#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop

[httpskuzuu]

It can't hurt you now

I wrote this while in spain we were in red alert for rain.

Yandere!Chuuya x Reader

I don't now english, let me cry

summary: it's a stormy night and you couldn't be more scared.

tw: idk rain¿ kidnapping, panic attack (maybe)

The rain was pouring down heavily, drowning out the noise of the television. By now you couldn't hear what the announcer of that cheap program was saying.

In spite of everything, you decided to just focus on the images that appeared on the screen, trying to forget what was happening outside. A storm. You felt like a bit of an idiot for being afraid of something like that, not that it could do anything to you, at most, in some cases, flood the streets, but you “live” in Chuuya's attic, so that's not really a problem.

Just this once you are grateful to be locked up here, in a safe place.

A particularly loud clap of thunder completely broke your attention to anything else. You were scared and you couldn't help it, your brain refusing to pay any attention to the TV even though you begged it to. You covered your ears with your hands, trembling as if this was the end of the world, but what if it is?

Slight sobs came from your lips, thanks to them you realized that you had been crying. You don't quite know what you should do, how to stop crying or shaking, until you hear a door opening.

From here Chuuya appears, with an expression still asleep. He makes you look up with a strange gleam in your eyes, was it fear? happiness? You are not sure, although you prefer it to remain unknown. You have enough guilt for the fact that you don't hate him.

Apparently he finally noticed you leaving the bed at midnight, replacing your figure in his arms with a pillow. The feeling of fear settles in your stomach, you didn't want him to be angry, your intention was not to disobey by doing that act. If he took away your earned privileges now, like the TV, the books, your sketchbook, what would you do? This whole week is forecast in heavy rains and storms, no distractions and with a punishment you swear you will die.

“What are you doing here?” his tone conveyed weariness. You remove your hands from your head and look at him with teary eyes. You're supposed to tell him the truth, but you don't really feel like going through the humiliation of saying you're afraid of a little (a lot) of rain.

“Nothing, I couldn't sleep.” It wasn't entirely a lie, the reason for your insomnia that night was the loud noises outside. You thought that if you slept maybe the rain might kill you or some shit like that. Now, come to think of it, that idea was pretty stupid.

A clap of thunder, without warning, fell loudly, causing you to flinch like a frightened animal. A trembling sob escaped your lips, as you tried with all your might to relax and wipe away your tears.

“Hey baby, what's wrong?” Now Chuuya looks wide awake, coming up to you to hold your face in his hands. They were so warm, contrasting with your icy cheeks, you couldn't control the fact that you leaned on them almost unconsciously.

A little comfort now wouldn't hurt, especially in your near panic-stricken state.

The rain intensified even more, as did the trembling in your limbs and your uncontrolled tears. Without much thought, you threw yourself towards Chuuya, embracing him as if your life depended on it. Actually, in your frightened mind, it did.

“So you're afraid of storms, huh?” you were inwardly glad that Chuuya didn't seem annoyed by your stay in the living room, nor mocked by your fear.

Chuuya was always understanding despite his tough temperament, he was especially so with you, giving you all his patience and love even though you rejected him. This is like an opportunity for him to show you that he really loves you more than anyone else will. In spite of that, he hesitates a bit whether to comfort you or leave you lying in panic. Did you deserve his sympathy when you kept walking away from his side? Chuuya decided to ignore that little voice in his mind, he only had to listen to your stifled crying to feel guilty for thinking that.

A soft kiss is placed on the crown of your head. Chuuya strokes your back affectionately and says things to relax you. Finally, just like the rain, your tears stop, and you can lift your head from the man's chest without so much embarrassment.

Now, as you look into his sympathetic eyes, you feel humiliated. You've just let your kidnapper comfort you, plus it was out of a senseless fear. If your fear had been founded, maybe you wouldn't feel so bad. Still, there is a grateful feeling, hidden deep inside you, but there it is.

“Better?” You nod, avoiding her gaze like the plague. “Then let's go back to bed, okay, baby?”

You didn't put up any impediments when Chuuya guided you to the room, the truth is that all that panic exhausted you like never before. You didn't understand why crying was so tiring, but when you lay down on the bed you almost fell asleep in a second if it wasn't for Chuuya.

He gets your attention by putting some earplugs in your ears, carefully so as not to hurt you. Sometimes you didn't understand how he could be so sweet to you in spite of everything, but you were happy about it, you really were.

“Thank you.” Your voice sounds smaller than you'd like, but Chuuya smiles at your words. It's not a smirk or a wicked smile, it seems simply… warm, loving.

You feel strange about your feelings, especially when you feel your cheeks burning. Chuuya kisses your already dry cheek and lies down next to you on the bed, hugging you from behind and stroking your hair.

You could get used to this.

[ri-writes-if]

I'm usually a Vezmancer, but this time I decided to try all the routes and Laz...my my my what do we have here? I love the Oracle being this morose, hissing wet cat to him, hitting him with the "Why are you doing this I'm doomed to die sooner or later, stop it, let me die in solitude" is just marvelous (I'm a sucker for that sort of thing). (I also love being able to just pick whoever without worrying about always picking that RO in other scenes).

I truly hope at some point we get to circle back to the loneliness conversation (for added angst maybe after Laz fs up and get to hit them with the "should've stayed lonely I guess" and idk turn invisible or into a bird/butterfly so they can't/won't look at us and fly off).

I do have a question, mostly because I can't remember what the warnings were prior to this chapter, but just how dark can we make the story? Cause I noticed that every time the Oracle starts to go dark, they immediately bounce back. Like with Argellan (apologies if that's not how it's spelled, I don't remember assholes' names out of disrespect lol jk I'm just terrible with spelling) they almost start to cry and then just don't. Or they feel helpless and then just get determined even if most options I pick are the passive/I deserve this and "oh well guess I'll die" options. I'm not complaining, mind, I get going down the major depression path is not something everyone wants to do nor is comfortable doing, and that's 1000% ok. Your story, I'm just here for the ride.

I'm mostly curious given the warnings on if those tags are for the other characters? Or if it depends on our sanity or if it can get darker later? To set my expectations if you will. No need for spoilers and if it makes you uncomfortable/upset apologies, please don't feel the need to answer.

Regardless I look forward to confusing all the ROs with my pessimism and chaos.

I’m glad you enjoyed Laz’s route! Thank you for sharing your thoughts 💛

I understand you might want more “depressing” options, but it’s just not the direction I planned for this main character. They can end up in a pretty bad situation if their sanity falls, but overall, their potential tragedy is in misinterpreting what they need to become happy.

The Oracle is someone who wants a better life. It’s at the heart of their character. Every decision they have been making their whole life is pushed by this desire. They might be doomed, but they’re not going down quietly. They will force themselves to get up even when the situation is bleak, and that was the point of that moment—to show that they don’t allow anyone/anything to beat them down easily. They never have, and that’s why they’re still alive and trying to not just live, but live well.

Their developing arc isn’t “I want to live love laugh” vs “I��ll die so everything’s meaningless”, it’s more like “I’ll become a better person against all odds and find my place” vs “I’ll take what I want by any means necessarily even if it makes me miserable”. That’s as much as I can say without spoilering things.

So yeah, they’re not staying in the gutter. We’re actually at the point in the story where they begin to pick themselves up and take control of their life.

For the warnings—it’s mostly for what the Oracle encounters, though some of it will apply to them if you go down a particular path. Let’s just say… they might end up in a worse situation than they’re in now, you know? 🌚 Perhaps you'll enjoy that route! :)

[windstir]

rosemarine is as much of a victim as gilbert is, a more outright one i'd say. the way auguste threatens gilbert (a kid who has been targeted by him and groomed for his entire life) is VERY different to the way he threatens rosemarine (an adult, 18 at the beginning, i'd say around 21 AT MOST by the time kazeki ends. auguste got a proper hold of him at 15, before that he was only odd towards rose)

auguste establishes the power dynamics between those two in very different ways, for instance he uses his "love" towards gilbert as a double edged sword. if he's not "loving" him gilbert perishes and is kept trapped because it makes him crave the toxicity even more. that's why serge's presence was so dangerous, because teaching gilbert safety meant he's properly going to realize "this is wrong, this needs to stop" ... which he already knew, he said it himself ("do you think i let you fuck me because i wanted to? i did it because i didn't have other options") but he doesn't know how to stop it, so he lets it happen and romanticizes the situation, he knows and he knew from day 1 that auguste was a dangerous man, but he clung onto him because he was all he had.

meanwhile, rosemarine gets a more threatening version of this treatment. auguste speaks to him as an equal (almost) when he's not mad, but when he is he yells and lashes out, and threatens to get close, which he knows rosemarine hates (unlike gilbert who is the complete opposite) and uses it against him.

Auguste isn't smart (HELL a lot of people knew about his awful treatment towards gilbert when gilbert was a CHILD, but they never did anything to stop it), he literally just goes through life doing whatever the hell he wants and hurting whoever prevents him from reaching whatever goal he has, he doesn't hide it, he doesn't pretend to be a good person, he doesn't do shit he just goes up to the principal and goes "yeah let gilbert do whatever i'll pay you man", he goes up to rose and goes "don't intervene in the gilbert issue, just make sure he doesn't die or something idk", he kisses gilbert on school grounds, he offers himself as a future husband for angeline (11 by the time she appears again, serge is 14-15)

he does WHATEVER he wants WHEREVER he wants, he doesn't gaf, he's not smart, he isolates gilbert and keeps him in an environment that equally validates his own treatment. usually in stories about child abuse someone (an adult) knows and tries to stop it, sometimes they succeed, sometimes they don't, but in kazeki EVERYONE LETS THINGS HAPPEN. and the cycle continues.

abuse culture thrives in silence (auguste's peers), bystander effect (everyone in laconblade), enablers (rosemarine, the principal) and refusing to break the cycle despite being scared (auguste abuses rose → rose enables gilbert's abuse rather than speaking up against auguste → gilbert assaults carl ... carl doesn't continue this cycle, but indirectly contributes to everything by being a bystandar ... HOWEVER he cannot be 100% blamed since he's a child. he's scared, he blames himself, he doesn't want to tell anyone because of His Own Can Of Worms -which someone else with a more religious background could probably explain better-)

gilbert is at the bottom of the chain, and he has normalized this abusive behavior SO much that he doesn't really see it as something inherently bad. to him, this is another thing people do, he has never known normalcy, so when he assaults carl to "assert dominance" over him and taunts him, he's just repeating the things people did/do to him.

it's kinda like when children exposed to violence in the home (ANY sort of violence, whether it's directed to them -csa, physical abuse, emotional abuse- or indirect -seeing a parent get abused-) play with toys violently and reenact their trauma through play (there's a proper term for this, i currently can't remember, but it's used in play therapy to try and decipher what's up with a child too young to voice their worries and woes!)

anyway uhm

this is just word vomit, sorry.

[kavehater]

Man I just give up.

[triglycercule]

instead of nightmare approaching horror to recruit him for the gang i think it would be cooler if he talked to undyne about it. because she would not hesitate TWICE to ship horror off to fuck knows where in the multiverse

like booo booo boring horror would never cooperate and agree to join nightmare without him doing some extra work that he cant be bothered 2 do bc its doesn't benefit him enough 4 the effort put in. AND THAT METHOD DOESN'T EVEN GIVE HIM MORE NEGATIVITY!!!!! nonono the king deserves a show :3 so he goes to undyne who's the craziest of everyone in horrortale and yk yk does some stupid mind manipulation. maybe in exchange for horror he makes up some bullshit lie about how he could save alphys (is she even alive atp) or the rest of the underground and provide them food (like the same deal that nightmare WOULD offer horror) and undynes like 70x more fucked up than horror so of course she's accept in a heartbeat. shes the queen!!!! shes supposed to provide for her subjects (even tho shes kinda. erm. making them all suffer)!!!! and all it would take was a sacrifice of the guy she lowkey doesn't like??? undyne has more reason to accept a deal like that from nm than horror ever would. and it wouldnt be the first time she sacrificed horror anyways lol

idk she sends royal guards out to snatch up horror in the middle of the day (nightmare told her to make it dramatic and tense :3) (all of snowdin would probably follow in concern because OMG WHERE IS SANS GOING????) and then yeah. just like that horrors gone! nightmare probably didn't even give him a chance to say bye to paps. undyne never ends up getting the food nightmare promised because hes a bitchass like that (and papyrus probably ends up taking up the full leader role of food provider for snowdin (if undyne even lets snowdin stay out of her control) good luck for him!)

if horror had a nickel for everytime he got forced to be a sacrifice he'd have 2 nickels. which is actually 2 too much in his eye HES PISSED!!!!!! rightfully so become man ☹️ taken away from his world without even a choice or a reason (to his knowledge) or anything to benefit him??? and now hes STUCK in this disney movie castle with two freaks who look like him (what the FUCK) and then the most annoying THING he's ever had the misfortune of getting kidnapped by. he is in misery. it sucks. he IS infact bitter. if he ever came back to horrortale (which he literally would never get to without dying or losing his stolen eye) he would 500% commit anarchy and finally get rid of undynes annoying ass ‼️‼️

[beastblade69]

well that's fucking awesome. all of the damage russians have done to our electric infrastructure can be repaired in one year minimum. IT'S GONNA TAKE MORE TAHN ONE YEAR TO REPAIR ALL OF THE ELECTRIC STATIONS RUSSIANS HIT WITH THEIR MISSILES. AND WE AIN'T EVEN TALKING ABOUT CIVILIAN OR ANY OTHER INFRASTRUCTURE. ONLY ELECTRIC ONE. MORE THAN ONE YEAR. AND WE ARE STILL NOT STRUGGLING ENOUGH IN ONLINE PEOPLE'S OPINION. FUCK OFF

[tenwhiteandalusians]

so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.

[krispiecake]

tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.

[youredreamingofroo]

The Passenger (2023) dir. Carter Smith // NEVER AGAIN - MICHELLE

[mushed-kid]

.

[honorthysalad]

quick prediction but I think at some point Yoshiki’s parents’ marriage is gonna fall apart and his mom is gonna move back to Tokyo with Kaoru and Yoshiki will have to decide between leaving the village or staying with ‘Hikaru’.

because his mom being from Tokyo has to amount to something, and Yoshiki has been wanting to leave the village and go to the city for so long. It’d present him the option to literally run away from all his problems.

but he swore he’d stick by ‘Hikaru’ and he’s been learning so much about the village, unraveling centuries of history, that he’s kind of past the point of no return, so he decides to stay in the village except now ‘Hikaru’ is his only attachment. Nothing to hold him back, nothing to keep him from going too far.

[angellurgy2]

im just gonna be a lonely unlovable excluded kid desperate for attention for the rest of my life until i die at this point huh

[lynxfrost13]

Holt’s vision was basically the first thing to go as she became infected with the corruption happening in Sierpinski-23 and it absolutely wrecks me

[flowercrowngods]

i need someone (steve) to take one look at mike wheeler after being told that this kid readily walked off the quarry at twelve years old, and see past his walls and his bullshit and see the kindness and bravery that lies beneath the trauma and depression (and puberty). i need someone to take one look at him and see that he’s not doing fine at all — and hasn’t for a while.

[brainrot-stitch]

How 2 do well in school, which is starting soon, no glue no borax

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

it's like the thoughts saw me all worn out by being sick and decided this is the time to move in. so many possibilities. so many ways i could kill myself. not going to though