#i wanted a break bc i was sad
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I keep forgetting that I need to stop announcing breaks and hiatuses on here because time means nothing to my time blind self, and a few days away can feel like a week. I was going to try to stay away for a week out of principle, but then I decided, why bother. I want to go back to posting my regular bullshit.
#personal#i wanted a break bc i was sad#and then i got over that and found something else to be sad about#except this time i can deal by posting about my blorbos#anyway none of this matters#i have to remember that
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REST IN PEACE, DEAR MOONBIN (1998-2023)
#moonbin#astro#moon bin#i don't want to be here right now honestly i just wanted my last post about moonbin to be the ones where hes smiling as my last memory#it kills me to see my posts reblogged with sad messages now#and i still can't believe this news either#i've been mia anyway but now im even less inclined to go on tumblr rn#im so sorry for everyone including family/friends of bin#and himself but i cant think about that bc it will break me apart#rest in peace bin i'll miss you more than anything
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“i’d rather lose both arms than you” wait… do you have that panel…
Batman #13
#this issue is actually sad and reminds me of robin year one#bc bruce fires dick and pretends like he doesn't need him (he does this bc he heard some goons were gonna kill robin--he wants dick safe)#and he's basically like ''welp maybe we'll run into each other again one day dick'' and he also breaks dick's robin picture#so anyway dick's like fuck bruce i don't want his money or his home or anything#so he goes to live on the street and he sells his communicator for money so he can eat#and he's looking for a job so he can support himself#and he also thinks batman has a new partner (he doesn't--bruce is just carrying a robin dummy around)#as if dick didn't already have enough abandonment issues amiright?#so anyway bruce's intentions were good but he went about it in such a horrible way that he abandoned dick entirely#Bruce Wayne#Dick Grayson#anon
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it’s nowhere near the worst interpretation and i do understand how it could be assumed or even be compelling if you’re very interested in the lords in black but one of my biggest pet peeves is the interpretation that the lords in black are manipulating grace and deliberately driving her to where she ends up the entire play. such a big part of what makes grace work is her role as the driving force in the play, an active agent who’s actions directly lead to all the calamity and tragedy that occurs later through sheer religious guilt, desperation and neuroticism. taking even some of that autonomy away from her makes her significantly less compelling.
#she is so funny and tragic and i love her so much but i also hate her#she’s all ive been able to think about for the last week#grace chasity#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#starkid#in a similar vein i really dislike the concept that grace would have done what she does at the end at any point in the play bc she’s Evil#undeniably she is unstable and violent at times but like if you read the lyrics#‘if i break the rules i will finally know my worth’ and ‘darkness will spare my soul’ make it clear this is coming as a result of trauma#she feels trapped by her religion and is so desperate to break out of it but she also thinks that makes her evil and dirty#she hates herself and part of her hates god and she has to externalise that hate to shield herself. To redeem herself#after losing her virginity. It all makes me so sad. oh grace :(#also interesting is that some of it does come from a built up resentment from social isolation and bullying as a “nerdy prude”#and while Yeah a lot of that isolation is her own fault there is no way to express how insane having no friends in high school makes u#she wants to be normal and have friends and sex and swear and let go for once in her life. But she won’t let herself have it
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https://www.tumblr.com/necrotic-nephilim/763098417058775040/no-thoughts-only-jaytim-fucking-in-titans-tower?source=share
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https://www.tumblr.com/necrotic-nephilim/760168597014413312/bftc-jaytim-fuck-nasty-in-their-batman-suits?source=share
every time these 2 are left alone to fit it ends like this❤️
it ABSOLUTELY does. i love that i have gotten to write a BftC fic and a Titans Tower fic that is just. JayTim fucking nasty. i think these two should end every fistfight with them having sex in increasingly risky places. it's the only way they should resolve their fights from now on, ty for coming to my tedtalk.
#necrotic answerings#kindly praise#jaytim#i think the next moment of their fighting to turn to fucking should be that scene from the search for a hero arc#where they're on the roof and jason is like work with me :D and tim says no and he gets geuinely sad.#bc that'd be fun.#also if i ever wrote new-52 stuff the time jason and tim were trapped together during death of the family#could also be good fodder for them fucking#OOOH wait#the court making tim and jason fuck in front of all the captured we are robin kids during robin war#like yk the scene where jason and tim are forced to fight but they're using it as a distraction to break free#that. but make it fuck or die#wait. now i really want to write that hang on.#add that to the pile of wips holy shit.#everyone go read robin war rn so i can write the fic and it can be appreciated /lh#im having big brain thoughts. it's all coming together.
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i am not anti sam but i sometimes find myself hating sam because some samgirls are super into bio/gender essentialism whether or not they realize it. sam is a woman and dean is a man and sam is the victim and dean is his abuser like what show are you watching?
#as much as we all like to have fun these are two cis men characters who have roles to play in the narrative they don’t escape#they are both being abused. we find this out *fully* in s14#but it’s always been present. this is the abuse sam and dean winchester show#but some of y’all don’t actually understand abuse! you think abuse is just being mean and yelling#‘sam is a woman because his autonomy is taken away’ your idea of womanhood is fucked up and you should unpack that#if you compare sam to a woman because he’s been SA’d then you are WEIRD. they are both men canonically getting SAd????#like yes dean has some weird stuff about his own gender that he needs to unpack but it’s part of a mask?? like if u genuinely#believe that he seriously 100% believes this stuff then you don’t know his character at all#and yes their relationship is toxic but if you think for one second that there’s a genuine power imbalance then you’re sorely mistaken#dean’s entire identity is based around taking care of sam. sam can do wrong but not enough to be truly held accountable#it doesn’t matter what he does. dean will always protect him and be there and do whatever it takes to save him. he will always forgive him#and sam knows this and uses it to his advantage. he repeatedly goes behind dean’s back and avoids the communication he says is so important#he blames dean for shit that isn’t his fault because he’s there#and no he may not fight dean on stuff but he can. he often doesn’t because he doesn’t want to!#they enable each other and they don’t grow because they can’t because there’s always something else BECAUSE THEY’RE BOTH BEING ABUSED BY GOD#they’re not allowed to take a break. they’re not allowed to slow down or stop or rethink it’s always the end of the world#so yes some of y’all annoy me with the ‘i wish dean was nicer in the midst of his trauma’#shit or saying that therapy fixes everything stuff or whatever#and the fact that so many of y’all use that to treat sam like some fragile white woman who can’t#have an opinion without her husband’s permission is WEIRD like your gender stuff is weird#and just repacked essentialism onto them. idc if you’re trans. unpack that shit cuz your meta is full#of rad fem friendly or adjacent shit if you refuse to talk about gender without using abuse as an argument#because that does not hold up in canon of these two FICTIONAL MEN!!! or in the real world#(edit: most of the stuff i see is by cis women but im saying ‘idc if ur trans’ bc it’s not exclusive to them)#supernatural#sam winchester#dean winchester#wank adjacent#maybe just straight up#fandom wank
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Why I Am Not Coming In To Work Today [abridged], Jess Zimmerman
part one | part two
#me when everybody is posting the maple leafs sad narratives and i am furiously generating this like HOLD ONNNN HOLD ONNNNNNN#honestly i could've been SOOOO MEAN about this because i saw this poem & alexandra got the preview on the poetry blog#where i just reblogged the first half of this poem point blank with the tags#kyle dubas#toronto maple leafs#& got yelled at aksdaksf & it literally only didn't go on this blog bc i usually write more & then it was percolating & i looked up the poe#& it was only the FIRST PART i'd reblogged i didn't know there was more & then brain immediately went brrrrr ok time for an edit.#this is a long one lol & i also have no idea if it makes sense to anybody but me but because y'all know me i will always overexplain so!!#my reasoning for the reasons obvi kyle. that's a given i hope he's doing well i hope he & his family r good but man is not coming in to wor#the second edit took me a stupid amount of time bc i am nitpicky but also i learned how to do the layers & transparency from the claude edi#that actually y'all don't know about lmao but i lost my mind when i saw how perfectly those pictures align i was scrolling getty & was like#ok december i'm gonna do a headline one (in my brain with the november/june quote about choosing to die again) w/ maple leafs playoff odds#how they say at winter break you know who's gonna be in the playoffs & who'll win & they thought they had a shot but it's mitchie overlaid#the 2003-04 team who'd last won a playoff round with the atlantic division stats from dec for 22-23 & how long it's been & dec headlines#i wanted breakup/recent/never loved to be a recent trade acquisition somebody who bounced around & somebody else so i almost had simmer#brodie & zar but then i wanted to make murray for breakup at any time &i forgot zar & him were on the pens together &it hit me like a truc#bc there's a photo of the two of them EXACTLY the same so close it's scary of this one but them as pens so they had to be it & i did always#know never loved again was mitchie. sorry. also mitchie in the penalty box the last game but i couldn't find footage of it & this one works#no i could not find a photo of tyler bertuzzi fighting a leaf for a dog looked at me yes i tried.#i almost made the bunting photo jt but instead it's 'bunting a rat etc' anyway the one i really feel unhinged about is dead pets bc at firs#i was gonna make it the handshake line & look to see if the leafs had drafted anybody on the panthers (dead pet former draft pick)#& they had & it was carter verhaeghe & i couldn't get a good pic of matthews & verhaeghe but it's fine bc i thought about the mo/luke schen#narrative (in which they are a perfect d pair long lost) & schenn was drafted by the leafs & that line fits jut trust me. also how i feel#about the kniesy luminous line that one possessed me it had to be kniesy idk why. i almost put gussy as girls are too pretty though ALSO#did u like my joke. daylight SAVINGS time on the goalie. thank u. also my photo magic on the jt (me very poorly editing in him as an isle)#OK ALSO HOLD ONNNNN there is a part two but i have to wait for the Content i want it will come out as soon as [redacted] or sooner#if i get bad at waiting &everyone will pretend like it is always the way it will be once i have the photos i want. speaking of did the leaf#simply not take a team photo this year?? it Does Not Exist for me i have tried very hard to look for it also i'm excited for part 2#one of them is named oh you're so unhinged for this one & the finished product is you're unhinged in ways you didn't even know u were sorry#liv in the replies
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actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored
#N posts stuff#like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up#JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of#breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least#been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter#what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way#other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit#so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series#Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex#'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals#Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid#and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have)#ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue#that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex#because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay#so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG.#bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly#the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad#'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway.#the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to#like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry#and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated#on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty#so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes#not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway
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tease tidbit tuesday💀
tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck 💖
hi! so, yesterday I randomly opened the doc with the buddie death cast au - which is a fic I started writing last summer on vacation and never got back to it but then made progress lol it's gonna be MCD, which i know is not everyone's thing so feel free to ignore this 🤣 it's basically buddie in the universe of the "they both die at the end"/"the first to die at the end" books so it's gonna be sad, sorry lol (I never even read mcd, idk why i'm writing this but this idea just wants to be written i guess haha) gotta put this weird mood I've been in lately to good use and finally write this 🤣 not sure if I'm happy with this snippet, but it all needs editing, the first two snippets were written on my phone and haven't been edited yet lol
I posted two snippets so far, gonna link them both snippet 1 | snippet 2
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“Is all of this clear, Eddie?” she asks in the end.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” he says shortly. He should've just hung up immediately. Or cancel this stupid subscription after Shannon died. Sometimes he wonders if maybe people who get the calls and coincidentally get into accidents, for example, just give up and refuse to fight because they think it’s their time. Not like Shannon could do much, her injuries were too severe when they got there, but the point stands. Maybe they get more reckless, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway.
There’s a short pause on the line, but then Jane speaks up again, her tone softer, more sympathy seeping through.
“I know it’s not easy to accept, if you’d like some help with that, on out website you can find therapists and grief counselors specializing in-”
“Listen.” Eddie interrupts. He’s spent enough time in therapy. He’s not doing it on his supposedly last day. “I know it’s all bullshit. I don’t care. You said what you had to say, I listened, for whatever reason.” he rolls his eyes. He really should’ve hung up, or not answered at all. “Is this conversation over yet?” he asks and is met with another moment of silence. She’s probably wondering what everyone else always is: why is he even spending money on this if he doesn’t believe. He has an answer ready to go, but that’s not what she asks.
“Can I ask you a question?” she says quieter, whispering, probably not allowed to go too much off-script.
“Sure, why not.” he shrugs. He’s wide awake now, anyway, he’s not in a hurry. Not like he’s dying anytime soon.
“If it was your last day, how would you spend it? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.” she adds quickly, her tone much softer and gentler now. Eddie’s mind immediately supplies a picture of Christopher and Buck, just a casual hang-out, like usual, maybe going to the movies, or the aquarium, or the planetarium, something fun for his kid. And later a gathering with the rest of their family, maybe a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s, with Maddie and Chim, and Hen and Karen, all their kids, just everyone having fun together. Yeah, that’d be a perfect day. “There’s no harm in spending today just like this, if possible. Just in case.” Jane adds, still whispering. He doesn’t tell her that’s more or less his plan, anyway, for the evening after his 12-hour shift. During which nothing will happen to him, because Death-Cast doesn’t know shit. “Well, lastly, Eddie,” Jane’s voice is back at normal-volume, tone strictly professional but sympathetic, as she recites the end of her script, “on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we’re so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest.”
Eddie hangs up without a word.
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no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks
#tease tidbit tuesday#death cast buddie au#buddie wip#buddie fic#buddie#wikiangela writes#my writing#fic snippet#my wips#angst#buddie angst#mcd#i don't know how yet but eddie will die in this one bc apparently ive been in the mood to break my own heart lmao#i wanted to say maybe i'd share smth happier tomorrow but i don't think i have any happy wips im actively working on rn???#there are happy wips in general but im not really in the mood/inspired for those rn#ran out of happy when i finished the natalia fic i guess lol#who even am i lmao what's with all the angst and sad im usually all about fluff 🤣#(gonna share some more of alive shannon tomorrow!)#btw if you haven't read the books and have questions hmu but also i'll try to make everything clear in the fic lol#but also SO recommend the books they're so good and so sad and I think about them like at least once a week (the prequel wrecked me)
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just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.
no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this
#which is imo how a fandom space should be#i'm old fashioned and it breaks the fandom etiquette rules i stand by#i ship and stuff and absolutely NO cc needs to be subjected to that please and thank you even if it's a non-ship post#not saying hermits and others cant hang out and interact if they wish hell no but like....#if you as any person with a following willingly go into a fandom space you have to expect to see some things you find weird#doesn't even necessarily mean ship just stuff the cc finds weird :v idk im not phrasing this right but like#the rule with shipping around any sort of media has been to keep it away and not show the creators anything !!! and thats fallen out#of practice the past few years with ppl getting more and more comfortable demanding boundaries and personal info from creators#which isn't right imo bc its like you're trying to see how much you can get away with. u want a guide on how to interact and social skills#which is... huh??? just be polite and keep anything weird away from them like what we were doing#some folks nowadays need “permission” to ship stuff even from SHOWS and shit with no real people and its like wow... huh....#u need it to be canon?? u need everything told to u by the show?? wheres the imagination. the spirit.#the making of everything so far removed from what it once was#like that guy that played nick from heartstopper that had to be outed to play a gay guy. like#idk im so sick of the boundary fandom ppl in mcyt 'what if they saw and made it uncomfortable!! im going to show them!!!!'#you are making them MUCH more uncomfortable than i am by GOING INTO THEIR FACE AND DEMANDING THEY LOOK AT IT!!#AND DEMANDING BOUNDARIES N SHIT... CRAZY.... idk the hermits especially its weird to me bc clearly they understand fandom etiquette#and the dynamic im talking about. most of them understand that by going into fandom spaces they will see things they dont like#which is why a lot of them only like fanart and answer questions asked by fans. even on tumblr !!! where the weird ppl are!!!#they also all seem to understand they are playing characters (citing joel cleo and grian as examples) for their audiences#which is. smth the audience itself doesnt understand most of the time anymore. oh my god they all died in real life in hermitcraft season 8#idk hermitblr used to be a lot more okay with hermitshipping n then a bunch of ppl from other fandoms moved in and its all more negative#and makes me sad. idk...#i never meant for this blog to gain almost 500 followers i just wanted to make silly little ship posts and now im scared to#bc ive gotten hate and its.... bwugh.... tempted to remake blogs and make one thats very clearly just for me and a few weirdos#whatever i went off on a tangent in the tags as usual just pls dont show creators my posts even non-ship ones for this reason#jamies bad posts#talking in tags#serious posts#<- ig??? idk
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Thinking about my boy
#aono kun#i want to hold aono kun so badly i could die#ryuhei aono#to be clear normal aono is my boy more than dark aono (yada yada how different are they yeah but their vibes are distinct enough for me)#but this screenshot was too good to ignore and I can appreciate dark aono for being a great unique antagonist#just a little freak who is scheming things but not very good at hiding that#but real aono the real costar of my heart- i need him to be happy by the end just as much as yuri#I do think his conflict with his dark side is interesting in how it reflects his trauma and everything I learn about his life#up to the present day breaks my heart#he didn't get a chance to grow up and make up for his mistakes he never got to be more than his mother's child#so I will forgive a little murder and possession as a treat#unless WEIRD REDACTED TWIST ends with him hurting Yuri for real bc she is the other costar#but yeah sad little man haunted by his trauma and goes 'don't worry about it' as he tries to be the ideal romantic partner until it all#comes crashing down all around him is very seasalt-core
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Sin and blood
ll 500 words ll ft. Levi comforting you after you show up filthy and bloody on the steps of the HOL ll angst/comfort ll x reader ll Asmo's version ll Belphie's version ll
Your first mess-up was awkward. None of the brothers had expected you to ever snap. But you did, and it was only natural. Living with literal demons only made the clock tick closer to your eventual sins.
It wasn't like you hadn't 'sinned' before, according to the vague moral lines that were set by human societies. You've sneaked items past check-outs, looked upon others with hatred, and lied to those with power. None of that makes you less human.
What you did however, was demon-worthy. You returned to the House of Lamentation with shame and the remaining anger, now mostly pointed at yourself. You didn't mean to break. You didn't mean to break anything. You didn't want to harm them.
Red-faced, with blood still dripping from your fingers, clothing drenched with however many liquids, you stood in front of them. There was no sound other than the drips, slowly creating a puddle on the ground. As the puddle grew, he was the first one to move.
Levi slowly but silently walked up to you. He was never one to speak first. He took your hand, soft and tender. A reminder that nothing has changed. You held back a sob and tried to stop the wetting of your eyes. He leaned closer to you and let out a quiet whisper: "You're okay.". Slowly, he turned to face his brothers, still grasping your hand. Without saying another word, he took you to his room. You followed him, only your occasional sniffing breaking the dead air.
Upon entering his room, he hurried to empty his bathtub. Pillows and blankets were flying everywhere, but he somehow managed to never let go of your hand. Having cleared the entire tub of that what made it comfortable, he turned to you again. You stopped avoiding his eyes once you noticed his disparity. They finally met, and a slight ease began to wash over the both of you. "You should get undressed." You could hear how much he cared in those words alone. No need for an explanation, no fear. He cared for your safety, but also trusts you to take your time. "You can put your clothes in this basket. We'll get them clean.". A small smile, filled with hope.
Levi had to let go of your hand while he turned on the water and the both of you undressed. He slipped in the tub before you, allowing you to sit in between his legs. There was no need for conversation. You sat there, only focused on his hands calmingly massaging the filth out of your hair. The water slowly turned darker as he made his way down to scrub your entire body, but neither of you mind. It could've been worse. You could've been gone entirely. You could've left him, all alone. Never to touch again. Never to talk again. He'd never get to laugh or hug or get trough awkward silence with you. He would've never been grateful for all the little moments with you. Moments like now, purely with each other. There was only here and now. Nothing in the past matters. There's comfort in knowing there still is a future with you.
#idk what possesed me to write this#(i do. it was bloodlust) (i didnt mean it to get sad but thats just how it happened ig)#obey me angst#ig? i dont like angst#i do want to do a version of this with belphie or mephisto bc theyre also my little guys but we'll see#12AM writing strikes again =w=b#obey me x reader#obey me leviathan x reader#obey me leviathan#obey me#the prior violence is left for interpertation but i was imagining murder =w=b it could be in self denfense who knows#man i wish i could explain metaphors and wordplay without breaking the flow of the text i just feel so smart for adding it whenever i do.#=w=b#sillyposting#my work#x reader
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wip of a comic that i may or may not finish, who knows >:3
#gonna be some post-ambition stuff that i swear isn't twitch making fun of grace for being sad. even tho it looks like that#but not this time#breaking out the 3d models to try and make myself work faster bc i have too many ideas and i am too slow and i want to draw MORE#and be less perfectionist. c'mon freddie you can do it#wips
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headcanon asks for Bradley: 1 and 19?
✨ send me a number + a character for headcanons! ✨
1: holiday headcanon
christmas was always one of bradley's favorite holidays, all throughout his childhood. every adult in young bradley's life, all with varying backgrounds and types of childhoods of their own, could come together to agree on one thing: bradley's christmases should be magical. carole, trying to keep the magic of those first three christmases with everyone all together alive; mav, trying to give bradley the kind of happy memories he never had; ice and slider, woven into the family by carole's steady hand, determined to give this little makeshift family what it needs. bradley remembers holiday baking with mom, learning about the traditions of ice's family, so different from theirs; neatly-wrapped gifts from santa, much lumpier gifts that were also "from santa", supposedly, but he knew those ones were from uncle mav- it would be fair to say bradley was a little spoiled when it came to the holiday season.
after carole is gone, and it's just he and mav, those years are empty and feel meaningless, but they try. they try for carole's memory, for each other, and for ice and the others. bradley's eventual disillusionment with the holiday doesn't start there- no, it starts after.
once he and mav have their falling out, it's like someone has flipped the light switch. the last few chrismases were quiet ones, lonely without mom, sure- but he and mav got thru them together. after losing mav, too, though, it's radio silence. bradley goes from loving and enjoying the christmas season to hating it, overnight. the first christmas after is bleak. a long december and a somehow even longer december 25th. the only accompaniment that he has for the next four years of college are the cards and the letters he doesn't open. he spends it in the dorms alone while everyone else goes back to their families.
once he meets phoenix in flight school, things start to look up, just a little. she has a lively, bustling family full of extended relatives and family friends, and they're happy to fold in one more. it still doesn't feel right. it doesn't make him feel at home. for all their effort and kindness, phoenix's mom is nothing like carole and phoenix's dad is is nothing like goose- and as much as he hates himself for thinking it, more importantly, is nothing like mav- and the traditions and energy are all so different that it just feels unfamiliar. though it tugs painfully on his emotional aches and pains, he is grateful to have somewhere to go and happy to be included, even if it only exemplifies to him how alone he really is, and how he really doesn't seem to belong anywhere.
post-mission, post-reconciliation, bradley isn't sure what to expect. he imagines that mav would have built a life without him in it by now and is dismayed to learn this is not the case. he isn't sure if mav will want him around for the holidays after everything he's done and said. phoenix pushes him, telling him that of course he's welcome at the trace family table again this year, but you really ought to stick around and sort this shit out. through much hesitation, bradley does.
the post-reconciliation christmas is not lively or bright or boisterous like the christmases of old. it'll never be the same, without mom, without uncle ice, when the other flyboys have families of their own to worry about now. but mav welcomes him, wants him to be there, and it's more at home than bradley has felt in fifteen long years. it's not about the food or the gifts or the decorations. it's about the people- person, actually. it's about being invited into mav's life and heart even when he knows he can never deserve to be in those places again. at the end of the day, the old christmases were always about family and love and connection, and even though they're quite different on the surface, the new christmas is about all those things, too.
19. favorite photograph headcanon
photos were and are such an important part of the bradshaw-mitchell family. bradley knows it- and it's a part of why, when he leaves, he doesn't take the photos of himself and mav. he knows that to mav, that will say something, loud and clear, and he wants to be hurtful- he wants his emotions to be heard and understood. instead, he takes with him only the photos of his mom and dad, and a couple with the flyboys that mav took, and subsequently was not in; but bradley tells himself that he doesn't need the pieces of a relationship that there's no point in trying to salvage, so he leaves all of those pieces behind.
except for one.
it's a somewhat dilapidated polaroid, taken with his dad's old camera, snapped by carole as she'd stood on the back porch of the little bungalow house that bradley grew up in. in it, a six-year-old bradley sits in mav's arms, held up at eye-level in one strong arm as mav points up with the other. bradley has one hand fisted into mav's shirt, and his gaze and rapt attention are locked overhead. mav always used to tell little bradley to look up at the stars if he missed him, because it's the same stars- they always have that between them, at least. in the photo, mav points out the constellations they share even when apart, and bradley listens intently, trying to commit the names to memory. when he became old enough to have one, bradley used to keep it in his wallet.
eventually, when it's all fallen apart and those connections between them have been severed, bradley gives a new photo the place of honor in his wallet, a photo of he and mom- but he can't just throw out the old picture, no matter how angry he feels when he looks at it, no matter how badly he wants to. it goes into the box with everything else, with letters and cards and artifacts that mav sends him or that he can't bring himself to throw away. sometimes on a quiet, lonely night aboard a carrier or on leave, floating adrift in the world with no anchors to speak of, he thinks about it. he looks at the stars and he sees that image in his mind's eye and he remembers being six years old and thinking mav would always be there, and he wonders sometimes in the most empty moments if the old man still remembers all that shit about the stars. if he ever still looks at them, still thinks of it, of bradley, if he ever wonders anything about bradley the way bradley wonders about him. deep down inside, he knows that he mustn't. deep down inside, he tells himself that there's no chance in hell mav does. because, if he does, it means bradley threw away something that was still alive. it's a fate he cannot bring himself to accept.
when they've reconciled, bradley will find that old beat-up picture in the box. he'll show it to mav. i never forgot, he'll quietly admit. i always thought about it. i- i guess i thought that you probably didn't even care to look at them anymore. i just- i thought it was over. mav will take the photo, tattered and much-handled, from bradley's outstretched hand, studying it with a reverence that bowls bradley right over. i looked at 'em every night, baby goose, he'll admit. always hoped you might be looking, too.
tysm for this ask !!! and for your infinite patience in my disastrous ability to reply 😭😭but i loved answering this ask sm !!! and i definitely did not answer it in longhand at my job and i also definitely did not accidentally write so much about the christmas thing that i had to chop it way down for this ask because it accidentally kind of became a chapter of something lol. i am a disaster. but thank u so much and i hope u enjoy and are well!! <3<3<3
#star unasks#top gun maverick#top gun#brambleberrycottage#bradley rooster bradshaw#ON A RELATED NOTE ABT THE PHOTO I JUST FOUND OUT LIKE V RECENTLY THAT I GUESS IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT#BRADLEY IS SUPPOSED TO BE STARING AT A PHOTO OF HIM AND MAV IN THE READY ROOM BEFORE HE HAS HIS FIGHT W MAV????#and im screaming crying throwing up about it#if i had known that when i wrote ttnp i swear to god. i would have exploited the HELL out of that#im so sad i didnt#😭😭#FINALLY APPROACHING 80K ON THE WIP BTW😭😭#so i have taken a break to try and answer some asks lol#also also: just found out this year is the last sicktember and i am torn bc i rly wanted to do it sometime but this would be my last chance#and im just like. i dont think i can write 63k words in one month kids. i dont think i have it in me. akdjfkfhfjg#so i am very very torn lol#stars scribbles
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7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos
#normal Saturday morning behavior#redacted spoilers#redacted audio#redacted sam#Seven.txt#rp audio stuff#well. crying over one singular blorbo in particular. Sam's still got me in an emotional chokehold#and i'm too sad to even make a stupid little joke abt how i wouldn't mind if it was a physical one too. ayeee *insert sad eyebrow wiggle*#no but seriously. i have so many feelings abt him and i can't even say it all bc some of it isn't public info yet#eh fuck it i'll just draft this until the audio goes public and then i'll post it once it's no longer Exclusive Info#bc i dont wanna leak Early Access stuff but i have to get this out of my system rn and the new audio is part of what sparked these thoughts#which is funny bc i. literally haven't even listened to it yet. i'm not Ready 😭#where's that tiktok screenshot that's like. 'hyperfixation so bad that i can't even engage with the source material' bc that's me rn#like bro Sam only won the poll like. 2 or 3 days ago and Eric is Already dropping a new Sam audio?? hello? Mr. Redacted i wasn't prepared#anyways i was spoiling myself by perusing the comments last night trying to get a feel for if it's gonna be more angst or comfort#and i saw a comment that absolutely shattered me. and it reignited all my sad thoughts about Sam's eventual. uh. y'know. death.#apparently they plant a tree together or smthn in the new audio (which already has me & my beloved 10y/o orange tree feeling some kinda way#but to the individual in the comments who brought to all our minds the image of Sam sitting beneath that tree in 30 or so years time#when he's decided that he's ready to die and sits out there waiting for the sun to rise..................... 🥲#i'm gonna need u to compensate me for all of that unexpected emotional damage /j /nm#i'm Still not over what he told Darlin' while they had their talk about the future up on his roof together. that audio killed me#then yesterday i was listening to my Sam & Darlin' playlist while cleaning. and Malibu Nights by LANY came on. which i always skip bc Sad#but i let it play and just started crying. standing in the middle of the room all disheveled and holding a broom. as one does.#iirc that song is one that Eric himself said is applicable to Sam which is why/how i found it and put it on the playlist. and god. g o d#hm. i hope that wasn't Patreon exclusive info. i can't remember if it was a public post where he said that or not. hope it's okay to share#but if we can take that song as like. unofficial canon for Sam then that also confirms my idea that he used to drink to cope#which makes the opening lines of Fix What You Didn't Break by Nate Smith even more applicable. i should go edit that post actually#anyways i'm just. feeling a lot. and i love Sam very much and i don't want him to die. but i want him to do what he wants at the same time#Alexis took so fucking much from him. he deserves to live - and end - his life on his own terms. ... i think i need to go write something#*casually fishes this post out of the drafts 3 and a half days later* hi so uh. i wrote a 4k oneshot :) and will hopefully post it tomorrow
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friendly reminder that this exists
“i don't think luke is presenting an argument either way. because i think luke also, of any jedi in the galaxy, understands what it would be like to be with the person you care about most -- to be with your father figure”
#dinluke#filoni gets it - he gets that luke wanted to present grogu w a choice#a modern jedi who wouldnt make the decision for him like his predecessors would#luke knows what its like to lose his uncle and aunt his master and his father#hed never want grogu to lose his dad#or make that choice for him#luke is such a good egg#i just have the big sad thinking that luke was only a cameo bc although he was a good mentor he wasnt destined to be grogus master#thats the vibe i get#so it gets me thinking they wont bring him back#but god i hope im wrong#like he was the perfect jedi for grogu to learn that lesson from and the perfect person to show him kindness and understanding and compassio#compassion#at that point in grogus young life#and thats all it will be#but heres hoping im wrong 🙃#i do feel like s3 will be all abt mandalore tho and luke wont be in it#maybe s4 grogu will come back around to accepting both his jedi abd mandalorian halves#but not before that#but anyway.. just slowly breaking it to myself not to expect luke so im not heartbroken lmao#tagging dinluke because cmon theyre his dads#star wars
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