#i wish i could talk to someone rn...
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#reze stfu#sometimes i think there is something wrong with me and i am a terrible person#like im a shit daughter and a shit older sister adn like im sorry#im sorry i didnt mean to be this way#i dont know why im so fucked up and why i cant love people properly#im so selfish because i only care about myself and no one else and i hate myself for it#i keep distancing myself from others but im so lonely and idk what to say. please like me please love me#god its so pathetic. ill do anything to have someone who cares about me#i love my family but sometimes i wish they hadnt messed me up so bad because#i want to know what being normal feels like. i wish i was born second or third#better yet i wish i wasnt born at all. wouldnt that be fun!#sorry. sorry. i think im going to drink some warm milk and idk. do something#i wish i could talk to someone rn...#idk. maybe ill call my best friends#<- his ass WILL NOT#because his ass feels guilty all the fucking time#hahahaha#tw vent
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i need someone to throw a brick at me so i can get the motivation to hop onto bg3 and PLAY instead of DRAW and DRAW and DRAW
#i seriously wish i could have someone sit next to me and watch me play rn#I LOVE THE GAME BUT I JUST WANT TO TALK ABT IT WHILE IM PLAYING#i get bored too easily otherwise DUISFHSDFIU#like i just want to DRAW and do NOTHING ELSE!!!!#BUT I NEED TO PLAY THE GAME FOR EXTRA COMIC INSPO DSIHDSFIUDS#AND ALSO CUZ I MISS SEEING LUNARA ON MY SCREEN ALREADY HAHA#bg3#baldur's gate 3#bob talks
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hi mutuals im just curious.
#im a ggy lover myself and would obviously love to see it realized in a game#but i also like gregory as a character more than his semi-canon backstory#and have complicated feelings on if i want them to confirm ggy at all.#i love ggy but dont want it to take screentime away from gregory#who alongside vanessa havent been focused on in years#(ruin was mimic basically the whole time#doesnt count) and need the screentime desperately.#personally#after THIS long (2 and a half years since gregory screentime and over a year since GGYs release)#i cant help but always wonder if theyve just. waited too long and they shouldnt confirm it.#at least just that they shouldnt release something just for the sake of confirming it and just leave it as book knowledge.#if they did focus on ggy in a game i'd want it to serve the plot involving multiple characters and progress slowly#i dont want it to be confirmed then its just background knowledge i would want there to be a plotline of#gregory remembering it throughout the plot of a game and dealing with it.#it'd confirm it then but it'd also still be wholly focused on Gregory alone and also be a natural reveal for people who dont read the books#for me its option 3 i guess. by all means its for sure canon at the moment im just talking about how it would be revealed in a game#or if at all and left as knowledge someone who read the books would know#my idea is wishful thinking we'd never get something that intricate#i can hope though#i could be so cool#but damn theyre just handling the story so strangely rn#pandas.txt#pandas talks#poll#thoughts#pre hw2 dlc#jic
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Hold on I think I cracked the code behind why so many people don’t understand what pantsing/discovery writing is!! Intention!! Though pantsing entails “writing without an outline” (so much nuance there) it doesn’t mean you don’t have a specific intention behind a work! Intention can evolve but it’s like the guiding force behind a work & something I’m aware of while I work, even in the most subconscious of ways… intention!!!
#Rachel rambles about pantsing vs plotting again bc someone left me a comment & it reminded me of a tip a gave which was smart#ANYWAYY pantsing is a really cool and diverse process (not saying outlining isn’t I just don’t do that!)#& there are soooo many variations of discovery that I wish I could learn more about how others pants bc there’s neverrrr ‘#<< ‘content’ abt that !!! hold on would ppl collab with me anonymously to talk about their process if you pants??#& I could compile a vid of tips from pantsers??? I always only have tips from me LOL but would love to hear#from more pantsers!!!! there are a million ways to outline but where are the million ways to pants!!!#million ways to pants now?? million ways to pants WHEN??#also this isn’t a versus pantsing and plotting holding hands rn
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SPERG YOUR HEART OUT
#EVERYONE#NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#& FOREVER#i love it when my friends &/or mutuals post about their interest & Passions i will like your posts but really i Loved them.#i deleted some tags because they might be interpreted as weird(er than usual) but 0_0 i am ♯Passionate about ♯Passion (for fashion - Bratz)#still kind of feel like a worthless human being but i secured another hangout in like a week so yayyy ^_^#I GET TO BOTHER SOMEONE TOO NOW i just wish people did that to me too why am i like always the one raving#literally have to beg my friend to give me updates on her things even if i normally hate it even i go out of my way to look for things#for us to discuss -_- GIRL please i am for real not just faking for politeness who do you think i am I WANT TO KNOW#so effin excited OMG i have like so much to say & the greatest thing is that this girl has no knowledge at all about my Thing#so i can explain from the very beginning You literally have no idea how much i practiced the conversation in my head#ever since she told me & she said she wanted me to go on & talk about it more i have been Devising My Plan#OMG YAYYYY ^_^_^_^_^_^ AIMU SO HEPI AAARRRGHHHHHGSJDJSHSJDHSHSG#& OFC i had to plug it in the first time i met her in person i just could not help myself there was an NF on that day & i told her i wanted#to catch it i had to go in the end for a different reason & BTW it was such a whiplash the show itself was so fun but the winner... 0_0 NO.#next i will ask her about berserk & maybe even read it so we can talk about it because she really likes it#i dropped it when i was 14 because the laptop i was using to read it was complete crap Just like mine is RN#like a section of my keyboard is completely dead T_T so i have to use the on-screen one...
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maybe this is just me being annoyed but whenever i try to talk abt my ocs here [which i very rarely do for this exact reason] it always gets zero engagement whatsoever. like i dont come here for Attention i come here for interaction which do kind of go hand in hand but. getting like 7 likes any time i pour my heart out about my guys is. disheartening. and it sucks because talking abt them is part of the way to get people to care! but i dont have the motivation for comics all the time [and when i do they dont get much attention either]. i feel like i should just stick to discord but im soo desprate to be heard and i feel like its hard to find The Right People to talk to
#especially when some of the people i wanna rant to dont use disc much. so i just yell into the void#this is abt sparks in particular but im miffed in general. with the response i get.#sky rambles#its just. frustrating. not mad at anyone in particular ofc !!!!!!#i need a friend who is online all the time who is always willing to hear me talk about stupid shit /SILLY#im actually Deranged about sparks rn i wish someone who Clicked With Autism was online on disc rn . so i could yap .#whatever.#sorry.#i just don't get what my guys don't have ????/ i guess probably constant art#i wish i could explain things concisely so people would care at all
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i feel shy talking here when i dont have anything worth sharing but i cant help feeling like ive said things in the tags that could be brought up in court
#im joking#i think i just get embarrassed saying smth that most ppl can see out in the open. its like when prey animals are grazing in a pasture#and then they hear a twig snap yk. im like that. but talking in the tags is more comfortable because it just feels more.. hidden?? quiet???#its kind of like how i prefer responding thru asks than DMs.. idk if it has something to do with space or less pressure#i also use these as an excuse to ramble a little abt recent events so. ive worked a little bit on shuffle and prestos backstories ^_^#i was thinking abt giving them a shared past where they knew each other as kids and forgot but i also though hmm.. idk if it would drive th#story i want bc i think itd be better if they bonded over similar experiences instead of the fact that they knew each other before. i get#that reconnecting and reconciling your idea of someone now and then is a good concept but id have to think abt it.. i dont want it to feel#like they owe each other to be friends again just bc they were as kids. ive experienced that a lot and all it did was make me feel guilty#so i think id want to write it as u can be friends with someone who had similar experiences and make u wish you knew each other then#i also know theyd hate each other but idk HOW. i suck at writing conflict so idk if theyd try to make each other eat glass and why#idk if itll ever come up but id also like to see if theres a way i could rationalize why they have animal ears.. normally i say aliens#but ive had an idea for a species and background for that too. although its very abstract and it probably has a lot of holes#smth abt peoples souls attaching themselves to smth they identify with.. although i dont know to what extent like if it can#be called a sona or if it can even be smth mythical like a unicorn or god itself.. its very weird rn#yapping#oc talk
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gutwrenching melancholia will be an on-going theme as we dive deeper into oc’s backstory and innermost thoughts i fear…
#i can seriously talk about oc all day i wish i could scream and cry about them to someone#without spoilers LMAO#i have four? drabbles lined up to be written#and i’m outlining one of them rn#and i’m already crying#I NEED A DRINK!#art rambles
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#talks#I wish I could hug someone rn#if ur reading this im giving u a virtual hug <3#giving u peace and love 💚
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🧟♀️ <- me rn
#vent in tags#sort of?#i'm sick + my period is coming soon + it's tech week#also every time this specific friend talks abt food it makes me feels so uncomfortable#she'll talk abt the amt of sugar/calories in smth someone else is having#she doesn't mean it meanly yk but she's js bragging abt her knowledge#but it makes me feel like shit#even if i'm not eating it#because i feel like compared to her i eat way too much#(i have 3 well rounded meals a day 😭 and sweet treats obvi)#but it's like i'm alr insecure rn cz i'm bloated#& i haven't been exercising enough so i feel a little guilty abt thatttt#idk i js wish i could have the perfect weight distribution but i know my eating habits are ok bc i need to be healthy#but sometimes i js make myself feel sick#and every time she's like “only had one meal yesterday ✌️” i feel so ugly#idk if she's bragging or js being awkward#but i can't stand it
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its me and my inability to compromise against the world
#i hate it when plans are changed i fucking hate it so much#i desperately need to rant about this im having an awful time ..Augh#my dad lost his job and is selling his house. we have at MOST 3 weeks to get out of here#so wrre moving to the house next to my moms. my grandpa owned b4 he died. HOWEVER#i hate that house its dirty as hell. i cant live with my mom theres barely 2 rooms there and i currently sleep on a couch in the living roo#there are 3(?) bedrooms where my dad is moving and they are SIGNIFICANTLY smaller than. literally everything#so well have. not a lot of space. not to mention that all the rooms are shaped so fucking weird. shitty old house bonus#literally everything has the fucking landlord special cause my mom used to rent it except all of the tennants were jerks#so the house has A Vibe. /neg. and its a weird combo of dustu and sticky#Im getting off topic.#i was allowed to choose my room a while back and we all agreed on everything and made plans and thought everything was set in stone#the room i was supposed to get is small asf and has slanted walls. (attic room ig) but it was fine#but my mom was like noo! actually! your older brother is getting that room! we never agreed on anything!!#whicj is AWFUL#i HATE CHANGE#AND. i wish you could see the room im supposed to have now but im at My dad's rn#its so fucking small. the water heater is in there. there's a low hanging fucking duct pipe or whatever right by the door#its pink#it smells like shit#ots right next to the washer and dryer.#there is no light. i hate it so much#ITS SMALL. AND JUST FUCKING SUCKS#i might sound like a dick but everything is so stressful rn i dont want to move school starts in 2 weeks i dont know my schedule i don't#have anyone to talk to. we're all fucking broke as hell and my mom refuses to help my dad because. i dont even know why#sorry. btw#i need someone to talk to so bad#they won't get me a therapist because 1 its not covered by insurance and 2 my dad lost his job and said insurance#i can't get a job because i can't drive and am so mentally fucked up and its so hard for me to do literally anything#i cry at the most insignificant situations and im always on the verge of tears#i get overstimulated so easy i can't fucking do this
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#up at 4 for no reason lollolololllllll#and my brain has decided to fixate on glowstick club show the moment of like#delaying our show start time and waiting to hear from someone abt if we could start#so i could tell our members when we were starting#and i have thought abt this show sm but i haven’t thought abt that moment lmfao ??????#why am i suddenly only thinking abt that#and also thinking abt the stage manager bc i don’t think we were great w her 😭😭😭#not that we were rude or bad or anything but just personally i feel like i was thinking abt a lot of stuff#ig probably understandably but after the show ppl said the stage manager was frustrated or like#wished we were more communicative#which also lowkey wasn’t my job necessarily bc we have a logistics chair for that#but she was working w the lighting person and lemme not start thinking abt that too bc illl also start feeling bad abt that LMAO#bro like the show was great why am i like brain pooping all over it rn#like tiny little moments that probably no one remembers lol#but aso i need to actually send a msg related to this show that i’ve been procrastinating to shit#abt videos from our show that still haven’t been uploaded that i put audio on and uploaded to drive#overthinking it bc i am not in like a pleadership position anymore so#what am i doing asking them if we can upload these vids soon LOL#but also i asked over a week ago and was ghosted 😭😭😭#so i rly gotta follow up lol ANYWAY#can i pls finish this bedtime fic and have my brain shut up and sleep lol#but also i just don’t want to sleep c:#jeanne talks
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anyway to celebrate my rewatch of lost being complete, have a zoomed in picture of a selfie i took with mr emerson <3
#you can still barely see my hair on the right side of the picture lol#his hand was on my shoulder im. just staring at it#it freaks me out too much what the fuck#feels like it happened to someone else not me#i remember it but also i zoned out staring at him#wasn’t emotionally present#not showing it but i did wear a dharma shirt when i met him#my dad always said ‘you’re very brave to have his hand on your back. he easily could have stabbed you’ you say that as if its a bad thing#wish i had watched lost more recently during that time so i could have asked him more interesting questions#he was so lovely though. talked about his wife a lot even promoted the show she had going on at the time#guy clearly loves her it was adorable#i know i know parasocial relationships etc im aware i dont know anything about his personal life and im more than ok with that#ok im done im just insane rn#michael emerson#my posts#lostposting#benposting
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Omg so you’re telling me you could be going through like the biggest crisis of your life, world falling apart and all and yet your stupid body would be like you know what I’m feeling very h-
#FUCK YOUUUU (it wishes)#first of all pretend you do not see this I just needed to confess for a second#seriously though wtf#someone talked and breathed a bit too close to me and I was panicking inside#and not so long after that he opened the car door for me tf this is the worst person who could be turning me on rn#i think the worst part was when he sighed a bit moany-y and it disturbed me more and then only a few minutes after his colleague asked me#what I was thinking…(because we were all discussing something) so anyway brain is even more damaged than it used to be#anywayyyyy#there’s nothing behind it I’m just losing my mind btw#like a day before I dreamed of someone I haven’t seen in like 2 years and it was a bit uhhh confusing#thank god I haven’t seen him in that long#not that I would do anything with him if I saw him but yk#anyway stfu you bitch this is not the time#going crazy what’s new
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i have this weird thing where i want ppl to be really nice to me and pet me and etc but like, i know that’s not possible, at least for me, cause no ones ever gonna see me as a cat. i’m just some guy asking for attention, not this cat you spotted and wanna call over, i am just never gonna feel as innocent as i want to. it hurts so fucking bad
#kitty talks#on the come down of the shrooms and felt a lot today and im thinking a lot and i’m just like haha idk i rlly wish inwas a cat#i wish i could never feel a thing ever. i want thr bliss cats have. i want ro be loved. i wanna be cute. i jusy wanna be small#ive been edging breaking down for so long but it really does suck i really jusy wanna be hugged but i dont wanna be Hugged i wanna be hugged#and i wanr ro cuddle but not like that. i want to be a cat that crawls into bed with someone warm bc i like their heat. i uusy#i dont know i feel so fucking weird rn and it’s mostly bc im like fuck dude is this jusy how ill be forever like am i seriously not gonna +#get over this. am i just gonna live my life begging to be loved like something im not?#am i even acearo? like i am but do i really know what i mean by when i say i dont Like that stuff?#like am i just not interested bc i know it’ll never be possible to truly Be Like That with no worry?#idont know im jusy really sad and im cold and i wish someone was kissing me right now and i wish i was being squeezed#and i am also so tired of dressing up just to feel uglier but i love dressing up and make up too much to Not do it#idk. basically. i wish i was a cat and i wish i didn’t frel ugly all the time
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i want to understand dating and such but i'm just so lazy to put in the effort and also no one likes me like that and i don't see the point in going after someone just on the off chance that somehow love manages to happen and also drama is stupid. i wanna know for the sake of it but also i could not be assed. i want to know to know but really what i want is friendship and cuddles.
#bluebird.txt#anyways roy and keeley's breakup is still making me really sad#idk watching friends rn cuz it's what's on the tv and phoebe just broke up w a guy who doesn't wanna get married and i'm just like#man#i need to stop being bitter about everything it makes me feel bad and sad and i don't want to keep feeling#like i'm being a bitch to people even if they don't think i am#i don't do it on purpose i just need to shut the fuck up#but i wish i could explode :/#but i can't because no one deserves it and it would be unfair#i wish i could stop thinking and explode anyways#anyways. one day i won't care about any of this and i'll end up somehow and i will be happy.#girls when they've maybe been lightly aromantic for years#'people just like each other? how rare is that thought that one person likes someone and that person#out of all people actually happens to like them back?'#is that the aro-ness or the loneliness talking#or both#fucking who gives a fuck#sex isn't fucking real anyways#it's boring as fuck i bet#like narratively totally hot but in reality? like whatever bro
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