#i will forever project my own feelings of the intent of the show onto certain people involved

[imunbreakabledude]

i miss patty o'connor. and allison mcroberts. and i miss how i felt before that finale aired.......

[prettieinpink]

2024 WRAPPED⋆˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

₊˚⊹♡TOP LESSONS LEARNT 

Missing out gives you progress on your goals. So many times this year, I didn’t do things that I usually would’ve loved to do to make and maintain progress on my

goals. Simple things like cancelling plans, buying certain things and any other short-term pleasures. Allowing myself to overcome FOMO, and in return, I saw great progress in my goals. 

People hating you has nothing to do with you. I dislike a lot of things because it's my personal preference. Someone who decides to hate you is a matter of their preference. However, if they choose to show that hatred to you, it's a matter of projection. People will project onto you as a way to cope with their own life, cause they can’t deal with their own. 

Stop letting everything control you. Truly, you’re held back from nothing in life. Your circumstances, identity, environment and more can only hold you back so far. At one point, you’ve gotta start acting and stop blaming everything around you on why you can’t. This one… is still in progress for me. I do feel like my parents are a major factor in me being held back, but deeper down, I also feel that it's an excuse to not work up to my potential. 

Trying to fit in is fruitless. I wear and listen to what I want. I decide what kind of content I want to consume, and what food I want to eat. This generation is notorious for tearing down anyone who doesn’t fit in a cookie cutter. Allowing your authenticity to shine through, will guide those who are meant for you, to you!

All problems are temporary. This one does not apply to everything, but it applies to a lot of things. Your issues will not last forever, so don’t let it leave a permanent mark on you. Don’t let your situation deter you from your goals.

₊˚⊹♡ACHIEVEMENTS 

It's small, but I feel like I’ve created my room to be fully intentional for me. While it still can be improved, my room is much better in terms of clutter and decor compared to 2023. 

Consistent practicing soft social skills like keeping up small chats, giving compliments and handling disagreements gracefully. I ended the year with all B’s! Last semester was a bit of a flunk for me, but I managed to pull it up for the end of the year. 

Saved like 500$ for purchasing things off my wishlist. 

Read like 12ish books for 2024. Would’ve loved to read more, but I was in a reading slump and also didn’t have enough time to go out to my local library to borrow any books. 

₊˚⊹♡HABITS / RITUALS 

In bed by 9 pm, up by 6 am. Sleeping early has made me feel a lot more energised in the mornings, and I find that it's easier to get out of bed and continue with my routine. The later I slept will more I felt sluggish for the next day + waking up earlier hay motivated me to stay on top of my routines. 

Daily walks after school. It gets my steps in, but it's a nice way to debrief after school and regather myself before heading straight into studying. I sometimes do walk home, and it's great to plug in my earphones and just not think. 

Journaling. I preach it for a reason, as journaling helps plenty. It can help you to shift your mindset beliefs, identify self-sabotaging behaviours, allow us to truly reflect on who we are and see progress each day in our lives. 

Lighting candles more frequently. It's such a little habit, but it brings me so much joy. Usually, they’re just collecting dust as decor however when I started to use them, I loved the whole experience. The smell and the small warmth that it brings are just perfect for the ambience. 

Curating my social media. I have an absolute maximum of 5 hours per day, but I still want those 5 hours to count for something. I’ve redownloaded TikTok earlier this year, and I think it’s a great platform for looking for advice and inspiration. Creating a feed that works for you instead of the other way around, will definitely change how it influences you. 

Having alone time in the morning and at night. I need this time to myself to slow myself down and regather my thoughts and it's just what I look forward to, to get through the day. I usually do whatever I like in this time slot, on the condition that I am completely by myself, free from any tasks or distractions. 

Cleaning regularly. When I did a deep clean last year, it would just be vacuuming my room and wiping down all visible surfaces. That is good, but there’s a lot more to clean than you realise. One major thing that we forget to clean (yet is probably the dirtiest) is our devices. Wipe down all screens every single day!

₊˚⊹♡BEAUTY / FASHION TIPS

Turn down the toilet seat when you flush. The amount of times I’ve been in public toilets and flushed with the lid up is outrageous, and I just can’t believe that last year I didn’t even consider the bacteria that would fly up on my clothes or even my face. Not a major skincare tip, however, er I think this would affect it. 

Know your undertone. I would only use undertones to know what kind of jewellery fits me, but it goes way beyond that. Before I start, I would like to say, don’t buy any more clothes or makeup just because they don’t fit your undertone. If you like your confidence will override any undertone clash. I used to walk around with really yellow makeup, and the difference when I got a foundation that had more of a golden undertone was like day and night. The same applies to your clothes. Warmer clothes will complement me, becausI’m’m warm-toned. So, I tend to stay away from cooler tones. I don’t use colour seasons, Is anyone wondering? 

Stick to a palette that you like. Last year, I wasted so much money trying to experiment with new colours in my clothes and makeup, just to end up hating it. It’s also a bad consumerist habit, to buy things for your fantasy self. So today, I only buy clothes it's the colours I like and I only purchase makeup if its shades fit me. I’m not saying buy anything new, but keep it to a minimum to reduce waste and save your money for the things that you like. 

Avoid fashion inspiration with faces. Highly attractive people can pull off anything, quite literally. Their face can influence subconsciously them ly to love the outfit, even if the outfit is ‘bad’. So, when saving pictures from Pinterest, TikTok or magazines, avoid any outfits that show their face. I said avoid it as sometimes you just really like an outfit and you know it's nothing to do with their face, which is okay. 

₊˚⊹♡YOUTUBERS

JIlLZ GUERIN - Focuses on feminine energy, lifestyle and intellectual habits. I recommend her as many of her videos are new and fresh perspectives.

SANDY DIANA BANG - Mostly productive vlogs that inspire and motivate, with a sprinkle of wellness, health and beauty content. Her channel and vibes are so aesthetic too! 

ROSIE GRAHAM & LIDIA MERA - Both are fitness influencers that focus on pilates. Their workouts are so good that they always leave me sweating and strained (which is good!! lmao). If one of your goals for 2025 was to start working out, I would use their videos. 

THANK YOU BUBU - Another fitness channel that is one of my time faves, and they have a variety of exercises that target abs, glutes, legs and arms. Another channel I would recommend if I was starting to exercise again. 

MINA LE - She does research and creates video essays on various topics, which many videos I feel are relevant in current times. She’s great if you want to expand and explore new perspectives. 

HALIEY GAMBA - She’s for a more matured audience, but she’s such a hidden gem. All of her advice ly new things, not just the same things that have been rinsed and repeated. 

KELLY GOOCH - She’s a beauYouTuberber who mainly discusses the beauty industry and its products while recommending some. She’s one of the only beauty influencers who I will listen to, as I feel like her opinions aren’t constantly swayed by sponsorships or promotions. Even then I would still take any beauty opinions and advice with two cents.

ELLE CHU - A smaller, but underrated beauty influencer. She discusses a lot of beauty products whether they’re worth it, overhyped or overpriced. She does sometimes talk about the beauty industry, but those videos are infrequent. 

₊˚⊹♡BOOKS 

(I have read all of them libby- a reading app).

NJUTA by NIKI BRANTMARK. All about the Swedish art of enjoying the present. If you feel like you have a simple and unexciting life, I recommend you read this.

SPARK JOY by Marie Kondo. A popular decluttering book that uses the KonMari method that emphasises items that you want to keep, instead of focusing on what you want to get rid of.

THE HEALTHY MIND TOOLKIT by Dr Alice Boyes. This is the ultimate guide of mindset shifts to target self-sabotaging or destructive beliefs and gives strategies to overcome them.

MINDFULLNESS ON THE GO by Jan Chozen Bays. A collection of little mindfulness practices you can do almost anywhere, almost anytime. 

MY WISHES FOR 2025

To join any club at this point. It's hard for me to do anything outside of the house with my parents' schedules, and I do feel like it has eaten at my social life and the experiences, lessons etc I would gain. At first, I originally wanted to join so it's something I could put on my university application, however, I’m entering year 10 with absolutely no extracurriculars since year 7. (for anyone not down under, I'm talking about high school grades.) 

Expanding my social circle. I feel like I don’t have a secondary community outside of school, and it's definitely what can amplify my slumps or depression without having that one person I can talk to freely, without the worry of school. I feel like I’m making no sense here. 

Moving anywhere. I want to move schools, cities, countries, or whatever. Being in the same school since year 2 (elementary) has taken a toll on me. 

A million dollars. Very unrealistic, but I still want it! I feel like money is the only thing that can actively change my life at this point. 

thats it for this post! I encourage anyone else to do their own wrapped and tag me!

[kyarbrougharts245-02]

Project 2/ Blog 4

As we progress in the course, I find that I’m slowly starting to comprehend just how labor-intensive Type is, especially in its early stages. The reading gave a bit of insight into that bit of history. For example, the book mentions that early text had to be made from metal or wood, even the construction of spaces required a “physical body” as the book defines it.

It makes me feel a little bit better about my projects. While I find cutting to be annoying and measuring accurate alignments manually to be ever so time-consuming, I can’t fathom how much stress I’d be going through if I had to situate each individual letter used on top of my current process. My weekdays would be filled with more all-nighters than I’ve ever experienced.

I can see how our hands-on assignments are encouraging discipline, and overall, I think doing this work leads me to respect my predecessors even more. They probably have seen more all-nighters than anyone in recent years. 

This week’s reading was a little more interesting to me, visually. I like how certain quotes mentioned are aligned in a way that doesn’t conform to the original grid. By pushing the quotes into the margins, the significance of the quote is all the more enhanced—which I get is likely the point, however, I feel it is worth mentioning. I also like the formatting seen in the example on page 66. I had to double-take initially and forced myself to more carefully analyze the body in an attempt to find what was wrong. I think the effect it has is trippy, but aside from being cool, I can’t see myself reading a book till the end if it had a similar formatting. 

I think I struggle with reading as it is now, sometimes I find myself skipping lines or needing to reread a line as I read the text but I didn’t “digest” it.  It’s a little setback but it only shows itself when I read history or a Biology textbook. In other words, if it’s not fantasy, I have no interest. So unless the book had a groundbreaking, mind-shattering storyline, I don’t think I’ll read a book with unorganized spacing.

Additionally, I found many quotes that piqued my interest. To keep it short, I’ll list two by Jacques Derrida (1976) and Jakob Neilson (2000) respectively:

“That a speech can supposedly alive can lend itself to spacing in its own writing is what relates to its own death.”  (67, Lupton)

“Web users don’t like to read…They want to keep moving and clicking.” (75, Lepton)

For my projects, we’ve just finished our second assignment, Gray Readings. I liked this a little more than the Nine Square project. Mostly because it didn’t involve constantly recutting a color outline of a man. I think I most enjoyed simply piecing the text cut from magazines onto the paper and seeing what worked.

My idea for the project was to treat the project like an actual InDesign template, and that meant making the three squares more polished in alignment. It was a great surprise to find that measuring and aligning would not be as pleasant as indulging in pretty fonts. And surprise surprise, it took forever.

I wanted to make sure I got as organized as possible with each square so they could closely resemble a digital counterpart. In my original 8x8, I had the top/bottom margins approximately 1 inch in size and 0.5 inches for the sides. Then I added two little boxes where the intent was for them to be the pages one would see in InDesign. I can’t remember the exact final measurements—I remember making some last-minute changes and having to slide some measurements up a bit but the boxes were each about 3.25 inches wide with a 0.5-inch margin between them (if I’m not mistaken). Allow me some grace, I was up till 4:30 am working on them. 

As time-consuming as the project was, I was pleased with the process. Seeing different fonts slowly unify and shape into something more appealing was the dopamine I desperately needed for the night. I think my favorite was the modular grid, but the experimental grid would be a close second. However, I do believe the fonts I found played a larger role in my favoritism. The title text for “Monsters” and the bold lettering I was able to find (seen in the bottom left) for the grid seemingly complement one another nicely.

However, I’ll admit, by the end I was a little worried I had done the project wrong. I noticed my designs were much more simplified than my peers and no one else seemed to take the InDesign Format approach. Luckily, my fears proved to be simple nothing burgers and I could breathe easy by the end of class, the deadline for the assignment.

Minus a few smudges from the glue and rubber cement, I really liked the end results of my assignments. I could even see myself doing more personal projects similar to this one.

[peachsayshi]

Chapter 3 - Call

Gojo Satoru x Female Reader

Tags: Friends with Benefits, Smut, Solo & Mutual Masturbation, Dirty Talk, Phone Sex 

Summary: With Gojo away on a mission, you decide to take the initiative by calling him for a little bit of fun.

A/N: ~

- - - 

Two months into your little arrangement with Gojo, you began noticing how certain aspects of your friendship started changing.

For one thing, Gojo could barely keep his hands off you. When you would sit next to each other, he would drape his arm lazily around your shoulder as if it belonged there. When having idle conversations with him talking about work or gossip, he would stare at you attentively while stroking your thigh. Most recently, while you were hanging out at his place, you were caught off guard when you felt him brush your hair away before delicately planting a kiss on your forehead.

At first you thought about telling him to stop, figuring his actions might be overstepping the boundaries you both set up. However, you changed your mind when you realised how nonchalant his behavior was. You figured his intentions were purely based on the fact that he could touch you in ways that he wasn’t allowed to before. Besides, Gojo was really good about ensuring not to make a serious move when the two of you decided to hang out instead of “drink” together.

You were surprised with how easily he switched from his fun, lovable self to the insatiable beast that would have you submit to his every word. Initially, you couldn’t bring yourself to make the first move around him, using a simple manipulation tactic of distraction that would ultimately force Gojo to take action.

Then the night at his apartment happened, where he had you flat across his kitchen counter while his tongue was working magic between your legs until you were unraveling in front of him over and over again. You were calling out his name in desperation, begging him to give you a break from the overstimulation but he refused. In the end, he left your body trembling from the final orgasm he gave you before lifting you up slowly and holding you close to him. He kissed your swollen lips, all before reaching for your hand and guiding it down to his pants.

“ Learn to use me like how I’m using you…” he whispered, “...stop holding yourself back. Otherwise, I won’t fuck you.”  

“I am using you,” you insisted with a pout, your hands motioning over his hardened member as you began rubbing him over his pants.  

A soft groan escaped him and he eloquently replied, “if you won’t even kiss me when you want to, then  you sure as hell won’t be comfortable with my dick inside you…”  

He was forcing your hand and your resistance was waning. He was becoming your favorite distraction, especially on the nights when you were feeling lonely.

Gojo was away on a mission and you had no idea when he would be back. He didn’t exactly live by a normal schedule but it’s been over a week since you last saw him and you really needed to relieve some of this sexual frustration that’s been running rampant in your mind.

You texted him while on your way home from work, asking him to call you if he was free later in the evening.

Once you arrived at your one-bedroom apartment, you gave yourself some much needed time for self-care. You cooked dinner then followed up with a long shower to relax from your own tiresome work week. After applying your face routine, you changed from your towel to a pretty light blue underwear set, opting for some luxury wear instead of your usual comfort clothes of sweatpants and an oversized tee.

You took a second to admire yourself before slipping on your silk robe. You haven’t felt this beautiful in your own skin in a while, and  while you would never admit it to Gojo, you found that being desired by him made you feel good.

You’ve been in a limbo of grey since breaking up with your ex, who spent the last six months of your relationship cheating on you before leaving you for the very same person he was fucking on the side. You gave him your heart and soul, allowing yourself to fall in love with him only to be shattered in the end. He left you picking up the pieces, to slowly glue yourself back together but managed to leave an irreparable wound in your heart.

Of course, you never told Gojo the real reason why you broke up when it happened. When the announcement came, it caught your friend totally off guard.

“ What do you mean it’s over? I was planning on ordering a custom suit for your wedding!”

Gojo had no clue that your boyfriend’s unfaithfulness left you with a sense of deep rooted shame.You weren’t used to keeping secrets from him but you did not want to show how weak you were. Three years of wondering what went wrong, of trying to puzzle together why you weren’t good enough for your ex, of stopping yourself from calling him when you were alone, of suffering from your own misery...

You made your way over to your bedroom, stepping over the mess of laundry on your floor that you were choosing to ignore and falling back onto your mattress. You reached for your device to check your notifications, hovering over the chat you had with Gojo before locking your screen and placing your phone by your side.

There was still no reply.

You were growing impatient and decided to take matters into your own hands until he responded.

You tangled your fingers around the belt of your robe, thinking about Gojo’s lips on yours. You weren’t shocked to learn that he was an exceptionally good kisser. The act itself was sinfully addictive and you realised that you could kiss him forever and never get bored.

When Gojo got naked in front of you for the first time, you were surprised to find that despite his tall and somewhat lanky frame, underneath all that clothing was a sculpted being. He had muscular legs which you loved grinding against, the broadest shoulders that you desperately clung on to for support as you reached your peak and a strong torso that your body easily melted into after you climaxed. The man was physically flawless and he knew it , which made it worse for you because he played on his attractiveness to get exactly what he wanted out of you.

You loosened the robe, spreading your legs and noticing the heat building from your lower abdomen as your mind raced at the thought of him. You brought your fingers to your folds, massaging them over the lace fabric but picturing his hands instead. You were thinking of the way he would purr in that low, sexy voice of his, praising you while you were down on your knees for him.

“Mmmm, that’s my girl…”

“You’re doing so fucking well, angel…”

“Keep going, baby, I’m almost there...”  

You loved that he used these pet names on you when you were intimate with him. Even more, it was the gratified reaction from his own lips as a result of your actions that sent a chill throughout your body. You couldn’t wait to finally feel him inside you and listen to the kind of filthy words he would spill while fucking you.

Your hand slipped underneath your underwear, two fingers deep in you pumping furiously while your other hand gripped onto the bedsheet. You allowed yourself to be as loud as you wanted, putting on a performance that Gojo would surely regret missing. Even if your neighbors heard you next door, they would not be able to tell that you were on your own climaxing yourself to a fiery orgasm.

“ God , I needed that…” you sighed, your eyes falling heavy as you slowly came down from your solo session.

Feeling significantly better, you stretched your arms overhead before glancing over at your phone and laying by your side. A little disappointed but not surprised that Gojo still hasn’t responded.

***

You sat up, dazed and unaware of when you fell asleep. You were surrounded by darkness except for the luminous glow that flashed from your phone. You glanced over your shoulders to find it ringing, squinting for a second to try and see who was calling you at this extremely late hour.

“Hello?” you finally answered, realizing that your throat was dry from your deep sleep.

Gojo sang your name on the receving line, his tone surprisingly energetic. “I got back to the hotel a little while ago and saw your text. Did I wake you?”

You checked the time before replying, “it’s three o’clock in the morning what do you think?”

“ I’m sorry, ” he cooed. “I can let you go back to sleep if you like...”

“No, it’s fine, I’m awake...” you replied, adjusting your position so you were sitting against the frame of your bed.  “Late night?”

“Yeah…”

“All okay?”

“Nothing to worry your pretty little head over...”  

You swallowed hard at his comment. Of course you were concerned for his safety but Gojo never revealed what he dealt with and sometimes you felt irrational for being scared about something you knew so little about.  Yes, he loved bragging about his victories against curses he deemed as weak but ones that posed an actual challenge to the sorcerer?

Those ones he refrained from talking about.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your lovely text?” Gojo asked, changing the subject upon hearing your silence.

“It’s been stressful at work this week. We have a new project coming up and our boss is up in arms about ensuring it all goes well, which means I’ve been working late most nights…” you paused before continuing your explanation, “I feel kind of silly complaining about it now but I just thought I would call for a fun chat. You know? Get my mind off some things?”

“What kind of fun are we talking about here?”

You smiled to yourself, “we never actually figured out how to grab drinks while you were away…”

“ Ahhhh …”  Gojo teased, a hint of amusement in his tone as he perked up at your words. “I should have known. You don’t usually ask me to call you while I’m gone. Not going to lie, you had me a little concerned...”

You blushed at the thought of him worrying about you, “I don’t want to keep you up though, it’s late anyway. You must be exhausted…”  

He cut you off with a chuckle, “...same rules still apply even if I’m away. If you just texted me with our usual message, I would have called with a much better hello. Let me guess, I already missed out on some of the fun ?”

“ Maybe… ” you seductively replied.

He clicked his tongue in disappointment, “that’s a shame…”

“I know and I’m wearing the lace set you like so much…” you added, coaxing him with your teasing words.

“Mmmm, I do love how you look in blue.” he stated. “Tell me, what exactly were you thinking of when you decided to have “fun” by yourself?”

“Before I answer that, I just need to know something…”

“What is it?”

“Do you have your blindfold on?”

“No…” Gojo replied, slightly confused.

You tapped the back of your phone lightly, “well, well...looks like I’ll just have to wait then...”

“Are you serious? I can’t even see you!”

“It doesn’t matter! If you won’t take it off when we are together then you have to wear it at all times...that’s what you said…”

You could feel Gojo rolling his eyes at you. “Fine, fine! Give me a minute…” he huffed.

You giggled to yourself, humming as you waited.

“ Smart ass,” he teased, letting you know that he was back on the line.

“Hey, I’m just playing by the rules!”

“And I’m ready to play with you ... ”

Before you knew it, Gojo had ordered you to get naked. You were tangled up in your sheets, your body writhing from his dirty talk as you masturbated. Gojo kept saying how much he missed being buried between your legs, how much he wanted to taste that sweet cunt and how desperate he was to fuck you.

“Mmm, you’re such a fucking tease, doing this to me while I’m away...you best believe that once I’m back I will fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk straight...”

You mewled in response, feeling yourself so close to your release that you could not speak.  

“ Say it, ” Gojo directed, knowing that he can barely hold on himself due to the sounds of your pleasure. “I want to hear you say it…”  

Gojo went silent, his breath growing heavier as he was losing himself to the moment. You could hear him pumping his cock, finally pushing himself to his own release. A moan escaped you, your back arching off the bed as you parted your lips to speak. Your voice pitched as you whimpered into the phone and telling Gojo the exact words he has been dying to hear.

"I want you to fuck me, Satoru..." you begged. "Please, fuck me ...”

- CHAPTER 4: DOMAIN - 

[chessdaze]

Three Wishes Institute - A TWST fanschool

Reposting this as I’ve changed my URL which broke all the links in my previous lore post, and since I’ve gotten a lot of new followers lately and wanted them to be able to read it properly.

First off, as a concept, Three Wishes is a fanschool for twisted wonderland that involves characters that are considered ‘side’ or ‘background’ or even ‘comic relief’ characters from disney franchises. Right now I only have 6 dorms, and characters range from being on both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ sides of a story.

Here’s the lore rundown for the main school itself and a brief summary on the dorms and characters I will be designing for them. Under readmore cause this is HELLA long and I don’t want to make people scroll for forever:

The overall story of Three Wishes:

The Headmistress and Master, Amelia Bell and Reed Dearly (based on Anita and Roger from 101 dalmatians), only recently got the school property. Before them, the school was known to be really rundown, a failure, and pretty much on the verge of closing. While it was a school for magic, it was like all the magic was zapped out of the school itself. It was filled with delinquents and very few students who actually cared. Most dropped out if anything.

Amelia was a teacher at the school for a little over a year and the only teacher that students really respected and bothered showing up to class for. She hated seeing the school in the state it was in and tried pleading with the headmistress of the school to try and change things - however was constantly told it was too late and that the school would be closing. It did, and Amelia had to look for jobs elsewhere. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that she could have done more and found herself drawn back to the crumbling school on more than one occasion. She decided to sneak in one day to see if she could find a hint of anything from the old headmistress - who had disappeared without a trace - to see if she could get in contact with her. This wasn’t her idea of course, but her (boyfriend at the time) Reed’s.

Eventually they did track down the headmistress and found her terribly ill. Amelia insisted that the two of them care for her, despite all that the headmistress had done to shun Amelia beforehand. They did, and during that time Amelia explained the hopes she had previously had for the school - she said how she wanted a school that anyone could feel welcome to apply, and not have some special ceremony for acceptance (like the carriages for NRC). She believed people could be equals and that as a magical community they should all help one another. The old headmistress was moved by Amelia’s words and when she back to health she revealed herself to be a powerful sorceress (the enchantress from Beauty and the Beast. No design as of now). She explained she had been looking for a worthy successor for the school and her magic but didn’t find Amelia fitting at the time, but saw the kindness in Amelia’s heart and offered her the deed to the school and the surrounding grounds. She wanted to see what Amelia would do with the school and was interested if she could really bring a community together like she explained. Then, she disappeared.

Amelia and Reed worked to renovate the school, taking nearly 2 years on the project. Amelia comes from a wealthy family, but even then funds were not endless, so a lot of fundraising was done to also raise awareness for the reopening school. At first there wasn’t much interest but it slowly got more and more traction. With donations and family money, they were able to complete the school. The two of them also got engaged during this time. Even with them rebuilding the mainschool and doing some maintenance on the dorms themselves, there are some secrets that even the two of them are still learning, as the sorceress took off before giving them the full details on the school itself.

The school’s aim is to not only teach its students magic, but the foundation of being a good person, being helpful and selfless. The school holds a lot of community and fundraising events, and there is even a mandatory volunteering class where students have to spend a certain amount of hours volunteering for a local community service. This school hopes to bridge the gap between the elite and average magic users, showing that deep down everyone is human and deserving of respect and a chance to grow.

This school doesn't have completely different areas for the dorms and it's all actually located on a large campus ground.The main school building is about 4 stories, there's a greenhouse and an auditorium in separate buildings.

The dorms are all two or three stories and are all relatively distant from each other, enough to give each dorm a good spot of land around it. Think a mansion with a large yard. When passing through the front gate for the dorm there's magic that makes it appear in a slightly different scenery - so the students don't always have the school looming in the background and can relax. The dorm's scenery is different between each dorm and it can change with each 'dorm representative'.

There aren't really dorm 'leaders' as there are representatives. Normally about two or three for each dorm - though can only be one if the person proves themselves to be capable / no one else is voted. Each dorm will have a meeting once a month to go over things that the dorm needs to address either internally or with the school or other dorms, and then the representatives bring those concerns to a meeting with the school's staff and other dorm representatives. Think more like a student council and class presidents. The representatives make almost all decisions together. Reps are voted for each year within a dorm, and the voting is taken pretty seriously.

The dorm rep duties outside of the meetings is mostly just like a college RA. They make sure people are following the rules, help solve problems between students in their dorm, plan and hold events, etc.

The dorms:

While students are separated into dorms in this school, the headmaster and mistress try to stress the fact that they are all one community. Friendly rivalry is encouraged but ultimately the matter of dorms is just where the students end up living and placing them near people who can better help those around them. The two in charge don’t want the dorms to become too competitive or to alienated from one another - so there’s actually a lot of cross dorm events and even friends staying over at other friends dorms for days on end at times.

As a note, as long as it’s not inappropriate, students are encouraged to wear anything they want as their ‘dorm uniform’. Standard school uniforms are required on the main campus but as Headmaster Reed puts it - there’s no reason for them to tell the students what to wear in their own house. Plus, the school isn’t as well funded as most other private schools, so not having a lot of uniforms to keep up with is better for them in the long run. They don’t even have a formal ceremonial robe like NRC does, but I will be posting about the uniforms in a different post.

Now onto the dorms themselves.

Cinderella dorm: Nightingale Founded on the hard work and dedication of a princess’s companions, members of this dorm are no strangers to teamwork and getting the job done. It’s said that there’s no miracle students in this dorm can’t pull off in a short amount of time. Members of this dorm are close and they will drop anything they’re doing to help another. 

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Snow White: Diamanttobar Founded on the tradition and devotion of miners, members of this dorm specialize in working long hours and putting 100% into everything they do.They might be hard to win over, but once you have their companionship little will shake their loyalty. Students here notice the smaller details and are said to be able to craft nearly anything.  

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Aladdin: Wondrous Founded on the cleverness and protective instincts of a royal couple’s most trusted confidants, members of this dorm sometimes have questionable methods but overall have hearts of gold. Students in this dorm are proactive in calling out unfair rules and try to work for changes and reforms to improve the lives of those around them.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Mulan: Guardian Founded on the honor and strength of dragons, students of this dorm are known to follow a code of honor and are very protective of one another. They are great with helping other student’s physical and mental well beings, acting as trainers and confidants.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

AiW: Lapinhole Founded on the curiosity and madness of a queen’s subjects, members of this dorm are known to be eccentric and creative. A lot of students in this dorm are mysterious and have a strange method of helping others, but even through the confusion a lot of students rely on students from this dorm for a little more fun in their lives.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Beauty and the Beast: Servireu Founded on the faith and loyalty of a Beast Prince’s servants, members of this dorm are known to be generous, not judgemental, and helpful to those around them. A lot of these students are at the top of their classes and are known for being excellent tutors for others. Though a little eccentric, they obviously mean well and have good intentions.

Read the profiles for the students apart of this dorm here!

Annnnddd that’s it! I plan to possibly redo my dorm lore dump post aswell as make a separate post for the uniforms once I have them designed. also the staff will be getting their own posts aswell when I finish their designs too.

[tar-oh]

Pick-A -Pile: What will the rest of November be like for you?

Howdy there, folks! Sorry it’s been a while. But here I am! I have 3 new decks, so I wanted to use those. I have the Cosmic Tarot deck, which I’m excited to use because it’s from the 90′s. It’s also based somewhat off of old movie stars, too. It’s one of the most interesting decks I’ve seen just because of the interpretation the artist had on some cards, but I find that they’re fun to read intuitively. I also got the Light Seer’s Tarot from my best friend for my birthday. That one is fun because the artwork is beautiful and it’s got a lot of bright colors. The last is a new oracle deck I got called the Seasons of the Witch: Samhain Oracle, which is based around Halloween/Samhain. t’s very much Halloween/witch themed and has beautiful artwork and poetry on it. I also pulled moonology cards for each pile.

The question I asked for each pile was just what the rest of November will be like for you. I think it’s just better sometimes to let what needs to come through come through, and I have to say that there was a lot of healing and change that came through for each pile.

Here’s the piles to pick from:

So:

Pile 1 is the Opalite

Pile 2 is the Rose Quartz

Pile 3 is the Carnelian

I need to say that this is a general reading. It’s for a bunch of different people, so it’s not specific, nor does it mean it will resonate with you. If it doesn’t, I have a few other readings on my blog that aren’t time-specific and may give you insight. Otherwise, I may not be the reader for you. If you would like to reach out for a personal reading, my DM’s are always open and I will try to answer it ASAP. I recently got a cashapp, so if you’d like to tip (it’s not necessary), it’s $sarams.

SO. THAT BEING SAID ONTO THE READINGS:

Pile 1: Opalite

Cards:  strength, 6 of pentacles, the moon, 8 of wands, 5 of cups, page of pentacles, 2 of wands, banshee, new moon in sagittarius

There's one word that keeps showing up with these cards for me, and that's CHANGE. The Banshee warns of you blocking change. New Moon in Sag suggests you might change your mind on something. The strength card in this particular deck suggests the transformation of energy. So, the word for your November is Change and I think these cards are saying that there will be change for you, but how it goes, it's up to you. You're asked to get out there. And by that, I don't necessarily mean going out and about (especially for those that COVID is still around, be safe guys!). I mean whatever that means for you. So for some, you want to put something on the internet. For example, if you're thinking of starting a new blog or even a youtube channel, this spread is telling you to do that. There's a lot of pentacles and wands in this spread. That tells me there's a lot of creativity and abundance within this. I don't always mean material wealth, I mean whatever that could mean to you. This could be a passion project, that you work on for fun. Or it could actually be something you plan on trying to make money from.  This pile needs to realize their own power. The fact that the lady in the strength card is holding a tapestry with a lion on it furthers this idea for me. Lions in historical terms have always symbolized strength. I'm reading this as if she had the tapestry covering her whole body up, but she appears to be moving it away. I'm also assuming she's naked behind it, too, so it's like, stripping away a mask you might have had on. This idea that you were toning yourself down for everyone else, but now you're letting that fall away. You're being you, and unapologetically so.  You have a lot to share and a lot to give, and you're a little hesitant about this. Perhaps, in the past, you had things not go the way you wanted when you put yourself out there. But, this is telling you to forget that. A lot of you are changing or going through changes, whether it be inside or how things external to you. But, you're also denying these changes? Like, okay right now Make Way by the Front Bottoms is playing, and he sings "I make way for the expensive things in my head." You have dreams, but these dreams cannot come into actualization until you make room. The Banshee card can read as a warning, and I'll get to that later. In order for new things to come in, there needs to be room. This Banshee card hints that you're not allowing there to be room.  

As I was writing that I started to think about the 4 of pentacles from the Rider-Waite deck. On the card, he guy's hoarding the pentacle and the chest underneath him full of who knows what (knowledge? love? money?) but that card isn't present. But, my eyes were drawn to the 5 of cups where she's looking down into the hole that the cups are spilling into. It almost looks like a bit of her soul is spilling into it too. I read that as someone who poured a lot of effort into those cups, a lot of their soul too. But, in the end, it was all for naught. At least, that's how they see it. So they dump out all those cups and their soul goes with them. But, that's not what I mean by making room.  In this card, she's so focused on what's lost, rather than what could come in. Behind her, there's this path and wide-open space, and the stars are out. It's so beautiful but her backs to it. You need to be able to turn around and run into that unknown. The moon definitely supports that idea to me, also this 8 of wands. The moon in this reading, to me, is you embracing the unknown. Like, walking into the future despite it not having certainty yet. As unsure as you are about what tomorrow, next week, or even next year holds, you need to be able to crawl out of that pond like that lobster. He's kind of jumping out of that pond at the moon like "HERE I AM!" I also see him as reaching towards the moon that's made up of two fishes. So, almost like he's grabbing at them like a prize. So, I want to be cheesy and say REACH FOR THE SKY! And, I don't know. Perhaps a bit of corniness is needed in this moment for you? 8 of wands also gave me that feeling too. It's an image of a man jumping through the air with those 8 wands and he looks ABSOLUTELY THRILLED. These cards are telling you to be excited because when you reach out, good things reach for you if that makes sense.   Page of Pentacles and 2 of wands show me that there's something you are or will be working on that you want to share.  These also tell me it's something that you need to be practical about sharing. Like, the way you go about it. It's a bit like you need to make sure that when you jump through the air with those wands, you're calculating where you land. So, it's telling you to jump, but not to be The Fool about it. Don't jump without looking. But also, not to sit still like that girl in the 2 of wands. She's looking out the window wishing when she could be going. The 6 of pentacles tells me that whatever you share is going to be valuable. Usually, this card is about give and take. Or, about being compassionate and empathetic. Having what you need and sharing it too. It could also mean someone is helping you out. But, today I'm seeing this as you having something that would be valuable to others. So, maybe you want to make a fitness vlog or you have a large knowledge about rocks or something and you want to write blog posts about them. And, this specific version of the 6 of pentacles is that this man is standing under a crescent moon. It looks to me like it was recently a new moon, and I kind of see those pentacles as other phases of the moon. So, to me, it's like you manifesting. The act of placing an intention on what you want to do or achieve between the new and full moons. Like, this man is under this newer moon and he is manifesting what he wants. He's also excited about what's to come despite it being unknown. Those 8 wands are telling you to DO IT. START IT. You got New Moon in Sagittarius, which has the line "Luck is on your side" written on the card. In the moonology deck, I read this as the equivalence of the Wheel of Fortune tarot card. I mean, it even mentions the wheel in the guidebook. This card is telling you to GO! Do it! You've got luck on your side, but to also stay open-minded. I did mention that the Banshee does serve as a warning. The card's keywords are bad omens and wrath. I don't want this to scare you, rather, I want you to take this and hug it. I'm laughing at myself for that last part, but seriously. This card is, to me, just death reversed. When death is in reverse, you're denying a transformation that needs to happen. Even denying the ending of something. This is telling you that things are changing. They will not, cannot stay the same and that this warns you against denying this. Change can be so beautiful. Like, I mean, think about butterflies and the transformation they go through? You could have that! This change could be physical or mental or in your external world. Either way, if you're able to embrace this change with open arms, you'll find that there's a lot of joy that comes with this. I do have to say that there is the risk of you getting a bit of a big head. I want to tell you to stay level-headed about everything that comes your way. I also have to bring that 5 of cups back up along with the banshee. These suggest this idea that you're focused on mourning an ending, but that you should let it go. A part of me doesn't agree with that completely. There is a certain amount of need to allow these things to fall away and not to mourn forever. But also,  if you're still grieving it once those changes come in, that's okay. That whole, making way for the expensive things is something that one needs to do, but there's also this thought I have about making space...to just...allow things to be. Sitting with something. The song Unsaid Emily came on from Julie and the Phantoms. The story it tells is heartbreaking, and I found it fitting. The song is about regrets and wishing you could say something you never got to say. There's a part where he sings "If you could only know, I'd never let you go." This ties in because you can still have that past with you. You don't have to let it go completely, but there's also a point where wallowing in it doesn't help. So, it's like, this banshee/5 of cups combo is both a warning and the act of acceptance. Like, this acceptance that this happened. It's over, and we will have these thoughts on it for a while (they'll probably transform through time). But, they're there, and while we're embracing it we're also taking them and moving forward. It's this act of leaving it behind while simultaneously leaving room for it in your suitcase. All seriousness aside now, I think November is going to be good for you. I don't know if it's going to be super major in any way, but I know that it's going to at least be a stepping stone for the rest of your life. Maybe a lot of little things will happen that will only be worked into your memory years later as things that you can attribute to where you are. I just see joy and creativity in these cards and maybe hesitation, but its that hesitation before you jump and I see that when you land (in that calculated spot), you're going to be okay. And, honestly, I think right now, that's all we want to hear. Right? That we'll be okay? Songs:

Make Way - The Front Bottoms  Unsaid Emily - Julie and the Phantoms Soundtrack Makeup - Oberhofer

Pile 2: Rose Quartz

Cards: Queen of Swords, Two of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, Temperance, 4 of Wands, King of Wands, Full Moon Eclipse, Wolf One thing that's coming through strongly is that you need to follow your intuition. In the song Wild Roses by Of Monsters and Men, there are the lyrics "I followed a feeling". Even more, in the song Don't Give Up Your Ghost by Movements, they talk about not letting your demons get the best of you. Not letting those dreams you had go. And so, you follow them and chase that feeling, whatever that means to you. The card Wolf's keywords are instinct and freedom. It's the last card of the Seasons of the Witch deck, and with it comes this sense of completion. The Full Moon Eclipse speaks of conclusions being within reach. These conclusions are doors that have closed. But with these cards, while I see contemplation in some (queen of swords, temperance, even King of Wands), I also see movement. In 4 of Wands, they're dancing. In King of Wands, he does look stationary, but he also looks as if he's going to step forward at any moment. In two of pentacles, he's trying to keep his balance, but it looks like he's also trying to move forward too. So, there's a sense of forward movement, but with it comes this act of never looking back. There's a chance you'll face a decision in November. With the Queen of Swords and Temperance, you're asked to stop for a moment and be logical. To balance out the practicalities and the emotions. But, with it comes a beginning, one that can prove to be very fulfilling to you. There's a chance that this leads to a celebration, as well. Either way, you're asked to weigh the options while also keeping in mind that whatever you're leaving behind stays behind you. The last pile was also about moving forward and change. But, it was also a gentle reminder to hold your values and memories close to your heart. Whereas, with this pile, you need to hold those values and memories, but not as closely. At a distance where you can see them to keep perspective, but far enough away that they're not pulling you back to that door. And, by the way, that door will be locked. I don't know what this could be that you can't go back on. I mean, I guess it's like something that you just can't relive. Maybe it's that thing where nothing's ever the same again. Either way, it's like this spread is begging you to move forward. Ah! The song that came on is Kill My Time by 5 seconds of summer. There's a line, "Why don't you just say goodbye now. It's only a matter of time," which goes perfectly with what I just said. It's like, whatever is reaching it's conclusion. It's as if you've ridden that wave and you're at the end of it. You've run out of a wave to ride, so it's time to find another. On the wolf card, it says "Run wildy into the freedom of your knowing", so 1. definitely feeling the moon card here. But also 2. you're released from whatever is concluding. Also, the moon, it's about mysteries and the unknown and in the last pile they got it and it was telling them to jump into the unknown. I see that you guys are asked to jump into the unknown as well. Though something tells me that you guys have a bit more of an idea of what's going on. The queen of swords looks like she knows and that wolf howling at the moon knows something too. There's this feeling of the unknown but also knowing the unknown here. But, then with this unknown/decision you might have to make, you're reminded to keep balanced. In the temperance card, he's holding the moon in one hand and the sun in another. So, it's like night and day. I think that's suggesting this need for a schedule. Like, maybe a set bedtime? You guys could possibly be more of the night owl type. I guess, in that case, it's just a reminder to get an adequate amount of sleep. So, still setting a set time for sleep and a set time for waking up. Also, it's telling you to take care of yourself overall. The two of pentacles also brings that idea of balance because I mean, this card is about keeping up with everything. It's like, having two things and being able to balance them. Some of the versions of this make it seem like it's time to focus on one and stop trying to do both. In this deck, because the act of balancing is actually his body trying not to fall in the water, I see that this balance of keeping up different things at once is essential. So, say you're in school but you're also working. You're asked to keep up the hard work in both your school work and work-work, while also taking care of yourself. Assuring that you don't fall into the water. On the 2 of pentacles here, the pentacles are on his shirt. He already has these pentacles and I don't see him losing them. Unless he discards the shirt, so it's like unless you actually quit your job or school, you can't really lose them. You can lose the quality, but not the actual pentacle. My favorite thing about the Light Seer's Tarot is that each card has an affirmation. These sum up the card as a whole. Despite the 2 of pentacles being from the Cosmic Tarot, I think the affirmation is particularly noteworthy here: "I create an equilibrium in my life that allows me to be my best self." So, for November I see you going through a door that will close. This door is meant to be closed, but it doesn't mean it can't have a window you can peer into once and a while. You're just not meant to go back through it. Instead, you're meant to step forward into your future. I see that this is going to be abundant. You're asked to remember to follow your gut instincts, but also to keep balanced. To be honest, kind of like the crystal you chose, I just feel a lot of love. And I'm not really reading that as love from someone else (I mean, yes, there could very well be that), instead, I'm reading it as you just radiating love. So, I could say...November sounds lovely for you...lol  Songs: Wild Roses - Of Monsters and Men Don’t Give Up Your Ghost - Movements Kill My Time - 5 Seconds of Summer Group 3: Carnelian

Cards: The Empress, The Lovers, Death, Queen of Swords, the Sun, 7 of Pentacles, New Moon in Virgo, Blue Moon, Journey Okay, I'm a little weirded out by the whole shuffling process. Several things happened that were kind of...Oof. First I kept seeing the Queen of Swords and was thinking "I bet that's gonna come out somewhere" and it DID. Then I saw that your Seasons of the Witch card was 24, which adds to 6, which in tarot is the lovers. I've read that 6s can mean journeys too. Well, THEN the lovers came out. Bottom deck energy for the Seasons of the witch is the All Hallow's Eve card. This made me wonder if your "journey" started on Halloween. Well, guys, then the Blue Moon card fell out, and that full moon on Halloween was a blue moon. Granted, all of these are coincidental, but it's just funny how those things work out. If you think something shifted for you on Halloween, then you're correct with thinking that. For some, it's with a love connection. For others, it was you just being able to figure out a little better on where you want to go in life, or where you're headed. So, jumping in, I want to focus on the Empress card first. I love this version because she looks so much more comfortable to me than any of the other empress cards I've seen. She looks relaxed like she has everything she needs. And, I do think one could say materially she has what she needs, but she also looks like she provided it for herself. Nothing on this card suggests it other than her face. She just looks sure of herself. Moving on to the Queen of Swords, while I get a colder energy from her, she also looks kind of similar. She's not in the same posture completely. Her posture could even be argued as not looking very relaxed, but her face makes it look like she's relaxed. She looks like she's content with where she sits. She's looking off into the sky, like, though she's content with where she's at, she's also looking for something. Maybe she's searching in her own brain or scanning the world off of where the card cuts us off from what she sees. They both have their hands to their chins, one seems more sure of herself, but the other still seems sure. So, what I take away from these two cards right away is that you know yourself. Maybe you're saying, "But Sara, I'm only just figuring out who I am?" And, yeah. So am I. Life is this process where we're constantly evolving. One week you have one belief, and the next that could have changed because you've learned 100 new things. You have both the Death and the Journey card. With the lovers and these two other cards, this is saying to me that you are changing. Nothing will be the same next week and nothing will be the same the week after, but you understand your goals and your values and at the end of the day, you're still you. I almost feel that I need to stop and reassure this pile that you're still you. Maybe you've been looking in the mirror lately and not recognizing yourself. Maybe people have been saying things like "I don't know you anymore", but you're still you! YOU ARE STILL YOU! And, this is also telling you to stop, take stock of who you are at this very moment. Be sure of it. That sounds hard to me, so I can understand if you think it does too. But there are things we're sure of. Like your values. Your sense of right and wrong. Hell, the music genre you gravitate towards the most. Those are you and you alone. So, take a moment, take a breath, and think about yourself.  Now, I want you to take another moment to just love yourself. No if, ands, or buts. I mean, it. Stop and say to yourself "I love me." And I need you do to it with kindness. Forget the person you flipped off while driving yesterday. Forget that last mean thing you said to someone. Forget that bad grade you got when you were 13 because you were too focused on that band that came to town. Forget it all for a second and take this time to just breathe in and love yourself for who you are in the moment. Okay. Now that that's done. Onto what's coming. Well, like the other two piles change. Everyone today seems to be going through changes. Though, it's different for everyone. Pile one was asked to take a calculated risk, but still go for it. Pile two was asked to move forward and to not move backwards. You're asked to move forward gently. And I don't mean cautiously, though with New Moon in Virgo, I'd say there is some calculation needed here. But, I still don't mean cautiously. I mean, with love. With kindness. With you being the best that you can be to others and yourself. Something is just telling me that someone reading this is really upset with themselves, and I just want you to know that while you're still you and there are some of those core things that you still have, you're also not the same person you were yesterday or 5 hours ago, and that's okay. That's life. And you need to understand that we all fuck up and we all say things we don't mean sometimes, but that doesn't set anything in stone. That doesn't define you as a horrible person. Shit happens and sometimes that shit happens because we did it. But? I still love you and you should still love you too. The more you stop to love yourself and be kind to yourself, the more you're going to discover about yourself. And while you're discovering yourself, there's a need to look ahead while simultaneously staying present. On the Death card, there's a clock stuck in the ground, frozen. I almost want to say to you that time doesn't matter. I mean, yes if you have a shift that starts at 10, by all means, go to it on time. But, in the grand scheme of things, time doesn't matter, and for you, it means that your path is not linear, nor does it have a set schedule. God, I cannot believe I'm doing this, but I had a manager that I have to quote. He once said to me that he didn't believe in time. As a history major, that confused me to no end. Like, I got where he was coming from, but my whole life consists of time time time. I thought in dates. I know dates well and dates are time. But now I kind of see it. It's this idea that life isn't time, it's lessons. Does that make sense? And, I think that's what he meant, lol. He also tended to be really cryptic so, I could be totally wrong, but this is what I'm taking from the whole thing. The Journey card from the Seasons of the Witch deck says something along the same vein to me: "Daughters of our Mother, walkers of the unknown, take with you on this journey all that you hone." So, all we need is to live and take those lessons with us as we live. And, the Virgo card also reminds me of Virgos in general. They're known to be super analytical, so there's this thought that while you need to take lessons at their face value, you also need to dive into them too. It's like reading a book by its cover. There are things to take from that cover, like how the title font presents itself to you and what the illustration/picture is, but then there's also the content inside the book. Both the cover and the content matter. Don't judge a book by its cover, but also take in what's presented to you. The seven of pentacles always means have patience whenever I pull it for myself, so I read it that way for you too. There is no set schedule (like that whole time thing, right? it's nonexistent) and that might make you antsy. But, what good does that do? You could be chilling like the Empress. Or, you could be sitting and watching that cucumber you planted last week sprout, despite knowing that it's still going to take time. One definitely sounds more relaxing. 7 of Pentacles suggests this patience because it takes more than a week for a good thing to grow, you know? And, I mean, yeah you can make things in a day, but there's that saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day."  Rome was built over a VERY long period of time, going through different types of governments and it switched around between paganism and Christianity. There were a lot of changes within that long period of time. I know I went on a rant earlier about time and how it's nonexistent, and blah blah blah. However, there's also this idea that even though you need to not be focusing on time, you also need to know that for things that are quality, it takes time. Like, time and effort. No half-assed shit, right? But, I mean that in a loving way. And, this, by all means, is about you changing. So, this is something that is going to take time to hone in on. Something that's going to take finesse. It's going to take experience and love. That may be something hard to hear. Trust me, I know this. Depression is a beast and I know how that and other mental illness can really fuck with you and your perception of the world and of yourself. But, both 7 of Pentacles and New Moon in Virgo suggest taking a moment and looking at where you are and where you're going. So, again, that idea of staying present while also moving forward. But, also being analytical (but not OVER analytical). And while you're looking at where you are, there's a need to stop and be okay with where you're at, too. This is especially for my buds who are having a hard time mentally. I know that when you're in the thick of it, it's hard to get out of the fog. That some days, or even weeks, you end it with tears and it's hard to stay motivated to do anything. With me, it's a bad cycle where I lack that motivation, but to feel worthy I need to be working. It's a cruel thing that I do to myself, because my worth is not within my productivity, and I think as a society that's something (at least for all my American friends) we need to remember. There are days when the only thing you do is just getting out of bed to get food and honestly, that's better than nothing. So, it's taking stock of the things, little and big, that you accomplish. Which, that definitely adds to that idea that time for you is not linear and that it's going to take you more time to do things other people can get done in a week or two. But, then on the flip-side, there are other things that will take you less time than it would for someone else. Nothing's linear and no one's the same. No one's path is a duplicate of someone else's journey. Harry Style's song, Golden came on. There's that line where he says "You're so golden", and I think you need to hear that right now. It definitely makes me think of the Sun card, which you got. It's this card of immense happiness. Abundance. It's a beautiful card and in this deck, it's bright, super bright. So, yeah. I'd say you're so golden. And I think this is more a matter of you being the sun like you need to stop and see yourself as that. Maybe you're someone that gives so much to others but not yourself. Honestly, from what I was getting earlier I can see that. So, maybe circling back to how relaxed both the Empress and the Queen of Swords look, maybe this is a message to you to relax? Relaxing and maybe taking stock of those lessons that have been presented to you. There's also a need to take care of yourself with the New Moon in Virgo. It just suggests eating healthier and what-not, so I'd add that to the relaxation. Like, relax and take care of yourself. And, gosh, again, I gotta bring up depression because it's really simple for me to be like "HEY YOU! Take care of your body!" but, I know what it's like to not want to exist. So, if that's the case, I want you to take it day by day, breath by breath. Start out small, get a glass of water, take some deep breaths. Do something that makes you feel good (that's also not detrimental to your health). I also think you're asked to believe that you can accomplish what you want to accomplish. It's like, you can achieve so much, but you also have to make sure that you're taking care of yourself on your way. So while there could be obstacles outside of you, you're your biggest obstacle. One thing I should note is that you got the Blue Moon card. This suggests that you may get an opportunity of some sort that's rare. Now, this could mean a lot of things with these other cards. One I can see is travel with the journey card. I see it more as outside into nature really, with the colors from the Virgo card and the forest on the Blue Moon card. Like, a camping trip? Honestly, right now I'd give anything to go camping, so if you go, send me pictures! Another for someone is maybe meeting someone you click well with, whether it be platonically or romantically with the Lovers. If that's the case, I see this relationship being really good, like nurturing and abundant. Full of joy and good times. Another is maybe just a chance to just take a step back and rest with both the Empress and the Queen of swords. Either way, I see this as being something that you consider to be good. It will also transform you in some way, more than how you're changing now. I can't really get into more because it just feels like this is super general because I feel like a lot of you are choosing this pile. I do suggest that if you felt called to the other two piles, I'd go look at them since they're all about change too. The bottom of one of the decks is the Star, so I see that there is a hopeful energy to this and that whatever is going to happen, you're going to start feeling more hopeful. But also, promise me you'll be kind to yourselves?   Music:

Golden - Harry Styles Was It Something I Said? - Mykey

[jimmythejiver]

For the first time in a long time I went to the movies in forever and then to Target. At Target I see some Godiva bars on discount yellow tags and I was ecstatic until I read 70% Cacao, Dark, Salted Caramel and was deflated.

Anyway that's how I felt about seeing The Green Knight. What you thought this was about chocolate?

No see since the pandemic I've been back on my perennial King Arthur kick. I've for a long time since I was a young preteen thought, someday I too will write my own King Arthur epic and it'll be gay, magical, gangster and culty too, but for now I'll make up my own stories for practice and then with every story I got attached too, it got too involved and convoluted to the point that when it came down to actually writing a novel, I threw it all away and made a space opera I only planned in two weeks and wrote in a month. Anyway...so now I've been writing this very gay, magical, gangster and culty take on Final Fantasy XV with my boyfriend and just fell in love with Somnus Lucis Caelum who nobody has any insight about him than to make him the Mordred to Ardyn's Arthur, which is a strange flex, but okay, I thought about what if I wrote a Dark Age prequel about Ardyn and Somnus, but Ardyn becomes king and Somnus his shogun and they play games of seduction and power because I'm twisted like that. Anyway...I was like I'm never going to write this and I have to keep making up characters based on FFXV characters and King Arthur tropes because there's not a lot of stories that take place during the Dark Ages, it's always some Roman Empire story, or High Middle Ages and FFXV gave no room for either society to happen after the fall of Solheim and the rise of King Somnus...so we left with Dark Ages, y'all, the King Arthur comparisons are obvious, but Ardyn is no Arthur and Somnus is no Mordred, Aera is only Guenevere if you make up an affair with Somnus, Gilgamesh is no Bedwyr/Bedivere, but uh...they both amputees and the oldest companions to their respective kings so...I guess. Anyway making an ancestor of Cor Leonis and deciding well he's Owain/Yvain, or am Ignis type as idk Sir Cai/Kay I guess, they both cook, but Cai's more like Seifer Almasy than any FF character... Anyway I'm losing people.

My plan was to just scrap the FFXV prequel, leave my Somnus ideas into Overtime (a gangster and gods story) and just plan an actual King Arthur adaptation. I'd have King Arthur the treasure hunter, leader of a warband turned founder of Camelot who fights giants, giant cats and dogheads, but also fights King Claudas of the Franks and King Aelle of the Saxons and Cerdic a Briton who puts in his lot with the Saxons, etc. It'd been a a glorified turf war, meanwhile Arthur's gotta make alliances with King Pelles, The Fisher King and his strange cult he's founded because, why yes I find the ends justifies the means prophecy of the Holy Grail Quest very culty because Christianity then does not resemble it now. Meanwhile you got the secondary plots of Mordred, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Tristam and other's going on because they matter and too many modern King Arthur stories sideline the knights.

So many have always sidelined Mordred as a final boss eldritch abomination in mortal flesh conceived of sin and give him no personality, or complex motives, or even just a relationship with Arthur. I also have noticed the general sidelining of Lancelot, or give him a chad villain upgrade if you must include him at all, and the villainizing of Gawain to the point that you don't even have to have Mordred, or Agravain as a catalyst shit stirrer in court, just slap Gawain's name on Liam Neeson in a top knot and you're good. Mordred can just be a child offscreen until last act...fuck that, while Morgan Le Fay can either be a villainess plotting her cabal through men, or a well-intentioned, ineffectual idiot. Fuck that.

Now Hollywood just be doing King Arthur first acts that suck ass, only for said director to get rewarded failing upwards by giving this same jerk the Aladdin remake. The tonally shitty, crammed in blockbuster mess of a cliche heroe's journey that sucks.

With that background I was excited for The Green Knight. I read an illustrative version as a kid, I read Tolkien's translation as a teenager, I read Simon Armitage's superior, but with liberties taken translation. I was prepped to go knowing that indie, or not they were going to make changes to weave the disjointed poem together. I'm excited that because this movie exists Project Guternberg's finally thrown Jessie Weston's prose rendition up on their website. I'll be reading that at some point when this blows over.

The movie adaptation makes a lot of...choices, many I wouldn't love, but would forgive had their been a payoff. There was none.

The journey was fine, the cinematography was a breath of fresh air after crappy slo mo, glossy action scenes ruined another. Guys, I don't think I want to see a Zack Snyder Excalibur, it'll marginally be better than Guy Ritchie, but that ain't saying anything. Leave Excalibur to the post-Star Wars 80s where it is impeccable for it's time. I liked Green Knight's breathable pacing, it's color palette's in the forests and mountains made up for the muddy grey of every Ridley Scott send up in the castles and villages in every other Dark Ages/Medieval story in the last I don’t know since the shitty 00′s. For all the dark tones when there was blues, greens, yellows or reds, they were vibrant in this movie to contrast the gloom of Britain. The soundtrack was good. This isn't all what makes a movie, but it enhances it so let's get to the story and what I did and didn't like.

Things I Liked: Gawain is still a novice in his career The Costume Dressing Everyone pronounces Gawain's name different. I pronounce it like Gwayne, or Guh Wayne, but here you got Gowen (like Owen), Gowan (like Rowan), or even Garlon who I'm pretty sure is the Fisher King's heir in some versions of that Arthurian story, so uh... The reference to Arthur slaying 960 men with his bare hands (Nennius for the win!) The Waste Land that is implied to be a site of a battle (an important aspect of the Arthurian landscape) The Fox companion No long grisly, drawn out hunting scenes. The Fox lives! No misogynist speeches

Things I'm Mixed: This being a dream, is the magic real? Are the giants? Is the Green Knight a figment of Gawain's imagination from a spell Morgan casted in him to hallucinate? Is Lord and Lady also figments? It's...a way to interpret the poem, but lazy and I don't see why it's got to all fantasy, or all dream...this movie makes it too vague you're stuck picking one camp than to accept it's a fantasy with dream and hallucinatory sequences.

Things I'm Meh: Morgan Le Fay as Gawain's mom. Look I fucking hate Morgause as a character and these two get merged and steal each other's aspects so much at this point the difference is who did they marry, King Urien or King Lot? Both are attributed to being Mordred's mom, Mordred is Gawain's brother...both practice magic depending on certain incarnations, both love and hate Arthur their brother and are in conflict with him. Saint Winifred. I actually liked this sequence, but I don't appreciate her as the tacked on wife in the later dream sequence as like...a contrast between the wife you should marry than the whore next door you don't respect anyway? I don't even know what lesson I'm supposed to get out of the damn dream sequence, or any of it? That Gawain should've married his girlfriend and then he'd be a just ruler? That he shouldn't be king? That he'd never have to make the same heartless, impartial choices? I don't know, he seemed like a king doing king shit because guess what? It never gets easier. Wars will be waged. The world didn't become better because he married the right woman, respected her and lived in obscurity. The world didn't become better because he made her his queen. We certainly don't know the world would be better Gawain had his head chopped off and dead XP They never reveal the Lord and the Green Knight as one and the same because of this shit.

Things I Hated: Arthur withdraws from the challenge because he's old. In poem he takes it on and Gawain takes it so he don't have to and he finds himself more disposable than the king. Gawain only takes the challenge because of arrogance. Arthur and Gawain had no prior personal relationship. I'd not have hated this so much if it wasn't compounded by it cancelling out the first two things. Gawain is portrayed as having no respect for his woman, or any woman, maybe his mother? He has to be pushed by Winifred to regain her head. Gawain is portrayed as arrogant, covetous and ready to pass the buck, or the bare minimum than have any honor or decency. It didn't matter the kid in the wasteland was shithead bandit, the way Gawain acted towards him, when he gets robbed, it almost feels like he deserved it and Gawain doesn't learn a damn lesson. I'll admit him taking the sword to cut his ropes and cutting his hands was a neat sequence, it shows him go from stupid, to almost clever and having will to survive...you know traits he had in the poem, but he stops showing these traits or growing. Basically Gawain has to be dragged kicking and screaming to help people and shows no fortitude when facing temptation, or when showing respect towards others, it's exhausting. You don't make this kind of journey story without character growth. Why are you skipping this? Also is it just me, or is this like when you take Frank Miller Batman and transport him onto a Bill Finger story? This is at best Thomas Malory Gawain (and this is charitable) transported on the earlier Pearl Poet's story. Stop it. It's not tonally correct and goes at odds with the story and the set up characterization you'd need to tell it. Speaking of which, you know how I get through the oof... of Liam Neeson Gawain in Excalibur? By pretending he Agravain instead. Here...I don't even think Gawain could pass as Mordred in spite of his covetous nature, lust and entitlement. Why? because I don't think even Mordred is this dumb to warrant this hubris. Essel being invented as a tacked on love interest just to be shit on utterly and for what? I don't think I have much commentary here as there is no Essel I'm aware of to compare, or stack up. I just notice this trope of like...usually if you include a sex worker in Hollywood she often has a heart of gold, she often has her own sense of values that goes at odds with society, but is more true and less hypocritical than a privileged lady’s. I thought that's what they would've done with the added trope of back at home sweetheart to contrast and pit her against the despicable femme fatale of Lady Bertilak and her adultery and her ladyship...and I'm glad they didn't...but you did nothing with Essel than to shit on her for existing when you made her exist, you know. Lady Bertilak being portrayed as the seductress devil incarnate. Look I know adultery is a touchy taboo, but uh her and Gawain hit it off in the poem, dammit! Her values and his values come to clash, but here it's played off as Gawain is stupid and covetous and Lady Bertilak wants to prove something because...? If my brother's theory that she's a figment of Morgan Le Fay's magic, then I'll take this as a lesson of Gawain is impulsive and covetous and his mom knows it, but he don't want to fuck his mom, but he wants her power, and Morgan wants to teach him a lesson... I guess. Hey we don't have misogynist speeches in this movie, but we'll make sure to have the movie drip with it with no point, or commentary. Pass. Lord guilting, extracting and initiating the same sex kiss and only once. Poem automatically better that Gawain don't have to keep being reminded to keep his part of the bargain and he does it willingly more than once. What he doesn't do is give up his belt...gods how did we get more homophobic as a society that the homoeroticism here is worse? Catholics of the middle ages officially had no issue doing same sex, passionate kissing until it lead to sex. The Ending: The gods damn ending. In the movie as is, Gawain waits to uphold his end of the bargain and get his head chopped off. He imagines, even though we don't get any fuzzy or distortion to indicate this is a dream, but I already knew this was coming, he runs away and comes home, is regarded a hero, he sees his lady, takes her from behind and if you saw Brokeback Mountain (I didn't, but DJ has) you know this is a sign of disrespect to women. He gets her knocked up, pays her off for the kid she wants to keep, he is crowned king, marries the ghostly saint lady he helped retrieve her head earlier from a lake in the movie (this right here is the damn tip off). There's no more dialogue by this point and everything is montaging, so you know by now it's a dream, though nothing is out of focus. He rules as a heartless king, his whore son dies from war he waged, he has a daughter, his wife dies. Gawain then takes off the belt that would've saved his life and his head falls off. This would've been the one good twist, except... In this sequence of events he never had his head cut off so uh... now we back in present day. He decides not to bitch out, Green Knight in a sexy way is like "now off with your head," movie cuts to credits with no resolve...uh what the fuck? What the fuck? This is not good. You wasted the one twist in your dream when idk, you could've...

How I'd fix it: No dream sequence at all. No Incident At Owl Creek twist. Gawain comes home a hero and survivor of this game and ordeal. He wears this belt of shame. He becomes a well-renowned knight, but he bears a shame. One day he goes to take off his belt and his head falls off because he cheated to get this belt and to survive this encounter. There. Done. Improved your high concept movie that couldn't play any of the lessons straight from the damn poem without making everyone an asshole for no reason! Ugh! But nope you had to end it on we don’t know if Gawain lives or dies...because...it's dream magic made from his momma's witchcraft...?

Last Thoughts So then post-credits scene because Marvel because Pirates Of The Caribbean existed. A white girl who looks nothing like Gawain's daughter we see who didn’t pay off, or any child I can remember through this whole movie picks up King Arthur's crown that dream Gawain inherited and puts it on her head. Who is this girl? Are we gonna have an indie equivalent of of the Marvel Movie Universe/Universal Horror Monsters thing with ancient British legends? We gonna get a Life Of Saint Patrick next that crosses over? I don't know. What is this?

[convoy914]

Okay, Swapsy, here’s my…opinions, I guess, all laid out. I think. I might be inconsistent here. Probably a bit overly harsh as well. Probably fucked this up. Probably severely. Likely incoherent. Might edit it at times. Nonetheless, if you for some reason want to, here it is. If so, please make sure to read ALL of it. It’s all important. IF you want. Don’t have to. Everyone else don't touch this post please. Bit personal

Okay fine, you want my “professional“ opinion? You project onto Penny and that has cause you to be halfway biased regarding certain other characters. Note that I said “halfway”. This isn’t a “you’re wrong completely and dumb” thing. It’s just, well, something I’ve seen before. The “manpain” argument any time he did ANYTHING, and then last year…last year was not fun. And it feels like you’re refusing to even consider my points and painting me with the same brush as the “it was fine, actually” part of the fandom. Like how they painted you as RWDE for your criticisms of that moment. I don’t think it’s intentional to be clear

Tell me, do you think Ruby would hold Jaune SOLEY responsible FOREVER…or will the eventual conclusion be “I hate Cinder even more than I thought was possible”? Not how YOU would react, you’ve made THAT abundantly clear, I mean how the CHARACTERS would react. The problem is that you interpret Penny a certain way, and so are unable to interpret what happened in any other way, and so of course you can’t stand the sight of the guy who did it. But in this ONE case, context is important…but NOT in the way people say.

Here’s the problem: The “choice” was regarding who got the Maiden Powers, NOT dying. HOWEVER, as I said, the writing fucked up SEVERELY when it came to distinguishing that. That‘s just a fact. I’m not defending that. What I AM saying, however, is that I think you’re letting your projection onto Penny color your interpretation of what exactly happened. NOT THAT IT WAS WELL WRITTEN, IT STILL WASN’T, BUT THAT I THINK THERE’S BIAS HERE. You act like it was a depressed girl committing suicide and just using Cinder as an excuse, and thus Jaune is literal scum, that there was malicious intent behind what he did, but I can’t agree with that interpretation, because it ignores the context, badly written as it was. I GET IT, tho. I really do. I get it more than THEY could. Speaking of whom…

And I think it’s important to note the role the fandom played in this. Them insisting that nothing worth fighting over happened, that there’s nothing wrong with what happened, no problem at all. This, I think, caused you to turn more and more against the stuff surrounding the moment and I’ve said this all before. The relevant part is that I’ve seen other people arguing with you on this, and you’ve dismissed all of them cause it seems to you that they’re excusing something awful. That they’re just allistics people who don't get the urge and so don’t see the problem. Given their failure to truly acknowledge the problem, I can’t blame you. Trust me, they piss me off QUITE a bit as well at times. But I hope that I’ve demonstrated that I understand the problem. I also hate that plot point. And I still feel this way regarding Jaune.

My point is: I think it’s possible to despise that plot point while not treating Jaune specifically as If even I, who thinks that moment was terribly written and a gigantic fucking waste AND understand the concerns as an autistic often THAT kind of depressed person, thinks that this is disproportionate, what does that SAY, exactly? Look, ultimately it’s opinions about a web show, and there’s the bias on my part to consider. The idea I have in my head that all this is me trying to get you to drop your own discomfort for my own sake. That I'm not being objective here. That I’m being manipulative here. That you’ll just see this as another person berating you for being uncomfortable. And hell, maybe it is. As this whole thing has proven, intention isn’t everything.

So what’s the “solution”? Volume 9‘s coming up and Jaune is A) a part of it, and B) not going to be treated as Irredeemable Satan until the end of the series. And as an autistic often suicidal person, I don’t have a problem with that. I don’t think the characters hating him FOREVER is proportionate given the circumstances. I don’t call it “manpain” and I’ve seen these arguments before. This is all very familiar to me, and maybe that’s unfair. And the story CRWBY TRIED to tell, I think there’s merit. With any other character, anyways. The importance of LIVING, even if it’s for a short while. It could even have worked as presented with just (1) change. He tried to heal her and it just hurt her more. That would be it. But they didn’t, and so here we are. So, what are you going to DO here? Cause it’s clear you’ve not really come to terms with it. I don’t blame you, and the fandom’s not helped. I don’t know what to DO here, is the ultimate point. I want to help you come to terms with this, but I don’t know how. I don’t know if THIS is it, but nonetheless, here’s my feelings on the matter. Sometimes. My thoughts on this are kinda mixed

[ughseoks-main]

left behind

peter parker x reader

summary: you begin to feel neglected when peter parker is introduced to the avenger family, and you’ve had enough of it.

“I just don’t wanna be left behind.”

word count: 3.9k

warnings: just some angst & a breakdown 

a/n: hehehe a bit of a longer blurb w/ some angst for y’all ;)))) lmk what ya think!!

masterlist

You could still remember the days when Cap would patch up your scraped knees, giving them the magic ‘feel better’ kisses before telling you to be more careful next time. Sometimes, Nat would give you little lessons on how to fight like her, never growing impatient with your repetitive mistakes and general inability to catch onto her complex moves. Clint would even ruffle your hair and watch a movie every Friday night, always letting you choose (no matter how many times you requested Cinderella.)

Tony might’ve been your biological father, but the truth was, the whole team was your family. You loved your dad, and there was no doubt about it: he was a pretty damn good one. But you were basically the child of all of the avengers, and they never failed to show you how much they loved you. They’d help you with your homework, boy problems, and pretty much anything a teenager could ever need advice on; most importantly, they made you feel important and loved when you needed it the most.

But everything changed when a certain bug-boy came into the picture.

One day when you were sitting on the couch with Bruce discussing a tricky math problem, Tony waltzed in with a young, curly-haired boy trailing closely behind him. He looked about your age and a nervous smile graced his face when you locked eyes.

“Guys, this is Peter,” Tony introduced you to him and he waved awkwardly.

“H-Hi.”

“Peter, this is my daughter, Y/N,” he pointed to you before shifting his gaze towards Bruce, “I’m sure you already know who Doctor Banner is. Big green guy, can have a bit of a temper-”

“Tony,” Bruce warned, nodding at Peter with a soft smile.

“Aright, alright,” Tony patted the kid’s shoulder, “I’m gonna finish showing the new blood around. You two have fun.”

You couldn’t stop staring at Peter and his slightly pink cheeks as he turned to leave. After all, you were curious. It was rare to see high school aged kids in the compound, let alone ones as cute as Peter.

“Earth to Y/N…” Bruce waved his hand in front of your face, smiling when you jumped back in surprise.

‘Huh?” your cheeks heated as you scrambled to grab your pencil, “Oh yeah, uh, the math problem…”

As the weeks went on, you began to see more and more of Peter, his face popping up almost everywhere you went. Whether it be grabbing lunch in the kitchen, or taking the elevator down to the lobby, Peter was there, giving you shy side glances and small smiles. If you were being honest, it was pretty nice at first. After all, you never really got to hang out with kids your age, because it was too dangerous for you to go to a public school.

But your relationship with Peter forever changed after you got stuck in the elevator together one afternoon. Tony was rebooting FRIDAY, and in his usual fashion, forgot to inform pretty much anybody of the temporary shutdown. This left you and Peter alone in the elevator for roughly an hour. The first few minutes were awkward, which was to be expected; but after those few minutes… it felt like a spark went off. Conversation erupted, laughter filling the air as the two of you exchanged jokes and anecdotes. Whether it be meme references or results of scientific experiments, you covered it all.

From that point on, you and Peter were inseparable, doing practically everything together. There was no doubting it; he was your best friend. (And if you were being completely honest with yourself, there were probably some underlying feelings that were a bit more… romantic.)

Everything was smooth sailing for a while, uncontrollable laughter filling the corridors wherever the two of you went. Of course, you had your ups and downs, but nothing too serious ever kept you apart for more than a day. It was an ongoing joke at the tower that the two of you were attached at the hip. Hell, Peter even began to come along with you to some of your family activities. After all, he was practically family now.

But nothing that’s perfect lasts for long.

Things started to fall apart on a normal Friday night. It was 8:32pm, and you’d just popped some popcorn in preparation for your and Clint’s weekly movie night. But when you stepped into the room, the sounds of laughter already filled the air, a movie playing as background noise to the conversation. Peter and Clint were sitting on the couch, throwing pieces of popcorn at each other in a playfully competitive way.

“What’re you guys doing?” you blurted out, somewhat shocked by the whole situation.

Peter and Clint snapped their heads in your direction, Peter’s face lighting up upon seeing you. “Oh, hey Y/N!” he chirped, flashing you a happy smile, “Clint and I were just watching a movie… or at least trying to…” he giggled, gesturing towards the popcorn bowls, “Wanna join?”

“Oh. Uh…” you paused, a little unsure of what to do. In all honesty, you didn’t really know how to react to the scene laid out before you; you didn’t even know how you felt. Sure, you felt a little upset, but you were also understanding of the situation. But more than anything, you were just… confused.

Why did Clint not wait for you to come into the room before beginning the movie? Why was Peter even here for him to watch a movie with? He should’ve been at home with May. Did Clint invite him to watch the movie, or did Peter suggest it himself? Why weren’t you included in any of this?

“I actually think I have some chemistry homework or something, so, uh, I should go.”

“Aw man,” Peter pouted, sticking out his bottom lip, “Well, good luck on your homework! If you get done early, you should come back down and hang with us.”

You flashed him a tight smile before letting your eyes drift over to Clint, almost immediately looking away when your gazes met. He was giving you the look that told you he wasn’t buying any of your excuses. After all, he could see through pretty much any ruse you threw at him.

“Pete, can you give us a sec?” Clint patted his shoulder and walked over to you, nodding his head towards the hallway to signal Peter to leave the room. “Listen, Y/N, Peter really wanted to watch this movie, and I wasn’t sure if you were coming down tonight—”

“Clint, it’s fine,” you held up a palm, trying to reassure him when he gave you another disbelieving look, “I promise. I get it, I really do.”

After a few moments of consideration, he pulled you into a side hug, ruffling your hair. “If you say so, kiddo.”

A few hours later, when you were laying in bed, you just couldn’t get what had happened off of your mind. You doubted it was intentional, and you had to admit, it was a pretty small thing to get upset over. Besides, you weren’t one to hold a grudge. Deciding it was best to put it behind you, you rolled over and fell asleep, hoping that the incident would be a one-time thing.

If only you’d realized just how wrong you were.

— -

From that point on, things started to go downhill, and fast. More and more often, you were finding Peter doing things you used to do with the whole group. At first, you tried to force yourself into things and make yourself known. But no matter how much you spoke up or how hard you tried, you still somehow felt like an outsider in your own home; an outcast in your own family.

Nobody paid attention to you, no matter how hard you tried. All they seemed to do was fawn over their baby Peter, making sure that he was okay and that he knew he was the apple of their eye.

You felt like a background character in everybody’s lives, including your own.

Eventually, you gave up trying to be included. You began to lock yourself in your room, isolating yourself from everybody in the compound, Peter included. Peter knew something was up, but when he tried to ask you about it, you brushed it off, telling him he was imagining things. Just because you were upset didn’t mean you had to bring him down with you, right?

You knew that you could always talk to the group about how you felt, but you didn’t want to cause any trouble. So, you kept it all inside, locked in a small box hidden in the back of your mind. Every time something new happened, you’d open up the box and throw your feelings in there, always sure to never let a word slip out.

But the thing about that hidden box was that it was bound to overflow. After all, it was a finite space, and you couldn’t keep locking away your feelings without snapping.

That snap finally came when you walked into the lab one afternoon, seeing Peter and Bruce working on some sort of small machine. Taking a few steps closer, your heart dropped when you recognized that small machine as your personal project; an experiment that you’d been working on for years. You’d only told Tony about it because it was so personal to you (and even if you had tried to tell the others, you doubted they would have cared.)

“Huh… try connecting this wire to that one,” Bruce pointed to the object, deep in thought. Peter stuck out his tongue slightly as he carefully reconnected the wires, cheering when the device whirred to life successfully.

“Yes!” he grinned, giving Bruce a high five, “I can’t believe we—”

He paused when he saw you in the doorway, his smile softening a bit, “Hey Y/N! Wanna check out this cool project Bruce and I just finished? We found it sitting in the lab and decided to fix it up!”

You stood frozen, not even sure how to react. Your initial response was anger, a surge of betrayal spreading through your veins like fire. “I’m good.” you said through gritted teeth, taking a deep breath.

“You sure? It’s really cool! I can explain how it works if you want—”

“I already know how it works!” you blurted out, exasperation and annoyance soaking every syllable, “It was my project. I made that. I’ve been working on it for years. So no, I don’t need your explanation on how it works. That wasn’t yours to tamper with.”

“Y/N,” Bruce said with concern, “Is everything okay? This doesn’t seem like you. We didn’t know the project was yours; it was an honest mistake.”

“How would you have known? It isn’t like you pay attention to me anymore,” you scoffed, glaring daggers at the pair, “Besides, even if you had known, I’m sure that you would’ve finish it anyways if Peter had wanted to. You guys do whatever the hell he wants, yet you can’t even find the time to say goodnight to me anymore.”

“Woah, where is this coming from?” Bruce looked genuinely confused, “Who said we weren’t paying attention to you?” Peter sat there dumbfounded as you crossed your arms, Bruce holding up his hands in defense.

“Just— forget it.” You took a deep breath and stormed off, ignoring the calls of your name as the door slammed behind you. As you went on a rampage through the compound, you drew stares from everyone. A few called out to you, asking you what was wrong, but you just kept going until you finally reached your room. Shutting your door softly, you collapsed on your bed, letting out a scream into your pillow. Every emotion was hitting you at once, causing you to feel insanely overwhelmed and helpless.

Your face was buried in a pillow when you heard a knock on your door. “What is it?” you grumbled, rolling your eyes when you heard Bruce’s voice.

“Y/N, could you come downstairs for a minute?”

“Why?” you lifted the pillow from your face, glaring at him before flipping over onto your side to face away from the doorway, “I’m perfectly fine.”

“We need to talk to you.”

“Why do you need me when you could just talk to Peter?”

Bruce sighed deeply, despite already knowing that getting you downstairs was going to be a challenge from the beginning. “You know that’s not true. Just come down for five minutes, then you can come back up to sulk.”

Groaning dramatically, you rolled off of your bed and hit the floor with a soft thump. “Fine,” you called out from your spot on the carpet behind the bed. When you heard the door shut, you slowly sat up, making your way down to the main room as slowly as humanly possible.

As soon as you took a step into the room, everybody’s heads snapped to attention. A quick glance around showed you that basically the entire team was in the room, ready to have this conversation with you. You weren’t intimidated, just reluctant to talk about the topic (mostly out of spite.) And then, your eyes landed on Peter.

“I don’t wanna talk if he’s gonna be here.” Peter looked down guiltily and messed with the hem of his shirt, trying to avoid your heated gaze.

“Y/N,” Steve began in his ‘i’m giving a speech and you will listen to me’ voice, “This clearly involves the both of you, so Peter stays.”

“It’s...” Peter began to stand up, “It’s okay, I can just leave—”

Steve reached out and grabbed his arm gently, “Peter, we want you here, for this conversation—”

“I don’t.” Cap shot you a stern look, causing you to simply cross your arms in defense.

“Y/N, you’re being unreasonable,” Clint butted in, “Peter didn’t do anything intentionally to hurt you, and he wants to make it right. We all wanna make it right.”

“Unreasonable?” you scoff, gesturing wildly around you, “I’m unreasonable for not wanting to see Peter? For not wanting to see you guys? You’ve all been perfectly fine with me pining after you for the past few weeks, but when I finally give up, suddenly you’re concerned.”

Tears were filling your eyes, but you were unaware that they were also filling Peter’s.

He pulled away from Steve, taking a few steps back towards the door. “I should leave,” he began, being interrupted by a loud protest from the group of avengers sitting in the large room.

“Just-just stop!” he yelled, effectively silencing them, “Isn’t it obvious? I only seem to make things worse. I’m clearly not helping the situation. Y/N doesn’t want to be anywhere near me. She doesn’t want anything to do with me. Am I wrong?”

Peter had known something was up with you the past few weeks, but he hadn’t realized that he was the one hurting you. It killed him. You were his best friend, and the last thing in the world he’d ever want to do is cause you pain.

“She doesn’t think that—”

“I wasn’t asking you, Bruce!” he exasperated, turning to you as a tear slipped down your cheek, “Am I wrong, Y/N?”

You didn’t confirm his statements, but you didn’t deny them, either. Instead, you simply stood there, wiping the fallen tear from your cheek. Peter exhaled heavily, taking your silence as a confirmation of everything he’d assumed. Giving everyone a short nod, he walked out into the hallway, nobody speaking up until he’d left.

“What’s gotten into you?” your dad asked, clearly fed up with the way you were acting.

“What’s gotten into me?” you gawked, raising your tone in anger, “What’s gotten into me is that I’m an outcast in my own family! You guys ignore me and all of our special traditions in favor of running off and doing them with Peter instead. It’s like— it’s like I’m not even your kid anymore! I’m a background character in my own life! Nothing I do impacts you, and you can’t even pretend like you care about my feelings. If you cared, you wouldn’t have neglected and ignored me in the first place. Once a newer, better version of me came along, you were quick to leave me in the dust.”

You’d completely broken down at this point, voice breaking from an angry scream to a teary-eyed cry as you finally unlocked your hidden box.

“I just don’t wanna be left behind.”

The room was speechless. In their minds, you’d just been adjusting to the new addition to the compound. They’d had no idea that you’d felt replaced by Peter. A feeling of guilt soaked into almost every heart in the room, the sight of the sad and tired child in front of them enough to almost bring them to tears.

“You’re our family,” Natasha offered, trying to make you feel better, “We’d never leave you behind.”

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Steve interrupted, earning a glare from Nat, “If we’d known, we would’ve done something about it.”

“Because it isn’t my job to tell you,” you whispered, voice cracking, “The saddest part is just that— you had no idea that I was even pulling away until I finally snapped. I know that I’m supposed to communicate with you… but all I needed was one of you to reach out. You couldn’t even do that. And… the one person who did is sitting outside right now, beating themselves up for something that you guys did.”

Tony began to speak, but you cut him off by raising a hand in objection. “If you’ll excuse me,” you sniffed, straightening your shoulders and walking towards the door, “I think I owe somebody an apology.”

— -

You found Peter outside on the patio looking out into the green surrounding the compound. He was sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest. Small sniffles came from him every few seconds, and his curly hair was a mess.

“You didn’t have to come out here,” he croaked, turning to look at you as you took a seat next to him.

“I kinda did,” you smiled a bit, “You been crying?”

Peter nodded. “You don’t look too happy yourself.”

You let out a sad laugh, wiping off a few remaining tears. “I owe you an apology.”

He froze at that. “An apology?” Confusion was tugging at his features, curiosity glowing in his eyes.

“Yeah,” you exhaled, wringing your hands together, “None of this was your fault. You couldn’t have known that you were encroaching on anything.”

He shrugged, wiping his nose, “I should’ve picked up on it, though.”

“You did,” you placed a hand on his arm, squeezing gently, “I just wouldn’t open up to you. That’s on me. The rest of it… well, that’s on the team. But you looked out for me even when they failed to, and I’m really grateful for that.”

You paused, taking a few seconds to gather your thoughts. Peter covered your hand with his own, running his fingers lightly against the back of your knuckles. “And I’m sorry for blowing up at you like that. I’m sorry for ignoring you and shutting you out instead of letting you in. It only made the issue worse, and it made you feel guilty for something that isn’t your fault.”

Tears stung the back of your eyes, threatening to spill down over your cheeks all over again as you whispered, “I’m sorry, Pete.”

Lifting his arm, Peter slung himself around your shoulders, pulling you into a big side hug. He was warm, his t-shirt soft between your fingers as you gripped it tightly and cried into his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” he consoled, rubbing small circles on your back as you hiccupped, “It’s okay.”

Slowly, your tears began to dry, and a wave of exhaustion began to spread throughout your chest. Your lungs were heavy and the air was somehow warmer as Peter continued to rub circles on your back, lulling you into a post-cry nap. Before you knew it, you were asleep, your grip on his shirt growing loose. He stroked your hair before repositioning you so you’d be more comfortable lying against him.

Peter’s head jerked up when he heard the door open, eyes widening when he saw Steve walk over towards the two of you.

“How is she, kid?” he put his hands into his pockets, gazing out at the greenery in front of him.

“She was pretty upset. I don’t think it’s gonna be fixed overnight,” Peter paused, “Where’s Mr. Stark and the rest of the team?” “We thought it’d be best to only send one person out here to get her, and Tony didn’t think she was too happy with him,” Steve explained, sadness and guilt in his gaze as he looked over at you, “Not that she’s happy with me, either.”

The vibrations from Peter’s chest as they spoke stirred you awake, causing you to blink a few times in an attempt to shake away some of the sleepiness. “Steve?” you yawned, turning to the man standing a few feet away, “What do you want?”

“To see what we can all do to make this better,” Bruce spoke up from the doorway, taking a few steps out onto the patio before the rest of the team followed.

“We messed up and we wanna fix it,” Tony shrugged, but not without throwing you an apologetic glance.

“Just… don’t be inconsiderate dicks anymore, okay?” you sighed, rubbing your face roughly in exasperation, “And give me some time. I’m upset, and that hurt isn’t gonna go away overnight. I need to process stuff, ya know.”

“Cap, you okay with that language?” Your dad joked, raising his hands in defense when you shot him a death glare, “What? He’s an old man. He can’t handle those words, Y/N.”

“And I want some really good apologies. Like, ten-page-long handwritten apology letters. Delivered by pigeon.”

“Deal. Sam, what’s our pigeon status?” Tony threw over his shoulder, earning a glare from Sam.

“I. Don’t. Talk. To. Birds,” he rolled his eyes, “You two have got to drop that bit, or I think I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“Whatever you say, birdman,” you winked before shooing the team away, “Now, can you guys leave us alone? We were having a best friend moment.”

“Okay, okay,” Bruce laughed, shouting over his shoulder as Steve pushed him along, “But we are gonna talk about this in more detail later.”

“Have your apology letter ready!” you sang, waving him goodbye with a cheesy smile until the door shut behind the group.

You turned back around with a sigh, looping your arm through Peter’s. “Thank you, Peter,” you pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling a bit when his face flushed red, “You’re the bestest best friend I could ever ask for.”

“Just… be sure to talk to me next time, okay?” he responded, giving the hand wrapped around his forearm a squeeze, “I’m always here for you.”

He paused.

“Plus, I missed you a lot.”

“You got it,” you breathed as you laid your head on his shoulder, “And don’t worry, I missed you too.”

taglist + a few mutuals;

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peter parker taglist;

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join my tags!

[kaiekasunwhisper]

The Ebon Hold

((Co-written with @thefugitivemango / @avehi-the-adamant​ ))

~*~*~

Here she was again; Avehi felt like she spent too much time here. And at the same time, never enough. Acherus was such a fluid constant in her unlife, from the very beginning of it. She was raised in these halls. Conditioned to obey the Lich King’s call here. Then fought that very conditioning. All right here. She hated it, and loved it all at once. 

Memories weren’t the only thing the floating necropolis brought. The Ebon Blade was working tirelessly to uncover the mysteries surrounding the Shadowlands, and the inequality that plagued the scales of the afterlife. The latest on that front; The Lich King himself had become involved. Avehi didn’t know Bolvar Fordragon well; which was to say she’d never met him. But every Knight knew who he was, and what he had become. A sacrifice so great, and a burden so damning. She had reverence for the human. Reverence and caution. 

The Helm of Dominion on his head gave him the potential of becoming an enemy of life itself. So far, he’d shown great restraint. But nothing lasts forever. She was wary of him, to say the least. So upon hearing the Ebon Blade had begun working with him in recent days, pledging Knights to serve him once more… Avehi grew increasingly uncomfortable.

She crossed her arms, examining the training yard on the upper level. Her brow raised, tail flickering as she beheld one of her recent converts - Kai’eka Sunwhisper, a cultist warrior she’d met, killed, and risen. The woman was truly terrifying in that training ring! Other Knights cheered as she bested contenders one by one with her twin blades. The Draenei smiled, as she observed; Kai’eka was a good choice for this. Perhaps her best choice, so far. She turned to come around and down the steps, to speak with the warrior as her final fight came to its predictable conclusion.

Kai’eka beamed. She offered a hand to help the human up, her thanks for a fight well fought, before harnessing her weapons to leave the ring for the next pair of fighters. Being among the Ebon Blade felt good. Sparring against them was much more fun than the living. They held more strength, stamina, and one didn’t have to hold back to avoid a ‘killing blow’. While she still hadn’t grasped exactly how hemomancy worked yet, it didn’t matter as she usually came out of the ring victorious. 

She smiled at Avehi. An actual, genuine smile.

“Avehi,” she greeted her friend, “Was wondering when you’d show up again. Need to figure out how to fix my link with these swords.”

“I can show you. We use runes, not unlike the ones with which you’re familiar.” the Draenei replied, smiling in return. “Come, I’ll take you to the Runeforge.”

She led Kai’eka up from the fighting pit to an ominous, towering forge. The power it emanated thrummed as they drew near, the lich fire flames within crackling strong and bright. As far as skills developed postmortem, runeforging was something Avehi excelled at. She already served the Ebon Blade as a weapon smith early on, and picked up the undeath-unique skill from a fellow Acherian artisan. Now, she was regarded as a seasoned runemaster in her own right.

“You’re fitting in well here, it seems.” she commented to Kai’eka, smiling back to her. “How are you feeling about all this?”

“Never better, actually,” the Ren’dorei replied, “I don’t need to eat, sleep or drink. I don’t sweat, I don’t get tired… Honestly, I haven’t found a down side to this death thing yet.”

She eyed the runeforge as they approached, ears perking up in curiosity. She’s heard of them before, but never seen one up close. She eyed her blades, the cultist powered runes having faded since N’Zoth’s defeat… something she was still trying to wrap her head around. Before now, the Old Gods were all she knew… her ultimate truth. Now that she’d seen for herself the lie she grew up believing, it was time to re-evaluate where she stood and what to fight for. A confusing and frightening concept at first, but after a few days and nights of contemplation, she was excited for her new start to ‘life’ in undeath. 

“So how do these things work? Is it the same runes from a different power source, or different runes altogether?”

“I expect they’ll be quite different than the runes you’re used to.” Avehi nodded once.

She tried to keep neutral on Kai’eka’s cultist past. True, that’s what led to their conflict, and ultimately the ren’dorei’s death, but Avehi wasn’t one to fault anyone for coming to terms with the fact that their beliefs were all wrong. She could relate, after all. Kai’eka seemed genuine in her desire to move past all that, anyway. And Avehi wasn’t about to hold her back.

“They’ll function similarly, but how they bind to us and how they’re etched and forged is a very unique process. Nothing the Living can emulate… and survive.”

She opened the forge’s 'jaws', revealing a small platform. A stand, to hold and imbue the Death Knight’s weapon. Then, the Draenei stepped aside, and motioned for Kai’eka to place one of her weapons inside.

“We’ll start with a simple one, to draw upon runic power. Think of it as a reserve of necrotic energies you can call upon when needed.” she explained. “The rune you draw for it is simple; but by the nature of these runes, it’ll bind the weapon solely to you. No one but you will be able to call upon its power.”

She nodded once to the elf.

“Come, I’ll show you.”

Kai’eka nodded at the explanation, observing the blue flames spouting from the forge in the same cold blue color her eyes now matched. She drew one of her hooked blades as she stepped forward, but hesitated for a moment.

Her eyes left the forge momentarily to the now faded runes on her blades, the last symbol of her dedication to the Ancient Ones. Something about that notion tugged at her unbeating heart. Doubt clouded her mind, as over six hundred years of formation nagged at her mind. What if this was all a test? The final trial before being allowed into her promised afterlife? Eyes closed as she mulled it over… thinking of everything she’d sacrificed in life, all in their name. Her sole dedication, the blood she spilled, risking her life time and time again to obtain artifacts of power in offerings, shortening her own lifespan in ritual to give a more worthy servant longevity, her body as she gave herself in to the Void, Alteris… her own life.

No. If all of that hadn’t been enough, then she was done. Even if what she’d been led to believe was true, the Old Ones  were now powerless after N’Zoth’s fall. Had Alteris still been alive, he’d no doubt be boasting to her about it now.

“I killed my brother,” she said, opening her eyes and starting at her distorted reflection in the blade, “That’s how he died. He… interfered with the cult so…”

She shook her head, sighing. Her earlier good mood having dissipated completely in her contemplation. She wasn’t certain why she was telling this to Avehi now… perhaps because of the Draenei’s faith in her being able to change... 

“He meant the world to me. But that’s how much I fucking believed in the cause…”

Outstretching her arms, she placed the sword onto the platform, her cold gaze never leaving it.

“Never again.”

Avehi knew well when to keep quiet. Kai’eka’s moment of realization was surely one such moment. She watched the elf silently, observing her expression and demeanor change through pensive staring at her blade. The revelation was unexpected, certainly. But clearly it needed to be said. She remembered Kai’eka sharing word of her brother’s death upon their first meeting. Now, with more details given to her, it began to paint a picture of her life, and where her priorities had been. Skewed by a higher power. Muddied by faith. The Draenei’s tail flickered, before she took her place beside Kai’eka. No hand on her shoulder, no comforting embrace. Only acknowledgement of what the elf told her. Acknowledgement, and understanding.

“The Light inspires similar devotion.” she commented, as she drew her hammer from her back. “We’ve done terrible things in its name. We’ve turned our backs on our own people, even after one of the darkest chapters in our history. All because they, too, ‘interfered’ with the harmony the Light instilled within us.”

Avehi shook her head. She recalled such days. Such was her own thought process back then, amidst the fanfare and accolades of serving as a Vindicator. The Light’s chosen warriors, empowered to protect her people. She pondered herself; if she, too, had a meddlesome brother interfering with the Light’s designs, would she silence him as Kai’eka had? Her brow furrowed in disgust with herself, when the answer 'no' failed to clearly and definitively ring out in her mind.

“It’s a harsh lesson on blind devotion. One I had to learn as well.” she nodded. “But now that you’ve learned personally… it’s a mistake you’ll never fall prey to again.”

She lowered her voice, and glanced around.

“Serve no one so steadfastly that you fail to question their intentions. Not even the Ebon Blade.”

Avehi’s words were appreciated, yet surprising to hear. As much as Kai’eka had always despised the Light, it was rare to hear someone describe that side of it. Even more so to hear it from a Draenei. She listened intently, taking in Avehi’s words of wisdom.

A nod of understanding, before she turned her attention back to the task at hand. Avehi set her crystalline hammer into a stand beside the runeforge, head upright. It glowed in proximity to the forge, the same blue flames flickering within the shimmering prismatic weapon. One rune in particular began to glow at Avehi’s command; a simple enough pattern of a semi-circle beneath an acute angle opened left, with a solitary dot nestled in the arc’s cradle. The rune projected from the weapon, enlarging for clarity’s sake before the elf.

“This is the Rune of Reserve.” she explained. “When you are prepared.”

Kai’eka’s ears perked up a bit as she studied the rune. As dark as the subject of her brother was, there wasn’t much that could take away the excitement of rune inscription. Even through a different process than the Coterie, she enjoyed learning about them and what they did. And she looked forward to feeling connected to her blades once more.

“I’m ready,” she informed, “What do I need to do?”

"Draw it."

The instructions were simple enough; Avehi extended her hand, two fingers pointed out as they traced along the rune suspended before them. The rune itself flickered, glowing brighter at the Death Knight's touch. Her hammer, too, exhaled a notable wave of power as the rune was redrawn. She turned her eyes to Kai'eka once again, and nodded.

"Focus your mind on your weapon. You're well familiar with it, yes?" she asked, though already knew it was so. "Focus intently on it. Feel its smooth, cold surface in your thoughts, and trace the rune out before you. You'll feel it as it's etched, both into your weapon… and into you."

The Draenei loosened her gauntlet, before tugging it off and setting it aside. She upturned her hand, revealing the same rune aglow on her forearm. It was identical in every way to the rune etched into the weapon, glowing from beneath Avehi's skin. As the rune on the hammer's glow dissipated, so too did the glow on the rune in her skin - both fading out until they had seemingly vanished entirely.

"This power is a curse on it's own. Unbridled and untempered, it turns lesser Knights to madness. Static, it would burn our souls to dust, from within." she cautioned. "The runes focus the power coursing through us, applying it to greater uses than simply reanimating our corpses. Runeforging transmutes this danger into an asset. This pain into our drive. This curse… into a gift."

Avehi nodded, smirking slightly. She remembered hearing those words for the first time, when she learned runeforging for herself. They resonated deeply with her, then; a lost soul, hoping desperately she could pivot her dark fate into some semblance of salvation. They resonated with her still, but now for a different reason.

"Draw it," she repeated, as she tugged her gauntlet back over her hand. "and embrace this gift. Your power."

Kai’eka’s ears flicked as Avehi explained. It was a rather long winded answer for a simple question. She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes and making a snarky comment about it. With Avehi being her only contact in undeath so far, she attempted to keep her more abrasive side in check until they knew each other a little better. 

“Got it. Simple enough.”

She removed her gauntlet as Avehi had, and went to work at tracing the tune in the air in front of her. She felt the inscription almost immediately as it became engraved into her arm and blade; quite a different feeling from ritual tattoos. It burned, but with cold instead of heat. Her lips parted at the new sensation, a grin forming as she felt the bond with her blade renewed, like meeting an old friend after some time apart.

Once the runeforging was complete, she looked down to her arm to admire the new marking.

“You keep saying ‘curse’. What do you mean by that? I haven’t seen or heard a downside to any of this at all.”

“And I truly hope there never is one, for you.” Avehi nodded, replacing her gauntlet - flexing her fingers to situate it properly. “Back in the days of the Lich King, soldiers and warriors were raised without much discerning. People from all backgrounds, brought back from death against their wills. With no consideration for what it might do to them, mentally.”

She shook her head, recalling how horrible that time all seemed back then. Compared to now… it was abhorrent. The entire reason she was so against raising the dead in the first place came from that terrible feeling she got anytime she thought of the early days. Before the Ebon Blade. Before the Lich King fell. But things were different, now. And if she didn’t learn to adapt, and keep her morality flexible, how was she any different than zealots like Argonas? She grunted resolutely, as she looked to Kai’eka once more.

“It’s different, now. I picked you because I thought you’d handle it well. Better than anyone else.” she told the elf. “You don’t need to be empathetic. But at least be cognizant that it’s nowhere near this easy for other Knights. Especially those of us from the Scourge days, who suffer from the Hunger.”

Kai’eka raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more on the subject. She’d heard about the Hunger, but didn’t know exactly what that was about. According to Avehi, it wasn’t something the ex-cultist has to worry about, so she didn’t really care. She assumed it was something unpleasant, nonetheless. And it was true, she’d seen some Ebon Knights walking around that looked half decomposed. She supposed she was lucky to have been brought back right away.

She turned her attention back to her blade, removing it from the platform to admire the freshly inscribed rune a moment, before setting it aside and placing her other weapon in.

“Does the same rune go on each blade? What’s the limit on how many you can have?” She asked, returning to the subject at hand.

“For this rune, they’ll be separate inscriptions so you can draw on one, the other, or both.” Avehi answered, as the impromptu ‘lesson’ resumed. “The limit comes with a balancing. Our power is limitless, like a river. But too many branches in its path will cripple how well it flows, yes? You’ll have to be mindful. Try three or four for now - these two each counting separately - and see how that feels. We can add or remove runes as you please.”

She raised her hand to the hammer, causing the rune they’d drawn before to glow and expand - reference once more for Kai’eka to imbue upon her second blade.

“Fair enough,” she nodded before going back to concentrating on the rune ahead of her. 

Having already gone through the process once, the task was already familiar, though that didn’t mean Kai’eka took it less seriously. Her connection to her blades was important to her, and she kept her concentration on that as her fingers traced the rune once more, ears flickering as she felt the inscription etched into her arm. It felt good, being able to do the runeforging herself as opposed to having to depend on a Speaker to inscribe her tattoos. It was empowering. She felt more in control of herself than she ever had before.

The process complete, she took hold of the blade, and then the other, holding both in each hand as she stepped back from the forge. She smiled, satisfied with her work. Two runes would do for now.

“Gonna have to test these in the ring soon.”

Avehi couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at that. For all she was, Kai’eka was at least predictable. She nodded approvingly as she took Rokaa up from the stand and sheathed it to her back.

“You’re welcome to now, if you wish.” she offered. “I’ve a few more errands around Acherus. Others to check on. Perhaps once I’m done, I’ll even join you.”

She chuckled again lightly, before dipping her head to Kai’eka. Despite their rocky past, Avehi felt good about this one. Emboldened and encouraged to carve her own destiny after having lived a lie, Kai’eka’s afterlife would be much better than Avehi’s ever was. And in the end, that had always been the Draenei’s intent for those she raised. It felt good to see the beginnings of that trend.

[renegade-skywalker]

Out of the Abyss, Chapter 19

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2  / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19: Missing Pieces

After years in exile, ex-Jedi General, Eden Valen (now going by Vale) continues to clean up after Revan and Malak’s mess of a war, only to find herself forever cursed with their unfinished business. As an ill-fated lead brings her to Tatooine, Eden finds that Revan’s mysterious plans go beyond the Republic, beyond the Outer Rim, and into the utter unknown. (A novelization of The Sith Lords and beyond)

Chapter Summary: Erebus unwillingly catches up with his former Jedi Master as Atris’ plans slowly fall into place. 

Also found on AO3 | fanfiction.net

3951 BBY, Hyperspace Erebus

Mical's eyes shuddered, moving rapidly beneath his closed lids as his fingers brushed the surface of the onyx pyramid that Eden left for Erebus. Not that she knew her brother by that name, at least not yet.

Erebus watched on intermittently, his gaze flickering between Mical and the sketches he had pinned to his workstation, sketches that roughly resembled the object before them all, granting the Republic officer with whatever visions it deemed worthy. Lonna Vash watched on unblinking, arms crossed over her chest, guarded yet somehow unfazed, as if none of this was news to her.

Before Mical could properly react, or even catch a breath, Erebus sighed with indignation and turned to Vash, his expression one of pure impatience.

"Now that we've completed your little pet project, will you finally tell us what this all means, pretty please?"

Vash met his gaze with an unwavering stare, her dark eyes deep and unyielding.

"I see nothing has changed," she answered curtly, her movements in contrast with her expression as she reached for Mical in what Erebus could only assume was meant to be an empathetic embrace. "What is it you saw?"

This last part she directed at Mical, whose gaze was middling, his eyes darting about Erebus' cargo hold yet focusing on nothing, as if reliving his visions once more before committing them to words.

"An empty hall on Coruscant, an unfinished data entry left unattended, forgotten… And then a desert stretching into the distance, endless, and it was somehow both night and day. I don't know how but I know that I was seeing the same desert over centuries, time passing… and then a flash and I was in the corps again, on the front lines at Jaga's Cluster, tending to the wounded when I heard that the Republic fleet commander was dead, that Cassus Fett had fled into deep space after severing his head… and then I was looking out over a deep chasm on Malachor, though I've only read reports, I-I've never actually been there. I don't know how I know it was Malachor, but something tells me that's exactly what I saw."

Erebus winced.

"What did you see in that chasm?" he heard himself say, regretting it the moment he said it, "Describe the sky."

Mical blinked at him, his gaze still unsettled, unready to focus just yet.

"A blinding green light. Fluorescent green, sickly. From the chasm, I mean. Unearthly, almost. The sky was… stormy. Lots of lightning. I could feel the thunder in my bones."

Erebus nodded, his eyes firm on Mical's, bright and blue, knowing his own eyes mirrored the scene on Malachor - pale green, bright, and venomous, no longer the once-soothing sage of his youth.

"Sounds like Malachor to me."

Lonna turned on him now, an arm still cradled around Mical's arms, firm but unwanted judging by the body language Erebus witnessed beneath her hand.

"I would ask what you saw but I have a feeling I already know," she said to Erebus darkly.

"Of course you do, but why don't you ask me anyway?" Erebus said, plastering a sickeningly sweet smile across his face, the sarcasm dripping from his every pore. Lonna afforded him a glance but said nothing as she released Mical from her grip and let the boy sit down. "Or better yet, why don't you tell me what I saw? All this talk of visions and you've yet to tell us what it is you already know, and why you're putting up with me."

"I know that's why you're making this difficult," Vash sighed, "I get it, I really do. After all these years, the Force begins to...wear on you. It's mysterious ways, it's indignation to divulge further details, failing to tell you what possible futures will come to pass and which ones are already dead in your wake."

Erebus wanted to retort but found that he couldn't, suddenly in odd agreement with Vash. He felt like a child again, playing the brat to counter his own frustration than anything else, not quite making it hard on those around him with the intention to be difficult but to feel less alone in his vexation. Not that it made his behavior any better…

"You're right though, I should explain myself."

Vash lowered herself onto the same crate she had claimed as a seat earlier, easing the weight off her leg as she did then, too. She watched Erebus' gaze as he surveyed her, nodding as she continued.

"I know, I know, there's a lot to explain and that will come into it, too," Vash glanced at her leg and winced, as if acknowledging it made the pain flare up.

"Old injury?" Mical asked, noticing as well. "I was a medic for many years. Many veterans develop the same sort of difficulty, even once the leg has healed it's-"

Vash held up a hand to silence him, smiling despite Mical's efforts as she silently indicated that he need not speak further.

"I'm well aware, but I'm afraid not. In fact, there is no injury."

Mical cocked his head, much like a curious gizka.

"I guess I'll start there," Vash laughed, her voice hollow, "The reason I mentioned your sister earlier, Aiden, is because I never stopped thinking about her. But there was more than just what the record showed of her trial. We on the Council never admitted to what we truly sensed from her, at least not in writing. You know we were cautious of her uncanny ability to create Force bonds, no?"

At this, Mical paled, though Erebus was unsure as to why. Part of him wanted to pry into his mind again, either out of his insatiable curiosity or the odd sense of territorialism he felt at seeing a stranger react to news about his sister. Instead, he only nodded, eager for Vash to continue and for any of this to start making sense.

"Force bonds in general are not wholly unusual. They can often develop after shared traumatic events, or even occur between siblings."

Vash paused, watching Erebus for a reaction. Their eyes met, understanding flowing in their gaze, but Vash did not elaborate further. Erebus' own connection with his sister was not seen as unorthodox when they were children, in fact it was almost expected of them, especially being twins. But once the nature of his sister's abilities became clear, where Erebus had no such affinity for bonds outside of the one he shared with his twin, the Council's attention soured.

"As you may very well know, our most recent war hero had a special affinity for such a talent."

Erebus scoffed.

"Are you talking about Revan and her famous fever dreams or the Jedi pawn Bastila's Battle Meditation?"

Vash's eyes widened but Erebus only waved a hand at her, swatting away her surprise.

"I knew Revan's redemption was oft contested but I wasn't the aware the details had reached even the Si-"

"Word gets around," Erebus cut in before Vash could insult him further. "Jedi aren't as good at keeping secrets as they'd like to believe."

"I would argue, but…. You're right. And not only that, but there are plenty of things that the Jedi unfortunately keep from each other," Vash sighed with resignation. "Which will unfortunately play it's own part in this tale, eventually. And I have a feeling you have some idea of what I'm talking about."

Vash nodded towards Mical, looking meek as always, unsure of whether he should speak. The man didn't seem bashful, more respectful than anything, and Erebus wasn't sure if that made him more annoyed or if it made him respect the man more.

"Aye, Master Vash. I know I was meant to convene with you at the Temple though nothing quite went as planned. I am happy to finally make your acquaintance, but not like this. No offense."

"None taken," Vash laughed, the light returning to her eyes for a moment before flickering out and making way for what Erebus assumed was her now-usual weariness. "Though I am curious as to why a Republic recruit with a relatively clean record would sign up for such a job."

"Job?"

"Your senses failed to tell you?" Vash replied sardonically, "Mical here was hired by one of our old colleagues. You may remember a certain Lucien Draay? Some would call him a heretic, but others might be familiar with his Jedi Covenant, a covert operation that tried to prevent Revan's rise to Sith power but unfortunately only made way for Darth Malak."

Erebus paled though he tried to hide it, hoping that his normal pallor would mask whatever winded him.

"Ah," was all he managed to say, instantly brought back to Atris' archive chambers, hard at work with little sleep trying to track down lost Jedi artifacts to win her favor. "I'm quite familiar."

"I'm not surprised, really," Master Vash said, her tone changing now as she glanced about the cargo hold, her eyes flickering over his sketches, stacks of notes and datapads, her gaze lingering on each item as if she knew exactly what moment of his childhood predated his current obsessions. And in a way Erebus would not be surprised if she did. Master Vash was the instructor he had during his most formative years, at least before the tumultuously formative ones he spent studying under Atris and struggling to make her see why she had chosen him as an apprentice, initially. "This all must strike a chord for you."

"Oh, you think?" Erebus tried not to balk, but the truth of what was happening was as clear to Vash as it was to him. Mical watched, his eyes volleying between each of them as they stewed in their thoughts, waiting for one of them to respond.

"I'm afraid I owe you an apology," Erebus found himself saying after a few tense moments, standing now and looking Mical square in the face, "From one historian to another, I knew what you sought to recover from the temple. In fact, I saw before I'd barely landed on that moon. In a vision, granted by that thing, over there."

Erebus pointed to the artifact, demure and docile on his workbench, yet sinister in its silence, its all-swallowing blackness, a surface so smooth that it should shine but instead soaked in all light as if it sought to snuff it out entirely. A blackhole in miniature. How quaint.

"Why are you telling me this?" Mical looked to Vash as if for an answer, despite not trusting either of them it was clear the boy was more inclined to ask the Jedi for guidance.

"Because it's why we're all here, isn't it?" Erebus said, spreading his arms wide, as if to show off his stores. But his crates were sealed - Mical and Vash could not see their contents. Though he had a feeling Vash already knew what was inside each and every one of the boxes stacked within the room.

"I guess it's my turn to monologue?" Erebus asked cheekily.

"I was hardly finished, but please, do go ahead."

A ghost of a smile spirited over Master Vash's lips and Erebus almost wanted to smile back, if not sardonically. How often he'd hoped to impress her as a child, or Atris, only to come up empty. As if the Force wasn't already hard at work making him bask in his own regret, it was now adding irony to the pot as well.

"I have a feeling this is all connected, but you already know that."

Master Vash's eyes softened as she surveyed him, soaking in the sight of him for a minute before nodding sagely. Yes, you're finally getting it now.

"You may have noticed that I have sketches of the very same object all over this workstation," Erebus started, pointing towards the desk. Mical's eyes followed, as if just noticing the pictures displayed there, though Erebus knew he'd taken stock of them the moment he stepped foot on his ship. "I've been searching for objects of import, particularly Sith in origin, that can extend one's life. Perhaps, unnaturally."

He glanced at Vash, who only raised her eyebrows, obviously displeased with his choice of words but otherwise keen enough for him to continue.

"On the behalf of my… benefactor."

"I take it your benefactor is a proper Sith Lord," Mical mumbled, his eyes still fixed on the sketches pinned to the wall beside the desk with interest, though Erebus could hear the honesty in his voice.

"Proper?!"

"Just, go on - please," Vash cut in, eyes flashing despite the polite expression plastered to her face, "Aiden."

Still feeling the child, Erebus obliged, though the edge remained in his voice as he continued.

"After years of research into an ancient cult there's little evidence of ever having existed, I was brought to Tatooine, believing it to have once been an outpost of sorts. There were several others but nothing remained. All reports were the same, detailing an outlying village with no ties to any major cities, sustained mysteriously with limited trade, though their one export was that."

Erebus motioned towards the pyramid, still sinister in its silence upon his desk.

"That makes sense," Mical mused, examining the sketches again, but this time his gaze danced from the paper to the object in question, as if he were cross-referencing it now. "Tatooine was likely home to a thousand cultures over the eons, each one eventually swallowed up by sand and fast forgotten. Even outposts as recent as sixty years ago have sunk beneath the dunes, never to be heard from again. But that's sort of the nature of the Outer Rim, isn't it? Once a resource dries up, you just move on. Onto the next, without another thought. Because there's no room for anything other than survival. But sand can be a preservative, there's probably a thousand lost civilizations beneath the Dune Sea."

Erebus wanted to say something biting and smart in return but found that he came up empty. The man was absolutely right, even if he didn't have to go on at length just to prove a point.

"No better place to hide a secret Sith cult, no?" Erebus joked instead, though his demeanor was nothing but serious as he continued. "At least, I'm not sure the cult knew necessarily that the objects they worshipped were Sith in origin. Much like you said, this town popped up out of nowhere some eighty years ago and disappeared just as quickly. No one batted an eye. I checked the records from the Tatooine spaceports, and honestly? They could care less who lives and who dies beyond Anchorhead, or any of the other major ports. There was hardly any record of the place alongside a thousand other settlements that had mysteriously either moved in anticipation of an oncoming storm or disappeared entirely."

He stopped, realizing he needed to take a breath. He looked from Mical to Master Vash, surprised to find them both at rapt attention. His throat dry, he attempted to swallow and continue, his voice a rasp husk of what it usually was as he went on.

"I'd been studying this place for some time, unsure of where it was on the planet exactly, and yet when I arrived in Anchorhead…"

I found Eden again, he almost said, the discovery dawning on him as if for the first time, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end. It wasn't so much a surprise as much as it was validation. He'd been irrevocably connected to Eden since their birth, their connection through the Force the first thing he'd truly felt coming into this world and the only thing that remained a constant in his life - until Malachor. But it was because of this tether that he knew - he knew - that if Eden had perished that he would have felt it, that he would feel that tether wrenched from him as she left this plane of existence. He would know.

"I waited. A disturbance in the Force held me back. I quickly learned that my twin sister was living in the city, but she was out of town on a job. I waited around, hoping to… well, I'm not sure exactly what I hoped, but when she returned she was only keen on leaving Anchorhead and Tatooine altogether. And with good reason."

"I take it this is about the bounty posted by the Exchange?" Vash peppered into Erebus' offered pause. He nodded.

"Precisely, which is another coincidence I don't believe to be quite the happy accident it seems, though I haven't figured that one out yet."

"Wasn't there already a bounty on Jedi?" Mical chimed in, clearly confused now as he pushed away from Erebus' desk and began to pace the small space shared between them.

"Oh, you may not have heard, being held hostage and all," Erebus said with a casual air despite his growing discomfort at Mical's growing ease to peruse his ship as he wished, crossing his arms as he leaned against the cargo hold door with a careful nonchalance painted heavily with passive aggression, "The Exchange posted a bounty on all Jedi, yes, but General Eden Valen's records and most recent whereabouts and aliases were posted to the holonet boasting a handsome fifty million credits if she was found alive."

"Found alive? And what, brought to the Exchange?" Mical asked, almost outraged at the news.

"Presumably."

"But for what purpose?"

"Who knows?" Erebus countered, exasperated, "At this point I'd like not to care, but I'm honestly probably just as afraid as you are at the idea. There were rumors during the Mandalorian Wars of a rogue doctor testing Jedi, though I don't know what ever happened to him or if he was ever brought to justice. But somehow, whatever it was Eden was doing out there when I arrived at Anchorhead, she ended up coming back with that." Erebus pointed at the black pyramid again as if they needed any reminding, almost jarred by how serenely it sat there despite everything. "I won't get into the boring details of how we managed to leave the city and end up on Space City, but she found the outpost I had been searching for somehow. I'm not sure how or what else she took from there, but she left one piece. For me. Perhaps she saw the drawings and left it as a peace offering, I really don't know. But when I touched that thing? I saw the Temple, but more specifically, I saw Exar Kun. He led me there. To you."

"Exar Kun?" Mical repeated, inching toward Erebus with a furrowed brow, "In the flesh?"

"No, no, the mural of him.The one that graces the city walls leading to the Temple like a warning."

"A warning of what The Great Sith War might wrought if the true threat was not destroyed," Mical mused, still pacing.

"I take it this is where you fit into all of this?" Erebus asked, this time actively trying to wring his voice of all bitterness, in an attempt to play nice.

Mical paused and locked eyes with Vash, who only nodded before dropping her gaze to the floor, losing herself in thought before Mical elaborated.

"I may be a Republic Scout but I have a history with the Jedi. I served with the Corps during Revan's war, made a few friends. There's a theory about some things they found during the Dxun campaign, as well as a few others, though Dxun being the most notorious. As you may know, Dxun and its history with the orbiting Onderon factor heavily in Exar Kun's fall to the… Dark Side." Mical said, his voice straying over the last two words as if he didn't mean to offend, perhaps not out of fear but out of confusion for just what their allegiances meant in close quarters like this, not quite enemies but still far from allies. "What with Revan's sudden change of heart and history repeating itself all over again, I don't think there's any coincidence about it. And the fact that there were skirmishes out on Tatooine, skirmishes that Revan herself fought in, not far from where you found that thing-"

"I didn't find it, Eden did," Erebus corrected, though his voice was almost whispersoft, afraid of growing accustomed to saying his sister's name out loud again - Eden, Ede - as if doing so might either summon or banish her, and he wasn't yet sure which was worse.

"Which is even more peculiar, I think," Mical continued, picking up his stride again despite the small space, "Considering there are reports of General Valen finding similar objects to this one on Dxun. Different in shape, yes, but with similar properties, similar makeup. Objects which were conveniently lost in transit. Revan, General Valen, the myth of Exar Kun, the Sith - it's all connected somehow. But, what I'm wondering is… why now? Exar Kun fell to the Dark Side and turned almost fifty years ago. But now the Jedi are vanishing, and Revan went missing earlier this standard year, the exiled General Valen suddenly re-emerges…" Mical shook his head, trying to make sense of it all. "There's something larger at work here."

Erebus looked at Mical square in the eye now, keen on making another smart remark about the Force and coincidences, but when their eyes met he found that he couldn't. Mical's bright eyes bore into his, almost pleading, and though it was in the spirit of making his case, Erebus felt as if he owed the man an apology - but for reasons unknown to him. If Erebus had not so easily succumbed to anger all those years ago, would he be anything like the man standing before him? Square jaw and sweeping blonde hair aside -

"Wait," Erebus said, the hair on his neck truly standing on end now as a memory took form in his mind's eye as he spoke, an image of the man before him morphing into something similar yet different - smaller in stature perhaps, and younger. Oh, so much younger. "I know you."

Though Erebus' eyes never left Mical's, he could see Lonna Vash smirk in his peripheral vision, though she remained quiet, watching.

"You came to the Archives, on Coruscant. You wanted to study under Atris, with-"

"With Eden Valen, yes."

The moment solidified as Mical confirmed it - a young boy of about twelve wandering into the Archives, bothering Erebus (Aiden, then) for an audience with the Master Historian, claiming to have a long-standing appointment, and Erebus arguing with him that it could not be the case because he knew every minutiae of the Historian's schedule down to the precise moment, only to find himself terribly wrong once Atris swept into the room to sweep the boy right back into her office without as much as a backward glance, much less an apology. Mical had been exceedingly polite then and almost as much now, circumstances willing, but back then he'd been Atris' attempt to keep Eden with the Order, a consolation prize meant to spur her onto Knighthood.

"You were meant to be her apprentice, her Padawan…"

I won't be bribed, Eden had said, If they wanted to make me a Knight they would have done it already, they would have assigned me to a proper Master and given me the same courtesy they did you. You didn't see what Revan showed me out there, Aiden, she'd pleaded, You have to believe me, it's worse than anything you could imagine.

All roads lead to Eden, he thought, laughing darkly.

"You knew this already, didn't you?" Erebus said, tearing his eyes away from Mical's equally surprised gaze, the words finding purchase as he looked Vash in the eye. "I think it's time you finish that origin story of yours."

Master Vash only looked back at him, the smirk she wore earlier fading slightly into something more serious. She brushed a strand of greying black hair behind her ear and reached into her robe, producing another black pyramid, this one smaller than the first, slight enough to comfortably hide in a closed fist.

"I was there when the Jedi found her," she began, her dark eyes fixed on the pyramid as she held it up to examine more closely. Mical's face paled.

"General Valen?"

Vash shook her head.

"No, Revan."

Neither Mical nor Erebus spoke, glancing at one another before awaiting Vash's response, a new kinship kindled between them in unknowing, the mystery unfolding before them both despite their past or their current affiliations. The Force would see to it that they were in this together, now, whether they liked it or not.

"We found her wandering the desert."

She didn't have to say which planet. Erebus already knew.

"She didn't carry anything with her. Only this."

Vash tossed the pyramid gently into the air, catching it gingerly in her palm, feeling the weight of it before she leaned over and set it on the desk beside its matching piece, the one Eden left behind.

"We brought her to Nespis, just as you had been, Aiden. I'm surprised this thing was still there."

"I take it the Jedi never discovered its true properties?" Erebus ventured. Vash shook her head.

"My Master back then saw a vision as well, when she first touched the artifact, though she never told me what she saw, nor did she let me touch it myself. Nothing indicated that she saw anything dark or disturbing. If anything, it validated her decision to bring Revan to the Jedi, to train as one of us."

Vash sighed, her eyes still fixed on the pyramids, now a pair.

"Your Master?" Erebus probed, uncertain whether Master Vash had ever mentioned any of the Jedi Masters that had trained her in their time together as teacher and student.

"Master Arren Kae."

A shiver ran down Erebus' spine at the name. Disgrace, he instantly recalled Atris saying, A traitor if there ever was one.

Master Arren Kae had not only gone on to train Revan but had also followed her to war, a grievous offense in Atris' book. She is the antithesis of everything it means to be a Jedi, a devout follower of the Light. Not only had she trained the next Exar Kun, but there were also rumors of Kae and an Echani General, whose name escaped Erebus despite how much it bothered him to forget something - regardless of how trivial.

Echani. Like the young women at the temple...

"My apprentice and I were scouring the old Temples for anything that could lead us to the new Sith threat, anything we could pass along to the Republic." Vash continued, interrupting his thoughts, "Lucien Draay had headed the effort years ago, but after what happened at Katarr, someone needed to take over where he left off. This pyramid was still sitting in the archives on Space City, unmarked, along with the cache you recovered, Mical, as well. I couldn't get to it once the Echani started watching the perimeter, much less when the Golden Company moved in."

The hair on the back of Erebus' neck stood on end as he followed Vash's gaze from the desk to the satchel Mical had brought aboard from the Temple. The cache so prized it was one of few objects set apart from the rest of the Archive's contents, let alone from any potential Dark Side users that might attempt to steal it - someone such as himself. But he'd glimpsed its contents when he had peered into Mical's mind, the mounting coincidences still not lost on him.

"Exar Kun's lightsaber," he breathed, almost reverent. Erebus almost expected Mical or Vash to make a face (A Sith? Fawning over the Dark Jedi Exar Kun? How cliché... ) but neither one reacted. It was the stuff of legend, but for Erebus is was both the dream and the nightmare. The famed object he'd coveted as a child yet feared all the same.

"I should have sensed the path you might take, Aiden," Vash said, her voice rasp with remembering, "You modeled your first lightsaber after this one, no?"

Erebus nodded, his eyes still fixed on the unopened satchel.

"What did you think of a Padawan fashioning his lightsaber after the weapon of a turncoat? Back then, I mean?"

He hadn't expected to ask, though he felt as if the question had been there all along, so much of his past coming to light that unearthing any more of it seemed only natural.

"I thought it was a coping mechanism," Vash admitted, "So many children were afraid, back then especially, but you most of all. The other Masters told me what happened when they first brought you to Space City, what you said about the mural. And despite whatever it is that brought you to where you are now, I suspect some of that still holds true."

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate. You know the rest." Erebus wanted to laugh, though his voice was far more somber than intended in his sarcasm. Vash smiled and glanced down into her lap.

"Something like that."

"I don't mean to interrupt this meaningful catch-up or anything, but-" Mical interrupted, polite as ever, his face painted with pure concern, "But you said you were at the Temple with your apprentice? As in… your current apprentice? Just hours ago?"

Vash looked at Mical and nodded, the weight of her unspoken answer clear on her face and obvious in her apprentice's absence.

"I'm... so sorry," Mical said, shaking his head as he crossed his arms. "If there's anything I can do-"

Vash put up a hand, pleading "Please, I appreciate it but I think the best thing we can do is consider our next steps."

"Our?" Erebus butt in, "And is this when you tell us where your injury comes from, finally?"

She nodded, inhaling a bracing breath before regaling her audience with an answer.

"I've yet to figure that out, to be honest," Vash winced again followed by a sharp intake of breath, "Though it's worth noting that my apprentice, Korath-"

She paused, a lump forming in her throat as she continued, her eyes welling up..

"Korath was taken down in a rain of blasterfire when the Golden Company arrived, completely severing his right leg."

She swallowed the rasp in her voice away, or at least attempted to, looking at neither man as she continued.

"He'd been touching the artifact when they materialized, the visions likely overwhelming his Force sense."

"And where were you?" Erebus said, at least trying not to sound accusatory, though his voice betrayed him despite it.

"I was in the library when they attacked him, watching you."

The Jedi he'd sensed in the Archive, of course, Erebus had figured as much. "But that still doesn't explain how you know-"

"I saw it," she said, interrupting him, "In my mind's eye, through the Force. It was as if… as if I was seeing it through his eyes. As if Korath wanted me to see. To perhaps help him, I…" she trailed off, shaking her head a shaking hand reached up to massage the back of her neck. "I don't know."

She looked down, her hands having descended from her neck to now wring together in her lap. "But I felt it, too. The pain in my leg. It was as if I was being shot at as well, bleeding out on the floor. You can see why your sister plays a part in this, and I don't think it's a coincidence that half the galaxy's now on her tail, either. Especially after all these years."

Erebus shook his head, though in sage agreement, knowing there was more to why Eden was of particular interest to Darth Nihilus and could not explain, and knowing that he had so many questions for what Vash sensed from Eden the day she was exiled, understanding why the woman would be wary to deign him an earnest answer.

"Korath was still holding the artifact when I found him, his fist closed tight." Vash mimicked the movement, her knuckles turning white. "And that's when I saw it. All of this, the Temple collapse, this ship, you… and Dantooine."

"So that's how you knew to find us here?" Erebus confirmed, Vash nodding solemnly as their eyes met briefly across the room.

"And what awaits us there? On Dantooine?" Mical asked, his voice soft but soothing in the seething quiet that followed Vash's vision.

"The next piece of this puzzle, I imagine," Vash said, sighing, "I think it's worth noting that an unaffiliated group of otherwise unknown Echani as well as the most notorious mercenary group in this sector were interested in what was kept in that Temple is a start. And like I said, I don't think it's a coincidence that these objects link to Revan and Exar Kun both."

Vash and Mical, as if on cue, both turned to Erebus, watching him for a reaction.

"Oh, I imagine this is where you suspect I come in, then?" he asked, clutching his chest dramatically to show his offense, since their imposing presence on his ship wasn't proof enough.

Vash shrugged meekly as Mical crossed his arms, his expression unchanging, neither one of them elaborating on their stance, though their opinions seemed set in stone.

"Ah, I see," Erebus said, sucking in a breath through gritted teeth, "Not only have I studied these objects, but I'm now supposed to be your stand-in for traitorous Jedi? Since it seems neither Revan nor Exar Kun could make it. Busy schedules and all, being either missing or dead. Okay, sure, I'll play along…"

Erebus stood up straight, pushing his out his chest as he clasped his hands behind his back, his fingertips already tingling with electricity. Calming himself with a measured breath, he continued, making sure to look both of them square in the eye, one after the other and back again, as he spoke.

"I will warn you, though I assure you I don't have to," he began, his voice a chilling monotone, soft enough that both Vash and Mical were forced to lean towards him in order to catch his every word, "That my Master is likely on our tail if he's not already on Eden's. He knows we crossed paths, I can feel it. And if he sees fit to catch up with us - with me - and demand answers? I cannot protect you, even if I wanted to."

"And your Master… is he- erm, are they-?" Mical started, though the words died on his throat before he could finish.

"Oh trust me," Erebus interrupted, his voice harsh and unrelenting, and not because he wished to instill fear in his unwilling companions but because the most he could do for them as well as himself was tell the truth, "You don't want to know. And if you did, you'd wish you didn't."

If you even want to refer to Nihilus as anything that might make him seem human, Erebus thought, thinking it best if he not elaborate - at least not out loud - thinking on the horror that was his Master. But for Erebus, it was the horror that fascinated him most - the horror and the awe, the utterly unfathomable thing that he was, something and somewhere between being and nonbeing, hunger without end. Vash's eyes were steady on him, her expression unwavering, as if she knew that Nihilus was the one responsible for Katarr. Erebus could only hold her gaze, regardless of what conclusion she came to, before breaking away and making his exit.

"We have three days before we reach Dantooine," Erebus finally said, breaking the silence, though his voice was just as severe, just as sinister, "I suggest you get some rest. I can't imagine we'll get much in the eons to come."

And with that, Erebus left Vash and Mical in his cargo bay - along with his notes, his life's work, and a slew of other things he'd prefer to keep from prying eyes - and closed the door so he was finally alone in the cockpit with only the white-blue of hyperspace for company. As soon as the thing shut, his fingers exploded with static energy at his sides, muffled only by the fabric of his robes.

Seething still, Erebus steadied himself with a few deep breaths, trying not to reach out with the Force to watch as Vash and Mical undoubtedly proceeded to peruse his things or talk behind his back. Instead, he sunk into his pilot's chair and, propping his boots up on the console, figured it best he take his own advice, and sleep.

------

3951 BBY, Telos Atris

"We should be arriving within a standard day, Mistress," Orenna spoke into the transponder, her holo-visage a ghostly blue in Atris' chambers, "We managed to retrieve some objects of import mentioned in your manifest, but overall we were unable to recover everything before the mercenaries moved in. Would you like for us to pursue?"

Orenna, like the others, was so serene, so calm. A pool of water waiting in a glen, stirring only with a ripple at the mere hint of the breeze. Concentric circles forming one from another, an echo in endless chorus until… nothing. Stillness, again. Calm.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

"Not for the moment, no," Atris said, matching her voice to the Echani's timbre. She wanted them to pursue, yes, but she needed to study what they found first, her thirst for knowledge as insatiable as ever. The logs she'd retrieved years ago divulged most of Nespis VIII's stores, but it was different seeing the objects in person. It was different seeing an object through the Force - raw and rending, like tearing flesh straight from bone. Pure and untainted.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

"We will re-evaluate the situation once you return," Atris elaborated, "We still have the Exile to consider."

"Understood, Mistress," Orenna nodded, reverent.

"And how is your sister?" Atris asked, her voice brimming with unknowing as she spoke, though she did her best to conceal it.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

"She is stable, for now," Orenna responded, looking over her shoulder as if checking on Brianna herself, though they were clearly separated by the walls of the ship, "I don't believe she is in any state to report, however."

"There is no need, at least not for the moment." Atris smiled, her expression tranquil as the gesture scarcely graced her features, "We will speak when you return."

Orenna nodded, a similar smile overcoming her face. Echani took after the physical appearance of the parent whose gender they matched, and though Atris had never met the sisters' mother she could still sense a bit of Yusanis' regality in the girls, in the way they carried themselves and the way they spoke, even if they did not resemble him physically. It was what had drawn her to the sisters from the moment she met them, tasked with divulging the news of their father's passing on behalf of the Jedi at the end of the war. But Atris had met Brianna's mother once, the bastard sister bearing another woman's face… but she could no longer recall her name, nor what she looked like, Brianna's face now a similar blur in her memory. And Atris did not know why.

"Mistress-?" Orenna interrupted, her expression growing concerned, "Is there anything I can-?"

There is no emotion, there is peace.

"No, no," Atris laughed genially, an inner calm falling over her like fresh snow, "Just alert me when you have arrived."

"And of the ship we saw dock at Nespis?" Orenna asked again, this time uncertain.

Release her records, the woman had said. The Sith will follow.

"We shall devise a plan upon your arrival."

Orenna hesitated a moment before nodding in affirmation, signing off. Business as usual.

Everything was falling into place. But now… Atris would wait.

She would retreat to her study until the sisters returned, meditate on what she knew to be true and what she willed to be so, trusting the Force to set things right and avenge the Jedi that sacrificed their lives for the secret she now knew to be true.

There is no death, there is the Force.

The future of the Jedi rested on her shoulders alone, now. And she would shoulder the burden, no matter the cost.

[totallyrobophobic]

Could you help me reframe my views on Lauren? When my mom died, I felt my grieving was overshadowed by my cousin's using it as a way to talk about her miscarriage ("I'm glad Baby will get to meet her auntie in heaven", etc). I know she had good good intentions, was just trying to relate, and was grieving, too. But it hurt knowing that she couldn't respect my grieving. I felt like I was trapped in a situation where I couldn't tell her to stop because I would then (1/2)

No expression of grief is inherently wrong, but there can be expressions of grief that negatively affect others and those who grieve should absolutely keep that in mind (within reason of course). This is a difficult topic because grief can affect everyone differently, but I’ll focus on my full opinion of how Lauren has acted. I don’t feel comfortable giving an opinion on your own situation since I don’t know much about it.

The first thing that raised my eyebrows was when Lauren brought up Asa when Joy suffered her stillbirth. My gut reaction was that it was not Lauren’s place to equate her early miscarriage with an actual stillbirth, but then I sat back and tried to look at it from their cultural/religious perspective. This is what Lauren said in case you don’t recall:

Annabell will be forever loved and missed!❤️ I’m sure she and Asa are best buds. #angelbabies

I don’t know Joy, and I don’t know how Joy grieves. After reflecting for a bit, I realized she may feel comfort in knowing that there are other people she knows who have suffered the loss of a pregnancy. Certainly the circumstances are different, but they do believe that life begins at conception, and I don’t know how that would translate into this situation. Lauren also had a rather sheltered upbringing that may have limited her interactions with others, so she’s trying to show solidarity in the only way she knows how. Overall, I don’t feel comfortable calling Lauren out of line for this comment because evangelical (specifically IBLP) cultural norms are vastly different from my own. If Joy does in fact have an issue, I hope she or someone close to her can discuss it with Lauren.

Mary’s death was a similar story. Lauren was not very close with Mary but was trying her hardest to empathize with her in-laws. Once again, because IBLP culture is different than my own, I am hesitant to make a judgment call. If Duggar family and friends were offended, I hope that someone close to Lauren would be able to let her know that she was hurting others.

Having a cake for Asa at #2′s sex reveal was a different story for me. It rubbed me the wrong way because I’m worried that #2 will live in Asa’s shadow, especially since it seems to me that she wants a son because 1) she said on camera that she was certain #2 would be a boy and 2) she decided that her first pregnancy was male. This is really the only action that Lauren has taken that has actively worried me, but that’s because of the potential effect it will have on #2, not because I think Lauren should “get over it” or anything like that.

Anyway, like I said at the beginning, no expression of grief is inherently wrong, but some may have negative side effects. I personally tend to not insert my own misfortune when someone else is grieving (for example, I would not have reacted to Joy’s stillbirth like Lauren did), but I don’t feel comfortable projecting that onto Lauren specifically because she was raised so differently from the average American.

I am not entirely pro-Lauren, and I do think that some of her actions warrant criticism, most notably the Asa cake at the sex reveal. However, I do try to give her the benefit of the doubt when I can because at the end of the day, I don’t know these people and I don’t know what they consider socially acceptable.

[waywardandwestward]

Let Me Be Your Shelter

Chapter 1 (Updated)

Gally x OFC

Warning(s): Never enough editing, Not beta-read.

When you lose someone, you try to remember the last time you saw them. And most of the time it's a blurry memory, because at that time you had no idea it would be the last." - Hedonist Poet

A/N: Hello all! Firstly, If you’re a new reader, Welcome!  For my older readers, welcome back! If you’d like an explanation as to why I’ve decided to restart this fanfic you can find that here(X) (Update: The link is causing it so that my posts don’t show up in the tags. Will be posting the link in replies for now until issue is solved)  And to everyone, here are some things to keep in mind: This slow burn fic begins in the early days of the Maze, so all of the main cast of kids are in their early teens and Thomas will not introduced for a long while. The plan right now is to upload a new chapter every Tuesday night, and the masterlist for this version of the story will not be up for another few days or so.  I hope you enjoy! If you have any questions or feedback, feel free to send me an ask! (I promise, most of my A/N won’t usually be this long.)

Day 1: Help

I remember now. It was the siren that brought me into existence.  Eyes shot open in an instant. My body was weighted down onto the grated floor. The pulsing in my brain seared down my spine. I inhaled quickly, and exhaled just as fast, trying to regain full consciousness. The top half of my body shocked itself into a sitting position. I was surrounded by a dark, metal cage in some kind of elevator shaft. It was cold, but humid and the only other things inside were three wooden crates, and a few random pieces of supplies spread out across the floor.

I curled myself into a ball, but clung my hands to the sides of the cage. As it moved upward at an immense speed, my heart began to pound and I could feel myself hyperventilating. I was certain that the closer I got to the top, the closer I was to death.

Alone. I was alone.

Higher, and higher, and higher the elevator went, passing blinding florescent lights. The sound of the scraping of the cage against's the shaft's walls screeched into my scull and  I began to scream.  

Focus, I thought. Focus.

The screams eventually ran out of my system and I tried to remember how I'd gotten myself into this situation. I tried to remember where I was when I had fallen asleep. I tried to remember who I was with. Had I been with my parents? Who were my parents?

My name. What was my name? I tried to remember something; anything.

Alone. I was alone.

As the realization set in, I was less than seconds away from hitting the top of the shaft. I squeezed my eyes together tightly and held on for dear life.

The cage had come to an abrupt stop, causing my body to jump slightly into the air and crash back down onto the metal floor leaving what would probably be a hard bruise.

Alone. I was alone.

A large deep siren began to ring out. Inhale. Exhale, I reminded myself. I peeked open one eye to see what was happening. The lights went red until the final siren rang out. They flashed quickly to green and then snapped into a complete blackout. The drone of the elevator quieted. I tried to scream again, but the sound got caught in my throat. "Help," I coughed out. "Help."

Just a few seconds later a blaze of sunlight hit the roof of the cage as a hatch opened itself up. A figure, a boy silhouetted by the morning air opened the top of the cage. I kept myself huddled in the shadow of the back corner. With the cage's door out of the way, I had gotten a clearer image of him. He was tall, had dirty blonde hair, and he stood with a casual confidence that to my young self, came off as threatening . My hands squeezed the cage tighter if that was even possible.

He didn't look at me straight off. He was more focused on making sure the cage door had gotten out of his way. But, as soon as he glanced over at me, his eyes changed from cold and rather nonchalant to shock and confusion.

"Newt. Alby. Get over here. Now!" My body jumped as the sound of his deep, but cracked voice shouted out into the distance. He wouldn't stop staring down at me and I was too terrified to even think about leaving his gaze.

Two more boys ran up to him. The second had pale skin and was lanky with blonde hair. He held a warm, but concerned expression on his face. The third boy had darker skin and the stature of a leader. He carried the same open confidence in his stride that the first boy did, and yet he felt more comfortable. It was clear to me now that man who was boring his eyes into me was just wearing a mask of someone he wished he was. He wasn't threatening, he was scared. He himself felt threatened.

"What-" the  scrawny boy with the blonde hair had been immediately cut off.

"It's a girl."

In a panic my eyes finally fell from the first boy's. I glanced over to my side to see a small, but sharp knife peaking out if the top of one of the large crates that was next to me.

"Well, this is new," I heard the scrawny boy say. He had an accent. English, maybe? How could I have remembered the type of accent the kid had, but not who I was, or where I had come from?

I looked over at the knife again. I was trembling. I didn't know these boys, I didn't even know myself really, but I did know the only smart thing to do was make sure I could protect myself. I sprung to my feet and grabbed the knife. The boys all jumped back putting their hands up, not as if to say they surrendered, but rather they chose to remain cautious.

"Whoa there, Greenie," the first boy spoke.

"Who are you?!" I projected, aiming the knife at them.

"Hey," the leader said firmly, but calmly. "Look, we're on the same side here."

"And what side would that be?!" I asked.

He took a second to look at the other boys in hopes that they would chime in. They didn't. "Look, my name is Alby," he replied. "This is Newt," he pointed to the boy on his right. "And this is Gally," he referenced to the boy with the strong stare. "You don't remember your name do you? Do you remember anything?

"No," I said firmly, despite the few tears that were now running down my face. "Who are you?" I kept the knife pointed at them.

"We'll explain everything to you, but you have to come up."

I lowered the knife and looked between the three of them to gauge their reactions. I had no reason to trust them, but I couldn't stay in that cage forever either.

Gally crouched down and reached out his hand. I hesitated at first, but I did take it.  It took him a few tries to fully pull me out of the box, but in in his final tug I stumbled into him as my feet made it onto the grass. Our eyes locked again. I waited for him to say something but we were interrupted by three more boys running toward us.

"Hey what's going on?" "Is that a..." Their voices had trailed off in my head. I was far too focused on the world around me. 

I stood in the center of some kind of field blocked off by stone walls that were easily 200 feet tall. It was empty, with the exception of the six boys that stood next to me, and a small wooden overhead structure that stood just in front of a wooded area on the further end. I circled around myself trying to get a whole view of the place. That's when I spotted it. A way out.

I looked back at the boys as their voices faded back into my ears. They were all yelling at and over each other.

"What the hell are we gonna do about this Alby?!" "This changes everything!" "Does she remember anything?!" "Shut  up, Mikey!" "Everybody just calm down!" "What does this mean?!"

My head pulsed once more and my eyes began to twitch. It was all too much.

Alone. I was alone.

And so I ran. I ran right toward the closest one of the four exits I had spotted; the large gaping pathway to the outside world. There was no intention of looking back on those strangers. 

It didn’t take long for one of the boys to notice that I had taken off. I probably would have made it through if Gally hadn't taken a break from fighting with the others to glance over at me at the right moment.

 "Guys, she's making a break for it!"

They all chased after me, but as it had turned out, I was fast. My heartbeat was speeding. I could feel the grass ripping underneath me. Again, I had no intention on looking back, but suddenly as if out of nowhere I could feel a person's breath brushing up against the back of my neck. I had only turned my head slightly, but it was enough of a distraction that Gally was able to grab my arm, and force me to trip over my own feet. He tackled me to the ground just before the archway.  As I struggled underneath him, he lowered his voice so the other boys couldn't hear him. "I know you're freaked out, but you can't leave."

"Let go of me," I grimaced still trying to put up a fight.

"If I let go are you gonna run away again?"

"There is a one hundred percent chance of that happening, yes."

He was shocked and a little confused by the defiance in my response, but he shook off whatever thought was going through his mind so he could focus on his task at hand. Gally turned his head to the other boys who were at least twenty feet away then. He must have signaled them to back off, because they all took a few steps further away from the scene. He stared down back at me. I got a better view of his eyes this time. They were green, and had not been nearly as cold or intimidating up close, but they were just as magnetic. "Look, I've been where you've been, okay? We all have. We all woke up in that box, same as you. No memories. No way of knowing how to survive." My body relaxed, my breathing slowed. "But we got through it. And you will too." He got off of me and crouched down at my side.

He waited for me to sit up before saying, "You're not alone. Welcome to the Glade, Greenie."

[indd40041020202021]

a week and a half of revving my engine

This last week I thought a lot of time thinking about what my project could be. It feels like I’m back at square one in a way, but I think that moving through all of the ideas that I’ve had has made me come to more manageable decisions - even from last week. 

I had originally come back to this idea of playground, or taking a literal piece of another world and planting it on the school patio or parking lot roundabout, something that be big, stand out, stand in it. But I think that I don’t have enough time for this! After speaking to Sophie and Keith, I realized that I can still approach the idea of design fiction or even a counterfactual through a single object. I think I’d like to do 2-3 objects to get a rounded understanding of what ‘objects’ might be in this world. Even the word object, sopping with use, may not be applicable in the final work. Sophie mentioned how nature and technology are often at an impasse, oil and water. Carbon technology may be a way to move away from that idea. 

This week, Neri Oxman did a quick chat with Paula Antonelli about some of her work in material ecology. One thing that stuck with me was her explanation of the same issue, the oxymoron of nature and tech or material/anthromass as she says, that it is an oxymoron only until it isn’t true. She spoke about the idea of reincarnation. I thought about planned obsolescence. Currently it’s a false obsolescence, it exists forever in dumps, buried in the ground and contributing to the Anthropocene, or in the ocean as micro-plastics clinging to the gills of fish. If we are designing with nature, we need to understand nature’s process, which includes the process of death, or true obsolescence. How can it go back? I’m glad she made a point of saying “NOT circularity, but reincarnation”. In third year, we did a project on circularity, and its faults seems glaring to me. This idea of the circular design system is false as well - the material will always end up as garbage. It’s more of a spiral than a circle, the recycling only prolongs the cycle. This is not to say I don’t support re-use and recycling (if things actually get to recycling and not the Phillipines as Canadian trash), but I don’t think it’s the answer to our massive and wicked problems. Our anthro-mass outweighs naturally produced biomass globally. That is INSANE. 

Neri also spoke about templating; this helped tie together some thoughts I had been having about politics of use and humans’ issues with control. How can I create, take ownership for work done by other species, or avoid ideas of ownership altogether but still have some control of material direction. Neri spoke about how her team uses generative modelling, programming, and ‘templating’ to create an idea of where the direction of the work may go, but leave a lot of the actual understanding of how things will be brought together to the other species, such as silk worms. If I am imagining myself in this other world as a ‘designer’ or hacker or builder or whatever word makes better sense, I think this idea of scaffolding the intent is where I need to be going here. How can I support other species to create in tandem with us, in a way that remains beneficial and non-exploitative for all parties involved. ..or is that putting a lot on myself? hahahah I often hear retorts to this co-exist idea with Darwin’s survival of the fittest, but in reading more about Darwin’s work, it seemed survival of the kindest was much more akin to his beliefs. I heard an incredible story on the radio today about the Monitor Lizard. Recently, Monitor Lizard numbers have been dropping because of a poisonous invasive species called the Cane Toad. For this reason, scientists have been researching the Monitor Lizard more closely, and discovered something incredible about the way they lay their eggs.

The Monitor Lizard lays its eggs underground in a burrow, but a burrow unlike any other. They dig down into the earth in a helical pattern, digging for up to 3.6 meters! The giant underground network is then used not only by the lizard to lay their eggs, but 750 individuals of 28 different vertebrate species in a combination of 16 warrens made up of many individual nesting burrows and a handful of foraging burrows. This blew my mind. This lizard - a massive, dangerous predator - was not only coexisting, but building the structures in which to do so. The scientists who discovered this warned about the decline in Monitor Lizard population because they also maintain these burrows, preventing them from caving in and allowing species continual safe refuge. 

I feel as though our narratives of killer stories that we have pushed onto nature are becoming increasingly moth-eaten. There is this interconnectedness, this holistic entanglement (as this project was first called) that creates a mesh of life that supports all of us. I thought it was really beautiful while reverse searching this image in hopes for a fuller version, that Google’s algorithm pulled results from DNA strands, human spines, wisps of smoke. These visual comparisons feel like some kind of key in unlocking meaning the world - like how tree branches look like lung bronchioles or how wool looks like mycelium, or how onion rings look like tree rings, or how a myriad of other things mimic each other in form.   I watched a show called Alien Worlds this weekend - it’s like Planet Earth, except astrophysicists and astrobiologists estimate what lifeforms would be like on other planets. It was amazing to see how science uses fiction to not only project onto other planets, but also interrogate our own planet, trying to go back and forth between planets to understand the other. Many times in the show, I found myself asking whether the planet they were on was Earth or an imagined one - like the Danakil Depression in Ethiopia - so incredible! This show reinvigorated my sense of fiction as a real way of working through problems.   

^This is on Earth, the Danakil Depression in Ethiopia

So I have been doing more than just reading and watching and listening (although I believe these are all valid forms of work for my project).  I’ve really been thinking about what the final form is going to be.  In this world, biomimicry will not be a word because it will not be an outlier activity that needs to be defined, as it will be part of the makeup of how the world works. I want the items to feel as though the integration of nature is seamless, somehow harnessing its ways of working through templating structures.  In these drawings, I was thinking about comparing things we use now to how they would look in this other world. phones for communication might not rely on sound but on vibration to transmit messages. Maybe sound or bioluminescence is a language of its own (or hacking into a mycelium network). I was trying to mimic patterns of deep sea squids for their light patterns. I thought about combining a free energy coil with a spinning magnet that smacks against a crystal - this, in theory, could actually act as a battery (the coil itself would be enough, but hitting a magnet on a cystal supposedly acts as a capacitor from what I’ve read, so it would be a way of storing energy in a natural way)

Below I thought about screens, and how often we use them. I found a video on youtube that shows how to use smoke to display video. Could steam from a geyser or from dry ice work in the same way? I also thought about direct reciprocity - offering the privilege of warm-blood to our cold-blooded creatures. (although I’m also thinking about layered reciprocity - again, to reference Alien Worlds - the snottites in extremeophile caves - bacteria feeding off chemicals, the snottites dripping into the pools below, feeding the fish, the fish giving off chemicals, etc) I’ve been thinking about ceramics because there is this connection to earth in a way that many other mediums don’t have. I was thinking about Markus Kayser’s Solar Sinter, how technology like that could be better integrated into nature and used for building materials or even for creating art. I imagined a tree hanging over a beach with a large lens grown into a crotch in the branch. As it sways over the sand below, the lens magnifies the heat from the sun and creates a glass structure beneath it. 

I started thinking more about bioluminescence, knowing that some seaweed hsa that property. I also found out that certain lichens glow under UV blacklight (also scorpions, as per the Alien Planets show). I think there’s something that feels otherworldly with bioluminescence, and it may be a good way to visually connect other worlds with this world. (also thinking of Sputniko’s transgenic silkworm bioluminescent jacket here)  I bought a UV flashlight and am going to take it out to explore the forest at night for inspiration! In my world, I thought about structures. As Sophie mentioned carbon-based technology, I tried to imagine what an engineered version of this would look like? bioluminescent seaweed lights up when agitated, what if we could use this as an indicator of chemical agitation, such as water pollution, or maybe even engineer the algae to create freshwater - desalinating pockets so that we don’t take too much from our finite sources of freshwater. I also thought about the possibility of asking for help with health indicators. If, for example, this world is part of a counterfactual where we responded to environmental warnings back in the 70′s and we did not spiral into the sixth extinction; we would hypothetically preserve many species extinctions, including those who have gone extinct before we had a chance to ‘discover’ them. In this thought, I thought about a species of leech that developed bioluminescent qualities, such as the algae. We can interact with the leech by allowing it to take a sample of our blood, and we can read the colours it flashes back to us as an indicator of our blood levels or heart rate, respiratory rate, blood pressure, etc.  At first I imagined this as the real-world exhibit prototype - a porcelain  that you put your finger into, a sensor triggers a motor that triggers an arm with a spike on it to prick your finger. This tells the computer to turn the lights on, and a projection of a leech-like shadow swimming inside, that flashes colours.  My husband is a film maker and I was asking him how this could be done and he just said to me “why would the leech be in a container in this world?” and I said back “well, it would be this pocelian hub that sticks out of the water with a finger hole in it so you knew where the leech was”... and he kind of looked at me and said “why don’t you just put your finger in the water?” .. duh.  So I thought about a different way, a MUCH easier way - I can create 3D model of a leech/fish, 3D print it and make a silicone mold with a cavity inside. I can then take a simple swimming motor from a childrens toy and hide it inside, insert an LED, use a silicone shell to make it water proof, and have it swim around in a tank as an example of what it would look like. I really love this idea as it speaks to extinction, other creatures, and reciprocity as well (feeding the leech). 

I was thinking about infrastructure, and what a harmonious city might look like. I was inspired by Naomi’s work with rope, and thought about cities that don’t cut down trees - how ‘sidewalks’ would become raised paths, made of strong grass rope. 

I also thought about seaweed as a solar panel, as I was inspired by plant based solar cells. What if street lights absorbed energy through the day and emitted a green glow at night, all through natural means? I thouht about meditation too, lowering ourselves into the earth to be literally head-level with other creatures. It reminded me of something I had written in second year, and I like that idea of embodiment being an important tool in understanding. 

I feel that I’m starting to gain traction in a direction, bringing these heady ideas down to the ground.  I started to look at places that sell live algae culture, but most of them are far away, in the states or beyond. Of all the places I looked, I took an exasperated swing at craigslist and found someone in Surrey who sells live algae for aquariums! So I ran out and bought a bottle. I also bought some grow lights and plan on expanding this bottle so that I can create a little algae cloud. I don't know if this is bioluminescent, but I feel that through growing the algae I might find other uses for it, or somehow add bioluminescent bacteria into it, or something.

I asked my dear friend Rylee, a biologist at SFU about what to do. He gave me a big run down on how to make algae from natural sources (he got back to me after I bought this bottle). I asked him about bioluminescence, and he replied: “ hmmmmm. ya. i dont know of any freshwater bioluminescent algae altho im sure it exists. lots of saltwater diatoms and other non-algae like protozoans or bacteria. theres lots of research on using bacteria to flouresce to indicate all sorts of things. most are genetically modified. im curious how u wud fake it. haha” The algae that I bought is cultured in saltwater, maybe if I grow it in salt water I might have a chance on introducing bioluminescence?

I was doing some other reading, and thought about technology and nature again, and had a thought about circuit boards. Most electronics work off circuit boards, but why does the board have to be hard plastic?  I emailed Tim in the interaction design about it, and he told me that PCB printers use extreme heat for an extended period of time, and for that reason, most organic materials don’t work. However, I knew about conductive thread, and Tim reminded me that the Soft Shop might be able to help me embroider a circuit onto the seaweed. So Tomorrow I am going into the soft shop to work on that. In the meantime, I experimented with sewing copper wire into kombu. The kombu was fairly sturdy, but the grain of the kombu made it difficult to sew as you would with a regular fabric.I tried to sew a rip together, and it seemed to hold while wet.  As it dried, it separated, but didn’t tear other than where the original tear was. Imagine an internet of seaweed, flowing circuits of kelp forests lighting up, powering the world.  I’m really into this direction!

[psychicmedium14]

Astrology of the Week Monday, November 13th Venus conjunct Jupiter at 7° of Scorpio Mercury in Sagittarius square Neptune in Pisces, both at 11° Thursday, November 16th Venus in Scorpio trine Neptune in Pisces, both at 11° Friday, November 17th Mercury in Sagittarius sextile Mars in Libra, both at 16° Saturday, November 18th 3:42 AM PT – New moon at 26° of Scorpio Sunday, November 19th Mars in Libra square Pluto in Capricorn, both at 17° Manifesting anything requires that, along with hard work and dedication, we become willing to move through the extremely uncomfortable feelings that are sure to arise along our journey. Feelings about our worthiness. Our ability to do the work. The validity of the thing we are trying to bring into being. This week, Venus and Jupiter come together in Scorpio. The two together bring an incredible abundance. Excess. Opulence. Healing through joyful unions. Sometimes hangovers. Whatever shape this transit takes, it will be bring something abundant in emotional intensity. Having both benefics (planets that bring good things into our lives) coming together in the sign of a malefic (planets that challenge us, sometimes too much) encouraged us to honor the paradoxes of life. We might indulge desires we often deny. We might feel a mix of exhilaration alongside unrelenting grief in regards to all that is coming to light in our lives and in our world. We might find ways to begin a healing process around something that has been too tender to touch, until now. With this kind of astrology, something positive is gleaned out of situations that have caused harm. Slowly. It’s common to want to take immediate action to remedy a hurt. But what gets revealed under this kind of astrology should be unpacked with an incredible thoughtfulness and respect for the intricate complexities brought up by each instance of abuse, betrayal and harm that gets revealed. Otherwise, we’ll just end up recreating the problems of the present moment. Saturday’s new moon offers us the opportunity to enter into a new lunar cycle with a greater awareness of what we need to heal. What emotions we need to pay attention to. What secrets need airing out. What energy it has taken to keep them buried. It’s time to free up our energy. The power that is available to us when we allow the truth to surface is unmatched by anything given by the outside world. This new moon is reminding us of the presence of that power. Our access to our own power. The importance of refusing any narrative that would keep us from that power. It takes a tremendous courage to stand up for the truth. A tremendous determination and belief in one’s own truth to challenge abusive institutions. A tremendous heart to hold the heartbreak that resurfaces with each and every admission of pain from ourselves and our community. *Your weekly horoscopes are written affirmation style to be used for the new moon. Please change them as you need to so that they resonate with you. Please experiment with speaking them aloud repeatedly or writing them out and placing them where you can see them for the week of the new moon. If you know both your rising sign and sun sign, please read both horoscopes. They both contain important information. You’ll know which resonates more for you. Take what works for you, leave the rest. Aries & Aries Rising: Deep wells of replenishment open up for me when I am willing to work through my intimacy issues. Crying is simply my system resetting itself. I remind myself of this when I have a backlog of emotions to sort through. When I find that once again I have convinced myself that staying stagnant would be easier than staying current with my therapist, self-care, or spiritual practices. When my relationships are undergoing intensive transformations, I need to put more attention on my own needs. Feeling witnessed helps me to trust my process. I am here for a reason. I am in this place, at this time, for a purpose. I feel what I feel because it is what needs to come to consciousness. Needless destruction too easily occurs when I refuse to reflect on my own behaviors. Reconstruction can occur when I come to a situation with a little extra emotional integration. Saturday’s new moon is an opportunity to realign myself with what I might have otherwise pushed aside. It encourages me to cross the rivers that run deepest in me and promises me gold on the other side of the healing experiences I encounter. Treasures of affirming partnerships. Riches emphasized by recognizing the relationships that are right for me. Gifts magnified by the affirming collaborations I call in. Taurus & Taurus Rising: How gifted is my heart. How sound its longings. How solid its rhythm. How magnificent its wisdom. I work on opening my awareness to all my heart can teach me. I seek to witness the world through its awareness. I remember that my relationships are always teaching me about how to do this. I remember that every cold wall I run into within myself is something I need to understand more intimately. I give thanks for every human who has ever helped me to scale one. Defrost one. Bear witness to one crumbling within me. To be loved is to be given the greatest gift. The gift of being human. Held despite the issues I’ve yet to heal. Extended dignity despite all that I have withheld from others. Granted respect no matter how many I have trespassed. I celebrate Saturday’s new moon by acknowledging all of the gorgeous, complex, challenging, wholly transformative love that is in my life. I reset my commitment to calling in more of it and healing what stands in the way of it. Gemini & Gemini Rising: Saturday’s new moon helps me to refresh my relationship to my work habits. What I do habitually has power. What I do repeatedly has a cumulative impact. I make the moments of my day count by considering the mundane aspects of my life portals of power to enter through. My work will thank me for it. My resources will be made more abundant because of it. My ability to digest and make use of difficulties will be all the more impactful with it. I use this new moon to make a list of what I need to prioritize in my work. I use this new moon to think about seeds for future projects I want to create. I use this new moon to make a conscious imprint of what I want to grow myself into. Professionally. Proactively. Productively. There is incredible power in showing up early and over-prepared. Incredible power in making the decision to move in a certain direction. Incredible power in claiming that I am dedicated to something long before I know if it will work. I use this new moon to claim the power of my intention and direct it to the professional aspirations awakening in me. Cancer & Cancer Rising: I take time every morning to feel the creative energy that emanates from me. Every morning I place my awareness on the creative power that is mine to make use of. Every morning I remind myself that it is up to me to choose to tune into this force. I am in creative partnership with my days. That is my power. When I don’t feel like I am co-creating my days, I have forfeited that power and projected it onto the world around me. I reclaim my attention to this process so that I am in full possession of my impact on my life. I imbue all of my creations with heartfelt hope that they might be healing. Useful. Helpful for the world in someway. I imbue all of my creations with trust. Trust in the process. Trust in the ways in which it wants to reveal itself. Trust in the feelings that come up in response to it. I remember that I might still need to learn how to trust. I remember that there may have been times where I needed help and didn’t get it. I remember that there are things I didn’t learn about trust. When I lose my faith I need to help myself find it again. I need to show that aspect of myself love. To give that aspect of myself what it needs. To be a shoulder for that part of me to cry on. To teach myself how to trust. To learn how to be trustworthy. Consoling my upset is always worth the time it takes. It always reconnects me to my agency. It always helps me to find a way to remember the immensity of life and all its possibilities. It always brings me back into connection with the infinite beauty that is my creativity power and its many possibilities. Leo & Leo Rising: I restore myself by connecting to the hidden sources of power available to me. The sources that are ever present within me. The sources I need to remind myself to access. The foundations that I come from are solid. Because I am made of earth. Mineral. Bone. I anchor into the ancient knowledge I am made from. Sometimes I need to drill through what has hardened around it. My own resistance to it. Refusal of it. But nothing can stop it from existing. Nothing deters it from residing within me. Nothing diminishes its beauty, strength or abundance. No time. No distance. No fuckery forbids me from this. I know that I must constantly reclaim what is mine. I know that I have to constantly reframe the way I think about the issues that I am up against. I know that I have to constantly encourage myself to move towards solution. The human brain circles around problems it has no control over. So I help my mind find creative ways to strategize instead of worrying myself silly over what I cannot control. I will not obsess over fixing what will forever remain broken. I help myself purge the thoughts that keep me feeling disenfranchised and replace them with the idea that it is completely possible, and is actually plausible, that I am connected to a source of intelligence that can solve even the severest of problems. I tap into it and trust that it is making its way through my thinking. Virgo & Virgo Rising: I take hold of the power granted to me every day. I acknowledge the importance of my rituals. The ones that help me access my agency. Setting me up for the opportunity I am presented with each time the sun rises. Kicking my ass into gear so that I remember all that I have to work with. So that I remember not to feel sorry for myself for too long. So that I remember that I have made it this far and I will not stop for fear or loathing of any situation. I make it a point to move my imagination past the limitations of my own personality. I make room for possibility. I communicate the unstoppable, palpable, poignancy of love to myself each day. As a way to cleanse my spirit. As a way to refresh my senses. As a way to remember all the goodness that moves through me. Love is the strongest energy available to me, so I constantly direct my awareness there. I give thanks for the opportunity I have to heal my mind. I give thanks for the opportunity I have to tune my thoughts towards what is affirming my ability to create change. I give thanks for Saturday’s new moon as it is yet another reminder to ask myself what I need in this moment. Whatever I yearn for, whatever needs are needing me to meet them, I use this new moon to make sure I offer myself just that. Libra & Libra Rising: Nothing can keep me from my worth. Save my misunderstanding of it, nothing can keep me from my value. Save the fact that I am still healing the obstacles that I have to it, nothing can keep me from tapping into the power of my talents. My goddess-given assets do not expire. They cannot be diminished. They never leave. They love me always. Await me eternally. Betray me never. What I have access to is transformational. What I do with this power is my choice, each and every day. What I choose to believe about my worthiness and my worth determines how consciously I can direct it in my work and in the world. The more I believe I have an impact, the more I witness it. The more I witness it, the more I believe in it. I am here for this kind of positive feedback loop. I am here for this kind of progress. I am here to experience the capacity of the gifts that I was born with and to use them to the fullest extent possible. Scorpio & Scorpio Rising: I refuse to refuse my strength. My power. My choice in the matter. Every single decision that I make has energy behind it. Catapulting my life in one direction or another. As much as is possible, I take hold of the steering wheel. Veering myself towards my agency, making sure I remember the impact of my yes’s and my no’s. Remembering that what I choose to do each morning sets me up for the day. Remembering that what I do each evening prepares me to make better decisions come dawn. I do not sleep on my potential. I remind myself that each and every thing that is happening in my life is happening because it must. Because that is the order of things. Because that is what is and so I choose to accept that it is happening. So that I can choose how I will respond to it with as much of my being as possible. I choose what I will make of the events of my life. I choose what these occurrences will mean for my growth. As the year unfolds I know that much is already opening up for me. Opportunities are already occurring for me. Much growth is already choosing me. I choose it back. I choose to respond to it with as much consideration as I can. No matter how much it is demanding me to stretch myself. Open myself. Challenge myself. I choose it. And as I do, more clarity comes as to how I can accept my life and its possibilities all the more. Sagittarius & Sagittarius Rising: My messy has purpose. I’m not meant to have it all together. Chaos has its own wisdom. Its own depth. Its own reasons for being. I work intuitively with it. Knowing which aspects to pay attention to. Which static to ignore. Which phantoms to let pass by me. Intuition is my birthright. It isn’t a special talent, it is merely a human one. One that is available for me to make use of. A power at my disposal. A confirmation of my ability to pick up on information before it’s reached the material realm. I know that some things are ending. Some things are coming to a close. Some things are fading into the distance. I know that whatever is receding is creating the space for something else with a more resonant beginning. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings about it. It doesn’t mean that I’m cold-hearted about it. It doesn’t mean that It’s easy. But I accept it. Because that is what I do with mess. I accept what has happened so I can have a thoughtful response to it. So that I can reach into the heart of it, connecting with any intelligence it might possess. So that I can help bring about whatever change is needed from a place of awareness and agency. Saturday’s new moon connects me to my inner knowing. My inner magic. My ability to transform frustration into energy to use for my healing. Because difficult situations simply teach me about a new way to use my incredible powers of perception. Capricorn & Capricorn Rising: I am connected to a vast network of intelligent, compassionate, creative co-conspirators that are always giving me incredible resources to draw from, work with and be inspired by. As capitalism crumbles and all of its abuses of power are exposed, I look to those that are beside me creating powerful work. Shaping the future. Shifting the narrative. Sourcing strength from struggle and the sweetness of affirming selfhood. I don’t need the permission of a hierarchy to know my worth. I need only my own dedication to sourcing the intelligence within and around me. I need only to connect to the talent surrounding me. I need only to believe that we are the hope, the answer, and the way forward. I call on my courage to take the next step in my professional life. I call on my ability to be honest about any power struggles I have encountered there. I call on my integrity to deal with them honestly and swiftly. I remember that connecting to my own sources of power and creativity always realigns me so that I can access the answers that I need. Aquarius & Aquarius Rising: Saturday’s new moon brings professional gifts for me to open. Enjoy. Share with my team. Saturday’s new moon brings gifts that grow even greater abundance with a little dedicated attention from me. Saturday’s new moon reminds me that unless I create sturdy structures within myself, the abundance that visits me won’t end up doing much of anything. I know abundance comes and goes. My ability to make use of each portion of it is more important than how much of it crosses my path. My ability to work through my fears of failure and success help to determine what I do with the opportunities that arrive. My ability to move through the difficult emotions that arise as I dig deeper into my work is the marker of a successful professional situation. I love myself enough to heal what gets in the way of my growth. My ability to honor my work helps my work honor all those it touches. I honor the effort it takes to create something worth the attention I wish it to receive. I honor the time it takes, the cycles I need to rotate through and the seasons that must come and go in order to create something that is lasting. Pisces & Pisces Rising: The beliefs that I focus on either bring me into alignment with my power or further from it. I deepen my relationship with those beliefs that challenge me to do right by myself and my world each day. They are my access point to a broader perspective. My access point to many a journey. My access point to a more extensive array of answers. I keep myself open to opportunities that challenge the way I see the world. Move my thinking towards wider vistas. Diverse terrain. I encourage myself to search for clues I might otherwise be too lazy to get to. Seek out those whose thinking helps me understand a problem from another angle. Set out on journeys that are sure to challenge what I think I know for sure. Saturday’s new moon encourages me to deepen my relationship with what I have faith in. To reset my commitment to the practices that keep me on the path I wish to be on. Thinking thoughts that help me move towards answers instead of dwelling only in the difficulties. I remember to honor the stories, thoughts and ideas that want to find their way into the world through me. I call on the courage I need to articulate my truth. I call on the courage I need to face the challenges along my path. I call on the courage I need to love myself through whatever it is that comes my way.

[beccalovesdarling]

Reach for the Stars Part 2

So yes. I'm continuing this. I've had this chapter sitting around gathering dust since I posted the first. I've had some people call me out on Mari's behavior in the first chapter and that's kinda why I started this chapter. While I was writing the first chapter, I knew Mari's intentions, but I didn't explain them. Mainly because I was afraid it would grew from a one shot to a multi chapter and those scare me.

Previous

The next morning when Gorilla dropped him off at school, Adrien was not surprised to see Nino holding back a practically rabid Alya. Groaning, he exited the car and slammed the door. He never showed back at school after the fight yesterday and no doubt caused Alya to miss her scoop. The press had been held off at his own home and they had never followed him to school before. Alya, on the other hand, would not let up until he gave her something to go by.

As he approached his friends, Nino shot him an apologetic look. “I tried to warn you, dude.”

Adrien waved him off. “My phone died last night,” he lied. Really, he had turned the thing off because he knew they would be blowing it up. He had sent damage control texts first, however.

Alya grinned as she waved her phone; her ladybug charm danced around the sleek plastic. “Mine’s not. Fully charged. Even have a portable charger with me.”

“Oh,” Adrien was unsure of what to say. “That’s…thoughtful.”

She advanced like a panther. He very much felt like rabbit in rabbit season. “I want—“

“Alya,” the soft voice of Marinette called from the foot of the entryway staircase. Adrien felt himself blush as she walked up behind him. “Let’s get to class first,” she reasoned. As he turned to thank her, he noticed how very pointedly she was not looking at him.

The blogger sighed and relented. “Fine. Besides, the road isn’t the best background for my exclusive interview with Adrien Agreste.” Marinette smiled and the two girls linked arms, but not before Alya pointed to her eyes with two fingers and then pointed them towards Adrien.

The boys were left at the doors as the girls headed away. Adrien mentally noted to thank Marinette later. Nino bumped his fist into Adrien’s shoulder gently and the blonde directed his attention to him. “So, I heard that Lila transferred schools.”

One of the tensions on his shoulders eased off. “I kinda feel sorry for her,” Adrien admitted. “What about the stuff on the Ladyblog?”

Nino shrugged. “Alya deleted it off, but stuff on the internet is forever. It could resurface later. But, Alya flat out refused to delete the stuff about Volpina. A possible third hero? She’s digging it.”

“But she was a fake?” Adrien reminded his friend.

They were cut short when the warning bell sounded. With a shrug, Nino told him to take it up with Alya later during her exclusive interview. An exclusive interview that Adrien needed to worm his way out of doing.

XXX

When they got to class, he noticed Marinette drawing in her portfolio while Alya rattled off the questions she was surely dying to ask him. Her vulture eyes latched onto him the moment he dropped his bag to the floor. The soft grunt from Plagg caused a smile to quirk his lips.

“Nuh-uh. Don’t think you can charm me, mister!” Alya mistook his grin. “I’m getting my interview.” She slung an arm around Marinette’s shoulders and pulled the girl closer. Marinette’s pencil darted across the page and ruined the design she was working on. But, Alya didn’t apologize or seem to notice. “And my girl Mari is totes gonna be there.”

Green eyes went to the designer. She was? But, last night Marinette had said she was letting Adrien him go? She had kissed him as Chat. They were still friends, right?

Marinette blinked once slowly. “Adrien probably doesn’t have time, Alya,” she gently reminded her friend. “He probably has a shoot or lessons or—“

“I’ll be there,” he blurted. The three teens looked at him with as much shock as he felt. He did have a shoot and a Chinese lesson, but would his father say no to free publicity? Mentally, he winced at the thought of that. “Ok, maybe after six?”

Alya whooped and fist bumped the air. “Alright, we’ll meet up at Mari’s house!”

Adrien could not stop the grin as Marinette’s stutter came back. “But I’ve not roomed my clean. Wet cat smell!” She slapped her hands over her mouth. The model had to turn away from her to keep himself in check before Chat made a comment. He most certainly did not smell like wet cat.

The blogger grinned slyly, “Chill out, girl. I’ll be there before hand to help clean. Maybe even help redecorate.”

If she was referring to Adrien’s pictures, there was no point in it. Adrien himself knew they were gone. It would make sense that Alya, Marinette’s best friend, would know about them. But, how long had they been there? How long had this sweet girl in his class harbored feelings for him while he pinned after Ladybug?

Marinette turned back to her design. “Actually…I was redecorating last night. And, I’ve got plans this afternoon.” She rushed the last part. Adrien was immediately intrigued. Despite being friends with this girl for a year, he didn’t know much about her. What did she do in her spare time? “I’m meeting someone,” she answered the unspoken question before Alya could even voice it.

Was she expecting Chat to show up? Adrien racked his brain. Had he promised to come back tonight? He didn’t think he had, but if she wanted him to, he would be there. Never mind it would be totally wrong for Chat to show up since she had feelings for him and he had vowed to leave her for her own safety. But, when had Chat ever thought anything through? He was the spontaneous one. Ladybug was the brains. And Ladybug never explicitly said “no civilian friends.” And he was certain that Mari could be trusted.

Alya opened her mouth to dig, but the class was called to order. Taking his seat, Adrien directed his attention to the front. Assuming his role as the perfect student, Adrien opened his textbook.

XXX

Marinette focused more attentively on the lectures before the lunch break. She didn’t want to think about Chat, Adrien, or Master Fu. As much as she hated physics, she wanted to think about Newton, his laws, and that worksheet she never finished last night. But every time Mlle Mendeleiev mentioned moving forward, she couldn’t help but think of Chat.

Master Fu had been so cryptic in their meeting. She had thought he would help her uncover the clues, but she only left with a million more questions. Tikki had simply encouraged her to keep going back. Though, Marinette secretly thought Tikki enjoyed being with Fu’s own kwami, Wayz.

When the bell indicating the lunch break rang, Marinette quickly shoved her books into her bag; vaguely hearing Mlle Mendeleiev telling the class to finish chapter four tonight and hinting on a test for Friday. Shouldering her bag, Marinette had every intention of running for the door as fast as she could. Chloe, on the other hand, had other plans.

The blonde delicately approached her and Marinette noticed the new heels Chloe was sporting. From a design perspective, Marinette knew they must hurt. The front had no lift to them and the heel was entirely too long and skinny. Chloe’s feet were no doubt being held at an unnatural angle and the material was certain to blister her skin. “Hello, Marinette,” she greeted nasally.

Holding back her grimace, Marinette returned the greeting. She glanced at Alya and attempted to walk around Chloe so the two could exit the room without a scene.

Chloe was having none of that.

“I didn’t see you at the student council meeting last night,” Chloe declared loudly. Marinette felt her face heat as a few students turned to watch the opening act. “As president, you should have been there! Was there something more important?”

Marinette chewed her lip for a moment. “Something did come up…”

“Like when you totally ditched Sabrina and me during that psychics project?” More than half the class was watching now.

“Chloe, I’ll be at the next one,” Marinette reasoned. “I had to meet with someone, but next week I’ll be there.”

“Ooh,” Chloe gushed. “You skipped out on the meeting for a date!”

Her heart fluttered as Adrien moved closer. Her face flushed and she tried to stutter out a denial, but all she could think about was how later she did kind of have a date? But, the meeting with Fu wasn’t a date at all; but how could she explain that to Chloe?

Well, you see. I’m Ladybug and I was meeting with the guy that chose me to be her. And he was basically telling me my destiny. Oh yeah, and that Chat Noir and I are soul mates.

That would go over so well.

Eyeing Adrien, Marinette thought over how to respond as Chloe and a few others laughed at her stuttering.

Tearing her attention away from the model, she quickly made her decision. Fu told her to focus on her Miraculous. To believe in it and Chat. And if she was going to totally go for the superhero thing one-hundred percent, then she needed to crush her crush, so to speak.

She needed to let Adrien go for good.

“Yes!” She blurted. “I was on a date!”

Buy me a coffee??