#i’m gonna need all the help i can get

[juudesgirl]

hello lovelies,

so it’s been about 2 years since i was last on here and to be honest i’m quite nervous & can’t believe i had the guts to re-make an account lol.

my old account was based on mason mount (i still love him w all my heart but, i don’t really have any inspiration to write anything about him anymore), and now i’ve decided to re-make account based on jude bellingham.

i don’t know how long i’ll last before i end up leaving again, hopefully, i have more inspiration this time round & I’ll be more committed. because tbh, i’ve missed being on this app and miss my old mutuals i had on here. if only i had the confidence to reveal what my old account name was, but unfortunately i don’t.

so if you’ve got any ideas on what imagines / fics you want me to write for jude, pls send them. i’ve got a few in my drafts already, the first one will be posted on friday, so stay tuned.

i’ve missed you guys <3

[banditblvd]

Now that HADM is over I’m gonna have to come up with my own ideas on what/when to post…..

[pepperpixel]

“put me on a pedestal and i’ll only disappoint you

tell me i’m exceptional, and i promise to exploit you

gimme all your money, and i’ll make some origami honey!

i think you’re a joke!!! …but i don’t find you very

fuuuuuuu~nyyy”

More tagr art!!! Assorted stuff this time! Featuring some cute chibi stuff. Some solo gaz’s, a lil uhhh. Comic of an altercation.. and a very belated Halloween pic I started drawing last Halloween and didnt finish lol. Also featuring lyrics from pedestrian at best cuz that song rllly rlly fits my ver of tak lol.

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

new glasses will have you feeling like you can actually see for the first time

[weezerlvr228]

hi fam !!

[donnieisaprettyboy]

2014 - realized I liked girls but began desperately trying to “pray the gay away”

2016 - stopped believing in Christianity as I began to better accept my sexuality

2020 - publicly came out as bisexual, and shortly after my gender crisis began

2021 - nonbinary ? we’ll run with it, I’m experimenting! I’m playing with it! I’ve been in college for a year so now I have the room to try some things out!

2023 - my first pride parade! and the gender crisis continues on…. I would really love more masculine features… a deeper voice is my dream… I see men with flat chests and I get so envious. maybe I’m trans?

2024 - FINALLY allowing myself to use multiple labels that feel right! nonbinary, transmasc, genderfluid, genderqueer, they all feel like ME! planning on starting HRT after I get married and get onto my fiancé’s health insurance. plan on getting married in a wedding dress because THAT’S WHAT I WANT! because gender is not a strict binary and I am allowed to play with it however I want! my gender is not for the pleasure or comfort of anyone else! I got to experience my SECOND pride finally feeling content with myself and my identity! I’m happy! I’m so happy :)

[pilonciillo]

lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety

[bakery-anon]

A JOB CALLED ME A JOB CALLED ME BACK

[edge-oftheworld]

I don’t really talk about it much on here because I’m extremely lucky to be able to understand exactly what’s going on in my body, but it’s scary to live for years as someone who Gets Things Done in a way your peers don’t really understand, be putting effort into so many things you care about, and then suddenly lose the ability to do not only that but also basic tasks overnight after a deadline, and bit by bit after many. it’s scary getting really irritable sometimes to the point of violence, just when you were meant to be celebrating the rewards from your hard work, the only impact of the work you did that you can see is that you overdrafted your ability to do anything. including have a basic conversation without getting grumpy or crying. and your body is going to make you pay it back with interest, you already know that, but you don’t know how to start filling yourself back up. you’ve only ever enjoyed being on the grind, hard at work on exciting things.

I don’t know how many of you have been through the kind of burnout that’s years of needing 12hrs of sleep a night but with terrible insomnia, waking up to what feels like a hangover for weeks on end with little relief then rinse and repeat without having a single drink, feeling too sick to eat and needing to exercise to emotionally regulate but being unable to, anxiety that doesn’t come from worry but you’ll pick that up too at some point, dissociating every time you try to do mentally taxing tasks that you’re PAID for so it takes an hour of grounding yourself just to get five minutes worth of productive concentration, falling asleep the minute you feel a little safe by being in the presence of loved ones. but I suspect I’m not the only one.

I’ve had songs for the energetic and angsty times leading up to this. for the exasperated times and the brain fog and the times where all my limited energy is tied up in feeling things. that I need to, need to acknowledge, but it’s overwhelming and I live in a haze for weeks as a result of. songs telling of the kind of youth I wish I had, even when I was sold something else. songs for the months spent as a teenager trying to be there for my friends, worrying for them, distracting me from worrying for myself, trying to cling on to positivity and hope amongst it when I had to choose to make a discipline of always seeing that. I’ve had songs for healing and when healing is harder than expected and songs that have the right level of musical complexity to capture the layers of everything that’s happening in my head, making it sound good, telling me it’s gonna be okay.

I don’t know how I could ever say thank you for this. but I do know that I see parts of myself in the people behind these songs, of course I do, and I worry for them as a result and ache for them because it’s hard enough to feel this way when no one knows me or feels the need to control me or mould me into what they think I should be. I’d do anything to keep them all healthy and happy and all of their loved ones too and I don’t think it’s strange as a fan to take that seriously. I hope we can understand the need to treat them gently, and to while not questioning their privacy and the fact that they’re never going to tell us everything they go through, listen to our intuition when we catch something we relate to and treat what they’ve shared with us or hinted at with the dignity we would if someone we love told us something vulnerable. be kind in our expectations and be intentional in the fan culture we create because it does make its way back to them.

and the same goes with all of you. we’re bonding over the same things. I know a lot of this fandom is in the stage where interpersonal relationships are hard. we don’t mean to be grumpy of frustrated but we are. and I’m sending love to all of you. we can get through this together. it’s what they’ve always longed for isn’t it?

[oopey-doopey]

Spiderverse au where Miles and The Spot actually team up as Miles is so betrayed and hurt by how everyone wanted him to accept his dad’s fate and don’t take him seriously or treat him like a mistake that he confides in the only other person that truly gets that in a fucked up way.

They plan to get rid of all the other Spiderverses so his universe is technically the focal point and universe that everything branches from so he can effectively decide what is canon in the Spiderverse and what isn’t.

[goldkirk]

If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.

I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Interesting. Don’t necessarily think I’m autistic but I have more going on than just ADHD and I’m not sure what that is.

[puppppppppy]

My god I need to finish this website so I can write diary entries and not be this obvious abt it

[deus-ex-mona]

my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:

[articskele]

Thoughts on a time loop au with onceler and artic? Be that Once-ler in a time loop or artic in a time loop?

OOH, here's an idea!!

The day resets to morning, but the Onceler doesn't think much of it at first, assuming it's one of those "having a dream that you did something irl" type things.

He even tells Artic about it, laughing it off as a strange bit of happenstance, only to realize that events of the "dream" are happening all over again.

I imagine it starts with something small. The day seemed relatively normal, but maybe food got burnt, or the contraption they set up to prevent snow from building up on the cottage malfunctioned, or something went wrong with the heater. Maybe all three.

So that must be the problem, right?

So he keeps an eye on the food, he checks on the roof before it starts snowing really hard, he finds out what’s up with the heater (barbaloot fur was getting stuck in there since they’ve been crowding around it for warmth).

The problem is fixed, things turn out just fine, and he and Artic snuggle into bed. But the loop doesn't end. So what's going on here? What gives??

—

The Onceler spends the next few loops making Absolutely Sure that everything goes to plan, only to get more and more frustrated when the day resets again.

I’m sure at one point, he tried to stay up all night outside with Melvin, only to inevitably fall asleep and find himself back in bed.

To which he got up, looked at the calendar, and just let out a frustrated “augh!!!” leaving everyone around him very confused-

Honestly if you told Artic you were in a time loop she would believe you immediately, and ask what she could do to help. After all, why lie about something so out of left field?

But even in the loops where he tells her what’s going on, they just can’t seem to figure it out.

—

He eventually goes to the Lorax in a huff, the shorter fellow now noticeably fluffier thanks to the cold. Even he doesn’t have an answer, but he suggests taking a moment to stop and observe.

He’s been obsessing over what went right or wrong, getting so focused on what he thought was the goal, that his surroundings started to blur. It would do him good to just take a breath and exist in the moment.

The pale yellows and blues of the morning. The wisps in the pan as breakfast is cooking. The way the snow shines in midday, and the clouds gather to turn it all gray. Afternoon snow, blankets all around you. A shift in her eyes, hidden in the blue.

From then on, his goal each loop is to find something new. Picking up on the subtleties in Artic’s behavior, especially.

Maybe her inexplicable feelings of deja-vu today have her worried about the future. Seeing how far they've come, but being scared that they're falling stagnant. That it's only an inevitability until something stops.

(Something something she’s had similar fears before, following the theme of repetition, but also because anxiety is a persistent beast)

Especially since their one-year anniversary is coming up. That strange melancholy you get when something good is about to happen.

—

Most all of the Onceler’s attempts thus far have revolved around himself, be it fixing problems and scrambling to keep everything under control, or just experiencing the world through his eyes.

But here, he really focuses on his interactions with others.

It’s one thing for repetition to make you disregard the beauty of your surroundings, but it’s another thing for that to affect how you see people, and by golly he’s not gonna let that happen.

In this loop, those daily problems he was so worried about end up happening. But it was never about them.

If anything, the events of the day bring the two of them together (figuratively and literally on account of the snowstorm), and they end up having a really sweet heart-to-heart.

Reassuring Artic that this is by no means the end. They have so much life ahead of them, and it’s made all the better thanks to her.

The Onceler holding her close, his voice all quiet as he musters up the courage to say he wants to grow old with her…….. AAAAAAAAUH

—

And when they settle into bed, instead of the usual anxious anticipation or “cmon cmon this had better be the one,” he’s just happy this day went the way it did.

And when he wakes up, fully prepared to start all over again, the sky looks different. It’s still cloudy from the storm last night.

That pattern of snow melting in the morning sun, drip drip dripping onto the windowsill, isn’t there. Now replaced by the sound of piled up snow sloughing off the top of a truffula tree.

And sure enough, when he looks at the calendar, it’s the next day. And the rush of excitement and relief is like none other :D

[thatone-churro]

chat. chat i have a question. i know ive always had guilt when it comes to getting things for myself, but like. would it be stupid to drop like $116 on the special editions of two games ive been wanting for a while (now because one of which is on sale)? i mean, ive been saving my money literally all summer to use for myself like i haven’t bought anything i didn’t need and i KNOW im not gonna blow through all of it in school because i don’t go anywhere & dont do shit and i know it’s my money and i can do what i want with it but. idk. it feels stupid. is it stupid or is my brain stupid??

(extra context in tags ig idk)