#i’m getting emotional let me stop
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crying at whoever put Hyde as Leia’s foster uncle. you are so right. Hyde would be the best uncle, argue with the wall.
just imagine him putting his shades on a baby Leia. introducing her to all his favorite bands. being the only one able to put her to sleep when Donna and Eric can’t. letting her do whatever she wants to his hair. he would love that child unconditionally
#ARGUE WITH THE WALL#he’d be such a softie for Leia i just know it#but tries to play it off in that Hyde way#yk#it’s times like these when i wish i could draw#cause eric and donna def have pictures of him hold her with the softes smile on his face#i’m getting emotional let me stop#that 70s show#that 90s show#steven hyde#hyde#leia forman
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the lack of respect for the httyd books pisses me off ugh
#if y’all like the movies more power to you! i mean no I’ll will towards you! this is just how i feel! and it is wildly unpopular!#they were first!!!#the movies capitalized off cressida cowell’s creation!!! and then changed everything but the title and some names!!!#i’m sorry but when i search ‘httyd books’ and pretty much all that shows up is movie crap like…#don’t specifically tag the books unless it’s bookverse!!! nothing is the same!!!#and i Hate movie toothless i’m sorry they changed his entire character aND APECIES BTW#cressida names and creates so many different dragons and the movies really went ‘tehe let’s make up Our Own’#and now everyone thinks toothless is a night fury or whatever the hell and UGH#it just makes me so so so mad#i’m sorry ik so many people like them but as i reread the books now i can’t help but feel so angry at the movies#and the ppl who created them#like…. ppl like them more bc they’re pretty which is everything the book isn’t#EHICH IS THE POINT#they’re vikings!!! they aren’t clean! they’re dirty and their societal definition of attractive is Not what our world’s is!!!#creasida’s art gets dismissed So Quickly bc it isn’t perfect or whatever but it has more heart than every movie put together#the book art reminds me a lot of the m.p100 art whefe ppl crap it bc it’s a lil messy and it doesn’t fit conventional art beauty standards#but it conveys so much emotion!!! and then ppl tell me the books are too childish well#1. clearly you haven’t read past like book three or four and 2. wHAT ARE THE MOVIES THEN??? ARE TBEY NOT??? THEY’RECHILDREN MOVIES TOO!!!#ugh sorry guys the disrespect by the movies and fandom makes me angry these books are so important to me and ppl are so quick to dismiss em#you don’t have to read them or even like them but you can’t really be a true fan of the movies if you don’t acknowledge and appreciate thei#origins and that’s what people don’t do. they ignore the existence of the books and UGH the books are so deep and meaningful…#okay it’s one am i’ll stop now it just makes me upset you know#corey talks:)
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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”
(Rant in tags)
#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah#but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way#he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod#qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right#after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like#my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit#I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we#get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that#stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my#brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a#reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I��m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period#is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet#it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps#random0lover rambling ♡
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I literally don’t know how to talk about and process this without sounding like some sort of weird incel but maybe that’s what’s going on
#like#I just want a support system it’s not that deep#but I hate feeling all triggered and emo and whatever abt it as if I’m some sort of tragic martyr#I’m just another 20 something living in USA with no good social support services#like this is just what happens#like I’m processing to myself in the tags and it sounds like something some drag queen would roast you for#like hi you never got enough attention from your parents and it’s obvious#like girlllll??????#I need to chill#no I do need to let myself process these emotions like I know what the healthy mindset is for this but GODD#a nerve was hit apparently#like there’s no more looking for parental figures the older you get#the people you wanted to be your parental figures are now just like your age???#what the fuck do I do with that#volunteer at a nursing home I guess#how do people stop pitying themselves forever about this and just live their lives like what the fuck#how do u do that when u still feel like u don’t have a solid support system irl like I guess really no one was coming to save me from#my parents like I’m just stuck here with no idea of where else to go#I have been getting very good at keeping myself open to change and new beginnings and whatever#but holy FUCK can someone hurry up and like let me live at their place for free and be nice to me and I will also be nice to them and maybe#I will be able to make money in a way that is not traumatizing and then we pay off our house and are friends with everyone and can handle#whatever life throws at us#like what about that huh#like what the fuck#ok I think I got all the weird ranting and being stupid and processing out
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This Latina lady just came up to me complaining about the outcome and how her daughter and son couldn’t even get out of bed and were crying all night- (I was smiling at first and asked her how she was doing and she replied “shitty-“ and started going in- and even though idgaf, I know that sm others so do like I’m not about to laugh in another brown persons face for being emotional even though it is what it is 😭.)
#I care about the kids tho 😭#I know that everyone is emotional but the most important thing to focus on rn is the now#become more involved in your communities#white ppl you need to become a shield for black and brown ppl if you want to participate in community and be an alley#black and brown ppl (i personally don’t believe in solidarity because yall hate black ppl sm and will through us under the bus#at the drop of a hat if it meant you’ll be spared so yeah) need to learn how to work together#and what I mean by this is nbs need to start showing up for black folks and stop playing the what about me bullshit whenever conflict#arises#learn to care about us with your whole hearts not half way only when you want our support as fucking always#I’m not sad or anything since I rly don’t care shit is only gonna get worse or stay the same we’ve lived#under trump before#well just have to do it again but also#Americans need to learn how to sympathize and care about other people regardless of if they are American or not#the amount of liberals we’ve had to witness completely downplay the Gaza genocide simply because they didn’t want to push ppl away from#voting blue is crazy#‘idc if your entire family has been blown away get in that booth and vote blue 🤬!’#like… that’s how yall was talking on here ☠️#crazy as hell#can’t blame niggas and nbs for her losing when her campaign started off like shit from the very beginning#at least black ppl aren’t being blamed this time like every 4 years 🚶🏾♀️#actually donate to mfs who need help!!!#I barely saw anybody talk or share and donate to the other genocides going on btw#barely would see anyone post and helps spread awareness for Sudan Congo and the like#let’s change that#be useful be helpful#show up for your brothers and sister#rambling
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just can’t#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I can’t even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say I’m never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but I’m not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad it’s not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I don’t go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I don’t know why I can’t#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I don’t go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and I’ll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think I’m gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then I’ll say fine#at least I’m getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#I’m getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I don’t exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)
#cause like I feel like I’ve been blamed for wanting to make decisions without a partner in my mind#because I want to be able to do on trips or study elsewhere without having to factor in another person#*go#but honestly as long as I’m open about that and don’t get into a relationship and then ignore all the needs this person has#than it’s completely fine and valid and nothing is wrong with that#this still doesn’t feel fully right but having another friend think the same and me not believing they are in the wrong for that helps#just let me live#starrytalking#aromantic#asexual#aroace#queer#relationship#commitment#freedom#life#also not wanting to be committed to a romantic partner doesn’t mean not being able to connect with people#or not being able to be close and in a way committed in friendships#I love my friends a lot! but they also don’t demand me to be on a phone call with them every single fucking day of a vacation#or express that they wouldn’t be okay with me wanting to go on a vacation or internship far away for more than a few weeks because they#would just forget about me in a way?#like yes this is very directed at one person and I think I both misunderstood their point there and also they r valid in there needs and I#just didn’t realise I don’t actually want a relationship (with neither of us being good at communicating our needs and wants yay)#but this still sucked#and ofc my friends express that they’ll be sad about not seeing me for a while#but also I don’t feel like they want to lock me in a cage and control me every move because they express sadness without stopping me from#going. which the person I’m angry at also probably didn’t actually want but well their emotions sometimes got the better of them#and having needs in a relationship is obv valid but they have to be communicated and shouldn’t be controlling and I should’ve reflected on#what I want so just a lot went wrong but I’m learning a lot atm :)
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reading vol.4 of 2ha is so surreal because this has to be the most yearning i’ve ever read from mo ran and it literally aches, but all i had been thinking for a certain couple of chapters is “wait isn’t this our token of love burns red from ao3? 🧐”
#❣️#revelation of the year folks#it all clicked the moment that farmer girl popped up with the same name as the girl in this fic i read months ago#i can imagine the ao3 writer reading this arc before the official translation and being like ‘stop 🤚🏽 let me get my pen’#and then they made history by writing one of the greatest ranwan fics of all time#sometimes all you need at the end of the day is a story about two characters falling in love in a small village and tying the literal knot#all through a precious red charm that glows when feeling warm#which as mo ran said in the fic—this means it’s always glowing when he’s around his wanning :’)#anyways yeah i’m getting really emotional about this because i sincerely adore that fic#and so to see where the writer drew inspiration from in the actual canon…it makes ranwan’s yearning hit even harder#2ha#booklr
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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rambling time but while I’m fine with emerald getting redeemed (it was gonna happen eventually) and thank fuck for ilia getting redeemed but if they redeem cinder and especially if they redeem salem herself I will throw a metal chair at
#not tagging bc I’m rambling#cinder may have had a sad backstory but she’s also an abusive piece of shit villain who has KILLED PEOPLE#huh wonder who that sounds like. and if she meets ANY fate that isn’t exactly what [THAT GUY]’s was I’ll be side eyeing bombastically#there was a post that was like. what if emerald became a maiden and killed cinder and if there is a v10 please let that happen so help me#and if SALEM is redeemed? yeah fuck no. fuck off. i feel bad for her because the gods are shitheads but she is AN EQUALLY TERRIBLE PERSON#SHE KILLED HER HUSBAND AND KIDS. AND OBVIOUSLY EVERYTHING ELSE SHES DONE#i beg on my hands and knees clasping my hands together to stop woobifying the female villains. in my eyes it’s actually sexist#because noooo a woman can never be held reprehensible for her evils 🥲🥲 they just weak wittle babies who do nuthin wrong!!!!#like no fuck off. that’s sexist. genuinely to me.#and the sexism extends to the men too. i want to hope merc will get redeemed but we’re talking about this show.#male victims of abuse get either swept aside or ignored or KILLED.#and no man in this show except for JAUNE and I guess james can ever show emotion EVER EVER because EMOTIONS ARE FOR GIRLS#AND JF THEY SHOW THAT EMOTION ANY EMOTION ITS CUZ THEYRE WEAK. UNLESS UR A GOOD GUY LOLOLOL#this show’s got the maul’s lightsaber of sexism huh
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“but i fear that they already got all the best parts of me” goes so hard
#if only this song came out like 6 years ago lol#i’m also nearing the end of season 2 of my free! rewatch and gosh haru’s conflict hits closer to home than ever#and idk if i’m just getting more emotional lately but makoto and haru’s fight in ep 11 deadass made me tear up#when will i stop relating to teenagers real or fictional lmao#part of me wishes i was still a teenager just because being a teenager would explain my sense of purposelessness in everything i do#like taking things one day at a time with a blurry future on a road leading to nowhere#but others having high expectations from you and being sad seeing you so lost#but you just don’t want to let go of what you have now#you don’t want to box your passions in what other people want from you#and going back to the lyrics of the song#you feel like there’s not much you can offer anymore ‘cause you were a ‘gifted’ kid and now you’re just an ordinary person#whose gone complacent to the disappointment of everyone who wants to see you succeed but you feel you don’t have it in you#so again you’re just floating through life trying to enjoy the blessings each day brings again with no clear goal#anyway idk what i’m writing#at the same time i’m glad i’m not a teenager anymore ‘cause that shit sucked#but being a grown adult sucks ass too#i know there doesn’t need to be any purpose in life but#i feel like things’ll be easier if i did have a dream#guess i need a best friend to take me to another country or something to inspire me or something#in other words i’m about to watch one of my fave free eps where rin and haru go to australia#anyway i’m rambling#michi yaps
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So…. I’m really upset actually. Because I reblogged that CPTSD post the other day and I think my brain was processing some shit in the bg ever since bc I’ve very suddenly remembered a time in my childhood, like, barely out of being a baby childhood, that I thought my parents forgot to tuck me in and say goodnight. And I cried and cried and was so anxious and I was scared to go downstairs so I sat at the top of the stairs quietly sobbing…
I think I just fucking forgot. Like I think I forgot they did the bedtime routine. Because I have adhd. And now I’m sitting here, 32 years old, trying to figure out how much of my anxious attachment style and trauma is simply from forgetting that things happened. But also, how the turn tables—my parents are lead-poisoned boomers so trying to talk to them about anything from my childhood is like gaslighting them about actual events that actually happened.
#this is maybe the most I’ve ever felt like I should be in therapy but what’s therapy gonna do?#it’s not like my parents reacting to me forgetting things with compassion way back when and nowadays they’ll never own up to any fault so li#like. I’m just mad. I’m mad that my conditions were overlooked and ignored by those responsible for me#I’m mad that I was punished for things I couldn’t help and an apology now won’t fix anything.#and my anger feels justified! and I’m still getting used to letting myself feel angry rather than blaming myself for everything!#so I don’t WANT to let go of this bc in a way it’s finally prioritizing myself and my emotions!#I don’t want therapy and I need systemic change so I can stop burning myself out and just exist#else I’m ever closer to yeeting myself off this mortal coil.#apple talks#to the tune of spam
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Legit question: would it be weird to tell someone
“It makes me happy to know you exist”
Bc like… that’s a sentiment I feel a lot esp when I don’t have the ability to interact as much as I’d like to with people but I see them living their lives and it gives me deeply good feelings
Like regardless of whether we cross paths I know you well enough to appreciate you’re part of the universe and that fact brings me joy
Like is that inappropriate in any way?
#personal#super you can ignore this#im probably not gonna say it either way bc it’s awkward#I’m not even high rn I just have a lot of emotions#like I just sometimes really want to let people know how great it is they’re alive and being who they are#but I don’t know how to express that in a way that actually communicates that#especially when it’s like not tied to any specific behaviour or relationship or expectation#I’m going through it and I have really low social capacity and it’s really getting to me#I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable or wonder what I’m trying to accomplish by being like really intense#what are boundaries? why are they so adaptive? how do you express love that isn’t asking for anything in return?#idk#it also feels like I ask this kind of thing too much but that’s also potentially in my head#I don’t actually need reassurances I just wanted to put it out there#like… maybe… maybe instead of saying it directly I can express this in a way where people don’t feel the need to interact with it#unless THEY choose to#no pressure#yeah… that’s maybe the middle ground here#so I can stop fucking thinking about it without directly making it anyone else’s problem#anyway if you see this and read all this shit and we’ve ever interacted I mean you#good job existing (sincere)#the world is better with you in it 😊
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LET MAIN CHARACTERS GET MAD AT BULLSHIT DONE TO THEM WITHOUT PROVING THEM “WRONG” TO HAVE BEEN UPSET PLEASE
#I don’t know if I’ve just happened to have bad luck with books lately#but there’s been so many times where the main character is fucked over in some way#most of the time by a friend or trusted family member#and then they just go ‘oh well’ and seem to forget it ever happened#or they do get mad but then it’s made out later that they were in the wrong for being upset#and how dare you be angry at this person for doing this awful thing cuz they were actually in the right all along#or they had this secret plan that was actually helping you#or you hurt their feelings by being angry at them#and I’m SICK OF IT#LET MAIN CHARACTERS BE ANGRY#LET THEM HAVE JUSTIFIED ANGER WHEN SOMEONE FUCKS THEM OVER#ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS SOMEONE CLOSE TO THEM DOING IT#STOP MAKING THEM THESE SUPER-KIND DISNEY PRINCESS CARICATURES WHO ARE NEVER ABLE TO HAVE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS EVER#FUCK THAT#anyway#why are you booing me i’m right
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maybe cori is a bit protective of hermes bc she was also the weird kid in her village lmao
#tbh i think elpis is kind of hard for them bc they know they can’t change anything. what’s happened happened and all that#but it’s hard to connect the hermes in front of them with the fandaniel who was causing all this grief for them#and like. she spends this whole section extending him kindness and grace and befriending him with the knowledge of what happens hanging over#and like the longer it goes on the more clear it becomes what is going to happen but they still defend him from the others because that’s#what feels right to her and ugh idk!!!! i’m just emo about their doomed friendship agdhdjsk#nothing she could do to stop it and if she did stop it she would destroy everything but she still feels like she let him down i think#when i finished enw i really thought cori felt at peace now#but the longer i think about it the more i think they just feel kinda bad about everything agdhdjek#bad about hermes. bad about zenos. bad about themself.#ktisis and the aitiascope make me so emotional and now i can’t even do syrcus without getting emo for a second over the clown#(yes i was in the hermes tag before making this post what about it 😭)#i need a text post tag#endwalker spoilers
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me sitting down reading and re-reading and re-reading messages my friends send me and realising maybe i’m okay
this is enough <3
#psa#like i feel sad a lot bc of my awkwardness with most?? people and i always feel like i’m not *something* enough#but damn bih people care about you get a grip keep it together stop being so emotional all the time#to the gay people in my phone: ilu thank you for caring about me <3#i honestly enjoy interacting with anyone who ever wants to interact with me but#it’s kinda nice when you find people who care <3#AND I ALSO CARE <333#also sorry in advance for my late responses to your messages i always need some time to let the words soak in <3
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