#i was already thinking like. can I even call myself latine bc of how I was raised and how far removed I am from everything. I’m mixed so - Tumblr posts

[pissfizz]

I’m going to lose my mind oh my god I am so scared for this quincenera wtf

[blackhairedjjun]

tnc: freefall full thoughts

(cross posted from elsewhere i'm just putting it here too lol)

before this album came out, sonically my fave txt albums are tdc: eternity, tcc: fight or escape (i really like loser lover and moa diary okay), and m2: thursday's child. and i think tnc: freefall is DEFINITELY up there -- idk where it ranks exactly but mannn it's so solid, i get why the critics at the preview were calling it a pivotal / turning point album for them. it does so many things musically yet stays thematically cohesive, the lyrics are lovely, and just feels like a natural evolution for them.

thoughts on each track:

growing pain - i can't believe i'm saying this but i think this track has a chance to dethrone opening sequence as my new favorite album opener (and opening sequence is one of my fave txt songs ever). but WOW i love rock txt!! i love how they pour their hearts out on rock tracks! listening to this right after farewell neverland is such a delight bc you have the contrast between making the decision to fall vs. ACTUALLY falling. and the latter HURTS. and they want you to feel that hurt in the song. i love going back to this track and jamming to it

chasing that feeling - oh this is just slathered in that 80s synthpop sound and i adore it so, the synths are just so catchy and i can't really describe it idk that sound just scratches the itch in my brain the right way. but something about it is such a gut punch?? there's something about "my fate, come and kiss me" and "maybe i'll miss it for good / the sweet mirage" that just GETS me. missing something so bad but knowing you have to move on from it... ugh!! not sure yet where i'd rank this among txt title tracks but man i do love listening to it.

back for more (txt ver) - this is the pre-release, we already heard and loved this one. honestly i like both the anitta version and this one, i feel like their second verses do different things: the anitta version keeps things interesting by changing it up, the txt version does that by escalating things. i.e. the former introduces elements of latin and funk while the latter enhances the nice disco pop stuff already going on. but yeah this one bops, also this song being third in the tracklist + right after ctf confirms to me that it's about wanting more of that neverland stuff even tho you said you would move on from it lol

dreamer - mmmm this song is so smooth!! i've seen a few people calling it the more mature / sexier version of 20cm but i still like 20cm more lol. but they both have a smooth r&b sound that makes you want to melt so i get it! it's a little bit lo-fi-esque which is a vibe that i enjoy and just adds to the smoothness of it, then we've got those lovely lovely falsettos. also wow the lyrics to this are really sweet? like... finding that dream you once held on to when you were younger and getting meaning from it once again. ohhh i melt

deep down - this one is boppy!! unfortunately it's a mid-2010s edm-pop type of song which is not a genre i particularly like, so i can't imagine listening to this one a lot. but for people who like that genre i think it works well! also it being a sequel song to crown is just. so cute. awww

happily ever after - aka happy fools' more melancholy older sibling HAHA. like deep down i can't imagine myself listening to this much, i think it needs a little more oomph to really capture me, but it's got a bittersweet mood to it and it conveys that mood pretty well.

skipping stones - I LOVE THIS ONE. this + growing pain are my faves of the newly introduced b-sides! it has that indie rock ost vibe that i'm weak for but it's also so warm, when i listen to it i want to turn the song into a real physical blanket i can wrap myself in. everyone sounds so good here and it's such a treat to listen to. and when i looked up the lyrics they made me melt!! "in order for the me from tomorrow to embrace the overwhelmed you of today, when it touches the shining waves, i'll hold your two shaking hands"??? STOP YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY. i started smiling suddenly while listening to this that's just how warm it feels

blue spring - ok i already knew i would love this one bc i heard it live, but i thought the studio version would just be a cleaner-sounding version of the live one. but then THE ADDED ADLIBS??? THE HARMONIZING??? OH I'M SO EMOTIONAL. MY HEART SWELLS EVERY TIME I LISTEN TO THIS AAHH BLUE SPRING I LOVE YOU SO. that said i don't like that they removed the guitar strumming intro at the beginning and there's some weird autotune shit on some of hueningkai's adlibs. but i love this song as a whole too much for it to detract from my listening experience

do it like that - we all know this one too lol. i agree with all the people saying that it feels out of place on this album and they just stuck it on here cause it needed to go somewhere, but yeah it doesn't fit thematically. it's cute and fun but to me this song is musical candy: a sweet treat to listen to but not too substantial. it does what it does just fine but it's so jarring in this context

chasing that feeling (eng) - can i just say that i love the lyric choices here?? "in my kaleidoscope are pressed butterflies" and "time's a thief that keeps on stealing" and "hoping for twice in a lifetime, is that too much to ask?" and even short phrases like "a perpetual high." mmmm chef kiss. this and the korean version give off different vibes, the kor one is more conflicted / melancholy while the eng one is more wistful / determined. i love them both though

[whydoyouwannaknowmyusername]

may 16th - my family on: being skinnnny 4ever

had a pretty nice mother's day myself, that side of my family is just a handful of really amazing women i love love so much, and in latin america mothers day means of course going to have a pretty loud lunch in your grandmas house. and then i get to my point.

dont get me wrong, it was big indeed, like a whole chicken, salad 1, rice, salad 2, salad 1 with mayo but no apple, fish and potatos for the pescatarian granddaughter (moi), and 2 deserts i cant even begin to describe the mastery of right here. divided to all of us, it's a pretty big meal. though i must say it's waaay different than fast "food" or other calorically dense highly palatable processed "food".

ok but then the talks, after desert. my aunt, my mom, my grandma, they all make a point of how many days they're going to do detox on the next week, specifically to compensate that day. how they've eaten too much and need to do this or that exercise (even my grandma). and i participate in all the same things. from literal childhood. we're all lean girlies, we've always been, and younger me was proper skinny skinny.

and just lately i've been noticing these talks and references i was raised on. didn't stand out to me so much bc they never negatively commented on my body, it was quite the opposite, they basically made it clear that i was so beautiful bc i was so skinny. that plus some childhood modelling made me extremely aware of my body, and how thin it should be, by a really early age. i remember trying to make my waist smaller bc it can always be smaller, and at the same time make my calves bigger bc they looked too weird... cz i was already very skinny by that time wtf. i was 11 or 12 i think. anyway, back to my family, i don't blame them so much bc to me rn it's better to go trough the 24/7 torture of body obsession that was born from body awareness, than to be relapse and lose control of my eating and the way my body looks, should look (for own happiness and sanity).

it's what some ppl call diet culture, the big bad wolf, like everyone lives in their first world suburban fantasy. it's a part of our culture here that i don't dislike. it's also resistence against the western way of getting labs to make food addictive to ppl like they're their abused lab rats, the deforestation to get their beef mass produced, the economic imperialism of *literally" destroying the health, livelihood and even water supplies of entire fuckibg countries while pushing away any sign of native gastronomy and local businesses. so yeah i'll keep my ""diet culture"". me, my momma, my grandma, my aunts, my cousins. and we're gonna remain thin and correct.

i guess you can tell i'm not sixteen anymore? though at that age i was already politically engaged, and enraged may i add. anyway bybye.

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

hello hello! Really sorry this ask is out of the blue but uhh. It’s the beginning of lent and so I’m a little in my feelings rn. I just wanted to ask as an ex-Christian like… do you ever feel a little stuck in-between?? This is worded so badly aaa but you know. Like as if you will never truly be free of the church despite it going against everything you stand for

Just for reference I was raised in A very weird household - my mother is a Latin Roman Catholic and my dad was an African Eastern Orthodox Catholic so even from youth I’ve always felt like I was stuck in some kind of limbo due to the conflicting views on dogma despite technically belonging to the same branch of christianity and it only got worse when my dad left his religion and my mother basically became an extremist. I never felt like I did enough for my religion and leaving to live in a more secular country for a few years really compounded on that and genuinely made me break down from the back to back crises of faith I was having on my own

now I feel sometimes like I don’t want to be religious. I deffo don’t want to be a Catholic of any kind at least, esp. considering the stances they take on my lifestyle (being queer, pro-choice, unwilling to get married or have children etc.) and I don’t like to pray or visit the church anymore, but I never want to call myself an atheist bc I still?? Kind of believe in some of the scripture I was taught growing up?? and mostly I won’t lie I feel lost without religion as a blanket. I think most of all I miss the community but that is fully blocked off from me now ever since I came out. I just…. I dunno. I wanted to talk to somebody about my crisis and to vent but I obviously don’t have anyone to do that with irl.

I’m really really sorry to be trauma dumping out of the blue btw but I just don’t know who I can realistically talk to and it’s been eating me up for a while now. More so bc of the season and being away from my family and from faith as a whole, and I really admire how open and forthcoming you are about your own experiences so wanted to do the same - if this is upsetting to you honestly don’t feel pressured to respond!! I just needed to get this off my chest. Also if nt already obvious this is Not an opportunity for Christians to proselytise, I’ve had enough of that to last a lifetime

No, I get what you're saying. It took me awhile to even label myself as an atheist because I was still attached to Catholicism and my theistic beliefs for a long time. And there's times where I do miss the community and security that came with that and the answers religion could provide. The loneliness is tough to deal with but it’ll take time to pass as you find more like-minded people and move on to greener pastures.

It certainly does feel like the Church will somehow always have its grubby hands on you in some way forever and this seems like a common thing when I talk to other ex Catholics (though this could certainly apply to other denominations and cults). There's work to be done in terms of deconstructing what we were taught in the Church and the Church ultimately has no authority over you and who you are and the life you wish to build. It'll just take time.

You don't have to leave Christianity or religion entirely though. There's plenty of ex Catholics who join other, more progressive denominations of Christianity or they move on to other religions and spiritual practices. I came to the conclusion of atheism after reevaluating my faith and religion and chose to deconvert, but I respect that that isn't the choice that everyone will make.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this Anon, it's rough. I wish you the best.

[bookish-mind]

I read call down the hawk, here’s my aching heart:

*spoilers*

(I wasn’t planning on making a long post about this book but I couldn’t help myself, I had too much to say and I needed a place to scream about pynch)

“This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers” I knew that already so why am I crying, already, the first line and I’m crying

It mentioned Ronan living somewhere other than the barns after Niall died and I’m just here like,, you can say Monmouth it’s ok

“Adam Parrish was the destination of this road trip” and “Ronan missed him like a lung” my heart my heart my heart

“the guy he loved” PLEASE

Ronan Lynch upon seeing Adam Parrish for the first time: *literally prays*

I see the obsession with Adam’s hands goes way back

“Funny how quickly a handful of weeks could render something unrecognizable” I know ronan was talking about the weather/the campus but my stomach dropped pls this better not be pynch foreshadowing

Their reunion was so chaotic I’d expect nothing else tbh

The watch keeps track of Ronan’s time zone I can’t-

“He was with Adam, and Adam still loved him” PLS THE USE OF THE L WORD KILLS ME EVERY TIME

“there was burnished Gansey, who might not have saved Ronan’s life in high school, but at the very least kept it mostly out of Ronan’s reach so that he could not take it down and break it” this line bothers me bc gansey literally did save Ronan’s life that was the whole godamn point 🙃

Objectively I understand that the crying club are probly decent ppl but subjectively they ain’t no gangsey that’s for sure

“he longed for him even while holding him” pls the yearning,, it’s too much for my frail heart

Bryde needs to gtfo of Ronan’s head is what need to happen

Who is lindenmere I only know Cabeswater

Ronan is crying I’m crying we’re all crying

It breaks my heart that Ronan is still yearning for something more while the rest of the gangsey are out there living

Gansey is chained to a tree in Oregon, seems legit

Chainsaw knows how to say “Atom” I’m fucking crying

“What, Declan? I’m trying to fucking tow a cow” I love this book

Matthew be like “I’ve been staring at the edge of the water long as I can remember never really knowing why”

I literally had a headcanon that Ronan says I love u to Adam in Latin

“He sucked in more longing with every inhale, he exhaled some of his happiness on the other side” this godamn book I swear 😩

“dreamt of you” AGSHSJAK

Oof I kinda love Parsifal all he wants to do is eat some bienenstich made by his momma

Wait wait wait these Niall and aurora doppelgängers are confusing me

“I saved your life because I love you” HE SAID IT OUT LOUD ! HE SAID IT ! IT HAS BEEN SAID

I know it’s common knowledge at this point that they are in an established loving relationship but it hits me the same every time I’m reminded

“It was possible no two students at aglionby had ever come away with such a thorough understanding of Latin (or, possibly, of each other)” I have no words

Declan Lynch falling in love with a dream? More likely than you’d think

Man I hope at the end of all this Declan gets to punch a judge and go somewhere to live and breathe art for the rest of his life

This whole dreamers are born to die young theme is stressing me out

“Ronan, I know you” literally everything they say to each other knocks the air out of my lungs

“They hugged again, merrily, waltzing messily in the kitchen, and kissed, merrily, waltzing more” brb if you need me I’ll be reading this line over and over again for the rest of eternity

Two things: 1) gansey left his mint plant for Ronan to take care of 2) ronan dreamed a literal sun to keep the plant alive when he could have just as easily put it by a window like a normal person that’s the cutest bro shit I’ve ever seen

“Adam stopped breathing” please stiefvater imagine how tired we are

Also where tf is opal I miss the lil weirdo

“he missed him acutely even as he was looking at him” it’s too much,, it’s all too much

Oh hell ya Ronan and Jordan/Hennessy/all the other girls finally met I been waiting for this one

Waaait is the dark lady seashore niall’s dream space like Cabeswater/lindenmere is Ronan’s ??

Oh Matthew, my sweet boy, he figured out he’s a dream

Jordan. Is. Painting. Declan. I. Can’t. Breathe.

Oh damn ok so the lace is trynna get out and destroy the world ? Is that it ?

Matthew asking “Do I have a soul?” broke me

Matthew said “I’m the fake brother” and Declan uno reversed that shit so fast

Alright lindenmere I see you I see you but the thing is.. I miss my girl Cabeswater

OPAL FINALLY

“He didn’t have it in him to love another dream. It hurt too bad. Loving anything did” ouch :(

Fuck fuck fuck this is the part where chaos erupts

Damn those sundogs are cool af tho

I swear I didn’t breathe until I knew Matthew and Declan were alive holy shit

Declan thinking “The world was broken” and “I never actually lived” </3

Let Ronan and Declan hug each other challenge

Adam Parrish please pick up the goddamn phone I am begging you

The way Hennessy is so in awe that Ronan has complete trust of lindenmere/his subconscious made me ache bc it took a helluva lot for him to get to this point

“Hennessy?” “Lynch.” “I’ve been alone a long time” excuse me I’m gonna need a minute-

The way Ronan describes what the lace is to him,, I’m fucking sobbing

Hennessy and Ronan’s swords are badass

I still don’t trust bryde but he got them out of there so points to him I guess :/

Where’s book 2 I need book 2

[selfcareparker]

okay fghsgdj yes you can say girl ! my pronouns are she/her :) okay but fr pause, i read this like 3 minutes after you posted it (or at least my notif said 3mins lmao) bUT IM IN BED AND I USUALLY HAVE MY COMPUTER OPEN WITH YOUR RESPONSE SO I MAKE SURE I ADDRESS EVERYTHING AND THEN SEND IN THE ASK ON MY PHONE HDGSJSH anyway, time to get my ass up 😔 but wait i find you so funny like honestly, reading that cracked me all the way up. and i feel the “lol” thing so hard!!!! idk why i do it all the time (i’m tryna stop) but i’ll say something with lol at the beginning and lol at the end... it might be a defense mechanism at this point lol (😔) AND (i need to stop with the uppercase too it’s not funny anymore) I DONT KNOW WHY I LAUGHED SO HARD JDHSK WHEN YOU SAID ALSO AGAIN HAHAHAH LIKE UR HAHHAH also my sleep schedule is not pretty either lmao but i’m homeschooled so i never have to get up for anything? hhdhsis idk but i’m glad you slept!! you need sleep!!

also (pls no i cannot) why did i not know what ykwim meant until i reread this?? like it makes so much sense- anyway! i think it’s so cool that you’re excited for university! idk why but i do lol like you’re getting ready for the future (masters degree and all that) & you’re (maybe) going to england anyway so that’s cool haha (hopefully when you go you can see your relatives 🤞🏾)

the fact that you get happy seeing my asks i- 💓💓

you make me wanna go to London & England so bad urghhhh like i’ve only been out of the country once (to Canada for a family reunion) but it sounds so prettyyyyy & i’m so sorry that cov*d is messing everything up and i hope you can see your relatives soon :(

now to address the whole english speaking/writing: I FIND THAT SO WEIRD DUHSKSJ i don’t know how an english speaking person could say that if you don’t write it 100% grammatically correct.... that it’s wrong? when literally, over here at least, WE’RE SO GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT HAHHAAH in both the way we talk and write!! and lol you’re welcome,, AND THE PARAGRAPH DID MAKE SENSE HDHSJSH & your rant is fine because... that is actually a bit ??? bc no one writes with 100% grammar lol

OH MY GOSH (see this uppercase thing is addictive) YOU STUDIED LATIN FOR 6 YEARS??? that’s really cool 🥺 the way that you know/speak 3+ languages i- NOT EVEN 3+ LIKE 6+ (german, english, latin, french, serbian, italian, and everything that comes with latin lmao) even if it’s just a tiny bit like wowee. it is really fascinating!!! i had the opportunity to take latin and i... didnt. i took art instead BUT ONLY CUZ MY FRIENDS WERE IN THAT CLASS AND ART LOOKED FUN IM SORRY

PLEASE WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE?? that sounds so fricking cool tell your mom (mum or mama it’s really fine lol) that she sounds awesome. i think Jamaica would be fun either way!! i mean it looks pretty from pictures? i was a baby so i honestly have no recollection hahaha

LMAOO NOT U SAYING THIS IS LONGER THAN SOME OF MY FICS- PLEASE GIRL IM TELLING YOU I VERBALLY LAUGHED HAHAHAHAHAH but yea you really don’t need to apologize i like reading everything you say 🥺 HDKSHS AND UR FINE WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT ME BEFORE uhhh hmm uhh lemme think i, well, i saw chaos walking yesterday (big tom holland fan over here) and it was alright.. my mom acted a fool at all the jump scares LMAO but it was funny... since i’m talking about movies (this is hella random i know) but i like shark movies HDKJSSJ my favorite is the meg (it’s so good ohmigosh) and the 47 meters down movies aren’t bad either... i have two younger brothers... iiiii AM IN LOVE WITH MUSIC PHEW anddd i’m homeschooled (i think i mentioned that lol) i think that’s a good amount ahahaha AND IM HUNGRY RN JDHSJ

now. please. let me address the edit. i just want you to know that.. when i talk about your fics and i finish them and everything i’m not looking for more? like obviously if you’re writing i’m gonna read it but you don’t need to feel pressured or anything (idk if you do) to put more fics out lol like they’re great and i’m just sending the praise bc i love the ones that are there :’) but i’m so happy you’re working through your writers block!!! yay so so happy for you!!! and PUHLEASE anything you write is fantastic, i feel the exact same way when i write but girl. you’re fine. it’s gonna be great. (idk if this made any sense but... okay)

(and my cousin calls her mom mama so it’s really okay hahah i even call my mom mama sometimes) (and where you got the number “16 sentences” beats me but i still cracked up) (is this me pretending i had tags? maybe) HAHAHAHA OK BYE ❤️❤️ why did this take me so long to send i have no clue, AND WHY AM I OVERTHINKING EVERYTHING I SAID SHAJSHSJ ANYWAY BYE btw i love us too... like iconic // lovely anon 💓

me reading this:

also the dedication you put into sending me stuff— like with the laptop and phone and ahsksk 🥺🥺🥺

i’ll update you when i’ve started uni btw, i’m getting more and more excited every single day haha but i still have 3 weeks until it starts and even then I’ll obviously have to get used to it and everything, but you’re making me even more excited about it sksjshsg

yeah i wanna go to england too dkshsh let’s be sad together over the fact the we can’t travel eksjsh😔😭 but hopefully the wait will make it even better in the end <33 also i talk to loads of relatives over the phone at least once a week so it’s not too bad for me! but i miss their house 😭lmao

and i knowww snshsh so many native english speakers just make so many mistakes— and obviously i get that some things are slang but some things are simply wrong ajsh, the thing is no one has ever told me that my english is bad (i know it’s not bad anyway, but i’m still insecure) or no one has ever pointed out any mistakes, but yeah it’s mostly just insecurity dkshsg but yes thanks for saying what you said (previously as well as in this ask)😌🥰

Okay now for latin— girlll i don’t blame u for choosing art over latin esp. when all of your friends are doing art as well!! I’d choose art over latin as well lol skshsg but in year 6 we had to choose between latin and french, and at the time i didn’t like french? which was dumb of me and now i wanna learn french ekdhs but i don’t regret choosing latin at all bc if i properly learn french one day then i’ll already know understand loads of stuff (or at least some stuff lol) just thanks to latin 😌😌 but still, art>>>latin skskshshgs

I wanna watch chaos walking too!!! But i don’t get when/where/how it’s out lmao, cinemas are still closed here so i’ll either have to wait or find it somewhere online... il*egally 🥰 i don’t have high expectations at all btw but i like daisy and tom and the dog🥺 so i think i’ll enjoy it

GIRL SHARK FILMS SHARK FOLMS SKSJSHSHS okay so there are a few classics i haven’t watched yet, and also a few new ones that i haven’t seen yet BUT I LOVE SHARK FILMS SO MUCH SKSHSGSGSKK the first like proper shark film i ever watched was the shallows (which i like but my brain is still too small to comprehend what happened at the end (i mean i get it but i just can’t imagine it— idek if you’ve seen the film but skshhs)) and after watching it three times it does get a bit boring (but now whenever i see pictures or videos of big waves i’m just waiting for a shark to show up like come ON SKSJSG

^^^that pic/scene really traumatised me sksjsh but i still like the film

I only watched jaws like a few months ago, and i get that it’s a classic and also that it’s old and they just didn’t have the best.. equipment or special effects or whatever but i mean... look at meg and then look at jaws.... no disrespect to jaws at ALL but the meg is so much cooler. (That one scene on the boat where the shark just JUMPS OUT OF THE WATER AND SKSJSHHSUSJHA i get such a shock every time it’s so good (and the dog aww aksjshssli 🥺🥺🥰 and the boy with the ice cream lmao he’s iconic)

47 metres down, wow, i liked that film too. (i’ve only watched the original/first one i think) i mean that is such a fucking nightmare scenario like ALSJDHSNEMSKDJSHSJSKWBALSODUEWBSLDKHDJSNSKSKSHSGEBWKAISGSHEKEKSKLDJDJDHDHSHAGGA (that’s the best way i can express my feelings about that scenario lmao)

oh and i’ve recently been watching more horror films but i don’t know if they’re for me... I like the thrill and whatever but i just end up being scared for my life when i have to go to the bathroom at night or when i’m trying to sleep bc suddenly my mind is flooded with all the scary shit from the films 💀💀💀

and music i mean... you know those people who just don’t listen to music? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? i honestly like all genres especially in the last year, i am IN LOVE with Nicki Minaj + Megan andddd Stormzy and i like Harry Styles but i prefer his first solo album (and obviously one direction has bangers i have a throwback 1D session at least once a month), I also love MGK especially his new stuff and otherwise i mostly listen to german artists lmao. So who do you like?💖 (WHY DO I FEEL LIKE YOURE GONNA SAY SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SKAHAGUS IF YOU LISTEN TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MUSIC DONT JUDGE ME AJSHDJS) (i know you’re not gonna judge me but)

++ @ the thing you said about writing, don’t worry, i don’t feel pressured at all!!! (not by you and not by anybody else.. except myself sometimes lol) and i’m just very happy that you liked my fics 🥰🥰🥰 and if i start telling people that i’m writing a fic then sometimes it puts a bit of (healthy) pressure on me. like yes sometimes it really is writer’s block, but sometimes i really am just lazy ddkshhd so now that i’ve told you i’m writing a fic i might get my ass up quicker than i would if i hadn’t told anyone 😌😌😌

[plague-of-insomnia]

Hi, would it be ok for me to ask how did you know you were non-binary? I'm questioning and would like to get some opinions, but no pressure to answer if this is too personal!!

So I got this ask months back, and with everything that has gone on with my health I wasn’t able to answer it... so I don’t know if the person who sent this will even see it, but since it’s pride month I figured it was a good time to get to the queer/questioning asks that have been languishing in my poor ask box/drafts...

First of all, I don’t mind questions like this; if I ever find an ask too personal I’ll usually just ignore it, but something like this I think is important especially since NB is such a... underrepresented concept, for lack of a better word, so sometimes that lack of exposure plus the very broad nature of the label can make the whole questioning process confusing and stressful.

Honestly, for a looong time I had no idea I wasn’t cis.

I didn’t know that you could be anything other than male and female; I grew up in pretty conservative Latin American immigrant family, Catholic, so the idea of homosexuality was bad enough, lol.

I was very involved in the (then called) “Gay/Straight” alliance back in high school, as we had quite a few gay and lesbian students and teachers. I had mostly queer friends, but even binary transgender people weren’t... as prominent back then. Ofc they existed, but I didn’t have as much exposure in HS, and I went to a catholic college where many gay students had to essentially be closeted—for example, (openly) gay men weren’t technically allowed in fraternities. I loved my school, but some of its views on women and LGBTQ+ people were pretty dark age stuff, so again I had no idea that gender was a broader spectrum than simply male/female, cis or trans.

As far back as at least around early puberty, I created a kind of alter ego. A character opposite my birth sex, who was unlike any other I ever created and who has stayed with me my whole life. They helped me survive my childhood/adolescence. They felt very much “me” and yet weren’t simply the person I was in actuality made into the opposite gender. More like the aspects of my self/identity I knew subconsciously.

Often, when I fantasized, I would put myself into their role. Imagine being the other gender, what their body would feel like, what sex would be like. I’d ask friends i was comfortable with about what it felt like to be the opposite gender. I felt I needed to know so that I could “feel” it too. So I could truly imagine being a gender other than my own, with different parts, different secondary sex characteristics.

Yet at the same time, I felt comfortable enough with my birth sex that I explained these moments away. I was just thinking like a writer. Curious, bc that’s my nature. I never thought I could be trans because despite the power of these feelings, the sometimes intense longing I felt to be other than I was, the thought of completely changing my body, abandoning my assigned gender, felt horrible. Like I would be losing part of myself.

I first heard the term nonbinary during Pride. I had never encountered this before, and being who I am immediately looked it up. I was floored. Gender was a spectrum? You could be both male and female??

I felt like I had been hit by lightning.

I immediately reflected on a lifetime of “queer” thoughts. About my alter ego and how I had clung so tightly to them, how often I fantasized about having parts I didn’t have (without necessarily wanting to take away parts that I already did). How I went through phases where I dressed very masculine in some points of my life and very feminine in others. How I related so strongly to certain characters over others, and other past experiences that I had always managed to discard or shelve away in “comfortable” boxes.

And I reflected on how I had always had this... shame about these thoughts and feelings, this fear that they made me a “freak,” which might be why I had always been so quick to file them away with safe labels.

Discovering that I wasn’t alone was liberating. I read about and spoke to people who identified as NB, and often found they had a similar thoughts and experiences growing up as I did, and that helped cement in my mind, without a doubt, that I was also nonbinary, that I wasn’t purely male or female, but both.

I’ve suffered with depression my entire life, and am likely bipolar (something my current therapist agrees with, though I haven’t been formally diagnosed for various reasons). And once I opened my eyes and began questioning, I discovered that a significant part of my depression was actually tied to my gender dysphoria.

Exploring my gender identity in various ways, and finally accepting that I am NB/gender fluid has made me much more content.

Now, ofc there is no one way to be non-binary. So just bc my experience doesn’t align with what you’re feeling, doesn’t mean you’re not NB yourself.

Some people don’t feel any gender at all, and wish they didn’t have any secondary sex characteristics. Some want to be purely androgynous. Some feel mostly one binary gender or another, but maybe not “fully” male or female. Some feel a mix of both, and some shift between two or more genders.

For me, I feel like I’m always partly male and partly female, though sometimes one is more dominant than the other. Sometimes I’ll have gender dysphoria so bad that looking at cis bodies can be very upsetting, or the feeling of “missing” parts I feel I have/should have is so intense it’s almost all I can think about. Yet other times I feel pretty “stable.” Sometimes I feel like I’m thinking a lot about my gender and my presentation and others I barley think about it at all, I just “am.”

I feel freer now that I have shifted names and pronouns. Like I’m finally accepting my full self.

A huge part of why I enjoy playing Animal Crossing so much is bc I can indulge my gender fluidity by playing with how I dress my character... it brings me a lot of peace I can’t always get IRL.

I hope whoever reads this finds this helpful, original anon or anyone who might be wondering if they may be NB or not.

Feel free to send other asks if you’d like, or if you know me you can DM me and we can talk privately. 💕

Happy Pride 🏳️‍🌈

[haec-est-fides]

Filodox’s Trials of Apollo Reactions [Part I]

Welcome to part one of a reflective journey through Trials of Apollo ft. my original ebook annotations! I’ll be your host, 2020!filodox.

For this first episode, we’ll be going back to May 2016, the beginning of it all: The Hidden Oracle.

Annotations for this round are brought to you by 2016!filodox.

Is there anything we should know before we begin, 2016!me?

2016!filodox: I swore on the Styx never to read another Riordan book after he killed Octavian. And yet here we are.

... Alright then! Let’s get started.

But first, a more detailed overview on how this series will work: I will excerpt bits and pieces of the books based on what I highlighted / annotated on my first read. Beneath each quote, I will share what I wrote in the annotation. Below that, I will (occasionally) laugh at my past self, clarify the note, or say how my view has changed.

I encourage questions, comments, and concerns (of which there may be many), so go ahead and use that replies feature if you feel so inclined! However, these are just my opinions and (occasionally) emotional reactions, so no hate pls. <3 (Or, if you do send hate, pls make it funny.)

Now, diving right in with Riordan’s dedication!

To The Muse Calliope. This is long overdue. Please don’t hurt me.

2016!filodox: Hurt him. He didn’t even name the chapters.

As you can see, I had yet to experience Lester’s haiku and was already mad based on the table of contents alone. I went into this series very salty...

I inflicted a plague on the Greeks who besieged Troy.

2016!filodox: At least he did something right. Once.

I was just,,,extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill. (Though I was a huge Troy / Aeneas stan before all this, just to be clear.)

Is anything sadder than the sound of a god hitting a pile of garbage bags?

2016!filodox: I actually find this particular god crashing into a dumpster quite amusing.

I also blamed Apollo for what happened to Octavian. I think that had a lot to do with how Apollo acted on Delos in Heroes of Olympus, basically disowning Octavian and whining about how some “creature” scammed him? That was bullshit. Apollo needed to own the fact that he blessed Octavian, but he just abandoned him and denied all the blame. TL;DR I had a grudge, okay?

My mind stewed in confusion, but one memory floated to the surface -- the voice of my father, Zeus: YOUR FAULT. YOUR PUNISHMENT.

2016!filodox: Wait, is this bc everyone blames Octavian and therefore Apollo? Bc lol but also no?

*cough* Octavian did nothing wrong 2k16 *cough*

Zeus will reconsider, I told myself. He’s just trying to scare me. Any moment, he will yank me back to Olympus and let me off with a warning.

“Yes...” My voice sounded hollow and desperate. “Yes, that’s it.”

2016!filodox: Apollo is a self centered frat boy, I forgot...but it is slightly...endearing? *narrows eyes*

Ah, how close I was to stanning Lester in the first chapter, when he was at his most “goddy”. You know, I actually made a rule for myself when I started reading Trials of Apollo that I would not under any circumstances stan Apollo. That was a naive goal, because it was never really a danger.

Regardless, Zeus had held me responsible for Octavian’s delusions of grandeur. Zeus seemed to consider egotism a trait the boy had inherited from me. Which is ridiculous. I am much too self-aware to be egotistical.

2016!filodox: I am going to Murder him.

*chef kiss* the hypocrisy ! the lack of self-awareness !

“I just...I assumed -- I hoped this would be taken care of by now.”

“You mean by demigods,” Percy said, “going on a big quest to reclaim the Oracle of Delphi?”

2016!filodox: That sounds like a decent quest, or you know, QUESTING FOR THE SIBYLLINE BOOKS

I’ve always said I can see the future but an inch to the left. Also, I don’t like Ella.

It warmed my heart that my children had the right priorities: their skills, their images, their views on YouTube. Say what you will about gods being absentee parents; our children inherit many of our finest personality traits.

2016!filodox: AND HE’S MAD ABOUT OCTAVIAN?!

I mean ?

Apollo, when Austin and Kayla show ambition: THEY GOT THAT FROM ME <3

Apollo, when Octavian (or Nero, or Caligula) shows ambition: srry i don’t know him ??

He had a weak jawline, an overlarge nose, and a beard that wrapped around his double chin like a helmet strap. His hair was curly and dark like mine, except not as fashionably tousled or luxuriant. His lips curled as if he smelled something unpleasant. Perhaps it was the burning seats of the bus.

2016!filodox: Nero ???

Not quite sure how to feel looking back at this moment. Call out post @ myself for instantly recognizing Nero, when afaik this scene was before we had any hints that Roman emperors were even a plot point? But here’s the thing: I don’t remember why I could recognize him so easily. I don’t remember where 2016!me obtained this ancient Rome knowledge. A mystery.

On another note entirely, did Nero really like,,,astral project into Apollo’s fever dream to address him directly? Because Rhea does. And sometimes Python does. But Nero? Can he do that?

The man laughed as flames licked at his purple sleeves. “You’re not sorry yet, but you will be. Find me the gates. Lead me to the Oracle. I’ll enjoy burning it down!”

2016!filodox: I too enjoy burning things down. # Nero confirmed

My only comment here is “oh you sweet summer child,,,”

Oh. Perhaps some of you are wondering how I felt seeing [Will] with a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend.

2016!filodox: No, actually. I wasn’t wondering. I was plotting how to kill you, them, and quite a few other people. Do you think I could trade you for Octavian?

Oh man, back at it again with the salt. XD

I could only remember my conversations with Octavian, the way he’d turned my head with his flattery and promises. That stupid boy...it was his fault I was here.

A voice whispered in the back of my mind. This time I thought it might be my conscience: Who was the stupid boy? It wasn’t Octavian.

2016!filodox: I can’t really...explain my emotions upon reading this. I’m still not quite okay, but this...it’s bittersweet in a way. I don’t know if this is a poor attempt at a proper closure, the author’s way of beating a dead horse, or just a way to make Apollo seem pitiable. Whatever it is... Octavian was important enough to remain in Apollo’s mortal memory. He somehow made promises to a god and had Apollo wrapped around his finger. And despite being so much like Apollo, the god blames him. Like everyone blames him. But Apollo also realizes, accepts on an infinitesimal scale, that “it wasn’t Octavian”. He wasn’t perfect, but neither is Apollo. Apollo is (at least) subconsciously admitting his own guilt in the whole affair.

...yeah. I will note that this bit isn’t meant to develop Octavian, but rather uses Octavian as a prop to support Apollo’s development? Which is why it still stings. Like thanks, I guess.

“Your judgement in the past has been...questionable. I wonder if you have chosen the right tools for this job. Have you learned from your past mistakes?”

2016!filodox: Nero has made plenty of mistakes to learn from

Love how I just assumed it was Nero back in chapter 10 and went with it, zero hesitation. Also love how I heard Python say Nero has made mistakes and went “oh absolutely”. In fact, here’s something funny in retrospect that will become more and more apparent: I did not like Nero in 2016. Or, at least, I thought I didn’t. There’s something really odd going on here that baffles me, looking back...

“A triumvirate is a ruling council of three,” I said. “At least, that’s what it meant in ancient Rome.”

“Which is interesting,” Rachel said, “because of this next shot.” She tapped her screen. The new photo zoomed in on the building’s penthouse terrace, where three shadowy figures stood talking together....

2016!filodox: Is it bad that I’m smirking? Because it’s getting interesting ~ *clear malicious intent*

Wow, edgy. Triumvirates are just a neat, Roman thing and I stanned.

“The last triumvirate I dealt with included Lepidus, Marc Antony, and my son, the original Octavian. A triumvirate is a very Roman concept...like patriotism, skullduggery, and assassination.”

2016!filodox: THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL EVERYONE. MODERN OCTAVIAN IS A VERY GOOD ANCIENT ROMAN. POLITICS, ESPECIALLY SHADY AF POLITICS AND POWERPLAYS, ARE QUINTESSENTIALLY ROMAN. Also, I’d like to note that it’s confirmed, in this universe’s canon, that Augustus was a son of Apollo.

Ohhhh, wait. I think I’d watched the HBO series Rome by 2016, which would at least partially explain my ancient Rome knowledge. (Amazing tv show btw!)

“He heard them talking in Latin.”

“Latin? Were they campers?”

Pete spread his hands. “I--I don’t think so. Paulie described them like they were adults. He said one of them was the leader. The other two addressed him as imperator.”

2016!filodox: !!!! (obligatory 💕)

I was such a simp for Latin in high school. And the Roman Empire. Still am, but hey.

“The Beast is planning some kind of attack on your camp. I don’t know what it is, but it’s going to be big.”

2016!filodox: Runs in the family I guess

The Octavian / Triumvirate parallels are everywhere... 👀

“The emperors made themselves gods. They had their own temples and altars. They encouraged the people to worship them.”

2016!filodox: # deify me

*smacking my past self with a stick* You stop that! Edgy child!

Anyway, a much better point here is like,,,the Imperial cult was huge in the ancient Roman world. Looking at Apollo’s explanation here, why did only the “worst” three emperors get to be immortal? Did famously “good” emperors like Augustus and Marcus Aurelius have the option of becoming minor gods, but they chose Elysium or something? Are there slightly less infamous emperors just hanging around anywhere as minor gods? A lot of Roman emperors live on in human memory is all I’m saying.

“Wait!” Will said as I reached the door. “Who is the Beast? Which emperor are we dealing with?”

“The worst of my descendants.” My fingers dug into the doorframe. “The Christians called him the Beast because he burned them alive. Our enemy is Emperor Nero.”

2016!filodox: I honestly can’t believe it took this long to reveal this? Was anyone surprised?

Nero’s reveal is rather late in the book compared to Commodus, Caligula, and even Tarquin iirc? But it makes sense, being the first book of the series. Also love how 16-year-old me was like “this reveal is silly because everyone, like me, recognizes Nero on sight” and didn’t question that assumption at all.

“Germani.” Instinctively, I moved in front of Meg. The elite imperial bodyguards had been cold-blooded death reapers in ancient Rome. I doubted they’d gotten any sweeter over the centuries.

2016!filodox: BITCH. See? This is why I love Rome. They knew what they were doing.

Ngl, as someone of Germanic heritage, I felt really represented by the Germani, which is hilarious on so many levels.

He tried to compensate for his ugliness with an expensive Italian suit of purple wool, his gray shirt open to display gold chains. His shoes were hand-tooled leather, not the sort of thing to wear while stomping around in an ant pile. Then again, Nero had always had expensive, impractical tastes.

2016!filodox: I don’t exactly like Nero, and actually think he was quite the shitty emperor, but I guess I mildly respect and “like” him on principle (in this book at least).

OH YOU SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I was so convinced that I didn’t actually like Nero, despite all of the lowkey evidence to the contrary? Who hurt you, past me? (Lmao, it was Tacitus, Suetonius, and Cassius Dio.) My working theory is that I was too much of an Emperor Augustus stan at the time to admit liking Nero. It’s hysterical. Look at me equivocating like a champ.

I’d been so proud of my son, the original Octavian, later Caesar Augustus. After his death, his descendants became increasingly arrogant and unstable (which I blamed on their mortal DNA; they certainly didn’t get those qualities from me).

2016!filodox: I’m glad Apollo and I can agree on something. Augustus was amazing and those who came after him...significantly less so.

See! The propaganda really got to me, what can I say?

Nero clasped his hands as if in prayer. “Oh, my. It seems we’ve had a slight miscommunication. You see, Apollo, Meg brought you here, just as I asked her to. Well done, my sweet.”

2016!filodox: This was obvious but I still find it...gods, the only word I can think of is “delicious”

. . .

“The Beast killed my father. This is Nero. He’s -- he’s my stepfather.”

I could not fully grasp this before Nero spread his arms.

“That’s right, my darling,” he said. “And you’ve done a wonderful job. Come to Papa.”

2016!filodox: Okay, but we should have known this since it became apparent her weapons were Roman. Also, oof. Also also, WHY did Riordan feel the need to add that last line? Why?

ASDFGHJKL: I CAN’T

“After the fire, we’ll rebuild,” he said. “It will be glorious!”

2016!filodox: The amount of times I have used this very logic is worrying.

For (some) context, Firelord Ozai is my favorite character from AtLA. <3

The scene might have been funny except that the Germani were now back on their feet, five demigods and a geyser spirit were still tied to highly flammable posts, and Nero still had a box of matches.

2016!filodox: Oh, I find this plenty amusing!

The emperor stared at his empty hand. “Meg...?” His voice was as cold as an icicle.

2016!filodox: The various ways his tone / voice have been described throughout this conversation are just 💕

*looks at camera like I’m on The Office*

Seriously, though. Nero’s voice is like the central descriptive element of his character because he’s so manipulative. It’s really cool and a great use of detail.

[Meg] turned to Nero. “You told me never to lower myself to my enemies’ level.”

“No, indeed.” Nero’s tone had frayed like a weathered rope. “We are better. We are stronger. We will build a glorious new world. But these nonsense-spewing trees stand in our way, Meg. Like any invasive weeds, they must be burned. And the only way to do that is with a true conflagration -- flames stoked by blood.”

2016!filodox: Real 👏🏻 Gods 👏🏻 Require 👏🏻 Blood👏🏻

I was way too enthusiastic about this whole situation, wasn’t I?

Nero grinned. “Good-bye, Apollo. Only eleven more Olympians to go.”

2016!filodox: Wait, shit, WHAT

Having read Tower of Nero, this probably had something to do with Python interfering with the Fates, huh? But does that mean it’s more Python’s plan or Nero’s? If this was Nero’s plan (with his 12 kids literally replacing the Olympians) that’s,,,really fucking bold.

Then I heard the screaming from Camp Half-Blood.

2016!filodox: Music to my ears ~

I’m presenting every edgy detail of my annotations so I have a proper case file when I inevitably have to face the question “On a scale of one to ten, how relatable is Emperor Nero and why should you have realized it’s a ten sooner?”

In a flash of silver light, the camp’s magical barriers collapsed. The Colossus lurched forward and brought his foot down on the dining pavilion, smashing it to rubble like so many children’s blocks.

2016!filodox: Payback! Dear gods, I can’t stop smiling! I’m just like “YES!” I know this will all probably get fixed or whatever but I’M HAVING A MOMENT.

I’ve learned to appreciate the small wins. <3

Percy grabbed one of the crown’s sunray spikes. He sliced it off at the base, then jabbed it into the Colossus’ forehead.

2016!filodox: As much as Nero is FAR from my favorite, I really don’t like defacing ancient (or replicas of ancient) statues and art...

This is where I just start laughing at myself tbh. I was so insistent on not liking Nero. Like, I sound like I’m in denial. Peak equivocation. What happened to that heart emoji a few chapters back? Why did I suddenly make it about *checks notes* ancient art? Updated translation: nooo don’t ruin the Colossus Neronis it’s so sexy aha

Just as the [arrow] reached its apex and was about to fall back to earth, a gust of wind caught it...perhaps Zephyros looking kindly on my pitiful attempt. The arrow sailed into the Colossus’ ear canal and rattled in his head with a clink, clink, clink like a pachinko machine.

2016!filodox: HOW MANY EX MACHINAS IS THIS ?! The dryads, the arrow, Percy, the enchantment, and THIS ?

One of my criticisms of Trials of Apollo in general is just that the stakes are so much higher and Riordan usually solves that problem by having his heroes win on long odds. The chances of them succeeding at like,,,anything they attempt are astronomical, but of course they manage. It’s not surprising but it does get a little tiring.

“Yo, Nico,” Leo called, “please tell me that’s it for the physical abuse.”

“For now.” Nico smiled. “We’re still trying to get in touch with the West Coast. You’ll have a few dozen people out there who will definitely want to hit you.”

2016!filodox: Oh I’d love to hit him. With the flaming, Imperial gold payload of an onager. Preferably WITHOUT the Pontifex Maximus attached to it -- unless of course you mean the false pontifex, Jason Grace.

Leo was the salt in the wound for this one, ngl. He rekindled my undying ire over Octavian’s death. As I said at the beginning of this, I was extremely ready to die on Octavian’s hill after Heroes of Olympus. That sentiment sticks around for a while...

And we can call that a wrap!

Though it may seem like it, my annotations are not, in fact, a compilation of Nero’s greatest hits. There are a lot of scenes of his that I love (naturally) but I didn’t have anything to say about them when I first read the series. Maybe I’ll share those another time.

In any case, I hope you got something out of this ridiculously long post! Until next time! <3

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[mashkaroom]

This isn’t related to anything, but frozen 2 was actually...pretty good of a movie, and you can literally see the disney profit model holding it back. firstly, the music was really good -- i was really impressed with the writing team and with the vocal performances, especially by idina menzel. the songs that didn’t make it in because the plot was rearranged were also excellent. wrt to the visuals, i’m not the biggest fan of this specific animation style, but it’s clear it’s very well done -- i’ve no choice but to be impressed. the plot was whatever (also they fully put a couple of trolls in charge of the kindom for a bit -- is there no fucking line of succession in this goddamn kingdom?? maybe the plot of the movie should have been establishing a functional bureaucracy) and they really yada-yada-ed the magic system, which was basically of the central conceit of the movie so...why did they not put more effort into it? the explanation, such as it was, of the magic system was both confusing and ultimately pretty meaningless -- it added next to nothing of value to the lore or theme or worldbuilding. the themes were clearly meant for a more mature audience (which is i guess what you get for waiting 7 years to make a sequel [which btw just wrenched out a memory out of me that frozen 1 came up literally constantly in my 7th grade latin class -- i cannot emphasize enough how bizarre of an experience learning a dead language throughout the entirety of your teenage years along with 400 more of your cohort is]) -- but anyway, they establish all these themes and then don’t commit to them. Like, the central plot conflict of the movie is literally colonialism lmao. it’s such a strange place to discuss it. My suspicion is that they decided right away to go with a “connecting with mother” storyline, since the “women in the same family connecting with each other” bit worked so well in the first movie; then they were like “is this too basic?” and decided that they should wrap that into a “reckoning with ancestry” thread to cash into that “young leftist with white guilt” market. Then they had somebody on the writing staff who was like “what if we made this about colonialism?” So re: those elements, first of all the mother plotline is boring as shit. Like it doesn’t ring true even to losing a loved one early, but it especially rings soooo hollow wrt the actual relationship that is portrayed in the first movie between elsa and her parents. like we see the parents be so misguided it borders on abusive. and that’s a really interesting dynamic, story-wise, bc the parents are dead and can’t redeem themselves but the baggage they left behind is still there, so the burden of processing that falls exclusively on the daughters. i dare say this is something probably relatable to many of us, bc it’s my sense that most people grow up with pretty misguided parents! (lowkey i feel like the best parenting i’ve seen in my circle are parents who basically went off of vibes rather than idk a philosophy or whatever) i actually would have loved to see a children’s movie address dealing with parents in a nuanced way that isn’t just “one of us is right and the other is wrong” but rather addresses what responsibilities parents and children have to each other, how to navigate intent versus effect, what the value (or lack thereof) of forgiveness is, how to uncover your identity when your entire life was shaped by societal and parental expectations, etc. And the Frozen premise is ideally suited for this! Moreover, a lot of these beats actually DO happen in the movie! Into the unknown is basically elsa trying and failing to convince herself that she wants the life she has and any thoughts to the contrary should be dismissed (and it’s gay as hell, but we’ll get to that later). The climax of show yourself literally says that it was the truth about herself rather than her mother that will bring her peace. But all of these beats are facilitated supernaturally rather than by the very fitting preexisting character background, which makes it lack the satisfaction you’d expect in such a resolution. it never features any reckoning with what made her feel the way she did in the first place -- a projection of the mother’s face singing the climactic realization literally undercuts the entire plotline. like here you can see how basically being propaganda for the american lifestyle (in this case the nuclear family e.g.) undercuts their message. this predictably only gets more egregious when they attempt to tackle colonialism. so quick summary of this plotline: anna and elsa’s grandfather basically genocided an indigenous people -- the northuldra -- after tricking them into building a dam that stifles the power of the forest or something. also their mother was actually northuldra. also magic comes from the northuldra forest? it would probably be pretty problematic re: the magical native stereotype if it was clearer what was going on lmao. at the end, anna breaks the dam even though it’ll flood Arendelle; however, elsa (who was literally frozen because of the sins of the past) swoops in at the last moment and freezes the wave so it causes no damage. However, in an earlier version of the story, the wave actually DOES destroy Arendelle and then they rebuild it with a mix of Arendellian and Northuldran architectural styles. this version actually proposed a genuine vision for how to deal with the impacts of colonialism instead of the final movie where sisterly love absolves everyone of consequences. 

ok, so about the gay: i know people read a coming out into let it go, and maybe this is just cause i watched frozen 1 when i was still straight, but i didn’t really see it. but the lyrics in frozen 2 elsa’s songs match up so well with the coming out experience, i have difficulty imagining the song-writers weren’t aware of it, especially since people were already calling for elsa to be gay. Like let’s take a look at these songs -- into the unknown first. She sings

“Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls I've had my adventure, I don't need something new I'm afraid of what I'm risking if I follow you”

This idea of having being afraid of ruining relationships even (and especially) with the people you love most by coming out is something that a lot of queer people can relate to. Then she sings:

“Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake? Or are you someone out there who's a little bit like me? Who knows deep down I'm not where I'm meant to be? Every day's a little harder as I feel your power grow Don't you know there's part of me that longs to go”

How much do i need to explain this? (like all my 7 followers are some form of queer anyway lol) But again this battle of trying to hide but knowing deep down that you can’t, longing for “someone a little bit like me” --  it’s classic queer. Then she sings a bridge-type thing:

“Are you out there? Do you know me? Can you feel me? Can you show me?”

I mean, again, what is this but longing for community. Then in the climactic song “show yourself”, she sings this:

“Something is familiar Like a dream, I can reach but not quite hold I can sense you there Like a friend I've always known”

this is literally just about reading stone butch blues.

The climactic lyric is  “You are the one you've been waiting for all your life” (sung to her rather than by her) and i mean again, this is about finally giving yourself permission to live as your true self. And not gonna lie, i dug that shit. it felt quite authentic. obviously they didn’t actually make her gay, bc of course, but she is gay in my heart!

Ok, so what would have made the movie live up to its full potential?

1) fixing that stuff i already said about the parents; it felt like such bs that anna and elsa were dealing with ancestral sins but also their parents were saints whose love fixed everything? how much more interesting would it have been if reckoning with their parents’ impacts on them led them to reckoning with the impacts of their entire ancestry and in turn their society? if reckoning with their personal responsibilities to each other led them to consider their society’s responsibility to fix the past wrongs that allowed it to flourish? this wouldn’t even be counter to disney’s individualism, but it allows for a slight reconceptualization of it that i think would feel fresh.

2) having actual consequences for the colonialism and genocide

3) either cutting all the new magic system stuff or developing it in a way that in turn helps develop the themes. frankly, the “sometimes people are born with magic” that was implied in movie one was enough.

4) making elsa gay, and i say this not just because i want gay characters but because that genuinely makes sense within the story

5) basically, the central theme should have been “i have all this baggage and i can’t resolve it by looking for answers only within my society; in order to be fully at peace with myself, i must work to right the wrongs of my society that obscured the different ways of knowledge that could help people like me; sometimes you must go into the unknown in order to understand the known” which is a message i think very well suited for the united states!

[toxicxxmyth]

Tom Holland dating a Latina

Authors Note: I got this idea by someone who also made a Tom Holland headcanon about a Latin gf and I cANT FIND YOU ANYWHERE SO IF YOU SEE THIS PLEASE COME FORWARD SO I CAN CREDIT YOU FOR THIS AMAZING IDEA ILY . Also, as a Latina myself(Puerto Rican) this was lowkey hard to make because all of the things I do and my family does is normal to me, so it’s kind of hard to pin point what’s different and how a relationship with someone who isn’t Latinx would be like. I hope you enjoy nonetheless :’).

The poor boy would be woken up almost every Saturday with loud ass Spanish music and you walking his ass up to clean the house.

Even if you don’t like cleaning, it stuck with you due to how many times your mom did it(let’s not pretend that this didn’t happen to us every damn Saturday :’)

Tom always looking forward to your cooking cause you use tHAT ADOBO AND SAZÓN!!

And if you can’t cook than looking forward to your mothers cooking !

Also, your whole family loving him despite the language barrier

Dating you means dating your whole family

Meeting your mom was accidental actually

Let me tell you bout it

So you where on the phone with your mother when she asked about Tom

And you were like “yeah, he’s here”

And she’s like “PÓNMELO!!” (Put him on)

And you were like “aight”

But Tom was like :0

Meeting his family was also loveLY

His mom tried cooking some of your traditional foods

You were so touched you cried cause we’re some sensitive and extra ass bitches up in here

I’m joking

But you were still hella touched at the gesture

Teaching Harry and Sam cuss words in Spanish

Bathing him in Vic’s when he’s sick

Or anything really

Broken leg? VICS

Broken nose? VICS

Nasty cut? VICS

Or if he’s sick sick then you’ll call your abuelita and she’ll tell you to just give him some ginger tea that taste like shit but works wonders, then rub some Vics on it lol

You don’t usually argue, but when you do you end up leaving poor tommy confused asf.

You go from English to Spanish in seconds because sometimes yelling and explaining in another language isn’t easy

And when you do argue, it’s prolly bout dishes or smth

He could’ve left a mess and you and your temper would be yelling at him that you weren’t a maid.

He actually took it seriously and almost cried at the fact that he thinks that you think he thinks of you that way(I hope it makes sense lol)

And you’re like ????? Khe ????

“juST WASH THE GODDAMN DISHES”

Giving you heart eyes whenever you start dance salsa with a broom.

Or twerk against the table

Either way he’s giving you heart eyes

Cause dAMN you fine

Skinny, chubby, flat ass, fat ass, flat chest big ass watermelons yoU FINE ASF

So much ass slapping

Like, you would not hesitate to slap his ass

At first he was like :0

But now it’s like

Y’all feel it coming already

Tom feeling your wrath when he brings a rice cooker

God forbid a rice cooker goes anywhere near your house.

Teaching him Spanish because he wants to communicate better with your family

So many cheek kisses

Like he wouldn’t even be able to mutter a word before everyone is pulling him in for a cheek kiss

You’ll have to silently scold your family bc you’re not suppose to do that to strangers !!!

But after a while in your relationship he’s the one initiating it

Yelling and shouting once he walks in your parents house, feeling comfortable as ever

He’ll literally be at your parents house and you wouldn’t even know

Vice verse honestly

You’re father/uncles/cousins would be iffy for like the first 5 minutes, trying to intimidate him n shit

But then they’d just burst out laughing and Tom is both relieved and :0

You’re naturally flirty so he might get jealous when you’re out and about and guys are practically swooning over you and your kind personality

You calling him papi is his ultimate weakness

Will MELT once you utter the words, papi

Mi amor is also such a big nickname that he’ll absolutely melt over

Him teaching you all about his country and culture

As well as teaching you slangs that leave you confused asf bc you’re so used to American slang

Also leaving him confused asf with your slang because theres like 20 different types of Spanish, you feel me?

So it’s like, you teach him your slang but then he uses it on other Spanish speakers and they’re like ???? Khe ???

Y’alls sex life is sPICY

I’m not going into detail because *blush blush*

But it is sPICY sPICY

Him teaching you British bands while you teach him old classic reaggaeton and bachata, salsa songs

Also you fangirling over cnco and Tom just giving Richard side eye every time you gush about him

“whY ARE YOU YELLING

i’M NOT YELLING, JODIO CABRÓN

Cussing a life style

There’s never a time where you’re not cussing at each other

But in the loving way, ya know?

PDA is all over the roof top

I feel like Tom isn’t into pda but he just can’t keep his hands off you

And you can’t keep your hands of him either so it’s a win win situation

You getting an attitude with him and the he bits back with the same attitude and you’re like :0

Omfg do you have an attitude problem!

But my mans Tom teaches you a few lessons here and there ;)

And you lOVE IT

BUt after the sPICY lesson is over you scold him for shutting you up like that

Leaving him confused bc your moods change in literal seconds and he can’t keep up

Overall, your relationship would be a roller coaster bc of your complete opposite cultures and habits

But y’all make it work!

[in-tua-deep]

My dude, my buddy, my guy, my gal, my pal. Please yeet more of this daemon AU at me, I'm super interested in this whole idea and would love to hear more, how do all of the daemons interact with each other?? What are the little quirks shared between daemon and human?? Did any of them have a phase where they couldn't stand their daemon?? Did Vanya's owl claw out Leonard's eyes when the truth came out?? How exactly would they find out that Five's daemon didn't settle?? I'm living for this AU now

oh i am SO ready for more daemon au are you kidding here we go starting with some NAMES because all good ocs need names and while the first post was mainly for just saying what animal is what now i can develop it into a full au and no one can stop me

So the kids and their daemons share a name for most of their lives, they’re both just,, one or two and so on. But when they get names they run into the roadblock of “do our daemons get the same names as us??” and realize that their one (1) example of a human/daemon relationship is their dad he his daemon doesn’t share his name so… probably not. But he only ordered Grace to give the human in the relationship a name so it’s up to their what their daemons names will be

I’m thinking Luther probably gave his daemon a space themed name because he’s my good space boy so I’m going to name his daemon Andromeda after the galaxy !! I think she would have wanted a somewhat regal sounding name because she tries really hard to model herself after Reggie’s daemon, who is the very definition of regal. Luther calls her Dromeda or Drom for short occasionally

Diego’s daemon HMMM i’m gonna say Valencia, Val for short because that means brave and I think it would be important to Diego to have a defender of some kind and they both would want so desperately to be brave bless their hearts

oh man i am absolutely naming Allison’s daemon Amraphel which means “one that speaks of secrets” and Allison calls him Raph for short and he’s still lazy and I still love him a whole lot

Klaus’s daemon i’m admittedly a bit stuck on but i’m gonna call them Rowan because it’s a tree that symbolizes life and courage and as some very fearful kids with death powers I think they’d appreciate it. Rowan is nonbinary btw (”are you a girl or a boy” “i’m made of fucking dust why does it matter”)

I named Five’s daemon Pancha because I like it and I feel like naming her Quinque, which is Five in Latin, would be way obvious because if you think Reggie didn’t make these kids learn an archaic dead language because he’s a pretentious ass then you’re probably wrong so yes Pancha it is and when the kids figure out it’s literally the number five in another language they’re going to throw a fit

Ben’s daemon is named Tamaya which means in the center literally just because they’re in the middle of two planes of existence and one is full of monsters and also because i like the name Tama as well so this is really two birds with one stone and no one can stop me

and finally Vanya’s daemon is named Pollux for exactly no reason other than because I say so and it sounds like it could be a name for a daemons from the books which i was trying very hard for the aesthetic with all the names but it’s been so long since i’ve read them oops

ALRIGHT with that over with i can actually yell about them which i’m putting under the cut because this is going to be long as FUCK

so how the daemons interact with each other… I’m probably going to leave out Tamaya for most just bc most of them don’t know that she survived Ben’s death for like,, a really long time in the fic i have half planned in my head

SO i already mentioned Andromeda is kind of a stick in the mud and unimpressed with her siblings shenanigans. She tries really hard to emulate their dad/their dad’s daemon but doesn’t have the control on her temper that she should. She’s blunt and says what she’s thinking, she doesn’t really care about the fact that daemons don’t usually speak to people that aren’t their own and she’ll boss everyone around given the chance tbh

She doesn’t get along with Val at all and there’s a lot of posturing between the two especially after they both settle. Generally she’s dismissive but occasionally she taunts Val with the fact that she settled as something that protects against wolves, and that clearly Val is too wild to ever amount to much. Val hits right back calling her and Luther “Dad’s obedient little dogs” and just generally when you have Luther and Diego going at one another Drom and Val are only half a step behind them

She gets along well with Raph and often carries him around when Allison calls him lazy and refuses to do it. Despite that thought Raph is like,, super muscular and strong and he’s a bigass snake, Drom used to carry him into position during missions and let’s just say they were a solid interrogation team with Drom’s teeth and Raph literally squeezing information out of people when necessary (though he can always rumor people just like Allison, he’s not fond of doing it and calls it cheating because he’s a contrary bastard). He tends to help immobilizing people and their daemons and is used as a restraint a lot until their people with thumbs can come along with rope or something

Andromeda and Rowan do NOT get along, mainly because Rowan is pretty vocal about the fact that their dad fucked them up and has no respect. Some of it also comes from the fact that Andromeda is a little jealous of Rowan’s grace as a cat because their dad’s fox daemon is exceptionally graceful and regal. But generally Andromeda ignores Rowan or growls at him, she’s never physically laid a paw on him outside of sparring until that scene with drunk and depressed Luther though

Andromeda,, also doesn’t really get along with Pancha either. It has a lot to do with the fact that as kids Pancha was constantly shifting where Drom would keep a form and stick to it. She would often tell Pancha that one day she’d settle well lmao jokes on her. Pancha used to frequently insults Drom’s intelligence and has called her a “dumb mutt” before but upon return those insults have been conspicuously absent for ALL the siblings. Five still has a fairly venomous tongue, but Pancha keeps her silence.

Andromeda and Pollux don’t have a relationship, simple as that. She ignores Pollux’s existence, even when the other daemon attempts to interact with her. She basically assumes their father is correct in Vanya’s uselessness and as such doesn’t care all that much about either of them. To be fair Pollux has learned from their childhood and doesn’t interact with Andromeda much either, and even when Vanya attempts to like,, call Luther out Pollux keeps his silence.

Val doesn’t like Andromeda and isn’t afraid to show it, bristling and snarling. Val actually settled first of the two of them (a point of pride), and some part of her is a little hurt that Drom turned into a dog that protects a pack from wolves and took it personally as Luther’s literal soul saying that he didn’t see Diego and her as part of the pack. 

Her and Raph don’t really talk a lot but they have a lot of relatable sibling-eye-contact moments over their family being dumb shits and whenever Andromeda wasn’t available it was Val who would carry Raph so they’re actually closer to one another than their people are. Raph firmly refuses to get between any argument of Drom and Val’s and would 100% rumor them apart when they were all kids because Raph was Sick Of Their Shit™ despite his general distaste for rumoring

Val and Rowan get along pretty well actually, Rowan frequently hops up to ride on her back like they’re the captain of a furry wolf shaped ship and Val allows it even though she thinks they’re a little shit. Rowan used to hide behind Val from Reggie and his daemon and Val might still have a lot of protective pack instincts that she showers on them because they allow it. Val may or may not be 90% of the reason that Diego just sighs and lets Klaus tag along whenever, though Diego and Val often disagree on how to handle the Klaus/Rowan situation since Val wants to kidnap them both and keep them safe in their boiler room while Diego is of the firm belief that Klaus is a big boy now and they aren’t responsible for him. 

Val thought Pancha was a mischievous little shit when they were kids as the other daemon would frequently jump wherever she pleased. Val isn’t surprised when Pancha “settles” as a hare since they’re associated with tricksters and are more solitary and independent and tougher than their rabbit counterparts. She’s super worried about Pancha when she arrived back with Five though, since the other daemon is far more withdrawn and look daemons are representations of someone’s soul they can’t lie - Five can put on a tough act all he likes but Pancha’s behavior is pretty clearly off and she looks at all of them like she’s seeing ghosts. Val is the one to carry Pancha back after the shrapnel incident, swearing because she knew she should have been suspicious that Five was carrying Pancha when she’d always hated being carried when they were kids

Val doesn’t particularly care for Pollux and is actually mildly uneasy around him. There’s just something… off about the other daemon. It raises Val’s hackles even if she doesn’t know why, and she doesn’t figure it out until after the fact that the reason she was wary of Pollux is literally because on some level she recognized the chains on him via the medication and was repulsed even though it wasn’t Pollux’s fault. She’s trying to be better after the fact with him.

I’m making myself so sad about Pollux right now tbh he deserves so much better than what he’s got but moving on

Raph is honestly the chillest daemon with everyone else’s daemon. No one has beef with Raph. Like, they might have beef with Allison, but not with Raph which might be why Allison and Raph are probably the least in sync out of the siblings with their daemon actually outside of Vanya. Raph loves Andromeda who carries him places and doesn’t mind him winding up on her because she’s warm. 

Raph considers Val to be his bitchface pal and they bond over their people being stupid. Honestly Raph just wants to sleep for the most part. But legit though Allison and Raph need an intervention for them never being on the same page I think Raph might resent Allison leaving to become a star and he’s the one that dislikes using their power and constantly advised against using it so he might, on some level, blame Allison for them losing Claire (and Allison wonders if the stereotype against snake daemons played a role and sort of blames him) and honestly their relationship is a fucking mess

Raph and Rowan are chill, they’re bros, they know what they’re about. Raph thinks Rowan’s sense of humor is fucking hilarious and they’re both sleepy bitches (Rowan is a cat they knows what they’re about regarding catnaps) so they napped together a lot when everyone was under the same roof. They’re at an unspoken truce regarding the drug issue because unlike the rest of the family Raph actually listens when Rowan explains about their power being the fucking worst and having to numb it down after Raph offers to rumor them to get clean. But yeah like Allison and Klaus don’t hang out much but Raph and Rowan are bros.

I said Raph gets along with p much everyone but he’s not super close with Pancha simply because she was constantly on the move and shifting every other minute as kids back when everyone was unsettled like she was constantly itching to get out of her own skin. Like, Pancha’s thing is moving and being quick and honestly Raph is a little surprised she didn’t settle as a bird daemon the way she flits about. Raph being lazy, they didn’t see much of one another but he was always up for a conversation when Pancha calmed down enough or exhausted herself. He likes her, he just thinks she’s exhausting. He’s much more concerned for her after she gets back from the apocalypse though.

Raph and Pollux kind of,, also don’t have a big relationship tbh. There’s just something about Pollux that makes Raph uneasy, but he’s a chill dude and is probably one of the closest to Pollux after Pancha. Sometimes when Raph would be going slithering through the house, Pollux would sit upon his back and chill as they both went to whatever destination. Raph does think it’s a little weird that Pollux doesn’t fly considering he’s, you know, a bird, but he doesn’t press the issue (which he regrets, later). But overall he’s not nearly as interested in mending bridges with Vanya as Allison is since there’s still that something that prevents him from fully liking Pollux. But as the plot progresses he warms up to the idea more and more without realizing that the reason he’s warming is because they stopped taking the drugs hmm

Rowan doesn’t get along with Andromeda but they’re pretty chill with everyone else’s daemons. They get surprisingly protective of their siblings and even though Klaus isn’t great in a fight pre-Vietnam, Rowan isn’t afraid to flash their claws when necessary. The biggest reason they got kidnapped is because Hazel’s daemon didn’t come to the firefight in the manor and they weren’t willing to break the taboo on touching a human when it seemed like the primary objective was to take Klaus not to kill him. They ended up regretting it for the torture scene though oof.

Rowan loves Val a whole lot and likes trying to groom her and they 100% climb up on Val’s back when they feel like being lazy. Rowan is a self proclaimed dog person though they often say that there are always exceptions and eye Andromeda but this comes up again with Dave and his australian cattle dog daemon where, when they meet, Rowan blurts out that they’re a dog person and Dave’s daemon snorts in laughter considering that Klaus’s daemon is literally a cat. He is the personification of ‘cat person’ his soul is a cAT.

I already yelled about Rowan and Raph being nap buds, they like Raph because he’s never judged them and just accepts that they know their powers well enough to know what does and doesn’t work

Rowan and Pancha actually get along weirdly well?? Like, Rowan can be off the walls crazy at times as you know cats get that simply zest for life and just go fucking nuts for a while before going back to sleep?? so Rowan is actually one of the few of the siblings daemons who could keep up with her when they were kids and Pancha was the last of them unsettled. There was a minor freak out where they didn’t see Pancha at first when Five popped out of the portal which prompted the whole “does anyone else see little number five” comment bc ghosts don’t have daemons but then Pancha popped up and Rowan was so fuCKING RELIEVED and continuously prodded at Klaus to follow either Diego or Five because they want to hang out with Val and Pancha

The only one of the siblings daemons who knows that Tamaya is still alive. She doesn’t speak almost at all, only rarely talking to Klaus but she talks a little more to Rowan. Tamaya is usually curled up in Klaus’s pockets or general clothing but there have been a few occasions where she rides on Rowan’s shoulders or goes off on her own for a little while (those are the occasions where Ben’s ghost also goes off for a little while, neither Klaus nor Rowan question where they go). Tamaya also occasions hides in Klaus’s room instead of accompanying them places. During the kidnapping she nibbles through Klaus’s restraints and allows him to escape a little more easily since no one expects an unaccompanied daemon, haven’t decided yet how this impacts the whole Patch dying situation

Rowan doesn’t really talk to Pollux and Pollux doesn’t talk to them, though Rowan does care about Pollux. Rowan is the most easygoing with Pollux because honestly being high means that they don’t notice Pollux’s strangeness on the same level as the others and will often direct comments towards the owl daemon. Pollux rarely responds, however.

Pancha time!! I love Pancha she’s a ball of nervous energy and can’t sit still half the time. As a kid she was constantly shifting between animals like she would run across a room and be five different animals in the time it took her to get to the other end, just always restless. She and Five kept each other sane in the apocalypse - I haven’t decided whether Dolores exists in this au and if she does would she get a stuffed animal daemon?? Decisions decisions. She’s changed a LOT from the Pancha that the others remember and is noticeably a lot more quiet and standoffish, but also she fades into the background where as a kid she was constantly bursting to the foreground and demanding attention. She looks at them all like they’re ghosts and will flinch when addressed sometimes even by other daemons. The others can sense there’s something just a little bit off about her but attribute that to the trauma (eventually though it comes out that Pancha is still unsettled and that explains it)

Pancha never got along with Andromeda and they butted heads a lot before Pancha left. Pancha’s a smartass daemon alongside her person so would frequently insult Andromeda’s intelligence or go off plan because she thought of something better and would frequently yell for Andromeda to ‘adapt!’ because that was her biggest criticism. Her fluidly changing from one form to another depending on the situation was her calling card for adapting and Andromeda would always growl that one day Pancha would have to settle and Pancha would shrug it off. As adults they still don’t really see eye to eye though Pancha has noticeably softened towards Andromeda. She doesn’t call the other daemon a dumb mutt anymore and in fact doesn’t insult any of the others at all.

Pancha liked irritating Val when they were kids but still got along reasonably well with her. Now that they’re back, Val is noticeably more protective of her family and Pancha is included with that. There are a couple of moments where Val bores holes into Pancha’s head to try and telepathically ask if the hare is okay that Pancha doesn’t respond to. When Five and Pancha are drunk off their asses, Val is the one who carries Pancha even though Luther is carrying Five. She insisted. She also carried Pancha home after the shrapnel injury and curled around her on the bed absolutely FURIOUS that someone dared to hurt her sibling. Pancha says some things while drunk that break Val’s heart, and Pancha never protests the coddling unlike Five. She doesn’t lean into it, but she doesn’t protest it.

Pancha and Raph aren’t close but Pancha likes the other daemon regardless because he never did pry into her business and showed her how to do cool tricks as a snake after he settled and she didn’t. Raph never made comments about her being the last to settle unlike most of the others (even though Ben and Vanya only ever mentioned it kindly).

Pancha and Rowan are bros though Pancha disapproves of Rowan drugging themself to keep the powers at bay and always expresses that they have faith that Rowan will learn to control them one day. Honestly Rowan finds it kind of nice even if Pancha disapproves because at least she disapproves because she 100% believes in them instead of being disapproving for disapproval’s sake. Pancha expresses that even drugged Rowan is one of the most observant of their siblings. Rowan worries about her after she comes back and keeps trying to convince Klaus to go after Five, but Five has a very venomous tongue and Klaus is delicate no matter how much Rowan figures it’s just a defense mechanism since Pancha doesn’t echo the sentiments. Rowan is worried about Five as well. Rowan is just worried :(

Pancha is the only one in the family who loves Pollux and actively seeks the other daemon out. She knows something isn’t right, but instead of being repulsed finds herself delighted at the mystery and assumes that the ‘wrongness’ is why Pollux doesn’t fly. Before Pancha jumped to the apocalypse, she kept trying to teach Pollux how to fly by shifting into various birds but it never did stick.

Yeah though Pollux is a daemon that really unnerves other daemons because they can tell something is terribly wrong even if they can’t quite put their finger on what. Pollux and Vanya don’t really communicate either and get second place in the “our human/daemon relationship is super messed up” after Allison and Raph. 

Pollux doesn’t really speak. To anyone. Especially after Five and Pancha vanish. He’s just,, not really all the way there to be honest. He goes where Vanya does but does precious little, often standing as still as a statue on his perch until moved again. Sometimes he’ll interact with other daemons but not usually by speaking - he’s sat on Raph’s back or tugged at Andromeda’s fur to get her attention or silently stood in someone’s way but seriously for the most part he’s somewhat catatonic. 

After they go off the meds he starts perking up again and speaks for the first time in years to Leonard/Harold and his skua daemon. He actually does have a personality, but he’s been suppressed for so long that he’s still figuring himself out alongside Vanya tbh 

As the White Violin his colors switch and instead of being brown with white spots as a spotted owl he becomes white with brown spots. He also is constantly flying while they’re using their powers, flapping and keeping himself aloft roughly above Vanya’s head, half suspended by their own power. As they figure out control, they eventually realize that it’s Pollux who can direct their sound based attacks with his wings and if Vanya tries to go alone it’s uncontrolled like the attack on the trucker dudes without the focus of her violin. They have to work together to control Vanya’s powers, and it’s difficult because they genuinely don’t really have much of a relationship or know each other very well since they’ve been sedated since Vanya was like, four years old

this post is already so so long so i’ll cut it off here probably but yeAH there’s probably a scene where Pollux attacks Leonard/Harold’s daemon and claws her eye out and there’s a translated wound on Leonard because that’s how daemons work and then they both get fucked up by Vanya and Pollux’s powers/knife storm thing

(Pollux isn’t as angry as Vanya is, truthfully. He’s just… tired. He’s so tired. Vanya wants to end the world in her fury. Pollux wants to end it just so everything… stops.)

but yes please keep asking me questions about this au i’m living for it i love these dumb idiots and their daemons

(still need to come up names for the background character daemons, there’s a part of my mind whispering don’t you fucking dare name reginald’s daemon regina soul i swear to fuck so that’s a thing - i’ll also take suggestions for background character daemon names as well!! it was hard enough coming up with these losers)

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[fuckyeahasexual]

Hey i saw someone rbing a screenshot of that 'aces are lying about conversion therapy' post. I didn't see the original. I didn't see how many people agreed. I'm a latina ace living in a smal asa latin american country. I was put through conversion therapy and managed to escape. I feel fucking sick to my stomach. That really triggered me and idk what to do. All of ace 'discourse' which is 'you're not who you say you are bc you're experiences aren't happening, you're THIS instead' is.. abuse

(/2) Since it started i already struggled with believing myself and finding a safe space. Queer (and inclusive of poc and disability) spaces where the only spaces i felt SAFE. and they took that from me. And bc they talk about social justice so much, and i’ve been abused, and they’re practicing gaslighting, i think ‘what if they know what they’re talking about? What if i’m lying’ and the disgust that so much as comes of thinking that. It’s everywhere. Insta recommended a page w an ace post

(/3) yesterday. It was a post saying ace ‘cishets’ were trying to invade the community. Like 200 comments in support. Im tired. I’ve realized exclusionists gaslight, lie about our experiences and paint us all as cis hetrom when that is the VAST minority of the comm, and no1 i’ve seen involved in discourse is cis+hetrom ace ever. And they’ve also painted us as 'make the community about ME. i’m not gonna put in work for gay people! I’m looking for attn’ and it’s.. fcking disgusting bc i think

(/4) a lot of haters think 1. Cishet aces are straight and get accepted as such by society and 2. It’s straight ppl trying to gain access to the comm when NONE OF THOSE ARE TRUE. and they say 'we care abt lgbt aces’ to make it palatable. PLEASE. asexuality in ITSELF is nonstraight, as a lived id and as percieved by the cishets of the world. It feels like a losing battle. Like they’re indoctrinating young adults to hate us by spreading those lies. And that post was 2 much. Idk who i can talk to

(5/5) i’m sorry i sent you so many messages but im triggered af like…how are you going to VICTIM SHAME CONVERSION THERAPY VICTIMS?? Not even THAT will they believe?? Are they THAT low?? I feel like im gonna puke. Yes they DID try to make me straight. She said it to my face. Gross. Dunno if maybe getting help w an international therapist online can help, bc here therapist are NOT ace friendly. Dunno if i can speak to the trevor project cause im afraid they’ll secretly have exclus. Viewpoints

Hi anon ! Im so so SO sorry that you had to see that and be triggered bc of it you really didnt deserved that .The person who made that post is a very nasty aphobe and i assure you most people really dont believe that all aces are lying about their abuse.I, and millions of people in this world believe aces who have gone though conversion therapy.Believe me. And you might think that this exclusionist and aphobic bullshit is everywhere but I assure you it is NOT.Many many prominent lgbtqa organizations in this world include ace people and believe that they belong in the lgbtqa community.In almost every poll majority of lgbtqa people considered aces a part of the community.This exclusionary bullshit is mostly reserved on the internet.REALLY 

You can try going thorugh our #pos tag and #ref tag to see sources about this  and ace people talking about how they were accepted and included across their local lgbt groups.I hope it will make you feel beter.  .And i really dont think you need to be worried about talking to the trevor project bc  They are for aces to use, they have trained specifically because aces were calling.  Also, you can talk to us here anytime ! Im sending all my love and good vibes towards you ! I hope you feel better !

[jaaebear]

frozen love ; na jaemin

pairing: na jaemin x reader featuring ten and taeyong

genre: angst and maybe some fluff

set out: bulleted scenario bC im lazy 

masterlist

hey kitty gorl ! how are you? if you read this you’re beautiful uwu

anywho, letzzz get it

i hate myself

welcome to this soulmate fic

so b4 we jump in lemme say a few things 

you are a witch surpise biatch

and you live in a world where there are many mythical creatures along with humans

and humans are seen superior 

so that is why the royal family of the world are humans

and who are they? well they’re the na family

the queen and king and their two sons, na jaemin and ten

lets ignore ten’s last name so they’re brothers okay thx 

&& they’re both humans bc they’re the royal family

out of all mythical creatures, witches are the lowest breed of creature

they’re outcast and anybody associated with them are seen as horrible people who don’t deserve anything

this is because decades ago,,,, the king at the time had a soulmate who was a witch

when the witch fell pregnant, she tried to secretly abort her baby with magic as she was young

like 16 young

if anyone here is 16 and a mum, you rock, you go glen coco

when the king found out he was furious and deemed witches as the evilest creatures and shall not be on that same rank of other mythical creatures

they were the outcasts of breeds

and everybody knew who they were because each witch had electric blonde/white hair which couldn’t be achieved even with hair dye

same as everyone knew the royal family for their deep black hair that nobody else had

and for decades after that, the royal family was never paired with witches

now to you

your family though you were going to be an easy child until you were born on a blood moon

but so were like 5 other witches

it was said that the ‘princess’ of witches was born on a blood moon once every 666 years 

long time i know but yolo

and it appeared you were born on a blood moon 666 years after the last princess

and you weren’t call the princess because you were royal, you were called the princess because you had every magical ability known to witches and were seen as more powerful 

ofc the royal family HATED you 

their daughter despised you considering she was born on the same day

so you were an outcast and being the hot head witch you are

you took it out on other witches, torturing them

not seriously but if they needed a pencil, all the pencils would magically disappear

rip

some days you would break and just cry because you wanted to be normal

anyway, everything went to shit when you were eighteen

being eighteen, you had your dark baptism (yes i stole this from the chilling adventures of sabrina don’t @ me) 

and you were at your most powerful

you were going to be this powerful for the next three years of your life

and everything was great but people feared you

you hated that

you constantly went to spell class where you meet selene, your best friend

she was the daughter of witch Lords

which was pretty cool

then one morning you woke up with black roots in your hair, fading into your normal electric blonde and you shit yourself

you didn’t leave your room for days and nobody bothered you, scared you would hurt them

flip to jaemin, 

his older brother ten was just chilling in his room until he heard jaemin scream

he bolted to the room only to notice jaemin in front of the mirror

he thought he was just being dramatic until he noticed that his hair was almost white with black tips

then ten screamed

when the king came in, he fucking lost it

screaming at jaemin for no reason because it was obvious he soulmate was a witch

it was then explained by the King’s cousin that it was a form of soulmate connection

someone people had their eyes connected to their soulmates and they changed to their soulmates colour or 

they had a tattoo, like ten, in the form of their soulmate

ten had wings as his tattoo on his wrist

he later met taeyong, an angel with the most beautiful white wings

taeyong had the word royal on his chest

surprise

they were soulmates

they had married by now

jaemin hated himself

how stupid could he have been to be paired with a witch

but he learned to love it and when you appeared in his dreams

he later learned to love you

you wore a hat everywhere now, concealing your black roots because people would notice

then it started spreading so you wore headscarfs

now you only had white tips left

but nobody knew

selene came racing to you one afternoon, 

telling you how the royal family had put on a ball to find the witch who the son was connected to

little did anyone know, the king planned to kill her

bitch

but she was excited because it was the only royal ball witches were ever invited to

the kingdom was in overdrive for the next few days

they knew the ‘princess of witches’ would be attending so they tried to make everything magic proof

but they failed and gave up

fast forward and its the day

you, selene and her father, The Lord, were standing outside the doors of the palace

“hey what are you doing?”

selene stood in front of you, worry flashing in her dark eyes

she wore a white dress with a lace purple sleeve to indicate she was the lord of witches daughter 

you on the other hand, had a white headscarf on trying to look normal while concealing the black hair 

you wore a simple black dress to blend in to the other witch commoners 

“i can’t do it”

selene explained how you were just going to greet the royal family then you could go hide

 upon receiving a nod from you, she grabbed your hand leading you in

“okay” you say, “let’s get this over with”

the doors opened again and jaemin looked up from his seat to see who had entered 

room was silent as it erupted into whispers and gasps

you didn’t know why until you noticed you were the only one in black

you leaned over into selene and asked her why you were the only one in black

“you said everyone would be wearing black selene! i wanted to blend in!”

“dad said the princess has to wear black and i knew if i told you the truth you wouldn’t come!”

“no i wouldn’t of! you lied to me!”

“y/n” selene’s dad spoke up “they just need to know who to keep an eye on, you’re at your most powerful”

you felt yourself get angry, and hot

selene noticed the tips of your fingers become red

indicating you were channeling fire

one more bad thing would set you off

you hadn’t looked the royal family once 

but you heard the king’s voice into a microphone before you could remove yourself from the front entrance

“please take off the young princess’ headscarf”

you shook your head, backing away from the guard

you almost made it to the door while the guard was talking into an earpiece

“but sir, she has white hair, look at the tips showing”

the king told the man to do as he said and it was only then that it clicked to selene what was happening

“holy shit” she whispered to herself 

and her dad already knew

the royal family had their eyes trained on you 

and when the guard grabbed your headscarf you told him that he didn’t want to do that

but he did anyway

and  the room was crazy after that

a witch, the princess, with black and white hair

“jaemin...” ten started but the boy couldn’t hear him over the people in the room

you still hadn’t looked at him

‘cmon, look at me’

and on que, you lifted your head

your eyes meeting warm brown and noticing the crystal white hair on his head

selene had notice your eyes sporting a small red hue and she was terrified

and then king spoke carefully into the microphone

“kill her”

and that was the last stroke

the curtains of the palace went up in flames, your hands glowing red

you turned towards the guard

“move, before you’re next”

he didn’t but you couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him so you simply teleported out of the room into the palace gardens

na jaemin didn’t thing twice about breaking protocol

he ran out of the room, still feeling your presence near by

and he met you at the gardens

you controlling the plants with your mind, letting them grow into something beautiful

 you turn around to meet him, eyes on the floor

he made his way closer

“hey,” he said “look at me”

“i-i don’t think i can”

you walked toward the fountain making shapes of water in they air

he followed behind you

“please, love, just look at me”

and after a moment, you lifted your eyes to his like you did in the ballroom prior to running out

“your higness”

“please, call me jaemin”

“jaemin...” you tested the name

“i’m sorry about your curtains”

“they’re replaceable, you are not . i cannot believe my father wanted to kill you”

“i can, i mean look at me, i’m a witch”

“but you’re more”

“sorry?”

“you’re more then a witch, my love, you’re my soulmate and i vow to protect you with my life” 

a tear slides down your cheek

“deep breaths, y/n, deep breaths”

you were stunned at how he knew your name but chose to ignore it, wrapping your arms around his neck and bringing your body closer to his

after a moment, you pulled away but not far enough for his hands to leave your waist

they fit snuggly and you love it

“y/l y/n, princess of the witches, i vow to always protect you and be here for you”

“and i you, my prince, my ice prince”

when ten and taeyong leave the ballroom to go looking for jaemin, they don’t know what to expect. you burning him, fighting or what but they are surprised to see you two, making sweet promises to each other

ten leans against taeyong, neither moving to leave, but to watch

“my love, can you freeze this moment, i want to remember it forever in my mind, just for a few seconds”

and you comply, reciting a few words in latin before your hands become icy cold, the gardens freezing over with only you, jaemin, ten and taeyong in sight

and when the spell wore off he spoke to you “now we have a forzen love and i hope it stays like this forever”

ten smiles sweetly watching you to lean into each other

lips grazing before hugging and he knew

you were the one for his little brother

[linos-teeth]

i got tagged

in the 50 questions and the about me tag by @chngbok ty browse!! these are a lot of questions and idk who i want to bother with them (unless you wanna be bothered then consider yourself tagged) but in case you wanna know some random stuff abt me there’s a lot of that under the cut!

what takes too much of your time?

currently, fic writing for sure

what makes your day better?

uhhh ideas, music, skz (except lino bc he literally just makes me cry)

what is the best thing that happened to you today?

lino in the victory song dance practice? (wow there's a theme already)

what fictional place would you like to go to?

hmmmmm the arbor wilds, the crossroads, the forge, h-047c, watford

are you good at giving advice?

nah

do you have any mental illness?

uhhhh not theoretically (as in not diagnosed oops)

have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

luckily not

what musician inspired you the most?

boy i rly can't say, usually it's writers or games that inspire me and music not so much?

have you fallen in love?

most likely yeah

what’s your dream date?

idk man surprise me like...going out exploring and doing things i haven't done before that don't include any drugs or stuff also movies are good

what do others notice about you?

my hair (it's long)

what is an annoying habit that you have?

biting my uh...the skin next to my nails? and my lips? i guess?

do you still talk to your first love?

ha nah

how many ex’s do you have?

zero

how many songs are in your playlist?

i have 685 deezer faves

what instruments do you play?

piano, idk if recorder counts, used to play the oboe but...not any more

who do you have the most pictures of?

myself XD, my da/me chars, also random idol pictures for reaction memes

where would you like to go before you die?

uhhhhh a lot of places like...there's a lot of cities in europe i still wanna see and i wanna go back to paris and london and i also would love to visit like 294503 national parks in the us also maybe a desert (bc stars) and somewhere far north (for northern lights)

what’s your zodiac?

scorpio

do you relate to it?

nope

what is happiness to you?

just like...a content feeling? like...idk words for it but when you just stop and go like fuck this is rly good i'm rly comfy rn and not sad??? like just being good in your own skin?

are you going through anything right now?

not more than usual

what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

i made a few sucky time management decision throughout my uni time and still am so i guess that

what’s your favorite store?

what's a store

what’s your opinion on abortion?

i don't rly think i get to say much abt it while i'm not in a position where i can talk yknow? you should be allowed to but i imagine it's tough as shit too

do you keep a bucket list?

nah

do you have a favorite album?

A FEW there's wildness by snow patrol and mania by fob and wild world by bastille and miroh (that's currently tho that shit changes a lot)

what do you want for your birthday?

my birthday isn't happening for a while and what i want i kinda need before so xD for my birthday i wish i could be with my family but i won't be able to :/

what are most people’s first impression of you?

uhhhhh awk i guess which is right, also rly smart and like...organised which is wrong

what age to you seem according to most people?

apparently like 16, i always get asked when i finish school

where do you keep your phone while sleeping?

on my bed next to my pillow, stuffed under some plushies

what word do you say the most?

idk honestly i don't talk much probably some expletive

what’s the oldest age would you date?

idk man i'm not rly attracted to ppl much older than me never have been if it ever happened they'd prolly be like 2 years younger oops that's like the norm with crushes

what’s the youngest age would you date?

oh uh see above i guess like...currently i'm 23 so like? not younger than 20?

what job/career do most people say sould suit you?

they don't rly say anything abt that xD

what’s your favorite music genre?

uhhh rock? alt stuff? i love some folk and some pop too and i'm a slut for lofi

if you would live in any country in the world, where would it be?

here tbh

what’s your current favorite song?

u h h probably still chronosaurus! doesn't look like it's leaving that spot any time soon oops

how long have you have this blog for?

a bit over a month now?

what are you excited for?

how pathetic is it if i say my summer course? idk just...smth new i guess i'm looking forward to it (not to being away from games and photoshop)

are you a better talker or a listener?

listener

what is the last productive thing you did?

i finished vacuuming the house today

what do you want for Christmas?

s h r u g

what classes do you get the best grades in?

language stuff, music

on a scale of 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

a 4? maybe?

what can you see yourself doing in 10 years?

idk man i wanna go into speech therapy so?? that? or research even? but i gotta get into the masters first rip

when did you first get your heartbreak?

oh dear. probably like...in kindergarten when my crush was an absolute ass (so far, 80% of them have been there's a theme) i was pathetic

at what age do you want to get married?

idk man i guess in like 100 years when someone finally decides they rly want to put up with this mess

what career did you want to have as a child?

florist, author, actress

what do you crave right now?

hugs? and drawing skill

1. How tall are you?

i'm jisung-sized

2. What color are your eyes?

hazel

3. What color and style is your hair?

uhhhh dark blonde would be the accurate desc prolly? it's like...blondebrowngoldish and too long and i usually braid it and i have a super messy fringe

4. Do you wear glasses?

no

5. Do you have braces?

luckily not!

6. What’s your fashion sense?

casual and basic with a dash of experimental and sometimes a bit cutesy

7. Full name?

8. When were you born?

long, long ago, too long ago

9. Where are you from and where do you live

germany!

10. What school(s) do you go to?

no more school for me, i'm going to university

11. What kind of student are you?

the one that kinda gets by far too well for procrastinating so badly (all i have to say in my defense is that i'm anxious as shit abt everything)

12. Do you like school?

i used to!! like...the last 3 and first 3 years were chill

13. Fav subject?

music, history, english, latin

14. Fav TV shows?

i rly only watch b99 but i would be careful calling it my favorite since like...3 eps ago

15. Fav books?

my current fave is less by andrew sean greer (aka it was my fave last autumn and i've read like 3 since and they weren't super great)

16. Fav pastimes?

uhhh writing gaming music and lately, giffing too!

17. Do you have any regrets?

a couple

18. Dream job?

i mean i do still wish i could just like...do smth artsy like be an author or an illustrator but i'm bad at writing and literally cannot draw at all so

19. Would you ever like to be married?

yes absolutely

20. Would you like to have children?

kinda yeah?

21. If so, how many?

2

22. Do you like shopping?

only for a limited amount of time

23. What countries have you visited?

denmark, norway, france, the uk, spain, italy, austria, slovakia, we also drove through switzerland like twice

24. Scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

uhhhhhh basically all of the end of the world/war scenario dreams i've had?

25. Any enemies?

does myself count

26. Do you have a significant other?

nah

27. Do you get along with your family?

yeah? we're not super close but we don't hate each other

28. Do you believe in miracles?

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES WHERE YA FROM YOU SEXY THING no but rly i do

29. How are you?

not terrible