#i want to open myself
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Smile Bomb
#yeah. the english anime opening.#it's nostalgic for me. and it's a total earworm to.#running in a crowd in a faceless town i need to feel the touch of a friend#in the countryside i wonder far and wide the isolation gets me again#i dont know where to gooooooo wheeen i feel crying. Oh My!#i want to open myself#do something new i want to stop#and grow up again.#then suddenly my power and confidence start swelling up#magically erupt#and it's all because of the kindness that i feel#from people i dont even knowooowooowooahoah!#hexacles.txt
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I was rambling on the issue of museums and human remains and how certain populations are more likely to have their bodies put on display to be gawked at and then went "well I guess the Pompeii casts were of Europeans. there are bones in there right?" and Googled it to make sure, at which point I confirmed that yes there are bones in there, but more interestingly DNA testing revealed that a cast of an adult holding a child everyone assumed was a mother and child were, in fact, a man and a kid entirely unrelated to him. Honestly that's more moving to me. Maybe they were connected in a way other than blood, but maybe a stranger saw a child when the world was ending and thought the one thing he could do was hold them.
#or maybe he was the babysitter. idk#crack open a pompeii cast like a kinder egg and there's teeth in there#now personally if people wanted to put my bones on display I'd be cool with it#maybe I'll decide to donate myself to science idk. I don't want to be used to practice face lifts though...#writing in my will 'if someone wants to have my skull on their bookshelf that's fine. put a candle inside it'#why this
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if you’re ever in the position to choose between giving up and accepting defeat, and actually trying to fight the ancient unkillable god that is about to peel apart reality like a string cheese, remember this: scientifically speaking, you might as well give it a shot!
1.there were trees at the beginning of the world! there were trees so long ago that they predate bacteria that causes wood to decay. when a tree fell, it would lie there in stasis and there wasn’t any way of breaking down wood xylem on a molecular level in that way.
2. it seems obvious to say, but wood eating bacteria are literally incapable of comprehending what they’re breaking down. It’s just not information conciously available to a microorganism. they don’t know what they’re deconstructing, where it came from, bacteria have no way to even fathom the existence of a tree as a concept.
3. Regardless of the facts above, the world we live in today is a world where wood inevitably decomposes
it is worth fighting the unkillable god no matter how pointless it seems. it is worth taking the risk even though youre trying to accomplish something impossible. the reality in which you live was also once reality in which trees didn’t rot. You live in a reality that allows for existence before the possibility of destruction. you live in a reality where uncomprehending microbes break down matter that is so far beyond the scope of their comprehension that it feels comical to specify something so obvious. you live in a reality that occasionally allows unshakeable physical truths to be altered with no warning.
It is worth fighting the unkillable god because trees are so old they predate the source of their destruction, and it still did not spare them. It is worth fighting the unkillable god because bacteria rots unthinkingly, because there is room in our cosmos for destruction without comprehension on the part of the destroyer. It is worth fighting the unkillable god because now and then reality retracts the promise of immortality without fanfare, and when that happens there is no mercy for the ancient. the unmaking is not softer for the desecrators ignorance. for all things, existence is endless until the exact point where it ends.
so you might as well try to kill the unkillable god. it doesn’t seem likely, but at the beginning of the world, trees didn’t rot. so you never know! you never know
#bazinga!#I’ve been meaning to add these tags for a minute but it was too funny to keep the original line bazinga tag#if you see this i would appreciate this post not be tagged as wornld building#and if you want to use this concept in your D&D campaign#you don’t need to show this post or anything#but if you would please mention after the plot line ends that the original post was written all at once in a pretty desperate state#i thought about ginkgo trees while walking my dog late that night#and when i found myself hopeless and completely alone at midnight#I opened tumblr and talked to myself#and hit post#and went to bed#then it got 2000 notes and i woke up to the realization that the entire time I had said bacteria#when i fully meant fungus#fuck!!!#u don’t need to say all that just please include the context that this is a very personal post#thank u!#I’m not mad it’s not obvious from the post that i was ranting into the void
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Ooh, you want to know what happens at the gay bar run by ex-pirates, ooh...You'll just have to read Tiger Tiger to find out...
(Inspired by this Disco Elysium comic)
#tiger tiger#remy bonnaire#Arno#jamis arlesi#f slur mention#(Remy is allowed to say it. Jury is still out on Jamis though.)#I love that disco elyisum comic so much. I have it saved in several places so I can find it to show people. I lost it once. Never. Again.#Hard lesson about redrawing/heavily referencing a beloved comic is that you will feel so inferior to its genius.#I did my best but I feel like I didn't hit the high notes I wanted. Such is art!#At the end of the day I have to remind myself that I'm still on a journey and not every piece is going to be my best.#Yeah I'm still on my Tigers propagana train. Toot Toot. All abord or perish to the Tigers.#I hear tigers are running the Olympics this year. That's right. It's tigers all the way down.#Obscure references aside; time to talk tigers spoilers:#I was absolutely losing my mind at Remy taking Jamis to the Starfall. He did *not* expect to be in a gay bar.#Jamis is our beloved bisexual lad but I don't think he's fully in tune with it yet.#How down right unfortunate that he is also the hottest cub in the room. Will he realize? What will he realize? Who Knows!#Thank you to everyone who checked out Tiger Tiger from my recommendations!#And thank you to my fellow Tigers fans for receiving my comics with open arms. Next comic will be about Rat Man.
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my attempt at making a fursona
#i never see any mole furries so i thought id try my hand at it ^_^#i was hungry making this and was thinking of dirt cup pudding so its partly inspired by that and mario grass blocks#i dont draw furries very often so this was a fun learning experience lol. also!! star nose moles are kinda cute!!!!#when i was coming up with a name my mind kept going back to that tiktok of dogs and the tts voice saying stuff like i like mulch#mulch is my favorite food! yippee mulch!! so if youre wondering where i got the name theres the lore for it#i also wanna make a sea otter fursona.. and perhaps a snowshoe hare or other winter animal. oh or a barn owl!!#im trying to free my mind when it comes to making multiple sonas bc im still trying to wrap my head around it#ive always kinda seen myself as my persona but i want to try and be silly with it. actually while i was making this i was a little doubtful#to call it my fursona bc it doesnt look like me but a little voice inside my head was like well. youre not a 5 foot tall talking mole eithe#so you might as well. and i was thinking abt ppl with their dragon wolves with wings and i was like wow.. youre right... i can do what i#want forever. and brother that shit was enlightening it was like my third eye opened when i realized that#my art#myart#my oc#oc#fursona#mulch#furry art#sfw furry#character design#oc ref sheet#reference sheet
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It's Tintin Day again!!! 💖
It's also spooky month so time for some costumes - Sherlock Holmes and a very cute Hound of the Baskervilles! 🔎👻
#the adventures of tintin#tintin#snowy#sherlock holmes#josie's art#i'm sick right now but always going to muscle through for tintin day!!!#i think i stressed myself out so much over the weekend with the comic pages disaster that my health took a hit ; v ;#tbf my mum was ill the week before so i was probably fending it off already; it just took the opening >:'V#i just want to lie in bed and play animal crossing this is SO MEAN
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Guess who finally heard what Knockout said to Optimus in TFP ?!!?! (me)
#this has been all an elaborate ruse on myself to draw knockout#im doing breakbee cowboys tommorow dont worry#transformers#maccadam#tf optimus prime#tfe optimus prime#optimus prime#orion pax#tfe megatron#tf megatron#megatron#megop#tfe megop#megatron x optimus prime#optimus x megatron#tfp knockout#knockout#transformers knockout#doctor knockout#i can make knockout say other things if you guys want i have some ideas open to suggestions#honestly i genuinely believe knockout would be a big supporter of healthy communication about things like this hes so :3#do not call Megatron chad megatron i taped eva foam to my face and took pictures like that so i could get the angles right PLEASE D:#i love you big nose megatron#transformers prime#kinda#tfp#tfp spoilers#earthspark
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charles doddles
below the cut is notes for myself on how i draw him cause im SICK of being inconsistent !!!!!!!
#xmen#xmen comics#xmen tas#charles xavier#professor x#snap sketches#this lit started with just the notes page and then of course i had to 'test' my notes#i had an extra note about how i draw charles smiling but i just wanted the Charles Doodles to focus on the doodles#yk exclude the notes. the only note was that i would never draw charles smiling more than That open-mouth smile there#i dont think he should smile big too much and he's more of a closed-mouth smile kind of guy. comics/tas wise anyhow#lmao i love how i only ever do these kinds of doodle pages for charles and never mags#its not my fault i just got his face on lock frame one ok i still flip flop with how i draw charles jAELKVJEAKLJ#BUT NO MORE. i think this is how ima do it going forward <- literally im the only person who notices these thigns#BUT IDC i draw these things for myself ok.... i better make sure nothin bout them bothers me ...#i was gonna include a Sad Charles doodle but its bout time i go on my night run with my dog SO !!!!!! bye bye for now#have plenty more chances to draw charles sad in the future !!!
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"Your heart was in the right place. Don't blame your earnestness and efforts for their lack of understanding—the right people will appreciate your heart."
EDIT: i mention this in the tags already, but please don't copy my vent tags in your reblogs. thanks for understanding.
#fnaf eclipse#fnaf dca#dca fandom#crab art#traditional art#bright colours#self-insert#my OC Esther#nearly didn't colour this because i was really happy with the lines#but i'm glad i did#please don't copy these tags i'm just going to vent a bit#sigh i've been really feeling it lately#just very discouraged when my efforts to help are dismissed#i know i'm a people pleaser and i just want people to like me#but like#sometimes we just don't click#and it's not worth trying to work myself to the bone to convince people to give me a chance#and it's not fair to blame myself for the friendships that never came to be#they're on their own journey and i'm simply not a part of that journey#just as they are not a part of mine#and that's fine#it's easy to forget when we can connect with so many people online#that we have a limit to how many quality relationships we can realistically maintain#what does it matter if you have so many friends who “like” you#but have no one close enough for you to be open and honest with?#so i will save my heart for those who appreciate it#for friends who will celebrate with me as i celebrate their achievements#who i feel comfortable enough with sharing our troubles and sorrows and supporting each other through it#those are the friends who are worth my heart
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So fucking dumb and fuzzy brained right nowww, I just want a pretty boy to grope me all over, teasing me and pinning me against the kitchen counter. Telling me to be a good boy and concentrate on my cooking, that I'll get a reward later if I do a good job as he edges me with a wooden spoon, smacking my cunt everytime I start to whine
I wanna be a blushy mess of moans and giggles for him as they switch between making cheesy jokes and threatening to fuck my mouth, as he grips onto my hips and marks me as his
#xochimilli writes#yeah.. ... !!! fucking dumb as shit right now... edging myself over my clothes by humping a chair while i cook#im actually pathetic af rn its awesome also my love's tag bc literally do not want anyone else to touch me bc i am fucking babie#🫀puppy#also bc i am giggling a lot everytime i open the fridge n see a mango lmao i love my sweetheart#ftm nsft#t4t nsft#bd/sm kink#queer nsft#ftm bottom#ftm sub#trans nsft#gay nsft#bd/sm blog#edging kink#edging nsft#edging and denial#kitty sub#kitty nsft#bunny nsft#bunny sub#mlm nsft#impactplay#soft impact play#soft nsft#queer ns/fw#t4t ns/fw#ftm t4t#ftm ns/fw#trans ns/fw
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To the ‘themes I am picking up on in Veilguard’ list, let's go ahead and add what I have a sneaking suspicion will actually turn out to be The theme:
— the world has changed and can never be as it was again.
— I have been changed and can never be who I was again.
— in this simple unavoidable truth there is endless grief and endless hope.
And I… may be getting a bit emotional about it haha. Let me show my work a bit:
if da:o is a game about people who are already dead or half ghosts in some form (through societal forces, psychologically, functionally, literally, in body, through the joining etc.) coming together anyway to save the world from being swallowed by total nihilism and despair (symbolized by the blight) through the power of love and friendship and also this sword/potential heroic sacrifice that I found, da2 is a game about people who have lost their homes and been set adrift finding and building new homes in each other (while completely failing to save the world. also through the power of love and friendship. as well as years of petty bickering <3 we must imagine kirkwall if not happy then worth having been because the love was there the love was there and that's the only sanctifying force we can ever have in this doomed world and city of ours), and da:i is a game about old stabilizing-but-unjust comfortable lies vs. disruptive but potentially liberating uncomfortable truths, and the power of friendship to help us distinguish the one from the other and navigate through them...
folks… I'm starting to think that veilguard might be a game specifically about moving towards recovery and acceptance after trauma — about how even in this flawed, severed, scarred state, what is here right now is worth loving and worth caring for. even in an imperfect and impermanent world and self, there is worth and joy. and of course the first real tragedy — and threat — of Solas is that he just cannot find it in himself to accept this and move on, to let go of what was, the regret won’t let him go or he won’t let go of it. which means that even though on the surface it’s Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain (and the will to subjugate and violate they represent) who are the main villains, the real antagonistic force in this story beneath that is the Dread Wolf’s despair. A despair Rook must make an answer to by the end of the game, one way or another, compassionately or with righteous fury, triumphant or pyrrhic.
The world will change again and again and so will you — BUT the crucial element is that so will everyone else who exists along with you, you are fundamentally not alone in this existential truth. all we’ll ever have is each other and my god that is plenty, my god that is enough!!! Which is the second thing Solas just can’t accept, he keeps himself separate and completely alone out of an awful mix of fear and pride and feeling himself unworthy of anything else. Rook and the player want to save the world of Thedas because it’s where everyone we love lives, Solas wants to go back to the past because that’s the only neighbourhood where he can still visit those he loved — and the person he himself was, before. A very sympathetic and human instinct/trap to fall into when touched by trauma, I think, if only it wasn’t backed by godlike power, a fundamentally oppositional personality, and a catastrophic lack of therapy to make it literally everyone else’s problem too lol. It’s varric and solas’ banter about the man on the island and where meaning in a life comes from all over again, writ large and with detail work — and the added idea of ‘what if there are also other islands out there, though. With other people on them that you could find if you reach for each other’. Rook with the best of intentions has to make choices to which there are no perfect outcomes and live with what happens — and not cut themselves off from everyone else around them even when there is regret or shame. You get back up every day and you make a life with other people doing the same and you do your best, and that’s the only victory this world will give you. In the end, that is more than enough, that is essential. And I um. I love that. So much. It’s why some of the writing clumsiness on top can’t hurt me because this thematic spine is so solid and so beautiful to me. It’s DA2 all over again that way for me personally — I forgive this story for what it isn’t and couldn’t be, and I love it with my whole stupid open heart for what it actually is. Thank you for coming to my TED-talk and goodbye etc.
(For my fellow TLT heads out there — you know what this story is reminding me of most of all, actually? It has some big Nona the Ninth vibes down there in the deep. It’s about… the horror and unspeakable beauty that can only be found in liminality, and the role of love in making that basic fact of existence bearable. And also even more unbearable at the same time. I'm so sorry.)
#I told you all I was going to be extremely myself about this. I suppose we all hoped I was joking. even while knowing I was not#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age meta#solas#varric tethras#anyway. at the end of the day and despite everything varric won the 'I told you so chuckles' rights over solas in this philosophical debate#and isn't that enough in a way. I think so. the world and the story of the world is his legacy. people get to keep telling it#I want to say so much about how each of the companions play into the different aspects of this theme but I should uh#probably finish the game properly first haha#guys I literally opened my eyes this morning and wrote out most of this before even getting up. the pressure cooker brain is back#the lone brain cell in here boileth over with dragon age feels & thoughts#very little sends me deranged quite like this series I'm afraid. I'm just still so relieved that even if this story isn't for everyone.#it is for me. thank god. I needed it
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wanted to make a render to get back into the hang of things
#no sim in it because i really didn't want to open the game 😭#i recorded myself making this and made a speed render#but i've gotten an error all 3 times i've tried to upload it so when i figure that out i'll post it in a reblog#but it's 2am and i'm wrecked lol#anyways hi its been a month#sorry i've been so absent#having one of those weeks where the smallest things either have me in tears or a fit of rage#and these kind of weeks have been coming consecutively since like.. march 💀#feel like shit but nothing to do besides get over it and move on#here's hoping it passes 🤞#goodnight friends#edits
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what do you want. im on my break
#fnaf#security breach#fnaf security breach#sundrop#the daycare attendant#sun fnaf#god i love you so much girl#he's been helping me with my art block as of recent#design so good it makes me want to draw despite Everything#i forgot to color his back hook as of writing nvm i'll kill myself#FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK#ok i opened krita again#i ffixed it we're good#almost caught me slipping there.! hah!!
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So I may have got The Book of Bill and it has me in a slight tiny itty bit of a death grip hyperfixation where all I've been able to imagine is his pathetic toxic ex ass
This pathetic triangle has once again parasitically wormed his way into my brain after years of absence
Also he totally would try and gaslight Ford and say he probably just lost the shirt when he stole it if ever asked where the shirt went
Ok so I could've put a ton of things in that last, panel, so I did, with some joke suggestive ones as the last two below the cut
I'm going to explode him with stock video explosions a bajillion times over
#art#digital art#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#billford#I'm strangling this bastard in my mind#Not like he'd want to stay considering what I've imagined him doing#I feel oddly cringe and self conscious#But I always do when presenting not dsaf to my probably 100% dsaf audience#And I feel extra mega cringe because my permanent Feral brainrot is mixing with the tbob brainrot#If you ask me about that you will open Pandora's box and I couldn't be happier#Seriously I imagined it too much and it accidentally turned into a whole ass au I think#God I'm so cringe#But I am free#I enjoy talking to myself in my tags#Hi me! It's 4:30 am go to bed
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always by your side
#couuugh. whehezze#hold on#project sekai#emu otori#pjsk#prsk#proseka#ok thatsg enough RANK 96 COOOOOGUH WHEEEZE#literlaly cough wheez ei have fucking covid. i wanted to draw something nicer for the event but my hands rlly hrut snd my throat hirts and#i was sticking my head in the freezer in between matches.#omfg i didnt think the end sprint was gonna be so insane i didnt have enough energy. mfers made me spend 700 gems. nene please.#i never wanna open the game agaon.(guy who will open it tomorrow and sunday) 16 MIL POINTS.. pimh was only 9mil. for rank 80smth.#the hatsune miku colorful stage tiering economy is in shambles#'im never doing that again' [will do it again in august]#event was insane. started out ill -> only 1 rate up card -> charger broke -> assignments -> covid on the last day. Be fr#to my beloved sakurako and fixer i wub you. ill try to finish my nice profile but well honk mimimi.#NSIFFLKE. SNIFFLE. WAAAAAAH#this is so lazy but i havent drawn for myself literally in a week. other than doodles i did between matches#actually theyre like little bobblehead emus all over my sketchbooks i should collage them into anpost#idk how people get that subtle gaussian blur on their lines i tried it but it looks so obvious to me here.. maybe bc i used a thick brush..#ok wonderhoy i need to lay down so bad tylenol save me. I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED MY LOZENGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAAAAAME
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#waddle dee#(sort of)#one of my christmas presents was my wife's old desktop computer that she'd beefed up for video games#a while ago granted but still#so I did some more work on getting it set up today and then spent 5 hours playing house flipper :)#big kid computer means I can actually play pc games again#beyond full perfecting cook serve delicious on low graphics lol#also I knew my brother had given me a yakuza game a while ago that I hadn't opened because I was still on my laptop#but it turns out he gave me two yakuza games#so once I get the controller set up I can play yakuza 2 also!#I really enjoyed yakuza 1 except for a couple bs sections in the story and the very very last side mission.#(having a more powerful computer also means once I get the peripherals squared away I can start video captioning)#(and maybe hopefully stream occasionally)#(I really wanna stream my partner playing ace attorney because I want to have his reactions on record for myself lol)#(he loves puzzles and he grew up in the moon logic video game days and he has some background in criminology)#(so either he'll get super into it or he'll absolutely hate it I think lol)#(I've done a very good job of not spoiling anything)#(I know the court segments well but I might keep a guide on the side for the investigation segments)#(I never had that much trouble with them tho cuz I tend to be thorough and methodical)
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