#i was thinking about doing an incorrect quote with this but i just think it works better as a visual gag

[aestknowsbest]

Timbersteph incorrect quotes because I am bored! (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ And my anxiety is ever present....

Stephanie, laying with her face pressed into Bernard's stomach: “Let's all take out our intestines and braid them together like friendship bracelets.”

Tim, curled up against her back: “I don't think that's advisable.”

Bernard, watching Nailed It on mute with his phone balanced on Stephanie's head: “No no, I'm actually curious on where this is going.”

Stephanie: “We'd be stuck together always. We'll do everything as a throuple. Cooking, cleaning, sleeping. Communal shitting.”

Bernard: “You know how I love you and would do anything ever for you—?”

Steph: “Sensing a ‘but’ here, but I'm not so sure.”

Bernard: “—Yeah, not anymore. Some things are just off the table”

--

Stephanie, talking about Tim: “I call him princess because that mf is not a daddy.”

Bernard: “The closest he'll ever be to that is when we get him pregnant.”

Stephanie, raising her hand for a high-five: “Tag-team!”

Bernard, smacking his hand against hers: “Heck yes!”

Tim: “I am right here.”

--

Stephanie, scrolling through her phone: “Lunch, breakfast, light shower, common tongue, the red means i love you...... Bear, is there any reason in particular why the playlist you sent to Tim and I is comprised of songs with blatant cannibalistic subtext?”

Bernard, looking up with wide innocent eyes from here he is currently biting into her collarbone: “..... Not exactly any that I can think of, no.”

--

Bernard: “What if horses had teeth in their brain cavity?”

Tim: “Straight up bucking it. And by ‘it’, let's just say.... my brain teeth.”

Jason, who only wanted a quiet weekend but is now having his apartment invaded: “Girlie, please come collect your freak twinks!”

Steph, raiding the refrigerator: “You have custody of the kids over the weekend, sorry! Put on Scooby Doo if you want them quiet and occupied– Mystery Inc. is their favourite.”

Bernard: “The love triangle between Shaggy, Velma, and Scooby... They were so wild for that.”

Jason: “What the fuck?”

--

Steph, stepping out of the dressing room in a dress and heels: “So what do you think?”

Bernard: “You could step on my throat in stilettos and I'd thank you and also ask for you to press harder.”

Stephanie: “I'm assuming that means I look smoking hot. Keep it up, my funky little hype-man.”

--

Stephanie, sitting on the couch reading with a sleeping Bernard's head in her lap:

Tim, stumbling through the window and bleeding profusely from his side:

Steph:

Tim:

Tim, slurring: Hey girl,, nice teeth.... They w'ld llook even better. on my b'droom floor.

Steph: My TEETH??

Tim passes out:

[notquitecharl1e]

Life Series Incorrect Quotes Pt.1

i’m starting again bc i accidentally deleted all the other parts and i wanna cry

Grian: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Cleo will and will not eat.  Ren: Grass? Yes!  Grian: Moss? Yes!!  Ren: Leaves? Ohh, yes!  Grian: Shoelaces? Strange but true!  Ren: Worms? Sometimes!  Grian: Rocks? Usually nah.  Ren: Twigs? Usually!  Grian: Pearl's cooking? Inconclusive!  Impulse: How did you… test this?  Grian: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.  Impulse: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.  Pearl: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Tango, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?  Jimmy: Yeah, sure.  *A few minutes later*  Jimmy: Here you go.  Tango: Jimmy: Martyn: Why am I here?

Impulse: Being gay is a constant battle between "I wish to sit on a window bench with my lover, our legs tangling as we listen to the birds" and "Hey, let's go throw rocks at fascists" and I think that's very sexy of us.  Skizz: If the window's open and you time it right, you can do both.

Etho: Hey guys, what do you think about making that beach trip an annual thing?  Impulse, Tango, and Skizz: No!  Cleo: Alright, that’s it, you guys. What happened out there?  Impulse: What? We took a walk. Nothing happened. I came back with nothing all over me.  Cleo: What does that mean?  Etho: Come on, what happened? Tango?  Tango: Alright.  Impulse: No. Tango, we swore we’d never tell!  Skizz: They’ll never understand.  Tango: But we have to say something. We have to get it out. It’s eating me alive.  Tango: Impulse got stung by a jellyfish!  Impulse: Alright! I got stung. Stung bad. I couldn’t stand. I- I couldn’t walk.  Skizz: We were two miles from the house. We were scared and alone. We didn’t think we could make it.  Impulse: I was in too much pain.  Tango: And I was tired from digging a huge hole.  Skizz: And then Tango remembered something.  Tango: I’d seen this thing in the Discovery Channel.  Etho: Wait a minute, I saw that. On the Discovery Channel. Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you— EW! You peed on yourself?  Cleo and Ren: EW!!  Impulse: You can’t say that! You don’t know! I thought I was gonna pass out from the pain. Anyway, I tried, but I couldn’t... bend that way. So... *looks at Tango*  Etho, Cleo, and Ren: Ew!  Tango: That’s right. I stepped up. They’re my friend and they needed help. If I had to, I’d pee on any one of you.  Tango: Only, uh, I couldn’t. I got stage fright. I wanted to help but there was too much pressure. So, I, um, I turned to Skizz.  Skizz: Tango kept screaming at me, “Do it now. Do it. Do it now.” Sometimes, late at night I can still hear the screaming.  Tango: That’s because sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.

Jimmy, holding out a cookie for Etho: Look! This ones a heart, that’s how I feel about you!  Etho: *Ugly crying*  Jimmy, holding out another cookie for Scott: This ones like Michigan, that’s how I feel about you!  Scott, throwing their hands in the air: What does that mean?!

Jimmy: How do I ask someone out? 

Tango: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. 

Jimmy: No! 

Gem: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. 

Jimmy: Stop! 

Scar: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. 

Jimmy: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

[y01ky]

Forsaken Incorrect Quotes

Azure: If you could pick where to be shot, where would you choose?

Two Time: The head.

Azure: *chuckles* No, where would you choose to feel the least amount of pain?

Two Time: Oh, haha. I gotcha.

Two Time: The Head.

Shedletsky: Builderman... Builderman... Wake up...

Builderman: Mmmmph... Hmmm?

Shedletsky: BUILDERMAN! DUSEKKAR IS CRACKED AT COD!!!!!

*Insert Dusekkar wearing a gamer headset dominating a COD match*

007n7: Hey.

Elliot: Hey?

007n7: I can't sleep.

Elliot: I can, good night.

Dusekkar: How do you top your sub?

Dusekkar: Blocked, blocked, blocked. You're all blocked. None of you is free of sin.

Guest 1337: Alright listen up you little shits.

Guest 1337: Except you, Noob. You're precious, and we're glad you're here.

Bluudud: You're a lying piece of shit!

Delirious: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with anything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!

1x1x1x1: I'm leaving and I'm taking C00lkidd with me!

Azure: And that's enough Monopoly for the day.

Two Time: Azure and I are so close that we even share a toothbrush!

Azure: We what?

Noob, staring at Guest 666 in a cage: Why are they in a cage?

Guest 1337: Because they growled at me.

Guest 1337: Sorry, who are you?

Dusekkar: Oh, I'm Dusekkar.

Guest 1337: Oh yeah, I heard about you from Shedletsky.

Guest 1337: Are you their friend or something?

Dusekkar: No.

Dusekkar: I'm their therapist.

Two Time: I am the sand guardian. Guardian of the sand.

Azure: The Spawn quivers before him!

Two Time: Fuck off!

1x1x1x1: "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." I would. Pussy.

1x1x1x1: "I'm not gonna sink to their level." I will. Coward.

1x1x1x1: "I'm the bigger person." I'm 150cm tall. Give me the gun, bitch.

Chance: Elliot, you're my best friend.

Elliot: Best friend? BEST FRIEND? Bitch, I'm your only friend.

Elliot: THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF TOLERATING YOUR DUMB ASS!

Demon King: Honestly, I am so evil. So full of darkness. I feed on the souls of the living and strike fear into-

1x1x1x1: You sleep with a teddy bear.

Demon King: He's my secOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS!!

Chance: Are you mad?

Two Time: No.

Chance: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?

[lilislegacy]

*the gods in council*

zeus: all in favor, say aye

the gods: aye

zeus: good. does anyone have anything to add before we disperse?

poseidon: yes. i invite you all to examine some pictures and evaluate whether athena or myself constructed the superior ginger bread house at the jackson-blofis-chase christmas party

athena, rolling her eyes: it is utterly inconceivable that you truly believe your haphazard creation could rival the elegance and precision of my architectural masterpiece

poseidon, pointing his trident at her: oh, but indeed i do. mine was much more homey looking. there was a pond outside, a nice yard, it even had candy horse stables. yours was a boring upper-class temple

athena: frederick and annabeth—the higher-IQ participants—most definitely agreed that mine was undeniably superior

poseidon: um, no. annabeth may have said yours was better, but i saw her admiring my work much more than yours. perseus can back me up.

athena: oh gods, perseus’ house was even worse! even sally was making fun of it!

poseidon: sally found it charming. you simply do not understand her humor, being as uptight as you are. my son’s house radiated warmth and entertainment, unlike yours that-

zeus, annoyed: can you two settle this somewhere else?

poseidon and athena, in unison: no

ares: i liked it better when you two almost never interacted. first the superbowl party bet, then the easter basket debacle, and now this?

athena: i still cannot believe you all voted his easter basket was better

apollo: the candy choices inside were simply more appealing than your delicate basket weaving. i know because i was there

athena: you weren’t even invited. you just showed up

apollo: the jacksons and i are old friends, of course they wanted me there! plus many of my other friends were there! leo and thalia and-

zeus: i’m about to erase all of you from existence

poseidon, amused: you’re the jealous you weren’t invited, brother

[mari-thesapphic-lady]

Eternity: RIO IS PREGNANT.

Rio: I'M NOT PREGNANT.

Infinity: Why the hell do you think Rio is pregnant?

Eternity: She's feeling basic human needs. I caught her eating this noon!

Infinity: WERE YOU EATING?

Rio: I can't sleep or eat anymore?!

Eternity: Yes, you can, but not because it's a necessity.

Infinity: Rio, my dear, you're Death, you don't need these things. Like, why would you sleep if you don't feel tired?

Rio: ...

Eternity: You don't feel tired... do you?

Rio: so-

Infinity: That's it, I'm going to kill that witch.

[im-still-watching-anime]

trucy: hang on polly you have a hair on you—oh, it’s long and…blonde. again.

apollo, internally: oh my god they’re all going to think i’m STRAIGHT and that i’m sleeping with a WOMAN

trucy, athena, and wright all thinking: oh that’s for sure klavier’s :/

[nightlocked-in]

“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked

[brightsunsmeanshello]

Anakin, incredulous: General Secura is one of the most respectable Jedi in the Grand Army of the Republic. She absolutely is not involved in any sort of relationship with her Commander; that would be inappropriate!

Quinlan: Yes she is.

Entire 327th Star Corps: Yes she is.

Aayla: Yes I am.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Emily and the extra realization that an angel had her wings torn off and eye gouged out and halo repossessed and was left for dead in hell- why exactly??

Emily: "A child."

Lute: "A filthy little sinner."

Emily: "You did all that to her, because she showed a moment of mercy to, a C H I L D?"

Lute: "Yes."

Emily: "And then you tried blackmailing her with this??"

Lute: "Yes."

Emily: "That's terrible."

Lute: "I'll admit it didn't work how we wanted it to, but the broken look on her disgusting little demon fling's face was still worth it."

Emily: "I meant that it was a wrong and terrible thing to do TO her. And to Charlie!"

Lute: "They've probably already broken up by now. That traitor will spend her final hours alone and wretched with nothing but her own failings to keep her company."

Emily: "How you can SMILE while saying that!?"

Lute: "Oh don't worry, she'll be out of her misery soon enough."

Emily: "..... respectfully Lute, I hope she fucks you up a little."

Lute: There's no chance in hell.

Lute: (comes back sans arm after getting a little fucked up by vaggie in hell)

Emily: "HA!"

Emily: "Anyway have you met our newest angel Sir Pentious? Sir Pentious is an angel now. He arrived here fresh from hell. Did you know sinners can be redeemed and Charlie was right and you were wrong and Vaggie did the right thing and Sir Pentious was just telling me allllll about how they made up and it was very cute and they're probably going to be in love forever? Meanwhile, YOU on the other hand- oh I'm so sorry, Lute. Too soon?" :)

[quadrantadvisor]

Red Hood!Jason: So yeah, then the Joker tortured me for a few hours-

Joker Junior!Tim: Hours? Weak. Try a few weeks next time.

Arkham Knight!Jason: Huh.

RH!Jason & JJ!Tim: What?

AK!Jason: Are you guys gonna be impressed if I say it was over a year.

JJ!Tim: .....

RH!Jason: Yes, also what the fuck

[arrestedexgirlfriendafterhigh]

Ik Dexter doesn’t even talk abt his Dad in the cartoon but scrumpy middle child who thinks they’re not good enough is BOUND to hate his father (dont ask how I know)

[sergeantcowboy]

Hello the three other people in this fandom, here's more papers, please guys for you. I hate Dimitri <3

[starryeyeddreamer21]

Hazbin Hotel Incorrect Quotes

Angel: *sliding money across the bar to pay for his drinks* You can call me sugar daddy longlegs

Husk: no

Niffty: Does that make Husk sugar baby shortlegs?

Husk: No

Niffty: Can I be sugar baby shortlegs?

Husk: NO

Angel: *wheeze*

[electric-plants]

cyno: i would give anything to know how alhaitham’s brain works

kaveh: haha be careful cyno, alhaitham would take that as a marriage proposal

cyno: ah so you think that one could work then? i’ll add it to the list

kaveh: ….please tell me you are not adding that to a list of actual real proposal ideas right now

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Husk: *pointing to a high shelf* Can you reach that for me?

Angel: Awww, Whiskers! You need me in your life after all.

Husk: I could replace you with a step ladder.

[gravitasfalls]

there's a spider, he's deep in Ford's soul

bonus: