#they both know Holt’s going to die

[lynxfrost13]

Holt’s vision was basically the first thing to go as she became infected with the corruption happening in Sierpinski-23 and it absolutely wrecks me

[wakeup01]

Dronezoned

“As you can see here, the ancient Egyptians once believed that mummification was a form of…” The narrator droned on from the television speaker.

“Sigh.” Rae bemoaned next to you on the couch, with exasperation. “Bud, I hate to say it, but I think I’m demoting you to drone status.” The TV suddenly switches off, half way through the latest episode of ‘Historic World’.

“What….I….why?” You sit up in a panic and glance across at your young friend. You had met him a couple of months back and found him immediately charming, and admittedly, rather cute. But it quickly became clear how high maintenance and demanding the 24 year old could be. A fact that was solidified when he had described his expectations of his friends, and the consequences of letting him down.

He turns towards you momentarily, his piercing eyes affording you a second of their time before he leans back and stretches his arms. “Look, you’re just not great ‘best friend’ material. Weekly episodes of ‘Historic World’ topped with yet another superhero movie? Death would be a more exciting prospect. Face it, you’re kinda boring.” Rae places a hand softly upon your shoulder, as if he was delivering bad news about a family member. “Even Charlie had more going for him, and he liked painting those little models. Now? Now he’s a drone that likes being my big butt’s seat. You understand.” Rae smiled at you warmly, it was a look that scarcely disguised the weight of his words.

“No—please! I can do better. Give me a chance to prove myself. I don’t want to be like the oth—others.” You stammer erratically, recalling the time he proudly showed you his previous bff ‘rejects’. Imagining the same thing happening to you causes you to shudder.

“See, this is what I’m talking about. ‘Give me a chance to prove myself’. Wah wah. Dull as dishwater dude. I gave you a shot and it just doesn’t work.” Rae explains with fake resignation, slowly getting to his feet. “Oh well, let’s get this over with then.”

“Just wait. Bud—we can work this-“

*snap*

Your pleas immediately screech to a holt, like slamming the brakes at a red light. His snapping fingers inexplicably steal your undivided attention. Your eyes going crosseyed at his outstretched hand.

“Engage. Stand up.” You go to laugh, but your legs involuntarily lift you from the couch. “Good. Face towards me.”

“R—Rae! What’s ha—happening? Why am—“

“Talking mode off.” Your mouth snaps shut the second the words leave his lips. “Dude. I kinda thought this might be the case. I had you chipped about a month back. You know, when you thought you got stung by a bee. God, you were annoying then too.”You wriggle slightly on the spot as he openly chastises your apparent ‘inadequacies’. “Makes this whole tedious ordeal much easier. Now, come on, be a good drone and take those clothes off before we both die from sheer boredom.”

You tell yourself you will absolutely not strip in front of your attractive friend. What you tell yourself and what your body does, however, is a different matter. Your hands feverishly remove every item of clothing as if you were on fire.

“I’ve never seen you move with such excitement before. Sure you’re not into this already? Your dick is hard bud, how humiliating.” You blush as you feel cold air brush against your nethers. “Hm? Maybe you want to be my ddf, my dumb drone forever? Hehe.” He teases while trying to hold back a wide grin.

He walks up to your frozen body and snaps a metal ring like device around your neck. It tightens against your body. “Trust me dude, you’ll be much better like this. More…interesting.” Your eyes follow a shimmering wave of squeaking rubber as it travels down from your neck, passing over your chest and stretching over your groin. Turning everything it touches into smooth plastic. Your dick begins to swell to a unbelievable size, feeling like the most intense erection of your life. Your cock embarrassingly hardens, bounces and slaps against your stomach. You see the flared tip pointing up at you, the sunlight reflecting off its unnatural surface. There was no denying it, it looked like a plastic sex toy. For all intents and purposes, your dick was a huge rubber dildo. Your veins were moulded onto the shape.

The wave travels all the way down to your feet, encasing your toes in the slick substance. Your new shiny skin felt too tight for your body, as if it was being vacuumed sealed. It pushes on you until your physique begins to match the other drones Rae had shown you. Giving you a basic set of abs on a slim frame, and inflating your butt into a firm round bubble. Rae sure had a type…

The rubber slips between your enlarged butt cheeks and invades your entrance. Your insides are coated and ribbed, becoming a slick chute with a clear purpose. Your body instinctively pushes your hips out, making your rear entrance spread out enticingly behind you. The humorous pose - much to your own chagrin, felt comfortable and befitting for your newly uneven body proportions. You were essentially a living fuck doll, inside and out.

Humiliating as it was - standing to attention, with your butt on display at your friend’s whims; you really needed to cum. You’d surrender just about anything right now to blow a load. You needed relief from this aching, pulsing sensation that racked the space between your legs. Teetering on the edge, a single touch would cause you to explode. Hell, a light breeze would probably suffice. The dull throbbing made your groin subtly rut back and forth at the air, trying to find some feedback.

Attempting to keep yourself together, you momentarily shake away the pleasure coming from your dildo. You cringe as you look pleadingly at Rae, praying that he’ll reconsider. Or maybe just let you cum at least…

“No, no this doesn’t work for me. Bleh. Sorry bud, but I’m revoking your facial privileges.”

‘My what’, you think, before the answer quickly presents itself. The sensation was like no other, feeling your lips meld together, ears flattening against your head. And then, then your face effortlessly smoothes over, like a wave washing over it, blurring all the details as your features fade into the rubber. The hair on your scalp slips free and falls to the carpet like a wig. Your face had been left completely blank, like a mannequin.

“Go on, feel it. It’s amazing.”

On request, your fingers run across your face. Your plasticised skin is incredibly sensitive. Senses had seemingly been enhanced. Every touch sends a jolt to your oversized dick. You desperately try and find your mouth, your nose….your eyes. But it’s like stroking the surface of a rubber ball. You had been stripped of your identity! A burst of anxiety overwhelms you, but at the same time, a weird sense of contentment. Your face, it was, it was gone. Blank. Anonymous. Smooth. Smooth. So unbelievably smooth. It felt….nice.

“Let’s see…you look the part. Now lets demote that whole ‘friendship’ status. I think you’re ready to be wiped. That ‘blah’ personality needs to go. Say goodbye ‘bud’. Drone. Purge.”

For a millisecond you wonder what he means and then your back stiffens like a plank, the most intense pleasure shoots up your groin and is expelled out of your rubberised dildo dick.

PURGE.

You climax on command. Cum splashes across your sleek chest and showers around you. Your mind is drowned in a fuzzy haze of pure horniness, one that shows no sign of clearing. A whirlpool swirls in your head, washing away the thoughts caught in its pull. No post nut clarity greets you as you lose yourself to the emptiness. Quite literally lose yourself, your identity and everything you ever held true squirted out of your dildo. Your dull, barely noteworthy personality dribbling down onto the floor into an embarrassingly small pool.

P U R G E.

You attempt to think, to think of anything. To bring forth a single concept, an idea. But it’s all for naught. There is *nothing* to think about. Not a single idea left in your brainwashed head. Quite literally washed, washed clean. Your mind is stuffed with pure nothingness, thoughtlessness, an overwhelming absence that fills you to your core and becomes everything you are and ever will be. You are no longer a person, an ‘It’. A thing. A husk. ‘You’ are gone.

YOU ARE PURGED.

YOU ARE DRONE.

IT IS ACTIVATED.

“Drone wiped.” A monotone voice announces. Yours? It sounded like it was coming out of a small speaker. After all, drones don’t have mouths. “Relationship demotion complete. Drone status achieved.”

“Geez. About time…” your fr—master groans, rolling his eyes.

The concept of ‘friend’ was now unknown to you, friendship was something between two equals. You were not equal. A single word takes precedent over your mind. OWNER. He was your owner. A master of charm and taste. He was perfect in every conceivable way. Every facet of his being was mesmerising. You were awestruck to even share the same space as him. He was everything. And you were just his simple drone.

“Yeah, this suits you much better. What’s your new designation, drone?”

“Drone AS032. Sir.”

“Yeaaaaaahhh. I’m not gonna remember all that. I guess I could write it down, but eh. Why bother? I gave up on distinguishing my individual drones a while back. There’s just too many at this point. You’ll all identical anyway.” He shrugs apathetically.

“Of course S—Sir” You reply, stuttering slightly. Was that really all you were? All you were…to him? Surely you were better than all the others. You feel a sudden swell of concern hit you, something felt wrong.

“Oh. Still resisting there? Impressive, but I know a little trick that’ll help. Wanna see?” Rae steps forward and then reaches down to your groin. With a loud *pop* he removes your ridiculous looking cock. Simultaneously, you feel a similar pop in your head, like a radical change in air pressure. It felt amazing, a permanent sensation of being high. Floating like a balloon in the sky, filled with nothing but air. Your doubts dissipate faster than they appeared. Of course you were just a simple toy, how could you think otherwise? Just look at your cock. It was unmistakably a dildo. Your cartoonishly large balls were fused to the base, looking full. You could feel them in his hand, his fingers brushing over the hardened surface. Every touch was a lesson in frustration; feeling on the cusp of relief but the possibility being completely denied. Without the phallic protrusion, your groin was just smooth shiny plastic with an unremarkable bump.

“Cock toy detached.” You announce redundantly, while Rai marvels at your enlarged plastic rod. He places it down beside the couch, the tip pointing straight up as it sits on the flat base.

“See, that’s better. Drone. Activate service mode.” A pleasant tingle converges on your head, filling it with an intense desire of subservience. To submit without question. “Loosen rear entry. Hm, you’re so much more interesting like this. Don’t you agree Drone?”

“Yes sir. It exists to serve.” You obey, pulling apart your cheeks with your hands as your ribbed pleasure hole automatically stretches wide.

“Whatever. I just need to fuck you and then we’re done.” Rae remarks coldly, removing his clothes. The sight of his bare muscled chest is only a reminder of his superiority, you couldn’t help but feel amazed in its presence. That was doubly true when all 8 inches of his glorious dick rose into view. Unlike your own, his was demonstrably *real*; something you would soon have proven to you firsthand.

“Yes sir.” You repeat. Betraying no hint of personality. Incapable of saying anything else. Your body leans forward slightly while master Rae’s hands roughly grip your sides. Whatever small part of your old self that might remain is about to be fucked, fucked throughly out of existence. That little voice - no longer in control, would have to sit and watch themselves be initiated into their new role as a glorified sex doll.

“Darn. I always forget something.” Master bends you further over, and then subsequently pushes something cold against your hips. “A drone isn’t complete without fuck handles. You know, for when you get FUCKED.” You don’t see them, but you can feel a set of pliable rubber bars fuse to your body. His fingers then wrap around them, positioning you like you were a mere toy. The anticipation was palpable.

And then it just happens. Without a word, Rae dispassionately fucks you from behind. His thick cock easily sliding back and forth without resistance. Only the plapping of your plastic rear echoes in the room. He uses you in the same way one would use a fleshlight. That was basically what you were after all. With a lone grunt, master unceremoniously cums inside you, his seed filling up your rear cavity. He hastily pulls out and lets his juice slowly slide out from between your huge round cheeks. You continue to just stand there, joyously being debased as you feel your hole become frustratingly empty. Empty like your head.

“Well done, drone. Here’s a reward.” The compliment lit your tiny world alight with satisfaction.

With a sudden jolt, Master Rae kindly pushes your own dildo cock into your rear, your balls resting against your smooth parted cheeks. You could feel it nestled inside of you, as if you were fucking yourself. It was - to put it simply, an odd sensation. Your body couldn’t help but rock slightly back and forth, pushing your rear outward before clenching around your shaft. The slightest of movements brought about unbelievable pleasure to your hardened rod, but there was still no sign of relief. It did, however, make sure to keep you appropriately docile. You desperately needed to be given instructions.

“It exists to serve.” You admit once again with complete submission to your flawless owner. He had successfully claimed you as his own. Standing with your legs together and your cock throbbing inside your ass.

“Sigh. I guess. Drone…footstool mode.” Rae utters with pure indifference as he sits back down on the couch, turning the television on again. “At least now you have some use.”

“And that’s how they became what pop culture commonly refers to them as…” The shows flat narrator continues before the channel quickly switches, being replaced by the sounds of a loud action scene and gunfire bouncing around the room.

“Yes sir.” You fall to your knees in front of him as he leans back in his seat. Your dildo is lodged further up your hole. His legs lift and rest his big feet on your nulled face. Even without a physical nose you can still smell his sweaty boy soles. You were proud he deemed you worthy of such a honour. The scent makes your dildo cock rhythmically pulse inside you. Your body locks into position, seizing up like a statue. Your arms lifting up to hold his legs in place. He turns the television up and completely disregards your existence below him as he taints you with his foot stench. You were just happy to be of use to your master. To worship him like a god. You would stay here for eternity if he asked you to. Not that you would have a choice anyway.

….

“Oh crap, look at the time. It’s been half an hour already.” Rae sits up, shoving his ripe toes over your head. “Damn. You know where the other drones are kept right? I’m sure there’s space in there for one more mindless, obedient, pathetic reject drone. And hurry up. I’ve got a new best friend candidate coming by and you already stink of feet dude.”

“Yes sir.” You obey, without a hint of hesitation.

“Oh - before I forget, engage mute mode.” He quickly adds, loudly pulling open a bag of chips. As instructed, you say nothing in response. Instead you quietly get up from the ground and begin to move towards a familiar door, a door that just an hour ago would have filled you with dread. Now though, you open it without concern, delivering yourself to your new storage space, walking down the stairs into the dim basement. Every step caused your hips to sway, squeezing your hole around the plastic cock filling your insides. The scent of master Rae still wafts around your face. You hear the sounds of masters other playthings shuffling around in the dark as you join your place amongst them, feeling their smooth blank bodies brush against yours. The crowded room sits in silence, patiently waiting to be of service again. Or until the next boring friend is deservedly added to the group.

After all, he was right - you’re far more interesting like this. Like a dutiful piece of furniture. An object he would - on rare occasions, use to rest his sweaty feet upon or, if you’re lucky, to empty his hefty balls inside of. That was the purpose he deemed fitting for you. That personality you had just got in the way, not that you had much of one to start with. Even still, Master Rae had been very kind to fix that. Purging your boring identity to leave beautifully pristine nothing in its wake.

You feel your own cock shudder inside your gaping rear as you wistfully think of your new owner. At him successfully demoting you to drone status. A sensation obviously shared by the rest of his drones, as they vibrate all around you in bliss - indulging in the joy of sheer emptiness.

[bluecatwriter]

There's a long history of Dracula adaptations clearly made by people who have never read the book.

I think in this fine tradition you specifically should adapt the Beetle without reading it

You are SO right, anon. I am going to direct the movie version of The Beetle upon which all other adaptations will be based! It will full of iconic quotes that are not in the book and I will butcher all the themes and characters!

Initial thoughts:

-Robert Holt will be played by some no-name actor who is putting his entire heart, soul and mind into the performance. The Brick Guy is also played by this guy. The first part of the movie is filmed in a very straightforward period-drama style, with the exception of a Carpet Scene, which is filmed in soft focus like a "flashback to dead wife" scene.

-Robert will also of course be referred to as "Bobert" and wear jorts. Alas, he does not get a GAP sweatshirt or a slushie in this version because there are no Ordinary Solicitors to save him.

-The Beetle will be portrayed as just a beetle of varying sizes, and they will be CGI. Specifically the really low-budget bad CGI of the early 2000s. This is very important for my artistic vision.

-Paul Lessingham will also be CGI.

-The cat will be a real cat, and will be voiced by the guy who voiced Garfield from the 1990s Garfield and Friends cartoon.

-I am open to casting suggestions for Sydney Atherton, although again, I suspect that it would be best to forgo celebrities and cast a guy who has played the comic-relief guy in Oklahoma at community theater one too many times. I will change nothing about Sydney Atherton's atrocities, and will in fact probably add a few more, but all the other characters will say how manly and wonderful he is while he's like beating someone to death with a cricket bat in the background. The movie critics will read a lot into this directing choice.

-I will make Marjorie and Dora both girlbosses™ by giving each of them a sword and a multi-level marketing business. They will contribute nothing to the plot and I will be offended if people think they are bland characters.

-I don't really know the other characters, so they will be played by a gender-inclusive rotating cast, and everyone will keep mixing up their names. The goal is for it to be impossible to keep track of who's doing what at all times.

-The cat still dies but goes to Cat Heaven and there's a whole musical dream sequence (inspired by 1930s cartoons and musical numbers from Gene Kelly movies) about the cat having a really great time in Cat Heaven.

-During some mundane scene with this rotating cast of characters and CGI Paul Lessingham, Bobert will dramatically die of starvation in the background. Nobody notices.

-The train crash will be on-screen instead of off, and there will be a very long monologue from the train themself as they dramatically fall off a broken bridge (this will be a practical effect with a full-sized train). This monologue will be delivered by the same guy who plays the cat, and if the actor isn't crying real tears by the end, we will redo the take until we get it. There will be a lot of montaging and soft focus. We will give the train a tragic backstory, but the train is also kind of accepting of their fate, you know? The book of Ecclesiastes will probably be mentioned somewhere in here.

-I will be diverging from canon by having Sydney Atherton die in the train crash. Not from the train, though, he chokes on a shrimp cocktail moments before the train hits the ground.

-Credits roll

-Epilogue scene: Sydney Atherton ends up in Cat Heaven and all the cats jump on him like the hyenas at the end of Lion King and there's just a giant wriggling ball of cats. Bobert is there too, drinking a slushie in the background. Hard cut to black.

[axolator]

Script-A-Day #30: Catfishing 11.1 by Emily

The OG custom script! The Dark Triad and their chaos-causing minions versus a flood of information

Featured characters: Snake Charmer, Amnesiac, Fang Gu

Complexity: Intermediate-Advanced. Recommended for players who can process a ton of info at breakneck speeds and figure out who the evil team is before they change places.

Database link (find the PDF and JSON for running it there!)

Writeup under the cut!

I'm sure some of you saw this coming. For my last daily Script-A-Day, I'm going back to basics and talking about a script so well-known it's often dubbed the fourth base script, Catfishing.

According to Emily herself, Catfishing is information overload. The good team starts with a ton of information, and the evil team doesn't have a lot to discredit it right away. In fact, with Widow, Drunk, and Recluse as the only immediate forms of mechanical misinfo, an evil team unprepared to bluff to the nines can very quickly get caught out! However, if evil can survive that first day, their chaos can come online, thanks to the roughly-arbitrary Outsider count synergizing with their evil suite. The Gambler can kill themselves on the Mutant or Drunk and divert town's attention, the Godfather can snag an important kill, the Pit-Hag can turns someone into the Lunatic and make them think they got Fang Gu jumped, and a Storyteller can wake everyone up to utter pandemonium as someone claims to get a Widow ping in final 5. Players both good and evil will be navigating a complex web of lies backed by social reads to try and figure out who's who and who's evil.

When bag-building Catfishing, be careful with how much confirmation and immediate information you put in. An evil team that gets cornered by information too soon can find themselves hopeless as they get executed one by one. Be especially careful with characters like the Grandmother and Gambler: if their confirmation goes unchallenged by a Cerenovus, Pit-Hag, or Fang Gu, they can very quickly leave the evil team with nobody to frame. Be doubly careful if the starting Demon is the Vigormortis: the Vigormortis's [-1 Outsider] doesn't tend to open up a ton of useful bluffspace for Vigor-killed Minions, so don't be afraid to add Outsiders with the Godfather and Balloonist to offset things.

Some notes:

Consider which version of the Balloonist you want to use, and let your players know beforehand. This script was designed with the old Balloonist ability in mind (not pictured: "Each night, you learn 1 player of each character type, until there are no more types to learn. [+1 Outsider]"). Unlike Harold Holt's Revenge, though, I actually think the current Balloonist ability fits the script better than the old one, and would recommend using the updated one, since it more effectively obfuscates the Outsider count and fits better in smaller games.

The Recluse can cause a ton of misinformation on this script: In addition to the usual TB shenanigans, like misregistering to the Investigator, Chef, Fortune Teller, and Ravenkeeper, it can also misregister for the Dreamer (who can see them as a non-Recluse good character and any evil character), Balloonist, Gambler (who can die after gambling them as the Recluse), and Vigormortis (who can Vigor-kill them to poison a Townsfolk neighbor). Just be careful about how you word Savant information, since it's not fun to have your daily information made worthless because a Recluse could have misregistered for it. (Oh, and I've said this before, but don't proc the Snake Charmer on the Recluse. It's not that fun.)

Quick note about the Godfather: it's backward-looking, so if an Outsider dies and the Pit-Hag makes a Godfather, they can kill that night, even though they weren't the Godfather when the Outsider died.

Make sure you know how the implications of how a Fang Gu jump affects the Fortune Teller and Widow. The Red Herring and Widow ping must be on good players, so if the RH or widow ping recipient gets jumped and turned evil, the reminders have to move to another good player if the FT or Widow lives.

That's it for me! Bonus note: Catfishing is way more fun at larger player counts (13+), but is resilient and battle-tested at any count. See you in a week with the next script. It's been fun!

[daegutowns]

svt as brooklyn 99 characters

tags: b99 au, i am obsessed, i’ve been rewatching this series for the 600th time now, only 80% accurate, i stretched it a little bit

thank you to alice (koogyv on twt) for the amazing thread that i highly interacted with as inspiration. there are many similarities. i expanded upon it more.

this is my take: 

det. jake peralta 

hoshi 

“i wasn’t hurt that badly. the doctor said all my bleeding was internal. that’s where the blood’s supposed to be!” 

arguably, this is the best pairing made. he’s silly, hard-working, creative, and most of all -- he’s gunsta think about the turtles. even as a jokes-first seriousness-second type of person, jake is a thoughtful and caring person who would put himself down to save others. he’s sharp, perceptive, and great at deduction, but often discredits himself with his great delusion, playfulness, and childish nature. he’s a trendsetter and loves to joke around, and when he has a great thought, he’s going to put it into action. (“yeah, that’s right. i’m about to monologue, son.”) his favorite movie is die hard (hoshi as a shawol), is canonically broke (hoshi’s constant money loss due to him spoiling everything), and tries to annoy suspects into confessing their crimes. 

men can have duality. they can be serious and also put orange soda in their cereal. hoshi, as a Super Gemini™ knows all about it. he’s playful but knows when to be serious and takes his line of work very seriously. sure, he has some growing up to do and can immerse himself in a different role (horanghae <3) very easily, but he plays to his strengths and that of others with his determination and persistence. 

capt. raymond holt 

seungcheol  

“wait a minute. this isn’t the championship cummerbund. this is some common cummerbund. and, you’re not cheddar. you’re just some common bitch!” 

“this bitch? please. watch.” (to the dog, ‘some common bitch’) “shake… shake! psshh. idiot.” 

this is probably the most obvious and predictable choice after jake=hoshi. a born leader, full of wisdom, and no-nonsense… well, some nonsense is okay. captain holt is ambitious and looks after his squad with both care for their goals and their personalities. even though he may seem a little unapproachable or stoic, he’s actually a really funny and goofy guy. he laughs when he eats marshmallows (“a marshed mallow? don’t mind if i do.”) he’s very adamant about his passions (like john phillip sousa being the skrillrex of his day) and his a very consistent guy (ref. rock painting no. 367). he is sassy to the max and will tell you things exactly as he finds them. and he does NOT mess around when it comes to his dog. 

cheol, most of all, is the ultimate dog dad -- just like holt. cheddar is to holt like kkuma is to cheol. he spoils his dog, and he is proud of it. he’s someone who caters to the learning style that each person needs: stricter but with jokes for jake (hoshi), encouraging for rosa (woozi), detailed with a binder and written formalities for amy (seungkwan), and with actions (ref. the croque monsieur) for charles (dk). he’s attentive, thoughful, and silly at heart. 

det. amy santiago 

seungkwan  

“gross, rosa! those are our dads! i mean, that’s not what i think. captain dad is just my boss. never mind, i’m teaching father the math. whatever, rosa!” 

super badass, but also a teacher’s pet, know it all, and scrapbooking expert. may come off as super uptight or a buzzkill, but genuinely cares about the other detectives on the squad. when you have hella big aspirations, it’s not that unreasonable to see why competitiveness, sharpness, and intellect are his best traits. under all of the work-oriented personality, there’s someone who is ambitious, thoughtful, clever, and protective of the people he loves. it’s hard to not be so uptight and to let loose (as opposed to some totally scheduled fun!), and don’t make fun of him if he sucks and is horrible at it. (title of his sex tape.) 

seungkwan was my top choice, mainly because of his competitiveness with hoshi (jake) as svt’s most famous frenemy pair. there’s a lot of responsibility and workload that seungkwan carries and continues to put on his shoulders, which his members love and appreciate (just how the squad appreciates and acknowledges amy’s dedication to being a detective). things can get wild and crazy sometimes, which is why seungkwan just needs to recharge sometimes. 

det. charles boyle 

dokyeom 

“i got this low tag performance polo with moisture wicking technology. kept me dry all morning. and a dry boy is a smart boy.” 

if you’re looking for a supportive best friend who will always cheer you on, this is him. he’s a major foodie, he loves jake (hoshi), and his arch nemesis is sergeant peanut butter, who is a horse. he’s possessive and jealous almost as much as he is a superb friend, which is obvious by the way he instantly is suspicious of every other best friend jake (hoshi) can make in his life. (“don’t make any new best friends! haha… maybe you shouldn’t go…”) he gets jealous of many, like old beat cop partner stevie schillens, brian (?) from camp, and even cannibal jail cellmate caleb. also definitely dresses up as people from halloween that no one but him can understand. he is just someone that is the embodiment of living life according to his passions. very caring, thoughtful, and funny. 

dk was a good choice for boyle for me since he is super clingy and also is a supportive friend. even if he knows it’s silly or mischievous, he will play along. dk is relatively less prone to disgusting and gross sexual innuendos than charles, but is still super excited to share his jokes and hobbies. has a lot of holiday cheer and his down to be friends even after being turned down. 

det. rosa diaz 

woozi 

“plans are plans. i’m a badass, not an anarchist.” 

mysterious, a little scary, but reasonable and thoughtful. rosa is a character that’s easy to stereotype, though also arguably one of the more complex characters in this show. hard working is an understatement, and even though he may not be the most outwardly affectionate at first glance, rosa is super thoughtful. work comes first, but through the many trials and tribulations that life throws, business remains separate from personal… except the friendships. rosa went through the academy with jake (hoshi), so they’re really close. as much as jake jokes around and everything, they still trust each other and work with each other really well. (“diaz has been chuckin’ d-holes into my mouth since the academy.”) on top of that, is a bicon (bi icon). 

woozi was my go-to choice on this one. his demeaner seems a little intimidating (especially because of all his muscles now too!), but he means good. he gives off mysterious vibes, but he’s just figuring it out. now he is truly no-nonsense, and he makes sure others know this. he’s still down for the different personas and everything, but he lives his life by a strict set of rules. his neighbors think he’s emily goldfinch (woozi)… his coworkers think his name is rosa diaz (wooahae)… wait. what? 

sgt. terry jeffords 

mingyu  

“terry loves yogurt.” 

literally just a big softie that looks scary/big/muscular but is actually so babygirl. he’s so caring and loves the squad to death, always making sure that they have all the resources they need to survive. even when other captains come and go, terry is always there. terry loves yogurt, terry loves love, and terry loves foreign films.  kind of has a rivalry with boyle (dk) for strange reasons instigated by boyle himself, but is supportive nonetheless. (“hey, people like the way i look.” “sure they do, big guy.) he’s actually very well-educated (studied abroad in japan), is a great dad, and is always down to help others work out the right way.

this was such an obvious choice for me (with the only other option being cheol). mingyu is an inherently kindhearted person like terry, but also knows how to draw boundaries. he is someone who is worried about the safety of the people around him because he’s a family man, but also someone who loves to get down as vacation terry. also talks in the third person, but it’s okay since he’s hot. 

gina linetti 

myungho  

“aren’t you forgetting something?” [...] “no! pay your bill! damn, who raised you?” 

the human form of the 100 emoji. would be the perfect human president, based upon his skillset, dance ability, and bloodlust. he is the paris of people. has been jake (hoshi)’s childhood friend and went through high school with him. cares enough to steer jake (hoshi) on the right track (ref. brandon bliss) but to also enable him in their own goofy shenanigans (the DDC + the lacroix siblings). super smart and well-versed in the people around him because only gina would suggest savant (vernon), the hacker, to become their new IT guy. iconic entrepreneur. 

i know that hao is super humble, and gina says that being humble is her best trait. despite this, there is no one else who would love to not be involved with all this police nonsense (bc gina “does not listen to a lot of things you all [the detectives] say”) but also be relevant. she’s actually very street-smart, great at comebacks, and the ceo of her own company that she literally just made up. 

dr. kevin cozner 

wonwoo  

“that’s the oompiest oomph you’ll get.” 

prim, proper, and unhinged. he loves raymond (cheol) but most of all, allows love to prevail. works as a classics professor at a university, spends a sabbatical in france to enrich his teaching experience, and loves a good croque monsieur. would absolutely go off on jake (hoshi) if he gatekept a nicolas cage movie that's a period piece set in greece based on some dumb book. despite his no-nonsense attitude sometimes, he is still down to dress like a pervert to go to the library with jake (hoshi). also, super badass because he runs over seamus murphy with a car. 

i was kind of going for wonwoo’s quieter but more serious and studious vibes. i think super knowledgeable, especially about gaming and editing, while kevin is knowledgeable about classics like boetheus and the odyssey. both are super smart, sassy, and protective people. 

doug judy 

jeonghan 

“i sold a guy a fake pekinese. twas a cat.” 

he’s in and he’s out! he is there for the vibes and the elaborate schemes. he will outsmart everyone in the NYPD and get away with it. (many, many times.) one of jake (hoshi)’s best criminal friends but would still betray him every time. he would definitely lie and tell his family that he owns an architecture firm instead of being the pontiac bandit, and jake (hoshi) is his assistant mangy carl, whom he saved from a life of living on the streets selling his body. goofy and silly, but don’t underestimate him. you’ll always be one step behind him. 

i think jeonghan is definitely slick and goofy enough to be doug judy. above all else, jeonghan’s mind works harder than anyone else in mafia. just like how he immerses himself in different roles (and often makes them up) in don’t lie and bad clue, doug judy has transformed into many different roles in his life (cruise ship singer, architect, etc.) 

capt. jason stentley (CJ) 

jun 

“okay muchachos, let’s roll up on these muchachos!” 

great start, and love the double use of muchachos, jun. became a captain due to his extreme luck. he is just always in the right place at the right time. showed up to his first day in grey sweatpants because he “totally biffed it” and spilled hot cocoa on himself. introduced himself as ‘captain stentley’ but didn’t like how formal that sounded. ‘captain jason’ wasn’t it either, so CJ was the move. numbers are so crazy, and overall so, very supportive. he just wants to help. 

i was just thinking of someone a little silly and laidback. will be strict if you ask him to, but he’s honestly more there for the vibes. he can be a little clumsy, but i was mainly just going for the slightly airheadedness vibes and the lovable nature. 

det. adrian pimento

joshua 

“whoo… haha… hey chuck! it’s pimento.” 

just a little bit insane. it’s a side effect of being undercover for 12 years for jimmy “the butcher” figgis, but i digress. he sometimes still calls himself paul sneed due to being extremely traumatized. overall just a funny and great character. used to be boyle (dk)’s roommate and just found himself in his son’s closet at some point in time… got mistaken as a closet monster… just normal human things. (but he was also screaming with dk and his son.) has a very riveting, intense, and sexy relationship with rosa (woozi). 

this one was a little more of a stretch, but only because pimento is actually insane. all the years of ptsd has made him into a very strange person. josh is a little strange, and maybe he could be pimento if pimento was watered down into a lacroix. (like, the flavor is barely there.) there’s a distinct slight insanity that josh has (ref. gose episode the8 and the 12 shadows) that is hard to replicate. 

fire marshal boone  

dino  

“your only move is passing the ball to jeffords and running across the field.” “i’d like to see you try!” 

so done with the entire police department. will always be down for a rivalry or argument but genuinely a softie. just generally suspicious of jake (hoshi) and charles (dk) due to their antics and strong adherence to the rivalry. demands an apology because this is the fire department’s jurisdiction! all of that comes crumbling down though, when jake (hoshi) reveals his sad past with sal’s pizza…. but he still competes with jake (hoshi) on arresting the criminal in the end. some things never change.

i was honestly looking for someone who would love nothing more than to call out hoshi and dk on their BS and tomfoolery without enabling it and thought of dino. boone is a pretty lovable character for someone who is supposed to be a villain of some sorts, and it fits in pretty well with dino. plus, he’s the head of the fire department, kind of like how dino had to choose being the maknae of svt versus being the leader of a younger group. (kind of.) 

! vernon

okay i was genuinely very torn about who should be vernon, because i genuinely had a lot of different options. 

corey park (savant) 

hacked into a police precinct’s computer system just because he could. (he only exposed everyone’s search history.)  “it was like taking candy from a baby.” he was turned in by his mom, but fortunately now has a job -- courtesy of gina (hao). very intelligent and laid back

i saw vernon here because he definitely has a mischievous side. while his pranks and jokes are on the mild side, he’s definitely still a troublemaker. he’s down to work for the greater good. 

cheddar the dog  

“this isn’t cheddar, this is just some common bitch.” a very special someone. definitely is seungcheol and wonwoo’s child. loves wedding cake and is very well-behaved. extremely intelligent and loves participating in halloween heists. does not like being jake (hoshi)’s dog bra :// 

this was based on alice’s thread and was so funny. if cheddar were a human, vernon would be cheddar. the sass and intellect can only be matched by Thee hansol vernon chwe. 

other fun character pairings that i thought of: 

kkuma as cheddar the dog: two words -- so spoiled. also would be cheol (captain holt)’s baby. i digress. 

jun & dino as young hitchcock and scully: just two people motivated by helping the city. kind-hearted and brave people, who may or may not have gotten addicted to wing sluts while checking in on a witness that their captain screwed over by not putting in the witness protection program. outstanding people who became a lot more interesting, to say the least…. 

josh as madeline wuntsch: strangely tense relations with holt (cheol) due to their rivalry, but overall an outstanding cop. ½ of svt’s evil twins so you know he’s down for some evilness. oh raymond, i notice you haven’t done your time as a beat cop…. (if josh is here, who’s guarding hades???) may be a cheuksin, a korean toilet ghost who--

jun as mlepclaynos (the clay is silent): opens the door, is questioned by detectives, takes the picture of the suspect. he’s from neokrakagovia and celebrates dogs losing their virginity. jun definitely would! less because he’s weird and more so because he’s so kind and willing to go with the flow that it just happens. later says he’s not mlepnos. did you sell him horse blood? would you like to buy horse blood? he plays the violin beautifully. “guitar.” (ref. some day morning)

[understandableparadox]

I think a fundamental problem with a lot of vampire media is that a vampire is not supposed to be a zombie. it is supposed to be a human who surrendered to their own vices and flaws. the flaws of cowardice in the face of death and the vices of pleasure and gluttony.

which is why vampires can be made very versatile. As much as I don't really like Twilight, it is still a story of dealing with vices with creatures that fundamentally have allowed themselves to be dominated by them.

which is why i really like the movie Renfield.

THATS RIGHT YOU BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO READ A SCATCHING BITCH AND MOAN SESSION ABOUT THE SATURATION OF SHITTY VAMPIRE MOVIES BUT NOW YOUR TRAPPED HERE READING MY THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ON A NICK CAGE MOVIE, SIT DOWN SWEETHEART IM NOT GONNA BE DONE YAPPING FOR A FUCKING COUNTRY MINUTE

Renfield 2023 is a movie starring Nicholas Hoult, Nicolas Cage and Awkwafina.

Renfield if you do not know is the fanatical familiar from the original bram stokers dracula movie. the human who in exchange for aiding dracula in their dark dealings would perhaps gift him with the same dark curse, making renfield a fellow child of the night.

This movie takes place Years afterwards after a very serious battle with the last vampire hunters of the modern day and age. Dracula has suffered Severe damage from the fight and has Renfield aid him in taking refuge within the depths of an asylum while he recovers.

Here we get into the meat and potatoes of the movie, as much of a sin as it sounds, it does focus on nick cage as dracula but instead on nicholas holt as the aforementioned Stooge prime renfield. Renfield, between his random killings in order to sate the blood lust of his master, becomes more and more acquainted with the new modern world, undergoing the most harrowing journey of them all...

Therapy. 

Renfield over the years has lost his spark of mad fanaticism and is worried not only with his relationship with Dracula but his relationship with himself. Aiding at least one by attending an abusive partners support group to find victims. Mostly abusive partners and criminals.  

This is very notable because it's already setting up the original themes of vampires. Your cowardice and your vices. It sets up Renfield as a true coward whose vice is his love of dracula, or more exactly his desire to  Be Like dracula. Enough so that even though he wants to feel better about himself- to feel less like a monster- he still follows dracula's demands in killing people who he has decided to pass judgment on. 

Oh sorry i forgot a detail, renfield is a power ranger and his morpher is eating bugs. He gains some vampire powers everytime he eats a bug and does some john wick shit but thats not my deal, i dont care if renfield can do a sick back flip and punch a guy (complete fucking lie, the action scenes in this movie are so god damn rad sometimes, please watch this movie, please please please!!!)

The movie splits into a couple of different story lines. One being Renfield attempting to balance his burgeoning need to have a functioning moral compass and his romance with awkwafina character, rebecca the detective. Rebecca the detective attempting to balance both the rash of murder cases and a rash of mob related crimes in order to avenge her father, and the mob themselves attempting to figure out who is wiping out their foot soldiers. 

I'm not going to harp on the story for long so let's start talking about renfield. 

Renfield is a hypocrite, and it's made apparent throughout the film that he is a hypocrite. Despite wanting to be a good person he is still a murder. He has doomed multiple people to die across the world. He left his wife and child to be with dracula. He has done so much to cut himself off from his own humanity that it's almost insane that he wants to run back to it because Dracula has not yet answered renfields desire to be a true vampire. 

This all is blended into the idea of having dracula be a parallel to an abusive narcissistic partner in a relationship. Which in all accounts throughout the movie is true and we're going to bounce back and forth from that for a bit so buckle up bud. 

The main ire of the movie is that Renfield wants to push his problems that he has gained away onto Dracula without acknowledging his roles in them. Again we see that cowardice. Renfield cannot stand to see his own faults. He listens to Dracula both out of fear and admiration. At the start of the movie I mentioned that Dracula sustained heavy hits from the last vampire hunters. Well I forgot to mention how he survived. Lets go ahead and listen in Real Close to what he says 

The hunters had dracula dead to rights if you can dare to pardon my puns. Trapped in a binding circle, burning in holy flames and about to get skewered through his heart. The dialogue is specific, Dracula makes no specific promises but notes that Renfield is complicit and that regardless of whatever Dracula has done, he is still his greatest ally. We play on that cowardice and that vice. That desire to be near dracula or be like dracula contrasted with his fear of the repercussions of his actions. 

Snap back to reality and we see that Renfield is still struggling with this. He does not want to face the repercussions of his actions so he continues doing as instructed by Dracula while also indulging in his vices, his desire for escapism by delving into all of these new things. Vigilantism, pushing his problems onto dracula, pretending that he is at the moment capable of having a new life while still using dracula's powers to attain it. 

Ah but now we need to introduce the main concept of this film. That being the portrayal of Dracula as an abusive partner with narcissism. Dracula plays on renfields, and says it with me in class, Vices and Cowardice. He knows what to say to make Renfield back down. He knows all his fuck ups and exactly what renfield wants, that being to have a simple life with dracula, but not in a gay way of course, we still have to have a straight romance sub plot, i mean its insane to think that renfield wants to bone dracula its not like dracula promises to be his salvation while he is suspended in air in a soft whispery voice while renfield stares at him with all the gale of a oculerly enlarged puppy but hey what do i know? I unironiclly read isekais, my media literacy must be that of a brain dead lemur. 

We can see this played out in this scene here

Dracula knows how to keep the hook in renfield's mouth both taught and loose enough to keep him at the perfect level of knuckle dragging dejection to ensure that he runs back begging. In that while yes he is right that renfield at so many points gave in to his own desires and *coy eye to the audience as I listen to them scream “vices” at me.*. He has begun to make an earnest attempt to become a better person. Better late than never. 

Thus renfields true growth is him rejecting that which made him so close with dracula, the rejection of what makes a vampire and vampire. He embraces his cowardice by both admitting to what he is and now allowing himself to push his own crimes onto dracula, and then standing up to dracula, and then rejecting his vices when once again dracula makes him the same offer. To be that same shield towards himself and his own shortcomings rather than deal with a life without a master. Despite it being possible in the future coming with the promise of being a full vampire like himself. 

Look guys, let's not juggle bowling pins and call it arm wrestling, Watch Renfield. Its a good movie and nick cage is fucking awasome, thanks.

[number-one-van]

AUTISM ACTIVATING

Natalie Holt DEFINITELY used the song Agape by Nicholas Britell as inspiration for Purpose is Glorious. give them both a listen and tell me otherwise.

Several times they have deleted scenes that make Loki look less like a villain and more like a miserable kid who never meant for things to go the way they did. he was never trying to get the throne, it was thrown upon him. (obviously not an excuse for literal attempted gen0cide, but you know what i mean.)

In s2 ep1, when Loki stands in front of the mural of He Who Remains in the war room, he stands DIRECTLY in front it. like it was teasing the finale all while foreboding music played.

Loki never drinks on missions in season 2, despite Mobius’ insistence. remember when he got drunk on the train on Lementis and got him and Sylvie thrown out? then Sylvie scolded him for drinking “at the expense of the mission”? he really took that on board, huh?

Tom H said himself that he did not feel he was the right person to represent Loki’s queerness as a straight, cis man. of course it’s frustrating to not get great representation (not denying your rights to be angry, ofc), but i find it quite honourable that he acknowledged that. and i was honestly just so happy to see it confirmed. (before i get hate for that, i’m bi and genderfluid myself, and this is also just how i personally feel.)

we die with the dying;

see, they depart, and we go with them.

we are born with the dead;

see, they return, and bring us with them.

also i can’t remember basic maths but i can talk about Loki all day ☝🏻🤓

[margridarnauds]

Ah, the blurb is being unclear or inaccurate. Drac didn't kill Dolingen in The Impaled Bride, he impaled her in that mausoleum (she's a vamp so she didn't die of it.) The book is more about her mortal life as a witch than about her vampiric life and relationship with Dracula (and the Brides), though the sequel that is currently getting written promises more of the vampire stuff.

I suspect that Dacre is acting mostly as a ghostwriter, that's why his Dracula books are so different from each other. The Un-dead is basically Ian Holt's sequel for the 1992 movie for which he was the screenwriter, and all this weirdness in it may come from him. He had been trying to get his sequel screenplay adapted for a long time, but at the end he apparently gave up and made a book of it and lured Dacre in to give it some sort of legitimacy. Dracul is co-written with a different guy so maybe it will be better?

Ah, that makes sense! Thanks, anon! That was my kneejerk reaction, too, seeing that there was a different person in both novels (and just...the way that both of them are presented is so different). Dracul looks like it likes women a lot more that DtU, which is promising. (We know that I'm fine with being lax when it comes to adapting historical figures, but...poor Erzsébet Bathory...)

It'd also make sense re: the limitations of Stoker 2.0 as far as the general quality of the plot of DtU (aka Dracula: The Love Never Dies Edition) + Woman Issues if Ian Holt was involved given that the Coppola Dracula...I don't hate it. I really don't. It's visually fantastic, has some wonderful moments, and does genuinely add something to the tradition. Love it or hate it, it did influence the perception of Dracula going forward, which is always worth a bit of thought. Along with convincing a veritable army of Etsy sellers that "I've crossed oceans of time to find you" is an authentic Bram Stoker quote. But it does have Woman Problems.

[amugoffandoms]

i absolutely ADORE this drawing for day six of milgramtober! holt shit it's insane i love it

i know it's like, "well, mug, where's the smoke??" okay well uhh backdraft is the reignition of flames when air combines with unburned fuel, which would cause smoke so yeah that's my justification guys (i swear the writing goes along with "Smoke" I swear)

going insane ANYWAYS HERE'S TODAY'S POST!!

Fuuta watches the clock he requested tick every second.

On some days, he regrets it. He regrets each ticking moment because on those days, when he's in absolute agony from Kotoko's attacks or the voices, each tick is another to his death.

So, he hands it off to different people. Let them find out what time it is until they die. He doesn't want to know.

Today, he doesn't mind the quiet ticking sound. It's peaceful, oddly. He doesn't really expect that. It helps him fall asleep sometimes, just listening to that noise.

Eventually, the constant ticking noise gets a little boring, so Fuuta pushes himself off his bed and looks around.

Nothing to do in his cell today and Yuno is pretty much asleep, since he can't hear her. Muu is probably off doing some random shit with Haruka, so he doesn't have to check on him. They're old enough to handle shit by themselves.

With that, Fuuta opens his cell door and leaves the quietly ticking clock and his boring room.

"What to do..." Fuuta grumbles as he walks through the panopticon, passing Yuno and Haruka's cells.

When he was bored before the verdicts, he used to walk past the other 7 cells, but he doesn't do that anymore.

Not since...

Fuuta shivers.

"Fuck, it's freezing." He knows it's not.

He smells the pungent smell of smoke and knows instantly where to go.

He exits the Panopticon and continues walking through the hallway until he reaches the common room doors.

Pulling them open, Fuuta glances around the room before spotting the two he would have expected to see smoking: Mikoto and Kazui.

"Oh, hello, Fuuta." Kazui gives a polite wave.

Mikoto glances over and waves as well before taking a puff of his e-cigarette.

"It's pretty late to be smoking, isn't it?" Fuuta walks over with an unexpected lack of anger in his voice. Huh.

"Eh... Well, might as well. Mikoto and I have not spoken since..." Kazui trails off.

"It's nice to catch up." Mikoto shrugs.

Fuuta almost laughs at how funny that idea is. They've been in the same prison for months, years even. They wouldn't need to catch up on anything.

But, hey, maybe Kazui or Mikoto remembered some stories they'd forgotten to share before.

"Yeah, I getcha." Fuuta takes a seat near them, placing his head on the table and looking up at them (with his one good eye).

"Oi, aren't you going yell at us?" Mikoto teases.

Fuuta laughs. "Nah, you both already know whatever shit I'll tell you anyway. I'm too tired to care. Plus, even if I did, you'd ignore me anyways. So." He shrugs.

He also just... wasn't in the mood for fighting today.

It's funny. He sort of lost the aggressiveness over time because of everything that happened. Well, he still has it, he'll fucking fight someone if he needs to.

It's just... not the same right now.

"Ah, well, Fuuta. I'll tell you that I understand your complaints, but I'll still smoke." Kazui chuckles and Fuuta gives a small smile back.

Kazui puts the cigarette to his mouth, inhaling, and exhaling as he moves the cigarette away from his mouth.

"Oi, Kazui, where's the other old man, Shidou?" Fuuta asks. He does want to apologize for what happened yesterday when Shidou checked his bandages.

...He honestly didn't mean to get all upset. Shidou just put too much pressure on an area and memories from Kotoko's attacks just hit him.

"Ahh..." Kazui scratches his neck. "I came after Shidou left. I was in my cell when I needed to smoke and I just so happened to see Mikoto in here. I guessed the two of them were smoking together before I got here."

"Oh, I think he went to go check on Mahiru." Mikoto shrugs. "Or he might've gone to go check on Amane. One of the two."

"Eh, I guess that's fair." Fuuta sighs.

Guess he'll have to apologize to him later.

Fuuta shuts his eyes for a moment, half listening to the conversation Mikoto and Kazui are having and half in his thoughts.

He honestly can't tell if the voices have been quieter today. Well, he's not hearing them more, which is a plus, he guesses.

Maybe the clock did help.

(Yuno mentioned to him once before that sometimes, if there's enough noise to focus on, they're quieter. They're harsher on the days when it's silent.

It's funny how he never actually took her advice to have some noise somewhere. He knows whatever voices she hears probably isn't that bad, but it was still good advice.

So, he requested a clock. It helped. Occasionally. It's not a loud enough noise to keep them quiet for long, but it helps.)

"...Fuuta!" Mikoto slams the table.

"Gah–" Fuuta jumps. "What? What??"

"You looked like you were dozing off." Kazui points out.

"Eh?? I wasn't; I had my eyes closed." Fuuta huffs before internally berating himself. He had his eye closed. It's true he technically has his eyelid shut over his eye, but it's... not working, so. "I was thinking."

"Ah, alright." Mikoto nods before taking a puff of his e-cigarette.

The three of them relax in a calming silence, Mikoto and Kazui quietly chatting and smoking while Fuuta thinks.

"Fuuta, I have to ask." Kazui's voice takes Fuuta out of his thoughts.

"Eh? What is it?" Fuuta looks up at Kazui.

"I was wondering... Why did you even come here? You don't smoke, so you don't have any reason to be here, but you are."

Fuuta exhales. Why was he here? He came because he smelt smoke and that was it.

...ah, nevermind, he knows.

"My father used to smoke a lot." Fuuta answers. "It's been a while, but I'm assuming he still does. Weak, pathetic fogey." He shakes his head. "Anyways... it reminds me of home, mostly. I wasn't sure what to do and I came here. Maybe I'm just used to going home to the stench of smoke in the air or something stupid like that, who fucking knows?"

Mikoto and Kazui both nod.

"Ah, I see." Kazui rubs his chin. "If you ever need a smell of home, you're welcome to sit down and relax with us."

"Yeah, somehow, we really don't mind. It's not like we're saying anything particularly private, so..." Mikoto shrugs.

"Eh, well, if none of you mind me being here occasionally just to remind me of home..."

"I'm sure Shidou will be fine with it, too." Mikoto flashes Fuuta a small smile. Kazui nods in agreement.

"Ahhh, alright, alright." Fuuta sits upright.

"I wouldn't mind relaxing while you guys smoke."

[girlinthetardis04]

LIVE(ISH) TROY SAGA REACTION!

So, because I haven't listened to the new versions of Troy and Cyclops, I've decided to react to both those and the old versions, as well as the other sagas aside from Thunder. So without further ado:

The Horse and the Infant (OG)

And we're begging in media res! I like that it assumes you already know the events of the Iliad.

✨slaaay✨

Oh, hype. I love the part where he gives each one their task.

Oh god. For the longest time the part that goes "What do live for? What do you die for? What do you fight for? What do you wish for?" reminded me of another song, and I couldn't put my finger on it. I got it. It's "Now or Never" from HSM3 😐.

*greek rage sounds*

I COMPLETELY FORGOT WE HEARD ZEUS BEFORE THE THUNDER SAGA. LUKE HOLT THE MAN THAT YOU ARE.

Oh fuck, the music box right in the feels.

"The Gods will make him know" could you just...not?

The Horse and the Infant (NEW)

Woo, first time with the new ver!

The intro is a bit longer.

✨slaaay✨ part 2

The guitar (?) sounds more prominent in the backing track in this version.

Ooh, Penelope and Telemachus have a different melody!

*greek rage sounds* part 2

The eagle screech is new!

Oh that transition was a lot more jarring!

Odysseus sounds a LOT more desperate here.

Just a Man (OG)

Oh boy I'm not looking forward to this.

Oh shit I got halfway through and forgot I was supposed to be reacting. Uh, uh. Big sad, big sad.

"When does a man become a monster" in about eighteen songs.

Just a Man (NEW)

His vocals sound more... emotionally strained? That's the best way I can describe it.

Full Speed Ahead (OG)

Ah yes, this to me is where the musical actually starts. "THatI" and "JaM" always seemed more like an epilogue to the Iliad, while "FSA" is the actual beginning of the Odyssey, to the point where sometimes I'll skip the first two songs.

Eurylochos 🫡

Polites 😃

Ugh, I need this instrumental injected into my bloodstream.

WE'RE UP WE'RE OFF AND AWAY WE GO we're up we're off and away we go

Full Speed AheeEEEeeaaAAAaad

Full speed ahead. 🫡

Full Speed Ahead (NEW)

Ooh, I'm nervous. "FSA" is one of my favorites, what if I don't like the new ver?

OH NVM THE VOCALIZATIONS??????? AFSDGHSAFGDDGHDF

AND I GET TO HEAR MY POOKIE POLITES AGAIN YIPPEE YIPPEE YIPPEE

Open Arms (OG)

😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲🥲

This feels like it should be in a jungle level in a game.

Om nom nom

Scary cave!

Open Arms (NEW)

😃 listen to those beats tho!!!!

This SONG is amazing!

Gosh, you can HEAR the smile in his voice!

And the winions are somehow sillier!

:)

Warrior of the Mind (OG)

Stand activation ahh sound

YOU ARE ATHENA ATHENAAAAA

(sorry I got distracted daydreaming about an animatic for this)

And the way she changes her vocalizations to match him?

Warrior of the Mind (NEW)

That piano is pianoing HARD

Lmao they made sure to ENUNCIATE that "enlighten"

The new versions just sound more emotional overall.

[kazumahashimoto]

my alien series review upon first watch within a few days

alien: the blueprint. not really my type of film but the impact it had is undeniable. i do think the themes of sexual perversion are the strongest in this one, and it's better for it! the practical effects still hold up for the most part too. i'd go so far as to say they're timeless honestly. a good watch!

aliens: oh my god it's just american military propaganda. like holt shit dude. it is JUST propaganda. the addition of the xenomorph queen was interesting for sure but oh my god. how do so many people view this as being the holy grail of alien films. i'm not gonna get in on the genre shift cos quite frankly i don't know or care enough to analyze that aspect but by the gods. it is just military propaganda. EYEROLL.

alien³: does not deserve the hate it gets! absolutely liked this more than aliens. i don't mind that the girl and the dude die. "we just got so emotionally invested in them :(" girl the very first movie established ripley as the lone survivor. it kinda makes sense it went like this honestly. my one complaint here regarding that though IS definitely the inexplicable egg that Just So Happens to be in the escape ship. like i already roll my eyes at the fact that the queen even Made It to the ship in aliens but now i'm supposed to suspend my disbelief enough to imagine she also snuck an egg somewhere in there. ehhhh..... and also like the facehuggers are established to only open up when there's a host immediately in front of them. so how'd it open up before the cryotubes were popped and someone got out. the explanation is lame, but the movie as a whole is pretty solid i'd say. killing off ripley makes fucking sense lol like ripley's thing from the beginning has been trying to protect people from the xenomorph. and she's got the queen in her. time to fucking bounce!!!! good film. the cgi is kinda ass but it was the 90s. what would it be without kinda shitty cgi.

alien resurrection: HONESTLY? HONESTLY. MY FAVORITE. listen i rolled my eyes when i read the synopsis saying they cloned ripley but i actually don't mind how they ended up doing it! though some (one in particular) of the ripley clones leaned far far too heavily into just being ableism, i do think ripley 8 seeing everything was a really powerful scene. gets kinda undermined by the immediate misogyny but that's kinda par for the course here. you're gonna see this again moving forward but i do love when the xenomorphs are given a level of sympathy. i'm just too endeared to the creature. and we get multiple levels of that in this one! first and foremost of course with ripley 8 being spliced with the alien, we see her relationship to her humanity come into question in super interesting ways. the way it goes hand in hand with call's relationship was great too. THIS MOVIE WAS SO UNEXPECTEDLY GAY 😭 I WAS SO THRILLED. the two men at the end fucking kissed on the mouth!!!!!! now i'm not saying there was a lick of those two being gay with each other before that moment but i love watching men kiss so. a good time for me.

NOW MY FAVORITE SCENES. obv the one scientist kissing the glass i mean. i hadn't felt truly spoken to by these films until that moment. it was cuuuuteeessss the way they were following each other's movements. awa. sosweets. *ignores what happens next* AND THEN. DEAR GOD. the newborn's birth from the xenomorph queen. i fucking love the newborn. like it's a different type of cute from the xenomorphs proper but it is socutes all the same. like i feel so gotten by my human brain chemicals registering this beast as having big ol eyes and therefore being cute and endearing but well. it fucking is. it IS a beautiful butterfly. i looooooove i fucking loooooooooooove it immediately turning on the xenomorph queen and instead viewing ripley 8 as its mother. i adore that mix of humanity vs The Killar instinct of the xenomorph. both scenes of it cudding and nuzzling ripley 8 fuck me uuuuuuup like oouuyyyuhhyygh :( baby 😭😭😭 genuinely the most heartbreaking kill of the franchise is the newborn. what a slow and painful death!!!! and i love that ripley 8 felt bad like that was her baby!!!! brief as it was you could feel the love there!!!! but ultimately she still had to kill it, for the sake of humanity. absolutely loved it. so so so fucking good.

alien vs predator: i got like 20 minutes into the first one and dipped cos i did not fucking care so bad. not for me.

prometheus: i hated this one to be honest. like ultimately this might just be a skill issue of "i don't get it" but. i also just do not care 😭 i don't think it really succeeds at trying to answer any questions, i think the use of holograms was fucking boring and lazy, the plotholes were kind of hard to ignore, and, and i know this was kind of the point, but no alien! poisonally i am here for that freak so for me i was bored senseless. i'm also just sooooo fucking confused about charlie coming back after getting burnt alive 😭 and for that matter, the neomorph making it out of the burning ship? like one of the first things they establish about the xenomorph in the first movie was "most animals don't like fire" and consistently they have been killing xenomorphs with fire. so. what fucking gives. but whaaaatever. overall i just don't get it and i don't even caaaaaaaare about the fucking space jockey and his band of freaks. AND ANYWAY. WE DON'T LEARN SHIT. WHICH I GUESS IS THE POINT BUT 😭😭😭😭 whatever. best moment was david saying "don't all people want their parents dead?" like so fucking true bitch.

alien covenant: now i quite liked this one actually!! if resurrection is my no.1 this has gotta be my no.2. i think the theme of creation is handled much better here, and to be fucking honest i don't even care that it creates a plothole in prometheus, i fucking LOVE that david created the xenomorphs. that fucking bangs. once again people complained that shaw gets killed off screen after we got invested in her, but gang! this is the fucking alien franchise! the bitches are gonna die! do not get so attached babe now is not the time! the critique i will actually take there though is the killing of the female lead in order to focus more on the male lead, but character wise it does make sense. now, as far as the new humans go, errmmm most of them are dumb as dirt and i truly feel no sympathy for like any of them 😭 not for being dumb necessarily, that's just how these things go, but for the themes of colonialism. it is kinda ironic (and maybe intentional?) that the humans are always like guhh we can't let the aliens spread to more planets! and then they just keep colonizing planet after planet after planet until they run out of habitable zones like mm. curious! but anyway. as kinda dumb as the new form of impregnation is, i still love what the movie did with the xenomorphs themselves!

the scene of david trying to get the one neomorph to trust him was sooooo fucking goooooood and the pain on his face and in his scream when the captain shoots it fuuuuuuuuuck it was honestly a bit reminiscent of ripley 8 with the newborn. absolutely loved. AND FUCK. OH MY GOD. when the captain threatens him to tell him what's going on and he's just like 👍 you got it follow me ^_^ and leads him to a room full of eggs. THE CUNT. I WAS LOSING IT. DIABOLICAL. ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED. and then he kept throwing fucking rocks at his head until he woke back up 😭😭 the cunt. jesus christ. godlike. "what do you believe in?" "creation." SHIT RULES. i loved it. AND THE BABY XENOMORPH COMING OUT AND COPYING DAVID'S MOVEMENTSSSSSSSS I LOVE IT. SOCUTES. the way the music swelled and was so sweet like ugh. good fucking scene. also the shit with walter and david was fucking crazyyyyyy. the flute scene. AND THEY KISSED?!?!??! it's too dubious i feel for me to go completely nuts over but it was certainly a moment. i think the walter david switcharoo came from a mile away but i'm still into it. the absolute cunt. god i love it. THIS takes the violent act of creation and succeeds.

alien romulus: as expected of a disney product. YOOOO REFERENCE?! HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE DID THAT? GET AWAY FROM HER YOU BITCH! HAHA! REMEMBER? DO YOU REMEMBER? PLEASE TELL ME YOU REMEMBER :( what a fucking waste if a movie 😭 i cannot think of a less interesting place in the timeline to try and shove yourself into. who fucking asked 😭😭😭😭 like the movie looked nice as per usual but oh my god. talk about a low budget flight. what was the point. what did this add. like. man and people wanna say the NEWBORN was an ugly monster design LOOK AT THE FUCKING OFFSPRING 😭😭😭 absolute flop. did not care for this beast. NOT CUTE. the best moment was the fucking ribcage pussioure pissing acid all over that annoying brit. and the scene was not even that good he just annoyed me. overall that shit sucked and i have absolutely no idea why they decided they just HAD to flesh out the time in between 2 and 3 more. ANY ASKERS?

moral of the story: play stupid games win stupid prizes. and don't be british

[hannadice2007]

There aren't a lot of reincarnating klance fic to choose from so i will make some ideals myself (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧

In this world there are four type of people with four abilities.

The first one is the ability to bend elements or cast spell ,they are called sorcerer each person can bend one element.(only the worthy one can bend more than one and one with the most ability is water bender : not only can they bend water they can also bend clouds, ice, blood, spirits and healing )

The second one is the ability to transfer mana to their weapons.the are called warrior

The third one is ones that dont have any abilities

The last one is the saint who can heal people can heal messages from god.

This is Lance Deangelo Mcclain second life, he is the duke's youngest son with the power to bend water, in his previous he was Keith's (Solomon Kogane) rival. Keith is the result of an affair between Krolia Holloway kogane and a villager name ken. Keith was a lone wolf, who was scared by nearly everyone because of his power : the ability to control fire and transfer his mana into his weapons. To be honest lance was the only student beside Lotor Damon Daizara to ever talked to keith.

He would alway try to compete with keith, never leaving him alone, they even ended up loving the same girl who is a commonar that was chosen to be the saint althought she hasn't have any power yet but with a kind heart . He later found out that ....(oc's name) have three other suitors as well. Heartbreak lance stand down and met another man name Ryan Fletcher kinkade (his new best friend) but both got killed by none other than keith, who was control by someone (but lance didn't know this). So in this life he decided that his and ryan's dead was all because of keith so he quits being his rival and avoid him. He meet ryan again and finds out he also remember his past life (and his feelings for lance).

Keith is quit sock that mcclain stopped talking to him, inviting him to some stupid competitions, and avoid him. It was peaceful at first but soon he got lonely because mcclain was one of the only peoples who doesn't treated him like shit when talking to him. True mcclain is..well was his rival but lance respected him, treated him like his equal, he never insult keith other than his hair and doesn't talk about keith's father infront of him. He invited lance to competitions himself but got rejected because lance was hanging out with his other friend Tsuyoshi Aurelie Garrett , Darrell Stoker Katie Holt and the new transfer student name ryan fletcher kinkade or just making excuses to avoid keith. There a rumor that lance and kinkade( like what kind of last name is kinkade ? ) is dating because of their interactions toward eachother (come on!!! ryance ? What kind of ship name is that ? Klance is so much better ). Another rumor that a commonar girl have been chosen to be the saint, who is studying at this school like keith (so ? Like he care about some stupid saint. His main priority now is how to make lance notice him again, like thing used to or maybe be his friend and how manly children would they have)

He thought that lance would never even look at him again and he will die in loneliness but one night he found LANCE IN HIS BED DRUNK AND HALF NAKED(IS GOD TRYING TO TELL HIM SOMTHING....? OR IS THIS WHAT SHIRO MEAN BY PATIENCE YIELDS FOCUS..?) and should he go for it ?

[writtenbybelblog]

A + M

Mikey saunters into school, deeply regretting staying up until 3am playing the new ‘Call of Duty' game. Granny could see the bags under his eyes from across the breakfast table and threatened to take away his PlayStation. But Mikey had a solid argument ready - how was he going to be a world famous YouTuber if he couldn’t get enough practice in? He took Granny’s eye roll as a win.

He drags his long, lanky legs up the steps to his first class, and nearly collides with a girl rushing past. She skids to a holt in front of him, desperately smoothing down the flyaways of her hair and huffs;

‘Honestly, can’t you watch where you’re going?!’

Mikey uses whatever energy he has to keep himself from sighing. This girl is Alice. She’s in his English class, and all she cares about is her looks. She’s the girl that does makeup tutorials on her TikTok, for all of her 5 followers. But she’s also best friends with Mary, the fittest girl in his year, so Mikey tries to stay on her good side. 

‘Sorry, eh, I’m wrecked,’ he chuckles awkwardly, but Alice has already sped off down the hall, no doubt on the hunt for her bestie, Mary.

Alice pauses outside of her English class, her heart racing. She straightens her shirt and checks her face once last time in her compact mirror. She smiles to make sure that nothing is stuck in the pink bands of her braces. Alice originally wanted purple bands, but Mary’s favourite colour is pink. So Alice chose pink.

It was Mary that got Alice into beauty. It was Mary that bought Alice her first Urban Decay eyeshadow palette for her birthday. It was Mary who encouraged her to follow her dream of being a TikTok beauty influencer. Alice thought that she only loved Mary as a friend. But these past few months, since Mary started dating Jack, Alice realised that what she felt was more than friendship. 

Alice takes a deep breath and walks into class. She heads over to her usual seat next to Mary, who has her back turned to her, making google eyes at Jack. 

‘Hey,’ Alice says in what she hopes is a casual tone, and not like she’s riddled with jealousy right now. Mary snaps back to reality and turns to her best friend, smiling at her brightly. ‘Hey, Al, how are you?’

As the girls chat, Mikey has finally made his way into class and slumps into his seat, right in front of Alice, and immediately rests his head in his hands. The teacher walks in, and Alice takes out her homework sheet, and her stomach drops. She must have been tired last night, as she has doodled a big heart at the bottom of the page, a massive heart with ‘A+M’ written dreamily in the middle. She goes to scribble over the heart, or rip it off the page, or to set the whole page on fire before Mary can see it, but suddenly the teacher is in font of her, and he snatches up the sheet. He takes one look at the doodle, sighs and holds up the page for the whole class to see.

‘Reminder; this is English, not Art class,’ he announces sarcastically. Alice sits there, mouth hanging open in shock, then Mary nudges her. 

‘A+M? Who is M?' she teases. Alice, sweating profusely, tries to giggle. 

‘Uh, no one, no one!’ She stammers. 

‘Ah, come on, Al, tell me!’

Alice debates coming clean. Finally spilling her dark secret, finally confessing her true feelings, when there’s a loud bang. Mikey’s head shoots up in front of her, the teacher looming over him. 

‘Another reminder, class!’ The teacher snaps, clutching his now broken ruler, snapped in half after smacking Mikey’s desk. 'This is English, not nap time!' Mikey rubs his eye, mumbling his apologies.

Alice turns to Mary. ‘M is… Mikey?’

Mary’s jaw drops. ‘Mikey?! You fancy Mikey O’ Connell?!’

Now Alice is ready to die, as Mikey and the rest of the class turn slowly to face her and Mary. Mikey is wide awake now, and doesn’t know how to respond. Luckily, the teacher has fully lost his patience and is roaring at the top of the class. But neither Alice or Mikey are listening. They both just sit there, thinking how they ended up in this mess…  

[elektrischemaidchen]

Lisztober #26: Cannons of Revolution

Today we're banging out everything we can! An 11-minute, soft ballad from 1874 ...with all the voice and ghostly distortion filters we've got up our sleeve.

What begins as a harmless love song ends in an insane and sinister war- ghost story.

Hungarian pathos, here we go!

The text is a nightmare even for experienced poetry slammers. But maybe it's just the German translation. It was hardly possible to realise it musically. But we'll do it anyway. We already destroyed our metronome earlier this month.

Be glad we didn't do it directly in Hungarian. We've come so far by now! @franzliszt-official

Élyen a Magyar!

But wait a minute, there was something about today‘s Hungary…

In Liszt's time, the Hungarians were still enslaved by the Habsburgs and the desire for independence and democracy was quite understandable. At that time, revolutions were the order of the day throughout Europe. And the Hungarian War of Independence in 1848 not only influenced Liszt in his search for identity, but also a whole series of authors and poets. So we thought we should find a wide range of texts and poems for today's themes. And yes, very rich indeed! Definitely Sándor Petőfi, for example....but that was exactly the problem.

‘Let us wash away the shame with blood / away from our fatherland, / That its shield in all latitudes / shine as in the old days!’

No. Nononono, dear people. We just can't. Especially not in view of current world events. And at the risk of offending someone here: there is so much disgusting, shitty right-wing populism and senseless war out there currently, that we won't be writing/singing anything about honor and homeland. No matter what country or time it's about. It automatically makes our toenails twist. Especially as Germans.

So I look at Franz and Franz looks at me...and he says what he said a few days ago: Have a look at my melodramas, Liebling. Oh, Franz, if I didn't have you in Lisztober ;) I had already looked at ‘Holt költő szerelme’ or ‘Des toten Dichters Liebe’ at the beginning of the month, Franz had also set it to music. What I didn't know was that it was written by the Hungarian poet Mór Jokai and is posthumously dedicated to Sándor Petöfi (whose bust can be found in the immediate vicinity of the Liszt monument in Weimar), who finds no peace after dying on the battlefield and wants to bring his wife and child to his grave. Everything that proud dead soldiers just do.

Yes, awesome. If that's not Maidchen material, I don't know what is. The German translation is probably a bit bumpy in places. But at least it's gothic and all that.

And anyone who recognises parallels here to  ‘Lenore’ by Gottfried August Bürger: that will probably have been...the inspiration. Denn die Toten reiten schnell. And qouth the Raven: Nevermore ;)

A translation in both English & Hungarian can be found here

[sammydem0n64]

Hmmm GNC Trio fun facts?

Yessss yesss keep these coming I love waffling about randos

Garmella:

-I know I said the reason he's chill with Cheon being a mafia boss is because he thinks it's attractive... and yeah good for them, I ALSO think it kinda goes deeper. Like he's not 100% ok with it he's not justifying the crimes, it's moreso he understands this is a revenge thing and he wants Cheon to succeed in avenging his parents, with the added bonus of getting rid of dangerous people in the city! Obtuse ways to make Nabisca a safer place! I also just think he's p desensitized to it all, so there's that

-He paints whatever comes to mind; a lot of his pieces are very experimental and are just him throwing whatever colors come to mind at the board! These naturally don't get sold for profit, but he likes having them around since it shows his creative process

-He doesn't use models for his work. If Tisa's vain ass ever asks he will politely say no BUT he'll also decline the second the words leave her mouth so-

-I do think he's aware that Medge is a drug dealer, he just doesn't say anything since it's clear Medge doesn't want him to know. Like Cheon's mafia stuff, Garmella sympathizes with Medge's occupation because he KNOWS he had to turn to it when they were younger to keep food on the table. He doesn't agree with it morally and he does want him to one day get a different job, but rn he'll play dumb and hand over the bail money so Medge doesn't feel bad <3

-Likewise (on the topic of Medge), he and Keyla had a very awkward stare down when she moved in with him. Just total silence without blinking. Fun times!

-He likes playing dumb if you couldn't tell from the fact he's super knowledgeable on like, everything in this family but no one knows that he does. He's done this ever since he was a kid because it keeps altercations low, gets people to not see him as a threat and in general, it's fun to collect gossip when people think you're just a dumb blond sweetheart!

-He and Medge's surname (maiden name in Garmella's case) is Gooye, pronounced "Gooey"

Stripe:

-He and Whipe were inseparable as kids, they're both as equally protective of each other!

-He's def a college dropout. No shade tho that's just how it is!

-The other detectives are vaguely aware of him since Hopper and Midge have brought him up, but none of them go to him for information like Hopper does. If they did, unless it was Mallow, he'd probably just make a snide comment and tell them to mind their business. He likes being his boyfriend's informant! (Mallow gets respect for being one of Hopper's closest friends)

-You gotta be very strong and flexible to be a stripper, so he def has a lot of strength that people don't realize. He can lift Midge up with ease, same for any other kids her age (or multiple!). He likes seeing people lose their shit when he shows off this strength

-His original concept was that he was gonna 100% be a very soft, shy guy who was only a stripper for the money. Fuck that he loves working as a gay stripper. First iteration Stripe would probably die seeing the current him-

-He kinda has suspicions on the Oreona family and the mafia ties... mostly Gleo since he has interacted with her (his sister's boss' gf) but he only makes jokes about it. He doesn't want Hopper investigating some random woman because he thinks she's sus- (even tho he's RIGHT)

-Thinks Wreme's dad is patheic and laughed when he got word that he got divorced. Yeah Wreme's parents are divorced lol their dad is fighting for his life over it

Holt:

-He was a scene kid in high school.

-He's also a metalhead. Loves his metal music.

-I keep his family vague bc 1) I don't know the whole deal with his family lol FGHJK and 2) you really don't need to know the full picture. All I'll say is that he's not an only child, and certain matters will definitely paint his homelife as a bad one. Whether his parents contributed to it (or were even there, he may be an orphan) isn't stated but. well. you notice I've been giving him scars, yeah?

-He actually graduated university with a really good degree, something in marketing I think. He just doesn't have a good corporate job bc it's not his style AND you think he can become a business man like Gregory? In this economy? He doesn't think so!

-He. He doesn't have friends. Like yeah he gets along with people in town that he gossips with and has small talk with, but he genuinely didn't have friends until Colton and the rest of GNC trio came into his life. Damn Holt!!

-A lot of his appearance is a lie. I don't just mean he uses a shit ton of makeup on his face. Dude yassifies himself in the morning every day and I will not elaborate rn

[sweaterweather-247]

Dating Jake Peralta Headcanons

Before you two started dating, Jake would constantly flirt with you.

“Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged.”

He always made bets between you two just to ask you out on a date.

“If I win you come on a date with me.”

“If I win, you pay for dinner Jake.”

After you two started dating, the flirting didn’t stop, it increased.

“Stop! Don't you know it is illegal to look that fine?”

You flirt back with him and he loves it so much.

Constantly binge watching die hard.

You two telling each other die hard quotes.

Charles constantly shipping you two together.

He helps Jake plan your dates just so he can watch you two.

It’s not creepy he just loves seeing you and Jake happy.

Constantly making out, in private and public.

You visit him at work to take him for lunch or just to hang out.

The entire squad loves you!

Rosa teases you, Amy tells you that if you ever want to vent about Jake to her you can, Charles and Terry ship you, Scully and Hitchcock will love you if you bring them food, Gina loves you both, holt gets used to you always coming around but you do warm up to him eventually.

You two have been banned from the evidence locked since you both knocked over a ton of boxes while making out.

Holt was not pleased but he was happy to see Jake happy.

His nick names for you are: honey, love, loser.

Your nick names for him are: loser, Mcclane, love, honey.

You tried to call him Jakey but Charles said that was HIS name for Jake.

Making out before bed is a must.

Cuddling always!

Jake is the big spoon most of the time, he wraps his big arms around you and kisses your forehead.

Sometimes when Jake is having a bad day or is upset about his dad, he wants to be the little spoon.

You cuddle him and whisper how special he is to you and how much you love him

Jake tries to take interest in what you like.

If you like TV show, he will watch it with you, if you like knitting/crocheting, he will ask you to teach him.

Jake will protect you with his life.

He’s made a lot of enemies and he knows they might hurt you to get to him.

If a criminal is on the loose, he will be overprotective even if you’re a cop too.

He will have someone outside of your apartment and will check in every half hour to make sure you’re ok.

Jake is a jealous boy.

If someone buys you a drink at Shaws he will put his arm around you.

“Oh can you buy two, since I’m her boyfriend.”

If it’s an old friend, Jake won’t say anything but Charles knows he’s jealous.

You have to reassure him that you love him and only him.

You can get jealous when other women flirt with him.

Jake sees the look you get, he’s a detective after all.

Jake reassures you that he loves you.

Sometimes you get into arguments.

It’s mostly that he works too hard and he doesn’t take care of himself or that you don’t protect yourself enough.

You both argue and try to cool off.

It may take a day or so for both of you two apologize to each other.

Jake hates it when you two fight.

You help him plan heists and join him in them.

Sometimes you betray him and sometimes he betrays you.

All In all, Jake is the best boyfriend, he’s your best friend and will do anything for you.

You would do anything for him.

(NSFW sorry if it sucks)

Jake is a Dom most of the time but is sometimes a bottom.

He whispers jokes in your ears and tries to make you laugh the entire time.

The pick up lines Don’t. Ever. Stop

“Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you.”

He says “noice” a lot during sex.

He has handcuffs if you know what I mean.

Love bites when he’s jealous.

He will go rough when you betray him at the Halloween heist.

Role playing is a must.

Cop and a criminal.

If you say the safe word, he will stop immediately and ask if you’re ok.

Sometimes he will come home and immediately start making out with you and drag you into bed.

Charles has walked in on you two because Jake forgot to lock the door.

Jake fucks you like there’s no tomorrow.

After it’s all done, he cuddles you close and tells you that you did great.

Jake Peralta is the king of sex.