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#i’m gonna be a lawyer bitch
anarcho-puppy · 3 months
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hiya! welcome to my blog! i mostly just rb or post for myself soooo... don't expect much in terms of consistency lol.
my pronouns are he/him/his, xe/xem/xers, or it/it's; if you misgender me on purpose, you will be blocked >:P
alive but gay
i rb a lost of fandom stuff (basically just whatever media i'm currently hyperfixating on), but these are my favourite media:
DC (mostly batfam)
BBC Sherlock
Hannibal
ATLA (also kinda TLOK, but not as much)
Good Omens
OFMD
Marvel (debatable, not the new stuff, mostly just AOS)
Sense8
WWDITS
Jesus Christ Superstar (shut up, i’m a theatre kid)
The Last Days of Judas Iscariot (in relation to JCS)
The Dragon Prince
Amulet (i’m allowed to be a kid, okay)
Bluey (…very much allowed to be a kid)
HTTYD
ninjago
probs more, i just have a shit memory lmao
pls pls talk to me about my interests! send me asks!
just spent two hours organizing my blog so that i can actually find stuff... so here's a guide:
#puppy barks = og text posts, rants, etc. (basically just everything other than rbs, except threads i’ve added to and wanted to save)
#anarcho puppy (duh) = anarchist and an-com shit
#geo nerd puppy = history-related stuff (one of my SPINs)
#pub trans puppy = public transit-related stuff (another SPIN)
#puppy puppy = feral (sometimes) dog boy me
#poet puppy = started out as poetry but now it’s basically just me writing things
#arty puppy = my art and art rbs
#disabled puppy = disability stuff
#neurodivergent puppy = autism/ADHD shit
#nom nom puppy = baking/cooking/food stuff
#conlang puppy = conlang shit
#little puppy = agere/little me stuff
#faggot shit = uhm uhhhhh… yeah…
#mutual aid/gofundme = self explanatory (please donate or reblog!)
#my polls = polls (obviously /s)
#me = pics of me
#ask = my asks
#hehe = ...yeah i'm not doing so hot (memory loss, trauma, etc.)
#dc = self explanatory (#B, #NW, #RH, #RR, #R, #O, #steph, #cass, #duke, #alfred, #clark, #kon, #jon, #talia, #bernard)
#hozier = my MAN
#atla = avatar the last airbender (and spin-offs)
#sherlock = self explanatory
#tdp = the dragon prince
#hannibal = self explanatory
#go = good omens
#ninjago = self explanatory
#sense8 = self explanatory
#assortment of religious hyperfixations = jesus christ superstar, the last days of judas iscariot, etc.
#i’m gonna be a lawyer bitch = my latest hyperfixation; law, specifically landlord and tenant rights and responsibilities (an actually practical hyperfixation?? crazy… /s)
#covid safety = self explanatory and also really important
#L = iykyk
shut up, i know that there’s a shit tons of tags but it’s not for you; i don’t expect y’all to need a tagging system bc you’re probably not doing a deep dive on my blog, but i need to be able to find things, hence the excessive tagging system :)
DNI LIST:
zionist
racist
sexist
homophobic
transphobic
antisemetic
islamophobic
pedophile/"MAP"
self-described liberal
anti-communist
biden supporter
radqueers
transids/whatever the fuck you’re calling yourselves
etc.
yes, i know that dni lists won’t stop dirty, disgusting people from interacting, but it makes me feel better when i set clear boundaries.
and remember kids, i block LIBERALLY >:P
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Called my aunt to wish her a happy birthday and we spent an hour discussing what I was doing with my life 😭
#my uncle wants me to go get a PhD in quant or finance or information systems and then become a professor#OR#be a lawyer or a dentist#the PhD thing was very specifically catered when I was like 👉🏽👈🏽 I wanna teach#none of those things sound all that appealing..#space law Has Potential#but I think it would make me want to rip my hair out#they were both like. you have two years but then figure your life out by then#and then they were like. what is ur cousin doing. has he proposed yet#and I was like ??? it hasn’t even bee n a year?? I think they’re going to Japan#and oopsies apparently he had not told them they were going to Japan#my bad#after I. very reasonably said it makes sense to wait 2-3 years#he went ‘what is there going to be left to talk about then. life is all downhill from there. might as well get married now’#and. I’ve never ever ever heard that from a human being before#WHAT DO U MEAN YOULL RUN OUT OF THINGS TO TALK ABOUT#I could never#anyways love having my existential crises exacerbated by familial interactions#they just Say Things#I need to study. I’m gonna go do that maybe#actually no I want to complain more. my uncle keeps saying that the problem with space is that there’s only a few cities that work on it.#and that’s gonna limit my choice of partner#(so funny how they say partner. they are very homophobic and have no idea or they’d go THE MAN YOU MARRY like my mother does)#I feel like space is growing…#altho I’m sure that’s what people thought in the 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s#idk some of these bitches have been around since like the 70s and 80s and 90s#so it’s not like they all got fired immediately#my dental hygienist was telling me space was great until Obama slashed the budget#I didn’t have anything to say back considering I was 8 when he was elected and know v little about his policies#anyways. this is a psa to not call ur relatives even to wish them happy bday because then they’ll trap u in conversation and make u question
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apocalypticsinn · 3 months
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bataddictedloony · 3 months
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Here’s a thought I had as I’m reading my first ever crime novel:
How many women and girls have died because of “not all men”?
Like, in the year of our boi 2024, I think we’ve cultivated a world where women know to keep an eye on men, in general, Just In Case. But how many women have been hurt or died because “not all men”? Even though the guy is acting odd and pushy - maybe he’s just socially awkward, doesn’t know how to interact with women well. Even though he’s asking her all the wrong things - maybe he just doesn’t talk with a lot of women, doesn’t have a lot of female friends. Even though his opinions and views are all red flags - maybe he just hangs out with the wrong group of friends and he needs more friends with different perspectives. Even though every single alarm bell in her instincts is going off - not all men are evil, there’s probably a reasonable explanation for why he’s acting like this, if i’m just nice to him he’ll show he’s actually really sweet, not all men, not all men, not all men.
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sharlsworld · 5 months
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soft lauch? - 𝐜𝐬𝟓𝟓 ✽
✿ carlos sainz x influencer!reader (obvi)
✿ y/n and carlos try to soft launch their relationship but his millennial mind can’t comprehend the idea
✰ i got a little crazy at the end guys so i sincerely apologize for that also there’s a age gap…i’m sorry i’m obsessed with them sue me
🝮🝮🝮
definitelynotyn
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liked by joris__trouche and 113 others
definitelynotyn is it time to start soft launching?
carlossainz55 Mi corazón I need you to explain a soft launch to me again
⤷ alexandrasaintmleux everyone take a minute to pray for y/n
♥︎ by author
landonorris LONGGGGG over due
⤷ definitelynotyn we’ve just been waiting for the right time
francisca.cgomes soft launch us? fs
⤷ definitelynotyn let’s go over the captions
⤷ carlossainz55 Alrighty then!
⤷ pierregasly idc how many years go by i’ll never get used to this
⤷ definitelynotyn cry about it
⤷ pierregasly i will
charles_leclerc You would hope so after almost 4 years of dating
⤷ definitelynotyn it’s not our fault we can keep a secret sharl
⤷ charles_leclerc What’s that supposed to mean 🤨
lilymhe carlos sainz deserves to be locked up for going after my little kitten when she turned 18 😾
⤷ carlossainz55 Your just mad I got rizz
⤷ lilymhe obviously not that good if your girl is eating lunch with me rn
⤷ carlossainz55 @definitelynotyn Come home baby the kids miss you
⤷ definitelynotyn omw 😍
⤷ lilymhe damn…someone took my bitch
georgerussell63 Nah i’m waiting for the hard launch engagement post
⤷ carlossainz55 😏
alex_albon bros gonna catch a case 😭
⤷ danielricciardo He’s ready to risk it all
🝮
yn
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liked by carlossainz55 and 6,924,085 others
yn so baby girl coded 🎀
charles_leclerc My eyes 😓
⤷ yn oh please spare me the dramatics
landonorris you two make me sick 🤢
⤷ yn all i’m seeing is a bunch of hating jealous bitches 🤧🥱
hoeforsainzzz guys…that watch looks pretty familiar
f1wags 👀👀👀
smoothoperator55 yk…i’ve spent some time memorizing the arms and hands of the f1 drivers and let me tell you…that’s gotta be carlos sainz 👁️👁️
ynstan4lyfe some of you guys need to except the fact that carlos and her are just friends and nothing more
carlossainz55 Lucky guy
this comment has been deleted
operatorsainz ik ya’ll seen that 🫣
danielricciardo How many times must I remind you that children are on this app
⤷ yn it’s not my fault if they see it the age requirement is 13 🤓
🝮
carlossainz55
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liked by lewishamilton and 9,813,762 others
carlossainz55 4 years with you by my side ♥️
charles_leclerc Tell her to cut her claws it looks like you asked a bear to scratch your back
⤷ hoeforsainzzz HELLOOOO??????
carlossainzappendix HELLO THATS THE SAME PICTURE Y/N POSTED IN HER SOFT LAUNCH STHU
landonorris bless carlos and his millennial mind 😞
iliveforcarlossainz welp this definitely wasn’t on my 2024 bingo card
hearts4lando SHUT THE HELL UP 4 YEARS AND WE HAD NO CLUE?
flowersforyn sooo…we’re not gonna talk about the 8 year age gap?
⤷ alex_albon no his lawyers are on speed dial he was ready to risk it all
⤷ yn shut up albono
yn oh baby 😭
⤷ carlossainz55 Did I do it wrong?
⤷ yn yeah but it’s the thought that counts
maxverstappen1 Almost had it mate
alexandrasaintmleux whoever didn’t pray for y/n this is your fault
🝮
definitelynotyn
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liked by schecoperez and 98 others
definitelynotyn why is bro tryna rizz me up
francisca.cgomes HAHAHA HES SO OLD WHO TYPES WITH AUTO CAPS
⤷ carlossainz55 Mature adults
⤷ definitelynotyn excuse me?
⤷ carlossainz55 I can never win
⤷ lilymhe HAHAHA THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR MESSING UP HER SOFT LAUNCH
charles_leclerc He actually was sweating like a bitch when he realized he posted the same picture
lewishamilton Roscoe misses his godmother he’s in need for a visit
⤷ definitelynotyn stop i’m coming over tmr
oscarpiastri 29 year old spaniard seen running around paddock looking disheveled and almost in tears after the realization hit that he ruined his girlfriends soft launch
⤷ definitelynotyn thanks for the update osc
carlossainz55 Babe please i’m on my knees begging forgive me
⤷ landonorris stand up carlos
⤷ definitelynotyn don’t you have a race to lose or something?
⤷ landonorris maybe in a different lifetime…you aren’t my bully 😔
⤷ definitelynotyn oh go cry me a river
⤷ landonorris i will
alexandrasaintmleux i wish charles was this down bad for me
⤷ charles_leclerc Girl………..
⤷ yn is what you are? 🤣🤣🤣
⤷ charles_leclerc You are my biggest hater
⤷ definitelynotyn proudly
🝮
yn
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liked by haileybieber and 10,172,253 others
yn ruined my soft launch but it’s ok cause the D is fire 🔥 yeah, i said it.
carlossainz55 Mi corazón es tuyo ♥️
⤷ yn ♥️
charles_leclerc You guys should pay for my therapy since i’ve spent the last 4 years sleeping in the room next to yours
⤷ carlossainz55 Get ear plugs
ynlos ik those bitches are like bunnies 🫣
hoeforsainzzz y/n giving us a little snack 😩
ynstan4lyfe i would like to take back what i said on her soft launch
danielricciardo Your pr managers are quaking with rage right now I know it
⤷ yn i was gonna say something but then i chose peace 😇
⤷ georgerussell63 That’s a first
⤷ yn alright bro your entire existence is a meme calm down 🤣🤣
⤷ georgerussell63 I can always count on you to make me cry
🝮
carlossainz55
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liked by lissiemackintosh and 9,019,723 others
carlossainz55 Dibs
francisca.cgomes WOAH THERE BUDDY
arthur_leclerc that’s enough instagram for the day.
landonorris my poor eyes
yn best pillow 😇
⤷ carlossainz55 Just for you
ynissocutiepatootie her side profile 😍😍
ynsmywife carlos sainz can’t handle allat
carlando this altered my brain chemistry
carlitossainz brotha don’t know what to do with allat
charles_leclerc Every time I open this app man I can’t escape it 💔
⤷ yn is that a little bitch i hear?
⤷ charles_leclerc You wound me
maxverstappen1 Wasn’t prepared for that
carlossainz55 All you bitches can stay mad
🝮
yns.asskisser
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liked by oscarpiastri and 84 others
yns.asskisser Date night with the missus
yn WOOF WOOF MEOW 😍😘😋👅🤤 SMASH SMASH SMASH YOU CAN HAVE IT ANY DAY ANY WHERE ANY TIME
⤷ yns.asskisser I love u mami
yn do you want head?
⤷ yns.asskisser Always baby 😘
⤷ charles_leclerc JUST BECAUSE THIS IS A PRIVATE ACCOUNT DOESNT MEAN OTHER PEOPLE CANT SEE IT
landonorris aw you sick bastard
lilymhe what is it finna play…WOAHHHH
alexandrasaintmleux i miss the person i was 10 seconds ago
francisca.cgomes you and y/n put 50 shades of grey to SHAME
alex_albon so who’s coming to church with me and lily on sunday? 😇
⤷ pierregasly me and kika
⤷ charles_leclerc Me and alexandra
⤷ oscarpiastri me and lily
⤷ danielricciardo Me
⤷ schecoperez Me
⤷ maxverstappen1 Me
⤷ yukitsunoda0511 Me
⤷ lewishamilton Me and roscoe
⤷ georgerussell63 Me and carmen
⤷ landonorris me
⤷ joris__trouche me
⤷ lance_stroll me
⤷ logansargeant me
⤷ fernandoalo_oficial Me
⤷ yn ya’ll mad i’m getting my world rocked every night 🤪🤪
♥︎ by author
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egoistars · 11 days
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HIT BRAKE! sae itoshi
(Sae needs to practice his goals and you… driving)
~3.8k words, humor, fluff, angst if you grab a magnifying glass, use of soccer instead of football (i have too much pride to do that), theyre so polar opposite they unfortunately come full circle and match each others freak
Sae Itoshi returned to Japan with several new things under his belt:
The ability to speak spanish (although his grammar structure can use some help from time to time)
An insane growth spurt
Probably shell shock syndrome
And the scariest new update to a chronic Resting Bitch Face that you had the displeasure of seeing thrown your way when you accidentally ran over his ball driving home. Maybe this is why most Japanese people rely on public transport instead of using their licenses
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TWO was the number of times you had failed your driver’s test. Yes, you could always use the bus or ask your friends for a ride, but college doesn’t start for another few weeks and you’re determined by pure stubbornness to be driver certified before starting school. You think you’re doing pretty good so far: no accidents, no being pulled over, no getting cursed, and no one loudly complaining about your skills (no one has trusted you to drive them). The only thing you had left to master was parallel parking. 
It was a legacy in your family to be horrible at city parking.
One of your earliest memories was in the backseat of a rental car in a foreign country while your mother tried to park on the side of the street, only to get honked at by cars and drive against the flow of vehicles in a one-way zone. 
A bag of groceries lie in the trunk of your car as you drive to your family’s home. Humming along to the song softly playing through the radio, you slow down as you near the residential area, confident that this drive will end without a single thing gone wrong. Without speaking, you jinx your thoughts as you jolt when your car goes over a bump and a loud wheeze follows it. Turning your head to the side, your entire body freezes and your eyes go wide upon seeing the pissed off glare of Sae Itoshi, the infamous Japanese soccer player who just returned from Spain with a sexy tan.
With a shaky hand, you roll down your window and immediately start tumbling over your rushed apologies. You don’t even understand what you’re saying but you hope that Itoshi somehow understands. When he doesn’t react, which is what you expected but it hurts nonetheless, you immediately shut up and tumble out of your car before getting on your knees and seeing what you ran over. 
Your hand reaches and pulls out a deflated soccer ball, the entire thing flat with a large hole on the side from when it got run over by your car. You almost feel inclined to inflate it with the tears that are about to spill out of your eyes but the only realistic and socially acceptable choice was to give it to Itoshi and once again, apologize but with words that he and the average person can understand. 
Itoshi mumbles a “it’s okay” before taking the ball (can you even call it that?) a once-over. “I have more at home, I’ll just throw it out.”
“Holy shit I’m so sorry about that I can buy you a new one just please don’t sue me I can’t afford a good lawyer, I’m in student loan debt.”
“...why would I sue you?” he asks, his face slightly scrunched up in confusion. It’s not much different from his normal expression, just a slight crease of his brows but it makes all the difference.
“I didn’t mean to assume that you’re gonna sue me, please don’t sue me for assuming!” You think that you should begin to pack your bags and take out a loan to move to another country. It would be easier to be a criminal than to deal with a conversation with a guy who multiplies your humiliation. “I just thought that you might get your super prestigious and rich and wealthy and prosperous and exquisitely-copious-in-currency soccer team on my ass ‘cause I ran over one of their balls,” you nervously rambled. Your face heats up at every word and one Itoshi divides into two Itoshis and two Itoshis split into four.
“Are you schizophrenic? I thought you were normal back in middle school,” sixty-eight Itoshis say in unison.
Your body freezes, the now one hundred twenty-eight Itoshis all morphing back into one. “Wait, we went to middle school together?”
“Uh, yeah,” he blinks, this time looking even more awkward than you. “We were in the same class for two years straight and I sat next to you the semester before I left. I think I would remember the kid who slept through each period but still got all the answers right when called on.”
“Oh!” You perk up at the recollection of a scrawny red-haired boy from five years ago, one who would try to not-so-discreetly look at your worksheet answers and peek at your notes during class. “You’re the boy who would always copy off my work. I do remember you!”
“Is that all you remember about me?” If Itoshi were any other person, you’d say he looked uncomfortable but all he did was tilt his head a little more to the left and shift on his feet. 
“I mean, the only reason why you remember me is ‘cause I saved your academics without even knowing. Don’t think I didn’t hear our teacher whispering ‘good job’ to you while returning our tests and how you suddenly moved up in our class rankings.”
“Well you didn’t bother to hide anything when you were snoozing away so whose fault really is it?”
“You were gonna leave for Spain, anyway!” you point out, remembering being pissed off when hearing the reason why your seatmate left was because he was some kind of sport prodigy, basically having his entire future as a star secured at the age of thirteen.
“My parents would’ve killed me and held me by my feet if I flunked.” Itoshi grimaced, kissing his teeth and brushing his hair back as it had fallen over his eyes. His cheeks had returned to its usual color, removing the red flush of running and exhaustion.
“Huh, I guess I should be credited for your success. Spain should thank me.”
“Are we forgetting that I’m the one who plays the sport?” Sae’s voice came out harsher than he intended and cut through the playful atmosphere by the first syllable. His demeanor appeared unchanged but he felt himself tense. 
Conversation had never been strong for Sae, only ever talking when he needed to and the most of his words going to his teammates on the field or his little brother. His success was a sensitive subject whether he liked to admit it or not. Spain served as an eye-opener to the teenage boy, being left in a country where no one looked like you and no one spoke your language. The only thing he could rely on was a translator he barely trusted and the expressions of the people around him. 
When you don’t respond, Sae observes your face, noticing how you began to fidget with your fingers just as you had when you first stepped out of the car. You weren’t his previous coaches; you were just a former classmate who he happened to run into, or rather, you drove into. It was too late to laugh and he felt slightly guilty at freaking out someone that wasn’t his brother, an opponent, or a bothersome news anchor. 
“If you want to repay me for the ball, meet me at the sports store nearby.”
“Sorry, but I don’t really know where you’re talking about,” you sheepishly reply, wanting to sink more into the ground with every word. You decide that talking to athletes is more tiring than playing an actual sport.
“Give me your number, I’ll send you the address.”
You hand him your phone, hoping he doesn’t comment on the horrendously cracked screen protector that you had been telling yourself to replace for months. At the same time, you also want him to notice the small possibility of him offering to buy you a new one, taking advantage of rich people or whatever. “I can pick you up if you don’t mind.”
“Should I trust you to drive me?” he asks, carefully looking between you and your car with his turquoise eyes as if analyzing his opponents on a field, only, this was a residential street and the only other player was a balding middle aged man walking his dog. 
“I mean, you’ll be my first passenger so you can find out for everyone else.”
“If I get into an accident I’ll sue you for real.”
“I’ll try not to, I don’t have a job anymore and I’m going to college soon so even if I do please be merciful I swear I have good intentions.”
“Pick me up tomorrow at 11 and I’ll give you a review,” he decides, handing over his phone with the contact ‘Sae Itoshi’ at the top of your phone and the name of a sports store sent to your conversation. You ponder for a moment about asking for a contact picture but you’d like to stay alive for at least one more day so you bid him farewell and sit back in the driver’s seat, hoping he doesn’t hate your taste in music when you turn the radio back on.
The Itoshi residence is rather normal, differing from your expectation of a lavish mansion with fountains and fences of gold, given that Sae was a famous athlete and his younger brother Rin was known throughout the prefecture for being a mini Sae. The previous night when you had just finished brushing your teeth, your phone screen illuminated with the presence of a new notification: a text from the older Itoshi.
>make sure you don’t have anything planned for tomorrow
>i’ll need to try each ball out
>you did this to yourself
>shitty driver
A jolt of pain had struck your pride, crumbling your ego at the realization that he was, unfortunately, right about needing to sacrifice your entire afternoon to babysit a (grown) stranger whom you haven’t talked to in years; those conversations were brief, lacking any substance to consider them actual conversations. For a moment, the thought of bailing on him had crossed your mind, the idea of leaving him stranded at his residence while you enjoyed a night in, marinating before a tumultuous college career seemed insatiably tempting. 
Disaster struck when you Googled Sae Itoshi’s net worth, his bank account leading you right to his front doorstep.
“Don’t get into any car accidents,” Sae told you as he dipped his head down to step into the passenger’s side of your car. You were suddenly struck with a moment of insecurity; a wealthy athlete who could probably buy your family and your ancestor’s mummified corpses is sitting in your car and is probably rich enough to get away with murdering you for having half a particle of dust fall onto his lap.
You realized you zoned out when Sae cleared his throat, blinking a few times at you with an unamused expression and eyebrows furrowed in judgment. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, man. Just trying to remember the name of the place you mentioned. It’s a technique I use where if I think really hard in the same place I was when I thought of that thought, that thought I had thought of can reappear in my thoughtless mind.” You aren’t sure if you understand what you’re saying but you think you can get away with spouting bullshit if you use enough hand movements like a person on TedTalk.
“What the actual fuck are you saying?” Sae doesn’t seem to believe you but you’re an innovator—you simplify the problem down to something the average person (underling) can understand. 
“Can you give me the address again..?”
“You’re a freak.”
Sae picks up your phone, which was opened to the navigator app, and quickly typed in the name of the sporting good’s shop he had mentioned the day before. It was a small place, smaller than you would expect a star athlete to go to for equipment but you suppose it makes sense at the same time: less people, less paparazzi, less crazed fans, and a selection of items picked specifically for trained athletes. 
“So, uh, are you gonna make me pay for the ball too ‘cause I’m at least, like, five yen in student loan debt,” you sheepishly ask, hoping Sae can appreciate your humility in being a college student, taking a step forward in life by pursuing a higher education. 
“How cheap are you?” Sae scoffs, letting out a sound that started off as half of a chuckle but ended as a constipated grunt, making him sound like a diseased lab-grown goat that was raised by war-stricken alien society. You think Sae should become an experimental musical artist if soccer doesn’t work out, sorta like a fucked up version of Björk who’s slightly less musically talented and a total cunt instead. 
“I’m not cheap! I’m just curious. I brought my credit card just in case. I’m a responsible adult; this is all for budgeting and logging my payments or whatever else people do to save money.”
“You’re lucky you’re funny,” Sae comments as if it’s the most nonchalant thing in the world. For you though, you almost stepped on the breaks and begged him to repeat what he said. It would have been just another condescending compliment from anyone else but Sae Itoshi is notorious for not humoring anyone in the media and you quickly realized, even those in real life. Before you could doubt your memory, Sae opens his mouth again. “You lucked out on pretty privilege. All the bullshit you say would not slide if it came from any other person. I’m convinced the only social experience you have is talking to a mud wall.”
Any negative statement he had made went through one ear and directly out the other, keeping only the compliments for your brain to process. Without noticing, a giddy smile appeared on your face and to Sae, it was wildly masochistic the way you tolerated his foul personality and even relishing in his attention—no matter good or bad. He could almost pity you, deducing your attitude as a lack of self respect, but you somehow manage to surprise him every time.
“Nah, I think I had a lot of friends. I don’t know if we were actually friends but I knew their names so it’s probably good enough. Speaking of, there was this guy named Kota who I knew when I was seven and he seemed pretty cool until I caught him picking at his feet in the middle of class. Sometimes I wonder how he’s doing and if he’s still collecting foot gunk. But yeah, I think you’re just self projecting with the whole ‘no people, only soccer’ thing and moving to Spain with zero spanish skills. Damn, wait, that’s kinda sad. Shit, now I feel bad,” you take a look at Sae, searching for any sort of discomfort or offense but he simply shrugged. 
“It’s whatever, they all bothered me anyways. I was there to play soccer, not make lifelong friends. It’s not like I’m gonna stay in Spain forever. I’m back in Japan to renew my passport ‘cause I know I’m gonna come back eventually.”
“You’ve already made a name for yourself and you’re making insane money that can last more than a lifetime for the average person once your contract is over. It’s not gonna be long before you get onto the Olympic team for Japan. When you do make it on, you better thank me for making sure you kept on playing by bringing you to buy a replacement for a ball I ran over.”
You drove into a parking lot with two other cars directly in front of the sports shop. The building was in the middle of a small plaza, adjacent to an udon shop and a bar. It was undoubtedly an odd place for a sports shop to be and that might have been what caught Sae’s eye in the first place. In the window display, a tennis racket and a pair of soccer cleats are put on display and on the glass door, countless advertisements for events and brands are taped on, each barely correlating to the others.
Right in the corner of the shop is the checkout where an elderly man sits, scribbling something in a beaten journal. There is a stack of newspapers behind him, every issue marked with highlighted annotations and then neatly folded as if it were untouched. Sae greeted the man and turned to find someone else, this time, being a younger man who appeared to be in his thirties or forties. He gave Sae a warm smile and shook his hand, not as a business partner, but as an acquaintance. 
It’s here that you realize you’ll never be able to see the world the way Sae does. In your car he was just another boy in your neighborhood that you decided to get to know. But to others, he was Sae Itoshi, a prodigy who could conquer the world with just himself and a pair of cleats. Although his eyes are dimmed and his apathy anything but silent, his shine was lost to know one and when he boards a plane back to Spain while you settle into college, you think you’d be content calling him a shooting star.
Sae notices that you stopped following him and turns around in confusion, tilting his head to motion you to follow him. It takes a breath before you put your hands in the pocket of your jacket and tentatively follow him. It wasn’t until you walked into the store that you truly realized how out of place you felt and if it were just you and Sae, you might’ve thought to ask him what everything did. He’d call you a dense fuck and tell you that he plays soccer, that he doesn’t deal with anything else. You had even the smallest bit of shame so you kept your mouth shut and continued to trail after him, stealing glances at the stacked shelves until the employee came to a halt.
Before you was a wall, lined with four shelves of nothing but soccer balls, each decorated with the signatures of different brands and their series’.
“The guy said I can try them out in the back.” Sae tapped your shoulder and grabbed onto the fabric of your jacket, dragging you with him like a pet cat. “They have a lot of empty space there. You can help me carry everything I want to try.”
Agreeing turned out to be a mistake. In your arms you struggled to carry six different balls, with Sae dribbling one between his feet as the owner of the stop unlocked the door to the back where Sae would be testing things out. You felt like an overworked butler from some bad comic and in your head, you imagined yourself as a fainting princess—a damsel in distress being overworked by the evil kingdom in which she is supposed to be respected.
“Stop being dramatic,” Sae sighed, noticing your dejected pout and lost eyes. He could almost pity you if you didn’t look comically pathetic in the moment, almost adorable if he wanted to be slightly sentimental. “You can put them all down now. Just sit here and wait. Take a nap or something, you’ll be fine.”
The lack of standards you have would be an issue to address at a later date because the barely comforting words of the ever eloquent motivational speaker Sae Itoshi had you immediately perking up and cheering for him.
“Go! Go! You got this! Get that goal, ugly!”
“Who are you calling ugly? I could knock you out with this ball, you know. If you want to be supportive, don't be a freak.”
“Are you really gonna disrespect the only fan you have at the moment? What if I tweet about this and get you canceled or some shit?”
“Do you really think I care about that?”
“...no…”
“...”
“...”
“Whatever. Do what you want.”
“Kick that ball, little boy! You’re a prodigy! Number one soccer player in the world! Bend that net over!”
By the time Sae had finished shooting several goals and alternating dribbling between them at least five times, the sun had set and your throat was sore from bullshit cheering, half of which were incoherent sounds of moral support. Sae grabbed an unopened box of the ball he had chosen and denied a pump when offered one. When he placed the cardboard packaging onto the checkout table, your wallet was in your hand and ready to check out and pay off your debt to the Itoshi. 
However, you were met with a receipt in your hand instead and a farewell from the owner, bidding you and Sae a happy rest of your day. You quickly turned your head toward Sae, mouth agape as your brain twitched, trying to process if he was fucking with you or not.
“Do you want me to pay you online or write a check or what? Wait, why did you pay? I thought I owed you it? My complaining earlier was all joking. I literally popped your old ball. The least I can do is pay for a new one!” You rant, quickly taking your phone out of your bag to open up your banking app but Sae was quicker to take your hand in his and bring it down to where it was before.
“And I was fucking with you too, dumbass. Or are you too stupid to remember back in the car how I didn’t respond to you asking if you needed to pay? Start listening, will you?”
“I think this is the meanest act of generosity I’ve ever seen.”
“I’m not being generous, I’m telling you that you owe me something else.”
“What the fuck?” You’re perplexed by the audacity of this man. You hope his athletic career flops and every brand deal that he has gotten offered drops him. “Are you gonna start charging me an insane amount of interest like a loan shark? Dude, aren’t you rich?”
“I’m not asking for money.”
“Then what is it?”
“Go on a date with me.”
“Are you being for real right now?” You’re still perplexed by the audacity of this man. You’re perplexed by how his words are chosen to form the most foul sentences with sweet meanings. You’re perplexed by how out of all who know him, and all whom he knows, he would take an interest in you. But you’re a selfish person—if Sae Itoshi is offering his beauty and his awful personality to you, then you’ll take it with all your heart. 
You move to Sae’s side, putting everything in your hands into your bag and intertwining your fingers with his, a dumb smile planted on your face. As you skip to the car and swing your hands between the two of you, Sae Itoshi’s grin is highlighted by the golden glow of the setting sun. 
He really can’t wait to come home.
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aestheticaltcow · 6 months
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Two Months
Carmy really fucked up, but maybe he can prove his worthiness and get his girls back.
MDNI 18+
The Bear Masterlist
Previous part Next part
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Carmy sighed when his call went to voicemail after a few rings. He pushed a hand through his hair and listened to your voicemail message, “Hey baby- I just wanted to know if I could see Mia. I know you don’t want to see me, but I need to see her… if you could just bring her by the restaurant, that would be fine. I just want to hold my daughter. Uh- yeah. I’m sorry, I’m a fuckin’ dumbass. Please just give me five minutes to explain everything. Let me know. I love you.” he hung up the phone and leaned back in his chair. He stared up at the ceiling as he thought about you and Mia. It had been a couple of weeks since he’d seen either of you, and he just needed his girls again. 
“Asshole. Sign here.” Natalie barked at Carmy as she entered the office with an ordering forum. She shoved the papers at him before crossing her arms over her chest. “Natalie, I get it okay. I fucked up. My wife kicked me out of our house, I’m living in a shitty hotel, and I haven’t seen my daughter in weeks. I’m not in the fucking mood to deal with your bitching.” Carmy replied, glaring at his sister. She rolled her eyes, “You turned out so much like Dad.” she laughed, yanking the documents back. Carmy huffed, “Fuck you.”
“Right back at you, Carmen,” Natalie said, slamming the door behind her as she exited the office. “You okay, Sugar?” Richie questioned softly, noticing the anger in her eyes. She rolled her eyes and pushed past him without saying anything; being in the same vicinity as Carmy was irritating. Whenever she saw his face, she thought of Mia and how Carmy had repeated their father's actions. Natalie sighed when she got into her car, “I’m sorry you had to hear that, baby… let’s go get your brother.”
~
“Hey, Carm- everything okay with Y/N?” Richie awkwardly asked as Carmy was doing prep for that night's dinner service. “What do you think fuckhead?” Carmy snarkily responded; Richie rolled his eyes and decided to match his energy. “Well, she texted Tiff asking for her DIVORCE LAWYER’S info.” he leaned against the counter with a shit-eating grin. Carmy slammed his knife down and pushed past Richie to go into the alley. “That was fucked up, kid.” Tina scolded as she exited the walk-in. Richie shrugged, “I was going to be subtle, but he’s being a little bitch.” 
Carmy closed his eyes, fighting back tears when Syd showed up for prep. “Hey Carmen, are you okay?” she asked, stepping closer. He shook his head and let out a puff of air, “Y/N’s gonna leave me- I fuckin’ deserve it, but I want my wife Sydney. She won’t even fuckin’ talk to me, but she’ll fuckin’ divorce me? It’s bullshit.” Carmy cried to her. Syd stood there for a moment to collect her thoughts. She swallowed before sitting down next to him and pat Carmy’s shoulder as she began to explain her point of view on the situation, “You fucked up, Carmen. But you love Y/N and Mia- just go. Go home. I’ll cover tonight. Go talk to your wife.” 
Carmy took Syd’s suggestion. He wasn’t sure if you’d let him in or even talk to him, but he knew he should at least try.
~
“I don’t know Natalie. I just… I mean- I’m gonna sound like a dumb bitch, but maybe I could?” you groaned into your phone as Natalie was about to answer the doorbell rung. “Hey Nat, can I call you back in a bit? Someone’s here.” you waited for her passive agreement and hung up. You put your phone in your back pocket and went to the front door. You felt your stomach flip when you opened the door to reveal Carmy standing in your doorway. He was an unshaven mess, with messy curls and dark circles under his eyes. “Carmen? What are you doing here?” you questioned, bracing the door, hoping it would prevent him from entering your once-shared house. “You’re divorcing me?” he asked on the brink of tears. You sighed, “I asked Tiffany for her lawyer's information- that’s all.” 
“Y/N, you can’t leave me without giving me a chance to make things right.” Carmy pleaded. You sucked your teeth, “Carmen, I really don’t want to talk about this right now… Mia’s asleep, but you can come in and say goodnight if you want.” you offered as you pulled your sleeves over your hands. Carmy nodded furiously, “I-I, ye-yes, please.”
Carmy stared down at Mia’s sleeping body. She was splayed across her crib in a green onesie with a pacifier to match. Carmy swallowed as he watched her legs twitch. “She doesn’t like sleep sacks anymore?” he asked softly. You nodded before answering, “She decided it was her own personal hell a couple weeks ago, so now she’s a big girl.” 
Carmy laughed softly and put his hand on Mia’s cheek. She squirmed and leaned into his hand, “I love you, princess.”
You walked Carmy out of the nursery and into the hallway by the front door, “Can we talk?” Carmy asked, trying not to burst into tears and lock himself in the nursery. You nodded, “Okay. What do you want to talk about?” 
Carmy swallowed. “I know you hate me, but I need to see Mia.” He took a quick breath before continuing, “Y/N, please don’t keep my daughter from me. I’ll give you whatever you want. I just need to see my daughter.” Carmy sniffled as he wiped his eyes. 
Guilt. When you saw the hurt on his face, you knew what you had to do. “Next time I need someone to watch her, I’ll call you.” you offered, Carmy grinned and thanked you before starring at you with the same love and admiration he always had. He turned to walk back to his car but stopped in the middle of the yard, “I love you. I’m gonna win you back.” he pushed a hand through his hair before shoving them in his jacket pockets. You rolled your eyes, “Bye Carmen. Drive safe.” 
~
The flu hit your office like a semi-truck. Everyone got sick, including you, and taking care of a sick baby proved more complicated than you’d thought. No one could help you, so reluctantly, you called Carmy to come be with Mia that night. He was over the moon but tried to play it cool, you saw it through immediately. It was sweet in a cheesy, trying too hard kind of way.
“Hey baby, I brought you pastina soup and Tylenol.” he grinned, handing you a paper bag, “Thank you, Carmen.” you were short with him. Carmy noticed but chopped it up to you being sick, “I can make you some tea.” he offered as you walked back to your bedroom. “I’m fine, Carmen. Please just watch Mia,” you said over your shoulder before closing the bedroom door behind you. You wanted to be mad at him, but it was hard when he was so thoughtful… and handsome. He cleaned himself up since the last time you saw him.
Carmy sat back on the couch, making funny faces at Mia. She squealed and grabbed the air in Carmy’s direction. “I missed you so much, princess.” he laughed as he brought her up to his chest; he rubbed her back as she tried to hug him. “Okay, let's check on Mommy and then make some dinner. Daddy missed his favorite sous.” Carmy explained as he got up. The two walked down the hallway, Mia babbling away as Carmy adjusted her in his arms. He bumped the bedroom door open with his hip and saw you peacefully sleeping. He stepped into the bedroom and grabbed the trash from your side table. Mia grumbled as the two of you exited the room; Carmy chuckled and kissed her temple. “I know, princess. I wanna snuggle with Mommy too, but she doesn’t feel well… and hates me, but we’ll figure it out.”
You abruptly woke up around midnight when you heard talking through the baby monitor. You stumbled out of your bedroom and across the hall to the nursery; the door was askew, and as you approached it, you more clearly heard Carmy’s voice. He was laying on the floor next to Mia’s crib, “My little Mia… I wish you could stay this little forever.” he whispered as he put his hand up to the crib gate. The sight alone made your heart yearn for your family to be back together. You knew what you had to do.
~
“And that princess is how you make scrambled eggs, the right way.” you laughed when you overheard Carmy’s cooking lesson. You walked into the kitchen and saw Carmy plating up scrambled eggs, “Hey.” you greeted as you got a mug from the cabinet. Carmy grinned in your direction, “Mornin’ baby. Feelin’ better?” 
“Feelin’ waaaaaaay better,” you started, “Thanks for coming over to take care of her. I really appreciate it.”. Carmy leaned against the counter, “I’m her Dad- it’s my job.”
“You’re a good one… I don’t know where you’ve been staying, but if you want, I uh- I made up the guest room if you want to come home…” you explained, “I feel like I’ve been keeping Mia from you, and that’s fucked up.” you rocked on your heels hoping Carmy wouldn’t assume this offer meant you wanted to get back together. He nodded immediately, “I would love that.” Carmy was giddy at the idea of getting to be with Mia every day again- it also gave him an opportunity to win you back.
It had only been a few days since Carmy had been back home, and he jumped right back into the daily hustle and went above and beyond what he usually did. Carmy changed his schedule and managed to do a lot of his restaurant owner duties at home so that he could be with Mia more. The house was clean, the pantry was stocked with all your favorite snacks, home-cooked meals, and a very happy baby, and it drove you crazy.
“I just- this man is driving me insane.” you ranted as you sipped your margarita. It was girls’ night out with Syd and Natalie. You were two margaritas in and deep in your feelings. “I should just forgive-” you were cut off by Natalie exclaiming, “NO! You can’t just forgive him, Y/N. He’s a fuckin’ idiot for even thinking about being with another woman. It makes all his ‘you make me a better man’ vows bullshit. Our Dad used to do the same shit to Donna all the time- and she just accepted it! Then he left her. I don’t want Carmy to do the same to you- he already fuckin’ started doing it.”
You were taken aback by Natalie’s ranting and raving; you’d known that Carmy had a difficult relationship with his Dad, but you hadn’t known the full extent. You looked at Syd, wanting her to weigh in on the situation, “Carmy’s an asshole, but he’s your asshole. He loves you. He loves Mia. I don’t know if he’ll do it again - if my partner pulled something like this on me, I think I’d hear them out.”
It was almost 10 when Carmy had finally managed to get Mia to fall asleep. He was exhausted after a long day, but when he’d gone into your bedroom to get the baby monitor, he couldn’t help but notice a satin black thong sitting on the top of the laundry hamper. He stared at the underwear for a moment before shaking his head. He wasn’t going to take his wife’s dirty underwear. Carmy walked toward the door before pausing and going back to the hamper. “I guess I am that guy,” he scoffed, grabbing the panties and putting them in the pocket of his sweatpants. 
Carmy lay in bed leaning against a pile of pillows, scrolling through the private folder on his photo app. “There it is…” he mumbled as he tapped the video before putting his headphones in. “You promise no one else will see this, right?” your voice flooded Carmy’s ears as he pushed his sweats off. “Of course not, baby.” he reassured you as your hands reached for his zipper. He watched as you bit your lip and unzipped his pants. Carmy groaned as he watched you give him a blow job. Carmy took the underwear he’d stolen from your bedroom and started stroking himself. The sensation reminded him of when he’d tease you before relentlessly fucking you into a crying mess. 
“Oh fuck-” Carmy exhaled as he felt his orgasm approaching. He swiped to the next video of riding him. Carmy salivated at the sight of your bouncing tits. You were moaning his name as your movements got more frantic, “Cream all over my fuckin’ cock, baby.” 
“That was a fun night,” you said startling Carmy, he dropped his phone before quickly covering himself with a blanket as you stood in the doorway. You giggled at his reaction, you were just going to ask how Mia was before going to bed but catching Carmy masturbating with your underwear… blame it on the alcohol but you wanted a taste.
“I uh- I didn’t hear you- hear you come inside.” Carmy stumbled over his words as you fully entered the guest room. “No need for you to be embarrassed, Carmy…” he watched with wide eyes as you moved around the bed to sit next to him on the bed. You sighed and pushed the blanket off his lap to expose him.
You pushed your hand up Carmy’s thigh, making him swallow hard. “What made you so hard, baby? Were you being a little perv… jacking off with my dirty panties… watching a video of me sucking your cock?” you mewled as you ran your fingers along his thigh. Carmy nodded as he stared into your eyes. You giggled and grasped the base of his length. He croaked as you started to stroke him, “You like that baby?” you asked cocking your head to the side, staring up at him. He nodded as he let his head fall back against the headboard.
Carmy whimpered as you ran your tongue along the bottom of his cock. You swirled your tongue around his leaking tip, making him swear under his breath. As you took more of him in your mouth, his whimpers turned to whiny moans. You pulled away with a pop. Carmy stared down at you, watching a string of saliva connect your lips to the head of his cock. “Does that feel nice, baby?” you asked as you returned to pumping your hand around him. “So-so nice,” he replied, touching your cheek. You smiled as you pushed it away.
“But, why should I suck your cock if you’re gonna let just any woman off the street suck it?” you asked. Carmy shook his head, “Only-only you, baby-y.” he shuddered.
“Only me? Tell me, Carmen, who does this cock belong to?” he was putty in your hands as you slowed your pace. “You, baby, only you.” he groaned, “Prove it.” you challenged.
Carmy buried his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly pressed into your entrance as you lamented at the familiar sensation. You held onto Carmy’s shoulders as he started thrusting his hips in a steady rhythm, “Hmm, Carmy…” you hummed as he hungrily kissed your neck.
“I don’t deserve you baby…”
Tag List @namjoons-crabssss @sl-ut @thottae @cuddlehye @prurose @1184p @chaoticfanficfanx @ok-boke @literatureluster @bxtchopolis @americanprometheuss @buckystwilight @earth-elemental18 @thebearlily @siren-melodies @thel0v3hashira143 @innercreationflower @unpoqu1todetodo @thehouseofevangelista @pizzaspirits @aleemendoza2425-blog @visualbutterflysworld
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goldsainz · 1 year
Text
SOMETHING I’M MADE FOR — one shot.
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pairing: max verstappen x reader
MASTERLIST.
PART 1.
taglist: @lorarri @noncannonships @whatthefuckerr @lpab
NOTE: this is part 2 to “what was i made for?” honestly i love the direction this took… i feel like i always say this but, this is not meant to reflect real people or try and replicate any real life scenario (other than my personal ones ig), so pls don’t think that this is me hating max, bc i truly don’t. yes, i stole the song from lana (our godess) this is probably my “silliest” fic... idk but i liked the chaos of it!
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yourusername has posted an insta story!
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liked by harrystyles, carlossainz55 and 3,647,852 others
yourusername watercolor eyes. tomorrow.
view all 54,718 comments
ynfan21 we will be streaming!
ynfan22 AAHHHHH
lizzobeeating AHHH 💙💙
liked by yourusername and 90,418 others
ynfan23 CARLOS WTF R U DOING HERE
maxfan21 i’m scared af
⤷ ynfan24 first official break up song…
ynfan25 if this is like wwimf i will be sobbing
ynfan26 max fumbled so hard omg
maxfan22 GET BACK TOGETHER. NOW.
ynfan27 mother looks so good😩
ynfan28 i hope max always regrets the day he lost her!!!
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liked by landonorris, kyliejenner and 4,871,605 others
yourusername happy me, happy life
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ynfan31 not her changing the saying “happy wife, happy life”
⤷ ynfan32 living for the max shade
ynfan33 oh he fumbled HARD
maxfan31 max how are you doing?????
maxfan32 the reference to “happier than ever”😭
danielricciardo #Real
⤷ ynfan34 DANIEL WTF
ynfan35 NOW THAT YOURE SINGLE MARRY ME PLS
maxfan33 send thoughts and prayers for max
ynfan36 happy for y/n but i’m still mourning them😭
francisca.cgomes you were always my gf, not his
⤷ yourusername we’re the real it couple
⤷ pierregasly No, no, no!!! We are not doing this. Leave my girlfriend alone, Y/N
⤷ yourusername no❤️
ynfan37 I MISS MY PARENTS
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liked by nyckdevries, kellypiquet 479,813 others
maxverstappen1 I was always better solo.
view all 7,198 comments
maxfan41 OMG??? MAX’S SHADY ERA IS HERE???
maxfan42 nah not the response post😭
ynfan41 boy byeee
maxfan43 supporting him is getting even harder now
redbullracing The #1 and only!
⤷ maxfan44 admin blink twice if you were forced to do this
ynfan42 anyways y/n is better and 1000x more talented🥱
maxfan45 not him pretending like didn’t lose the baddest bitch he will ever know
landonorris You’re gonna act like you weren’t absolutely sobbing yesterday?
⤷ maxverstappen1 Calling my lawyers. Now.
⤷ landonorris Gonna make sign an NDA?
⤷ maxverstappen1 😐😐😐
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rahhhbananas · 1 year
Text
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✭ ✭ ✭ 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐍 ✭ ✭ ✭ ft. spider-plush, miles, gwen, pavitr, hobie
summary. 5 idiots in a court room
warning(s). He/Him pronouns, foul language
a/n. A lot of ppl liked my last post, so here’s part 2!
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“Order in the court!”
The judge, or Gwen, yelled. Banging the wooden mallet on the bench. She cleared her throat before looking at the crowd. Pavitr, Y/n, and Spider-Plush on one side, while Hobie and Miles on the opposing “You can all probably guess why you are all here…?” The chirps of a cricket bounced off the empty courtroom walls, “Okay, we are gathered here for the trial of Spider-Plush, or whatever, I have no idea how court works.” Gwen mumbled, fidgeting with her papers. Hobie nodded, and Miles coughed awkwardly, “Speaking nothin but the truth…” Hobie whispered, with a slight smirk. Gwen snapped her neck in his direction, sending the punk a playful glare. The blonde sighed, “Anyways..”
“HE’S GUILTY, ARREST HIM!”
“Arrest?”
“First off, don’t interrupt the judge. Second, we don’t have the budget for handcuffs that’d keep Hobie contained.”
“Got that right.”
“Y/n no one saw this ‘criminal act’ but you. We don’t even have enough evidence for a court case.”
“I AM A WITNESS!”
“Ok…Pav, maybe we should stay outta this one.”
“HE IS MY CLIENT, I WILL NOT STAY OUT OF THIS”
“YEAH MORALES, STOP HARASSING MY LAWYER”
“HARRASING??”
“wow.”
“We should all calm down.”
“DON’T TELL ME TO CLAM DOWN!”
“YEAH, DON’T TELL MY CLIENT TO CALM DOWN!”
“Come on Pav, we’re leaving!”
Y/n rose from his seat, stopping near Miles. His gaze fixed upon his boyfriend, a stern expression etched across his face. "Morales," Y/n's voice carried a note of seriousness. Miles met his gaze, a mix of apprehension and curiosity in his eyes. "L/n," Miles responded, mirroring the intensity of Y/n's stare. “The child support?” His face contorted into fear “I….forgot?” It sounded more like a question than an answer, but that didn’t stop Y/n from expressing his displeasure. But, his demeanor quickly changed.
“Y’all hungry?”
“Yeah, I could eat”
“Sure! Being a heartless lawyer is hard work”
“As long as I’m not payin”
“When have you ever paid?”
“I don’t believe in givin those big companies money, it’s all goin to waste anyways”
“Ugh, don’t get him started on another rant!”
“Like it or not, you’re gonna need it”
“Yeah, cause beating the shit outta cops is gonna get me into college.”
“It’s gonna get you somewhere alright…”
“Yeah, jail!”
“Alrigh’ stop this slander!”
As the group walked away, their voices gradually fading into the distance, Miles stood there, a smile playing on his lips. He couldn't help but feel a sense of warmth and contentment as he watched his friends. But the fleeting moment of solitude was soon interrupted by a surge of excitement, urging Miles to catch up with the others. Without hesitation, he dashed forward, his footsteps quickening as he eagerly joined his friends.
“So, what we eatin?”
“Whatever Y/n wants”
“I’m bringing Margo next time, y’all bitches are lame.”
“HEY!”
“Woah. Couldn’t even wait until we got off government grounds to start cursing?”
“I taught ‘em well.”
“Except you Pav, best lawyer man!”
“Yay! :D”
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polysucks · 1 month
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“It’s nOt rEaLisTic!” “RhAenYra dOesNt kIsS wOmeN!” “AlicEnT woUlD nEvER TrY to mEdiAtE wItH RhaeNyra lIkE thAt!”
Says who? The maesters? The Maesters who trained at the Citadel? The Citadel that is vehemently against The Old Gods? The Citadel that renounces any use of magic, especially blood magic allegedly*? The Maesters that record kept for the Targaryen rule? You know, the Targaryens? The ones that can control dragons due to ancient blood magic? Maester Gyldayn who straight up makes notes in the margins about rumors and how some “facts” in Fire and Blood might not be true? These maesters? The Maesters that we know to be 100% honest all the time, and only ever do right by the people they serve, never get involved with politics, and never have personal biases and opinions? The Maesters that NEVER withhold information and knowledge from the people they are bound to serve? The Maesters that follow STRICT ethical practices? Those Maesters?
Alright. So, what if the maesters are 100% honest all the time? (Don’t even come at me with “but Mushroom1!1!1!!1” wtcho goofy ass. he’s not a part of this) you think all the occupants of the castle aren’t aware of the eyes that watch their every goddamn move? These white haired bitches got personal paparazzi following them everywhere. You think the only lying, sneaking, whispering, bribing, and hiding occurred during Viserys’ reign? Oh, just these two seasons? You ever wonder why no secretaries or janitors from Area 51 don’t come forward for a Shane Dawson “””documentary”””? Well, the Targaryens didn’t have access to lawyers and NDAs. Nah. If someone was gonna spew, or a guard saw something they shouldn’t have? Liberate head from neck. Chadgor The Coomer made this point evident.
Yall look silly out here not thinking any of this could be realistic. (Despite the obvious changes from the source content—I’m looking at you Benioff and Weiss. I’m coming for legs)
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human-space-heater · 1 year
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incorrect quotes: spiderman across the spider verse part 4
Miles: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean. Gwen: No, go ahead. I want to hear it. Miles: It sucks. Gwen: That's not constructive criticism.
Peter B : I'm usually that person who has no idea what's going on.
Kidnapper: I have your partner. Miles: What? I don't have a partner... Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Miles: Oh, you have Hobie. Tell him dinner is getting cold
Miles: Where are your parents? Miguel: What are parents? Miles: That’s just about the saddest thing I ever heard get said.
Gwen: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful... Peter B : I just wanna fucking marry Miguel!!
Hobie: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok? Pavtir: Okay. *later* Miguel: Pavtir! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble. Hobie, whispering: Deny everything. Pavtir, loudly: That isn't a chair.
Hobie: Why were you up yesterday until 3am? Pavtir: How did you know I was up until 3am? Peter B : We could hear you clapping to the FRIENDS intro every 25 minutes.
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the-iceni-bitch · 2 years
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𝒰𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 ℐ ℒℴ𝓈ℯ ℳ𝓎 ℬ𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓉𝒽
Relationship: amazon!lawyer Natasha Romanoff x petite!curvy female reader (Big Red and Peach, NLLYL AU)
Words: ~5.2k
Summary: You and Nat don’t even realize how badly you need each other until you finally meet. But even then, you don’t take the plunge without meddling from your asshole friends.
Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (f/f sex, f receiving oral sex, multiple orgasms, mommy kink), idiots in love, meet cute, slow burn, drunk awkward flirting, age gap (not explicitly stated but it’s there), size difference, fluff, SMUT!! 18+ ONLY!!
A/N: YAAAAAHHH! They are adorable and stupid and sweet and I need all of you to love them as much as I do, they are so precious. This new branch of the NLLYL AU is gonna kill me, just wait until we meet Thor…
I am no longer doing taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!
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You grumbled to yourself as you downed another shot of tequila, glaring at the bottom of the glass and then at Sam when he tried to walk away with the bottle.
“Hey… uh oh.” Darcy’s smile fell when she wandered up to you and saw the look on your face, eyeing Sam warily when he poured you another shot and shrugged at her. “I was hoping to meet that date of yours, where’d he wander off to?”
“Dunno.” You took another shot and frowned to yourself as you adjusted the front of your costume. “But some leggy blonde bitch was with him.”
“Oh no…” Darcy decided to forego the ‘told you so’ for now since you were drunk, but she had warned you that dudes that were willing to admit they might have overlapped the relationship they had before with yours probably shouldn’t be trusted. “Fuck him, honey.”
“Fuck all men.” You toasted no one and tossed back another shot, nodding to Sam when you slammed your glass on the bar and leaning on Darcy pretty heavily as you waited for him to refill you. “Except you, Sammy, you’re great. And so is Bucky. That big sweetheart.”
“Uh-huh.” Sam reached out whip fast to catch you before you toppled off your bar stool, sighing when you giggled and tried to disguise a heave as a cough. “Maybe you should slow down, baby girl.”
“Hey.” You scowled adorably as you pawed at his chest, slapping his cheek in what you had meant to be an affectionate pat before sighing deeply. “You wanna end up on my shitlist? No? Then keep ‘em coming. Where is Bucky?”
“He’s over in the hall but maybe…” Darcy hissed when you started wobbling away, chasing after you as you sang to yourself and shooting an exasperated look at Sam. “Baby, you need to drink some water.”
“I’m fine, shut up.” You saw Bucky and clapped, pushing Darcy away when she attempted to corral you. “Hiya Buck! I missed you.”
“Did you… wow.” Bucky caught you when you stumbled, chuckling when you breathed a tequila thick cloud right in his face and giving you a moment to find your feet. “I think you took the drunk pirate costume a little too close to heart, honey. Where’s your date?”
“God, it’s like being at a party with my parents.” You rolled your eyes and tried to remain steady when you felt the shots starting to really hit you. “Probably sucking the face off some blonde bitch, we’ve decided he sucks.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” Bucky tweaked your nose when you blew a raspberry at him, turning his head when someone walked up and making you huff at the lack of attention. “Hey Nat.”
“Hi Buck, brought you another beer.”
You were fully prepared to tell whoever was taking up your much needed Bucky time to fuck off, but then you came face to… chest with the most incredible set of tits you’d ever seen in your life. There was only a moment for you to drunkenly scold yourself for that thought, because then you were looking up and up and up and…
“Wow, you’re pretty.” You forgot all about Bucky, grinning sloppily and almost careening over so your face really was in those amazing breasts before her hand was on your waist and you were giggling. “Really really pretty. Why haven’t I met you?”
“Oh, Bucky’s been hiding me, I’m shy.” Nat grinned at her friend over your shoulder when you tried to bat your eyelashes at her but it didn’t quite work since your eyelids were drooping, shaking her head when he gave her an inquisitive look and steadying you with a firm grip on your shoulders. “But he’s been hiding you too, I think. Look at how fucking cute you are.”
Your laugh almost hurt your ears, it was much more shrill than you had intended, a cackle really. Nat didn’t seem to mind though, beaming at you when you slapped her chest then apologized for feeling her up while you tried to step even closer to her.
“Stop, you can’t call me cute.” And she smelled amazing, she was like the warrior princess of your dreams. “Not when you’re walking around like a fucking wet dream. Seriously, why haven’t I met you?”
“Cutie, you’re gonna make me blush.” Nat shushed you when you giggled even more, taking a glass of water when Darcy handed it to her and holding it up to your lips. “I’ve just been busy. Now, why don’t you be a good girl for me and drink some water?”
“Mmmm, you call me a good girl and I’ll do whatever you want.” You gulped down water as she looked at you expectantly, leaning into her touch and sighing heavily when she took the glass away. “Oh my god, let’s go do karaoke!”
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“Good morning!” Darcy dropped the greasy burrito bag in front of you and chuckled when you heaved and buried your head in your arms. “How are we feeling today?”
“I shouldn’t be at work.” You winced when you picked your head up and the lights made your brain throb, grumbling as you pulled your breakfast out of the bag and started unwrapping it. “Why did you let me have tequila?”
“You forget that no one ‘lets’ you do anything.” Darcy sank into the chair next to yours and logged on, still giving you that shit eating grin that you hated. “All of us tried numerous times to get the tequila away from you and you always tried to scratch our eyes out. How much of last night do you remember?”
“I remember Troy being a fucking douchebag, setting up at the bar, and then…” you froze with a mouthful of burrito when panic started to set in, heat flushing through your whole body as you barely remembered to swallow your food and images from last night flashed through your head. “Did… did I hit on Bucky’s best friend?”
“Oh, you did more than that.” You didn’t even notice Darcy’s chuckling, too horrified at yourself to smack her like you normally would. “You serenaded her. You practically gave her a lap dance while you sang ‘Do You Wanna Touch’, I have it on video if you want to see.”
“Nooooooooo…” you were going to run away and become a mountain hermit, you could not believe you had made such an ass out of yourself in front of probably the most beautiful woman on the planet who was so much older than you and tall and put together and that was it, your life was over.
“Yes, it was a great time, everyone enjoyed it.” Darcy gave you a pat on the back when you sobbed and banged your head against the desk. “It’s fine, everyone will call you Joan Jett for a couple of weeks and then one of the guys will do something stupider and they’ll forget all about it.”
“But I won’t forget, oh my fucking god!” You vaguely remembered the gorgeous redhead helping you into your Uber and smiling at you when you told her you were going to climb her like a tree and call her mommy, and suddenly it felt like your burrito was about to come back up. “How the fuck am I supposed to face Bucky?!?!?”
“Hi Joan!” Damn it, it was like you’d summoned him, at least his smile was tinged with sympathy when he handed you a bottle of Gatorade. “How’s your head?”
“Who cares, Bucky!” You wanted the ground to open up and swallow you. “Please tell me I didn’t sexually harass your friend to the point where she never wants to see you again.”
“Nat? Don’t worry about her, she had a great time.” You couldn’t decide if that should make you feel better or worse. “Said if all my parties with coworkers are like that she’s gonna have to try to make it to every single one of them.”
“Of course she did.” You hated your life, you were going to give up drinking and sex and only get your enjoyment from food from now on. “Who wouldn’t have a good time watching someone make an absolute buffoon out of themselves while they’re shit faced? Please tell me I never have to face that woman?”
Bucky was about to reassure you when the door behind him opened suddenly and you squeaked and dove under the desk, looking over his shoulder and sighing when Nat was there. She looked relaxed and incredibly pleased with herself, nodding at Bucky when he sighed with exasperation and coming to lean on the counter right above where you were hiding while she chuckled as you asked if she was gone yet.
“Hey, cutie?” Nat was trying not to laugh too much when you squeaked again then whined when the table thumped after you cracked your head against it. “Sweetheart, I think you might be missing your wallet.”
You were, you hadn’t been able to find it this morning and ended up hopping the turnstile so you could make it to work on time. Nat was giving you what you could only describe as a look of warm amusement when you finally crawled out from underneath the desk to face her, she was so gorgeous, and you looked like warmed over vomit, this was potentially the worst day of your life. She was holding your wallet between two fingers as she smirked at you, watching you closely while you took it from her and biting her lip in a way that didn’t make you feel anything.
“Where did you find it?” She was freaking you out, you couldn’t get a read on her.
“Hmm, you gave it to me.” You had shoved it down the front of her costume, but seeing how small you looked right now made her think it might not be the best idea to bring that fact up. “You said you were going to give me your card and told me to call you, then gave me the whole wallet.”
“My card? It’s not the nineties.” You hated your life. “Thank you for bringing it back, you could’ve just given it to Bucky, though.”
“But then I couldn’t have seen you again.” That smile was going to knock you on your ass, she was so unnerving. “And I’d take any excuse to see a pretty thing like you.”
“Shut up.” You rolled your eyes and scoffed when she winked at you, what a fucking tease. “Don’t flirt with me, I already feel like shit.”
“That’s not what I want, sweetheart.” She couldn’t get enough of that sassy look on your face, just wanted to eat you up. “You should feel good all the time.”
“Bucky, tell your friend I have to work.” You tried not to feel too warm and bubbly when she kept grinning at you, play flirting was not what you needed right now. “But thank her for bringing my wallet back.”
“You are so very welcome, sweet girl.” She shook her head as she straightened back up. “Pretty as a peach. Let’s go get some coffee, Barnes. You ladies want anything?”
“No thanks.” Darcy still had that damn grin on her face once they were gone and now you were itching to smack her. “Um, why were you rude to someone who was clearly hitting on you?”
“She was not hitting on me.” You snorted as you started digging back into your burrito and focusing on your screen. “Have you seen her? She’s an amazon sex goddess, she’s not going to hit on me.”
“You… oh my god, you’re so fucking stupid.” Darcy wanted to bang her head against the wall, you were too stubborn for your own good. “She’s into you.”
“No she’s not.”
“She is, you fucking moron.”
“She is not, you balloon chested bimbo.”
“Hey!” Darcy balled up a tissue and threw it at you, sticking her tongue out when you scowled at her. “That was mean, you lollipop guild reject. And yes she is.”
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“You wanna tell me what exactly you’ve been doing these past few months?” Bucky frowned at Nat when she tried to act like she was paying attention to the game behind him and sipped her beer innocently.”
“Not quite sure what you mean.” She knew exactly what he meant, but she wasn’t going to admit to anything when he was giving her that stern father look.
“Uh-huh.” Bucky loved her, but getting the woman to open up was like trying to crack a walnut with his bare hands. “Don’t think I’ve seen you around the precinct so much since I started there.”
“I’m just helping my clients.” She should’ve ordered vodka if she knew the conversation was heading this way. “It’s my job.”
“Every single client that comes through the 82?” Bucky tapped the bar top while she still avoided his gaze. “Because I seem to remember Matt and Maria handling most of them, since you’re the face of the firm.”
“Excuse me for taking a more hands on approach.” Nat managed to flag down the bartender and finally ordered her vodka. “I’m a philanthropist.”
“You’re full of shit.” Bucky rolled his eyes when she just shrugged. “You need to spend so much time at the front desk every time you come in?”
“I have to fill out paperwork.” She sipped on her new drink and sighed as she finally turned her attention to him. “And it’s nice chatting with the girls.”
“Both of them?” He tried not to grin when she blushed and stared at the bottom of her glass, reaching out to cover her hand with his and giving her a small squeeze. “Natasha, you haven’t slept with anyone in two months.”
Nat hated when Bucky looked at her like that, like he knew all her secrets better than she did. Of course she’d been hanging around the precinct and flirting like an idiot, she couldn’t stop thinking about you. Feisty, sassy, ‘take no shit from anyone’ you. Everything about you was so fucking cute, especially when you gave her that massive fucking attitude whenever she flirted with you. All she wanted was to pick you up and kiss you stupid to get you to quit running that smart mouth. She thought she’d done a good job of hiding her feelings, though.
Damn Bucky for being able to read her like a damn book.
“That doesn’t mean anything.” It meant everything, she loved sex, but she didn’t want to have it with anyone else. “I’m busy.”
“Would you quit lying.” Bucky leaned forward and bonked her head with his, smiling when she pouted at him and kissing her cheek. “You have big feelings for the little lady, so why don’t you admit it and finally ask her out?”
All she wanted was to ask you out, but it fucking terrified her.
Which was ridiculous. She could have anyone she wanted with the crook of her finger. Men and women fell on their fucking knees for the chance at just one night with her. They would eat out of the palm of her hand and they would thank her when she sent them on their way with just a cup of coffee and a fancy pastry in the morning.
But you?
You weren’t interested. Every time she flirted you would just dismiss her and tell her you had too much to do, even when you called her beautiful. You would always call her mean for being such a tease and tell her the only reason you let her get away with that shit is because she was so gorgeous. Even after so many months she hadn’t worn you down at all, which was kind of cute, but also ridiculously frustrating. All she had managed was to glean some small kernels of personal information from you and hold onto them like they were the most precious things in the world, because damn it, she wanted to know everything about you.
“It’s just nice right now.” Nat rested her head on Bucky’s shoulder and blew out an exasperated breath. “If I don’t ask, she can’t say no.”
“That’s what you’re scared of?” Bucky kissed the top of her head when she nodded. “Holy shit, babe. I don’t think you’ve ever even considered rejection a possibility, this is one for the books.”
“Shut up.” Nat scrunched up her face when he wound his arm around her and gave her a squeeze. “She’s so fucking cute, it freaks me out.”
“Yeah.” He took a sip of his beer while he thought things over, rubbing her shoulder absentmindedly and chewing on his lips. “You’ve gotta ask though, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”
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“You’re in such a fucking snit.” Darcy frowned at you after you snapped at her for nothing, rolling her eyes when you just sniffed and ignored her. “Just because your crush hasn’t been here in a whole week, you giant sap.”
“I’m not a sap, shut up.” You huffed and crossed your arms under your breasts with a pout. “I’m PMSing.”
“God, you’re a liar.” She tapped her fingers against the desk irritably when you just kept up the petulant facade. “You want to see her, you’re mad she hasn’t been around, admit it.”
“I. Said. Shut. Up.” You wanted to kick her under the desk, she was so annoying. “I admit nothing.”
“Ugh, whatever, brat.” Darcy turned away from you when someone came up to the desk, grinning when she saw it was Bucky and ignoring your grumbling. “Hiya Bucky! Why hasn’t your friend stopped by in such a long time? It’s annoying my girl, and she’s starting to piss me off with her attitude.”
“My friend… Nat?” Bucky smiled and snuck a peek at you when Darcy nodded, the petulant look on your face a reminder of the friend they were talking about who was also ridiculously stubborn. “She was out of the city for a case, but she’s back now.”
“Oh really?” Darcy did not miss the way you straightened up a little at that, keeping her focus on Bucky while you tried to act like you weren’t listening. “Will she be stopping by anytime soon?”
“She’s actually coming by for lunch and should be here…” both of the meddlers grins got even wider when the door opened and the redhead walked in, ignoring her intrigued stare and turning back to each other. “Speak of the devil. Yours gonna quit being so snotty now?”
“Probably not.” Your squawked ‘snotty?’ was not acknowledged, Darcy still focused on Bucky and decidedly fed up with you being such a stubborn ass. “Don’t think she’ll quit being such a whiny little asshole until yours actually goes on a date with her.”
“Well, Nat was supposed to go out for drinks with me Friday but, gosh, I just remembered I have to wash my hair.” Now Bucky was ignoring Nat when she sighed indignantly. “So her night just freed up, isn’t yours off work?”
“Yes she is.” You were making so many offended noises but Darcy was past caring. “Seven o’clock should work well. Gimme her phone.”
“Yep.” Bucky managed to snatch it out of Nat’s hand before she could react, unlocking it and handing it to Darcy while she grabbed yours and did the same. “I’ll make sure she texts.”
“Me too.” Darcy winked when Bucky gave your phone back to her, waving when he ushered Nat out before she had a chance to protest then turning to beam at you while you just blinked stupidly. “You’re welcome, dumbass.”
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Nat had been staring at your door for three minutes.
Her nerves were being ridiculous. This was just a date. She went on dates all the time.
But this was with you.
It had taken a day for her to finally text you the word hi, then another day for you to text her hi back. And then it was like the floodgates had opened. The next three days the two of you were constantly talking whenever you had a moment, finding out everything about each other that you could and Nat smiling whenever a notification popped up like she was a fucking schoolgirl. She was utterly infatuated with you, it was freaking her out. And she loved it.
She finally knocked, holding her breath while she waited for you and grinning when she heard you trip over something and curse. As soon as the door opened she felt like her heart was going to burst through her chest, you looked so fucking beautiful.
The look on her face was making you feel faint, like your tongue was too thick for your mouth and your brain couldn’t function while you gazed up at her and tried not to swoon. You couldn’t believe it was actually happening, that the last few months hadn’t been some colossal joke at your expense. This woman actually wanted to go out with you.
“Hi.” Her voice sounded so fucking sexy, she was going to kill you.
“Hi.” You couldn’t think of anything else to say, licking your lips and trying not to whine when she growled softly.
Next thing you knew you were pinned to the wall in your tiny little entryway with the plushest set of lips you’d ever felt smashed against yours, barely registering your apartment door slamming closed as you whined at the way your toes were barely brushing the floor as Nat wound her arms around your waist. Even when she started kissing down the curve of your neck, you could still hardly breathe, whining when she purred against your skin and trying to focus your eyes but failing miserably.
“Wait, Nat.” You whined when she ducked even lower to gently kiss along the tops of your breasts, gasping when she gave you a hungry look as she sucked a bruise against your skin. “Don’t we have a reservation?”
“Yeah… yeah we do. You say the word and we’ll go right now.” She smiled when you whimpered as she stood back up to her full height, resting her forehead against yours and breathing deeply as she settled her eyes on yours. “But the only thing I want to eat right now is that warm, wet prize between your legs, pretty thing.”
“Oh… wow.” You were pretty sure she was going to kill you, but you were absolutely fine with that. “We can stay.”
“Good girl.”
Natasha pressed her lips to yours and swallowed your yelp when she lifted you to wrap around her, her fingers digging into your hips while she carried you over to the couch. Her grin grew even wider when you let out a surprised huff at her dropping you onto the sofa, your breath getting shallow when she climbed on top of you and slipped her warm palms up your thighs and under your skirt.
“God, you’re so fucking soft.” She curled over you again and sucked on your lips until you moaned, slowly peeling your dress off you and biting her lip when you were finally bare to her gaze. “Beautiful.”
“Shut up.” You couldn’t help but giggle when she laughed at you trying to act coquettish while she had you at her mercy, sighing when she just kissed you and running your fingers up her spine. “Do I get to see you too and call you pretty?”
“When I’m done with my meal.” Nat bit your lip playfully before starting to kiss and lick every inch of your breasts, sucking on your nipples and tugging at them with her teeth while you could only make pathetic noises. “Wanna taste every fucking inch of you.”
“O-kay.” You hiccuped when she nuzzled at your stomach and squeezed your hips with a groan, your eyes fluttering closed when she trailed kisses along your curves. “Sounds great.”
“Mmhm.” She growled playfully and bit your thigh before smacking the side of your ass. “Flip over.”
You did what she asked, slowly rolling onto your stomach and whining when she grabbed two handfuls of your ass and squeezed. Then she smacked it again and you could have screamed, you throbbed so hard, her lips and teeth and tongue marking your sensitive skin until your eyes rolled back in your head.
“Nat…” you whimpered when she kept rubbing your ass and purring against your skin, arching your back and spreading your legs as she pulled your cheeks apart so she could stare at you. “Oh fuck, don’t stop.”
“Never. Fuck, you smell so good.” Nat buried her face between your thighs and groaned when she breathed you in deep, dragging her tongue over your slit agonizingly slow so she could taste all of you. “Jesus Christ, fucking peaches.”
There was no answer you could give her except a desperate mewl, letting yourself sink into the cushions when she slid her tongue inside your cunt and curled it. You feel like you were already losing your mind, panting like an idiot while she rubbed her nose against your cute little asshole and digging your fingers into the couch while she tongue fucked you until your whole body felt like one big spring that was wound too tight.
Your pussy was so fucking wet, Nat couldn’t seem to work her mouth fast enough to suck up everything that was dripping out of you, even with her lips wrapped around you so she didn’t miss anything. And the fact that you could hear all the obscene wet sloshes and slurps was not helping, your muscles spasming wildly as you felt it building up insanely fast.
“Fuck… oh fuck.” All you could do was let out a thin, high whine when you fell apart, your cunt fluttering against her lips and gushing into her mouth while she groaned at the taste of your cum. “Mommy…”
“Shit. You had me thinking you were never gonna actually say it, peach.” Nat grinned against you and hummed as she kept kissing your pussy like she could live off it. “Knew you’d be a good girl for mommy, knew this pussy would be so sweet for me. Why don’t you fuck it on my face, pretty girl? Make a goddamn mess out of me, mommy needs it.”
Yeah, she was definitely going to kill you. You reached back and buried your fingers in her hair as you started grinding your ass back into her face, biting the pillow under your face and whimpering when her tongue flicked against your clit. Then her thumb teased against your asshole and your brain broke, your hips writhing wildly when she sucked on your clit until you almost came before she pulled back with a wicked grin.
“Knew you’d like that, just look at you.” Nat bit her lip when she watched your little hole wink at her as she spat on it, her thumb circling the tight ring of muscle slowly and listening to your pathetic sounds as she kept flicking her tongue over your slit like a tease. “These are all mommy’s holes now, peachy girl. Gonna spoil the shit out of you.”
The way you gasped when she slid her thumb into your ass and started flitting her tongue around it was making Natasha clench, her thighs squeezing together when you shoved your hips back even more and yanked on her hair so she was practically suffocating you. She didn’t realize how much she was going to enjoy you completely losing it for you and using her just so you could get off, deciding very quickly that she was going to need to turn you into a mess all the time.
You were going to come again. All the buildup and how fucking sexy she sounded when she moaned and slurped and spat and just, all of it. Damn her and her incredible mouth and how fucking hot she was. And damn you for turning into such a fucking melty mess for her, though who could really blame you for that.
“Mommy please.” You whimpered when she kept fucking your ass with her thumb as her other hand began playing with your clit and you couldn’t help but kick your feet as you felt yourself teetering on the edge again. “Please, wanna come for mommy, need it.”
“Mmm, mommy needs it too, pretty baby.” Nat nipped at the soft skin that was twitching around her thumb while her other hand pinched your clit until you squeaked. “Come for me, sweet girl, let mommy drink from this perfect little pussy, oh my fucking god.”
You almost screamed when she ducked low to suck on your swollen clit, pulling on her hair and screwing your eyes closed while your body started shaking uncontrollably. Nat groaned when you started gushing all over her face, wrapping her mouth around your soft lips and swallowing everything you gave her with a low moan that sent a shiver up your spine. She loved that you couldn’t stop moving against her face as you rode it out, determined to be able to watch your face the next time she made you come and every single time after that.
Her lips spread in a slow smile when you kept shivering as she pulled back from your sex, moving her hands to knead your cheeks deeply while she rested her head against your hip and watched you ride it out. You couldn’t do anything except chirp and let your body sink into the couch, barely having the energy to turn your face and peek over your shoulder at her while a sloppy grin split your face.
“Hiiiiiiii.” Again, you couldn’t think of what else to say, especially since your brain was still mostly offline after two incredible orgasms that were better than anything any man had ever given you.
“Hey baby.” She couldn’t stop smiling as she crawled up your body and nuzzled at your cheek, purring happily when you let out a small sound of satisfaction and wrapping her arms around your waist to hold you as close as possible. “My sweet girl. I do feel a little bad about us missing dinner, but I couldn’t control myself.”
“Listen, that’s fiiiiiine with me.” You let her flip you onto your back and pulled her face to yours so you could lose yourself even more in kissing her. “You can kill me with orgasms tonight and it will be a very happy death.”
“You might be fine with that, but I’m not.” Nat chuckled into your mouth when you just gave her a pitiful little whimper. “Sorry, I’m kinda addicted to that pussy now, sweet peach. I’d get all bummed out if I didn’t have access to it for the rest of my life.”
“Oh, well.” You were not used to this level of attention, and it was even worse when you were in such a state of euphoria. “That’s okay too.”
“Good.” She pecked you once more before sitting up over you, gushing you when you whined at the lack of contact before winking when you swallowed audibly at the sight of her body when she pulled her dress over her head. “Now, should we take a bath before or after I rub my pussy all over yours until I come inside you?”
980 notes · View notes
allurilove · 4 months
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What if reader had more money then anyone in the school though 🥹
Yearbook guy can’t threaten her or use his power because she has more. It would actually be funnier if everyone knew she had some money but not the extent of her wealth and if he tries something she uses her connections to teach him a lesson. Like personally reporting him to the school board or the principal. What is he gonna do? Also I find it funny how men try to get women to be submissive because they have money but she actually has more than his family lol. I can imagine him continuing to pester her and since telling him he looks like he’s a cheater didn’t work she just calls him a broke bitch with bad art skills. He should’ve paid for an art teacher instead of that horrible cologne.
WHAT IS HAPPENING?? It’s like i just unlocked a whole swarm of yearbook guy haters LMAOO I legit just cackled while reading that. Do yall really hate him that much? I mean it’s totally understandable, BUT DAMN. So glad I’m not him rn.
Yandere Classmate
(Yearbook guy)
“I never claimed to be a good artist darling.” He shrugged. He sighed as he pulled up a chair out of thin air, and he sat down as you berate him.
“I’m aware of my limits. There’s only so far I can go with a face like this.” Your classmate sighed.
He gingerly rubs his hand that you smacked. He shouldn’t have tried to silence you, and you were quite more feisty than he thought. He rolled his eyes as you threatened to call the cops on him with the evidence you had on him, and he wasn’t that phased. Jail can’t keep him away from you forever. Unless he does get life, but his lawyers were pretty good.
You could report him all you want. His father and the principal are close friends, they go golfing together. Your classmate wonders if anyone would believe you anyways, he’s tempted to actually just let you be a blabber mouth.
“So what if you’re richer than me? That just gives me more of a reason to be with you, I mean think of the life we can build together.” Your classmate raised his brow, “Say, why don’t you let me formally meet your parents. How about that, hmm?”
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worldofheroes · 1 year
Text
It’s the Glasses
ethan hunt x fem!reader
summary: your lawyer gets you out of a sticky situation… and then back into one.
warnings: 18+, angst, language, unprotected sex
wc: 1.1k
a/n: based on this request! It has a little more angst than I intended but here we are 😂 I also had reader say Ethan’s name so much I didn’t realize lol. Hope y’all like it!
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“I’m not going to tell you anything. Get me a lawyer,” you tell the men in the interrogation room.
The men sigh, and then leave the room.
You fidget in your seat, the handcuffs being too tight on your wrists.
The door to the room opens again.
“Well your lawyer just showed up,” one man says.
“What? You got me a lawyer already?” you ask.
“He says you’re a client of his.”
The door opens further to reveal Ethan, dressed in slacks, a white shirt and a vest… and is he wearing glasses?
“Right,” you sigh. “Thank you.”
The door closes, leaving you and Ethan alone.
“What are you doing here?” you ask Ethan.
“What am I doing here? I’m saving your ass,” Ethan says, sitting down across the table from you and taking his glasses off.
“You look good in those glasses,” you smirk.
Ethan rolls his eyes. “I’m gonna get you out of here.”
“You better, this is your fault.”
“It is not my fault!”
“Just get me out of here, Ethan.”
Ethan nods and leaves the room. Minutes later, the men come back, with Ethan behind them.
“It looks like you’re free to go,” one of them says.
“What?” you ask.
“You got a good lawyer,” the other says as he uncuffs you.
Ethan gestures for you to leave the room, which you do.
The two of you get into a car, and Ethan starts driving.
“How did you do that?”
“I told them you were a brat and not worth their time,” Ethan smiles.
“You little…” you say, punching Ethan’s arm. “I am NOT a brat!”
“Sure.”
You sit back in your seat, crossing your arms.
“If that’s not brat behavior, I don’t know what is,” Ethan teases you.
“Stop!” you whine.
“Okay, okay,” Ethan replies.
A silence falls between the two of you for a bit.
“You seriously liked the glasses?” Ethan asks out of the blue.
“What?” you reply, taken aback by his question.
“The glasses. You liked them?”
“Fuck, Ethan.”
“What?”
“Yes, I liked the glasses,” you sigh.
“Yeah?”
“Ethan, I know what you’re trying to do.”
“What am I trying to do?”
“I’m already fucking turned on, you don’t have to get me there.”
Ethan chuckles. “Alright.”
He pulls into a parking spot at the hotel. Turning the car off, he shifts in his seat so he can look at you.
“Ethan.”
“All I did was save you and wear these glasses,” he says, putting the glasses back on.
“Let’s just get to the room,” you mutter, getting out of the car.
You and Ethan have a complicated relationship. Not only are you about 20 years younger, but being in the field all the time leaves little to no opportunity for dating. And, the natural consequence is the two of you getting sexually frustrated.
You hate to admit it, but you didn’t mind the nights you hooked up with Ethan.
Upon entering your room, you find that there’s a single queen.
“Great,” you mumble.
“Hey, relax, okay?” Ethan steps behind you, rubbing your shoulders.
You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You’re safe, you don’t have to be running on adrenaline.
“Good girl,” Ethan whispers, gently kissing your ear.
“Ethan,” you sigh.
Ethan hums against your skin as he kisses down your neck. You feel the glasses press into your skin as he moves his way down.
“You’re really using those glasses to your advantage,” you mumble.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You son of a bitch.”
“Watch your language.” Ethan nips at the skin where your neck and shoulder meet.
“Ethan,” you sigh again.
You stay there for a moment, allowing Ethan to continue to give you hickeys along your neck.
You turn around to face Ethan.
“What?” he asks you.
You shrug, starting to undo the buttons of his vest.
“You’re bad, you know that?” Ethan says.
“Mm,” you reply. “But I’m not the one who showed up in a slutty lawyer outfit.”
“This is not slutty.”
You loosen his tie.
“This looks slutty to me.”
“You made me look slutty.”
“You didn’t stop me,” you smile, leaning up and kissing Ethan.
He wraps a strong arm around you, pulling you flush against his chest.
“Ethan,” you breathe.
Ethan studies your face before he leans in and kisses you again, this time a little harder.
He bites your lip, making you moan. As your mouth opens a little wider, Ethan’s tongue dips in, dancing with yours.
At this point, you’re a horny mess. You practically rip his tie off, and you hastily unbutton his shirt.
Ethan tosses the glasses to the side as he gently lays you down on the bed.
“No more glasses?” you pout.
“They’ll just get in the way,” he mumbles as he takes your shirt off and begins to kiss your bare skin.
You sigh as Ethan kneads one of your breasts, and sucks on the other.
“Ethan,” you moan, “please just get to the point.”
Ethan chuckles. “Needy girl.”
“Fuck, I told you those glasses turned me on.”
“I didn’t realize it would turn you on this much.”
You whimper as he brushes his hand past your own throbbing center.
He swiftly takes yours and his own pants off, followed by underwear, leaving both of you completely naked.
Your hips buck up towards him, wanting him to make his move.
“Okay, okay,” he says softly.
You watch him as he gathers saliva to coat his hard cock and give it a couple strokes.
He lines himself up to your entrance and slowly pushes into you.
“Fuck,” you moan, closing your eyes.
“You’re so fucking tight,” Ethan growls as he very slowly works his way in.
Your walls stretch to accommodate his size. Soon, he bottoms out against you.
“Shit,” Ethan sighs, hanging his head. “You always feel so fucking good.”
“Fuck, Ethan.”
Ethan nuzzles his face in your neck, kissing it.
You grip his shoulders, moaning with pleasure.
“Good girl,” he mutters.
As he continues, you feel the familiar sensation of your orgasm building.
“Ethan,” you whimper. “Ethan, I’m gonna come!”
“Mm, I like the sound of that.”
“Fuck!” you exclaim as you come on Ethan’s cock.
“Shit, y/n,” Ethan says, hips stuttering as he comes in you.
Ethan practically collapses on top of you.
“Ethan,” you giggle, kissing his cheek.
Ethan rolls off of you and pulls you into him.
“All of this because of the glasses?” Ethan asks with a chuckle.
“I can’t help it,” you smile, kissing him.
“This is some good information.”
“You’re gonna use this against me, aren’t you?”
“I might.”
“Fuck off, Ethan!”
“Mm, no,” Ethan smiles, kissing your head.
“You idiot.”
Ethan laughs again. “I think we should clean up and go to bed.”
“What an old man.”
“You know you’re rude, right?”
You smile and kiss him again. The two of you get up and shower before crawling back into bed, where Ethan pulls you against his body.
The sound of Ethan’s heartbeat lulls you to sleep, content in his arms.
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pretending-ican-write · 6 months
Text
Cowboy Up - Pt.9
This all of S1E2. Enjoy! I'll see y'all in a couple of weeks for the next part. Lemme know if you wanna be added to the tag list!
Pairing: Ryan (Yellowstone) x Dutton!reader
Previous part - Next part
---
A few days had passed since Lee’s funeral and life on the Yellowstone was starting to return to normal.  Y/n was next to Rip against the fence of the round pen watching as Kayce’s horse put John into the sand.
“That is some gift,” the foreman commented.
She watched uncomfortably as the stallion careened around the pen and into the gate before successfully unseating John again.
“That’s one rank son of a bitch right there.  You ought to take him chest high in the river see how much buck he’s got then,” Rip suggested.
John shook his head, “this is a job for a young man with rubber bones.  That horse will make a hand out of someone.”
“Don’t recall him exploding on Kayce like that,” she commented pointedly when she pushed off the fence to collect Jimmy for his unfortunate job.
All the hands had gathered around the round pen to watch the scene that was about to unfold.  On either side of y/n were Ryan and Colby who did not share her concern for Jimmy as he was duct taped to the saddle.  In her head she was already planning on how to tell her brother what was going on with his ‘gift’.
“20 on the horse,” Ryan bet.
Colby added his own bet, “I got 40 on the wall.”
Y/n rolled her eyes at them and punched them both in the arm.  She caught the roll of tape that John threw their way and ran it through her hands nervously.
“I’d expect some resistance,” Ryan commented sarcastically, causing his girlfriend to groan.
Jimmy looked over at them, “define resistance.”
A level of unease settled in the pit of y/n’s stomach as she watched as the stallion twisted himself in knots in an attempt to unseat Jimmy.  Ryan placed a hand at the small of her back, rubbing to comfort her.  She smiled gratefully at him before pulling out a cigarette to light.
“I do not miss being low man,” he joked as the horse continued to throw shapes.
John looked over at them, “low man’s what turns you into cowboys, it’ll make him one too.”
“I don’t recall you ever getting strapped to a horse tryna kill you when you was low man Ry,” y/n teased.
Colby gave her shoulder a shove, “you wouldn’t have noticed if he was ‘cause you’d have been too busy staring at his ass.”
“Shut the fuck up Colby.  Dad is right there he’ll hear you,” she hissed.
After a short while, the rest of the hands returned to their jobs around the barn, leaving just John and Rip against the round pen fence.  Y/n rode out past the corral with Lloyd to check on the herd, a horrible feeling in her gut about how it might end.
-/-/-
An hour or so later, y/n had returned from checking cattle to see that Jimmy was still strapped to the stallion.  At least it seemed to be coming to an end as he was no longer broncing the whole way round and just cantering.  After putting Comanche away, she returned to the round pen to join Ryan and Colby on the fence.  Ryan adjusted himself so that his arm was behind her back which she leant into.
“Well you’re almost a winner,” Colby said, looking at how the horse was starting to flag.
Ryan watched on, “day ain’t over yet.”
Y/n looked over to where Jamie had joined her father and Rip by the fence.  He was clearly in ‘lawyer mode’ and watched as they exchanged words before heading to the barn to continue their conversation.
“You gonna see what that’s about?” Her boyfriend asked.
She shook her head, “I’m not getting involved in any of that stuff.”
The boys left her alone on the fence where she watched Jimmy carefully, waiting for the horse to finally stop out of exhaustion.
Eventually, after what seemed like far too long for y/n, and several cigarettes later, the stallion finally came to a halt in the centre of the round pen.  She rushed off the fence to help Rip undo the tape around the stirrups and caught Jimmy when he collapsed off the horse.  
“You good?” She asked when they reached the side of the round pen.
Jimmy coughed, “I think I might be dead.”
“Welcome to cowboying,” y/n joked, “this whole fucking thing was uncalled for though.  Poor horse never gave Kayce any problems on the rez.”
He looked at her confused, “Kayce?”
“My twin brother, the most outcast Dutton.  He lives on the reservation with his wife and my nephew. Apparently the horse is some sort of gift but I can’t see how,” she explained.
She followed Jimmy back towards the barn, opting to take out the colt she’d been working with to see how he was coping with everything.  The familiar routine of grooming and tacking the horse up helped soothe the anger under her skin.
When she passed John still stood at the round pen she spoke, “I’m taking this one out.  Might miss dinner, don’t wait up for me.”
Y/n didn’t wait for her dad to respond, instead mounting up and taking off towards the mountains.
-/-/-
A few hours later, y/n had found a spot by the creek to sit and watch the sunset.  The colt had responded well to the work she’d been doing with him and was currently grazing close to her.  As she sat facing the mountains, listening to the creek and noises from the forest, y/n thought through the chaos of the last few weeks.  She felt exhaustion deep in her bones, the loss of Lee sinking in.
Her thoughts were disrupted by the sound of a horse picking its way through the grass to her spot by the water.  She looked around to see Ryan dismounting, leaving his horse to graze by the colt.  They didn’t exchange any words as he sat down beside her, they’d spent long enough together that he didn’t need to ask how she was to know all that was going through her mind.  Ryan slipped off his jacket and put it round her shoulder.  Y/n slipped her arms into it, reveling in the warmth and smell of his cologne wrapping around her.
“Seems you’ve worked your magic on him,” he said after a little while.
She nodded, “told you he just needed to work out how to trust himself.  He’ll make a good ranch horse in a few years.”
“You eaten anything since breakfast?” Ryan asked, knowing she would be avoiding the main house.
Y/n shook her head, “told dad not to wait up for me.”
He stood up, brushed the grass off his jeans and held his hand out to her expectantly.  She raised her eyebrows at him curiously but took his hand anyway, allowing herself to be pulled up.  They made their way to where the horses were quietly minding their own business and mounted up.
“Race you back to the barn?” Ryan challenged.
Y/n smiled, “you’re on.  I’ll warn you though, this boy has got some speed in them.”
Without waiting for a countdown, she clicked the colt forward into a lope and Ryan laughed, taking off after her.
-/-/-
After having dinner in the bunkhouse, y/n was sat at the table with Lloyd playing solitaire.
“Your father not gonna question why you’re having dinner and spending your evenings with us not up at the house?” He asked.
Y/n looked up from her cards, “it was part of the deal when I moved back in that he doesn’t get to question where I spend my time.  This is where my friends are.  Besides, the less time I’m in the same room as my sister the better for everyone concerned.”
She was distracted from their conversation by Ryan exiting the bathroom with his towel around his waist.
“You ain’t exactly subtle there darling,” Lloyd teased her, “everyone gonna know if you keep ogling him like that.
Y/n laughed, “after 8 years being subtle about my ogling I think I’m entitled to stare at my boyfriend if I want to.”
Their game of solitaire was disrupted by Fred pulling Jimmy off his bunk and pulled his shirt down to reveal the still healing ‘Y’ on his chest.  She made to interrupt the exchange but Lloyd gently pushed her back into the chair to deal with it.  Ryan headed over to her, dropping into Lloyd’s empty chair and draping an arm over the back of her chair.
“I’m not a fan of you being here while Fred’s around,” he voiced, “guy’s an asshole.”
She smiled at him, “sounds very overprotective of you Ry.”
“Waited years to voice it out loud sweetheart, can’t blame me for it,” Ryan pointed out.
They sat in quiet for a little while, Ryan pointing out where a card could go every so often but otherwise just enjoying being in each other’s company.  When she’d finished her game, y/n gathered her stuff and bid goodbye to the hands to return to the house for the night.  Ryan grabbed his jacket to walk her back.
“I didn’t ask before but I’m gonna now,” he started, “are you okay?”
She took a deep breath, “no.  I don’t know what I’m feeling but it certainly isn’t okay.  It feels like everyone else has moved on from him dying already.  They’re all so focused on burning the world down that it feels like they never actually stopped to mourn, y’know?  For 8 years it felt like he was my only ally in that godforsaken house and now he’s just… gone.  And I never got to say goodbye or tell him how much he meant to me.  Now I never get to have a conversation with my big brother again.”
“Oh sweetheart,” he hugged her tightly when they stopped in front of the house, “that’s a lot going on in that head of yours.”
They parted ways and Ryan watched her close the door behind her before he headed back to the bunkhouse.  Y/n headed through the house to her room, stopping in the living room when she saw the fire was still going on and John was sat with a glass of whiskey.
“Everything okay dad?  I told you not to wait up for me.”
John looked over at his youngest daughter, “not exactly.  It looks like we’re gonna have to cremate Lee.
“Just one question, do the ends justify the means?” She asked.
He sighed at her loaded question, “it’s to protect Kayce.”
“Whatever it takes to protect him,” y/n responded, “I don’t want to know anymore that could incriminate her.  Lee would understand why especially after all these years.  It’s about time you protected Kayce too.  Goodnight dad.”
---
Tag list: @child-of-of-the-sunshine @kendallroydefender
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katyawriteswhump · 2 months
Text
the freak in the penthouse part 8
E-rated (for sexual content), accidental (and depressed) millionaire eddie/sex-worker steve.
On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)
On AO3
trigger warning for unwanted touching
chapter 8: royally screwed
Steve furiously swatted Eddie’s hand from his shoulder. “Don’t poke the grizzly. Your rule, remember?” He really wanted another puff of his inhaler. He wanted to punch somebody almost as much. “I agreed to it, and you chose to break it. I didn’t… Never d-did have any choice in…” He’d have screamed if he’d been able. Instead, he whispered, “Get lost.”
 “No, Steve.” Eddie’s eyes grew stupid huge. “I’m not gonna run away from this.”
“Jesus, you’re full of shit! Go back to bed, okay? Go!” Steve flipped his hand, drew a shaky breath. “What’s gonna get you out of this new funk? You wanna fuck me? Knock yourself out! Rough as you like, Dungeon Master… I… I…”
“Say whut? All I want is… Shit, I dunno. Can’t you quit your job?”  
“To be your kept boy? Stop bullshitting me.” Steve gripped the edge of the bath and levered himself up. Naturally, Eddie tried to help him. Steve wrenched free. “Gimme space. Fuck! I’m not gonna break.”
Finally, Eddie backed off. “Okay. Message received, loud and clear, dude. Maybe we need a break.”
Steve clung to the bath. His chest burned, his knees shook, and the humiliation of it all… It sucked, sucked, SUCKED. Eddie turned and walked away, and his cold shoulder broke Steve.
Steve gathered up his scattered stuff, slunk toward the door. Eddie scuttled after, touched Steve’s hip then snatched away. “Listen to me, Steve—”
“It’s okay.” Steve conjured a thin smile. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? I appreciate that you wanna help. It’s just… I can’t…” Christ, I can’t even start to explain. I guess pity is my hard limit, after… after… He stared at his bare toes. His stomach remained clenched like a fist, and he was still worried he was gonna hurl. “I’ll see you around,” he whispered.
Steve spent the rest of the night curled in the linen closet, wheezing on the dust and detergent. Of course, it stuck in his throat way worse than usual. He was so fucking angry. Not particularly with Eddie, but with life, and sure as heck with himself. 
Way to go, Harrington. The best thing that’s happened to you in years, and YOU SCREW THE DAMN THING UP.
Eddie had gotten an eyeful of the real Steve Harrington. The brat who sulked when his parents headed off on that vacation, because they’d given him a BMW for his birthday and not a Camaro.
Okay, he wasn’t always such a jerk… and even his mom and dad had lied to him. How come they’d splashed cash on hot wheels and jetted off skiing, when there was no money left?
Yeah. They’d lied.
A week after the accident, his parents’ son-of-a-bitch lawyer had sat him down and broke the news that his family owed millions. Worse, at eighteen, Steve was apparently liable for the thousands of dollars deficit in his trust fund and could wind up in jail. 
“Don’t worry, Steve,” that… that… man had said, cupping a ‘fatherly’ hand around the back of Steve’s neck. “I’ll take care of everything. Good-looking boy like you—I can find you a job being your charming self. If you’d care to accompany me this evening, I’m meeting some important clients at the Carlton Ritz.”
Back then, Steve hadn’t a clue about anything. He’d said thank you for the offer, breezily enough, then bit his wobbly lower lip so damn hard. Now, in the linen closet, wretched gasps had him scrambling for his inhaler again.
It’s over. You escaped. Focus on the shitshow you can mop up.
He’d go up to the penthouse later, and he’d apologise to Eddie, and… what would go down then? Would Eddie simply finish his ‘I’m outta here’ speech? Write a check?
Steve was too exhausted to want to punch anything anymore. His heart ached.
He arrived for his breakfast shift bleary-eyed and feeling like death.
“You’re late, Harrington,” said Kline. “Two rounds of brown toast and coffee, table seventeen. English breakfast tea and white toast, one round, table twenty-two. Snap, snap.”
Steve slotted the bread into the conveyor-belt toasting machine. He was yawning his head off, when the burning smell hit him.
“Shiiiiit!”
He fumbled for the tongs, dropped them, grabbed the burning slice. He pounded it out against the table, then coughed into his wrist. Fortunately, nobody had noticed, other than Robin. She deserted her egg pan and dashed over.
“Steve? Are you okay?”
“If you ask me that again, Robin, I swear, I’ll—”
“This is the first time I’ve spoken to you this morning, Dingus!” She gave him a swift once-over. “God, you look terrible.”
“You’re not exactly Jodie Foster yourself, Buckley.” He launched a fresh round of toast.
“It’s that penthouse bum, right? What did he do? What do I have to do to h—”
“He did squat, okay? I decided… Look, scram, will you? You got eggs boiling dry.”
“Oh, fuckety-fuck.”
Having repelled Robin, he piled up his tray and ventured out into the breakfast room. He kept his eyes fixed on the gaudy maroon carpet. He was not in the mood for either winsome conversations with guests or to have them to treat him like scum.
He'd deposited the white toast and tea on a table for one, when a hand landed with a slap on his butt. Steve whirled about, nearly dropping his tray.
“My, my, my,” drawled a plummy English accent. “If I’d realized what was on the menu here at the Yorkshire, I’d have switched from the Carlton Ritz long ago.”
No, no, no, no, no. This isn’t real. This is a nightmare.
Steve wriggled free, and then… He staggered, stared. Flinched away.
Lord Godchester. One of the first of that lawyer’s clients that Steve had been asked to ‘charm.’ One of the regulars and one the worst.
“Daddy is staying in the Garden Suite,” murmured Godchester. “Second best, dammit, but the penthouse is booked out. 8 o’clock, shall we say? A little light supper on room service.”
“I don’t do that anymore.” Steve stared at the carpet, which he now wished would swallow him. “I wait tables at breakfast, deliver luggage, and sometimes work the elevators.”
Why was he justifying himself to this creep?
“Daddy doesn’t want a quickie in the bloody elevator. Daddy wants to play games with his naughty boy.” Godchester’s nasty-ass moustache twitched, and he slithered out a paw to pat Steve’s thigh. “I’ll have a quiet word with your superiors, you cheap little hussy. I trust I’ll see you later.”
Steve walked away and he kept walking. He dumped his tray in the kitchen, dashed to the staff washroom. He barely made it into a cubicle, before he collapsed to his knees and spewed his guts.
After Steve had ditched him, Eddie smashed the vase of fake orchids. He was too revved up to go back to sleep. While dawn crept across the penthouse, he kneeled amid the broken china and scribbled furiously.
His self-loathing elevated to such fever-pitch that, crazily, creativity happened. He hurled Tolkein and ye olde worlde history out of the forty-first storey window. Then he shifted Steve’s idea about moving the game into the real world to the front line of battle. He sketched evil fucking monsters with faces that peeled open like evil fucking flowers, revealing fangs dripping with poison.
He scrunched up his hotpant-clad fae warlock and tossed him the garbage. Then he rescued the drawing, straightened it out on the rug.
It was a shitty likeness.
The hair wasn’t far off but the mouth was all wrong. The worst thing about that was, he wasn’t sure how to sketch Steve’s mouth right. Steve’s mouth was special, shapely in that pretty-yet-masculine way, and like some kinda bow. Not a cupid’s bow, but some sort of longbow, he figured. 
Eddie’s repeated attempts to capture Steve better only fucked him up further.
He chewed his pencil, snapped it in half, lit a cigarette, stubbed it out. Crushed his whole packet of Marlboro Lights beneath his slipper-clad foot.
He’d used Steve’s mouth, like he’d used Steve from the start. When he’d shoved his cock between Steve’s lips—heck, when he’d kissed Steve—had Steve been simply wishing it was over? Heck, had he been struggling not to choke?
“Why didn’t you tell me, Stevie?” he muttered. “Right here, right now, I quit smoking, okay? I quit for you.”
Eddie poured himself a shot of vodka, downed it, then poured the rest of the bottle down the sink.
Eventually, he mustered the courage to call Dustin: “Hey,” he croaked, and falteringly revealed the new ideas that Steve had inspired.
“It could work,” said Dustin, circumspect as ever. “Suzie’s gotten some real neat tricks going with the combat moves that’ll totally match up with your flesh-eating triffids. It’s gonna put game production back a bit, so I’ll have to talk to our investors about the cash flow and—”
“Yeeeeah, about that,” interjected Eddie. “Uh, my check bounced this week at the hotel. Can you talk to the bank for me? Pretty please with demon-fangs on? You know I suck at these things.”
A pregnant silence ensued. “All right,” said Dustin. “Seeing as you’re finally getting your ass into gear, and on one condition. You gotta introduce me to your date. It’s been what? Several weeks? Isn’t that a record for you?”
“He’s a hooker.”
Eddie couldn’t believe he’d blurted it out like that.
“Oh! Can I just get my head around this—you’ve fallen in love with a hooker?”
“I didn’t say that. He’s just some guy, okay?”
A hooker.
Just some guy.
By the time Eddie hung up, he detested himself more than ever. He cared about Steve. A lot. Too much, perhaps. He wanted to apologise, desperately, though he wasn’t even quite sure what he was apologising for. Telling Dustin that Steve was a hooker? That felt like a low blow, although Steve didn’t know what he’d said.
He IS a hooker. You’ve been paying him. Earlier, he was stripped bare, not turning tricks anymore… and he told you to get lost. What’s the point of quitting smoking, if you’re never gonna see him again?
Eddie refused that, too. Maybe because accepting how everything between them was phoney hurt most of all.
He stared at the phone again, chewed his nails. Crap, he didn’t even have a number to contact Steve. Maybe he should call reception and ask to be put through to wherever Steve was working?
Or you could pull off the unthinkable, Munson. Break free of this hellhole, mosey on out into the hotel, and find him.
Eddie got dressed. Proper dressed for the first time in weeks, in an overlarge Red Hot Chilli Peppers t-shirt and a pair of jeans baggy enough to be Hammer pants. Then he unlocked his doors. Opened them. Peeped out at the empty foyer. Closed the doors again.
The phone rang. He was so jittery that he squealed like a piggy before scrambling to answer.
“Eddieeeeee,” Dustin yelled down the line. “There’s more noughts at the end of your overdraft than in Suzie’s sexiest lines of code!”
“English, Henderson.” Eddie’s palms were so sweaty, he nearly dropped the handset.
“You’re broke, Eddie. You’ve spent every dime you ever earned and then some. I’ll bail you out this once but you’re checking out of the Getty’s vacation timeshare today. You can crash with Suzie and I.”
“I can’t!” Eddie’s hand not holding the phone flailed everywhere. “I got agoraphobia, man. You gotta cut me some slack.”
“No way,” said Dustin, the merciless little bastard that he was. “Suzie will go mad if I have to channel funds away from her charitable trusts. You know—the soup kitchens? The donkey sanctuary? So, you’re gonna tough it out like a man and haul ass NOW.”
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Part 9 on AO3 Part 9 on tumblr
Thank you for reading. Likes, reblogs and comments much appreciated and will feed the bunnies🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕🐰💕
On tumblr: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3.1 Part 3.2 Part 4.1 Part 4.2 Part 5.1 Part 5.2 Part 6.1 Part 6.2 Part 7 or search #thefreakinthepenthouse :)
On AO3 All my ST stuff on AO3
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