#and having needs in a relationship is obv valid but they have to be communicated and shouldn’t be controlling and I should’ve reflected on

[starrytalking]

Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)

[sitp-recs]

re - your last post, as a writer i find that to be an absurd take. people who write exclusively for validation probably shouldn't. if discovering your work is enjoyed and loved - just privately - is a dealbreaker for you, i think there are probably bigger issues that need to be worked through. the idea that we write fic for free and yet this discussion about "payment" through kudos/comments persists is so backwards and obnoxious.

sorry to tag you on this, obv you have nothing to do with op, but i just wanted to say - as a writer recs are a HUGE deal. to know that you liked something enough to share it with others is the biggest compliment for me personally. thanks for doing what you do.

I’m happy you reached out because this is a really interesting perspective. I definitely see increased messaging around comments = payment that pressures readers into thinking they are required to leave comments, and I agree that there are many layers to this convo that point out to a not-so-healthy relationship with fandom.

I find it hard to join this discussion not being an author myself, because I only have the privileged perspective. I understand how important feedback can be to boost newcomers and those who don’t feel part of the community. We all deal with insecurity in different ways and it’s hard to navigate a big fandom when you don’t have a group of friends to rely on. In the end the fandom experience is about a sense of belonging and it saddens me to realize that I might be part of the problem since my recs can only reach Tumblr and my ao3 comments are far and few in between.

It’s funny because my blog has always targeted other readers: at the beginning I didn’t even tag authors and did not expect them to find or engage with my posts. Over the years the recs became more and more personal, until I realized I was writing them for myself. Sure, they are love letters to the fic and might help more people find them, but at the end of the day this is my little therapy corner where I can let go and babble around to my heart’s content 🙏🏼 I’ve always been proud of this blog and seeing that post gave me mixed feelings about it for the first time, so thank you for your message!

Again, I think this discussion has many layers and I’m a bit wary to get involved being a reader, but I’d be curious to see how others feel about it…

[dont-be-so-shy]

i know it’s a little early but-

pride month schedule for those who need it

it starts on june 1 and ends of june 30

also some people believe that some of these genders sexualities are not real BUT THEY ARE so be careful of them people

i can’t find an official 2021 calender so this is /not/ official but-

1. GAY (boys like boys)

2. LESBIAN (girls like girls)

3. BISEXUAL (person likes two genders, but usually boys and girls)

4. POLYSEXUAL (person likes more than just two genders and are specific with which genders they like)

5. PANSEXUAL (like everyone regardless of gender, are often called gender-blind because they don’t care about your gender)

6. OMNISEXUAL (like everyone but are not gender-blind/they care about your gender and have preferences) this is me! 

7. SKOLIOSEXUAL (person likes trans or non-binary people i think)

8. DEMISEXUAL (person likes only friends or people they feel a bond with, can be any gender or sexuality)

9. GRAYSEXUAL (similar to asexual and on the acearo spectrum but i’m really not sure)

10. ASEXUAL (little to no sexual attraction to anybody; you can still be romantically attracted, for example you can be an ace bi)

11. POLYAMORY (three or more-way relationship, not a love triangle, but loves two people or more, often called “fake” but not, is valid)

12. INTERSEX (a medical condition meaning that you are not strictly one gender, people often just choose or are told one to raise their kid as)

13. MALE-TO-FEMALE TRANSGENDER (a birth-male identifies as a female)

14. FEMALE-TO-MALE TRANSGENDER (a birth-female identifies as male)

15. AGENDER (no gender)

16. GENDER-FLUID (switch between genders anytime)

17. BIGENDER (person who identifies as two genders, ex. male and female, male and non-binary, female and agender)

18. TRIGENDER (person who identifies as three genders )

19. PANGENDER (person who identifies as/with all genders)

20. GENDERQUEER (a person who doesn’t identify with male and female roles)

21. DEMIGIRL (a birth female who doesn't completely identify as female)

22. DEMIBOY (a birth male who doesn't completely identify as male)

note: there’s probably more, someone tell me?? 

23. ANDROGYNE (a person who doesn't fit into male/female boxes, a person who identifies as both genders but not half-and-half)

24. INTERGENDER (?)

25. NON-BINARY (doesn't identify as any gender, is also an umbrella term for whose are not boys or girls)

26. QUESTIONING (questioning your sexuality or gender)

27. HOMOROMANTIC (romantic attraction- different from sexual attraction- to a person of the same gender)

28. BIROMANTIC (being able to be romantically /not sexually/ attracted to more than one gender group)

29. PANROMANTIC (being romantically attracted to all gender groups)

30. AROMANTIC (not feeling romantic feelings towards anybody or having few romantic feelings)

note: THERE ARE OTHER GENDERS AND SEXUALITIES DO NOT TRUST ME I HAVE NOT INCLUDED ALL THE GENDERS/SEXUALITIES

as you can see, the lgbtq community is really particular

but we love it obvs 

[oliviamillss]

reading dreams chart

im only going to use up to orb 3, for stronger accuracy lmao

**if you can’t be bothered to read it all, theres a summary paragraph at the bottom**

sun:

sun in 7th: strong emphasis on relationships. tends to copy others lingo/habits. extroverted. probably ‘needs’ others. only really shows his true self around his close friends/family/partners. 

sun at 19 degrees: a libra degree. (emphasis on this bc libra rules 7h), makes him a very charming, likeable, particularly popular guy.

sun opposite ascendant: inner conflict, probably doesn’t feel like people see him for his true self, may struggle showing true self. may feel misunderstood. may need approval/validation a lot.

sun square mars: hints to daddy issues. may struggle with a lot of built up anger and frustration, but it seems like he takes it out very positively, as you can see he is competitive, so i think he lets it out through gaming. probably very energetic, motivated.

sun square saturn: high expectations for himself. probably the type of person to think ‘i’m only good enough if i do this’. probably very hard on himself. also probably very insecure of himself, but doesn’t show it. another sun square masculine planet, more hinting to daddy issues.

moon:

moon in 7th: probably relies on close friends/family/partners a lot. loves to help people, esp people he’s close with (kinda mr beast vibes). probably very like ‘oh shit, he’s sad, i need to do everything within my power to cheer him up’ if that makes sense lmao

moon in virgo: looking after people!!! esp with the sun square saturn,, high expectations. probably a very much perfectionist, which also explains why he is competitive. may ‘always need to be right’. but virgo moons are actually so lovely omfg

moon at 9 degrees: sagittarius degree, likes to help people by optimism, and giving things to the person that they would want (im aware that sounds obvious lmao). probably feels a sense of achievement when cheers them up.

moon square pluto: probably hard time dealing with and growing from negative things that have happened, possibly struggles with letting things go. possibly self destructive (why did that one heatwaves part come to mind), possible trust issues + anxiety, probably very particular about who he lets close into his life, maybe quite protective. 

mercury:

mercury in 6th: likes to help people, probably not disappointed if he spends his time working with someone, may struggle with anxiety/depression. a quick learner, probably overthink every word because it wast the ‘perfect’ thing to say. 

mercury in leo: funny asf, and out there, also thinks his ideas/things to respond and say are the best, with the 6h and 7h placements, he is open to listen to others, but in the end he only really wants his one lmfao, good with conversation.

mercury at 1 degree: aries degree, another fire placement which emphasises the loud, out there kinda vibes.

mercury trine mc: career and reputation are strongly linked with what he says. (this is obv bc hes famous lmao). he’s smart, particularly with technology and its linked to his career. *im aware this sounds like im just describing him, this is exact so thats why its overly accurate*

mercury opposite neptune: daydreamer, probably has a lot of thoughts and ideas in his head, but they just dont come across right. probably zones out, may struggle with focusing. but very creative, has big and creative ideas. i havent mentioned it before but its come up too many times now, but he has a lot of placements, when manifested badly, creates a good manipulator

mercury square jupiter: optimistic, possibly thinks his ideas are the best (we’ve covered that before), can be really overly talkative or just nothing at all. (i rlly dont know much about this placement)

venus:

venus in 7th: he will have a beautiful relationship with his future partner. charming asfff, probably a good flirt. tends to love love. needs to be liked, sort of a pleaser. 

venus in virgo: the type of person to remember everything about the people he cares about. loves to help the people he cares about. probably sees the people he truly loves as ‘perfect’, which may end up being really bad if they’re toxic. 

venus in retrograde: struggles feeling loved, possibly feels like he doesn’t deserve love. probably the type to be like ‘how could you ever love me?’

venus square mc: attract people who take care of him. either has self-esteem issues, or is quite a dependant person. creative. may struggle finding people who support his career, or may have to change a few things about himself to be liked by others. 

venus trine jupiter: very likeable, and he’s veryyy lucky. he’s funny, and a generous person, probably very giving to his close friends and family. charismatic asfff, likely he will marry someone foreign. 

mars:

mars in 9th: more things hinting to attract(ing/ed to) foreigners. loves experiencing things with people he cares about. likes to learn more and more, possibly stubborn, makes sure his opinions are known.

mars in scorpio: that boy needs privacy in his life, doesn’t like being predictable. probably an overthinker. we’ve already known this but he’s definitely a top. probably could get anyone he wants, seductive asfff. also pretty spiteful.

mars at 17 degrees: leo degree, fame bitchesss

mars square ascendant: hates to lose, competitive. people may be intimidated by him at first, can’t really hide anger, pretty stubborn.

mars opposite saturn: really hard on himself. wants to be the best of the best, leader. stands up for himself. another placement hinting to daddy issues. harsh about his work, and himself in general, perfectionist. 

mars square uranus: anger may change a lot, a lot of energy, probably struggles to focus, doesn’t like to be the one who is being controlled/has restrictions. probably struggles with authority. outbursts of anger.

jupiter

jupiter in 3rd house: loves writing, and is actually pretty good at it. knows how to talk to people, how to persuade them, and how to manipulate them. good liar, knows how to sell his wants across, how to get what he wants.

jupiter at 4 degrees: cancer degree, cancer rules his 6h. he uses his luck/money to help others.

jupiter square neptune: big dreams, desire to escape the world as it is.

saturn:

saturn in 3rd: afraid of/ is often misunderstood. struggles to open up?, maybe he wasn’t listened to much growing up. hard on himself academically, feels like he isn’t smart enough. hard time expressing himself. maybe feels like noone really cares for what he has to say?

saturn at 16 degrees: cancer degree. idk what else to say abt it lmaoo

saturn square ascendant: quite serious, maybe struggle with the way he looks? possibly quite overwhelmed about his life,, feels like he has too much to do at times. fear of rejectionnn

saturn square uranus: maybe he doesn’t like change, tradition v change clashing. authority troubles. probably needs freedom, but feels unstable without what he’s used to. rebelling against norms. 

uranus: 

uranus in 12th: probably very curious about unexplainable things, maybe quite into conspiracy theories. two complete ends of the spectrum: fear change/need it, unpredictable things happen/ everythings the same. 

uranus at 14 degrees: taurus. taurus ruling 2nd, i guess it shows change in dream’s wealth.

uranus opposite north node (and conj south node): with exceptions, doesn’t like conflict. he is fine with joke conflict, but the second there’s an actual argument he tries to be the ‘peacemaker’ guy. technology is major in his life. also quite nervous about his career/future. 

neptune:

neptune in 12th: awful sleep schedule. overworking himself, never relaxing. vivid dreams. once again, this has come up loads and i just haven’t mentioned it: intuitive asf, george is the same. whether either are aware of it or not, they are super intuitive.

neptune at 2 degrees: taurus degree.

neptune sextile mc: creative, also likes helping others, empathy to the public. has big dreams career wise. 

pluto:

pluto in 10th: determined person, gets a lot of hate, but also a lot of love. trust issues, persuasion/manipulative abilities. leader leader leader. another hint to daddy issues, maybe privacy invading, maybe overprotective. don’t want to be controlled.

north node:

north node in 6th: overwork himself. but i think we can interpret this as his life goal to be working to help people. literally mr beast. just work hard, and give a lot away. humble.

chiron:

chiron in 9th: possible restriction from either his or his communities beliefs/religions. maybe he’s afraid of leaving where he is right now (sapnap moving to orlando, whenever its brought up its always george coming to orlando)

lilith:

lilith in sagittarius: need for truth. dislikes restrictions. hides emotions, uses humour to avoid them/ make people think they’re okay when they’re not. stubborn asf. 

lilith in 10th: tend to be sexualised/ reputations for being sexual. another placement hinting to daddy issues. really wants to be at the top, the most powerful. likes using his dominance/ power to seduce. motivateddd.

lilith conjunct pluto (exact omfg): typical ‘mystery’ guy. probably the mystery/scorpio vibes he pulls off attracts/ seduces people. the most dominant partner ever. sex is probably so intense and overwhelming

moon square lilith: possible mummy issues. his need for sex can change quick asf, from one end of the scale to another. struggles to open up. 

 i ought to mention!!

there’s a theory that the degree of your venus sign is the birthday of someone who is v important in your life. what’s dreams you may ask? 1. and when are george and sapnap’s birthdays? the 1st. they’re soulmates, your honour.

summary!!!

basically, dream has so much care and love for his friends and family, and probably relies on them a lot. he only shows his true self around them, and he (at least thinks) people don’t really understand him in the way his friends and family do. he is a social person, who’s very likeable and charming. he lovesss helping people, doing everything in his power to cheer others up, he remembers details about the people he loves. he is such a perfectionist, needing to succeed and win and everything, and is very competitive. he probably doesn’t think he’s ‘worthy’ if he’s bad at something. he sets very high expectations for himself. he is very hard on himself. if he wants to, he knows how to manipulate people. he has so so many placements for an amazing manipulator. he may struggle to express himself or open up, and may be hard on himself academically. maybe he doesn’t feel ‘listened to’. a lot of emotions like anger and sex drive may change rapidly for him. he over works himself a lot. a major theme in his life is tradition vs change. he is probably afraid of change, or finds it uncomfortable, or he may have some sort of attachment to traditional values/things, no matter how much he wants to change. he is also a peacemaker. he was born to be loved or hated, kinda like marmite but if the balance was more equal. he doesn’t like restrictions. he uses humour to hide his emotions.

im also thinking of doing a synastry reading between george and dream but idk yet lol

hope you guys enjoyed, this took ages lmao<3

[fbfh]

magnus chase relationship and intimacy hcs

I genuinely found zero magnus hcs and it made me really sad

Also might not be as in character as my hoo posts cause I haven’t finished the series my library is closed don’t come for me-

As with all steamy/nsfw works, all characters are aged up to 18+

Warnings: moderate descriptions of ptsd symptoms and emotional recovery,, also like boinking and dicks obvs

1.6k words uwu

‘,:)

So he absolutely definitely has ptsd 

I don’t remember norse demigods being mentioned as having adhd and dyslexia so correct me if I’m wrong lol

I mean his mom was brutally murdered, he was fucking homeless, then he was killed and taken to valhalla

So yeah

Ptsd

He’s really defensive and jumpy at physical contact for a while

But he’s also incredibly touch starved

He’s super whipped for you

So it makes him really frustrated when he wants to be affectionate and vulnerable with you but he just,,, can’t

He has a lot of emotional walls up too for obvious reasons

You have to have really clear communication with him 

Which you do,, and he appreciates it a lot

You baby step into affection and intimacy

And let him take the lead a lot

It takes a while

But after a bit he gets these bursts of affection where he’ll cuddle and make out with you for like

Five minutes or less

Then it starts to feel weird again

You try to do small stuff like hand holding or blowing him a kiss or putting your head on his shoulder to help melt that ice

And it works

It goes from feeling weird, to weird but nice, to nice but kind of weird, to nice enough to ignore the weird part

As soon as he can be,,, he is an affectionate fiend

He likes to bear hug you a lot

He keeps a hand on your cheek or jaw line or the back of your neck when you kiss a lot

He still gets a little weird about his back or stomach or neck being touched which you totally understand 

So you kiss his shoulders and collarbones and run your hands over his chest and arms a lot

Once he had a really bad dream and couldn’t sleep cause he didn’t feel safe bc

~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚ flashbacks fucking suuuuuuck ~‧₊˚; *‧.₊˚

So you played some home renovation show and spooned him and whispered

“It’s okay, I’ve got your back”

He didn’t have anymore nightmares that night

He really likes back hugs after that, as long as he knows it’s you behind him

He gives really nice kisses

It’s like a big full kiss

Idk how else to describe it but it’s very unique to him

He’s super protective over you still in a healthy way

He’s super fuckin pansexual and you can pry that from my cold dead hands

So he has a lot of hoodies and denim jackets

And bracelet stacks and weird dad thrift store shirts

And you can get him more of these things no matter how many he has and he will love it an equal amount 

Which is a lot

He gets kind of insecure and feels bad about all his weird symptoms bc he minimizes what he’s been through a lot

It’s kind of a why can’t I just get over it and be normal feeling

You remind him a lot that it’s okay and his feelings and experiences are valid and he’s safe now

He needs to hear that a lot

Once a lot of that ice has been broken he gets really touchy really fast

You two were just like

Chilling on the couch watching a movie or something

And he nuzzles into your side to cuddle

So you lay down a little more and he rests his head on your chest

You keep watching the movie like that for a while 

He props himself up and just kind of looks at you for a minute

He can’t remember feeling this warm before he met you

And now he feels really really warm 

And tingly

You’re about to look over and ask if he’s alright when he just 

Presses his face into your neck and starts kissing you

You let out this breathy flustred little laugh he’s never heard before and he wants to make you make that sound again

He kisses up to your face and his hair is all in his eyes

So you brush it out of the way and tuck it behind his ear and his face nuzzles into your hand

He bites back a moan

You end up making out a lot

Which leads to,, other things

You don’t question it or ask where that came from

You just give him a lot of love and reassurance

Once he feels comfortable,,,, I hope you’re ready bitch

Cause you’ll be under him

And on top of him

A lot

Like a lot lot

He doesn’t have a lot of experience so he likes it when you take the lead

Big fan of showering together

I almost fucking forgot

He thinks you look hot in everthing obvs

But if you wear his boxers 

He goes apeshit

If you wear bras he likes the unlined sheer ones best on you

He also thinks you look really nice in boyshorts and cheekies

Esp the invisible microfiber ones

He likes how soft they are and how they just kind of seamlessly glide over your hips

If you play with his hair he practically starts purring

If you tug it really gently he moans

Just thought you should know that

Things get really intense in a good way with him

He gets very caught up in the heat of the moment

Has broken the bed before

And would do it again

Blitz and hearth almost walked in on you two cause they heard a loud crack and thought someone broke in

It was a very very close call

You laughed about it a lot later

He also likes things to be really soft and fluffy

So sleepy morning sex is definitely in his vocabulary

When he gets more comfortable he loves when you rest your head on his tummy and he can play with your hair and touch your shoulders

He also likes when you have your hand resting on his lower back

He finds it really grounding

Gives a lot of back hugs

Sometimes his head is resting on your head or shoulders

Sometimes he’s sucking on your neck

Just kinda depends yk

Really really likes it when you straddle him

Esp when you play with the hem of his clothes

You really really like to straddle him too

It’s a nice seat if you get what I’m sayin

Kind of wants to have shower sex with you but is also really scared of slipping and getting hurt

Settles for romantic bubble baths instead

Kind of stubbly, esp in the morning

It’s really cute

But kind of ouchie on more,,, sensitive areas

He’s usually fine staying a little stubbly, unless he’s planning to surprise you

You get a little excited when you see him shaving extra carefully

He sees you staring and just kind of looks you up and down and winks

Alksdjafskfja 

He likes having his hair longer

So do you

So you show him different ways to do little buns and stuff to keep it out of his face and stop it from getting tangled when he sleeps

Ngl you haven’t lived until you’ve seen magnus hard in his boxers kneeling over you hastily throwing up his hair so you can have some fun

That image is thankfully burned into your retinas for all eternity 

You get palpitations thinking about it

You’re the only one allowed to play with his hair or call him maggie/mags

He sometimes borrows your scrunchies and it’s really really cute

You end up with this little routine of swapping them when they stop smelling like the other person

If you don’t wear scrunchies you get him some and he thinks it’s adorable

You also steal them and swap them out when they don’t smell like him anymore

He loves having picnics outside with you

Especially to go stargazing

Yeah rooftop picnics are a thing

Plus people can’t really see what you’re doing and no one really goes up there so uh

As long as you can stay quiet you’re never bored

Sometimes when you’re stargazing his hand will just kind of gradually go from resting on your hip to wrapping his arms around you and having you lean against his chest

You sometimes raid the fridge together in the middle of the night

You took him to mcdonalds at like 2am once

It was not the last time that happened

Totally the type to love getting matching pj bottoms with you

Really loves it when you hold his hand with both of yours

It makes him feel really loved and masculine in a good healthy way and generally good

On days when he just Needs a Distraction you try any hobby or activity you can get your hands on

His favorites so far are painting each others nails, random online flash games like papa’s, finding the best climbing trees (weather permitting), and binge watching and reviewing the weirdest shows and movies you can find

Including but not limited to flava of love, josie and the pussycats in outer space, lightning point, and clone high

The movies are usually really low budget, or questionable teen romance movies like twilight, sierra burgess is a loser, the kissing booth etc. 

You still quote clone high to this day

He’s very excited for the reboot me too, magnus, me too

Doesn’t stop clowning on TJ bc of it

TJ has no fucking idea what he’s talking about 

“For the last time Magnus, I’m just named after him. I’m not a clone. I don’t know John Kennedy or Abraham Lincoln, and how could I possibly know Cleopatra??? Where are you getting this from, you understood this like a week ago-”

He really likes just kind of hugging you from behind and smooching wherever he can and swaying back and forth

Tells you he loves you a lot

Really really grateful you’re in his life

Does everything he possibly can to be the best boyfriend

Cause you deserve it

Did i mention he loves you a lot lot lot

Cause he really does

Treat him right, give him a lot of love 

He also blushes really easily shhh

[hellomynameisbisexual]

Here's a shortlist of those who realized that I — a cis woman who'd identified as heterosexual for decades of life — was in fact actually bi, long before I realized it myself recently: my sister, all my friends, my boyfriend, and the TikTok algorithm.

On TikTok, the relationship between user and algorithm is uniquely (even sometimes uncannily) intimate. An app which seemingly contains as many multitudes of life experiences and niche communities as there are people in the world, we all start in the lowest common denominator of TikTok. Straight TikTok (as it's popularly dubbed) initially bombards your For You Page with the silly pet videos and viral teen dances that folks who don't use TikTok like to condescendingly reduce it to.

Quickly, though, TikTok begins reading your soul like some sort of divine digital oracle, prying open layers of your being never before known to your own conscious mind. The more you use it, the more tailored its content becomes to your deepest specificities, to the point where you get stuff that's so relatable that it can feel like a personal attack (in the best way) or (more dangerously) even a harmful trigger from lifelong traumas.

For example: I don't know what dark magic (read: privacy violations) immediately clued TikTok into the fact that I was half-Brazilian, but within days of first using it, Straight TikTok gave way to at first Portuguese-speaking then broader Latin TikTok. Feeling oddly seen (being white-passing and mostly American-raised, my Brazilian identity isn't often validated), I was liberal with the likes, knowing that engagement was the surefire way to go deeper down this identity-affirming corner of the social app.

TikTok made lots of assumptions from there, throwing me right down the boundless, beautiful, and oddest multiplicities of Alt TikTok, a counter to Straight TikTok's milquetoast mainstreamness.

Home to a wide spectrum of marginalized groups, I was giving out likes on my FYP like Oprah, smashing that heart button on every type of video: from TikTokers with disabilities, Black and Indigenous creators, political activists, body-stigma-busting fat women, and every glittering shade of the LGBTQ cornucopia. The faves were genuine, but also a way to support and help offset what I knew about the discriminatory biases in TikTok's algorithm.

My diverse range of likes started to get more specific by the minute, though. I wasn't just on general Black TikTok anymore, but Alt Cottagecore Middle-Class Black Girl TikTok (an actual label one creator gave her page's vibes). Then it was Queer Latina Roller Skating Girl TikTok, Women With Non-Hyperactive ADHD TikTok, and then a double whammy of Women Loving Women (WLW) TikTok alternating between beautiful lesbian couples and baby bisexuals.

Looking back at my history of likes, the transition from queer “ally” to “salivating simp” is almost imperceptible.

There was no one precise "aha" moment. I started getting "put a finger down" challenges that wouldn't reveal what you were putting a finger down for until the end. Then, 9-fingers deep (winkwink), I'd be congratulated for being 100% bisexual. Somewhere along the path of getting served multiple WLW Disney cosplays in a single day and even dom lesbian KinkTok roleplay — or whatever the fuck Bisexual Pirate TikTok is — deductive reasoning kind of spoke for itself.

But I will never forget the one video that was such a heat-seeking missile of a targeted attack that I was moved to finally text it to my group chat of WLW friends with a, "Wait, am I bi?" To which the overwhelming consensus was, "Magic 8 Ball says, 'Highly Likely.'"

Serendipitously posted during Pride Month, the video shows a girl shaking her head at the caption above her head, calling out confused and/or closeted queers who say shit like, "I think everyone is a LITTLE bisexual," to the tune of "Closer" by The Chainsmokers. When the lyrics land on the word "you," she points straight at the screen — at me — her finger and inquisitive look piercing my hopelessly bisexual soul like Cupid's goddamn arrow.

Oh no, the voice inside my head said, I have just been mercilessly perceived.

As someone who had, in fact, done feminist studies at a tiny liberal arts college with a gender gap of about 70 percent women, I'd of course dabbled. I've always been quick to bring up the Kinsey scale, to champion a true spectrum of sexuality, and to even declare (on multiple occasions) that I was, "straight, but would totally fuck that girl!"

Oh no, the voice inside my head returned, I've literally just been using extra words to say I was bi.

After consulting the expertise of my WLW friend group (whose mere existence, in retrospect, also should've clued me in on the flashing neon pink, purple, and blue flag of my raging bisexuality), I ran to my boyfriend to inform him of the "news."

"Yeah, baby, I know. We all know," he said kindly.

"How?!" I demanded.

Well for one, he pointed out, every time we came across a video of a hot girl while scrolling TikTok together, I'd without fail watch the whole way through, often more than once, regardless of content. (Apparently, straight girls do not tend to do this?) For another, I always breathlessly pointed out when we'd pass by a woman I found beautiful, often finding a way to send a compliment her way. ("I'm just a flirt!" I used to rationalize with a hand wave, "Obvs, I'm not actually sexually attracted to them!") Then, I guess, there were the TED Talk-like rants I'd subject him to about the thinly veiled queer relationship in Adventure Time between Princess Bubblegum and Marcelyne the Vampire Queen — which the cowards at Cartoon Network forced creators to keep as subtext!

And, well, when you lay it all out like that...

But my TikTok-fueled bisexual awakening might actually speak less to the omnipotence of the app's algorithm, and more to how heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

Sure, TikTok bombarded me with the thirst traps of my exact type of domineering masc lady queers, who reduced me to a puddle of drool I could no longer deny. But I also recalled a pivotal moment in college when I briefly questioned my heterosexuality, only to have a lesbian friend roll her eyes and chastise me for being one of those straight girls who leads Actual Queer Women on. I figured she must know better. So I never pursued any of my lady crushes in college, which meant I never experimented much sexually, which made me conclude that I couldn't call myself bisexual if I'd never had actual sex with a woman. I also didn't really enjoy lesbian porn much, though the fact that I'd often find myself fixating on the woman during heterosexual porn should've clued me into that probably coming more from how mainstream lesbian porn is designed for straight men.

The ubiquity of heterormativity, even when unwittingly perpetrated by members of the queer community, is such an effective self-sustaining cycle. Aside from being met with queer-gating (something I've since learned bi folks often experience), I had a hard time identifying my attraction to women as genuine attraction, simply because it felt different to how I was attracted to men.

Heteronormativity is truly one helluva drug.

So much of women's sexuality — of my sexuality — can feel defined by that carnivorous kind of validation you get from men. I met no societal resistance in fully embodying and exploring my desire for men, either (which, to be clear, was and is insatiable slut levels of wanting that peen.) But in retrospect, I wonder how many men I slept with not because I was truly attracted to them, but because I got off on how much they wanted me.

My attraction to women comes with a different texture of eroticism. With women (and bare with a baby bi, here), the attraction feels more shared, more mutual, more tender rather than possessive. It's no less raw or hot or all-consuming, don't get me wrong. But for me at least, it comes more from a place of equality rather than just power play. I love the way women seem to see right through me, to know me, without us really needing to say a word.

I am still, as it turns out, a sexual submissive through-and-through, regardless of what gender my would-be partner is. But, ignorantly and unknowingly, I'd been limiting my concept of who could embody dominant sexual personas to cis men. But when TikTok sent me down that glorious rabbit hole of masc women (who know exactly what they're doing, btw), I realized my attraction was not to men, but a certain type of masculinity. It didn't matter which body or genitalia that presentation came with.

There is something about TikTok that feels particularly suited to these journeys of sexual self-discovery and, in the case of women loving women, I don't think it's just the prescient algorithm. The short-form video format lends itself to lightning bolt-like jolts of soul-bearing nakedness, with the POV camera angles bucking conventions of the male gaze, which entrenches the language of film and TV in heterosexual male desire.

In fairness to me, I'm far from the only one who missed their inner gay for a long time — only to have her pop out like a queer jack-in-the-box throughout a near year-long quarantine that led many of us to join TikTok. There was the baby bi mom, and scores of others who no longer had to publicly perform their heterosexuality during lockdown — only to realize that, hey, maybe I'm not heterosexual at all?

Flooded with video after video affirming my suspicions, reflecting my exact experiences as they happened to others, the change in my sexual identity was so normalized on TikTok that I didn't even feel like I needed to formally "come out." I thought this safe home I'd found to foster my baby bisexuality online would extend into the real world.

But I was in for a rude awakening.

Testing out my bisexuality on other platforms, casually referring to it on Twitter, posting pictures of myself decked out in a rainbow skate outfit (which I bought before realizing I was queer), I received nothing but unquestioning support and validation. Eventually, I realized I should probably let some members of my family know before they learned through one of these posts, though.

Daunted by the idea of trying to tell my Latina Catholic mother and Swiss Army veteran father (who's had a crass running joke about me being a "lesbian" ever since I first declared myself a feminist at age 12), I chose the sibling closest to me. Seeing as how gender studies was one of her majors in college too, I thought it was a shoo-in. I sent an off-handed, joke-y but serious, "btw I'm bi now!" text, believing that's all that would be needed to receive the same nonchalant acceptance I found online.

It was not.

I didn't receive a response for two days. Hurt and panicked by what was potentially my first mild experience of homophobia, I called them out. They responded by insisting we need to have a phone call for such "serious" conversations. As I calmly tried to express my hurt on said call, I was told my text had been enough to make this sibling worry about my mental wellbeing. They said I should be more understanding of why it'd be hard for them to (and I'm paraphrasing) "think you were one way for twenty-eight years" before having to contend with me deciding I was now "something else."

But I wasn't "something else," I tried to explain, voice shaking. I hadn't knowingly been deceiving or hiding this part of me. I'd simply discovered a more appropriate label. But it was like we were speaking different languages. Other family members were more accepting, thankfully. There are many ways I'm exceptionally lucky, my IRL environment as supportive as Baby Bi TikTok. Namely, I'm in a loving relationship with a man who never once mistook any of it as a threat, instead giving me all the space in the world to understand this new facet of my sexuality.

I don't have it all figured out yet. But at least when someone asks if I listen to Girl in Red on social media, I know to answer with a resounding, "Yes," even though I've never listened to a single one of her songs. And for now, that's enough.

[dr-fumbles-mcstupid]

Happy pride month everyone! A friendly reminder that I identify as asexual aromantic. There is a lot of bullshit discourse in the Lgbtqia community about a lot of things. One of those things is that Aro & Ace people don't belong, they aren't discriminated against. Or they aren't "actually queer."

Fun fact #1. I first heard the term asexual as a 22 year old. I found it through a fanfic online, it was so underrepresented I didn't know it was a thing. No form of published media had ever told me about it, no person I knew had ever used the word. To this day

in popular media, off the top of my head I can think of 3 asexual characters, only one of which identifies as aromantic. Jughead from Archie comics (but not in Riverdale, because aro/ace isn't part of LGBTQ+ so it isn't erasure right?), Todd from BoJack Horseman, and apparently there was an ace character in the SYFY channel series lost girl.

Fun fact #2, I went on a few dates with a guy at the age of 20, it didn't go any further. He apparently told people I slept with him. I found out my older sister was close friends with a mutual friend of his, and when Briana (my sister) spoke up to that friend and said that was 100% a lie because she knew I did not (we didn't talk about a lot of sex things, but I think she had an inkling about me being ace even then), her close friend said that I had obviously lied to mysister becuase no one got to the age of 20 without having sex.

Fun fact #3, our whole society is really based upon the ideas of cohabitation and romance in particular. Almost all forms of media portray romance, and it often shows that a person isn't happy, or that their life hasn't really started until they find their perfect romantic partner. Leaving out how toxic that is to people romantically inclined (the need to constantly be with a partner, making it seem like you need to find 'the one', bad portrayals of what a relationship should actually be) it is incredibly disheartening to an aro person, and it makes it much much harder for non aro people to relate to, or even comprehend aro people.

Fun fact # 3b, a number of years ago a close friend of mine started a new relationship and had been in the "puppy love" phase where They dropped everyone but their Significant other for almost 7 month. I asked Facebook what the normal timeline for 'puppy love' or what they thought it should be was. Almost 99% of people said that when they met their significant other, or when they got married they dropped Almost all of their non familial aquentences including friends. People argued that this was normal and expected. They believe that once they found their romantic love that no other relationships were needed

Fun fact #4, I don't identify as sex repulsed, talking about sex or even engaging in sex with others, doesn't disgust or trigger me. Despite this people often treat me as ignorant of sex, and sexual urges, Sex Ed in general, and even if I was, like so what? Where this gets worse, is there is a perception that I am inoocent, or infantile becuase I haven't had the experience of sex, or have no desire to. This goes to relationships as well. I did have one serious relationship, and I dated people casually as well. Even if I didn't I am a smart person, romantic relationships are built on the foundation of compatability, honest open conversation, and friendship. I know this Even though I don't want a romantic partner. 😱 I still like movies and books with romance in them!!! 😱 I understand the concept of romance!!! 😱 You don't have to treat me like an idiot, or think I can't have advice for you/somone who is in a relationship!

Fun fact #5, I experience multiple micro aggressions every day, even from friends and family members. Every time I go to a new therapist I will mention being asexual, and their response will be "well that is probably because of your medication." I know some medications can erase your libido, but I have been on over 20 different medications over a period of 15 years. I still have a libido (sexual desire does not = sexual attraction, look up sex favorable and sex repulsed asexuals). I will explain this to them and yet every therapist I have ever had has still tried to persuade me that I was wrong about this.

People in my life will make jokes about me going on dates or meeting the mother of a friend becuase you know, I'm obvs gonna fall in love! People can't be friends, and "I don't think aromanticism is a thing." On the other side of the spectrum I have a few friends who say they support me, but then whenever I say "Chris Hemsworth is so attractive" or "She-Hulk is Bae, 10/10" , they automatically use it as ammo for discourse on why "maybe you are confused?". Being able to tell that someone is aesthitcally pleasing does not = sexual attraction. Even aro and ace people talk in this manner a lot becuase of fandom and online discourse, and how people Interact in general.

And finally, if I was wrong and I am just confused and not "really aromantic or asexual becuase it is just a mental or physical disease" (it's not) how does this hurt me or you? I am happy without sex or a romantic partner, I would be fine living the rest of my life without it, friends are enough! (although a queer platonic partner would be 👌👌👌). Even if I was misinformed and misguided (I am not), It isn't hurting anyone.

TLDR, #Aromantic and #Asexual people are #LGBTQIA, we are discriminated against, and it is a valid identity. The more you know #Pride2019

[aro-culture-is]

hi friend! i know you’ve said before that figuring out that you’re aro was a positive thing. unfortunately, i didn’t feel the same. i’ve since accepted it, and understood that i’m not weird or wrong because of it, but i still cannot think of a way that it makes my life better. i was wondering if you could bring a different perspective, one that doesn’t just feel like they’re missing out? thank you 💚

(sorry I took so long to answer! in all honesty, it’s been a hell of a month)

we can bring in the outside perspective. did you know that we sometimes struggle to understand Earth as a planet because we understand planets from afar, but we’re too close for those same tools to work? just like that, aro people get to explore romance and romantic relationships from outside. we can be the instruments far enough away to teach us new things and reexamine what we think we know about romance and relationships. when you look out to the stars, know that you are the satellites and rovers who understand and learn in ways Earth-based telescopes could never accomplish.

studies show that married individuals often have fewer social interactions overall. we have the opportunity to be present in more lives, in more precious moments. maybe I’m a sap with some quality time love language, but we can be there for each other.

don’t have to share a bed if you’re not into that. my married sister complains all the time about how her husband is the worst blanket thief, and his ever-restless self has a tendency to gently kick/smack her in his sleep. yuck. I barely sleep well enough without that. plus people are so warm! sleeping at cooler temps (67 degrees F) promotes deeper and more restful sleep! this seems trivial and like a “good” couple can easily not do it, but like. where. show me One Alloro who would view not sleeping in the same bed as a “healthy relationship” and I will concede that maybe some of them understand boundaries.

i know that alloros talk about romo attraction like it’s fun and good and all but like. then they describe anxiety. ??? alloros explain??? I have enough anxiety without that!!!

idk how best to phrase this but like... as a community we’re super prone to having amazing discussions about boundaries and feelings about things that tend to be viewed as taboo (like not wanting to be married, desiring fwb relationships, letting people discuss the ways their trauma affects or doesn’t affect them and believing them and validating them, etc). we’re open to discussing if these things are actually worthwhile ideals to hold on to, and discussing the feelings that might lead to those conclusions. like... do people want to be married to someone who loves them or do they want to be married because society says that they are incomplete without it? this ties in to the outside perspective thing

we have an amazing flag

green

we actively promote and boost works of art that explore subjects that aren’t given attention in a lot of current culture. we’re on top of music without romance, we swarm authors with support as we can, and we let ourselves love what exists in our lives.

alloro ppl spend so much time listening to materialistic, predatory songs that prey on their loneliness and longing. it’s not their fault, obv, the industry knows how easy it is to sell a group of reasonably attractive individuals who you may be able to imagine singing that song to you, for you... but like. we’re immune to the siren’s call.

we get to exist, right now, on the dawning of a new era. we, right now, are some of the first generations of aro people who have this term. we get to set the stage, we get to direct the lights, we choose our battle anthems, and we write our soliloquies. we exist in a time where we are allowed to ask what we want, what we need, and what that means. we are not obligated to get things right- the first round of anything is rarely perfect. we have the opportunity to create our community in our own image. we are the first, and this may feel crushing at times, but -- we are free to learn and grow together in a new way that has never before existed. we are here now, and we can make of that exactly as we will.

I hope this helps. I admit it was challenging to enumerate my thoughts and feelings on the matter, but I hope I’ve provided at least a few silly and more serious reasons I love being aromantic.

[strictlybecca]

I lovvve your happy healthy buckleys universe and consider this another invitation to tell us about outtakes! Maddie making emotional and academic support a priority makes SO much sense and it's gratifying to imagine them having a team of resources. I'm sure she would've set a wonderful precedence of acceptance and openness, maybe leading to Buck understanding his own identify early on?

i totally agree!! it’s also important to me that maddie experiences the validation and support missing from her own childhood - it would be easy to turn the fic into a universe where maddie loses her independence and freedom by becoming ‘mom’ to buck when she’s 18, her needs subsumed by buck’s, but i think there’s a world where maddie just gets to be the big sister and buck gets to be the little brother and they both just try their hardest to be what the other needs and it comes out all good in the end :)

here’s some more thoughts about my healthy well-adjusted buckleys! (and here's my other post, if anyone wants to see it!)

- unfortunately in this universe, maddie has to be the one to tell buck about daniel. she talks it over with her therapist - because her school has free counseling for enrolled students and she gets some guidance on how the conversation should go. buck’s young enough that the conversation is hard but not impossible. “our parents never got better from losing him” makes sense to a buck who has seen how Not There their parents have always been and maddie’s young enough that she has clearer memories of daniel to share when buck asks about him, tucked up into bed, both of them sharing a pillow as they stare up at glow-in-the-dark stars. they celebrate daniel’s birthday every year.

- doug shows up right when maddie needs him in her life least. she’s a baby nurse and at first it’s amazing - he tells her how much he admires her strength for taking on buck, how impressed he is with her resourcefulness and hard work - all things that she likes about herself as well. but he resents her time with buck (buckley sibling movie nights are a NON-NEGOTIABLE, obvs) and he tries to convince her that the friends she likes and the professors who mentor her and the people in her community who have come to love the buckleys like their own - that they’re all drains on her and her time. maddie’s a people pleaser (enneagram 2, change my mind) so it works for a little bit, but the second that people in her life ask her if she’s okay, and if she’s happy, and offer their time and energy to her she realizes that doug’s all bullshit. he yells at her when she breaks up with him and if she wasn’t prepared to kick him out already, that would’ve done it. fortunately, her apartment neighbors all get involved and doug gets shooed off (with some menacing) and never darkens their doorstep again.

- buck isn’t a hard kid to raise, except when he sometimes is - he’s incredibly smart and has so much energy and the ADHD means that there’s a learning curve for some things neither of them expected - but buck also LOVES his sister and wants to make her happy and doesn’t have a malicious bone in his body. getting in trouble at school happens sometimes, but buck’s always the first to apologize to the other kid or the teacher. sometimes he gets whiny and cranky, but he blossoms under maddie’s warmth and affection and pride and he rarely stays in a bad mood for long. he’s impulsive but maddie loves his enthusiasm and his innovation, and he knows that he’ll have maddie’s love and devotion no matter his behavior, so he’s not driven to danger-seeking behaviors - just the kind of shenanigans that are the purview of childhood.

- buck realizes he has a crush on eddie from like, minute ONE. he’s dated guys before and he knows exaaaactly what this bright, bubbly urge to do something impressive and dumb in front of a cute guy means. hen keeps him in line somewhat those first few days (”okaaaay, but WHAT if i-” “no. <3″) which helps him realize that eddie’s not just hot, but also THE BEST. becoming his friend is SO FUN. in this universe, buck understands that the love and affection from his friends and family is enough and so knows that he doesn’t need to pursue a romantic relationship to get validation, so being eddie’s best friend makes him SO happy. (but he pines a little, of course he does!) ((he doesn’t know that eddie is figuring HIS shit out and that there will be a future where they get to makeout and be boyfriends and husbands and stuff. Good Shit™!!!!)

- from day one, everyone loves maddie. literally. their mail lady, the dog walker in their building, every teacher buck ever has, the sanitation workers, the couple that run the hardware store - they all send holiday cards or invite her to their weddings or just stop every time they see her to say hi and chat. their whole lives, buck has shining heart eyes for his sister because she is SO smart and SO funny and SO kind. maddie is his hero and idol and he wants to be just like her when he grows up. he thinks he’ll be a nurse too, but he realizes that although he loves learning random science by quizzing maddie before her finals, there are parts of nursing that seem inCREDIBLY boring. he filters through a bunch of health-related fields for a bit, before he works as an EMT and realizes that fire fighting is cool as fuck. maddie agrees, it’s cool as fuck, please don’t die buck, good luck god bless - and the rest is history!

[omnipah]

Okay so. Since I brought it up before and also @campanulaflora​ has been Encouraging me I’m gonna go ahead and yell about The Communication Of It All cus. it’s good.

So like. obviously this is another one of those things that develops over time cus when ur nd and communicate in ways people consider annoying or nonstandard, it’s gonna take some learning even if u are Also nd. But this is why it’s so cool to me that wwx is actively trying to understand, and of course it goes both ways, though it takes lwj a while to notice that that’s what wwx is actually doing and trust that it’s sincere, but it ends up being the foundation of their relationship. Like, wwx consistently shows affection by infodumping or just bothering people, cus his love language is primarily about giving attention, while lwj is the kind of person who’s like. if he thinks ur cool he’ll just. be near u until he doesn’t want to any more. And by the time the timeskip happens, both of them have kind of learned to adopt each others’ love languages (like, lwj finding things he think wwx would like is his way of showing attention, and I think the way they play music together is another way of just Spending Time together that doesn’t leave wwx unfocused and fidgety), while also accepting that even if they express it differently, that’s the intent behind it.

But there’s something very sweet and earnest about seeing the two of them be a bit abrasive and make communication mistakes in the beginning, cus its pretty clear that there’s no like. nd network for either of them to pull understanding from, and all their later understanding is based on that very active intent to empathise and meet each other in the middle.

And like. a decent amount of the flashback stuff is also pretty good communication-wise, the exception mostly being whenever they talk about their own feelings about each other. When they’re actually doing something together, there’s an implicit understanding of how to function as a unit, because they have the previous experience to tell them that they’re working towards the same goal and they understand each others’ strengths and weaknesses, while also presumably being just. very good at reading each others’ body language. And when they’re talking about political stuff, they’re both pretty clear and well-spoken. The only time when it starts to break down is when wwx is being deliberately obtuse to push lwj away, which is both a misguided attempt to keep him safe and an expression of his fear that lwj doesn’t actually approve of him the way he’d started to let himself think he did.

Like, as far as I can tell, 90% of their communication issues stem from wwx being in a bad mental place and misinterpreting lwj because lwj doesn’t use his words, and normally lwj can trust that he’ll be understood by wwx, which is why he doesn’t really seem to know how to handle it when wwx starts like. projecting. That’s another thing tho, that he seems to have picked up on after the fact, cus all the times he sees that wwx needs unambiguous validation or clarity post-timeskip, he makes sure to use words when he probably wouldn’t have before. And that confirmation is part of what allows wwx to see his other gestures of affection as they’re intended, cus lwj making the effort to speak his language gives context for the larger pattern of behaviour.

Both of them do seem to just. decide to understand each other at some point, though, presumably cus it matters to them that their second chance doesn’t go to waste – the second time round, there’s no hesitation or shying away from vulnerability, and they both pay active attention to each other. Like it’s very cute and funny that they’re always staring at each other and/or gently clinging, but I think there is an extra layer there that they just. really really don’t want to miss something important that the other is expressing.

Which brings us to. the expressions. Cus lwj is such an excellent case-study in how autistics can be incredibly expressive, but completely ignored because their methods of communication are things people aren’t used to paying attention to. And like, we, the audience, are encouraged to understand him, cus the camera’s always on him when we need to notice that he’s reacting to something, and how, and it always shows us his reactions on his terms, which is usually a matter of where he holds tension or whether he’s relaxed. But it’s easy to see how someone who doesn’t care enough to pay attention, like jc, or someone who’s actively interpreting in bad faith, like su she, would miss those things if they didn’t bother to learn that those were significant to him.

Like. I get soft over lwj’s microexpressions as much as the next guy, but those are very much a part of a bigger picture. A lot of how he expresses himself is through his actions, which is most obvious when it’s something like just moving out of the way when he doesn’t want to be touched, but with him it’s also about potentially months-long patterns of behaviour, like how he consistently chooses to be around people he likes and avoid people he doesn’t. And there’s that delightful meta post about his speech patterns as well, which is super interesting for other reasons as well obvs, but also very much works as an in-depth analysis of how he’s clearly autistic, cus what it comes down to is that he’s super formal (i.e scripted), well-spoken and has a good vocabulary, while also being essentially semi-verbal, especially when he’s stressed. And like, combining that with the fact that he doesn’t move his face unless he has something specific and probably relatively extreme to communicate, he doesn’t make eye contact, and has suuuper strong morals, it’s. Very Very easy to see how someone who already doesn’t like him would use that to call him rude, or stubborn, or arrogant, and other people who are more neutral might just. decide he’s too much effort to get to know properly. Which is why wwx is so special to him, cus he not only made an effort (despite his own insecurities and unacknowledged nd needs) but he also helped lsz to understand how to get to know him in the same way.

And wwx kind of has the same problem for the opposite reason, cus his face is so mobile and he uses so many words, that people often miss the subtleties of like. what comes up a lot for him, or what he’s doing while he says stuff, or even just why he does or says the things he does. Like, in the same way as with people assuming lwj is arrogant because he prefers to observe and listen before expressing himself, people often say the exact same thing of wwx because he’s ‘too’ quick to express himself, especially when it’s a moral thing; people are always accusing him of virtue signalling or whatever instead of genuinely believing what he’s doing is right. I think, again, the fact that wwx spends so much time around lwj, combined with the fact that lwj cares enough to learn what he’s about, means he often sees a side of wwx that people don’t tend to, and he learns to read between the lines of what he’s saying. There is also the fact that wwx just kinda seems to be a pretty good actor, and generally knows how to make people overlook the things he doesn’t want them to see, so it takes some trial and error before lwj realises how unhealthily selfless he is, among other things.

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[seraphic-sapphic-safehaven]

Hello! I'm a nonbinary and planning on going on testosterone and getting top surgery as well!! I identify as a lesbian but I was wondering how I could possibly explain to other people how I'm still a lesbian regardless of me transitioning into a more masculine body? I really need help putting into words! Any resources or just plain advice can help me! How can I explain to my friends how my relationships are still 100% lesbian regardless of me going into T???

I understand your situation, I promise. I’m agender and sapphic and want to do those things as well to alleviate some dysphoria and to attempt to make people stop misgendering me as a female. But… okay look… I’m gonna be painfully honest with you: There’s no sure-fire way to convince cis people and cishets in general that your identity as a lesbian and your relationships are valid, regardless of whether you go on T and get top surgery or not. And that’s not because of anything you’ve done or anything like that; we literally just can’t make our oppressors accept us if they don’t want to, yknow what I mean? If others have a rude, judgmental perception of you, that’s on them, and you absolutely do not have to spend the energy trying to convince them to accept you.

Lots of lesbians go on T. Lots of lesbians get top surgery. Lots of lesbians are nonbinary. Lots of lesbians want to present and/or act in a masculine way. Lots of lesbians have a complicated and/or unconventional relationship with gender, gender presentation, etc. Much of these statements are just a part of lesbian history (I say “much” because we haven’t always had T and top surgery as options). From what I understand about the lesbian community (I’m not a lesbian, obv), the desires and feelings you have really aren’t uncommon experiences for lesbians. And they’re nothing to be ashamed of; whatever makes you happy and comfortable is obviously best for you! But please… don’t feel like you have to convince others that your identity is valid regardless of these things you plan on doing; your identity is valid regardless of what anyone says. I know that feeling accepted and understood is so important to mental health, to identity, etc., but not everyone you encounter will get it or will want to get it. 

If you really want to try to explain to your friends that you’re still valid in your identity and relationships, here’s some things you could try. You can explain to people that these are common experiences for many lesbians, especially nonbinary lesbians, from what I understand (I’m not a lesbian, obv). You can explain that complicated relationships with gender have historically been a part of the lesbian community. You can explain that gender presentation is different from gender identity and does not affect your sexual and/or romantic orientation. You can explain that your identity and your relationships are valid regardless. Or you could tell people that they aren’t you, that they don’t and can’t fully understand how you feel, and that they don’t really have the right to judge you just because they don’t understand. Remember, you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone!! But anyway, I cannot guarantee that people will get it, will be accepting, will be willing to learn and understand, and more. And I apologize because I don’t have any resources on hand about this, but you can start by googling things about the lesbian community and gender, nonbinary gender identities and gender presentation, sapphic history, etc. etc. I really wish I had the time to research this kind of stuff more to help you, but college is eating all my time (I legit choose between eating dinner and doing homework most nights lmao). Also, I’m sure my lovely friend @ghiblibutch would be more than happy to help you with this situation! Additionally, my wife, @becausefuckyouthatiswhy, said that they’re willing to talk with you about it as well!

I’m sorry that this ask is so long, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more help. I hope this ask helped somewhat or at least gave you some ideas on what you could do and say. Please send me more asks or send me DMs if you want to talk about this more, and again, don’t be afraid to talk to either of the people I tagged! We’re all willing to help 💖

[anarcho-decepticonism]

we fixed hsm

here are our 3 page fanfic plans

Troy & gabriella break up after like a month in college. Gabriella is around people smarter than her for the first time in her life & she’s really struggling & he doesn’t understand what she’s going thru & she realizes that he’s not that empathetic & bad at communicating. She’s single for like a year just adjusting to college & making new friends & figuring out who she is after hs & also not putting her entire identity in her intelligence. She tries out for theater & they’re like “you’re not that good at singing” & she’s like “never mind” bc she liked it because it was with her friends in the first place. She finds community elsewhere & eventually is in a more fulfilling & communicative & mature relationship

Troy is having a lot of trouble bc being a student athlete isn’t enough at FUCKING BERKELEY!!! And he’s having trouble at school. He also isn’t getting lead roles in the theater program bc it’s like. A hobby as opposed to his major/career path. He has to learn to like things without being the best at them & also communicate w people better. He’s no longer super special and the focal point of everything. He immediately tries to rebound by getting a new gf & she realizes right away that he just wants her to love him and pay attention to him and solve his problems and is like “fuck that dude go to therapy”. He goes to the school therapist which sucks but he finds a good therapist & like. Improves as a person lol. He has to think more abt the experiences of others and not need to have everyone love him all the time. He gets a dog -- good for him bc he has to be responsible for the life of something else but also dogs are very affectionate

Sharpay goes to UA & at first loves it bc she’s the star but then is super underwhelmed & depressed. She talks to Ryan and he’s like “you know you can just transfer” and she’s like “wow i’m so smart i’ll just transfer”. After like a semester she transfers to a different school with a good theater program (not Juliard tho). She has a good mentor figure who’s a prof who’s like “your ambition and drive are good things actually especially bc ur a woman and will be told that ur awful & bossy for standing up for yourself.” she makes her first real friend other than her brother (i am So sad) in a theater class-- not someone who worships her but like an actual human connection. Specifically a girl who she respects & doesn’t feel she has to compete with. She has a learning moment when her friend gets the lead role and Sharpay is genuinely proud of her and she realizes she wouldn’t have been suited to that part and that she doesn’t have to be the center of attention all the time. She learns to derive self worth from her love of theater instead of from everyone validating her. Also her friend is goth & tells her that all the pink she wears is bad. They both initially loved the theater bc they wanted to be accepted but learn together that they can just find worth in each other and themselves and their work. Also at one point Sharpay starts dating someone and gets really annoying and her friend is like “you’re being annoying” and they get in a fight and Sharpay is like “i don’t even like him that much but i feel like i have to be in a huge romance relationship (bc of troy and gabriella but also Society)” and this eventually leads to her realizing that she’s a lesbian and also that she has an unhealthy view of relatioships. She goes to therapy (it takes her a really long time to go but once she realizes she gets to talk abt herself she is more willing). Important that she does not date her friend (her emotional support system) but she does eventually get a gf. It takes her a long time to figure out how to be a good girlfriend and that her professional ambitions are different than her personal ambitions (she’s used to treating her relationships like a business instead of a two-sided thing where there needs to be emotional connection and both people being like vulnerable w each other)

Her and Ryan having space from each other where he can shine by himself and she feels like she doesn’t have to upstage him all the time. He feels for a long time that he can’t rely on her bc she’s a mess but eventually he texts her like 16 times in a row abt a person in his program he’s really annoyed at and she’s like “oh my god he’s ruining your show you Have to talk to the director!!!!” and it’s really helpful to just talk it out w her even if he doesn’t take her advice. It’s helpful for him to realize that it is a problem and he’s not overreacting but also that he should not take things to the extremes that Sharpay does lol. He should not poison this person. They eventually fall into a good & more balanced sibling relationship where they can rely on each other for a certain subset of things but they aren’t the only people in each others’ lives

Ryan meets other gay guys at Juliard who tell him that his hats are bad and show him how to dress not like an idiot. They’re like “it’s ok buddy. I know you were the only out guy at your high school but you don’t need to do that”. He’ll like. Do fine in college! He’s like fairly confident in his abilities and identity & good at like. Balancing career & personal life. He’s fine enough at school and doing well in his theater things. He’s charismatic and makes more good friends. He “formally comes out” to his parents in like a big thing. He choreographs it and makes Kelsey write him a song to sing. His parents are like “well we knew that but did you have to make it this much of a thing” and he’s like “yes”. His mom is generally more accepting than his dad and his dad is like “please don’t talk about this to the people at the country club” and he’s like “i… wasn’t? I don’t know these people. They’re your friends”

After college Ryan gets famous before Sharpay does and generally has a good thing going wrt doing choreography for “really important things” (he isn’t public facing)-- he’s good at choreo and also good at working with divas (thanks Sharpay i love u). He gets Sharpay a good role in a thing but he makes a big deal like “I got you an audition i didn’t get u the part u did it all yourself :)” but he totally got her the part lol in that he recommended her. She does a rlly good job tho (obvs) and does well in the spotlight bc she;s actually like. Hardworking and driven and good at musical theater. Her Big Break is in like a movie adaptation of a musical. She’s Glinda when they finally make a Wicked movie. The choreography is really good bc Ryan does it

Taylor tries to become a politician but slowly realizes that her passion for being an activist doesn’t super align with that and figures out that she wants to enact social change without like. Being a part of the system. She has a youtube channel where she talks about social issues and wears her stupid sweater vests & ties. Also she dates someone who likes women. Before she was invested in the public-facing aspect of the relationship and she learns what it means to actually have private moments of caring & how to not follow a stereotypical relationship and instead to do like. What she actually wants to. She’s bi and she dates a woman and enjoys not having societal expectations wrt how relationships are supposed to go. She dates a guy and realizes that a m/f relationship also doesn’t have to conform to societal expectations. Both are super important experiences for her even if neither are “endgame” (i love u matty)

Chad is heartbroken after Troy goes to a different school but tries to hide it/is in denial. He kind of lashes out at people who want to make friends with him and goes into a depression spiral. He eventually snaps out of it when Sharpay (who is still going to UA at this point) is like “what’s your problem?? Anyway i started going to therapy and it helped actually. Toodles!” and he’s like “what the fuck just happened” but he makes an appointment. The first session he’s like “hwatever this is stupid idk why i’m here. Whatever” and the therapist is like “yeah. Okay.” but he eventually opens up and then like. Learns to see himself as not part of a friendship or group/team and see himself as an individual. He gets over Troy, which takes him a while but he does it & we’re proud of him <3 it also takes a while to make friends who he can be emotionally vulnerable around bc he’s never really had that type of relationship before (bc he and troy are very guys being dudes & he like. Wasn’t super close w Taylor as they were p much just a relationship for show). He makes friends w both some guys and girls who aren’t all on the basketball team and has friends from lots of different places. This process takes him like. All of college.

Chad doesn’t date anyone in college and afterwards it’s super awkward bc it’s like the first time he’s actually dating someone. He ran into Ryan and they have a talk where Ryan’s like “you could’ve been my first love but you were never really emotionally available bc u were in love w a straight guy and also not confident in the fact that u are gay. Like that summer was fun but it wasn’t real” and chad is like “oh”. Ryan was like in a serious relationship at that point but didn’t mention it bc he didn’t want to feel like he was rubbing it in lol. And then Chad thinks about things. This is like during a Thanksgiving break while still in college. Chad eventually dates a guy who understands how it’s like. Hard to be gay and figuring out relationships and stuff at different life stages.

Kelsey gets negative feedback for the first time and freaks out but eventually learns that a prof who only gives positive feedback when she deserves it is good actually. She incorporates criticism and starts to write songs that don’t suck. She continues to wear awful outfits. She has a nice girlfriend who also wears awful outfits. They are an awful annoying couple but they’re happy. They do annoying theater kid things

Ms Darbus realizes that it’s bad to force her students to completely write & choreograph their own shows and stops pouring her entire life into high school theater and fixes her problems with her “legal domestic partner” whom she was feuding with

Zeke realizes that he likes Sharpay in the same way he likes celebrities and that isn’t a crush. He makes plenty of friends in college bc everyone loves a guy who brings baked goods to places. He continues doing basketball & baking as hobbies but neither is a career & he finds passion elsewhere. He loves doing whatever he’s currently doing but doesn’t have like a Thing he wants to do forever and it takes him a while to find a forever career. He ends up teaching a variety of classes at community college and is happy doing that but also he might not do that forever. He comes to terms with his “contentment w the transience of life” and is like “if i’m happy doing what i’m doing now then that’s good enough for now”. He serves as a good contrast to all of the super driven people who know exactly where they want to be (gabriella, sharpay, ryan)

We did it. we fixed high school musical

[butyouvealwaysbeenthecaretaker]

What makes a bad community?

Do you ever come across a community where you cannot *believe* the level of drama being produced?

I've been mulling this over and some of the factors might be...

Important parts of your contribution cannot be measured: ie LGBT, religion, your realness or validity cannot be objectively assessed, requiring power plays to be perceived as the best

Not actually competitive: if you play chess, sports, wargames there is an objective, agreed way to judge who is the best, unlike an art hobby

Attracts especislly vulnerable, young or drama prone people: people who are secure in themselves don't make this kind of drama. People who need attention and validation do.

One or two extremely bad eggs in leadership/tastemaker positions: these people set the tone for acceptable behavior, and chase off more reasonable voices.

Money: the hobby is expensive, and thus stressful to invest in (what if I can't afford it? What if I can, but still don't get the attention I crave?), and envy-provoking to participate in; access to expensive books, equipment, collectibles etc is unjustly craved by some and unkindly flaunted by others.

Money: some participants are semi-pro or pro, leading to bad blood when transactions go wrong, plus an imbalance of talent or skill favouring a niche group to the detriment of unskilled amateurs; loyalties to artists or hatred of them, fanned or encouraged by the artists themselves who are small time enough to be to be doing their own marketing

Scarcity: obvs, online there is the attention economy. However, limited edition anything, or competition for sex, for funding, scholarships, publication etc makes true comradeship complicated

Potential for politics: you really can't discourse about origami. Other hobbies, however, are more prone to divisive and deep-cutting faultlines which produce a lot of interaction. Discourse - even the needed kind - always leads to bitterness.

Bad behavior rewarded: people who are unkind and overblown are promoted, rewarded or amplified, normalising this as a way to participate.

An external, rather than internal, facing hobby: buying teddy bears is external, you buy them to own them and so what you're getting from community is others looking at what you have (and threatening your access to limited edition bears). Something like sewing, music or painting does at least require a lot of private time spent engaged in a craft: the core of the hobby is away from community spaces, done for oneself and by oneself

Level of personal investment in this identity/community: if I've invested $500 in a custom doll, then criticism of it (or the artist, or the TV show its from) is by extention criticism of ME. If I've made some origami boxes, criticism is asshole behavior but it was low investment and easier to brush off.

Other things in common: are you making friendships with people who happen to share a hobby, or are relationships in the community superficial, almost like networking, always on the level of the hobby. Are you invested in one another as people, or as content providers/rivals/followers etc? Does the community structure help you make these kinds of connections?

At least some people who enjoy participating in the drama as much or more than the actual hobby; or in any case, their blog is more devoted to drama

Important unenforced rules which some people are devoted to enforcing: one or a group of people have found purpose in enforcing a particular value, standard, requirement for the hobby. Although their cause may have merit, the vehemence and bitterness with which it is pursued comes to dominate their experience of the hobby, and the community space. There is a constant risk of being discovered and mobbed by this group.

(This has two aspects - the first being, is it the kind of community where rules are both important but unfixed, or necessary but impossible to enforce. The second being, does the community have people who have invested their identity in demanding this standard is met. Think drama about counterfeit collectibles, scammers, untrustworthy traders; and also things like, ace discourse, terf discourse, transmed discourse)

No walled gardens: you have to participate through the main community. It's too small to splinter, or too concentrated in one place (online or irl), and you cannot effectively bar nasty people or opt out of experiencing drama first or 2nd hand

(Note: this post is not about abuse spaces or predatory people, just places which have persistent low level nonsense in a way which really...bums out the hobby and makes it more stressful than it ought to be)

Other ideas? Concrit welcomed.

[garlique]

nsfw minors dni talking abt my bf n i sex stuff thanx

i think it is very sexy to have an outlet for my sexuality like i don't mean my gay sexuality i mean like my actual sexual nature like i think it's so fun !!! we have felt for SO LONG like our attraction was predatory, first with hannah being a lesbian and the inherent issues that often come w that attraction, and them w me transitioning and being gay and knowing that a lot of the people i would be attracted to would be disgusted or freaked out and then also just combined with general new england sexual repression and the idea that i am like physically repulsuve to people which comes from my internalized fatphobia and ableism and shit like that like. i have spent my entire life trying to hide my attraction to various people and believing that no one i find attractive would ever feel the same to me

and NOW AND NOW

i have a BOYFRIEND and we both have SOME issues with sex stuff but like. im horny for him and he's horny for me?? like he just left for work but right before he left he was heating up some soup and came back while it was in the microwave and he came back and i was like okay gimme kith because i make him give me SO MANY KISS and he like straddled my leg and kissed me and pulled back a second later like OH okay and i was like babe what is wrong and he was like nothing but kept shifting around and i was like OH HORNY JAIL??? because that is what we say whenever one of us is horny obv and he was like HORNY JAIL MAYBE and just like?? the fact that someone is actually attracted to me in the way that just sitting on my lap and making out with me for like two seconds can make him like. uncomfortably hard?? like obviously after that i was like oh yes please come make out w me some more and he was like literally humping my leg so like obv i think i may try to fuck him tonight but it's just like. he thinks im hot. im AMAZED SO MUCH that he's actually sexually attracted to me lol he has LITERALLY said to me before that im his ideal body type in a partner which is SO insane to me and i DON'T get it but i love it so much i love him so much !!!

im still really really bad about asking him for sex stuff which i know is an issue because we are both autistic and i know he values clear and direct communication so highly so i know i need to get better about communicating when im horny because there have been times where ive just been like frustratingly horny for HOURS because i cannot communicate that i just want him to jerk me off or something easy and THAT is definitely 100% due to my sexual repression and the belief in me that my sexualness is NOT valid and not desired and not something i can want and advocate for and i honestly think once things settle down here i might sit him down and have a talk with him about it and just kind of lay out exactly what im feeling and going thru and shit like that just so he knows where my head is at because it's been really okay having serious convos with him so far so i think it's something we could actually talk about?? i just struggle lol

i think also there are differences in our LEVEL of sexuality because i have thought for a while that i am some form of hypersexual like i would fuck him twice a day if i could but from what ive seen he is definitely less sexual than me as a person and we also both have like mad sex trauma at this point like i think sex trauma is genuinely the reason i would never be able to fuck a cis woman and he also has a lot of issues and so that is a BIG part of why im reluctant to initiate sex w him because i am very nervous abt accidentally assaulting him or crossing boundaries n shit yknow??

we also have talked semi seriously abt allowing me to fuck outside our relationship like ive said to him and i know that if/when we break up i will be DEEPLY sexually liberated and have a lot of fun doing hookups and stuff and and he's been like haha yea we break up you get right back on tinder and i say honey we break up i get on GRINDR and he's said baby if you wanna get on grindr now that's something i would be okay with and like. it might honestly be something i want?? like i don't need it obviously its not a NEED for me but i do think i wanna sit down w him and have a Talk abt our sex life and see what he's feeling abt our sex life because if we BOTH wanna fuck more than we can fuck more but if we're at different places i might see what we can work out . yknow. idk we've both said we're not into polyamory but he says he would just want to see recent sti testing from anyone i hooked up with and idk. it might be nice to explore things a little bit?? but who knows it's REALLY not important right now

anyway yeah there's a huge ass rant abt our sex life n shit im not expecting anyone to read this lmao i just wanted to type it out yknow??

[zenmister]

P1) Hi, I wanted to ask you for some advice bc there's something thats been getting me down for a long time and nothing really seems to make it better. When I talk about it to friends I end up feeling worse because they just tell me what i don’t want to hear. Basically I've been talking to this guy for 7 Months now, things started off really well, he came to see me regularly and asked me out and seemed to be into me. He's always been slow at replying to my texts and

...its always frustrated me bc I take it personally as he is ridiculously slow at replying. As time went on he gradually seemed to become more distant, and it would go weeks before he'd come and see me, then when he did he'd rush off suddenly. I started to get more & more insecure bc I wanted more attention off him & the more I wanted it, the less I seemed to get. I started to confront him and instead of making me feel better he’d get angry or just ignore me until eventually I'd stop asking him and apologise.if i didn’t he’d just not speak to me. He always makes me feel bad for having feelings for him as if I'm being 'too much'.I saw him on nye for the first time in 3 months and he arranged to get a hotel with me - but made it seem like it was just convenient rather than saying he wanted to stay with me, sometimes he’d make plans to see me and then never show up. we spent the night together on nye but when we was out he kept wandering off or saying he’s not the type of person to show affection in public, we slept together that night, and i thought everything would stop being confusing, but then the next day he slipped back into his ways of ignoring my texts, and when I questioned him he just replied ‘what’ which i read as blunt and cold. I told my friend who met his best mate on the same night (and is in a relationship with him now) that he was confusing me again, &she told me I needed to just ask him if its going anywhere, so I said to him, "I dont wanna annoy you but the reason I’m saying this is cos its been a long time n its confusing not knowing where I stand with you, Ive obv got feelings for you now and I just want to know if you can see things going anywhere with me? I’m not tying to pressure you but I can't let things play out forever without knowing if it ever will, or if I'm just being played. I just need to know if its something you'd want eventually, cos the longer you don't talk to me the more i start to think youaren’t interested, but then other times it seems like feelings mutual, it’s just tiring for me trying to figure it out, you’ve not once said to me how u feel about me and you kept saying something like' don’t make it obvious' which is playing on my mind, idk what to think." He didn’t reply for another day and i was worrying myself sick thinking i should never said anything, then I ended up spending the next day consumed by regret, trying to get him to reply, and the more he didn’t the  more desperate and distressed i was becoming. I confessed that i was in love with him and he read it and didn’t even reply.Eventually i gave up and just said to him "please can we just forget about this, i knew it was a bad idea to ask you and i should never have put pressure on you bc its not fair, i won’t ask you how you feel about me again, please can we just go back to being friends? i don’t want you to be mad at me."then he replied straight away: "I’m not mad at you you’re just too much sometimes'. Id had anxiety for 2 days straight worrying about what i said, and the only thing that made it better was him replying, The reason I’m telling you all this is bc even though we’re still talking, which is what i wanted, the insecurity is still there and nothings really been resolved bc he treats me the same and doesn’t do anything to make me feel better. now if he doesn’t text me back, which he hasn’t done all day, i start to feel like I’ve done something wrong, and all the doubts resurface. I feel like i have no control and I’ve settled for anything bc I’m scared of losing him all together and ending up with nothing, but theres nothing i can do about it without pushing him away more. I just wish he’d start making more of an effort and making me feel like i meant something to him rather than it being just me that cares. i don’t know how to get my self- esteem back or how to get out of this situation, I just feel exhausted i feel bad about myself no matter what if he doesn’t speak to me.I don’t know how to stop being affected by it.I feel deeply insecure and like I’m not good enough for him, and I’m not sure if it is all just in my head. i feel like he doesn’t reciprocate my romantic feelings towards him, but has never actually denied liking me or verbally rejected me, he just lets me think he doesn’t care. Im just so confused and upset about it all, i feel like its never ending and that i need to be validated by him. I don't know how to break the cycle and stop worrying about it, i just feel trapped. please give me some guidance, sorry its so long i just wanted to give an accurate representation. thank you:(

That is a pretty comprehensive description of your situation. I can imagine that your friends tell you to forget about him and move on. You probably wish that it were that easy, but you would rather that he behave as though he loves you instead of you doing all the work of the relationship and him just participating when it is comfortable for him.

The relationship is causing you a lot of distress. Every time you text him you create an opportunity for you to be more distressed. You have given him many opportunities to let you know how he feels and is completely incapable expressing those feelings. It would be nice of him to put you at ease and answer texts regularly but he refuses to do that. He will probably never do that.

What you can expect from him is that he will be in touch with you when it suits him, and stop communicating when it suits him. He does not take your feelings into consideration with any sense of kindness or compassion.

You can probably find somebody else who will be nicer to you. When that person comes along you won’t have any problems breaking up with this person. As long as you choose to continue this relationship, you should be clear with yourself that he will not behave the way you want him to. He will not come around and start caring for the relationship. He will not start talking about his feelings and demonstrating a commitment to you. He will not start answering your texts with regularity. He will not engage with your feelings. As you continue the relationship take care of your own feelings. You can love a plant without caring how the plant loves you back. All the feelings you have are powerful and moving. Those feelings are all real and important. Unfortunately, they are mostly painful.

Your friends probably don’t want to see you suffer for this person so they give you advice that you don’t want. If you absolutely want to continue the relationship, work on your self-esteem separately. This man is not going to help you feel good about yourself. You can practice reminding yourself that you are a good, loving, and feeling person who deserves a healthy relationship. You can also remind yourself that you love a person who isn’t good with feelings and won’t take care of a relationship.

I would recommend that you practice working with all of the difficult feelings that this relationship brings up for you with awareness and compassion. Don’t think of this as a committed relationship and keep looking for somebody who can treat you better than this person does.

If you love a pair of shoes that are thee sizes too small they are better on the shelf. They will only hurt your feet if you wear them. You can’t dance in them.