#this is so late and honestly ? thats so on brand for me its fine !

[missmarveledsblog]

I'll show you different ( Joel Miller x Reader ) part 10 No Outbreak! au

summary : peach got something to ask joel , joel's terrified it maybe the end and tommy is excited to share his news

warning : insecurities but mainly fluffy like these two deserve

previous part

 strange yet welcoming ,  six month after the worst time  in life . Going to therapy was hard at first few session she barely spoke a word then when she did start it was like she couldn’t stop , it call came pouring out, all the anger, pain and guilt that was building all her life , learning to be her own human and know none of it was her fault . it was a process one she was still learning but getting better at . she was starting to ditch the clothes that she was made wear or trained to wear  now she was wearing what she wanted to finding her style , like finding her true self. she was more open not a total social butterfly but it was better than before bantering with the guys at her grandfathers construction site as she was still working in the office.  another good thing was joel, joel miller was there for it all hiding her after her sessions when she cried it all out ,  hyping her up when she was trying new clothes to get although he hadn't a clue of what was what but he did know she looked beautiful and she was looking happy .  he helped her get rid of the spray paint covering it with paint and wallpaper  making sure  it was completely gone . what he did not expect was a brand new pick up truck in his yard another gift trying to get her to take it back was half the battle but she was more stubborn than he was . he wanted her to know he love d her way before all this money business and she would smile and tell him thats why she did it . 

“ you loved me at the lowest of my lows so enjoy the highs with me”  not that she was splashing the cash that much honestly she barely did, biggest thing she  buy for herself was new truck herself one she been wanting since she was little girl .  

she sat on her porch  looking out brow furrowed when he found her . then that look he loved so much , the bright smile and love in her eyes . one look that had him feeling like the luckiest man in the world. yet something was there he couldn't tell what exactly it was but something was there. that had her gaze down and her feet shuffling . 

“ peach baby what’s wrong” . 

“  can we talk” she breathe out her face unreadable as she sat down . 

yet his own experience had him fearing everything , thinking of every interaction.  was she realizing she could do better. did he upset her . it all swirled in his head as he gulped nodding joining her on the step waiting for it waiting for the bubble to pop . 

“been thinking about this alot lately and i can't stop like it permanently  stuck in my brain and driving me crazy” she began as he felt the bile rising in his throat.  

“ baby its ok i get it” he sighed trying to brace himself. 

“ i don't think you do cause if you do then this will be harder ,  i didn't know what love was i mean other family love but love love gosh that was just a pipe dream something i wouldn’t never get a grasp on or so i though then i met you and you really showed me it all what it’s like to be love , i’m not some possession to show of or a source of release and i wanna take that next step with you not marriage way off of that but i would like to more so i wanna wake up every morning and go to bed at your side  , no pressure i mean if you don’t want to that’s totally fine but i wanted to ask “ she sighed feeling the weight of the want and question leaving her . 

“ of course i wanna live with you peach shit i thought you were breaking up with me or something which would be worst day of my life because honestly sad to say at my age this first time i know actual love love too “ he chuckled weakly pulling her to the side. 

“ we have to ask the girls too i mean space here for them actually more space than necessary  but they can have their own rooms and stuff” she smiled brightly , excitedly . 

“ i’ll tell them later but i think we both know that their gonna be happy  they wanted you to move in since they met you “ he kissed her head. 

“ they’re coming in like a month ohh we can let them do their own rooms up or we can do it  get them send me pinterest posts “ . 

“ tommy could stay too” 

“Nah think time tommy start living on his own but he sure is happy for you both “ the man himself smirked  heading towards the two . “ i ain’t staying so wait til i  leave before you two start getting all gross just coming to say i was going on date and be home late” he winked. 

“ you finally asked her out “ peach beamed up at the man . 

“ asked who out ?” . 

“ maria duh “ she rolled her eye patting his shoulder . 

“ i did and she said yes so i better go get ready any last advice “  

“ be the sweet you not the overly flirty you sweet you is just perfect amount of flirty without overdoing it and less cologne “ she nodded as joel hid his face. 

“ do i wear too much “ he asked smile falling off his own . 

“ YES” The said in unison . 

“ ok ok fair observation harsh b

ut fair i guess “ he nodded . 

“ i’m kidding just be you  she likes that “

“ wish me luck and congratulations “ he called as he ran off excitedly . 

“ i’ll be dammed i think he’s nervous , he usually cocky little shit he must really like her” joel  scratched back of his neck . 

“  you realize he stay with her the night i was stabbed because he was terrified she was hurt  , he’s been crazy about her long before he even knew it himself kinda like i was with you “ she kissed his cheek . 

“ first time i met you i was a goner “ 

“ you looked grumpy when i met you first “ she snorted . 

“ that was me trying to play it cool …really grumpy ? “ 

“ yup hot ass grumpy teddy bear. But i love my hot ass grumpy teddy bear” she nodded .

“ old ass grump “ he corrected 

“ hot ass grump just take my damn compliment miller plus ain’t old not when your …”

“ yeah yeah  i mean got keep my girl happy don’t i” he winked lifting her up bridal style carrying her to the front . 

“ i love you joel “ she kissed his cheek 

“ i love you too peach gonna show you how woman like you truly deserves to be love, my sweet peach i’ll show you different “ he crash his lips to her carrying her in the house and really ready to start a better life both deserve. 

Fin

taglist : @harriedandharassed @missladym1981

a.n thank you to all that have read and enjoy the story of peach and joel really love writing this series , i could of done whole damsel in distress thing but we like a badass chick

.

[ivydcmir-blog]

☁☼☁( ****. simay barlas. cis female. 21 ). welcome back to your summer paradise, IVY DEMIR we were wondering when you’d finally show up! the town’s really missed how MESMERIZING you are, even if you can be a bit AMORAL at times. we hear back home they call you the CHERRY PIT, makes sense considering you remind everyone of IMPORTED CIGARETTES, OLD LOVE SONGS COMING FROM A RECORD PLAYER, PERFUME AT THE BASE OF A THROAT, & FAST CARS AT MIDNIGHT.  ☁☼☁    

oh she’s extra late to the party ! im she .... my name’s xan im 22 and from the est timezone i go by she / her pronouns and ur watching disney channel <3 i am....so excited to bring ivy to life ... shes been my sleep paralysis demon for weeks its time for me to set her free baby ! lets go !

first things first ivy is inspired by characters like effy from skins, georgina & serena from gossip girl, and just a TINY bit of villanelle from killing eve ( not the....assassin part.... ) 

her daddy’s side of the family are oil tycoons and her mom’s side ? well ivy has no idea what they do or who they were

basically a little after ivy turned a year old her mother just . poofed...vanished into thin air and didn’t leave a trace behind. growing up ivy would hear a lot of rumors from the staff abt what kind of person her mom was or where she went but the one person who could tell her the truth ( her dad ) just refused to talk abt it. he got super angry anytime she used to try so ivy stopped asking !

she was born in tokyo actually ( on her parents anniversary trip, which was another mystery ) but was raised in manhattan ! she is absolutely in love with nyc and definitely considers it her home

so shes filthy rich and i mean like ... disgusting billionaire rich to the point that it’s just not right and you know, that definitely shaped her upbringing. even as a little girl ivy found it very clear the amount of power she has just by being born into the right family 

she was....kind of a strange child ! she was abnormally sharp for her age and intuitive and without that maternal figure in her life, ivy grew very attached to her father. he’d even take her along to business meetings because she was well behaved

as she grew up it started to become apparent ivy liked to play games. the more she observed the people around her ( the staff, her dad, his business partners, the kids at school, etc. ) the better she got at finding out what made people tick. sometimes her games were harmless ( like flirting with the boys she knew her friends were crushing on ) and sometimes they were more intense ( like setting up empty pill bottles around her and pretending she’d overdosed to freak out the maids ) ask ivy why she did any of it and she’d simply tell you she was bored

high school ivy was very much reckless like this. she found the upper east side teen drama so dreary she’d often act out just for a change of pace. i’d like to think she broke the record for most detentions at whatever private school she went to. she was definitely someone just about everyone knew just because of all the rumors she stirred up doing crazy things 

despite all the misdemeanors she got into yale ! her dad is basically on of the biggest donors to the university. there’s probably a building somewhere on campus with her last name on it, but ivy really couldnt care less. she didnt exactly want to go to college and she definitely didnt want to leave nyc, but shes got this weird complex with her dad and really cannot tell the man no ! so she majors in classics just bc she thought it’d be neat to have to learn latin 

of course ... she starts to get bored. she’s already barely attending classes and on academic probation so when it leaks to the dean she’s sleeping with a professor ? ivy was sure it’d be expulsion.....but then it wasn’t ! turned out her dad had made a special deal with yale and after a nice monetary exchange it was like ivy never did anything....

after her dad announced he was going to turkey for his brother’s funeral last august she decided to "take a gap year” from yale but really she’s got no plan to ever go back ! instead she disappeared much like her mother did for a whole year without a trace. she told absolutely no one where she was going or what she was doing.....and she’s come back to the hamptons for the summer with no warning ! 

PERSONALITY & TIDBITS

so ivy is....all over the place ! most of the way she behaves is because she finds it a bit too easy to grow bored. still very much into playing games with people bc she gets a kick out of it ! it takes a lot for ivy to take anything seriously so she’s not exactly the best person to come to if you need advice or comfort. if you’re looking for excitement? trouble? an out of body experience ? then she is 100% your girl 

for someone so chaotic she is weirdly nostalgic and sentimental about things. she’s obsessed with greek heroes and foreign poets and superstitions and it’s not uncommon to find her getting existential with you with a cigarette dangling from her fingertips and a foggy look in her eyes. she’ll say something that seems entirely deep and profound one minute, and the next she’s blowing smoke in your face asking if you want to do a line in the bathroom with a wicked smile on her painted lips

a huge flirt ! she will and she does hit on absolutely everyone. definitely not the traditionally romantic type but she does go through phases where she tends to hyper fixate on others for specific periods of time. until she gets bored. it’s a vicious cycle

full of unhealthy habits that include drinking, smoking, doing drugs, fucking around, but the worst is how little she sleeps. she’s been prone to nightmares ever since she was a kid but she’s never acknowledged it as a problem despite it obviously being one

once she flew to paris with nothing but a cheap pink wig. wore it the whole time she was there and called herself yvette. 

picked up her father’s obsession with luxury cars. not only does she collect them, she races them, too. most infamous stint was showing up to a race in an evening gown and winning. 

speaks about five languages fluently. often likes to fuck with snobby rich people at high society events by pretending she can’t speak or understand english, only to turn around and speak to someone else in perfect english

it’s rumored she once snuck onto the yacht of a ceo to a fortune 500 company, only for him to find her in nothing but a bath towel eating chocolates while flipping through his playboy magazines, and that he was so taken with her instead of pressing charges he decided to name the boat after ivy.  

rumors are rumors, but you really never know with ivy....

thats it !!! if you’re reading this you made it !! please come plot with me i know im late but i have a lot of heart memes saved up and i cant use those by myself </3 we can message through im’s but im 100% easier to get in contact with over discord @  EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172

[harry-styles-sunflower]

Last Christmas

a/n: Pure fluff, some cursing, 3k, thats all :) Please reblog and let me know what you think! 

//

You were walking down the sidewalk holding your trench coat tightly to your body. You made it to Johnny's Club and you pulled the heavy door open.

"Jeez," you sighed. You shook off your coat and walked to the coat room. You hung it up and took your phone out from its pocket. You turned and grabbed one of the aprons and put it on tying a knot behind your back. You slid your phone in one of the pockets and shoved your other two pockets with straws and a towel. You walked down the hallway and then behind the bar.

"Hey Matt," you said as you clocked in to your job.

"Hey y/n, what's up? Cold out?" he asked as he wiped the counter.

"Freezing, it's just going to get worse. How many people have come in?" you faced him.

"About 5 maybe?" he reorganized all the bottles on shelves, "Could have been 4," he shrugged.

"I don’t know why Johnny's making us work tonight, its Christmas Eve. Everyone is either travelling or with their families," you sighed and leaned against the counter.

"Yeah I don't really get it either," he stood next to you.

"At least you get to go home to Abby," you nudge him with your shoulder.

"Wouldn't really want you to be here alone though," he nudged you back.

"I'll be fine, I can hold my own. I'll grab my pepper spray before you go," you grab your towel from your pocket and lightly whip his knee with it.

"Okay," he laughs and goes into the back to do inventory.

Few hours later, Matt was gone and you were bored on your phone. The club was empty and the you played Christmas music through the speakers. You mumbled the lyrics to frosty the snowman and checked the time.

10 PM already. Great. Just 4 more hours. You checked your Twitter and saw people talking about 2016 being "the year" so you got off. Who can predict that stuff anyway. "Do they know its Christmas?" began playing and it was one of your favorites. You grabbed a bottle of bourbon and began using it as a mic.

"Its Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid," you sang. You spun around and lifted your hand up to the sky.

"At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish," when you spun you were shocked to see a male silhouette watching you, so you couldn’t help scream 'Shade'.

"Hi sorry I didn’t see you there," you said quickly.

"Sorry about that," he said as he came more into the light. He had long brown hair, sharp facial features, and bright green eyes.  

"It's okay," you turned around to lower the music slightly, "What could I get you to drink?" you turned back around to face him. You placed a napkin in front of him as he shrugged off his coat.

"Um Tequila, with ice," he said slowly. You nodded and got a small glass. You opened the freezer to scoop the ice and when you did you placed the cubes in his cup.

"Brand of choice?" you asked.

"No, surprise me," he smiled. You nodded and poured some 1800. "Thank you," he smiled again.

"No problem," you smiled back. You turned around and pretended to organize the shelf as you watched your customer through the mirror behind the display shelves. He was staring into his drink deep in thought. He had an accent, sounded British. Maybe feeling homesick on a night like this. He took a sip of his drink before pulling his hair up into a bun. You could see his face slightly better and he was handsome. Very handsome. You turned to face him and wiped your hands with your towel.

"Everything okay?" you asked.

"Yes thank you," he looked at you and then around the club, "What did you do to be the only one working tonight?" he grinned.

"Um, not sure honestly. Might've been telling my boss he should've given us a Christmas bonus." you shrugged. He laughed lightly and it was beautiful. Appearance wise and sound wise.

"The performance you were giving when I walked in should count as entertainment so I'd say you deserve the bonus," he smirked behind his glass.

"Thank you," you giggled and then blushed because the giggle was embarrassing.

"Join me for a drink will you?" he bit his lip.

"Um I shouldn't" you shook your head.

"Not even a club soda?" he stirred the liquid in his glass.

"Okay," you grabbed yourself a glass and poured some seltzer inside. You walked in front of the bar and settled on a stool next to him.

"So.. You're obviously not originally from New York, but is it your home?"

"Um no, I'm on break and I thought Christmas in New York could be fun to do alone after 5 years of not being alone. But it's actually very lonely," he takes a swig of his drink and you watched him as he spoke. The way his lips pursed with certain words and the way his face scrunched slightly at the burn of the tequila.

"Did you just get out of a relationship or something?" you ask. He turns his stool to face you with his eyebrows furrowed. It was as if the wheels in his head were turning behind his green eyes. You had no idea who he was or you were a great actress.

"Harry," he stuck his hand out for you to shake, "and no, no relationship. I spent five years working and now I am on uh sabbatical," he smiled charmingly. You shook his hand and nodded along to his words.

"I'm y/n," you smiled.

 It was nearing 11:30 PM and you were laughing so hard you were tearing up.

"Okay okay, what does a dentist do when he gets on a rollercoaster?" you asked him.

"What?" he giggled.

"He braces himself!" you burst into laughter and so does Harry.

"Wait wait, doesn't an orthodontist deal with braces?" you stopped suddenly and put on your best poker face. He cracked a smile and you couldn’t help it. You broke one too. Jingle Bell Rock came on and you couldn’t help but get up and go to the dance floor.

"Come on, come here!" you grabbed his hand and pulled him off his stool. "Do you know the mean girls dance?"

"Barely, it goes like this?" he put his hand up and swung his hips dramatically. You laughed and sang along to the song.

"Don't forget to slap your thighs," you show him and he copies your move. The song soon ends and you hear the familiar tune of 'Last Christmas'.

"I love this song, it's my favorite, you whispered.

"Would you like to dance?" he offered his hand. You looked at his long slender fingers that were covered by a few rings. You took his hand and he pulled you closer. He placed his hand on the small of your back.

Ah, aha

Ooh

Oh

"I like your rings," you say as you look over at your hand in his.

"Want one?"

"Do you just give your rings out to anyone like that?" you laughed lightly.

"No, but you’ve been very kind to me tonight. You can take it as a Christmas present," you nodded along and continued dancing to the music.

Once bitten and twice shy

I keep my distance

But you still catch my eye

Tell me, baby

Do you recognize me?

You could hear him singing the music quietly. You detach your hand from his and intertwine your own behind his neck.

"You have a nice voice," you tell him.

"Funny you say that," he smiles. His dimples were very cute.

"Funny how?" you ask.

"Nothing," he shook his head, "I didn’t think this was how I was going to spend my Christmas Eve but I'm glad I am," he said. You tried to hide your blush and you mumbled a 'me too'.

Face on a lover with a fire in his heart (I gave you my heart)

A man under cover but you tore him apart

Maybe next year, I'll give it to someone

I'll give it to someone special (special, someone)

The song ended and you looked up at him. His face was only inches away from yours and you could feel his breath fan your face. You both leaned in but jumped back when Usher's 'Yeah!' came on. You ran your fingers through your hair with one hand and placed your hand over your heart with your other.

"Sorry," you laughed awkwardly.

"Yeah, I'm not," you felt his hands grab the sides of your cheeks and his lips on yours. You kissed him back and placed your hands over his lightly. When he pulled away, you had a blissful smile on your lips.

"I'll take your 'peace' ring," you smile. He kissed you again and smiled into the kiss.

"Here you go," he slid the ring off his finger and put it in your palm.

"Thanks," you held it in between your forefinger and thumb. You slid it onto your thumb, the only finger it fit. His phone began ringing and he excused himself to answer. From what you could hear he was speaking to someone named Jeff and he was late to a party. You cleaned up the bar and put the glasses away. When he hung up the phone, he walked over to the bar with a guilty look on his face.

"So my boss wants me to go to his Christmas party," he frowned.

"Oh, okay. Have fun," you smiled. Fake smiled to be exact. You didn’t want him to go just yet.

"Can I get your number? Call you sometime maybe?" he asked and your heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah! I mean yeah sure," you shrugged. He walked behind the bar and lifted your chin with his finger.

"No need to try and play it cool," he kissed your forehead. You looked down and blushed. You grabbed a napkin and wrote your number on it as he put his coat on. You walked over when you finished writing on it and tucked into his coat's pocket.

"Thank you for my present, my number will be your present," you giggled.

"Sounds lovely," he kissed your lips before leaving. You sighed and wiped down the bar before closing up. Hopefully you could make up an hour another day, you needed to go home and close early.

After Harry left the bar and waited for a taxi, a man next to him sneezed into his hands.

"Damn allergies," he said.

"I know the feeling mate," Harry replied. The man sneezed again, this time in need of a tissue.

"Here mate," he handed him the napkin he felt in his pocket. Without a second thought. That was the kind of person Harry was.

"Thank you," he said before Harry caught a cab and got in. When he reached into his pocket to get your number the realization hit that he gave the napkin to the man. When he called the bar with the number he found on Google it said the bar was now closed.

//

"Fuck!" you yell at your rental car. You were currently at a gas station or as the English say, 'the petro station,' and you were trying to refill a tire. But it kept emptying. You were the only one at the gas station until a black Range Rover joined you. You decided to travel to England for the holidays since your family decided to vacation to China without you. You were getting cold and it was Christmas eve. You just wanted to get back to the small cottage you were staying in. You walked into the shop and headed for the snack aisle. The end of 'santa baby' played over the speakers in the store. You surfed the options on the shelves and grabbed a few chips (crisps) and searched for some sweets. Next song to play was 'last Christmas' and you accidentally groaned aloud. The song had been ruined for you ever since you met Harry 5 years ago and he never called. Typical musician which you came to find out. The guy behind you laughed lightly before speaking,

"Don't like this song?" he asked. You turned around with your snacks in hand.

"Bad memory goes a long with it," when the man turns around your shocked to see who it is and he's just as shocked to see you.

"YOU!" you practically yell.

"Let me I can explain," he holds his hands up in defense.

"I don’t want one!" you walk away.

"Wait! Please, I promise I'll tell you the truth." he says. Okay realistically you had no where to go before the tow truck came.

"Fine," you cross your arms.

"Well I can't believe our paths have crossed again," he smiles. You don’t. "Um well okay. So after I left that night, I accidentally gave this guy my napkin because he sneezed and I realized too late. I know it's a rubbish excuse but it’s the truth. Oh I also tried calling the bar that night and you already had closed and then when I called again the person on the phone said you were busy and I just didn't know if that was an excuse or not. I guess you've figured out who I am by now too.." he drifted off.

"I do and your excuse sounds very unrealistic," you sigh.

"It's the truth, pinky promise," he holds a pinky up. You squint your eyes at him before joining your pinky with his and huffing 'fine'.

"How come you're in England?"

"Vacationing," you stare at him slightly. "You cut your hair," you remembered it was long last time you saw each other. He ran his hand through his shorter curls and nodded.

"Yeah um cut it a few months after we met, would you want to grab a bite?" he pinched his lip between his fingers. He was still handsome as ever.

"Okay, my car actually has a flat tire.."

"We’ll use my car," he smiled at you.

When you got to his car it smelled like him. You felt slightly uncomfortable with this blast of the past coming back into your life. Especially so handsome. He began driving on a road you’ve never been on and you watched the houses pass through your window.

"So, you must know everything now," he sighed, "I enjoyed that you didn’t," he drove with one hand, his left entangled in his hair.

"That's a full of it assumption. I've heard your music and that you went out with Camille Rowe that’s all," you shrugged, "I can't believe you were in this famous pop band for 5 years and I had no clue," you laughed.

"So maybe not everything..good," you noticed he was hiding a smile. Or at least trying to. He kept driving for about a half hour before pulling into a driveway.

"Um you said we were going to grab a bite?"

"It's Christmas Eve everything is closed, I promise I'm not going to kill you," he smiled.

"Very convincing," you sighed. You stepped out of the car and followed him up the steps to his house.

"Fancy a grilled cheese?" he looked behind his shoulder and grinned.

"Sure," you took off your shoes and followed him to his kitchen. His house was huge but neat. It was modern and very bachelor like. Yet cozy and warm. You settled on one of his stools at his kitchen counter while he turned on the fireplace. When he made his way over to his stove and heated up a pan, he grabbed the bread bag and pulled 4 slices.

"So catch me up," he smiled.

"Um well. I've been working. Running an Etsy shop. Just made custom sweaters and such.. I quit the club a few months after we met. Found out I kissed Harry Styles. Otherwise I lead a very boring life.” You laugh.

“I did think of you these past 5 years, don’t think I didn’t. I wondered what you were doing and if you were okay. If you had found out who I was. If you’d come to one of my shows,” he said as he cooked.  

"I didn’t think you thought that way of me," you say honestly.

"I did, still do. I've had a 5 year long crush," he blushes. You shake your head and call bs on his claim.

"It’s the truth. But I'm glad to know you don’t feel the same," he sighed before serving you your sandwich. You got up and walked around his counter and watched as he moved to grab you a cup.

"Who said I didn't still have a crush? I still have your ring in my jewelry box crying out loud," you laughed and rubbed your head embarrassed.

"You do?" he smiled brightly. You nodded and walked towards him. You pulled him by the end of his shirt and grabbed his cheeks to pull him down for a kiss. His arms wrapped around your waist lifting you off your feet. You wrapped your legs around his waist before he placed you on the counter. You kissed him for a bit more before pulling away.

"I am hungry though," he laughed and his breath hit your face in a familiar way that made you smile.

"Okay," he kissed your cheek before handing you your plate and smiled as he saw your eyes widen once you took a bite.

LETS TALK ABOUT IT :) 

[gryphsdeadbones]

hey from one nd person to another the comic where fm gordon says a slur seems kind of in poor taste. ik ur not intentionally making light of it and tht occurring in fm should be criticized but while you dont make it out to be a good thing making jokes about it and calling him a "slurboy" is kind of questionable? it makes it seem more like a plotpoint and angst rather than the creator of fm genuinely fucking up in the past (and having moved on from it)! i think exploring fm coming to terms with being nd is a good idea but this isnt the best way to do it. if you want me to explain my point more lmk if/when u post this and i will! someone already made a post abt it but it was kinda strongly worded and i wanted to approach you more calmly because i genuinely dont want to call you out or start drama or anything ;-;

first off thank you for being civil and patient with me i appreciate this ask a lot- also this got long- im not in a flying rage or anything when i bold or emphasis text, i just needed it also for my own readability and since im not the best at wording- hopefully this hellsite works and my response is under the cut

i would like to know how is it in poor taste when freemind explicitly gets clocked at the very end for saying it. the entire point of the comic was to show that saying the r slur has existed in his source and is bad

im not sure how much more direct i can get, with the disclaimer/warning list growing longer and longer and out there for a huge sign that says “this au can get dark as fuck and these subject matters are treated seriously/not something to mess around with.” Like yes, there are some jokes in the asks and other comics, but that specific comic is not supposed to be “haha thats funny”. it has a serious tone using a rough sketch style bc i was super tired and wanted to vent

was it just the direct reference to it that just made people uncomfortable? because thats 100% understandable, and i made sure i tagged it appropriately (although admittedly, a little bit late since i thought the filter would catch at least the main thing)

i think what some people somehow got from it is “exploring sensitive content = endorsing said content” which! that is not the intent! i absolutely do not want people saying that word! I don’t want people thinking that is any way okay for this character to say

its more of a damned if i do address it, damned if i dont.

if it never comes up, people are gonna assume that ‘oh this character says slurs and is shit, surely the creator or fan-creator MUST be okay with it and woobifies freemind and absolves him of any mistakes’ or something like that. no. this asshole has an arc and i want to do it right. its serious and i think it shouldn’t be shoved under the rug

and people just. dont want to read for context for whatever reason. theyll start watching it and get taken aback by the slur and start blaming me ‘hey you never warned for this’ when very early on i keep mentioning over and over ‘you dont have to watch it if you dont want to! This has slurs and 2000s internet brand humor/style’ You really dont, I’m not forcing you to watch it- Literally all you need to know is either canon half life or hl/vrai. thats it. fm mostly follows hl1 with very slight changes.

so i had to make something that:

1. warns people who arent aware and dont want to go through my asks or about/warning pages (for whatever reason) and just want to see the art

2. also NOT downplay freemind’s canon assholery. listen, i kinda despise writing mean and cruel characters, theyre hard to do, and a lot of people get shit for doing it wrong or people going “character = author”

i’ve also considered leaving the bubbles blank, but then people could fill it with whatever they want, then blame me for being vague. or they’d fill it in with a different kind of slur that freemind has never used, even if he MIGHT be the type to do that. I needed to explicitly mention that it is ableist slur. There are shitty racist and other problematic jokes, but never those kinds of extreme racial slurs to my knowledge.

Although I do see your point that maybe joking about it outside of the serious stuff might not be the best route. The slurboy jokes are getting stale, and I will try a better way to remind people.

The thing that gets to me is that it feels people are more than ready to defend either Ross Scott or Gordon Freeman the fictonal character himself. I don’t??? really care for Ross Scott, so I don’t know if he’s ever brought it up specifically. I’m not really calling him out or cancelling him. Idc for some white man’s feelings, im only bringing the timeframe of That era and reworking it to fit in This current era.

And I hate to break it to people: Gordon Freeman is a blank slate character, you can project whatever the hell you want on him as long as it’s not freakshit illegal garbage. The machinimas (fm, hl/vrai) do have SOME characterization that I want to nail down. It fucking sucks when characters are ooc, and I’m trying not to do that, even if it means sacrificing some comfort. But still mostly staying in my comfort zone if that makes sense

Now about the callout that I do not want to engage with the op directly:

Honestly im very surprised the comic was called out when i just. thought my stuff is relatively tame on exploring the bad shit canon freemind does. ive seen him in fancontent where they really dont hold back and its still played off as ‘kinda funny’ tone.

I really don’t know if people just want any reason to hate me for whatever reason. That’s fine I guess, I can’t please everyone and they dont have to like me.

But like. isn’t it so much easier for the op of that to block me and the post and move on. Why kick up such a fuss. I can see that thinly veiled death threat of a vague. That’s pretty fucked up- Like holy fucking god, you do not have to like my stuff. I’m not holding you at knifepoint to like my stuff. I’ve specifically made two different tags (one general au, one specific au) if anyone wants to blacklist it for their own reasons I do not need to know. I don’t want to know.

You’re allowed to be uncomfortable. You’re allowed to unfollow/blacklist/block.

However you just don’t go ranting about it for something you horribly misinterpreted. If it bothers you so badly, literally just. drop me a message to clarify. thats it. or save yourself the time and block me.

I’ve blocked the op for both our sakes, but if anyone wants to send this post to them, then thats fine. I don’t want anything to do with them.

I don’t want to link the post and blow it up. I just want shit clarified, dropped and we can move the fuck on with our lives. 

If you’re reading this and don’t know what the post is, please don’t bother. I do not want people going after the op with threats, please keep it civil, I’d prefer if you don’t engage with the post at all on my behalf.

Despite this huge wall of text, I do not want this to be a big deal, so please don’t ask me about the details.

_

As for anon, feel free to dm me either on here or. Maybe on discord if you’d still like to suggest or have something more cleared up. I’m still willing to hear any kind of feedback, and i want to thank you again for being reasonable about this

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[jaethaone]

In Love With Another Man : A Klaus Mikaelson Imagine

Word Count: 2,588 (Whew, Did Not Expect To Write That Much)

Warnings: Slight Smut .. If You Can Call It That, Thats About It I Believe 

Hey Guys . I’m Back With Another Imagine . I Honestly Came Up With The Idea For This In Like 2.5 Seconds While Listening To Jasmine Sullivan’s “In Love With Another Man” . (Lyrics Are Italicized) But Before I Get Into It I Just Want To Take The Chance To Shoutout And Thank @xxwritemeastoryxx And @nmikaelsonimagines .. These Two Are Really An Inspiration For Me And Has Really Encouraged My Writing And I Hope To One Day Be As Good As You All Are . x Sorry For Any Mistakes x .

Don’t Underestimate The Allure Of Darkness. Even The Purest Of Hearts Are Drawn To It.

———————————————————————

And I Know That I Should Throw The Towel In, But Baby It’s Not, Not That Easy.

You Had A Wonderful Life, Perfect Even. At Least You’d Like To Think So. You Were 23 Years Old Living In New Orleans. Had A Nice Job, Working Part Time At This Boutique In The French Quarter And You Had This Amazing Boyfriend Whom You’d Been With For About 5 Years Now. When You Weren’t Working At The Boutique You Were Out Taking Pictures. Because Working At The Boutique Wasn’t Something You Planned On Doing The Rest Of Your Life, You Wanted To Be A Photographer , You Wanted Your Pictures To Be In Everyone’s Homes And You Wanted To Be The One Everyone Came To When They Needed Photo Shoots Done. And Until Then Working A Part Time Job On The Side Was Okay Until You Got To Where You Needed To Be. So Maybe You’re Life Wasn’t Perfect.. But It Was Perfect Enough For You. You Were Content

Until You Saw Him

You Had Been In Town On One Of Your Days Off Taking In The Sun, And Everything Around. You Had Your Camera With You Taking Pictures Of Some Of Everything. You Found The Beauty That Was The French Quarter Captivating And Once You Started Snapping There Was No Stopping. You Were In The Zone . You Got Pictures Of Tourist Laughing About, Flowers , Buildings, Animals.. And Him . It Wasn’t On Purpose . You Were Trying To Get This Photo Of The Most Alluring Butterfly That Landed On This Flower Outside Of This Bar. You Were Across The Street When It Flew By You And You Knew That By The Time You Got Over There To Get An Up Close It Would Be To Late So You Stayed In Your Spot Trying To Get A Good Shot . You’d Managed To Snap A Couple Of Photos Before Your View Was Blocked By City Goers.

Looking Back At The Photos Hoping To Have Gotten At Least One Good Photo Of The Butterfly, That’s When You Noticed Him. It Wasn’t Much, But It Was Enough To Draw Your Attention. Sitting In The Window Of The Bar Was A Man . The Sun Hitting His Face At Just The Right Angle. Illuminating His Golden Curls Making Him Look Like Something Out Of A Story Book .. Angelic .. Like A God .

You Couldn’t Stop Your Feet From Moving, Its Like They Had A Mind of Their Own. Before You Knew It You Were Across The Street Standing In Front Of The Bar.. Rousseau's. You Wondered Why You Haven’t Stumbled Upon This Place Before But Then Again You Weren’t Much Of A Drinker To Begin With. Things Seemed To Move In  Slow Motion In The Midst Of The Fastness Of The Quarter As You Walked Through The Door And Walking Up To The Bar, But Not Before Making Eye Contact With Your Mystery Man For A Quick Second. He Already Had You Drawn In With Just A Side Glace OF His Face From The Picture, But Once You Seen His Eyes.. His Eyes Were Something Else. Blue But With A Hint A Darkness In Them, Making The Mystery That Was This Man All The More Interesting. 

You Now Found Yourself Sitting At The Bar Drink In Hand, While Looking Through Your Camera Roll All While Hoping That The Small Eye Contact You Made With The Man Was Enough For Him To Notice You And Come Over. You Weren’t Desperate Or Anything, You Just Wanted To Know More About Him For Some Reason, And After All You Had A Boyfriend That You Loved.. You Didn’t Need Anything More. Little Did You Know He Noticed You.. Just Not At The Same Time You Noticed Him. 

Klaus Had Been Walking The Streets Of The Quarter One Afternoon.. No Doubt Coming From Rousseau’s When He Noticed You. Taking Pictures Of Everything Around You Smiling As You Did It. That Smile Of Yours Would Be Etched Into His Mind Over The Next Couple Of Weeks, And Before He Knew It You Were The New Subject Of His Paintings. He Would Find Himself Casually Walking The Streets Almost Everyday Hoping To Run Into You Because It Was Something About You That Pulled Him In.. He Wanted To Know More, He Wanted.. You 

You Were At The Bar For A Minute, You Actually Became Acquainted With The Bar Tinder. Her Name Was Camille But She Preferred Cami. You Both Sparked Up A Conversation When She Noticed The Camera In Your Hand. You Ended Up Talking About How You Were Aspiring To Become A Photographer, And She A Psychologist, When She Offered That You Could Take Some Pictures Of The Place If You Wanted And You Happily Obliged. Cami Walked To The Other End Of The Bar To Take Care Of Some People So You Were Left By Yourself Again.. Until Your Mystery Man Came And Took The Seat Next To You.. But You Were So Into The Photos You Were Taking That You Hadn’t Really Noticed, Until He Spoke With That Thick Accent Of His. 

 “Hello Love” 

And From That Moment He Had You, And He Knew It Too. For A Second You Forgot Why You Were In The Bar In The First Place Until You Turned To The Voice That Had Spoken, And Needless To Say You Were Breathless, Which Was A First For You Because You Could Talk Someones Head Off If You Wanted. You Hadn’t Really Noticed You Zoned Out While Looking At Him Until You Noticed His Lips Moving But You Weren’t Hearing Anything. 

“I’m So Sorry, Were You Saying Something” You Questioned Turning In Your Seat Towards Him 

The Famous Smirk You Would Soon Get Familiar With, The One That Would Cause Your Heart To Skip A Few Beats Appeared On His Face, As If He Knew The Effect He Had On You Already

“I Said Of All The Times I’ve Been In This Bar, I’ve Never Seen Your Pretty Face Here.. And Trust Me Sweetheart, I Couldn’t Forget A Face Like Yours” He Said Eyes Peering Into Your Soul It Felt Like.. Smirk Still In His Face “I’m Klaus” 

“Yn” 

Was All You Could Say. You Were Already Drawn To Him From The Glimpse Of Him In The Picture You Had Taken, But Being Face To Face With Him, And Hearing His Accent Was A Whole Other Ball Game And You Were Starting To Regret Coming In Here But By Then It Was Already Too Late. Whether Or Not You Knew It, You Were Pulled In And There Was No Escaping. You Never Really Noticed When People Started Leaving, Or When The Sun Went Down For That Matter. It Wasn’t Until Chairs Started Going Up That You Realized That You Had Been At That Bar For No More That 5 Hours Sitting And Talking About Any And Everything With Klaus. It Was As If You Knew Him Personally And He You. You Honestly Didn’t Want To Leave But You Knew You had Too, Your Boyfriend Would Be Back In Town Tomorrow And You Still Needed To Get Some Stuff Around The House Down, And It Was Pretty Late So You Bid Your Drinking Partner For The Time Being A Goodnight And Started To Leave But Being The Gentlemen That Klaus Mikaelson Is, He Offered To Walk You To Your Place Claiming That It Wasn’t Safe For A Young Lady As Yourself To Be Walking Alone. It Didn’t Seem Like You Had An Option Because If You Were Being Honest You Might Have Had Just A Little Too Much To Drink So You Accepted His Offer. 

Walking Under The Moonlit Sky On A Warm Summer Night Carrying On The Conversation You Too Were Having In The Bar Didn’t Help The Growing Attraction You Had For Him, But Of Course You Didn’t Know It Yet. It Wouldn’t Be Until A Few Run-Ins Later, Some Long Conversations At Rousseau's, And An Invitation To An “Annual Mikaelson Ball” Accompanied By This Gorgeous Dress That Was Way More Than What You Could Afford Right Now That You Would Soon Realize You Were Falling For Niklaus Mikaelson. Because After That First Night He Walked You Home, You Couldn’t Get Him Out Of Your Head, No Matter How Hard You Tried. 

If I Could, Could Forget Him

I Would, Please Believe Me

Over The Months You Found Yourself Thinking About Him More. Klaus Gave You A Sense Of Adventure You Didn’t Know You Wanted Until You Met Him. He Bought You Gifts Even Though You Didn’t Ask For Them, But He Would Always Reply With “A Queen Should Always Be Showered With The Finest Gifts” And You Would Always Assure Him That You Were No Queen, And It Was Getting Harder To Explain Where The Gifts Were Coming From When Your Boyfriend Would See You Wearing This Fancy Necklace, Or The Most Recent Gift, A Brand New Camera. 

And I Know That I Should Throw The Towel In

But, Baby, Its Not, Not That Easy 

You Knew What You Was Doing Was Wrong, Even Through You And Klaus Never Displayed Any Type Of Affection Towards Each Other Physically.. Emotionally You Knew There Was Something There. You Had To Cut What Ever This Was Off Before Someone Got Hurt, But It Was Easier Said Than Done, And After The Way That Night Ended Between The Two Of You When You Tried To Walk Away, It Was Very Much Too Late, You Were In Too Deep. 

 “Hello Love” He Acknowledged When You Walked Into His Study Not Noticing The Look On Your Face 

“We Have To End.. Whatever It Is Were Doing, I Told You When We First Met That I Had A Boyfriend, And I Should’ve Never Entertained Any Of This: 

“Did You Walk Here By Yourself Love, I Told You Its Too Dangerous For You To Be By Yourself When Its Getting Dark” Klaus Said Totally Ignoring What You Said” 

“D- Did You Hear What I Said Nik .. This” You Said Gesturing Between The Two Of You “Has To Stop.. I Had A Life Before I Met You.. A Wonderful Like That I Was Perfectly Fine With” 

If I Was Sane There’d Be No Competition

But, I’m In Love With Someone Else

“I Heard What You Said Love. But You And I Both Know That’s Not True” He Said Looking At You Giving That Same Smirk.. The One That Somehow Makes You Melt Every Time, The One That Made Your Heart Beat A Thousand Beats Per Minute And He Knew It 

“But It Is.. So, I’ll See You Nik” You Started To Turn Away And Walk Out But When Before You Could Comprehend It, He Was In Front Of You 

When You First Started Hanging Out Klaus Wanted To Keep You Out Of The Supernatural World, But That Failed Difficult When You Were Caught In The Crossfire Of Two Vampires When Walking Home One Day, And You Wanted Answers And That Night He Told You Everything. You Were Fascinated To Say The Least, Always Trying To Get A Picture Of Klaus In His Hybrid State, Saying It Would Be One Of The Best Shots You Would Have Ever Taken But He Never Let You

“See Love, You And I Both Know That’s Not Possible” Klaus Said As His Hands Caressed Your Arms Until He Placed Them On Your Waist, Pulling You To Him. His Touch Lit A Fire In You, One You Didn’t Know You Had And You Were Aroused To Say The Least. You Couldn’t Even Get Your Words Out Properly And You Hated The Effect He Had On Your Body

“W-Why Do You T-Think That” You Said Looking Anywhere But His Eyes 

“Because Love” He Said Gripping Your Chin Forcing You To Look Up At Him “If You Didn’t Want This, If You Truly Wanted This To End, You Would Have Called.. It Wasn’t Something That Needed To Be Said In Person” He Said Starring Down At You, Like He Was Slowly Undressing You With His Body “I Give You Something That You Didn’t Know You Needed, And You Cant Stand It. 

“And What Is That” You Said Eyes Falling To His Lips. You Cursed Your Body For Betraying You The Way It Was. Truth Is He Was Right You Didn’t Want This To End You Didn’t Want To Stop Hanging Around The Original Hybrid But You Felt Horrible, Telling Yourself That You Indeed Loved Your Boyfriend Of 5 Years, But Your Heart Telling You Something Different Whenever You Were Around Nik. 

“Adventure ..” 

Its Quite Ironic How You Came To The Compound To Let Nik Know That You Were Done With This Little Situation You Were In With Him, Only To End Up In a Complete Different Situation.. But You Couldn’t Argue That The Situation You Were In Now Was Better. Before You Knew It You Were In Nik’s Bed Wrapped Up In His Sheets. Bodies Tangled Together As His Lips Kissed Every Inch Of Your Body, Missing Not One Crevice, Crack, Or Birthmark, Marking You As His. 

His Hands Roamed Your Body Appreciatively As You Moaned Out His Name Not Really Caring If Any Of His Siblings Were Home Now. The Pleasure Was Slowly Building Up As Your Two Bodies Moved In Sync, Panting Heavily, Skin Glistening Due From The Sweat You Two Were Creating, And The Moans And Grunts From You Two Getting Louder And Louder By The Minute. 

By The Time You Two Were Anywhere Near Done, The Sun Was Coming Up, And With The Previous Events You Knew Your Legs Were Out For The Count. You Lay Wrapped Up In His Arms Head On His Chest Listening To His Undead Heart Beat While He Was Asleep Thinking About What Just Happened. Thinking About These Last Couple Of Months. You Knew It Was Going To Be A Hard Conversation To Have With Your Boyfriend. But You Knew It Needed To Be Done . Because You Weren’t Sure When It Happened, Maybe It Was The First Time You Had A Conversation With Him, Or That One Time At The Ball His Family Threw When You Were Dancing To This Slow Song And It Felt As If You Were The Only Two In The Room. Or Maybe It Was When He Saved You That Day And Told You All About His World, The Way His Voice Was Laced With Concern, Asking Were You Okay The Rest Of The Night Even When You Assured Him You Were Fine. 

He Ain’t Always Right, But He’s Just Right For Me

I’m In Love With Another Man

And I’m So Sorry, Hey

But I Love Someone Else

What Ever Moment It Was Between You And Niklaus Mikaelson Ranging From The Moment You Laid Eyes On Him Up Until Now, You Were Most Certain You Were In Love With This Man. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay So I’m Not Really Sure How I Did On This One, I Liked It And Hopefully You All Like It Also, If You Could I Would Love Feedback On My Writing So I Could Know What I Need To Work On. I’m Going To Try Uploading More Frequently Since I Graduated Beauty School So I’m At Home All Day, But Once Again I Hope You Enjoyed This As Much As I Liked Writing It. Until Next Time . 

[nikvs-blog]

pov rp: i try to wink at u but i close both eyes like jinsoul in this gif <3 SBJDWBDJWBDJ hello im xan im 22 & from the est timezone i use she / her pronouns & ur watching disney channel. is this super late ? yea...but thats super on brand for me its fine its fun its sexy so * jugkook vc* let’s get it !

— jung jinsoul. she/her. cis female. | was that niko seo i just saw in the hideaway lobby ? i hear the twenty-two year old spends most of their time working as a waitress, but i’ve always just seen them scribbling poetry on napkins. they live in 3A and i often see them in the halls. they always give me a vibe of making wishes on falling stars, silk ribbons adorning messy ponytails, and breakfast at midnight.

BACKSTORY

so miss niko was born in a teeny tiny suburban town in north carolina to a pair of  young high school sweethearts ! unfortunately her mom passed away during childbirth so it was a very bittersweet arrival into the world for baby niko

her dad was a mechanic who never made it to college since his girlfriend got pregnant towards the end of their senior year. they got married before niko was born though because they were pretty serious abt raising her right but they never really got the chance to /: but her dad loved his job he loved working with cars & it was something his own dad did before him plus it was a job the town really valued since it was so tiny ( u really only needed one of everything )

when i say tiny i mean everyone knows everyone tiny. growing up the town kinda pitied niko bc of her mom dying so to compensate everyone kinda tried to do their part in raising her ! her neighbors were just as much of a parent to her as her own dad was, and everyone had stories abt her mom so niko kinda appreciated how small the town was.....sometimes

that changed as she got older ! when she started high school her dad kinda entered a rough patch & started drinking more with his buddies, started working less, and niko started getting calls from the sheriff at 2 am like “hey we’re gonna keep ur dad for the night he didnt do anything crazy but he got a little too drunk u can pick him up tomorrow” sort of thing 

she was there for him every time but it got kinda overwhelming knowing everyone was in her family's business & how much kids would gossip at school or adults would give her sad looks

basically she kinda just....became very disillusioned with her reality & began to realize no one around her was really.....happy or had big dreams and their entire lives revolved around this tiny town which scared her

but also ? it had started becoming her life, too. she was voted prom queen senior year, she had a job at a diner where the same people ate everyday, she’d been dating the same boy for four years and everyone talked about how they’d probably get married soon. she’d become exactly like everyone else without even realizing it....she didnt have some big dream.....she didnt even have plans for college she was just so stuck

and then disaster hit the summer after she graduated high school. her dad had crashed right into a tree on a rainy night trying to drive home after a night out drinking & died on impact. the news honestly didnt feel real to her until her grandparents were helping her clear out her house so she could come move in with them 

which is when she finds her mom’s old diary ! and boy was that thing . fat & juicy ... it had all four years worth of her mom’s high school years inside and niko became ...obsessed with it. all she did that summer her dad died was read her mom’s old diary learning more abt the woman from those pages than she ever had from the mouths of everyone in her town

 thats how she found out her mom had always dreamed of moving to some city like seattle and starting this new life once she found out she was pregnant with niko ! so niko was like ok this has to be a sign....told her grandparents she loved them but she couldnt stay in north carolina.....and boop ! she pretty much disappeared from the town, didnt tie up any lose ends ( including her bf of four years who she was kinda engaged to ? JSDBJBDJ ) because she just had to leave that bad. 

cue a scene on bus with niko looking out the window as some dramatic song abt new beginnings plays . JSDBJSBDJW seattle was truly her new start at 18 ... and all she wanted to do was just ... reinvent herself 

so she did ! first thing she did was get a job as a waitress bc uh ur girl was BROKE broke but she knew she was good at serving. the first year was.....pretty rough there’s no sugar coating it niko was struggling bad, probably living in some questionable apartment when she wasnt coach hopping at her coworker’s places. despite all this she was....insanely happy she really believed ( and still does ) seattle is magic !

she was working at a diner ironically, just like she had been back home, but this diner changed her life about a two years ago. one day one of her regulars ( a very well off lawyer who worked downtown ) told her she was way too pretty and charming to be serving at a place like this & that he had a buddy who owned an upscale restaurant near his job downtown & that he could probably get niko a job there if she wanted

so she was like UH hell yes....showed up the next day at this fancy restaurant, charmed the pants off the owner, and the rest ? is history !  she moved into hideaways a bit after getting this new job & has been there ever since <3

PERSONALITY + TIDBITS

personality wise niko is kinda ....hard to figure out. she doesnt do it on purpose, she’s just still learning about who she is and what she really wants. back home in north carolina she was kind of the small town golden girl, loved by everyone type of deal but also very romanticized by those around her ??? ppl thought she was brilliant and knew so much about everything when the truth was she just knew a little about a lot. she would read to escape the suburban boredom of her reality & took a special interest in things like art and poetry and astronomy. shes the type to want to share the stuff she’s learned with those around her

in seattle since no one knew her the way they did back home, niko decided she wanted to keep it that way. because of this and because shes so hesitant to talk about her family sometimes she can come across as mysterious but she’s a surprisingly open person !! she’s naturally super curious and friendly and she’s found it really helps to be the kind of person people want to get to know and trust when working in the service industry. she’s got the type of aura about her that makes you feel as if maybe you’ve known her forever, even if she’s only told you one thing about herself ( which is often the case) . can probably make anyone feel at home within five minutes of talking to her & you won’t even realize how she’s doing it. her boss swears she’s charming enough to sell honey to a bee ! 

she’s also got a flighty side though that comes out when you get too close. niko’s great at relationships when they aren’t deep, but the moment you start and figure her out and see past the smiley walls she’s got up she recoils fast. in a way she’s terrified of anyone knowing too much about her because she’s scared that once they do they’ll pity her, and niko can’t stand being pitied. she’s also super good at dishing out affection but not so good at receiving it. the type to fall in love then right back out of love in one day. kinda a heart breaker bc of this but she doesn't mean to be, she just gets infatuated kinda easily & isn’t very good at keeping things serious ever since literally running away from her long-time ex in north carolina JSBCSJBDJW 

some fun facts: she wants to get a cat and name it cat so bad but she’s not sure she’d be a good pet mom so she just settles for petting stray cats in public. 100% that weirdo crouching in the street making kissy noises because she saw a cat and wants to pet it. she can name just about every constellation & loves to sit outside and look at the stars on clear nights, usually while smoking a joint . she’s a hardcore lightweight .... im talking one tequila shot and she’s floored ... two glasses of wine and she’s taking her top off  then crying kinda deal like she CANNOT handle her liquor so she tries to keep partying to a minimum. she’s got a collection of napkins from work were people have scribbled their phone numbers onto as well as a collection of napkins niko herself has scribbled on. she mostly writes poems and sometimes she even leaves a napkin with a poem on it behind at a table like a little gift for whoever sits there next. she’s probably always writing poems for all her friends or infatuations so if you’re in her life....you’ve gotten one at some point ! 

the only thing she brought with her from north carolina were all her records. she’s got a pretty extensive collection that ranges from donna summer to louis armstrong to led zeppelin & when she finally got a record player of her own in seattle it was probably the best day of her life <3 she really likes to watch scary movies but also they scare her so bad so it’s a cycle of oh yes lets watch this.....fuck why did i do that.....im sleeping with the lights on rinse & repeat. she really likes to cook ! she learned at a pretty early age out of necessity but now she does it for her own pleasure also because of her growing interest / knowledge in the restaurant industry. her wardrobe is 95% thrifted and 5% stolen from miscellaneous people ( her dad, old boyfriends, hookups, friends, etc. ) is a notorious hoodie thief so dont lend her yours......

and this is WAY too long im.....so sorry this literally always happens aha <3 yes i ramble but thats bc . i have a lot to say and i also have a lot of love to give ! spare some plots ? we can im on tumblr but i am 100% easier to reach on discord  @ EL i love u 💖✨🌙#8172 so hit me up there & lets get this show on the road baby ! 

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts and Feelings on CLC’s “Devil”

THEYRE BACK SO IM ALSO BACK ON MY BULLS HIT STAYING UP UNTIL 2AM TO WATCH IT AS SOON AS ITS UP aka its TIME AGAIN to be a loud CHESHIRE™ ON TEXT POST

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ its my brand

ALRIGHT SO-

THE SONG IS A FUNKY JAZZY BOP™ AND A HALF its the kind of song you just literally BOUNCE in your seat and make you sway from side to side THAT CHORUS IS INSTANTLY CATCHY AND ADDICTING TO LISTEN TO i love the guitar and horns and that weird laser whistle sound????? so much throughout the song!!!!!!! theres a part that goes ‘i tried to be so polite’ that elkie and seungyeon sinGS UUUUUUUUUUGGGHH THATS SO SATISFYING TO MY EARS THERES SO MUCH SEUNGHEE I NEARLY CRIED SHE SINGS THE CHORUS TWO (2) TIMES HER TONE IS INCREDIBLE AND WHEN SORN SINGS IT AFTER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- (THE SECOND CHORUS WITH YUJIN IS FANTASTIC TOO) YEEUNS RAP OKAY LISTEN I LOVE HER RAP BREAKS IN THE MIDDLE OF THEIR SONGS AND THIS ONE DID NOT DISAPPOINT THAT INSTRUMENTAL BREAK PUNCHED ME AND THERES MORE YUJIN AND EUNBIN!!!!!!! THEY KILLED THEIR PARTS THEY WERE SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! no im not gonna talk about seunghees breath from the first second we know how i feel

THAT BRIDGE with eunbin and elkie was pretty interesting it stays upbeat and it passes really quickly i dunno why but it felt a little off??? i dunno why??? it just does to me??? i feel like it ends too soon??? just a smidge tho- and it barely makes it to three (3) minutes???? (no is about the same length) but im still BOPPING

sidenote: apparently seunghee mentioned (i dunno where tho) that this song is similar to pepe and that sure is true lmao

THE DANCE remember when i just mentioned how it makes you wanna bounce and sway WELL THATS BC theres a move in the chorus that does just THAT!!!!!! the moment i saw it i copied the move like I GOTTA IN FACT the choreography for the entire chorus is SO fitting like its just lots of hip and shoulder movement BUT it just feels so RIGHT- during yeeuns rap part theres a little bit of a move they did thats similar in their song ME and lowkey i thought that was cool!!

THERES SOMETHING ABOUT that hip move that murders like the way they swivel around first and their hand movement with it and then leading into the side to side just SO SATISFYING TO WATCH especially during the last part in that darker setting!!!!!!!

seunghee starts the dance............................... thanks........ the dancing during eunbin and elkies parts during the bridge was lowkey kinda funny but i found myself following and copying it like sticking my hands out like they did in the video BUT overall it goes with the vibe of the song VERY well!!!!

THE VISUALS the overall video premise reminds me red velvets russian roulette like they are REALLY trying to KILL EACH OTHER IN THIS MV (or at least injure each other) with the soap slipping pushing sorn off that chair dropping that thing on yeeuns head that vacuum literally THROWING DARTS and LIGHTING FIRES and THE MOST DANGEROUS OF ALL....................... stepping on legos.........

SUPER COLORFUL............................ BUT FINISH IT WITH BLACK AND DARKNESS i thought that was interesting LIKE i knew it was coming from the teaser images but i DONT HATE IT the song is called ‘devil’ after all going all dark and lowkey menacing at the end is welcomed here!!!!!! i feel like its supposed to lowkey represent their concepts from debut to now yknow???

I LOVE ALL THE BRIGHT COLORS THO especially the yellows and pinks BUT THEN paired with colors like that blue and green and salmon color or whatever like THAT is just P L E A S I N G™ to my eyes there was ALWAYS a bit of all these colors in nearly ever scene and theres just so mucH BALANCE its pretty refreshing™ if you ask me

BUT THAT ENDING WITH ALL THAT LOWKEY CREEPY (but like not really) PROPS LIKE ALL THOSE BARBIE HEADS AND EYES LIKE THATS AESTHETIC™

SOME SCENES THAT I LIKED AND WANNA MENTION:

FIRST SCENE WITH THE ALL OF THEM AT THE TABLE SURROUNDED BY DESSERTS I WAS HOOKED I KNEW I WASNT GOING TO LOOK AWAY FOR A SECOND 

FIRST DANCE SCENE WITH THE BLUE AND PEACH COLOR OR WHATEVER COLOR THAT IS 👌

THE BATHROOM WITH THE HOT PINK WHERE SEUNGYEON AND YUJIN WERE IN and then made her fall over with the soap and seungyeon acted like she was eating it in the middle of a bathroom

THE ROOM SEUNGHEE AND SORN WERE IN WITH THE YELLOW CHAIR (love putting her in yellow chairs i guess) nearly lighting her on fire seunghees face after makes me laugh lmao

THE DARK GREEN AND ORANGE.............................. Y E S

THAT ALL YELLOW ROOM ELKIE AND EUNBIN WERE IN and it contrasted with elkies bright pink dress and eunbins darker outfit my eyes feel so blessed™

THE DARK SCENE LIKE THEYRE IN A HAUNTED MANSION WITH THE FLASHING LIGHTS I LOVE-

I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE IT I JUST LOVE LOOKING AT THEM

(okay but that chair sorn was on only had one leg i just wanted to mention)

AKA I LOVE EVERY SCENE I LOVE THIS C H A O S™

T H E M

OKAY DENIM ON DENIM YOU DIDNT HAVE TO ATTACK ME LIKE THAT™ AND the construction boots????? really?????? in front of my carton of barbie heads?????? YOU ABOUT TO MAKE ME WORK FROM HOME????? why would you do this if you KNOW HOW I FEEL????? but................... thank you i owe yoU MY LIFE- maybe its just me but at the moment ive been really feeling more brighter things so this.................... is some good food and like i know theyre supposed to be menacing but those black outfits make them look like an all-female biker gang more than anything-

also LEGS™

you usually save the best for last HOWEVER SEUNGHEE a whole WOMAN™ SHE REALLY KILLED ME THIS TIME AROUND i mean is there a time she doesnt kill me lets be real FIRST OF ALL BLACK HAIR BUT ITS STILL THE SAME LENGTH THANK YOU that dark green dress just suits her SO well!!!!!!!!!! also i just love green SO CLASSY™ with the headband and black heels pls- THAT light blue denim on denim with black crop top with the little pony tail...................... at ease i LOVE that look on her so much i dont think yall understand!!!!!!! then the BLACK DRESS!!!!!!!!!! the shoulders out!!!!!!!!!!! the thigh high boots!!!!!!!!!! when she does that dance move with her hips her figure accentuated by her belt.................. at ease x2 (also that one second of a scene where shes smiling over her shoulder in the black outfit i just wanted to mention-)

yujin pls that pink plaid outfit with the pink heels with your purple beret youre sO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN that denim with the crop top jacket???? with the orange and pink twin braids I CANT SHE LOOKED SO GOOD WITH THAT OUTFIT ON AND THEN THE BLACK LEATHER (is it leather) and the little two BUNS ON THE TOP OF HER HEAD!!!!!!!! A LOOK™!!!!!!!!!! i just always always think shes just so cute but also so fierce????? it breaks my neck i dunno how to describe it i just really like her face????

SEUNGYEON BETTER LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE WITH THAT PINK AND GOLD TOP WITH THE BLACK SKIRT STUNTING WITH HER BEAUTIFUL TAN SKIN she looks so so SO GOOD with the short hair BUT LIKE i love that hairstyle in general so thats to the SURPRISE OF NO ONE shes wearing a darker blue denim but i cant understand the shirt??? is it a jacket wrapped around like a shirt??? so the black outfit with the leather shorts and then she threw the jacket at the camera like the Baddie™ she is................ thanks-

must you be so beautiful sorn??? the braids with the clips in the dark denim with the black crop top i cANT- THIS HAIR COLOR IS STUNNING ON HER I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE THAT COLOR BUT IT LOOKS SO GOOD SHE IS SO FINE™ DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THAT YELLOW FIT WITH THE PLAID YELLOW BERET HOW COULD SHE LOOK SO GOOD WITH SO MUCH YELLOW ON????? that black outfit with the single bun on the top of her head and her hair is like super straight and the boots to her knees im SO-

yeeun you always kept your bob pls keep iT FOREVER- the one piece dark blue denim with that big green clip in your hair YOU MAY BE FIERCE BUT JUST LIKE YUJIN YOURE CUTE™ that red dress with the black heels and then they gave???? you extensions???? for your high pony tail with the black bow??? its cute but i mean i feel like that wasnt needed??? it wouldve looked great with just her short hair i dunno fashion FINALLY the last black outfit with the black hat and one glove and black boots that outfit HITS like pls punch me

DOES ELKIE JUST............... HAVE TO look like a princess?????? like she just always looks like a princess i cant explain it!!!!!!!!! SHE JUST FEELS SO PRINCESS-LIKE honestly i feel like its bc whenever they kinda make her hair wavy or something like that it just makes her more classy looking??? the denim two piece and her skirt is actually half light and half dark blue honestly thats a Look™ its cute!!! that hot pink dress with the one sleeve im HERE FOR IT!!!!!! PLS SHE LOOKS SO CLASSY!!!!! the black outfit is just a black dress BUT the black combat boots and her silver accessories like literally kill me with that hammer youre so stunning™-

so we agree that eunbin took that pink wig from jisoo right?? from ddu-du ddu-du?? jk but IM SO GLAD TO SEE HER MORE IN THIS MUSIC VIDEO!!!!!!!!!! WITH MORE LINES!!!!!!!!!! ANYWAY the light blue was fitted rather loosely but it still looked SO BOMB ON HER and her hair was so straight and that really made that whole Look™ that black dress with her kinda messy hair with combat boots while she was vacuuming elkies hair is an ABSOLUTE LEWK™ I LIKE IT A LOT!!!!! but seriously something about that pink bob is like............... im not sure if i like it??? i think i do??? the grey hat and fringe really pulls that whole look together honestly

tldr: *chefs kiss*

LIKE this was their style and sound of music i believe in the beginning and its nice to hear it again in a new way!!!! its fun and the instrumental even after listening to it so many times im still dancing along with it!!!!!!! i slept late as hell (bc yknow i had to watch this mv) and had to wake up hella early but I AM PUMPED FOR THE REST OF MY DAY!!!!! i mean like no which also barely hits three (3) minutes but im sure just like with no im not gonna mind that duration

IN CONCLUSION: MY MOOD WAS LIFTED TENFOLD LISTENING TO THIS I FEEL SO ALIVE NOW

[chimcharstar]

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young. 

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

NO

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows? 

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

no

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof. 

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ 

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

w

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme 

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

:)

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo! 

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

D:

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it. 

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube? 

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE 

[elsewherewitch]

hello! i hope this isn’t too odd but i have a few questions about practicing witchcraft/wicca and being a christian. i am a young adult and researching wicca heavily and am extremely fascinated by it, but i was raised christian and i am struggling with my faith. how do you incorporate wicca into your christianity? could you tell me more about it? it would be extremely helpful and appreciated!!!

Hello friend! I have some information that may help! (I speak to a lot of brand new witches, so I often explain things as if you have just heard about it. Sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, I just don’t like to assume levels of expertise and then send an explanation that makes no sense.) Onto the extremely long reply!

I am actually not Wiccan at all, I am a Christian who practices witchcraft, though! So just in case you don’t know, Wicca is a religion, not witchcraft. They are not really interchangeable terms. That is why the the term for somebody being in Wicca is Wiccan and not Witch. :) Here’s the classic saying to help understand, “Not all witches are Wiccan, and not all Wiccan are witches.” I have seen people say Wicca is a way of life, but I will be using the Wicca definition specifically. You can do witchcraft without Wicca, because witchcraft is a craft and not a religion. Witchcraft also has a category of non-religious witches, who keep their craft separate from their religious worship/views. They call that secular witchcraft. You can practice witchcraft in any religion, or even without religion, since it is a craft.

If I am misunderstanding your question, and you are saying mixing Wicca (the religion) and Christianity, I honestly don’t know what to say? I haven’t really encountered people mixing religions, mostly because usually religions have rules within them that basically say “I’m the one true religion, etc etc etc.” I do know that there are people that believe all religions are true, which is cool. But I am not knowledgable enough about mixing Christianity with Wicca, so I can’t give advice on that. I can give advice on mixing Christianity with witchcraft, though! So here that goes:

Disclaimer: I am not super duper religious with my craft. I’m more secular, but I do use christianity more now, so I can get closer with my faith that I had struggled with.

I suggest if you want to stay specifically Christian and just be a witch, don’t become Wiccan at the same time as Christian, as that is a different religion and they are pretty contradicting. Do secular or Christian witchcraft! I think starting out secular is easier, since you can learn more about the craft, and then when you’re more comfortable you can put your religion in.

What I do as a Christian Witch: (Bolded- things I do to mix my religion and witchcraft.)

Personally, I don’t call upon my god to help me in spells/rituals. However, I do pray in the morning and give thanks at night. My faith is not as strong or the center of my craft, as some Christian witches, which is fine, you do whatever feels best! 

You can make a religious altar, or praying closet of sorts. I do have a cross on my altar, so it reminds me that I am Christian, and to not accidentally go into other religions I am not knowledgable in, when doing my craft.

 I also use God as a means of protection. Like protecting me from harm, or protecting me with spirit work, I even ask for protection with warding. 

You can ask God to bless something, or anything you are comfortable asking. 

I do not worship saints, angels, or that type of christianity, so I can’t really advise you on that. 

There are some religious candles in some shops you can use.

 Since I have been trying to get back into the faith lately, I’ve been trying new things. I really like the idea of bible verses as poems or spell sentences, to make something stronger. Or even making sigils out of bible verses. Pretty cool results. Plus, the Bible just sounds ancient and powerful in itself, so once you find meaning and relate to one of those verses and use them, you feel more connected to your faith (at least I did :) ).

I believe prayers can be powerful for your craft. 

You don’t need to use god/jesus/angels, for things if you don’t feel comfortable. Some Christians like to keep their deities holy and almost untouchable, so they would rather just use prayer, and the occasional check-in, rather than ask god/jesus to do something for them. Whatever floats your boat. :)

Religion and Witchcraft:

 What is surprising to hear (at least it was to me) is that practically every religion practices some form of witchcraft, even if not under that name. In Christian churches, we light candles for purposes, and in some denominations, do exorcisms. Just comparing things: prayer closets and witch altars, candles lighting up a sacred place, the idea of a sacred place that evil cannot enter, offerings, wine and bread as body and blood, symbolism, and crosses are like protection sigils, singing, praying for the sick/injured, holy water and blessed water, and many other traditions churches carry out that are like witchcraft. In the Bible, practically everything God/Jesus and churches do for worship is witchcraft. I know that sounds sacrilegious, but just by thinking about it, its pretty cool. Also most religions were influenced by each other. Christianity was a major force through history, they stole, pillaged, forced people to change religions, and toke peoples holidays and morphed it with their own, practically reclaiming it (I’m looking at you Christmas tree). Christianity is heavily influenced by witchcraft and other religions. Even our holidays and celebrations were from other cultures. (That is not implying that the religion is false, but history and religions, objectively, intertwined with each other and changed as time went on.) I am a huge history geek and love reading about the convergence of witchcraft and Christianity. Very interesting. Take a look at what your bible says, or church does, and some of the traditions. You’ll see hints of witchcraft everywhere. Especially Catholicism and Lutheranism. Religions change as times change.

Struggles I had as a Christian Witch: (Sorry if this sentence sounds like a straight white male taking about how hard life is compared to others or something)

I had trouble coming to terms with accepting being a Christian witch. So let me tell you: practicing witchcraft is not throwing away being Christian. Don’t feel like you need to, if you don’t want to. And if you every feel like your craft is a sin, then repent if you need to. (Here’s a bible lesson from a Christian to another Christian :) ) If you’re scared witchcraft will keep you from heaven. Don’t be. In the Bible Jesus died for our sins. What does that mean? He died for us to sin and not go to hell for committing them. Yes sinning is still bad to purposefully do with no remorse, in the eyes of the church. But Jesus died so we had the option to repent and the option to sin. Repent if you feel that you are sinning, but don’t forget you won’t go to hell for sinning. God loves us no matter the mistakes we make. (All of this according to the Bible of course.) Rant over. Sorry I just wanted to put that out there since I struggled myself with feeling like I was doing something wrong. Now I don’t, but it is still comforting to know that Jesus/the Bible got my back. lol And honestly, I feel like witchcraft has helped me come back to Christianity, which is something I’m sure God is cool with.

I am a secret witch. My religion and family is probably a big part as to why I am a secret witch. Christianity can be an intolerant religion, depending on your church, family, and other variables. My church isn’t super intolerant, but my family would definitely not understand/accept my craft. They wouldn’t be mad, they would just think its stupid, or a waste of time. So I am a secret witch, but I am not ashamed. Its the safest option for me. Do what is safest for you. Don’t risk safety for witchcraft. Don’t feel like less of a witch if you are secret.

Wicca/Paganism in the witchcraft community, is everywhere, because they tend to use witchcraft in their religion. Don’t think you have to be a certain religion to be a witch, you don’t. It can get hard to find parts of witchcraft that do align with your views. That is a struggle most witches probably have. Personally, I am not comfortable with using the directions (Like east, west, north, south) for my craft, and calling upon my deity for spells. So I don’t. I just alter things a bit, to fit me! If you’re not comfortable with something, don’t do it, or change it! Be careful and safe, of course. If something isn’t feeling right, things may not go well, so always be attuned to yourself.

Don’t let the haters drag ya down. There are many people who hate the idea of christian witches. Sometimes people have reasons and sometimes they don’t. There is no religion out there that has been built perfectly on love and kindness. (Unless I am wrong? I would actually like to know if there is?)Wicca has its bad parts and good. Christianity has its bad parts and its good. The thing you need to remember is that you were probably not responsible for the old history of the religion. You can’t help/change the past. It is up to you what you uphold and believe. Also is somebody comes at you with their bible thumping and bible verse reciting arguments remember: the Bible has been translated and re-written by hundreds of people. Those people were not free of bias, and translations are not always perfect. The Bible actually contradicts itself often. You choose what you believe. Even churches may be disapproving of witches. (Even though they do rituals often lol) Churches can’t tell you you’re not christian. They can’t stop you from believing in whatever you believe, so don’t let them stop you. Don’t let people drag you down. Live your life! Believe what you want to believe!

Using secular witchcraft, you can add in your religion if you want! Thats why I like secular witchcraft. You can just focus on the craft, but if you want to, later, you could add your religion and make it not secular.

Since there are so many Christian denominations, there isn’t one way to be a Christian witch, and practice it. I know there are major christians into angels, arch angels, and saints, and all that jazz. That is not what I worship or use in my religion. Often times I just put my religion in my craft in any way that feels right. Basically what I am telling you, is that there is no right or wrong way to be a christian witch, just like how there is no right or wrong way to be a witch. Do what feels right and is the best for you. As long as you are safe and not hurting anyone, do what you want! All witches are different, even if they share the same religion. Witchcraft is all about crafting your own practice. Theres no handbook for that. You have to go through trail and error to see what you like and works for your life.

So sorry for the Bible-length reply, but we all know I am physically incapable of summarizing. 

Please no hate, this is all my opinion mixed with some religious beliefs, take it with a grain of salt. I am not a religious expert, I am just speaking from observation and experience. 

If any other Christian Witches out there want to put in their two cents, you are more than welcome to!!!

I hope this answers your question! Many blessings

[abcdosaka]

class started 2 days ago. im actually caught up. amazing. im going to maintain this momentum. i have to if i want to get a part time job. hopefully that co-op guy responds to my email and if he says yes, then i will try and apply for something part time.

im also staying at home longer than i expected. thought id hate it because my family are just assholes but honestly, i clean and do the laundry and i feel like thats enough. theyre not gonna get mad at me for not cooking bc im doing all the other shit anyway. the only annoying thing is i have no space to smoke weed. im probably going to the library tmr in which case ill purchase vape cartridges otw back maybe bc at least those smell good. but they dont get u as high ugh.

wait i wanted to do a life update. what else....watched no way home. eh not that good. i thought itd be better. for some reason i didnt really care about aunt may that much, like marisa tomei is a really good actress but i just didnt care. the ending was so sad though like fucking seriously.... i liked the ending but it was just really really sad. my ranking of mcu spiderman movies: homecoming > no way home >= far from home. but idk i liked far from home a lot but the twist was pretty stupid. everything else was good though. and no way home just had a stupid plot catalyst, the rest was decent. so those two are about equal really.

i maybe got covid. i feel like i did since i had a terrible fever like 2 weeks ago and then my dad was sick last week and now my moms feeling symptoms (and she got a flu shot). wanna see if i can get a test tomorrow. if its been two weeks ill probably test negative though... ya idk. i wont lie i did not quarantine perfectly. i had to go out on the 23rd (had a really bad headache but had to go all the way to *** return my laptop) and on the 26th to actually move all my stuff to the new place. i havent really talked to ppl but i did go to the library on the 5th (technically yesterday) and went thrifting today. and ya tmr i want to go to the library again because ireally do need to do this fuckhead report. im doing a fucking self study fuck it.

my gums are crazy senstiive lately. i bought a different brand of toothpaste recently and i think its colgate (something to do with gums) to help but it made it worse and it tastes fucking vile, so i had to buy sensodyne today. i guess sensodyne has a numbing effect or something bc it wasnt nearly as bad today. i dont fucking know why this is happening. im really good about brushing my teeth. i brush twice a day and floss at night and wear my nightguard. tbh i miss a day or two but never more than like once every two weeks and i do drink tea but rarely soda, i dont really have sugary stuff or fast food super often (but a lot of my food is fried). in any case i used to be totally fine and then like a week ago it just got horrible. the only thing i have in recent memory that might have contributed is that i drank a full soda (with a straw), i got my period, and i started taking vitamin c and d. i feel like its probably the vitamin c. ok ill stop taking the chewable tablets and see if that helps at all

[starlight-seeker]

ALL OF THEM ~~~~~~~

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…It really depends who the person Is lol, I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time and the last person wasn’t so great so I would kindly reject them ://

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

FUCK YES I SLEPT UNTIL 1:30 PM

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

It throws a lot into perspective. There’s a lot people take for granted and once you loose it you don’t realize until it’s gone and you can’t get it back.

4: Do you have siblings?

An older brother whose 9 years apart from me named Chris.

5: How many kids do you want?

2 probably, both more likely adopted.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

Collin Aka Literal-Trashlord.

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

Nah, person was shorter than me lmao.

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

Who knows. I don’t really care weirdly enough lol.

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

My mother.

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

No.

11: When’s your birthday?

June 3rd.

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

Not really, I kind of blocked the memory out lmao.

13: What kind of phone do you have?

Iphone S7

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

Rn I’m wearing my work pants 😩

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

God I hope so, I wasn’t in a great place mentally then lmao.

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

LMAO THATS LOADED. LATELY MY GAY ASS HAS BEEN FINDING MURDER MYSTERIES AND BUZZFEED VIDEOS WHILE TEXTING FRIENDS AS THEY SLEEP.

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

Paper definitely.

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

Probably. 👀🗡

19: Last night you felt…?

Fine mostly, tired and a bit sore.

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

To be able to go stargazing with someone close to me as well as get my life together hopefully and travel.

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

I think so. I haven’t done that to my biological mom at least 😂

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

Uh…7 and a half hrs?? I went to bed at 5:35 and woke up at 1:30 pm.

23: Are you a morning or night person?

Definitely a night owl. Morning person Rarely.

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

I banged into my friends counter like a dumbass. That or I was doing a price check and hit into something.

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

Mostly though i forget to reply sometimes oof.

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

Talk to them casually, times passed and we’re still close beyond reason. ❤️

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

No. I don’t really care about it 😤

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

Yeah, a few people honestly. Some I was extremely close to.

29: How many months until your birthday?

12

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

Celery or Apple slices.

31: Did you like this past summer?

It was good. So yeah I can’t complain.

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

Working and hanging out with friends.

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

Big oof. Honestly make the best of it?? Really no reason to get upset at this point.

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

“Get fucked, Steve.” (We were playin Yahtzee with an Ai)

35: Your mood summed into one word?

O O F.

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

playing Yahtzee with friends and an Ai Whose kicking all our asses.

37: What are your initials?

K. C. M.

38: Are you a happy person?

Generally though I do struggle with depression but no big deal.

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

Yeah, we’re still close friends.

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

I want to travel around, but I would love somewhere quiet with mountains where I can see stars almost every night.

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

Yes. We went to a trampoline park and got absolutely lit jumping around. 👀🔥

42: What did you do yesterday?

I worked 2:00 to 6:30 as a Cashier otherwise I went home and chilled out 😎

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

Thankfully I have a day off tomorrow. So I’m probably gonna chill out and continue with ideas for a comic I might post soon.

44: How late did you stay up last night?

Until 5:35 AM.

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

Yeah definitely. I would drop everything for a select handful of people. Honestly I’d help anyone if I could.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

No omg. I laugh literally at anything unless I’m in a weird funk.

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

Yes, I’m still alright with one ex. But honestly work it out and hopefully things will be alright. Especially if its a mutual breakup things should be alright even if they’re awkward for a while.

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

Lmao nah. I doubt it.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

BRUH YOU ACT LIKE I REMEMBER

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

Never wish that on somebody.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

Yes I had it dyed Teal once.

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

I doubt it. I’d have issues trusting them.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

This year shockingly was.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

Yeah, I miss my family a lot. I don’t really get to see them. I got to see my mom today and I was really happy. ❤️

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

My mom probably wouldn’t like it at first but grow to like it knowing her, she wants to get a butterfly tattoo on her wrist.

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

Stomach and side mostly. I can’t really get comfy on my back :((

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

Somewhere nice and fun. Probably star lit and mountain filled but still some hustle and bussle.

58: What would you change about your life right now?

Living situation, I love living with my best friend but sometimes I miss living with my mom?? Idk.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

Yeah a handful of personal things. But I feel alright now.

60: Are you on the phone?

Yes

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

Probably back, I’d rather redo a few days than skip and loose out.

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

Probably 40,000 so I can give some and help others.

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

OH YEAH THATS AN EXPERIENCE

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

A few times, mostly when I’m stressed out or the situation is really tough.

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

Yes. Especially when I forgot it and my friend came in clutch.

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

I’m a mix. There’s days I love to be out others inside and relaxing.

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

It’s my alarm clock so sadly.

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

Sadly, yes.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

Probably like 20 + hrs. One good ass nap.

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

Looks at age. Uhm 😂😂😂

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

Yeah. I’d rather the person come to me than hide it and talk shit. Even if it hurts I’d rather know and fix the situation.

72: What’s your favorite color?

I love deep reds but I also like blues and purples.

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

Yes a few times

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

LMAO YES. i was looking for my wallet once and panicked but i was holding it.

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

Depending on the situation but when the questions dumb as hell or argument yes.

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

Yeah. I’d rather know so I don’t accidentally break their heart. I’d rather know so I can confront the situation though still I’d be extremely flattered.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

Yes.

78: Does anyone call you babe?

Yeah a handful of people.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

A lot ????

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

Relationship. Never had a one nighter lol.

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

Dark purple with writing on it from my college 😂

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

Yeah. Someone I really did trust and love. They did some shitty stuff and I had to break the friendship off but even now I find myself checking in on them now and again even though the answer is always the same or really cold.

[oldnintendonerd]

Just a little bit... closer...

We are right on the cusp of yard sale season folks. It’s so close. But it isn’t here yet. My area typically has about 100 yard sales around town in the Yard Sale Treasure Map app on any given weekend. I have seen it over 200 in peak season. However the listings are still only in the 20′s so far, and nothing worth stopping at. Still looking at mostly thrift store stuff here.

Let’s get into it.

First up is probably the best item. It’s not an amazing deal that I got for $2 at a yard sale or a thrift store, but I did get it from an acquaintance on Instagram. He posted that he got several N64 games, I think about a dozen, for $25. So he got them for about $2 each, and said that a few were doubles, would anyone like them? I laid claim to Super Mario 64, as that has been a long sought after piece to my collection.

Super Mario 64 - Found 2018.03.07 on Instagram

It arrived on the 15th of March. Very exciting. I never had this one in my collection, ever. Not when the 64 was the main machine to have, and not even later after the GameCube came out, or even when the Wii came out. Back when I probably could have picked it up in a bin at GameStop for $5.

But it is in the collection now. He gave me a good deal, he only made about $8 on it, because he charged me $10 plus shipping, so it came to $13. This game is still going for $30 pretty much everywhere. He could have asked for upwards of $20 and still been well below what I would have paid on eBay, were I to get it there. So enormous thanks and a huge shout out to @cartcollectoranonymous for cutting me a really good deal. I love it when people get stuff for cheap, and can pass that savings on to fellow collectors. I hope I can return the favor some time. Came out to be about 60% off of retail in the end.

I had only played this on demo kisoks back in the day, I am familiar with the very first level, the Bob-omb world. But that is about the extent of it. The N64 I bought back then was either not packaged with a game, or came with Mario Kart 64. I think it was gameless though, because the box I have for my N64 does not indicate that it came with any games. I’m fairly certain I bought the 64 by itself, and then bought Mario Kart 64 as my first game. There was a time when we had 4 controllers, and we could play MK64 with two of our friends. Good times. I’m not 100% sure what happened to my yellow and red controllers, but all I have left is a gray and a green. If more hunting turns up some others I’ll gladly hang onto them for some more 4 player action again at some point.

Next up is another Goodwill find, nothing astounding, but not a bad find for $0.99.

Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater - Playstation - Found at Goodwill 2018.03.13

It’s in good shape, manual is crispy, case in tact. It seems to play fine. Was never much of a fan of these games, but it’s been dry, and to find a game lately that’s not Madden Something, <insert sports league acronym here> Something, or Tiger Woods something is a feat in and of itself. It was a buck. So I grabbed it. Valued at $9.84 on Pricecharting. Not bad.

There have been slim pickins lately. I have gotten somewhat crazy in my hunts, looking for possible screw ups or even miss-priced games at places like Half Price Books. Knowing full well they charge you full or even over eBay prices there, but thought maybe I’ll get lucky and spot a game someone used the wrong price on or something.

No such luck. Hey at least it was worth a few laughs.

Behold. The ridiculous price gouging of Half Priced Books (Over Priced Everything Else).

$24.99 for a $20 game on eBay. I’ll admit, I got this one for about $16 shipped a year ago, and it has gone up some. But even so, nice one HPB, have fun babysitting that one on your shelf for all of eternity.

Wouldn’t mind this one in the collection, and it was right at or maybe a COUPLE bucks below eBay, but, as you can see above with Mario 64, I’m looking for real deals, like 60% off retail, so if this was $6, it might have been bought.

None of these are “half price”. Mario Galaxy at $19.99, I can buy it now on eBay right now for $12. This is just getting greedy. The thing that irks me the most is, you know they gave someone $2 or less for this in trade.

In their defense, it is called “Half Price Books” not “Half Price Games”. They should rename the stores to “Half Price the shit no one wants, but full price on everything cool.” Even their CDs are $5, I can buy brand new copies of CDs, shrink wrapped and all, for $5.49, I saw several at a department store today in fact. Why would I buy used CDs for $5? Thrift stores have them for $0.99. Thats where I buy my music.

So we just reminded ourselves why Half Price Books is a terrible place to game hunt. I didn’t snap pics of it, but they had Mario Sunshine in a glass case at $40.00.

It is just tragic the state that the video game market has gotten to. This is 12 years after the Wii was released in 2006, and 17 years after the GameCube was released in 2001. Mario games are still going for near what they were brand new. I’d say Super Mario Bros. 3 was the biggest Mario release on the NES, as is Mario Galaxy 2 on the Wii. If I looked for Super Mario Bros. 3 twelve years after the NES was released in 1985, I’d be standing in an EB in 1997. In the corner, in a huge bin, with no order or organization whatsoever you’d find a pile of NES games. The highest price would probably have been $5, and I guarantee Mario 3, even being the great game it is, due to its overwhelming number of trade ins, would probably have been $2 to MAYBE $4. Account for inflation and you might be looking at $6. $6 at the most. Six dollars. Six. Not TWENTY, or fucking FORTY. Realistically... SIX. For a game that is 12 years old. Which might I remind you was considered ancient at the time. People buying their N64 carts looking at people rummaging through the NES bin were just feeling pity for them.

“Man look at that guy buying NES games”

“Yeah dude, guess he can’t afford a current console, like this N64.”

“Sucks to be him”

No, sucks to be you now, he has a huge pile of valuable 30+ year old games he bought in the bargain bin in 1997, and now they are worth 3 to 10 times what he paid or better. Heh.

But I must digress finally, this Blog has become a place for me to air my grievances about not finding anything good for cheap enough anymore. Hopefully that will turn around with the upcoming Yard Sale season.

*rubs hands together diabolically*

Finally, we have the last find of this post, again nothing stellar, I haven’t really found anything earth shattering yet, and the biggest find recently was probably Grandia II.

A triple find of 007 games on the Playstation. Found on 2018.04.06 at Goodwill.

So we have Racing (Collector’s Edition), Tomorrow Never Dies (Collector’s Edition), and The World is not Enough. Racing is unfortunately missing the cover in sleeve / manual, so Pricecharting has that Disc Only at $3.58. I would have liked to have at least had those two Collector’s Edition’s complete, but it was not meant to be. Honestly the difference in value is like $1 anyway. Tomorrow Never Dies is complete and in decent shape, valued at $5.13. The World is not Enough is disc only, valued at $4.25. Each were $0.99. So $3.19 spent there all said and done and total value comes in at $12.96. Not bad. Not great, I would have liked to have had them all complete, but they all work. I may sell them as a set if it comes to that, could make $7 or $8.

Official business, we had $74.71 remaining at the end of the last post. We spent $13 on Super Mario 64 (squeeeeeeeeeeee!), taking us down to $61.71. Then it was Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater at $1.06, leaving us with $60.65, and the $3.19 from the 007 trifecta drops us to $57.46 remaining.

So $57.46 game hunting money left in the bank. I will be selling a few things soon to bolster the money for the upcoming Yard Sale season. I have those two sealed Wii games still, Wii Fit Plus and Wii Play. As well as a Dragonball game. I’ll fill you in on how that goes once everything sells.

Lets do this!

2018.04.19

[fatphobiabusters]

Hi! First of all, I’d like to apologize for the random, empty account… I haven’t been on in forever and can’t for the life of me remember my login info. Oops. This is also going to be kind of long, sorry!

I need some advice about a friend who has recently gained a lot of weight. Before you cringe, let me assure you: I’m not looking for advice on how to get her to lose weight or anything like that. I loved and supported fiercely her when she was thin, and that’s equally true now that she’s fat. Anyway, my friend, (let’s call her Anna) has gained maybe 50 or so pounds over the past 6ish months. I won’t speculate as to why or how, and I honestly don’t really know. It doesn’t matter. I’m proud to say that while our group ranges from thin to “average”, we all try extremely hard to be body- and fat-positive. We’ve made a massive effort to eliminate fat shaming, negative body talk, assigning “guilt” or other traits to food, etc. We’re certainly not perfect, but what I’m trying to get at is that none of us think negatively of Anna for gaining weight and we want to make her feel as safe and supported as possible.

This is the first time in her life that Anna has been fat. She comes from a thin family, and as I said, our friend group is pretty much just varying degrees of thin. No matter how fat-positive we try to be, I get that she’s probably feeling a lot of conflicting emotions and that it has to be extremely hard to go from being conventionally attractive to not. We’ve all been trying to treat her normally, but it seems like everything we do is wrong. For example, we used to all go to a spin class followed by brunch every Sunday morning. It was something we really enjoyed.

Now whenever we invite her, she says it makes her feel like we’re pressuring her to lose weight. If we invite her to a meal, she says she’s worried that we’ll start judging her for whatever she eats. If we don’t invite her, she says we’re embarrassed by her and don’t want to be friends with her because she’s fat. She doesn’t want to go shopping for obvious and understandable reasons. We’ve had some low-key nights in at someone’s house, but we’ve always been more inclined to go out and explore the city, try new restaurants, etc. Anna included. She’s lost all interest in that. Based on my own experiences with depression, I think she’s likely depressed. We’re kind of at a loss. Every invitation is interpreted as a judgment, but if we do something without her, we’re shunning her. We’re trying to have more movie nights since she seems to like those, but the rest of us have things we want to do out of the house together and while we would like Anna to be with us, we can’t collectively put our lives on hold to walk on eggshells around her. We certainly try not to flaunt group outings that she isn’t a part of, but we’re not going to lie and say they didn’t happen, either.

We’ve tried to gently encourage her to maybe talk to someone about what she’s going through. Most of us have been through therapy at some point, so we’ve tried opening up about our experiences and how they’ve helped. We also complied a list of fat-friendly practitioners in our area (we used different language, as we had a hunch “fat-friendly” wouldn’t go over well) but she said that she’s fine and that we’re, again, judging her. I want to take her word for it, but she’s seemingly lost interest in everything and has withdrawn from everyone she used to be close to. I’m worried.

Things got a lot worse a few weeks ago. I’m getting married in a few weeks and she is, of course, one of my bridesmaids. We all picked out the bridesmaids dresses together back before she gained weight, and while I was down for everyone to pick different styles, the entire bridal party ended up loving the same one and unanimously chose it. Awesome. Unfortunately, the dress she picked and was measured for no longer fits and the brand does not go up to her new size. Which is terrible in its own right, but we can’t go back in time and pick a more inclusive designer. She was really embarrassed at the fitting, understandably, because no matter how body positive you and your homies are, that’s an awkward situation. I told her I didn’t care at all if she wanted to find a different dress to wear, but she said she doesn’t want to stand out as the “fatty” (her words) who couldn’t fit into the same dress. Understandable. She says the only way she’ll be comfortable is if we all get new dresses. While I really want to be down with that, and I am in theory, there are a couple issues. Between the dresses themselves and the alterations, all of the bridal party has sunk a good amount of money into these dresses and none of us can really afford to just eat the cost. Especially because everyone would also have to buy a new dress. It’s too late for us to get refunds. Anna offered some choices that could fit everyone, but they’re all way out of our budgets at this point and probably not available on short notice. Anna is now very committed to all the bridesmaids matching so that she doesn’t stand out. We could try to find things off the rack, but there’s no guarantee we’ll find something that works for everyone and I’m really not comfortable asking my grad student friends to sink even more cash into my wedding.

I really don’t know what the solution is. Everything that Anna feels would make her feel comfortable is too pricey, but I also want her to feel loved and supported. I very much want her in my wedding party, but not if it’s going to be bad for her mental health. If we had more cash or time or both, every single person would gladly shell out for a new dress, but that’s not our reality. We’re doing our best to find something inexpensive, but as you are aware, it’s not exactly easy to find affordable clothes in a wide range of sizes. Anna’s called me several times crying, saying that everyone hates her for this, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. We love her, we want her to be happy, but we don’t know how to help. At one of our movie nights she drunkenly confessed that she’s started self-harming again, and I’m honestly just really worried about where she is emotionally.

So… help. I know I probably sound narcissistic as all hell going on about my wedding party, but I feel like all of this has really brought her insecurities and anxieties to a head. I don’t know what to do. Do you guys have any advice? What can my friends and I do to help Anna get to a better place? What can we do to make her feel more supported? And finally, do you have any advice on finding a solution to the dress issue?

Sorry for how long this was and for all the venting. I hope it doesn’t come across as me just dumping on Anna - I can’t stress enough that I don’t blame her for any of her feelings or how she’s dealing with them. I just want to help. :( She is a beautiful, intelligent, kind, and funny person who deserves to wake up every day knowing that. If I could put my life on hold until she’s in a better place, I would in a heartbeat. But I can’t, so I want to be for her however I can, whether that means finding new ways to be her friend or giving her space. Any advice you have is really appreciated.

This is hella real.  I’m proud of you for being upfront about the situation. You’re not entirely blaming the situation on Anna and also you’re admitting you’re not perfect. You’re aware of the reality of the situation in spite of everyone’s expectations [ including your friend ] , and you’re trying to work on middle ground so everyone can feel welcomed.  This is what we go for here at fatphobiabusters. But its harder when it comes to fighting inner demons.  Its no secret that we can be our own worst critics, and as much as you try to be supportive of your friend here, Anna’s got her own battle to fight. This is a classic textbook case of internalized fatphobia , where she has such a hard hate for fat that she hates herself because of it.  This isnt new; we fight people all the time for their internalized fatphobia [ or at the very least make themselves  aware of it ]  and while its heart wrenching to see charming, bright and worthy people beat themselves up for something so harmless as fat, there’s nothing really that can be done. Its their choice and battle to work on finding ways to build their self-esteem.    You and your friends are perfect proof of how we’d like to see fat people be treated–no different. You include her to all your activities and still want her to be a part of your life.    You even realized that the situation of her depression might be a little out of your range of support and offered her some better help in the form of counselling.  It was Anna that went against it as well as the offer to find a dress specifically for her.  Anna hating her body for the weight gain and refusing to continue on with life is a classic example of internalized fatphobia. I cannot say that I know what she’s been through because i’ve been fat all my life, so I never had the experience of a sudden change of weight, but I’m sure any drastic change to someone who isnt ready for it can be hard.   You and your friends have handled this new situation really well. But it sounds to me that Anna is the one thats really having trouble accepting her body for how it is right now. She’s  is allowing her demon’s expectations of how a body should look stop her from enjoying life and being happy. ‘Cause its not the fat. Fat people still live happy and fulfilling lives. That fat isnt grabbing her and forcing her to stop living life. It’s her.  Now, as far as advice, it sounds to me like you did the right thing. You let her know that she’s still welcomed into the wedding and you can help her find a dress that is simular [ perhaps in color ]  and in her size or maybe one that will make her new body type dazzle. Or, at the very least you can even suggest about finding matching acessories [cute matching earrings or same colored shoes! ]  to still support her. But, just because she’s feeling self-coucious about her newly added weight shouldnt put the breaks on your special day. I really admire that you’re trying to accomodate Anna as well, but you’ve done a lot of support and help already, and it sounds to me she’s doing very little to help herself.  It does take a lot of time to coordinate a wedding …and while it sucks that something happened beyond control, there shouldn’t be a complete stop and change because one person is feeling uncomfortable.  This is a good time for boundaries… and of course it can be done with love, compassion and compromise.  She may be upset with that answer. She may  be mad and hurt. It might be an interesting talk. But, the way I feel , if you keep reminding her that you’re still her friend and you don’t see her differently because of the change and weight, then that’s all you can do.  Because, when all of this is said and done, we are not in control of other people’s emotions. They are in control of taking care of themselves,  whatever that self care looks like , as well as what coping mechanisms they decide to use.  This could also be a good time to suggest to her about finding that peace with her body. Perhaps show her this blog or others and help her come to terms that its okay to be fat! I apologize if the answer is long winded [ you gave me a lot to work with! ] but I hope this helps. Keep on being awesome and congrats on the wedding!  - Mod Dom

[tumblunni]

aaaa tfw u been without central heating for so long that you get all dizzy and cant sleep once the house is finally warm again its like brain explode cos of such a sudden change aaa or maybe just because i stayed up really late to reset my sleeping patterns in order to actually get to the shops, lol and i guess it kinda worked cos its am now which is almost a morning but also i still feel Tired Dead so i’ll probably go back to sleep and wake up after noon aaaa

anyway i also finally got a new phone after my old one broke ages ago and hopefully this one will work good?? i got a £100 one when my last one was the cheapest possible £35 one in a sale so thats probably why it was so shoddy. this one has 3 times the memory so it hopefully won’t get the same problem of not having enough space to hold its own updates til it dies a slow and ignoble death. Hell, maybe I could actually download Apps! I remember Apps! XD Srsly i had to keep my even older broken phone to use my basic tiny mobile banking app, it was annoying. Maybe I could even finally play the pokemons???

but also it as like Embarassment City cos like I hadnt had hot water for TWO MONTHS and i was in this eternal spiral of ‘cant go to the store and pay bills cos i am smely, can’t un-smely cos no water’. and then I finally resolved to by asking for my support worker’s help to like.. escort me there and shield me, i suppose?? I also really needed to get this new phone cos i had no way of contacting her.

And she actually took me to this really big and fancy Tesco super SUPER market!! It was like the size of my old high school!! There was a whole phone store inside it and it was super huge and crowded and scary and also exciting!! AND GUESS WHAT HAPPENED I SUDDENLY GOT SICK FOR NO REASON wtf why my luck like this i just suddenly felt super woozy and stomach ache on the drive there and it wasnt even travel sickness cos it was a really quick and short drive. I still dunno what happened, maybe just the bread i ate that morning was slightly out of date cos thats all I even had?? Or I dunno maybe my travel sickness gets worse if i have a relatively empty stomach. So yeah we got to the store and I was like WAIT A SECOND and rushed to the bathroom and was in there for like half an hour throwing up and then i felt completely fine? So it was probably the bread, right? But even if it resolved itself quickly and was no big illness, I was still super panicked that entire time, getting all anxiety dizzy in a supermarket bathroom cos WHAT IF IT GETS WORSE AND WE HAVE TO CANCEL THE WHOLE DAY AND GO HOME and also WHAT IF PEOPLE CAN HEAR ME PUKING and also WHAT IF I SMELL LIKE PUKE ALL DAY and also AAAAA I’M KEEPING MY SUPPORT WORKER WAITING But it all turned out okay, lol

And then the cashier in the phone store was really nice and helped answer all my questions cos I know Nothing about phones. And we even had a bit of jokey banter over the weird names of all the phone models. (”Titan Grey”!) But then i also feel awful about embarassing myself with my Inability To Choose Between Things. I kept everyone standing there for like fifteen minutes but IT FELT LIKE AN HOUR and I was just like ‘pleas stop telling me the phones are equally good, please throw me the slightest bone’. So I just ended up going for the slightly more expensive one with a better camera cos the sticker was blue instead of pink and i wasn’t wearing any pink today. THIS IS THE KIND OF IMPULSE PURCHASE THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET BUNNI DECIDE And then it was kinda hilarious how the guy was then like ‘okay so what colour do you want’ and i was like ‘AAAAAAA’ i just went with titan grey cos it sounded funny ALSO!! I got a little stylus thing for touch screen phones so it’ll be easier to use! And it came with a free speaker amp which I will probably not use but it looks cool at least! :D

And then I embarassed myself again by walking too fast in the shop and getting lost from my support worker and kinda freaking out a little, but she managed to find me and It Was A Dumb Thing To Worry About Ehhh... Oh but I did enjoy browsing all the cool stuff this store had that normal ones don’t! I have no idea what a Pomelo is but now I own one!! It looks like a giant orange but kinda lemon shaped?? I just keep looking at it instead of eating it, its so weird and cute! I also LE GOSH found the one brand of noodles I really loved as a kid: Other Flavour. Remember that post I made earlier this year about the prawn flavour nostalgias? Well those weren’ EXACTLY how I remembered them, they were a little more spicy and the noodles were stickier. But it was still awesome! I’ve changed a lot in a decade too, lol! So anyway I found the curry flavour version of those, which i also liked, and i cleared the whole damn shelf of them into my basket. Who knows when I’ll ever get to return to super tesco!!! ALso they had a way bigger world foods aisle and I decided to try some random asian sweets and snacks. Its a shame I don’t know exactly what they’re called cos the packages are all in japanese and korean. It says ‘Kusaga strawberry gummi’ but that might be the brand and not the name of the food itself? And then the other one is just ‘korean seaweed’ on the english label. Like yo, what one?? There’s loads of different seaweed snacks, like nori and konbe and dulse and probably even more!! And ive never tried any of them so how can i tell, lol? This one, whatever it was, came in small flat sheets and kinda tastes barbeque flavour. And when you hold em up to the light they look like cool glowy cathedral windows~! Also the gummi sweets get stuck in my throat so i probably won’t get those again, lol. Good tho! Despite the choking!

Oh, and @summon-daze your hat absolutely saved me!! Great shield against the sun and the social embarassment! Plus it made me feel confident cos of how damn cute at least 10% of my existance looks today. I am a beautiful head on a trash body! So they had No Man’s Sky on clearance sale for £10 and I got it cos I remembered you had it. I Dunno if I ever asked if you enjoyed it tho? XD But it was cheap so even if it ends up being bad I won’t be too sad. And honestly my standards are low so as long as it delivers on Randomly Generated Worlds Oo Look At That Weird Aminal i’ll probably be satisfied even if there’s not much gameplay.

[litttle-flock]

i have so many emotions i dont even know what to do with them. he has been here 9 days now and it is so hard to find sanity in all of this crazy, stressful, beautiful, sweaty, messy love that i feel.

i am constantly wondering about him. wondering if he is okay, wondering if he is going to wake up again, did i feed him enough? is he warm enough? too cold? he poops, i change him, he poops again, i change him, and one more time. 3 diapers in 20 minutes??

my breasts are hurting so badly. they bleed, they crack, then he latches and it hurts, and again, i cant tell if he is getting enough. but then i feed him the bottle, and its constant spit up, and he is never done. i pump and i pump and i pump but i fear he will never have enough.

i NEVER thought that”mom life” stuff was real, but wow do i get it now. everyone asks if youre okay, everyone wants to make sure you know support is there. but all i wanna do is be alone. im not even sad. i am so happy actually, but just so stressed that i will never figure this out and paul goes back to work in just 5 days...terrifying.

thats the other huge thing, paul. my sweet, sweet sweet paul. hes taken the most amazing care of me and our son, yet i feel so far away and removed from him. i try to feel close but i just feel like the only thing that matters in the world is Gabe. everything and every way i have ever felt about paul is still inside me, but its like its trapped inside this bubble that doesnt want to pop. i know this is all “normal” but i miss our love. our late night cuddles where he would wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight in his sleep. now all i can do is manage to push him away. i feel so so lucky because i think he understands...he is always reassuring me and making sure i know he is there. but man are we both going through it.

i had to go back to the hospital not even a day after giving birth because i broke out into a rash all over my body. in the hospital we were there for hours with a brand new baby we had no idea how to take care of. it felt like my body was 100% no longer mine, it belonged to this new beautiful being who honestly deserves it more than me anyways. paul had to walk to labor and delivery from the er and luckily they gave him some donor milk and it was fine but i was miserable. i cant imagine how hard that was for him, or how terrifying. i am so proud of paul, he works so hard and i know he will ALWAYS put Gabe and i first, even if that means exhaustion and stress for him. i hope he can open up to me about it more.

my body is still experiencing some of the breaking out and i am out of the pills the hospital gave me, but i really think it has to do with the anxiety and the stress of this all, i am slooooowly learning how to make this all a balancing act, i just wish that balancing act did not have to go 24/7.

i am really going to try and write all my feelies down and make sure i am taking care of my brain and my body. i share it now, so it seems only fair.

on the flip side, mama life is the most amazing, fulfilling, loving feeling i have ever ever had. i feel like the grinch when his heart grows 10 sizes. i am so over the moon and back in love with my son. i wish i could hold him all day every day 24/7 and never have to worry. lord please help with the worry, because you know the day that comes when any tiny thing goes wrong with him i am going to F R E A K.

i am sharing these photos so i can remember this first CRAZY week. the good, the bad, and the ugly.

i love you gabriel david duncan. you have my heart. you are my entire world now. mama will do anything and everything for you. sleep deprived or not, we are in this together. forever, for always. i love you i love you i love you.