#i will be real here i actually drew this a month ago. hated it. and never posted it

[margoisthemoon2]

Hate // Miguel O’Hara x Spiderpunk x reader smut w/ plot

Word count: Idk I wasn’t keeping track but this is very long.

Warning. Smut. Fingering. Eating out. Rough. PIV sex. Porn w/ plot. Unprotected sex.

Note: OC is 20-22. Miguel is in his 30s. Hobie is 19-21. This story takes place before ATSV. Contains a bit of spoilers. If you haven’t watched the movie then idk what to say, just don’t get mad at me lol. Ummm I haven’t wrote smut in a while so bare with me plz. Also OC is black because i am and there needs to be more representation. Oc can look like whatever you want them to look like but i put height/weight in there already. Okay im sorry im done. Go read!!!!

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

Let’s do this one last time.

Hey I’m spider woman or more so called Spider Riot. I’m 5’11, 130lbs. I was bitten by a radioactive spider. And for 4yrs I’ve been the one and only spider woman of New York on Earth 1214. A year ago I was pulled into the spider-verse. Invited by Jessica Drew and taught by her also. Lets get to the real story.

My best bud and rocker; Hobie Brown or as i call him, Hobs. We met a few months into me being in the verse. Our similar style and life made us super close super fast and we have been inseparable since. “Hey hobs have you seen my guitar pic?” I asked. We was getting ready to rehearse a song and I was desperately looking for my red and black pik i had just a few minutes ago. “Why are you asking me its your stuff” Hobie says lazily strumming on his guitar. I look at him with an annoyed expression. “Wow your really no help you know that?” I say reaching under a couch digging around for my stuff “good” He says reaching behind him “is this it lad” he says holding up my exact pic “ah yes!! Thanks hobs” i say reaching for it and him pulling his hand farther away from my reach. “Gotta give me a kiss first” he says with a smirk on his face “Hardy har har give it hobs” i says snatching it from his hands “i just wanted to know if you would actually do it” he says walking to the back of our rehearsal room. I know that he likes me but I just don’t feel the same. He is a great guy and all but i have my eyes set on someone else… Miguel O’Hara. Miguels was a authoritative 6’7 man who i couldn’t help but fall for.

After rehearsal I, Hobie and a few other bandmates was hanging out in the living area chatting. It was getting late. I do a big yawn and stands up “looks like it’s my time to bounce guys” i say heading towards the door “ill come with you to make sure you get home safely” hobie goes and we both head out the door into the cool night air. We walk into an alleyway and i get out my watch and type in my destination, a portal opens up lighting up the area. “Same time tomorrow?” Hobie goes leaning against a wall “you betcha” i say stepping a foot into the portal. “Actually i need you both at HQ” a hologram of jess pops up behind hobie. “Its late and people have jobs” hobie goes turning around “and those people are not you or her” jess says looking over at me “Get over here asap its important” and with that Jessica’s hologram goes away and i sign “well I guess we have other plans” i go typing in Nueva York destination and Me and Hobie step in disappearing. We arrive at HQ and i immediately goes to throw up into the nearest trashcan. “I will always say this. I. Hate. Portal. Traveling.” I say a sick look on my face. “Well you go to and from my place all the time” hobie goes shoving me a but with his elbow, “yeah because I actually like you and your fun” i go poking his nose the sick feeling leaving my body as we arrive to Miguels ‘office’. We wait what seems like an eternity for miguel platform to lower to us. “By the gods i hate this” I whisper to hobie “I can hear you” Miguel goes as soon as his platform stops. He turns towards us. “How many times do I have to warn you both to cut it out with the constant traveling between earths” He says “In the past 6mths you both have totaled over 12,000 travels. Hobie more than Moxie” Miguel goes pinching the bridge of his nose and putting a hand on his hip. “Where are you going so much hobs” I jokingly say, hobie side eyed me “don’t worry ’bout it” he goes and looks back at Miguel. We watch as Miguel blabbers on about being a superhero and being more responsible. “You are dismissed” Miguel says we both turn around to walk away “Except for you Moxie” He says running a hand over his face. Hobie winks at me and walks away with jess. “What did i do now your highness?” I go rolling my eyes. When i focus back in miguel is standing in front if me. Close enough to reach up and touch. I look up making eye contact with him and feeling smaller than ever under his large frame. “Do you know that hobie is mainly going to your earth?” He says, i talk a gulp of air “No I didn’t. Why are you bringing it up?” I ask taking a step back, miguel puts both hands on his hips “I think you should find out for yourself. And please…please be safe Mox. You two might be friends but who knows what that kid is up to” Miguel goes pointing out into the distance. “Yeah…yeah ill keep an eye out. Thanks” i say feeling a small tingling in my cheeks. I turn to leave, looking back and seeing Miguel walking back to his platform. “Miguel being worried for me…..strange” i think seeing Hobie sitting down and kicking up his feet. We wave at eachother and i do a small run over.

I wake up in a sweat. The dream i just had was so weird and strange. It was miguel and me in a relationship. Laughing. Happy. Drinking coffee. “I hate coffee” I whisper to myself and remembering the numbers i saw in that dream 199786. I slip on my spider suit. Black and red mask with long sleeve arm covers. Cropped red leather jack and half full black and red plaid skirt with thigh high combat boots. Jumping out of my open window and swinging to the rook of my building pulling out my hidden radio, listening to my next thing to do.

After fighting off a villain and rescuing a few kittens from too tall trees im finally free. But the numbers 199786 wont leave my mind. Out of curiosity i Type it into my watch and a portal opens up. Surprised I listen to my radio one more time….silence. I shut it off stepping into the portal and flying away. I land into a version of new york. But not my new york. It’s more minimal and cleaner. I’m on the rook of what would be my building in my earth. And look down and the person i don’t expect to see is… Miguel. I swing down. Hiding behind a car as i watch him enter a corner coffee shop. I look up at the business name Ceces Coffee Cafe. This place closed in my world tears ago. I continued watching running to hid behind a neatly trimmed bush looking through the window at miguel or at least a version of him. This Miguel looks more happy with life and a gleam to his eyes. I watch as he orders a coffee the server face is hidden behind a hat and then they look up…. ME. The server is me. I’m working here and talking to Miguel. “Hey are you okay?” I hear a voice behind me and turn around to see a lady reaching to touch my shoulder. I jump back and swing away to a rooftop. Can’t believing my eyes. I open a portal back to my world. Taking another look back and see Miguel leaving the cafe with a big smile on his face and a coffee in his hand. I quickly exit and land back to my world. I cant tell anyone.

It’s been a few months and every 2-3 weeks I visit ‘myself’ at the shop. Seeing miguel come in and order the same coffee. Its the 4th time ive come to this earth and im sitting in the shop using a black mask and a hat to cover my face a features. Miguel enters and goes right up to ‘me’ and orders. But instead of walking to wait for his coffee he does something else.

“Hey so i know i come here alot and fet the same thing but… i was wondering if you would be interested in grabbing dinner with me sometime” Miguels goes rubbing the back of his neck nervously

The version of me does a small chuckle. “Actually I would like that”

My eyes widen as i watch them exchange numbers and Miguel grabs his coffee and leaves. I quickly gets up and leaves. Turning a corner into an alleyway and opening up a portal. My heart is beating fast and hard. I jump into the portal and land in my room on my bed. Doing a sequel of excitement. “Omg I can’t believe Im going on a date with Miguel o’hara. Well a version of me but STILL” i say to myself. “What are you losing your wits for?” I hear a familiar voice say in my doorway. I look up. Hobie. “Hobs when did you get here?” I say sitting up. “Don’t worry ‘bout it” he says and looks up “where ya go?” He questions leaning against the doorway. “Don’t worry about it” i shoot back at him. He rolls his eyes and walks away into the living room. I follow behind sitting on the couch and watch as he perch himself on my coffee table. “So I’ve been thinking. We work great together” he goes. “Yeah we work pretty good beating bad guys” i say laying down onto the rest of the couch “yea, we’d look even betta together” he says looking at me. I look around and back at him “look hobs. You’re a really good friend and all but im waiting for someone” i say leaning up on my elbows to look at him more. “And that someone will never be ready for you. Why wait when im right here for you now” he goes i sit up fully “it can’t happen hobie. Im sorry. We just do-“ i get cut off from Hobie rushing over and kissing me. The kiss was soft with a little urgency. The cold metal of his lip piercing causing me to shiver a bit. “What was that again?” Hobie goes. I look at him still processing everything. Hobie leans in kissing down my neck. I put a hand on his shoulder “no please let me show you how much i care” He goes and looks at me. We make eye contact and i nod my head. Hobie moves down to the floor. And gently spreads my legs as he plants kisses along my underwear through my skirt. I let out a small gasp when I feel his tongue pushing into my underwear and into my area. I watch as his head comes up and we stare into eachother eyes as he pulls off my underwear. He lowers back in and continues to kiss my area. Eventually he sticks his tongue in and uses a free hand to rub my clit. I gasp and let out a small moan. “Youre so wet” i do a small hum as he proceeds to lick and suck my area. His left hand that was previously on my thigh grabs a boob and massages it for a bit before it goes down and two fingers plunge into my softly. I let out another moan. “Yeah you like that right?” The sounds of his sucking and my wetness fills the room. I’m getting close snd his fingers picks up the pace a little faster. “There we go” he says and i arch my back and do a not so loud moan. He kisses between my legs and removes his fingers. Getting a paper towel to wipe them clean. I’m panting looking up at the ceiling. “What have i done?” I think to myself. I quickly put on my underwear and hobie is walking back to me. “What ya thi-“ he says before i cut him off “go” i say “what? I-“ he stutters “JUST GO HOBIE. Please. I need time to process this” i say almost shouting at him. I hear a shuffle before a portal opens behind and he’s gone. I curl up into a ball and cry silently. Things are going to be so different from now on. Slowly i drift into sleep. Somehow my tear stained cheeks comfort me a bit.

•••

“Hey. HEY WAKE UP!!” I shot up from my sleep jessica’s holographic voice yelling at me. “Yeah! Yeah! What is it?” I ask yawning and rubbing my eyes. Looking up at her. “Miguel wants you at HQ” she says crossing her arms. “Okay, okay just let me get ready and ill be out there” i say getting up “yeah yeah. Shuuutt up” she says before leaving.

I arrive at HQ doing my usual throwing up my insides and talking to a few spiders. Eventually I arrive. “You called miguel” i say kinda afraid of why im here “yeah. Jess leave the room and shit the door make sure noone comes in…or out” his eyes shoot me a glare. I gulp and watch jess leaves. Miguel stands and looks at me ��how are your portal travels?” He says “umm good good. Haven’t really been going anywhere except for hobies place” i say playing with my hands “really. Because i see you’ve been going to a unusual PLACE!!” Miguel says and jump down from his platform. “Umm what you mean?” I say taking a step back “you know exactly what I mean” he says walking up me me “Haha funny joke. Nice one you got me!!” I say nervously stepping back until my back hits a object and Miguel towers over me “Dont play dumb and stupid with me. What is earth 199786? And how do you know about it” he says “i don’t know. I’ve only been there a few times” i say “i saw it in a dream and it stuck with me” i say trying to move away. Miguel uses him arms to trap me in on both sides, he leans in closer, whispering in my ear “I know all about your little secret moxie” he says “You do?” I go shaking a bit. Both in fear and arousal. “Yeah and I know what you want” he goes. I feel his hand grab my waist as he pulls me closer to me. He pulls his head away and looks down at me. I gulp “you do?” I ask again “yeah. This!” He goes before he kisses me. In shock i push him off me. We stare at eachother for -5 seconds before i throw myself onto him and we continue kissing. I run my hands through his hair and he gives a small chuckle. “I work very hard on my hair” he goes as i bite down on his lip a bit and go “well looks like you’re gonna have to work hard again” we continue kissing and he starts using his hands to make me grind on his clothed member. I reach down to remove my underwear and immediately i feel his hand in between my legs. His thick long finger plunging into me “Youre so wet” he goes and i moan a little louder as he sucks on my neck. He removes his fingers putting them on his mouth sucking on what’s left of me. He takes my shirt and rip it open “don’t worry ill get you a nee one” he says into my ear. His suit retracts and he is bare in front of me. He taps my thigh a couple of times signaling me to jump up. I obliged he uses one hand to hold me up and the other to position himself. “This is going to hurt a bit sweetheart” slowly he moves into me. I wince a little from how big he is. He starts off slow. My juices covering his length now allowing him to slip in easier and faster. I moan loudly and bite his shoulder “Yeah you like that right?” He goes i lean my head back and we kiss. He start picking up the pace hammering into me. The feeling of his balls hitting my butt turns me on even more. I feel us moving as he walks over to a table like area and lays me down on it. Taking one leg and putting it on his shoulder and using a hand to cup my breast. The bee position allowing him to go deeper and faster. I put a hand on his bicep to hold myslef in place “oh god miguel faster” i say “There we go” he says as he lowers my leg and put both arms by my shoulders to hold me in place as he ruthlessly pounds into me. Our skin slapping rapidly and echoing in the large room. “Oh fuck. Miguel. Im close” i moan. He lowers himself onto me and rest his head in the corner of my neck, panting loudly and letting out few groans to curses. “Fuck!! I want to cum in you” He says as he wraps an arm around my waist and lifts me up a bit. The new position causing us both to moan and he sloppily kisses me. “Please do. Please miguel” i say in the heat of the moment. He looks at me to thrust into me a few times before I felt the warm rish of his cum paint my walls. I orgasmed and my legs shake he thrust into me slowly as we both come down from the intense moment. He slips off and kisses my forehead. “Go and shower I’ll go get you a new shirt” He goes as his suit materializes back onto him.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

-The next day-

I happily skip into HQ to see miguel of course. Me and Hobie still haven’t talk but i plan to fix that. I see Miguel talking to jess and Ben and kiss him on the cheek. “Hey miggy” i say cheerfully He looks at me with cold eyes and back at jess and ben “excuse me for a moment” he gently shoves me out of earshot of the two “what the hell are you doing?” He asks “what you mean? Im just giving my future boyfriend a kiss” I giggle. He closes his eyes and sign’s before opening them again and looks at me. “Im not your future anything. We had a one night stand” he says looking away “what! No last night was very intimate. You made loved to me!” I go “No. i fucked you. I was stressed and you was there. Like i said i knew all about your visit to earth 199786. Those versions of ourselves dating. Well thats not going to happen between us okay, i filled your fantasy and you you helped me out” he says. He pats me on my shoulder before walking back to jess and ben. I felt the tears form and fall as I quickly typed in my home and left. Running to my room and into my bed crying into my pillow. “Im always here if you need me.” I hear behind me, i turn around, Hobie. “And im sorry for what i did. It was stupid and i wont ever do it again” he goes and sits on the edge of my bed. I sit up and hug him tight. “Im sorry for doing that to you hobs. You’re all I could ever ask for” i say He wraps his arms around me and I silently cry into his shirt, he says “Dont worry about it Big steppa. I could never hate you”

End.

Note: My thumb kinda hurts now. Anyways what you think? Should moxie stay with hobie or should she go back to Miguel who cant decide his feelings for anyone. Also did you pay attention to the smut details i did using the same words that hobie used with moxie and had Miguel also use them to get a different reaction from Moxie. Anyways. Dont steal. I only posted this fic on tumblr and nowhere else. I hope you enjoyed it. Rock on!

[3cremepie3]

SAVANACLAW ROOK + LEONA TAG TEAMING READER TO SEE WHO CAN MAKE EM CUM FIRST

Do over

Synopsis - Savannaclaw!Rook and Leona’s heated debate finally comes to an end when they see you alone after practice! Leona and Rook x gn (afab) reader

Warnings - mentions of primal/prey kink, semi public sex, threesome

A/n - when I saw Savannaclaw Rooks card (not sure if it’s real) I literally moaned thank you for requesting this!! Sorry it was so short I was having trouble coming up with ideas 💗.

“Ahh.” You sighed slipping in the naturally warm water. Your butt hit the mysterious stone underneath you and you sat listening to the bubbling of the waves. This was a stark contrast from earlier in the day. You were permitted to attend the bustling spell drive practice.

Vargas had sealed the fate of your “gym classes” as this last month ago and you hated it. Sweaty loud loud-mouthed losers that all wanted to be the best were the only members that consisted of the team. And there was Leona their leader who was actually the best and seemed to have something personally against you.

Not to mention the huntsman who was obsessed with keeping an eye on the team. Even though he nor you were a member. You allowed your naked body to untense as you dunked underneath the water. You probably weren’t supposed to but who cares? You stayed there opening your eyes to the huntsman himself.

You immediately jumped out of the water at the sight of him. “What the absolute fuck you perverted freak,” you shirked. “No need for name-calling I just didn’t want to embarrass you. Remember Y/n nakedness is nothing to be ashamed of. As a huntsman I’ve seen all types of bodies no worries,” he smiled. You backed away in a corner bumping into something or someone.

“Don’t scream you’ve already done enough of that,” Leona groaned. “Why are y’all in here,” you questioned. Your hands went to cover any bit of your exposed body. “How long have you guys even been here I can’t believe I didn’t see you!”

“Enough with the questions this is our swimming hole,” Leona declared. “Yeah we come here regularly to hunt,” said the huntsman himself. “I don’t even want to know what that means,” you grumbled. “Well my bet was right Leona you owe me now don’t you,” he smirked. “What bet,” you asked.

“That you would come to the hot spring again. We’ve been tracking your movements for a couple of days now,” Leona confessed. “For what purpose,” you gasped. “Well me and Rook have been in a competition. We want to prove whether a lion or a huntsman would defeat their prey first.”

“Oui oui now obviously it’s a huntsman! But our results have proven to be inconclusive so far,” Rook frowned. “We haven’t been able to catch much valuable prey but things change with time. Which is something lions don’t seem to understand.” While Rook was talking Leona drew closer to you until his hand touched your shoulder.

You shivered due to the cold air hitting your back. “Don’t worry herbivore we would never hurt you.” Yes, mon amour we just want to see who can bring you the most pleasure. Who could make you explode until the only thing you can do is cry out our names? After all, you are one of the most beautiful creatures on this planet and you deserve to be cherished for the rest of eternity.”

“Stop all that rambling so we can hear them answer,” Leona yelled. They both shut up awaiting your answer. You thought a lot about it although they annoyed your core they were attractive. They were also incredibly skilled athletes with nice bodies. And although their personality lacked substance a hookup wouldn’t hurt you.

They wouldn’t go too far, right? Well, they weren’t exactly the most trusting either. “Hey!” You’ve been zoned out for a couple of minutes now. Aren’t cha’ gonna answer us?” Fine I agree but don’t hurt me,” you huffed. “Of course beauté.” Leona’s hand snaked around your waist and pushed your body into his.

You could feel his already hard erection on your back and you shook at the size. “Don’t worry I’ll make it fit.” His size is quite a lot huh? Well, what do you think of mine?” Rook pulled his cock out of the swim shorts he was wearing revealing a size about the same as Leona. “Not too bad for a human,” Leona muttered.

Your legs closed tightly together to cover your quivering hole. “Come on don’t get too shy now. Yes, we love every part of you let us see you.” Even though they spoke kindly of you shyness still forced you in the same position. “Fine then.”

“Rook lift with me okay.” Yes, Roi des Lions.” Before you knew it you were on Leona’s shoulders. His face faced your heat and Rook went directly underneath you leaving no room for exposure. You held onto the top of their heads maintaining your balance as they worked at your folds.

"Oh my god," you moaned. It felt so good already and they had just started. You bit your lip trying to contain your voice. They must've noticed your change in volume because they quickly broke apart from you. "Come on herbivore how are we supposed to know who's winning if you won't make a sound?"

"Let us hear that sweet voice, Trickster." Fine but I'm only doing it so I can feel good again," you huffed. You opened your hips wider allowing back in. You could feel yourself dripping at the sinful acts going on between your legs. And you could hear it all the slurps and groans had your eyes crossing.

Their tounges clashed regularly fighting for a spot towards your clit. You could tell the difference between the two as Leonas was textured due to him being a beastman. He never stopped his antics on your bundle of nerves. While Rook although still rough around the edges like Leona went to explore your body.

He kissed along your thighs and towards your fluttering hole which welcomed his tongue inside of you. He caught the many juices you began to leak without missing a drop. Leona purred as you grabbed his hair pulling him closer to you. While Rook snickered as his nose poked at your insides.

If you weren't so fucked out on pleasure you would've realized just how humiliating you were being. You were getting eaten out by two of your teammates in a hot spring. Granted that hotspring was far out from the dorm anyone could see you at any moment.

And instead of being frightened, you were turned on. After all, you weren't the only one risking your reputation. Leona a housewarden was now feasting on your puffy overstimulated clit. And Rook his dormmate who's always accused of being a pervert would be proving others right.

That's why you weren't afraid of pushing them past their limits as you came. Their hands came to support your now limp body as you spasmed. Before you knew it you were dropped back into the welcoming hotspring water. They sandwiched you and you used their bodies as support as your legs were weak.

"So mon amour was it the patient huntsman who won? Or was it the bold Lion that made you cum first," Rook scoffed. Your eyes pointed towards the sky not wanting to meet there's. Hmm, I don't know since both of you went for me at the same time. I think we'll have to do that over."

[stormblessed95]

Exactly storm

Taekookers being nasty af towards Jimin and Jkkrs are very wierd to Tae. I saw many jkkrs here saying they are not same as tkkrs..yes I agree. But, if we look back to 6-7 years before Taekookers were not nasty like this to JM. Slowly all those conspiracy theories piled up + lack of Tkk moments made them Rabid shippers.

Jkkrs are at starting stage. Just a few years before Jkkrs didn't had any problems with tae nor tkk, if anything they were happy when JM made Tkk rekindle their friendship. But now they have some conspiracy theory + lack of Jkk moments which made them to be wierd to Tae. Unlike last year, this year they got brave enough to publicly post it on their main acct. So Maybe after 1-2 years we will see Jkkrs turning to rabit shippers as well.

ALWAYS REMEMBER WE ARE THE OUTSIDERS HERE

None of us know Tae or JM or Jk than they knows each other. I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE HECK OUT OF JM. Even if I find some of tae's behavior wierd regarding Shipping who am I to publicly criticise him when the person I love the most is seen talking to Tae happily ? Now I just used tae's name as an example, we all may have some moments with all members we might not agree with, it natural..but I always look at jimin. If he's fine, I'm fine too.

Tkk came together + Vmin were talking to each other + Jkk had few moments + they all were standing together. So who am I to decide how they should act with their friend ? Who am I to say one is being shady there ? Who am I to say one is using another for FS ?

Also I hope Jkkrs will stop obsessing over tkkrs. None of it will make them stop hating JM, none of will make Vminkook hate each other, none of it makes a ship more real. Just report and block, more you spend energy on them, more you get done with everything. Just sit back and enjoy their music and bonds. It's so easy and make Fandom experience 10x better.

.... I mean yes. But like, where were essays like this one 2 from everyone on anon (to me or literally to anyone else) when I said literally the exact same thing basically, said I would block people for anti behavior, and was therefore attacked. Called a bad/fake "jikooker" and army? Yeah... idk. 1 to 2 years? Yeah, I think you should move that timeline WAYYY up honestly. I said a few months ago if things don't start getting called out, if things don't start changing, the jikooker community will be heading down the same direction tkkrs did. I said 2 months ago that people asked how tkkrs got as bad as they did and what happened there. That they have their answer and are witnessing it happen to jikookers in real time now. I stand by that. That's what happening here now. And if it continues down this direction.... it will just get worse until jikookers ARE exactly like tkkrs. Just like I used to try defending against by all the anti shippers who used to say that. It's a dark path jikookers are standing at the start of. If they ignore the warning signs and continue to walk it anyway, we all know where it's going. Or we should by now. I want no part of it any longer. I tried, I was attacked horribly for WEEKS for my efforts, by "jikookers" people who claimed they "used to love me". 🙄 So now I'm here for BTS and BTS only. And essays like this, after time has passed, after no one felt the need to say anything before this, idk. Idk the word I'm looking for, but it's not pleasing. Even though I AGREE with you for the most part and none of this is directed at you specifically, just everything and everyone in general. Sorry, I just can't bring myself to feel anything other than "yeah, that's what I said a while ago. And look how that turned out." Idk, I'm just down to "I told you so's" which feels petty and not quite accurate of my feelings either. So it is what it is. But I do encourage everyone else to sit on how you are actually feeling about everything more and think about it all for yourselves. Not what I or any other blogger is saying about it. And remember what it is that drew you to BTS for the first place and why you are ARMY. I'm here because I love them as people and I love their music. 💜

[nyxzee]

i debated putting this on my art blog but as a point i've been vocal about this shit since it happened and i'm still fucking livid about it all despite how fucking long ago it was. this is going to be linked in my pinned posts so as a heads up, warning for all types of abuse, self harm (including a detailed description), suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, overdose mentions, intense mental health shit, ableist narratives and gore along with mistreatment from the fandom

hi, i'm nyx, this blog used to be called emeridan and my old main was bardofmotherfuck - i was one of the gamzee fans who was sent gore, the wish i kill myself, and other abuse for identifying with gamzee. this wasn't a "oh lol funny clown he's goofy like me" i identify with him due to abuse trauma, due to being an addict and mentally ill. because i was hurt deeply by religion and losing my faith caused me to fall into bad fucking shit. to slightly minor extents i identify due to the friendship and romantic issues he had, fuck gamzee makara even had me, a then 20something realize i was bisexual and nonbinary! to a more intense one i identify with him because his agency was taken away and he was made a slave to other peoples horrific intentions - which isn't fun as i hope you'd imagine. i used to have a tag for the vent art i did involving the makara line (blood, gore, abuse all in this tag as you'd expect someone with severe trauma to have in vent art)

i'm not unique in this. there are a lot of gamzee fans who dealt with this. it was a huge fucking issue, it happened on msparp too, to the extent they posted about it happening because it was so fucking frequent. there are multiple gamzee fans i used to follow on tumblr who were sent the same and worse shit. i'm not mentioning them because even to the ones still into homestuck content, this shit was traumatic. i'm a petty bitch so as a protest i only drew gamzee for a while! (just in case these are the real time posts from my main: 1, 2), i have this account from 2015 here, i have this mentioned again here. this fandom abuse has been established well for me, it started 9 months into my homestuck art centric blog after all!

i'm still here in spite of people wanting me to kill myself. honestly despite being petty and boastful in still being here about it when it happened i wasn't actually feeling like that in real life. shocking i know. i had an intense cutting period due to it, i'm still scared of having my submit open, i still want to vomit whenever i get an email that anyone's sent me anything. i've seriously considered suicide a lotta times because i was so frequently told i was in the wrong, i've still got methods in mind and whenever i take my regular medication for the chronic pain shit i think things would be better if i flat out just took everything and didn't wake up ever again. a lotta it is real life trauma, but i used and still use homestuck (and especially gamzee) to help with that.

i talk about it whenever i see a brief chance to, i just haven't screamed loudly in a while that this abuse happened. i find screaming that i'm hurt exhausting and i'm still pretty sure someone will end up giving me shit - and for what i'm doing in this fucking post i'm damn fucking sure i've painted a target on myself again. but i don't care. i am who i am, i've been through all the shit life has thrown (and continues to throw) at me.

@ardenttheories posted a thing that includes a message i sent on twitter (on anon of course because i was scared) in this post here. blog's inactive, i dunno anything about ardent and that isn't the point of this. i'm just proving i've been here for a long fucking time and i've seen some fucking horrors. the message was one i sent on twitter and it looks like the op has deleted their account so i can't prove this but i think i've shown that this isn't a thing i've pulled outta my ass because i'm one of the bitter old fans who hates the current team and wants to lie to hurt them.

i actually don't know anyone aside from james roach being involved and the fact kate was asked to rejoin the team. this is mentioned here by sarah who, was in fact part of this problem but of course that doesn't matter because gamzee fans are pigshit (no tag because i don't wanna waste anything on that drivel!). here's a casual reminder of what exactly the pigshit comment is referring to.

i don't think the trauma of gamzee fans trumps the trauma the team got. trauma and fandom abuse is bad all round. it's not fun, it's gross and painful and people who send abuse are fucking monsters. however, the team was a big part in sending a giant fuck you to the trauma gamzee fans have gotten. that's what the problem is here, that's what this whole post has been leading to. i'm not writing this as a call to cancel homestuck^2 - i'm writing this because i want some acknowledgement on what happened to us. as i said, i'm still here despite the abuse, hopes i'd kill myself and the want to kill myself so i'm making a point of saying something.

the issues in the fandom of team members didn't start with the hs^2 team, it had a nice jumpstart from shelby cragg. i refuse to link any of the accounts who have posted accounts of this as i don't want to get people who dealt with her more stress and the only other person who mentions it isn't someone i want to link any traffic towards. google 'shelby cragg gamzee hate' and you'll find it. she used to tag horrific shit on gamzee fans artwork. fans who had in fact, been sent gore and harassment. she used to post about how great abusive ships were, how actual abuse victims (specifically the gamzee fan ones!) should feel about gam/rezi, how stupid gamzee fans were and directly bait and switch gamzee fans who she'd directly told to call her out if she fucked up by telling them they were random people who had no right to call her out. she had an abuse survivor friend so of course, the wrong abuse survivors didn't matter.

her co-authoring the serendipity gospels which while not official canon had become fandom canon. purples and teals of course work together on alternia after they grow up! gamzee was a total abusive nut case whose personality was either lol druggie or abusive monster and terezi was his victim, gamzee was a bunch of things in this fanfic and it's still looked to as the greatest fanfic in fandom history. as anything shelby touched involving gamzee his portrayal in it was racist, ableist and was always abusive in some way to any character he was placed with. i'm not here to talk about the person who wrote it with her or whatever work she's doing now with her non homestuck content. my point is the fanfiction was bad and it became fanon legend.

gamzee fans have been out crying that we have endured severe trauma that made us relate to gamzee. we weren't there for the ableist shit shelby made out of his character. there are different types of fans for his character, but i hope i've made a point that i'm referring to the people like me. the ones who were directly targeted because of our mental illnesses and abuse history. the ones who monsters wanted to kill.

homestuck proper ended on a bad note for gamzee fans. we had no conclusion, we had nothing. in the end after everything we were left with absolutely nothing but people filling in the blanks to say we likely deserved it because we liked this fucking awful clown. we got nothing for what happened to us. we just had to blindly accept we were hated and people wanted us dead for identifying with a fictional character.

then the epilogue's happened. then homestuck^2. then pesterquest. it bought this hate for us back front and center. the team hated us, hated a character who helped us get through shit no one should have had to endure.

like shelby did, they brutalized his character, and i'm damn fucking sure those cunts know what happened to us. we screamed, and screamed and SCREAMED that we were suffering but they boiled it down to "oh they just like that abusive man! let me make him more abusive" - the portrayal of gamzee in the new work is nothing but someone constantly spitting in our faces. the album of the team's string of bullshit should give you an idea on how the rest of this is gonna go.

the epilogue portrayal of gamzee went into the shit we'd had enough already, it turned a character who helped people cope become a gross dystopian version of our fucking abusers!!! the shit we'd endured from the fandom and our real life trauma was the butt of every fucking joke. there was no conclusion to his actual arc in it, there was no happy resolution for us, but there was a shout out to us. we got our moment of acknowledgment! they turned something that had helped real life abuse survivors, mentally ill people, addicts and victims of religious trauma - a fictional character who people wanted us dead over - into our abusers, into the worst things we'd dealt with, into a fucking mockery of our abuse. ALL of our abuse. all of our trauma. all we'd been through.

homestuck^2 did this further. they were parading the mockery of our abuse to the fullest extent they could think to do. i couldn't get past gamzee's death. but i know they've continued to hate us. i know they can't wait for us to end up killing ourselves so they can piss on our graves.

i have a review of pesterquest here, it's not complete. i couldn't finish the game fully. rose's story caused a self harm relapse and a huge hope i'd be brave enough to take the fucking overdose and end it all. i didn't go into how much gamzee's route broke me. i couldn't. i gained something outta it though! my left pinky and index fingers often lose feeling and i'm unable to use them unless i rigorously shake my hand for five minutes because i burnt my arm as badly as i could. i have cigarette burns all over my wrist, it looks like an octopus scarred me with every arm of its on one side and like someone made an attempt to burn down to my bone with something far bigger than a cigarette on the other. it wasn't something other than a cigarette, but it was a few cigarettes in the same spot. it was burning until i snuffed it out, relighting and burning down again until i'd finished the cigarette, lighting another and repeating. i did this until i felt like i'd earned my right to be alive again.

i need you to understand i'm disabled due to severe pain. i have fibromyalgia that was undiagnosed and untreated since i was 15. i'm 30 now. i've been suffering chronic headaches since i was 11. i've had my lip ripped open. i have ganglion cysts that make bending my wrist in the slightest hurt. i tore both rotator cuffs severely 10 years ago, my wrists are hypermobile and hurt constantly. my dominant arm sufferers from tendonitis. my jaw is so fucked i can't open it fully some days and it always makes a horrific pop outta alignment when i yawn. i've spent at least 10 years sleeping on a couch instead of on a bed as i either didn't have a bed or the one i had was so busted it made sleep impossible, as such my back and neck are a fucking nightmare stream of nonstop pain. i have back trauma from a car accident as a kid. i've strangled myself a few times with cords to try numb the pain out, i've been physically abused to the point i nearly died, i've been sexually assaulted multiple times, i've been violently ill from attempted overdoses or allergies. my point is, i know pain. it's the oldest companion i have and i'm tired of having it.

the continued burning i did to myself from that night however, surpassed any of those individual incidents. it eclipsed the regular intense agony i'm in daily for a solid month. the emotional turmoil of a life like mine had led to this. i'd found fiction to hide in, i'd found a character who so perfectly captured all of this trauma, all of this pain, all of this shit i've had to fucking deal with. i've had people try and take him away, i've had monsters try and get me to take the plunge and kill myself. i thought i was largely numb to bad gamzee interpretation and could move past all this hurt. it turns out i wasn't numb and this shit would continue to hurt. but it wasn't just a random ignorant idiot this time round, it was official. it was the team digging my grave and getting ready to throw shit on top of my corpse. that hurts in a unique way.

i don't do homestuck^2 now or ever. i refuse to finish pesterquest. i do my best to ignore the additional trauma the original team was aiming for. i viciously ignore and deny the shit they pull now. i quietly hiss to friends that some disgusting and ignorant cunt said the dumbest fucking shit that makes me want to scream until my vocal cords snap. i see the odd snapshot of what mutilation is happening to a comic that frankly saved my life in so many ways. i don't look in the gamzee tag as someone will have tagged the mutilated hs^2 version in there and that will do nothing but hurt. i don't enjoy being irritated by the snapshots i've seen. i want noting more than a fucking retcon where hs^2 and pesterquest are removed and we were left with the snapchat panels as the finale of homestuck.

in a more petty sense i want a personalized apology from everyone involved in the project, tattoo "i'm a dumb cunt" to their forehead, write an essay as long as homestuck's entire transcript about why they're sorry for what they did. i want the fans who rejoice in the mangled mess that gamzee is in hs^2 to shut the fuck up and delete their blogs. i want the amount of money the kickstarter for hiveswap raised deposited into my paypal account weekly. i want my therapy sessions paid for until i die. i want them to pay for private health care so i can stop physically hurting. what i want is illogical and those are frivolous things off the top of my head. they're stupid and petty and a complete fantasy.

what i really want though, is something that seems like it's a million times more impossible than a weekly deposit of $2485506. i want some fucking acknowledgment of this shit having happened. i've laid out my personal history with this shit, but it's not a personal "here's the essay nyx wrote about how much gamzee hate has fucked them up - it's totally worse than what the homestuck^2 team went through - gamzee hate is a bannable offense as such on every site due to it" that i want. i've burnt down to my bones on how much this shit has hurt me and in truth, i think i'm largely writing this for myself so i can at least say i said something. i wasn't a coward. i stood up and shouted at the void that gamzee fans have been badly abused.

the truth is: i want the abuse gamzee fans went through, the harassment, the gore, the threats and the physical abuse some of us have endured recognized. i'm not trying to overshadow the harassment the team got. but i'm saying the personalized attacks on us were unjustified. the mockery of the abuse we received from real life abusers and the abuse we were sent online for liking gamzee makara. they knew what they were doing. they did it to mock us. they did it to hurt us because we were the wrong kinda victim. we weren't their warped view of the canon and we interpreted, saw, identified, found comfort and loved a character who they disliked. our real life trauma and circumstance wasn't what they saw in gamzee and we had the fucking nerve to see ourselves in a character who can't be replicated in any other media. we were the ones in the wrong. we're the wrong victims. the wrong fans. the pigshit.

i've been writing this for over four hours now and i think i've exhausted how much i can say this stuff. it's been painful and i've ripped myself open to say this all but i think i'm doing the right thing. i'll second guess my way for the rest of my life, i'll overthink everything i do every time because i'm the wrong sorta victim. overall, in a sense i don't care anymore. i'm not numb by any means, i'm not saying i don't care as a bravado this time. i'm saying that i'm not letting you motherfucking cunts put me in the darkest place i've ever fucking been again. i'm not relapsing and losing more use of my hand. i know what kind of people the team are, i know the ignorance and venomous victim blaming and hate in people who hate gamzee fans. over all my final point is this:

it's unfair. why was this shit justifiable. why do we get ignored when we're hurt severely. why don't we matter. why can't our method of coping with homestuck be accepted like everyone else's. why are we the wrong ones. why did we deserve this. why was the fandom abuse towards us a good funny thing.

why the fuck do you hate us so much?

[thebreakfastgenie]

for WIP asks the 4th of july fic.

and ik you were already quite generous with it but would love to hear anything else about 69

Sorry it took so long to get to this one! I was really excited about it and then I was either too busy or too tired to answer it properly!

The 4th of July fic my take on a time loop. It's contained within GFA. Hawkeye relives July 4th, 1953, over and over again, trying desperately to prevent tragedy on the bus, while no one else remembers. I was actually influenced a lot by Slaughterhouse-5, even though it's not a time loop. Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time and sometimes that means he's living his post war life and wakes up back in the bombing of Dresden. That's certainly what PTSD can feel like. So I started thinking about how I could use a time loop as a narrative device.

The time loop takes the emotional experience of reliving a traumatic event over and over again in your mind, of being trapped in that moment, and makes it a physical one. A common component of time loop stories is that the protagonist must prevent something terrible from happening, and only when the bad outcome is averted will the loop be broken. This, too, reflects an emotional experience, the constant "what could I have done differently? how could I have stopped this?" Maybe the real time loop was the trauma we had along the way.

In this case, Hawkeye is trying to save the lives of everyone on the bus. I don't want to say too much about the loop, because part of the story is going to be figuring that out as Hawkeye does. Just as the loop is about trauma, breaking the time loop is about moving forward. This fic gets very heavy and dark towards the middle, but it's not a pure angst fic, it's just what the story requires. In the end I would say it's about choosing hope.

The idea is basically what if GFA was a time loop, and we only saw one iteration of it? That means it's fairly canon-compliant. I'm also trying to incorporate a lot of details from GFA. I can't share a snippet, but I'm hoping to finish it by July 4th, 70 years after the day it's set, so if I manage it you'll see it soon!

****

I am more than happy to share more about untitled 69. I'm trying to motivate myself to work on it, at least once 4th of july is done. I had a ton of momentum on it a few months ago and then I got sick and it got left in this very chaotic, mid-draft-reorganization state. This fic was supposed to just open with Trapper at the reception for the new chief of thoracic surgery, where he meets Charles, but in true me fashion, I ended up getting into Trapper's homecoming and emotional state and in the process writing about a bunch of stuff that happened earlier. One thing I'm excited about is how Trapper relates (or doesn't) to his colleagues. He has one friend who's close enough to know about Hawkeye, because I needed someone to bounce Trapper off of in dialogue, and I really love the dynamic that developed between them. I don't think this snippet is as good as the last one, but:

Trapper tugged at his collar. He was having trouble breathing, though he knew that had more to do with the fog of cigarette smoke than the snugness of his tuxedo. If Louise were here, she would scold him—it had taken her ages to get his bowtie right—but she wasn’t here, so she could keep her comments to herself.  Louise hated these things almost as much as he did. Working class girls either grew up into women who loved glamor or hated it, and Louise had never seen any use for it. It was one of the things he loved best about her, and probably what drew him to the nurses in Korea, besides proximity—their short fingernails and practical attitudes. 

This is Trapper being miserable at the party (more on that later!) and me fleshing out both him and Louise a little bit.

[kyra45]

prayingshadow archive post

Since the reblog I did got removed from my main account, I'll have you know I actually archived it as well! The images don't load, but you can find it here. I will also copy/paste the post contents below minus the link that would send money to the scammer. This includes the images the post originally had. Content warning for animal illness and animal death suggested though it does not happen and the story is stolen from somewhere else. I am only doing this because the scammer keeps reusing this exact cat several times over with the same exact story. The only link will go to the post of mine that explains how many accounts Kristilyn Suarez has used and the mention is to my main where the post was originally shared. The context of 'OP' here refers to the post being a reblog from prayingshadow.

This is NOT an aid post. It is an archived version of a scam post that was removed but was saved by an archive link I had done just in case the original was removed.

Long post, but the scam account deleted their blog and has been remaking it over and over. Current account is localtreelady. Please link to this post when warning people about the scam.

(icon) prayingshadow (Since deactivated)

Hey y’all, I really do hate asking for help but if its for my cat, i’d do anything

I don't even know how to start but my baby needs some emergency help. My Sven is 3 years old and my world. He has been healthy all this time up until a couple of days ago. His breathing wasn't right.. I knew something was wrong so I took him to the vet and they said he is definitely struggling and requires further testing which costs up to $250-$300 that I just can't afford because my next payday is on June 10th which is already intended for rent and groceries :((( They said he will continue to get worse and eventually die if I don't figure out what's wrong for him to be treated. The Dr said he is probably in pain because he is struggling to breathe. If anyone can help me get him these tests it would really mean the world to me 😭❤️

I tried finding cheaper in my area as I'm maxed out on CareCredit and I was denied for Scratch Pay. I also went to 4 different clinics and called 3 others all gave me close to the same price range. With it being close to the same price range I felt it was better to go with his normal vet.

My last few months have been so up and down emotionally but from the bottom of my heart I just want you all to know how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

My PayPal is linked down below, for anyone who’s going to send their love and support please consider sending it through friends and family as we would like to avoid fees as much as possible. 🙏

(Redacted link) (Go to this one: Kristilyn Suarez)

(My main blog icon I drew myself) @shadowfoxsilver (badge for commissions open) (Content below here is the reblog contents)

Ok so I know OP will block me for this but hey they didn't this time so I'll elaborate on how this is a scam.

The OP is known to go into private vet groups and save images from it and also steal stories directly from it. The names they use is fake and stolen from a real person. Now this scammer also likes to demand proof their scamming so here's further proof! The same exact post from their other accounts. They just change the cats name.

So basically, OP is a confirmed scammer and will delete/block posts that call them out. Just a psa for my followers to see before the scam account gets took down too.

[perfectpaperbluebirds]

Hi, sorry if you’ve answered this before but I was wonder what do the Tenbusches look like?

Anon, you are my favorite today as this is exactly the distraction I needed after a shitty day (and week and month and so far year). And you actually ARE the first person to officially ask me this, so I'm thrilled to answer! :) I have thought about this extensively, so long-winded answer ahead! @chestcongestion drew their interpretation of them not long ago (check it out here) and they actually got quite a few things in the right ballpark, especially since I didn't give much insight on their appearances! But let me give you the official rundown:

Thaddeus: Hair is coppery red and fluffy, eyes are bright green. The shortest of the three, but muscular and well-built, so he could be called stocky due to his height. Lots of freckles all over his body. Generally ruddy and healthy looking. Wears reading glasses as he gets older. He has crows feet and laugh lines early in life due to how much time he spends outside, and how much he loves to laugh. (Other than Padma, Thad is the one that was most spot-on in Beep's fan art!)

JB (Joel Benjamin, if anyone cares): The tallest in the family. Of Latino descent on one side, with dark, thick, wavy hair and dark eyes, but fairer skin. However, he tans quickly and easily and is dark-appearing most of the year. He's more stocky/muscular than lanky, and struggles with his physique as he ages. He also needs glasses in his older years. Generally he's very serious and slow to smile, but when he does, it's the warmest smile ever.

Theodore: Of medium height and build, though on the taller/thinner side of average. Blue eyes and thick, straight dark hair. Wears glasses always as he hates contacts and touching his eyes. On the pale side, but gets flushed with any physical activity or wind. His warm, open demeanor is evident on his face. His eyes disappear when he grins. When he smiles, everyone around him smiles.

Audra: Thick, wavy auburn hair and blue eyes, of Irish descent (her maiden name is Murphy). Average-tall height for a woman and curvy, with a generous bust and hips, but she maintains her trim waist well into retirement and works out religiously (more than any of the others), so she tends more toward muscular than slender. She wears glasses for reading and computer work. She has serious RBF and a very matter-of-fact demeanor, so she comes off as severe to most people at first, but it doesn't take long to see her soft, silly side.

Thalia: Tall and willowy, with long blonde hair and strikingly dark brown eyes. More slender than heavy. She knows she's gorgeous and knows the effect she has on people, so she always dresses the part whenever she leaves the house. She never needs glasses, which is good because she wouldn't wear them if she did. She's more likely to roll her eyes and make a sarcastic comment than smile, but just like everything else about her, her real smile is beautiful.

Padma: Of Indian descent, with brown skin and very dark hair and eyes. She's by far the shortest and thinnest of them all, petite and almost frail-looking, though she's quite healthy and gets sick the least of all six. She wears glasses whenever she works on the computer. Her hair reaches past her waist, long and thick, and seems to make up half her weight when it's loose and brushed out, though she usually wears it in some sort of braid. Gentleness exudes from her, and if she's not deep in thought, she can usually be seen with a peaceful smile on her face.

I have (imperfect) celebrity face claims for all of them. If a lot of people ask, I may share. But I'd rather you picture them for yourselves from what I've given you here.

Thank you again for asking! I really appreciate you taking an interest in my characters.

[randomthoughtsdissociating]

Jesus this is long. OK.

Answering only the songs I know at least some lyrics to.

Dance, Dance - Not one for text-based tattoos tbh. But if I had to pick one, it'd probably be the opening line to Save Rock&Roll: "I need more dreams and less life."

Sugar, We're Going Down - a few people call me Little Mouse. It's the only one I have and I cherish it.

Thriller - "The thing that's wrong with you is ADHD. Go google it, stupid."

This ain't a scene - legalise gay marriage. Everyone gets the same treatment. Make violations of bodily autonomy illegal - what others do with their own bodies is none of your business.

Thnx fr th mmrs - This one goes to my cat, who slept in my bed before leaving our house and never returning. I miss you, Meowy.

I don't care - September. I love the leaves changing colour and the chill in the air and the sombre feeling of a summer's end.

The Phoenix - why would either of us change? It's not like people won't be able to tell us apart if we don't.

My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark - No. Uneven heating, smoke, soot in the air, count me out.

Alone Together - No one. I'd spend the rest of my days preparing Earth for no humanity and ponder my solitude while y'all don't need to think about the mess we made anymore.

Where Did the Party Go - Ratchet. I drew it today. Put a lot of effort into it.

Just One Yesterday - Slept. Slept and watched YouTube. I had a day off at work.

The Mighty Fall - Never heard a pickup line in my life.

Miss Missing You - Yeah. My sis. She's had it rough since I moved out.

Death Valley - So many. I do my best to keep them, but I often forget I made them.

Young Volcanoes - Nothing. There is only the uncomfortable, tense silence to accompany me.

Rat A Tat - Around midnight. I have time to myself. I can think. Relax.

Save Rock and Roll - If they didn't understand that they've hurt me and thought they were in the right? Yes. Otherwise no.

Irresistible - London. I fell in love with London. I'm scared to visit it again because I'm gonna have a hard time leaving.

Centuries - I have a hateful relationship with the deatm metal scream/growl, but I actually love the instrumentals. I wouldn't consider myself a metal fan, but I do like them.

Uma Thurman - Considering I'm still here, I'd be a fool not to.

Jet Pack Blues - Hard to pick just one, they all have something to them. Even booger green looks good if you use it to paint a swamp. But I'm partial to lime green.

Immortals - How To Train Your Dragon. That movie is special to me. It'll always have a place in my heart.

Last Of The Real Ones - Yeah. After my dad specifically told me not to. YOLO. In my defense, I was a dumb teenager.

Hold Me Tight Or Don't - I can, a little. I stitched up a costume 3 months ago.

Love From The Other Side - Define classic art. Maybe then I'll be able to tell you.

So Good Right Now - I used to ritually burn my failed exams.

So Much (For) Stardust - Yes. I'm big into astronomy. I own a telescope and have used it to track celestial bodies. I saw Jupiter's four largest moons with it. And I know a couple simple constellations.

send me fob songs

Evening Out With Your Girlfriend

Honorable Mention+ Have you ever had detention? what for? Calm Before The Storm (eowyg)+ Do you ever catch yourself daydreaming? What about? Switchblades And Infidelity+ You can press a button that will make anyone or anything explode. Who or what would you choose? Pretty In Punk+ What dream color(s) would you love your hair to be? Growing Up+ Your most favoritest age you’ve been so far? The World’s Not Waiting (For Five Tired Boys In A Broken Down Van)+Name one thing you have wasted time on. Short, Fast And Loud+ Short or tall? Fast or slow? Loud or quiet? Moving Pictures+ Would you rather watch a movie at home or at the theatre? Parker Lewis Can’t Lose (But I’m Gonna Give It My Best Shot)+ What is your favorite day of the whole year?

Take This to Your Grave

Tell That Mick He Just Made My List of Things to Do Today+ Do you get jealous easily? Dead on Arrival+ How do you start a conversation? Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy+ What do you think of people who cheat? Saturday+ Who is your bestfriend? Homesick at Space Camp+ What is your favorite planet? Sending Postcards from a Plane Crash (Wish You Were Here)+ Who would you absolutely love to punch in the face? Chicago Is So Two Years Ago+ Is there anyone in the world you would want next to you right now? The Pros And Cons Of Breathing+ Do you hate anyone? Grenade Jumper+ Is there anyone you would take a grenade for? Calm Before The Storm (tttyg)+ What phobias do you have? Reinventing The Wheel To Run Myself Over+ Do you consider yourself sucessful? The Patron Saint Of Liars And Fakes+ Has anyone ever lied to you?

My Heart Will Always Be The B-Side To My Tongue

My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon+ Weapon of choice in zombie apocalypse? “It’s Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love”+ Do you have a promise that you will always keep? Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner (Acoustic)+ Have you ever been to prom? Love Will Tear Us Apart+ When was the last time someone told you they loved you?   Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy (Acoustic)+ Are you keeping a secret from someone?

From Under The Cork Tree

Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued+ What name(s) do you dislike? Of All The Gin Joints In All The World+ First Fall Out Boy song you’ve ever heard? Dance, Dance+ Favorite line in a song that you would so get tattooed on your ass cheek? Sugar We’re Going Down+ Favorite pet name to be called? Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner+ Are you the rarest pepe? I’ve Got A Dark Alley And A Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)+ Have you ever gotten into a fight? if so, what was the outcome? 7 Minutes In Heaven (Atavan Halen)+ Least favorite thing about school/college? Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends+ Your house is on fire. What are the things/people/animals you’d grab on your way out? I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me+ Bandmemebers you have a crush on? A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More “Touch Me”+ Night owl or early bird? Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)+ What do you want to do before you die? Do you have a bucket list? XO+ Are you reliable? why? Snitches And Talkers Get Stitches And Walkers+ Have you ever fractured/broken any bones? The Music Or The Misery+ What band(s) do you absolutely hate?  

Infinity On High

Thriller+ What is one thing you would like to go back and tell your 12 year old self? “The Take Over, The Breaks Over”+ Do you like having picture taken of you or selfies? This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race+ If you were the president, what is the first thing you would make illegal and legal? I’m Like A Lawyer With The Way I’m Always Trying To Get You Off (Me & You)+ You get three wishes, what are they? (you can’t wish for more wishes) Hum Hallelujah+ Have you tried to be someone you’re not to impress someone? Golden+ Favorite gem stone/mineral? Thnks Fr Th Mmrs+ Best memory of someone who has left your life? Don’t You Know Who I Think I Am? Bands you’ve seen perform live? The (After) Life Of The Party+ Would you rather be a ghost or skeleton in the after life? The Carpal Tunnel Of Love+ Favorite flavor of icecream? Bang The Doldrums+ Do you wear makeup? if so, what kind? Fame < Infamy+ Cursive or print hand writing? You’re Crashing, But You’re No Wave+ Have you ever been to court? why were you there? I’ve Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers+ Do you plan on ever getting married? G.I.N.A.S.F.S.+ What is your eye color? if you could change it, would you? It’s Hard To Say “I Do”, When I Don’t+ What was the most hurtful thing that someone said to you?

Folie à Deux

Lullabye+ A song you would want your children to listen to. Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes+ Can you describe yourself in 5 words? I Don’t Care+ Favorite month of the year? why? She’s My Winona+Wa aoh oh ooh. What song popped into your head? America’s Suitehearts+ Andy the Candy, Pete the Treat, Joe the Hoe, or ‘trick the frick? Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet+ Have you ever lost a bet? The (Shipped) Gold Standard+ What is the one song that has helped you push through?     (Coffee’s For Closers)+ How do you like your coffee? What A Catch, Donnie+ What two bands/musicians should make a song together? 27+ What do you think about aliens? Tiffany Blews+ Are you scared of the dark? w.a.m.s.+ Do you like snow? 20 Dollar Nose Bleed+ Would you pay 20 dollars to punch someone in the face? West Coast Smoker+ What do you think of the ocean? Pavlove+ Are you happy with the way you look? is there something you would change?

Save Rock And Roll

The Phoenix+ You’re wearing the same thing as someone else. Are you going to be the one to change or are they? My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark+ Do you enjoy bonfires? Alone Together+ You are the last person on Earth, but you can choose someone else to be with you. Who would you choose? Where Did The Party Go+  What is the last thing you drew a picture of? Just One Yesterday+ What did you do yesterday? The Mighty Fall+ What is the best pick up line you’ve heard lately? Miss Missing You+ Do you think anyone misses you at the moment? Death Valley+ Have you ever broken a promise? Young Volcanoes+ You are a killer in a horror movie. What song is playing in the background?  Rat A Tat+ Favorite time of day? Save Rock And Roll+ Would you get revenge on those who have hurt you?

PAX AM Days

We Were Doomed From The Start (The King Is Dead)+ Your funeral song?Art Of Keeping Up Disappearances+ Have you ever written your own music or poems? Hot To The Touch, Cold On The Inside+ Do you think tie dye is still cool? Love, Sex, Death+ What are your favorite scents? Eternal Summer+ A summer you will never forget? Demigods+ What is your favorite type of dinosaur? American Made+ Do you prefer cooking or ordering take out? Caffeine Cold+ Ice coffee or hot coffee?

American Beauty / American Psycho

Irresistible+ Favorite city you’ve visited? American Beauty / American Psycho+ Would you reffered to as the beauty or the psycho Centuries+ Do you like heavy metal? or hardcore/screaming music? The Kids Aren’t Alright+ Have you dedicated a song to someone before? what song was it? Uma Thurman+ Do you believe in miracles? Jet Pack Blues+ What are your favorite colors? Novocaine+ Vest, Jacket, or Hoodie? Fourth Of July+ Do you collect anything? if so, what do you collect? Favorite Record+ Favorite album? Immortals+ Favorite animated movie(s)? Twin Skeletons (Hotel In NYC)+ What is the best thing about Halloween?

other

Alpha Dog+ Favorte dog breed(s)? From Now On We Are Enemies+ Do you have more enemies than friends?Lake Effect Kid+ Is there somewhere you rather be? Roxanne+ Have you ever called the police? Save Your Generation+ Ever had a rumour spread about you? Start Today+ You have a free ticket to any concert of your choice. Who would you go see? Yule Shoot Your Eye Out+ What do you want for christmas?

[myfriendthedictionary]

today i offer you eva and farrah being friends. tomorrow, who knows?

(click for better quality!)

[wincore]

romeo roulette | jung yoonoh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader

summary: if finding your soulmate is the same as a damn game of russian roulette, you are determined to not pull the trigger at all. except, you know who your soulmate is and he doesn’t—and given a choice to pretend, you find that jaehyun is the lesser of the two burdens to bear.

genre: soulmate au, office au, fake dating, fluff (a lot), angst (a little), romcom, magical realism (??)

words: 21.2k

warnings: language

song recs: playlist here !

a/n: behold ! a kdrama compressed in a fic ! ok i was lying there was more than a little angst but all in good fun <3 i have never experienced working in an office (thanks to the panny) but i tried making it as accurate as i could !! hope you have fun with this <3

It’s not that you’ve never been looked at with a lover’s gaze, it’s just that whatever look Jaehyun has been giving you is mildly uncomfortable. It’s not supposed to be that way. Hell, even his hand clasping yours are a little too clammy for your liking.

Jung Yoonoh. Get your act together.

You wish he were a better actor than this. For someone used to eyes on him in each and every room he’s in, he’s not very good at making eye contact. You’ll be saving this performance. Not to stroke your own ego but at least you know how to behave under strong gazes.

There are three people staring at the two of you and your fingers intertwined, scrutinizing your postures and the expressions on your faces. Maybe Jaehyun should face them instead of glancing at you wordlessly. He’s a terrible liar for someone who acts so smooth. 

You look up with a short smile. The aforementioned three are your coworkers—former class rep at uni and your current boss Doyoung, your friend Soojin and Jaehyun’s friend Sicheng from IT. None of them look happy—like it concerns them. If there was a competition for nosy coworkers, this entire group would be winning awards left and right (and that’s including you). 

They’re going to find out, an annoying voice giggles inside the quiet corner of your brain. Like hell, they will. You didn’t take up acting lessons in college for nothing. You just need to focus on the details.

This whole charade dates its beginning to a week ago. 

If someone were to tell you Jung Yoonoh from marketing is your soulmate, you would most certainly either laugh or take it as a genuine insult. Hence, you were glad when you found that he isn’t. 

It was an accident. You had glimpsed at his soulmark, right below his collarbone, at a particularly wild office afterparty—and somehow, you thought it was fitting that his tattoo was a little red heart. For someone born on Valentine’s day (which you know from a night out with coworkers, not because you’re remotely interested), if his soulmark was not something as disgusting as a heart, it would be the textbook definition of irony. But then again, fate is a funny thing. Your soulmark is a heart roughly the same size, with a little more intricacy in the form of a piercing arrow.

Despite all, however, if someone were to ask you if Jung Yoonoh is the worst person to be your soulmate, the answer is no. You can name at least five coworkers off the top of your head that you’d choose him over. You would choose him over Doyoung (and especially his nagging), you would choose him over Taeyong because he’s too hot and you also don’t like men in a higher position than you are, you would choose him over Jungwoo because you suspect he’s secretly a furry. Jaehyun is certainly better than your deskmate Dongmin who, despite an angelic smile, is: a) too distant to make actual conversation with, and b) in a relationship despite being your soulmate. Sweet-tempered Dongmin doesn’t even know it’s you. You’d love to be the bearer of bad news but this one—you’re not exactly ready for it yourself.

So that’s the explanation for why you hunted down Jaehyun and in a desperate attempt to not seem pathetic, coerced him into a role that has carefully picked benefits for either of you. You just have to bite the bullet sometimes.

“And I get what out of this?”

“Me? Temporarily, that is.”

Jaehyun laughs in amusement and you drop your smile, almost offended. If you were a gift, you’d certainly be an attractive, spicy, hot one—he doesn’t have to look at you so incredulously. In a neat business suit, Jaehyun is as kempt as ever though his tie could do with some more work.  As an HR assistant, his appearance pleases you. However as a person, the perfection annoys the hell out of you. He could show himself to be more human. It would make your job (both the actual and the metaphorical) easier.

“I’m leaving,” he announces with a nonchalant exhale. “You keep messing around during work hours like this and people are going to think you’re jobless.”

“Wait!” 

You jog up to him and block his path, crossing your arms as you huff at his indignance. 

“I said no,” he repeats, and when he tries to evade you, you push him back with your palm flat against his chest. Jaehyun doesn’t show any more discomfort than usual, biting the inside of his cheek.

“You haven’t found your soulmate, right?” you say, taking a deep breath. If you have to resort to psychological warfare, so be it.

His smile wavers and he straightens, no longer leaning against the printer desk. “No. How does that matter?”

“It matters because you’re going to be my pretend-soulmate. Now, don’t be a pussy.”

He opens his mouth and closes it, furrowing his eyebrows. “You can’t always trick me into doing what you want.”

“I’ll ask Doyoung if you say no.”

“See—enough with the tricks, they don’t work anymore. I’ve known you for two years.”

“I really will ask him.”

“Not convincing enough. You don’t even talk to Doyoung outside work.”

You groan into your hand, taking a few moments to come up with another plan. How is your obvious charisma not enough? You certainly can’t tell him how rejected you feel with the whole Dongmin situation even if his rejection hasn’t officially come yet. It’s too embarrassing for a grown adult to go through. You don’t mind being lonely for the rest of your life if you’re successful. There’s a price tag on each decision you make anyway.

“I’ll treat you to lunch every day. I’ll pay.”

You cross your arms, tapping your foot in anticipation. They say the way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. Besides, Jaehyun hates spending his lunch money on himself. This ought to do something.

Jaehyun places his hand in front of his mouth in mock surprise. “Oh no, out of your beloved paycheck? That’s kind of scary, honestly.”

“Jaehyun. Stop messing around. I’m being serious.”

He purses his lips, hesitation across his face. You don’t like the way he thinks, with quiet, lost eyes and no clear giveaways on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll do it.”

You smile in relief though you try somewhat to not let it show on your face. 

“On one condition.”

Your eyes dart across his face, nothing that tells what he might suggest next. You hate when you don’t get to decide on things.

“You have to come visit my family next month and pose as my soulmate—”

“No way.”

“—and when this whole game you’re playing is over, you’re going to say I rejected you.”

You stare at him, weighing the odds. 

“Fine,” you say finally, voice pitched in slight annoyance.

Jaehyun shrugs.

“But I tell my parents that I rejected you. Or they’ll come after you with a task force or something.”

You mutter the last part.

He grimaces, holding his breath for a good few seconds and then letting it go.

“Alright. It’s not like mine and your parents know each other—or will ever meet.”

“Fine then,” you say. “We have an agreement.”

“We have an agreement,” he repeats.

Now, back to more pressing matters. The people in front of you aren’t a stupid lot—even if you've seen Doyoung spend $500 on plush toys, seen Sicheng absentmindedly walk into a desk and pretend to not be in pain for the next five minutes and Soojin somehow convinced a senior to get her coffee because she thought he was an intern (in her defence, it worked). 

The only way is to act through. You clear your throat.

"We… we discovered it last week. Our signs match."

Technically, you drew an arrow with a permanent marker over Jaehyun's tattoo in an attempt to resemble yours. It's not awful, but perhaps not perfect. 

“Discovered? Like just happened to find out?” Doyoung asks.

“Isn’t Jaehyun’s on…” Soojin leans in to whisper hurriedly in your ear. “On his butt? Did you guys sleep together?”

You contort your face in disgust. “The what? What? Who told you that? And no.”

Soojin makes an ‘ah’ sound and leans back. “I should stop listening to office rumours then.”

"You should." You glare at her.

Sicheng is the only one without questions at the tip of his tongue but the look on his face worries you most. 

“I’ve never seen your tattoo, now that I think about it,” he muses, turning to Jaehyun. “Although we’re roommates.”

Jaehyun clears his throat, looking around with shifty eyes. "Why is… why is everyone looking so suspicious?"

"It's just… so sudden," Soojin says, looking around at the others.

"Yeah," Sicheng mutters.

"Soulmate fraud is a big deal too, you know that right?" Doyoung informs. "You could get put in jail."

You throw up your hands in exasperation. "Why would we pretend? We don't have any reason to. And, uh, you're sure about the jail thing?"

You look at Doyoung, hoping your question didn’t come off too squeaky. 

"You’re right,” he says, sighing. “It’s so unlikely for soulmates to work in the same company, let alone the same building.”

“Oh, yes, I’m so lucky,” you mutter under your breath.

Doyoung sighs. "Look, we're happy for you. It's just that… it's a little sudden."

"Literally what I just said," Soojin says.

"Literally what she just said," Doyoung agrees quickly, not wanting to pick a fight. Sometimes you wonder who the real boss is.

"Look, just because we don't even acknowledge each other or find each other remotely attractive or wouldn't even be each other's office Christmas card candidate—"

Jaehyun nudges your side with his elbow and gives you a look that seems a lot like "You're making it worse".

You clear your throat. "That's what happens to most soulmates! You think you're going to land the perfect one and boom. You get a chump from marketing."

Jaehyun makes a sound of protest. "I didn't want a snob from HR either."

The two of you glare at each other, and you find that clenching his jaw makes Jaehyun slightly (around 0.05%) more attractive, or at the very least more bearable to look at.

Doyoung gasps. "Okay, I get it. You're having adjustment issues. I know a guy for that. He's helped every newly found soulmate couple adjust with each other."

"We don't need that," you interrupt, offering your fakest smile.

"You do," Doyoung responds, his smile equally fake. "I'll drive you this weekend if you're free. He’ll give you one free session. No more, because we all know how capitalism works."

People have got to stop copying your fake smile. You wish you could have it copyrighted because after all, it’s the same smile that tricks interviewees into thinking they got the job. It’s not evil if you say it isn’t. You open your mouth, look at Jaehyun doing the same and when you can't come up with an excuse, give up and nod. 

"Don't look so resentful," Doyoung says, tone slightly complaining. "I'm not doing this as your boss. We were friends in college and I'm just doing you a favour. A friendly favour."

Soojin hums in deep thought. "I feel like this is some sort of nepotism."

"I feel like you should open a dictionary once in a while," Doyoung mutters, only to get a vaguely threatening look from Soojin.

"Anyway," Sicheng diverts, eyes curious when he turns to Doyoung. "Why did you call us here?"

"Ah." Doyoung's eyes widen. "I heard promotion rumours."

Sicheng lets out a loud huff of annoyance. "You summoned us here for company gossip?"

Doyoung crosses his arms. “So, you’re not interested?”

“Who said that?” Sicheng responds quickly, leaning in.

The five of you huddle closer in a circle, looking as conspicuous as a cult. 

“You guys know that Jinyoung’s leaving, right?” Doyoung starts.

Soojin gasps audibly only to get a smack on the arm from Doyoung. “Why’s he leaving? He's like employee of the month every month. ”

A few chuckles pass through the group at her discontentment from months of losing out on the title.

“I heard he found his soulmate. Lucky ass gets tax benefits too now,” Sicheng complains. “Why is he leaving?”

“Oh, look who’s interested in gossip now,” Soojin coos.

Sichengs turns red in the face and looks away, clearing his throat. “You’re gonna answer my question, Doyoung?”

“Oh! Right.” Doyoung looks up from a text. “He got rejected by his soulmate.”

Soojin covers her mouth this time when she gasps and you can’t say your jaw doesn’t drop as well. 

“Rejected? Like our picture-perfect Jinyoung got rejected?” you repeat, trying to process the information. “Please don’t tell me he decided to be an idiot and sign a mutual rejection.”

“No, he didn’t lose his senses,” Doyoung responds with a duh undertone. “He’s getting the compensation money.”

You sigh. “Man, I feel bad for him.”

Jaehyun hums in agreement. There’s a hush over the group and you feel fear rise in your chest. You don’t want to be rejected. You’ve seen how happy Dongmin looks with his girlfriend—he’d reject you in a heartbeat. Of course, you could just receive the compensation money from the one-sided rejection and get it over with but you refuse to. It hurts to not be wanted. It hurts to not be wanted by someone who’s supposed to want you. To be specific, it hurts your pride. Every time you see the damn arrowed heart on Dongmin’s wrist, which he tries so hard to cover with his watch, you feel like throwing up. You’re glad yours isn’t as easy to spot—resting right above your hip bone.

“Anyway, someone’s getting promoted to that HR specialist position.”

You gasp. “Is it me? It’s me, right?”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes and you elbow him. “What’s with you?”

“Don’t get too excited,” he says, shrugging. “Isn’t it stupid to get your hopes up over a rumour?”

Doyoung breathes out. “Wow, (name) really sucked the life out of you, Jaehyun.”

You glare at him when Soojin breaks into a fit of laughter. “You- you know what that- you know what that sounds like, right?”

Your face contorts into disgust and you shake your head. “Let’s be more professional, alright, Soojin?”

She clears her throat and straightens her clothes, like a teenager being reprimanded. “I’m your senior. It’s embarrassing when you say that to me.”

Jaehyun speaks up and turns to you. “I think lunch break is almost over.”

You raise an eyebrow. “So?”

“You’re forgetting something.” He smiles, dimples showing, but his eyes come off menacing.

“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. You forgot about that stupid lunch promise. 

“Hey. Professional,” Soojin warns.

You groan and link your arm through Jaehyun’s, making him bite back a smile. What is it with men and getting weirdly happy about lunch?

“We’re gonna go get lunch,” you announce.

“Ooh, (name)’s ditching quality time with coworkers for dates now,” Soojin coos.

You roll your eyes and exit the office, stopping to wait in front of the elevator.

“I think that went well,” Jaehyun says, shrugging lightly.

“Shh. What if they hear us?”

“Do you think they’re X-men? We’re a long corridor and closed doors away.”

You huff, crossing your arms. “Still…”

Jaehyun’s smug smile makes you want to smack it right off and this isn’t the first time you’ve felt this way with him. You swear he’s not as bad as some of the guys you’ve met but Jaehyun is simply annoying. An A grade nuisance. You can trust him though. If Soojin says he’s a reliable guy, you’ll believe her—she doesn’t bluff when it comes to seeing right through men, though she does have a tendency to believe stupid rumours.

“Your acting was shit though,” you snipe.

Jaehyun lets out a low sardonic laugh. “At least I was subtle when I was messing up.”

You cross your arms and huff. “You know what? You can take the next elevator ride.”

“Huh?”

You step into the elevator just as the doors open and quickly jam your finger to the close doors button. The look of betrayal on Jaehyun’s face is subtle but it’s enough to satisfy you. As the saying goes, when one door closes, another one opens—it’s very applicable to elevators. He can take the other one.

However, almost immediately after, the elevator doors open and you groan, opening your mouth to send a sarcastic congratulations to Jaehyun for pressing the button on time.

Your words hitch on your tongue. Dongmin greets the two of you with a smile, standing beside Jaehyun, who has his eyes averted from you.

“Hey,” Dongmin greets. “Congratulations. I heard the news.”

“Thanks,” you croak, clearing your throat with a bit of heat on your cheeks. Jaehyun looks like he might burst into a fit of laughter any moment and you shoot him a subtle glare.

“Where are you headed to?” You ask.

“Oh, I’m going to grab a sandwich from the cafeteria.”

“We’re also headed to the cafeteria,” Jaehyun declares, with a smile that’s almost devilish.

“No, we’re not,” you say quickly, making Dongmin raise an eyebrow. You hold back a groan. If only Dongmin weren’t raised to be the politest man you know and a little bit more of an asshole. 

You hum and turn to Jaehyun. “I told you about that new cafe. Remember, honey?”

Dongmin makes an ‘o’ with his mouth. “Nicknames, already? Ah, I’m so jealous. It must be great to get along with your soulmate.”

Oh, the sweet summer child that Dongmin is.

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “Oh, won’t it take too long, darling? We have—”

He makes a show of checking his Rolex, a gift he received from his superior that he spares no chance to flex.

“—Around ten minutes left.”

You hold back a groan and plaster on your smile. “Come on. Now is the best time.”

“That sounds like a load of—”

You elbow Jaehyun hard in the gut and a restrained sound dies in his throat, eyes widening in the sweet look of discomfort taking over his features. You smile triumphantly and turn to Dongmin with an immediate change of expression.

“I’ll see you in office later,” you say, bowing slightly.

Dongmin nods and gets off on the fifth floor. You watch in quiet relief as the elevator door closes and turn to your dear companion, irked.

“Did you have to do that?” Jaehyun asks, voice raspy with pain.

“You deserved it. Don’t you dare make this a bigger mess than it already is.”

“You came up with it.” Jaehyun straightens, finally. Apart from the few loose strands of his neatly parted hair, he doesn’t seem all that disgruntled.

“And we’re going to set some ground rules,” you declare, closing your arms.

Jaehyun straightens to his full height, the space between the two of you diminishing. 

"Okay," he agrees. "Then we both get a say in it. It's a contract, after all."

"Fine. First rule, no being weird around Dongmin."

Jaehyun chuckles. "I think you need to be more careful about that than I do."

You pat his cheek. "Focus. Just don't- don't be around him for too long."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "Why are you so uncomfortable around him? I thought you were doing this because you didn't want to reject him."

You glance away, feeling uncomfortable. "It doesn't matter. I just don't want him to know."

Jaehyun hums. "Fine. My turn. No calling me a chump."

Your cheeks puff up as you try to contain your laughter. "It bothered you that much, huh?"

Jaehyun furrows his brows. "No one's ever called me that before. It's always 'oh my god, he's so handsome, who is he?' or 'ooh, I might faint from how hot he is'."

You giggle. "Alright, handsome."

Jaehyun exhales, his puffed cheeks making him look like a resentful five year old instead of a grown man with a professional job. You pause before you get back on track.

“No nicknames,” you blurt. “It’s weird when you call me something endearing. And your flirting feels kind of threatening.”

“What do you mean, baby?”

“See! You’re doing it again.” You cross your arms at the look on his face; anything close to victorious over Jaehyun’s features is unbearable to you.

He raises his arms in exasperation. “How are we supposed to make this work if we act like we don’t care about each other. Guess why Doyoung’s taking us to couple therapy?”

You huff, slightly pissed off. “You’re saying it was my fault?”

“I’m saying we could have avoided that with better acting.”

“You think you’re so—”

The elevator door opens with a ding on the first floor and you turn to find a bunch of interns back from their lunch break. It would be much less of an awkward affair if you and Jaehyun weren’t well into each other’s personal spaces, noses almost touching and with a mutual glare which could be easily mistaken for a look of something more sensual. You jump away from Jaehyun and leave the elevator as fast as you can, feeling far too conscious of yourself. With long strides, you exit the corporate airs of the building to a sunny, fairly populous sidewalk. 

Jaehyun catches up to you, bending and trying to catch a glimpse of your face with an incredulous smile over his.

“Don’t say a word, Yoonoh.”

“Ooh, you’re saying my name now.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“I find it plenty funny.”

“That’s because of your trash sense of humour.”

“Mhm.”

“Don’t look so smug.”

Mondays are the days that make you want to scream in agony, not Thursdays—though they are pretty high up on the worst days of the week list. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe pretending to be in love with someone you simply cannot be in love with is an awful idea. 

Soulmates don’t need to be in love with each other, you think to yourself. There’s plenty of soulmates who are just in it for the financial benefits; you can just pretend to be one of them. This dilemma is starting to fray your nerves and Jung Yoonoh, with his lax disposition and dimpled cheeks, is making it worse. And to top it off, you now have to take him to your favourite (kind of secret) cafe in the name of the lies that slipped your tongue. It was supposed to be a quiet comfort spot for you.

You blow a puff of air out and dismiss the thought. Comfort spots aren’t real anyway when you’re all grown. There’s bound to be a breach. 

However, you will not let the (lacking) romance department of your life get sorted out by someone who doesn’t even know you. Lady luck would be an acquaintance to you at most. If fate is a game of chance after all, you might as well be the one spinning the roulette. You look at Jaehyun, piecing together the perfect plan for this seemingly frivolous play-pretend. The game is in your hands now. 

You blink at the figure of Jung Yoonoh under February sunlight on a modestly busy sidewalk. It’s not something to be surprised at—however, the stark contrast in attire makes you stare longer than you intend to. Wearing a black graphic hoodie and pair of worn out jeans, Jaehyun looks about as casual as you can bear. It’s always weird to see coworkers out of formal clothing.

“Are you just going to stare at me till Doyoung comes and picks us up?” he asks. 

You roll your eyes. 

“You look nice,” he says, and you glance down at your outfit with a flush of heat over your cheeks. It’s just a short A-line skirt, stockings and a sweatshirt. This is as basic as you get. What’s worse is that his comment didn’t sound sarcastic.

“You- You look nice too. I guess.” Once in a while, you will say something extremely stupid and pretend it never happened. The frequency increases around Jaehyun for some damn reason.

“You guess? I’m pretty sure I look more than nice.”

“And how long did you look at yourself in the mirror and practise catchphrases this time?”

Jaehyun’s ears turn the shade of cherries and you press down your smile. You knew that time you caught him talking to himself in front of a car window would play to your advantage. 

“What’s that you’re holding?” you ask, eyeing the plastic bag he’s holding.

“Ginseng,” he answers, staring blankly at the cars passing by. “I heard the couples therapist is in his sixties so he might find it useful.”

“Oh, old people stuff,” you muse quietly. “That’s quite thoughtful of you.”

You should’ve brought something, you think for a moment before realizing that couples probably don’t give separate gifts. 

“Thanks,” you mutter.

He raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

You shake your head. “Anyway, we might as well kill some time. Twenty questions. Let’s go.”

He laughs. “What are we, in college?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Don’t make us sound like we’re thirty. I bet you’re the kind of guy who has his retirement plan figured out.”

“Wrong,” he emphasizes, face leaning closer. 

“Fine. I’ll start the questions, you unsalted block of butter. How many relationships have you been in?”

Jaehyun opens his mouth and closes it, ears turning red. “That’s your first question?”

You roll your eyes. “Okay. I’m guessing it’s single digit and on the lower side.”

He rolls his eyes. “How many relationships have you been in?”

You shut your mouth. There’s a moment of silence, a breeze passing you by, carrying winter away in its arms to make room for spring. 

“Never found a relationship worth it,” you mutter, glancing away. 

Jaehyun hesitates before opening his mouth. “Me neither.”

“Good thing for us, eh? Love makes people crazy.”

Jaehyun faces you with a clipped smile. Never did you think Jaehyun from marketing would be relating to you on a personal matter.

“Oh, but I’ve had enough hookups and I can bet you’re mediocre at best in bed.” 

Jaehyun glares at you. “I am not and I can prove it to you.”

“Is that an invitation into your bed? No, thanks.”

He opens his mouth to retort but is interrupted by the Hyundai Grandeur pulling up to the sidewalk and rolling down the driver window to reveal Doyoung. He looks as overworked as usual, but his eyes are more tired, a bit of makeup covering the dark circles. You’ve heard his soulmate is a makeup artist for an idol group and wonder how they even came to be. Does fate throw darts randomly and pick its choice?

“Get in. Quick,” Doyoung instructs. “I have to drop you off and head home. My family is visiting. I didn’t even get a warning and they think I’m in a gay relationship with Taeyong because we still have our friendship rings from college.”

You want to laugh and agree but Doyoung looks rather pissed off so you hold it in. The two of you do as told, getting in the backseat and shutting the doors in sync. The car smells rather leafy mingling with the scent of fresh clothes and you eye the jar dangling from the rear-view mirror. You open your mouth to ask what scent that is when Doyoung’s voice rings out.

“What’s that?” Doyoung signals to the bag with Jaehyun.

Jaehyun looks down. “Ginseng extract.”

“Oh, the gift pack?” Doyoung asks. 

Jaehyun nods and Doyoung chuckles, shaking his head. “If that’s for Mr. Lee, forget it. He hates gifts. Something about inward appreciation and shit.”

Jaehyun groans, massaging his forehead. “What do I do with this then? Is this guy a priest?”

“Give it to Doyoung,” you suggest. “His family’s visiting.”

You hear an audible hum of approval from the driver seat and turn to Jaehyun making a face of reluctance. Maybe he isn’t so magnanimous after all, you think smiling.

“You’re both quite tame today,” Doyoung remarks, just when the silence is starting to swallow the inside of the car. “Makes me wonder if you need Mr. Lee after all.”

“We actually don’t…” You shake your head. “We’re here and it’s free so why not?”

Jaehyun shoots you a questioning look. It’s not like you can cancel when you’re in Doyoung’s car and already on the way. You’ve known your boss long enough to know the wrong answer to his questions. You look outside at Seoul streets and sigh. 

Jaehyun looks at you, your focus elsewhere and wishes this would end already. He has no idea what overcame him to accept your ridiculous offer but he must be just as ridiculous. At the very least, he finds you quite lovely to look at—not that he’d ever admit it to you. The foundation to this weird bickering friendship (if he can call it that) would be ruined by that. His ego, however, has been boosted up a few notches from the fact that you called him for help. He looks outside the window, holding back a smile. It’s a sunny day.

The therapist, Mr. Lee’s office building is a fancy one with an even fancier lobby. Baby pink leather couches cushion your bum nicely as you wait for your appointment. The architecture is that of a corporate firm and you feel quite at home with the large glass walls by the revolving door. This therapist guy must be rich as hell. The receptionist wears a formal uniform; her blouse is light pink with a grey pencil skirt and you like the look of it. You wonder if asking her where she bought it is time-appropriate. More couples sit around you and you, unfortunately, have to scoot closer to Jaehyun as a result. You do not want to catch that disease they all have. Why are they even here for therapy if they’re smiling at each other in that sickly enamored way? 

Now that you’re here, you’re starting to feel that this arrangement was ill-decisive. You should’ve done a better job of acting. You wonder if you can get a refund for that college course on acting, pouting as the ticking wall clock gets on your nerves. Even the marble floors are pink; the walls are mahogany red and there’s a heart-shaped wall clock, and should you glance around more, you’re going to nauseate yourself. This guy certainly takes his job seriously—or just really likes pink-red themes.

A woman in her early thirties exits the elevator and announces your names, and you click your tongue at the fact that she used Jung for your surname. It sounds distasteful. 

You follow her, starting to get nervous. You really hope this Mr. Lee isn’t as good as Doyoung says he is. Your fraud falling apart within three days is too embarrassing a defeat, not to mention bordering on illegal if found out. What the fuck does the government care about broken hearts and beneficial relationships? It’s so nosy. You understand the financial situation in case of happily bonded soulmates but apart from that, there really shouldn’t be this much discrepancy in the name of love.

Love drives people crazy. You’d rather not lose your good sense in the name of something so inane. After all, money makes the world go around, not love. 

Restricting a gag at the deep red heart on the door, you push them open with Jaehyun to find an old man sitting on a similar baby pink couch as in the lobby. He gets up to greet the two of you, the wrinkles on his face deepening when he smiles. Despite everything, he has a sort of grace to him, the one that comes with growing old elegantly. An upbeat song plays on a record player attached to the wall, although at a very low volume, and the tune reminds you of Animal Crossing. 

“Doyoung told me about the two of you,” Mr. Lee says, gesturing at the two of you to sit down. “How long has it been since you found out?”

“Six days,” you answer at the same time Jaehyun answers, “Four days”.

The two of you look at each other.

“Four-Six days. We didn’t keep track.”

“Ah,” Mr. Lee says. “How do you propose to celebrate your anniversary?”

You hesitate opening your mouth and declaring that you don’t really need to do that crap. Mr. Lee notices your expression and breaks into gentle laughter. 

“I’m kidding. Anniversary dates don’t matter,” he laughs. “It’s okay to celebrate your 100-day on the wrong day. Don’t worry.”

You purse your lips. To your dismay, Jaehyun isn’t as bothered by the sickly pink environment and Mr. Lee’s relaxed demeanour.

“I have a hundred percent success rate,” Mr. Lee assures the two of you, looking directly at you.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” you mutter under your breath and get a nudge from Jaehyun, who has his politest smile on.

You can’t believe Jaehyun has a better customer service mode than you do. If you didn’t know him, you’d be fooled into thinking he’s the nice guy character every office has. Unfortunately, that one goes to Dongmin. You hate getting stuck with nice guys (unless they offer financial stability).

“I think Doyoung might have been exaggerating,” Jaehyun explains calmly. “Whatever he told you.”

“He told me the two of you have a bickering problem. And staring at each other when the other isn’t looking.”

You cough. “That is not true. The staring part.”

Jaehyun narrows his eyes at you. “I knew you were checking me out,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes. “Keep dreaming, Jaehyun.”

Mr. Lee laughs. “Your bickering seems to be quite affectionate. I don’t know what that boy was worried about.”

You press your lips together into a thin smile, annoyed that anyone would ever describe your interaction with a man as affectionate. It makes you feel like an idiot. You were always better off alone—the universe was wrong to assign Dongmin to you. Maybe you needed to see the apparent love of your life clearly in love with someone else to snap you to reality.

“However, what is a playful lover’s fight in the beginning can turn into real fights.”

“Right,” you mutter. “It’s all fun and games in the beginning.”

“The two of you have almost no animosity—you’ve known each other before you discovered the soulmark, right?”

The two of you nod, having already reconciled yourselves to this session. It’s a one-time thing, you tell yourself. It will be over soon.

“The soulmate information shouldn’t influence the relationship you already had. If anything, it should be drawing you closer. First time awkwardness is common.”

He’s starting to sound a lot like your high school sex ed teacher. You get the idea to pretend to be sick and get out of this early.

“Company policy too,” Jaehyun mutters. “Unofficial company policy makes office romance out to be some sort of sacrilege.”

“You know, I was the CEO of your company so I do know the policies,” Mr. Lee says, smiling in the confident, reserved way senior citizens offering wisdom do. 

You choke on the water you were taking a sip of, a coughing fit overcoming you and Jaehyun hesitates before awkwardly patting your back.

“Huh? CEO? I’m sorry?” you manage. 

Mr. Lee lets out a loud, hearty laugh. “I stepped down two years ago.”

“That’s when I joined,” you and Jaehyun say at the same time.

Mr. Lee smiles at the two of you wordlessly. “I have an idea for the two of you. Why don’t you try turning your ‘I’s into ‘we’s? Do some activities together and when you talk about it, you’ll find yourself much closer.”

You narrow your eyes. “You know, Mr. Lee, I’m a little curious about your relation with the company—”

“My recommendations won’t help you get promotions faster.”

“Dammit.”

Jaehyun chuckles beside you but a glare from you turns it into a suppressed smile. The one thing that wouldn’t be a waste of time opened its door and closed it right back. 

“But you know how promotions work,” you press, leaning forward.

An alarm rings, so pleasant in tone that you know it’s a Samsung. Unfortunately, it’s the ugly flip model and you question Mr. Lee’s taste (and wealth).

“Oh, look, time’s up,” Mr. Lee announces, and you think you catch a hint of nervousness in his voice. 

Jaehyun springs up before his ears turn red, embarrassed by the gusto with which he himself got up and looks at you expectantly. You get up, sighing.

“Next time, Mr. Lee,” you warn. “I will get those details.”

“I charge by the hour.” He smiles.

“Stop threatening the therapist,” Jaehyun mutters to you, taking your arm and turning to leave.

“Oh, and,” Mr. Lee calls. “It’s always better to be honest than to pretend.”

You blink in surprise when Jaehyun tugs at your arm, bowing in thanks and leaving the room with you.

“Was it just me or did he see through us?” you whisper to Jaehyun.

He shakes his head, whispering back, “There’s no way he could tell. He’s probably referring to something else.”

“Like what?”

Jaehyun doesn’t answer.

“Tell me, are you always so domineering towards strangers even?” he asks. “I just thought you liked to press my buttons because I’m easygoing.”

You scoff. “Don’t flatter yourself. You’re not as cool as you think you are, especially since you get so hot and bothered by me.”

“It’s just you,” he whispers earnestly and your pulse rises. “No one else.”

You cough to kill the awkward silence and walk faster to the elevator. Jaehyun follows at a leisurely pace and it’s never occurred to you before but the sound of someone’s footsteps can also be annoying, proof currently standing beside you.

The elevator doors open, and much to your appallment, a young couple happens to be full blown making out inside the elevator, hands where there certainly shouldn’t be in broad daylight. Jaehyun whips his face away, clearing his throat loud enough for the couple to detach themselves from each other and hurriedly exit, fixing their clothes on the way.

“So he wasn’t lying about the success rate,” Jaehyun states quietly, a look of resigned horror on his face.

You can’t even respond for a few moments, following him into the elevator and shaking your head to get rid of the thought that inevitably jams itself inside your head. It might have a point, however.

"Maybe we should kiss too," you think out loud.

Jaehyun stiffens, looking at you with wide, fearful eyes. "No."

"We have to kiss, we're dating!" You exclaim, hands on your hips.

"We're not actually—ah, whatever. It’s not worth bickering with you."

"Why? Afraid you'll fall in love with me?”

Jaehyun shakes his head, and you’re suddenly aware that your bickering keeps drawing you closer to each other, your faces nearer than you’d realized.

"If anything," he starts with a confident smile. "You better not fall in love with me."

"Oh, please. You're taking this way too seriously."

"You're the one that wants to kiss me."

Your cheeks heat up. "You're- I- That's not—argh, fuck you."

Jaehyun looks smug, and you have the unstoppable urge to punch it off his face. You take a deep breath. Violence is not the way, (name).

“If we were a few years younger, you’d be begging for mercy under me,” you seethe.

Jaehyun’s eyes shift over your face in confusion, ears burning bright red with each passing second. Before he can open his mouth, you let out a short yell.

“Not like that, you pervert,” you say, leaning away from him. 

“I didn’t even say anything. On an unrelated note, were you a delinquent in school?”

You roll your eyes. “Kind of. I had a temper and a sharp tongue.”

“And now you’re a people pleaser. That’s quite the development.”

You smack his shoulder. “You’re getting on my nerves, punk.”

He makes an ‘oh’ with his mouth before smiling. “You totally did the delinquent accent.”

“I’m guessing you were the shy, little boy who flushed red at conversations about kissing.”

Jaehyun clears his throat in annoyance. “I was not. I was quite popular in high school and college, you know?”

“Yeah,” you mutter. “It’s that face of yours.”

“Sorry, what? I didn’t catch that.”

“Oh, look, we’re on the first floor.” You exit the elevator, leaving a puzzled Jaehyun to follow in stumbling steps.

“I don’t think Doyoung’s picking us up,” you state. “You take the bus? Or do you have a car to flex? I don’t ride in anything below a Tesla, unless it’s Doyoung because he’s technically my boss.”

“You’ll have to do with good old rented Hyundais,” he answers.

You exhale. Maybe he’s getting used to you. The bus stop is opposite the building, the structure squeaky clean and a bunch of people waiting on the seats. It’s a busy place and you wonder if the scammy-therapist-slash-your-former-ceo’s business has anything to do with that. You sit the first chance you get, shoulders pressed against Jaehyun’s for the lack of space and admiring the passing traffic. Seoul really just depends on the lenses you see through. Work days make the screen tinted grey and blue and you hate them often but some days, it’s good to experience those. Weekends are brighter, sunny and usually not with Jaehyun but he doesn’t really put a damper on them either.

You scan his side profile, a little envious when you realize that his confidence isn’t misplaced. You might have trained yourself to be more of a pleaser over the years but he’s the sort of person people come to like naturally. Moreover, his skin is perfect and his hair is always looking styled even in a mess. Fate and Life are partners in crime when it comes to being unfair.

Jaehyun turns to look at you and you snap your head to your lap, turning on your phone and staring at the homescreen for a good few seconds.

“Twenty questions,” Jaehyun announces. “Let’s play again. I’ll go first. Do you check me out when I walk away?”

“What is this, playing my own cards against me?” You scoff. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“So, yes or no?”

“Sometimes,” you mutter. “But it’s not the good kind of checking out. I’m checking out how terrible you look with your mess of a tie.”

Jaehyun laughs, the sound a hearty rumbling sort and you can’t help but smile back at that. It’s kind of cute when he laughs—the sound of it and the way his cheeks are dusted pink.

“My turn,” you say with a cheeky smile as you lean in to whisper. “Have you ever had a wet dream about me?”

Jaehyun chokes on air, coughing out the surprise as he stares at you dumfound. You stick the tip of your tongue out and throw him a wink, thoroughly enjoying this victory against him. It feels great to fluster someone like Jaehyun.

“No,” he says with clear emphasis. 

“Even the night you said I was so unbearably hot very loudly to Sicheng?”

Jaehyun leans back sighing, covering his face with his hand. “I was tipsy. And it was my first night out with coworkers. Give me a break.”

You giggle. “Honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were worse incidents that night. An intern threw up on Doyoung’s shoes—I can’t even imagine the horror the poor girl experienced.”

Jaehyun shakes his head, smiling through his hand. 

“Have you ever sent nudes?” you ask, wiggling your eyebrows.

He sighs. “Maybe. Have you?”

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?”

He curls his lips. The answer seems to be no but you’re at least seventy percent sure he would be attracted to you in a world where your personality traits weren’t being nosy and annoying.

“Do you think you’re a good kisser?” Jaehyun asks, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

“Definitely.”

He scoffs, a smile tugging at his lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You cross your arms.

He shrugs, leaning in slightly as though flirting (if he had the audacity). “We could test that.”

You feel your cheeks heat up. “What happened to no kissing in the contract?”

“It’s not officially there.”

You roll your eyes, glancing away. “You know, I’m starting to believe you were some sort of desperate fuckboy in college.”

“I- I was the hottest dude on campus and if we went to the same college, you would be pining after me. I literally had the Campus Prince title and girls would follow me to see me in class.”

He crosses his arms, a frown tugging down his lips.

“Ooh, Jung Yoonoh’s getting fired up,” you say in a monotonous voice. “Wonder how many girls you pulled with your chewed up fuckboy dialogue.”

Jaehyun scoffs but he clearly finds your accusations amusing, as hinted by his unbothered smile. He asks a question again.

“What’s more important to you—truth or happiness?” 

The question catches you off-guard. Jaehyun’s eyes are delicately curious, nothing too strong and even so, you find yourself holding your breath under his gaze.

“Huh?”

“Twenty questions. We were playing?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“Right.” You clear your throat, rubbing the back of your hand. “I… I’d choose happiness, I think. I’m… I’m not sure.”

“Really?” He doesn’t look too hellbent on taking apart your answer so you breathe out. He’s starting to pry into you finally. “I think the truth will make you happier.”

“That’s not- that’s not always true.” You look away, hoping the quietness of your voice ends the conversation there. You don’t know how to talk about it—you never really have. You’ve ugly cried over the lack of your love life to a stranger after five shots of whiskey but you don’t think you can talk about things like this sober. You don’t even know why you answered. Jaehyun makes you feel oddly comfortable.

Jaehyun shrugs, getting up when the next bus halts in front. 

“What did you major in?” you ask, following him.

“Business,” he answers before thinking. “Kind of hated it. But I started out with IT and that was somehow worse.”

You gasp, taking a seat beside him on the bus. “I started with IT too! It was a nightmare. You took that Database Management course?”

Jaehyun smiles. “It was like the course equivalent of reading the back of a Wi-Fi Router.”

You laugh. Maybe he isn’t so different after all. 

“You know, you do look like a business major,” you hum, furrowing your brows as you pretend to scrutinise him.

“So, you’re indirectly saying I either look like a rich kid or a jackass.” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow.

“They’re both the same thing.”

The laughter from the two of you makes an old woman behind you grunt in displeasure and the two of you apologize. It’s nice to talk like college kids again. The Seoul sunlight shines on Jaehyun’s face and you bite back a smile when his dimples appear. They aren’t all that bad. If you get along like this, there’s no reason to worry about fate and the universe and other superfluous things offered to you on a boring old ceramic plate. It’s a smooth ride.

Your eyes drift to Dongmin’s workspace instinctively and you shake your head. This is exactly why you were avoiding him and even started the entire fake relationship with Jaehyun. You’d choose fake dating a (good-looking) chump from management over embarrassment and possible heartbreak any day.

You groan internally before glancing again and find the desk empty. Surprised, you blink and turn only to scream at Dongmin’s figure behind you.

“Shh!” he says urgently. “Don’t move. And don’t panic when I say this but there’s a bug on your shoulder.”

“What the fuck? Get it off, please,” you say, voice choking up.

Dongmin rolls up a stack of papers and you let out a low screech. “Don’t kill it on my shoulder!”

“Sorry,” he says and your eyes soften as he gently pushes the paper against your shoulder and takes it away. You breathe a sigh of relief and he signs you a thumbs up as he wiggles the paper in the air outside the window. 

“You saved me,” you say, smiling.

He returns it, his most beloved eye smile making you wonder if you made the right choice. Wouldn’t it be fun to just crash everything and watch it burn? You know you want to. Benevolence and grace were never your style. However, it’s his smile again that stops you. Maybe you don’t really want to be the bad guy after all. You’re sparing him from confusion and dread.

You’re sparing yourself from rejection and inevitable loneliness (yay).

It’s been a week, discussing details with Jaehyun before the both of you collectively decided to just wing it and hope you’re not caught. After all, there’s no real way to prove you’re not soulmates if you’re careful enough (the same way you can’t prove someone’s cheating if they’re careful enough but that’s quite a depressing analogy). Perhaps if you renounce the soulmate benefits (and Dongmin didn’t smile as often at you), it would be less morally taxing. You, however, are greedy. When you want something, you’ll do anything to get it.

You stare at the computer screen and sigh, cross checking the employee records for incorrect data and your eyelids start to droop. Of all the days, you just had to be assigned the most boring task on a Friday. You also should’ve gotten sleep instead of getting mad at Jaehyun’s dry responses to your plan of action. It was perfectly viable; unnecessary, but perfect nonetheless.

Soojin rolls her chair backwards into yours. “We’re going drinking tonight. Wanna come? You can bring your boy-toy too.”

You roll your eyes. “As much as I’d love to call him that, he’s still the chump from marketing for me.”

“Or,” Soojin emphasizes. “Your actual soulmate. How lucky is it that you work in the same building, in the same company?”

“I’m not sure if you’re being ironic.” You scroll through the database with trained eyes.

“I’m not. A lot of soulmates don’t even get to see each other because of their line of work. It’s so tragic.”

You’d be glad if you didn’t get to see Dongmin ever too. But you’ll keep that to yourself. You hum in response and hear a sigh from behind you.

“Let’s have fun,” she whines. “Is Jaehyun that much of a downer? He’s one of the hottest dudes in the building. I thought you’d be cheery.”

You pause and think to yourself. She does have a point. You’re definitely supposed to look happier. Your soulmate has the looks of a model and fifteen year old you would fawn over him no doubt.

“It’s the work,” you answer. “I’m working overtime to compensate for my rent.”

You work overtime anyway because you hate heading home to an empty apartment. 

“Ah, you signed a new lease, right? Near Songpa?” Soojin looks at you with pity and pats your shoulder. “You know what? I’ll treat you to drinks tonight. You deserve a day off, missy.”

You smile. “Thanks, Soojin.”

“And,” she adds in a singsong voice. “The love of your life is here.”

You furrow your eyebrows before tilting your head and almost sighing in exasperation at the figure of Jung Yoonoh outside the glass door. He may not show it, but you know distress when you see it. You’ve seen enough squirming undergraduates at company interviews. 

You quickly get up from your seat, praying that he didn’t mess something up. However, you find it cute when he looks like this, the urge to fluster him even more presenting itself to be rather tempting.

“I think you have a sick obsession with me, Jaehyun.” You cross your arms after closing the door behind you.

He exhales, closing his eyes for a moment before taking your arm and pulling you away from the door. 

“Woah, this isn’t high school. You can’t just pull me into a corner to make out.”

Jaehyun’s ears flare hot red and he clears his throat. “You’re in high spirits today.”

You weren’t, actually. Somehow, teasing Jaehyun gives you the same rush as caffeine. You just love when the nonchalance on his face turns into discomposure.

“I came to give Doyoung these files. Or you, since you’re practically his assistant.”

You ignore his comment. “There’s clearly something else.”

“The team sports event is coming up,” Jaehyun starts, hesitating. “I’m not managing it this year. I have to participate.”

“So?”

“So Dongmin has a higher chance of finding us out. What if he sees my mark in the changing room and it all goes to shit?”

“Great! He’ll think you’re his soulmate and I’ll be spared from this nonsense.”

“I’m being serious. It’s already difficult living with Sicheng and having to change with my doors locked. It’s kind of suspicious.”

“Do you guys sleep naked with each other or what?”

“No, but I do sleep with my shirt off.”

“Ugh. Why would you give me that image?” you complain. The image isn’t bad per se but it’s not what you need right now.

“You clearly liked it,” he mutters. 

You furrow your eyebrows. “You’re not doing this just to give me a load of unnecessary anxiety, are you? Do you know how swamped with work I am?”

“No, of course not,” he answers, no indication of which question he answered. “Also, is there a reason Soojin’s glaring at me?”

You wave your hand in dismissal. “It’s just the haven’t-warmed-up-to-coworker’s-new-boyfriend glare. Don’t worry about it.”

He doesn’t seem too relieved but you have more anxious thoughts invading the privacy of your Friday evening. You have to keep up your composure. It could happen one way or another, perhaps in a situation better than a team sports activity, but you have to figure it out. You reject your soulmate anyway—the same way he would.

Glaring at Jaehyun one last time, you get back to your desk. Jaehyun looks at your receding figure and finds himself checking you out, the largest blow he’s taken to his dignity. He shakes his head, breathing in and out. This is so not like him. He’s supposed to be the suave, handsome guy who people can’t seem to get to and yet—yet, you do it so easily. It’s unfair. He swallows his heart and tells himself he’s too old to feel this way. He’ll just drown himself in work and pretend love is a commodity like everyone else with a corporate job is supposed to. 

“You know,” Soojin starts when you get back. “Jaehyun kind of looks high if you look at him long enough. Weed is illegal though but who knows? Maybe he’s a bad boy deep down after all.”

“Which rumour have you been paying attention to now?” You sigh deeply.

Soojin laughs. “It’s funny to hear everyone’s opinions. Even if most of them turn into scandalous tall tales.”

“Anyway,” she continues. “I’m clocking out. I’ll get Jaehyun to take you to the sake bar.”

You look at her, puzzled.

“You’re a matching set now,” she follows up and you groan.

“Don’t give me that cr—”

“Toodle-oo! Let’s have some fun before we’re grey and old, eh?”

You sigh and nod. Maybe you should look into a caffeine fix, even if it costs you a mental power outage at the end of the rush. It’s not like you to be so down on a Friday but alas, Fate is as miserable a woman as you are. The sake bar is starting to sound good.

Or, you could always watch a few ASMR cooking videos instead of staring blankly at the employee records. Either way, this Friday better improve by tonight.

“This is going great,” Soojin says, louder than she probably intended after her fourth shot.

“Of course it is,” you mutter. 

You haven’t yet had a chance to drink more because of two reasons: one) Soojin is hogging the alcohol and two) it would be embarrassing to get drunk in front of Jaehyun. Adding to your misery, Soojin has been gushing over her soulmate and the way she always makes breakfast for Soojin, listing off every single recipe she’s made. You would love to listen but you’re a tiny bit past your limit.

“Wooh, Jaehyun, you look hot,” Soojin whistles, in more of an older sister manner. “I can almost see your tattoo. Why don’t the two of you show us at the same time and we can take a commemorative picture?”

You cough loudly. “Mine’s on my waist, Soojin. I’m not ready to expose skin.”

“Right. Sorry.” She turns back at lightning speed to bother Dongmin with her stories, who smiles at her politely. It seems so genuine that you’re slightly enamored with it for a moment. There’s Jungwoo from marketing beside him, some more HR employees and thankfully, no interns. Doyoung is the only one partly miserable in the lot, talking into the phone for half an hour now. 

“Shit.” Jaehyun nudges you and whispers, “I forgot about the tattoo. This T-shirt makes it very visible.”

You look at him, alarmed. You fix his jacket, startling him, and pull the zipper all the way to his neck, making sure to backhand him on the chin.

“There.”

“It’s hot in here.”

“What do you want me to do about it? God, you’re like a child.”

“I’m like a—okay. Just cover my tattoo with foundation or something.”

“You think I carry around a whole bottle of foundation?”

Jaehyun blinks, deeming it safer to keep his mouth shut. 

“Okay. Fine. I have an idea. Come to the washroom with me.”

“Oh my, this isn’t your making out in the corner type of thing, right?”

You glare at him and he shuts up, following you quietly to the surprisingly clean restroom. The fact that it isn’t gendered makes you very glad. You make Jaehyun sit on the low enough basin counter and push your knee against it to balance yourself as you take out a permanent marker from your bag.

“I hope Doyoung doesn’t fire me for sneaking away,” you mutter angrily. “He didn’t even make me receive his calls all day.”

Jaehyun scoffs lightly. “Please, Doyoung adores you and your work ethic. He talks about it more than what I need to overhear. That and Taeyong’s detailed aquarium maintenance rules.”

“He does?”

Jaehyun clears his throat and you hold back bombing him with more questions till you’re done with painting an arrow into his tattoo.

“Isn’t it weird?” He looks at you with round, curious eyes. “Yours is a heart. Mine’s a pierced heart.”

“Hm. Funny coincidence.”

“Do you have to sit on my lap for this?”

“I’m not sitting on your lap,” you hiss. You are kind of close. You train your eyes on his collarbone as you pull his neckline down. 

It would be so embarrassing to be caught like this. You’d rather be caught making out with someone in the broom closet. You hold back a pained sigh. Jaehyun has some nerve speaking to you when you’re already annoyed with him. Couldn’t he just have worn his business attire? Why does he get to go home early? Taeyong is far too lenient a boss. You start swearing internally, getting nervous when you think about the consequences of your actions.

“Has anyone ever filed a complaint against you?” Jaehyun asks, and you nudge his chin upwards to draw the line on his tattoo.

“For what? Being perfect and successful?”

“For that attitude. The ‘take what I want’ attitude.”

You roll your eyes. “No. You’re saying it like I’m awful to the core for trying to take what I want. I haven’t got such a bad soul, you know, as souls go. You wouldn't write articles about how good a soul it is but… it’s well enough.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow and you avert your gaze from his eyes. This sort of proximity shouldn’t be bothering you, you shouldn’t be rambling.

The door opens right then and in a fit of panic, you do the unthinkable. You press your lips to Jaehyun’s and pray that whoever walked in has no idea who you are and more importantly, can’t see the permanent marker in your hand. 

“I’m so sorry!”

You know that voice. You half regret it when you hear it. Dongmin exits the bathroom as quickly as he entered and you pull away to look at the empty space. Beside you, Jaehyun stays so still that you forget he’s there for a moment. You breathe out in relief though part of you still feels a heavy ounce of regret.

You turn back to Jaehyun and find his doe eyes soft and lost in thought.

“I get it now,” Jaehyun whispers. “It must hurt. That he doesn’t care about the system.”

“What are you talking about?”

“That he’s so reckless about discarding you.”

You separate yourself from him further, standing up and brushing your clothes. “You’re overstepping.”

“Sorry,” he responds quietly. 

There’s a pause.

“Did you just kiss me right now?”

“Shut up. I didn’t want him to see us and especially this.” You wave the marker in front of his face.

“You just kissed me in a fit of panic. That’s the first time I’ve seen someone respond to panic this way.” Jaehyun looks a little too smug.

“What are you implying?” 

“You wanted to kiss me.”

You scoff. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself.” 

You want to knock the smile right off his face but you stick to flicking his forehead, his yell of surprise satisfying. This Friday night was supposed to get better. In fact, you are going to make it better if life won’t. The soju won’t drink itself and you deem that Soojin has had enough. 

Ignoring Dongmin’s confused look, you order far too many soju shots to be considered healthy. As you promised yourself, you are going to make this Friday better.

//

You just had to go and get drunk. Jaehyun stares at you, blinking slowly and wondering just how much you can embarrass yourself before it becomes a burden for him. He has to get you home; you’re practically a matching set now. But are the halves of a pair supposed to take care of the other when they get drunk?

“You know what, guys?” You announce, standing up abruptly and immediately getting pulled back to your seat by Jaehyun. It doesn’t stop your mouth however.

“I hate the stupid system,” you continue. “To tell the truth—”

He smacks his hand over your mouth. Jaehyun has had enough of the silent mini heart attacks you give him. The rest look at him with puzzled looks and he can’t even bring himself to give them a polite smile before dragging you out of the bar. The night breeze is cold enough—maybe it’ll sober you up.

"You're so annoying, Jaehyun," you mutter, massaging your forehead. "Did you know that?"

Or maybe it won’t.

"Never heard that before."

"How do you always keep to yourself and still be the center of attention?" You cling to his arm for balance. 

"Have you considered that maybe a polite man isn't as scheming as you think he is?"

You curl your lips. "Stop using big sentences. I hate that I barely know you, and I know everyone."

Jaehyun purses his lips. "You just enjoy the power that comes with figuring people out. Don't you?"

"Whatever you say. I want life to be a nice and smooth ride but then again, I can't even face my soulmate." You let out an airy laugh. "I didn't really need one though."

Jaehyun laughs in disbelief. "You look like you're dying of loneliness."

"Ooh, that's a big claim, Yoonoh."

"You say I keep to myself but what about you? You like hiding, don't you?"

You laugh. "Is this the part where I say we're nothing alike?"

He purses his lips, shaking his head in dismissal. He's just tired of chit-chat with someone who smells like she robbed a liquor store in Itaewon.

“You must think I’m some sort of selfish, vapid, work-obsessed overachiever,” you continue, tilting your head with a blank look in your eyes.

“Well, not exac—”

“But guess what? Your opinions are invalid, Jung Yoonoh. You’re just some chump from marketing. A very good-looking chump but still.”

Jaehyun swears under his breath as you fling your arms open in the same manner a speech-giving patriot fighting for freedom would. Unfortunately, the freedom struggle is private in this day and age, and you just smacked him in the nose instead.

You sigh deeply and he looks at you again, warily now as he holds his nose.

“You’re not exactly wrong either. I’m so empty. Like a bottle of soju with no soju. Could you bring me some?”

Jaehyun massages his temples and solidifies his resolve. He’s had enough stares from people on the sidewalk. With delicate concern, he holds you up with one arm around your waist, balancing your weight evenly so you can stand. Promptly, you bury your face into his neck and an embarrassing, high-pitched squeak evades the filter of his mouth. You’re just so adept at making his days (and nights) worse.

Jaehyun tries his best to carry you to the parking lot without any signs of struggle but good lord, are you uncooperative. Once he’s down lugging you to the passenger seat, he breathes out in relief at long last and makes sure you don’t fold in over yourself dozing off the seat. Getting you to sit up, he finds himself smiling the slightest bit at your smudged lipstick. Even like this, you’re quite pretty. 

Realizing what thought came over him, he shakes his head vigorously as if he’s committing a horrible crime. He just has to get you home—Soojin had texted him the address prior to the outing just in case—and then he can go back to pretending whatever he even is supposed to.

The sports event is really just HR and Management trying to one-up the other in a more quantitative way. You’re not really fond of the sweat and heavy breathing that comes with physical exertion if it’s for the sake of competition. Competition is such a childish, masculine way of handling things, especially emotions.

HR is leading in wins, however and that means you have something to rub in Jaehyun’s face. You hate participating but you’re not allowed to opt out without a medical certificate. At least one competition, and you had to choose the three-legged race. All these potential partners, and Dongmin had to choose you.

“I’ll win,” you tell Jaehyun, stopping by him once you exit the changing room. The indoor stadium is usually a recreational facility for senior employees but on sports day, it’s closer to a gladiator arena. The seats are green and occupied by grinning employees, most of them glad for a day off but also upset they don’t get to attend their personal affairs in it.

Jaehyun stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Shouldn’t it be a ‘we’? You need a partner. Oh, are you sad you can’t pick me?”

“Not at all.” You cross your arms, annoyed at his mock pity. 

Right then, Dongmin jogs up to you in a blue tracksuit. His hair sticks to his forehead because unlike you, he takes sports very seriously. Jaehyun, on the other hand, just seems to enjoy the competition. As a guilty pleasure, you’d like to see the two of them compete one day. That would be a competition worth betting on.

“I’ll have to borrow your soulmate.” Dongmin laughs. “The race is starting.”

Life strikes again with its poorly timed irony.

“Don’t mind me,” Jaehyun says politely.

The race is easier than you thought it would be considering most of the other employees struggle with teamwork. You’re the HR team for a reason. But then again, you feel a certain hollowness pervade you while you’re pressed to Dongmin’s side. Wouldn’t it be nice?

All you can think is that Dongmin and you are perfectly in sync. The realization comes off as sad despite your victory and the wide grins on both of your faces. 

Jaehyun purses his lips and gives the two of you a nonchalant look. He’s avoided getting caught in the changing room quite well. For some reason, he’s glad that you’re winning but also dissatisfied about it. He would certainly feel different if he were participating in that race, wouldn’t he? He would win. Losing a competition is a huge blow to his ego. Lately, he seems to be losing a lot of races. The two of you have been growing closer and he doesn’t mind late night discussions about flawed systems and childhood memories; but the fact that you’re growing on him is something for him to be on edge about. He’s never felt so close to someone, and still so far.

“Oh, they have good chemistry, don’t they?” Doyoung comments beside Jaehyun, before taking a sip from his bottle.

“What chemistry?” Jaehyun snaps and Doyoung almost chokes on the water.

“Chill out, man.” Doyoung eyes Jaehyun’s figure in concern. “She’s like officially yours.”

Jaehyun refuses in a series of sputtering responses. “That’s not what I meant. I’m not jealous. I’m not that kind of man.”

“I didn’t paint you as that kind of man either,” Doyoung mutters before speaking up. “But love, Jaehyun. Love’s a weird thing.”

Jaehyunn ignores his comment and walks down to the grounds, jogging up to you. He immediately forgets to say anything at all. Smooth move, Yoonoh.

You just stick out your tongue at him subtly.

“I told you we’d win,” you say.

Jaehyun crosses his arms. “Congratulations. I thought you, quote, hate this stupid competition for dunces.”

You clear your throat and Dongmin laughs beside you. Before he can offer his bottle, Jaehyun offers his own in a rush. You raise an eyebrow but don’t question it.

“You guys really are a perfect pair.” Dongmin laughs. “Sometimes I wish Mijoo was my soulmate.”

You give him a pitiful smile. There go your happy feelings of victory.

“But I’m happy this way.” Dongmin nudges your shoulder with his. “Don’t give me that look.”

That is not the look he thinks you were giving. You smile. 

“What about this? We can go on a double date! Those are fun, right?” Dongmin muses, crossing his arms.

“No,” you and Jaehyun refuse in a panic, and Dongmin blinks in confusion at the overwhelming response.

“I'm more of a homebody,” you explain.

“Yeah, me too,” Jaehyun agrees.

It makes Dongmin laugh aloud. “Oh, fate didn’t go wrong with the two of you.”

Your smile wavers. Did it go so wrong with you and Dongmin? Jaehyun’s hand brushes yours and you look at him. A perfect side profile and flushed hot cheeks with dimples to die for. You wouldn’t mind being in love with him. You don’t mind love much at all. 

Shaking off the thought, you watch as Dongmin leaves the two of you to run to the changing rooms. Eyeing Jaehyun’s red team sweatshirt with “Management” in big typography over the chest, you look back up to his face. 

“Why did you jog over here so desperately?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “Jealous?”

“Yes. I am irreparably in love with you.”

He leans in quickly and you flinch, making his dimples show up.

“Asshole,” you curse. “I’ll file you for harassment. Don’t do that again.”

“Isn’t it harassment when you feel me up while you draw—” Jaehyun leans in to whisper. “—the soulmark?” 

“I would never have my hands near your greasy existence if I could,” you huff, scandalized. 

But the thing is, Jaehyun is getting better at this game of flustering each other and you don’t like it one bit.

“Hey, you know Dongmin’s girlfriend?” he asks suddenly. 

You nod. “Kind of. I’ve seen her pictures on Instagram.”

Jaehyun pauses before humming in realization.

You cough. “Not that I was stalking them or something. Obviously.”

Jaehyun gives you a knowing smile but doesn’t question anything, much to your aggravation. It would’ve been better if you had a chance to prove you weren’t stalking them but then again, that is exactly what you were doing.

“Well, we went to the same college. Same major too.”

“Are you serious? Wait, how do you know? Does this mean you stalked their Instagram too?”

“Too?”

“Shut up.”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“She’s not exactly the evil homewrecker type,” he says.

“I know that,” you snap. If anything, you feel like the evil homewrecker even if Dongmin’s supposed to be your soulmate.

They’re so reckless. Jaehyun was right—you do blame them in a way. They don’t care who they trample under their nauseating parade of romance. But then again, that parade is better than a personal rejection.

“I’m just saying… don't hold it against them.”

“I don’t remember asking for advice, Jung Yoonoh.”

Jaehyun shrugs, dropping the issue. The preparations for the next race is starting and it has something to do with passing balls from basket to basket—you get bored already when you see Doyoung stretch before shaking hands with Taeyong.

“Wanna get ice-cream? We funded the food truck this year.” Jaehyun looks expectantly at you.

“Sure.” 

You contemplate holding his hand for a moment but let that thought bury itself. You don’t have to pretend right now. 

Much to your despair (or delight) however, Jaehyun takes your hand absentmindedly as he walks towards the exit. It’s not that you’ve never held hands before, it’s just that Jaehyun’s skin is soft against yours.

“I can’t believe you and Mijoo were in the same course.”

It seems she’s ahead of you in every direction you look to tread on. Of course, you will not be telling Jaehyun that. You don’t exactly feel jealousy—can’t feel jealousy when your life is perfect as it is. And for Jaehyun? You hate to admit it but you’d trade places with Mijoo any day.

“Well, she didn’t really like socializing back then so I didn’t know we were in the same program either.”

You chuckle, glancing down at your intertwined fingers despite your best efforts. It feels nice like this. It feels nice to be wanted by someone—even if it’s a lie.

“Do you think- Do you think they’re brave?” You ask. “They didn’t even hesitate to disregard the system.”

“I think people in love are always brave.”

You hum, looking down at your feet. All the more reason the system fucked up. You were never even supposed to be partnered up. You’re not brave—the face you put on is. The idea of love seems to get further and further away from you.

Just then, Jaehyun tugs at your hand, walking slightly faster and making you complain as you jog to catch up with his long strides. The food truck is fairly large, on the street outside to the stadium entrance. February is catching up with its heat and you curse at global warming for this hot winter day.

“You can take up to five scoops of different flavours,” he informs you, grinning sheepishly. “I guess the cups aren’t large enough for beyond that.”

“I didn’t know you were this passionate about ice-cream,” you say.

“Sicheng rubbed off on me.”

You laugh. IT must have given Sicheng enough stress to develop a sweet tooth. You love the HR Department when you look at the others in your company.

Jaehyun has a nice smile. You don’t know why you think that but you do and now you can’t focus on anything apart from the pink dust sprinkled over his cheeks and the handsome dimples that accompany. You don’t want to stare but clearly, Jaehyun must have been blessed by some divide being if not for fate. Maybe he’s a mess up like you. As far as you know, his soulmate doesn’t exist. That little red heart is so simple that none of the soulmate designs match it.

A rather repulsing part of you is happy about it. You like the feel of Jaehyun’s hands. You like the way he looks at you. You wouldn’t mind it if he were yours.  

Jaehyun’s house is as cosy as his mother makes you feel. It’s been a while since you’ve been home and if you were perhaps less emotionally constipated, you would have tears welling up in your eyes. There’s quite a few relatives too but then again, every Asian family jumps at the chance to celebrate something as mediocre as engagements and marriage and soulmate findings. Apparently, hormones are perfectly fine to them once you’re not teenagers anymore.

This isn’t so bad. What was so scary about meeting parents again? Jaehyun’s dad did challenge you with a questionnaire but lucky for you, you know exactly how interviews work. You’ve got enough information on Jaehyun from the man himself for this visit. The briefing he gave you was boring though; you already know what you need to know about Jaehyun.

You sit at the table, while most of the other guests work in the kitchen. Jaehyun’s mother asks you questions about your life, friendly and welcoming in every way possible. Mothers are truly god-sent. You wonder how she produced someone as far from divine as Jaehyun. (Except in looks, perhaps.)

You say that out loud and get a sharp quip from Jaehyun, his mother’s eyes lighting up at your childish interaction.

“Oh my, fate is never wrong!” She remarks with a wide smile. “I’ve never seen Jaehyun open up so much with anyone before. He was such a shy boy in school, you know? All the girls would send letters and confessions and he would just turn red in the face.”

“Mom.” He smiles all too sweet at her but you can see the panic in his eyes.

She rolls her eyes before turning to you. “Darling, you have no idea how proud I feel to see him this at ease. I was honestly getting tired of all the ‘your son is so polite and well-mannered’ comments. Some bickering ought to do him good.”

“Mom,” he repeats, straightening. “I think auntie needs some help setting up the table.”

“Don’t shoo me away yet. I have to tell (name) about the time you were elected class representative in middle school. And all those sports and acting awards.”

“You don’t have to advertise me, Mom,” he says, dropping his face into his hands to rub at his eyes, already growing tired. “I’m already- I’m already hers.”

His mother coos and apart from the expected deep red flush on Jaehyun’s skin, you find yourself feeling hot in the face too. Jaehyun’s aunt calls for his mother right then and you watch as she makes her way to the kitchen entrance, the two women glancing at you and giggling to each other over some shared words.

Jaehyun takes the opportunity to grab your hand and walk away to a more obscure part of the house upstairs. With significantly less relatives, it should be a good hiding spot unless discovered by his giggling cousins that he refuses to introduce you to. 

“Aw, what a shy baby,” you coo, smiling at the thought of a younger, easily-flustered Jaehyun.

His ears are bright red and you think that he’s still easily flustered. He just doesn’t show it much anymore—there’s only one dead giveaway.

“Forget everything my mom said,” he instructs. “It’s not important information.”

“Oh, no, darling. Your mother is a gold mine of vital information. You know what? I’m going to go chat her up right now. I’m sure you were quite the teenage dream I should know about.”

Jaehyun grips your wrist before you can escape, pulling your closer.

“Don’t.”

You don’t know if it’s the proximity or the fact that there are most definitely a few family members that could walk in right now—but you find yourself embarrassed as you look at his face. It’s very pleasant, handsome even, and the strands of his hair look irresistibly soft from this distance. You reach your hand out and brush the hair out of his eyes, almost instinctively. 

“You have nice eyes, Jaehyun,” you say out loud, not sure why. He doesn’t fluster this time but it makes you all the more aware of your nearness.

Your eyes glance at the bottom of the staircase to see a little girl, around nine, hiding from behind the wall that separates the dining room and the kitchen. You return your gaze to Jaehyun with a smirk.

"We should kiss right now. Your little cousin's watching."

Jaehyun looks mildly disgusted. "Why would I want to kiss you in front of my cousin?"

You roll your eyes. “You don't get it, do you? The fastest way to convince a family is through rumours.”

Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. "So?"

"Oh my god, you're an idiot. Nosy cousins are the most effective way to spread rumours."

"Ah." Jaehyun looks enlightened enough for you to continue.

"Okay, but first you need to have these mints." You take out the emergency mints from your purse.

"What? I don't need mints. I have nice smelling breath.”

"Everyone needs mints, Jaehyun. Especially men."

Jaehyun sighs heavily. You take the opportunity to grab his wrist and pull him into a corner. 

"Have this mint or else."

You hold his face between your thumb and forefingers, cheeks squishing under the pressure as you force a mint in. He lets you do it for some reason, looking lost as he gazes at you. 

You raise an eyebrow. "Oh my, you're enjoying this. Pervert."

"Wha—what? You have to stop thinking you're hot shit, oh my god. I just got distracted for a bit."

"By me, right?"

"No! I just zoned ou—you're enjoying this."

You bite down your smile but a giggle escapes you anyway. Jaehyun rolls his eyes though he smiles, looking far too close to irresistible when his dimples show.

"You can't keep teasing me," he says, voice low.

"I've been doing it for two years. I'm pretty sure I can do it for at least two more."

Jaehyun scoffs, laughing at your statement. "You know what? I'm going to get back at you from now on. I've been so lenient."

You snort before pressing the back of your fingers to your nose. "You? You're going to get back at me? You’re good at lip service, Jaehyun."

“Huh. You might be right about that.”

There's a beat of silence and you look at him expectantly. In the next beat of your heart (or lack thereof), he cups your cheeks and presses his lips to yours, surprising the life out of you as your back hits the wall. It's not just a touch either, his mouth moves over yours and when your knees feel weak, you reluctantly admit that the rumour about Jung Yoonoh being a good kisser is true. Maybe his body count isn't a lower-end single digit after all.

He pulls apart with a short smile tugging at his lips. "Satisfied?"

You sputter out a response before clearing your throat. “I- I don’t think anyone really saw us in this corner.”

Jaehyun makes a low humming sound. “Or you could just say you want me to kiss you again? I know I’m a good kisser.”

“Fuck off.” You punch his chest, eliciting a quiet grunt from him.

You move away from him, peeking from behind the wall. Oh, she saw it alright. The giggling gives it away and the fact that a few more younger cousins have gathered. This is ridiculous. The fact that you wouldn’t mind more is even worse.

You turn back to Jaehyun with steel-set eyes. “No more kissing. Ever. Never again. Kissing is officially banned.”

Jaehyun looks perplexed. “I thought that was a good kiss. Did you not enjoy it? What do you mean no kissing?”

“And I take it back.” The heat on your face is still burning steadily. 

“Oh, I see. You liked it so much that you’re embarrassed.”

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“So I’m right?”

You roll your eyes and quickly walk down the stairs, a few words of complaint left hanging in the air as Jaehyun follows behind, stumbling over the steps.

Jaehyun likes how comfortable this is. He doesn’t mind glaring daggers at each other but this is fun too. It’s like he doesn’t have to be careful about the lines he might be crossing—there aren’t any damn lines at all. He can’t call it love, at least not by definition, but something is there. Something that is solid enough and heavy enough. Something he would be ready to hold on to.

You laugh at a joke Jaehyun’s dad makes. A family is the only place to feel at home. It might not be yours but maybe at the end of the night, you can convince them to disown Jaehyun and adopt you as their child instead. His cousins seem to be interested in the same things you were as a high schooler and it surprised you. Your job lets you advise the older cousins in a fairly friendly fashion. The little ones seem to like your dress and you find them far too adorable with their pink cheeks and dimples, much like Jaehyun’s. Speaking of which, he definitely got them from his dad. You look around and wonder how Jaehyun has so many female cousins and not an inkling about how women work. 

It doesn’t hurt anymore that Dongmin discarded you so recklessly.

He’s wrong. Jaehyun’s wrong. It doesn’t hurt—didn’t hurt right now at the very least. When Jaehyun kissed you, you didn’t think of Dongmin or his girlfriend or anyone else. You thought that Jaehyun’s skin is somehow always the right temperature. 

You shake your head. Jaehyun drives your getaway car and you shouldn’t get too comfortable in its worn-out leather seats. This shouldn’t be any different to you; you aren’t supposed to find love in every corner. This was all a survival instinct. 

The more stories Jaehyun’s mother shares with you over dinner, the more you find it comfortable to be here. You don’t feel this welcome in your own apartment (although, there isn’t exactly anyone else living there but you and the goddamn pigeon that wakes you up at six in the morning). The more the night progresses, the more you want to believe in this lie. Jaehyun glances at you from time to time, his gaze neither uncomfortable nor harsh and you smile at him when he does. Right now, there is no loneliness and the air is warm and smells of freshly cooked food; the way familial love works is such a mystery. You feel content.

“Why are we doing this again?” you lean in and ask Jaehyun, eyes focused on the TV as he tries to fix it.

“Because I need to get out of work, and fulfilled soulmates get a day off on Valentine’s day.”

You nod. “Your apartment kind of stinks. I feel sorry for Sicheng.”

“This is clean,” he defends, pointing at the lack of any visible mess in his room. His work table, however, has too many items scattered over it to be called neat. There’s a fairly large TV attached to the wall and you’re a little jealous about it. You only ever watch shows on your (quite beloved albeit small) laptop. The blinds aren’t fully closed, the evening city lights trying their best to pry their pervasive fingers in and add something more to the peach hue of Jaehyun’s room.

The doorbell rings just in estimated time for food delivery, a sigh leaving your mouth along with a ‘finally’. His place is strangely comfortable and much less of the war zone that you expected. There’s no reason to feel awkward, really, or even the bubbling in your stomach. You’re not seventeen, in your crush’s house. Jaehyun isn’t even someone you like that way.

It’s just two friends hanging out and watching a movie and doing other friendly activities. Two friends hanging out on Valentine's day. Two friends who have kissed more than once.

What do lovers do anyway?

This thing with Jaehyun has turned into clandestine smiles at the office building, subtle texts of ‘did you eat?’ and ‘good morning, idiot’, racing hearts at brushing hands on the occasional off-work hangouts (you refuse to call them “dates”) and overall, a lot more pink hearts floating over his head when you see him. It’s positively appalling. 

You don’t mind it one bit.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” The delivery man wishes as he leaves and you feel a sudden rage bubble up in you. 

“Ah, does he think every couple celebrates Valentine’s day? And just because we’re in the same apartment means we’re a couple? Wow.” You cross your arms, scoffing. “Who’s he to wish me?”

“Why… Why are you getting mad?” Jaehyun asks quietly, slightly confused.

You glare at him, your anger not quite dissipated and walk back into his room, placing the box of confectionaries on the bedside table with a loud thud. Jaehyun follows, placing the drinks rather clumsily beside it. He gives you one last look of concern before settling down on his bed.

You let out another huff of complaint.

"Does everything have to be heart-shaped?"

You stare at the nauseating display of baked goods delivered in a pretty heart-shaped box. The brownie is in a clear plastic box that has a tiny bouquet of hearts atop it, the coffee cups have heart stickers around the rim, and the pastry itself is heart-shaped or rather, two halves of a heart. One of them is strawberry pink and the other chocolate brown.

“You seem… suddenly fired up,” Jaehyun comments quietly.

You don’t really care if you look crazy to him right now; he’s already seen the worse parts of you. You’re just so annoyed at all this red and pink that was delivered. Aren’t cafes supposed to stick with that beige-cream palette? 

While you contemplate, Jaehyun tears the little sugar packet and attempts to open the lid of the cup at the same time, your blood pressure rising at the sight because you were half sure he’d spill the drink. After much difficulty, he shakes the packet trying to get just enough sugar but of course, like the clumsy oaf he is, he misses almost entirely, spilling sugar over his coffee table. It’s oddly endearing but that’s a thought you’ll keep to yourself.

He turns to you with a sheepish grin and you give him a look of distaste.

“You are a sorry excuse of a person, Jaehyun.”

“Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn’t mess this up.”

You turn to look him in the eyes, the honey shade alluring under warm apartment lights. They really are pretty. 

“I, and every other sane human being, would not mess up adding sugar to a cup of coffee.”

“You faltered for a moment there.”

That was not the reason you faltered. You roll your eyes and look away, taking a sip of your drink and sighing at the taste.

“How do you even like Americanos? Don’t you like a bit of cream and sweetness?”

 “I don’t really care for bitterness,” he answers.

“Wow, you must be a masochist.”

“And it’s quite obvious you’re a sadist.”

You snicker. “That makes us quite the pair.”

“I would like that sentence in a non-BDSM context, thank you.”

Jaehyun turns on the TV and the Netflix logo animation pops up. You raise an eyebrow at his ‘Continue Watching’ list, eyeing Bridegerton and Sweet Home, and wondering if he could be any more of an enigma. You can’t possibly figure him out at this point. You groan when he picks a title.

“Ugh. Do we have to watch a romantic comedy?”

“What? They’re funny. And I thought you liked those 2000’s movies.”

You believed in unicorns and sock goblins and love back then too. These days, you hate to see other people in love, especially when it’s fake. The movies you loved are now the movies you hate. The couples you eyed with delight at parks and cafes are now the bane of your existence. In fact, you’d go as far as to say that you enjoy the digital fireworks from a couple having a massive online breakup. Things falling apart are entertaining when it’s not happening to you.

You purse your lips. Can't you see other people happy without wanting to tear it down for yourself?

“Fine. But I’ll pick the 2000’s romcom.”

Jaehyun shrugs and hands over the remote. You see Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds on the poster and click on it immediately. The Proposal has a good enough comedy to romance ratio, in your opinion.

“I’m kind of surprised you came,” he says quietly.

“Why?” You raise an eyebrow. “Is it because of the suggestive nature of visiting someone’s apartment on Valentine’s day? Did you think we’d be doing something… more fun?”

You lean in and bat your eyelashes suggestively, although you’re clearly joking.

“I think you should know better than to get mouthy with me,” he answers as he leans in further, making your heartbeat hike at the proximity. Maybe he’s figured you out. Wouldn’t it be so nice to figure each other out at the same time—like puzzle pieces fitting together?

You move away from him. “Well, it’s not like I can go anywhere else. And I didn’t want to stay in my own apartment.”

“Maybe you enjoy my company?”

“Look, I would be sipping my coffee at a perfectly aesthetic cafe if it weren’t Valentine’s day.”

He raises an eyebrow at your nonsensical declaration and you sigh, trying to explain yourself.

“Cafes just terrorize the single folk on Valentine’s day. You should always go with Netflix,” you say.

“And chill?”

“Do you even know what that means?”

“As I’ve told you so many times, I am not stupid.”

You inhale, an idea presenting itself.  

“Hey, since we’re technically a couple, shouldn’t you be sharing your Netflix password with me?” you ask, pressing your lips into your cutest smile.

“No.”

“You’re so stingy,” you mutter. It was worth a shot.

Jaehyun laughs, your hand reaching out to poke his dimples but you stop yourself. You weren’t supposed to get this comfortable. This wasn’t your place to be. Lost in thought, the moving screen leaves you unfazed and you can’t look at him anymore. However, Jaehyun reaches out right then and wipes at the space beside your lips, your focus lifting from the beginning scenes of The Proposal and latching onto Jaehyun’s lips.

There’s a pause, your head clearing itself of thoughts when you make eye contact with him. Soft hair, doe eyes, full lips and dimples—he’s so damn attractive, it hurts your existence. Does he have to be this close to you? You have mixed feelings about that look in his eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispers suddenly.

“Yes,” you answer.

If you look from a rational point of view, you should not have said that. You should have said anything but that. But you don’t want to think right now. Jaehyun’s touch is warm over your skin as his hand rests under your jaw and the other on your waist.

You should not have said that. But you feel loved.

Somewhere along, you find yourself parting only to kiss again, the feeling of skin so delightful in a way you’ve never experienced. Your shirt hikes up and you see Jaehyun eye the little heart with the arrow—the sign you so despised with a gentle smile.

“It’s pretty,” he whispers.

It’s pretty but it isn’t his. He doesn’t have to look at you like that—he’s come a long way from nervous glances and now he’s the one making you nervous. Just say it isn’t love and it will be alright.

You part, sobering up for a moment and you disentangle your limbs to sit at the side of his bed.

“What’s- What’s wrong?” Jaehyun whispers.

You exhale.

“All my life, I wait and when it comes, it’s all wrong,” you say, staring at your lap. Self-pity is the most disgusting kind of pity to feel. You’re past crying at things like this. You’re past crying for an ounce of romance, every time you listen to a love song on the radio or look at an Instagram post of a couple or pass by lovers on the sidewalk content with each other. You don’t even have cats to return home to. Modern loneliness is wearing you down but you can’t believe in fairytales anymore.

He scoffs, smiling bitterly. “I don’t even know if this is worth losing my dignity over.”

“Jaehyun—”

“We can’t pretend anymore—I can’t pretend anymore,” Jaehyun exhales. “I want you enough to forget the system. Give me an answer. Please.”

You don’t mind forgetting the system right now. Jaehyun’s lips are always the right temperature; the warmth of his body seeps through his shirt as you press yourself to him in a hug. He’s perfect and right now, you want to believe he’s perfect for you—even if he isn’t, you want to believe it into existence.

You cup Jaehyun’s cheeks, unsaid emotion in his doe eyes, and kiss him. This time, you mean it with every ounce of your being. There’s no more flustering each other, just the hot flush of intimacy when you feel skin that doesn’t burn you. It’s just the right feeling. There’s no way this can be wrong. 

Aren’t you getting ahead of yourself? You wish the voice would pipe down. It’s a coward, fearing fate just as everyone else does. But you are better than that, and this feeling is too enjoyable to let go. You don’t want this to fade.

Just then, Dongmin’s face comes to mind and you think that maybe if you kiss someone else with all you have, you don’t have to think of your shortcomings ever again.

Jaehyun pulls apart and you miss the warmth.

“You’re not… You’re not thinking of me, are you?” he asks. 

You don’t answer, even if the silence is overwhelming.

“I’d rather not have you close your eyes and think of someone else when I’m in front of you.”

“I’m sorry” is all you can say.

“You can at least pretend to love me.” His voice is a hoarse whisper. “Could. It’s not like this was ever supposed to work out.”

You gulp, looking away. “Jaehyun, come on. That’s not like you. We were- we were just… having fun.”

He takes a deep breath. “It hurts to not be wanted by someone you want. You know that. So why are you doing this to me?”

Because misery likes company.

“I’m sorry.”

It seems the phrase you barely uttered when you were younger is tumbling out of your lips in a mixture of grief and pity. Perhaps it’s karma. Perhaps it’s fate. Perhaps it’s just the consequences of your mistakes.

Jaehyun parts his lips, a sigh departing. He leans in again, pushing away all of his thoughts. A little more hurt won't kill him tonight. How and when did you bring him down to his knees?

However, he's stopped by your hands against his shoulders, his lips hovering over yours.

"Let's stop," you say. "You're right."

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

“I don’t- I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.”

You wish you could be brave enough to burn the instruction pamphlet from destiny. But right now, you need to get away from Jaehyun, away from any more misery business.

“I’ll get going,” you say, gathering your stuff. 

Jaehyun hesitates but doesn’t stop you. He would never stop you, can’t stop so how could he even dream of stopping fate? This can never work out. It felt right in the moment but you don’t know anything more than that. You can’t close your eyes and pray everything disappears. No one else will solve your problems for you, you know that.

It’s time you start fixing the mess you made. You leave with a polite goodbye and hear a loud sigh behind you once the door is closed. Blinking away the urge to walk back in, you take long and quick strides to the elevator. You’re going to fix this.

Maybe if Lady Gaga’s ‘Poker Face’ wasn’t blasting at full volume at this stupid office party, you could be thinking a little straighter.

He was right. You can’t pretend anymore. There were thousands of ways this could have gone better. You didn’t have to pretend to be soulmates when you’re not. You could’ve discarded your belief in the whole system like Dongmin and Mijoo and dated someone out of spite. You didn’t have to drag Jaehyun into your sorry mess. You need to take out the nail you hammered into your own foot.

It’s the first time you’ve visited the rooftop restaurant from the company’s subsidiary chain of high-end restaurants but you imagined it would be bigger. It’s the news’ fault for making this place seem like a football field. However, you might be feeling that way because the distance between you and Jaehyun is suffocatingly small as is the distance with Dongmin. You don’t need to see Jaehyun tonight.

You don’t intend to make your confession a public affair and you certainly don’t believe in tack things like atonement. However, improvement begins with a step in the right direction. Maybe you’ll be a better person after this. Maybe you’ll still be as annoying and pushy as ever. You need to get it off your chest so you can proceed with the already tedious journey that comes with a soulmate rejection. You wonder why there’s so many man-made laws about soulmates when fate has made it complicated enough as it is. Love is the same as legalese when it comes to this system.

You flit about the crowds, smiling and greeting people and swerving away from Jaehyun every time he tries to approach you. You’re trying to make a good decision for once. He better not intrude. You’re wearing pink too, for the first time in a while: a satin shirt, pants and blazer set in dull pink.

“Dongmin,” you say, pulling him by the sleeve of his blue tux, and away from the rest of the HR team. “I have to show you something.”

“Hm? Show me?” He blinks at you. 

You get him to follow you to the inside the premises, stopping when you’re far into a 

“Uh?” Dongmin looks around before leaning in to whisper. “You’re not plotting to murder me, are you?”

You blink, and he laughs at you incredulously. “Why are you so serious?”

“I was lying,” you rush. “With Jaehyun. He’s not my soulmate. You are.”

Dongmin blinks in confusion. “Are… you joking? That was a weird joke but it could pass as funny—”

“Dongmin.”

You pull out your shirt from your pants, exposing the tattoo on your hip. It’s the little arrowed heart that has been plaguing you for years but now when you look at it, you feel no animosity. After all, it’s been through the same things you have. 

Dongmin’s face falls into stunned silence, eyes fixated on your waist.

“That’s- That’s my—what is this?”

Russian roulette is certainly not the same without a gun.

“I lied, Dongmin,” you answer, fixing your shirt back in. “I was so afraid of your rejection that I made an even larger fool of myself.”

His initial shock seems to have partly subsided.

“You… Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks momentarily hurt.

“You have Mijoo, Dongmin. I can’t ruin something like that.”

A love that doesn’t need fate to fix it.

Dongmin glances away in guilt and sighs, though the sound is croaky. This must be more than what he can take.

“I’m sorry,” he says, haltingly. “I hurt you, didn’t I? When I thought I was being brave, I hurt you instead.”

You smile bitterly. “We all hurt someone, Dongmin. I still have to fix that one for myself.”

He scans your face, lips trembling slightly as unspoken words die on them.

“We’ll tend to the legal stuff later, hm? No compensation. We can file a mutual rejection.”

“But—”

“Shh. I’m happy enough as coworkers and I get paid more than enough for this job. Might get a promotion soon too.”

You wink at him with an added finger gun, trying to play it cool. Despite everything, a weight feels lifted from your shoulders. Now that you are truly alone, you might as well embrace this growing loneliness crawling under your skin. Discomfort could be something you can get used to. 

When you get back to the warmly lit rooftop, the HR team looks at you curiously. You have the most self-destructive thought you’ve had in a while and tell yourself, you might as well if you've come this far. This is it. This is your social death. Honesty is the best policy, unfortunately.

“Dongmin and I have the same soulmate mark,” you announce. “We’re soulmates but we’ll sign a mutual rejection.”

Doyoung looks almost like he’ll faint and Soojin’s mouth is so wide open, you could practice throwing some mini basketballs in. This is your team—almost a second family, and it’s time you stop trying to hide yourself or disguise your feelings as something they’re not. They’ll get over it, as will you.

“J-Jaehyun?” Soojin looks to your side and you turn to find Jaehyun frowning.

“You could’ve discussed this with me,” he says, an odd sound of relief in his laugh. 

It hurts to look at him but you muster up your strength.

“I’m sorry,” you say, facing him. “I didn’t want to drag you into this hell with me.”

Into this loveless hell made for you.

“(name).”

It’s so painfully quiet in this corner; there are so many eyes on you and only the hurt taking shape in Jaehyun’s eyes knock some sense into you. 

“I’ll leave first,” you say, bowing as you take your leave.

You brisk up your pace and exit the venue as quickly as you can and into the building corridor.

Unfortunately for you, you recognize the pair of footsteps that follow you—both of them having their timings wrong. Boys don’t chase after the girl when she’s walking away. Boys should leave a girl alone when she feels like she’s about to cry.

You turn to face two men and groan internally. This is the worst possible situation—you’d rather crawl into a hole than look at either of them. The corporate light shines harshly on either of their faces but the look on them is so earnest, you want to close your eyes and scream. You don’t mind being alone. You were overstepping when you wished you weren’t.

“(name),” Dongmin starts. “I’m sorry it turned out this way. If you’d told me, we could have talked this out.”

A light scoff leaves Jaehyun and Dongmin purses his lips. It’s kind of funny watching both of their tall frames in hesitant postures and you cross your arms. You’re going to deal with this quickly like you always should have. If you’re dealing with fate, you need to have a clear head—and fortune doesn’t favour fools. Being with Jaehyun was nice but he is not yours. Dongmin may have been assigned to you but you’d rather not ruin someone’s relationship.

“What would we have talked about?” you ask. “Compensation charges? Apologies?”

You see a hint of positivity on Jaehyun’s face and turn to face him, frowning.

“And you. Don’t look so smug. You’re the reason I realized this crap. It hurts. Like hell.”

He opens his mouth but no words come when he’s far too taken aback. He can’t offer consolation now, not after everything. You knew this would happen. You would undoubtedly end up wishing you didn’t fall in love with him on the day you leave.

“(name). Listen to me,” Dongmin calls again, voice gentle.

Jaehyun sighs. “We’re both fucking this up, dude.”

Dongmin takes a sharp breath.

“You know, soulmates can be platonic,” he reasons, looking only at you. “People are made for each other differently and maybe you and I—”

“You’re just making her feel worse,” Jaehyun cuts him off.

“How do you know that?” Dongmin asks, finally turning to him. “Because you’ve spent a month or two with her? I’m her soulmate.”

“I think a month or two is much better than a stranger with the same damn birthmark.”

“Oh come on,” Dongmin scoffs. “The system exists for a reason.”

“I don’t give a shit about the system. The same as your girlfriend—oh, sorry, did you forget about her already?”

“It’s not like that.” Dongmin quietens. “We’ll figure something out.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose. They’re worse than you are—honestly, you don’t know what you expected from the timid emotional maturity of men. Both of their polite facades have melted and you’re starting to miss their sweet-tempered work demeanour.

“Come with me,” Dongmin tells you.

He wraps his hand around your wrist and tugs, Jaehyun visibly tensing up at the gesture. He presses his tongue against his cheek in annoyance but refrains from doing anything rash. You feel sorry when you look at him.

“Dongmin,” you whisper. “Can we- can we have a moment?”

Dongmin nods in understanding and exits the hallway to cool off with a few splashes of water in the washroom.

“Would you go with him?” Jaehyun asks, jaw clenched. “An acquaintance as most? Are you willing to run into the arms of fate that you hated so much?”

He looks bitter and you can’t think of a sugar-coated response. You’ll just have to tell him how you feel.

“I need to sort things out, Jaehyun. This—”

You point from him to yourself.

“Couldn’t work out thanks to fate. Dongmin and I will never work out because he’s braver than I am. You know he’s doing all of that just so I don’t get hurt, right? He’s not suddenly in love with me.”

Jaehyun purses his lips, looking down to his feet. Is it so bad that he let jealousy get the best of his mouth? Envy isn’t so awful. He looks from your eyes to lips and wishes he were young enough to believe in fairytales.

“You don’t have to be brave,” he whispers. “You don’t have to be so brave to fall in love. You don’t have to be brave to stay with me.”

“We tried, Jaehyun. And we can’t cheat fate. That, at the very least, requires bravery.” 

You press your lips into a thin line. It hurts. It hurts so bad to look at him and face the consequences of this flawed design. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that you have to follow the rules even after trying your best to break them. 

“You wish you never met me, don’t you?” you whisper. “I made a mess.”

Before he responds, you bow in a short goodbye and walk towards the elevator. There’s no footsteps behind you, no Prince Charming. It’s just you and your high heels clacking against the cold marble as you head back to an empty home. You always thought freedom would feel different, that distance would give you perspective. It just feels awful when no one is around you at all. When you have no one to pick up morning calls from, receive texts from asking if you ate, spend time in peace without uttering a single word—are you free or are you lonely?

The rules state that the two of you are different. It is true. You are as different as love in real life and love in the movies; and neither of them have happy endings now.

You wish you drank some more last night if you were going to embarrass yourself like that. Thankfully, it’s the weekend and you have two more days to figure out how to face your coworkers. You frown when you think of Jaehyun. Were you wrong to tell him that you simply couldn’t choose him? What if fate is right and it falls apart? You stir your morning coffee, the will to drink it fading slowly. It’s already fallen apart—and it wasn’t fate who did that, it was you. Should you have taken his stupidly warm hands and asked him to follow you? You don’t understand how it works at all.

Centuries of questioning what love is, poking and prodding at it like a lab sample, and there’s still no perfect answer. Love is blind. Love is cruel. Love is a fever. Love is temporary insanity. Love is acceptance. Love will set you free. There’s just too many variations. You can never tell if fate is meant to make it easier or worse. 

No one questions you at the office and you're not sure if you’re glad or aggravated. Only Doyoung shoots you a pitiful look which you brush off and immediately get into work. Embarrassment is only real if you acknowledge it. However, every time Dongmin tries to talk to you, you ask for space and even alone in your thoughts, you don’t get it. They just have to drift to Jaehyun.

You wonder if what he said was true, that he wanted you enough to forget the system. It’s clearly ruined now. The spiral of thinking has you zoning out during work more often than not and even Doyoung ends up reprimanding you for your lack of focus. Sometimes you want to snap but other times, you’re just hopelessly reciting the events over and over in your head. This was supposed to happen, wasn’t it? You don’t even have the strength left in you to blame it all on Jaehyun.

You pace in the corridors after work, contemplating popping by the Marketing Department. What could go wrong? Sure, it was a little dramatic of you to leave like that but everything can be fixed, right? You groan. What you were supposed to be fixing, you made worse. Are your hands cursed or something? You shake your head, returning to your desk to gather your belongings and head home.

Unfortunately, the sight of Doyoung sitting in your chair alarms you and you stop a foot away. 

“If you’re going to reprimand me for watching cat videos instead of checking the employee records, I can assure you my efficiency is still top-notch.” 

“You’re—what? Never mind.” Doyoung shakes his head. “Can you give this ginseng pack to Jaehyun? I owe him.” 

Oh no. You know where this is going.

“You know I’m going to keep that for myself, right?” You make a face. “I’d rather die than face Jaehyun right now.”

Doyoung shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe he’ll be the one running to you. This is in case of an emergency.”

You give him a fake smile and Doyoung shakes his head. “Good to see you’re still great at pretending to be fine.”

You sigh. “Thanks for looking out for me, bossman.”

Doyoung blinks, hand covering his mouth when an audible gasp leaves him. “Woah. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you thank me. But don’t call me bossman ever again.”

“Noted,” you say, taking your bag and leaving with a short goodbye. You’re lucky he lets you off work early, even if you never took it. Employees usually can’t leave until their superiors does and if you were a senior employee, you’d be giving your juniors quite the hell.

You seem to be good at concocting hellscapes. Perhaps, you should look for job openings in the underworld. One last thought of Jaehyun exits your head and you take the bus home, admiring the city you live in and the warmth of people and their relationships. You don’t feel jealous; you just bask in them for the time—be it a mother and her son or two bickering sisters or a lovely old couple. That’s how it’s meant to be, then. That’s how love works.

Jaehyun smacks his head against the sofa armrest for the fifteenth time in a row.

“Dude. You’re going to permanently ruin the fabric.” Sicheng says, eyes trained on his laptop screen.

“I should’ve said something more.” Jaehyun’s voice is so zombie-like, he thinks he should cast himself in the Train to Busan sequel as an extra.

“I’m glad I’m not you,” Sicheng mutters.

“Can you give me some sort of consolation, at least?”

“That’s not what I’m your friend for.”

Jaehyun sighs and resumes smacking the back of his head against the armrest. He really needs to figure this out. After all, he can’t really Google the solution to this.

“One thing doesn’t make sense,” Sicheng says, finally looking up from his screen. “Why do you have the same mark as (name)’s if you’re not soulmates?”

“You’re so incredibly—but adorably—stupid, Sicheng. She drew it in with a permanent marker. She kissed me too! It was sudden and weird but I didn’t mind it.

“Yikes.” Sicheng makes a face. “So… you didn’t take a shower for how long now?”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“The ink hasn’t washed off. I heard you singing in the shower yesterday, how could you not have washed that off? Ugh. Don’t tell me you miss her.”

Jaehyun’s eyes widen as he jumps up and rushes to the washroom. Looking into the mirror, the tattoo poking out from his T-shirt resembles yours a lot more than his. The arrow is still drawn in. Jaehyun’s shoulder slumps. He doesn’t know what he was expecting. Turning the tap and letting the water flow, he wets his hand and rubs at his collarbone to remove the arrow.

Except it doesn’t budge. His skin turns painfully red from the rubbing but the ink, which usually washes off in less than five minutes has no intention of leaving. Did you use a different brand of marker the last time? When was it anyway? 

Jaehyun breathes out, firming his resolve. He needs to be with you.

Sicheng blinks in surprise as Jaehyun grabs his car keys, not even bothering to change from an all-black getup of a T-shirt and jeans like some emo teenager, and shuts the front door behind him. Not even a ‘goodbye, I’m leaving!’

Sicheng sighs. Love makes people crazy. He’s not falling into that trap when his soulmate literally doesn’t exist, the same as his soulmark. It seems the contestants in this game are full of exceptions.

You hit your head against your pillow. To visit Jaehyun or not to. You haven’t left your bed since you woke up around seven in the morning, and now it’s ten. Your bedsheets are a mess because you’ve rolled around too much on them (in despair, not with someone unfortunately).

You need the quiet sometimes to let your mind rest, to let your heart rest. You needed time. But maybe it’s been long enough and now you’re just searching for excuses to hold on to your last shred of dignity.

You lift your head up and glare at the box of ginseng on your table. Should you? You reluctantly get up, feeling a sting of pain in your back for lying in that awkward position for so long. Right when you’ve put on your slippers, the doorbell rings and you groan. How did the package you stress-ordered last night arrive so early? These deliveries are getting faster and faster.

You walk to the front door and open it thoughtlessly, freezing up at the sight. Your first reaction is to cover yourself. You’re not exactly your best-looking version at the moment. Jaehyun’s dark circles almost match yours but he’s better dressed than you are—in a black T-shirt and jeans while you’re wearing a Gudetama pajama set.

“We’re not just friends,” he blurts. “We’re not soulmates but we’re not just friends.”

“Huh? Oh my god, this is the most embarrassing I’ve looked.”

Jaehyun furrows his eyebrows in a question look. 

“That’s not important! Look—”

He pushes you inside, closing the door behind him. His hair is so disheveled and messy, he barely even looks like the same well-maintained marketing employee you know. 

Jaehyun tugs at his T-shirt, pulling down to reveal his tattoo—albeit with your marker-drawn arrow through it. He does have a pretty well-built chest, you note before chiding yourself for getting distracted.

You raise an eyebrow. “Do you, uh, need help scrubbing it off or something?”

“No.” Jaehyun lets out a huff of exasperation. “It won’t wash off. If it’s what I think it is—”

“Miracles don’t happen to people like us, Jaehyun,” you say quietly.

He gulps. “I don’t know about miracles but… I just needed an excuse to see you, I guess.”

You look up, a rose blush over Jaehyun’s bare face, and run your finger over the tattoo, sighing at the warmth of his skin. Your hand travels up to his cheek, resting atop it while you muster enough courage to look Jaehyun in his chocolate brown eyes.

You pull away. This isn’t the time. You still have an internal crisis to sort out. Are you even deserving of love? It makes much more sense if the answer is no. 

However, Jaehyun pulls you in by the waist, his right palm warm against your cheek.

“I don’t care what anyone says.” He runs his thumb over your cheek in a painfully fond manner. “You’re worth more than the price I pay for this.”

He leans in and presses his lips to yours swiftly, your head clearing of thoughts almost immediately. It feels so right, you can feel the spark, the red thread around your skin, hear the bells. This kiss was far more perfect than it was supposed to be.

You part, gasping. Jaehyun blinks at you, breathing heavily.

“Kiss me again.”

Jaehyun does as told and you might just believe in miracles this way. With his hand around your waist and in your hair, his lips over yours and the low rumbling laughter that parts the two of you—you might just believe in miracles. You might just believe that love isn't something you deserve by earning.

“I like this,” Jaehyun comments. “I like the way this is.”

You press your finger to his lips. “I think you should shut up and kiss me some more.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes. “I know you’re sexually repressed as of now, but that’s no reason to take advantage of me.”

You scowl, punching him on the shoulder and moving away from him.

“Come back,” he complains in a quiet voice.

“I am not going to do that.” You cross your arms.

“Come on,” he mutters, inching closer as you inch away, till your back hits the couch and you tumble backwards onto it, your legs on the headrest. Jaehyun laughs at your position, leaning in to keep his hands on either side of you, a doting look over him.

“Hey, did you know if I kicked my leg up, it would hit you in the balls?”

“Please don’t do that.”

You giggle, Jaehyun’s nose rubbing against yours in a bunny kiss. 

“Is your place usually this much of a mess?” Jaehyun raises an eyebrow. 

You sigh heavily. “I was having a bad day, okay? Or… a bad weekend.”

“Do you even have food?”

You look away, crossing your arms. Jaehyun sighs and shakes his head.

“We should go grocery shopping. How do you live like this?”

You scoff. “Oh, spare me the lecture. I’ve heard enough horror stories about your room from Sicheng. You can’t hide from me by sweeping your clothes and belongings into his room.”

“Snitch,” he mutters under his breath.

You can’t help the giggle that erupts from your mouth and you immediately cover it. Jaehyun smiles at you fondly and you look away, unable to bear that gaze of his.

“It really won’t wash off, by the way,” Jaehyun states, scratching at his collarbone.

You narrow your eyes, smacking his arms away to roll off the couch. Taking his wrist, you walk into your bathroom and turn the tap on. Something’s strange. But also strangely right.

“Look, I already tried—ow! Don’t rub that hard!”

You blink in confusion, trying again despite Jaehyun looking like his soul already left him. It doesn’t work. Your marker isn’t even that permanent. At least his regenerating skin cells should get rid of that arrow. Unless the ink was deep enough to pierce all the layers, as in a soulmark.

You gasp.

“You were right!”

“I told you s—”

"That's the point, isn't it?" you say, realization dawning as your eyes widen. "To see if people will question the system at all."

Jaehyun shrugs. “Maybe.”

"Oh, all those unhappy marriages that could have been saved," you say as you exhale. 

Jaehyun chuckles lightly. "I think that the point was, people can be happy without their soulmates. It's whoever you make one out of. Or I Googled too many articles on anti-soulmate propaganda."

You smile, leaning in to press a kiss against his cheek. Watching his ears turn bright red is the cherry on top.

“Okay, fake-boyfriend-turned-real-soulmate.” You give him a cheeky smile. “Did you rethink your decision about sharing that Netflix password with me? I get the girlfriend free pass, right? Right?”

“I didn’t even share it with my mother.”

You whack his arm, him possibly used to it by now, judging from his lack of response. 

“Idiot.” You cross your arms. “We can Netflix… and chill then. God, I can’t believe I said that.”

Jaehyun breaks into a chuckle. “You’re so pushy.”

 “And you like being pushed around, nerd.”

“Who said that?”

Jaehyun wraps his arms around you, spinning you so that your back hits the door. He leans in to kiss you again and you smack your palm over his pouted lips. You laugh at his face, his eyes brimming with confusion.

“You’re in my apartment. I make the rules here. Think twice before you start a game with me, Mister.”

His shoulders droop. “Fine. Can you at least let me kiss you four times a day?”

“Five times, if you ask.”

He laughs before leaning in again. “Can I kiss you now?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?”

“You are one hell of a woman. Emphasis on hell.”

You laugh and grab his collar, pulling him in for the kiss that seals this deal.

You realize a few things in the moment: a) You don’t have to play roulette to find love, b) You don’t have to pick your poison to find love, and most importantly c) Love is right where you make something of it. Fate is still not in your good books but if it bends to you this way, you don’t mind at all. If Jaehyun kisses you like this every day, you don’t mind one bit. 

[antheiantics]

I just finished If We Were Villians by M.L.Rio and I have to vent

First, I am heartbroken. At the same time I feel healed and nurtured. I'm supposed to be sad, its over, but I also know the story has a continuation I'm not allowed to experience. It pisses me off, but I can't find the strength to be mad either.

The characters... Fuck these characters. They were all so multi-layered and fucking relatable, all of them, in different aspects.

Honestly I just added the book to my TBR because I liked the title. I found it in a site around 10 months ago and it said it was signed by the author. I had no idea who M.L.Rio(I thought she was a man) was, but there was something in this book that just drew me in so I purchased and ordered it. It came. I was enamored with it, but being my slumpish bibliophile self, I just put it in a center place of my bookshelf, not quite ready to read it yet. Almost a month before now, I struggled to pick books for my summer vacation and without so much as a passing thought, I grabbed IWWV and realized what I had done, when I was already on my vacation. I started it two days ago and finished it no more than 20 minutes ago. Brilliant. Fed my dark academia obsession to fulfilment. Fed my heart and my brain with the gruesome images and portrayals of human nature. Helped me recover from my book hangover after The Captive Prince Trilogy.

The funny thing is it's not quite the same as emotional intensity as what a reader might get from another good book. There's some lingering feeling of both disappointment and anger rather than joy of fulfillment. It ended both happily and tragically. The characters all suffered in their own way, some overcame it, other were still in the process of it by the time one reaches the epilogue and others... Well, they might suffer until the end of their lives. Oh, who am I lying to? They were all fucked up. Will die fucked up. That's the truth of it and I am trying to soften it, but I can't.

Spoilers from down here, read at your own risk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's start with Richard:

GODS, I HATED HIM SO MUCH. But he was endearing. Endearing in some twisted freakish way. He was a narcissist to the core, openly boasting about himself as if he needed to showcase his power even though everyone knew just how talented and beautiful he was. He is one of those characters you hate to love. His death felt deserved, it was the only way to soothe his aggression towards everyone. He was... A lot to take. Not only he intimidated the space of the book, but also the mind of the reader. He might have been the antagonist of some sort but I caught myself (back when he was still alive) wondering "Where is Richard?" whenever the group assembled. Whether we as readers liked it or not, Richard was important. Not as much as he himself thought he was, but he was indeed an indispensable part of the narration, of the school, of the gang. Him constantly appearing as a ghost through the eyes of Oliver after his real death, much like his role in Caesar was a magnificent parallel. Even in death he will forever haunt them, remind them what they didn't do and how much to blame they are for everything that happened as much as he is. Still, can't figure out if he is the tragic hero or tragic villain in the story. Before his death I would have said the latter, but as the book progresses, I fail to commit to one definition of Richard and I think its best if I never do, actually. I would rather see him as the dictator, gotten drunk on his own power and fallen off the pedestal he had single-handedly built for himself. I can go on for days. The one that died first turned out to have much deeper significance than what I had anticipated.

Oliver:

Such. A. Sweetheart.

So cute, so kind, so thoughtful, so naive, so confused and...

So so so fucked up.

I had a moment during reading when I thought he was the villain all along and that there would be a major plot twist, saying he rightfully took the blame and had decieved the readers with his thorough retelling of the story. But, no. He started being and ended being the sweetest of them all.

The only thing that pissed me off was him (and James for that matter) being so queer for each other and never acknowledging it (until the end of the book that is) From the first scene with them together, I knew. You would have to be blind not to know. It was obvious. And yet they didn't admit it, didn't want to. Not for some "OH, shit I'm gay but I want to be straight" reason, no. I'm sure they were both afraid to lose each other if they so much as admitted what they felt. I hope that they both enjoy that lost time now. They deserve it.

Meredith:

It's safe to say I hated her more than Richard but I also loved her more than him. She was right to want him dead, they all were, but she was the one that was in a relationship with this major aggressor.

She is so insecure, so smashed by all that attention she got throughout the whole book. There was a moment where I wondered if she would kill herself, but she's a tough bitch and I respect that in her.

She deserved better than this. Both as a person and as an actress.

I didn't like her most of the time. How she clung to Richard and then how she clung to Oliver and every other boy between that. She treated herself as a rag and wondered why everyone else were doing the same. She blamed it on the fact, she was treated like that from the start, but she let it be that way. Had she not been so insecure of her talent and self things would have turned out differently, I suppose.

Philippa/Pip:

A QUEEN.

She's me and I am she in terms of friendship. She's always there, always ready to help, always ready for everything, even murder.

Pip is also honest, unapologetically real.

I have not much to say about her as I am fully convinced that she, Oliver and James were my favorite characters and when a favorite character is in the equation my brain is like "Nope, just scream it out, they'll understand so-"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKSKSNDNENDNDNDNDJDJDJDNENBEBDJDJDJDKJEND

I would have liked her to be more goal-oriented and determined to get what she deserved, but I suppose the plot wouldn't have developed the way it did.

Her and Camilo. Muah. Chef's Kiss. Didn't expect it, but I should have from the moment I read she called him Milo.

Wren:

Well, I don't have much to say about her except that she was sweet as fuck and the whole book fucked up a perfectly acceptable Tinkerbell character and made her broken puff of feathers and spilled ink. A waste of potential, in some ways. She's the typical gentle character that couldn't take the pressure of, anything, now that I think about it.

I liked her, but not quite. She was lovable but too innocent and good for me. She got fucked up by all those prematurely fucked up characters and she deserved better.

Alexander:

A mood. Hands down the biggest mood in the whole book. Save for the drug overdose he was an absolute icon, slaying through the plot like no other. I waited patiently for all of his appearances and none disappointed. He may think that Caesar was what fucked them up but I don't think so. As Philippa said, they were all more or less fucked up before Dellecher.

I was sad not to find out how it went between him and Collin because the boy did seem to care for him even though, Alexander didn't appear to think much further than sex 90% of the time. Such a diva.

James:

Now, now. He's my boy. No touchy touchy.

Beautiful.

Gorgeous.

A brilliant ice cube melting and becoming a blue fire on the stage. That's what he is. He felt double natured. He felt like the sparrow. There was this idea of him being unapproachable and distant even when he was with his friends. That's what made him so well suited for Oliver, because Oliver just KNEW him. He just knew that underneath this cold beautiful exterior lay a sweet boy who just wanted to do what he loved and he wanted to be the best in it,but his life got fucked up enough for him to break completely.

No one actually managed to underatand him except Oliver and Philippa. This is partly why those two are in my top 3. They knew James. Oliver knew him because he loved him and Philippa straight up knew every single one of them, how they operated and how they felt but she didn't think it was her place to say or meddle.

James didn't love Wren. I believed it for a couple of chapters but it just didn't add up. He loved her like a sister but pretend to love her as something more just because he wanted to escape the thoughts of Oliver.

I knew he was the one that hurt (he didn't kill him, they all did) Richard. The way he panicked and wanted to help when he saw Richard moving and how desperate he was to help. Because he was sorry and because he was terrified. I saw him for the real person he was at that moment. I saw the gears twisting and turning in his head as he was always thinking.

He's alive. That's what I like to believe. I'd like to also believe that he and Oliver got together at last when Oliver found him or if not, I'd be happy to just know that James is alive and well.

This book is a major 10/10 for me. I'm still not over the fact that it's over, I haven't processed it. I don't feel empty, but I feel spent and more accepting of what's to come. Let be.

My love for Shakespeare is fueled even more now. I'm off to read some classics before I decide if I want to continue with other books or let this one just... Sink in.

[ay-miphae]

Hey guys I did it

i did the art challenge called astronomber where i drew the astronomer (hansi kürsch) every day for a month

here are the highlights complete with WAY too many headcanons and worldbuilding snippets. anyway I wonder if there's any similar challenges for OCs because wow drawing the same character every day for a month even if it's kind of low effort does kind of force you to develop the character

also!! I do not recommend using OneNote to draw many things at once!! why do I even use OneNote to draw when CSP is right there!!

Day 1

Feat. me trying to get better at drawing faces and Cap and Astro meeting for the first time. Kind of. An eccentric and overambitious teenager (Cap) finds the first Smart Space Person he can find, namely the guy who graduated top of his class with a degree in astrophysics (Astro). Cap gives him his entire Starblade sales pitch. Astro is overstimulated and wants to go home.

Day 2

Sorry guys it just happens to be pride month too ik I literally just posted something similar. HOW NOT TO KILL THE PLANET.PDF and the implication that it was actually 3:27 AM when I drew this make this funny to me

Days 4 and 5

Preliminary character designs really. That's it Unfortunately I have developed a toxic trait called being extremely specific with my Astro headcanons. He's 37 years old by the events of the Source (ik I de-aged him, something something the downfall of the Starbladers was too much youthful energy and not enough foresight, something something not too large of an age gap with Cap) so this involved me watching Imaginations Through The Looking Glass (2004) for reference a lot (And Then There Was Silence live oh my GOD)

Day 8

Redraw of... a self-insert AU from a year ago. Here he is in The Day That The World Breaks Down

Day 10

Thanks Maë

Day 11

OMG it's BLORBO BLEEBUS. Thanks Stormy

Day 13

Gotta run apocalypse run my way outta this place Not pictured is an objectively horrible doodle of Astro saying "I hate the French," thanks enbymetalhead (we love French people here, no French people were harmed in the making of this post)

Day 14

Hi this one comes with Headcanons. Captain (Altair) has two older siblings named Vega and Deneb because I love astronomical symbolism. Cap and his sibs are basically the nepo babies of a giant aerospace monopoly so while his sibs are off being unpleasant and conniving and figuring out how to get richer (while also screwing over the entire planet) Altair's got other plans and it gets him completely estranged from his entire fam. Anyway Vega and Astro (Estel) are the same age and were at one point academic rivals in elementary/middle school. At least only Vega saw it that way because Estel's head was in the clouds way too much to actually acknowledge a rivalrly brewing. He's just. Brilliant. Also. Unintentionally. Vega gets petty and skips ahead multiple years of school and graduates at age 15 (as do Deneb and Altair later on), never thinks about Estel again UNTIL it turns out this guy is actually brilliant and - gasp! - helping Altair with his wacko plans. Vega probably corners Estel extremely passive-aggressively at some point like "ohh so you finally got your PhD, you better rethink putting these Ideas into my little brother's head or else all of Sammet Industries will be against you :)" not like Vega cares about Altair at all really Oh and also a goofy Star of Sirrah Astro

Day 16 18

FLUFF AND ANGST AND FLUFF AND- "All I ever want is to be at your side" is because I was listening to Skalds and Shadows on loop and also I love @ Zarak's headcanon that Cap has freckles like stars in constellations

Day 17

Some sillies reading ASTROPHYSICS FOR NERDS ALPHAN EDITION and attending ALPHAN UNIVERSITY because the running gag of appending Alphan in front of everything gives me life honestly

Day 18 (again)

Oh my god this one is me projecting about getting into the physics program at my university help. Also Astro at various ages because the tired professor look is so real and I think Hansi had curly hair at one point why do I even know these things

Day 19

Bro in university. Bro zoning out and becoming one with the stars. I don't even know what's going on with the captions here

Day 20

this might exceed 30 images tbh I might need a new post Okay probably my most comprehensive outfit ref for Astro which probably says something about my lack of actual refs but. Kind of rotates through the same few sweater/button up combos with something of a light academia aesthetic. Everybody gets their own Starblade-issued uniforms (plot-wise this would probably be from Run Apocalypse Run onward) with the obligatory Source green overlay, very much a more modular sci-fi design. And also him as Forever 🕈 (I have that symbol to copy and paste on speed dial) Evolution into a Forever takes place over a long period of time, but certain effects, like immortality, happen immediately.

Day 24

More canon lyric stuff. Aquatic Race and Into The Ocean. Not even sure what I'm including and not including in this post but at one point I sketched Astro as the guy from the Beyond The Red Mirror cover because I'm very normal about BTRM. Speaking of things I'm normal part I'm also very normal about the part in The Last Candle Live where Hansi goes "guardian guardian guardian of the blind guardian guardian guardian of the blind GUARDIAN GUARDIAN GUARDIAN OF THE BLIND RAAAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA" and laughs maniacally and whips aside the microphone stand extremely dramatically, so much so that I used it as a reference like three times and it looks kind of cool I guess

Day 25

HAHAH OKAY! Human Compulsion time plus. Headcanons.

Five years before the Source: Altair Sammet, arrested on multiple charges of fraud and treason. It's maybe the second or third time this has happened, surely he's got enough wealth to be bailed out another time and this is just another minor setback. Estel Kürsch knows otherwise. He's been keeping up with what the other Sammets really think, almost obsessively. They aren't coming for him this time. Altair is important though. Not just for Alpha's survival but... to him as well. Estel doesn't know what to do but, anxiety ridden and later deeply in dept, somehow pulls the right strings for Altair to avoid serious legal trouble. It's here that Estel realizes the lengths he would go to for this man, for the entire planet and human race and swears to love him forever. Altair realizes he can't do it all on his own. He breaks down a bit.

Millions, billions of years later. Altair is no longer his name. Forever [Eagle], if he even remembers that. A hollow shell of the radiant individual he once was. He is filled with so much disappointment and burnout and so much anger that's all given way to ... nothingness.

He won't stand the company of anybody, except a select few. Forever 🕈 is one of them. He seeks him out in the depths from time to time. A husk. But still alive.

Forevers have webbed fingers, and it's difficult to hold hands.

The burden of responsibility is on 🕈 again. He hates to have to be the spokesperson for a dying world again. But he was there, on Alpha, if only a distant memory. And on the behalf of Altair and his other friends of old who completely lost themselves, he must speak up.

"In a world of tomorrow dreams, our future lies"

(my handwriting is pretty illegible but that's the gist of it)

My draft deleted right here so everything from here on is a rewrite but fortunately it saved most of it ahah

Day 26

The science pals (Chemist and Biologist)! Look how whimsical they are when the world is on the brink of imminent disaster 🥰

Day 27

Because Stormy drew Cap wearing Astro's sweater and it's knee-length on him so we were wondering what if Astro stole Cap's clothes Also I gave Astro a sister! And then I take her away for character development reasons! Vanna (the Ever-Young, something something Tolkien + it was the first name I thought of), she dies for reasons that could have otherwise been avoided had Alpha not been so environmentally screwed or something, haven't thought of the details, something about Astro channeling his grief/trauma from that into intense escapism + idealism

Day 29

Was listening to 01011001 so here's this funky River of Time Theory as to why Astro adopts the Celtic cross as his Forever symbol: you know how Tobias Sammet wears a cross pendant a lot? Like it's on his character photo on the Source artbook and everything? I typically draw Captain wearing a compass instead because it fits better ig, but maybe Cap does have a similar pendant. I'm not sure what it would symbolize, Alphan cultures and symbols being different yet similar to Earth's and all. Anyway. Cap loses it several thousand (maybe millions?) years after their arrival on Y, this is around when he starts becoming an emotionless husk. Astro finds it, it invokes something in him, he swears to be the one to speak up on behalf of his friends' lost vitality. A motivation or reminder, maybe.

Day 30

Uhhh here's what he thinks about several others on the Starblade, again with my crappy handwriting so here we go: Captain: his husband, loves him for many different reasons Biologist: trusted colleague, he wishes he was more like her Prophet: does NOT understand how stars work. he SWEARS TO THE MIGRATOR if he hears someone talking about astrology AGAIN- Chemist: brilliant but he still keeps his walls up Historian: trusted mentor with seemingly infinite knowledge TH-1: forgot what I was planning to do with him in my headcanon LMAO so excuse to draw a tiny low-effort TH-1

...

Uhhhyeah that's what I've been up to last month, Arjen should give me a gold medal for this or something idk thanks for listening to my brainrot

i am making a new art challenge called astronomber where i draw the astronomer (hansi kürsch) every day for a month good morning and good night

[things-we-cant-say]

pretty little liar

Pairing: Ten x Female!Reader

Summary: In order to get your annoying ex off your back, you tell a little white lie that takes an unexpected turn.

Genre: College!AU

Warnings: Smutty smut, dirty dancing

Word Count: 4,867

A/N: Unable to withstand Ten’s power any longer, I had to start writing about him…or a version of him anyway. Hope someone out there enjoys my first dip into the ~imagines~ pond. ☺️

The party was in full swing by the time you and your best friend Amy arrived, the music so loud it could be heard down the street. It was a wonder the cops hadn’t broken it up yet but hey, the night was still young. Ducking through the arched doorway with Amy hot on your heels, you let her guide you into the foyer where you both stopped to take in the scene. The place was packed with people dancing, drinking and laughing—everyone apparently having a great time. Which was perfect for you because all you wanted to do was blow off a little steam and pretend you hadn’t spent the day fantasizing about committing the perfect murder.

You enjoyed school for the most part and you enjoyed your classes, but really you couldn’t wait for it all to just be over. Two extra years and your master’s degree in linguistics was almost within your grasp. You still weren’t one hundred percent what you planned to do with it (teaching was definitely out) but either way you were ready to dive into the real world. To no longer be stressed out about exams and papers and boring ass professors that constantly seemed to have a stain on their tie.

And to get far, far away from your stupid ex, Adam.

“Uh oh you have murder face,” Amy said as she peeped around to look at you. “What’s wrong?”

You shrugged. “Just in my head I guess.”

Amy hummed. “I get it. That’s why we are here though! To get fucked up and do something we regret in the morning.”

You laughed. “Guess we’re Uber-ing home.”

She grinned and grabbed your wrist, pulling you over to a table loaded with different types of alcohol. The guy ‘tending bar’ as it were winked as you two approached. “What can I get you for?”

“Something with alcohol but where we can’t taste the alcohol!” Amy exclaimed happily. “Oh! And if you’ve got any little umbrellas I’d like one of those too.”

He did finger guns and proceeded to cook something up in two red cups, sticking in two pink umbrellas when he was done. You and Amy took your drinks and after a cursory sniff, took a sip. The tequila wasn’t as strong as with a single shot but you could still detect it just not enough to make you stop drinking. Unlike Amy you didn’t plan to get completely fucked up but you weren’t going to say no to a nice buzz.

Cups in hand you migrated onto the dance floor and fell in with everyone else, bopping to the beat and scream chatting over the loud music.

“I really needed this!” Amy yelled. “Statistics is kicking my cute little ass!”

“I know what you mean!” You shouted. “But hey! Soon we’ll be done and actual jobs will be kicking our cute little asses!”

Laughing, Amy bounced up and down, sending her blonde hair flying. “Is that why you’ve been so grumpy lately? Or is it…he who shall not be named?”

With a sigh you took a big sip of your strawberry margarita. “Yeah. He keeps fucking calling me and leaving me these stupid ass messages, apologizing and shit. I’ve blocked him but he just uses someone else’s phone.”

Amy’s eyes stretched wide. “That’s like stalker behavior! Or maybe he really is sorry for what he did.”

You snorted. “Sorry for having sex with his ex in the backseat of my car? As far as I am concerned he can take his ‘sorrys’ and shove them so far up his ass they come out his mouth as safaris!”

Amy choked a little on her drink, hitting you hard on the arm in admonishment after she stopped coughing. “I hate you! I could have died!”

Her words made you smirk. “But did you? No but for real, fuck Adam. Fuck Adam and anyone who even looks like Adam!”

“Woo!” Amy threw both hands up into the air, yelping as liquid sloshed down onto her head. “Oh shit! Drink emergency I’ll be right back!”

Before you could say anything, she turned and hurried back towards the drink table. Alone in the middle of a dancing crowd, you didn’t know whether you should slink over to a corner or just keep dancing. That last thing you wanted was some random dude trying to groove with you. Of course if you decided to hold up the wall nothing would stop some random dude from trying to hit on you either. At a bit of a loss you drained the rest of your drink and did a I don’t really know anyone two step, hoping Amy would return soon.

The tequila settled nice and warm in your stomach, making you feel more at ease. Most of the people at the party were from your school but not ones you associated with on like, a daily basis. Sure you recognized a few faces from the library or cafeteria but there was no one you’d had more than a surface conversation with.

And then your eyes landed on him. Ten.

Ten was a…different sort of person altogether. He was the kinda guy CW shows thought actually existed in college, except he was very real. And very much fucking gorgeous in that unattainable way CW shows also loved. However, that sort of did him a disservice because as far as you knew, he was just a decent guy who happened to be able to do some pretty awesome things.

For example, he was an amazing dancer. The kinda dancer that just freaking mesmerized you when he moved. Had you wondering how in the hell had he taught his body to do that shit? One minute he was in total sync with everyone else and the next he was performing his solo and blowing your mind. He’d done some show a few months ago with a friend and you’d nearly flipped out of your chair watching him work. The body rolls, the attitude, the way he’d just commanded the stage…whew. Was it possible to be a fan of someone who wasn’t famous?

Then there was his art; things he designed himself or drew from memory. Art class was essentially where you’d sorta came to be acquaintances with him. You weren’t exactly good at drawing but you liked it enough that you wanted to improve, plus it helped you de-stress after particularly hard days. Ten on the other hand excelled and just like with dancing, it was interesting to watch his process. He’d described himself as a sensory artist so he wasn’t always as concerned with the end product as the professor sometimes wanted him to be. From your eye though he’d yet to create anything that wasn’t remarkable. In fact, more than once you’d wanted to ask him to design a tattoo for you, but felt it would be kinda weird. He had no idea what you were into after all. So far your conversations with him had consisted of colors and that one time he’d asked to borrow one of your brushes.

You were pretty sure he’d sold something to an art gallery.

Anyway so Ten could dance and he could draw and he could sing and he was fluent in several languages; as far as you knew the only thing he was kind of shit at was cooking. But who hadn’t set a class kitchen on fire once or twice? Or three times…

If he were an asshole—well people would probably still crush on him—you’d count that as a major flaw and want to keep your distance. But the kicker was that he could do cool things and he was nice. Dorky even especially when it came to cute animals. Was always posting pictures of himself at the animal shelter playing with the kittens and the puppies, or just acting like an idiot with friends. Yet it was that confidence that made him seem untouchable, and also made him sexy as fuck. More than once you’d fantasized about biting his Adam’s apple.

Heh.

Shaking your head, you fanned lightly at your face with both hands. Maybe stepping outside for some fresh air would be a good idea.

“Y/N!” Amy nearly tripped over her pretty sandals in her hurry to get back to you. “Weewoo weewoo weewoo!”

“Um…”

She grabbed your shoulder. “It’s a police siren! We have a code red situation here, I repeat a code red! Adam just walked in!”

“What?” You blinked and immediately looked towards the doorway, brows narrowing when you saw she was right.

Standing there in a white t-shirt in his formerly handsome glory was your ex-boyfriend, Adam. Once upon a time you’d thought the world of him; thought he was the kinda guy you could probably marry someday. The kinda guy you’d introduced your family to. Turns out he was the kind of guy that hooked up with his ex in your car repeatedly until finally being caught in the act. Sure it had been gratifying to make him and her walk home half naked but it had done nothing to quell the pain left behind. Thankfully though your pain quickly turned to anger and now you usually focused on not murdering him when he popped up. There was a lot you could forgive but cheating was firmly in the do not cross zone. Everything you’d felt for him evaporated the moment you saw him with her.

And he’d promised he was over her. Lying piece of shit, you thought to yourself.

“What the hell is he doing here?! Does he even know anyone here?” you asked with a frown.

“I dunno!” your friend said slowly. “It’s possible, big campus and all. Do you want me to help you climb out of the bathroom window?”

“Yeah my boobs aren’t fitting through one of those skinny ass windows,” you replied wryly. “Though to be honest I’m almost willing to risk it. C’mon let’s—”

It was too late. Adam spotted you like an arrow searching for its target, eyes registering shock and then elation. He reached you in three quick strides, opening his arms for a hug that he was damned crazy to expect. “Y/N. Wow you—you look amazing. I’m so glad we ran into each other.”

You huffed. “I’m not. I told you we’re over Adam. Or does me blocking your calls not get the message across?”

He exhaled deeply. “Look I know I messed up but I’m sorry. Classes were just really tough and—and Lucy and I would reminisce about old times…”

“Do I look like I give a shit? You cheated on me and we’re over.” The lie came so easily. “Besides, I’ve moved on.”

“Yeah!” Amy poked him in the chest. “She’s moved on so suck it!”

Adam arched a brow. “You’ve moved on?” He sounded skeptical and that made your blood boil. “Since when? And with who?”

You’d once heard that Hippocrates came up with the saying drastic times call for drastic measures though it wasn’t something you’d be willing to bet money on. However, standing there with your ex eying you like he just knew you were lying brought a whole new meaning to the idiom. You would one hundred percent be damned before giving him the satisfaction of gloating.

Tequila’s kicking in…

Without missing a beat, you put a hand on your hip and motioned to Ten. “Him. I’m seeing him.”

Amy made a sound like a cat having its tail stepped on while Adam gaped at you. “What? I—no. No way. You’re totally lying. I’ve seen the people he’s dated and you’re not his type at all.”

This bitch.

Twirling on your black heels, you strolled across the room to where Ten sat in an arm chair, chatting with a few of his friends. Before you could talk yourself out of it, you straddled his lap and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I know this is awkward as fuck—I’m so sorry—but if you just play along I will owe you big time. I’ll give you anything. You need a kidney? You can have a kidney.”

Ten’s friends had gone mute and as you sat back to gauge his reaction—or to possibly be thrown off of him—you bit your full bottom lip. His dark eyes were watching you calculatingly, his own lips pursed together like you were a riddle he needed to solve. Up close he was utterly breathtaking, all smooth skin and silky black hair that fell artfully across his forehead. He smelled incredible.

And then he spoke.

“There you are baby,” he said wrapping an arm around your waist. “I’ve been looking for you.”

That was when you figured you owed him your first born but it was fine. “Well, you found me. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

He chuckled. “You’re worth waiting for.”

His friends still looked confused though they didn’t have time to voice their opinions. Adam stalked over seconds later like a man on a mission. “So it’s true? You and Y/N are together?”

Ten tilted his head to the side and you saw the moment the lightbulb went off for him. “Yeah we’re together.”

Adam huffed. “Since when? For how long? Where did you two meet?”

Ten smirked. “Are you taking a survey or something?” He brushed his lips across your jaw, making you shiver. “The only thing that matters is that she’s mine. Let’s dance, Y/N.”

“I would love to,” you replied with a smile. You were also grateful he’d remembered your name.

You climbed off of his lap and took his hand, sending Adam a you thought look before pulling Ten out into the thick of the crowd. Your heart was beating a mile a minute but you felt too giddy to pay much attention to it. Plus, you knew Adam was watching you like a hawk and you didn’t want to let on how nervous you actually were. If he found out you were lying he’d never leave you alone and consider you pathetic to boot. Besides the nice buzz that was finally creeping down your spine told you everything would be fine. How could it not be?

Ten’s hands settled low on your hips and he gave you a little tug, pulling your back to his chest. You fit rather perfectly with him, his chin brushing the top of your head. Picking a rhythm in the song that thumped with bass, you began to move together. You rolled your ass against him and leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder, focusing on his breath as it ghosted across your neck. A silver of light wouldn’t have been able to get between you.

Normally you wouldn’t have dared to do something like this with a near stranger but your desire to make your ex suffer was bigger than your nerves. Besides Ten appeared to be all in on the ruse; his body twisting and curving in sync with yours, fingers on his right hand sliding up between your breasts to wrap lightly on your throat. His teeth nipped at your earlobe and you gasped. Reached around to his side to clasp his shirt for an anchor. You heard him chuckle and suddenly you were spun away from him only to be reeled back in, this time face to face.

The room felt like it was two hundred degrees. You weren’t exactly wearing much—a slinky black dress with tiny ties at the hem—but even that seemed too much. Without missing a beat though you and Ten continued to grind with one another, his thigh just barely pushed between your own. Every time you swayed forward to meet him the denim of his jeans rubbed deliciously against you, sending sparks sprinting through your veins. Both of his hands were on your ass as if helping to guide you, and as you met his gaze you couldn’t help but bite your lip at what you saw there. Desire, lust, hunger—no one had ever looked at you like that before. Like they could just devour you and still not have enough of you.

It made you feel powerful.

You grinned and wrapped an arm around his neck, fingers giving his hair a little tug. He hissed and lowered his head so that he could mouth at your bare shoulder, hands squeezing your ass so hard it nearly hurt. You weren’t sure when you started to get wet—maybe it was the moment you sat on his lap or he decided to play along with your dumb stunt—but you could tell it now. Your panties were sticking to you, your skin was on fire and it was becoming difficult to think straight. Honestly however you didn’t want to think at all, especially not if it meant not being in Ten’s orbit.

“Ten,” you whispered into the skin under his jaw.

He hummed, the sound vibrating through your body. You plastered your hand to his chest and pulled it down, nails catching on the thin material of his shirt until they were brushing along the zipper on his jeans. You gave him a quick squeeze—he was hard and straining—and he cursed loudly. Between one second and the next he was dragging you down a dimly light hallway, past kissing couples and one guy passed out drunk in the doorway of someone’s room. He swung you both into the first vacant room he came to; a lavish bathroom at the very back of the house. The door was closed with a swift thump and the lock clicked shut.

You licked your lips as he crowded you back into the counter, looking down at you with a tiny smirk. That part of your brain that yammered on about bad decisions was surprisingly quiet, so you figured it was beyond okay to pull him down for a kiss. As with most of the stuff he did, Ten was a damn good kisser. His mouth was soft and warm, his tongue playful and coaxing. He kissed you like he’d been waiting to kiss you for a long time. Until it grew deep and sensual. Until you were both panting with the need for air but neither wanting to let go of the moment.

With a gasp you tilted backwards a bit, your knees suddenly weak. “Fuck me,” you said absently.

“Can I?” Ten asked, chest heaving. “Can I fuck you?”

“God yes,” you replied, already pulling your dress up until it hitched around your waist.

Ten hooked his thumbs onto the band of your pink panties and slid them down your legs, laying them next to the sink. He looked you over with that same eye he used for his art but you could tell he liked what he saw. You grabbed his hand and brought it between your legs, spreading them wider for him. Two of his fingers slipped inside of you without any resistance to find you damp and aching, already so hot for him. He started a lazy rhythm—in and out, in and out—like he was in no hurry at all. Like he wasn’t driving you crazy all the way down to the tips of your toes.

He kept his eyes locked onto yours as he touched you, lips slightly parted like he couldn’t believe this was happening. That rang true for both of you. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d ever really be friends with Ten, let alone about to hook up with him. It was like you’d stumbled into some alternate universe.

Bringing his free hand up to your cheek, he smoothed his thumb across your lips, pressing lightly until you let him in. You sucked his thumb into your mouth and gave it a little nip, smiling when he smirked. When he deemed it wet enough, he pressed it to your clit and you moaned, your hips stuttering upward with a will of their own. He began a firm massage, working your clit this way and that, fingers still thrusting in their maddening motion. Of course he’d be great with his hands. Of course he’d be able to play your body like a finely tuned instrument.

Pressure started to build low in your stomach. “I—I’m…”

“Turn around.” Ten took a step back and made a show of sucking his fingers into his mouth, tongue darting out to lick between them like he wanted to savor every drop.

You whimpered but did as he requested, your eyes finding his in the wide silver mirror. You watched as he unzipped his pants and pushed them along with his dark colored briefs down to the floor. You hadn’t seen him pull out a condom but he had one; ripping open the packaging with his perfectly straight teeth before rolling it onto his hard cock. It was a delicious looking thing you had to admit, long and thick with a slight curve. If you’d had the time you would have gladly went to your knees for him.

A low breath shuddered out of Ten’s lungs as he pushed inside of you, his hands gripping your waist so strongly you were bound to have a few bruises later. “Fuck, you’re tight.”

It had been a while since Adam and nobody after him until now.

When he assumed you’d adjusted to the size of him, he pulled nearly out before driving back inside of you. You moaned and pushed back to meet his thrusts, feeling the pleasure shattering through you. Your breasts bounced as he moved and he reached a hand forward, tugging down the top of your dress so that he could cup one. He rolled your nipple between his fingers and pinched, bending over you so that he could bite down onto the tender skin of your shoulder. The motion sent him even deeper and you both groaned at the feeling.

“Te—Ten,” you stammered, losing your train of thought when he rolled his hips liked he did on the dance floor. “Oh fuck! Fuck!”

The picture you made in the mirror was a very erotic one; you could see every single expression on Ten’s handsome face. The utter enjoyment he was obviously finding in fucking you was written all over it; there was nowhere for it to hide. His head was tipped back, eyes fluttering closed only to pop back open so that he could watch himself shove into you over and over again. He had you up on your tip toes, nose just an inch from the mirror itself. He was always sexy but tonight that word took on a whole new meaning.

All you could do was try to give as good as you got.

You slapped a hand onto the sink to steady yourself and clenched around him, reveling in the low whine that escaped his throat. It kinda sounded like your name.

And then he was pulling all the way out, dick bouncing as he stumbled backwards. You blinked in confusion. “Wh--what’s wrong?”

Ten ran his fingers through his hair. “C’mon. I want you to ride me.”

He sat down on the closed toilet seat lid and you straddled him without a second thought, sinking down onto his dick with a full body shudder. With your dress around your waist and your breasts jiggling in his face as you bounced up and down on his cock, he traced his tongue around your nipple before lightly biting down. You tangled your fingers in his hair and panted out his name, letting out a squeak when his palm connected with your ass for a hard slap. Planting his feet on the floor, he leaned you backwards a bit as he drove into you repeatedly, eyes watching how well your pussy took him.

“You’re beautiful,” he murmured against your collarbone. “Gorgeous—you feel so good.” He bit you again, this time on the side of your neck. “So good.”

With one hand on his shoulder to brace yourself, you rose up and let yourself come down hard over and over again, feeling him pound so deep it was almost criminal. Had the music not been so loud you knew exactly what you would have heard; the sound of skin hitting skin as Ten fucked you like he owned you. Just for tonight, maybe he did.

You weren’t sure how long it went on but when you came it still managed to take you by surprise. Your body lit up like a Christmas tree from the inside out and you cried out Ten’s name, clenching around him, your nails digging into his shoulder blades. He muttered a drawn out fuuuuck and pinched your clit with this thumb and forefinger, making you jerk so hard you nearly tumbled off his lap.

“Ah! Ten!” You shouted as he kept it up. “I—no—oh god—”

Your pussy tightened around him again and he shivered, thrusts growing erratic as he came with a grunt. You trembled through a second orgasm almost in disbelief—usually the only thing that could get you off twice in a row was hidden under your bed in a shoe box.

Seconds later you flopped against him, attempting to catch your breath. He was still rolling his hips just a tiny bit, making all the too sensitive areas ping.

“Whoa,” he said breathlessly, wrapping both arms around your waist. “That was…”

You chuckled softly. “Yeah…” Chancing a look at him, you admired the way strands of his dark hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. He was glistening, shirt sticking to his chest. He smelled like hints of your perfume and you smelled like hints of his cologne. It was all so intimate.

Reluctantly you sat back and gazed at him, wondering if things were about to get awkward. But Ten just smiled and ducked his head a little, a barely there blush creeping up into his already flushed cheeks. It was so adorable you couldn’t have resisted kissing him if you tried. From the way he melted into you, he’d had the same idea.

After a few minutes of just enjoying the feel of his lips against yours, you forced yourself up off of him. Your legs shook; you had to grab the counter to keep from tripping in your heels. You could already tell you’d still feel him tomorrow and the thought made you kinda dizzy, but in a good way. Blinking at your reflection—your hair was a dark mess—you knew there was no way you’d be able to hide the love bites that adorned your skin. They stood out stark red and purple like a bruise.

Ten remained slouched on the toilet for a couple of moments before removing the condom and tossing it into the trash. He dabbed at his dick with a handful of toilet paper, and then pulled up his underwear and jeans. “So…can I ask you something?”

You fixed your dress. “Sure.”

“Who was that guy?” he inquired with a grin. “The one you obviously wanted to get away from.”

Oh shit you’d forgotten all about Adam! “Oh he—he’s my dumb ex. He jumped stupid at me and I—I wanted to show him that he’s an idiot. That I’m totally over him. I—I’m sorry for getting you involved.”

He laughed as he patted down his hair. “No complaints from my end. I think he got the message though.” Reaching behind you he handed you your panties. “Don’t wanna forget these.”

It was ridiculous to be embarrassed considering what you’d both just done, but you couldn’t help it. You took them from him and pulled them on, keeping your eyes on the ground. “Thanks… Look Ten—”

“I’m hungry,” he said interrupting you. “Have you ever had grilled dried pollack?”

“Um yeah once I think,” you replied uncertainly. “It was pretty tasty.”

Ten motioned behind him. “I know a place that makes it if you wanted to go. And…maybe afterwards we could just hang out. Talk.”

That sounded amazing. “I’d love to. But…”

He picked up on your meaning. “Y/N I sit next to you in all of our art classes. I make conversation with you for no reason. Do you really think I of all people forget my brushes? Honestly I’ve wanted to ask you out for a while but you’ve always seemed…disinterested.”

You were dumbstruck by his admission. “Me?! That’s just my face! You’re the unattainable ingénue or whatever!”

Ten chuckled, folding his arms across his chest. “Oh please the only thing standing between me and being a serious cat dad is having an apartment that allows animals. However, this conversation is pointless. You owe me and I’m collecting…if that’s okay?”

You huffed but couldn’t stop grinning. “It’s perfect.”

The walk from the bathroom to the living room had everyone staring with a few people letting out loud whistles. Adam had disappeared but Amy was there to give you a big thumbs up. You promised to call her later and then let Ten pull you outside into the warm night air, your fingers happily entwined with his.

[dreamerstreamer]

Noise Complaint

Pairing: Wilbur Soot x gn!neighbour!reader

Summary: The guy living next door to you never seemed to shut up, and one day you decide that you’ve had enough. 

Word Count: 2.2k

A/N: this work was inspired by wilbur’s recent eviction notice (lol), dodie’s song, absolutely smitten, and my recent pasta addiction! by the way, this may or may not be entirely accurate, but who cares? let me have some fun!

You hummed as you scooped the last of the pasta onto your plate, furrowing your brows. Something’s missing. 

It hit you in a flash, your eyes lighting up as you turned on your heel to scramble into your kitchen. You strolled over to the windowsill where a small potted plant sat, basking in the sun’s warm, golden rays. “Hey, basil,” you said quietly, reaching over. “This might hurt a little, but it’ll only be a pinch.”

Tugging gently and carefully, you picked a few leaves off the plant’s branches, wincing a little. “Thank you,” you murmured with an apologetic smile as you turned away, walking over to your sink. You gave the leaves a quick wash before grabbing a knife from its spot in your knife block. With ease, you chopped the leaves into smaller bits, scooping them up with one hand while the other set the knife down on the cutting board. You skipped back over to your dining room with a small skip in your step, grinning as you took the chopped bits of basil in your hand and sprinkled them across the pasta in your plate.

Perfect, you thought to yourself with a small smile, stepping back to admire your work. With a satisfied grin, you slipped into your chair, picking up your fork as you began to dig in.

Today was your first day off in ages, and you couldn’t have been more pleased. It was a beautiful day out, and you had spent the morning out with your friends, catching up on everything over a quaint meal at your favourite restaurant. All the days spent running around for your boss suddenly felt like they were worth it and more as you laughed at your friends’ antics while you ate. While you had to part in the afternoon, you were more than happy to simply complete some household chores that you had missed out on during your usual hectic schedule. As sunset drew closer and closer, you found your stomach grumbling once more in a plea for attention and food. What better way to quench your hunger with some good ol’ pasta?

A muffled shout dragged you out of your thoughts, your shoulders jolting at the sudden noise. You let out a sharp yelp at the abrupt noise, holding a hand over your heart in an effort to calm yourself. After a second of silence passed, a frown etched itself onto your features.

Of course he was being loud, again.

You sighed, stabbing your pasta with a little more vigour. You loved your home, you really did. It was a lovely apartment with more than enough space for you to live comfortably on your own, and you had managed to get it for a criminally cheap price. It was located near your workplace and was even in a safe part of the city. Your neighbours were also wonderful, most of them being polite, friendly, and quiet.��

With one particular exception—the guy who lived directly next door to you.

You didn’t really know who he was, per se. You knew that he was your neighbour, that he mostly spent his time at home, and that he was loud. So, so loud. You didn’t think anyone could be this loud when they spent nearly all of their time in an apartment, but he somehow proved you wrong. If it wasn’t the occasional yell, then it was always “chat” this and “chat” that. What the heck was he even talking about? You didn’t know, and you weren’t sure that you cared, either. 

Even after having lived here for weeks, you still didn’t have a single clue who this guy was, but you were sure of one thing.

He was absolutely driving you up the wall.

While he wasn’t always super loud—miraculously, there were indeed quiet days—you couldn’t go more than a few days without getting startled awake from sleep or dropping something out of surprise. You were pretty sure you had already broken four dishes just because of him. Despite everything that had happened, you still hadn’t confronted him about it. You liked to believe that hey, this is just a one time thing, or it’s not so bad! You’d been feeding yourself these itty bitty white lies for weeks now, and you were starting to run out of patience.

You shook your head, examining the last piece of pasta on your fork with a roll of your eyes. Well, at least he was being quiet no—

Bang!

You yelped again, your fingers going limp in shock. Before you could even register what happened, your fork slipped from your hand, the pasta smacking landing on your shirt before sliding off you and landing on the floor. With horror, you stared down at the stain on your once pristine white shirt, the mark staring back at you mockingly.

Oh. Oh no.

You clenched your jaw, an incessant irritation clawing at the back of your mind as you stood, stomping over to your front door.

This was the last straw. You’ve had enough of his crap, and you were about to give him a piece of your mind

Pulling open your door, you only had to walk four steps before you stood face to face with your neighbour’s wooden door. Raising your fist, you knocked against the wood with an intensity that you didn’t think you were capable of. A few moments passed with no response, but you were sure you could hear some rustling on the other side of the door. You crossed your arms as you waited, tapping your foot. Just who in the world did this guy think he wa—

Just then, the door swung open to reveal your neighbour.

You blinked tilting your head back as you craned your neck at him. Your eyes widened in surprise.

He was tall, ridiculously so. With brown, fluffy hair that hung a little over his forehead and a dark, expressive gaze that looked down at you in confusion, he was also very, very cute. 

Damn him for being attractive. In another world, you might have even liked him. But right now, you had a score to settle. His attractiveness could wait.

“Hi,” you said, plastering a polite smile to your face. “I don’t think we’ve properly met before.” You extended your hand out toward him in a handshake. “My name’s [Y/N]. I live just next door.”

The confusion is his gaze parted slightly to give way to understanding. His lips curled to reveal a blinding white grin as he took your hand in his, shaking it. “Hello,” he said, his low voice practically enveloping itself around you. “I’m Wilbur Soot.”

His hands are so warm, your heart prompted. And soft. His smile is also really pretty. And his voice is so nice!

Shut up, you thought back as you pulled your hand from his. This was unfair. So unfair.

“I moved in a little under a month ago,” you began slowly, doing your best to keep your tone civil and calm, “and I only just realized that I never properly introduced myself to you.”

Wilbur’s grin only seemed to grow wider, and you hated just how sincere it was. “Well, it is certainly a pleasure to meet you.” His eyes darted down to your shirt, and you watched as he shifted awkwardly. “Oh, you, um, have something on your shirt.” He gestured to the bottom of his sweater with a sheepish smile, and you felt yourself losing your grip.

“I know,” you said between clenched teeth. “I spilled some pasta on it. As a matter of fact, I’m actually here to talk to you about that.”

His eyebrows knit together. “About pasta?”

The smile dropped from your face. Oh, that was it.

“Look,” you said sharply, feeling the slightest tinge of delight when you saw him jump a bit at your sudden shift in tone, “if I’m being blatantly honest, you can be really loud at these completely arbitrary times, and I’m just asking you to please, please be at least a little quieter. I startle easily, and your random yelling or wall-smacking or whatever have really been causing problems for me.”

“Like your shirt,” he said quietly.

“Like my shirt,” you confirmed.

The look on his face was genuinely upset, and you almost let yourself feel bad for calling him out. Almost.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I had no idea that this was a problem. This is going to sound really weird, but it’s...” He paused. “...kind of my job to occasionally yell?”

Now it was your turn to be confused. “‘It’s kind of your job...’” You shook your head. “Oh, forget it. Just... if you can, I would really appreciate if you could keep it down, even if only a little.” You grimaced. “I don’t think I can handle dropping another bowl.”

He winced, a wave of guilt flashing across his face. “Seriously,” he said, “I’m really, really sorry. The other neighbours said they were fine with me being a bit loud when I first came here, and I hadn’t even realized that you were new.” He slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a wallet. “If you’d like, I’m more than happy to reimburse you for any inconveniences you ran into because of me.”

Your eyes widened, your jaw falling slack. As much trouble as he had caused you, you didn’t want to just take his money. That would be a whole other level of petty.

Holding your hands up in front of you and waving them frantically. “No, no, no, no, no, that’s too much.” You offered him a smile, a real one this time. “Just a little more quiet is perfect for me.”

The relief on his face was evident, but there was also something else there. It sort of looked like awe. “Thank you,” he said. “I never meant to cause you so much harm. I’ll make it up to you, really! I promise.”

“Pinky promise?” you immediately said, raising your hand with your pinky extended. 

A part of you cringed a little at yourself, wondering how childish you must seem right now. Your friends always teased you about making pinky promises even as an adult, years after you had left the playground, but you stood firm in your beliefs—pinky promises were eternal. But for some reason you couldn’t name, you felt almost embarrassed by yourself.

It’s ‘cause you’re into him, your heart chirped, speaking up once more. You want to leave a good impression!

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. Shut up, shut up.

However, to your surprise, he nodded, lifting up his own pinky. “Pinky promise.”

You grinned, elation jumping through your veins. He wrapped his pinky around yours and squeezed. You squeezed back, ignoring the tingle that went down your spine as you did so.

Pulling your hand away, you offered him a bashful smile. “Sorry if I came across as really aggressive. I’m not usually like this.”

His lips quirked up at the side. “I don’t blame you, really.” He glanced down at your shirt, again. “If someone made me stain my shirt with pasta, I’d be reasonably upset, too.”

You giggled, waving a hand at him. “Well, you’re a nice guy, so I assure you I’m not that mad.” You stepped back, shooting him a teasing look. “I am going to hold you to that pinky promise, though!”

He laughed and, damnit, even his laugh was cute. “I don’t doubt it.” Stepping back inside his apartment, he raised his hand in a wave. “It was nice meeting you, [Y/N].”

You waved back. “You too, Wilbur.”

As his door fell shut, you sighed to yourself, a sense of satisfaction fell over you. Well, that went much better than I expected, you thought as you walked back to your apartment. You strode over to your kitchen table, picking up your empty plate and fallen fork, wiping off the small mark left by the pasta on the floor. He’s nicer than I thought.

You walked over to your sink, your mind swirling with the interaction you just had as you turned on the tap. Wilbur’s face flashed across your mind, and a familiar, warm buzz ran up your skin, something sweet and soft latching onto your insides like an itch you couldn’t scratch.

Oh. Oh no.

You recognized that feeling. You knew what that fluttering in your stomach was.

You like him! your heart sang, dancing around in your chest and waving a neon sign with Wilbur’s name on it. You tooootally like him!

With a groan, you frowned as you picked up a sponge. Shut up, shut up, shut uuup!

Wilbur Soot may be kind, polite, well-mannered, pretty, cute, and tall, but there was no way you were about to let him off the hook that easily. He ruined your one good white shirt! He just happened to be... less sucky than you thought.

“Wilbur Soot is just my next-door neighbour,” you said quietly aloud to yourself, scrubbing angrily at your dishes, “and I definitely don’t like him.”

But deep down, you knew that it was no use.

You were smitten.

[sophieinwonderland]

I started this draft before Aspen started supporting r/systemscringe, and wrote this:

All that really matters is r/systemscringe hates Aspen and pro-endos. Aspen hates r/systemscringe and pro-endos. Pro-endos hate r/systemscringe and Aspen.

LOL!

Looks like the sides things have gotten so much more confusing since!

The reason I didn't post this particular draft at the time was because I was worried about burning my r/systemscringe server account with this story. But since they're still pretty boring, I decided I don't mind getting banned or caged again.

So here's the completely untold story of how I was part of all three factions at once!

A few months ago, I got an ask that mentioned stuff going on in the r/systemscringe server, and I didn't want to admit that I had been successfully caged. And sure, I could have lied to get them to uncage my other account. Security is kind of laxed there.

But I hate lying. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not. I mean, in that way. Parody is different for some reason. Then I'm roleplaying, which is completely different.

Anyway, I decide instead to make a new account. I don't need long. I just need long enough to find out what the anon was referring to. But if a new account just popped up out of nowhere right when I decided to talk about the server again, they might connect it with me. I couldn't have that.

By this time, r/systemscringe has already added Aspen to their hit list, and there had been conflict between their servers with raiding back and forth. So to make sure it doesn't connect back to me, I give my new account the username "DosesOfAspen," with the handle "FakerFinder." (A reference to FakerBaiter, an old r/systemscringe mod.)

Yeah, the avatar is Lelouch Lamperouge/Lelouch Vi Britannia/Zero. The masked revolutionary protagonist from Code Geass who isn't what he seems and is hiding beneath other aliases. It seemed fitting and I specifically wanted a picture of him putting on his mask as a reference to it being a fake identity.

Because if I'm going undercover, I like leaving some hints. Otherwise, it's just not fair, you know?

While in the server, it takes an hour or two for them to cage me. By that time, I had the information I needed to reply to the anon and make it look like I had never been caged.

They also noticed my name and drew the expected conclusions:

They asked me where I got the link from in the cage...

And for a while... I didn't respond. I had what I needed. It was over...

But then... then I was bored.

So I gave them a couple truths. I told them my name didn't mean anything and that it was just a pun. (Because Aspen sounds kind of like Aspirin. I didn't say it's a good pun.) I That a real Aspen fan wouldn't use something so obvious. And that I found the link on r/systemscringe. Every statement totally factual!

They didn't let me out of the cage though, which is pretty reasonable.

And then I was bored again and decided to do some light trolling, and pretended to be a mod.

That was fun! 😁

With that experiment proving a success, I tried to take it further...

And yeah, that name's uncensored. The joke just wouldn't otherwise. 🤷‍♀️

I was kind of wondering if someone would challenge me to take my own test there and give a convincing reason why I would be a mole, and then I would confess the entire truth of being me and choosing the name I did to point the blame at Aspen's server. And then I'd see how they react.

They sadly didn't go that route, but they did at least enjoy my trolling!

And I did it some more with someone who was calling the server pathetic.

And then that earned their favor enough that the last user uncaged me! 🤣

Revealing all of this now, I'm sure they're going to ban or cage that account again. I... don't really care anymore. Like I said, the server isn't actually that interesting anymore.

Anyway, that's the story of how I was me disguised as an Aspen supporter disguised as an r/systemcringe member, and managed to escape their cage by the magic of being an entertaining enough troll that they wanted to free me.

😁

So yeah, not sure where you would put that on your graph!

Oh, and if the users from that server do see this, I just wanted to let them know...

Nameless can have their name back. It's been long enough now! They have my permission! 😉

That Moment You're Getting Schooled On Media Literacy... by r/systemscringe...

This is one of the two times a day the clock is actually right!

And this is the other!

But like, before you give them too much credit, remember that people in the r/systemscringe server were totally okay calling systems "delulu." Actually, I think they justified it the same exact way too, saying that it was okay because they suffered from delusions. 🙄

Turns out, Aspen and r/systemscringe are way more alike than either would ever want to admit.

[scolopendress-tag]

I said I'd make a post detailing my kid Asra working for Lucio theory in this post so here it is! 

So Let's get STARDED.

So! To start off, how it began. We do know when Asra and Muriel were kids, Lucio came to them each seperately with a deal.

Essentially: work for me, or I'll hurt your friend.

This was the sentiment he repeated for both of them. So, not wanting the other to be harmed, they both agree - unaware of the other's deal.

For Muriel, it was playing heel/excecutioner at the coleseium. For Asra, it was doing... Well, we never know, aside from he worked under Lucio. But that's what we are here to discuss in any case.

Continued under the read more, for the sake of people's dashes.

Now presumably, if I got my timeline right, Asra at this time would've been around 12 or 13. We don't know much about how Asra was when he was younger, other than that he has certainly changed.

It's also worth noting that it's not amiss to say they were both also still homeless at the time, and the hut hadn't come into the play until after.

Asra was still living on the streets.

This all isn't overly important for any of my claims later, but perhaps someone else could make something of it. It does provide us with some framing for the situation as a whole, though.

Now onto Asra's time under Lucio. I don't know that we have any indication of how long it was, but presumably at least a year if not more.

We do also know that Lucio knew who Asra was. Both in that he knew Aisha and Salim had a kid, and that he knew Asra was said kid.

This is bring this up because we know Aisha and Salim were incredibly talented, and likely incredibly powerful. Lucio wouldn't settle for any run of the mill magician or alchemist for the work he needed. So he must've had some idea that Asra may take after that power as well.

To top it off, he also interacted and talked with the dock kids he also used, (two of which would actually later become palace guards,) and seeing as this is seemingly how he learned of Muriel, it's not off to think that this is also how he heard of Asra again to start. The kids knew of Asra's magic, and roughly where he was, and could've even continued talking about both Muriel and Asra to Lucio for unknown amounts of time.

So now Lucio knows that the kid of his two powerful practitioners of magic is not only still around, but taking after them as well.

If Muriel's intimidating size and physical power are what drew Lucio to him, why wouldn't Asra's considerable metaphysical power and talents draw Lucio in as well?

We know how much Lucio loves power, and that he has an interest in magic because of it, as mentioned in the main story. (no ss sorry... If you have one send so I can add. )

Plus, homeless kid in a vulnerable spot. Easy pickings.

That's what I think this whole thing was about, really. It's all power. Though Asra likely didn't have the full scope of power he does in the current game, he was probably still considerably talented, and was only getting better.

What Lucio specifically probably wanted from Asra then was either to be taught how to use that power, to use Asra for things that required it, and/or use his power for entertainment akin to how he used Muriel.

I think out of these however, using him for his power was most likely. Why? (And teaching him now, more on that further down)

(Sorry for bad quality lmao it's a small image. Also thanks to @8-bit-space for showing these to me like months ago. As you can see I can't stop thinking abt it)

These are screenshots from the old prologue. While they're not canon any more, there's reason to believe they still hold merit as to how Lucio feels about Asra.

Two things to me are major here. First is the "powerful potent magic," and how it's the "real deal," equating to a large part of how he views Asra yet again tying back to a heavy interest in his power. Now, you could argue this relates to using his powers in the palace during the plague, but the second point stands out even more to me.

"The one who broke him for me?"

What this implies to me is that Lucio could never quite get all the way through to Asra or control him when he was younger, and he's been dying to do so. He wanted Asra broken, presumably so that he'll become essentially a tool for him to use for his skill and not put up a fight- something Asra likely did as a child.

Because it seems that Lucio for the most part relied on control through fear when it came to Asra, threatening to hurt Muriel, lying to him about how he executed his parents, likely other things as well. But things seem to point to that never quite working like he had hoped.

This could allude to this as well. Though "impossible" is something Asra's been called a few times, namely also by Julian, there's no reason to assume Lucio wasn't also including his work with him as a kid in "always". Impossible to hate could be his draw to Asra for his power, his talent, his skills, the prospect of which I'm sure Lucio found practically mouthwatering. Impossible to love could be his stubbornness or reluctance to do what Lucio wants, always pushing against him or being hard to deal with, both as a kid and during the plague.

And lines like this, where he calls him a coward. I find it hard to relate this to the plague ritual as he was for the most part willingly helping with that, so it could be resenment for when Asra eventually ran off as a kid, unwilling to put up with him any longer, or his reluctance to do certain things for him then in general.

We know, and it has even been mentioned by a character within the canon, that Asra can be incredibly stubborn, to back that up. Plus, he could've been even harder to work with then both being a kid and as I mentioned earlier he has changed from how he was then, so he could've had more spunk to him or such.

This also easily means that what Lucio was trying to get Asra to do then was something Asra was quite obviously opposed to. Being used for his power is already degrading enough, but there could be more to it.

You'll notice in the post that was linked at the top (the reason I'm writing this) I mentioned pushing Asra to his physical limits and magical extremes. This could be one of the reasons for a push back.

If Lucio was having Asra do things for him involving magic, it's not out of pocket to assume he'd practically run him into the ground- I'm sure he really wouldve loved testing the limits of what Asra could REALLY do.

Wether it be huge expendure of power all at once, or tons of smaller things one after the other, it would absolutely take it's toll. We are shown a few times that using magic can exhaust someone, and I don't remember if this is shown in canon ever (tell me if so!) but pushing it even further could definitely lead to other things such as passing out, (Or nosebleeds, for the aesthetic,) alongside likely being incredibly painful and draining, both mentally and physically.

Basically, abusing his powers and the body that commanded them. It's also possible that the stubborness to work with Lucio could also be partially percieved because of this- Lucio taking Asra's literal physical inability to continue as defiance.

Another reason for push back from Asra would be making him do morally compromising things. This is a little more vague, but intimidation is a common headcanon I see for what Lucio made Asra do, and that could tie in here. Other things could be meddling in things and business he shouldn't, but again, it's a vague thing. Make of it what you will. Fucked up stuff all around.

[EDIT - TEACHING LUCIO]

(THANK YOU @tea-tye for showing me these, and credits to @hangedman-magician for the video they came from!!!!!!!)

...I cannot BELIEVE I forgot this, I KNEW I was missing something. Especially when I was fairly certain I remember Lucio being obsessed with the idea of magic. SO, MOVING ON,

There's not terribly much to pick apart here as it's rather direct- Asra saying he has in fact tried to teach Lucio magic. So in my eyes this solidifies that this was a component of Asra's time under Lucio. I still think my points about Lucio treatment (pushing Asra to his limits) stand, as well.

This can also tie in the stubborness mentioned as, well, can you imagine teaching Lucio? Asra backs this up by saying nothing he has ever said stuck with Lucio, and you know how Lucio gets when things don't go his way. He would've blamed his inability to learn on Asra, likely.

Looking to other quotes mentioned: the 'broke him' line still rings to me like he was trying to use Asra in other ways, and the 'coward' line could go either way from refusing to teach Lucio certain things, or refusing to do certain things for Lucio when he was merely being used. The "impossible" line could also go for others, as trying to teach someone like Lucio would've undoubtedly caused some head butting.

This is certainly really exciting and interesting to me as it gives a more complete picture on the exact situation at hand here. I still stay by my reasoning for Lucio simply using Asra as well on top of being taught because it seems highly likely that Lucio would've been too impatient to learn to do certain things himself, and like I said as well, I don't doubt he also just wanted to see what Asra was REALLY capable of. Something he could've saw as a tantalizing insight into the kind of power he could aquire of this kid would just... work with him.

NOW we have a MUCH clearer answer as to what exactly Asra was likely doing under Lucio, or at this point, almost certainly doing. It's a sad picture for Asra of course, but with this you can draw some interesting points as to how he could've been affected by this, as I'm sure it would've left some kind of imprint on him.

Sure it may not have been as traumatic as what Muriel went through, but when you look at it, it's hard to say it DIDN'T leave it's scars. If we consider all the points presented in this post truth we have:

A 12/13 yo homeless child, threatened with his friend's life to work for the Count that he knew was the one responsible for orphaning him and making him homeless in the first place.

Said child believing his parents are still alive, and as we see in Travel at Night, could very likely still be trying to find them. In a situation like Asra's that glimmer of hope probably was a big deal in helping him push on. This may also be a reason he agreed on top of Muriel's safety.

While working under the count, he is told that his parents were executed, no doubt devastating. The manner in which this was mentioned is up for debate, and could affect exactly how it was taken. Options could be Lucio joking or bragging about it (treating it as trivial or an accomplishment), or using it to threaten Asra, (as in I killed your parents, I'll kill you too,) both would work when it comes to controlling by fear.

It is also mentioned that Lucio told him the reason for his parents execution is that they messed up his gold arm, so Asra also has the knowledge that his parents were killed over something so unbelievably trivial.

Being used as a source of power and nothing else, both for teaching and pure work/entertainment, all for the man who killed his parents, day after day.

Being pushed to physically painful and mentally draining limits, expending so much energy that he completely exhausts himself, day after day.

Likely taking all sorts of verbal abuse from Lucio, day after day.

Like mentioned earlier, it seems clear that Lucio wanted to break Asra, so some other form of trying to chip away at his psyche to make him more convenient for Lucio is likely as well.

Those points alone, to yet again a CHILD no less, seem more than enough to cause some traumatic impact, and depending on certain specifics of what exactly went on during that time, it could be worse. I may make a post looking into the long lasting effects of this on Asra, I may not. It would mostly be headcanon regardless. If you want to add your hc relating to this situation though, I'll gladly reblog it!

And now that we are closing out, it's time to revise my summary. So, without further ado, THIS is what I think was going on during this time.

Lucio knows of Asras existence and parentage.

Lucio learns Asra is around and that he's got power.

Lucio LOVES power, so he threatens Asra into working for him.

Lucio uses Asra for his power and to be taught how to use it for himself.

While using Asra for his knowledge and power, runs him into the ground by pushing his limits to physical and magical degrees, possibly even moral.

Asra pushes back against a lot of this, or is at least percieved to, frustrating Lucio.

Lucio does what he can to try and control Asra even more, primarily via fear, but can't seem to crack him.

Eventually it's too much, and Asra leaves. Likely when the plague hit like Muriel, but it's possible it could've been somewhat sooner. Lucio is PISSED, because he wanted that magical power all to himself.

Less related, I can see Lucio trying to brush it off and pretending to be fine with it, excuse being "he was too difficult to work with, anyways," or something.

...And then... years later, as far as Lucio sees it, Asra comes crawling back- and he's tamed down to a degree! He's actually working with him. Lucio might not know what or who did it, but Asra is finally broke for him, and I'm sure he was absolutely ecstatic to have that power back in his hands- and more than ever before.

Think of all of this as you would like!

At the end this is all still speculative, so definitely feel free to make your own points or say if you feel any different abt anything- expansions or counters on this theory/headcanon welcome!

And if you also have any other screenshots or info not here that could add to the theory or change the outlook of certain things definitely add them!!! I feel like I'm missing stuff for sure, and my memory has probably muddled some things (hopefully I didn't get anything wrong, though.)

And @asrascherry thanks for the offer in helping word my hcs also! I forgot to say that. This one is just so long I wouldve felt bad bringing it all to you 😔 it's probably still messy as a result but I tried lmao (worried it's repetitive or unclear 😬)

Uh yeah! That's mostly it for NOW.

+All the love to Asra for going through so much I'm so sorry bb,,

Thanks for reading!