013 MAX CAULFIELD COME BACK THE KIDS MISS YOU#anyway gonna cry myself to sleep now that i know love isn’t real. bye.#☹️☹️☹️
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the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger
#uhh#disordered eating cw#just in case#mumbling#like jfc i know i’m not the first to say it and my experience is relatively SO tame#but it STILL fucked with my head for YEARS#and most people don’t go nearly that long between weight loss attempts at all for basically their whole lives!!!!!#and we’re so blasé about it like yeah just eat less to lose weight#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things#like when you lose weight deliberately by denying yourself food you get COLD#you get cold and you get in your head and you get sad it’s like being less alive#the times i’ve lost weight/recomped on accident (by doing smth that makes me move more‚ getting better sleep etc)#it’s been WARM#burn hotter move freer feel happier#and also the way hunger feels when you’ve been denying yourself food for an extended time is NOT the same as baseline hunger#it’s actually kind of wild that we use the same word to describe both feelings like that shit is NOT the same#that shit is not ‘being really hungry’ it’s a fuckin. blood curse or some shit you feel straight up unhinged#and i should disclaim here i am not talking large amounts of weight#i’ve fluctuated over i think a 20lb range max since reaching close to my adult height and that’s a guesstimate#but even in my relatively unremarkable little experiences here the way deliberate weight loss fucked with my brain is absurd to me#i’m fine now have been for years but seriously thinking back on it the fact that this is routine medical advice. unreal
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Had to make a small thing the same day I couldn’t not do it anyways THANK YOU SPLATOON 3 I LOVE YOU
#splatoon#splatoon 3#grandfest#grand festival#splatoon oc#LoR’s art dump#neo agent 3 (leah)#LETS GO TEAM PAST CONGRATS ON WINNING#I’m not too sad that I lost (present) because I had so much fun!#what an amazing two years it has been#I love you splatoon!#I love you so much!#time has past while we were present so we must aim for the future together!#or something like that!
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The real question I have about the United Healthcare/Mangione case is if the Monopoly theme is intentional and if he (or whoever the mastermind is) has read Barry Lyga’s “I Hunt Killers” trilogy-specifically the second book Game.
#if you like theorizing about monopoly themed crime you’ll love this book#just guys please read these books#I need someone to periodically scream about them with 😭#we could’ve had a tv show 😭#look I need to know if he took inspiration from that book#I mean I guess thinking of doing a monopoly theme isn’t that original#but the first time I read Game HOLY SHIT my mind was blown you guys#I started an X Files fanfic loosely based on the concept but with a different board game back in the day#then my computer went bust and I lost all my planing files#which is why I have no plans to finish Ludum Mortiferum#sorry it would’ve been a banger#I’m sad about it too#maybe I’ll revisit it once I wind down my current projects#I hunt killers#game#monopoly#luigi mangione#United healthcare#Jasper Dent#Jazz Dent#think they’ll let me send the series to Luigi in prison?#look I have to get some one else to read these books somehow#and since no one takes my recs I might just have to start forcing the books on people#lol#BUT I WANT THAT SEQUEL SERIES BARRY LYGA IS TRYING TO PUBLISH
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Finally working on White Lies. Who clapped
#^ Silver Linings sequel(-ish) btw :3#I think the main thing that was holding me back was being unsure which part of this series I wanted to write next#bc I have both a Glenn and Jodie-centric prequel and a Darryl-centric POV of the same time period as Silver Linings to write#as well as some other stuff after that but I want to be mostly chronological#but idk! I’m in a Grant mood#<- thought about his and you-know-who’s relationship in high school and felt Ill#ALSO I just straight up lost my interest in DnDads for a little while bc I was Sad#well not the podcast but the fandom and especially my own fics. anyway#I’m back now baby#we are so back#knock on wood#chalcy stuff
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GGS TEAM PAST!!!
#DUUUDE THIS WAS SO FUN#dreadful#veji#art#splatoon#splatoon 3#grand festival#grand fest splatoon#Man I shed like a few tears by the end of the reveal news thing#Like not out of sadness cause my team lost but just from the joy that all this happened and I was here for it.#I never got to experience splatoon 2’s final fest so I’ve waited 3 years for this and I’m…. Just so happy!#If you couldn’t tell from the colours in the drawing I’m team future btw#I laughed so hard seeing the results lol we got NOTHING#Oh and I guess I should put my reasoning for my pick of future#so here it is:#I picked it because the future scares me. But it’s gonna happen anyway so I might as well look forward to it#I can’t let myself worry about where I’ll end up and who I’ll be when I’m older#But I do need to keep looking forward#I also chose it cause of deep cut. Like that was a big factor in my choice#Their music shaped my tastes. I just love it so much#And sure the characters themselves aren’t as fleshed out as the other idols#But they still mean a lot to me as splatoon 3 is the game that got me into the franchise#Even though I played 2 before 3 could never fully enjoy it as I came too late#I missed every splatfest cause I got it a year before splat3#So I could never connect the way I did to 3#Hearing anarchy rainbow for the first time changed me man. I fell in love instantly. It just means so much.#As an autistic person I actually surprisingly don’t really stim that much. But hearing anarchy rainbow just… flipped a switch.#I couldn’t stop moving. Literally like DJ Octavio man. It was a crazy experience to just feel like I had to move.#to walk around or something. To wave and flap my arms. Copy their dances. It sounds a little weird and childish when it’s written down#But it’s true. Splatoon’s music showed me that my autistic stimming was something I should embrace.
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😞thinking about Elliot page & Amanda bynes & Britney Spears & Shelley duvall & Jennette McCurdy
#sad that two of my favs from childhood / adolescence are dealing with major mental health issues#Amanda bynes#elliot page#like damn .. I’m just glad they’re alive you know#I’ll fight against transgender ideology but I’m not trying to fight e. page herself#Suffering through “Hollywood” (even saying it feels like Hollywood is the glamour#Like it’s the good thing when it’s not) Anyways it ruins u if ur tortured through it mentally#Which is obvious#Unfortunately much more obvious with famous women#How many have we semi-lost? How many were on the edge?#Self harm. Eating disorders. Loss of sanity. Inability to take care of themselves (conservatorships)loss of control#Idk it disturbs me a lot#Those were my girlies you know#Jennette is doing fine bc she QUIT#she quit early and will be ok imo. But it ate her alive too
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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what if Dean killed Charlie himself for helping Sam with the book of the damned instead of immediately telling Dean what was happening. what if he still told Sam it was his fault for putting Charlie in harm’s way (in this scenario, anywhere near Dean with the mark on him, despite her and Sam trying to remove said mark?) what if Dean had actually killed someone important to him who trusted him and loved him?
#he should literally also have just killed Cas as well and god should have brought Cas back. again.#that’s his favorite doll right there he can’t stay dead <3 Dean Winchester would be too sad about it#anyway. Sam mopping up the blood in the library scene but it’s not the Stynes#it’s Charlie’s blood and Charlie’s body and he’s cleaning up the mess and Dean tells him at her funeral that it should be Sam burning#and Sam gets to blame himself for it <3#come on fellas if we have to fridge Charlie let’s at least give it some stakes#Dean already broke her shadow self’s arm and nearly killed her despite knowing he’d be killing the good Charlie too. what if he lost#control again. she went behind his back. Dean doesn’t react well to betrayal. and she’s Charlie! she’s supposed to be Good and Perfect!#she’s supposed to be like a little sister to him! and if dean were in his right mind he might deal with this okay#(like say. how he forgives Benny in that deleted scene for breaking and drinking from someone. when he sees Benny as a man and not the ideal#of a person who won’t ever mess up or betray him.)#but Dean is not in his right mind. and Charlie is the key to cracking the book. and he can’t let the book be cracked.#and she only came to him because she felt guilty. maybe something Rowena said dug too deep under her skin. and he’s dean! he’s still dean!#and she forgave him. (she couldn’t stay in that bunker another minute around him.) but she forgave him! he has to understand how important#it is to save him! just like he saved Sam! and Dean stands up. and you know. if this was really the show I’d still say we don’t get to see#what happens. we just get Sam mopping up the blood afterwards. that’s all.#I’m just saying. if she had to die. make it count.#spn#charlie bradbury#dean winchester
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What a shame… you always had such beautiful hair
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#seeds of the red lotus#original character#sotrl haya#found this about 90% finished in one of my Procreate folders and decided to finish it off#apparently we’re on a RL siblings roll lately#oh Haya. Haya Haya Haya…#what can I even say about her?#she’s very high on the list of the worst OCs we have ever created. she’s truly a vile human being with 0 redeeming qualities#and yet.. here she’s just fourteen. lost and confused and grieving#a little brother on her hands and no one to turn to. to lean on. no one to take care of her#she’s a child. she isn’t supposed to have to be the adult because there’s no one else to take up the mantle#she’s a victim of awful circumstances who nevertheless had the CHOICE not to perpetuate them. but she did#and that’s why what she did is unforgivable#but that’s a talk for future Haya. how about we focus on this Haya for now?#I imagine this takes place at some point not long after her parents die#she looks more like Siamak than Afarin but she did inherit Afarin’s hair. it reminds her of her every time she looks in the mirror#and after a while she can’t take it any longer#so she stumbles into the kitchen late at night. pulls scissors out of the drawer and goes wild#but it doesn’t bring any relief. she looks at her curls scattered all over the floor and she just feels worse#the scissors fall out of her hand and it takes everything in her not to cry because Ghazan might wake up and hear her#so she just stands there in the dark kitchen. feeling utterly alone in the world#and she truly. truly is. isn’t she? she’s alone. an orphaned girl no one will ever care about again. how awfully sad is that?#anyway. moving in before I start crying. you know what I just noticed?#the way I drew this implies the scissors fell out of her left hand. meaning likely she was using her left hand. meaning she’s left handed#just like Suiren is. does that mean Suiren inherited that FROM Haya? that it’s yet another similarity they share? well it wasn’t intentional#but now that I’ve though of it… yes. yes that is exactly the case. and I’m close to biting into a wall because of it#did I ever mention that Suiren is left handed before? I can’t remember. but I decided she was +- five years ago. so it’s always been canon
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i’m grieving channie’s room like it’s the death of one of my family members
#honestly fuck this company#he’s working himself to the fucking bone for them and they do this#and the fact that we had to learn that through a damn fansign too? no explanation allowed?#i just hope chan doesn’t blame himself#jype just lost a big part of what made skz special to many people and what brought many stays to stayville#i’m so fucking disappointed and sad rn#I’ve had hope for the last 3 months… but guess I shouldn’t have#people who have chan’s bbl —> please send him lots of love and encouragements; remind him he didn’t do anything wrong and that stays will#always love him and stay by his and the boys’ side… please please please send him and the boys good vibes and messages#as if life wasn’t hard enough already#i (we) just lost sth I (we) looked forward to every week and that did so much good for stays and stayville in general#ig I just miss him dearly#almost every time when I could watch I shed tears during the screen hugs bc it just felt so good#ily chan; stays love you never forget it#stray kids#bang chan#chan’s room#channie’s room#lia.txt
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remembering with distraught when i got a pixie cut in college because i thought a girl i talked to in my class was cute with one and then next semester she walked into another class of mine on the first day and you could tell she realized i copied her
#IM SORRYYYYY I WAS A SAD BABY BI I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE#she deleted her facebook and i’m kinda sad i lost track of her even though we haven’t spoken since undergrad#is this weird? is this weird?? i’m in a longterm relationship it’s not like that#congrats you get my 12:30am blogging#t
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“You did not live in a house of horrors. I was raised to believe in hellfire; now that was bad!” Okay and impending global genocide of any culture that disagrees with your beliefs isn’t? Being raised mentally preparing to withstand torture at the hands of police in a “do it to Julia” situation isn’t? Being socially isolated from your peers on the grounds that they’re evil uneducated dumb worldly heathens controlled by Satan isn’t a bad thing? No. Those are all good things which every child should be taught in order to experience “the real life.”
The legitimate truth is that we are all in “the real life” right now and in “the real life,” the Governing Body is doing the very best they can to cover up the fact that they’re a cult by relaxing the cult’s rules in a futile attempt to prevent the prosecution in the numerous ONGOING child sexual abuse cases from handing their non-tight-pants-wearing asses to them. And the other legitimate truth is discovering this fact to be the legitimate truth while having to navigate a sea of lies and high school is extremely traumatizing, especially when you feel the need to take a hard stance against the cult to prevent others’ children — children like you — from befalling the same fate by dressing up as some miserable wretch who cooked and ate children, hoping the way you look and carry yourself and stare into the parents’ eyes will scare them away. And even more traumatizing is that your tactics worked; proving that you are just as bad and scary as your preexisting OCD made you out to be. Yes I did it to myself; but consider the reason why I felt so compelled to sacrifice the entirety of my mental health to sabotage you with what little tools I had. I wouldn’t have done it had I not had a very good reason, and my very good reason was that I was a child who loved children. You were trying to protect me and it was a sacrifice; but I was also trying to protect children. My endeavor is not — and was never — a selfish one. It is not that I don’t care about you; I only prioritize the class which is most oppressed, and you are not a part of it because you are adults. Your feelings, unfortunately, are expendable in my mission to end religious child labor. I will not support your corrupt religion to make you happy when I know what it’s done to others and to myself; it is wrong, and you are wrong for supporting it. I, as a paraprofessional, refuse to support a religion which hides the sexual abuse of children for its own gain. By law I am now a mandatory reporter; I must report child abuse when I see it under penalty of law. Therefore it stands to reason that I must report your cult from the top of every mountain for the entire inhabited earth to hear so they may not even take so much as one step in your direction. I am sorry if I seem like I hate you; if the fact that I reject your ideals of theological expectational fascism disturbs you so much, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your choices.
“Your actions affect others.” I know my actions affect others; I know how they affect others as well. You’re crushed and demoralized and suffering physically from all the emotional stress; I’ve likely dug you both early graves. I know what I’ve done and I can live with it — Not easily — but I am not defeated because I know I’m in the right, and have always been in the right. No. The real question is: Do you know how your actions are affecting others? In exquisite detail? Have you listened to the victims? Have you allowed yourself to hear both sides of the story with your human ears, not ones made of tin and thought-blocking strategies and “I had it worse than you” excuses? No? Then you’d better start because the key to healing yourself is to aid in the healing of others. We are all connected as one body; and I refuse to be a cancer cell. Sorry I’m aiding in your downfall but it’s got to happen at some point.
#You know if my mom is praying for me to come back then it’s only fair I perform spells for her to get out. Nonconsensual be our watchword#My dad is surprisingly handling it much better than my mom which I did not anticipate at ALL#Because he was the most volatile when I got forcibly outed. Like yelling and throwing books levels of volatile#I think it’s their respective emotional proximity to the cult. My mom is more in than my dad#My dad is not attending meetings as far as I’m aware (and if he is listening on Zoom then he leaves when a certain person speaks)#All my mom does is study and walk (in preparation for the Tribulation) and work a bloodsucking corporate job for ten hours a day#She attends all the meetings on Zoom#And she’s the one constantly saying in a grave tone of voice “You’ve made your choices. I just want what’s best for you and this isn’t it.#It’s hard when you put in 21 years and your baby is gone. I feel like I’ve lost you. I don’t feel like I know you anymore.”#Because you’ve never known me. The environment did not feel safe enough for me to make myself known#and therefore I split in two at approximately age five or six#Whereas my dad is like “Hey I know we have our differences; but I’d like to focus on our similarities because that’s what matters.”#Like uh… Can I get a hell yeah?#He mentions religion a lot but it’s not as stressful as my mom basically hammering into me that my choices are “bad”#exjw#ex cult#It’s hilarious and sad to see them deny it’s a cult or that they’re brainwashed while trying to impose that same emotional control over me#without even realizing they’re guilt-tripping because they’re running on hurt feelings and faltering religious autopilot#Anyway if anyone’s got me I know “Pink Pony Club” by Chappell Roan has got me good god#The first time I listened to that song I almost broke down sobbing in a car of people I just met on the way to a pride dance#But I kept it together
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(apologies anyone who sees this for lamenting into the void again)
Keep Off My Grass got taken off of the internet archive and this is officially my destructive arc because that movie is preserved NOWHERE
no dvd release
no NOTHING
is it just me alone with my screen recordings of Twila my beloved and a few youtube videos?
#micky dolenz#keep off my grass#weird movie man#but it’s important to me#not as weird as night of the strangler ft. barley any night and no strangling?#i will never call micky ‘Vance’ who the fuck is ‘Vance’?#but keep off my grass is silly and i miss it!#You Know is my baby boy!#i check back after like ten months and it’s just gone and i’m very sad about that#preserving media is so important to me#i think it all started because of the lost doctor who episodes that they just threw away because the sixties sucked at preserverving things#‘it aired now we don’t need it anymore!’#this shit continued into well into the 80s and we can kind of thank mike nesmith for helping fix it#unfortunately almost all of my favorite silly little things are from the 60s and 70s and so many things are just lost to time#but because I grew up with all that stuff is probably why i care about preserving it so much#i can’t handle change and things going away#all of my monkees related stuff seems to be getting purged from the internet#damn#i’m sorry i’ll shut up#gimme a break and let me have my comfort little guys
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ANON WHO SENT ME THAT ASK WTF. WTF.
#LIGHTHEARTED BUT. WHAT THE FUCK.#YEAH WE WERE IN THAT WRITING CLUB TOGETHER#that story is mostly just bouncing around my brain because I lost a lot of my work on it :-:#had a punch of plot stuff outlined in a notebook I straight up lost#and it was too frustrating trying to continue it based only on memory so#sad day#but anyways. what the fuck.#you can message me if you want I’m curious about how you found me#I assume you stumbled upon my account and then realized it was me#I HOPE you weren’t able to find this account just based in a few months in a club together#if so my internet safety must be abysmal#anyways. fun club! loved my time in that club!#hannah talks sometimes
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