#i wish i could talk to someone rn...
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#reze stfu#sometimes i think there is something wrong with me and i am a terrible person#like im a shit daughter and a shit older sister adn like im sorry#im sorry i didnt mean to be this way#i dont know why im so fucked up and why i cant love people properly#im so selfish because i only care about myself and no one else and i hate myself for it#i keep distancing myself from others but im so lonely and idk what to say. please like me please love me#god its so pathetic. ill do anything to have someone who cares about me#i love my family but sometimes i wish they hadnt messed me up so bad because#i want to know what being normal feels like. i wish i was born second or third#better yet i wish i wasnt born at all. wouldnt that be fun!#sorry. sorry. i think im going to drink some warm milk and idk. do something#i wish i could talk to someone rn...#idk. maybe ill call my best friends#<- his ass WILL NOT#because his ass feels guilty all the fucking time#hahahaha#tw vent
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i need someone to throw a brick at me so i can get the motivation to hop onto bg3 and PLAY instead of DRAW and DRAW and DRAW
#i seriously wish i could have someone sit next to me and watch me play rn#I LOVE THE GAME BUT I JUST WANT TO TALK ABT IT WHILE IM PLAYING#i get bored too easily otherwise DUISFHSDFIU#like i just want to DRAW and do NOTHING ELSE!!!!#BUT I NEED TO PLAY THE GAME FOR EXTRA COMIC INSPO DSIHDSFIUDS#AND ALSO CUZ I MISS SEEING LUNARA ON MY SCREEN ALREADY HAHA#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bob talks
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hi mutuals im just curious.
#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game#but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory#and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory#who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years#(ruin was mimic basically the whole time#doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally#after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly#i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of#gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books#for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game#or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know#my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate#i can hope though#i could be so cool#but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn#pandas.txt#pandas talks#poll#thoughts#pre hw2 dlc#jic
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hi fam !!
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#mikey welsh#ahhh omg :( i just fumbled so bad socially#and i just need to like. never speak again i feel.#and i’m trying to comfort myself because like. my friend started talking badly about me#and said i only use her to vent which makes me sad because i didn’t think that was true and i try to do sm for her#i made physics study guides for her ; compliment her when she posts ; and post her on my story a lot and always wave to her and talk to her#and i dunno. it makes me sad to think that but i can’t help it; you know? i just need to be alone sometimes and not speak to anyone#and it isn’t like i don’t wanna be her friend ; of course i do but like. it just hurts my heart she doesn’t wanna be my friend anymore#and it hurts my heart so bad and i dunno what im meant to do. and yesterday i had a party#and i said a bad joke in front of the wrong people and i just. accidentally embarrassed one of my good friends and i feel so bad#and everyone js went quiet and it’s just. i feel awful and need to be like. beheaded.#and i try to comfort myself like oh it’s okay. today is a new day. but today i feel even worse about it and there’s nothing i can do#to fix this; like on one hand THERES NOTHING I CAN DO TO FIX MY BLUNDER!!! but on the other hand; there’s nothing i can do and i have left#my imprint in their minds and it’s so bad. i wish i was like. dead or something; yk? like not even weezer can make me feel better and it#sucks so badly . i wish i could just not think anymore and ignore everything in my life. i just hate myself so badly right now ; and i can’t#even be sure that i’m gonna be better cuz i just lack so much social awareness. i wish#i was more socially aware . i just hate when i get too comfortable. i wish i awkwardly sat in the corner and#didn’t speak to anybody the entire night to spare myself from any awkwardness. i hate parties!! i shouldn’t have gone :(#SORRY FOR THR BENT POST I JS NEEDED TO TELL SOMEONE AND LIKE. GET KT OHT YK?#it’s just so. ahhh i hate everything sm rn :( but liek me and the friend joke like that all the time and idk. im just. :( i feel terrible#and i’ve apologized and he said it was okay but embarrassing cuz some ppl looked at him for his reaction#and i dunno. i just feel awful and need to just. focus solely on academics until my brain is fried and i can’t function or something !
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Hold on I think I cracked the code behind why so many people don’t understand what pantsing/discovery writing is!! Intention!! Though pantsing entails “writing without an outline” (so much nuance there) it doesn’t mean you don’t have a specific intention behind a work! Intention can evolve but it’s like the guiding force behind a work & something I’m aware of while I work, even in the most subconscious of ways… intention!!!
#Rachel rambles about pantsing vs plotting again bc someone left me a comment & it reminded me of a tip a gave which was smart#ANYWAYY pantsing is a really cool and diverse process (not saying outlining isn’t I just don’t do that!)#& there are soooo many variations of discovery that I wish I could learn more about how others pants bc there’s neverrrr ‘#<< ‘content’ abt that !!! hold on would ppl collab with me anonymously to talk about their process if you pants??#& I could compile a vid of tips from pantsers??? I always only have tips from me LOL but would love to hear#from more pantsers!!!! there are a million ways to outline but where are the million ways to pants!!!#million ways to pants now?? million ways to pants WHEN??#also this isn’t a versus pantsing and plotting holding hands rn
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I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...
#its been a long day... but im feeling better now. (thanks for the well wishes and such btw <3-)#(-sending my well wishes in return by tenfold bcs. damn. it seems stuff is really going around rn)#but yeah... just. augh. theres just smth about how the scavs sorta translate into more like. thriller-esque genres pretty well?#like. i feel somehow those themes compliment their characteristics? or could compliment their characteristics in a more rounded out way#sure. theyre generally a light hearted romp of absurdity with occasional themes of a not good not bad handling of 'mental health matters'#but they just really shine a bit in horrific circumstances. esp with the sort of absurdity they bring to the table#theyre odd people. even in the context of their generally weird and alien universe. and that right there feels like a trove of potential#its like. ok. the lost light crew? also odd. but thats a huge ship. full of people and variety and a sense of purpose and normalcy post-war#(normalcy being. whatever all those background folks were getting up too while plot happened around them. cruise ship stuff ig)#but in contrast. with the w.a.p crew. its an ark class ship with like. a handful of people. and a whole lot of junk and free time#both just cruising through space endlessly for years. one with hundreds of people. and one with like 6 people.#so both are technically isolated when theyre not making pit-stops planet or station side. but again. 100s vs 6 dudes.#think. top of the line cruise ship from hell with a small town sized populace vs a big shitty boat and 6 starving guys#both have the capacity to become case studies in madness. both could do really well thriller wise. but the scavs being a smaller group?#it only being the 6 of them emphasis the isolation perhaps. less variety. less change. same 6 people for 5(?) years#things could get weird fast. codependent mentalities. us vs them mindsets. an otherness about everyone else outside of their group#and then! then you add to the mix the fact that theyre eating/drinking from corpses?! *chefs kiss* awesome. love it.#non-stationary isolation + cannibalism. ough. perfect mix. a classic of maritime horror but in space! :D!#a big ship. small crew. living while knowing that as soon as you kick the bucket. your body is the meal. your body is the fuel.#no decorum about it. no faith. no belief. just perverse survival. bcs they might enjoy it. a bloody gluttony. with a bite. a sample. a taste#it takes seeing your buddy as a walking talking burger to another level. bcs every corpse you come across is also a burger. and a gas can#also fulcrum making candy out of corpses is so. particularly perfect when it comes to the horrifically absurd. just. smth about it. idk#but also also. the line. where was the line drawn for each of them? and when did they each cross it?#most of them dont seem like the type to jump head first into that. so how did they justify it to themselves? had they done it before?#and then. when did it become normal? a habit? smth enjoyable?#i might be running out of tags. but yeah. them being weirder. esp about each other and others.#nothing brings a group of people together like the overhanging knowledge that you sort of kinda wanna eat each other#(rlly wishing i could stomach realistic thrillers rn. but i just cant. gotta stick to written or artistic styles or risk panic attacks :/)#(ive tried a couple movies and shows now. and cant get through most of them. praise be synopses and peoples long rambles about them tho :D)#(nothing like reading someones passionate ramble about the meaning/symbolism of some gory nightmare without having to actually see it lol)
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SPERG YOUR HEART OUT
#EVERYONE#NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#& FOREVER#i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them.#i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz)#still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^#I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving#literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things#for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW#so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing#so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head#ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan#OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG#& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted#to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO.#next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it#i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN#like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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maybe this is just me being annoyed but whenever i try to talk abt my ocs here [which i very rarely do for this exact reason] it always gets zero engagement whatsoever. like i dont come here for Attention i come here for interaction which do kind of go hand in hand but. getting like 7 likes any time i pour my heart out about my guys is. disheartening. and it sucks because talking abt them is part of the way to get people to care! but i dont have the motivation for comics all the time [and when i do they dont get much attention either]. i feel like i should just stick to discord but im soo desprate to be heard and i feel like its hard to find The Right People to talk to
#especially when some of the people i wanna rant to dont use disc much. so i just yell into the void#this is abt sparks in particular but im miffed in general. with the response i get.#sky rambles#its just. frustrating. not mad at anyone in particular ofc !!!!!!#i need a friend who is online all the time who is always willing to hear me talk about stupid shit /SILLY#im actually Deranged about sparks rn i wish someone who Clicked With Autism was online on disc rn . so i could yap .#whatever.#sorry.#i just don't get what my guys don't have ????/ i guess probably constant art#i wish i could explain things concisely so people would care at all
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gutwrenching melancholia will be an on-going theme as we dive deeper into oc’s backstory and innermost thoughts i fear…
#i can seriously talk about oc all day i wish i could scream and cry about them to someone#without spoilers LMAO#i have four? drabbles lined up to be written#and i’m outlining one of them rn#and i’m already crying#I NEED A DRINK!#art rambles
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#talks#I wish I could hug someone rn#if ur reading this im giving u a virtual hug <3#giving u peace and love 💚
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🧟♀️ <- me rn
#vent in tags#sort of?#i'm sick + my period is coming soon + it's tech week#also every time this specific friend talks abt food it makes me feels so uncomfortable#she'll talk abt the amt of sugar/calories in smth someone else is having#she doesn't mean it meanly yk but she's js bragging abt her knowledge#but it makes me feel like shit#even if i'm not eating it#because i feel like compared to her i eat way too much#(i have 3 well rounded meals a day 😭 and sweet treats obvi)#but it's like i'm alr insecure rn cz i'm bloated#& i haven't been exercising enough so i feel a little guilty abt thatttt#idk i js wish i could have the perfect weight distribution but i know my eating habits are ok bc i need to be healthy#but sometimes i js make myself feel sick#and every time she's like “only had one meal yesterday ✌️” i feel so ugly#idk if she's bragging or js being awkward#but i can't stand it
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:|
#up at 4 for no reason lollolololllllll#and my brain has decided to fixate on glowstick club show the moment of like#delaying our show start time and waiting to hear from someone abt if we could start#so i could tell our members when we were starting#and i have thought abt this show sm but i haven’t thought abt that moment lmfao ??????#why am i suddenly only thinking abt that#and also thinking abt the stage manager bc i don’t think we were great w her 😭😭😭#not that we were rude or bad or anything but just personally i feel like i was thinking abt a lot of stuff#ig probably understandably but after the show ppl said the stage manager was frustrated or like#wished we were more communicative#which also lowkey wasn’t my job necessarily bc we have a logistics chair for that#but she was working w the lighting person and lemme not start thinking abt that too bc illl also start feeling bad abt that LMAO#bro like the show was great why am i like brain pooping all over it rn#like tiny little moments that probably no one remembers lol#but aso i need to actually send a msg related to this show that i’ve been procrastinating to shit#abt videos from our show that still haven’t been uploaded that i put audio on and uploaded to drive#overthinking it bc i am not in like a pleadership position anymore so#what am i doing asking them if we can upload these vids soon LOL#but also i asked over a week ago and was ghosted 😭😭😭#so i rly gotta follow up lol ANYWAY#can i pls finish this bedtime fic and have my brain shut up and sleep lol#but also i just don’t want to sleep c:#jeanne talks
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anyway to celebrate my rewatch of lost being complete, have a zoomed in picture of a selfie i took with mr emerson <3
#you can still barely see my hair on the right side of the picture lol#his hand was on my shoulder im. just staring at it#it freaks me out too much what the fuck#feels like it happened to someone else not me#i remember it but also i zoned out staring at him#wasn’t emotionally present#not showing it but i did wear a dharma shirt when i met him#my dad always said ‘you’re very brave to have his hand on your back. he easily could have stabbed you’ you say that as if its a bad thing#wish i had watched lost more recently during that time so i could have asked him more interesting questions#he was so lovely though. talked about his wife a lot even promoted the show she had going on at the time#guy clearly loves her it was adorable#i know i know parasocial relationships etc im aware i dont know anything about his personal life and im more than ok with that#ok im done im just insane rn#michael emerson#my posts#lostposting#benposting
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Omg so you’re telling me you could be going through like the biggest crisis of your life, world falling apart and all and yet your stupid body would be like you know what I’m feeling very h-
#FUCK YOUUUU (it wishes)#first of all pretend you do not see this I just needed to confess for a second#seriously though wtf#someone talked and breathed a bit too close to me and I was panicking inside#and not so long after that he opened the car door for me tf this is the worst person who could be turning me on rn#i think the worst part was when he sighed a bit moany-y and it disturbed me more and then only a few minutes after his colleague asked me#what I was thinking…(because we were all discussing something) so anyway brain is even more damaged than it used to be#anywayyyyy#there’s nothing behind it I’m just losing my mind btw#like a day before I dreamed of someone I haven’t seen in like 2 years and it was a bit uhhh confusing#thank god I haven’t seen him in that long#not that I would do anything with him if I saw him but yk#anyway stfu you bitch this is not the time#going crazy what’s new
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i have this weird thing where i want ppl to be really nice to me and pet me and etc but like, i know that’s not possible, at least for me, cause no ones ever gonna see me as a cat. i’m just some guy asking for attention, not this cat you spotted and wanna call over, i am just never gonna feel as innocent as i want to. it hurts so fucking bad
#kitty talks#on the come down of the shrooms and felt a lot today and im thinking a lot and i’m just like haha idk i rlly wish inwas a cat#i wish i could never feel a thing ever. i want thr bliss cats have. i want ro be loved. i wanna be cute. i jusy wanna be small#ive been edging breaking down for so long but it really does suck i really jusy wanna be hugged but i dont wanna be Hugged i wanna be hugged#and i wanr ro cuddle but not like that. i want to be a cat that crawls into bed with someone warm bc i like their heat. i uusy#i dont know i feel so fucking weird rn and it’s mostly bc im like fuck dude is this jusy how ill be forever like am i seriously not gonna +#get over this. am i just gonna live my life begging to be loved like something im not?#am i even acearo? like i am but do i really know what i mean by when i say i dont Like that stuff?#like am i just not interested bc i know it’ll never be possible to truly Be Like That with no worry?#idont know im jusy really sad and im cold and i wish someone was kissing me right now and i wish i was being squeezed#and i am also so tired of dressing up just to feel uglier but i love dressing up and make up too much to Not do it#idk. basically. i wish i was a cat and i wish i didn’t frel ugly all the time
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