#and so few people talk about the really weird shit that phase of my life taught me even though they seem like pretty universal things

[mumblesplash]

the fact that doctors can just Recommend Weight Loss with no instructions beyond ‘eat healthier/less’ is actually insane to me, i lost weight on purpose ONCE and it took me like 6 years to recover a semi-normal relationship with food and hunger

[moonmunson]

don't you want me

wc: 4.4k

cw: slight angst, discussions surrounding death and the poor aging of some scenes in the breakfast club, plus size!live!reader, still gender neutral!reader

summary: wally tells you about how he died, you watch the breakfast club, and shit is getting a little weird.

don't go breaking my heart: pt 1. - pt 2. - pt. 3 - pt. 4

masterlist

Wally meets you in the library every day during your study hall for the next few weeks. 

When it’s quiet, and there aren’t any people around, you spend the whole hour talking. You learn a lot about him, what life was like for him in the 80s, and what his afterlife is like here, as well. He asks questions about your abilities, and though you don’t have many answers to give him, you try your best. 

“Have you talked to a lot of ghosts?” 

You’re sitting at a table in the corner, notebooks and study guides splayed out to give the impression that you’re actually here to do work. Wally sits across from you, chin cupped in the palm of his hand, elbow leaning on the table top. He has a staring problem, it makes your skin crawl. 

“Not really? Not on purpose, anyways,” you shrug, “I mean, it’s not like I’ve had a lot of opportunities to do this.” 

“So I’m your first?” 

The intention to tease is clear - his tone is light and airy - honey brown eyes boring into yours, smile creeping up on his face. You could look at him for hours. You have looked at him for hours, mapping the freckles on his face like constellations. 

“Yeah, Wally. You’re my first,” you giggle, conceding to the bit, “you should feel honored, really.”

“Oh, more than honored,” his eyes twinkle under the fluorescent lights, “and you’re my first, too. What we’ve got going on here is special.” 

There’s a beat of silence, genuineness seeping into the joke. 

“Yeah,” you whisper, “super special.” 

You share a look, and you wish you could reach out and touch him. You wish you could hold his hand, hug him, draw lines from freckle to freckle with your finger. The time you’ve spent with him has been so good - sweet, easy hours spent giggling and blushing. 

And then you leave campus, go home, fight the urge to cry into your pillow. It isn’t fucking fair. It’s not fair that he died in the way that he did, it’s not fair that he isn’t fifty something with a wife, watching their kids go to college. 

You haven’t talked about it much - the divide between you, or the nature of his death - despite the amount of time you’ve spent together. It’s like you’re stuck in this semi-honeymoon phase, wanting to keep being entertained by the novelty of it, instead of letting the truth of the situation infect that happiness. 

It’s so hard, though, when you look at him and think of the life that was stolen from him. 

He sees your smile falter, reaches his hand forward to sit next to yours. You feel the displacement of air, the coldness pressing up against the tips of your fingers. It’s enough, for now. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see one of the other ghosts making their way towards Wally. It’s the kid with the jean jacket and the bleached tips - Charley, Wally had told you - and he looks slightly concerned. 

You put your head down, moving your hand away from his and feigning focus on the worksheets in front of you. Wally had suggested not letting in any of the other ghosts until you figured out how to tell them, though you had a sneaking suspicion he just wanted to keep this to himself for a little while longer. 

Charley plops down in the seat next to Wally, eyes going back and forth between the two of you. 

“You missed group again,” he whispers, like he doesn’t want to disturb you from your studying, “are you still following this poor person around? They can’t even see you, it’s getting creepy.” 

Your eyes, though directed at the pages on the table, widen slightly - has Wally been watching you the same way you’ve been watching him?

You’ve never noticed him looking at you, and you wouldn’t have, because up until recently you’d been trying your hardest not to get too close. It was futile, you can admit that now. 

It almost makes you giggle, knowing that he’d been doing the same thing. 

Wally splutters, “I don’t follow them around,” you can feel both of them looking at you, and it’s getting harder not to laugh, “I don’t know why you’d think that, that’s just…” 

Charley pats Wally on the shoulder, rubbing it slightly and sighing. 

“It’s sweet of you, I think. We’ve all had crushes on living people at some point or another, but this one seems bad. You’re like, obsessed.” 

That’s the thing that does you in. Laugh tearing from your throat, hand clasped over your mouth, trying and failing miserably to hide your amusement.

“Sorry, sorry, oh,” your shoulders are still shaking with your laughter, head bowed in apology before you look up to see a pink cheeked Wally and a shocked Charley, “I really tried, I’m so sorry.”

“Nice,” Wally chastises, though he’s smiling, “the idea of me having a crush on you is funny?” 

Charley still hasn’t said anything, head whipping back and forth between you and Wally like he’s watching a game of tennis. 

“I didn’t say that! I also think it’s sweet,” you turn to Charley, stick your hand out before thinking better of it and pulling it back to your side of the table, “Hi, I’m y/n, yes, I can see you, no I’m not dead.” 

“H- hey,” his eyes are still wide, brain working on overdrive to figure out what’s happening, “I’m Charley.” 

Wally fills him in on the time you’ve been spending together, retelling in theatrical detail the way in which you’d accidentally made it known you could see him.

Then it was your turn, explaining to Charley how you’d known since you were a kid that you could see dead people, but that you didn’t know why, or what it meant. If it had a purpose, or was just an unexplainable quirk. 

To Charley’s credit, he takes it really well. 

He doesn’t get upset with Wally for not sharing, he doesn’t get upset at you for not making yourself known to them sooner, though he mentions that when the time comes for you to tell Rhonda, she won’t be nice about it. He’s a sweetheart, just like you thought he’d be. 

“Have you guys just been hanging out this whole time? That’s why you’ve been missing group so much?”

Wally goes to answer, but you cut him off. 

“What’s group? Do the ghosts here have, like, an afterlife support group?” You find the idea of it really sweet, and amusing, chuckling to yourself until you see that the two boys in front of you aren’t laughing, they’re nodding. “Oh shit, wait, really?” 

“Yeah,” Charley confirms, “It’s run by this guy Mr. Martin. He was a science teacher that died in the late 50s, I think,” he looks to Wally for confirmation, turning back to you when Wally agrees, “He’s pretty cool. We have a bunch of traditions, like movie nights and stuff like that.”

“That’s really cool, actually. I didn’t know that you guys did that. I’m sorry I’ve been messing it up, keeping Wally to myself.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Wally says, and he smiles, a sweet, boyish thing, “I’d rather be here with you.” 

Charley watches the both of you, and he doesn’t think either of you clock the lovesick puppy looks on your faces. He doesn’t know what it means, how it’ll end, but it’s nice to see his friend so happy for once, breaking the monotonous nature of their days at Split River High. 

He leaves eventually, making you promise you’ll hang out with him sometime. 

“So,” you ask Wally, “how long have you been watching me?” 

“You can’t judge me,” he parrots, “and I could ask you the same question.”

“I didn’t say I was judging, I’m just curious, y’know, since you have a crush on me and all.” 

“I do not have a crush on you.”

Wally isn’t the most convincing liar. You can tell, by the way he’s looking everywhere but directly at you, that Charley was telling the truth. 

“That’s too bad,” you shrug, glancing at the clock behind him and beginning to gather your things from the table, “I wouldn’t mind it if you did.” 

Your nonchalance affects Wally exactly the way you want it to, watching as his cheeks grow pink again and as he trips over words that don’t leave his mouth. He starts to say something, but the overhead chiming cuts him off before he can get any words out. 

“Look at that, saved by the bell. Later, Wally.” 

On your way out of the library, you look back to see him still at the table in the corner, slouched backwards and head tilted towards the ceiling. 

- 

When Wally talks to you about how he died, you’re sitting under your tree overlooking the football field. 

He hadn’t had the intention to talk to you about it today, but the football team is training, preparing for next year’s season, and you’d asked about it.

It was nice, talking about football in a casual way at first, explaining things to you in a way you’d understand them, because in your words, you were more of a “music and film nerd,” though you understood the appeal of sweaty men tackling each other. 

You’d skirted around asking questions about homecoming, attempting to spare Wally the reminder, but the conversation was always going to end up there eventually. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he says, leaning against the tree, head tilted in your direction, “I don’t mind talking about it.” 

“Are you sure? We don’t have to.” 

It’s not pity he sees on your face, but genuine concern. It emboldens him enough to tell you what happened. He goes on autopilot a bit, like he’s told the story so many times that it feels like he’s removed from it - telling a story about someone else, rehashing the grizzly details the way a true crime documentary would. 

He tells you about his knee injury, his coach benching him, his mom pushing him to strive for her specific idea of greatness. 

He tells you he was running so fast, he didn’t even feel the initial impact, just heard the crunching of his neck when he hit the ground. And then it was lights out. Just like that.

He tells you how he stood up from his own body, watched in confusion and abject horror as his coach and team members ran up to him, trying to wake him, thinking he’d simply been knocked out.

He tells you about the gasps from the crowd, whispers shared amongst the stands as the announcer tried his best to explain what was happening. 

It felt like time was standing still, and he’d gotten up so fast that he was confused why everyone was reacting the way they were. He was fine, couldn’t they tell? When his mom rushed onto the field, and the EMT’s loaded him onto the backboard, that’s when he knew. 

He watched as everyone left the field, standing solitary with his helmet in his hands. 

Mr. Martin and Rhonda found him a few hours later, wandering the halls of the school, tears running down his face. 

You don’t mean to cry, you don’t want to take the attention or make him have to comfort you, but the tears fall anyway. Heavy and slow, they build in your eyes before falling over onto your cheeks. You turn your head to the side, wiping them away, trying to hide it. You fail, but Wally just smiles at you - a sad thing, appreciative of your kindness. 

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. I haven’t cried about it in almost… twenty years, I think.” 

“I don’t really know what to say,” you face him, collecting the last of your tears with your jacket sleeve, “I’m just really sorry that happened to you. I wish I could change it.” 

Wally does what he’s been making a habit of, hovering his hand over yours so you can feel the change in temperature. This time though, and only for a second, there’s a flicker of warmth, a millisecond of feeling a solid palm against yours. 

“Did you feel that?” 

Your head whips over to see Wally, eyes wide and brow furrowed. He nods, moves his hand away, and tries to do it again, but it falls through yours - cold air seeping into your skin and sending shivers up your spine. You think the latter is more so a credit to Wally himself, not just the cool sensation. 

“Why did that happen?” he asks, pulling away from you to fiddle with the gold chain around his neck. 

“I have no idea. I didn’t do anything, did you?” 

“Not that I know of,” a slight sigh of defeat, “it was nice though, right?” 

It makes you want to cry again, how small he sounds at that moment. Hopeful and sad at the same time. You’d give anything to throw yourself at him, hug him, run your hands through his hair. 

“Yeah, Wally. It was really nice.” 

Time passes, easy silence as the two of you lay in the grass, staring up at the sky through the tree.  

“Do you miss it? Being alive?” 

He chuckles, shakes his head. 

“Not really. I mean,” he rolls over, props his head up with his hand, “It’s been so long that I’ve kinda forgotten what it felt like. There’s lots of shit I missed out on, and for a while I was so upset about being dead that I didn’t even try to catch up. Like, when Charley heard I’ve never seen The Breakfast Club, he flipped out.” 

“You’ve never seen Breakfast Club?”

“It came out in ‘85, so…” he trails off, “We had a copy of it in the library for a while, but I mostly stayed away from all the popular 80s movies.” 

“I get that,” you sympathize, “but you have to watch it at some point. It’s a classic, I think you’d like it. I could watch it with you, if you wanted.” The question is asked carefully, like you’re still not sure if he wants to keep seeing you. It’s a silly assumption, you know that, especially because his whole demeanor lights up. 

“Yeah, okay,” Wally nods to himself, “I’ll watch it with you.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah, dude,” Wally stands from his spot on the lawn, dusting the grass off of himself, and reaching a hand out towards you to help you up. For a second, you forget that you can’t actually grab him, and you both giggle when your hand goes through his, “the film room is basically always empty, but I have other hiding places if you want to come back sometime not during the school day. The security around here sucks, they haven’t updated it since like, my time, so there’s always at least one open door.”

“That didn’t take as much convincing as I thought it would.”

“What can I say?” he shrugs, “I’m a sucker for a pretty face, and you’re very persuasive.”

- 

Sneaking into the school on a Saturday could go really, really badly. 

When you’d walked through your kitchen that morning, and your mom had asked where you were off to, you made the attempt to tell her a story as close to the truth as possible. 

You were going to hang out with a friend - your mom didn’t need to know that friend was dead, and confined to live within the four walls of your high school. 

She didn’t need to know that even though that friend wasn’t capable of touching you, that you’d put ten times the effort into your outfit and hair than you usually would. 

It’s late March in Wisconsin, and the last tendrils of a freezing Winter are grasping desperately for recognition against early Spring. In other words, it’s still fucking cold. Out of an abundance of caution, you’d parked your car about a block away from the school, paranoid about a faculty or staff member seeing it and catching you. 

It was a good idea, but you spend the five minute walk with your arms wrapped around your body, shivering and teeth chattering. 

By the time you make it to the school grounds, you can barely feel your fingertips. Wally is waiting for you by the bus stop, shoulder leaning against the glass, his hands in his jacket pockets and feet crossed over each other. 

“Did you walk all the way here?” He pushes off, coming as close as he can to the boundary without being thrown back to the middle of the field. “You look fucking freezing.”  

“Not all the way here, no,” You huff out a breath, watching as it dissipates in front of you, “but I didn’t want anyone to see my car in the parking lot.”

“Fair,” he says, “Maybe wear a bigger jacket next time?”

You roll your eyes, and start the trek into the school, Wally leading the both of you around the back and through the gym. 

“Sports faculty leave this door open all the time, so they can come in and check equipment, but they were just here last weekend, so the coast should be clear.” He turns around, walking backwards through the gym door and into the hall so he can look at you while he talks. “I don’t want you to make fun of me, but I have a whole thing set up in the film room,” he smiles, ever-present pink flush on his face, “I don’t know if you’ll be able to interact with any of it, but you did kick that football away from you, so I figured it was worth trying.”

He faces forward again, jumping and clicking his heels together. You laugh, shake your head, and follow him the rest of the way to the film room. He holds the door open for you, and when you see the inside, you stand stock still in the doorway. 

You have no idea how he did this, where he got all of this from. There are fairy lights lining the room, soft yellow glow illuminating it and shedding light on the massive pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. There are snacks everywhere. Drinks, chips, chocolate bars you can only assume he got from the vending machines in the cafeteria. The projector is on and pointed at the screen on the wall, paused at The Breakfast Club’s opening title sequence. 

Your hand goes over your mouth, overwhelmingly endeared by the amount of effort Wally put into your movie day. You walk around the room, looking back and forth between him and the spread in front of you. Thankfully, Wally doesn’t take your silence negatively, instead plopping himself down on the floor and grabbing the remote. 

“Well? What do you think? Is it too much?” 

He looks up at you from his place on the ground, patting the seat next to him. You’re shaking your head as you sit, still reeling from the feelings rumbling in your chest and stomach. 

“Not too much, no,” you settle onto the cushions, wrap a blanket around your arms, glad that you can touch the things around you, phantom though they may be, “Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me.” 

“It’s no biggie,” Wally leans back, shrugging his shoulders, “I just thought it would make today more fun.” 

“This is so fucking fun, Wally. You did good.” 

-

The Breakfast Club is a classic, but it’s also a product of its time. 

It’s profound, with complex characters who have complex home lives and interpersonal relationships, it’s thorough in its exploration of what labels and presumptions can do to a person. 

It also has its scenes that have aged incredibly poorly. 

For most of the movie, you almost regret making him watch it. In your excitement to spend the day with him - significant hours, not just fragmented moments in between classes throughout the week - you’d forgotten how triggering the movie would be for him. It feels like a neglectful oversight, but Wally seems genuinely invested. 

He laughs at some of the lighter moments, winces through a lot of the more ugly parts. Slurs being thrown, general and explicit misogyny, fatphobia. 

You don’t need to ask him if the movie is accurate, you can see it on his face. 

You can especially see how much Andrew’s character affects him. A jock, who, not so unlike Wally, cannot think for himself - who spends the majority of his time trying his best to appease his father’s wishes. Who refuses to be a loser, refuses to stand up to his parents and tell them how he really feels.

How that tumbles into his decision making - beating up a kid who didn’t do anything wrong, just to prove to his dad that he’s a man. It’s not a one to one ratio, but it’s close enough. 

He’s quiet as he watches the kids sit in a circle, eyes glued to the screen as they talk about being terrified that they’ll turn into their parents.

You wonder if he’s thinking about the kind of man he’d turn out to be, if he hadn’t died. If he would’ve been harsher, not nearly as accepting as he seems to be now, lacking the 40 years of growth he’s had. 

When the movie ends, freeze framed with John Bender mid-fist pump, you look over to see Wally wiping a few stray tears away. It makes your chest ache, your own eyes watering, throat closing up around the lump in it. 

You can’t imagine what it’s like, to watch forty years of high school students enter and leave, while you’re stuck there, just watching. The jocks, the bullies, the tightly-wound rich girls, the freaks. 

To see the evolution of youth, to watch the times change right in front of you, to realize how small high school is in the grand scheme of things, but to recognize that for Wally, it literally is his whole world. He has to watch, over and over, and see that times really haven’t changed at all. The tropes are still there, the cliches and cliques are just as bad. 

“That was a lot more serious than I remembered,” you laugh lightly, “Are you okay? I wouldn’t have suggested we watch it if I remembered how hard it is.” 

Wally lies back on the pallet he built on the floor, landing softened by blanket-covered gym mats and couch cushions he’d stolen from the teacher’s lounge. He’s staring at the ceiling, quiet to the point of concern on your end when he says, 

“If I’d seen that movie when it came out, I think it would’ve changed my life.” 

“In a good way?”

“In a really good way,” he turns his head towards you, looking up at you from his place on the pillows, “Maybe it would’ve made me brave enough to tell my mom I didn’t even like football. Maybe I would’ve…” He trails off, voice watery and cracking, “Maybe I would’ve stayed on the bench. Maybe I would’ve lived through that game, and the next one, or I’d have quit and done something I actually enjoyed. You know she still goes to every homecoming game they have at this school?” 

“Really?”  

“Yeah. And for all of them, I go out and join her. I sit next to her, cheer when she cheers, boo when she boos, I talk to her even though I know she can’t hear me. I know it’s stupid -” 

“It isn’t stupid,” you interject, “You love her, she’s your mom.”

“It is stupid, though. I told Charley once that I was annoyed I didn’t die in the end zone, instead of the five yard line,” he scoffs, shaking his head at himself, “I was upset I couldn’t get her one last win, y’know? What does it say about me, that I keep going back to the field I died on, to watch the game that killed me, because I think it’ll make my mom happy?” 

“That you’re loyal. That you care,” you duck your head, trying to catch his line of sight, “But also, maybe that you care too much. That you put too much stock into what your mom thought of you while you were alive, and now it’s carried over into your afterlife. You wanna know what I think?” 

Wally nods, urging you to continue. 

“I think you’re one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. I think you’re kind, and funny, and you care about your friends more than most living people care about theirs. I think it’s really fucking unfair that you’re not alive right now, and, all due respect to your mom, but,” you pause, working up the nerve to say, “she sounds like she fucking sucked. And you don’t have to do what she wants anymore. Caring about what she thinks is natural, she’ll always be your mom, but it weighs you down, I can see it.” 

“What do you mean, you can see it?”

“It’s hard to explain, but it’s like,” you wave a hand over his body, “the air around you is heavier, sometimes. Like it hurts for you to be here.” 

Wally hums, digesting your revelation, “Damn. That kinda blows. Does it fuck up my figure?” 

“No, silly,” you snort, “Your figure is just fine. Trust me.” 

You take the change in topic for what it is, trusting that he’ll work through your words on his own time. 

“Oh, my figure is just fine? You wanna elaborate on that, or…” 

He props himself up on his elbows, draws his chin down to his neck, and bats his eyes. 

“Wally, oh my god,” you go to shove at his shoulder, out of habit, mostly, used to shoving at your friends when they say something ridiculous. 

It makes contact. 

Like the force of it almost knocks him over, you can feel your hand on his shoulder, contact. 

You gasp, go to pull away because the shock of it is overwhelming, and lightning fast, Wally brings his hand up to cover yours.

He’s not necessarily warm, not fully solid either, but you’re touching. He pulls your hand down, holds it between the two of you and laces his fingers through yours. 

The hum of the projector is the only noise in the room, as you sit in silence and stare, dumbfounded, at your hand in his. 

a/n: hiiiii guys! here's pt 2, i hope you enjoy! i have a very clear idea of what i want 3 and 4 to look like, so stick with me. i watched the breakfast club, realized that wally is literally copied and pasted from andrew, and needed to write about it or i'd die

if you liked this, my masterlist is linked at the top! my asks are always open, and don't forget to like and reblog if you feel so inclined.

also, who else is terrified for the season finale tomorrow????

taglist: @preparedfruit , @lov3bug , @whoopsyeahokay

[can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession]

Russel Hc's

Authors note: Had some Russel thoughts baking in my mind after I watched some interviews. I know I said I just want to clear up my asks, but tired of writing Murdoc and 2D as much as I love them, I need a break. I'll probably write some noodle ones down the line

Requests: Closed

Phase: Nonspesified,

Hc type: A mix of general + Russel x reader

Note: I got a bit salty while writing this, cuz I like to research and listen to interviews while I write for the characters, and there is truly such little Russel stuff in recent years it kinda pisses me off, same goes for noodle- I want more GIVE ME MORE- ehem sorry, lets forget about this and move on

TW: Bad spelling, mentions of death, self isolation?

smh this man is so unappreciated

I don't think we talk about it enough but Russel is the most well dressed out of all of the band

It was clear from the start of Gorillaz that he took great pride in his appearance

In more than one interview, in the early phases they asked Russ about his taste in clothes and he would reply very passionately

Ya know when we used to see them interview everyone not just Murdoc and 2D

sorry that was uncalled for

Anyways, we've all seen the clip of Russel thinking about himself in a dress so we're all aware of the fact he takes pride in how others perceive him

I think that would apply to his relationship in a way

While I don't think he expects you to be dressed to the nines

I think he would want his partner who also takes pride in how they are perceived by others

Because as your boyfriend what reflects on you is a refection on him for dating you

So if his S/O is a person who enjoys fashion I could see him and S/O spending time making outfits together, giving each other feedback

Maybe the occasional matching outfit or at the very least coordinating outfits

but if is S/O isn't that kinda person, and just wears what they have not giving it much thought like me

He would give you subtle feed back on your clothes and clothes

And if you pick up on what he's doing and offer to let him make your outfit, he would be very happy and might spend a whole day rearranging your closet making set outfits for you of course taking your style into account

His favorite holiday was halloween purely because it allows you to dress up however you want

Also he has lot of fond memories picking out costumes with Noodle when she was younger

Really good with hair

Like weirdly good with hair

Well it's not that weird cuz he was the most like a parent when raising Noodle

So if you want him to do your hair, as long as he isn't busy he's down

And while Noodle's hair is for the most part straight so he doesn't have much experience with different hair types, he learns fast and would probably watch some videos in his free time to learn, in which like I said he learns fast.

Russel like's doing more complex hairstyles on his partner if they have long enough hair, because it gives him a since of craftsmanship and pride when he finishes

But every time he finishes doing it he swears he'll never do it again because of all the work and time it took

but it's a lie

Despite the horrible traumatizing shit he's been through in his life he has to be one of the healthiest(mentally) in the band(ignore phase 7), though that's not saying much

But it is true, in interviews and rise of the Ogre, he seemed to know who he was, and seemed to come to sense of peace and acceptance for what has happened in his life

Of course he has him dark moments we all do

Sometimes he just needs some time to mourn the past and will probably find himself sleeping in a guest bedroom in Kong studio's for a few days

Days where he buries himself in his music and his hobbies taxidermy as an attempt to drown out the the looming image of deaths face

These days where honestly few and far in-between before plastic beach, but they became more often after the events

He's scared for the people he loves and what being around them could mean for their safety.

He won't exactly avoid you

He'll state that he needs time to himself before avoiding you.

But when he comes back around he'll often start telling/ reminiscing to you the good times of his life before he met you, his parents, Dale, his school life

Its his way of accepting the past

[sorcerous-caress]

Worldbuilding and human kink? Is it my birthday /lh. This has me googling “halfling sex” and being a little surprise someone has thought about it enough to write a generously large paragraph.

Apparently it’s not uncommon for them to have more casual sex with close neighbors and friends indulging in it together. I genuinely think it would be hilarious for a halfling with a human, elf, drow, orc, dwarf, etc (the more uptight races) friend/neighbor to ‘seduce’ and then being very friendly and kind, but not exclusive or even inherently romantic.

Halflings 🤝 Humans

Being horny on main.

Oh my god imagine a poly relationship that's a human who thinks this is a casual friends with benfits deal, a halfing who thinks everyone here is just friends, and one high elf who acts as if they're robbing a bank whenever they watch the human go down on the halfing.

Add a dragonborn who is sweating over which one of those people is gonna end up as their mate for life, who isn't phased by the sex but it's the romance part that's considered a big taboo in their culture to even date someone for love, so imagine seeing more tha one person?

High elves being sex repressed 🤝 Dragonborns being romance repressed

Also I really love world building AAAAA i wanna invent shit and make shit up and shake it around like a snow globe. I believe elves went to the moon much sooner than humans with just magic, dwarves have found fallen space rocks and meteors and used them to forge their weapons, winged elves or any species who can fly already mapped the world and drew all the know maps before humans even learned how to tame horses.

Also the horses is funny, elves has seen them all their lives but never bothered to tame it because it feels weird yk? Why would they ride on an animal, plus their cousin is a centaur so it feels even more weird.

Then they see the humans coaxing the horses with carrots while holding a saddle behind their back, skip a few years and suddenly the horse population skyrockects as humans steal this one animal to their side.

Imagine being a wood elf and in harmony with all of nature, then glancing over at the human city and feeling very confused on what these weird wolves are and why do the humans call them dogs, also why are they obeying the humans and holy shit that one is wearing bowtie.

Occasionally humans just wander into the forest, spot an animal that seems semi useful then kidnap it back to their city, suddenly their population spikes and they're the new best friends of humanity.

It happened the other way with cats tho, the wood elves remember overhearing two cats talking about the hairless apes wandering around and how one was betting the other that they can get them to share their food by just screaming at them.

Humans probably inspired their cuisine based on halflings' recipes since they didn't add soul consuming spices for fun like elves and didn't sprinkle in literal gem and gold dust like dragonborns.

A human with a Halfling neighbour who comes over every other day to share their stew because "they accidentally made too much and can't possibly finish it all themselves so how about you grab a bowl or two, human?"

One day the human makes a joke about how they're a simp or going to horny jail, whatever modern shitposting meme is trending, and the halfling takes it seriously and offers to sleep with them.

I mean, that is basic neighbourly hospitality to them. Of course they will fuck their friend who is in need, you don't even have to ask twice, come here and lay down and they'll take care of you until satisfied.

Now their trips over to your house are twice as frequent, half to feed you their cooking, other half to sate your lust appetite.

[tragedy-peanut-gallery]

do you have any headcanons about daeron ii's and myriah's daughter-in-laws?

Oh boy DO I!!!!! I’m gonna organize them in lil bullet point forms cause I have so many thoughts abt them!

Jena:

- Honestly I think it might be a bit weird to say but I think she was the westerosi equivalent of a goth skater girl. Like, there’s probably some old painting of her in Blackhaven as a teenager where she has dyed black streaks in her hair and way too much eyeshadow with a medieval skateboard (horse). I need this to be true in my life

- Her betrothal to Baelor I imagine was to ease up relations with the marcher lords since they probably weren’t too happy about the Dornish having a strong influence on the throne. I wouldn’t be surprised if Myriah suggested the match, and they happened to pick Jena because she was the closest to Baelor’s age

- That being said though, their match went pretty well! I mean for a while it was pretty obvious that Jena and Baelor were basically a pr relationship but over time they did come to care for each other! They didn’t really have the slow burn romance that Daeron and Myriah had but they still had some kind of affection

- She did have her kids pretty young, but not really early in the marriage because I have to believe her weird late teens goth angst was why she named her kids Valarr and Matarys of all things or it might kill me

- If I could give her a friendship with any of her sisters in laws it would probably be Aelinor? But they weren’t like friends friends, they were just able to get along pretty well because they grew up in the same region even though their interests are wayyyy different from one another

- Ngl she probably had some crazyyy beef with Dyanna. Like, those ladies could not sit next to each other at the family function cause it either ended with them fighting (mostly about who’s kids are the worst),or them ganging up to bully another noble while absolutely hammered on some of that dornish red

- Also it needs to be said, Jena was probably absolutely a stunt queen when she had to grow out of her goth phase. Like, she went to the Alyssa T school of Being a Bad Bitch because she probably went riding and sailing with her kids all the time while they were still babies. If Baelor had a dragon she’d be bullying him to take her flying literally every day and get it to shit on the roofs of people she doesn’t like. Myriah’s mentality was “Oh I’m gonna be queen so I have to be careful about what I do” while hers was “Whoah I’m gonna be queen I can do (almost) whatever the hell I want!!”

- Unfortunately tho, it’s highly likely she died with her kids during the great Spring Sickness, but to add tragedy for flavour I think she died after both her sons. Rip queen :(

Aelinor:

- Okay so figuring out the whole timeline/relation with her kinda drove me insane, but my theory for the time being is that she’s Elaena’s stepdaughter through Ronnel, which does make her technically cousins with Aerys through marriage? I think she’s still probably a few years younger than him tho

- I also kinda think Elaena’s behind this betrothal a bit tbh- I think Aelinor really liked Elaena but saw her a lot more as a mentor she aspired to be like rather than any kind of surrogate mother figure

- Personality-wise girlie’s a completeee introvert. Like, I think she wants to be social and charming and all that, but she got that social anxiety that makes it so she’s scared to talk to people and spends most of her day inside reading

- For her hobbies….. I can see her being big into reading and research but idk I also really like the idea of her being big into poems, she likes really analyzing people from a distance and writing lil blurbs about them to spend the time. She’d literally rather die than share any of her works with anyone though, even if it’s really flattering to them lol

- So, I think her social circle’s kindaaa limited to the royal family, I think her best friends would be Aerys, Alys and Shiera cause I think that’d be kinda fun (and also I think she had a bit of a thing for Alys cause….. yuh) :)

- She and Aerys probably slept together like, once on their wedding cause they were completely convinced they would only have to do it one time…. They both regretted it

- And ngl despite the Horrors™️, and the whole of house Targaryen dropping like flies I think she was a lilll glad that Aelora was heir? Not because everyone else before her died, mostly due to the fact that she really liked Aelora specifically and maybe liked to pretend she was her daughter whoops

- Anyways my fun lil tragedy for her is that she outlives pretty much everyone she loves <3 she’d still be kicking during Maekar’s reign as a sorta dowager queen but she’s not doing much with that title, I diagnose her with…… death via heart attack while trying to write her will

Alys:

- Honestly this lady reads as a complete social butterfly to me lmao. Like, really bubbly, charismatic, and likeable as a person- I think she came in as a companion for Daenerys and both Daeron and Myriah decided to set her up with Rhaegel just cause she was really kind (and being from a major house definitely didn’t hurt either)

- For hobbies I can absolutely see her as a lady that was just crazy for birds lol- and that’s an interest I could see her bonding with Daeron over! She loves hawking and keeping some pet songbirds and feeding ravens, ngl I could see her and Aelinor working on a giant bird encyclopedia together lol

- When it comes to her and Rhaegel, I don’t think it was really love at first sight? Like, I think they got along and did eventually bond after the twins were born, but they only fell in love a few years into their marriage

- Speaking of the twins though! I really don’t think she was cool with the idea of them marrying, honestly it kinda horrified her but she saw how weirdly close they became and tried to cope by justifying that they’d be better together than apart with other people cause…. Tbh how the hell else can she get over the fact that her own children are marrying when that hasn’t really been the norm for a bit-

- Oh and she was especially nottt at all happy about Daenora marrying Aerion. Since by then I can imagine she’s lost both her husband and oldest children, she would be f u r i o u s that Maekar would even allow her last daughter to marry his craziest son, even if he wasn’t the one who suggested the match in the first place

- Girlie probably didn’t stay after Aerion died, like- she was quick to pack Daenora and Maegor and haul ass back to the Vale. No she didn’t give a flying fuck that they were considering her grandson as heir, they’re living in the Eeryie forever now!

- She did miss Aelinor after she left though (clueless about Aelinor’s kinda gay feelings rip) so the two probably shared a lot of letters, but I think Alys passed not too long after being back in the Vale from….. honestly imma say slipping on a toy and cracking her head open. At least one of these gals gotta have a sorta silly death

Dyanna:

- Ngl she’s probably second to Alys in being one of the sweetest in the group, but she takes NO bullshit from anyone. As stated before, she’s ready to throw down with Jena at the drop of a hat but tries not to start too many fights

- She and Maekar married out of love. To me!!! Like, idk they don’t seem like a politically advantageous match, so in my brain Dyanna was probably the daughter of one of Myriah’s ladies in waiting and the two ended up falling in love as teens cause idkkkkkk that’s kinda cute <3

- As for hobbies: absolutely cracked at weaving. 85% of the decorations at Summerhall are her tapestries and the other 15% are crafts by other artists that she really liked. She probably weaved most of her childrens’ baby clothes herself and regularly gifts handmade crafts to her family and friends

- Idk if she really had a favourite with any of her kids, but I can kinda say for certain that she definitely had a hard time with Aerion because she felt like she needed to be overly strict with him specifically which….. probably maybe perhaps gave Aerion some mommy issues idkkkkkkkk

- I like to think she had a cat at some point too, and when it had kittens she gifted them to each of her kids but they mostly became general household cats over time (except for Egg’s cat, that was his own and it…. Found itself at the bottom of the well whoops-)

- Canonically she died first out of the gang, and the narrative implies that she died giving birth to Rhae but I’m ignoring it because one fic I read a while ago had her die from breast cancer and honestly while it’s still tragic it also makes it so Dyanna’s not reduced to “woman who died in childbirth #67” which gets some originality points from me

Idk these are all my headcanons, I hope you like them! <3

[elliwiny]

TLDR The Musical Chicago Taught Me About The Terrible Societal Pressure to Perform Gender Way Before I Really Understood What That Even Was

So it's Pride Month! And I've been listening to Chicago basically every day because it's exactly the length of my commute right now so I wanted to write about it.

I didn't grow up questioning my gender, and I guess my sexuality was 'I'll worry about that when I'm older' - until I got to my 20's and hit the 'oh shit, I haven't got the feelings I'm supposed to have, is something wrong with me?' phase of my existence.

Bringing it around to Chicago - I mean, look at her! It's Catherine Zeta Jones! Everybody is a little attracted to women, right? They're supposed to be hot! That's just how it is!

Hahahahaha.

But other than my hilariously delayed lesbianism I think Chicago stealthily gave me a primer on the fucked up ways our society enforces gender performance. Because you don't have to be trans to be in a situation where your life depends on giving 'em the ol' razzle dazzle.

The protagonist, Roxy Hart, is an asshole, a murderer, and kind of a ditz. Most of the criminals are right assholes, some are more sympathetic, and one is even 100% innocent! Aside from the innocent Hungarian, the thing the prisoners have in common is that they were boxed in, and were driven to violence after being pushed too far.

Whether 'too far' is justified is immaterial to the point. They became outlaws, and must perform womanhood to win over the court of public opinion and earn their 'not guilty' verdicts. And it's not just the kind of performance where you have to color inside the lines to not come off as weird, it's the kind where you dance and contort for the entertainment of the people who get to decide whether you get to live or die.

In Roxy's case this is kind of awesome. She's always wanted to be a star and with the power of hot-headed cold-blooded murder, she's stumbled ass-backwards into an unexpected avenue of fame and attention. She's determined to do this well, not for her survival (she doesn't appreciate the gravity of the situation, yet) but for a way to launch a career as a singer.

I mean what's Roxy's other choice? Go back to Amos? The guy who affectionately puts her on the same level as a housecat in his song? He's not the one who 'pushed' her, poor guy can't push anybody to do anything, but that's not even an option she entertains. I used to think he was one of the few good people in this movie/show, but it became pretty clear to me that devotion isn't the same thing as love.

Anyway, enter Billy Flynn, famous lawyer and expert ringmaster. In the song where he talks to the press, they do this cool thing where the reporters' initial questions don't follow the melody at first. As Billy crafts Roxy's story they quickly fall into the structure of the music, too. They draw the conclusions he wants them to, too. "Understandable! Comprehensable! Not a bit reprehensible, it's so defensible~"

Roxy's cover story is absurd, by the way, but it ingeniously plays to her type. She's a ditz but she's not naive, she has incredible natural instincts for the game she's playing. (Well, when it counts. She is resistant following the script, which sometimes gets her in trouble)

Roxy's innocent veneer plays contrast to the Hungarian, who becomes the first woman in the county to be hung for murder. She can't speak the language, literally, which locks her out of being able to play the game at all. In the framework of Roxy's imagination, we see the Hungarian's death as another performance... Because it is!

If you cannot perform, a narrative will be assigned to you and we will cheer for your pretty corpse. The metaphor could not be more clear. This is when shit gets real for Roxy, too.

Velma Kelly is also a good performer, who knows the game, but she has a disadvantage to Roxy. Her story just isn't as good. Nobody really believes she didn't do it, she's already so entrenched in the circus of jazz and liquor and sin that sentencing her is the least interesting outcome. I think that's why she gets away with shit like 'oh I blacked out I can't remember a thing' and getting her charges thrown out in exchange for her testifying against Roxy.

After all, she can't do it alone ;) if she didn't suck up her pride and embrace the pivot to playing the heel in Roxy's story, I bet she'd be hanging, too. Or at least, destitute.

They're both discarded by the public as soon as the verdict is passed and there's fresh blood to gawk at. The only way they survive as independent women cast outside the protections offered as stifled housewives is to embrace the world of Jazz, liquor, and sin... and most importantly, the narrative of the rivalry that they perform for those roaring ding-dong-daddies.

And it's not so bad, because that's what they both wanted, anyway.

[liketheinferno2]

few disconnected things about xvi:

The big eikon fights are all LONG like bare minimum ten minutes I think I was on titan for thirty. To make this bearable they're in checkpoint phases like xiv raids. I like it. Unfortunately I have a habit of pausing to talk to people and then completely forgetting what I was doing so left Clive in the knife edge of Zantetsuken for 2 hours.

These summons are as classic as you get for like... narrative function. I'm a huge fan of old ff summoners where they're just kind of born this way and the visual on it is the form of this god creature overtaking their entire body. Less classic when most characters only get one eikon but very effective. Jumping out of my seat about some of this stuff I love gamma ray level megaflare. Titan the size of an mountain dwarfing summons as tall as buildings. Odin's SCARY in this one man maybe it's just me... but when the guy on the other end can sever anything he perceives as capable of being severed that's the sort of thing I love to see with reality bending fantasy powers.

I'm about 90% of the way done I think... at this point it is coming back again and again to this thesis of choice and autonomy as essential to human life and worth fighting for, for yourself and others. This story has an interesting presentation where characters can be very groundedly human having literal conversations at some points and theatrical actors posed for effect at others. Not a bad thing, feels very Utena-like to me. The eikon pulling scenes too, I have to compare it to sword pulls? Like this isn't sex but it can be intimate/caring/painful/violating in a very personal way... I'm just counting on my fingers here but you see it used like 1. By accident, painful and stressful for both parties, 2. on purpose, pushing Clive fearfully into a new life like he becomes a Bigger Adult, 3. to assert dominance, bad for everybody, 4. out of caring to gain understanding of another person, 5. out of love and trust willfully given, 6. forced and violent in that weird theatrical way I was talkin about earlier.. looking back on these as a whole I feel gears turning.

Kinda shoujo kinda berserk kinda thing you have to embrace the chuuni to get into. Other thing that keeps crossing my mind is how much this feels like ff's take on a Guts and Casca. OTHER other thing is how much this feels like this team's take on ff7's Avalanche, ff15's mistakes, ff4's drama with ff14's design ethos. REMINDS ME OF A LOT OF THINGS I LOVE BUT IS ALSO DISTINCTLY IT'S OWN THING both in and outside the bounds of the rest of the series. Not really getting the GoT comparison but that was low hanging fruit for lazy critics in the first place lol.

Also really really really good at portraying gentle touches and the sense that these characters feel safe in each other's arms and I love that shit. I'll hold off for now with the pictures but almost my entire photo library for ff16 is characters holding each other or saying some gay shit or both at once. Stopping myself here but there's your thinking out loud gamer post for the week o/

[qpr-culture-is]

I know it's not really a confessions blog or something like that but I'm just so confused and lost and I just want to describe my feelings to someone. English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes

So first of all I'm trans, I think it's pretty important to the story, kinda had a transphobic phase because my country it's not only very lgbtqphobic but our queer community is also very hostile towards trans people, like more than I have seen in other communities, so it's common. Pretty closed about this, tried to come out to some of my friends and classmates almost 2 years ago now, went wrong, don't talk to them and become very paranoid. Not even planning to tell someone about me being trans before a lot of people transferred to our class, they all were added in our group chat and I immediately pin pointed this dude with gerard way as their pfp who then asked to refer to him with he/him only and use other name. Holy shit. I literally never in my life seen an openly trans person, not even a closed one, never interacted with someone also trans irl so it was HUGE for me. Skipped first week of school, was kinda worried that I'm going to be an outcast, but that I finally meet him, and like the first thing he said to me was "wait are you that person with *fandom* as your pfp?" so we immediately connected. I was on cloud nine because he is SO COOL and only a few girls in our class are deadnaming him and it's so nice no one is being mean to him and I think it kinda changed my way of viewing how people will react if I come out to them. Because most people just don't care. Then I gave him my other socials and he saw me using any pronouns and he was like hey! How do i refer to you! Cool! And i told him that I'm actually also trans and he never ever questioned or doubted it even though I'm pretty fem presenting.

So yeah I rambled sorry it was just a really cool experience really cool dude. So the reason why I'm writing to qpr blog it's because I lately started catching feelings for him?? But I'm not in love?? I don't really know how to explain this but for a really long time I was just thinking that I just have a friend crush then that I want to date him and like I knew about qpr and I knew that qpr is way more complex and it's not just the secret third thing after dating and being friends. But like, I want to kiss him and give him gifts in a way that I view as romantic but when he's mentioning dating or his exes I don't feel a thing. Today was weird, I slept for only 3 hours and felt a little bit wonky, so I said a lot of things that were like straight up flirting. And I felt embarrassed and blushed and shit but not in "hehe I flirted with my crush!!" way but more in "holy shit it was embarrassing why did I say it" way. And he also talked about a guy that he has a very weird relationships with for the past 2 years, he said that like yeah we're friends but not really we had some periods of dating but not really and he also constantly flirts with other people including me. And I was just yeah kill him and didn't thought much of it, not jealous or sad that he have something going on with other people, but I still want to date him, but in friends way. So after I pondered about it for a while I think that I just want to have that Secret Third Thing with him. Still feel lost because I never felt like that before and because I think that I'm alloromantic and I was in romantic relationships before so I know how I act when I'm in love with people. With him it's so close what I feel when I'm in love with someone but at the same time it's so different and such weird foreign felling. Woud like to hear some advice for how people realised or what people feel and want in qpr relationships, I know it's different for a lot of people, but I want to hear something from heros who read this wall of text

Giving you a little breakdown of things I have noted;

-You can absolutely be alloromantic and want a qpr/have a squish

-To me it does sound like it may be a squish

-All in all you'll have to make that decision for yourself, and it could very well just be the fact that you've never connected with a person like you have with him before so it's all a bit different for you

And here's a bit of my past experiences

It's really a bit hard to remember since it's been forever, and given I'm aroace squishes have always seemed like legitimate crushes (in a weird way) so keep that in mind.

The last squish I remember having was a little over a year ago. I really connected with the person and they made me laugh a lot. I felt pulled to them in some kind of way. I wanted to spend time with them and I wanted to be called their partner. It was just,,, different than my previous feelings towards friends. Now, if it weren't for events that happened later on, I could have very well been convinced it was a romantic crush (we ended up in a romantic relationship for a bit but my aro ness got in the way and I began to feel very uncomfortable with the whole thing), and am honestly not sure how to differentiate those feelings from that of a romantic crush.

The only other time I can think of having a squish would be quite a while back, and at the time I was completely convinced it was romantic (I had not even really been aware of the aro and ace labels at the time). Once again, the feelings were towards a close friend. They were my best friend in fact, and at the time I really thought we understood each other like nobody else did, and it was almost as if we were very drawn to each other. Contrary to what you noted, there was a bit of jealousy here and there when they were with someone else later on (tho I know believe to be more in a platonic context anyways). And... thats basically all I've got

So those are my main experiences with having squishes, if that gives you an idea of what to expect from one. I'd also like to say that I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to this! I've been a bit busy the last few weeks and am currently on holiday break now and haven't felt up to doing a whole lot (and keep forgetting to post as well)

[justinsentertainmentcorner]

David Browne at Rolling Stone:

OVER THE LAST few years, the Gulf Coast Jam, a multi-day concert blowout held every spring in Panama City Beach, Florida, has become one of country music’s leading festivals, pulling in headliners like Miranda Lambert, Luke Bryan, Florida Georgia Line, Kane Brown, and Kenny Chesney. But recently, festival producer Rendy Lovelady has noticed something unusual backstage. “Ten or 15 years ago, everybody would sit in a circle around the table, pull out their guitars and start singing old country songs,” he says. “There was a lot of camaraderie. Whereas now, the camaraderie has definitely lessened. They tend to stay in their own community.” Part of Lovelady wonders if it’s the lingering after-effects of Covid-19, which forced touring performers to interact as little as possible with anyone outside their circle. But it’s also possible that the drop-off in backstage hangtime is a sign of something else: the national culture wars seeping into the traditionally close-knit country community, a space where artists often take pains to refer to their peers as “my good buddy” or compliment one another.

From less personal interaction backstage to public online feuds, country music is slowly being pulled into the same battles that have infiltrated nearly every aspect of American life and entertainment. “It really is weird right now,” says one leading country manager, who spoke on the condition of anonymity given the sensitivity of the moment. “Country music has aways been this kind of neighborhood where everyone gets along. We had everyone’s back. But it doesn’t feel that way anymore. The heels are dug in more than ever. It’s pretty heavy.” The manager has also witnessed the same backstage chilliness that Lovelady recounts. However, he says it is unquestioningly due to opposing political ideologies and beliefs. “I’ve always enjoyed seeing people in the hallways backstage,” he says. “But it’s not like that. You tend to avoid people, because everyone talks politics backstage. Everyone used to leave their dressing room doors open. The doors are shut now.”

The major signs that Nashville is visibly fracturing have all happened fairly recently. In August of last year, country and alt-pop singer Cassadee Pope, and then Maren Morris, took Jason Aldean’s wife Brittany to task for making seemingly transphobic comments. (“I’d really like to thank my parents for not changing my gender when I went through my tomboy phase,” Brittany Aldean posted.) This summer, her husband’s song “Try That in a Small Town,” and especially its controversial music video, led to Americana songwriter Jason Isbell tweeting, “Dare Aldean to write his next single himself. That’s what we try in my small town.” On X (the social media site formerly known as Twitter), Jake Owen, a mainstream country singer, seemed to side with Aldean. He clapped back at Isbell by writing in part, “Jason, you’re always the first to get behind your keyboard and spout off with this stupid shit.” (He since posted that he “came in hot on the conversation because I’m passionate about” songwriters.) The public tiffs also included Zach Bryan, whose duet with Kacey Musgraves “I Remember Everything” is on track to be the Number One song in the nation, taking a shot in April at country acts “insulting transgender people.” The comment was prompted by veteran Travis Tritt’s tweet that he would be “deleting all Anheuser-Busch products from my tour hospitality rider” following a Bud Light promotion that featured transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney. Bryan, who said that he wasn’t aiming directly at Tritt, later talked it out in person with the Nineties star at a music festival in Texas, with Bryan calling Tritt “a good guy” and Tritt saying, “So glad we had a chance to chat, Zach.”

Although these feuds haven’t dominated the genre, they also haven’t gone unnoticed. “Like all industries, we’re not immune from the external pressures and the world at large,” says R.J. Romeo, president of the Romeo Entertainment Group, a leading talent agency that books country acts. “So naturally, there’s more divisiveness in the country now than ever before. That’s going to show up in opinions on music and everything.” The history of country music hasn’t been without its share of fights and rumbles; ask anyone who’s worked on an awards show or at a festival and you’ll hear tales of artists grumbling about their peers’ egos, sales figures, or place on the bill. In 2013, Zac Brown made waves when he called Luke Bryan’s song “That’s My Kind of Night” the “worst song I’ve ever heard.” They later hammed it up and hugged it out on live TV at the CMA Awards.

Public quarrels over politics, meanwhile, have been as rare as synthesizer solos in the genre. The then-Dixie Chicks’ feud with Toby Keith, which started when Chicks singer Natalie Maines criticized one of Keith’s songs in a 2002 interview and caught fire after Maines dissed George W. Bush onstage in the U.K. over the 2003 Iraq invasion, was one of the few times in recent memory when open warfare broke out among country artists over political matters. Such quarrels may become more common. “With everything heating up with the presidential race, people are beginning to have very distinct opinions,” Lovelady says. And the shift, involving country stars of different generations and accelerated by social media, has been jarring for longtime observers. Country acts, Romeo says, “all go through media training, and they’re usually very diplomatic or middle of the road with a lot of their responses. But I’ve seen more artists come out of what we call ‘the artist bubble’ and show more of their true self, you could say — or their less polished self.”

Rolling Stone explores how the culture wars are roiling the once-tightknit community of country music fans.

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

10 characters/10 fandoms

YESSS THANK YOU @jaynesilver FINALLY MY WIDE READING OF FIC COMES IN HANDYYY

We're gonna go chronologically through my life because I think that's REALLY FUN (I legit couldn't choose a west wing character just know that if there's a secret 11th character is the ensemble cast of the west wing)

Artemis Fowl, Artemis Fowl

My first antihero, and we started YOUNG on that, I was reading these books premiddle school. I was obsessed with these books as a kid, and I'm still obsessed with them today. There's rumors of a third, more adult series when Artemis and Holly may get together and I will EAT THAT SHIT UP I LOVE THEM

2. Vexen, Kingdom Hearts

I Legit think this man primed me to enjoy Hux as a character. Like, I'm not kidding, I was obsessed with him as a kid. I'm 90% certain I wrote deviant art fan fic, but I have since abandoned that account so it's hard to know for sure if it ever got published. I was definitely roll playing at age, like, 13? way too young but god I loved him he was BATSHIT

3. Ianto Jones, Torchwood

Man, I can't really explain how much Ianto Jones as a character, he and Jack's kiss on screen, their relationship, and the events of the 456 changed me? It was DEEP though, I woke up the next day a different person, with much less trust in television writer's and their good intentions.

4. Desmond Miles, Assassin's Creed

We have to jump a few years to mid high school, because no joke I was on that Kingdom Hearts train for a WHILE. I love him, he was probably my first blorbo, before the term was invented. I tried to play the games after (MAJOR SPOILER) but I just couldn't do it. They didn't have the draw without him.

5. Stiles Stilinski, Teen Wolf

Now we've hit late high school, arguably my second blorbo. As a kid with ADHD, he was no joke valuable representation to me, even if it was sometimes played for laughs. I was also the least athletic kid on multiple sports teams who still tried really hard, so I got him, yknow?

6. Will Graham, Hannibal

It's legit tough for me to chose if I like the Will Graham of the books or the TV show better. (Don't ask me about the movies, I haven't seen them, and I probably won't. Movies and I have trouble. See: ADHD.) I'm not sure if he's a blorbo or just like, a regular character I like? My hannibal phase was my last 8 year ship, so the line is pretty blurred.

Now we've reached the part where I dived into a lot of fandoms at once, because I dropped out of college and kind of did a weird spiral? Idk, we've lost chronology is what I'm saying

7. Artemis Crock, Young Justice

god I cannot say enough good things about her and I also cannot express how much (MAJOR SPOILER) made me mad FOR HER. Like it was cruel specifically to her and we should talk more about that, honestly. She was definitely a blorbo, but we're still PRE blorbo as a word in my vocabulary.

8. Darcy Lewis, MCU

My first real fandom bicycle, I ship her with everyone from Loki to Agent Coulson to Natasha. As someone who often feels like the comic relief character in their own life, I appreciate her.

9. Kent Parson, OMG Check Please

My sweet, sweet disaster son. My emotionally constipated hockey boy. The reason captain america is my SECOND favorite character with a birthday on the Fourth of July. I love him, he was amazing, and also my first experience with like, really toxic fandom was being so mad when people tried to equate his canon mental health issues with a noncanon, imagined abuse?? It was wild, I ended up so distressed about it i did have to leave the fandom.

10. Armitage Hux, Star Wars

I mean you've been on my blog for like ten seconds i think it's obvious?? The others needed explanations but like YOURE HERE YOU KNOW

WAIT I FORGOT TO TAG PEOPLE SHIT @sariastrategos @gingersnappish @fallingdeeperintothispit

[pastramimommy]

6/13/24

This birthday is going to be a whole chapter in my memoir. I cannot believe how everything has played out. Younger hayley would be so embarrassed and enraged that she would be broken up with over the phone after a 3 year relationship that she moved to the Midwest for. For someone she genuinely thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with. But I feel a weird sense of peace. Among the many other emotions I feel, of course. I don’t regret any of this and I am not mad either. I’m trying to be real with myself and recognize if I’m actually in denial and let myself feel all of my feelings and I genuinely think that I am. Of all the negative feelings, I think I am mostly feeling hurt and mildly questioning my character. I am hurt because I have been in a relationship where I have been consistently fighting to be wanted as much as I wanted him. And it’s a fight I’m tired of having one I know is not necessary. And I am questioning my character because maybe he could’ve wanted me as much as I wanted him if I just communicated with less emotion. The unproductive route of thinking is to question if I had just kept my mouth shut sometimes or just spoke with less attitude then maybe we’d still be together. In our closure conversation talking about dating in the future vs having another hoe phase he said he wouldn’t be in the streets because he is ready to get married……………..nothing hurts more than this. Knowing that he is ready to get married, but not to me. I’ve been trying to really be self aware about the situation and determine if my communication is truly that bad or is he just more sensitive than either of us ever realized. I know there are definitely areas that I can improve but based on the evidence he is citing, I don’t think my words/actions don’t warrant the reaction. I feel as if the examples that he brought up were not ideal, but honestly if a bitch slips ups once every few months, she’s just being a human. I am not sorry I cannot express all my thoughts calmly and articulately. I cannot live in fear that something that I say will make you break up with me. I really would understand if I was verbally berating him and screaming at him, but I am not. It is just a little comment every once in awhile that he never lets go of. The love that I want understands that I am expressive and emotional and that whatever I am saying is not an attack to be taken personally. If a random person read this they would fr think I was just in denial for saying fucked up shit to him and gaslighting him about it. “You’re being lame” “where’s my drink?” “Don’t ever do that again” all things I’ve said that slowly chipped away at our relationship. He would always ask “how would you feel if I did/said that to you?” Obviously it’s never preferred, but in every relationship you will do/say things you wouldn’t want reciprocated every once in awhile. If that did not happen, I would be worried that real feelings were not being shared, that things were being held back. And it’s clear that this was the case here. I’d rather have someone be up front with me than not tell me things because they were afraid of hurting my feelings. i’m gonna cry regardless, but I’m gonna get over it. I will have a lot harder of a time learning something that you felt months or even years ago, like I rushed you into this relationship, that you fucked other people after meeting me, all these things I should not be finding out so late into our relationship. How can I trust someone when I know how good they are at hiding their feelings. How can I not be anxious? That is not healthy and I am glad he recognizes that and is going to take steps to fix that. But damn, I hate to crawl so some bitch can run. 

He said if we both had one more relationship before this we would’ve been perfect. Maybe, I don’t know. I don’t know if this will change about me. It might be fundamentally who I am. And maybe this taught me more about what I need out of a partner in terms of communication. I spent the last year trying to fit myself into the mold of what he wanted and I failed. He would ask me “is this a habit or a personality trait?” I always said it was a habit, then walking on eggshells, praying not to fuck up again. I can identify every single instance in our relationship that he was unhappy about, because he would continuously bring up the same ones and never let them go. Maybe this is why I feel relief. It didn’t really hit me till my mom said it, I should not be feeling this amount of pressure and stress during a relationship. I am so excited to be free of the stress of wondering where we will live next or if I will get to raise my kids near my family. It really does not have to be this hard. I have notoriously taken the hardest path for myself, and again I don’t regret it, but I can let myself choose what is easy and comforting for once. 

I am excited about the idea of finding this with someone, but I am so scared that no one will compare to him. I know I can’t think like this, but besides the communication everything else was truly perfect. His values, his faith, his sex, his financial habits, his lifestyle, how we can have conversations about medicine, everything was there. I know I just need to have faith and good things will come. 

I am starting 27 single, with no resentment in my heart, only respect for him. This is the greatest heartbreak I’ve ever experienced, but only because he gave me the greatest love I’ve ever known. None of this was a waste, I learned so much about relationships and myself and have grown so much the last 3 years. I can move on knowing that despite how much we love each other, we just are not compatible. But now I get to start my life in San Diego with everyone I love and have missed for so many years. No more watching my relationships slowly fade away if I don’t struggle so hard to put in the effort to stay in their lives. I get to start laying down roots. I get to look for jobs at places I can work at long term. I can rest easy knowing I put everything I had into this relationship, and it just wasn’t right. I can finally go home.

[sentientgopro]

Hey y'all, not exactly active on here, especially when talking about myself, but I really need to get some shit off my chest right now. I had a couple realisations yesterday that culminated in some shit I never thought I would be saying or thinking.

I never thought I could be anything but straight. I liked women, so I mustve been straight. Im definately an advocate for everyone giving their gender true consideration, even when most will come out the other side cis, and confidently so, as did I.

Then I realised I didn't like women in the way most straight guys do. Afer clearing up some prior misconceptions about Aromanticism and asexuality, I realised those two labels fit me perfectly. But sometimes I wonder why I still feel a certain way about girls. There's just something about the way they look that's appealing to me, even if I dont find girls attractive...

Oh shit. That wasn't attraction. That was envy.

So that train of thought kind of went from 0 to 10 real fucking fast. This realisation brought to my attention feelings that Ive had for a good while, but have passed off as r/196 induced brainrot. Besides, and this is the biggest thing that stopped me realising this earlier, I dont feel that who I am now is wrong. I look in the mirror, and I see myself. But I've only recently kinda grasped the concept that being trans isn't all about dysphoria, having dysphoria is not always the way to tell. Although I dont think being a man is wrong, fucking hell, being a girl would be much better. And it feels so fucking weird actually typing that.

But what I'm saying is, atleast for the time being, I could manage to just not do anything. Which is for the better seeing as my parents would start screaming at me for saying anything remotely in the direction of being an ally. And I live on TERF Island. Transitioning would be an absolute pain in the ass, especially right now, so it kinda feels like why bother when the way I am doesnt really feel wrong. Transitioning could be quite dangerous and have big risks, it kinda just feels like I dont need that shit in my life, Im already running on fumes and a list of people I need to outlive. I usually hold a mindset of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", but this usually applies to binary things, like if my team wins using the same strat a few times in a row in CS, "Do it again, ain't broke, don't fix", but this is not nearly as binary as that, this isn't a win/loss.

Something that is both comforting and a little concerning is that no matter what, there is atleast a 2 year hold on this. I should be able to go to uni after that and start living my own life, but as of right now, doing something like transitioning is NOT an option. Ive got a 2 year long planning phase and Ive kinda just been taking stock tbh. I don't think "that" period of my life hit too hard, Im still skinny (Yeah, ik skinny =/= feminine but its better than being buff imo) kinda fuckin tall, if my growth follows the same as my brother did which it is so far Im gonna be like 6'3 by the end of that 2 years (6'1 now) so thats probably gonna be more of a mild annoyance than a genuine problem. My voice varies ALOT, I can have a pretty damn low voice, and a bit of a higher pitch, it naturally varies, I normally find I talk in a higher pitch when I'm happier and lower when Im trying to appear more... normal? idk, theres probably somrthing to think about in that.

Honestly idk, theres no real end point to this, I just wanted to talk about this somewhere. As much as I never saw myself being in this position, I use r/196, play ULTRAKILL, and Study Computer Science and want to continue it as a career path, cmon, it was only ever a matter of time, this was inevitable.

[wordpress-blaze-240520318]

The Rise of Ice Blended Coconut Coffee: A Tropical Twist on Your Morning Brew

In the ever-evolving world of coffee, where innovation meets tradition, a new star has emerged: ice blended coconut coffee. This refreshing, creamy, and indulgent drink is taking cafes by storm, offering a tropical escape in every sip. Whether you're a coffee connoisseur or a casual drinker, this delightful fusion of coconut and coffee is worth exploring. Let’s dive into what makes this drink so special and why it’s becoming the go-to choice for coffee lovers worldwide.

 What is Ice Blended Coconut Coffee?

Imagine the rich, bold flavor of coffee meeting the creamy, slightly sweet taste of coconut. Now, blend that with ice, and you’ve got a drink that’s both refreshing and energizing. Ice blended coconut coffee is a frozen beverage. It combines espresso or cold brew with coconut milk (or coconut cream). It also includes a sweetener and ice. It’s often topped with whipped cream. There is also a drizzle of coconut syrup. Sometimes, even toasted coconut flakes are added for an extra layer of flavor and texture.

This drink offers a perfect balance of indulgence and refreshment. It is ideal for hot summer days. Enjoy it whenever you need a pick-me-up with a tropical twist.

 The Origins of Coconut Coffee

Coconut coffee seems like a modern invention. Nevertheless, its roots can be traced back to Southeast Asia. Coconut trees are abundant there, and coffee is a staple. Countries like Vietnam and the Philippines have long enjoyed variations of coconut coffee. It is often served as a simple iced drink with condensed milk and coconut milk.

The ice-blended version, but, is a more recent innovation, inspired by the global popularity of frappes and smoothies. As plant-based milk alternatives gained traction, coconut milk became a natural choice for coffee lovers. It offers a dairy-free choice with a unique flavor profile.

 Why Coconut and Coffee Work So Well Together

The magic of ice blended coconut coffee lies in the harmonious pairing of its two main ingredients. Here’s why they’re a match made in heaven:

1. Creamy Texture: Coconut milk adds a luxurious and velvety texture to the drink. It makes the beverage feel indulgent without the need for dairy.

2. Natural Sweetness: Coconut milk has a subtle sweetness. It complements the bitterness of coffee. This reduces the need for added sugar.

3. Tropical Flair: The tropical notes of coconut elevate the coffee experience. They transport you to a beachside paradise with every sip.

4. Health Benefits: Coconut milk is rich in healthy fats. It also has vitamins and minerals. This makes the drink a slightly healthier choice to traditional cream-based coffee beverages.

 How to Make Ice Blended Coconut Coffee at Home

Craving a taste of this tropical delight? Here’s a simple recipe to make your own ice blended coconut coffee at home:

Ingredients:

- 1 cup of strong brewed coffee (chilled) or 2 shots of espresso

- 1/2 cup of coconut milk (canned for extra creaminess)

- 1-2 tablespoons of sweetener (sugar, honey, or maple syrup)

- 1 cup of ice

- Optional: whipped cream, coconut syrup, or toasted coconut flakes for topping

Instructions:

1. Brew your coffee and let it cool, or use cold brew for a smoother flavor.

2. In a blender, combine the chilled coffee, coconut milk, sweetener, and ice.

3. Blend until smooth and creamy.

4. Pour into a glass. Top with whipped cream. Add a drizzle of coconut syrup or a sprinkle of toasted coconut flakes.

5. Serve promptly and enjoy your tropical coffee creation!

 Why It’s More Than Just a Trend

Ice blended coconut coffee isn’t just another passing fad; it’s a reflection of how coffee culture is evolving. As consumers become more adventurous and health-conscious, they’re seeking out drinks that offer both flavor and functionality. Coconut coffee checks all the boxes:

- Versatility: It can be customized to suit different tastes, from extra sweet to bold and bitter.

- Dairy-Free Appeal: With the rise of veganism and lactose intolerance, coconut milk provides a delicious choice to traditional dairy.

- Instagram-Worthy: Let’s face it—this drink is as photogenic as it is delicious. Its creamy texture and tropical garnishes make it a social media favorite.

 Where to Find Ice Blended Coconut Coffee

Making it at home is easy. But, many cafes and coffee chains now offer their own versions of this trendy drink. Look for it at specialty coffee shops, particularly those with a focus on plant-based options. If you’re lucky, you even find variations like mocha coconut coffee or spiced coconut coffee for an extra twist.

 Final Thoughts

Ice blended coconut coffee is more than just a drink—it’s an experience. It combines the comfort of coffee with the exotic allure of coconut, creating a beverage that’s both familiar and exciting. You can sip it on a sunny patio. You can also enjoy it as an afternoon treat. This tropical twist on your morning brew is sure to brighten your day.

The next time you’re in the mood for something different, skip the ordinary latte. Try ice blended coconut coffee instead. Your taste buds will thank you! 🌴☕

Source: The Rise of Ice Blended Coconut Coffee: A Tropical Twist on Your Morning Brew

[coming-of-age-witch]

school bus rides :

i've practically grown with bus rides to-and fro- home and school. it feels so homely now, as i see myself going from the front seats to the last ones to next year taking over the back seat (peak level seats resevred for seniors). i feel so many things as i try to acknowledge my cluster of galactic emotions towards bus rides and note down possibly each one of them.

over the years i get so attached to inanimate object. i already have started imagine how this time, next year, will be the last few days i'll board my school bus until the day finally comes when i don't. school bus rides have seeped into such a formative core memory, the realization that all these bling and banter of the bus rides is auspicious hit me only this year, i want to cherish every moment of it.

i've been going in bus since 2nd grade and now i'm in 9th, next year will be the final year. i've seen bus drivers change, seniors come and go, weird set of people who were too old for me to relate too then, kiddish fights and oh so much talking with my bestfriend. the guy who's subjective interests intertwined with mine and we talked everything about history politics philosophy conspirancies only for him to change his house, and hence bus routes a month ago. the seniors i met this year we're the best and just so friendly that i ended up getting a crush on one of them, but they'll leave in a week. i dont know if i'll see them again, i wonder if they'll ever randomly visit the bus next year while i'm still there and tell i've grown up?

i went from being the youngest and looking up and fearing the seniors to being one of the seniors in the bus. i went from being the only person of my batch initially to having now 6 more people in my year in the bus. i've met so many people who i never heard of later, and some that i already forgot. i'm at the age which 7yr old me used to see as so grown up, but i'm not grown up at all. i look at the people a grade younger than me and think if they'll miss our presence because i can already see the bus rides being hollow without the group of seven 12th graders cracking up at the backseats. oh also i went from sitting in the front seat and sleeping to sitting in the third-seat-from-the-last and sleeping. the 2nd seat from the front was my favourite as a middle schooler and i commanded it to be only mine, and now i see those 4th-5th graders doing their hooligan shit there. makes me feel awfully old. 8 total years in the bus and i honour it to be a very memorable part for me, i cried upon my marks, i literally eat my tiffin only in the bus. i went from being the last person to be dropped off to the 3rd last.

little things but so crucially important to be, they lace the fabric of memory that i'll carry behind.

as the thought that next year this time i would be counting my days left in the bus seeps in, i really don't know how to feel. a part of me is happy to see the journey closing, a beautiful ending to a recollection of things i'll definately tell as my school experiences. it would truly seal the fact that i've grown up to reaching peak years of teenage, at the doorsteps of an important & integral phase of my life. i fail to truly verbally justify the essence of the emotion but it will be like a curtain closing and i'll feel relieved, i'll look back , think how amazing those days were, and then i'll move on.

but a part of me remains wishing to really set the moment still, to get a extension of time with all the people currently in my bus especially those i spent so many giggles and laughers with, writing this, as i rewind myself in the strings of memories , i sure want to keep myself in this spiralling tour, like a glitch in the matrix where i witness back and forth all the moments that i've seen throughout the years, to see the pieces that come together to form the big picture, i want to live the bus ride, the homely feeling that it now gives me. the feeling i want to treasure. as the bus passes through the water unit, the playgrounds, the highway, the railway colony, all these places that i pass regularly on my way to school, everything seems to cinematic in the bus. i remember taking an unfiltered picture in the bus of simply the window and its outside and my eyes really witnessed a sense of "years pass by" in that damn video, so many shops pass by in such a short span of 1:05secs, that video also encapsulates all the people talking their people talks and the cars honking their honks, the people in the streets doing the people walk, roadside vendors vendoring, so many things in such a little time capsule. i want to capsulate myself in these feelings, like the everpassing sound of the 8th grader guy talking like we're batchmates, the seniors friendly teasing dadas beating each other , the didis crying out of laughter, the little 5th graders' pre-puberty voices and lame ass jokes the just-knowing-things humor of the 7th grader the little 2nd grader sleeping fully flat just like i used to do only seven years ago.

its truly mesmerizing, for a moment i want to just feel it continuously happening, before the seniors leave, before the study stress hit again, before its already exams and before i reach my last year.

i guess the second feeling comes only once in awhile and i feel happy after i go through the overwhelming emotions. auspicious.

i have a solution to this craving of multitude of memories. the desire to keep a strong imprinted memory of this golden hour silver lined bus memory really makes me feel so many things, letting go and to be let gone of. i've decided that from the next day onwards i'll simply lay in bus seat, my bag facing the handle and me leaning on it. while i face the window and in a lousy position i look at him, simply watching shops petrolpumps people car bridges pass by, while all the talks of everyone around me silently turn into a unanimous melody. i'll envelope this feeling and send it to my deepest pockets and keep it in a glassjar with visual memories of the best time in the bus with the best people i've met, the extremely fun seniors and the kiddish juniors.

it also reminds me of a kid who was junior to me while i was a middle schooler, i used to take toffess from him, we used to have bhujia trading, he's 2 grades younger and well i dont remember much other than all those bhujia business. but i also remember getting angry at him for he was being selfish to maybe me or another kid, he was only trying to have his own bhujia to himself i guess. but then he left the bus, one might think he dislikes me, so did i. but year or two ago we walk by each other, when he was in 5th and me in 7th and we just talk about whereabouts and since then everytime we meet we wave, he greets me, we don;t go in the same bus anymore but we meet here and there now and then and its just smiles and greetings but i can't believe that its been years. he's in 7th now and i'm in 9th. he's grown up, i can then say i've grown up too. and its just too illusionic to see people growing up and meeting them after a certain time gap from usually meeting to random interaction, i feel overwhelmed seeing him thinking about the glory days as a pre-teen. i'll surely hug him, he's a little brotherlike to me. i just saw him 2 days before, he's in the school band for the annual school function and we passed by with him playing guitar, definately time passed.

i can't possibly help but note that i can't bring myself to read things i write with plethora of emotions and unfiltered memories, raw and genuine and just so personal, unless i really do feel the same emotions i felt while writing the emotionally heavy text. the same goes for here, i think the next perfect time to read this mamoth sized note will surely be when i do reach that time of the next year counting on my precious final days :)

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you want the last dream you had to come true? I don’t recall my last dream, but I’m gonna say no cause my dreams tend to be really weird and random. 

When did you last talk to the person you'd most wanna talk to right now? There isn’t anyone I really want to talk to right now. 

What kind of pill did you last take? My sleeping pill. 

Do you like wearing glasses? I actually do. I feel super weird without them. I think I kinda hide behind my glasses so there’s that, but yeah I have no desire to get contacts or like laser surgery. 

Does your mom know the last person you hung out with? Yes, she knows herself. 

What were you doing 4 hours ago? I was watching Yellowjackets with my mom and bro. I know, I know I’m super late to that show but naturally and no to surprise to no one I’m obsessed already and I’m only on the 4th episode. I was in episode 1. 

What would you most like to eat right now? I’m looking forward to the Taco Bell I’ll be eating pretty soon.

How long were you last in the car for? Uhh like 5 minutes, if even that. 

What is something good that happened last weekend? My aunt came to visit me for a few days and we had fun as always.

Do you like holding hands or do you think it's stupid? I think it’s cute. It’s also not so black and white, like there’s other options you could throw in there. 

The last song you heard, what does it make you think of? I forget what song I last listened to.

How'd you get your last injury? Health related issues. 

What do you like about your birthday? I don’t get as into it like I used to, like I used to get so excited when I was younger. My birthday is just whatever. It’s nice if I’m able to go somewhere, like a little vacay getaway, though. 

Do you like being home alone at night? No.

What first comes to mind when thinking of 10th grade? That was the year I started my emo phase. 

What's the scariest thing that's happened to you? Uhhh.

Has an ambulance ever came to your house? Yes.

The person you're thinking about- what are you thinking about them? I’m not really thinking about anybody.

When did you last skip class? *shrug* I’ve been outta school since 2015. 

Do you like the shape of your fingernails? Ha, what nails?

Did you look at your fingernails for the question above? No. I already knew I barely had any nails to check. 

Whose pool did you last swim in? It was my friend’s boyfriend’s (at the time) community pool. That was a decade ago. 

What's something you like about your 3rd hour? --

Is formspring a good idea? I had one back in the day and it was interesting, but no one ever sent me questions, ha. I just answered the ones you could choose from that were asked by like a bot or something. There was some celebrity tea being spilled on some formsprings, which at the time I ate right up. 

What's your biggest problem at the moment? Meh.

What's the cutest thing someone's ever done for you? Hmm. I’m not sure what I’d say was “the” cutest. 

When did you last see a police car? *shrug*

Why aren't you doing something more productive than this? I have nothing else I need to be doing, let me be.

How many people know about the last person you kissed? A few.

How many different cars have you driven? I’ve never driven a car. 

What did you do on Thursday? I had a doctor appointment in the morning and then just chilled and napped. 

What color was the last thing you drank? Light brown coffee with some cream color. 

What do you do on Fridays? Same shit I do everyday. 

Have you ever had to take desperate measures in a desperate situation? Mhm. 

What door did you last open besides any on your house or car? I haven’t opened any doors in awhile. Kinda hard when you’re bedridden and even if I’m up in my chair I’d still need help. I don’t need to open any doors in my house, so that’a helpful. I don’t go anywhere, except for a doctor appointment, and in those cases I’m being pushed around in a gurney so I can’t open any doors. 

What is the meaning of life? To figure out what that meaning is for you.

[cozzybob]

So I had some huge mental health revelations recently.

To put it bluntly, I took a huge dose of THC last week and accidentally unlocked a few things in my brain. As in, other people. Or rather, my awareness of them. Again. Okay, I'll start over. I knew I had alters and I knew they were there, but I didn't believe it was real until now. I thought I was faking it, or daydreaming, or talking to invisible friends, or having a fantasy. I don't know. But I wasn't sure. I mean, you should know if you're faking something, but I didn't. And I don't think I was anymore, because holy shit the last few days have been fucking insane. There is no more ignoring this. Unless I really am that delusional, I am sharing this body with other people.

Yes, I know how that sounds. This revelation is looking more and more like my new reality and not the delusion from a high. I've had symptoms for years so this isn't coming out of nowhere, but I'm pretty sure I have some form of DID. It feels weird to admit this. I probably shouldn't. But if I'm going to move on with my life, I want to open about it. So, yeah, I have an appointment on Wednesday to talk about it with a professional. But to say that I've been freaking the fuck out for the last few days is an understatement. Having entire conversations with someone else who co-habits your body is a trip I don't recommend. Fortunately, we've been getting along okay. Sort of. God, this is weird to talk about. Writing Silhouette has slowed down because of this. I'll admit it, this has been a struggle for a while now, hence the slower updates. But at least now I know why I've been having so many issues. The real bitch of this disorder is the denial phase, and your other selves hiding the condition from you. That also sounds weird to say, but hey. This is my new reality. Holy shit. I'm going to post this before I lose my nerve. Wish me luck? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.

[worldofroma]

September 3rd, 2023 Sunday - 9:07pm

school starts on tuesday. what the fuck. i haven’t updated in a while, but man do i have a lot of shit to talk about. so…that dude i was friends with… yeah we dated. my entire work found out which was quite humiliating and annoying but for some reason, his ex was the least bothered by it, in front of me. in front of my other friends who work there…not so much. but hey less conflict and confrontational drama for me right? plus, i said dated, i broke up with him after 3 weeks. yeah. and i kind of feel awful but at the same time i don’t. after i broke up with him (over text btw), i went to the CNE in toronto and got to pay 20$ for a palm reading from a psychic and it felt like a slap in the face.

first of all, she starts off by saying that i need to stop being such a mean person. in other words, she called me a bitch. subtly. and she told me that she can see i have a softer and sweeter side to me and that i should be showing that much more often, but to not let others take advantage of it and let myself become a mother for others. “they have a mother, they do not need you to be a second or third one”. i almost threw up when she said that. she said that i have a lot of work to do when it came to self love and care, thanks. i’m aware. but then she added that i’ll be travelling around the world and i won’t be alone, but she couldn’t tell if i’d be with a lover or a friend. 🤷‍♀️. my step dad said there’s no way i’d travel with a man so i guess i’m either going with a friend or somehow switching sides in the next few years, but i can’t see that ever happening. but then after that she decided to go ahead and tell me that i’ll be happily married at some point in my life with four children. four fucking children. no thank you i like having a uterus that’s inside me not one that’ll fall out spontaneously by the time i’m having a midlife crisis. she also said something about business but i can’t remember exactly what it was she said but it was positive.

but fuck, this wasn’t even the worst part since the last time i’ve wrote an entry, this has just been sitting at the front of my brain since i got the reading. what’s been really important is the fact that i have most definitely been reborn. something over the course of this summer has changed me. i am not the same person i was before school ended and i’m fucking proud of it too. i’m sick of being that girl that just sat at the back of each class, behind the chaos and chatting and laughing that goes on in each of my classes. i want to actually be seen now, but only because i know i am myself now. these past few years of high school, i’ve been stuck. locked up after the disgusting lock downs. but that’s not who i am anymore. and now that i’m free from a boyfriend (i swear i’m not that much of a slut), i can do whatever the hell i want. and i love it. as toxic and stupid as it sounds, i’m literally embodying the manic pixie dream girl persona just because i feel like it. and who’s gonna stop me? that’s another thing i’ve adapted, the mindset of “why care? it’s my life not yours.” i’ve been thinking of changing my name for a while bc of course my real name is not roma, but i want it to be, and many people i know have told me that that’s a stupid idea. it’s cringy. it’s weird. okay… you expect me to care why? it’s my life, my name, why does it matter to you if i change it or not? it’s not like i’ll be treating my real name like a deadname or anything, people i know now can still call me by my real name, but once i’m in university, that name and version of myself is gone. i’ll be roma, and i’ll be whoever the hell i decide to be with each day that passes. and i don’t mean to say that in some kind of emo way either, like it’s some kind of depressive phase of “oh, i feel so trapped here in this stupid small town 💔🥀🫠, i just want to disappear and become a whole new person 😈🚬🪦”. like no. lmfao. i think that’s what a lot of people think when i tell them these things, but trust me, its not. my ideas are more along the lines of taking advantage of the freedom we are given but without crossing the line of “acceptable” behaviour. it’s really just the hippie life style ig. on another topic of being whoever i decide to be, i’ve come to realize how much power i actually could have if i just didn’t care so much. i have a tendency to overthink things, overcare about things, make things awkward because i overthink things way too much. but i’m done with that shit, who really cares? the only thing that matters this year at school is my grades, nothing else. after i graduate, what are the chances i see anyone i go to school with now for the rest of my life? probably extremely slim with my plans for the future including travelling and never fucking returning to bruce county. nothing fucking matters.

back to the topic of how i become a mother for everyone, i hate that. i’ve been researching a lot about it and the correct term for it is parentification and occurs when a child and parents roles are reversed. for example, the child is the one who listens to the parents problems while theres are pushed away or labeled as “nothing to worry about”. i hate that i went through that and i hate that it’s made me unconsciously become everyone around me’s mother. worst part about it is that after i saw the psychic and began thinking about it more, i realized that while i was in the relationship with the dude from my work, i was most definitely just acting like a mother he can touch however he likes which is absolutely disgusting. and i wished i had realized it sooner. hopefully, i can somehow change that.

but yeah, that’s how my august has been. pretty self discovering and yet somehow uneventful. lovely.