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I Hate the Dad in Ayreon's Theory of Everything

I must begin this by saying this essay is a compliment, especially hot off the heels of my last. This isn't hate from bafflement at artistic choices and the longing want of how much better something could have been.

No, dear reader. No. This is a resounding applause, at how a single fictional man is able to incite pure unfiltered vitriol.

I have never hated a character in any sort of media as much as I hate this man. He lives rent free in an apartment of my mind that's overgrown with mould. Everytime I relisten to the album my detest for this man manages to reach heights I never thought possible for a fictional human.

Let me tell you about the dad in Ayreon's Theory of Everything.

Here's the Deal

Progressive metal ahoy, we've got another concept album. The one that kickstarted my descent into the prog rabbit hole, in fact. This album is extremely dear to me. Without this thing I wouldn't be annoying people for hours on end with guitar wanking.

Fortunately you don't need mountains of context, as explaining why I hate this guy so much means detailing the plot as we go. Huzzah!

What you do need is a little background on the band and the structure of this album. Because, dear reader, Ayreon is one of my favourite music projects of all time. I cannot recommend it enough. However, we have to talk about something very important, that being:

CHEESE

It's cheesy.

Very cheesy. Ayreon is the full package of cheesy sci fi proggy goodness and if you're not already tuned to that you're going to be raising an eyebrow or two as you pick through its discography.

But for me, I'd started my metal kick with power metal, so if anything it was less corny than I was expecting.

Calling Ayreon a band would be a bit misleading. It's better described as a musical project, headed by Arjen Lucassen. There's several 'core' members that usually pop up, and Arjen swaps out musicians, vocalists, and instrumentalists based on who would be the best fit for the current album in production.

To demonstrate this point, Ayreon has a dedicated wikipedia page just to list everyone that has participated. There is an entire table for the vocalists. With no other project will you hear Floor Jansen and Hansi Kürsch duet a verse together, and its magnitude cannot be expressed on paper.

What makes Ayreon even more special is that every album is a concept album. They all have a story to tell, and even more excitingly all intertwine into each other to form a greater narrative. I have many thoughts on Ayreonverse, but those must be restrained for another time.

Now let's move from the groundwork of Ayreon, to the groundwork of this album, to lead to why I absolutely despise this one guy to the point of needing to dish my opinions on the internet as therapy.

The Theory of Everything is stylised as ŦĦΣ ŦĦΣΦɌ¥ ΦƑ ΣVΣɌΨŦĦIΠG. Nice. THHS THHSphR円 phFH SVSRPHTHHIPG is my favourite album. For the sake of convenience let's call it TToE from now on.

Contrary to the tracklist, TToE is actually 4 songs around 20 minutes long, each dubbed a 'Phase'. Between them they're then split into 42 tracks, because of course they are. The tracks being split is pretty convenient, beyond tricking people into listening to long as hell prog songs. It gives you points in the storyline to reference quickly.

It's like the bible. If the bible was a sci fi rock opera.

I know I did, literally 5 paragraphs ago, say that every Ayreon album is connected to the other, but TToE is standalone. It's got similar themes, lyrical style, and stunningly good instrumentation, but as of writing does not connect into the main Ayreonverse storyline. You can enjoy the story whilst having no idea what goes on during the other Ayreon albums. Which does make it the perfect introduction to the project! Isn't that convenient?

If you do give this album a shot, I highly recommend having a lyric sheet pulled up in another tab. Not just to keep track of which character's which vocalist, but each song comes with a written prelude that gives you some extra story to chew on. It's a very nice bonus, but,

But.

I can't sit here on context and background much longer. I feel my anger stewing under my fingernails. It burns there, itching to be slammed into the keys to let the rest of the world know of its existence.

Hate.

When I say I'm doing a play-by-play of the plot that's no exaggeration. I'm going to be spoiling the entire thing. If any of this drivel has piqued your interest even slightly, give it a spin and come back when you're done.

Let's talk about why I hate the dad in Ayreon's Theory of Everything.

Phase 1: Singularity

We open at the end.

Our protagonist is collapsed on the floor of a lighthouse, barely alive, with two others here too late to save him. On the wall he's slumped against, a blackboard hangs ajar, filled with mathematical equations scratching the height of human understanding.

The rest of the album is what brings us here.

I should note, in most Ayreon albums the characters don't have names. They're referred to by their key role in the story. The name of our protagonist, absolutely not setting him up for potential disappointment, is the Prodigy.

We jump back 11 years before this point, and are introduced to the dickhead of the hour. The dad. I will not be going into great lengths on the entire plot, only the parts that make me angrier at his existence.

Now, I promise to try not to wax poetic on the music and the immense amount of talent on this album, but the dad is played by Mike Mills,

Mike

FUCKING

Mills,

who goes down as one of the greatest male metal vocalists alive right now. I do not care about your opinion. I do not care who you are desperately asking me to check out. I can't hear you over Mills' luscious melodies about robot sex.

I feel need to mention this specifically, because I'm certain that if the dad had anyone else behind him I would not be able to cope anytime he opens his mouth. I'm filled with rage, sure, but rage contained by a man who can casually hit a B5 live.

So, we learn the deal with the dad. He's tasked himself in chasing the album's namesake, the equation for the theory of everything. Insisting he's so close. All his other projects are shelved away as he spends endless hours pursuing this one formula. Alright, we've got ourselves an obsessive scientist. I'd love to see the multitudes this man contains.

This comes to a screeching halt when his wife, the Mother, cuts in. Not only has his obsession produced next to nothing, but it's driving a wedge between him and the rest of his family. That's his wife and his son, the Prodigy, making a point that he's been flat out ignoring him.

The dad responds to this.

[Father:] I'm sorry you feel neglected But it's clear that you don't understand

We are on the first song with this guy, and he's already dropped a 'sorry you feel that way'.

It only gets better from here lads.

Off to a sour start with his dad, we learn about the Prodigy. It's blatantly clear that he's neurodivergent, given the world overwhelms him to the point he's nonverbal, the obsession with patterns he sees with everything, not clicking socially, and I could probably list the rest of the DSM-5 like a shopping list with what the prelude notes tell us. It's practically impossible for him to connect with others, even through their—and his own—many attempts at trying.

We also need to take careful note of the Mother here. She's attempting, continually, to engage with her son with whatever means she can think of. Not to success, but she's trying, and very obviously is doing so out of a want to connect with her son to, well, connect with her son. Not doing many more favours for the dad here.

One of the Prodigy's teachers (you are correct, his namesake is the Teacher) notices how he's able to complete a maths problem he himself couldn't even solve. Adding more to the ND pile, the kid is staggeringly intelligent.

Also, can we note this part? After being asked if he's the one who actually completed the problem, to double check that it was his own work, his first reaction is this?

[Prodigy:] I'm sorry, sir, I can't explain It's the way I've always been

To immediately apologise? To think that he's being told off?

What's his dad saying between this that we don't see?

We also get the brewing rivalry between the Prodigy and... the Rival.

Look, I know. I didn't name these guys.

He's our antagonist for the evening, and when he isn't spending spare brain power on imagining edgy anime AMVs he likes to bully other kids for being social outcasts. We're also introduced to another character, who's name is,

...

The Girl.

Every time with the fucking names I'm trying to get people invested in this shit and I have to call everyone by all these fucking monikers how do—

The Girl jumps to the Prodigy's defence. She has a pretty obvious crush on him, and calls out the Rival on his small dick energy.

It is, I feel, important to remember that this stage of the album takes place while these guys are still kids. The reason the Rival is talking like a comic book villain is because, well, this is a thirteen year old child:

[Rival:] Oh no, I can't believe You're falling for this loser Oh no, I thought you know That I am so much cooler!

I want to pinch his cheeks.

The teacher, actually being a decent human being, decides to inform the Prodigy's dad about his son's talents. You'd think that this is a nice gesture. Who wouldn't want to know their child is excelling in school?

Now, put yourself in the shoes of the dad here. You're pretty disconnected from your family, whether justified or not, and clearly don't know much about what's going on with your kid. Let alone at school, given you don't know what's happening at home. Your kid's teacher goes out of his way to meet with you, and tells you that he's a mathematical genius.

How would you react? Would you be surprised? Excited? That he manages to succeed so well in an academic setting despite not doing so in social ones? Let's try a line of thinking the dad might be more attuned to, even. Could your son's intelligence help you? Would you be intrigued at the prospect of fostering it?

Would you react by calling your son a piece of shit?

[Father:] You must be mistaken He's useless and he's weak I see no sign of genius The boy can hardly speak

Quite reasonably, the Teacher asks what the fuck is wrong with him. Then the dad says something that hits a particular chord.

[Father:] Who are you to judge me You don't even know what we've been through!

What we've been through? You and your wife? The wife you've left to raise your son almost single-handedly, because you're too preoccupied in pursuing glory?

You can't even make the excuse for him that you could with the Mother. If she, after spending countless hours with the Prodigy, vents to a friend about how distraught she is about not being able to reach him, you'd sympathise. She's not venting out of anger at her son, but despair that she knows there's a way for them to express love for each other, one that she just can't find.

The Teacher lays in harder, demanding that the dad give him a little more of his time than absolutely none of it. He has potential, he promises. The dad begrudgingly agrees.

[Father:] Fine! I'll try to help the child Better not be wasting my time!

That's the thing with this guy. I'm not quoting his lines out of some laziness of not wanting to convert it all to prose, it's out of complete bewilderment, that this is not me flanderizing him in the back of my mind between listens. That thinking about this character has put my mind into overdrive over how he could be even worse.

Every time I read over his lines I pause. No, I did not misremember this. In my head I did not append another jab out of want to justify my anger further. These are the real, genuine lines that come out of this character's mouth.

But don't worry, mate. It's not like your son heard the whole thing,

[Prodigy:] Are you trying to drive me away? Just when I need you most?

or anything.

It's not like, as the prelude notes tell us, that he's the one trying to reach out to you, thinking he's the one who's broken.

The Mother reaches a boiling point. Realising she can't continue on like this without professional help, she demands that they take him to therapy. At last, the father agrees to help his son. Why does he do this? Out of parental love? Out of a want to connect to a son he could barely call his own beyond shared blood? To help him adjust to a society that doesn't know how to place him; to see his son thrive in his own way?

[Father:] It's worth a try, who knows He could help me complete The Theory Of Everything

Well then.

To summarise, in this Phase we have established that the dad:

Puts his work over his family

Ignores his wife's plea to spend some time with her and his son

Refuses to even try connecting to his son, despite his son fighting tooth and nail to connect to him

Thinks his son is a lost cause

Openly admits he thinks his son is a lost cause, in front of his son

Shoots down anyone who dares insist that his son isn't a lost cause

When his wife demands that their son gets professional help, he only agrees because of a chance for him to be 'useful'

Could you believe we're not even at the Phase where my hate ascends into a raging inferno?

Phase 2: Symmetry

We open at the Psychiatrist's office.

The Psychiatrist is another character I despise in this. You'll soon see why.

He's the one tasked with helping the Prodigy, and starts with a diagnosis session. The Mother continually asserts how desperate she is to be able to reach him, and how she just knows he would be worth the effort to get there, possibly to sway the Psychiatrist to use his time on him. On the Prodigy's end, he's convinced himself that he needs to have some kind of role. He's talented, and wants to put it to something. He needs to be useful.

Gee. I wonder who could have shoved that idea in there.

The Psychiatrist tells us what we already know; the kid's ND, and he's smart as hell. Shock and horror. The Prodigy's head is full of 'distractions', and he has an idea in mind of how to help.

Meth!

No, I jest. It's cutting edge meth.

Of course, the dad is onboard immediately. He's jumping at the chance to give his son a pill or two so he can concentrate on work. For his personal growth, you know?

Side note, I feel I have a moral obligation to note Mills' delivery on the line 'Please tell us more, that sounds intriguing'. I won't describe it. I seriously think it's something you need to go in blind and hear for yourself.

Then the Psychiatrist drops the bombshell. The drug he's recommending is experimental, still under trial, with possibly horrific side effects. At this, the Mother shuts down any notion of playing dice with her son's health, even if it could make life easier for them. There's particular wording here,

[Mother:] No matter what we could win I won’t let you endanger my child

under no delusion that this is a selfish want, that the true winners of the Prodigy fitting into society would be everyone else in his life.

We have the first of several arguments. The Mother and the dad go at it, with her calling bullshit on him wanting their son's health on the line for personal gain.

[Father:] No! Why shouldn’t I want to help him You make it sound like it’s a crime

Ah, this is out of a want to help him, is it? So completely selfless, is this want to throw him on experimental treatment without care of the side effects? Despite the fact the very words you said during the diagnosis, in front of your son, again, were:

[Father:] If he could concentrate he could help me He might even be of some use!

Is that your motivation, sir?

Time goes by, and the dad won't let this go. Still making no moves on the theory he still won't put his family's well being over, the idea that his son could be the final puzzle piece enthrals him.

He goes for his Hail Mary. He's going to get the Prodigy on the trial, slip him the drugs without him knowing, and watch him become the smartest man on the planet who will definitely help him, no questions asked. But that's ridiculous. No medical professional would agree to go behind one parent's back and violate a child's consent, right?

Right?

[Psychiatrist:] I know why you’re here You’re a fellow man of science

I think you're a fellow man of Getting Your Medical Licence Revoked.

They strike a deal. The Prodigy is going on the meds, in complete secrecy to the Mother and the Prodigy himself.

[Father:] Keep it between you and me Oh, they would never understand Denying him this chance just isn’t right

Denying him the chance of working on the project that robbed him of a father.

Charming.

The dad slips the drugs into the Prodigy's food, and the effects are almost immediate. We get a solo of the Prodigy realising that—

Hold it, hold it. Hold those thoughts. A voice has suspended my anger for a second. Tommy Karevik. Tommy Karevik my beloved. Why haven't I listened to Seventh Wonder yet? Why the hell haven't I listened to Seventh Wonder yet?

Back to anger.

Our protagonist is suddenly verbal. Just barely able to navigate the world around him. Who would be first to see him? The mother that was his rock the entire time?

[Father:] Oh, am I getting through to you Can you hear me, son?

For fuck's sake.

And the gems don't stop here.

[Father:] I never doubted you I always knew you’d win this fight

Ah! Did you, now?

You never doubted him? Never? You never thought of him as a waste of space to be shoved to the side? You stuck by his side through thick and thin just knowing that there was potential? Not even that there was potential, sticking by him through your love as a parent? That was you?

You believed he couldn't hear, didn't you?

And he can't even keep this lie up for long, because only seconds later he jumps into his agenda.

[Father:] Can you help me, son? I’m so close to the answer But I need your brilliant mind

Was the deceit even needed, at this point? Might as well save yourself the two breaths of oxygen.

The Prodigy doesn't even get a word in edgeways. The dad continues on like his son's agreed to join his little quest of his own volition. Like he's some kind of winner.

[Father:] Our goal is so much closer now Destiny waits

I guess he has to snatch what hollow victories he can considering he's never getting a Nobel Prize.

The Mother, too, is ecstatic. That her son can now show everyone his potential, and that they can connect like she could never do on her own.

She has no idea what's caused it.

Phase 3: Entanglement

We open to the Prodigy's father figure.

Nope, not the dad. We're with the Teacher.

The Prodigy, in the album's words, has 'woken up'. The only thing he truly understands in the world is the laws of mathematics. Even though now he can see the world around him clearly, he wasn't given the eyes of a child to learn about it, and he's no idea how to live. Who would be the first person he would go to for help? His parents, you would think. Instead he's gone to his Teacher.

This does bring up an interesting caveat. The relationship between the Prodigy and the Mother is pretty much left on an unknown. She isn't present in Phase 3 at all, actually, and looking back they never have a full conversation together on the entire album. The prelude notes tell us the Teacher is the only person the Prodigy trusts. It leaves us with a lot of questions we can't reliably answer.

What we can answer though, is the dad being even worse.

By this point, we can assume that he has tried to rope his son into working on his fruitless pursuits. Considering his first choice was the Teacher for advice, he does not see his Father as a father. And even then, the dad's made no moves to help him. Not a single moment is given to connect to his son now he's 'woken up', even now that he sees him as useful.

A couple pointers on how to make friends at school would be worth his groundbreaking theory, you would think. He can't even bother to connect to him through the project he demanded his son's help on. Every opportunity this story presents him with a moment to not be even more of a piece of shit he spits on it, like the spoiled child he thinks his son is.

The Teacher is more than happy to lend his aid, and promises to show him how he can live life beyond the numbers. So, the Prodigy's thriving. Now he has the confidence to stand up to his school bully.

This is where I break to mention the transition between Transformation and Collision. This is one of my favourite track transitions on any album period. I wish I could relive the first moment I heard those guitars bend into that synth.

Then, it doesn't end there, because it launches into my favourite part of all of TToE. I'm breaking even further to talk about Collision. This is a back and forth fight between the Prodigy and the Rival, both in increasingly ridiculous insults over how the other is intellectually inferior. It has the exact cadence of two theatre kids fighting over who gets the leading role in the school play.

And it's perfect.

Anyone who believes this argument couldn't happen in real life does not know enough academics in STEM.

I would also like to remind you they're, what, teenagers at this point? They're probably picking out their college options? And declaring how their 'arch nemesis' is going to meet his demise tomorrow?

This one track is quintessential Ayreon. An astounding combination of lyrical cheese, masterful vocal performances, unintentional comedy, and some of the best musical work you've heard in your entire life. Genuine perfection.

Back to hating the dad, and this is a real good one. If you thought that the highly experimental drug was likely to go wrong, guess what goes wrong?

Well done. You win nothing.

The side effects are confirmed as severe psychosis and delusions. The Psychiatrist says they have to tell the Prodigy what they've done, and promptly dips out of the story to never see the consequences of his actions. The dad speaks to the Prodigy, trying to give a last-minute spin that it was a selfless act. He reacts reasonably and tells him to go to hell.

[Prodigy:] Deceiving your own son to serve yourself You can go to hell

Direct quote. About time.

The Prodigy runs away from home, finding solace with the Girl—more accurately Girlfriend, now—and stays with her. He's distraught by the whole revelation, realising that his sudden clarity of the world wasn't his own, and time marches on with the Prodigy starting to regress without his medication. Keeping a keen eye on him this whole time, the Rival has a solution, in return for some help.

His offer is simple. If the Prodigy cracks a bank algorithm, he'll replicate his drugs and split half the pot of whatever they can grab. The Prodigy despises the idea of committing an outright crime, and the Girl gives him an ultimatum to not do it, but he can't bear to continue on as he is now. For a time, he resists.

Then, he breaks. Surely she'll understand, right?

Well...

Phase 4: Unification

We open to mourning.

The Girl's kicked the Prodigy out, and regrets her decision almost immediately, but can't get in touch with him now. Neither can the Mother, and they both lament over what could have been if they did things differently.

You know who else could have done something differently?

Now the only person left to the Prodigy is the Teacher. He declares, in a very sudden flip, that he's going to complete the theory of everything.

[Prodigy:] I need to show my father I need to show them all

A marvel how the man can not even be in the scene and manage to piss me off.

The Teacher shows him to a lighthouse, a secluded spot to work away on the theory, but gives him a very, very sharp warning to not let it run away with him. The Prodigy insists that he'll be fine.

Well, we've seen how this ends.

The Mother and the dad are at each other's throats again. The dad desperately wants the Prodigy back, and I don't even need to ask you why he does, do I? No, not out of worry of wanting your child home safely, but all because he wants help on his precious little theory.

He lets out his final, feeble, pathetic excuse. The Mother does what she should have done on their wedding day, and leaves him.

[Father:] But you can make him listen All I need is one more chance [Mother:] No! I can't take any more You never gave a damn!

Now mirroring his son, the dad is now alone. He declares to the universe that there's 'One thing left to do'.

So what could that be?

The Prodigy is near the end of his rope. Mentally; physically. He's been working alone on the theory for months, but gets a surprise visit one evening. The Teacher, perhaps? Telling him this has gone on for too long?

In a shocking turn of events, it's his dad.

He's rightfully hostile to him out of the gate. Demanding a reason why he should forgive him after everything he's put him through. Taunting him, that the only reason he's here is a final desperate appeal for his intellect.

And he's completely correct! Even now, even now, grovelling on his knees the dad still tries to enlist his son's help. He can't spend two minutes of his fucking life not wanting to work on that goddamn theory.

My guy, you absolute bellend, your son is knocking on death's door. He's probably subsiding himself by eating rats and sucking on the moisture in the floorboards. Could you perhaps for a second, one fucking second, consider your son's wellbeing? How it's your own damn project that brought him to this state? If you just spent a moment to get to know him, be the Father that he didn't have to find in someone else's, none of this would have happened?

But desperation gets to the Prodigy. Months and months of staring at those chalk marks, only moving things around, never creating the missing link. His rational mind fleeing, thinking how he could take a few more, just a few more pills to push his mind. Not wanting to break his streak of terrible influences, his dad encourages him.

The Prodigy slams the entire bottle down. Twenty-odd years of resentment melt away into a flurry of theorycrafting.

With dawn just breaking, they do it. The formula's broken, as is he, mind, body, and soul. He leaves a hasty note for the Teacher with what strength he has left, detailing the discovery. The final lines are an apology for taking his obsession too far, and a thank you for his support.

You might think, where is the dad during this?

The Teacher and the Girl reach the lighthouse, both harrowed at the state of the Prodigy, near catatonic. Reading the note that tells him, the Teacher mentions how the Prodigy's dad was here, helping him.

Then the Girl gets off the phone with the Mother. It's impossible for the dad to have been here. That 'One thing left to do' was not, in fact, seeing his son in his final moments, but killing himself.

Do I hate this man enough to call him a coward?

I do.

This leaves us with a question, and what the album ends on: how were there two different sets of handwriting on the blackboard?

In an idyllic case, the father was there, quite literally, in spirit. He visited him beyond death, and helped the Prodigy finish the theory as his final act in the waking world. By the morning, he vanished. This is the interpretation I've seen most go along with.

But, I think this is what really made me want to write this. Consider the possibility that he didn't. Either that's not how the afterlife in this universe works, or he simply didn't want to. His son, so irreparably torn from grief of being alone, never having a family like others did, considering himself a failure for never being able to complete his 'destiny'. The only thing he's been convinced by everyone around him that he's worth. Hallucinating, he imagines his father coming back to him, helping him like a parent comforting their child teary-eyed over homework. So starved for paternal love he retraces what he can remember from his father's blackboards, convinced it's his hand making the marks.

This isn't just me wanting to find more reasons to hate the dad, to rob him of any sort of redemption. Consider, if he really did come back to him in the afterlife. Once in the presence of his son again, what does he do? Drives him to finish the theory of everything. He learnt nothing. Even after he's died he chases his pathetic moment of glory over being a Father to his son, and indirectly killed him in the process.

I'd argue that's even worse.

We also shouldn't ignore how the main side effect of the medication is delusions. Who's to say that he hasn't been increasing his dose over time out of impatience at his failures, then having a drug-induced vision of his father telling him to take it to the extreme?

[Teacher:] If you're troubled by the visions If the voices start to whisper

Also consider, why he made the note to the Teacher in the first place. If his dad was there, wouldn't he have told him to tell the Teacher everything? Why did he need to make a physical note? And even if he wanted his final words on paper, wouldn't he have asked his dad to deliver it to him?

I think, he realised he was alone in the end. Mentioning his father in the note was a desperate plea for himself to believe otherwise.

It gives us the perfectly tragic end to the Prodigy's tale. A culmination of every bit of pressure and expectation that's been mounted onto him, crushed under the weight of it while everyone around him only watches. Wondering how this could have been different.

Yes, it might be nice for the dad to have his one moment of good. A little redemption arc. Maybe taking a moment to really think about everything he did to bring his son to this point. Maybe saying, with his whole chest, that he's sorry. Truly sorry. Not the hollow apologies he slings like a plaster to a severed limb. For the neglect. To realise it was he who did this. Forcing his son to the brink and pushing him to limits beyond limits, and accept that he's the one to take the blame. That he could maybe, give his son closure in his final moments. Maybe he wouldn't have encouraged him to overdose.

That might be nice, now I put it to paper.

expected to be as angry as I was starting this rant. I was intending a bombastic finish to Phase 4, how much I despise this man reaching its critical mass to then be vomited onto paper.

Now... Hm.

Let me relisten.

I'm Angry Again

I hate him. I hate him.

I hate hate hate hate this man. Even looking back, through thousands of words, I feel no possible finite amount is able to describe how much I hate him.

And I love to hate him.

Again, I can't sing high enough praises to Arjen for creating this pitiful excuse of a man. This is a mastercraft in making someone overtly, subtextually, in-scene and off, every possible means in a narrative to make someone the most insufferable being possible. I was trying to think of a funny quip about how 'the only thing left is [insert generic horrible act]', but beyond brutal murder of puppies he's hit every single one, explicit or indirectly.

And, I know this man. I know so many people like this man. He's simultaneously a complete cartoon character and yet such a quintessential representation of that one guy everyone who's neurodivergent has to deal with.

And that's the thing. Most of the time, they aren't just 'some guy'. They are your father. Parents. Teachers. Doctors. Figures of authority who only see a misshapen tool with so much potential. If only you'd understand what's good for you, as they clearly know better than you would ever know about yourself. No, no. You just don't get it. You need to do this. You have to.

You are not just a person, to be loved and cherished. You are a disruption to the machine. A cog that had the audacity to not fit in this slot. Only when you fit somewhere special, after your edges are shaved down, after a coat of paint that melts away when no one else is around. To be spun so fast your core turns white hot while the rest of the world looks on in awe, at how anything could possibly move like that. Not seeing the gouges in the metal, the years of hammering that let you twist and contort. To only be mourned after the velocity makes you crumble to dust, and everyone else sees naught but a heroic sacrifice.

Your closure is a thought, a prayer, and if you're lucky, a moment of pause over how this could have happened.

I get to channel that hate, the hate I feel, the hate my friends feel, all of this oppressive hate channelled into one pathetic fictional man.

I hate the dad in Ayreon's Theory of Everything.

#TTOE came up in chat the other day and i have to applaud this for being so eloquently written #and an amazing analysis on TTOE as a whole #ayreon #the theory of everything

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