#cause like I feel like I’ve been blamed for wanting to make decisions without a partner in my mind

[starrytalking]

Honestly realising it is completely fine to not want a romantic relationship not only because I just don’t want to but also because I don’t want the commitment and want to freely make decisions for my life just how I want to live it felt really nice :)

[silverstar70]

Fandom: Criminal minds Character: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

Author's note: English isn't my first language, I apologize for any mistakes.

Summary: Hotch and Y/N give up and explore their feelings for each other.

Warnings: 🔞‼️ new relationship, mentioned George Foyet, mentioned Haley Hotchner, scars talk, fluff moments, friends to lovers, smut, oral sex, vaginal sex, memories, military backstory, family loss, comfort, idiots in love.

Words count: 6,411k Hope you like it and let me know what you think! Enjoy it!

Something new pt.2

Read part 1 here

Confessions

The car ride home was silent. His hand gripped firmly her tight, afraid that was just a dream. Her fingertips drew small circles on his forearms, over his evident veins. The longing from the past weeks mixed with the anticipation of what would come.

As soon as they were inside his house, the door barely closed behind them, they were on each other again. Aaron backed her up against the wall, his hands framing her face as he kissed her with a hunger that took her breath away. Y/N responded with equal fervor, her fingers digging into his shoulders as she pulled him closer.

“Y/N,” he murmured against her lips, his voice thick with emotion. “I want you.”

She pulled back slightly, her eyes meeting his. “Then take me, Aaron,” she whispered

His fingers gently brushed her cheek. “This might be the worst decision we ever make,” he said, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“Or the best,” she countered, her own smile mirroring his.

His lips attached to hers again. Hotch’s hands moved down her body, over her curves. Her hands wrapped around his neck to pull him closer, to feel his body impossibly closer to her. His semi-hard cock was pressed against her stomach, increasing her desire.

With an effortless move, Hotch picked her up without breaking the kiss and guided them into the bedroom. He laid her gently in the middle of the bed and climbed over to cover her body with his. His cock was pressed more to her body, causing a suffocating moan from her.

As his fingertips brushed against her sides, her hands moved down his back until they reached the hem of his t-shirt. She slowly pulled it over his back when something shifted inside Hotch. The fear and the memories hit him like a train.

“Wait” he stopped her and pulled apart, sitting on the bed and leaving a concerned Y/N lying on the mattress. “It’s not you. I-It’s…”

Foyet. Y/N felt a pang of sorrow as she realized what he was referring to. How could she forget that? All the pain he inflicted was still there. Hotch tried so hard to put a brave face on, for his team, for Jack, but sometimes when he was alone in his bed, and the night fell he found himself alone with his demons and the memories.

She sat beside him and cupped his face in her hands, looking into his watery eyes. “It doesn’t change anything, Hotch.” Y/N placed a tender kiss on his lips, a silent promise of understanding and support. “But I don’t wanna force you. We could just watch a movie or something.”

“No.” he said firmly, “I want this. I want you. I just hate that he still has some power over my life.”

Her heart swelled with affection for the man in front of her. “Yeah, I know the feeling. I’ve been there more times than I would like to admit.”

“How did you move on?”

“I didn’t. I just learned to live with it.” she gave him a sad smile while her hand caressed his cheeks. “I know you miss Haley, and I know you blame yourself for what happened but, Aaron, it’s not your fault. You did everything you could to save her and Jack. And you did. Jack is alive because of you.”

“But he will grow up without his mom because of me.”  His voice was low and broken.

“Foyet killed Haley not you. Jack never blamed you, you’re his hero. And I’m hundred percent sure you’ll do everything in your power to never let Jack forget his mom. You are a great dad, Aaron.”

He looked at her, his eyes filled with gratitude and something else—something deeper. "Thank you," he said quietly.

Aaron leaned in, capturing her lips in a slow, tender kiss. This time, there was no urgency, no rush. They took their time, exploring each other, savoring the intimacy of the moment. Aaron's hands gently slid down her back, his touch feather-light, as if he was afraid to break the spell.

Y/N shifted to straddle him with their lips still attached. His body responded almost immediately, letting her feel how much he wanted her. Slowly, she reached for the hem of his shirt once again, her movements careful and deliberate. Hotch watched her, his eyes filled with a mix of anticipation and vulnerability.

As she lifted the fabric, revealing the scars that marked his torso, Y/N felt a wave of sadness and anger mixed with pride and admiration wash over her. A big part of her hated Foyet for what he had done, for the pain he had caused to both Hotch and Jack. But there was a part who admired Aaron for his strength, for his dedication to his son, for never giving up.

Aaron tensed slightly when her hand touched her chest, his eyes searching hers for any sign of disgust or pity. But all he saw was love and acceptance, a deep understanding that went beyond words.

"These scars," she said softly, tracing them with her fingertips, "they’re not a sigh of weakness, Aaron. You’re a survivor, you won.”

He swallowed hard, his throat tight with emotion. "Sometimes, I wish I could forget."

"I know," she whispered, her lips brushing against his.

He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. For the first time in a long time, he felt a sense of peace, a quiet acceptance of his scars and everything they represented. He pulled her close, holding her head and capturing her lips in a searing kiss.

Their kiss deepened, their bodies moving together in a slow, sensual rhythm. Aaron’s hands found the hem of her shirt, and he gently pulled it up, his fingers brushing against her skin. Y/N lifted her arms, allowing him to remove the shirt completely. He paused for a moment, his eyes roaming over her body, taking in every detail. His gaze fell on a big scar on her right side, his fingertips brushed over it while his curious look was locked with hers. With her hand tangled in his hair, she gave him a sympathetic smile.

“We all have them, but they don’t define us, Aaron. We’re so much more than that.”

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe.

Y/N smiled, her hands moving to his chest. “So are you, Aaron.”

The sincerity in her voice broke something inside him, and he felt tears sting his eyes. He had never allowed himself to be this vulnerable with anyone, but with Y/N, it felt right. It felt like he was finally home.

He pulled her down so that their faces were level, his hands framing her face as he captured her lips in a kiss that was filled with everything he couldn't put into words. It was a kiss that spoke of love, of gratitude, of the deep connection that had formed between them.

Y/N responded with equal fervor, her hands clutching at his shoulders as she poured her heart into the kiss. She could feel his love, his need, in the way he kissed her, and it only made her love him more.

When they finally broke apart, they were both breathless, their foreheads resting against each other as they tried to steady their racing hearts.

“Let me show you.” She whispered, her fingers brushing the hair from his forehead.

She pushed him lightly making him lie down on the mattress while still straddling him. Y/N bent down to kiss him tenderly as his hands traveled down her back, over her curves. Her kisses trailed down over his jawline, down his neck, and on his collarbone making him giggle.

Her hands moved slowly over his chest; she could feel his muscles tense under her soft touch. Her kisses went further down while she parted his legs to make room for her to stand in between. Her lips met the first scar and Hotch immediately tensed.  

“You okay?” she asked in a soft voice, looking at him searching for any sign of discomfort.

“Yeah. Just go slow, okay?” Hotch’s whispered, so quietly she barely heard him.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

Y/N continued to kiss each scar, worshipping every single inch of his marked chest. She wanted to show him how much she cared about him, that she didn’t care about the scars, and that she liked him for him. Not for his past, not for anything else. She wanted to show him he was worthy of love.

Y/N could feel the tension leaving his body, his muscles relaxing under her touch. His hands, tangled in her hair, began to release them as he relaxed. She climbed over him once again while kissing his neck. Lost in each other once again, Hotch took her sports bra off, throwing it somewhere across the room.

The tension and the fear were just memories. Desire was spreading in his body. In the heat of the moment, with a swift move, Hotch rolled them ending up on top of her. Her eyes widened in surprise and a gasp escaped her mouth. 

Her breasts rested in his strong hands while he sucked one nipple and massaged the other. His mouth left wet kisses all over her chest making her moan.

“Don’t leave me hickeys.” She whimpered

“Too late, baby.” He said as he left a red mark over her breast.

She hissed in frustration, but she just didn’t want to let him she liked it. He leaned to kiss her again, a searing kiss to explore each other.

His hands roamed her body, exploring the curves and lines that he had come to know so well. Y/N responded eagerly, her own hands tracing the muscles of his back, her fingers digging into his skin as she pulled him closer.

Their movements were slow and deliberate, each touch a silent affirmation of their feelings for each other. Aaron took his time, savoring every moment, every sound that escaped her lips. He wanted to memorize every inch of her, to make this moment last forever.

When his lips found the sensitive spot on her neck, Y/N let out a soft moan, her head tilting back to give him better access. Aaron smiled against her skin, pleased with her reaction as he continued to kiss and nibble at her neck, his hands caressing her sides.

"You're amazing," he whispered against her skin, his breath hot and teasing.

Y/N arched into him, her body craving more of his touch. "Aaron, please..."

He chuckled softly, his hand sliding down her side to rest on her hip. "Patience, Lieutenant."

But he couldn't deny her for long. The need between them was too strong, too overwhelming. He moved lower, kissing his way down her body, taking his time to appreciate every curve, every dip, and every rise.

He worshipped her scar like she did with his moment before. His kisses were gentle on her skin but made her tense at the first touch, but she quickly forgot it and savored the moment

When he reached her hips, he paused, his fingers hooking into the waistband of her underwear.

"May I?" he asked, his voice deep with desire.

Y/N nodded, her breath hitching as she felt him slowly pull the fabric down her legs. The anticipation was almost too much to bear, and she bit her lip to keep from crying out.

Aaron discarded the last piece of clothing, his eyes darkening with desire as he took in the sight of her completely bare before him. He let out a slow breath, his hands caressing her thighs as he looked up at her with a mixture of awe and love.

"You're perfect," he murmured, his voice filled with reverence.

She blushed at his words, her heart racing in her chest. "Aaron..."

He didn't give her a chance to respond. Instead, he leaned down, pressing a kiss to her inner thigh, then another, and another, moving closer to her core with each kiss. Y/N's breath quickened, her hands gripping the sheets as she felt the heat of his breath against her most sensitive area.

When his lips finally made contact, she let out a soft cry, her body arching toward him as a surge of pleasure washed over her. The intensity of his touch, the way his tongue flicked and teased her, made her mind go blank with nothing but the sensation of him between her thighs.

Aaron was deliberate, almost reverent in the way he worshipped her body. His hands gripped her hips, holding her steady as he explored her with his mouth. Every flick of his tongue, every gentle nip and suck, was designed to drive her closer to the edge, to make her lose herself in the pleasure he was giving her.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured between kisses, his voice filled with admiration as he continued his ministrations. "So perfect."

Y/N’s fingers tangled in his hair, her body trembling as she struggled to keep her composure. Each movement of his mouth sent electric jolts through her, making it impossible to think, to do anything but feel. His praises whispered against her skin only heightened the overwhelming sensations.

"Aaron, please," she gasped, her voice trembling as the coil of tension inside her wound tighter and tighter, ready to snap. She was on the brink, teetering at the edge of release, and she needed him—needed this—more than anything.

Aaron hummed softly, the vibration against her most sensitive spot sending a jolt of pleasure through her. He lifted his gaze to meet hers, his eyes dark with desire and love. Without breaking eye contact, he intensified his efforts, his tongue moving faster and deeper

"Let go for me, Y/N," he urged softly, his voice rough with emotion. "I’ve got you."

His words, combined with the relentless pleasure he was giving her, were her undoing. With a sharp cry, Y/N’s body tensed, then shattered as the wave of her orgasm crashed over her. The world around her blurred as pleasure consumed her and her vision narrowed.

“Oh God, Aaron!”

Aaron didn’t stop, guiding her through the aftershocks with gentle licks and kisses, drawing out every last bit of pleasure until she was trembling beneath him. Only when she had relaxed completely did he move back up her body, pressing tender kisses to her abdomen, her chest, and finally, her lips.

"You’re incredible," he whispered against her lips, his voice thick with affection.

Y/N smiled, still dazed from the intensity of her release, but she wasn’t done with him yet. She cupped his head pushing him down gently to place a kiss on his lips, testing herself. One of her hands found its way between their bodies down to his pants.

"My turn," she whispered, her voice filled with playful determination as she massaged him over his pants.

Aaron groaned into the kiss, his hands sliding up her sides to rest on her hips, his touch possessive and tender. The feel of her bare skin against his, the heat of her body, ignited a fire in him that he could barely control.

As Y/N kissed him, she could feel him hardening under her touch. She could feel his heart pounding against her chest, the rapid beat matching her own. The vulnerability he had shown her, the trust he had placed in her, only made her love him more.

When she felt him tense beneath her but didn’t stop her lips from trailing down his neck to his collarbone. She took her time, kissing every inch of his skin, savoring the taste of him, the way his breath hitched with every touch.

"Y/N," he gasped, his hands tightening on her hips as she continued her massage. The need in his voice, the raw desire, sent a thrill through her, spurring her on.

She smiled against his skin, enjoying the way he reacted to her touch, the way his body responded so eagerly to her. With a smirk on her face, she instructed him to stand allowing herself to have a magnificent view of his body.

As he stood between her legs, her fingertips traced patterns on his lower abdomen, over the waistband of his pants. She paused and looked up to him.

"May I?" she asked, echoing his earlier words, her voice soft and teasing.

Aaron’s breath caught in his throat, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he looked down at her. The sight of her there, her eyes filled with desire and love, nearly undid him.

"Please," he breathed, his voice strained with need.

 With a smile, Y/N slowly pulled the fabric down, revealing the hard length of him. The sight of him, so ready for her, sent a wave of heat through her, and she couldn’t resist but took his cook in her hands and began moving up and down, slowly, agonizingly slowly.

Hotch let out a low groan, his head falling back. Feeling that vulnerable, so exposed was almost too much, yet he never felt so loved. Her words were sincere, her love was pure, and the look of admiration printed on her face was more than enough for him.

"Y/N," he murmured, his voice hoarse as he tried to hold back, to give her time, but it was getting harder with every passing second. The need to be inside her, to feel her around him, was overwhelming.

Sensing his desperation, Y/N didn’t tease him further.  “I need you.”

He groaned softly at her words, But just as he was about to move forward, he hesitated, his eyes searching hers for any sign of doubt.

“Are you sure? Do I need to use protection?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

Y/N nodded, her eyes filled with love and trust as she gazed up at him. “I’m sure. And no, I’m clean. I want to feel you.”

“I’m clean too.” He said in a serious tone. That was all the permission he needed and with his cock in hand he slowly pushed himself inside of her. They both groaned at the new feeling, Y/N gasped as the sensation of him stretching and filling her was more intense than she anticipated.

Aaron paused, giving her time to adjust, his breath coming in shallow pants as he fought to maintain control. The sensation of being inside her, of feeling her warmth envelop him, was almost too much to bear, and he had to grit his teeth to keep from losing himself too soon.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice strained with effort.

“More than okay,” she replied, her hands gripping his shoulders as she urged him to continue. “Please, Aaron…”

He slowly pushed deeper until he was fully seated inside her. They both let out a shaky breath at the sensation, their bodies perfectly aligned as they lay pressed together, skin to skin. The connection between them was palpable, a thread of intimacy that bound them together in a way that went far beyond the physical.

He began to move deliberately and slowly, wanting to feel every muscle of hers tightening around him. His thrusts were slow and deep, so deep she felt her eyes roll in her head. Her hands wrapped around him as her nails scratched his back.

Aaron rested his forehead against hers, his eyes closing as he savored the moment, the feeling of finally being with the woman he wanted for so long. “You feel amazing,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe.

Y/N smiled, her heart swelling with affection for the man above her. “So do you,” she whispered back as she kissed him softly.

Aaron’s movements were deliberate and controlled, each thrust designed to bring her pleasure as he held her close, his hands caressing her body with a tenderness that made her heart ache.

Y/N’s breaths came in soft, gasping moans, her head tilting back as she lost herself in the sensations Aaron was creating. The pleasure built slowly, a steady heat that grew with each thrust, each caress of his hands. She could feel the tension built within her again, tighter and tighter as they moved together in perfect harmony.

“Aaron… I’m close…” she breathed out, her nails digging into his back as the pleasure began to overwhelm her.

He responded by quickening his pace, his thrusts becoming deeper and more urgent as he pushed her closer to the edge. “Come for me, Y/N,” he whispered in her ear, his voice rough with desire. “I want to feel you.”

That was all it took. Y/N cried out as the tension snapped, her body shuddering beneath him as she was consumed by another wave of pleasure, even more intense than the first. Aaron groaned as he felt her tightening around him.

“Give me one more, baby.” He whispered in her ears.

He lifted himself up to have a better look at the view under him. Within seconds he was pounding into her once again, his hands gripped firmly her hips to pull her closer to him. His low groans were music to her ears and sent shivers through her spine.

“God, Y/N” a moan escaped his mouth.

His hand found its way to her clit, he started drawing small circles putting pressure with his thumb. A familiar feeling began to grow in her stomach, like a volcano ready to erupt. Y/N was failing at controlling her body, the pleasure was overwhelming, and her head felt dizzy.

He knew she was close; he could feel it around him. He could see the pleasure taking over her and a sense of pride washed over him.

“Cum for me, Y/N,” he ordered as his fingertips kept moving over her clit to add pleasure. The thrusts turned more precise hitting the same spot over and over. Her body trembled beneath him as a strong wave of pleasure hit her more intensely.

“Oh God!” she cried out in pleasure.

With a few more thrusts, he followed her over the edge, his body tensing as he spilled inside her, his breath coming in ragged gasps. For a moment, they were both lost in the overwhelming sensations, their bodies trembling with the force of their release.

When the aftershocks finally subsided, Aaron collapsed beside her, pulling her into his arms as they both struggled to catch their breath. Y/N nestled against him, her head resting on his chest as she listened to the rapid beating of his heart.

“That was…” he began breathlessly.

“Worth the wait.” She continued looking up at him.

“Definitely.”

They lay like that for a long time, the only sound in the room was their soft breaths. Y/N felt a deep sense of contentment settle over her, a warmth that spread through her entire body as she started to trace the lines of his scars, her fingertips brushing over them slightly feeling his muscles still tensing under her touch.

“Are you okay?” she asked softly.

“Yeah,” Aaron’s fingers gently traced patterns on her back, his touch soothing and comforting as he held her close. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt this happy,” he admitted softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Y/N smiled, her eyes closing as she listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. “Me neither,” she replied, her voice filled with contentment.

Aaron tightened his hold on her, his heart swelling with love for the woman in his arms. He had never imagined that he could feel this way again, that he could find someone who saw him, truly saw him, and loved him despite everything. But Y/N had done just that, and he knew without a doubt that she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

“It’s good to have you here,” he whispered, the words filled with all the emotion he couldn’t express any other way.

Y/N looked up at him, her eyes shining with love and affection. “It’s good to be here.”

He leaned down to kiss her, a slow, lingering kiss that conveyed everything he felt for her. When they finally pulled apart, they were both smiling, a quiet happiness settling over them as they lay together in the afterglow of their lovemaking.

Eventually, sleep began to creep in, their eyelids growing heavy as the exhaustion of the day caught up with them. Y/N snuggled closer to Aaron, her body perfectly molded to his as they drifted off together, the warmth of his embrace lulling her into a peaceful slumber.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he whispered kissing her forehead.

“Night, Aaron.” She mumbled half asleep.

*

Y/N woke to the soft light of dawn filtering through the curtains, the room bathed in a gentle golden glow. She stretched languidly, her muscles pleasantly sore from the night before. But as she turned to reach for Aaron, her hand met empty sheets, cool to the touch. Blinking away the last remnants of sleep, she sat up, feeling a momentary pang of disappointment at his absence.

The room was quiet, the only sound was the faint rustle of leaves outside the window. Y/N’s gaze wandered around the space, taking in the simple, yet cozy surroundings of Aaron’s bedroom. The events of the night before came flooding back, a warm blush spreading across her cheeks as she remembered every tender moment, every whispered confession.

Pushing the covers aside, she slipped out of bed, her feet touching the cool floor. She spotted one of Aaron’s shirts draped over the back of a chair and couldn’t resist the urge to put it on. The fabric was soft, carrying his familiar scent, and it made her feel wrapped in his warmth, even though he wasn’t there beside her.

As she walked down the hallway, the smell of freshly brewed coffee reached her, and she smiled, her heart swelling with affection. When she entered the kitchen, she stopped in the doorway, her breath catching in her throat at the sight before her.

Aaron was standing by the stove, his back to her, wearing nothing but a pair of dark boxers. The early morning light highlighted the strong lines of his back, the curve of his shoulders, and the way his muscles moved subtly beneath his skin as he worked. His hair was slightly tousled, evidence of the night’s rest, and the sight of him so relaxed, so at ease in this moment, made her heart skip a beat.

Y/N leaned against the doorframe, just watching him for a moment, the domesticity of the scene filling her with a sense of contentment she hadn’t known she was missing. It was such a simple thing, waking up to find the person you loved making breakfast, but in that moment, it felt like everything she’d ever wanted.

“Good morning,” she finally said, her voice soft but carrying across the quiet space.

Aaron turned at the sound of her voice, a smile immediately lighting up his face as he took in the sight of her standing there in his shirt, looking so effortlessly beautiful. “Good morning,” he replied, his voice warm and filled with affection. “I was just about to bring you breakfast in bed.”

She walked over to him, her bare feet making soft sounds on the tiled floor. “I like this better,” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, pressing her cheek against his back.

Aaron’s hand covered hers, holding it against his stomach as he leaned back into her embrace. “I didn’t want to wake you,” he murmured, turning his head slightly to catch a glimpse of her. “You looked so peaceful.”

“I slept better than I have in a long time,” she admitted, her voice muffled against his skin. She could feel the steady beat of his heart beneath her palm, a soothing rhythm that grounded her in the moment.

“I’m glad,” he said, turning around in her arms so that they were face to face. He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, his eyes soft as they met hers. “You’re beautiful, you know that?”

Y/N blushed, ducking her head slightly. “I could say the same about you.”

Aaron chuckled, the sound low and warm as it rumbled through his chest. “I’m not sure anyone’s ever called me beautiful before.”

“Well, get used to it,” she replied, her fingers tracing the lines of his chest, feeling his muscles under her fingertips. “Because I’ll remind you every time I can.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he didn’t try. Instead, he leaned down and captured her lips in a tender kiss, one that spoke of gratitude, love, and the deep connection they shared. Y/N melted into him, her arms wrapping around his neck as she pulled him closer, savoring the warmth of his body against hers.

When they finally pulled apart, Aaron rested his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling in the space between them. “I suppose I could get used to it,” he said softly, his hands resting on her hips, fingers brushing against the hem of his shirt that she wore.

Aaron smiled a contented, almost boyish smile that made her heart skip a beat. “How do you like your eggs?” he asked, nodding towards the stove where he had already started breakfast.

“Surprise me,” she said with a grin, not caring much about what he made as long as they were together.

Aaron nodded and turned back to the stove, one arm still wrapped around her waist as he resumed cooking. Y/N stayed close, her head resting against his shoulder as she watched him work, feeling a sense of peace that she hadn’t felt in a long time.

The sizzle of eggs in the pan, the smell of coffee brewing, the warmth of Aaron’s body against hers—everything about the moment was perfect. It was the kind of morning she had always dreamed of but had never quite believed she would have.

“Do you cook often?” she asked, her fingers tracing random patterns on his back as she looked up at him.

“Not as often as I’d like,” he admitted, glancing down at her with a small smile. “But I enjoy it when I can. It’s… therapeutic in a way.”

Y/N nodded, understanding completely. “I get that. There’s something calming about it.”

As they stood there, wrapped in each other’s warmth, Y/N couldn’t help but feel a sense of gratitude for everything that had led them to this point. They had both been through so much—pain, loss, and heartache—but somehow, they had found their way to each other. And now, as they stood together in the soft morning light, she knew that this was where she was meant to be.

When breakfast was ready, Aaron turned off the stove and plated the food, sliding the plates onto the small kitchen table. Y/N poured them each a cup of coffee, and they sat down together, side by side, their legs brushing under the table.

They ate in comfortable silence for a while, the occasional smile or touch all that was needed to convey the deep connection between them. There was no need for words; everything that mattered was already understood.

After they finished eating, Aaron leaned back in his chair, watching Y/N as she sipped her coffee, her eyes closed in contentment. He couldn’t help but reach out, his hand brushing against her cheek, drawing her attention back to him.

“What?” she asked with a smile, setting her mug down as she turned to face him.

“Just…you,” he said, his voice soft and filled with emotion. “This was not how I wanted things to go. I wanted to ask you out, bring you flowers, and take you on a date. I don’t want a one-time thing, Y/N. not with you.”

“Neither do I, Aaron.” She reassured him, closing the gap between them to place a kiss on his lips. A silent promise that she meant every word.

The kiss turned more meaningful as he pulled her closer to him holding the back of her neck. The force he used to pull her closer made her get up and stand between his legs. His hands wrapped immediately around her waist. Her hands cupped his face, deepening the kiss, making him groan. When air became a need, they pulled apart, a smile spread on both their face.

“I’ll take you out, anyway.”

“I don’t complain.” She said smiling while caressing his cheeks. “Just promise me we won’t let the job get between us.”

“I promise. We’ll make it work.” He said, his voice filled with quiet determination. “Whatever it takes.”

As the morning continued in its soft, serene rhythm, Y/N stood by the window, gazing out at the peaceful suburban neighborhood and she found herself lost in the tranquility of the moment. A stark contrast to the chaos and danger that always defined her life, especially during her time in the Navy.

Aaron was tidying up the kitchen, the clinking of dishes and the soft hum of his movements providing a comforting backdrop. Y/N turned her gaze back to him, watching as he moved with an effortless grace, his presence filling the room with a sense of calm.

But as she watched him, she became acutely aware of the scar on her abdomen, of how Hotch avoided asking questions that she knew he had. All of sudden her mind drifted back to the day she had earned it and unconsciously started tracing the edge of it through Hotch’s shirt.

Aaron, ever perceptive, noticed her change in demeanor. He set down the dish he was drying and walked over to her, his brows furrowing with concern. “Hey,” he said softly, his voice pulling her from her thoughts. “You okay?”

She looked up at him, forcing a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

He didn’t push, but his eyes lingered on her face, studying her with a tenderness that made her heart ache. After a moment, his gaze dropped to where her hand rested on her abdomen, and immediately understood.

Aaron hesitated for a moment, not wanting to pry, but his curiosity and concern got the better of him. “Y/N… can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she replied, her voice gentle, though she could sense where the conversation was heading.

He reached out, his fingers brushing against her hand where it rested on the scar. “This… this scar. How did you get it?”

Y/N looked down at his hand on hers, feeling the warmth of his touch seep into her skin. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before she spoke. It wasn’t a story she shared often, but she knew Aaron would understand and after he allowed himself to be vulnerable around her it was only fair for her to do the same.

“I got it a few years ago,” she began, her voice steady despite the heaviness in her heart. “I was overseas, on a mission with my team. We were part of a rescue operation—there was a situation where we had to extract another team from a remote location. It was supposed to be a straightforward mission, but things went wrong. The helicopter we were in was hit by a missile.”

Aaron’s eyes darkened with concern as he listened, his hand tightening slightly on hers as if to anchor her in the present.

“We crashed in enemy territory,” she continued, her voice quieter now as if the memories were too heavy to speak loudly. “The impact… it was brutal. I took shrapnel to the abdomen, and for a moment, I thought… I thought that was it. But I was lucky, and we were eventually rescued.”

Aaron’s hand moved from hers to gently lift the hem of the shirt, exposing the scar that marred her otherwise flawless skin. He traced the edge of it with his fingertips, his touch featherlight as if he was afraid of causing her pain.

“But not everyone made it,” she added, her voice barely above a whisper now. “My older brother… he was on the team we rescued. He didn’t make it.”

Aaron’s breath hitched at her words, his heart breaking for her. He looked up at her, his eyes filled with empathy and sorrow. “I’m so sorry, Y/N,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

She nodded, her own eyes glistening with unshed tears. “It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through,” she admitted, her voice trembling slightly. “Losing him… it tore me apart. I got in a really bad place after his death but an old friend of mine helped me through it. So, I fought because that’s what my brother would have wanted.”

Aaron pulled her into his arms, holding her close as she finally let a few tears slip free. She buried her face in his chest, finding comfort in the steady beat of his heart, the warmth of his embrace. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t need to. All she needed was someone to lean on and he was there for that.

When Y/N finally pulled back, she looked up at Aaron with a mixture of gratitude and love in her eyes. “Thank you,” she said softly. “I don’t talk about it often, but it feels good to share it with you.”

“You can always talk to me,” Aaron replied, his voice steady and reassuring. He smiled a soft, almost shy smile that made her heart flutter. “We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”

“The best pair,” she replied with a grin, leaning in to kiss him.

Aaron pulled back slightly, his eyes searching hers as if to make sure she was okay. “How about we take it easy today?” he suggested gently. “We can stay in, watch movies, or just… be together. Whatever you want.”

Y/N smiled, her heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time. “I’d like that,” she said, her voice soft but filled with warmth. “I’d like that a lot.”

Aaron smiled back at her, his eyes reflecting the same warmth and affection. “Then that’s what we’ll do,” he said, his voice filled with quiet determination.

He took her hand in his, leading her out of the kitchen and back into the living room. They settled on the couch, Y/N curling up against Aaron’s side as he draped an arm around her, pulling her close. The TV was on, playing some movie they barely paid attention to as they simply enjoyed the comfort of being together.

Tag: @sweetbearcolorgarden

Read part 3 here

[gothamite-rambler]

Lazarus Pit Madness? Yeah nah, that was all Jason's mind

Lazarus Pit Madness was never a thing. People make bad decisions, especially when fueled by anger. Jason Todd isn't proud of everything he did, but he won't pretend it wasn’t him. Ra's al Ghul didn’t want the truth to come out, so he twisted the narrative and lied about that damn pit madness!

Bruce (opening a box of Triscuits): I'm glad you dropped by, Jason. I wanted to discuss the madness caused by the Lazarus Pit. I think I can help fix it.

Jason (nodding slowly as the implications set in): Mm-hm… sorry, what?

Bruce: The pit madness. I figured that happened when you were forcibly put in the Lazarus Pit. I’ve seen the effects it has on people. I get that it was the root cause of why you acted the way you did for so long.

Jason (shaking his head, perplexed): No, it wasn’t.

Bruce: Yes, it was. You can be honest with me—we're on good terms now.

Jason: Bruce, listen to me. While the Pit had some unsavory side effects, my mind was never under 'pit madness.' That sounds fake as hell.

Bruce (confused): Okay, wait… back it up. You're telling me you never experienced blackouts or murderous hysteria because of the Pit warping your brain? That was all you?

Jason: Yes! Well, sort of. I wasn't driven insane by getting pushed into that glowing green goopy liquid. I was just… mad! Resentful. Pissed off. Whatever word you want for “enraged.” That’s all.

Jason laughed, surprised that Bruce believed in this rumor.

Jason: Like the song from The Greatest Showman, "This is me."

Bruce (suspicious, munching on crackers): You sure?

Jason: Yes. The Pit did a lot of things to me. I’ll admit that when I first got my memories back, I was out of it. That’s a side effect—it’s like waking up from surgery while still drunk—but what I did wasn’t because I was driven mad by the Lazarus Pit. I didn’t black out randomly and wake up with blood on my hands, wondering, “What have I done? What have I become?” Yeah, that never happened.

Bruce nodded, remaining quiet to let Jason continue.

Jason: When my memories came back and I realized my foster dad hadn’t killed my murderer, that made me angry. I’m past it; I forgive you for not saving me. I learned later from Alfred that you almost killed the Joker, but at the time, I assumed you’d moved on without me. That you never cared about me. Dumb, I know.

Bruce (in a kind, fatherly tone): That’s not dumb; I honestly don’t blame you for thinking that. And as I’ve said before, I’m sorry.

Jason (chuckling, waving his hand): Not bothered by the past. You pay me, and I steal—get free Wayne Tech; we’re cool. The point is, while I’m not the same Jason I was at fifteen, my mind wasn’t that badly ruined. I was just angry. Really angry.

Bruce: And everything you did during your ‘revenge plan’ wasn’t you blacking out or your mind being broken?

Jason (sighing, calm): Bruce, no. Everything I did was me. Am I traumatized? Hell yeah. Do I lock up at certain ‘triggers,’ like Harley has rambled about? Yes. That’s PTSD, though. You know how that feels, right?

Jason laughed dryly at his dark joke, and to his surprise, Bruce chuckled too. It was a short laugh, but it showed he could relate to that in a different way.

Bruce: Ra's told me you—

Jason (interrupting with a raised hand): Whatever Ra's said should be taken incredibly lightly. He’s lost his mind, but to be fair, he was never a great person to begin with. Am I proud of everything I did? Most of it, yes, but I’m not going to blame some made-up madness or hysteria. That was all me. Me trying to kill you, Dick, Tim—when I became a crime lord, the bags of heads—all of that. I’m not the same Jason that existed before I died, but I’ve always been conscious of this unhinged version of Jason Todd.

Bruce (raising an eyebrow): Kind of?

Jason (smirking): Oh, fuck you.

Bruce (half-smile, sincere): Well… I’m sorry I assumed the Lazarus Pit made you mad. Although, I’m not happy about you doing all that stuff with a clear mind.

Jason (cocky): Uh-huh. Want me to go over your history and the decisions you made with a clear mind?

Bruce rolled his eyes.

Bruce: Let me finish. I’m not happy, but you’ve taken accountability, and… that’s all that matters now. I’m glad to have you back, Jason. I really am.

Jason (surprised): You mean that?

Bruce: Mm-hm. You’re my son, and I… love you.

Jason (jokingly): Whoa, Bruce… you gonna need a tampon for that period of yours?

Bruce: I expected that.

Jason (smiling): I love you too, asshole.

Bruce: Takes one to know one. And since no one else is here… if you want to hug or shake hands without being mocked or feeling awkward, we can do that.

Jason nodded, thankful to be away from the mushy family dynamics they both tolerated at times.

Jason (holding out his arms): Awkward father-son hug?

Bruce (smiling): Awkward father-son hug.

Bruce placed his box of crackers on the counter, and the two jaded men embraced, awkward pats on the back and all. It felt strange, but not in a bad way, and it was exactly what they both agreed to do. No fictional madness from a Pit.

[grandline-fics]

Hello! I loved your sanji fic and was wondering if you can write another one where readers hearing aids broke and in the meantime of usopp fixing them, reader just stays in the kitchen as they feel safer there with Sanji. (Requesting this because my hearing aids broke during school and I’ve been feeling a little down lately ;-; also a little extra if you want to add into this, sanji realizes they are really sad without it and like he tries to cheer them up by writing on a paper that he wants to learn sign language. Or like he knows a little sign language and tries to communicate with them and it makes reader really happy and they help teach him more signs. Maybe he asks how to sign I Love you and signs it to them—jkjk

But feel free to write whatever you feel comfortable with \(0v0)/

DESCRIPTION: When your hearing aids break, Sanji’s there to keep you company and cheer you up

WARNINGS: depictions of a deaf/hearing impaired reader, some angst mostly fluff

CHARACTERS: Sanji

WORDS: 849

A/N:  I'm so sorry you've been feeling down because of your own hearing aids being broken but I hope you're doing better now and that this helps. Really hope you like it <3

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

MASTERLIST

-------------------

You knew that it was an accident but still you couldn’t help but feel upset by it all. Upset at Luffy for getting too excited about an island coming into view and knocking into you as you were passing your hearing aid over to Usopp so he could do some routine maintenance on them causing them to fall to the deck. You were upset that you didn’t act fast enough and that Nami came storming forward to scold your Captain only for her foot to crush the very thing you needed to hear the lecture. You didn’t need to hear the impact or look down to see that your hearing aids were broken, her and Usopp’s expressions said it all. 

Now you were left sitting in the kitchen, waiting for Usopp to work on the lengthy repairs while the others were off exploring. That was another thing to feel upset about. Slowly you lifted your gaze from the table you’d been resting your chin on to look at the cook who’d volunteered to stay behind too.You couldn’t help the sickening guilt twisting in your stomach as you watched him work on meal prep for the evening meal when the others returned. Sanji didn’t have to stay here and you knew he’d been looking forward to going to a new island in search of new ingredients for his cooking and yet now because of you- in some aspect at least- he didn’t get to go. 

You tried to tell yourself that Sanji was a grown man and was capable of making his own decisions but deep down you knew he was only staying behind because of you. While the two of you had feelings for each other and were prone to flirting, nothing had actually happened between you both. You sighed slightly, wishing that you could make this whole sorry mess up to him in some way. Suddenly Sanji’s gaze lifted from the vegetables he’d been cutting and he looked to you with concern and he offered you a reassuring smile. Quickly you folded your arms on the table and lowered your head to rest against them. It made you feel worse to see him smile at you that way.

Sanji’s smile fell when you hid your face away, dejected and not your usual bright self. This was why he insisted on staying with you, he knew you would blame yourself for this. He also knew that had Nami or Luffy stayed behind instead they would have clumsily tried to apologise and cheer you up in their own way which would no doubt make you feel worse. As he finished the last of the prep he slowly worked out how best to approach this. Just because your hearing aids were out of commission until Usopp worked his magic didn’t mean you’d suddenly changed. You were still you.

With your head still down you didn’t fully sense Sanji’s approach, thinking the subtle vibrations of his feet against the ground to be just him moving about the kitchen as normal. However you felt the dim thud of something being left on the table beside your elbow. Peeking out from behind your arm you were met with the sight of your favourite drink and snack waiting for you while Sanji casually slid into one of the free seats at the table with you. He couldn’t help the wide grin on his face when he saw the sadness flit away to be replaced with excited delight. After smiling brightly and pulling the food closer you set about enjoying what he’d made for you. 

Sanji smiled softly, it was a good first step in cheering you up but there was still more he could do and there was something he’d been working on. He just hoped he didn’t mess this up. Seeing that you’d almost finished your comfort food he lightly tapped your hand to get your attention. When you met his gaze you saw that he was suddenly anxious, tense and you became concerned. Then you watched him lift his hands and shakily begin to sign.

 “I was going to surprise you when I was better.” He began nervously, deciding to speak the words as well. It was a relief that you knew how to read lips, the last thing he wanted was for anything to be lost in his clumsy movements. “But if anyone needs cheering up, it’s you. Your face is too beautiful to be hidden away and sad. I’ve been learning from a book Robin had but maybe you could teach me properly?”

Extremely touched by the surprise gesture that he’d no doubt been learning very hard to accomplish, you couldn’t help but break out into happy tears and nod. Only Sanji would go above and beyond like this and it was all for you. “Thank you.” You signed and wiped your tears away to look at him properly with warmth and gratitude. 

“It’s a date.” Sanji replied with his usual charming smile before reaching over to take your hands into his and placing a gentle kiss against your knuckles.  

[c-t-r-l14]

Why Alex’s Break Up Audio Made Me Appreciate Andrew’s Character More

A couple of days ago, as I was drafting the dialogue for the second part of Alex’s story, I started to think about Andrew Marston, our beloved Literature Professor. I remember when I first listened to the Alex’s break up audio, in the description of the video, Saku states that this was the first break up audio he’s ever done. But that isn’t true, ‘cause Andrew broke up with his partner at some point in his story, too. And then I started thinking about Andrew’s break up audio—and what I realized is that throughout that breakup audio—It never felt like Andrew was trying to get rid of listener.

One of the biggest things that pissed me off about Alex was his blatant disregard of the person he claims to love. He absolutely refused to try and make the relationship work, he gaslights listener and blames the failure of their relationship all on them, makes dumbass excuses that hold no merit whatsoever, and tried to make it seem like it was such a hard decision to come to, when in reality, it probably wasn’t. He tells them that he loves them and how he wants to be with them so badly, but never gives them actual chance to make that happen. And it honestly feels like he made all of these excuses and blamed listener for their relationship falling apart so he wouldn’t feel bad for leaving them behind. It was quite obvious that he saw listener as a burden that was holding him back, and he wanted nothing than more to get rid of them so he could finally be free and run away from them. He is a selfish, manipulative, gaslighting asshole with a victim complex. If he really loved listener as much as he says he does, then none of the excuse making or gaslighting would be necessary; but it seemed like to him—doing all of that would be the only way out without feeling bad about it. So, instead of being truthful about how he actually feels and just straight up telling listener, “I don’t want to be in a long distance relationship,” or “I’ve fallen out of love with you”, or literally ANYTHING ELSE, he decided to make things a lot more harder for them by pulling any excuse out of his ass and praying that it will work. It just felt like he was just throwing them away—like how a child throws away a toy after they’ve outgrown it—and it’s SICKENING.

But, Andrew was never like this.

Through his entire break-up audio, you could feel that he truly felt like he was making the right decision here—because above all else, Darling was the only thing that mattered to him. Something I’ve learned from Alex’s audio is that it’s really easy to point the finger to someone else and put all the blame on one party. It would’ve been all too easy for Andrew to straight up tell listener that it was their fault for perusing him—and if they’d just simply looked somewhere else to find love, then their exposé would’ve never happened—and both of their reputations would be spared from online scrutiny and embarrassment. But he didn’t. He and Darling both perused this relationship with the consequences in the back of their mind. They knew what would happen if they got caught, and repercussions that will follow. Andrew had enough integrity and honesty within himself to pour his heart out to Darling and told them how much he loved them. And you can tell that he was doing it because he thought that it was the best thing he could do for them—and that’s because he was HONEST. He never once made excuses, or gaslit them into thinking this was entirely their fault. And it never felt like he was just throwing them aside when it suited him.

And it shows more even when he came back to apologize for his behavior. Even then, he realized that it was wrong to make definitive decisions about their relationship without talking to his partner first—and was ready to accept the consequences of his actions because he realized how much he hurt Darling. He was honest about everything—even when it was hard for him. He made sure to put in the effort in his relationship to make sure he keeps Darling by his side. Even when people came after him—even after he got publicly humiliated—even after he lost his job. He tried so hard because he told Darling how much he loved them—and he meant it.

I respect the living hell out of Andrew because his actions always matched his words.

I want to make this clear—I’m not saying that Alex has to stay with listener. And I’m not mad that he wanted to leave. I’m mad because of the way he broke up with them. There was absolutely no reason to blame them for everything. There was absolutely no reason to gaslight and manipulate them. And there was certainly no reason for his dumbass to make such stupid excuses. He tells listener he loves them and yet does everything he could to get away from them. He wasn’t even man enough to be honest during their break-up. His actions matched the opposite of his words and that makes me sick. Alex makes me sick.

When he sees all of his friends move on to the next level in their relationships—whether that be marriage, or having kids—his stupid, sorry, good-for-nothing-except-crying-and-making-excuses headass will be ALONE. And he’ll stay that way until he realizes that being unwilling to put actual effort in a relationship and having no integrity is a rather unattractive trait of his. Although, I highly doubt that he’ll be smart enough to realize that AT ALL—because he has such a victim complex.

In short, fuck Alex, and stan Andrew. ❤️

[thenonbinarydetective]

No matter how many robins are there, dick grayson is always no.1. Only him and cassandra actually feel like a mirror of Bruce...other robins feel mishandled or having unresolved issues

Well he is the first so sure. But he has some problems right now. Especially concerning age. But if we’re extending to batgirls a little bit which I’m assuming we are with the Cass mention it’s more of a problem with Babs. However, it’s not helping him either. And also displays of his competence and independence which isn’t supported by slotting him back into Gotham whenever some writer feels like it. I’ve said to before that sometimes it makes sense and sometimes they just wanna write dick

Honestly this may be weird but sometimes everyone else feels like half resolved. Damian I don’t mind because he’s literally 14 he doesn’t need his shit resolved right now. He’s basically just realized he has identity issues because his dad is Batman and the multiverse as fixated by tom king decides he can’t have any other purpose. But he wants other purpose (unrelated but ultimately I don’t think he’s ever going to be Batman outside of possible futures/elseworlds)

But they can move past Jason’s whateverness by just doing the shit I’ve said before. Which is simply making the decision they wanna make and put in the effort

With Tim we gotta force the writers to move him from Robin. Yea yea repeated discourse. I know but you brought it up lol. The thing is a lot of the writers we have now were Tim Drake fanboys in the 90s and want the chance to write him as Robin themselves because now they can. Part of me would respect that but another part of me knows that they could write one-shots/elseworlds/whatever’s that have that and remember that he needs to grow the fuck up (with young Justice). Yes this all ties back to Bruce.

Duke is kinda the same ig. He’s supposed to be the daytime hero but they kinda overlooked that and started putting him on the night shift. Without ever saying he stopped day work so…we just need to know if he’s getting bat overtime benefits. Also his mom is totally good again. Totally fine and recovering and flirting with Black Lightning (who could blame her?) and that’s not been talked about. The Thomas family seems to be disappearing into the batfamily which I really do not think should happen. I don’t mind Bruce keeping a room available for Duke if and when he needs it but his family should be prioritized more if we wanna keep them alive. If DC doesn’t, at least give them the honor of a send off. I still don’t think they should though

Steph is probably the only one that will not be fully and truly resolved because of misogyny. I know it might sound like me using it as a buzz word with her at this point but it’s true. A lot of men don’t wanna cover the problems with her because the problems WERE MEN. They know about the sexism leaked into comics and that Bruce and Alfred in particular were so sexist during her time as Robin. And they’ve tried addressing how much he regrets doubting her or mistreating her or whatever but that doesn’t fully address the problem. Like there’s still more and it’s a problem some male writers aren’t comfortable with fixing cause they would cause it in their own way.

[jokerislandgirl32]

Guilt, Hope, and Gratitude

@foolsworldsblog asked this question in response to this post ⬇️

JIG Message: For this answer I’m placing it below a cut because it is filled with angst/depressing topics, discussions of pregnancy, stillbirth, loss of child, childbirth and delivery, and near death experiences. Nothing is explained in explicit or gory detail, but please do not proceed further if you are uncomfortable with such topics.

Zach’s Response

Well, this is a little hard to answer, technically we have two first borns. We have Alexandria, who is our first born but was stillborn. Then we have Varina who is our oldest earthbound child, and the first one born to survive birth/infancy. If that makes sense. Both times I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt when each child was delivered. 

With Alexandria we knew she wasn’t going to be born alive, I had to watch Violet endure a horrible and emotional labor and delivery only to have our child enter the world without ever taking her first breath or making one cry. Although the doctors informed us that it was nothing Violet or I had done wrong to cause the stillbirth, I still blamed myself for it.

I felt guilty because I couldn’t take Violet’s emotional and physical pain away. I felt guilty because our beautiful little girl never had a chance at life. I felt guilty because I hadn’t taken precautions, and I’d gotten Violet pregnant when her body was not ready for the pregnancy. Even after we took Violet to the doctor, monitored her health, and made sure she took the medication needed to ensure the safety of the pregnancy…we lost Alexandria. 

I held Alexandria after she was born, I named her, I talked to her…I didn’t want to let her go…But Violet was so distraught she couldn’t hold her or even look at her for the longest time. When the hospital staff came to take her, Violet finally gathered up the courage to hold her and look at her, and I’ve never heard Violet cry like that in my life, it absolutely destroyed me, and I’ll never get over that feeling of guilt and pain as long as I live. 

Varina’s birth elicited much of the same guilt ridden feelings. Violet went into premature labor and delivered Varina in the Tortuga with the help of the Wild Rats. Violet passed out due to complications shortly after Varina’s birth, and Varina was barely breathing. 

While I held Varina after she was born, it felt like it did with Alexandria all over again. I’d gotten Violet pregnant, I’d know the fragile state of her body, I’d known the hectic schedule I’d been putting us through with all of my villainous deeds wasn’t good for Violet while carrying this beautiful rainbow baby. But I’d done it anyway. And watching both of my girls struggle, fearing I’d lose another daughter and the love of my life filled me with nothing but absolute remorse and dread. 

But, holding Varina those few moments before we arrived at the hospital, seeing this tiny little bundle, the physical embodiment of mine and Violet’s love, gave me a sense of hope and extreme gratitude. I knew if Varina made it to this point and survived the birth, she’d make it in the end. 

I was so grateful that even though I’d made so many terrible decisions, Violet delivered this child alive, and Violet was still alive. I had hope that they make it, I prayed they’d make it, and in the end, they did.

So, for me fatherhood started out with feelings of sorrow and guilt, but it developed into feelings of immense joy, hope, and gratitude. It changed me for the better, and I am so thankful for the family Violet and I have created. 

POV: Guilty Me.

-Zach Varmitech-

[smallishzine]

hi i was just wondering of any of the mods have any previous experience with organising fandom zines or events in the past?

Warning! The following answer is long, boring, mostly unrelated to the question, and kind of a Debbie Downer. Sorry anon/gen. hi it’s me one of the mods. The other mods are me when I’m actually on my meds, me at 3 am, and me when I’ve had a good nights sleep. The last one has not made an appearance as of yet. No I’ve never done this before and I’m freaking out because I have no clue what you’re meant to ask people on a mod application form and what determines who I should let in once they go out. I’ve never even been in a zine before, my experience with community events consists of I’m currently working on (read: avoiding cause I’m lost on what to do for) a gift for a gift exchange. That’s it. I’ve got no clue who to ask cause I’m paranoid about internet safety and also I’ve got school on top of this and I’m just kinda lost as to what to do because I’ve started this whole thing so before I can hand off the responsibility to someone who is capable of making good judgment and doesn’t have to split their time between working on the zine and doing homework, I’ve got to make some important decisions about who on the internet is trustworthy and I’m terrified that I’m gonna screw up and face consequences a whole lot worse then just the zine doesn’t get made. I don’t know how to verify if someone is a person I feel safe contacting over the internet, and how to maintain my anonymity as a mod so that my personal blog doesn’t get the same hate mail that the zine is getting and I’m, to be maybe a bit too honest, scared. Sorry for rambling especially cause I doubt this was what was intended with the question I guess I just needed to say this somewhere lol. Did I kill the mood? Sorry. I know you all followed cause the interest form was funny and the post I linked it on was funny and it seemed like there were a bunch of experienced people working together on this who knew what they were doing and so now using this blog to vent feels duplicitous and like it could possibly kill the zine because no one is here to listen to some kid whine about high school lol. I worked hard to seem effortlessly funny and confident about my lack of a plan, and while I didn’t necessarily say that there was more than one mod, I kind of implied it, cause I thought people would only want to participate if it seemed like there were a bunch of people capable of being responsible running the zine who would be fun to work with and would be totally on top of getting things done so contributors would be able to just focus on their piece. I wanted to seem like someone people would want to be friends with, cause really I started this zine cause I wanted to make friends, and I’m worried that now that people know that it’s just some whiny screenager who’s never touched grass with no idea what he’s doing who is really not all that funny unless he’s spent hours agonizing over what to say running the zine then they won’t want to participate, and I personally can’t blame them. I’m so, so, sorry for all the times that I made it seem like I’m someone I’m not, and I hope that people will still consider contributing even if the zine’s chances are a lot iffy-er than I made it seem. I’m scared to take offers from people saying that they want to help because creeps in the past have got me paranoid. So many people have said nice things about the zine and how excited they are for it and said that I could dm them with questions and I appreciate those people so so much but it’s difficult to drown out all the hate I’ve been seeing, which I’ve been trying to ignore, but it makes me hesitant about taking up those offers for help and sending out applications, cause I don’t want to bring some weirdo into a group chat to have them harass the zine makers and I’m not sure I’m capable of making this a positive experience for people without someone I can trust helping me and getting an internet friend I trust to help would involve leaking my personal blog and I can’t handle getting hate mail from both of them.

idk im just really lost and overthinking this and needed to rant about it, mod applications will still probably go out next month, I’ll do some research into what is usually on them, and also this is a niche enough thing that I probably don’t have to be so concerned about creeps, and there are a ton of people who’ve shown their support for the zine and it would be a disservice to them to act like everyone hates me, and everything is gonna be fine and probably a fun time and I’m just tired and needed to say all this somewhere to convince my brain how ridiculous it’s being lol. I might delete this post later, cause it’s kind of a downer honestly a high schooler complaining about his anxiety on the internet isn’t gonna get people interested and excited for the zine, I guess I just wanted to be transparent about what currently my thought process is and to ask that, having read this, you guys are patient with me as I figure out what the heck is going on. I’ll be back on my being funny enough that people think I’m actually Joel game on the form I promise guys, don’t worry just needed to get sappy there for a second but that is not what the zine is actually gonna be like it’s just gonna be fun and silly, and again sorry anon for derailing your ask.

[averagecontentenjoyer121]

This is the first chapter of my take on the Epic Musical story :D The main idea of a banished Athena story being inspired by Coqeuxari.

I hope whoever reads this enjoys it as this is really the first narrative writing I’ve done for myself, so I can put all my writing effort into it.

Feel free to talk about in the comments whether you liked it or not and why that is. Also I have ideas for the entire story I just have to flesh it out so if you want to ask anything about the story go ahead and I’ll try answer unless if it’ll spoil any surprises I want to add

Decided to post this directly here for right now as I had a AO3 account but forgot the password so I have to make a new one.

Anyways

One war

One decision

One Man’s desire

Chapter 1: Troy

During the late hours following the Greeks retreat from Troy its citizen came forth. Stepping out of gates for the first time in ten years was a strange feeling to these men and women. As they exited a strange sight lay before them. A construct of grandeur, of worship, of deceit. They gazed upon the giant brutian horse at its feet resided a being in a drunken stupor. Sinon proclaims the being as its consciousness breaches the blockade of alcohol surrounding his brain. He slurs his words into a barely understandable statement, “Da rest ov a men eft me ear o ells yeahs dis orse is to orgive oos for da estruction of yeas atue ta atena.”

“Good sir care to repeat what you’ve said.”

“Ifa’s ant oondand meh den ja shupid.’

“Appears the god of wine kissed his lips sir.”

“Clearly, perhaps whatever he’s said could be true?”

“I dunno sir, we’s can’t understand a word he’s said.”

“Get the prophet. If he can read the stars then surely he can read the contorted mouth of this man.” A man is usher forward by the crowd. Still bitter from the death of his child by the Greeks, he begrudgingly kneels before the man who’s liver had been battered as if punctured by acid. “A izah guy dat Ager megnom iled ah kyled ov. Erphaps oos ain’t ain amaged,” the man repeated the phrases that he told the other men in the crowd through breath that suggested his insides smelt only of fermented grapes. “ The Greeks have left this equine as a peace offering. It is meant to replace the statue of Athena they’ve decimated.” The crowd of men responds with an inconsistent mermer of, “ I knew that’s what he was saying.”

As the victors drudge the pine stallion inside their walls that repelled all attacks the Greek threw will now be the prison of 4000 men, women, and children. As twilight encroached upon the land the noise of praise, feast, dance, and victory filled the coffin. Inside the horse sat the Greeks finest executioners. The 10 year drag left them desperate enough to sit within the humid and damp body of the wooden structure in a ploy to inter the city and break out allowing for a festive slaughter. This disparate act was conjured by the very goddess whom claimed to value the Trojan no more than 12 hours ago.

However atop to mount in the throne room of the great olympians a pitiful scene unfolded. “Father!” Roared Ares whilst clutching his bleeding side as golden droplets fell to the floor, “Can’t you see? That pompous child of a step sister whom I share dominion with has caused a mortal to injure me! By her hand through his, she punctured my flesh! She must be cast down for overstepping your declarations! No god is to have involvement within this war, is that not what you’ve said!” Ares lashed about whilst spitting and hissing these words.

“Correct my adulterine brother,” snarled Athena through her beaked lips, “how strange, you enter the palace exclaiming woes of which you blame me. Yet you’ve overlooked the shortcomings within your plea. For how could you have been injured by a mortal partaking in the war without being a part of it as well, or perhaps you were,” said Athena as a snide smirk etched itself upon her face. “ How dare you! I wouldn’t have had to fight your lousy champion if he hadn’t speared my dears hand as she attempted to save our child-“

“There you go again speaking without thought. You’ve now admitted to your wife having been part of the war too, uxoricide through stupidity-“

“How dare you feathered lout proclaim that I’ve harmed my dearest!” Ares shouted as if it were a war cry.

“Perhaps I could get you to come forth with the names of the rest of your posse. Would save me time having to present evidence,” laughed Athena. Ares stood his armor rattling with a rage encased within his godly flesh. The rage of all the fallen in hades. A rage that if released on a mortal or army would be more devastating than any split atom. He stood there in silence as Aphrodite rushed to him having sensed his peril of which she had never felt before. “ My great boar what ales you! What’ve you done you unrequited orinth,” hissed Aphrodite. “ Why not ask your doltish pig, of whom I’m sadly related.”

One word was spoken. One word with range like thunder. One word which held the force of the greatest storm. One word which was spoken from the one that the trio was annoying, “SILENCE!” Zeus thundered, “Daughter, who might the rest of the guilty be?”

“The children Leto father,” chirped Athena. “Thank you, I’ve heard enough of your insolent bickering. It was giving a headache equivalent to the one that birthed you,” said the now tired and defeated sounding Zeus, “ You all have crossed a line I clearly set. Of which the punishment Ares suggests is fitting until you’ve each proven that you deserve to reside within this palace, as currently I see three pups arguing over the corpse of a rat.” The trio stands there in silence as they accept what will happen to them next. “Hermes!”

“Yeah pops?”

“Inform the twins of Leto of my decree so that they don’t question why they’ve been stripped of divine power.”

“Alrighty,” Hermes exclaims cheerfully, seeing this only for its hilarity. He then zips through the archway leading into Olympus. Following soon after a bright golden light fills the throne room. Once the light fades only Athena remains, “why have you left me father?”

“I expected better from you Athena. You are my most prized offspring, and yet you’ve fallen to the same height as mortals. Perhaps if I gave a visit to your favorite human you’ll understand that we’re not like them.”

“ Father WAI-,” the same light surrounds Athena as she is cast from Olympus to the base of the former Greek camp.

(Now watch Horse and the Infant then just a man)

Odysseus approaches the camp ground he slept at two days ago before tonight, as he heads towards where Eurylochus had landed his ship. As he passes through the charred ground he can’t help but think back to what he’s done. Then suddenly a hand jets towards him. He unsheathes his blade and readies it to strike whoever was foolish enough to sneak up on him. Right before he strikes he sees the face of his mentor. Before he can stop Athena throws him over her shoulder out of reaction. Odysseus now puzzled and with a dirt covered cape asks Athena what she’s doing here. He then realizes that she looks different. Less feathers, and lacking her distinct beaked lips. Also, she’s now missing her giant owl wings. He moves to speak when Athena reaches out for his shoulder. As her hand makes contact he’s shocked to feel its warmth, its weight, its mortality. He shutters as he croaks on his words. Athena explains her situation to him after which Odysseus wraps an arm around her shoulders which are a head taller than him and says, “ You can ride with me and crew back to Ithaca! It’s the only right thing to do when your life long goddess friend is now mortal and now requires the same as me,” he smiles with the dorkish grin he wore when she first met him all those decades ago.

“ I. . . Uh saw what my father had made you do from here, do you wish to speak of it or. . .”

“Nope I’d rather move past that as soon as possible.”

“Alright little man,” she says while staring down at Odysseus who’s 3 feet shorter than she is.

“Aight Atty,” Odysseus says through a smile of a kid annoying his mother.

“I thought you agreed never to say that again,” she says, scowling at him.

“And clearly I’m no little man anymore.”

“Hard to tell from up here,” she says smiling as they approach the bow of Odysseus’ ship.

Odysseus boards the ship followed by the giantess which caused confusion among the men on the ships until Odysseus interjected that she was an Amazonian warrior who he’d been friends with for years now. Eurylochus Examined her, unsure of her presence being Odysseus’ right hand. Polities ran up to Athena grasping her hand and eagerly shaking it, “ I’m so happy to meet you, any friend of my best buddy Odysseus is a friend to me,” polities said with a somehow even more dorkish smile surrounded by the stubble of a beard, as his head band covered his forehead.

POV: how it feels to post 1500 words of a fan story

[crystaiskiess]

Okay, after catching up on 113.6k words, I am here to ask questions. (Sorry, work on slowly losing my fixation on Merlin caused me to get behind the last four months.) A lot happened in the four chapters I got behind on, and I have a couple questions.

First question is why did you decide to cut The Secret Sharer? I guess I’ve always seen that as a really good magic reveal episode and also just a good episode setting up for future characters in season five. Although, I kind of assumed you’d have the magic reveal in The Sword in the Stone because of how you’ve been building the story. How you did the magic reveal of Merlin having no other choice was realistic, though. If he was put in that situation, that’s what he would’ve done. I just didn’t know if there was a certain reason you decided to cut that episode.

Second question deals with the lamia. First, love that Elyan is aroace. I like that no one is judgmental or tells him he hasn’t found the right person yet. Very nice and refreshing. I was just wondering if the change that everyone attracted to women being affected by the lamia was to reveal he is aroace and Gwen is attracted to women as well. Or did it stem to wanting Elyan and Merlin to have that moment where they finally really talk to each other? (Which they should’ve done in the show. It’s clear they care for each other, but it would’ve been nice to see that kind of conversation in canon.)

Lastly, not a question, but I feel very confident in love confession being the next chapter. It only makes sense because Arthur is like, “well, guess I just need to get married” because he believes Merlin does not feel the same way about him. I have literally nothing to bet on it and could very much be wrong, but I’m still confident in this. Intense slow burn is good for this; however, I want them to be together for the entirety of season five. Like dude, let them have this, please.

Also, I read The Sword in the Stone while at work and kept getting annoyed when my coworkers would come over to ask me questions because I was trying to finish up reading. Apparently AO3 went out during this, but I didn’t know so the chapter length saved me.

Okay, hopefully I don’t disappear for four chapters again. (No promises, though. Blame my job.)

HI !! welcome back !! i hope you enjoyed your catch up reading shfjshdhs !!

in answer to your question regarding secret sharer this was actually one of the most interesting chapter cuts for me - it was actually included in the plan up until the point i got up to it, when i realised that the plot of the episode itself no longer works in oafk because of arthur’s character development- in the show the only reason that episode actually works is because arthur doesn’t trust/believe merlin enough to listen when he says it isn’t gaius to blame and is instead agravaine - but in oafk arthur trusts merlin so completely i couldn’t make that work without it seeming largely out of character for oafk!arthur and merlin/arthur’s relationship - for ,,,, other reasons that i cannot reveal it didn’t really impede anything to cut it altogether so i thought it was better to do that than try to force character decisions that would feel out of place (however i agree it’s a great episode for magic reveals and if you haven’t read it i highly recommend turning the page by queerthedagger it’s amazing)

i’m really glad you enjoyed the magic reveal too 💕

in regards to lamia, aroace elyan is truly one of my favourite details to get to include and i’m so glad it’s gotten such a positive reception - the lamia does actually affect people attracted to women even in the show (the reasoning for why gwen isn’t affected in canon) - it’s meant to be implied that merlin isn’t affected because of his magic, but weirdly gwen never really questions that beyond an initial “huh that’s strange” - i just leaned heavier on the attraction part of her spell so that merlin has a cover for his magic, and subsequently it gave me a great opportunity for him and elyan to talk which i really wanted to happen because i think their dynamic is an extremely fascinating and moving one - aroace elyan and bi gwen has been sprinkled throughout other chapters too but this one was a great way to properly confirm both of those details

and i love your theory regarding the love confession !! i guess we’ll have to wait for the next chapter to see if you’re right or not 💕 alas i must keep my lips sealed

i’m glad the insane length of sword in the stone saved you from the ao3 shutdown HFJSHDHSH

good luck with work and i hope you’re well !!!!!! so lovely to hear from you again !!!

[thewayuarent]

Always love your takes and thoughts about Ray’s addiction and how they’ve handled it. This isn’t really so much as about the show and their handle of it but certain things I see in the fandom and I’d like to hear your thoughts: for some reason I’ve seen people go “Sand he’s drinking because of you it’s your fault” towards Sand one too many times (like in the pool) and I’ve never been so frustrated with reading something. Not only is saying something like that detrimental to someone trying to recover (for many reasons like putting the blame on someone else instead of the addict themselves) but also putting all the responsibility on someone else for “keeping someone sober” and if they upset them it’s their fault is just as detrimental. For their relationship and just in general for both of the the people involved (in this case Ray and Sand).

Hi, anon, thank you for enjoying my thoughts.

I didn’t see those comments and thanks god, I’m so sorry you have to read it. This is just people being uneducated and ignorant and guilt tripping someone - in this case fictional character, but in the situation that very common in real life.

I agree with you, and I want to say that this is very, very dangerous type of commenting. There is a huge difference between supporting someone with addiction in their recovering process and taking responsibility for that.

And I really appreciate how show handles it - with Ray saying himself that this is his journey, and his problem do deal with, and while Sand is there for him to help and support - which is a huge thing - this is ultimately Ray who makes a decision.

Blaming someone like that is just wrong for both parties.

For Sand, or someone in “supporter” role is denying his right for making mistakes, and overall to have feelings. Live your life constantly being afraid that you can cause an addict to relapse is not healthy. You can lose yourself in a process and became a shell of a human you were and it’s not gonna help anyone.

But it’s also unfair to Ray, or any person with addition. It’s a reduction his whole personality to this one thing - this is a very common mistake with people with addiction or mental health problems. You can’t put him in a box where the life is perfect and nothing bad ever happens - and even if you could it’s not going anywhere.

Ray is right, triggers will be everywhere around him. And sad events will happen in his life, and his relationships - including Sand. Recovering from addiction is not about removing all stress factors, is about learning to deal with them in a more healthy way. And I would say Ray does a pretty good job there, because after that one sip he handles the whole stressful situation being completely sober.

He is only at the start of his rehab. And there is and always will be a risk of relapse. This is a long journey. But Ray is the whole person, he’s way more than his addiction. Sand is his whole person, he’s way more than someone who loves a person with addiction. He dumped his job at the bar, and it’s fine because he didn’t really like that one. But he’s gonna have liquor making business, and it’s also fine, because if Ray wants he’ll find a way to drink with Sand’s liquor or without that.

But Sand never behaved in some particular way only for not upsetting Ray - and this is a good thing for both of them. I wish people to understand that.

That’s my very unnecessary long way to say that I agree with you. Don’t read those comments, people are ignorant and that’s their problem. Thank you for giving me a chance to talk about one of my favorite topics in this show, I appreciate that.

[kasienda]

Rena Rouge: Secret Keeper - Ch 2: Alya

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3

Read on Ao3

Chapter 2: Alya

Alya waited by her phone for Marinette to call, chewing the inside of her cheek. She shouldn’t have chewed Chat Noir out like that. She knew he could be sensitive and it definitely was not his fault that Marientte was ridiculous about secret identities.

Her phone buzzed in her hand. Alya glanced down. 

Marinette:

I’m going to be akumatized. 

The words blurred as Alya read them. Damn that stupid cat! What did he say?! 

Alya:

Where are you? 

Marinette:

In my room. 

Alya transformed immediately and took off towards Marinette’s balcony. She dropped through the skylight barely slowing down. Marinette was curled in the fetal position at the foot of her bed, sobbing brokenly.

Marinette had never looked so small. 

Gone was the clever and confident superhero everyone looked up to and relied upon. No one else ever got to see the Ladybug that overthought and doubted herself, the girl who was so nervous she couldn’t complete an intelligible sentence in front of her crush, the girl who took responsibility for everyone in their class and their city, the girl who felt so much and so deeply when she saw others were hurting.

Alya dropped to the bed, not bothering to detransform. Her arms wrapped around Marinette. Alya wished she could do something, anything at all to ease Marientte’s wracking sobs. 

Alya’s filled with rage at Chat Noir all over again for putting her best friend in this state. What the hell had he said?

“What did he do?” Rena growled. 

Marinette shook her head. “N-not his fault.”

Alya was gonna blame him anyway. “What happened?” she asked more softly. 

“He quit. He said that our not being able to communicate with him made him a liability.”

Alya cringed internally because she actually agreed with him. She hadn’t thought he would be willing to make that sacrifice. And then she immediately wants to kick herself. If anyone had shown over and over again that they were willing to make sacrifices for Ladybug it was Chat Noir. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Marinette cried harder. 

A black butterfly phased through the wall. 

“Akuma!” Alya shouted. 

Marinette tensed underneath her arms. Alya wouldn’t let her be akumatized. She would take the butterfly if it came down to it. 

But the kwamis immediately swarmed it. And a second later, the akuma was just gone. 

Tension bled out of her shoulders. She continued to hold Marinette like she was the most precious thing in the world. 

Because she was the most precious thing in the world. 

“It’s gone,” Alya whispered. “The Kwamis did something. You’re okay. I’ve got you.” 

Marinette shook her head violently. “I’m not okay.” 

Alya rubbed her back, but didn’t argue. 

“I can’t do this without him,” she cried. 

Alya bit her tongue, wanting to argue. Marinette could do anything . 

“And I don’t even know how long he’s been feeling this way. I think it’s been building for a long time,” Marinette whispered. “And I didn’t know.” It was impossible to miss the self reproach in her voice.

Alya rubbed her side and back soothingly. 

Marinette twisted in her arms to face her. “How could I not have known, Alya?” 

“Marinette, why didn’t you just tell him? I totally love that you have trusted me, but why did you never trust Chat?”

“I want to! I almost did! But it would be a selfish decision. He and I cannot know each other until Hawkmoth is defeated.”

“But why?” Alya asked. “What’s the difference between him and me? It seems so arbitrary.” 

“Yeah—” Marinette broke off as she dissolved into another round of quaking sobs. 

Alya cradled her head, and rocked her. “There’s more to this than you just following the rules, isn’t there?” 

Marinette nodded tearfully. “There… was another timeline. He knew who I was. We were in love. Or that’s what he said, anyway. But… he was akumatized. Chat Blanc destroyed the world. He said that it was our love that caused it to end. Bunnyx said he couldn’t know who the other was. Not yet.” 

“Not yet?” Alya questioned. “Maybe it’s okay now?”

Marinette scowled. “I don’t have some metric! The only thing I know is that he can’t be akumatized! So I have to wait until the risk of akumatization is over!” 

Alya pursed her lips, uncertain what to say.

“I almost let him tell me anyway. Even knowing that it could cost us everything. How selfish is that?” 

“Shhh. It’s not selfish,” Alya insisted.

Marinette kept going as if she hadn’t spoken. “I’ve hurt him so badly. He’s never going to forgive me! I don’t know how to do this without him, but I didn’t know how to convince him to stay. And now it doesn’t matter because I don’t know who he is, which means I can’t find him! And I’m never going to see him ag—”

Marinette crumpled into tears all over again. And Alya hugged her tighter, but her mind was already awhirl. Marinette had seen the end of the world? Had denied herself love to prevent that ending? 

It wasn’t fair. 

Alya needed to do something. She needed to fix it. 

“You’ll see him again,” Alya promised.

“How?”

“His kwami knows who he is right?”

“They all do! But they can’t tell anyone!”

Alya looked over at Tikki who nodded in confirmation. 

“Can they give hints?”

Tikki shook her head. 

“It doesn’t matter, Alya! I can’t know who he is either!” 

“But what if you weren’t the one to know?” 

Marinette froze and pulled away. “What?”

Alya met her gaze, stroking the sides of her face. “What if I knew Chat’s identity? It keeps you from knowing each other but helps us coordinate. We could include him in the planning! I could help support him like I do for you!” 

Marinette nodded. “I… I can’t know all the details. But yes, anything, please! But you have to never slip, Alya. You can’t tell me who he is. You can’t hint! You may have to lie to me to protect him!”

“I understand.” Alya said, smiling. This could work. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’ve already lied to Nino you know… to protect you.”

Marinette slumped. “I’m sorry.” 

Alya shook her head. “No, it’s okay. It’s part of being a superhero, and I know Nino would be okay with it if I could tell him the reasons, and I knew it had to happen to protect you because you protect the whole city. I understand the stakes! And I’m telling you, I can do this.” 

Marinette crashed into her abdomen, her arms circling around Alya’s waist.

“You are the bestest best friend in the whole world!”

Alya laughed. “I don’t know if I would go that far.” 

“I would,” Marinette mumbled. “So how are you going to find him?”

Alya opened her mouth.

“No wait! Don’t tell me! I shouldn’t know! But do you need any help?” 

“Can I talk to Chat’s kwami? Without you?” 

Marinette dashed to the miracle box, and immediately pulled out an octogonal box. She shoved it into Alya’s awaiting hands. “His name is Plagg. He’s quite the squirrelly one. He loves cheese. I’ll get out of your hair, and be back in like an hour?” 

“Marinette?” Alya interjected. Places a hand on her friend’s flying limbs to calm her until Marinette stilled. “I need you to know I don’t know how long this will take. Even if I can figure him out easily, I still have to convince him to come back. I need you to be patient. Can you do that?”

“I’d do anything for Chat,” she whispered. 

“Okay! Then scat! I’ll see what I can figure out here.” 

Marinette darted from the room, Tikki bobbing after her. 

Alya let her transformation fall, wanting Trixx there with her.

“What do you think?” Alya asked her kwami. “Does destruction suit me?” 

“Absolutely not!” 

Alya laughed as she slipped the ring onto her middle finger. It flashed into a silver ring studded with blue sea glass all the way around. It looked like a ring her mother used to wear. Alya loved it. 

“So it’s not enough that you replaced my kitten on the team, but you’re to replace him as my holder as well?” Plagg deadpanned, floating in front of her with his little arms crossed.

“I have no intention of replacing Chat Noir. I only put the ring on so I could talk to you.”

“About?” 

“I’m hoping that you’ll help me figure out who he is so that I can convince him to rejoin the team.” 

“I can’t tell you who he is.”

“Not directly maybe.” 

“Look, blogger girl—“

“Blogger girl? You know who I am! That’s a hint already!” 

“Is it?! You’re the idiot who gets way too close to Akuma battles on the regular.” 

Alya frowned. “Do you not want to go back to him?” 

Plagg sagged in the air. “He’s one of the best holders I’ve ever had. Maybe the best. But he won’t take the ring back, so there’s no point in you bringing out all his hurt feelings. Because you can’t do anything to soothe them.” 

“Maybe not. But perhaps Ladybug can?” 

“As long as she maintains the Guardian’s secret identity at all costs with him and not with you, he’s a lost cause.” 

“I take it you don’t know about the alternate timeline?” 

Plagg groaned. “I hate alternate timelines!” 

“Do you think there’s a chance an akumatized Chat that destroys the world won’t happen this time if they learn each other’s identities?” 

Plagg went silent. Alya raised an eyebrow. 

“I really hate alternate timelines, but here’s the thing, blogger girl, they’re called alternate for a reason .” 

Alya threw her hands up. “Look! I’d be willing to risk it, but Ladybug is not.” 

“I get it,” he grumbled, flying to her hand. “So are you going to tell my kitten this?” 

“Maybe not that they were together? Or that he was the one akumatized? I don’t know. What do you think?” 

“It would be better coming from pigtails.”

“But we have to convince him first .”

“Yeah,” he drawled. “All right. I’m in.” 

“So how am I going to figure out who he is?” 

“Oh that’s the easy part.” 

“It is?” 

“Hey Kaalki!” The horse kwami popped up from Marinette’s desk. “Open up a portal to my kid’s room!” Then he turned to Alya. “You should transform. This is going to be a rough ride. You’ll want all the protection you can get.” 

…

Rena Rouge had been through portals before. More than once. 

This was nothing like that. Rena felt like she had been thrown into a tornado, then sucked through a sieve, and then swallowed by a dragon only to be thrown up ten seconds later. 

She crashed face first onto a grand piano, struggling to regain her breath. 

“Rena! Are you okay?” 

She shook her head to clear it. “I… I think so?” She said, accepting his offered hand, only then turning to look at his incredibly familiar face. “Adrien?” 

His eyebrows rose into his hairline. “Were you expecting someone else?” 

“You’re Chat Noir?” 

His shoulders slumped with a resigned sigh. “How did you find me?” 

“Kaalki knows where you live.”

“Figures,” he bit out. She had never heard him sound so bitter.

She held out the ring to him. 

He didn’t take it. 

“How’s Plagg?” he asked. 

“Umm… I have no idea. We only talked about you.” 

He glared at her.

Right, time to get to the point. “Chat, Ladybug needs you to come back.” 

“Then why are you here?” He ran his hands through his hair. “If I’m so important to her, why did she send you ?”

“Because she’s still convinced you can’t know each other’s identities.”

He threw his hands up in frustration. “I don’t understand what’s so different that you can know and I can’t! I know she says she trusts me, but her actions say something different. And I’m not sure what I did that she found so unworthy of trust—“

“It was nothing you did!” Alya interjected. 

“—but I didn’t take myself off the team because I think I have the right to know. It’s putting us all - her and me and you - in danger when we’re not on the same page!”

“I agree completely!” she yelled. 

“Does she know you’re here?” he asked. 

“She knows I’m trying to find you. She does not know that I’ve succeeded, and I don’t plan on telling her that until you agree to come back. She wants to know, Adrien. And she wants you to know who she is, too! I promise you, she does!”

“She has a funny way of showing it,” he grumbled. 

“She spent the last few hours bawling her eyes out about how much she’s hurt you and that you’ll never ever forgive her and that you’re right not to. And that it doesn’t matter because she’s never going to see you again, and she’s not certain she can even be Ladybug without you.”

He sighed and dropped his head. “I’m sorry, Rena. I can’t come back. I’m a danger to her and to the whole team because we can’t communicate.” 

“I agree completely,” she said. “Which is why I’m here! Will you let me explain?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, his voice the calmest it had been since she had arrived. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to take my frustration out on you. What did you come here to tell me?” 

“Ladybug trusts you more than anyone. More than me.” 

“ But—“

“More than anyone!” she insisted. “Apparently she did trust you. You both knew each other’s identities at some point.”

“I don’t remember that.” 

“I know you don’t. She doesn’t really either. But she saw what it led to. Bunnyx… you know who Bunnyx is right?”

He nodded. 

“Bunnyx came and got her and took her to a future where the world had been destroyed. Bunnyx told her the inciting event was you two learning each other’s identities.” 

“Why did she never tell me this?” 

Alya laughed. “Honestly? She’s bad at difficult conversations. She avoids them like the plague.”

He winced.

“She didn’t plan to tell me her identity either, you know. She just had a mental breakdown and I happened to be there. I imagine being a full time superhero when no one knows, wears you down.�� 

He snorted. “Understatement.”

“When she was spiraling, I convinced her that we could find some kind of loophole. Show you that she does trust you. She’s only trying to protect you, Paris, and apparently the future. I figured I could know both your identities, and act as a go between. That way you’ll always be in the know.” 

“That only works if I know who you are, too.”

“I’ll drop the transformation as soon as you agree, Kitty Cat.” 

He stared at her for awhile. “I will want to talk to Ladybug about all this.”

“Obviously.”

“Okay then.” He put the ring back on. 

“Will you stop renouncing me every time you have a bad day?!” Plagg screeched. 

“I’ve only renounced you twice,” Adrien said, sounding almost petulant. Alya grinned. She never knew Adrien had it in him. It was almost refreshing to see him in less than perfect form. 

Though if he was Chat Noir, she supposed she had seen it before. 

“Twice too many! And there was a third time you threatened to do so.” 

“You’ve given up the ring before?” Alya asked softly. How many times had he been hurting that deeply, and she had never noticed. 

He winced. “I don’t really want to talk about it. Are you going to drop your transformation or not?” 

“Trixx, let’s rest.” 

His eyes blew open. “Alya?” 

She smiled. “Hi, Adrien. I swear I didn’t know you were hurting this much. I’m sorry I’ve been so blind as your friend.” 

“It’s fine,” he shrugged it off. “I never told you anything was going on.” He frowned. “Wait! If you’re Rena. That means Carapace is…” 

She waved him forward. She wasn’t sure what she was allowed to say, but if he figured it out himself, it wasn’t her fault. 

“Carapace is Nino,” he concluded. “Isn’t it weird that practically all the holders are in our class?” 

“The same class where literally everyone except you has been akumatized?” She countered, proud of herself for delivering that line with a straight face. 

She felt slightly guilty that was already misleading him, but wasn’t that what she signed up for? To keep both Ladybug and Chat Noir on the same page while misdirecting them from each other? 

Which was going to be way harder than she thought because they were together like, all of the time. They saw each other every single day almost! They sat like half a meter apart in class! How the hell had they not already figured each other out?

Plagg laughed. “Welcome to my world, kit,” he said. 

She sighed. She definitely had her work cut out for her.

…

She didn’t bother going through the front door. Instead, she came in through Nino’s window, collapsed into his arms on his bed, released her transformation, and buried her face into his shoulder and neck. 

He pulled the earbuds out of he ears. “Hey,” he greeted softly. “You okay?” 

She mumbled something incomprehensible into his shoulder. 

He rubbed her shoulder. “That bad, huh? Want to talk about it?”

She wanted to tell him everything. “Our friends are a full time job,” she landed on. “They’re going to be the end of my sanity.” 

He laughed. “Tell me about it. What happened now?” 

She sighed. What could she say? “They’re terrible at talking.” 

Nino laughed again. “What can I do to make you feel better?” 

“Kiss me.”

He was only too happy to oblige. 

…

[shrinkthisviolet]

I want the Cobra Kai fandom to just understand that while Sam started the rivalry with Tory, that does not make Tory innocent. Tory took things way too far and Sam had every right to react the way that she did at end of season 5. Would I have wanted to her to hear Tory out? Yes, but I understand why she didn’t. I also don’t like how the fandom just brushes off the trauma Tory gave Sam either, and how the writers made Sam dismiss it in season 6. And also how is Tory going to just break into Sam’s house for no reason at the end of season 3 and somehow find a way to blame Sam for something she chose to do? Let’s also not forget how she just expected Sam to get over it. The fandom is always screaming how Sam didn’t know what Tory had to go through while she was in Cobra Kai and and while that’s true Tory doesn’t know what it was like for Sam when she gave her panic attacks and nightmares. Anyways, im glad that the characters apologized to each other. I just hate that Tory is back in Cobra Kai.

Yep, while I love Tory and have tremendous sympathy for her situation, that doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s the one who escalated things too far with Sam—Tory herself admitted this! I wouldn’t say she’s really blaming Sam anymore though—her apology in s6 was truly her recognizing the harm she’d caused and taking full accountability for it, unlike prior seasons when it was regret with no action. And I loved it! How I wish the fandom could follow suit.

I’ve been open about wishing that Tory would apologize first, but…as I’ve talked about here, what we got is still more than I expected, and frankly, I’m just glad she apologized fully without making excuses. I feel they sufficiently addressed the elephant in the room enough to justify a friendship moving forward, which is more than I can say for s5

I do agree that Sam brushing off her trauma in s6 was strange. I’m not totally sure how long it’s been in-universe, but like…it’s maybe been a year? It’s hardly old news, and would definitely still weigh on her. But hey, maybe she’s been going to therapy and working through it, and shes spent enough time being angry without results, so now she wants to try another way. It’s not exactly OOC for her—as much as the fandom loves to forget it, Sam is a very forgiving and kind person.

As for Tory being back in CK…I’m guessing Kreese played on her grief and burning desire to win the tournament, which is why that happened. Though I’m still upset that no one went after her 💀 y’all made the good decision of stopping the fight but then just let her walk away??

[ncfan-1]

I’ve been thinking more about Indara, and I think I have revised my opinion on her involvement in what happened on Brendok. Before, just coming off of watching Episode 7, my assessment was that she was largely blameless up until the point where she made the decision to scapegoat Mae. My opinion has changed since then. Now, I look at Indara, and my opinion has changed. She no longer seems as blameless as I felt her to be.

After all, Indara was the one in charge of their original survey mission. She was the one in charge of the Brendok team. She was the leader. What her team did while they were out on this survey mission was ultimately on her head. And Indara turned out to be a pretty weak leader, didn’t she? She would not put her foot down, would not take a stand, would not tell Sol no and then follow up by sticking to it. Instead, she lets herself be swayed into doing things that she has stated are a bad idea and outside of their mission’s purview.

Indara is right that the Coven will take all four of them going in at once as a threat. And yet when Torbin and Sol insist on following her in, she doesn’t put her foot down, doesn’t tell them once and for all that it’s not a good idea, and she will be going in alone, whether they like it or not. She knows it’s a bad idea, and yet she allows herself to be talked into acting out the bad idea anyways.

She herself tells Aniseya that they have the right to test potential Padawans, inflaming an already tense situation. But why did she say that? Indara herself says that they can’t take the idea of testing Osha (and by implication, Mae) seriously, so why on earth did she say that in the first place? Why waffle like that? Why not stick to your guns, politely apologize for intruding, and then leave without pressing the issue where the children were concerned? Sol is insisting on these things, but Sol isn’t in charge here, and Indara has rightly clocked that he is blinded by his feelings.

Indara is the one who allows this to go on as long as it does. If she had put her foot down, if she had acted as a leader, this situation would not have gotten so out of control as it ultimately does. You can tell that she doesn’t want anything to do with the Coven, and that she doesn’t think that her team should interfere with them, and yet she allows the interference to go on for so long that Torbin is finally tearing off towards the fortress because she’s allowed him to gather the information that causes him to latch onto the idea that he can go home, and from there, everything falls apart.

And then we come to the moment where she is the one who makes the call to scapegoat Mae, and while she says that she’s doing it for Osha’s sake, in context of all of this, this decision comes off as really selfish and self-serving.

Indara was the leader. She was in charge. This is the bitter truth of leadership: everything your subordinates do on your watch is on your head. But Indara doesn’t want to take responsibility. Indara doesn’t want to catch shit for what Sol and Torbin did. She thinks that she shouldn’t have to take any portion of the blame for fifty dead adults and one dead child. She could have put her foot down, could have acted as a leader, but she didn’t act as a leader then, and she refuses to step up as a leader now, and at least take responsibility for her weak leadership after the fact.

So she tells everyone that a little girl did it all. She tells everyone that there was an Evil Child on Brendok, and she killed everyone. Indara symbolically earns her death by this final act of weak leadership. She refuses to take responsibility for the consequences of her weaknesses as a leader. She tries to wash her hands of the whole thing.

But she can’t do that. Because she’s painted Mae as a murderer. Imagine if Mae emerged out into the galaxy, and she wasn’t out for revenge. If she was just trying to have a normal life. How could she possibly have a normal life, after Indara had painted her as a mass-murderer to the entire galaxy? How could she clear her name? How could she convince those around her not to turn from her in fear and disgust?

Indara symbolically earns her death by shirking responsibility for her weak leadership and scapegoating Mae instead. She told the galaxy that Mae was a murderer. Mae became a murderer by killing her.

[nesta-defender]

Okay evidently this is becoming an issue, so-

Who’s at fault for Nesta’s depression and alcoholism?

(Similar to my previous posts, but this time analyzing the way it started. And my apologies but I’m not at home right now, so I’ll be pulling from memory and editing with quotes later.)

The Inner Circle

Is Nesta’s rocky road the fault of the IC? Yes. And no. She absolutely needed a support system-and I think that’s obvious. She needed a friend so badly she gave life to an inanimate structure. And once Gwyn, Emerie, and Cassian see her as an ally, she is so much more ‘good.’

But then again, they did offer this to some degree. Not in the way she probably needed, but there was some kind of respect, at least. She fought with them. She had killed the King of Hybern. But the moment she started to spiral, they pretty much cut her off. She’s only tolerated for being the sister of the High Lady, and the few people who do try to step in are harsh and cold. (Which never works. They’ll always just get defensive.)

So the IC holds fault. But not all the fault. Not even a majority.

Feyre and Elain

Maybe a slightly controversial take, but these two in particular needed to do more. When my brother died, my other brother would not have gotten through it without our parents. Nesta doesn’t have parents to cling to, but she has her sisters. At least, she should. Even if she won’t talk about their father, the simple act of being there could have been enough to make her feel less alone.

Cassian and Amren

Obviously Cass is a big reason for her recovery (at least according to the way the story is told), but he fucks up a lot getting there. He and Amren both take cold, harsh, aggressive approaches to an ‘intervention,’ throwing harsh reality rather than any kind of concern or empathy. And as I said before, this will ONLY ever make someone hostile and defensive, especially in her situation. She might listen, but she won’t care-because in her mind, they don’t care, they just don’t like the way she makes the Court look, or the way it effects someone that they ‘actually’ care about. Just the tiniest bit of genuine warmth goes a long way in these situations. Also, not Cass genuinely ignoring suicidal impulses, but that’s for another day.

Nesta

Let me be clear-I am not saying she did anything wrong. Mental illness and trauma are absolute beasts to wrestle with, especially without support. But at the end of the day, her actions caused her problems. If it’s Feyre’s fault for emotional reactions, or Rhys’s fault for decisions made in ‘mating fog,’ then Nesta’s at fault for her choices too.

Heavy emphasis again that I DO NOT blame Nesta. She’s in a shit situation and deals with it however she can. But she is the one who drinks. Who drives people away. Who is cruel to everyone. She is struggling with so many things, and-even though they show it terribly-there ARE people who care and want to help her. She doesn’t want to be helped.

It’s approximately midnight and I’ve been drinking so no idea if this makes any sense. But let’s hope it does.

[alyjojo]

August 👨🏽‍🏫 2023 Monthly - Libra

Whole of your energy: 9 Wands

There’s a very strained relationship here with someone you’ve been deeply committed to, maybe even married to with The Hierophant here. But it could be any relationship. If not love then this may show a stark difference in beliefs, morals, cultures, or this a serious lesson that needs to be learned. Could be a parent for some. It’s surrounded by indecision & some chaos. Two Queens are here, representing you two, gender doesn’t matter, and 333 is here showing painful situations due to outside influences that don’t belong. Definitely could be a third party situation as well. I’m mostly picking up on friends, family, just outside people in general putting their two cents in and “manipulating” their views on things - or that’s your perception of the situation, whether that’s actually true or not I don’t know. People can think for themselves, it’s mostly free will.

You had a plan for this connection that other people are messing up (in your opinion). 9 Wands is perseverance through hard times, you were moving slow as molasses, but the end goal was to work together with this person and be a team. Just you two. Something about this isn’t right though, it feels like long lasting, lingering drama, and other people have clued your person into…hey this isn’t how things should be going, it isn’t fair, balanced, or what’s best for them, in some sense. You’re flat out angry because it’s none of their business (even if they’re right?). You’re giving off some puppet master vibes in this relationship, and it’s biting you in the butt when this person decides to cut the strings.

What’s going on in August:

2 Pentacles:

Before this month, however long it’s been, it’s been a constant back and forth, will they or won’t they, unstable sort of non decision making in this relationship. 2 Cups is here, love is genuine and reciprocated, but it’s not being expressed in a stable way. It’s constant weighing pros and cons of whether you want to break this persons heart, or whether they’ll do it to you. You defend your position on this, maybe there has been some 3rd party or something in the past to cause a major lack of trust, but you never really decide what to do about it. You think about ending it, but don’t. I don’t see you thinking about saving it, pretty much just having considered it over for good without having nailed the coffin shut. This energy is also reciprocated, there are mind games being played with cooperation and “it’s over” type of tactics with you both, and I get them getting tired of the bs. They may be brushing themselves off and choosing for themselves.

I just need to say…whatever situation you’re in, it’s all probably karmic in nature and lessons that need to be learned, and will continue this way for some time. From July 2023 through January 2025, the North Node will be in Aries, putting the South Node in Libra…and conjunct/opposing your sun/moon/rising/venus etc. Scorpio just experienced this karmic sort of hell, if you have one in your life you have probably seen some level of a difficult ego death, depending on their own lives, karma & nodes. It would be good to research these things & how they may apply to you. You are front & center for karmic/spiritual debts, justice & transformations, and Aries is due for more of the karmic blessings, but it’s definitely a balance between the two, especially if your own NN is in Aries. Venus Leo & Saturn Pisces are also both retrograding currently, and Mercury Virgo will be headed there soon. Good times! 😬 Needs to be said, I’ve been getting some rough readings for you, and I’m pretty much just going to blame this node transit, it’s a tough one, but all for the purpose of balance, karma, and getting you on the correct life path, if you’ve strayed….when it’s all over you’ll see. Now we move on 🧡

4 Cups:

The main energy of the reading is 9 Wands, perseverance, getting through the struggle, “we can make it through anything…eventually” but it hurts, sort of energy. Here we have 10 Wands clarifying 4 Cups. It may not have happened immediately, because this has probably been going on for some time, but eventually your person will start to act unbothered, and put more into themselves independently from you. This unbothered & apathetic behavior has turned the tables in this relationship, because it’s no longer about what you will or won’t give them, they’re not concerned either way. Cue the ego death…at some point they’ve gotten over this back and forth game of constant not knowing. Queen of Cups is their energy, this is someone emotionally mature, nurturing and loving, and right now they’re putting all of that energy into themselves. Good for them, it’s looking like they didn’t have much choice, that would be your natural next step too, if this were you.

The Hierophant:

The commitment between you as a whole is now really up for debate on whether it’s going to work long-term or not. You’re having a bit of a control meltdown, because this person has taken the ball into their own court and that was not what you were banking on when the games began. If this is switched, by all means switch it, it’s the Queen of Swords rev energy that’s behind this mind gamey operation…and that’s Libra, possibly dealing with a Cancer/water sign, so I’m reading it this way. You’re now paralyzed with indecision, when before it was under your control. 3 Swords has you panicking a little bit. Who are they talking to? Who is in their ear, that’s not you? Who is pulling their strings? Are they cheating? Whew this energy 😰

5 Swords:

Back to the games, one upping each other, trying to prove snide points and act in strategic ways with the sole purpose of boosting your own ego at the expense of putting others down. This energy can’t win without playing dirty, but the 5 Swords person is so focused on winning that they don’t care who else is going down. Could be either of you, probably both, it feels tit for tat, you do this okay I’m going to do that. One of you, or both, will end up playing more games, keeping quiet about their plans, activities, who they’re with, what they’re doing, knowing full well it drives the other person crazy. You know what I’m not seeing anymore? Love 🧡 It was always debated back and forth, yes or no, in or out, from the start of this reading, and now it’s just not here at all anymore, proving each other wrong has dominated any love that exists here, or did.

Queen of Swords rev:

She is not a happy Queen, she is pissed off, mean, vindictive, bitter, and her words cut like actual swords, this 5 Swords kind of behavior is a natural byproduct of her inner feelings and demeanor based on what is occurring. Which is this Queen of Cups celebrating happiness, being with friends or family, maybe new people altogether. They’re making new plans, maybe new friends, and The Fool shows them jumping into something new and exciting for them. They refuse to continue staying in this toxic sort of controlled but elusive?? energy any longer. Their people have their back, and that really intensely pisses this Swords Queen off. That’s the only outcome I’m seeing this month, your oracles also have you at a new beginning, but Spirit is needing you to face some things first, either with you or this person. Maybe both.

I don’t get a definitive ending, just an ending to the burden on this person’s end, because they’re not having it anymore. They will enjoy themselves with or without you, balls are in both courts, free will is at play and it’s your decision how you will respond or act. Most of this is minor arcana, at any point you can decide to change your role in this story. The Secrets Oracle you’ve pulled…feels like them. They know you’ll fight their decisions, so they don’t even make you a part of them. There are definitely issues of control & balance that l need to be addressed if this is going anywhere positive 🙏 Some of you are learning HUGE lessons with this, could be some deeply ingrained lifelong tactics & behaviors here. People don’t change overnight, be kind to yourself even if you’re realizing some not great things.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Libra, Capricorn, Sagittarius, Cancer, Aquarius & Gemini

Oracles: ✨

23 Secrets

Conceal plans and actions from those not ready to accept you as you are.

61 Happy Accident

Fortunate accidents can act as guides to edit and be open to where you should go next.

42 Courage

Have the courage to see the lessons in all situations and face them constructively.

1 Movement Into Balance ⚖️

The sun ☀️ balances the moon 🌙 just as the earth, the water, and the stars remain in precious balance - so you are moving from unbalanced ideas and lifestyles into a more balanced way of being. A situation may call for more tweaking to adjust it into a balanced mode. Look at the energy and emotions you are putting out into the universe, your world, your relationships, or goals. Balance that with the energy you are allowing yourself to receive. The body inherently tries to maintain a state of balance; so do our souls. If you are not receiving enough, you may be unconsciously giving more to restore a perceived “balanced” state. Step out of that automatic response and listen to your guides and your soul for what this situation truly warrants.

We enter into August as:

Royal Purple Brick 🧱

“She resists what she clings to.”

The fear of stepping out, of being abused, has grown so great that you no longer need a wall of fear to prevent you from living - a simple brick will do. Which of course symbolizes that what frightens you is much smaller than you imagine. What we resist, we cannot heal. Royal Purple Brick appears when we are resisting something, and may indicate a loss of faith. This is a sign of fear holding you back in some way and preventing you from moving forward. If you are experiencing pain, holding on tighter will only worsen the situation. Fear may also indicate you’re trying to save yourself from a path that will not serve you! Are you following your true passion? Is it divinely guided?

This can also indicate presently using your energy in a self-defeating way. Use your courage to let go of control and allow Spirit to come in and heal you. The promise of Royal Purple Brick is freedom after surrender. In letting go you may feel some discomfort, but you’ll also allow healing in. The fear of something is always greater than the actual event. This time period will be a life changing experience for you. Accept mystery. Release the brick and be free.

What is to be learned in August:

The Carrot Colored Cloak 🥕:

“Don’t quit before the miracle!”

You are being told that changing your direction at this time is not wise. We never know where our miracles lie in the path, often just beyond the boundary of our faith. You may not see it, but it lies ahead. When we do the work that is chosen for us, we are serving a higher order, and if we stop we upset the balance of our lives. Stick with it and have blind faith, an exciting change is coming. You must press on in the direction of your vision, what you’re working for will come to fruition.

Orange may be a lucky color 🧡