#i was upset earlier but now im just mad
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beatlesforsale · 1 year ago
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Absolutely insane the way one person can ruin a workplace for you while everyone else is so lovely and nurturing but one asshole is incredibly passive aggressive? Like bro you came to me, to help you with YOUR work, idk why you're treating me like I'm an ant under your shoe. People are fucking wild.
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itsalwaysdark · 5 months ago
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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meimeikyu · 3 months ago
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im nothing but a failure i cant do anything right
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spagheddiesquash · 7 months ago
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me in 2019: yeah no i wouldn’t call myself an “old soul” i think my interests are fairly relevant. i don’t think i’d ever be one. me in 2024: .do yuo guys remember flappy bird and rainbow loom and minecraft letsplays and the dab and those shirts with the sequins and the cold shoulders on them and nightcore and animation memes and fidget spinners and vine and the area 51 raid and the day everyone posted chimneys and those memes where it was a character surrounded by heart emojis with some kind of motion blur around it and the magic card memes and funny reaction images and that thing everybody did where they put their arms in their sweaters and it made them look like little chickens or that one person with the hoodie who pulled the string things in all the way so it only showed their lips and then put sunglasses on over it so it looked like a funny face and. and. do you wanna see my cd collection or my books. can i have a physical copy of that book. i prefer my headphones to have wires thank u very much. yeah man i really want a flip phone or like. a refurbished older cell.
#sorry for getting really sentimental about the 2010s (and mentioning some 2000s stuff)#it will probably happen again#look man#i get some of these things are still around#but they dont feel the same#idk it just feels like ppl used to be a lot nicer??#like i think ppl have gotten too comfortable with just being cynical and mean all the time#i havent met one person my age who gets excited about the new year anymore. not even people my parents’ age or my cousins’ ages#the future seemed really bright but now it feels like nobody sees it that way anymore??#and i get it#shit happens#its fine to be upset with the world! ive been there a lot#but i feel like we as a society can benefit from being a little less doom and gloom all the time#like. covid really caused a huge cultural shift#earlier today i saw a video that was talking about how we dont really have any good comedy movies to have come out in the past couple of yr#which are dedicated comedies. and how people are leaning more towards drama with some funny bits#and like. thats the main reason why ive been thinking about all this stuff#that and the fact that youtube is recommending me videos from my 5+ year old ‘watch later’ playlist#like no thanks youtube i dont wanna watch ‘morgz’s mom went bankrupt’#anyway maybe im just uncomfortable with the passage of time and how things change#buildings get renovated trees get cut down playgrounds get replaced mall stores close sites shut down etc etc#it makes me sad and mad about the fact that i cant do anything about it and dont know what to do about how i feel#sorry for the random rant i just have a lot of feels rn
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kirrafoster · 1 year ago
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i hate having the problems i have because some of them make their own new problems by me feeling like i shouldn’t have that problem like i feel like i don’t deserve to feel lonely and invisible because i DO have friends and it’s just me being jealous of my gf who is popular definitely not like years of trauma leading to my reaction to this
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mbat · 1 year ago
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not looking forward to christmas anymore
#ignore me#vent#my post#i was supposed to make the pudding that my mom used to make that she hadnt made in like a decade and i was so excited to#but my grandma practically barged into my room like 'hey give me the pudding mix im anxious i need to make sure this all gets done' and#i dont know how to say no to my grandma so i handed them over but now ive been crying on and off for over 2 hours#my dads like 'oh just do the other steps its fine' no its fucking not. its fucking not fine it was meant to be me#we all had designated foods to fucking make that was meant to be mine. it was my moms fucking recipe i wanted to fucking make it all myself#and i dont care how immature it is of me but im gonna fucking sabotage it when everyone asleep i dont care#ill eat a whole cake all by myself i dont fucking care#yes im actually having a whole breakdown about this this was so important to me and its fucking ruined#i had that pudding mix in my room for over a year waiting to make it#i dont fucking care that theyre gonna be mad at be this wasnt going to be fucking fun anyway#every holiday fucking feels like nothing anymore what does it matter#i wanted to make it so bad i was so excited i wanted to feel connected to my mom again i wanted to do the process#i literally cant fucking do anythijg im so upset#i was literally so close to fucking breaking something or hurting myself earlier im so fucking upset#and i swear on my life do NOT send me messages or asks dont fucking talk to me#alternatively tomorrow i could go to the store myself and get more pudding idk#i refuse to let this be the first time this puddings made in forever and it wasnt made by me you dont fucking get it#its one of the best things ive ever eaten and it was my moms and shes gone and#its part of my fucking childhood memories it was everything to me#my grandma just wanted to make it cause she cant fucking sit still or be patient. wheres the fucking love wheres the fucking connection#the moment the sun rises i dont fucking care im walking the the fucking mile and a half in whatever temperature itll be
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agayconcept · 1 year ago
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#im rly mad at myself bc i was gonna go to a local queer art hang yesterday#but got halfway to the bus stop and had a full blown panic attack#and had to give up and go home#i know why it happened its bc i had a drs appt earlier in the day that went rly badly and i was already an emotional wreck#but i was rly hoping to make it to that event so i could cheer myself up and make some good good queer connections#but i freaked out instead and had to sit on a curb while i shook like a fuckin chihuahua#and now there's only 1 hang left this summer before it stops which i Will make myself go to no matter what#but still#im just. rly upset bc i wanted to go#i know some of the folks who attend and they're all rly fun and it would've been nice to see them and chill w them again#and im just. very fuckin upset idk#im Disappointed in myself and i Know i shouldnt be but i fucking am#im so stupid mad at mysslf for never being able to handle fucking anything#even when its something i rly rly wanna do#like#its just. getting to the point of devastating#i lost a lot of friends thru covid and my homelessness-mental breakdown-isolation-hospitalization years#and the few i still have r gr8 but i dont rly get to see them often#and i'd like to see them more often but ofc i cant make myself ask that bc oh look another impending panic attack#jfc im just. so done w my brain. i h8 living inside this stupid thing so fucking much its literal hell#I MISS MY FRIENDS#I MISS HAVING COMMUNITY#I FEEL ALONE ALL THE FUCKING TIME#see i can scream that into the internet void just fuckin fine but cant even reach out to ppl to be like 'hey. been a while. sup?'#just. UGHHSHSJSJ#like ya my agoraphobia is 10x worse since i got transphobically assaulted this month but like#even when its not for that reason i am still an anxious MESS all the time#and that shitty drs appt? was a psychiatrist telling me he refuses to prescribe me anxiety meds bc he doesnt trust me on them#and that im too dependent on them to cope/function. ummm. YA MY GUY THATS WHAT THEYRE FOR ??? TF ????#now that im off them i cant be in public w/o hyperventilating. fuck rite off dude i'll find a diff dr to renew the script who isnt a jackass
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ultravioletlesbian · 2 years ago
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also banging myself over the head i hate this here medical things so fun bonk bonk. today i found out for the first time i mean i really just never thought about it but i have a medical condition. a medical conditionnn i was going to the eye doctor every month like please😭
#i’m dealing with insurance stuff rn bc i was on my mom’s but she never renewed it#when i’m FINALLY trying to get medical shit done and the insurance doesn’t get renewed😭i can’t even be angry bc she truly believed she did#it but her memory played tricks or smth.#i also can’t get mad at her for never taking me to the doctor bc i’m also culpable i knew what i needed by the time i hit teens but i never#pushed her...i was too scared to ask😭when i did ask about going to the doctor for immediate pressing issues she’d get so mad#i still should’ve pushed tho bc SHIT WOULD NOT BE AT THIS POINT IF I WENT EARLIER. NOT JUST MY EYE BUT MY TEETH TOO.#ITS SO FUCKING UPSETTING. I COULD BE FINE RIGHT NOW.#I WOULDNT BE BLIND IN ONE EYE RIGHT NOW!!!!#i wouldn’t be missing a fucking tooth or have all this other. shit happening like i’m going crazy.#throw back to that first eye appointment and after the doctor explained all that needed to be done and what my future outlook was like i#started crying and my mom thought it was bc i was scared like ‘just get it done it’s okay’ LIKE NO IM CRYING BC THIS WOULDNT BE HAPPENING IF#WE GOT THIS DONE SOONER!!!! LIKE YEAH THE DOCTORS WERE SHIT BUT WE WERE REFERRED TO A CORNEA SPECIALIST AND NEVER WENT.#crying bc i’m scared please i’m so past that fucking point.#i’m considering not even getting the surgery not bc i’m scared but bc i’m like what’s the point if i have another eye condition that could#render this surgery useless or if i get hit on the fucking head i’d risk needing another surgery.#crying bc i’m scared i should’ve screamed in that doctor’s room.
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sleepyjim2 · 10 days ago
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had a rlly shitty day also so that doesnt help <3 rant in the tags . smile
aaaah aa depressed and shmiserable again
#had to go to school even tho im throwing up and coughing up blood#went 2 the counselors bc i was too scared to go to the nurse bc i knew they would call my mom who wouldnt do anythjng#but they took me to the nurse anyway#threw up in there#they called my mom who never responded so after like 30 minutes of waiting they sent me back to class#but i threw up again in the bathroom n didnt wanna go to class or back to the nurse so i just kinda . Stayed there . for two hours#and eventually they realized i was missing and since im mentally disabled and also suicidal they have to keep a close eye on me all tbe tim#so they got admin and the fuckin SROs hunting me down n they finally found me n had my mom pick me up#she apparently didnt answer the phone earlier bc she was in a meeting and didnt have her phone on her#so she threw a big fit about how selfish n whatever i am and its just a cold (it's not) and everyone gets sick and yada yada yada#but also when the school called her they used my chosen name. which they are NOT supposed to do ever for me#and she was so so bitchy and mad about that#because of the horrors in florida u now have to have signed permission from a parent to use a different name in school#and i never did that obviously. my teachers r just nicies .slash respect my basic right to be Called My Name#but my mom is Convinced i fucking like. forged her signature and wrote a note or something ???😭😭#i think shes going to call the school about that and demand them to stop calling me my name also . so thats fun and awesome#and shes so upset about that that she barely cares that im sick#even if they never called her and i never went to the nurse and i never was missing she wouldnt have rlly noticed tbh but still#its the fact they were both called 2 her attention and she decided that the nasty transgender propaganda that had brainwashed her poor baby#was more important a matter than her poor baby literally throwing up and coughing up blood#and i told her that ( not in those words )#and she was just like. wehh weh no i do care i care so much and sacrifice so much for u and u never see it ur so selfish and bratty....#wehh i came and picked u up from school doesnt that show u i care!!! oh boy and youre only *checks watch* 3 hours late#im pretty sure she told my dad about it too#which sucks bc hes supposed to be the Safe Parent#joke#or at least the mentally stable one . what who said that#if shes pissy enough abt it i wouldnt put it past her if she fuckin#calls the school and tells them i cant talk to guidance anymore#shes threatened to do that before
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dumbseee · 2 years ago
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bro code. pt3.
part 1. part 2.
carlos sainz jr x reader.
fc: bruna marquezine.
note: sorry for the mistakes this might have, english isn’t my first language and this is the longest fic i’ve ever written :) btw this will be the last part.
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liked by landonorris, y/n, charles_leclerc and 1 589 008 others.
carlossainz55: happy birthday to the person who owns my heart. you helped me experience true love, and for that i’ll forever be grateful. your heart is pure and you always want the best for people, i love every little detail about you, like the way you always count to three before jumping into the pool because you were afraid of it when you were younger, or the way you always kiss my forehead before every race because you say it’s my lucky charm. you are my lucky charm, mi cielito. i love you so much y/n, thank you for giving me the chance to show you how you deserved to be loved.
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y/n: how dare you making me cry on my birthday carlos sainz :( i love you more <3
carlossainz55: @.y/n not possible, i’m bigger than you so i can hold more love for you.
fan1: I JUST FELL TO MY KNEES
fan2: WHEN IS IT MY DAMN TURN
fan3: god it’s me again…
fan4: im going to kms in front of them to change the trajectory of their lives istg
fan5: GOOOOOOSH CARLOS IS ABISDODLLD
landonorris: damn sainz, even i am tearing up
fan6: just get married already
fan7: after n*ymar, y/n deserved a man like that
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neymarjr: my heart is empty without you, you’ve blocked me so i can’t wish you a happy birthday privately but please y/n come back to me. you succeeded, that stunt you pulled with that random driver hurt me, you can stop now. i know that you miss me and want to comeback so please y/n be reasonable. i made a huge mistake and i’ll never forgive myself for what i did to us.
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your day went terribly, it was your birthday and you were excited for it but your day was completely ruined with neymar’s post. because of course, you saw it the second he posted it. your agent called you, panicked and told you to avoid social media, but it was too late. you were home when you saw it and had a huge panic attack. you didn’t tell carlos and you prayed that he didn’t see the post which was very unlikely since neymar mentioned him. you were more mad at the fact that he disrespected carlos because he didn’t deserve it. even if your relationship was fake to the world, carlos was nothing but a sweetheart to you. you even hoped that the moments you shared with him were true.
carlos texted you to come at his house to have a small party with some friends but you almost had a heart attack when you entered the house and saw all those people screaming "happy birthday!" filming you to have your reaction. carlos had a very different definition of « small party ». you saw him walk towards you with a huge smile, he was breathtaking, wearing nude pants and a blue shirt, letting the top buttons open, showing a bit of his torso. you were completely mesmerised by him, that was the effect carlos had on you.
"surprise cielito." he said after kissing your cheek, he wrapped his arm around your waist and gave you a hug. you melted in his touch and smiled at him. "you didn’t need to do all that, carlos." you said. "nonsense, it’s your birthday after all." you smiled at him and kissed his cheek before some friends of yours came to greet you and wish you a happy birthday. carlos’ purpose was to make your birthday special, especially with what happened earlier with your ex. he knew how this whole situation affected you deeply, even if you tried to hide it from him, carlos saw right through you. he could tell if you were upset just by looking at your face.
"umm, carlos?" lando’s voice took him out of his thoughts, he looked at his friend but frowned when he saw the look on his face. "look who showed up." lando whispered as if the whole room didn’t see who came uninvited. you gotta be kidding me. carlos turned around to see where you were and his heart tightened when he saw the look on your face, pure sadness. anger took over him immediately, that son of a bitch made you sad on your special day. carlos wasn’t going to let that slide. the spaniard quickly made his way to neymar who was asking people about where you were. the driver roughly turned the brazilian around so he could face him. neymar was about to say something to the person who just interrupted him but he only rolled his eyes when he saw carlos.
"what do you want sainz? where is my girl?" he asked, looking over carlos’ shoulder. neymar looked very drunk. carlos could feel anger buildup inside of him. how dare he? "you’re in my house so, i’ll ask you once and once only, leave before i make you leave." carlos said through gritted teeth. neymar scoffed before taking a step closer to the spaniard, being almost forehead against forehead. "are you threatening me, hijo da puta?" carlos was about to respond when charles and lando quickly appeared to separate the two of them. "okay, it’s enough now boys." charles said trying to lighten the mood. "move! i’m not done with him!" neymar pushed charles away which made carlos even more mad. "listen here, little boy. first you steal my woman and then you disrespect me in front of all these people. you think i’ll let that slide, coño?" the brazilian added while pushing carlos with his finger. at this point there was nothing charles or lando could do to stop them. "let me clarify one thing, junior, she was never yours to begin with. and trust that now that she has tasted true love, she’s never leaving." carlos said with a smile, which made neymar go crazy. the footballer grabbed carlos’ collar. "you made her cry for weeks, you destroyed her completely, and now you dare to show your face and claiming her as your woman? how dare you call yourself a man and make the woman you’re supposed to love and cherish, cry?" the spaniard said before getting closer to neymar’s ear. "if you dare to even whisper her name in your sleep, i’ll come for you, neymar da silva santos junior."
neymar finally let go of carlos before leaving quickly. the driver was now concerned about where you were hiding. as he was looking at the crowd of people, who were still talking about what just happened, lando approached his friend. "she’s with luisa and charlotte, they’re on the balcony." carlos nodded before patting his friend’s shoulder as a thank you. he quickly made it to his balcony where the girls were talking, luisa noticed him and patted charlotte’s shoulder to tell her that they needed to go. carlos sent them a thankful smile before walking towards you. your back was facing him and you were too lost in your thoughts to even notice his presence. he gently hugged you from behind which made you jump before you recognised his fragrance. "carlos." you simply said. "yes, cielito, are you okay?" he asked, resting his chin on your shoulder. you sighed before looking up at the moon, shining on the both of you. "i guess? is he gone?" you asked with a small voice, feeling the tears threatening to fall again. "yes, for real this time." you frowned before turning around to face carlos.
you were still extremely close as his hands were on your waist and your hands on his chest. he looked ethereal under the moonlight. "carlos, what am i to you?" you finally asked the question you were scared to even ask yourself. carlos smiled before moving his face closer to you. "you’re the love of my life." and then he kissed your lips. he kissed you like you’ve always dreamed to be kissed. with love, respect and passion. carlos was the first one to break the kiss, he looked at you and replaced a wild strand of hair behind your ear. "none of this was fake to me, every word, every attention, everything was real to me."
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y/n: thank you everyone for all the birthdays wishes! and thanks to my amazing boyfriend for throwing this party for me. i love you to the moon and back, handsome and i thank god everyday for giving me the chance to be your girlfriend.
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taglist: @mjaudrey @champomiel @lorarri @watersquirtpewpewboomm @ndunad @shrimpyshrimp @gaviypedrisbride @little-angel-07 @ironmaiden1313 @leclerc16s @xjval @elijahslover @hearts4esmee @love4lando
thanks for the support 🤍🥹
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amhrosina · 2 years ago
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It's Always Been You
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Summary: You and Miguel are forced to confront your feelings for one another after a dangerous mission goes awry.
Pairing: Miguel O'Hara (Spider-Man 2099) x fem!Reader
Word Count: 1.9k
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a/n: i cannot stop thinking about this man ohmygod anyways im overwhelmed by the love being shown for my other miguel fic and cant wait to add more to this community!!! thank you!!! (should i do a part two with smut? like friends to lovers first time?? lemme know <;3)
warnings: friends to lovers, arguing, some angst, love confessions!!!!!, reader calls miguel a name, idiots in love tbh, references to a dangerous situation (but no details i kept it super vague lol), starts to get a little suggestive at the end but is like 99% fluff
Miguel was ignoring you. Not in the usual, self-brooding, grumpy way he sometimes did when he was having a bad day, but in the way that told you he was furious with you. Anger had been radiating off of him in waves since your chaotic return to Nueva York a few hours earlier, and you, along with every other Spider-person at headquarters, was avoiding his workspace like the plague. It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried to console him, but you knew, probably better than anyone, that when Miguel wanted to brood, he would. You would try again later, and eventually you’d make him laugh, and the world would right itself again. It always did.
Spider-Woman huffed, plopping into the seat next to yours in the cafeteria, slamming her tray down hard enough to knock your tablet on its side. Clearly, she was upset about something. 
“Is everyone pissed off today?” You asked indignantly.
She glared at you, shoving a bite of sandwich in her mouth before answering.
“Miguel’s being pissy.” She glared at you. “And it’s your fault.”
“I can’t imagine why. We got the guy, didn’t we?” 
“We both know what you did was reckless.” Her glare intensified, and your annoyance shifted to guilt. It was a reckless move, but it worked. 
“He was being torn to shreds. I did what any of us would’ve done. If he has a problem, he can come talk to me about it instead of hiding from all of us like a teenager.”
Her gaze softened. “He has a lot on his plate.”
“So?” You combatted, annoyed all over again.
“So, I think maybe what happened today scared him, and he doesn’t know how to process his feelings about it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged, refusing to meet her gaze.
“You’re his best friend, and he almost lost you today. Go talk to him.” She suggested, patting your shoulder. “I think it’ll do everyone some good. And I do mean everyone. He’s scary when he’s mad.”
You shrugged her off, finishing your dinner in silence. If Miguel was so pissed, why couldn’t he come talk to you about it? Why, after years of knowing each other, were you still the one approaching him with an apology? Why couldn’t he just say what he meant for once?
But of course, after you finished your dinner and realized, hopelessly, that the only person you wanted to see was, in fact, Miguel, you huffed and began the trek to his office, where you knew he’d still be brooding.
The tension in the building had lessened after many of the spider-people had returned to their own universes, glad to get away from the uncomfortable elephant in the room, but that didn’t stop your stomach from clenching when you rounded the corner into Miguel’s dim, untidy workspace.
He was hunched over his desk, scribbling something down on a piece of paper. From your position, you had a clear view of the damage that had been done to his back earlier that day. You winced, thinking back to the few seconds of absolute terror you’d experienced when you’d seen the anomaly tearing into Miguel’s skin. The claw marks had already healed a little, now just raw, nasty looking scratches down the curve of his spine. 
He turned at the sound of your footsteps, though he had likely heard you coming since you stepped foot out of the cafeteria. Anger flickered in his cold gaze, but he was still here, decidedly not hiding from you, which was a good sign. You stepped into the workspace, setting the extra food you’d bought for him down before fully turning to face him.
“Hey.” You murmured. “Brought you some dinner.”
His gaze flicked from your awkward stance to the box of food on the table. “Thanks.”
Short. Blunt. To the point. You sighed.
“You’re still mad, then?” You asked, crossing your arms.
“Are you saying I shouldn’t be mad at the stunt you pulled today?” He glared, standing to his full height and towering over you.
“I’m saying you shouldn’t be mad at me for saving your life, asshole.” You looked up at him, refusing to back down.
“I had it under control. It was my anomaly to handle.” His nostrils flared with anger. 
You threw your hands up indignantly. “It was our anomaly to handle, and I handled it just fine! In case you don’t remember, I was good enough at handling myself to be recruited by you for this stupid team!”
“What you did was incredibly stupid. The anomaly could have killed you. Don’t you get that?”
“The anomaly was killing you. I did what I thought was best-”
“Exactly. You did what you thought was best and didn’t think once about the team. You risked an entire universe to show off!” He cut you off, slamming his hands on the desk on either side of you, effectively cornering you.
Your voices had risen considerably since your initial arrival, and you were now inches apart, screaming at each other.
“To show off?” You pushed at his enormous chest, vision blurred with a mixture of tears and anger. “I risked an entire universe to protect you, you asshole! Everything I do is to protect you.”
He grabbed your wrists, easily stopping your arms from pushing him again. 
“You could have died.” He grunted, squeezing your wrists.
“Why do you even care, Miguel? The anomaly was taken care of, just like it always is. We’ll go take care of another one tomorrow, just like we always do.”
“Because I love you, obviously!” He yelled, releasing his grip on you and taking a full step backwards. Stunned into silence, neither of you said anything for a full ten seconds. He began pacing in front of you, hands on his hips, breathing heavily as the magnitude of what he’d just revealed fully hit him. He paused when he heard you sniffle, and began speaking.
“I love you. Can’t you see that?” He asked, stepping close to you. Tears welled in your eyes, and you couldn’t bear to look up at him for fear that it might be a dream, or worse, a cruel trick of his. “I care because I love you, and I almost lost you. I-” he swallowed thickly, “I almost lost it when I realized what you were doing. And when we couldn’t find you after? That was the worst thirty seconds of my life.” He shook his head, clearing the thoughts from his mind. “I can’t lose you. Do you understand that? You’re mine. I can’t lose you, baby.”
You finally lifted your chin, meeting his gaze. He tentatively cradled your cheeks, wiping away the stray tears that had snuck down your face during his speech. 
“I love you, too.” You murmured, nuzzling into his palm. “But you can’t expect me to just watch while you’re being torn to shreds. I had to do something.”
He nodded, though it clearly pained him to agree with you about it. “I know. And I know you can handle yourself. I’m sorry for getting so angry, but you have to understand that your safety is the most important thing to me when we go chasing after anomalies. And I know that it should be saving the universes that we’re in, but it’s not. It’s you, and it’s always been you. Don’t ask me to change that. It will always be you.”
You blinked up at him in stunned silence, nodding. You couldn’t remember when your feelings for Miguel had shifted to something beyond friendly, but you’d never before allowed yourself the fantasy of him loving you in return. It was something you’d come to terms with months ago, accepting that you’d never get to hold him the way he deserved to be held. But now he was standing with you, holding you, begging you to understand that all of his anger has been out of pure, unselfish love for you. 
“I won’t ask you to change that.” You conceded, a small grin forming on your face, “As long as you promise to at least try to stay out of harm’s way.”
“I promise, but you know harm seems to seek me out no matter what.” His grin mirrored the one on your face. He shifted his head down, stopping only centimeters away from your lips. “If I asked you to kiss me right now, would you?”
“That depends.” You breathed, heart thundering in your chest. “Are you going to be this dramatic every time I save your ass, O’Hara?”
He chuckled, cradling your head in his massive hands. “Maybe. Yes. Definitely.”
You shrugged, nodding. “Okay.”
“Okay?” He asked, eyes flicking between your gaze and your lips.
“Okay.” You bobbed your head once and then leaned in.
He captured your lips in an earth-shattering kiss, exploring every inch of what you offered to him eagerly. His hands roamed the length of your body, pulling you fully against his heated skin. You melted into him, pliable to his every whim and desire, going exactly where he wanted you to go, doing exactly what he wanted you to do. Heat coiled in your entire body, poised to erupt at the slightest touch he offered. You reached forward, tugging at the material around his waist. If he wasn’t inside of you soon, you thought you might explode. His hands wandered below your waistband, too, eager to please.
A loud clunking sound from around the corner had you springing apart, panting, overheated, and completely high off one another’s touch. It wasn’t that you were embarrassed to be seen kissing Miguel. In fact, you were planning on kissing him at every moment possible, if he’d let you. It was the fact that you’d very nearly allowed him to strip you naked and have his way with you in his very public office. He seemed to be thinking the same thing, coming to his senses and adjusting the uncomfortable looking bulge in his pants as the sound of footsteps grew nearer.
“Miguel, you’re going to be in an even worse mood if you don’t just go talk to her. I mean, really, you’re both acting like idiots and clearly love each oth- oh!”
Spider-Woman came into view, waving her hands frantically and then doing her very best to hide the smile growing on her face. You shifted your feet awkwardly, trying your best to look like you hadn’t had Miguel’s tongue shoved down your throat ten seconds earlier. Miguel, as stoic and unperturbed as ever, had simply bent down and returned to scribbling on the paper from earlier, which made you involuntarily scowl. He always looked so cool. It was annoying.
“Am I…interrupting something?” Spider-Woman asked, smirking. Clearly, you weren’t doing a great job hiding anything from her. 
“What was that you were saying when you came in? Something about my mood?” Miguel asked, lifting his gaze to hers.
“Oh, nothing!” She grinned, turning on her heels and leaving the room as fast as she had entered it.
Miguel looked at you, suddenly shy now that you were alone together again. “Wanna bet how long it’ll be before she spills the beans to someone about us?”
You barked a laugh. “I’ll give you my entire paycheck if she hasn’t announced it to someone already.” 
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webslingingslasher · 8 months ago
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im needing trouble and frat!peter spider-man suit moment it is in my bones i just neeeeeed it
*cleaning out my inbox.*
'don't you dare come over right now peter.'
'i am so pissed at you. if i see you i'm gonna throw something at you.'
'okay, i wouldn't do that. but i'd be soooo fucking mad.'
ten minutes later and still no response from peter, it doesn't even bother you, you just want him away from you at all costs. your peace was disturbed by an intruder coming in from your window, you almost hit yourself for forgetting to lock it.
you stare at him with crossed arms, 'i told you not to come over.' a gloved finger raises. 'you said 'don't you dare come over right now, peter.' it's been ten minutes and i'm not peter, so, suck it.'
you think your eye twitches, peter spider-man rushes to correct himself. 'not suck it! but, you know, suck it. like, ha! owned you!' you stay silent. 'okay, fine, i shouldn't be making a joke of this. i'm sorry and i really didn't mean to make you upset earlier.'
'you did.' because, the way you see it, he went out of his way to snap at you. 'i didn't. i might've been trying to get a little space, but i didn't mean to upset you.'
'so why didn't you say 'give me some space,'?'
'because i didn't want to hurt your feelings.'
your eyes narrow, 'so you yelled at me?' spider-man thrashes his head, 'that's not-' he lightly tugs at his mask, 'can i take this off?' you scoff at him. 'absolutely not, i told you i didn't want peter to come over.'
'you're going to make me work for this, aren't you?'
you couldn't fight the smirk, you lean into it. 'maybe.' fine with peter, he just needed to know your game. he drops to his knees and clasps his hands together.
'please. i am so, so, so sorry and i love you so, so, so much and i should never, ever, ever talk to you in that tone of voice. you are the light of my life and i should never dull your sparkle.' you snort, he's laying it on thick and you're eating it up.
'the light of your life? who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?'
'i killed him for yelling at you.' it's clear he doesn't see it like that, but you do and peter isn't about to tack semantics onto the argument.
'rude of you to do that before i could, but okay.'
spider-man's a little more authentic this time. 'seriously, trouble. i saw how sad you looked and i feel awful, i didn't mean to sound that angry when i asked you if you had something else to do. i love you a lot and i hate when i make it sound like i don't.'
you might be amplifying it a little. you weren't as mad as you were hurt, you were bored and looking at him for entertainment while he was working on something and you were snipped at. 'you can take your mask off.'
peter resumes his beggar pose. 'i might be exaggerating when i say yelled. but, you hurt my feelings so, suck it.' peter lights up, 'can i get up now?'
when's the next time you'll have him on his knees like this again? 'beg for my forgiveness one more time.' peter pleades like his life depends on it. 'please, please, please, please. i'm so sorry, i'll never do it again. please forgive me.'
you give a blank look before breaking into a smile. 'you can get up.' a quick scramble, peter tugs at the arm of his suit when you stop him with a series of 'uh, uh, uh,''s
'i'm still a little frustrated at peter... do you think spider-man could help me out?' you squeal when a web tugs you into his chest, a wet kiss to your neck has you break out a hum.
'tell me, when has spider-man ever refused a damsel in distress?'
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ksywoo · 10 months ago
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8:30 pm / l.sm
pairing: lee seokmin x reader pronouns: not specified word count: 1.6k genre: established relationship, fluff, suggestive, a little bit of angst but not really warnings: kissy kissy fic hehe, dk gets a little handsy where reader is insecure about their body but he reassures them, also.. tummy/waist kisses <3 note: me posting a fic for the first time in over a year and it's mostly just kissing ... hey guys .. also im embarassed when i write things like this so im gonna go hide al;skdjf sorry if its cringe or garbage BYEEE
masterlist
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You felt the bed dip towards your feet, but you didn't look up to greet the boy, still upset about your argument from earlier. You continued reading, not acknowledging his presence. 
Seokmin crawled towards you slowly, as if trying to go unnoticed, and slid under your arms and buried his face in your neck so you were unwillingly half hugging him. His body rested between your legs and his arms around your torso, trying to be as close as possible. 
When you felt his lips against your neck, you got his attention. “Seokmin.” Your voice was even and stern, telling him you weren't messing around. 
He froze as if you wouldn't know he was there if he just didn't move a muscle or make a single sound. 
“Bold of you to do that after what just happened,” you pointed out.  
He propped himself up on his elbows by your hips and lifted his head so your faces were inches from each other. He was frowning, and looked guilty. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I really really am.” 
You sighed, leaning forward to kiss his lips briefly, trying to express that you still loved him even though he pissed you off. 
“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you mumbled with a small smile, already feeling the last remnants of your anger fade away. 
“I’m serious,” his frown deepened. “I’m really sorry. 
You leaned over to set your book on the nightstand. “I know.” You held his face with both of your hands while he continued to apologize. 
“How do I make you not hate me anymore?” he asked between the kisses you were giving him. 
“Seokmin,” you chuckled. “I don't hate you. Never have, never will.” 
“But you're mad at me.” 
“I’m not mad.” 
“But I’m a horrible boyfriend who never spends time with you.” 
“You aren't a horrible boyfriend. It’s not your fault you're so busy with work, I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I should take it out on, like, your managers or something because they're giving you guys extra work, but not you.”
“But it’s my fault for not always making time for you when I’m not working though.” 
One of your hands stayed on his face, thumb stroking his cheek, while the other went to his back to pull him a little closer. You could feel his muscle through his shirt and it made you wonder if he was tired from dancing all day, building that muscle. 
“You’re here now though, aren't you?” 
He nodded but still frowned, so you kissed the pout off his lips. 
“I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t being good to me. I was never mad at you, just frustrated at the situation. I shouldn’t have yelled at you earlier. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.” He nodded again. “Does that mean you aren't going to be stern with me again if I kiss you?” 
You laughed and he took that as a good sign, leaning up to kiss you long and sweet, no more of those short pecks you were giving him before. 
The thing about Seokmin was he was the sweetest boy in the world and his kisses were just as sweet and innocent when he wanted them to be. The other side of him was more rare and reserved for the privacy of your bedrooms, and gave you just as many butterflies as his regular kisses. 
He lifted himself up to sit right next to you, immediately tugging on your waist gently. “Come here,” he requested. You complied, shifting to sit on his lap with your knees on either side of his legs. 
You reconnected your lips, letting out a shaky breath as you felt his hands lightly trail up your legs and gently squeeze your thighs. His fingers lit paths of fire as he fiddled with the hem of your shorts, softly brushing against your skin and you wondered if he even knew that he was doing it, or if he was unintentionally muddling your brain with his touches. 
Shifting slightly, you ran your fingers through his hair and gently tugged as your mouth wandered away from his and made its way to his cheek, pressing one small kiss to the freckle by his nose, then to his jaw, and below his ear. 
With your bodies pressed together, you could feel his breathing become unsteady as your lips met his neck. He wiggled under you, trying to not make any embarrassing sounds that would make you laugh and ruin the moment. 
You started kissing one spot low on his neck that you knew could be covered by some of the shirts he owned, when one of his hands slid to your waist, pulling you even closer and squeezing a specific part of your body that made you pause. 
Seokmin hummed at your hesitance, turning his head to try to look at you while finding his voice. Your face was still in his neck, lips just barely hovering over his skin. “What?” he asked after a few moments of you not moving. “Did I do something?” 
“Nothing,” you mumbled unconvincingly, lips brushing against him like feathers before kissing him again. You reached behind you and took the hand on your waist by the wrist, pulling it off you and back onto your leg. 
“You want me to only touch your thighs?” he tried teasing, but sounded so in love it was hard to take it in a dirty way, even as he started squeezing them again. 
You hummed against his neck but when he moved to hold your waist again, you pulled away, repeating your action of moving his hands before you kissed his mouth. 
Seokmin pulled away more determinedly and frowned at you. “Seriously, what’s wrong? What am I doing?” 
You tried brushing it off, distracting him by kissing him again but he dodged the kiss and put both of his hands on your shoulders. 
“Tell me. Are you hurt or something?” he asked genuinely, looking down and lifting the bottom of your shirt to see if you had a bruise or cut that he was irritating, but you pushed his hands away, pulling your shirt back down. 
He looked like a kicked puppy. The way he could change from being completely dazed while kissing you to fully alert and concerned about your health at the drop of a hat always left you stunned. How was he already able to think coherently? 
He called your name softly and you blinked a few times. “What?” 
“Why do you not want me to touch your side? Am I making you uncomfortable?”
“No, I just… don’t like my waist... and hips or whatever…” you trailed off, mumbling more with each word, hands slipping off his shoulders but still holding onto his arms. 
Seokmin looked so offended and hurt that you almost thought you said something negative about his body. “You don’t?” 
You pursed your lips and shook your head slightly. “It’s not a big deal. Just one of those weeks where insecurities amplify, you know?” 
“I’m sorry.” 
“Why are you sorry?” you asked with a small laugh, moving some of his bangs out of his eyes. 
“Because you don't like your body like I do.”
“You're not going to tell me I’m stupid?” 
“Of course not. It’s not stupid to be insecure, you can’t control it.”
“What would you know about that, Mr. Perfect?” you teased, poking his muscley stomach through his shirt. 
He frowned. “Hey, I’m insecure about things too. I just don't think about them when I’m with you because you make me feel so handsome.”
“You are so handsome,” you confirmed, kissing his nose as you wrapped your arms around his neck. 
He scrunched his face but broke out into a grin. “I love you,” he said honestly. “You’re perfect the way you are. Even if you change, you’ll still be perfect.” 
“You’re so cheesy,” you groaned, making him laugh and capture your lips. 
“Can I do something?” he asked innocently, making you narrow your eyes skeptically. 
“What?” 
He pulled you off his lap, repositioning back to how you were first laying, you propped up on pillows and him laying between your legs. Except this time, he was laying farther down, hands holding him up to hover over your stomach. 
“Can I?” 
“Can you what?” you asked nervously. 
��Kiss you,” he answered sweetly, as if there wasn't a mischievous glint in his eyes. 
You knew what he meant. And it made your heart skip a few beats thinking about how sweet he was all the time. You nodded and he gave you one last reassuring kiss to your lips before going back to your stomach, lifting up the hem of your shirt just enough to place a kiss on your belly. 
He glanced up at you, keeping his lips on your skin, and you're pretty sure you died right there at how beautiful he was. Your hands went to his hair to play with the soft strands as he slowly trailed kisses to your side, where you inhaled sharply with worries and insecurities. Your self-deprecating thoughts slowly faded away as he rubbed part of your waist before placing a soft kiss, repeating the action on both sides all over. 
Maybe some of his kisses were a little harsher with a little more teeth, leaving small colored reminders of how much he loved you, but despite still not liking every part of your body, you did love how much Seokmin tried to make you love yourself. He wasn't a cure for being insecure, but he did help you forget. 
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diqnbaus · 2 years ago
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Let You Break My Heart Again (Part 2)
Paring: Miles Morales x fem!reader
Summary: Your attempts to avoid Miles have worked. Until it’s time for his dad’s promotion party. That’s it lowkey. The next part will have more I promise. This is also at the beginning of ATSV so you’ve been warned.
Category: Not sad but not happy??
A/n: im soryr im so tired and I wasn’t even planning on writing another part but I felt badly. Also ik think chapter isnt as good as the first but I’ve rewritten in three thousand times and have two drafts. This is the one I like more.
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No matter how upset you were, no matter hard you tried to ignore Miles; there was no getting out of this. You had to go to Miles’ dad’s promotion party. Worst case scenario, you saw Miles and he tried to talk to you again. Best case scenario, you don’t see him and get free pizza from the party.
Either way, you were going. After all, you were mad at Miles. Not his dad.
So that was how you found yourself here, on the roof that was filled with people you didn’t know, trying to fit as much free food onto your plate while simultaneously trying to avoid eye contact with anyone who might start a conversation.
Unfortunately, you were unsuccessful in your attempts. Mrs. Morales soon approached you, just as you were stuffing your face with one of the cookies from your plate.
“I know the cookies are good, but please don’t choke,” Mrs. Morales says, smiling softly.
“Mhsis Mowawwes,” you swallow the cookie before trying again. “Mrs. Morales! This party is wonderful, and so are the cookies, obviously.”
“Thank you, I bought them myself,” she chuckles. “Have you seen Miles anywhere? He was supposed to be here ten minutes ago. He has the cake.”
“The cake? That’s the most important part of a party. No I haven’t seen him, sorry.”
She sighs, “that’s okay. That boy is always late to everything. I need to start telling him to get there twenty minutes before they actually start, then maybe he’d be on time.”
“Maybe you’ll only have to tell him to get there,” you check your watch, “thirteen minutes before it starts. He’s walking in right now.”
“Ugh, y/n you’re a lifesaver! I’m going to talk some sense into that boy,” she says while heading in his direction.
“Yep,” you mumble to yourself before eating another cookie and finding a quieter corner that you could sit in.
Your peacefulness didn’t last long, as after the fight Miles had with his parents, they went to find you.
“Y/n! Just the person we needed!” Mr. Davis said as they approached you.
“We were wondering if you would go talk to Miles. I’m sure you heard what happened earlier,” Mrs. Morales said.
“It was kind of hard not to,” Mr. Davis mumbled.
Ignoring her husband, she continued, “We really think something is bothering him, and he won’t talk to us. So maybe he would talk to you?”
“Oh I don’t really know, he didn’t really seem in the mood to talk to anyone,” you reply awkwardly, trying to get out of the conversation. The aforementioned worst case scenario was upon you.
“Please? It would double as my promotion present; as you didn’t get me one,” Mr. David said, confrontationally.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know I had to get you one,” you replied, panicked.
“I’ll only forgive you if you go talk to Miles,” he says sweetly before his wife turns him around and harshly whispers to him. Something about “manipulating” and “poor girl,” while you just sat there confused.
Finally when they turned back toward you, you told them you would do it.
“Thank you so much y/n,” Mrs. Morales says while ushering you towards the exit of the roof.
“Yes, thank you. The door should be unlocked. But if it isn’t, there’s a spare key under the mat,” Mr. Davis says as you reach the exit.
“That’s not very safe,” you reply, a little unnerved. You have to talk to Miles about that later. Maybe. If you felt like it.
“Oh please! I’m not the police chief yet, I can still be a little crazy now and then. Plus I change up the spot every other year, so we should be fine,” he says, ushering you out the door.
“Thanks again!” They say in unison, just before the door closes. You sigh before making your way down the many stairs, to the apartment.
Sure enough, the door is unlocked. But just to make sure he wasn’t joking, you checked under the mat and found the key. Huffing, you stand back up and make your way into the apartment towards Miles’ room.
“Miles! We need to talk about a few things. Starting with your dad’s key placement…” you trail off after opening the door to Miles’ room to see him and Gwen looking at his shelf full of his ‘action figures.’ This was the worser case scenario. Worster? Worsest? It doesn’t matter. This was bad.
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lunar-wandering · 7 months ago
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🎤 what are your shadowpeach hcs broski?
IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED allow me to go absolutely insane;
ive mentioned this one before but, Macaque is bi, and Wukong is... incomprehensible to humans. however if he's hanging out with Macaque he will say he's also bi out of solidarity
Wukong is the one who got Macaque hooked on peaches, shockingly enough peaches became one of Macaque's comfort foods, and despite all the stuff that went down in between them, this is still true to this day- even if he avoids peaches usually now, he still really craves them.
Wukong covers up any liking for Macaque via "it's not like I like you or anything" type stuff, Macaque on the other hand covers it up with villain dramatics. they both think the other is being completely genuine in this regard despite how obvious it is to otherwise
i know most people decide one of them is easier to fluster than the other, but i think they're both equally easy to fluster, just in different ways. for example, if Macaque wanted to fluster Wukong, he'd have to be more forceful about it. as in like, kabedons, pinning Wukong to the ground, Very Obvious Flirting, or gripping Wukong's face and loudly complimenting him. If he's too gentle with it, Wukong either brushes it off, or is oblivious to it. on the other hand, Wukong needs to be more gentle to really fluster Macaque, cause if he's too forceful with it, Macaque will panic-default back into his villain act. so he needs to be softer- gentle touches, holding hands, whispering Macaque's nickname into his ears, stuff like that.
there comes a point eventually where they stop arguing because they're actually upset and start arguing just for fun because even though they've worked through most of their bullshit it feels weird now to not argue after they've been doing it for so long. usually this ends with them roughhousing on the ground- and this is what leads to stuff like Wukong accidentally bruising Macaque's knee over an argument about cereal.
i like to think that when they were still on slightly bad terms but were trying to work things out, one of the things they decided to do was just. sit there and silently braid each other's hair after an argument. like an "they're mad at each other but don't want the other to leave" kind of thing.
they keep stealing each other's stuff. originally Macaque was doing it just to antagonize Wukong, and then Wukong started taking some of Macaque's stuff, so it became a challenge. there's been quite a few times where Macaque has used a shadowportal to just take Wukong's food without him noticing.
speaking of shadows, Macaque just genuinely likes to chill in Wukong's shadow- whether or not Wukong is aware of it. (he is, most of the time, if he's not heavily distracted that is. he figures he can keep a better eye on Macaque this way if he lets the other believe he doesn't know).
there are points in time where Wukong will become extra hesitant but gentle/affectionate with Macaque. usually this is cause he was reminded of Macaque's death. Macaque himself has no idea that that's why Wukong sometimes acts 'so weird'. (he gets very confused when Wukong won't banter with him during these times- earlier on in them working stuff out his attempts to get Wukong to banter with him might make Wukong snap at him- which at least is something Macaque views as normal. this was not good for either of them but it eventually ends up working out sjdlfksjflks)
because of their coping methods and Wukong's tendency to attempt to repress stuff, they tried to force their relationship to be back to how it was prior to everything once. this did not end well.
Wukong was actually the one to initiate their first kiss (or, well, maybe their first kiss after everything if you hc they were in a relationship before), but it was 100% just to get Macaque to shut up. it worked, but it also made them both have a mental breakdown afterwards
they both crave physical contact from the other but both hesitate to do so. like, they'll get in each other's personal space, but then both will wait cause they want the other to initiate contact. usually this'd end in them getting irritated over that not happening and they end up rolling on the ground fighting so they kinda get the contact they were craving but also at the same time not really.
MK is so done with their bullshit. He's been the reluctant spectator to most of this. He HAS threatened to lock them in a closet together just so they'd work their shit out.
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mandy-asimp · 1 year ago
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Forever home
Melissa Schemmenti x reader
Warning: hurt, lots of crying, yelling, throwing things, miscommunication, insecurities, a few swear words, fluff at like the veeeerrrrry end
A/n: I'm sorry if I forgot any warnings, I didn't proof read, I literally had this idea off of like a spurr and just started going
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"You tanked Janine! Took the whole school with you! It was impressive." Melissa poked at the younger teacher. Not knowing you were walking out the building.
"Leave the poor girl alone, she tried to help." You stood behind the red head. "Janine I think you made a choice and it didn't give you what you wanted, but it's nice that you care so much." You didn't look at the two, focusing on your class before you threw a water balloon at one kid.
Your class lit up and you took the to the open park across the street. Missing the rest of the conversation held between the two.
Today you wore a white top, not really planning to be playing in water today. So while your class left, you were in your classroom. Soaked to the bone.
The knock on your door made you head snap up. "Oh! Hey Janine?" You flashed a smile. "What can I do for ya?"
"I just wanted to say thank you. For the words you said earlier. You really had my back. And you know how Melissa is." She stood cautiously by your door.
You furrowed your brows, "Janine why are you just standing by the door? You're free to come in more. Hey did you eat today?"
"Im fine I was just stopping by. And I was gonna wait...but I should eat now since I'm hungry." She nodded like it was some new discovery.
"Well it's me and Melissa, but I also know Gregory is going out if you wanna go with him. You wont get bullied by Melissa." You joked. Still drying out your shirt.
Janine watched for a second. "You and Melissa? What's that all about?" Her curiosity peaked. "Also I have an extra shirt if you wanna change?"
"No I'm good, I have to go home to change anyways. And me and Melissa? We're just friends I guess." You played it down. "She was the teacher I began with. She made me like it here a lot and then during the pandemic, she let me come stay with her and her husband. I usually had headphones playing loud music so they had time together. She got mad at me for it a lot cause I never came up for dinner."
"You lived with her?! How did you manage?" Janine was baffled by the new found information. "Does that make you like the second person who knows so much about her? After Barb?"
You shrugged and didn't see harm in talking about the past a bit. "She gives you a hard time cause your new."
"Ok but that doesn't explain how you went from her student teacher to living with her?" Janine pushed. She needed to know what was the reason for the favoritism.
"Are you ready?" Melissa's voice came from the door way. Ending the conversation entirely. The 2nd grade teacher in front of you frowned at the nasty look the older gave. "Still can't believe you tanked. Like the whole school Janine. The. Whole. School."
"Melissa," You warned lowly. Getting into a short staring match with her. Which you won with a smile. "I have to run home and change, but then I'll be there for dinner."
"Whatever." She scoffed and walked away.
You had to take a deep breath before having to deal with her. "Janine, just don't listen to her. She's clearly just upset you took whatever fish she had in the fridge. She'll find something new Monday. Have a good weekend." You led her out the room.
Once you got home, you could find no sight of Melissa. No car in the driveway, no opened wine, nothing. You tried to call her, but got the voicemail. Five times. You looked for her location, but got her at the school.
With one last call, you changed and just went to the restaurant. Sitting at the table while dressed in your best. But after waiting for half an hour, you decided to just go home. Tipping the waiter for putting up with you and holding up a table.
You felt embarrassed. There was also anger and fury in you. You called Melissa while on your way home, leaving a voicemail. Going on about how when she's ready to pull her head out her ass and talk to you, you'd be ready.
What you didn't expect was that to lead into tomorrow.
Staurday.
You woke up in a bed alone. It had been years since this feeling. You groaned in frustration and went looking through the house. Not any trace. No note. No car. Nothing.
You let it play out, maybe she just went out early and would be back before noon. Constantly checking your phone to see if anything would come from her.
By five you were at Barbs in tears. You explained you hadn't seen her for twenty-four hours now. How you got nothing from her but she left Friday with a scoff.
That night you stayed at the kindergarten teachers house. Her and Gerald being the nicest people to you while in such a state.
Barbra had watched you two fall in love. The first year you two worked together, she knew you were the one. So seeing you crying over such a thing hurt her. It enraged her that her friend could do such a thing.
That night, before dinner, Barb tried calling Melissa. Getting the voicemail, and she wasn't going to call back. She explained calmly but with so much venom about the harm she's caused. How you can sobbing to her.
"Why don't you come eat with us? Get something in you?" She offered to your lifeless body. You were so numb you couldn't. You just shook your head. "Y/n, sweetheart, please. I know it hurts but you have to get something in you."
"What if she never comes back?" You whispered out. "I don't know what I did. I...I don't know how to control this. I was angry. So so angry at her for standing me up. But now I just I want her home. But what if she doesn't come home?"
Barbra hugged you. She held you on to you tight. Feeling you tremble in her embrace. She held you until your cries subsided. Holding you even through uneven breathing and the soft sniffling. Scared that if she let go, you'd think you had no one.
"Come on, we can make plates and eat on the couch tonight. Watch your favorite?" She offered. Seeing the smallest sparkle in your eyes. "I'll make you a small plate, and if you want more, you can grab more."
You nodded and mumbled a thank you. Slowly trying to find The Devil wears Prada.
Sunday.
You woke up on the couch. Frowning that you still had no sign of Melissa. You cleaned up your stay and wrote Barbra a note thanking her for everything and saying you'll see her Monday.
On your drive back you stopped at the store. Desperate to find something to distract you for another day.
You picked up a Lego set, one that you didn't need but knew it would take your entire day.
Driving home, you had a large pool of hope to see her car. It hurt you to know that you were getting hopeful for the worst. And then it hurt when you didn't see the red truck. That red truck that you had star gazing dates in. That red truck that you've made out in. That red truck. Tears streamed down your face when you got inside.
They kept falling as you showered and changed. You wore one of her sweatshirts and a pair of shorts. Crew socks protecting you from the cold floors. They felt colder than normal. The whole house did.
It was empty.
Your Sunday was filled with movies, legos, and multiple water bottles. Your phone next to you as you desperately awaited a call or a text.
Monday.
You woke up to rustling. "Mel?" You quietly called. Voice being dry and hoarse from sobbing yourself to sleep. You sat up and rubbed your eyes. "Melissa?" There was no one, it was still dark in the room. The tv being the only light.
"I'm sorry, but it's just me. You weren't answering my text about if you were awake." Barbra's voice came through the dark.
You stayed silent as your lip trembled. Tears rolled down your face. "I...Barb." Was all you could say. She nodded and walked over. Pulling you from the bed and hugging you.
"Why don't you get ready and I'll drive you to work today?" She held your face, her thumbs wiping your tears away. "We can even stop for breakfast."
You nodded and got ready. Not putting much effort in, and everyone knew when you walked in the morning.
Your hair was freely down and you were in jeans. But you hardly wore jeans unless it was Wednesday or Friday. And the button up that belonged to Melissa was untucked. Your socks didn't match. You had your glasses on and hardly any makeup.
You moved in silence while in the lounge. Head held down and picking at your nails until the coffee was done. You took it straight and walked silently to your class. Not coming out until you had to print your papers for the day.
Ten minutes before she's counted late. You counted those second that made up the time. Once the kids came in and she didn't, you rushed back with your papers holding in your tears.
You sent her one simple text. Turning off your phone for the morning and masking everything for your kids.
Thankful that gym and lunch was back to back. Giving you an hour and a half or so to cry. It was only three minutes into that time before Barbra was comforting you again.
You had cried so hard that you had to throw up. You were surprised by yourself today. You've never cried this hard. Never. And now you were dry heaving.
Barbra was leading you down with your head buried in her side. You could hear her say something, but you couldn't bear look at who she said it to.
You knew who it was, especially went you felt your heart get pulled back. You wanted to run to her. To cry into her knowing she was safe and she was here. Yet, you couldn't. You just let Barbra walk you to Ava. Leaving you with her.
Ava, when she cares, she get serious. And seeing you, one of her more valued workers, made her serious.
She held you for the rest of the time you had. Letting you cry into her shirt. She didn't care you were soaking it with sadness, she just wanted you ok.
Once your time was up, you wiped your face. Giving a final hug to your boss before trudging to the lunch room.
When you opened the door, your heart wanted to burst. The overwhelming emotions seeing her talking to your class. You mustered it all up, ignoring her entirely as you collected your class.
On the verge of tears when your hand brushes against hers. A shaky breath left your body when it happened.
The rest of the day you stayed in your class. Feeling relieved when your kids left and it was just you.
A few tears fell out your eyes as you packed up. Taking in your silence as you left the building. You didn't stop and talk to anyone. Just walked out to your...Barbra.
You instantly spun in your feet, ready to head back but there she was. Not Barb, no Melissa. You wiped away the tears that started falling faster. "Shit," You whispered in annoyance. Making a beeline to the eldest teacher
Barb was expecting you. But not with this many tears. "You know you can't avoid her forever. She's hurting just as much as you are."
You nodded, knowing she was right. "It just hurts to see her after being completely ignored. I just...I couldn't even figure it out."
"Well, I'll drive you home." She knew you didn't want to get into it. She knew most of it already anyways.
When you got home, there was no truck again. Barbra asked if you were going to be ok and you had to be. You couldn't keep her forever so you just nodded.
When you got in, you poured a glass of wine and changed. Balling up on the couch and watching another movie.
Waiting for that door to open again. Needing her walk through the door tonight. If she doesn't you might died.
Tuesday.
You sat in the teachers lounge this morning. Not letting tears get you today.
"Oh! Y/n! Its good to see you! Where were you yesterday?" Janine came in, a bright smile on her face.
You hummed, "busy morning. I got nothing done over the weekend." The lie fell from you with ease. "And its good to see you as well Janine."
Everyone else began to fill in. And you could sense when Mel came in. You could sense her any day.
The morning was quiet with you. You didn't sit next to Melissa, instead you sat next to Janine. Listening to her watch videos for the wish list.
"Janine, I swear if I hear one more preppy video," Melissa turned in her chair. "You should put a pair of headphones on that list."
You gave a quiet scoff. "Janine, I wouldn't stress it. I think it's adorable how you're making a video for your classroom needs."
Melissa looked at you next, right before turning while shaking her head. "Well maybe you should just date Janine." She whispered so quiet only Barb heard it, and you could tell it.
"Melissa!" Barbra scolded, never seeing such a side of her friend. Her brown eyes quickly jumped to you. "Y/n..."
"No. If she wants to be immature and childish, the so fucking be it." You collected everything and rushed out. Tears burning in your eyes.
The rest of the day you avoided everyone. Not wanting to give into the tears that begged to spill. You were tired of crying. Tired of being tired.
The woman you've been with for the past five years is suddenly someone you've never met. You've met jealous Melissa, and this was not that green monster.
That night you stayed up. You expected her to come home tonight. After what happened you expected her to. But she didn't.
It hurt. It burned. It shattered. You couldn't understand what the hell was happening. So you called her. Not getting any answer, but you laid it out in the voicemail. The emotions ripping at you.
Wednesday.
You didn't go to school. You stayed home and sulked. Crying the entire morning. Only stopping for an hour or so to drink water. Just to cry it all out again.
It was a repeating pattern with it. That was all your day was. You couldn't believe you were crying this hard for someone.
Yet, it'd be terrible if you weren't crying over her. You spent the past five years with her. Even though it wasn't official till last year though.
You were with her through everything, and now she's just throwing you away.
That night you stared at yourself in the mirror. First silently, then after an hour, you screamed. You screamed so loud you heard dogs start barking from streets down.
Thursday.
Tomorrow would mark a week of whatever is happening. Not...that anyone was keeping track or anything.
You went to school and just kept to yourself. It was a you day where you talked to nobody. You hardly talked to your students.
You gave them papers of what they knew to just do extra practice and did your own thing.
And at night you did what you did for what seems like a month, sat with a glass of wine waiting.
Friday.
A week. A week if not talking to her. A week without a text. A week without a call. A week of constant tears. A week of hurting.
You walked into your classroom and see a box. A familiar box that you adore so much. There was a blue sticky note on top.
Your heart thumped loudly. Each step was a louder thump.
You read the note and a small smile tugged at your lips. But then you let the pain she cause catch up to you today.
You went through your day, a bit more on edge. A bit meaning you were shaking the entire day since reading the note.
By the time you were home, you were downing water. Trying to calm the nerves that we're eating you alive. They took over your body and you felt cold and clammy.
The door opened. You wanted to throw up everything. You wanted to be eaten alive by the floor. To be abducted by aliens. Ran over by a train. Honestly anything to not be here.
"Hun?" A soft voice called in. She walked further into the house. And when you laid eyes on her, you couldn't.
The mixture of rage and sadness forcing tears out. You began yelling. It didn't stop, you just kept yelling. Screaming things you didn't know you wanted to say. You stepped closer and closer and once you were close and she stared at you, she looked shocked to think you could say such, and it made you even more mad.
You threw your hands up and kept screaming. You began throwing objects, being conscious of what you had. Nothing was breaking to satisfy you.
You grabbed your wine glass, note it still had a bit of wine, and threw it at her. Instantly shutting up when it fell to the ground where she used to be standing. You were thankful she moved, but the feeling that glass had made you pant.
"I know you're upset," she began. But it didn't go long because you kept going. You laid it on to her heavy. You've never yelled at someone like this before.
You plopped down when you were for sure done. Watching her with puffy eyes.
She began to talk. And as she went on, you still didn't hear her reasoning. It was just a long apology of how she knew she was wrong.
"Please, I'm sorry." She looked at you longingly.
You shook your head. "You don't get you just apologize and not give me a reason. You left me for a week without saying a word. You stood me up at dinner Mel. What did I do?" You croaked.
Melissa's eyes went wide and she rushed to crouch in front of you. Holding your face and wiping away tears.
"Honey none of this. And I absolutely mean none of this, was your fault. I...I let my insecurities get me. On Friday when you were defending Janine and then talking to her alone," she got out quietly. The fear of you looking at her differently feasting on her.
You could only begin crying. You slipped off the couch into her arms. Sobbing so heavily. Melissa wrapped her arms and held you tightly. Even when you tried hitting her chest and pull away. She could only apologize at you.
Tears of her own showering your head. Neither one of you able to part. You not wanting her to disappear ever again, and her not wanting to see you pained the way you are.
It was well past midnight when you came through again. Stirring around trying to determine where you were.
In your bed with a bonding like grip on you. You couldn't move but you moved enough to wake up Melissa.
"Mel..." you softly spoke. Grabbing at her hands to loosen them. Only making them tighten around you.
"No..." she grumbled. "I can't let go of you."
"Melly? I'm not asking you to let go of me, I'm asking you to just let go of me." You pulled at her hands again, getting the to let go. You rolled over to prop yourself up. Looking down at your woman as her face was so relaxed.
Her eyes fluttered open. Instantly filling with tears. "Please don't leave me..." her tears began falling. "I know I was wrong but please. I cant go through it."
"Melly, I'm not leaving you. You did a terrible terrible thing and I still hardly know why, except that it had something to do with Janine?" You pushed hair out of her face and getting comfortable in her arms again. "What went through that head?"
Melissa moved to rest lower and bury her head into your chest. You knew she needed to be held, so that's what you did. She explained it all to you while you played with her hair.
"And I just....it kept eating at me that you were tired and wanted someone young. I know not Janine but I wanted to get it over with so you couldn't break my heart." She finished. The sun peaking up and through your blinds. "And when you yelled and said what you said, I had a reality check."
You pulled her head back slightly to see her face. Leaning down and kissing her so passionately.
"I will never, and I mean never, mean what I say when I'm mad. It will never mean anything until I have time to calm down and talk sensibly. I was so so hurt that you did that to me though. And it hurt even worst because I knew I still would love you after it all. Because I love you Melissa." You kissed her forehead.
You took in this moment. You had the woman you swore to marriage within your own head. She was your forever. Since the first day with her she was your everything.
"I love you too, y/n." She smiled. It was the most genuine smile you've ever seen this woman give you.
The look in that woman's eyes before you both fell back asleep was all you needed to know she was your forever home.
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