#i was diagnosed with HPD by the same person

[stabyou]

thinking abt how back in the day (like 10 years ago. i am getting old) my therapist at the time thought i had BPD before i mentioned to him about my bipolar, and even suggested i go seek further help to discern whether or not i have it... the reason i was told as to why i wasn’t ultimately diagnosed is that i don’t have issues with narcissism/self-grandiosity, and that my mood swings fit better under my bipolar label. but i have every single other symptom, and when people talk about bpd i find myself relating so much more than just a surface level. i mean. i thought i had it when i was a teenager and tbh it’s only gotten worse so... hm

[a-sip-of-milo]

True-crime documentaries when the person displaying certain "problematic" behaviour isn't guilty: This is common signs of autism, adhd, depression, anxiety, etc.

True crime documentaries/channels when the person displaying certain "problematic" behaviour IS guilty: Cluster b!!! Cluster b personality disorder for you!!

[eclaire-went-bam]

cluster b tumblr how do i bring up to a therapist or anyone really looking into personality disorders

i've been working with people for the past 11 years and nothing has been working and nobody knows what's wrong with me or how to treat/support me. not to mention i have such a problem with continuing to mask in therapy and such to the point where it's liiike highkey comical ??

i've bought it up to my therapist before but she really quickly shut it down, saying she doesn't like labels like that, but i'm getting a new therapist soon and i want this to be a priority just upfront. i'm really sick of the cycles i find myself in

[hpdfag]

i like reading peoples dnis and just checking off every point on them that i fit even if im not public abt it

[valcaira]

Every person with NPD deserves respect, comfort and accommodation. Yes, even "malignant narcissists". Yes, even those who are abusive. NPD stems from childhood trauma and even *those* narcissists you don't like deserve their trauma to be recognized and talked about. Narcissists with ASPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists with HPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists with BPD deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissist with multiple cluster disorders deserve to be loved and comforted. Narcissists who are not self-aware about their narcissism deserve to be loved and comforted. You deserve kindness.

I hear you. I see you. Your trauma and pain are valid and your brain developed a way to deal with that. All I wanted is to be loved. You cannot call yourself a "mental health advocate" and not advocate for people with stigmatized disorders such as NPD. You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate and in the same breath demonize those with "evil disorders". You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate if you only support a specific set of cluster disorders. You cannot call yourself a mental health advocate if you actully believe in "narcissistic abuse" and armchair diagnose your abuser.

Narcissists are not inherently evil. We are hurt people, carrying old scars, pain and trauma just like everybody else. We deserve kindness.

To the narcissist reading this: I love you. You deserve every bit of comfort and kindness in the world. I see you and I appreciate you.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for how I tried to convince my RP partner that not all pwNPD are abusers?

The story is basically what the title says. I'm not giving out genders/ages for anonymity, but everyone involved here is an older teenager or young adult. Someone who I used to be friends with is incredibly biased against people with Cluster B personality disorders (antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder). In the past, she has implied that all people with narcissistic personality disorder are abusers and that all people with antisocial personality disorder are serial killers. Her reasoning for this is that she was abused in the past by someone with NPD and therefore considers ALL people with a Cluster B disorder to be dangerous.

(to be fair, I don't know if she feels the same way about BPD or HPD, since she has never mentioned either before and I don't dare to lol)

Although I was and still am scared to directly confront her about her viewpoints, I tried challenging them through the roleplays we do together. I introduced a character who would've likely been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder if she was older (she's 17 in the RP). She was portrayed as kind and generous, so I purposefully introduced her to show my friend that people with personality disorders can be good people, even if some of them are abusers. I didn't directly tell her that the character was supposed to represent narcissistic personality disorder, as none of us list the diagnoses of characters.

This wasn't the first character with implied NPD that I had submitted. Rather, there was another character who existed at the time and was just reduced to "insecure villain," which made them rather offensive as "representation." I later removed this character, although I originally tried to "fix" the character by balancing them out with better representation. So, I definitely wasn't trying to claim that people with NPD can't be abusers, ever. Rather, I wanted to show that people with NPD have the potential to be good and bad people.

Eventually, I one day had a mental breakdown for unrelated reasons and "apologized" to my ex-friend, admitting that part of the reason I'd introduced the character was to change her mind. While I don't actually feel bad for introducing the character, I still think I'm an asshole for giving a fake apology for something I don't feel sorry about, as I apologized with the intent of pushing her away rather than showing remorse.

After that, we've kind of put up a fair bit of distance between each other. She's being nice to me because... well, I've convinced her that I'm open to her ableist viewpoints by being a total pushover (another AH move of mine, yippee /s), and I'm staying on good terms with her because I don't want the drama and hurt that comes with formally ending a friendship. I feel like this is an ESH situation, with my friend being an AH for having shitty views and me being an AH for not knowing how to use the block button, but I wanted to hear what others had to think.

What are these acronyms?

[fun-snap]

You’ve heard of Narc abuse

now get ready for HPD abuse 🤩🤩

I’m waiting for the day someone says that so I can go ballistic missile on them. Idk I find it funny that there’s a term for abuse where the abuser is just self-centered(Narc abuse) but not one for where the abuser is attention seeking and needs constant apprise to have self esteem that can lead to inappropriate behavior like hmmm kinda odd tbh

if ppl go say “borderline” abuse and “narc” abuse then why isn’t there terms like that for all personality disorders like DPD PPD ASPD HPD ScPD STPD (help I can’t remember any of the others) as a lot of times they tend to overlap and ppl get diagnosed with more then one like *why*

maybe bc most ppl don’t know that there are multiple personality disorders instead of just BPD and NPD idk guys

anygays, PSA there’s more than 2 personality disorders and by useing “narc” abuse and “borderline” abuse you are hurting all of them even if you didn’t know they existed, all the more reason to not use a name of a disorder to characterize abuse, it’s the same as using Autistic and Psychopath as an insult 😃😃

[bpdstevenuniverse]

I genuinely worry for people who find out about C-PTSD online. Not because of the diagnosis itself, because it's important to talk about childhood trauma, but I worry about the way C-PTSD circles have a tendency to demonize NPD.

I speak from experience. A couple years ago (I think sometime before I created this blog), I remember following a therapist on Youtube that talked very deeply about childhood trauma. While in a way it did help me realize and accept how messed up my childhood was, I also remember the therapist describing the abusive parent(s) as "narcissist(s)". And I'm sure a lot more professionals on Youtube and other social media like TikTok do the exact same thing. In fact, one of my previous therapists irl tried to diagnose my dad with NPD, and they're not the first person to do that. Every time someone talks about an abuser, whether they're real or fictional, people will ALWAYS bring up NPD and how all abusers and "evil" exes are narcissists. I hate it because even leftist circles are infested with this logic, by labelling bigots and shitty people narcissists.

I think I only started to realize how awful people are towards NPD once I was diagnosed with BPD two years ago. The more research I did, the more I saw how similar we really are. Some people might even have both disorders. The same can be said about ASPD and HPD, the former also demonized often while the latter is mostly forgotten whenever Cluster B disorders are brought up.

Anyway, I'm saying this because of an artist I followed until a few days ago, and interestingly they followed the same Youtube therapist I knew back then. The artist unfortunately called their abuser(s) "narcissist(s)", too. And it pissed me off so much. Like I said, it's important to bring awareness to childhood trauma, but I'm so tired of everyone saying narcissists are abusers. I don't think anyone bothers to understand that Cluster B disorders are mostly caused by childhood trauma, and that's also the case for NPD. People with Cluster B disorders are more often victims than what media tries to tell us. We're starting to understand that about BPD, so I don't understand why no one thinks NPD, ASPD and HPD are valid too.

I also do not understand people who have BPD that demonize NPD/ASPD/HPD. We're all in the same boat. If you don't support your Cluster B siblings, you're not getting anywhere. We should be in this together.

[theokusgallery]

Is Nick narcissistic..? (Pretty sure he is???.. but I just wanted to make sure of it since I didn't fully explore this blog)

He has NPD yeah it's on his ref sheet

I'm not a medical professional by any means, I'm going off of research and personal experience — saying he has NPD just means I'm giving him a buncha symptoms, because with personality disorders that's how the diagnostic process goes yk, but tbh both him and Sunny have a lot of cluster b traits, I wouldn't even say he only exclusively has NPD and nothing else (or that Sunny doesn't have it either). The obsession he has with Sunny (and that Sunny also has with him) is something that most bpd havers I've talked to relate to lol.

Again when it comes to personality disorders (and especially cluster Bs), the disorders are just... patterns of behaviors that have been sorted out into categories. Also I'm frankly not a fan of the field of psychiatry and the state of it as it stands so I'm too opinionated to be objective about it —

— I can rant all I want about how calling abuse from a narcissistic person "narcissistic abuse" is stigmatizing and unhelpful but at the end of the day the people who made up the diagnosis called it "egotistical abusive fuck disorder" (same for historionic, antisocial & borderline btw, like how's no one talking about the fact that hpd and bpd are literally female hysteria but rebranded). And the process of making up the diagnostic criteria for aspd was just... surveying violent criminals. They put a fucking time limit on that shit as well, like, one of the diagnostic criteria is having a criminal record & exhibiting symptoms before the age of 15 (but they still won't diagnose you before you're an adult because God forbid you're self aware and try to seek help about it). And with psychopathy in cognitive science, which they'll swear up and down is unrelated to ASPD, it's literally the same thing except they try and tell you that "actually some people are just born with the Bad Person Gene" because they love to pretend they can identify who "bad people" are and how to 'sort them out'

Like. Cluster B personality disorders diagnosis are just collections of symptoms that are usually harmful trauma responses that a bunch of old bigots slapped a "obnoxious abusive bitch" label on. I hate the label of "narcissistic abuse" and the habit of diagnosing anyone you don't like with a personality disorder, even if they have exactly 0 of the symptoms, and I think it helps no one even if it's accurate — but I'm honestly not a fan of the label "narcissist" either, so.

When you're diagnosed with a (1) cluster b pd usually you have symptoms of several others. And there's symptoms that can arbitrarily be put into either category (spoiler alert: usually they'll decide that based on your gender lol). I am very critical of the DSM because between the guy who made up the "trans woman paraphilic disorder" being chair of the fucking thing, the history of stigmatisation & basing what's a mental illness off of what's 'socially acceptable', the trillion of unhelpful diagnosis that no one's ever heard of vs. DP/DR not being recognised as a disorder unrelated to other forms of dissociative disorders, etc etc... I just don't think that letting a bunch of old white neurotypical bigoted cishet men "categorize" the human psyche to decide on what's today's new target for Bad Person Syndrome is a good idea.

[homoplexy]

In the years I've been online I've been watching the "pro-para" or "paraphiliac" crowd become more and more mainstream, and I want to dispel some myths and assumptions if at all possible. This is going to be long, as a warning.

Being a paraphiliac is rooted in the medical diagnosis of an atypical sexual behavior which implies danger or the potential of. A paraphilia is a sexual interest derivative of the aforementioned disordered behaviors studied for usage as a diagnosis.

There are many problems with psychology and psychiatry as a whole. It's no secret that fairly recently diagnoses such as homosexuality were removed as official labels for "offending" behavior; in another instance, many of the emotion-based personality disorders such as BPD (borderline personality disorder) and HPD (histrionic personality disorder) are still unfairly placed on CAFAB people, regardless of gender identity, due to the basis behind the disorders coming from "female hysteria." However, there is also much more research backing many of the diagnoses within the DSM-5 (the standard for mental disorder symptoms & diagnosis) that is beneficial, or at the very least used in tandem with self-proclaimed paraphiliacs in these online spheres.

It's important to know (and further, understand) the social, political, and cultural aspects that factor into how the DSM developed and has been used over time. It's similar to how modern physical medicine has developed; except the pathology of human behavior from what's "normal" and "abnormal" has changed over history, unlike how a broken bone heals or a sprain occurs. So as those behaviors have changed and humans have made so many developments in a very short amount of time, especially in a country simultaneously as young and as "superpowered" as the United States, the understanding of sexual behaviors has evolved extremely rapidly. The United States as we know it today was founded on colonialism, puritanical ideals, slavery, and genocidal politics. As time wears on, those founding principles degrade more and more in place of new understandings (such as the federal outlaw of slavery, giving women the right to vote) and while there are still provisions which keep the oppressed down, at a federally recognized level progress has been made - and will hopefully keep being made. There are still so many hurdles to overcome and issues to face, but there has been significant progress from where the country started.

Now what does this have to do with paraphilia? Well, everything. Those factors and the evolution of modern day life directly affected what money went where and who was in charge of the research, universities, studies, and laboratories. Our understanding of physical and mental sciences are both progressive and regressive at the same time; we've made strides in the overall understanding of why people do the things they do and how to break those behaviors down into certain categories, but the very understanding that we have is largely based on heavily biased research. So, from there, what we know about sexuality and sexual behavior stems from these findings...and the findings from recent research as well. These together form what we know today as "paraphilias" and what constitutes what behaviors as one.

With modern and older research into sexual expression and what makes the brain find things sexually interesting, so far in the year 2024 there's a basic breakdown of the eight overall paraphilias, which are as follows:

Pedophilia (prepubescent children), exhibitionism (exposing the genitals to an unsuspecting stranger), voyeurism (spying on unsuspecting strangers in normally private activities), sexual sadism (inflicting humiliation, bondage, or suffering), sexual masochism (experiencing humiliation, bondage, or suffering); frotteurism (touching/rubbing against an unconsenting person), fetishism (nongenital body parts or nonliving objects), and transvestism* (cross-dressing). [From Assessment of the Paraphilias, Michael C. Seto, 2014.]

*It's important to note that transvestism is a rare diagnosis and is usually in tandem with other paraphiliac diagnoses, specifically violent or criminal sexual behavior. It is still a transmisogynistic term that needs to be reworked or removed altogether.

The common theme throughout these, as you can see, is the non-consenting and/or harmful behavior either perpetrated onto others or onto the self. Is every paraphilia inherently violent or dangerous? No, but you have to look at what it's grouped with as a whole. "Fetishism" can apply to most of what people online have been describing their "paraphilias" as; and there's already a word for that - fetish! The usage of the word "paraphilia/paraphile" usually induces thoughts of dangerous or harmful sexual behaviors. You can have a taboo fetish without being a paraphiliac; for instance, incest/fauxcest and ageplay can exist without being paraphilic if everyone involved is adult and consenting. "Necrophilia" means that there's a danger you're going to have sexual contact with a dead corpse or animal, when most who engage in that kind of kayfabe is just that - pretending. It becomes paraphilic when the potential for harm or danger starts to develop. Paraphilia disorders are classified under the OCD umbrella, and unfortunately with OCD - medicated and unmedicated - it can become impossible to control urges (ask me how I know.)

Ultimately, I can't choose what you call yourself or describe yourself as. I, personally, have one of the eight paraphilias which has done damage to myself and my relationships due to the nature of the voyueristic paraphilia. I have OCD and a history with sexual trauma that caused my paraphilic disorder to develop. But defining yourself online (or in person) as a paraphiliac when "fetish" or "kink" will do will make people question your intents and possibly worry for their safety (and the safety of others), simply due to the fact that so many paraphilias are rooted in non-consensual behavior and harm or the potential of. I would, however, ask you to consider what proclaiming yourself a paraphiliac means to yourself and why you want to define yourself under that word. It may not be the perfect, use the right terms, or have thorough understandings of sexuality, but it's what we currently have to go off of. If you then decide to use the terms, be aware of what they imply.

[lunareclipse555]

🚫MINORS DO NOT INTERRACT🚫 YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!

Hey, this is my first post! I had a blog prior under the same name, but it’s deleted! I still am not used to Tumblr, plus my old blog went untouched for MONTHS! 🙄

Introduction

🍷 Name

People usually call me Luna or Kat.

🌍 Country

🇸🇪 Sweden! 🇸🇪

🍻 Age

21 years old (2003)

🌹 Gender + pronouns

AFAB, she/her

🧠 Diagnosis

Diagnosed with Unspecified Personality disorder and hypersexuality disorder.

Suspected ASPD and PTSD. The PTSD symptoms were present at younger age and have a tendency to fluctuate a lot and is the reason I entered therapy to begin with.

🎨 Hobbies

Drawing // Listening to music // Playing games // Reading // Playing piano // Live-streaming + VTubing // History // Psychology // Philosophy // Biology // Criminology // Movie + video making (esp. acting & editing) // Baking // Hanging out with people

There’s a lot of things I like to do, and still I’m bored.

❤️ Things I like!

• Call of duty: Zombies | I started playing world at war when I was 6 years old and has been my comfort game series throughout my childhood, ESPECIALLY the zombies game mode. Love campaign and multiplayer too though ❤️

• Horror movies, games, artists and books! | For example I really love Harlan Ellison’s I have no mouth and I must scream, Fran Bow, HR Gigers art. Psychological horror is my favourite horror, however I do love slashers too. Kinda like a brain rot for me, lol.

• American McGees plushies dreadful, I love them! ♥️ | Me and the ASPD bunny do have a love/hate relationship. He’s so fugly ❤️ but I kinda like it, idk? Would still wanna see a redesign too!

• Video game collecting | I love the games I’ve collected! Physically I own a PS1, PS2, PSP, Wii, Xbox 360 and a switch! ☺️ I’m proud of my collection soo far, might upload pics ✨

• Fandoms | Besides previously mentioned fandom’s like CoD, slasher horror and IHNMAIMS I’m in a lot more fandoms! I tend to go in and out of fandoms but for example Class of ‘09, silent hill, team fortress 2, Django unchained, metal gear solid and soo on so forth!

🚫 Dislikes

• People who unironically believe in ASPD/NPD/BPD/HPD abuse. Abuse is abuse, let’s not blame certain disorders for it. There’s sexual, physical and psychological abuse, abusers are abusers. Full stop.

• Self-righteous “empaths” who think they’re far better and more moral than others. Hate them, always have.

• Armchair psychologists, generals or whatever else where you think you’re so much smarter than the actual professionals because you said so. I appreciate knowledge, don’t appreciate unnecessary arrogance.

• People who get emotionally attached to their argument unless it makes sense to do so. I understand if you get emotional over conflicts involving human lives, fine. But if it’s an objective discussion, I’m not going to keep the conversation going if you keep being annoying and repeating arguments.

•——•——•——•——•——•——•——•——•——•

I’m here to meet others, whether it’s because of mental health, fandoms, interests or whatever! I’m very open to chat and meet new people! ♥️

[nothing0fnothing]

Your trauma is not going to be healed or resolved if you're blaming NPD or borderline or HPD or ASPD (or any other disorder) for all of the awful shit that happened to you. If you keep trying to confirm those biases for yourself, you're going to poison yourself with paranoid hypervigilance and lateral aggression. It's not healthy for you to be overanalyzing and armchair diagnosing every person you interact with to see if they're a narcissist or something, because that hypervigilance will only cause you to isolate yourself out of fear, and community and new experiences/outlooks are vital for trauma recovery. (Not to mention that none of us can truly diagnose a personality disorder without years of professional psychiatric training).

I'm autistic too, formally diagnosed at 18, and I've watched people call us possessed or abusive or evil or toxic with only our disability as a basis for these accusations, the same way that folks will call people with NPD or other personality disorders malevolent or evil or toxic or abusive with only their disorders as a basis for those accusations. They face just as much unwarranted stigma as we do, but people have convinced us that we (we, as "innocent little autistics") are more vulnerable to this imaginary disorder-inherent abuse than anyone else, and so we've been tricked into extending this awful prejudice to another group of marginalized people who don't deserve it.

I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through at the hands of your mother — she sounds like an absolute monster — but you're doing nobody a favor, not even yourself, by turning NPD into an urban legend abusive boogeyman to be afraid of. It was your mother's fault for choosing to abuse you, not narcissism's fault for existing as a personality disorder.

Hi. Thanks for your support I do appreciate it.

You are absolutely correct regarding NPD. It is a very over stigmatised disorder and its stigma often proceeds it in spaces where those diagnosed can get help. It is so important for us to know the difference between narcissistic abuse and NPD so we don't further the stigma of people with NPD. I see many blogs here that tag NPD on posts about narcissistic abuse for example, and it's wrong.

The truth is educated people know that NPD does not cause abuse, that it is a disorder formed from abuse, that only professionals can diagnose as it is so complex and how an NPD diagnosis does not make a person dangerous, but that doesn't mean that every person is educated and its really important that when advocates see NPD being stigmatised in this way we call it out.

I have also talked about how NPD and Narcissism are not one in the same. Those with NPD can identify as "Narcissists" as a short hand for their disorder, but there is no such thing as a diagnosed narcissist, because "narcissist" is not a clinical term. NPD isn't a diagnosis of clinical narcissism, NPD is a complex disorder characterised by some traits associated with narcissism and mostly traits that aren't. To be a narcissist is to be an egotistical or self involved person, and as far as experts know, that's really not a good reflection of what it means to have NPD.

My mom isn't mentally ill because she abused me, and she's not abusive because she is mentally ill. I'm not going about my life psychoanalysing strangers to armchair diagnose through the lens of my own fucked up experience. I don't know if my mom has a psychological disorder and I don't claim to know either, because it doesn't matter, no mental disorder can explain what she did to me. It's not armchair diagnosing someone to recognise a pattern of behavior and accurately call it what it is. I'm not armchair diagnosing my mom as an abuser when I say I'm a survivor of narcissistic abuse by my mother, I'm recognising her patterns of behaviour and calling it what it is.

A narcissistic abuser is a person so self involved or egotistical that they abuse another person for the purpose of satisfying a narcissistic delusion, not an abuser who happens to have NPD. I'm under no delusions that my mother had this one elusive disorder that somehow made her abusive. My mother abused my sister and I to satisfy a number of her narcissistic delusions. She believed that we, as small children, were trying to manipulate her and deserved to be punished, she believed that we were extentions of herself and thus should be treated however she saw fit, she believed that we were intentionally faking long term symptoms of CTPSD to unfairly embarrass and expose her. None of that is a symptom of NPD, but it is a reflection of unchecked and unchallenged narcissism being weaponised by an abuser.

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is not "the Narcissism disorder" NPD actually is a very complex psychological condition that is defined by narcissistic traits and traits that have nothing to do with narcissism. The truth is, and I get a lot of backlash every time I say it, that NPD has very little to do with narcissism except its name.

A person with NPD can be abusive and it have nothing to do with narcissism. A narcissistic person can abuse someone to the end of satisfying a narcissistic delusion and yet never meet the clinical diagnosis criteria of NPD. Plenty of regular people have high levels of narcissistic traits yet manage to never abuse anyone or qualify for a diagnosis of NPD. I understand that even if my mom did have NPD or BPD or HPD or any other disorder that is classified with narcissistic traits, she still could have chosen to not abuse me.

You are right, my trauma and anybody else's won't be healed for blaming a laundry list of psychological disorders for the abuse we have endured. But narcissistic abuse is real, it is recognised by experts in psychology, therapy, abuse and recovery as its own distinctive type of abuse, and pretending that what I experienced, doesn't have a name isn't going to help me, or the millions of people recovering from their abuse every year either.

To recover from our abuse it is healthy for us to find support groups, to collect resources relating to our experience, to have acsess to spaces where we can share our experiences if we want to. It is important for us to have spaces for survivors of narcissistic abuse.

I understand that narcissistic abuse and NPD feel so inextricably connected in the cultural zeitgeist that it can feel like every mention of narcissism is a mention of NPD, and that is a norm that absolutely must be challenged to protect innocent people who have disorders they never asked for. It shouldn't come at the cost of taking away resources, spaces and platforms that help millions of people who are recovering from long term abuse.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

Hi there! So I'm gonna start off with the fact that a lot of people say that I come off as blunt and ask rude/insensitive questions, so I do apologize if I do that, as it is not my intention! Just trying to learn more about stuff. *Sorry if anything is offensive, not the intention!*

Oh, also, secondly. Love your blog, it's absolutely amazing and it's great reading it.

Ok, so questions!

Question 1 (and this is kind of personal, so feel free to not answer. Actually, feel free to not answer any if you don't want to.): Did you recognize that you had NPD or did someone tell you? If someone else told you, is there anyway that you would've liked them to phrase it better or be more sensitive (or anything else)?

Question 2 (less personal? Maybe?): Are there any organizations that you know of that act like they're for NPD, but are actually really harmful (like Autism Speaks, but for peeps with NPD).

Question 3: OK, so this one needs a bit of ✨️backstory✨️. Again, feel free not to answer.

Question 3 Backstory: So, recently I've been looking up the symptoms of narcissism/NPD and I've realized that my mom displays a lot of these symptoms and could probably get an official diagnosis if she went to get one. I'm trying to bring it up to her, but I'm not exactly sure how to bring that up in conversation.

Ok, question 3: How do I tell her that she has a disorder in the most kindest and respectful way. I'm super forward and blunt and suck at "adding fluff" so I feel like if I just tell her that I think she has NPD that she'll take it badly cause she's super stigmatized about it (not sure if that's a good adjective, but it's the one I'm using. I guess I'm trying to say that she views it negatively)

Again, apologies if anything is offensive or anything like that!

Also, thanks for making this blog! It's awesome and super informational!

heyo! don't worry, honestly a lot of people tell me i come off the same and it's because i'm autistic so i get it 🥲

1. fair warning, my memory is a bit hazy because it was over a year ago and it was also a stressful time in my life.

i figured out about my NPD on my own.

from what i remember, i found out about my HPD first. it's a long story for any day, but long story short, i ended up having a huge breakdown because i was forced to confront a lot of symptoms and feelings i had been experiencing that i deemed inherently shameful my entire life. when i recovered from that a bit, i started interacting more with cluster b spaces and communities.

i already knew i was most likely cluster b even before i found out about my HPD (i wasn't exactly diagnosed with BPD in 2020 but my psychologist at the time was understably concerned about the fact that i said yes to every single question on the assessment he gave me) but i had gone into heavy denial about it and figured it wasn't true for a mixture of reasons.

interacting with spaces and researching PDs in general more made me realize i met a lot of the criteria for NPD (among other things. honestly this time in my life has made me confront that i am extremely disordered in the personality department in general!). sorta went back and forth on wether it was just HPD or just NPD, but turns out it is very much both!

2. i don't know of any organizations that are specifically about NPD at all tbh, especially not one as large scale as something like autism speaks, but what i will say is on a more general level, a lot of organizations that strive to help people with trauma will still use ableist language like narcissistic abuse, calling abusers narcissists/narcissistic or psychopaths/psychopathic, ect or just straight up demonize NPD itself. so while, fortunately, pwNPD don't have something like autism speaks to stand up against (as far as i know! i may be wrong!), we're not exactly very welcomed by trauma survivor organizations in general.

3. see, that one is definitely tricky. i've definitely been the one to break the news to people at times, but they were people around my age who already had an understanding of mental health/psychology and weren't perpetuating stigma.

i might suggest starting out with a more detached approach, trying to break down her biases and internalized stigma by educating her on the topic before bringing up her connection to it? like if the topic somehow comes up or she does something like call someone a narcissist, maybe use it as an opportunity to subtly educate her wether that be in the moment or maybe later on in the case that she's upset.

i do also want to emphasize to only do this if you if you feel it'll be safe to do so. obviously i'm not saying that because your mother exhibits NPD symptoms, i'm saying that because i don't know much about your relationship with your mother and i know not everyone has a relationship with their parents where they can talk to them about certain things safely. i have an incredibly abusive relationship with my mother but i believe i'm in a better position than most where i can talk to her about her mental illness and the possibility of her having BPD without it being guaranteed to immiedately flip into a dangerous situation.

if you feel like you can safely educate her and then safely bring up the possibility so she can get help, i welcome you to do so. it all depends on your specific situation. if she doesn't show any signs of backing down on her stigmatized views, i more than encourage you to prioritize your mental health and safety.

i also want to emphasize as her child, you are not responsible for her mental health and her refusal to accept possibly having a disorder would have nothing to do with you.

in all honesty, i'm not super sure about how to "add fluff" to that sort of conversation either. i'm also usually super blunt and don't exactly remember how i brought up the possibility of people having NPD to them or specifically how i brought up the possibility of my mother having BPD to her. if anyone wants to add on with some advice on that, that'd be cool, but i think i've done as much as i can for now myself </3

[npdmonoma]

I can relate to almost all of that but it seems like it really sucks I'm sorry :(

People seem to really be mean about NPD.

Why do you think society is such a dick about it and even more closed minded to learning about it then other cluster b disorders or just mental health issues in general?

Thank you.

I don't think it's accurate to say that people are worse about NPD than other cluster B PDs. Searching for information on ASPD, BPD, or HPD is going to get you the same sort of "these people are awful and will ruin your life" articles as NPD. The specifics will vary, for example people with ASPD are more frequently stereotyped as murderers, but they all get some version of this rhetoric. And it always comes up more or less immediately upon searching out any information on them.

When it comes to why ableism against PDs looks the way it does, in comparison to other mental illnesses, I think that goes back to psychiatry. The institution of psychiatry creates and defines mental health diagnoses, and provides the foundation for how laypeople understand them. The understanding that psychiatry has about PDs is that they're permanent, that no matter how hard we try we can never recover. The less charitable ones will insist that we don't even want to get better. The decade I spent in therapy would beg to differ. They also tend to focus on the aspects of mental illness that affect other people rather than the person suffering, so people who have PDs but don't have more externally visible symptoms get swept under the rug. And if the signs your therapist is looking for boil down to "is my client a bad person?" only the shitty people with PDs get diagnosed, and that just reinforces the idea that we're all terrible people.

There are countless examples of therapists refusing to take on clients with PDs, either specific ones or all of them. BPD in particular is one that I've seen therapists be openly and publicly shocked at the idea of any therapist being willing to take on a client with that diagnosis. And then they have the nerve to wonder why we don't recover.

When even the people who are supposedly trained and certified to understand and help us are treating us like irredeemable monsters, it's no wonder that contempt has bled out into the general public. Especially with social media and the rise of therapist influencers, the biases within the field aren't staying contained. Just search NPD or another cluster B PD into tiktok's search bar and scroll for a few minutes, I guarantee you'll find therapists spreading this exact damaging stigma.

Obviously every mental illness is stigmatized, but I think the reason why some are still treated as evil by even those who consider themselves mental health advocates is largely due to respectability politics. People feel the need to separate themselves from the "real crazies" in order to appeal to the mainstream in hopes of gaining their approval. But respectability politics have never worked, and they never will. Anyone who calls themselves a mental health advocate while dismissing or degrading people with PDs/psychosis/DID/etc is lying. You can't fight ableism selectively, it doesn't work like that.

I'll get off my soapbox now, but I hope this gave you some things to think about

[radical-fire-vixen]

So this is off topic, but you keep using the words narcissistic, sociopathic, psychopathic, and personality disorder to insult people you disagree with. While this isn’t something you would necessarily know, you should at least be told, cluster b personality disorders (NPD, ASPD, BPD, and HPD) all form as a result of childhood trauma. These are diagnosable disorders in the DSM for a reason. Real-life people live with these disorders, trying to handle both the very serious symptoms that come with them, and the severe stigma of having those diagnoses. If someone is selfish, self-centered, and unwilling to listen to others, it’s not “them being a narcissist,” it’s them being a selfish brat. Somebody disagreeing with you does not make them psychopathic, whether or not you think they’re wrong. Somebody arguing against you doesn’t make them sociopathic. It’s like throwing around autistic or schizophrenic as insults.

Look, you’re creative. You can find other ways of insulting people without armchair-diagnosing folks with personality disorders they don’t have. It’s not just rude, it’s ableism.

as someone who was abused by a narcissist through my childhood and has ptsd as a result i really don’t give a fuck if i hurt a narcissist’s feelings lmao, cuz narcissist means a person self-absorbed and uncaring of anyone outside of themselves, and people aren’t oppressed for having psychopathy or sociopathy. in fact they’re usually the most successful in our society.

you wanna talk about ableism? how about you talk about how disabled people aren’t allowed to get married without losing their monthly government stipend? or the fact that if they have over $2,000 in their bank accounts their money and assets get seized so they have to be extremely careful about money, and usually can’t even pay for their medical treatments anyway. or if you wanna stick to mental illness, how about the women who are over diagnosed with bpd and are then pushed aside when they’re usually very traumatized by men and sexual violence? how about the fact that most ptsd is experienced by prostituted women and women in general yet male veterans are the fucking poster child, despite the rates of ptsd being over 75% and under 25% respectively? or how girls go undiagnosed with ADD or ADHD because they don’t exhibit the same symptoms as boys and therefore don’t get the help they need? i can go on and on about mental illness, really. especially in how often women and girls get misdiagnosed and are put on medications that they don’t need or hurt them.

you wanna talk about ableism? how about actual ableism, not people who exhibit lack of humanity towards other humans and feel nothing about exploiting others.

[hpdcultureis]

Just found this blog and oh my god... i relate to whats being posted on here although recently i have been diagnosed with avpd. Can the two co-exist or is someone with avpd able to have traits of hpd?

hey yeah its entirely possible to have avpd and hpd at the same time :) i've seen people on here who have both and personally i've been questioning if i have avpd/avpd traits for a bit now