#i’m gonna throw up his hat is so ugly

[s-tellans]

okay slayyy mr. doug dimmadome

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Die Hard, 1988

Pairing: Eddie Diaz x Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Notes: My phone is making the most hilarious issues and this is where I do all my work from. They’re gonna have to repair it and if they open my notes app???? I hope they enjoy what I write you know. Like I hope they’re like wow she can really write backbreaking smut

Eddie pokes his head through the door and sighs 

“Just shut the fuck up okay, don’t- don’t say anything” 

You pause the TV and look up from your cozy little spot on the couch. You’re under a large blanket with a glass of wine. 

“Uhhh you’re not bringing anyone in with you right??” 

“No? Why?” He comes into the house and you have to put your glass on the floor, your hands immediately slap over your mouth and he groans, running his hand over his face as he tosses his bag down. 

He’s wearing a whole-ass Santa costume. It hangs low on his hips, and the top is half undone showing off his toned chest. You snort and he points a finger at you. 

“Don’t you dare” 

“Ed-“

“No. Fuck no, okay my- my last uniform got dirty and-“

You giggle into your hands and he runs his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends.

“I didn’t want to go through the lost and found, so I just- took what we had” 

Your phone suddenly starts buzzing like crazy on the coffee table, you grab it and open the nine texts Buck sent you. 

“I figured he’s home by now,” It says, with eight pictures attached of Eddie in the Santa costume. You toss your head back laughing and he leans against the front door, smacking the back of his head against it.

“No please, please have your little laugh go on” 

And you do, he stands there as you completely ugly laugh and almost roll off the couch onto your wine glass. He crosses his arms over his chest and nods his head as you point and kick your feet wildly. After a good six minutes, you finally calm down, panting heavily and holding your cheeks. 

“Okay- okay, I’m done. I’m done” You giggle and he narrows his eyes 

“You sure? Don’t wanna maybe take some pictures?” 

“It’s okay” you wave your phone “Buck already sent lots” 

“Of course he did. Well, now that you’ve had your fun, I’m gonna go burn these” 

He pushes off the door and you sit up fast, holding the blanket to your chest 

“Wait!! Wait you don’t understand” You move your glass to the table and stand up, keeping your blanket around you. 

“I wasn’t just laughing because you got everything you deserved after I told you four times to bring your uniforms home this week!!”

“Hate. But go on.” He crosses his arms over his chest, and you giggle. You walk over to the couch and pull a little Santa hat from the cushions. Finally, you let the blanket drop as you set it on your head. 

“Tadaaaa” 

His jaw drops and you slip into your heels, batting your eyelashes at him. You do a sassy little spin, showing off the pink and red edible lingerie you’re wearing. It’s got cute pink hearts over the nipples and you smile. 

“I wanted it to be more Christmassy really, but they didn’t have much. So I picked these instead and added-“ You do a little flourish and he smirks “Mini candy canes!” 

“And you just decided to do this today?” He reaches for you and you walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve, and we’ve got party plans, and you know we’ll be at Athena’s all day on Christmas… so I figured you could have part of your present now” 

“Part of?” he holds your hips, toying with the little band of candies and you blush 

“Your other Christmas present is way more appropriate, and you know… family friendly” 

“I can accept that” He lifts you up and you squeak, giggling as you cup his face and kiss him softly, he carries you back to the bedroom and you shriek as he tosses you back onto the bed.

“Eddie!” 

He takes off the ridiculous shirt and you put your arms out, shaking your hands. 

“Wait wait keep the pants on!” 

“Baby, that’s kinky” he laughs and you throw one of your stuffed animals at him. He catches it and throws it back before turning toward the closet. 

“I have an idea” 

He rummages through the closet and you sit back, propping yourself up on your elbows as you wait. 

“This candy ain’t gonna eat itself you know!” You tell him after a few minutes, he comes back out of the closet and rolls his eyes

“It’ll be worth it, trust me. Do me a favor and close your eyes?” 

You do what he tells you, wiggling your toes and letting your head fall back as you close your eyes. 

“I’m waitingggg,” You say in a singsong voice and you hear the bedroom door close. 

“Okay open your eyes!” 

You do as he says, lifting your head as he walks in. A couple years ago for Christmas, he and Buck went as Magic Mike Santa’s to an exclusive party at the club. It had been one of the wildest most hilarious nights you’d ever had… and you had no idea he’d kept the costume. 

He stands in front of you in a tight red vest with white trim and the red Santa pants, twirling a pair of fuzzy, red sparkly handcuffs around his finger. 

“Someone’s on my naughty list this year… maybe you can find a way to convince me to give you more than coal” 

You burst out laughing and fall onto the pillows as he walks toward you, you reach your arms out and he lays on you, peppering kisses all over your face.

“This is literally the greatest thing in the entire world” 

“You’re telling me” he snickers and holds your hips, grinding into you gently “Would you like to get to the main event now cutie?” 

You nod eagerly, looking up at him, your hair splayed across the pillows

“I’m ready to earn my way back on the nice list”

“And I’m ready to enjoy this candy” He kisses you softly as your fingers work open the buttons on the vest. You push it over his shoulders and sigh dreamily, running your hands down his chest. 

“Merry Christmas” He winks and you snort, rolling your eyes as he leaves kisses down your torso, enjoying how sweet you taste… in more ways than one. He licks the little candies against your pussy, they vibrate against your clit and you moan, he kisses the little pink heart and looks up at you as he grabs it in his teeth, ripping it off your body. The cord snaps and the little candies go flying everywhere, you squeak as he drags your hips closer to his mouth, his tongue licking a long flat stripe up your cunt. 

“You taste so fucking good babygirl, I missed this sweet little cunt all day”

He laps at your folds, swirling his tongue around your clit before sucking it into his mouth. He hums, sending vibrations through your sensitive bud as he works you over, your back arches as you push him closer, grinding against his lips. He groans as you tug at his hair, moans falling from your lips as he slips his fingers inside you, he knows your body too well, as he feels you clench tightly around them.

“E-Eddie I’m-“

“Shhhh, no, baby, not yet.” He looks up at you through his long lashes, watching as you shake and tremble above him.

“Just a little longer, wanna enjoy this delicious pussy… in fact, I think you should too” He grabs one of the little discarded candy canes and sucks the end of it, before sliding it inside your pussy, he fucks you slowly, coating the sweet candy in your juices before pulling it away.

“Want you to eat the whole thing baby girl” He hands it to you, your jaw drops, hands trembling. 

“O-okay” 

“That’s my good girl” He purrs, burying his face in your pussy again, his fingers sink back inside too and you’re back to grinding on his face, you tilt your head back, circling your hips and he smacks your thigh, making you squeak.

“I said I want to watch you eat it, baby, C‘mon, taste yourself” 

You do as he says, sucking on the candy cane, you blush deeply as you taste yourself on it, a musky-sweet flavor that causes your eyes to roll back as he thrusts his fingers in and out, sucking on your clit just like you’re sucking on that candy

“Mmm, you taste so fucking good baby... love eating this pretty pussy.”

He fucks you faster with his fingers, feeling you flutter around them as he rolls his tongue over your little bundle of nerves and you break, your body spasming as you cum on his hand, crying his name. He slurps up every drop, moaning desperately as he drowns in your sweet juices, his fingers still working you through your orgasm until you’re shoving his hand away from the overstimulation. 

He kisses his way back up your body, his chin dripping with your juices, capturing your lips in a deliciously filthy kiss, tasting you and the candies. He rolls his hips, grinding his rock-hard cock against your soaked folds. 

“I love when you cum on my tongue, mi amor” He whispers in your ear, “ Fuck, eres tan Bonita” 

“That’s not fair” You gasp, still trying to come back down to earth and he chuckles. 

“Oh I know baby” 

Eddie grips his thick shaft, rubbing the head through your slick folds and you spread your legs immediately. With one hard thrust, he buries himself to the hilt inside you, moaning as he fills you up. He sets a deep, hard pace, pounding into you as he grips your hips bruisingly tight.

He reaches out and snaps the strings on your bra, the candy goes flying everywhere again and your laugh is interrupted by a deep moan as leans down to capture one of your nipples in his mouth, sucking and biting at it as he continues to pound into you. He enjoys the way your tits bounce in his face as he pounds into you faster, the rough snap of his hips echoing around your bedroom. 

Your nails dig into his back, leaving angry red marks as you drag them downward, trying to hold onto him. 

One of his hands slides down to rub tight circles on your clit, wanting you to cum again on his cock. He leans down to capture your lips in a sloppy, passionate kiss, all tongues and teeth as he fucks you right into the mattress.

The feeling of your tight walls clenching around his cock is driving him wild. "Fuck, you take my cock so well baby... love how this pussy grips me."

He fucks into you harder, the headboard smacking against the wall with each powerful thrust. His balls slap against your ass as he buries himself to the hilt inside you. 

Eddie lets out a strangled moan as he comes, shoving his cock in you as far as he can and holding it there while your cunt flutters around it, cumming over him. Your body trembles wildly as you grip the sheets, cursing his name over and over, your body writhing on his cock as you finish. 

He falls to your side, reaching blindly for you before pulling you into him. You cuddle into him, both of you still panting, still coming down slowly. He turns his head to look at you, smiling when you’re face to face. 

“Merry Christmas Y/N” 

“Merry Christmas Eddie” 

[watarfallar]

Life Series Incorrect Quotes

Martyn: As top in this relationship, I think we should- Ren: I can't believe you're pulling rank on me.

Impulse: Are you sure Skizz's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

Skizz: How do you know how to kiss? Like who teaches you? Impulse: Well it’s actually a class, but unfortunately it’s full right now. Impulse: Would you like me to tutor you? Tango: That was smooth.

Gem, in Impulse’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night? Impulse, knocking Gem off: WHAT THE HELL?! Gem: Ow— Impulse: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor! Gem: I had a nightmare. Impulse: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old? Gem: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there- Impulse, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL! Gem: That is not what I meant— Impulse: Silence in the presence of your king, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground! Gem: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too. Impulse: Yeah, okay- Gem: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night? Impulse: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while. Gem, gasping: The king slept comfortably with a peasant in his bed! Impulse: I did not consent to this- Gem, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden! Impulse, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and she’s six-foot-one, he’s got red hair. Gem: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it. Impulse: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me. Gem: Oh, maybe together we could— Impulse: NO. Gem: Just to save water— Impulse: No! You don’t even pay for the water! Gem: …Good point.

Bdubs: What do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along? Ren: What did you just say- Bdubs: Foetons! *Laughs* Ren: Wh-what?

Grian, at an awards show: Well, first of all, I’d like to thank Scar, the love of my life, for telling me Mumbo was going to win so don’t bother to prepare a speech.

Cleo: Bdubs, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. Bdubs, wearing a hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Spooky.

BigB: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you. Scott: Being a fish. BigB: Well, shit.

Grian: I am an expert at identifying birds. Bdubs: Okay, what about those ones flying over there? Grian: Yeah, they're all birds.

Ren: I’m gonna die alone. Pearl: Ren, you’re not gonna die alone. Ren: Bdubs, was my safety net, okay? They got married and now I have to get a snake. Scar: Uh-huh. Why is that? Ren: If I’m gonna be an old lonely person, I’m gonna need a thing, you know? A hook. Like that guy in the subway who eats his own face. Ren: So I figured I’ll be “Crazy Man With A Snake”, you know? Crazy snake man. Ren: Then I’ll get more snakes, call them my babies. Kids won’t walk past my place, they will run! RUN AWAY FROM CRAZY SNAKE MAN!

Cleo, holding out a cookie for Lizzie: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you! Lizzie: *Ugly crying* Cleo, holding out another cookie for Pearl: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you! Pearl, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

Grian: Did you wash the dishes? Mumbo: I thought you wanted to do that... Grian: *chuckles* You were WRONG.

Bdubs: Ren, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor. Ren: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

BigB: Respect my trans homies or I’m gonna identify as a fucking problem.

Impulse: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking. Tango, patting them on the back: Well, don’t think too hard. I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Joel: What's with the new hat? Scott: Oh, this? It's nothing. Scar: It's the loudest nothing I ever saw. Cleo: Scott, you just can't mosey in here with a brand-new hat and act like you're not wearing a brand-new hat. Scott: Look, I'm trying something new, okay? Just take it easy. Etho: He's right, guys. Come on, let's not go down this path. It's ugly... Kinda like that hat– Scott: I got this from a nice store! Joel: What store? The one before you exit the Al Capone Museum? BigB, entering the room: What's up, Scott? Did you just finish Bling Ring-ing Bruno Mars' closet? Scott: I'm being brave, okay? You guys are sheep. You may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror. BigB: Better us than you. You look like a park ranger from a cartoon. Scott: Joel, do you think the hat looks bad? Joel: Oh, uh, me? Um, I... I wouldn't say it was bad. Like, I think it's just different, like something you would wear in Indiana... Jones and the Temple of Bad Hats.

BigB: Well Grian, I have to say, I'm really disappointed. Grian: Well, you didn't HAVE to say it. You could've just thought it.

[zwiggyro]

SOMETHING LIKE THAT | prologue

parings: sanford!patrick x stanfordfem!reader (very very slight stanford!art x stanfordfem!reader)

warnings: none for this one but def for ones in the future

Summary: You meet art a couple times through your best friend Tashi, and are put in the same architecture class your sophomore year, along with Tashi and arts best friend, Patrick. Patrick’s a senior unlike the three of you, but he’s easy to talk to and constantly teases you about being sassy. Until one day, things change and he starts becoming a little handsier than a senior “casually” would be with a sophomore like you.

notes: this is my first fic so pls excuse any mistakes and please dont bully me for this random ass prompt. lowk was bored and thought id write this soooooo if you have any comments/feedback on this or any ideas for other fics/blurbs youre more than welcome to send them through my inbox!!!

You swore on your life you would never like Patrick fucking Zweig. But you never said you wouldn’t let him like you. He’s scruffy, a man whore, slut, and a huge dick. Literally. He’s definitely gone after a couple of your friends, but as soon as they become just another failed talking stage, another girl is hopping on his dick. 

You also weren’t the type that guys usually liked. Sure, a couple of guys liked you, but they were too shy to make the first move and too nerdy—frankly, too ugly for you. 

You loved being treated like a girl, being taken out on dates, spoiled rotten, and fucked so hard you couldn’t walk. You had a type, the typical charismatic, outgoing, athletic, and relentless boy who could easily pick you up and throw you across the room. 

But you weren’t gonna turn down an opportunity like Art Donaldson. 

You noticed him occasionally glancing at you during lunch freshman year. He was blonde, a little shy, and cute in your grade. You first talked to him when you and the girl's Stanford tennis team were waiting near the tennis courts.

freshman year.....

The team was waiting for the team bus to Pepperdine for the big doubles match for you and Tashi against Anna Mueller and Yuri Shishida. Teams from around the country were coming to watch this game to support you and your doubles partner, considering you guys were basically the it girls of tennis. 

“Okay, the bus is coming in 5. Be ready! ” our coach said as she finished taking a head count of all the girls, making sure no one was left behind. 

“Finally,” some of the girls groaned. Slowly, some heads started to turn, and chatter began as they saw the boys team heading to the courts, seeing that they finished their warm-ups. Sweaty, hair messy, and best of all, shirtless. After all, Stanford did have the reputation hot “fuckable” tennis boys. 

You spotted the blonde wearing a white long-sleeve turtleneck under a red Stanford polo, his red Stanford hat backward, and matching shorts, unlike his best friend Patrick, who was shirtless, holding his white t-shirt in his hand, and in the sluttiest short shorts. Art was typing away on his blackberry, Patrick blabbing his ear off to get his attention. 

“shut the actual fuck up, Patrick,” Art says, looking up from his phone. 

“Oh, c'mon, maybe if you’d reacted to what I’m saying, I’d shut up,” he snaps back, snatching Arts' phone from his hands and forcing him to look up at Patrick.

Before art can argue back, Tashi, who was standing beside you, sees them. 

“ART!” Tashi shouts. Art starts walking over to her, and Patrick trails behind him. 

“oh, uh, hey, Tashi,” art says.

“I was just wondering if u can finish the lab report for bio. I have a match at Pepperdine, and uh, idk if I have time to finish it.” 

“yeah, of course, I can finish it tonight, probably,” Art replies.

“what was the lab on?” You speak up, wanting to engage in their conversation, “if it’s the same one as my sections. i can probably just share the doc with you and you can just copy it?” 

“oh, that actually be great” Tashi responds. 

“Where are you guys going?” Patrick intervenes, also wanting to join the conversation. 

“Pepperdine,” Tashi says dryly, clearly disliking his presence. 

“here, uh- art give me ur phone i’ll just text u the link when i’m on the bus” you say holding your hand out, and trying to shift the mood.

“BUS IS HERE, LADIES!” your coach yells. The swarm of girls pick up their bags, hurrying onto the bus, hoping to get a seat next to their friends.

“i’ll be on the bus ___, come when ur done getting his number” tashi says, picking up her red stanford duffel bag and racket. 

“Okay, yeah, got it, save me a seat, trash,” I shout, hoping she can hear me. 

“here.” i hand arts phone back, “i’ll send the link on the bus so you’ll get it soon.” 

“alright. Thanks a lot, bye!!” Art responds, 

“bye, art!! see you round and text me if u need anything!” you pick up your bags and wave as you run to the bus, not wanting to miss it.

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 2 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

Awh Kate you’re so pretty - kinda weird to see her so chill though - she was so stressed all of season 2 that seeing her so serene is throwing me off tbh - I am so happy for you though my love

Also her outfit that looks like a sari is soooo gorgeous I WANTTTT

Love the cinnamon biscuits vs fruit jellies bit

Portia ma'am please listen to Varley FFS

lol I hope they did in fact fuck again like she wanted

Ugly crying at MY MESSSSSS

PARIS? oufff I love how comfortable she is, just casual teasing chit chats with bestie

“Undefended”? Charlotte needs a different hobby pleaseeee

LOLLLLL when did Penelope learn to do her hair and makeup by herself???? Cause there’s no fucking way she would’ve looked THAT fucking good after alllll of that lol

We were going to be KNIGHTS!! OMG sweet babiessss

“as much as I do” I can’t even blame anyone for anything they’ve done or said so far tbh 

This is such nuanced writing — I understand exactly where pretty much everyone is coming from and that’s really nice tbh 

Omg they really do want Cressida to marry a dinosaur 

WTF Cressida you do you girl fuck shit up for Penelope I don’t even care do whatever you have to do and go all out and save yourself cause no one else will I’m so sorry you were ever put in this position  

We have been acting uncouth AS OF LATE??? as of late????!? Omggg Portia girl pleaseeeee you had ONE job and you’re just gonna pass the buck to your daughters instead? STAHP own up to your shit cause you knowwww they bully her because youuu bullied her and the gall to say this is just happening LATELY on top lmao 

Though like in her eyes I always do see remorse too - I think she just lacks courage to ever really own up to everything in full because she’s just so guarded 

Honestly this is such stellar acting 

And also like, Penelope, most of you is your mom my girl - your brains, your overthinking, your inability to just say Yuh I done fucked up my bad lol 

Greg’s hat

Yesssss lord Kent find you some Bridgerton besties 

I actually do love Portia - yeah she’s been a colossal dick of a mom to Pen but as complex women go, I get her - If she makes amends with Pen for them daily microaggressions and general abuse one day, for real for real, she’d be really great 

Omg Mama B and Lady D are such big shippers - wish they didn’t fully cut out the Lady D stuff from the books though le sigh 

Eloise has a point - I agree - she had lotsss of alone time to say it - I understand Pens fear completely, but she must realize that her saying this is still soooo much better than him having to find out on his own - and there is no way he wouldn't - and he’d be more hurt by that part than the actual LW part I think and honestly Eloise is right about her being involved in that painful deception too, I wouldn’t want my own brother to feel betrayed by me like that either, given how often he wished LW ill out loud - and the longer Pen stays quiet the more guilty Eloise becomes as a sister too - If anything her not immediately snitching makes her moreee team Pen than team Colin - this is still a lowkey loyalty to Pen for sure - I think I may have issued this same ultimatum under these conditions too

Omggg JOHNNNNNN stop he’s having a panic attack why did Fran put him on the spot like thissss????

“As you rightly mocked me last season” lolllll

Awh Colin and the toast 

Eloise should nottttt have done her second toast - now THAT part was uncalled for, but I guess they want to keep the stress levels high 

Lmao Kate to the rescue 

I loveeeee how close they are sitting in public - but like… does nooooo one else see this??? Hips glued together? Hands holding??? Just out in the open?? No one thinks this is insanely intimate for a newly engaged couple of the ton??? Even if it’s a love match? None of the older women are clocking this and saying 1. Sit the fuck apart 2. Did yall fuck already cause yall look like you fucked and we don’t even have a wedding date set yet??? Are you not going to even ask for a special license?? You just want her to pop a baby before she technically should and cause more drama?? Like who is in charge of all these fools?? Mama B what is you doing??? Do you not think Colin is being a nasty girl with his wife-to-be?? lol

Lol Anthony I love you, you competitive lil bitch 

Lmaooooo Eloise and Penelope being the smartest bitches of the ton YESSSS

Portia trying to show where Pen's brain comes from lol

Muddy boots panic again 

LMFAOOOOOOO Mama B your face is going a mile a minute right now listening to the muddy boots

"I saw straight away" OH MY FROHN you will end me one day

Pen get your shit together pls grab a brown paper bag or smthn 

Oooohhhhh fuck I get itttttt

Cressida girl my bad I get ittttttt sooooo much more - I didn’t fully understand her thought process behind what we already knew she was gonna do until just nowwww - they really set it up for her well - girl needed an exit and everyone fully offered her one - I have no issues with this at all tbh 

Omg omg this is the most chaotic midnight strike of all time like 6 different things happened at the same time???? 

Well that was some good old fashioned Bridgerton CHAOS Hope y'all enjoyed it too!!!! LESS THAN 8 HOURS TO GOOOOOOOOOO

[hectorthedoggo]

oh yeah so i was slightly delirious earlier and i made this on impulse. oh boy. why did god give me a writing ability

“Pick up the knife.”

Is this fuckass creature serious? They stared at the knife, which had the Milgram logo emblazoned on it. Bro that shit’s ugly, I ain’t killing myself on that.

Seriously, who the hell designed this logo? I’m finna join Amane’s cult, at least the branding looks somewhat artistic.

Damn, wait, I can’t, she’s dead. I don’t know why the hell the voices voted everyone guilty this trial.

“C’mon, Es, let’s end this.”

Bro wants this to be symbolistic. “Um… you first?”

“What?” Jackalope was surprised by their sudden resistance. “Es, I’m still the keeper of this place. This isn’t a double suicide, it’s just you who’s supposed to die.”

“Pussy.” A word that Yuno often called Futa. It was fitting for the situation.

“What. I’m a male jackalope, what-”

Es was tempted to throw the knife at him, to let the intrusive thoughts win, but they assured themself, I’ll do that later. With more planning.

Mf killed all of my prisoners, I ain’t letting him leave this alive. I’m going out with a bang, and I’m gonna take him down with me.

If I gotta die, Milgram’s gonna die with me.

Es was a bad-

Shut, you.

WIth the power of the fourth wall, they somehow bit the voice. Wanting to die really brought out another side of people.

(The person behind the voice was sent to the hospital due to the bacteria from their bites. This child might have gotten rabies, somehow.)

They grabbed the knife, which Jackalope let out a sigh of relief. “Okay… okay! Es, c’mon, if you want to be a good warden, then just end it now.”

Es stared back at him, and grinned. They started to abruptly maniacly laugh, which scared the shit out of Jackalope. “I’m already a horrible warden; my prisoners died for crimes they didn’t deserve.”

“I- but that’s what you-”

“I have different standards than the voices. Those weren’t my verdicts.” Es broke the fourth wall again, threatening to give rabies to anyone who dared question their truth.

“Es, just-”

“The people have decided.”

“Who-”

“Chat GPT Chair oomf and crab.”

“Es. what the fuck are you talking about.”

They stared directly into the camera. “T H E Y  know exactly whan I’m talking about. They have given your guilty verdict.”

His eyes widened, as he realized what they were talking about.

“Die.” Es grabbed the knife, and immediately killed the rabbit.

His hat fell off, revealing his horns to be fake. Lmao.

They stabbed him more times than necessary. Their uniform was completely bloodstained; they were essentially a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Wolf analogies… would Kotoko be proud of me? I’ll meet her in hell ig.

They giggled like a maniac, and got kidnapped by an angel like a cat being picked up by its scruff because the author is tired of making Es kts / attempt. (this is totally not foreshadowing)

Why the hell am I in heaven? Girl I swore enough to kill an army of faries.

Despite their confustion, they lived happily ever after. Not many to none of the prisoners were in heaven with them. 

I cannot disclose who wasn’t in heaven due to wishing to not be cancelled.

The End.

[lightupmyass]

Drive Me Fucking Crazy

Pairing: Nahoya Kawata x OC (Unmei or reader)

Warnings: Slight aggression, little bit of angst, little bit of make up sex, established relationship, possessiveness, lots of dirty talk, slight breeding at the end, rough, Nahoya just being dirty and making her know she belongs to him

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since he touched her. Her overly sexual boyfriend never went this long without kissing her, groping her, or pinching her to tease her. It made her scared that she might be the problem, maybe he just wasn’t in love with her, maybe she was ugly now or something like that. She’d looked at herself in the mirror a million times, wondering what it might be. Maybe he was bored of her? Maybe she was too plain looking? It could’ve been a million things, she couldn’t possibly pick just one thing. But, an idea formed in her head that she figured might work. She went out and bought the cutest little lingerie set, a pretty pale peach color with lace and a matching sheer robe with a silky ribbon to tie it together. She was sure this would work, make him at least look at her. She felt confident, twirling in the mirror and feeling good about herself. And when she heard the door open, she knew it was her chance, peaking out from their bedroom door as she watched him walk in, a smile creeping into her lips.

“Fuck!” He shouted, throwing his backpack at the wall before roughly tugging his hat of, trying to rip his hair tie on it and groaning in frustration when it got tangled, as it always did. “Dammit!” He yelled, trying to yank it out. Her smile faded, realizing that it was another fruitless night as she sighed, opening the door and walking over, dejected. “Hey, let me help. You’re gonna rip your hair out.” She said softly, reaching up to stop his hands. He huffed, going over to sit on the couch so she could carefully untangle it from behind, crossing his arms like a child as he grumbled. “Stupid fucking curls. Always get stuck in shit and ruin fucking everything.” He groaned. She finally got it out, patting the top of his head softly as he kept ranting about how much he hated his hair. At this point, she already knew her plan had failed, so if she was going to have to sit through another night of him either venting or ignoring her completely, she was going to get through it drunk. She grabbed some whiskey and two glasses, putting ice in them and setting them on the coffee table, pouring the amber liquid into them and handing him one as she sat down next to him, downing hers in one gulp and pouring more. He also drank it in one gulp, getting up and sighing. “I’m going to shower.” He said, the grin he always wore contrasting the dark, irritated tone in his voice as he left her by herself with the alcohol.

It was hopeless, no matter what, she knew tonight was not going to be the night, and she didn’t know what else she could do to get him to even look at her. He hadn’t even looked at the outfit she got, and it made her see red. She went through so much to look cute so he would at least acknowledge her, and he couldn’t even spare her a glance? The longer he spent in the bathroom, the more she was able to drink until the room started swaying a bit. When the bathroom door opened, she was already lost in a trance as she watched the TV silently, Nahoya sitting down next to her and huffing as he towel dried his hair. She was hyper aware of the fact he was shirtless, smelling nice and fresh from his shower, skin still warm as she unconsciously reached out for his arm, trailing her fingernails along his skin. “Mm…you smell good…” She hummed, resting her head on his shoulder. “Well duh, I just fucking showered. You’re drunk. You’re too warm.” He mumbled, pushing her off of him. Her jaw dropped, lips forming a pout as she put her hand over his, placing it on her bare thigh and moving it up and down. “Baby, just tell me what’s wrong. Every night you come home and you’re so mad, I just want to help you feel better. Can’t you just look at me at least?” She begged, pushing her breasts together with her arms, hoping that’d get his attention. “Jesus fuck, can I not have some time to myself? I busy my ass all fucking day at the shop, gotta cook all the food by myself, I just want some peace and fucking quiet when I get home. Is that really too much to fucking ask?” He huffed, tearing his hand away from her, still not even looking at her.

She was frozen. The shock and pain she felt from his words were enough to send her over the edge, jaw tightening as she got up. “Fine. I’m going to bed. Fucking stupid. Should’ve known better than to think you’d actually fucking give a shit.” She huffed, getting up and bending over a bit to grab the bottle and take it with her. Those words, that was the final snap for him, making him look at her and finally see what she was wearing, her ass on full display in front of his face. But, he couldn’t pay attention to that when her words struck a nerve. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He asked, titling his head to the side as he looked up at her. “Nothing. It means fucking nothing. Good night.” She sighed, turning to walk away.

“Nah nah nah, we ain’t doin’ that.” He tsked, keeping her in place, still bent over as he stood up, putting his hands on her hips. “Hoya, let go.” She grumbled, trying to stand up and wiggle out of his grasp. However, he put his hand between her shoulder blades and pushing her back down, her back arching as she pressed back into him due to her lack of balance. “What’s all this, huh? You put all this on to give me a little show? What, you go a couple days without my dick and you turn into a bitch?” He hummed, his eyes scanning over her back, watching the way her ass jiggled when he pulled it back harshly against him, making her yelp. “Let go of me! It hasn’t been days, it’s been weeks. Too fucking busy all the time to even look at me, so if you won’t play with me, I’ll go do it myself.” She huffed, struggling against him. He laughed loudly, pulling her up and turning her around. ‘You’re gonna go do it yourself, huh? That’s what you think? Fine, let’s go.” He taunted, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the bedroom, flinging her onto the bed. “Hoya! What the hell?” She cried out, scooting to the top of the bed as he leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms. “You wanna do it yourself, go right ahead. I bet you can’t even make yourself cum, let alone cum as hard as you do when I fuck you.” He said, his signature smile fading a bit as his eyes opened slightly, peering at her with slight malice. The fact that he had the audacity, that he could stand there so confidently, like she can only feel pleasure from him, that made her even angrier, making her get up and try to push him to the side to get into the dresser. “Move.” She huffed, nudging him. When he wouldn’t budge, she threw her hands in the air, engraved at this point. “Nahoya, move so I can fucking get my shit!” She shouted, the shit eating grin coming back. “Nope. You don’t get to use those. You said you’d go fuck yourself, toys aren’t allowed.” He told her, making her gasp. “That’s not fucking fair! Fuck you, Nahoya! Such a fucking ass!” She shouted, turning around.

“No, you know what’s not fucking fair? What’s not fair is that I have to bust my ass all day every day just to come home and have you instantly clinging to me! Do you know how fucking annoying it feels to just want to shower and relax and you’re glued to my side? When I come home, I just want to clean all the nasty shit off me and you won’t stop fucking touching me!” He admitted, her heart sinking as she sat on the edge of the bed. “What, do you think I just sit around and do nothing all day? I work too, you know. And when I come home, I wanna relax too, and I want to help you relax.” She told him, making him scoff. “Being Mitsuya’s assistant isn’t fucking work. That’s not hard. You sit around and watch him work and make coffee. You don’t actually do anything, that’s not a real fucking job.” He spat, making her gasp. “Are you fucking serious? I schedule events, I call people every day, I research, I do fucking everything except the designing in that studio! You know what? I’m fucking done.” She huffed, going to the closet. “What do you mean you’re done? I’m still fucking talking to you.” He shouted as she shook her head. “I’m done talking to you. If you wanna bitch and whine about me just trying to help you, then I won’t anymore. You can have your fucking alone time. I’m out of here.” She huffed, throwing clothes into a bag. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to stay here and be told that he hated the way she tried to show him affection.

His head was fuming, his heart hurting as he watched her pack. He couldn’t let her leave, there was no way. How could he give her the attention she needs when he was too exhausted after each work day? How could she even think about leaving him after everything he’s done for her? He loved her, for fucks sake, and all he asked for was a couple of minutes to himself when he got home, and now she’s fucking leaving him over that? No way, he wasn’t going to let that happen. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew it’d been far too long since he’d had the energy to give her what she needed, but he had the energy today, and he was going to use it, especially now that blood was pumping in every part of his body, especially where he needed it to. Hands were on her hips in an instant, pulling her back as she dropped the clothes, her body jolting upright as she felt him pressing into her, his cock hard in his pajama shorts. “Let go.” She huffed, her chest heaving as she tried to ignore it and stay mad, the alcohol making her hyper focus on it instead. “Aw, what’s the matter? You’re just gonna walk out on me? Dressed like that? You really think I’m gonna let anyone see MY baby dressed like that?” He hummed, trailing his hand over the front of her body, starting at her throat to lean her head back against his shoulder and moving down, over her breasts and down her tummy until it slipped between her thighs, pressed tight together. “This is what you’re so mad about, ain’t it? That I haven’t touched you, that I haven’t been dicking you down every night lately? So, if I fuck you, you’ll shut the fuck up, right?” He asked, his lips right next to her ear, her eyebrows furrowing as she tried to focus not in the way the unusual baritone in his voice gave her goosebumps and more on the fact that he was still acting like an ass. “You don’t get it. Just let me go, Hoya.” She pouted, tilting her head to the side as she felt his lips brush over her skin.

Her words fueled him, they way she said to let her go even though he could hear the breathlessness in her voice, the way he could just know her eyelids fluttered shut as she trembled under his touch. “I don’t get it, huh? I think I do, though. Pretty baby’s just so fucking needy that she can’t handle a couple weeks so her man can start up his dream business? That right?” He hummed, moving them slowly to the edge of the bed and bending her over, his hand flat on her back as he rubbed against her. “Just so fucking cock hungry that she had to buy this little get up just so she could tempt me to stuff her little pussy so full, isn’t that right? It’s pretty. Like this lil ribbon.” He chuckled, pulling the silk out off and grabbing her wrists, holding them behind her back and tying them together. “Hoya, what are you-ow!” She squealed as his hand slapped against her ass, so hard it left a small print. “Fuck, you drive me fucking crazy, you know that? Piss me off one second and make me hard the next. Feel it? Ain’t this what you’ve been wanting, baby?” He taunted, rubbing against her core as she stood on her tiptoes, eyes rolling back at the friction. She couldn’t help the way her body shook as he brushed up against her just right, burying her face in the blankets to muffle the whimper she couldn’t hold back. “Yeah, this is what you fucking want. Just say it and I’ll give it to ya. Say ‘I was only a bitch because I wanted your dick.’ And you’ll get it.” He laughed, her eyes widening. “I am not being a-ah! Fuck!” She yelped, lurching forward as he thrust hard against her, hearing their skin slap as her backside bounced against his abdomen. “Fuck! Okay, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Please, Hoya, I just wanna feel you, I wanna be close to you, wanna show you how much I love you. That’s all I wanted to do. Just wanted to love you.” She whimpered, holding back a sob as tears started staining the blanket. He stood still as he looked down at her, frowning as he heard the little hiccups. He moved them a bit, arching her back more and pulling himself out of his pants, lining up with her entrance and rubbing over it, thankful she gets wet when she’s drunk.

He leaned forward, slipping his hand around her neck and pulling her up against him and gripping her throat, gently as he pushed into her, hearing her moan loudly next to his ear as he sunk all the way in. He groaned low, his head falling forward as his fingers found their way to her lips, slipping into her mouth as her tongue swirled around them. He pulled out with a shaky breath before giving an experimental thrust, making her moan again as her mouth hung open with his fingers still on her tongue. “Fuck, that’s it. Pussy’s always so good for me. Feel so fucking good, baby.” He moaned, kissing her cheeks and he started moving, sliding in and out of her. Her brain instantly went numb, eyes rolled back and drool leaking from her tongue as she moaned uncontrollably. She knew she was needy, but she didn’t know just a few thrusts after so long would have her seeing stars already. He didn’t want to admit it, but he missed the way she clamped around him, the vice grip she always had around him, milking him for all he’s worth. “Okay, you’re right, it’s been too fucking long, shit! Ah, feel so good, baby. So fucking good. Love it when you, oh fuck, that’s it.” He moaned as she wiggled her ass back against him, squeezing tighter and sucking on his fingers. “Just like that. Doing so good for me, sweetheart. Always take this cock so fucking good, fucking takin’ it like a champ.” He groaned, licking behind her ear as he picked up the pace, the sound of their skin and the movement of the bed bouncing off the walls.

Nahoya let go of her, letting her collapse onto the bed in favor of watching the mesmerizing ripples of her ass cheeks as he slammed into her, gripping and massaging the flesh as he twitched inside of her. Unmei raised onto her tiptoes, knowing just how to get the best angle to have him hit the perfect spot inside and make her feel the best. This is exactly what she needed, after weeks of failed attempts to get off with her hand and the little vibrator they kept, all she needed was him, she always knew that. Nahoya wasn’t doing much better, already out of breath with sputtering hips. His moans were loud, Nahoya grabbing his shirt and pulling it up to bite down on the fabric, needing to get a better view of the way her pussy swallowed his fat cock so eagerly, the shaft coming out shiny and dripping in her arousal each time he pulled out. If he could keep this sight on replay for the rest of his life, he would. He felt a little bad that he went so long without touching her, but with the way she was pushing back on him, eager to please and take him, would it be so bad if he did it more often? Was he really that toxic?

“Hoya~! Feels so good. So good. Of fuck.” She babbled, shushing her face into the mattress to hide the loud whine she let out. He let his jaw go slack to drop his shirt, moaning and laughing. “I know, babe. Feels real fuckin’ good. Shit, pussy of yours is to die for.” He agreed, maneuvering her around how he wanted. He flipped her onto her side, one leg over his shoulder and the other dangling to the sides he spread her open, reaching up to pull the top of her dress down and expose her bouncing tits. She gasped and moaned, throwing her head back as he pinched and squeezed her breast, letting him take over the thrusts as she laid back and took it, the pace picking up along with the squelching sounds. “Pretty fucking dress. Pretty fucking pussy. My pretty girl. All mine, right? Can’t walk out on me, I’m all you fuckin’ need. No one else gets to see you like this ever. Right?” The possessive tone was driving her insane. She loved it when he got jealous, when he wanted her to know she was his. She gulped and nodded, looking up at him with lust and love swirling in her hazel eyes as she grabbed his wrist. “All yours. No one else. Promise. Just you. Only for you.” She assured him, giving him her signature sweet smile. He gave her the same, dragging his hand down her torso and pressing his thumb to her clit. “Damn right, all mine. That’s my baby.” He chuckled, happier than ever as her walls fluttered around him.

He was fast, rough, rubbing cycles into her bud until she could feel her body trembling, the waves of pleasure surfing through her and making her toes curl. “Oh fuck. Shit! Hoya! Go faster, ‘m almost, ah!” Nahoya flipped her back over again, moving her up the bed a bit so he could climb on, kneeling behind her and slipping back in. He grabbed her arms, pulling her up off the mattress so she only had her knees and his strength to keep her upright. “Faster? Want it fast and hard, huh? Just wanna be fucked dumb on this dick, that right?” He asked, keeping himself completely buried and not moving waiting for her to beg. Unmei nodded, choking on a sob as her high faded away, much to her dismay. “Please! Please, Hoya, wan’ it so bad. Just wanna cum, please, baby.” She whined, wiggling her hips again to encourage him to keep going. He smiled, dropping her back onto the bed and putting his hands on her back, making her arch more. “Alright alright, I GUESS I’ll be nice. Just make sure you cum hard and scream my name, kay?” He laughed, not wasting any more time before thrusting hard again.

The brutal pace had her vision going blurry, each snap of his hips making the headboard hit the wall, sure to deepen the dents already there. “Shit! Ah, fuck! That’s it, baby. Take it. I know you can. Gonna fill you up for being so good. Want that?” He asked, laughing when she babbled incoherently. She could barely even hear him, the pleasure too much and making her ears ring, the moans and whimpers the only sounds leaving her lips. “Dumb already? Guess you really love my cock that much. No one else can make you feel this good. Only me. I’m the only one that gets to cream these insides.” He couldn’t help it, just seeing her try to walk out earlier sent him feral, he had to make sure she knew no one else could make her feel the way he does. Even though she already knew it, he couldn’t ever let her forget.

He knew all the telltale signs, her walls clamping and fluttering around him, her hips rocking back shamelessly, pretty manicured nails digging into the comforter. She was leaking, her essence dripping down her thighs as the wet, nasty sounds of her pussy got even louder, driving him wild. It was making it easier to move faster, his hips snapping at almost an inhuman pace until her moans turned into loud gasps, screams as she reached back to grab his wrist. He watched as she turned her head to the side, her mouth hung open as she cried out, pussy squeezing the life out of him as she came hard. “Fuck! Holy fucking shit! Cumming!” He groaned, slamming into her one more time before he let himself go, slipping so deep inside of her he hoped it’d never come out. Maybe she’d learn her lesson then.

Nahoya collapsed on top of her, her legs falling as they laid together and caught their breath, his weight on top of her soothing. He sighed, rolling onto his side and spooning her, keeping himself nuzzled inside of her as he grew soft to keep everything from leaking out, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her neck and shoulders. Unmei’s eyelids fluttered shut as she smiled and giggled, placing her hand over hers as she relaxed. “Don’t ever make me wait that long again.” She breathed out, the vibration of his laugh making her heart flutter. “Aw, you really need me that bad, Angel?” He teased, Unmei slapping his hand. “I know, I know. I won’t, promise. Need you too bad for that. Love you, baby.” He cooed, kissing her ear lobe. “Love you too. Now, get off so I can go clean up.” She insisted, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. But, he kept her firm in his arms, clicking his tongue. “Nah, don’t think so. Wanna stay just like this.” He shook his head, only moving to have her face him while still keeping himself inside. That was the main thing he wanted, to stay snug and warm in her pussy, make sure all of him stayed tucked inside. Unmei didn’t really mind, she liked the intimacy of it, but Nahoya was definitely letting his toxic and possessive side get the best of him in that moment. If it meant keeping her around forever, one kid wouldn’t hurt, right?

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #312

Vanoss Crew Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starters: [ 8 ]

SMII7Y

How the fuck am I supposed to do this?

Wait, hold up, let me get this.

I fell off the roof.

I was so worried for a second.

Boy, am I glad you’re here.

What else is new around here?

I thought my prayers were answered.

What about the bedroom, any upgrades? 

Just as I suspected, it’s terrible.

How are they supposed to see me in the dark?

As long as there's not a giant roaring fire next to me, I'm going to be fine.

We literally have a camera.

What have I stumbled across?

This feels so eerie.

I feel like he targeted me, did you hear that?

You can stay here, I don't care.

Please, don’t tell me you don’t have what you think you have.

I love this, this is great.

Back to where I belong, fuck my life.

Slow down, damn.

KRYOZ

I have your problems.

It has to be done.

That's what happens when you get into my zone.

We're literally in a recession.

Wait, so did they make up for my back pay or what?

No, I can't buy anything, you bitch.

I don't have sound yet.

Shoutout to them though, they do good work.

I might say another thing here soon.

Are you spraying me, because I don't feel nothing.

VANOSSGAMING

Oh shit, that’s not the flint.

Oh, that’s convenient.

Are you going to throw a gravity grenade?

Oh, you think he’s good looking.

We’ll make a Tumblr!

I can’t wait, Mr. Googly eyes.

I’m sure he needs too.

I gave you a fucking chance!

Come here and find out.

I gave you a fucking chance when I asked you…

MOO

You mean A as in Available, because no one else is going to jump on that, I'm telling you that much.

It's fine, I'm used to it.

Yeah, that was the give away.

I don't know what we're doing, who we're doing it for, or why we're doing it.

Please don't die.

Okay, what atrocity am I being brought into?

I keep thinking that's like a duck quacking.

Yeah, I trust you…

Why did you do that?

I have twenty minutes.

H2ODELIRIOUS

Obviously, it’s a trap.

Oh, I think I’m good.

Well, I got two lives…

He’s telling the truth, I think.

That is really good, actually.

He's definitely not getting past that.

I wonder if we can break into people’s vehicles.

Maybe we can make our money this way.

I can’t believe I saw that.

I’m greedy tonight.

BRYCEGAMES

They sound close to me.

I can't tell you where he is.

They're trying to chase us.

Run towards me.

Why'd we get so much mail, all at the same time?

It is you with the ugly hat!

This is so difficult.

You shot a man grieving his dead wife.

Where did those bees come from?

Somehow, we all won, even though I died.

GRIZZY

We all froze each other at the worst times possible.

You deadass do not know how to shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I spent money already.

You gave that shit away so fast.

You learn by failing.

We're gonna figure this out once the smoke disappears.

So, I'm not gonna do that.

Oh, you hit that, oh shit.

He can literally see you.

They're still not hitting you.

BLARG

Don't look at what?

It's so fucking fast for no reason.

This is the only safe place in the kitchen, please help us.

This has never turned out bad for anybody ever.

I'm gonna land on him.

What if we just don't?

He's upset about something…

Wait, is this gonna be a laser, it's right next to me.

Hold on, let's commit a felony first.

I put it on myself!

[canirove]

Red & Blue | Chapter 20

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Masterlist

After our quick trip to Paris, it’s time to start packing all our belongings and move to our own house. Together. It still doesn’t feel real.

“You own so much rubbish” Aaron says. He and Leah have come to help me with everything, but mostly, to help me decided what to keep, what to donate, and what to throw away.

“I’m just sentimental and like to keep things just in case” I shrug.

“You, my dear, have a problem” he says. “Where should we start?”

“The books are all already packed, so you can start with all the other bits and bobs from the living room, like the trophies and photos. Leah will help me with the clothes.”

“I can also help with the clothes.”

“And you will, but carrying the boxes. What I need now is fashion advice, and I don’t think getting it from someone who wears bucket hats is the best idea.”

“Hey, they are trendy, everyone wears them! Even Ben!”

“They are ugly, Aaron. I’m sorry. Not even Ben can pull them off.”

“Not even… what?” he says, starting to get mad. “Leah, say something!”

“I… I think they aren’t that bad” she shrugs.

“See? She, your fashionable friend, likes them too.”

“I think I should have called Mason to help me with my clothes.”

At that, we all start laughing. Because after almost three years of dating, I still haven’t managed to convince Mason that most of his clothes are ugly and that he would look much better if he took inspiration from the style others have, like Kevin Trapp for example. But he is a stubborn one, and only lets me buy him a few things from time to time. Things that end up being his favorites I may add. My only consolation is that I’ve won the hair war, and the stupid hairstyles are over.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Wait, wait, wait” Mason says, stopping me from opening the door.

“What? What happened?”

“There is something I want to do before we go in.”

“Why do I feel like I will regret it?”

“You won’t, I promise. Just unlock the door, but don’t open it.”

“Ok” I say, doing as he says. “Now what?”

“Now this” he says, lifting me in the air.

“Are you seriously gonna carry me inside the house?” I laugh.

“I am. Isn’t that what people do when they move into their own houses for the first time?”

“I’ve only seen it on movies.”

“That’s enough” he says, opening the door with his foot. “Welcome home, love.”

“Welcome home” I say, kissing his cheek.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

“Mase, I don’t think it is a good idea to throw a party right now. We just got kicked out from the Champions League, and things on the league are a bit better but still not good.”

“This isn’t a party. It’s just a gathering with some of our closest friends and their partners to celebrate the new house. Nothing else.”

“But still…”

“It’ll be fun, you’ll see” he says, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me closer to him. “Dec and Aaron are coming, which means that we will definitely have a laugh. And, Chilly is finally introducing you to his girlfriend. You know he’s been looking forward to it for a while, don’t let him down.”

“I know, but…”

“But nothing. You need to stop worrying for a bit, and this is perfect for it. C’mon, love” he pouts.

“That’s cheating. You know I can’t say no when you do that face.”

“Sorry not sorry” he shrugs. “Are we having this party, then?”

“Gathering, Mason. It is a gathering.”

“Are we have this gathering?” he says, trying not to laugh.

“We are.”

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━    

As planned, our closest friends come to visit the new house, getting a tour of every room.

“Have you baptized them all yet?”

“Aaron!” Georgina, his girlfriend, and I, say at the same time.

“What? Isn’t that what you do when you first move in with your partner?”

“Ignore him” Georgina says. “This place is amazing, I love everything.”

“Thank you” I say.

“But you know what I mean, don’t you Mason?” I hear Aaron whisper to him.

“I do” he whispers back. “We are almost done.”

“I’ve heard you, Mason Tony Mount” I say, giving him one of Leah’s murderous looks.

“Love you too, gorgeous” he says with a big smile.

Once everyone else has arrived, we meet in the living room, where we’ve set a table with food and drinks.

“So, what do you think?” Chilly asks me while everyone else is chatting between them. “Do you like her?”

“She’s lovely, Ben. And you look so happy together… I’m a bit jealous of the way you look at her, to be honest. You never looked at me like that.”

“And you never looked at me the way you look at Mason, so."

“Fair” I chuckle.

“Ok, people. Why don’t we play some games?” Leah says. “Maybe spin the bottle?”

“Leah, we are not twelve” Declan says.

“Scared of having to kiss your best friend, Rice?” she asks him, arching a brow.

“Whatever” he replies, rolling his eyes.

“What about truth or dare? Is that mature enough for you?”

“That could be fun” Mason says. “Who wants to start?”

“I will!” Leah says, raising her hand. “Declan, truth or dare?”

“Seriously, Williamson?”

“Yes, Rice. Pick. Truth or dare?”

“Dare” he sighs.

“I dare you to kiss Mason. On the lips. And for five seconds.”

“Really? Is this some fantasy of yours or something?”

“C’mon, Dec. I promise I won’t get jealous” I say, teasing him.

“No wonder you two are best friends” he says, getting up from the couch and moving to where Mason is.

“Come here, Deccy bear” Mason says, grabbing his best friends’ face and kissing him, everyone in the room cheering while counting to five.

“Now it’s my turn” Declan says, his face completely red. “Aaron, truth or dare?”

“Dare” he says with one of his smiles.

“I dare you to kiss White.”

“Ok” he shrugs. Neither he or Ben seem to be too bothered about it.

After another round of cheers, it’s time for Aaron to pick someone.

“Benjamin, truth or dare?” he asks to his teammate.

“Truth.”

“Have you ever thought about making out with anyone on this room? If so, who?”

“I have. With our gunner girls.”

“Oh, wow” I say, blushing.

“But at the same time with both of us?” Leah asks.

“If you are into that…” he shrugs, looking at Leah and I.

“Ok, let’s keep playing” Mason says, visibly uncomfortable. “Benjamin, it’s your turn.”

“Truth or dare” he says, looking at me.

“Truth.”

“What’s your footballers body count?”

“I’m sorry?” I ask.

“How many football players have you been with? I know about three.”

“Three?” Declan says, his eyes wide open. “What did I miss?”

“Hey, don’t look at me” Leah says. “It was another Arsenal blonde.”

“No!” Declan says, looking at Aaron.

“We were kids, ok? We just wanted to get over the first time thing with someone we trusted. It isn’t a big deal.”

“Isn’t it?” Declan says, looking at Mason and Georgina. Their only answer is a shrug, both of them already knowing about it.

“They also had a pact to get married if they were single when they turned 40” Benjamin adds.

“That’s cute” Chilly says.

“And now you are sharing a room with three guys you’ve slept with. Isn’t that awkward?” Declan asks me.

“Nope. And it is four, actually” I whisper.

“Four?” Mason says, turning to look at me. “Who is the fourth?”

“I’ll tell you later in private.”

“Do you know who he is?” Mason asks Leah.

“I do. Sadly.”

“Sadly? What does that mean?”

“I’ll tell you later” I repeat, already dreading the moment.

“Aaron?” he asks him.

“Do as she says. Discuss it in private” he replies, focused on his hands.

“Unbelievable. So everyone knows but me. Your boyfriend” Mason says, getting up and leaving the room.

“Mason, wait” I say, following him. Behind me, I can hear Leah telling Benjamin off.

“I can’t believe you kept this from me. I thought we had told each other everything about our past relationships!” Mason says when he hears me walking behind him and into our room.

“It wasn’t a relationship, it was just a one night stand. It meant nothing.”

“But it was with another football player, someone I probably know and may even share the same changing room with. What if one day I meet with him and he mentions it? I would look like an idiot.”

“He would never tell you about it, he isn’t like that.”

“Who is he?” he asks, finally turning to look at me.

“Mason…”

“Who is he. You know everything about my relationships, I deserve to know. Even if it meant nothing like you say.”

“Eric” I say, not being able to look him in the face.

“Which Eric? Dier?”

I just nod, my gaze still focused on the floor.

“Eric Dier” he chuckles. “That’s why Leah said sadly, right? Because you, an Arsenal girl, fucked a Tottenham player.”

“I did, yes. But I already told you, it just happened once.”

“That bad it was?”

“Oh, c’mon Mason. Don’t be a child” I say, finally looking at him.

“A child?” he scoffs, starting to pace around the room.

“Mason, say something. Please” I beg him after a while. He’s been silent for what feels like an eternity, still walking around the room.

“We have guests downstairs. We shouldn’t make them wait” he says, finally speaking.

“Mason…” I say. But he just ignores me, walking past me and leaving the room.

I knew not telling him about what happened with Eric will come back and bite me in the ass. I just knew it. I’m such an idiot.

[sunlightandsuffering]

something about BTL eren turning everything mikasa does into an innuendo around the holidays is so 😭 maybe bc she’s super busy decorating and shopping he feels she isnt spending enough time with him so is missing his mikasa fix

UGH IM SO UPSET ABOUT BTL RN BC I WANTED IT DONE TONIGHT BUT IM A PERFECTIONIST SO LIKE I DON'T THINK IT'S GONNA HAPPEN AND IM SO UPSET!!! But no literally ur on point anon, I'm giving u guys the whole scene rn bc I want y'all to see it even if u don't get the full chapter :( Im so sad I can't publish tonight before I go out, here this is the consolation prize bc ur so on point he's just sulking bc he wants her attention!!

Mikasa does not look impressed with his decision, but she doesn’t argue either which Eren takes as a sign that she’d also been fed up with arguing over it. She goes back to decorating their rather sad excuse for a tree, the one she’d absolutely insisted upon. 

So far, Eren has covered about half of the large bald spot on the tree with tinsel, but he’s running low and there’s still the other side to do, not to mention half the tree is already covered with the stuff and Mikasa makes a face as she notices.  “Eren that’s too much tinsel.”  “Mikasa,” he says disbelievingly, this is all her fault, “I have to cover up the bald spots up somehow, just because you chose an ugly tree…” 

Mikasa throws an ornament at him, “You’re such a grinch.” 

The ornament bounces off of him ineffectually, falling to the floor with a jingle and he gives her a wicked grin, looking back at her salaciously, “You’re right Mika, I am, I’ve got something that can grow three sizes after all.”  He leans down to grab another ornament from the box next to her, revelling in the look of shock on her face as her pretty head struggles to reconcile the words that have just come out of his mouth, and then the sweet little blush as she processes the quip. Mikasa is struck still as he leans in close, his lips just a hairsbreadth from her own, “And it’s not my heart, that’s for sure.” 

She doesn’t move for a solid minute and Eren counts this as a win for himself. 

She sputters as she finally regains herself, “You’re terrible Eren.” 

“I’ve got the stamina of Santa Mikasa, I can go all night long.”  Mikasa smacks him for that one before stomping off to the kitchen to check on her cookies and he grins, calling after her, “I’ve got more, you just wait Ackerman.”

“I don’t want to hear them,” she calls back and he watches her happily as she leans down to check the oven for her cookies.  He loves to bother her, she’s so easy to rile up. 

He can’t help himself when she doesn’t come back right away, instead he can see from the living room that she’s messing around with her phone at the counter where it’s plugged into the wall.  “Mikasa, no phones, it’s Christmas, this is supposed to be about quality time together,” he teases her.  She gives him a dirty look from her perch at the counter, “You just want to sexually harass me, be honest.” 

He can’t help his self-satisfied smile as he goes for another quip, “If you come sit in my lap Miki I’ve got a special gift just for you.”  “EREN!” Mikasa says, affronted and her cheeks are completely flushed now, rosy red, almost the same colour as the cute little Santa hat she’s wearing. 

He holds his hands up in a truce, following her into the kitchen just as her timer goes off for her cookies.  She gives him a withering look as he hops up onto the counter next to her before she jumps down to go check her cookies. 

He pouts as her attention is turned to the oven, “You’re making too many cookies, I’m going to get fat Miks.” 

She takes the batch of Christmas sugar cookies from the oven, shaped like snowflakes and candy canes, placing them on the counter cool. 

She drops her pink oven mitts, coming to stand between his legs and Eren can’t help how his mouth quirks up, he likes her close, can’t help thinking she belongs there.  Mikasa lifts his shirt up just enough to expose chiselled abs and she gives him a dry look, her hands slipping over the muscles of his stomach, “I’m not too worried about it.” 

He shivers at the feeling as her sparkly white Christmas nails scratch over his happy trail to his jeans where they linger for just a second and their eyes catch, the room thick with sexual tension.  It’s been a while since they’ve done anything, on hold for the Christmas season or because neither of them know how to navigate this, he’s not sure, but as Mikasa’s thumb toys with the button of his jeans he knows for sure he wants it to continue, wants to teach her everything there is to know about sex.  Her lips part and she leans in, her hand slipping just a little lower to where he’s very obviously straining against his jeans, the thick length of him ready and waiting for her delicate touch. 

He leans down, just a touch of his lips against her own, whisper soft, an almost kiss and Mikasa leans up to match him, and already he can taste the sugar from her cookies on her lips, absolutely delicious.  But of course, Eren can’t help ruining it, how could he possibly pass up this prime opportunity as Mikasa feels him over his jeans, rubbing at the aching line of his cock.  “That’s not a candy cane in my pocket Mikasa, I’m just glad to see you.” 

“EREN!” 

[softsnzstuff]

Omg that post about the matching sweaters and matching colds with them!!! Imagine the young adults throwing an ugly sweater holiday party and Steve and Eddie both go even tho they’ve got head colds. Sure they’d probably feel better if they spent the day in bed, but they’re not too bad that they can’t see their friends (though they’ll likely fuss over each other a little bit the whole time)

I am definitely feeling the christmassy mood tonight and I loved this idea sooooo much. Please enjoy!!! 🤍KB

*****

Robin ran to open the door as soon as she heard the knock. The bells on her sweater jingled loudly with every step. She swung open the door to reheat Steve and Eddie. Steve had a sweater with Jesus in a Baby Bjorn, and Eddie was dressed in all white AS Jesus, with a birthday party hat on.

“Now the-”

“HAESSSH!”

“Now the party can start.” Eddie finished, patting Steve on the shoulder as he sniffled. “Buckley, your sweater is hideous, and that is the highest compliment I can bestow upon you.”

She chuckled as Eddie let himself in, sneaking past her to go find Nancy and the snacks.

“Bless you!” Robin chimed at Steve, ushering him in. “You okay?”

Steve coughed lightly against his sleeve, nodding towards Eddie. “Yeah, snfsnff Eddie just gave me his cold.”

“You two are so predictable.”

***

As the night went on, Steve found that he had lost Eddie somewhere. When he went back inside, he wandered towards the kitchen to find that Eddie had already busted into the spiked peppermint drink Nancy made. Cup in one hand, he reached out for his partner.

“Mmm Steve, C’mere you gotta try this.”

Steve raised an eyebrow, teasing, “Last time I trusted those words you got me sick.”

Eddie blushed, feeling guilty. “Sorry. Hope you don’t feel too bad.”

“I’m fine.” Steve countered, “How are you feeling?”

Steve wasn’t buying Eddie’s whole ‘I’m fine’ act in the slightest. They were both wary about the ugly sweater party, but they also both really wanted to go. Steve reached out to try and touch Eddie’s forehead but the older of the two slapped the hand away.

“Stop it, I’m hih fine!” Eddie turned around, buckling at the waist, “h’eTCHew! iiKSHi’yue! EKSHuhew!”

“Fine huh?” Steve asked again, hands on his hips.

“Oh shut up, Rudolph.” Eddie sniffled against his wrist as Nancy walked by again. “Sorry Nance, I think Steve and I are gonna head home.”

“Aw that’s too bad! We’re just about to do white elephant.” She exclaimed.

“Yeah sorry,” Steve added, “I think this cold has finally got the better of us.”

Nancy nodded, giving them both a hug before they headed out to find Robin and say goodbye.

They’d only lasted a few hours at the party, but all either of them really wanted was to be back in bed.

[scribblertown]

Fates of the Fateless Ch. 3: But Second Impressions are What Really Matter

How’s about a proper hello without a pistol in the face.

ao3

wattpad

“Remind me of yer name again deary?” Asked Bessie, the sweet older blonde woman.  

 Your response is utterly pathetic and small, exhaustion was evident in your voice.

 “Oh of course! What a lovely name it is. Suits such a pretty young woman such as you.” The two of you wound up sharing a wagon alongside her mutually charming husband Hosea. Both incredibly chatty and total jokesters. The second you set foot on their wagon she swooped in to chat you up. “Believe me, I’m the one named after a Heifer! Ahahah!” she had such a strong and jovial chuckle she’d let out at her wise cracks, slapping her leg and throwing her head back every time she did.  

 “Well, I’ve never seen a bovine as lovely as you Bess.” Hosea piped up to the left of his wife, both seated on the wooden stage in front leading the line of wagons to what Dutch had called a semi-permanent residence. “In fact, your appetite for alfalfa is what made me fall for ya.” he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips before grinning up at her.

 “Well, I fell in love with yer money.” She brought his hand to her lips this time. “And you ain’t all that ugly to look at either.” She gave him a dazzling smile that reached her eyes. Holding each other’s gazes with a fit of giggles before a kiss was shared between the couple.

 “You got a sweetheart dear?” Bessie called back to you, eyes forward and hand interlocked with Hosea’s.

 Your eyes roll before you can think not to. “No…”

 “Really?!” she turned to look at you, her eyes wide and eyebrows raised considerably. “Lovely thing like you should have suitors lined up for miles!” she had longer lashes on her top lids compared to her bottom ones, fanning out at the ends extending the length of her eye.

 “How long until we get to… Where was it again?” diverging the conversation to anything other than dating. Especially the same damn conversation you’ve already had with every old woman you’ve encountered trying to save their grandsons love life.

 “Surssparilla peak. Nice little patch of rock overlooking the local town. Got a good water source too.” Your pretty sure Hosea meant to say sarsaparilla, “should be there by tomorrow afternoon. Morning if we’re lucky.” You guessed by the time everyone had packed up and set out after your little fiasco it was well into the afternoon that you actually departed.

 “Gonna be a long ride then…” you rested your chin on your arms that in turn rested on your knees. Gaze wandering out the back toward the wagon following you while Bessie and Hosea got caught up in their own little conversation.  You recognized the two drivers as the same men you had stowed away with on your escape. The dirty blonde had the reins while the dark-haired kid sat appearing to be ranting about something. His face a scowl, hunched over with one hand on his right thigh while his left took to emphasizing whatever he was saying every once and a while. He looked pretty young, if you had to guess he must have been 18-19 years old. His hair was greasy looking and long, reaching to his shoulders. You imagined if you touched it your fingers would come away with oil. He was a lanky kid, skinny and small. At least compared to his companion.

Your eyes then drifted to the absolute beast of a man that sat next to him. He was intimidating, even when just sitting. You could make out two little scars on his chin, in contrast with the darker stubble that was just long enough to be considered a beard. Your eyes traveled the expanse of his face the best you could from 15 feet away, another scar over his nose. Slowing coming to meet his eyes, shaded by his hat. You felt yourself stiffen. Thick eyebrows furrowed slightly; his gaze focused on you. Still just as intense. Studying you in such a way you began to feel self-conscious, only managing to hold his stare for so long before you broke, switching your attention to the surrounding desert terrain that passed slowly.

  You’re pretty sure his eyes are blue.

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Over here is where you’ll be sleeping along with me and the other girls. Claim your spot and don’t move from it.” Susan Grimshaw, or Miss Grimshaw to you as she so eagerly corrected, began showing you around the camp the group managed to set up in the early hours of morning you all managed to arrive. One you embarrassingly slept through, but Bessie insisted you needed the rest. It was set on the same red colored sandstone the majority of this country seemed to be made out of. Shaded by an array of very old and big Juniper trees that seemed to flourish here. Probably because of the nearby creek that brought an array of green to such a desolate land. Beyond the hills edge a town could be seen settled at the base.

“Over there is Pearson’s kitchen, you’ll be given your share of food in the mornings, evenings, and nights. But don’t get greedy, we all have to eat. Here Strauss is the doc of the camp, try and keep injuries to a minimum. We only got so much supplies.” She walked at such a rate that you could barely take in what you were seeing trying to keep up with her. You almost didn’t return the wave Pearson casually made in your direction.

“You’ll be expected to carry your own weight around here, there are always chores to be done, especially the cookin’ and laundry.” She had made a full circle around the little set up they’d made, briefly pointing out the difference in the water for drinking and washing before you found your attention drifting.

 Some of the men had built a little firepit where they’d made themselves comfortable, sipping at coffee just outside of their own sleeping area. Including Dutch and Hosea who were chatting happily with the rest of the boys. Mr. blue eyes and lanky kid of course were there, and then the other two men you had yet to really encounter. A dark-haired man who seemed transfixed on his cup. Next to him sat Uncle. His name is just Uncle as far as you knew, laughing his ass off at whatever Dutch had said. Face red and plump. He reminded you of a hobo Santa clause.

 The ring of your name quickly pulled you from your head finding Dutch smiling warmly, waving you over.

 “Come meet the boys!” Hosea piped up next to him.  

 You turned your sights back to Grimshaw who simply waved you off.

 “Off you go. Put you to work when yer formalities are done.” Leaving your side to join the other women. You approached the campfire at a brisk walk, not too fast but not too slow. Their eyes all transfixed on you. Hosea reached for your hand as you soon as you were close enough, giving it a squeeze and a reassuring look.

 “How are ya today my dear?” gentle and calm, like he was afraid of spooking you if he was too loud.

 You gave a slow shrug, eyes focused on where your hands met. “Better I suppose…” Another pause before you spoke again, “Thank you for asking.” You brought your eyes to his, they were filled with pity.

 “Good to hear, now how’s about we all get better acquainted, hm?” he stood from his seat hand now on your shoulder to gently turn you to the other men. “The dandy in the fancy pants is Dutch Van der Linde, he’s my business partner and long-time friend of many years.”

 “Hello my dear, just know if you need anything you can come to us two old coots.” His hand found yours in a brief handshake, his grip strong and the cold metal of his rings pressed into your palm. “I apologize for the distasteful greeting you received on our first meeting.”

 “No worries Mr. Van der Linde. Can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same.”

 “This troublemaker,” Hosea wound his way behind the next fella, hands gripping his shoulders in a playful manner. “Is little John Marston.”

 “Hey! Quit it!” John’s distinct gravelly voice confirmed you’re suspicions in his place as the other driver. “I ain’t a kid no more!” he shoved off Hosea’s grip with a scowl and a red face. He briefly gave you a look before looking away. “Hi…” was all you got out of him.

 Before Hosea could speak up for him, blue eyes stood and removed his hat from his head. “Arthur Morgan, nice to meet you ma’am.” He gave a slight bow of his head. His eyes were indeed blue, complimented by green.

 “Arthur is the muscle ‘round here, so if anyone gives you trouble, he’ll knock some sense into ‘em.” Hosea gave him a good smack on the arm. “Yeah, he may look scary, but he’s a real soft-hearted fella.” You didn’t quite believe that. “So much so I have to wonder what lovely poems you write in that little journal of yours. Will we ever get to hear you recite just how much a romantic you are?”

 “Hosea please…” Arthur rolled his eyes, only slightly annoyed by Hosea’s teasing. They must do this to him a lot.

 “Only teasin’ Arthur. You make it too easy for me!”

 “The mopey fellow there is William O’brien. Don’t let him talk your ear off.” Dutch spoke in a sarcastic manner, clearly pokin’ fun at his quiet demeanor.

 “Ain’t much ta say. Got a ragin’ headache.” His hair was dark and short, a matching beard that covered just the lower half of his face leaving his upper cheeks and lip clean shaven. His eyes brows were unruly and wild. Eyes hazel in color and framed by hooded eyelids. The right one a drift slightly. “Nice ta have a new skirt around. Tired’a lookin’ at dese fairies.” He gestured to the rest of the men.

 “Well ya’ll are such charmers aren’t ya?” Uncle stood next “Don’t know how to act in the company of such a fine lady.” He brushed his shirt off before going for your hand. “The names uncle madame.” he attempted to bring his lips to the back of your hand before you quickly snatched it back.

 “No no no! A simple hello is FINE.” He was caught in his pre hand kissing position for a moment before he just shrugged and he returned to his seat.

 “Don’t listen to anything this bum has to say. It’s usually to free load off ya.” Dutch clearly amused at the little scene. “Oh! That reminds me.” He dug into his vest pocket before pulling out some money. “I believe this belongs to you.”

 You ponder taking it for a moment, “Keep it, not like it’s all that much anyway.”

 Dutch made a double take at you, shocked and somewhat amused. “Not much? Well, we must have quite the aristocrat in our midst!” He chuckled.

 “I-I don’t want to be a burden to you all, so if it’ll help you out, it’s yours.” You rubbed the back of your neck slightly debating whether or not to confess the origins of the cash. “It’s.. not exactly mine to begin with…”

 “Stolen money hm? And pray tell where it came from?” He sounded interested, intrigued. But not angry.

 “The sheriff. Back in Redrock where I stumbled upon you lot.” You met Dutch’s gaze. “It was an impulsive action, a-and I feel awful about it…” To your surprise Dutch gripped your shoulder, giving it a tender squeeze.

 “My dear, we have a saying around here.” He looked like he was relieved to hear your confession, as if he’d had a weight lifted off his own shoulders. “Shoot fellas as need shootin,” you stiffened at such an utterance. “save fellas as need savin’ and feed ‘em as need feedin’.” His voice was gentle and eerily calm. “I believe you took this money ‘cause it was what you needed.”

 “And last we saw the sheriff; he was doin’ fine.” Hosea chimed in, giving you a similar look of relief. “If anybody had done him harm, it was those O’driscoll boys.”

 You remained quiet for a moment before breathing out a long sigh of air. Partially from relief, partially from the guilt pressing down on your chest. Taking the bills in your hand you pulled out just the one. $10, the smallest amount donning the face of a man you didn’t recognize, returning the two $20’s back to Dutch. “You keep the rest.” You didn’t wait for him to argue, simply turned to return to Grimshaw.

 “If she doesn’t want it, can I have it?”

 “Shut it Uncle!”

[mrpenguinpants]

Genshin: When you’re cold [V1]

Whenever I write these it’s always when I have a pile of requests on my desk that I said I was going to get to but never do. I even missed a day yesterday because I crashed and burned and slept the entire day haha. Might miss today too since I’m going out to see my mum. 

This is like 90% crack and 10% actual content. I’m gonna post this and proceed to have shock therapy and wipe it from my memory.

I just want to be happy and it’s cold af where I live. I’ve also learned from maagdalen that Russia is insane with snow.  

---

Today’s appreciation post goes to asoundofdrop. Ty for the love on the Childe HCs hehe. Honestly, just the fact you tag everything blows my mind because I hate tagging so just seeing you do it with my mess of tags (back when I screamed my feelings before tumblr dropped the ban hammer on me) is like wow. That’s some next level effort, wish I had that haha;; I’m just gonna say this in advance, I am so sorry for the mess of tags I’m about to drop on this. 

---

Genshin: Holding Hands [V1]

Genshin: University AU [V1]

Genshin: Roommate [V1]

Genshin: Royalty AU [V1]

[Masterlist]

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first.

@hanniejji  @mikeysbike @unionwitch @musekala @twistedsunnshiii @stanzastic @akaasea @xoneaboveallx @adoring-ghost @asheseiler @childelover @dilucsz​

@youaskedfurret @snowy224 @mayumintsu​ @tigerpriestess

---

Xiao

Excuse me? What is this cold you speak of? He’s an adepti he doesn’t know what cold is. Is it a demon he’s not aware of? Should he go beat it into submission if that’ll make you feel better? He’s already gone with his spear and out to go slay this cold demon before you can explain what the hell temperature is. 

By the time he’s back, he seems so proud of himself for killing a dragonspine yeti that you don’t have the heart to tell him that was literally not what you wanted or expected him to do. Your fingers are about to break their finger kneecaps. pLEASE sir just hold my hand. 

Bad idea, he’s been outside in the cold and he’s not exactly wearing mittens so your fingers end up colder. But you’re finally holding his hand that you suck it up and cry when he does actually break your fingers because he doesn’t know what muscle control is. 

Keqing

Ruthless business woman one second and then you show up, tell her you’re cold, and she’s reduced to flustered mother hen. All she has on her are these long sleeves that all Qixing wear. Would you like some warm milk? She knows you like your milk heated to a simmer right at 187.7975 degrees Fahrenheit.

Okay, first off, who measures in fahrenheit anymore this is China Liyue. Second off, how the hell does she know that and why is it so precise? She’s already throwing whatever Liyue duties she had back at the poor worker that has no idea what possessed the normally confident and admirable Keqing into this...creature. Making new plans for a heating system in Liyue while also coddling you. 

Catch her outside at 3am pounding the snow ground, crying, as she curses Rex Lapis for making it so cold in Liyue when he’s not even the Cyro archon. Zhongli sneezed while looking over papers burning the 3am oil. Maybe he needs to go home before it gets too cold, he might be getting sick. 

Diluc

God you’re such an idiot. Didn’t you see how hard the snow was falling? I can’t believe I married someone with 2 braincells. Are you trying to give me a heart attack? What would father in the sky think if my partner died because of frost bite when I’m a goddamn pyro vision user? I can commit arson to make a make-shift fire place, I have the money for the damages. 

Dilu- NO I DON’T NEED YOUR SHIRT. IT’S -20 DEGRESS. IT’S OKAY. YOUR COAT IS ENOUGH. PUT YOUR CLAYMORE AWAY WE CANNOT SET THE KNIGHTS OF FAVONIUS HQ ON FIRE WE AREN’T EVEN NEAR THERE. KAEYA IS INSIDE- DILUC - NO COME BACK. 

Your make shift fireplace is Kaeya’s “ugly” scarf. That’s it. That’s the post. 

Amber

Oh you’re cold? It’s okay, here take her baron bunny to cuddle with while she lights a fire. She thinks she saw some boar’s in the forest, she can make her specialty and that should warm you right up! So sweet, so wholesome. Don’t worry this baron bunny won’t explode in your face, she tripled checked she wasn’t giving you a dancing bomb.

While you’re huddled around a summoning circle of baron bunny’s, nice and warm, is when she relaxes and joins you. She grins to herself and pats herself on the shoulder. See that haters, she can make her partner nice and happy without your #buffamberwhen. 

Kaeya

You’re cold? Maybe you’ve just fallen so hard for him that whenever you think of him you get cold. He never knew you cared so much it’s so cut- okok you can stop hitting him now. He’ll offer his scarf if he had one but Diluc might have burned it but he does have his tit window. 

Basically impenetrable, you could bounce bullets off it so naturally the cold bounces off. You have to tell him up front that he sound borderline crazy and the fbi are already at his door. The fbi is Diluc. So instead he offers his overcoat and asks you if you would like to join him in some cozy tavern that hopefully has heating. 

It’s a nice and comforting experience until he drags you to Angel share and you know it’s just to 1v1 Diluc in the parking lot. 

Scaramouche

lol perish 

So naturally, you grab his ridiculous hat that he wears to compensate for his gremlin height and throw it like a frisbee. 

Go fetch 

---

God, why is there no official content of you scaramouche you bitch, you’re ruining the aesthetic. This is why I only give you one point of dialogue. This isn’t even funny. It’s a therapy session. This entire post was just for me to say tit window because I didn’t get to say it in my last Kaeya fic. 

Wow, I wonder which characters I like in genshin. Could it be “wow I hate everything and everyone don’t fucking touch me” male characters??? Could it be “Head strong but are secretly adorable” female characters?? Kaeya is only there because Diluc is there. 

I had to redo all my headers because everyone was taking up so much space in their 240p quality. Keqing is the only one that actually stepped forward when it was picture day. I don’t have enough energy to care about sizing I’m sorry. 

[officialscaramouche]

Omg I love the angst of "did you at least think of me when you were having sex with her?" Can you please make a part 2? Thank you very muchhh

Thank you so much for waiting, anon!!! I like where this is going, but since I’ve been making u wait for so long, I’ll have to end it there. If u want a part three, let me know and I’ll write one but for now, here u go!

pairing: gn!reader x Scaramouche

word count: 1,342

tw: none. Maybe language, I don’t remember

prev next

He should’ve been happy. Maybe he just couldn’t be satisfied, even when he got everything he wanted. It was what he wanted, anyway. Back then, his confidence in his desires was unbreakable. But now as he looked back on it, he could see the naïveté in his eyes. He realized that in his heart he was blindly believing that this is what happiness was and that he’d forever be happy. All he had to do was throw away what he’d worked so hard on for many years. He had to throw away you.

The way you looked at him didn’t bother him at the moment, but as the palm of his hand made contact with your cheek and remembering your quivering lips, your glassy eyes, and the flush of red across your face, it was as if you drove a knife right through his heart.

Archons, how could he be so stupid? He treated you like shit. He never appreciated the things you did for him and he always found your presence annoying. He savored every moment he had alone because you just wouldn’t leave his side. He wanted so badly to shove you away and tell you to fuck off, but he hesitated every time you smiled at him. He should’ve known then that there was a reason— a reason why he couldn’t get rid of you. A reason why he didn’t want to get rid of you. But the new and exciting adventure that Mona had laid out for him was too tempting to realize that you were all he wanted. All he needed.

It had been years since he last saw you. He had been fine living with and loving someone else all this time until he woke with tears in his eyes, having a dream of being yours. Dreaming that he woke up next to you. Dreaming that he came home to you. Dreaming that all these years, instead of wasting it with Mona, he was spending it with you.

When he woke and it wasn’t you who he held in his arms, he had a nasty attitude the whole week. He always had an ugly personality, but he was exceptionally unfathomable today. None of his cohorts wanted to be assigned to missions with him, so he went alone. Mona didn’t appreciate his lack of respect for her, and she threw his stuff out. The Tsaritsa told him he needed to do some soul searching and figure out what he needed to move forward. The answer was as clear as day. He needed to find you.

It wasn’t hard figuring out where you had been all this time. Having been very intimate with the Harbinger, the Fatui brought you protection. His subordinates monitored your every move to make sure that no harm would befall you no matter where you went. It only took a few questions to figure out that you had been staying in Liyue. The apartment you lived in was in Tartaglia’s name. If anyone else were doing the investigation, they would’ve never found you. But with Scaramouche’s money on the line, it was only a matter of time until he found you.

When he arrived, Scaramouche was quite obviously not from Liyue. Word spread quickly of an “intricately dressed fellow with a strikingly large hat.” When word finally reached you, you pushed your plate of skewers aside and rested your chin in your hand as you pouted.

One of your friends, Signora, sat beside you and leaned in to look at your face. “What’s wrong? Not gonna eat your skewers?” The one sitting across from you asked, reaching for it.

“No, I lost my appetite. The two of you can have it.”

The skewer was snatched from your plate in an instant.

Signora glared, and put one of her skewers on your plate. “Try to be a little more sympathetic, Tartaglia.”

“It’s just Scaramouche,” he said, shrugging his shoulders.

You folded your arms on the table and laid your head in them. “Yeah. But please don’t get involved guys, it’s already bad enough that he cut ties with him,” you emphasized, jutting your thumb out at Tartaglia. “You guys haven’t worked together in, what, like four months?”

“More like six,” Tartaglia corrected with his mouth full of chicken. “He really thinks we’re dating.”

“Give him more credit than that, will you?” She snickered. “I’m sure his little entourage has been spying on us. And I don’t doubt that he’s only here for you, [Y/N].”

“Please Rex Lapis in heaven, make him go away,” you plea, clasping your hands together in prayer. The other two laughed, but you weren’t joking.

Tartaglia slid the key into the lock and opened the door for you, letting you walk inside. “See,” he said with a smug look on his face. “He’s not here, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Don’t say that,” you sobbed. “You’re gonna jinx it.” You both kicked off your shoes and wandered inside, plopping onto the couch with a long and dramatic sigh. “I really don’t know what I’m going to do,” you said with worry. “I don’t want to see him.”

Tartaglia pulled you in for a hug, something he did often. He and Scaramouche were often paired together for work, so he knew the ins and outs of your relationship very well. You were another victim of Scaramouche’s abuse just like everyone else. But you were the only one to actually care about him. Tartaglia felt bad for you. But he also cared about you, so his sympathy wasn’t artificial at all.

“I’d say I’d stay to protect you but today’s my last day off.”

“That’s okay, I know. None of us expected him to be in town.”

Tartaglia kissed the top of your head then stood. “Okay, I gotta meal prep so I’m gonna go to Second Life then go home. Are you gonna be okay?”

You smile and wave your friend bye. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Write me letters from Fontaine!”

You picked up the tea bag from your cup and tossed it in the trash, leaving the mug in the sink before heading off to work. Tartaglia wasn’t going to pay your rent forever. You picked up a job at a restaurant and started saving money. Living with Scaramouche, he didn’t ask you to pay for anything so long as you took care of him and the house. He gave you allowances every other week that you could entertain yourself, but it wasn’t enough to rent an apartment all alone.

You slipped on your shoes, grabbed your keys and swung the door open to step outside, when you’re met face to face with the one person you didn’t want to meet. He smiled, looking up at you from halfway up the stairs, and waved. “Good morning, [Y/N]. I’m glad I’ve caught you before you ran off somewhere.” He raised his hand and dismissed the agents with him, all of them scurrying away to give the two of you privacy. “How have you been?”

“I’m sorry, Scaramouche, I need to go to work.” You quickly locked the door and ducked to go around the balladeer, but he grabbed your arm and held you back.

“Oh, you work now? Where?”

“It’s none of your business. Please let me go.”

“No, I want to spend time with you. How much money would you be losing? Let me pay you for your time.”

“No, Scaramouche. I don’t want to meet with you. I need you to please leave.”

“[Y/N], don’t be stupid. I’ve come here on my own time. Using my sick days to see you.”

“I’m sorry, but I do not want to see you. Now I really have to go to work.”

You brush past him and hurry on to work, hoping that it will serve as a good distraction from today’s events. If you shut him down enough, he’s bound to get the hint. But he’s a stubborn man, and you don’t know just how stubborn he can get.

[discocactusblogs]

Heather- Jason Todd x Chubby Reader Pt.1

{Author's Note: _____ is a blank to put your name}

"Girl, just tell him!" Barbara whispered and nudged me towards my best friend, Jason Todd aka Robin, the boy wonder.

I had found out about him being Batman's sidekick when we were 13, shortly after he became Robin.

"Easy for you to say! Look at you! You're gorgeous! You're fit and thin and redheaded! Just look at me… I'm...not so fit... I'm chubby. I'm a plain bagel. I'm not ugly but I'm not exactly pretty either." I sighed and gestured to my chubby body.

" ______, I know what I'm telling you. Just tell him." She sighed. "Besides, you're gorgeous too! And very intelligent and mature for a fifteen-year-old!" Barbara smiled, holding up a banana like a wand.

"As if. What guy my age sees a girl and goes, 'What a lovely personality?' Get real Babs, no one wants a plain bagel." I shrugged.

"Welp, I gotta get going or I'll be late for work. But trust me, he won't turn you away." She turned away, obviously knowing something I didn't.

"Hey _____!" Jason spoke as he walked up to me from the curb of the grocery store, I had gone to buy some fruit my mom had told me to get.

"Hey Jay." I sighed with a slight blush on my cheeks.

"Are you okay? It's kinda cold today… Where's your jacket?" He asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"My jacket!" I gasped. "I forgot it at school!"

"School's closed now. They just locked the gate." He replied with a shrug.

"My mom's going to kill me. That's the only jacket I have!" My eyes watered, knowing my mother was going to be furious with me when I got home.

"Take mine then. I have others at home." He unzipped his hoodie.

"N-no. It's fine. I can get it Monday from school." I spoke softly while staring at the ground.

He draped his jacket over my shoulders. "I said, take it. Besides, it looks better on you than me. It goes well with your hair color. Here, let me hold your stuff so you can get it on." He smirked, knowing I wouldn't refuse if he spoke sternly with me. He took the bag from my hands and I looked at him. "Zip. It. Up." He frowned.

"Yes sir." I put my arms in the jacket and zipped it up. He was bigger and bulkier than I was, so the jacket fit me rather loosely and was down to my mid thighs but it was comfortable and warm. Much warmer than the jackets and sweaters I had before.

"Hm… keep it. I know your dad hasn't been working a lot lately. It gets pretty cold so you can keep that one. Bruce got me some others at home. Just don't tell anyone, got it? I only share with you because I've known you since we were kids. You took care of me so I'm taking care of you." He looked at me, handing back the bag of fruit. "Now, don't think I'm getting soft or being a gentleman. You're still carrying your stuff." He smirked.

I smiled and chuckled. "Thanks." I took the bag and walked down the street with him.

"Hi Jason!" An annoying voice called out from the ice cream shop.

"Hm? Oh, hey Heather." Jason turned around and seemed slightly irritated.

"Are you going to the pep rally tonight?" Heather asked with fluttering eyelashes. She was Jason's girlfriend.

Dark hair, slim figure, bright eyes, how could I compete with that?

"Uh, no." He replied flatly.

"Why not, I'm going to be performing!" She countered.

"I'm just not feeling it. I don't like pep rallies." He shrugged. "Not my thing."

"Okay then. Wanna get some ice cream?" She asked.

"Go ahead and go home ______, I'll catch up later." He looked apologetically at me and walked across the street.

I nodded and kept walking.

I watched as Heather smiled and hugged him.

It hurt.

He was dating her and she was so sweet. Everyone loved her so, I can see why he did too. She always had a smile on her face.

I kept walking, tears stinging my eyes. There's no way I could ever be like her. He liked her more and would run to her at the drop of a hat.

Arriving at home, I stepped inside. "Hey mom! I'm back!" I set the bag on the counter.

"Oh good! Make sure you do your homework!"

"Yes ma'am!" I sigh and go up to my room, closing the door.

Out of instinct, I called my friend, Valerie.

"A simple solution to your problem is to play spin the bottle or something." She teased.

"Why would he ever kiss me? I'm nowhere near as pretty as Heather!" I clutch the sleeves of the hoodie before taking it off and throwing it onto my bed.

"He gave her his sweater." My eyes watered as I told her what had happened at school that day.

"The black one or the fake polyester one?" Valerie asked.

"The black one."

"Oh dear. I'll be right over." She hung up.

"Is it wrong to wish she were dead?" I chuckled softly when Valerie came through my bedroom door.

"Yes. It's your jealousy and I'm gonna chop off your legs if you continue on this path, Anakin." Valerie smirked.

"Dude, I was kidding." I turn in my swivel chair.

"Yeah, it was a failed attempt at a joke. I'm sorry about Jason. If it makes you feel better, Bradley dumped me." She looked at the ground.

"Here's the plan, I drive the car and Jason shoves him into the road and we make it look like an accident." I spoke whilst drawing out the plan.

"Don't worry about it."

"Worry about what?" Jason walked in.

"Oh, you came!" Valerie smiled.

I looked at her, what a traitor.

"So, I heard you gave Heather your sweater!"

"This one?" He held up said object. "Eh, we broke up. She liked someone else and so did I." He sat on a beanbag chair.

"Wait what? But you really liked her and she's so nice!" I exclaim in shock.

"Relax ______, it was mutual." He chuckled. "There's actually something I came to talk to you about." He seemed nervous, his cheeks tinting red and so were the tips of his ears.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I'll go get water." Valerie got up, stretched and went downstairs.

"I don't know how to say this. This is difficult for me but… I'm sorry. I don't want to be your friend anymore." He sighed.

My eyes widened. "W-what?"

"Yeah. I'm...tired of it." He stood up.

"But Jason, you're my best friend!"

"I know. Hey, do you know what material this shirt is?" He checked his shirt.

"Jason, now's not the time-"

"Answer!"

"I don't know! Cotton, maybe?!" I was growing panicked and my eyes were stinging with tears.

"Wrong, it's boyfriend material. And so is that hoodie." He smirked.

I stood in silence.

"What?" He asked.

"Jason Peter Todd, are you...asking me to be your girlfriend????" I stood, mouth agape in shock.

He smirked and nodded. "Sure thing buttercup! I... love you." His face turned beet red.

"Why? I'm not pretty. I'm not slim or fit or anything-"

"Because you're smart, and cute, you're kind and brave. You're so cool too and geek out with me. We both nerd out over science stuff and books. What's not to love???" The look on his face was one of pure confusion, as if the answer was as clear as day.

"Jason, I love you too." I spoke in a hushed whispers as a few years fell from my eyes.

"Don't cry! Why are you crying???"

"I'm just happy! I've liked you for so long!"

"So have I but I'm not crying!"

"I didn't think you'd like me because I'm chubby!"

"What?! You think I'm that shallow? I'm offended!"

"Jay and ______ sitting in a tree~" Valerie teased from the doorway.

"Val!" We exclaimed in unison, Jay pulling me into a side hug.

"Fine! I'mma head out!" She grabbed her backpack and left.

A few days later, Jason was going to leave for a mission that I didn't want him to go on. I knew how dangerous it was for him to go alone.

"I'm leaving...for Bosnia. Bats needs my help." He looked at me sadly.

"Jay, please. Don't go. What if something happens?" I pleaded, clutching onto him tightly.

It was only a few days ago that he confessed to me and we were trying to figure out where to go with our relationship, which led to this argument.

"I'll come back. I promise." He kissed the top of my head. "Love ya." He smirked. His forest green eyes shone in the sunlight like an emerald.

He seemed so confident that he would be okay.

"Jason, no! I have a bad feeling you're not coming back!" I pleaded harshly, grabbing his wrist and asking him to stay.

"I'm just going to meet my birth mom, I'll be fine!" He assured me. "Here, hold onto my jacket for me." He took off his leather jacket and handed it to me.

I nodded with tears escaping the corners of my eyes. "I love you Jason…" I said as I watched him hop into the car and leave. Little did I know that would be the last time I ever saw him.

I kept that jacket with me at all times after that.

A few weeks went by without a word from Jason and the pit on my stomach only grew, the only thing keeping me sane was the scent of his cologne on his jacket that lingered still.

Finally, I mustered up the courage to go to Wayne Manor and ask if anyone's heard from Jason. It was then my heart shattered into pieces.

"Miss ______, I am so terribly sorry. I thought someone had already told you… Master Jason died last week." Alfred sat me down at the kitchen counter for tea.

My eyes widened and the porcelain teacup fell from my hand, shattering onto the tile floor. Tears flowed from my eyes like a cerulean waterfall. "No one told me!" I shouted, falling to my knees to clean up the mess with blurry eyes.

"Miss ______, I can get it." Alfred stopped me, only to realize I was bleeding from a deep cut from a glass shard on the top of my hand, a cut that would leave a scar for years to come.

"He can't be dead… he promised he would come back." I whispered, not even flinching from the cut.

"Here, allow me to tend to that." Alfred took out the first aid kit and cleaned the wound, giving it a few stitches.

"How…?" I asked, flinching from pain.

"... The Joker. Master Bruce didn't make it in time." He replied, the sorrow evident in his tone.

I nodded and thanked him for the help and the tea.

"Send a car to take her home." I heard Bruce from the doorway.

"Right away, Master Bruce." Alfred excused himself.

"His funeral is this Saturday if you'd like to come." Bruce turned away from me.

"I'll be there. Time?"

"Noon."

"See you then."

When the funeral finally took place, the reality of Jason's death set in. He wasn't coming back like he promised. I left a rose on his casket and bawled as I watched them lower the casket with my best friend and love of my life, into the dark, cold ground and with it, my heart.

"You promised." I whispered to myself, looking away from the scene. It was then I decided I wanted to be a nurse to help heal people.

Five years later, my dream of being a nurse was nearly achieved. I was two years away from graduating and I went to visit Jason every day on the way home from work. I still lived with my parents since I was a student at the local university, thanks to Bruce.

When I approached the door, that's when I saw it. A single rose on the bench outside the door along with a cryptic letter. 'Hang in there.' it said with a happy face at the end.

I was stumped but the notes and roses kept happening at least once a week and they soon came every day. At least, until the night that would change my life forever.

(Part Two)

(Masterlist)

[lannasroleplaymemes]

Out Of Context Sentence Starters from my Own Roleplays

Adjust as necessary.

“It’s puppy birth blood! It’s happy blood!”

“I still think he was a K-Pop star. I’m going to try and look him up.”

“ I’d honestly rather be in a gun fight than do retail.”

“Just promise me you have blackmail on those two already. For my own personal reassurance.”

"Yes, they’re legal. No, I didn’t do this myself. Feel free to examine it, but there may be bugs.”

“ She only comes ‘round when she’s unhappy or frustrated. So how about I go ruin her life more?”

“STOP SHOUTING. SOMEONE’S GONNA HEAR.”

“I just saw them talking! They weren’t doing shit in public!”

“Oh, no. A bard.”

“Bro, she looks like Ariana Grande!”

“I am as glorious as the day I was born.”

"Listen, if you see a man around here wearing a grey coat and an ugly tweed hat, push him in the river for me."

“ I asked for his name, not his origin story. “

“Well, I guess you had better not die before you do anything worth putting in your obituary, then.”

“...You didn’t warn me you were going to be indecent.”

“All this information just lets me know that I want to be cremated when I’m gone. “

“...The T-Rex wasn’t even alive during the Jurassic period. Amateurs.”

“Do I look good in this shade of red?”

“Dad’s just mad I ain’t a ginger like him.”

“ I apologize for being a terrible escort so far.”

“The hell you creeping around for?”

“ Welcome to -- why do you have a cat with you?”

“Why did you all go quiet when I came in?”

“But just because you said that, I feel like being petty today.”

"Are you this flippant with all your clients, or am I just special?"

“She stole your shoes? What? Why?”

“Well you’re not getting into my bedroom that easy, buddy.”

“ I want to anihilate anything that brings him joy and then fuck him until he cries.”

“She said that soft pinks were the color of female oppression.”

“Since we’re both wimps, I say we stay away from horror.”

“Well, I see why he was assasinated then.“

“Yeah, yeah, but I’ll have lots of fans so you’ll have to work extra hard to remain the number one fan!”

“Oh, am I being threatened?”

“ Holy shit, this is the best dream ever. “

“ I’m gonna fuckin’ throw my lunch. “

“Just talking to you is using up a lot of my courage.”

“This was a very good plan in theory,  but now you’ve fucked yourself.“

“Sometimes a simple life is way better than what a lot of people are trying to achieve.”

“You know, I’ve never played Xbox.”

“ I need a trip to Disneyland.“

“WHAT?! FUCK! YOU WEE MINX! I TOLD YOU!”

“ I’ve got a good feeling that the stars are gonna align for you.”

“Time to make like a banana and get the fuck outta here!“

“What if I like being choked?”

“ You are even more sexy this close-up.”

“I thought I saw a UFO once, but it was just a hot-air balloon in the distance. I was very disappointed.”

“You have an arrow in your shoulder!”

“Turn around, do a twirl! Pose!”

“ I almost feel like the main character in a video game."

“ His accent is out of control…”

“Wow. Betrayal.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“How can I not take it personal?”