#i wish we were doing a book that was more meaningful

[yippie-madness]

my english teacher says ill be able to pass with a D yippie

[mostlysignssomeportents]

You should be using an RSS reader

On OCTOBER 23 at 7PM, I'll be in DECATUR, GEORGIA, presenting my novel THE BEZZLE at EAGLE EYE BOOKS.

No matter how hard we all wish it were otherwise, the sad fact is that there aren't really individual solutions to systemic problems. For example: your personal diligence in recycling will have no meaningful impact on the climate emergency.

I get it. People write to me all the time, they say, "What can I change about my life to fight enshittification, or, at the very least, to reduce the amount of enshittification that I, personally, experience?"

It's frustrating, but my general answer is, "Join a movement. Get involved with a union, with EFF, with the FSF. Tell your Congressional candidate to defend Lina Khan from billionaire Dem donors who want her fired. Do something systemic."

There's very little you can do as a consumer. You're not going to shop your way out of monopoly capitalism. Now that Amazon has destroyed most of the brick-and-mortar and digital stores out of business, boycotting Amazon often just means doing without. The collective action problem of leaving Twitter or Facebook is so insurmountable that you end up stuck there, with a bunch of people you love and rely on, who all love each other, all hate the platform, but can't agree on a day and time to leave or a destination to leave for and so end up stuck there.

I've been experiencing some challenging stuff in my personal life lately and yesterday, I just found myself unable to deal with my usual podcast fare so I tuned into the videos from the very last XOXO, in search of uplifting fare:

https://www.youtube.com/@xoxofest

I found it. Talks by Dan Olson, Cabel Sasser, Ed Yong and many others, especially Molly White:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTaeVVAvk-c

Molly's talk was so, so good, but when I got to her call to action, I found myself pulling a bit of a face:

But the platforms do not exist without the people, and there are a lot more of us than there are of them. The platforms have installed themselves in a position of power, but they are also vulnerable…

Are the platforms really that vulnerable? The collective action problem is so hard, the switching costs are so high – maybe the fact that "there's a lot more of us than there are of them" is a bug, not a feature. The more of us there are, the thornier our collective action problem and the higher the switching costs, after all.

And then I had a realization: the conduit through which I experience Molly's excellent work is totally enshittification-proof, and the more I use it, the easier it is for everyone to be less enshittified.

This conduit is anti-lock-in, it works for nearly the whole internet. It is surveillance-resistant, far more accessible than the web or any mobile app interface. It is my secret super-power.

It's RSS.

RSS (one of those ancient internet acronyms with multiple definitions, including, but not limited to, "Really Simple Syndication") is an invisible, automatic way for internet-connected systems to public "feeds." For example, rather than reloading the Wired homepage every day and trying to figure out which stories are new (their layout makes this very hard to do!), you can just sign up for Wired's RSS feed, and use an RSS reader to monitor the site and preview new stories the moment they're published. Wired pushes about 600 words from each article into that feed, stripped of the usual stuff that makes Wired nearly impossible to read: no 20-second delay subscription pop-up, text in a font and size of your choosing. You can follow Wired's feed without any cookies, and Wired gets no information about which of its stories you read. Wired doesn't even get to know that you're monitoring its feed.

I don't mean to pick on Wired here. This goes for every news source I follow – from CNN to the New York Times. But RSS isn't just good for the news! It's good for everything. Your friends' blogs? Every blogging platform emits an RSS feed by default. You can follow every one of them in your reader.

Not just blogs. Do you follow a bunch of substackers or other newsletters? They've all got RSS feeds. You can read those newsletters without ever registering in the analytics of the platforms that host them. The text shows up in black and white (not the sadistic, 8-point, 80% grey-on-white type these things all default to). It is always delivered, without any risk of your email provider misclassifying an update as spam:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/10/dead-letters/

Did you know that, by default, your email sends information to mailing list platforms about your reading activity? The platform gets to know if you opened the message, and often how far along you've read in it. On top of that, they get all the private information your browser or app leaks about you, including your location. This is unbelievably gross, and you get to bypass all of it, just by reading in RSS.

Are your friends too pithy for a newsletter, preferring to quip on social media? Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to get an RSS feed from Insta/FB/Twitter, but all those new ones that have popped up? They all have feeds. You can follow any Mastodon account (which means you can follow any Threads account) via RSS. Same for Bluesky. That also goes for older platforms, like Tumblr and Medium. There's RSS for Hacker News, and there's a sub-feed for the comments on every story. You can get RSS feeds for the Fedex, UPS and USPS parcels you're awaiting, too.

Your local politician's website probably has an RSS feed. Ditto your state and national reps. There's an RSS feed for each federal agency (the FCC has a great blog!).

Your RSS reader lets you put all these feeds into folders if you want. You can even create automatic folders, based on keywords, or even things like "infrequently updated sites" (I follow a bunch of people via RSS who only update a couple times per year – cough, Danny O'Brien, cough – and never miss a post).

Your RSS reader doesn't (necessarily) have an algorithm. By default, you'll get everything as it appears, in reverse-chronological order.

Does that remind you of anything? Right: this is how social media used to work, before it was enshittified. You can single-handedly disenshittify your experience of virtually the entire web, just by switching to RSS, traveling back in time to the days when Facebook and Twitter were more interested in showing you the things you asked to see, rather than the ads and boosted content someone else would pay to cram into your eyeballs.

Now, you sign up to so many feeds that you're feeling overwhelmed and you want an algorithm to prioritize posts – or recommend content. Lots of RSS readers have some kind of algorithm and recommendation system (I use News, which offers both, though I don't use them – I like the glorious higgeldy-piggeldy of the undifferentiated firehose feed).

But you control the algorithm, you control the recommendations. And if a new RSS reader pops up with an algorithm you're dying to try, you can export all the feeds you follow with a single click, which will generate an OPML file. Then, with one click, you can import that OPML file into any other RSS reader in existence and all your feeds will be seamlessly migrated there. You can delete your old account, or you can even use different readers for different purposes.

You can access RSS in a browser or in an app on your phone (most RSS readers have an app), and they'll sync up, so a story you mark to read later on your phone will be waiting for you the next time you load up your reader in a browser tab, and you won't see the same stories twice (unless you want to, in which case you can mark them as unread).

RSS basically works like social media should work. Using RSS is a chance to visit a utopian future in which the platforms have no power, and all power is vested in publishers, who get to decide what to publish, and in readers, who have total control over what they read and how, without leaking any personal information through the simple act of reading.

And here's the best part: every time you use RSS, you bring that world closer into being! The collective action problem that the publishers and friends and politicians and businesses you care about is caused by the fact that everyone they want to reach is on a platform, so if they leave the platform, they'll lose that community. But the more people who use RSS to follow them, the less they'll depend on the platform.

Unlike those largely useless, performative boycotts of widely used platforms, switching to RSS doesn't require that you give anything up. Not only does switching to RSS let you continue to follow all the newsletters, webpages and social media accounts you're following now, it makes doing so better: more private, more accessible, and less enshittified.

Switching to RSS lets you experience just the good parts of the enshitternet, but that experience is delivered in manner that the new, good internet we're all dying for.

My own newsletter is delivered in fulltext via RSS. If you're reading this as a Mastodon or Twitter thread, on Tumblr or on Medium, or via email, you can get it by RSS instead:

https://pluralistic.net/feed/

Don't worry about which RSS reader you start with. It literally doesn't matter. Remember, you can switch readers with two clicks and take all the feeds you've subscribed to with you! If you want a recommendation, I have nothing but praise for Newsblur, which I've been paying $2/month for since 2011 (!):

https://newsblur.com/

Subscribing to feeds is super-easy, too: the links for RSS feeds are invisibly embedded in web-pages. Just paste the URL of a web-page into your RSS reader's "add feed" box and it'll automagically figure out where the feed lives and add it to your subscriptions.

It's still true that the new, good internet will require a movement to overcome the collective action problems and the legal barriers to disenshittifying things. Almost nothing you do as an individual is going to make a difference.

But using RSS will! Using RSS to follow the stuff that matters to you will have an immediate, profoundly beneficial impact on your own digital life – and it will appreciably, irreversibly nudge the whole internet towards a better state.

Tor Books as just published two new, free LITTLE BROTHER stories: VIGILANT, about creepy surveillance in distance education; and SPILL, about oil pipelines and indigenous landback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/16/keep-it-really-simple-stupid/#read-receipts-are-you-kidding-me-seriously-fuck-that-noise

[cynthiav06]

I cannot believe how this hasn't been addressed in the PJO Fandom yet but does no one notice that the books, Rick himself glosses over or downplays the fact that PERCY FUCKING JACKSON GAVE UP IMMORTALITY!!!

And in reason as to why Percy gave up immortality?

The Percabeth stans are only too happy to make "Oh Percy gave up immortality for Annabeth." The hell he did. Have we read the same books? Are you really demeaning the importance of what Percy did. Cause here's what happened, and here's why it's so important:

PERCY GAVE UP IMMORTALITY SO THAT GODS COULD CLAIM DEMIGOD CHILDREN EARLY SO THAT THEY DO NOT REMAIN DEFENSELESS.

Furthermore, he did it so CHILDREN OF MINOR GODS COULD HAVE A PLACE TO BELONG TO, TO HAVE IDENTITY OF THEIR OWN, SO MINOR GODS THEMSELVES CAN BE PROPERLY ACKNOWLEDGED.

Similarly, he further added that CHILDREN OF HADES SHOULD NOT BE OSTRACIZED, THEY AS WELL AS HADES DESERVE TO BE WELCOME INTO OLYMPUS AND INTO CAMP , DESERVE PROPER RESPECT.

What ticks me off the most is how such an important sacrifice such an important change is never addressed again to the extent it deserves.

Cause this is not a surface level thing. This is going to change and better the lives of all demigods that come after or even demigods who were wrongly forced to remain in Hermes Cabin. A safe, more respectful, more meaningful environment for all demigods no matter who their godly parent is.

Are you telling that children of minor gods don't literally worship Percy for doing all this? Don't wholly completely feel grateful at least that he voiced out for them over his own difficulties? That he made a safe place for them happen?

Are you telling me that Minor Gods themselves don't feel at least a little grateful and respect Percy who did this of his own volition without having even met many Minor Gods. That he voiced out for their own children when they couldn't?

Are you telling me that Travis and Connor or any other demigods and cabin counselors don't automatically rave on about the greatness of Percy Jackson to any new arrivals in Camp Half-Blood?

Cause we were robbed of this of a proper homage to the sacrifice other demigods, Luke himself and Percy himself made to make it happen.

Piper, Leo , and Jason all seem so ignorant to it. Even newer demigods in Chalice of Gods or other books seem ignorant to this, and that's so against the usual canon representation of Camp Half-Blood as a community.

We should have seen it in Lost Hero, should have seen it in Chalice of Gods, should have seen it acknowledge repeatedly. You know why?

Yes, Percy didn't want immortality, but don't you know that deep down Percy knew exactly what immortality meant? Eternal protection from his father in his realm. No Gods bothering him, no more sacrifices or death quests. Freedom to do what he wants. To be able to spend time with his family as long as he wants without the worry of risking their safety. And he gave it all up

NOT EVEN IMMORTALITY. GODS WOULD HAVE GRANTED ANY WISH. HE COULD HAVE WISHED ANYTHING. FOR HIM TO BE PROTECTED? NO MORE QUESTS? FOR GODS TO LEAVE HIM ALONE? HE GAVE IT ALL UP, ALL OF IT.

Perseus bloody Jackson made happen what no one in the History of Camp Half-Blood has ever done. He managed to make Gods change their ignorant ways. He dismantled a culture of neglect and abuse.

And the fact Rick himself let this happen, let all this gloss over, and the fact that Percabeth stans have the AUDACITY to insinuate that he did for Annabeth and demean Luke's sacrifice, Percy's sacrifice is beyond me.

[cobaltperun]

Genius (12 - Finale) - I'm Alive

Cairo Sweet x female (G!P) Reader

Summary: It was such a cliché, a reunion she didn’t expect to ever happen, let alone six years after she last saw you. It was supposed to mean nothing, a bit of nostalgia, maybe a brief catching up while waiting for class, it was supposed to be a small wave of nostalgia, not a tsunami that disrupted her entire life. You were her opposite, and as hard as she tried she couldn’t resist your pull.

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Word count: 1.7k

-When you call on me, when I hear you breathe, I get wings to fly, I feel that I'm alive-

I am a shadow. Born and raised in the light, though dark remains my natural habitat. I am a shadow that was given freedom, released from the one who cast me. My greatest achievement? Using that newfound freedom and giving myself a shape beyond a dark figure without a face, without a voice, or identity.

I thought of my home as mundane, mediocre, I wished to leave it behind, searching for something more meaningful. I believed I had accomplished nothing, instead wasting my youth on normal, on boring. Valedictorian, though I am, I found that to be boring, average, not worthy of being called a great, let alone the greatest achievement of my life.

I sought affirmation, I sought recognition of my talents, a love so strong it would transcend conventions, and I found none of that. Instead, I found betrayal. I sought excitement, and instead found stability, support, and someone who built me up, improving me and letting me improve her and us in return.

And we traveled the world. Leaving our lives behind and with little more than a backpack of bare necessities, we traveled. At first, inspired by 'Around the World in Eighty Days' we visited our first destinations, traveling as tourists, and then we changed our minds.

We stopped traveling from place to place, we stayed, we lived there, experiencing the culture, the differences from what we were used to, and the journey around the world became a journey through 10 countries, one month for each one.

That is my greatest achievement, opening my mind to the world, to different values and cultures, learning and embracing the parts that resonated with me the most, and understanding the others. And I wrote about it, pages upon pages flowed through me and onto the screen or paper, and from that a tale was born. 10 stories about life, about will, about what it means to be human and free, each through the eyes of multiple people I met, combined into one.

My greatest achievement is finding my purpose.

You finished reading Cairo’s Yale essay on her greatest achievement and looked up, smiling widely at your girlfriend as she impatiently awaited your response.

“So?” she asked, and you hummed, leaning back on the sofa in the simple hotel room, you glanced outside, seeing the beautiful beach as the Sun began rising. You two deserved a bit of a vacation after the past year, because, well, it wasn’t that you just traveled and lived, you worked in those countries, so, you were taking a bit of a break now that Cairo would apply for Yale. “Y/N?” she warned you playfully as she moved from the sofa next to you to straddling your lap.

You grinned, your hands dropping to her thighs as she leaned in and kissed you. “You want to make out or do you want me to tell you about your essay?” you laughed when she pulled back for a bit.

“Can’t see why we can’t multitask,” she whispered in your ear and bit your earlobe gently.

“I can try,” you kissed her neck several times, making sure not to leave marks, since she needed to go and have a talk about her book with the publisher that was interested in it. “I think you are brilliant,” you told her, and groaned as Cairo, of course, didn’t have to worry about marks on your neck and her nails left tiny red lines along it while she kissed just beneath your ear. “Fuck, Cairo! You know I’m an awful critic when,” you pulled her collar aside and latched onto the skin of her shoulder since that was fair game. “we’re making out!” you complained earning a laugh from the girl on your lap.

“You are an awful, lovestruck, critic in general,” she teased, a low moan slipped past her lips as she pushed her body against you and hugged you tightly.

“Mhm,” you agreed, you absolutely agreed, but she was just as bad. “Remember when I recorded playing an out of tune guitar? You know, when it sounded like a sin against music?” you reminded her and smirked when she blushed. “You said, and I quote ‘It’s perfect’ just because I was making you feel really good,” you dragged your bottom lip up her neck before kissing her. Her mouth opened immediately, and you felt her tongue inside your mouth. “In all seriousness, I think you won. You did it, you overcame it all,” you said, no longer making out with her, instead you were just leaning your forehead down on her shoulder while she hugged you. “You were stronger than everything that happened in that school,” you ran your fingers through her hair, soothing her when she tightened her hold on you. “You’ll get in, I have no doubt in my mind, that’s how good your essay is,” you assured her, completely confident in that being the outcome.

~X~ Five years later ~X~

A smell of wild roses engulfed her senses as she brushed her hair, humming a tune of your band’s new song.

“You are, against all odds, somehow still tone deaf,” came Winnie’s biting remark from the bathroom and Cairo felt her eye twitching at her best friend’s constant teasing. “How can your Biker Girl even handle the sounds you make?” Winnie came out of the bathroom and leaned on the wall.

Cairo had a bit of a lecherous grin on her face and Winnie immediately put her hand up.

“Nope, no way, none of that, I do not need that image tonight,” she stopped Cairo before she could even say that you did, in fact handle the aforementioned sounds in a certain way. But Cairo figured she could show some mercy to Winnie, seeing as the two of them were getting ready for a fairly big concert of your band, the biggest one so far, in fact.

“She sure made it,” Cairo smiled, remembering how you managed to scramble together a band and slowly but surely gain popularity and make it work in the end. A lot has happened since the two of you came back from your one-year break. Cairo just published her third book, Winnie had several art exhibitions and was gaining quite a reputation in graphic design, and you not only had your own band but also worked as a songwriter.

While she went to college you focused on your career, and she was immensely proud of you.

“Okay, get that lovestruck look off your face, your face will get frozen like that,” Winnie laughed and shoved Cairo jokingly, only for Cairo to shove her back until they fell back onto the bed, laughing like they did all those years ago when they were teenagers.

“Come on, I don’t want to be late,” Cairo sat up, a grin still on her face as she went to finish getting ready.

~X~

The bright stage lights, clear night skies above you, the screaming crowd in front of you, and in the midst of it all you saw Cairo standing near the stage, and you heard her louder than anyone else as you sang. The drums and guitars overpowered the crowd as people sang along with you and you had to force yourself to look away from her.

The band was still a bit young, so you were mixing in some covers to get to that three-hour mark and right now, to close things off, you were singing ‘Shapeshifters’ by Hands Like Houses, a fairly fitting song for you and Cairo if you could say so yourself.

“We will be unbreakable! Let's take it all as a reminder we'll never need, every place we dance, in a way, we never leave! We're toe to toe, side to side, beneath the stars, we will be unbreakable!” you sang hyping the crowd up as you played the guitar in your arms. And then you calmed it all down and looked at Cairo once more, and knowing what part of the song was coming up she stopped cheering and just smiled at you, her eyes filled with love. “From up this close, I can't see a thing, aside from you in front of me. I can't recall a night this clear, a better light to lead us here, no brighter diamond in the sky than those embedded in your eyes!”

You finished the song and thanked the crowd, one more concert finished successfully and with the crowd more than pleased with your performance. You just took a moment to take it all in, see how far you’ve come, you and Cairo, and Winnie as well, but Cairo especially. She truly overcame it all, coming out stronger than ever before, and you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with her, watching her blossom again and again, with each new book, each new achievement, each new thing that brought her happiness.

“Go get your girl,” Rick, your drummer laughed, and you just rolled your eyes, but you weren’t about to complain, Winnie would go back to the hotel with them, you and Cairo on the other hand…

You jumped off the stage and Cairo ran up to you and jumped into your arms, and you spun her around, grinning at the clothes she chose to wear. “Wanna ditch this place?” the two of you already planned this, which was why your precious motorcycle was parked next to your band’s van.

“Mhm,” she kissed you while you still held her, and soon enough the sound of the motorcycle engine roaring as you drove down the highway, taking a break from the big city became the only sound the two of you heard. The scenery around you changed, and you felt Cairo tightening her hold on you. Before she began writing her next book, before you made plans for a tour with the band, before work once again took up your free time, you would just take time and have fun together.

Away from everything else, just the two of you, the way it was long before you even fell in love with one another.

A/N: Short, but I really didn't want to drag things out, I thought there'd be more to write, but this just feels complete as it is. If I knew, I would have just combined chapters 11 and 12. Anyway, there goes another story, unlike with Lost I don’t intend to write side stories so, unless someone requests it, I am saying goodbye to Cairo. It was more fun than I expected and thank you all for reading! Oh, and, there's going to be a poll, yes, I am being evil again. Sorry 🤣🤣

Story masterlist / First part / Previous Part

Taglist: @deimaisgail @bee-keeping @marvelous-disaster @jmwetterlund @tekanparadiae

@alexkolax @ioveyouyouloveme @aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh @autorasexy @lifeforsimp13

@puta1 @minnyyminny

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

hey ari, i’m truly having an awful night. there’s a free pass for anything that involves someone being protective against a shitty guardian/parental figure. i wish jason todd would’ve kicked my dads ass tonight.

Lee took to Alfred much more warmly, peppering him with little boy questions about dinosaurs and oddly enough... piccolos? Which made the butler wonder if there was not a single neurotypical person in the entire family.

Adorable. He was enchanted. All dimples and curls. He'd carried Alfred a mug of tea managing to only spill half of it on the floor for the boxer and the wolf hound. And to get under your feet nearly causing you to fall twice- managing to get exiled to play outside with his dog.

It was a lovely afternoon. Watching Jason be so... soft. So helplessly in love with his wife and his children. Excited to be a new father. He enjoyed doting on his wife and fussing over his kids. He was comfortable in the vintage kitchen and the narrow halls. He liked the routine. Coming home to something stable.

When you started stretching your back in your kitchen chair, Jason smiled a little, "C'mon, let's get you on the couch."

"I'm fine, I just needed to-"

"Let's please not have to take you back to the hospital," Jason coaxed, helping you to your feet. "I'll tell Lee he needs to run in sight of the bay window every so often."

You snort and let him help you, grateful that he's strong enough to catch you if you need him to. It's comforting. He's comforting. Between his bulk beside you and Boris behind you. By the time he has you on the sofa you already feel better. At least until your phone rang.

"Hello?"

Jason frowned. He could tell from the look on your face who it was and he got Alfred seated listening with half an ear. Your biological father wanted money. Again. Either to have it put on his books or your sisters.

It hardly mattered. The divorce happened. Battle lines got drawn. You chose mom Mandy chose dad. Now you raised Mandy's kids and got "everything handed to you" as far as she could tell. Never mind trusts and adoptions. Or love. Or duty.

He gave Alfred a meaningful look and took a deep breath. Your biological dad and your sister were both banned. They both had no contact orders. And the second they upset you he'd be hanging up.

Your voice cracked. And tears fell.

And gently but firmly Jason plucked the phone from your hand, "If you're that fucking worried about Mandy's books use store brand instead of name brand for your meth and cut costs. Figure it out. Call here again and I'll report you to your PO." But before he could reply he hung up.

"Jay-"

"Shh," he soothed, "don't cry baby girl."

"God I hate it."

"I know," he hummed, wrapping his arms around you. "But you're doing good. Just breathe." He broke off and wiped your face, kissing your forehead, "I can't get you a shot but I can get the baby a snack," he teased, "what do they want?"

"Milk chocolate sea salt caramel truffles," you tell him.

He grinned and kissed your nose before standing up, "Alfred, did you feel up to going to the store with me or do you want to stay and keep Y/N company?"

"Well obviously," Alfred said sipping a fresh cup of tea, "I'm going to stay here and be nosey."

"Ky it is," Jason said, "I'll take a kid and a grocery list... then maybe we won't come home with half the cereal aisle."

"We hope," you tell him smiling.

"Shh," Jason said. "Be nice to me and I'll buy more than one bag of truffles."

"You should probably do that anyway," Alfred observed. "For practical reasons."

[calypso707]

Can I request a Druid tav x Astarion? Where over time and a ton of talks about it Astarion allows tav to try different ways to flatten his scars on his back? Different lotions/creams and massages? Not necessarily making them disappear but flattening them enough so their not as raised and angry.

That’s a good one, i hope you'll like it, it was a bit more challenging but I enjoyed writing it. I've done it differently, though. I preferred to write the first time they treat his scars. Please don't hesitate to send me feedback ! Enjoy ! (๑˘︶˘๑)

OS - Astarion x Gn druid reader : On your skin.

Since you were a child, you had always imagined that you'd spend your life in the Circle, at the service of nature and protecting the balance. But recent events had completely turned your life upside down: your kidnapping by mind flayers, the crash of their nautiloid, the victory over the goblins… Not to mention the roommate you had in your skull. And these events, however improbable, had driven you to create the strangest alliances.

Your favorite time of day was when you returned to your camp in the Wilderness. You enjoyed the calm that settles all around you as soon as night fell, you liked to hear the wood creak under the fire, you loved to gaze up at the sky as if to interpret the messages left by the stars, you even caught yourself listening for the animals prowling nearby. Oak Father, you loved those quiet moments. You knelt at the edge of the shore, not far from your tent, your eyes closed and your breathing stilled to the rhythm of the waves undulating in the wind. You allowed your mind to wander, you were surrounded by strange companions and you had permitted your heart to fall in with the most unusual being of all.

Astarion.

A vampire.

If your Circle were to find out… For many, vampires were an abomination of nature, but for you, he was just a magistrate with immoral tendencies and a liking for blood. You did not know if the feeling was mutual, and you did not particularly want to find out. Astarion cherished his freedom and it was just as meaningful to you. He had spent much of his spawn life in the service of a cruel lord who had submitted him to all kinds of vices. You thought back to the inscriptions carved into the flesh of his back and how he must have suffered.

A throat-clearing sounded above you and you opened your eyes. Speaking of the devil.. You did not even hear him coming. Astarion was standing in front of you, looking… Unsure?

"I've been thinking about what you said. About my… Scars."

You stood up to face him properly, inviting him with a nod to continue.

"I would like you to treat them to make them less, well.. Noticeable," he added. "They do not, of course, affect my beauty, but if you could make them more pleasing to the eye, I would not say no."

You rolled your eyes at his words. The two of you had discussed this several times. You simply offered to help, you had no wish to erase them because they were part of him. You just wanted to make them less sensitive so you were waiting for him to give you permission. "All right, I will take care of it. Let's go to my tent, so we can have some privacy"

You gestured for him to follow you, which he surprisingly did without protesting. You entered the tent, which was large enough for just one person. On the right was your paillasse, surrounded by books of various subjects. On the left, a huge solid wood table held all your herbs, elixirs, ointments and recipes. You invited him to sit on a wooden stool beside you.

"Let me have a look"

Astarion seemed to hesitate for a moment and finally removed his shirt before tossing it onto your bed. He seemed almost… uncomfortable. Yet it was not the first time you had seen him half-naked. You stood behind him and slowly brought your fingers to his scarred skin.

"May I?"

"Yes," He replied in a breath, his unease was palpable. He seemed vulnerable.

You gently ran your fingers over his upper back, cautiously brushing his scars. You felt him flinch slightly at the warmth of your skin, which contrasted with the coldness of his. It was the first time you had seen them so closely. The Language of the Hells had been carved into his flesh two centuries ago, and you could still guess the pain he must have felt. According to him, it was a poem, a very strange poem. The cruelty of the act made your heart ache and your stomach twist. How could he have survived such pain?

"It was a surprise. As you can see, Cazador's surprises are never good ones," commented Astarion.

You looked up at the mirror in front of you, and although his reflection was not visible, you could see you touching his invisible skin as delicately as possible, his face was turned to the mirror, examining your every move. You detached yourself to search through your ointments and took one you had prepared earlier. It was a derivative of Silvanus' elixir, based on boiling theriac and mugwort bundle. Returning to stand behind him, you took a generous quantity of the mixture with your fingers before applying it delicately to the marks. Astarion twitched again, looking over his shoulder at you.

"I am sorry" You said.

"No, it is cold. But it feels… Nice"

You slowly knelt behind him and carefully applied the ointment, making sure his skin properly absorbed the treatment. The effect was almost instantaneous, and the scars seemed less vivid to the naked eye. It would take several applications for it to be fully effective. You ran your fingers along the long lines that ended at the lower part of his back and noticed that a shiver ran through his body. This moment was different from the others you had shared, even more intimate because he had allowed you to get closer to that part of his past he hated. He had allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of you.

"Do you feel any difference?" you asked, looking up at him as he swiveled on the stool to face you. You wiped your fingers on a clean cloth.

"Hm.." He made a move as if trying to stretch his skin. He seemed a bit surprised. "I used to feel them, itching. I no longer feel that discomfort"

"It will require repeated application for it to be more effective, but it is a good start"

"Oh, are you offering me private sessions for massages?" questioned the vampire, a mischievous smile on his lips.

You smiled at his question and, as you stood up, he grabbed your arm to pull you towards him. He wrapped his right arm around your waist and his left hand slid down your forearm. This embrace took you by surprise, but you did not push him away, on the contrary. He took your hand in his and brought your fingers to his lips, softly. He half-opened his mouth as he slid your index and middle finger over his lower lip, revealing his fangs. A shiver of excitement ran through your body.

"It means a lot, you know, what you do for me. I will never forget it."

⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯ ⎯

I hope you enjoyed it, feel free to have a look at my other writings on Astarion ! Love ya !

Astarion x gn druid reader : On your skin (pt.2)

Astarion x gn reader : A thousand thanks

Astarion x gn reader : No place for love

Fic : Astarion x Fem! bard Tav : Fruit of the Poisonned Tree

[nunununuy]

Part 5

Part 4 Part 6

Prince x Fem Reader

Title: "Changing the Fate of the Third Prince"

POV Rafael

The library was quiet as I sat at my usual spot by the window, waiting. My eyes flicked to the door every so often, hoping to see her walk in like she usually did, with that bright smile of hers and a random book tucked under her arm. But it had been days now, and she hadn’t shown up once.

I tapped my fingers against the table, a small habit I had picked up when I felt uneasy. And these days, I was nothing but uneasy.

“Where is she?” I muttered under my breath. At first, I had brushed off her absence as nothing. She was probably busy, I told myself. Or maybe she just needed a break. She wasn’t obligated to come here every day, after all.

But after several days with no sign of her, I was starting to worry.

My gaze drifted to the small leather-bound book she had given me weeks ago. I had placed it on the shelf beside my desk, but every time I saw it, it was like a reminder of her absence—her laughter, her constant chatter that filled this space. The silence she left behind felt heavy, and I hated it.

Maybe I had taken her presence for granted. She had always been there, from the very start, when no one else had bothered. And now, I found myself missing the way she would talk endlessly about whatever book she was reading or how she would ramble about the latest gossip from court.

"Dammit," I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "What’s gotten into me?"

It wasn’t like me to be this distracted. I had more important things to focus on—especially with the arrival of the delegation from our neighboring kingdom. The palace had been buzzing with preparations, and Father had specifically asked me to ensure everything went smoothly.

Yet, all I could think about was her.

I knew I had been distant lately, but there was a reason for it. Her birthday was approaching, and I had wanted to do something special for her—something that showed her how much I valued her.

But... I didn’t know how.

I had never given a gift to someone before. Not something personal. So, after much hesitation, I turned to Princess Seraphina for help. She had always been kind to me, and she understood the courtly traditions far better than I did.

“What should I give her?” I had asked Seraphina one afternoon, when we met to discuss the preparations for the ball.

Seraphina had smiled at me, a knowing look in her eyes. “Someone special, is it?”

I didn’t bother denying it. She wasn’t wrong. “I want it to be meaningful,” I said quietly. “Something... something she can remember me by.”

We had spent the next few days searching for the perfect gift. Seraphina had suggested a necklace, something simple but elegant. After visiting several jewelers, we finally found it—an intricate pendant with a small gemstone in the center, delicate but not overly flashy. I had chosen it because it reminded me of her—something small and beautiful, but not ostentatious. It was perfect.

But now, as I sat here waiting for her, I wondered if I had made a mistake. Was she avoiding me? Had I done something to push her away? I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I glanced up to see one of my attendants.

“Your Highness,” he said, bowing slightly. “The Princess Seraphina is waiting for you in the drawing room. She wishes to go over the final details for the ball.”

I nodded absently, standing up from the table. “I’ll be there shortly.”

As I left the library, my mind remained on her. I hoped—no, I needed her to come back soon. There were things I wanted to say, things I hadn’t realized until recently. I had never been good at expressing my feelings, but for her... I was willing to try.

***

Seraphina greeted me with a smile when I arrived in the drawing room. “You’re late,” she teased lightly. “Thinking about someone?”

I shot her a look, but didn’t respond. She was too perceptive for her own good.

We spent the next hour discussing the arrangements for the ball, but my thoughts kept drifting back to her. Seraphina must have noticed because she finally set down her notes and leaned back in her chair, studying me with a curious expression.

“She hasn’t come to see you, has she?” Seraphina asked.

I frowned. “You knew?”

“Of course. It’s hard not to notice when you’re distracted, Rafael.” Her tone was gentle, but there was an edge of amusement in her voice. “You should talk to her.”

“I don’t even know where she is,” I admitted. The frustration in my voice was clear, and Seraphina gave me a sympathetic look.

“I’ve seen the way you look at her,” Seraphina said softly, a knowing smile on her lips. “You care for her more than you realize. Don’t let her slip away.”

I didn’t respond, but her words weighed heavily on my mind. Had I really been that obvious? And more importantly—had I been too late?

As I made my way back to the palace later that night, I found myself thinking about all the moments we had shared. Her laughter, her stubbornness, the way she always seemed to know exactly what to say to ease my mind. She had been my constant, even when I didn’t realize I needed one.

And now, she was gone.

No. She couldn’t be. I wouldn’t let her just disappear from my life.

I didn’t care if it took all night—I would find her, talk to her, and figure out what had gone wrong. And maybe, just maybe, I’d tell her how I truly felt.

___

[andreal831]

I am so mad we didn’t get real mommy issues Elijah. Like we can read into it but no storyline abt him with his parents. When he went to Esther after the ball to apologise for his younger siblings’ behaviour and Esther cupped his cheek, THE FACE HE MADEEE. Like he made Esther doubt her plan for a second, he also out of all his siblings wanted to be a real family the most he wanted it to work sm. They didn’t even show us him that disappointed at Esther’s real plan.

I often wonder if Elijah's mommy issues are worse than his daddy issues. I could write a book on how badly they both messed all of their children up, but particularly Elijah.

As you said, you can tell this by his characterization, however, a lot of people overlook it because he is not as blatant with it as other's, namely Klaus. But how he interacts with everyone and even the relationships he has show just how badly these issues are.

From the flashbacks, and even his present day actions, you can tell that a lot was put on Elijah from a very young age. He feels personally responsible for his siblings. Not only their well-being but their behavior. The scene you pointed out perfectly shows this. I had to go back and make a gif of it. Esther is actively planning to kill her children and tells Elijah that she "wish[ed] the others were more like [Elijah]." Elijah doesn't fully get the gravity of it, but as the audience we do. Maybe if the others were more like Elijah, Esther wouldn't feel the need to kill them all. The pressure this simple 'compliment' puts on Elijah to keep his siblings in line is indicative of the guidance he has gotten his whole life. If he could keep his siblings well behaved, bad things would stop happening to them.

People call out his suits and his "cleanliness" but it's literally a trauma response. Esther, at one of the lowest moments in his life, used magic and told him that if he kept himself clean, everything would be okay. She then emphasizes this by coming back to life and reminding him that he is the 'moral' son, even knowing everything she knows about him.

This is reinforced when just a couple of years later, Esther imprisons and tortures Elijah, calling him a monster. She had all of the same knowledge in TVD as she did in TO. We can blame it on bad writing, but it's canon, so if we are accepting it as is, it's pure manipulation. It was a reminder from her that he allowed himself and his siblings to slip and that made him a monster.

Elijah throughout the shows struggles to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. Even those he loves outside of his family are easily discarded when necessary. While he feels guilty and lonely doing so, he does not hesitate to protect his family. The entirety of 'always and forever' is based on the fact that Esther and Mikael raised them to believe that their family was more important than anyone else. They were willing to anger nature in order to protect their family. To Elijah, that literally meant his siblings lives mattered more than anyone, including himself.

He so desperately wanted a family, wanted his family, to be happy and together. Yes, he makes plenty of mistakes along the way, but his underlying impulse is to protect his family. He wanted to make his parents proud, he wanted their love, but we never see him receive it. Even as a child, he is basically discarded. Elijah struggles with his self worth because of this. He even tells Hayley he has no purpose to his family if he isn't fighting to save them. He feels he has no worth outside of his role in saving his family.

Esther's neglect left lasting wounds in Elijah that are only brought up on occasion and then quickly glossed over. Even after he found out what he did to Tatia, we get like one episode for Elijah to grieve and then it shifts to him begging Klaus for forgiveness for some reason. Elijah never has a moment to just feel. His pain is always deprioritized in order to support his family.

Thanks for the ask!

[jennaimmortal]

Musings on OFMD Season 2

I’m feeling a bit sad today for the OFMD writers. After rewatching S1 & 2 a couple times, it’s become blatantly clear to me that Izzy’s arc this season was a very obvious love letter to both Izzy fans & the great Con O’Neil. Izzy was very clearly written to be an obstacle to Ed’s healing & personal growth, a snare that Ed needed to be freed from, albeit with plenty of nuance hiding under the surface. It would have been much easier for them to kill Izzy off while he was still the toxic, abusive, sadomasochistic terror of S1E10.

Instead of taking the easy route, though, the writers flipped the trope on its head! They utilized every bit of the potential buried beneath Izzy’s super fucked up shell. This season Izzy got

• a fully fleshed out redemption complete with terrible consequences of his 1x10 actions

• a realization of the possibility of another way of thinking & existing that he’d spent all of S1 running from & trying to destroy,

• genuine love & support from his crew mates which he was actually able to accept,

• exploration of the long abandoned softer side of his nature,

• an apology from Ed w/o first offering one of his own,

• a powerful, devastatingly poignant speech that mentally demolished a new nemesis, and finally

• a beautiful, meaningful death in the arms of the man he’d dedicated so much of his life to, known that he was truly loved by him & completely accepting of the fact that Ed’s love was not in the form he’d always hoped for.

It was so much more than we could have hoped for, and was very obviously done in service to the MANY fans that had fallen in love with Izzy even after S1, as well as to give Con a storyline worthy of his immense talent. Considering the face that Izzy was never going to end up becoming the show’s third protagonist, it was more than we could have hoped for!

OFMD has two protagonists, Stede & Ed. All the secondary character narratives that haven’t directly involved Ed and/or Stede have been icing on the cake, but the cake has always been the Gentlebeard love story. I feel like some people forget this, expecting them to treat the secondary characters as if it were an ensemble show instead of a show with leads.

Izzy’s arc really was an amazing gift! The writers gave us this incredible journey for Izzy this season, and what did a disgraceful number of people do? They attacked David directly, insulted the entire show, the writers, & other characters, even wishing actual harm & misery to other characters or even to David himself!

While I know that comparatively speaking, the percentage of show fans who reacted this way was relatively small, it was still an astounding amount of hatred & vitriol thrown at the people who had obviously worked very hard to give Izzy fans something beautiful to hold on to after his inevitable death. Much of the discourse honestly shocked me, considering the fact that OFMD isn’t even an adaptation of another work.

When fans get angry at shows written as adaptations of books, it’s a bit more understandable for them to have extreme reactions. They’ve had certain ideas and headcanons about characters they’ve felt very strongly about for a long time. It can be really jarring & painful when expectations like that aren’t met, the characters or plots are taken in totally different directions, or even excluded entirely.

OFMD, however, is an original creation. This is David Jenkins’s story. These are David Jenkins’s characters. He knows his story, his plotlines, his characters far better than anyone else does because they came from HIS brain! So while we as fans can have our own interpretations & head canons, they are always going to be at risk of being proven totally wrong by the ACTUAL canon.

One of the worst aspects of fandoms, in my opinion, is the way people become so proprietary over the story & characters, insisting that their own interpretations & theories are the only correct ones, which is exactly what happened with Izzy. Fans’ individual & collective interpretations, theories, hopes, & other head canons became concrete & true in their minds. So much so that when the actual story didn’t meet those expectations, so many of them lashed out in some truly unpleasant, sometimes hateful ways.

My only hope is that the rest of the fandom’s love, appreciation, constructive criticism, heartbreak, pain, joy, & excitement has been enough to drown out the deluge of vitriolic comments directed at David & the other writers.

If you stuck with me through this unintentionally long diatribe, thank you! Maybe take a moment to give the writers some comments or replies on social media, showing your love! I know I will!

[poppitron360]

I’d like to dive deeper into my thoughts on Caleo, bc they have been taking up most of my brainpower rn:

I get where Rick was going with it. I really do. They started off hating each other, Calypso thinking Leo was really annoying and just generally being like “why is this tiny human talking to me?”, but then they grew closer, realised they misunderstood each other, and bonded over common ground. It’s sweet. But the thing is, Rick? You’ve already got a character that did all that with Leo in the previous book!

And his name is Frank.

1. You’ve already set up that dynamic! Why not spend more time focusing on fleshing out that existing arc instead of creating a new one?

2. There’s SO MUCH more potential with angst- Frank being afraid of Leo bc of his fire, Leo being afraid of Frank because he’s twice his size and could easily crush his tiny body under his foot. Leo’s had to learn to survive on his brains and quick-wits in order to protect himself from bullies, and instantly gets defensive when he sees Frank. Frank is very insecure and sensitive, so immediately falls victim to Leo’s jokes. It takes a while for both of them to take those walls down, put aside their differences, and learn to trust each other.

3. It’s just hilarious how got-off-on-the-wrong-foot they were. A reminder that when Frank first met Leo, Leo had just destroyed half of New Rome. They both immediately judged each other completely based on looks- like it’s seriously funny how much you could compare these two to “Pride and Prejudice”. Also, the awkward misunderstanding that was the whole Sammy thing-

4. But they also have a lot more in common that Leo and Calypso ever did- similar trauma with losing their moms, and actually Leo is just as afraid of fire as Frank is. Both are incredibly insecure, and they both feel like they don’t belong among the other Seven.

5. You’ve also got that fun opposites-attract thing- Frank is big and muscular, Leo is built like a twig. Frank is big soft pookie bear, Leo is an absolute menace to society. Frank can turn into animals, Leo is a machines guy. Frank is Roman, Leo is Greek. You get the idea. They were written to juxtapose each other beautifully. They are the Yin to each other’s Yang.

6. They get so much more time together to establish a meaningful relationship. Their arc carries over three books, and we get to form connections as a reader to BOTH Leo AND Frank separately beforehand, so the payoff is a lot more satisfying. It takes time for them to open up to each other, and when they do it feels like they earned it. Calypso and Leo got a couple of chapters, that’s it.

It doesn’t have to be romantic! Leo can heal his trauma with friends and found family, learning to love and accept himself, learning that he doesn’t actually need the attention of a hot girl to be valid. He can find his place among his brethren with the help of all his friends, even Frank- the most unlikely of friends.

I wish Rick had put more effort into fleshing out the platonic relationships instead of just conforming to romance-centric ideals of “love fixes everything!” It’s lazy, and boring, and has been done to death. Platonic friendships make up 95% of our relationships, yet they are SERIOUSLY underrepresented in media. I’m calling for more interesting platonic dynamics. Leo and Frank could’ve been so much more, if Rick had actually taken the time to build on their relationship, and focused less on “Leo Needs a Girlfriend”!

So, when I say “Everything Caleo did, Valzhang could do better”- THAT is what I meant.

Also, Jason is so much better for Leo than Calypso, but that’s a whole other post.

[Edit: And I have made that post! You can find it here]

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Actually for the recent dreams, I figured Deuce doesn't really want to go back to being a delinquent but he does think things were easier so he somewhat wishes things were still like that (wasn't he somewhat considered an honor student with. whatever weird standarts the school had in his dream? i don't remember)

For Cater.... It did feel kinda relevant that he didn't know why he dreamt of that, actually. I wouldn't know how so exactly... Like idk the fact even then he doesn't want Riddle to know? Someone suggested he masks so much he doesn't even know what he actually wants (which broke me a little). Also I will be overthinking the fact his first flashback was triggered by Trey saying he'll take care of everything thank you. Overall I still hope he'll get more character moments in the next dreams (trey dream save me) but it's probably wishful thinking.

I guess convenience would make sense for Deuce's dream...? I feel like the same thing could be achieved by making him an actual honors student (while also dumbing down the materials to make it more suitable for his current level of academic understanding). Still, I can't help but feel that the devs took the former route (again, despite Deuce not actively longing for his delinquent days) because the dreams are really just excuses to show us concepts that have been teased for a while (like king!Leona, Savanaclaw!Rook, or delinquent!Deuce) for fanservice.

I definitely felt that Cater's dream was quite wonderlandiful in spirit and a mishmash of various "fun" elements. If it was an issue of him not knowing his own identity due to so frequently masking, I feel like they should have better hinted at it throughout the dream like they did with Deuce. As it currently stands, I'm not sure if they did a good job of leading us to that conclusion. It only makes sense if you extrapolate it or bring in outside details, such as waaay earlier in book 7, where Cater expressed not knowing what he wanted to do for his fourth-year internship(s), or bring in events/vignettes, like how Cater gives superficial and fake wishes to the Star Sending every year.

I don't think it's strange that Cater doesn't want Riddle to know about the contents of his dream. If anything, it's sort of expected. Cater's the type that dislikes confrontation and wishes to avoid his dorm leader's wrath at all times. If Riddle heard about Cater's chaotic version of Heartslabyul and how lenient dream!Riddle was about all of it, Cater would surely lose his head 😭

I hope that we get something more meaningful out of Cater when he comes with us to Trey's dream... Maybe something addressing how he longs for Trey's companionship but can't bring himself to just... be open about it. After all, Cater has expressed on more than one occasion that he lowkey desires this and to be heard out by TREY specifically. Trey is the one person who consistently noticed Cater's fakeness. And, of course, a memory of Trey thanking him is the first vision Cater has when he begins to question the reality of his dream.

[themenendezbrothers]

2006 partial transcript of Erik and Tammi on Larry King Live.

E. MENENDEZ (by telephone): The only book that's ever told the true untold story about me, what I did, the secrets I've never spoken about, about my childhood and prison.

KING: Why did you decide to do it now?

E. MENENDEZ: Well, for many reasons. One of the foremost is because I wanted people to really be able to get a sense of what Tammi and I are like together and what she means to me and hopefully what I mean to her and who I am because no other book or movie or documentary has ever, ever showed who I am as a person. Certainly, nothing's ever been written about me by someone that actually knows me.

But there's another reason, one that's very meaningful and important to me and that's that in being married to me, and Tammi will tell you all about this, she's faced a lot of hardship and in fact this book has outraged a lot of people. Some people thought it shouldn't be written and I disagree.

With this book, Tammi isn't just standing up for me and standing up for herself, she's standing up for millions of prisoner wives and family members who have been demeaned and outcast because they love a prisoner.

KING: Who would be outraged, Tammi? Who's outraged?

T. MENENDEZ: Well, my family for one and a lot of people that -- I -- I get a lot of e-mails from people that just, you know, don't understand why I wrote the book, why I'm writing it, you know. I get a lot of, you know, negative e-mails.

KING: Erik, we hear little beeps. Do they monitor your calls?

E. MENENDEZ: All -- all the calls are monitored and definitely recorded.

KING: Have they moved you around prison to prison?

E. MENENDEZ: They -- I spent nine years at Folsom Prison, at old famous Folsom Prison so it was the New Folsom. Now I got transferred to this prison about a year ago and I was in the Los Angeles County Jail for over six years.

KING: But how do you adjust to incarceration?

E. MENENDEZ: Human beings adapt. The one thing that we never are able to really adapt to is the level of violence and the angst between prisoners and guards and prisoners. Having to survive each day in here is -- is very difficult.

I wrote, I don't know if you're aware of the fact, I wrote a separate chapter to this book because I really wanted people to get a sense of what I go through in prison each day and what Tammi and I go through just to be together and get it in my own words and I wanted people to be able to see that because it's really an -- it's such a difficult experience to describe in just a few sentences that it's -- I felt it important to put it down on paper.

KING: How old are you now?

E. MENENDEZ: I am 35. I just turned 35.

KING: Do you ever regret what you did?

E. MENENDEZ: Immensely so, immensely so, not a day goes by when I don't wish I could undo this or I could bring them back. It's my unending regret and in a sense it's my real prison.

KING: Children do not have to love their parents. I guess parents love their children. Children don't have to love their parents.

E. MENENDEZ: Well, I think that -- I think that all children love their parents. I think that children love their parents even more than parents love their children. Parents are like gods to kids.

Certainly my parents were the only -- the greatest figures I've known. I was literally dependent upon them for survival and I think that kids love their parents more than parents love their kids.

KING: Do you ever see or talk to Lyle?

E. MENENDEZ: I have not spoken to Lyle in over ten years. I have not seen him in over ten years. The last time I saw Lyle we were -- it was three o'clock in the morning and we were put in separate vans and we were chained up and there was that experience where I -- where I last saw him.

But Tammi really captured -- she writes about -- writes about this and she really captures it. It's very hard to describe that last moment when I saw him. You're going to have to read about it.

KING: Why can't one prisoner talk to another prisoner somewhere else?

E. MENENDEZ: You just can't get around the prison system, Larry. The prison system is what it is. KING: Why commit to a marriage to this beautiful, young lady? You're never going to have sexual relations. Why didn't you say to her "I'll be your friend. I'll write to you. I'll talk to you. Get a romantic life."

E. MENENDEZ: You know that's a good question and -- and Tammi is going to have to help me answer it. I mean the first time I looked into Tammi's eyes I felt like I had come home. She's not just my best friend. She's my -- she's my great love, Larry.

This woman is everything to me and so at the beginning of our relationship we tried to just make it a friendship and it was a friendship for many, many years, a platonic friendship.

But then when she came up to visit, and you can tell him about this baby, when she came up to visit, I just -- I saw so much more in her and I fell hopelessly in love with her and I couldn't help falling but I never expected her to fall in love with me.

Marriage was certainly the farthest thing, you know, in the back of our minds, well certainly hers and I just, you know, that's something that we go through now and as you read in the book it's been her great struggle.

I think it's a great struggle for anyone that marries or is with a prisoner is that separation and joining the two different worlds. It's still a struggle that we go through but it's our love that keeps us together but it's not an easy road.

KING: You don't feel he subjected you to something, in other words that he could have said "I'm madly in love with you but you have a right to a life outside of this"?

T. MENENDEZ: Well, I mean I know that he struggles with that every day, you know, especially when we talk about the appeal later. You know, we've had some bad news with the appeal and I know that he's come to me and he said, you know, "I don't know if I can let you do this life."

And, I know that he -- it's not like he's like you got to be with me and this is it. He struggles with it. He wants to release me but yet, you know, it's a pain within him that wants me to stay so, you know.

E. MENENDEZ: It's the hardest thing I can -- I can -- I can go through is exactly what Tammi said. It's like I want her to be free. I want her to have pure happiness. She's a beautiful woman. She's intelligent. She's incredibly compassionate.

She can -- she can -- there's 100 guys that can give her more on a physical level than I can but I -- so I can -- I can -- I have to focus on just cherishing her and appreciating her beautiful finer qualities and pour all of my energy into her and that's what gives me joy.

It's the only thing that gives me happiness in prison and letting it go it would -- it would certainly all but ruin my life. I mean just devastating. It would be the end of me. But, at the same time, I struggle with it because I want her to have that and Tammi as long as she'll have me I will -- I will cherish her forever.

KING: The book is "They Said We'd Never Make It, My Life with Erik Menendez," available online at erikmenendez.com. It's a hell of a read. We'll be right back with both of them right after this.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with Erik Menendez and Tammi Menendez. They are married. They are happily married. They are the -- I guess they're the co-authors, although she's listed as the author, "My Life With Erik Menendez" available online at erikmenendez.com. Do you often, Erik, think what any man would think -- she's got to be with somebody tonight?

E. MENENDEZ: You mean in terms of her being unfaithful?

KING: Yes. I mean, who wouldn't think it?

E. MENENDEZ: It's a fear that's almost primal, that I certainly had early on. But Tammi is -- Tammi's a remarkable woman. I mean, any woman that could be with a guy in prison is going to be remarkable. but she is -- she's something really, really special. And she calms my fears, and just her morals and her values and her ethics. I don't doubt her. And I've -- it's inconceivable to me.

T. MENENDEZ: I'm always available for his calls. If I wasn't available for his calls, then he might get a little...

KING: ... You never see a man you're attracted to, ever?

T. MENENDEZ: Well, I mean, it's rare. It's rare. But I have seen a few, you know...

E. MENENDEZ: ... Well, that's not a fair question, Larry. Have you ever seen a woman you're attracted to?

KING: Yes.

E. MENENDEZ: You're married.

KING: Of course.

T. MENENDEZ: But I mean, no. I had a friend that I worked out with, a body-building body friend of mine. And Erik was really...

E. MENENDEZ: We don't like to talk about him.

T. MENENDEZ: ... Nervous about me being with him and working out with him, who -- he eventually became Mr. California. And, you know, so -- that was a little -- yes. But I mean, yes, we have that, because he's in there.

X

[shana-silver-fox]

Wishes are not Hopes

Big giant rambling dump about The Book of Carol 2.02

Laurent's opening line sets the difference between Carol and Isabelle.

Izzy represents wishes (childish, unrealistic, immediate gratification )

Carol is hope. (maturity, realistic, planned)

some online descriptions on the difference

HOPE to want things to happen that are possible. “I HOPE it doesn’t rain tomorrow.”

We use the verb WISH when we want things that to happen that are unlikely or impossible. "I wish it never rained again"

Put simply, this is the difference between hope and wish:

The verb wish usually describes the present or the past.

The verb hope usually describes a possible future situation.

Wishes are not hopes. Isabelle will never be Carol.

Laurent then immediately tells Losang that he knows Daryl is missing Carol and "the others". I do love how Laurent now knows that Carol is the most important person in Daryl's life and grouped everyone else as 'others". We can infer that through off screen conversations Laurent made this conclusion.

Daryl seems to have regressed to early seasons Daryl. Rick's henchman, now Losang's. Could play a part in his old abandoment issues coming back. We even have Losang saying "we stil have to deal with Daryl when he comes back" Call back to Daryl's intro episode season 1 of TWD

I think the baseball game was a wink at Daryl getting to 1st base, and of course no further lol Even Norman used that analogy in the interview after this episode.

Izzy asking "what does us mean" I think was meaningful for Daryl. I think he's been wanting definition for him and Carol for the longest time and is afraid to ask. Not having that definition has him feeling extra lost figuratively when he's lost literally. Not enough is said about that pause Daryl took before he left on the bike, like he wanted to say more to Carol before he left. I'm convinced he wanted it locked down before he went.

Daryl asks for her and Laurent to go with him and she says no. Remember, he asked Carol to go with him and she said no too. I think when Izzy reconsiders and says she will go with him, his reaction is knee jerk almost like Daryl was trying to recreate the goodbye he wanted with Carol. He wanted her to say yes, and seal that I Love You with a kiss.

Several times in dialogue we are told "people gotta believe in something" and "what we want is to be certain" Daryl was missing that certainty with Carol. (Until she shows up for him of course) I think he really had convinced himself no one would look. Remember Rick left him to rot with Negan. He had to save himself. Abandonment monster still lives in his brain.

We also got confirmation that Daryl and Izzy had separate rooms so there was no pre hanky panky. That awkward kiss was literally it.

There were several signs *no pun?, or writing on the wall *cough I think were direct FcU to ABC shippers.

l mean, Blondie standing over younger blondie with a bullet hole to the head?

Also minutes later, Izzy executes Emile with a bullet to the head. Emile is the masculine of Emily 👀 jfyi Lots of coincidences in a short scene.

Emile broke my heart. I'm not quite sure what to make of Isabelle being the death of the young lovers? Thoughts?

This has gone on super long and I didn't even cover Carol's half of the story, so I think I'll make a separate post.

[mazzystar24]

What I don't get is why people think it's problematic to still wish for Buddie. Like isn't it worse to be happy just because he's with a dude now. Like so you didn't ship Buddie for their amazing chemistry and history, you just shipped them because they were two hot dudes.

(This is not directed at people who are enjoying Tevan for the ride, this is about people who jumped completely)

((obviously bi Buck is important, but I don't think seeing it as a step towards Buddie is bad. We've been waiting for something like this for so many years))

Sorry but this is all that’s in my head^^

But yes yay now I get to have my rant-

The fact that so many people genuinely just wanted buck to end up with a dude is just

Look there is wanting representation which I GET I am all for

Then there is not caring about anything to do with that representation as long as you see two hot guys kiss

Representation without substance, meaning and actually changing what we usually see on screen is just so surface level

and listen we are ALL guilty of that thing where we hear about a show with a queer couple and we instantly get excited and rush over there but some of these people don’t give a shit about the storylines as a whole, the characters as a whole, character development, etc all those things that make representation MATTER

Like we aren’t just happy that bi buck is canon because oh look here’s a bi man character

No we are happy because we got to see his development we got to see his insecurities, history, his personality and his bond with these other characters through the years. Now look I’m not saying oh look at this fictional character think about his feelings, I’m saying that characters and their complexities drive a story they are what make me invested whether it’s a book a movie or show, and to not care about any of that just for the sake of tokenism is insane to me

I also feel it bares mentioning that this is one of the RARE times that this representation in media isn’t a case of tokenism like they’ve taken a character and built him and built the show and built the dynamics outside of his sexuality and made it canon in season SEVEN like Tim and Oliver and the entire team did something we don’t see much or ANY of in media like the way they made it is like we have this journey with the character like it’s a double blind test ( sorry I’m revising for a psych exam rn and my brain can only use that analogy) and until the reveal seven years in we don’t know for sure even if there have been inklings and people are more focused on the fact that oh look some hot dude kisses another in this show

Like genuinely ship what you want to ship and enjoy the time but don’t disregard meaningful potential representation which would have 1. A character navigating sexuality in a situation as complex as Eddie’s 2. A gay couple which wasn’t planned and they actually listened to fans for 3. A well done queer slow burn with the same gravity and meaningfulness that straight slowburns get

Thank you for the opportunity to rant anon🫡

Sorry for the long ass reply😭😭

Edit: also wanna add that yes I’m in analysing media mode because I also have sociology revision on representation in media🤭🤭

[yubnubforhire]

Yeah, I know. I don't think it's a bad thing to have characters as plot devices, that's how shows work. (And also books, and movies, and any other type of story telling media.)

But Tommy I guess seemed like he could be more - or at least we in the fandom thought so, maybe because of Lou's cameos?

Now it's like wow, the bvddies were right, looking back now and just paying attention to the show and not the fanon, it was always so obvious and I feel like such a fool :(

Lou was definitely doing a lot but you’re also not a fool for interpreting the narrative in a certain way or getting invested in a character. Yes he’s a plot device but that didn’t necessarily mean that he was going to be booted so suddenly. Taylor as a plot device lasted way longer and got a ton of screen time. Part of me saying the writing is bad is because the breakup did absolutely come out of left field — literally one episode ago Tommy was being portrayed as a steady presence in Buck’s life, someone who was part of “our people who make life worthwhile.”

This ask does also give me the chance to say the fandom infighting over all this has been fucking ridiculous. Buck coming out and having his first same sex relationship should’ve been a moment of joy but a large contingent of this fandom turned it into a months-long bitch fight over which two men should kiss. Y’all managed to make this about yourselves and ruin a deeply meaningful story arc (someone coming out later in life is rarely seen on tv, especially in a show with such a large mainstream fan base, and ESPECIALLY when it’s presented as a joyous realization with no angst or internalized homophobia to overcome). You can think that buddie makes narrative sense as I do without wishing death on Lou or bt fans, and you can enjoy bucktommy for what it was as I did without gleefully calling buddie fans worthless idiots or going after Ryan. Grow the fuck up.

[fanficwriterlover]

My Choice Our Consequence

Chapter 4 : Trusting in Your Safety

Summary: Now that you and Simon have worked out on living accommodations for your soon to be born son. You're getting closer to your due date and everything has been... moderate to say the least. But will you and Simon overcome the barrier of trust ?

Call-Sign or Nickname: Hera or Lil Light

Word Count: 10.6k Words

A03 Version

Your POV

Honestly it’s been, something having Ghost…well Simon around whenever he wasn’t at base. Sometimes you wished someone would pinch you to remind you this wasn’t some fanfic imagination (or is it ?)…

Either way, it’s been about two months since you and Simon agreed to work together to raise the child. Was definitely going to be like co-parenting but you both had everything planned out. Being both apart of the military had definitely played a part in both of you being detailed and determined to ensure everything goes according to plan.

Your mother sometimes found it laughable how much you two have over planned on every detail. But to you two…it was just having backup plans and touching all the bases.

Last month, Simon insisted on helping with the nursery along with your Uncle Daryl’s help. They revamped the once guest room into the nursery, painting the walls a light blue that you and your mother picked out. They put together the crib, with its no climb corners and fluffy mattress.

Every extra detail, from the cabinet full of diapers, baby powder, cleaner supplies and necessary items. Closet full of clothing of different apparels some even Simon disagreed with needing but you found it important your son have all different kinds of clothing for different occasions.

This also includes the bookshelf full of books to read with him, and basket of toys that your son can pick from. Everything was ready. Least to your mom and uncles opinion

But to you and Simon, there was much more to be done before he shows up. As of now... Simon stood in front of you across the island his elbows resting on the marble counter while you sat on the high stool with your iPad open tapping away on the screen, as you two discussed…

Simon gruffly states “We are not naming ‘im that.” He huffs holding his cup of tea to his lifted mask lips. This is the closest you’ve come to seeing him, honestly it killed you not knowing what he looks like still.

Like Gaz joked, if your son gets all the genes from him then you could possibly know what he looks like. You sigh softly rolling your eyes “Why not ? I think Xander is a cute name…” you bite at your lower lip.

Yes, this was the hardest task of them all, coming up with an agreeable name that you both would like. He glances at you, over the edge of his cup “Over my bloody damn body. Next.” He grumbles taking a sip. You grumble “Fuckin’ hell.” You scan through the list of names so far that you’ve found off the baby name dictionary. There was over a million of name choices for boys. Yet, so far, as you two gone through different meaningful names, none popped out to either of you.

This made you worry, you were expecting in about 28 weeks now…you have a check up tomorrow and neither of you have come up with a name yet. What if you two are too late ? What if when your baby is born that you two can’t agree on a name and have to call him “Baby 1” until you agree on one. It made you stress a bit. And that’s why the two of you always postponed the topic.

“Simon…we can’t keep rejecting every name…I’m only 28 weeks away…” you say lowly, your other hand resting down on your stomach. You begin to trace circles on your stomach.

Ghost’s POV

It didn’t take a genius to see how stressed out you were. The more weeks that went by, not only did you get more emotional but the lack of comfort made it impossible to do anything you used to. Ghost has no experience with women pregnant. Only memories of hearing about his once sister in law…but that was a touchy subject for him and he couldn’t bring himself to remember the last image of her.

Yet, sometimes he couldn’t help it…stealing a glance at you. You were someone he treasured now, much to his resistance, and he feared his presence would alone put you in danger. That never seemed to bother you though... He wanted you to start trusting him, to understand him for why he is the way he is...one day, he will. Just not today.

Your POV

Fall, was slowly shifting to winter, the chill in the air made it insufferable to want to do any kind of work. From just even walking outside to get the mail you did not want to go out into the cold air to retrieve it. “Ugh...why is it already bloody cold.” You huff, setting down your tablet down. Your hands stretch out to wrap around the hot cup of cocoa. It was the one drink you could have, since caffeine was off the table. Tea was more something you savored in the mornings and evenings but you have been recently craving chocolate so this was the best you could get for now.

Simon grumbles in response before leaving the kitchen to stalk somewhere, “’Snt it always ?” You huff at his remark rolling your eyes then stroking your belly.

Ever since Simon got back from his recent mission he been hounding you in every way. Shoot, the man wouldn’t even let you make yourself a cup scared you’d burn your belly. As if when he was gone you never did but you allowed him to be overprotective.

You take a slow sip from your cocoa, unlike you who rushes the process of making cocoa, this cup wasn’t as good as the ones Simon had made for you. He always made it perfect. He always made sure to use fresh cocoa and simmered a kettle of fresh milk (non fat since it was safe during pregnancy) he followed the doctors orders to the T. Which is hilarious, because you’ve seen the man ignore doctors orders after breaking his ribs to go to the gym to spar anyways.

As you mindlessly sipped your cup, you forgot to blow on it and burned your tongue, letting out a screech before fanning your tongue. Regretfully dropping your cup, as it crashes down onto the hard surface of your tile. What you didn’t expect was the man himself to rush to your aid as if you got attacked by an intruder. He jumps over the couch with ease, taking in the scene.

You can see the perplex in his eyes as if analyzing the situation seeing what the cause of your yelp was. Taking in the scene he immediately relaxed his shoulder just slightly satisfied that there was no actual harm, except the kind you’ve made for yourself. He strides over to you “You good ?” you blush seeing him ever so close, his cologne reaching your nose. Despite you being sensitive to certain smells, it seems your nose never got tired of smelling his cologne. His eyes study you then he reaches out to take your hands which puzzles your mind until you see his eyes squint down.

That’s when you see the red tint on your fingers. You burned yourself when boiling the milk. Blushing a bit and mumbling softly “Ah..that was when I was warming the milk…nothing serious.” His sharp eyes look down to meet yours.

Yes down…the man towered over you insanely…

“ Didn’t I ‘ellya to leave the cooking and shit to me…” he grumbles the words before withdrawing himself “I know…but Simon I’m not entirely helpless.” You pout, but you can see his eyes briefly crinkle…did he smile ? “Mhm…right….Go sit down. ‘ll clean it up.” You were about to protest but a sudden punch in your stomach had you gasping out.

Simons eyes blew up, seeing you putting your hand on your stomach as if reeling from a pain. Once you composed yourself, you see Simon’s outstretched hands bracing you at your elbows. You start laughing softly out of breath “Holy shit…your son’s a kicker.” You take a breath. Then meet his eyes as he gives you a puzzling look. It was endearing to see the stone cold lieutenant confused and unable to understand what was going on.

His almond brown eyes look at you confused “What ?” he asked sternly, as if the idea of you giving birth now made him feel taken by surprise. You laugh at the slight confusion plastered on Simons face. He seemed even more taken back that you’re laughing after showing signs of being in pain. However you feel a slight instinct while you have him close…

You gently grab at his hand, one he flinches from the sudden contact as you look into his eyes, “Trust me ?” you ask softly waiting for confirmation to proceed.

Ghost’s POV

One minute you were grasping onto him for your dear life, nails digging deep into his hoodie sleeves, then after a few breaths your laughing about it. He couldn’t figure out what to make of the situation. His mind still reeling if there was something wrong with the baby for you to react such a way.

Yet, when you ask him to trust you, it was like a whiplash. You know he questions anything to do with trust. The idea makes the Ghost want to crawl out and pull away. However, the Simon part of him wants to reach out and grasp onto this new unknown feeling…

No it wasn’t unknown…it was just something long forgotten and buried from years of betrayal.

When you asked him this, he felt deep down he could trust you. From the missions together, he trusted you. Against his better judgement. He trusted you and confided in you in a moments weakness for both of you to be in an intimate moment together. He trusted you from the moment he saw you again and was willing to give him a chance because despite him breaking it, in honesty you were willing to give him a chance.

He wanted to take a chance with you. Even if it was unfamiliar territory and he didn’t know what he was going to be walking into.

When his eyes meet yours, you give him the most doe eyes imaginable…

There’s just something about the way you look at him which makes him want the Ghost to stay in a corner and allow Simon to revel in the contact and embrace this new found feeling of interaction. So…for once…he let his guard down.

Nodding his head slowly, he didn’t know what to expect when you took his hand. They were still in his signature skull leather gloves. But it was the kind of contact that felt like electricity coursing through his nervous system. Slowly and tenderly, you soft hands guided his to rest on your stomach. For a moment he was confused by this…until he felt it.

It was subtle. Like a poke onto his palm. Their son was kicking.

For the first time, your son showed no signs of life, the doctor having to reassure you that he was very much healthy and breathing. You would joke it was because of him that their son gained his personality. However, now it seems your son wants to let you two know he’s there.

It was a moment for sure. Simon didn’t know how to feel or even know how to acknowledge the feeling he was expressing.

True happiness.

The little bundle that gave you and him a chance of unity to work together. An experience he never thought imaginable until he met you. It was a moment he wish he could keep with him forever. Especially as he looked down at your face.

You had the softest smile on your face, your eyes closed feeling the little kicks hit against your stomach as you still press Simons hand on your stomach. Seeing you in your cozy autumn dress that snugged your body, just reaching to your knees and your hair, down . You looked perfect. This moment felt perfect. For once it was nice to experience something mundane. To experience something he’d call…

His family.

It was this moment he wanted to give himself entirely to you, swear to you, open up to you. Yet, he figured when the time was right he would. For now.

Soaking in the moment of their little life they created. Who for once Simon was eager to meet. Yet, he’d never would admit it out loud, especially with the guys pestering about it. But he’d shrug it off and tell them he just wants your suffering to end.

It felt like the world stopped in that moment, it was just you two enjoying this moment together, Simon couldn’t resist it. His other hand slowly reached up to your cheek. Your eyes watching his every move. Yet you didn’t say anything. He was hesitant. But you just looked at him, almost reassuring him to keep going. Your doe eyes bore into his, they weren’t of hunger like the night you two laid. No it was a different kind of intimacy. One of companionship. But most of all…

Trust

He gently stroked your jaw line, as he slowly leaned closer to your face….

Your POV

He kept leaning closer by the minute, your heart was pounding harder than ever. You can’t believe this was happening. Was he going to kiss you ? His eyes drift down to your lips. It was a subtle question without words needing to be said. You knew what his eyes was entailing. It was something you learned to understand about him long ago.

Slowly you let go of his hand that still rested on your swollen stomach. He had no intentions of withdrawing even after your hands were off his. You slowly reach your hands up to the edge of his mask tucked under his hoodie. His eyes don’t leave yours. He’s watching you. Studying you. Seeing what next move you do. But there’s no sign of discontent. He wants you to do this. You can tell by his eyes. They speak so much more volume that any words spoken can comprehend.

You tentatively begin pulling up his mask, my eyes remaining on his as you do this. You’re expecting the worse as you slowly pull it up, but he doesn’t recoil or stop you. No. He just keeps looking at you.

So you keep going. Passing it just over his lips, revealing his perfect lips, that are slightly shaded pink, his stubble jawline as if carved out of a statue. His jaw adorned with tapestry of scars. Some danced along his cheek, it seemed long you were only seeing the tip that seemed to run up. There was one that crossed over the corner of his lips. You remember that one, when you two were together that night. Even though it was dark and everything was rushed you remember pressing light kisses over it. Almost wishing for those awful memories of it to wash away from his perfect skin. But it was something you accept and love about him…

Wait love ?

Do you love Simon ? Maybe….or maybe it’s just your hormones..

He looks at you still, my eyes meeting his, as you slowly lean up, he seems to lean in as well and just when our lips were grazing each others…

His phone rings…

He withdraws so fast it almost hurt. His eyes seemed to squint, almost as a sign of annoyance…He seemed to almost wished it had happened but at last, someone had to pop it.

You clear your throat eyeing down to his pants where the phone rings “You going to get that ?” for once you see him contemplate almost considering to ignore. For a few seconds you see him battle within himself…it was painful to watch the Ghost himself wanting to rebel. So you made the choice for him. You slowly withdrew from the close contact as you feel the heat rising in your cheeks. “I’m going to go….um…make another cup.” You leave the room quickly, well at least as quick as your legs could take you as you headed back into the kitchen. Stealing a glance at him as he looks your way, rolling his mask down as he digs into his pocket for his phone.

Ghost’s POV

We were so close to kissing, and of course something had to disrupt it. It felt like luck was never on his side. As always all the good in his life gets taken from him even from brief moments.

He answers the phone. He was agitated from the disruption and the person on the other was going to hear how angry he was for the intrusion.

“What you want ?”

Price : “Aye…good ‘earing from you too Simon. What’s with you eh ? How’s the little light ?”

“Price…” Simon felt the pit of his stomach dropped. “She and the bugger are fine.” He leaves the living room going outside to take this call, he couldn’t risk you hearing it… “What’s the news ?”

He hears Price hum softly and slight shifting in the background, he was readjusting himself in his seat, means he doesn’t have something good to say... “Ah…we got a lead. Shepard will fill you in. You’ll be dropped at the base in a couple days. That’s all I can share over the phone…”

Simon stayed silent. His eyes casting at your complex, this mission was important he knew that…in fact in most cases he would’ve put that before anything so why…

“Simon…I know you have a lot going on…I don’t blame you for wanting ou-” “I’ll be there.” There was silence for a moment as Price let out a sigh. “ ‘Right, I’ll send you where to go. You leave Monday (the day was Thursday) Good luck Simon.” With that he hung up. Looking at his phone screen silently. Hearing the words Price was going to finish he couldn’t even process those words.

Out ? This is all he ever known. Sure things are different now…but are they ?

He began second guessing his choices now for allowing himself to get close. Perhaps going on this mission will do him some good. Ghost heads back into the complex where he finds you finishing your new cup, but this time of tea, that you just poured for yourself. As you were letting the bag rest inside your cup, as the warm water seeps it.

Your eyes meet his, and once again he feels Simon wanting to crawl out and take over, but he shoves him down. Ghost needed to be present. “That was Price.” He watches as your features shift, it was brief it was a slight sadness peeking your face. But you recovered quickly averting your eyes from his looking into your cup. “Ah…when do you leave ?” you start dipping your tea bag up and down into your cup looking into it, deeply. As he says lowly “In a ‘ouple days.”

Your eyes look towards him…it once again made Simon want to claw out, the need to be there for you. But he can’t . Not now knowing he has to leave you at such a bad time. But you surprised him….

Your POV

Yes, the news hurt, the sudden change in his aura as he went back to being Ghost. Cold reserved and untouchable. It hurt how quickly his demeanor changed towards you. However, you understood. You have been in his shoes and you knew it would be inevitable. That came with the job. You guys were stuck to this life whether you wanted out later or not. The job demanded you.

You were an exception given your predicament. But you knew this was what Ghost lived for. It’s all he’s ever known. Nodding your head slowly. “You should probably get packing than, shouldn’t ya ?” you let out a low dry laugh. It seemed more of a huff then a laugh. But the fact was…it was amusing.

Of course you knew the reality of the job. If a lead came up of course they’d jump at it. Especially knowing the urgency for the mission. You didn’t know the full extent but you knew enough, and your time in the field to know such. You sigh softly “Look…Simon. You don’t need to worry about us. I told you this.” Your eyes meet his, his eyes remained unmoved from you. He was looking to see if you were covering up with lies, but they weren’t they were genuine.

“When you find the chance…reach me. I’m sure by then he’ll be born…” you bite at your lower lip. As much as you would love Simon to be there during birth you sure as hell weren’t going to make him feel guilty for leaving or make it seem like he has to choose. No, now more than anything he deserves to know he’s welcomed back. You smile softly at him, approaching him slowly.

He doesn’t withdraw as you approach, his eyes never leaving your movements as you drew closer as you gently reach your hand up, watching his expression. Ghost doesn’t budge or withdraw though, so you place your hand on his masked cheek. “Trust me?” You reach up as best you can against this tall giant. He lowers himself down though, enough so you can press a kiss onto his masked cheek before looking into his eyes.

He didn’t need to say a word.

You saw all the conviction in his eyes to know he planned to come back for you and their son…

“Thomas…” you blink at the sudden name…as you recalled his brother name being Tommy. Then you slowly began to understand, he wanted to name your son after him.

“Thomas…I like it.” You smile softly holding his gaze, he seemed to appreciate it. A part of you wandered if him wanting to name their son after his brother was a way to prove better. Almost swearing this time…he won’t lose his loved ones. You knew nothing would happen. Simon would return from the mission when it’s over and get to meet his son. Maybe things will play out better for you two. You don’t know…but you were willing to see what this choice leads to.

The Next Day

Honestly from the events of yesterday, you nearly forgotten about your appointment for today.

It was thanks to your mother reminding you before she left for work, and Simon sudden urgency to usher you out of the complex into the car.

To say pregnancy befuddles your mind was an understatement, you could barely think straight. It was painful to think too. Your once strategic, organized, and determined mind was a train wreck.

It could be from the lack of sleep now, you felt so bloated, but also it was impossible to get out of bed comfortably let alone sleep. It seemed your unborn was like his father, in the quietness was when he made himself known. Which he would either kick your stomach to the point you had to sit up and walk around or he demanded food to be deposited into your stomach. With which you’d made a late midnight snack.

Since being closer to your due date, and time flying by effortlessly, you started noticing Simon insistent on staying in your complex to make sure you get the help you need. Because of this, your mother had decided (since she has so grown to love Simon) that she’d stay at your uncle’s place while Simon was present so you could lean on him more. Of course you hated that she left you with him, sometimes his silence was unbearable and you worried you burden him with helping you with tedious tasks. But perhaps it was because your mother knew nothing would happen while he was there.

So, Simon spent most nights in your mother’s room that she loaned to him. However on some midnight scouring through the refrigerator, you’ve learned he would often sleep on the couch. Mostly because he knew you’d wake up craving something and didn’t apparently trust you enough to open a simple yogurt container. Silly little things like that he worried about your well being. As if you were out on the field fighting for you life, Simon was there at your six to keep you safe from such tedious civilian tasks.

Oh, and driving with Simon has become quite the most stressful part of the trip. The man, bless him, as big as he was must drive crazy do to discomfort. He was a bully man for the matter and being used to harsh conditions he drives almost like a madman. I’m always bracing the handle on the door because, his turns were painfully sharp. But you know the wiser, correcting or even judging a man’s driving skill is not a debate to go on. The drive was of course short, since the man nearly blew through 3 stop lights, you knew he’ll probably get tickets about it. Wondering how embarrassing that was you were the reason for his reckless driving. Yet, he got you there safely.

Pulling into the hospital parking lot, it was packed. Rows of cars lined up, but Simon found the most closet spot to the entrance as possible. Yes, the man drove through every single aisle in the lot to find the BEST one. Sighing in relief you release the seat belt buckle freeing the slight pressure that was pressing over your chest and lower abdomen a bit too tightly. You were just collecting my bearings for a few seconds, before feeling the coolness brush your right shoulder.

Glancing over, you see Simon had already hopped out of the truck and was now opening your passenger side door. You take the chivalrous act turning yourself in the seat, it was much harder to get in and out of cars. Especially harder, in a big pick up truck, that Simon drove.

Luckily, Simon, was there to help you, his large arm nearly caged you in the front as you use his arm to balance yourself and ease out of the car. He doesn’t touch you, just uses his body to help you get out. It was such a subtle gesture but meant a lot. Because, your mother would’ve struggled much more trying to help you out. “Thanks...You didn’t have to.”

You knew that was a lie, you did need it, it was painful to change positions now, your growing baby, had decided to expand ever so more, your once small physique outweighed by your growing baby who just so happens to have the DNA of a giant. Yes, this still bugged you. Of all men to get knocked up by, why did YOU have to do it not only with your lieutenant but the biggest man you ever known. Was a cruel joke the thought of pushing out his baby often sent shivers down your spine.

Simon must’ve noticed as you can see the squint in his eyes and crease in his brows “You cold ?” you wave you hand dismissively supporting your back as he walks closely at your side, on your right of course. “No, I’m fine. Just uncomfortable. God I can’t wait to push him out.” You huff, even walking barely a mile was an effort. You were already out of breath by the time you both entered through the automatic sliding doors.

The hospital was bustling, taking in patients and front desk ladies answering calls. Simon tenses from the atmosphere. This is his first time coming with you. From your last checkup, he simply drove you and your mother and your mother would go in with you. This time after many attempts at persuading him you won over him.

And Simon, wore something less terrifying than his usual apparel. He wore a black surgical face mask, it went up over his nose, he had no black smear paint over his eyes for once, but his hoodie cloaked his hair and shaded his eyes from the light. Immediately you sat yourself down in the chair, Simon however, stood near you. Like a looming bodyguard, the man just did NOT know when to relax or let his guard down. You could see his eyes shift to every person in the room as if waiting for some surprise attack.

A part of you didn’t blame him for this habit, when you first started having to live as a civilian you doubted every single person. You can’t imagine how untrusting Simon must be feeling, to be so exposed and you’re certain to him, the worse part was being weaponless.

However, him being on edge was not helping your anxiety for this appointment. Yes, you trusted your baby was fine but it still didn’t stop your mind from worrying. Slowly you reach up and touch his arm.

He nearly jumps. But of course he’d never admit it. He looks down at you, seeing it was your harmless hand resting on his arm as you say lowly “Relax Simon…you’re stressing me out…also you’re making everyone else anxious-” he huffs under his mask, giving an eye roll as you look at him serious not going to put up with his attitude “I mean it. You either sit down or there will be hell.” His eyes look at you seriously, debating if should challenge that minor threat.

But of course, you were a women to your word. And you’d never forget. In fact you planned to give him an ear full about his demeanor. You were okay to an extent but sometimes you just wish he let his guard down when in civilian area so he didn’t stress you or anyone else in radius.

Finally he grumbles lowly, moving to sit in the seat to your right, near the entry, as he finally sat done. You couldn’t help but smirk, the chair looked ridiculously small holding him. It was a miracle it didn’t collapse. That would be a humorous sight.

Now he was quite the sight himself, standing 6’4 practically lean killing machine. His mystery aura probably was an attraction to many civilians, especially youthful ones. As just so happens a bunch of teenagers were gossiping and giggling in the corner of the lounge. Why they were there was beyond your brain capacity, they seemed too young to be pregnant…was that normal in society? You felt so old…

You could hear little what was said but tried not to feel the bubbling feeling in your chest “Oh-My-God, he’s hot…” “He’s a tall dark drink of mystery” “I dare you to ask his number.”

Honestly, if these girls think their whispering was low enough they were not even trying. You couldn’t help but steal a glance at Ghost. His eyes focused dead ahead at the front desk. Surely he was hearing the words these girls were saying.

It didn’t help he was in the most….hottest sitting position you’ve seen. His legs were spread arms crossed over his chest, you know he wasn’t doing it intentionally more for comfort since he barely fit the seat. But you couldn’t help how attractive he seemed. You didn’t blame the girls for finding him attractive, honestly you wished you knew if he was attractive without the mask too.

His deep voice broke your train of thought, “I can feel yer eyes on me y/n.” his eyes slowly shift to you, which made you blush. You didn’t realize you had stared at him long enough for him to notice. Than again nothing gets past his radar. “Well…can’t help it…you got quite the fan girls over there.” You snort.

His head looks in your direction, his eyes squinting obviously not finding it amusing as you can see his brows crease processing your features probably and attitude, as he then asks “You jealous ?” You could see the corners of his eyes crinkle, the bastard was smirking “S-Shut up.” You huff smirking trying to ignore the burning in your cheeks as he speaks again shifting in his seat “Plus I’m not here for bunch of kids. Got my own to worry about, yea ?”

How this man says stuff so casually astounds you. He seems too calm and collected it makes you wish you could open his brain up and know what’s running through it.

Ghost’s POV

Having eyes on him has always been something he had been used to. From recruits shaking to their bones of what he’ll shout, to his victims petrified of their life getting taken from his hands, and now civilians. This though, was something he’ll never get used to.

Civilians seemed to walk aimless with no purpose and oblivious to their surroundings. Without a care in the world. It sometimes baffled him how relaxed these people were, unaware of the raging war that he and people like him were fighting to keep the peace, that these people took for granted.

Yet, today, he was here with you, doing something so mundane to take you for your pregnancy checkup.

Honestly, he would’ve taken you here every day if he could, this whole pregnancy process had him on edge. He never felt so helpless in his entire life.

Unable to help you with all the weight you were carrying and the discomfort you were having to endure in order to carry his child. You didn’t deserve this, yet motherhood almost seemed to suit you.

His eyes couldn’t help but glance at you subtly when you would pretend you weren’t staring at him. You had the most earnest smile, too pure for the military, your hair had this shine to it, but in a way was done hastily in a messy bun. However, it looked attractive for you. From your clothes, you always wore something cozy and snug, today wearing a loose v neck top with a plaid jacket to keep you warm. Some stretchy pants that curved around your hips and thighs nice especially your protruding belly.

From your ripped nails (a habit he absolutely disliked one you did even on duty), fresh clean smooth skin, perfect face structure. Everything. You had bewitched him in ways he could never comprehend Which makes him think back to when you two laid together…it had been so long ago. But at nights it was something that plagued his dreams and had him wanting to experience it again.

Of course then a women in a white cloak approaches the two of you, sending him a bit more on edge with the women’s plastered smile. Was too white for Simon’s liking. She stops short of him, eyeing him before looking at you “Ah, Y/n ! Ready for your check-up?” she smiles at you…

So she’s the doctor…. “Yes I’m ready. Also this is-” You look to him a bit. He knew you were trying to be considerate in his choice of giving names…yet for you he’d let this slide. “Simon.” he says blunt and uninterested in interacting with the doctor, he only came to make sure the baby was okay as per your request, well more of begging.

You give him the biggest smile, hearing him use his name to greet the doctor. Just seeing you happy for something so minor gave you the greatest joy…why you held him so high he’ll never understand but he held you the same way too. You slowly stood up, getting to your feet, he gives you his arm, that was still in his pocket to assist, which you take his subtle gesture.

The doctor blushing and biting her lip, it bothered him. The way she looked at him. He only liked when you looked at him that way but something in him wanted to snap at her for such but he refrained. Instead walking behind you as the doctor led you to the ultrasound room.

Entering the room, he had to duck his head a bit, the doors were definitely not made for men his height, obviously more for women. You giggled at his struggle as he shot you a glare which stopped your adorable giggles but still plastering a smirk.

“Alright…you know the drill, momma. Sit down, lift up, and relax.” The doctor was now getting the machine wheeled closer, and turned on. You turned to the laying chair, Simon’s seeing it was a bit high for you as he moved closer in front of you.

You give him a questionable look, but he simply gestures with his hand, that he’ll help you up. You take it, his arms tense as he helps you up, you blush when it seems to get into the chair with ease. Looking up at him you whisper softly, “Thank you…”. He simply nods his head stepping back to stay out of the way. Choosing to linger against the wall as the doctor comes to your side now, once you lifted up your top exposing your stomach.

It's the first time he’s seen your belly bare, you were never naked or wearing shorter tops since pregnant. You still had that tattoo on your right that that ran just under your arm down your whole side. It was a bunch of rose vines tangled around skull head, butterflies, ribbons, but most of all a peacock head with the feathers spread on the side pulling a chariot.

It was the most detailed tattoo he admired on you when you rested on your side beside him after you two were intimate. He remembered looking at the details put into it, and how it seemed unique.

He never asked though, but he did his own researching. Hera’s chariot was pulled by the peacock. Which made since considering your call sign. Not to mention the meaning behind Hera, as the goddess of childbirth, he prayed you had that luck on your side.

The doctor had spread some gel substance on your stomach just at your lower abdomen as she placed the probe there. The monitor on the screen started giving a swoosh sound and bit pulsing but it was all grey and white visuals. Until she worked the probe more on your stomach to show the view of…

Their son.

The doctor looked at the monitor seeing how the baby was curled in the fetal position all curled up. Simon felt an odd feeling looking at the screen.

It felt unreal actually seeing it on the screen. The doctor than began speaking “That’s a healthy looking baby. Wow I’d say he’s about…3.997 kilograms (8.13 pounds) !” you nearly groan inwardly as he did his best to stop himself from huffing a laugh. The doctor arches a brow “I take you’re the dad ?”

The question made Simon stiff but he simply just nodded his head slowly, which the doctor giggles “Yeah go figures, he definitely got the dad genes y/n.” you roll your eyes as you remained still while she continues to examine the monitor making sure everything else looks good. That’s when you brought up “Oh can you take the pictures. I want a few if you don’t mind.” The doctor smiles at you nodding her head. “I figured you’d want that. I’ll send to you via email and I’ll print out a copy that you can pick up at the front.” She smiles, clicking on the machine to capture the ultrasound picture and having it printed to the printer at the front desk. His eyes never leaving the ultrasound.

He couldn’t help but glance at your face. You looked happy, admiring the monitor of your unborn child. It was a moment he would remember. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at that being his son he’ll get to meet when he gets back from the mission. He definitely had a reason now to come back.

Your POV

After everything seemed clear, the doctor went over what to expect with the contractions and asking where you would be giving birth.

Then even gave advice that Simon could help you with by doing the gentle lifting. This of course made you blush as you sat on the examination chair “It’s a great exercise and harmless. Relaxes the body from the heavy weight you been carrying that child. Plus Dad will get an opportunity to see how much weight you’re carrying.” She laughs softly “I can show you how to do it dad if you’d like to help her ?”

A part of you knew Simon would definitely feel uncomfortable with that suggestion or even volunteer to do something remotely having to touch someone. It’s something about showing attachments in public that isn’t his forte. In fact you only feel he stuck around for the kid sake since he probably wanted to be better than how he was raised.

You could see Simon shift uncomfortably his eyes darting away as if the idea wasn’t something he wanted to express or do. “Ah…it’s okay. I think we sho-” “Show me.” Simons deep British accent seem vibrate in the room. All eyes were on him now. You were nearly gaping, but looking at him uncertain wondering if he only was feeling obligated to do it for the doctor to not judge “Simon…really it’s okay. Let’s just g-” “I want to.” He stops you which makes you blush from embarrassment. The doctor laughs softly “Okay then ! Y/n stand up and Simon right ?” he nods his head.

You stand up getting out of the chair as the doctor comes behind you “Alright, so what you’re going to do is links your fingers together like this” as she shows her both hands linked then stands behind you. You awkwardly stand there unsure what to expect. “Then you come behind, make sure y/n you can lean back into me..now I’ll use my legs to just slightly bend and keep back flat then slowly lift…” the moment the doctor lifted your stomach, it felt like all the weight was well…weightless.

It was so satisfying…you almost forgot how it felt to not having carried so much weight.

In the moment your eyes slowly flutter close you can hear the doctor continue to lecture “Only lift about two inches, should do it. Now when you release you have to do it SLOWLY.” She gives you a few minutes enjoying the session before slowly lowering your stomach. It was relaxing for the moment and made you almost wish she hadn’t stop. However your eyes flutter open, looking to see Simon’s eyes were on you.

It made you blush realizing how relaxed you were in the moment that you were unaware of his watching eyes on you. “Alright dad. Ready to try ?” you blink realizing what was about to happen as you watched Simon push himself off the wall. He nods his head at the doctor as she sits back to observe. Your heart beats harder as he walks around behind you, his looming presence all so familiar as it made you feel déjà vu when you had first met him…

2 Years Ago 141 Meeting at Base

The helicopter hummed loudly, despite the headset you wore to dull out the loud blades. You had your hair braided down over your shoulder to keep the wind from whipping your hair in your face and you wore a cap to keep the strands down. Your eyes shift as you feel it began to descend hitting the landing platform. Once confirmed the pilot let you know you can get out. Which you hastily do so, standing up keeping low as you open the side of the chopper. You had your duffle bag swung over your shoulder as you climbed out.

The blades made your hair fly crazy but you kept low until clear from the blade. Finally taking in your surroundings of your new base it was exciting to be working with Captain Price. You had met him on a mission many years ago in Urzikstan where you assisted in helping Karim escape. Luckily you weren’t needed much for medical side, but you did aid in freeing commander Karim’s men and women. However she would never know, you were a female that was there. Most times you wore attire that hid that you were a women.

It kept the fights even. No one would go easy on you or suspect they were beaten and killed by a women. That’s how you liked it.

However the main reason you hide yourself, was how you got your name…

“Ah Hera ! You made it.” You turn you head having dazed off as you noticed Price striding over to greet you.

His muttonchops were fuller, you remember the last you two had spoke he was considering growing out a beard but was unsure what style. It was very unique style yet suited him. You gave him a tender smile “Captain Price. Wouldn’t miss joining up with an old friend now.” You smirk. He shakes your hand fondly then gently pats your shoulder “Why I picked you for my taskforce. Come. The lads will be joining soon.” He nods his head for you to follow which you do.

He gives you a brief tour of the base, seeing the gym, cafeteria, lounge room, medical wing (your favorite) his office, meeting room, baths (as of course he had to mention there were no separate ones for women but would ensure you had a key to lock when using it,), and lastly your bunker.

Your name plate was plastered on the door in a silver plate with your rank y/n, “Hera” and your l/n. Price opened your door with ease showing you, your neatly made room, with the bed in the corner, pale beige walls, old wooden floor boards, a desk and chair, a counter space in the corner where you can buy your own appliances for small kitchen ware and a small closet for your clothing.

Typical base room. Small simple and tidy. “Thanks Price.” You smile at him as he smiles back, his muttonchops crinkling as he smiles as you could no longer see his dimples cheeks when he smiles, but you knew they were there “Please y/n, no need for formalities, you can call me John” you smirk “What ? Already playing favorite Cap ?” you give a wicked grin as he simply chuckles shaking his head stepping to your door. “Ill see you tomorrow for briefing. 0600 sharp. Rest of the lads will be in tonight. Rest up.” He nods his head, as he leaves you in your room.

Taking a breath, you decide to look around the room taking in the surroundings and debating on what you could do to lively it up when you get the time and chance to go shopping. For now you planned to rest up, and unpack. Tomorrow will be when you meet the rest of your team. You had heard their names but was not permitted to seeing their files on each one. Probably because you’ll be meeting them anyways. For now…you needed rest so rest was what you planned to get.

Next Day at 0400

Your alarm blared annoyingly at your bedside stand as you moaned annoyed. As much as you should be used to waking up this early your body however seemed to hate every moment of it. Groggily, you reach over to stop your alarm, after embarrassingly missing the stop button after three attempts, you finally silenced the cruel bastard.

Slowly you positioned yourself up so that you didn’t fall back to sleep and grabbed your hygiene stuff and spare clothing to go get ready.

Peeking your head out the room, the bunker halls were silent, you were the only one up at this hour, thankfully. You slipped out of the room and shut the door quietly aware your other teammates were probably trying to get every last bit of rest they can muster. You make your way to the bathroom, you planned on at least making yourself presentable today. Having brought your towel and other hygiene supplies, you began showering first to wake yourself up.

Dipping yourself under the cold running water to wake you, while you waited for the water to warm up, sent shivers down your spine. Taking cold showers was definitely a way to wake you. But once the warm water hit it made you melt. You could stay under the streaming water forever, however, today you planned to make a good impression.

After finally finishing cleaning yourself up and drying yourself, you began to dress into your attire. After putting on your sports bra, and boxer pants (yes, they were more comfortable to wear underneath heavy cargo pants and military attire. Plus no lie, it curved your ass nicely) then put on your thick beige cargo pants that had plenty of pockets. Then putting on a tight long sleeve camo top. It was a collar type with a zipper and you always kept the zipper halfway down to make it breathable.

Once you finishing dressing and tying on your duffle boots, you got your hair slick back in a tight bun using some gel that slicked your hair perfectly.

Satisfied with your apparel, you glance at the watch on your wrist, it was 0500, you had an hour to spare. Walking out of the bathroom with your discarded clothes and hygiene you went to your room to return your stuff then decided to grab yourself a cup of coffee to wake up before heading to the meeting room.

However what you didn’t expect, upon walking into the lounge where the coffee maker would be, was a tall looming man cloaked in all black hunched over with a cup. The man was massive it was insane. You couldn’t help but freeze, like a deer in line of sight of headlights. The man surely wasn’t military was he ? He must’ve sense your presence as he side glanced you, barely shifting his head to glance back at you. His eyes scan you head to toe, before you hear a huff.

‘Whats his problem ?’ you frown at the odd behavior as you slowly make your way over to grab yourself a cup “Um, Morning, sorry wasn’t aware someone else was up. You are?” his eyes glare at you annoyed as if your question was the most ridiculous thing he heard. But instead of pleasantly answering, oh no he turned and left. Just up and leave. You stood there dumbfounded wondering what the hell the man problem was for him to be so cold. ‘God…he must not be a morning person.’ You roll your eyes as you begin to work on your cup of coffee.

By 0549 you made you way to the meeting room where it would be taking place, you have yet to see anyone aside from the grumpy cloaked man.

Opening the door to the meeting room though you see Price eyes look up to your figure as he smiles “Ah Hera. You made it.” yet, he wasn’t alone. Two other member were seated. One was muscular, he had a nice round chiseled face. Beautiful blue eyes, but you’ll never admit that to him and a Mohawk. He seemed lively as he spoke up “Aye you ‘ust be Hera ! Names Soap.” He gives you a toothy grin, odd name for a handsome face, you dare not question that name. “Nice to meet you.” You nod your head to him, as the other man who you knew smirked “Good seein’ ya Hera. You gotten taller ? Or is it just your boots ?” he smirks playfully as you roll your eyes “Tough love Gaz” He laughs softly, his laugh was too pure for this world, as his slightly curled hair was under his ball cap, wearing his light blue button up rolled up sleeve shirt under his vest. He always was a handsome man, even since he was a little boy he was handsome and you two were close buddies since middle school and through boot camp.

Just when you were about to question where the last member was “Um so where’s the other gu-” but Price spoke up, and his eyes weren’t on you but rather something or rather someone behind you “Ah, good of you to join us Ghost. Lads…and erm lass meet Lieutenant Riley. You can call him Ghost.”

As if slowly registering all the eyes shifting behind you, you slowly glance your head behind seeing him looming behind you. The man was tall. It was insane how much he over towered you, it made you feel incredibly small with a bunch of big men. Yet he was different.

Looking up to meet, his almond brown eyes, that were piercing down at you, you could see hint of blonde of his lashes despite it smeared with black paint, and his face was covered with a mask, that had a literal skull plate on top of it that had chips on the eye rim of the skull. The man was menacing yet as beautiful as death. You couldn’t help but swallow the lump that was slowly forming in your mouth as you couldn’t tear your eyes from him…working with him was definitely going to be interesting…

Present Moment

It was hard to believe they were literally in the same moment as before. You were looking up at the menacing man in the past with fear as he looked at you once with distaste . However after doing missions together, the two of you had worked up a good bond, a respectable one that had each other’s backs . Yet that led to an unknown attraction, one you’d presume was just lust that resulted in well…your predicament.

Simon gently leaned forward, you felt his broad chest at the back of your head as your felt his chest muscle flex when his arms slowly, hesitantly encircled you. Your heart raced harder against your chest, this was just him helping and you were making it seem like he was kissing you.

God why could you feel his breath through the mask against your neck, it made the hair on the back of your neck, go up. The moment your felt his muscular arms go around you, it made you almost shiver but you forced your body to stay still. The moment he had his hand gently coming under your stomach, your breath slightly hitched. Even though his hands were gloved, it still sent your body into a huge heat wave.

You prayed with all your might be didn’t notice how enflamed your cheeks were or how his subtle touches sent your body emblazed. Then when he slowly lifted, of course having followed the instructions to the T, the moment he lifted your stomach you felt yourself lean more into him, and he was pressed into you.

When he lifted you could definitely feel, his biceps were flexing as he held your stomach, he seemed so gentle for hands that could be so brutal. It was impressive how he could be ever so careful when needed to be. You didn’t even think it was possible.

You don’t know how long he was holding your stomach, or what the doctor may have commented, probably praising him for doing a good job, but in that moment you felt….

Safe.

It was the only word you could describe the feeling. Even if it was something Simon wasn’t keen to do, you honestly don’t know his reason for wanting to do this…but you felt this made you feel completely safe from everything. It was a comfort you were neglected having as a child. When you threw yourself into the military you wanted to harden yourself to not rely on anyone for safety, yet meeting Ghost. That changed everything.

From the moment you two first went on mission together, you wanted nothing more than to trust him and knew he’d keep you safe no matter the cost.

He showed that multiple times when you put yourself in the line, a few times to save wounded or even take a risk, and every time. He was there having your back.

So now…here he was…weaponless, out of his comfort zone and having to do something gentle, you felt entirely safe once again.

You didn’t even realize how relaxed you were that you had leaned into him and let out a soft sigh. After some minutes, you feel him slowly lower your stomach, the moment ending but it was nice. Even better than when the doctor did it.

She seemed pleased nodding her head “Well you seem like a natural ! Okay ! When you start getting contractions, call me ! We discuss by then. I have your number and your mother’s. I’ll send you some things to read okay ?” You nod your head. “Thank you Doctor. Andrea.” You smile as she nods her head opening the door out of the room then leading you both to the front desk.

You could sense Simon lingering behind you as he followed you closely. The doctor goes behind the front desk walking to the printer as she grabs the ultrasound picture. There was 3 printed out as she handed them over to you from the desk. “Alright. You both are set ! Can’t wait to meet the little one.” She smiles giving you both a wave. As you do the same. Looking up at him, you smile at him holding the pictures.

Ghost’s POV

When doing the belly lift exercise, a part of him worried he may hurt you or the baby. Yet, he was very intent on following the doctors direction to the exact T. He watched intently as you expressed a sense of relaxing when doing it. Like it was the first kind of relief you experienced since being pregnant. All the more reason he wanted to do this.

When it was his turn, his eyes landed on you, you seemed nervous. Was it because of him ? Even when he got behind you he could tell your heart rate increased and you were trying to control your breathing. It was as if his presence makes you flustered. However he tried to control his own reaction to being right behind you and having to actually touch you more closely than he’s ever done.

When he carefully lifts your stomach, immediately he realizes how much weight you’ve been having to carry. ‘Bloody hell…no wonder she’s barely sleeping.’ As he holds your stomach up, he couldn’t help but feel proud at how much of a fighter you were. Not only were you fighting through the pain of carrying the child but also you were willing to do this alone if he didn’t plan to be there for you.

There was a sense of regret as he felt the slight strain in his muscles, honestly it was impressive to him how you didn’t complain as much as you did.

However, he regretted having to leave in a couple days for this mission. Knowing you’ll be going through this alone. Even though he knew you wouldn’t be entirely alone having your mother and uncle a part of him hated it wasn’t going to be him. He just hopes the mission will be done without any complications.

Once he slowly lets go of your stomach, even though he’d willingly hold it for you as long as you needed he finally let go knowing you’d want to go home and get off your feet. Especially how swollen your ankles were.

As they left the ultrasound room and made their way to the desk, they once again passed the young girls who once again began staring at him. Briefly he saw your face slightly twist with once again jealousy. Why you would get jealous was beyond him…you were much more than some teens and it angered him you thought less of yourself when you were carrying their child.

All the more reason he couldn’t resist casting a quick glare in the girls direction which obviously got the message clear enough as they looked terrified. You luckily were all the more unaware as he remained close behind you as you collected your pictures.

The smile adorned your face would be that of the sun, it was bright and gorgeous he wanted to capture the moment himself.

They both then walked out of the hospital, finally as they make their way to his truck. As they drew near he steps ahead of you when they drew near opening your door for you. He then holds out his gloved hand for you to help get into the car, it was something he thought even if minor you seemed to appreciate it instead of trying to pull yourself in. With his strength he eased you into the passenger seat. Once he was sure you were safely seat he shut your door then walked around to the driver side.

When he got in. He noticed you had already put your seatbelt on and was looking at the ultrasound photos. He couldn’t help but smile. You seemed so happy just since the growing baby in your stomach and it made him smile to himself seeing you this way. As he put the key into his engine, your hand reached out onto his. For a moment he thought something was wrong as his eyes looked down at you. Then you spoke “I want you to have one.” You extend our in your hand one of the ultrasound pictures. They were small yet perfect. “That’s if you want it. I don’t know…maybe just something to hold onto to-” you pause, as he watches your face turn teary, you were getting emotional “Sorry, nevermind. Silly thought. I know you don’t wan-” he didn’t even realize he said something until he saw your eyes flutter up to meet his.

They looked so innocent and pure. Sometimes he couldn’t believe you used to be able to take men his size down in a heartbeat. But a part of him like seeing you this way. It made him want to protect you even more. Which is why, against Ghost’s better judgement. Simon said it. “No. I want it.” Simple words.

He could see you were wondering if he was being serious or not so to prove it, he reached out for the little printed picture that you let him take as he took a glance at it briefly before pulling out his wallet. “When I’m on the mission, plan to put it in my vest.” He mumbles lowly, he could see something drop in the corner of his eye.

When he looked it was a tear. And another. ‘Fuck…was it something I said ?’ but then he saw you smile…god you were really bringing out Simon more and more. He then reached his gloved hand tentatively, to your cheek. Once again his eyes watching for any withdrawal or dislike.

But he saw none, and you had already begun to reach to cup his cheek as well. For a moment he expected you to pull up his mask again but instead, you lean forward and press a kiss over his mask on his cheek. Right where his left cheek scar crosses over. It was almost as if you knew the story behind the scar, because in that moment, he felt his walls slowly crumble, and he pressed his forehead against yours.

It was the closest you two have ever been And honestly, he was grateful you weren’t pushing him. You knew his limit and respected. And this made him feel trusting in you. Because you trusted he’ll one day open up to you when he’s ready. Now he planned to when he returned from the mission…everything.

He doesn’t know what you two will be when he comes back. Or how you two will be having a child together but he knows more than anything he wants to put his trust in you.

That’s his next mission…

You and their unborn Thomas.

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