#i will find some way to fuck shit up

[teecupangel]

‘What if desmond time travels and has to deal with such and such, or turns into an animal, or gets hurt, or-’

What if Desmond time travels and learns how to bake bread!! Huh!!? What about that!! What if he opens a super successful bakery, and solves all the worlds problems with the best fresh baked bread every!!

(This is /j but like. 👏🏻 anons let Desmond have peace challenge👏🏻 (but also don’t cause I love reading all of them I’m just like ‘how did you even come up with this? Sometimes lmao))

Anyway, since we already have a Desmond is a baker in Renaissance Italy idea, here’s Desmond is a baker during the Third Crusades instead:

So in this setup, Desmond would say fuck it and just open a bakery in Acre.

Jerusalem was too much of a hotspot at the moment and Acre had ports which meant there would be new customers that Desmond could lure in with the smell of freshly baked bread. 

And it worked.

Maybe a bit too well because…

Kadar visited while he was out looking for information for his brother’s current target. 

They both stared at one another for a moment and then Desmond just did his usual ‘Welcome! Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to hear today’s recommendations?’ spiel while Kadar just stares at him.

When Kadar went “Altaïr?”, Desmond just gave him his best bartender ‘I’m being respectful but also distant so you’ll still tip me’ smile as he goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have a bread called ‘Altaïr’.”

Then he showed Kadar the star-shaped pull apart sweet bread he’s just perfected and go “But maybe I can interest you in this pull apart start bread? It’s sweet and fluffy and freshly baked.”

And sweet poor Kadar leaves the bakery with a basket of breads instead because Desmond was good at using both Ezio’s charms and his bartending social skills to get customers to buy more than they should.

Hey.

A man needed to profit to keep the roof over his head while trying to experiment for the upcoming debut of his sugar-free pastries.

The next day, Malik entered the bakery but Desmond was ready.

Desmond had planned for this!

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted, giving Malik his sweetest smile that he knew would completely unnerve Malik.

Desmond weaponized the similarity between him and Altaïr to unnerve Malik to the point that he cannot focus on observing Desmond, distracted by such a sweet smile that looked so disturbing in his eyes because he’s imagining Altaïr doing such an expression and it was horror beyond Malik’s wildest imagination. 

Okay.

Desmond was exaggerating but that got Malik to not ask too many invasive questions and leave the bakery after purchasing two baskets worth of bread so Desmond was going to consider that a mission successful.

And then…

His greatest adversary entered his little quaint bakery.

And Desmond was ready for him.

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted happily, “Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to see today’s recommendations?”

Altaïr simply stared at him.

But that didn’t matter.

Desmond held all the cards.

Because he knew one of Altaïr’s greatest weakness…

Altaïr secretly loved sweets.

“Today’s a special day!” Desmond clapped his hands in practiced joy that wasn’t over the top, “Today’s the debut of our dessert line! Here.”

Desmond took out a tray of sweet deserts, glistening in either honey or fruit jams. 

“Would you like a taste?” Desmond asked with the sweetness of the snake that tempted Eve to take a bite.

And Altaïr…

Altaïr left the bakery with a basket filled with desserts and pastries, quietly sinking into the shadows before anyone could see him and ask for one of the forbidden sweets he had acquired.

[lyxchen]

DO YOU THINK MAYBE IN-HO REALLY WANTED GI-HUN TO LEAVE AND GO VISIT GA-YEONG NOT JUST TO HAVE HIM AWAY FROM THE GAMES BUT ALSO BECAUSE IN-HO CAN NEVER HAVE WHAT GI-HUN STILL DOES?? A CHILD?!! DO YOU THINK IN-HO TOLD GI-HUN TO BOARD THAT PLANE BECAUSE IF HIS WIFE AND CHILD HAD SURVIVED IN-HO WOULD HAVE BOARDED!! THAT!! PLANE?!!?!!!!! DO YOU- DO YOU THNIK HHHHHHHhhhh

[milquetoast27]

Subtext in The Creeping Man

I find that this story of Arthur Conan Doyle's Holmes canon features some of the most complex subtext we've had aside from A Study in Scarlet. But rather than being complex early-on because of our lack of knowledge of the characters, it is rather complicated by the fact that we both know too much and too little of their relationship. This story, with astonishing subtlety, conveys the cooperative relationship between Doyle's two characters — the nuance in their limits and strains, but also the joys that they work to reach, together. It emblemises the beauty of the Canon, where it all ties back to the joy and complexity of human understanding and belonging.

This story opens in "those latter days" (1903, near to Holmes's retirement) where Watson describes their relations as "peculiar". The word certainly feels like a euphemism from the ever-polite Dr. Watson, when it is soon made clear that their relations were far from amenable. Watson has become one of Holmes's "concentrated habits", and apparently is as good as a piece of funiture, as all of Holmes's remarks would have been as "appropriately addressed to his bedstead." It's given through snapped sentences; "I was a whetstone for his mind. I stimulated him. He liked to think aloud in my presence." This "irritation" and discordance between them is extremely concentrated in the early pages of this story, but drags through it, as well. Take, for example, the "laconic" (or perhaps iconic?) message:

"COME AT ONCE IF CONVENIENT — IF INCONVENIENT COME ALL THE SAME. S.H."

Watson gives us the original of Holmes's telegram to demonstrate to his readers just how "long-suffering" he is. A true exhaustion is apparent in how he simply shows the telegram, rather than politely referring to it. Compare this with the unendingly civil telegram sent to Watson in The Boscombe Valley Mystery, and you can see the great shift that has taken place in their alliance.

"HAVE YOU A COUPLE OF DAYS TO SPARE? HAVE JUST BEEN WIRED FOR FROM THE WEST OF ENGLAND IN CONNECTION WITH BOSCOMBE VALLEY TRAGEDY. SHALL BE GLAD IF YOU WILL COME WITH ME. AIR AND SCENERY PERFECT. LEAVE PADDINGTON BY THE 11.15."

While long-term and intimate relationships will remove need for over-courtesey, there are two very different reasons for why Doyle has shown both of these telegrams at a point in time. This accumulation of Holmes's ungrateful behaviour not only imparts Watson's utter despondancy, but also, importantly, Holmes’s — and this is something that Watson's ever-perceptive and intelligent heart does not fail to miss. It is important to note that this story nears Holmes's retirement, where he acknowledges that he has been "sluggish in mind". There is no doubt, then, that the great detective is out of his prime. Hence the temperementalness, taking his Watson for granted, and a heavier reliance on those "narrow and concentrated habits."

Despite the turbulent roads of their life, we see Watson's undying devotion co-exist with it. Past all the irritation, Watson closes, "Such was my humble role in our alliance." It is more than clear that he consciously makes the decision to remain at Holmes's side, to be his ally. Such has always been Watson's role in their alliance. His "humble" service extends to his practice as doctor and soldier. His pride is in his duty to others, and to Holmes as his assistant.

There is something that shines through Holmes's unsocial behaviour when we look closely at the text.

I sank back in my chair in some disappointment. Was it for so trivial a question as this that I had been summoned from my work? Holmes glanced across at me. "The same old Watson!" said he. "You never learn that the gravest issues may depend upon the smallest things."

We know from the Canon (opening of DANC and RESI) that Watson's emotions are like an open book to Holmes. This 'sinking in some disappointment' is not missed by Holmes's 'glance'. "The same old Watson!" he says, and I feel it important to note that he compliments one of Watson's most distinguishing features; his stability and fixture — the "one fixed point in a changing age." Yet, we may miss these details, because Holmes, ever in his own insecurity, must back-hand every praise with a teasing chide. We could say that an attempt was made to cheer Watson up, though not very successful.

Developments continue, as Holmes tryingly says "I had hoped to have a longer chat with you", then parades him with compliments before their client, "Dr. Watson is the very soul of discretion". But mixed indications continue to come as he flips back to patronising language; "You will appreciate it, Watson, when"—. Doyle further cements Holmes's particular unbecoming behaviour on this day as he further also annoys their client, who speaks in a "tone of reproach" when Holmes does not listen, and is "clearly annoyed" at irrelevant interruptions — to which, Holmes only smiles in, what I believe, is pure self-importance.

Here we find a shift — a greater effort on Holmes's part, a second round of appreciation for Watson's stability, even when his opinion is faulty. "Good, Watson! You always keep us flat-footed on the ground". He's then included in his bubble; "We were gradually coming to that conclusion, were we not, Watson?", and even a sordid attempt at bringing Watson with him on the bait of the Chequers in 'Camford' where "the port used to be above mediocrity and the linen was above reproach." (Which he follows up on!)

And, despite these attempts, their connection still does not rekindle. Watson is clearly irritated still with the inconsiderate easiness with which Holmes was able to leave London, leaving only difficulty on Watson's end to join him. It's an indicator from Doyle that nothing's remedied, yet.

Here is an interesting passage for study.

"Have you the effrontery necessary to put it through?" "We can but try." "Excellent, Watson! Compound of the Busy Bee and Excelsior. We can but try — the motto of the firm."

Burstive praise from Holmes at the merest utterance of a phrase — a phrase which has only ever been used one other time in the Canon; the previous story, The Problem of Thor Bridge. This suggests it may be some small motto of Holmes's, though one not often seen in Watson's records — this makes his use of the phrase a very Holmesian approach. This participation, no doubt, is nothing but a delight for Holmes, who is trying to restring their relationship, and continues to overenthusiastically affirm Watson's sturdiness.

Yet it's made clear that superficial praises are not a true apology, as we see signs yet again of Watson's dispassion. As they sit to their meeting with Professor Presbury, Watson writes:

Mr. Holmes smiled amiably.

This sentence may seem unassuming, but be assured it is one of the coldest in the Canon. This usage of "Mr. Holmes" is entirely unique within the Canon. In other times, when Watson has used "Mr. Holmes" or "Mr. Sherlock Holmes", it has been when speaking directly to his readers, since they would be using the honourific. This moment is the only exception, where Watson has intentionally used "Mr." to create distance and convey undesire for intimacy with Holmes (rather than any professional effect). Why has Watson used the line here? Well, Holmes is 'smiling amiably' — in a way that forces a friendly manner, one that attempts to create a good impression with Professor Presbury — which also didn't work out, by the way. Considering all the superficial means up to now employed by Holmes on his companion, Watson no doubt feels cheapened and no more important than Holmes's investigative objects; as if his trust is just as easy to gain as anyone else's, with nothing but an 'amiable smile'.

We are shown time and again that Watson isn't pleased with Holmes's desultory attempts at reconciliation, until finally, a shift happens. One that is not identifiable in the text, and so is reasonable to assume happened unpenned. We find Holmes acknowledging that "Dr. Watson has his patients to attend to", when before this information seemed completely irrelevant to him. Holmes even sent Watson a "short note asking [him] to meet at the train"! The greatest change is when we finally have Watson using "my friend" and "my comrade" for the first time in this story. Now we see Watson taking real excitement in the case, in the "assurance of [his] comrade". Self-teasing also makes its way into their dialogue as Holmes cries "Oh, Watson, Watson, what a fool I have been!" The emphasised address seems to suggest an apology for something more. It's as if he cries 'Look how wrong I have been Watson, how imperfect and daft I can be!' It's adorable, really.

All semblances of reproach towards Holmes disappear as they steal together in darkness, come to the dénoument of their adventure, as Holmes philosophises on science and nature, and described admiringly as "the man of action". Our story ends in a light-hearted resolution, as always.

"There is an early train to town, Watson, but I think we shall just have time for a cup of tea at the Chequers before we catch it."

To conclude, this story presents so much so subtly in its pages; a reflection of the small, nuanced and unseen processes between human beings, but those which we must be attentive to in order to find fuller understanding between each other. Yet, there is still much uncertainty in my inferences; which also shows the uncertainty of language and communication. We simply must be clear of ourselves, as we can only assume Holmes and Watson were, off-page, for them to have found that resolution, rather than fleeting smiles and compliments. Arthur Conan Doyle, with this story, further cements the triumph of bonds and connection, perhaps far more than any other of his stories.

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[generalsmemories]

every time i see someone shit on the xianzhou story quest on twitter i die a little bit inside.

[gxlden-angels]

Is there a more specific term than "agnostic" for me cause I feel like that implies "I believe in a deity/deities/spiritual relationship, I just don't exactly know which one or how"

My belief is less "I don't know" and more "I think there's the possibility of something out there it's just that it's none of my business." Like if we found out Zeus, Jesus Christ, and Ra are actually best buddies and go to trivia every Thursday and that the Rapture was supposed to happen 50 years ago and got cancelled or some shit and it's like..I answer phone calls at a front desk man idk what you want me to do with that info

[synthaphone]

it doesnt matter how little time ive spent recently thinking about Calico Critters or 2000s era robotic pets or Pocket Neopets, i WILL still have dreams about finding weird variants of these objects at Target in 2024. last night i found like 6 different pocket neopet variants, all clearly previously owned and being resold, and i was just openly rifling through them to put the three best looking figures into the big one i wanted to buy with No shame

[thetrinitytest]

if ianto jones (NOT gareth david-lloyd. actual ianto jones) walked through your door and said he wasnt dead and he needed a kidney and you were the only match what would you do

i am holding his face in my hands, kissing that man on the forehead, and asking him if he wants the left or right one

[im-smart-i-swear]

fuck this shit, vld warrior cats au in 2024. this thing has LORE btw. if you even care

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: EARTH (PART 1 - REVAMPED)

Ft. Staff Cmdr. Sophie Oliveira-Shepard Alenko-Oliveira, Cpt. Arno Delacroix, and Zaeed Massani-Shepard MIRA'S MORE CANON ME3 "Shadow Broker resources? Yeah, they might be good for a lot of shit, Dove. Convincing the brass to get off their asses and do something about the Reapers? Not one of them. Think that one might be up to you, this time. Entertaining diction and goddamn fucking all." Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

[safyresky]

Jacqueline kicking Jack's butt at Mario Kart?

WHEEZING

Scrimbly Jacqueline 51/52: Jack's off his GAME okay? It's been a VERY long night, this, this never happens, he swears—

He is a liar. Source: Jacqueline, who has not once lost double dash to Jack. She gets a lot of practise playing newer Mario Kart editions with the twins, who CREAM HER every goddamn time. But she gets her vengeance in smash >:)

Thanks for sending this one in @someheroescarryfloss! It was a fucking DELIGHT 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mario Kart: Double Dash on GameCube is the one I played the most so it's the one I pictured lmao. Daisy's my fave character to use! So I bequeathed that to Jacqueline! Same with Toadette who is usually my second if Daisy gets yoinked (which does not happen often as my mom always plays as Toadette lol)

Dw tho! Jack will get his vengeance in the Double Dash Battle Bomb stage. He'll destroy Jacqueline! >:D!

(she lets it happen since she's kicked his ass so much during the main races >:). They've done the all cup tour like 4-5 times at this point lmao)

And a fun bonus for you:

hehehehehe >:3

[Hello tag crawlers! New to SafyreSky industries? Hi! Jacqueline's my OC. Jack's younger sister, next in line for his title. You can read all about her in Crystal Springs on ao3 and fanfiction dot net if your vibe is gen fic with heavy oc usage 😘😘]

[caulfect]

y’know. something that gets overlooked often is kate’s video, and the confirmed implications of it.

whether you believe nathan assaulted kate or not, this doesn’t take away from the fact she was canonically sa’d by multiple boys at the vortex club party. there are no names given, but we know this is undoubtedly true due to the video’s existence as well as everyone talking about the contents within said video. we also know that kate was visibly out of it in the video given max’s remarks when she finds it on victoria’s computer, and that passed out girls are a common sight at vortex club parties given the unresponsive student across hayden at the end-of-the-world bash :

regardless of where you stand on nathan’s involvement, it is undoubtedly obvious that kate is a victim of sexual assault. she was drugged and then mauled by a group of boys who could probably tell something was wrong, but just didn’t care enough to check. after all, as victoria puts it, people get wasted all the time … how are they supposed to protect or care for every which one of them? ( excuses! )

lis:1 in general has always handled sexual assault with nuance so rarely found in media. they do not make harsh lines in the sand about what ‘counts’ or not. they do not make a show of brutalizing the women on our screen via borderline fetish content like most do when discussing themes of rape. instead, there are undertones : max in lis:de, for example, treats the dark room like a sexual assault trauma specifically. she also goes through her own victim blaming by harping on how attractive she found jefferson, how much she wanted to marry him … this occurs in her nightmare as well, where max behaves as though she wanted what happened, what jefferson did to her, when we know she didn’t. obviously, max was not raped. she was not kissed or groped. but there is an underlying sexual gratification jefferson gets from framing her -- there are perverted comments whispered in her ear, she’s being posed with her purity being talked about, and she is being photographed in a vulnerable, helpless state. it just paints a picture. max comes out of it well aware that jefferson was into it, into seeing her that way, and he moved her while she was unconscious and took his sick photos and that’s enough for the trauma to settle in the sexual assault category. most people wouldn’t count it as that, but the game itself does. the dark room has always been a heavy handed look into young girls being abused and preyed on by older men. it is not shocking that it’s one big metaphor for sexual abuse as well, especially sexual abuse that is demeaned and invalidated by others, sexual abuse that isn’t believed. cue jefferson’s whole character. a man who is too perfect and beloved to suspect. a man who told kate to her face that she’s just seeking attention and likely enjoyed what happened to her. a man who got away with such remarks.

the newspapers go out of their way to claim there isn’t any evidence of sexual assault among the victims, and i believe that’s because they weren’t assaulted in the only way the public cares to look, which is penetrative sex. i could also see the article lying, as papers do, but i think it paints a more prominent picture of how weird people are about sexual assault victims and how downright demanding they are about what counts, what doesn’t, and what’s okay for victims to do or say about their own experiences. it is all rather disgusting, honestly! and i’ve always been enamored by the more complicated, unpopular takes lis:1 took with that plot. i feel like to harp on sexual trauma that genuinely isn’t confirmed and to then ignore the girls’ actual sexual assault ( jefferson, the vortex club ) does a rather huge disservice to the game’s more interesting themes. to put it plainly, it’s a major simplifying tale of the story.

[cicada-candy]

I get the sense that Nina is gonna haunt the next season.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

THIS IS HUMANITIES 11TH HOUR I THINK KIAN WAS RIGHT. THERE WAS SO MUCH HE COULD HAVE DONE BETTER BUT HE DID IT FOR GREAT REASON. THEIR RELATIONSHIP MAKES ME SO EMOTIONAL. EVEN THE ECHO OF SOMEONE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU, AND THE ECHO OF YOU LOVES THEM TOO. they COPIED A HUMAN DOWN TO THEIR BASIC CIRCUTRY AS A SURVIVAL INSTINCT AND THE VERY WIRES STILL LOVE YOU. ITS THE ATMOSPHERE. ITS THE DISCORDANT AND SAD YET YEARNING CORDS IN THE AIR AS THE SKY REDDENS. ITS A WISH FOR SOMETHING MORE, PRESSING AGAINST INEVITABLE GLASS, CLEARLY NO HOPE OF CONTINUING OR BLOSSOMING. A PAINTING OF A MEMORY THEY WANT TO BE MAKING WITH NO CONCLUSION.

[buddietommys]

"Why not?"

"I wish you were a girl."