#i want to do better but i feel like i'm performing

[magheia753]

Not a terf, but I'll explain my take on it.

It doesn't piss me off, it concerns me. Who transitions? People with dysphoria, and it seems there are more and more LGB kids or autistic kids who get pushed to that track. Traumatized ones too.

I know what can happen with a misdiagnosis of the issue. The bandaid doesn't help indefinitely.

And with dysphoria... Well, I wouldn't give a liposuction to an anorexic person. That's basically how I see transition. I'm not going to advocate against it because clearly, there are cases where it's the last solution that can be tried to alleviate distress. But it shouldn't be the automatic choice for everyone. It's insane. Just like we don't give the highest dose of a heavy duty psych med to a mentally ill person right away. And just like we shouldn't cut off the limbs or eyes of people who feel like they should be disabled.

That's not to say trans people shouldn't dress the way they want or perform a gender. The latter would be stupid, because the roles themselves are dumb, but performing isn't a crime. I don't really perform the expected role because I have better things to do, anyway. Changing your name? Meh. Changing your legal sex? Nope. You didn't change sex. No human can. It also has legal consequences. The first example that comes to mind is legal protections for women, such as "you can't be fired for being pregnant". Trans men are legally no different from men, so now it's no longer a women's issues. And that means we can get rid of the protection.

Anyway. There's a difference between the right not to be forced into pregnancy and childbirth or genital mutilation, and the right to do extensive body modifications to resemble the other sex when it might not even be the right solution. I'm seriously hoping this won't be the next medical horror story (like lobotomy is) later on. I'm hoping we're not harming people instead of helping them.

Reality doesn't change because of our beliefs. I will never turn the sky green with the power of hopeful thinking. I can't become a man or a neutral human either. My body is me and I am my body, there's no soul or essence inside. I may not like it, but it is me.

why are terfs all like "bodily autonomy!" and then they get pissed at people for trying to transition. seems kinda contradictory almost as if their ideals are built on irrational hatred rather than societal progress

[sunarots]

BETTER THAN REVENGE! ━━━ tooru oikawa & rintarou suna

24. vigilante shit ♡

Your eyes haven't moved from Oikawa's once. You know the cameras are still running and pointed on you, but you don't care. You're watching Emiko's movements and actions, witnessing Oikawa's failing efforts of forming a valid response for himself. Something believable. Understanding. You watch every movement they make, and you can't get enough of it.

Rin goes between holding your waist to cupping your thigh. His fingers paint patterns across the fabric and burns your skin. Heat races through your body. You gently run your fingers through his hair at the back, feeling him move every time he breathes. The drumsticks keep touching his other thigh.

It's the movement that draws you away from Oikawa, reels you into a conversation with Atsumu. He blocks your view, leans forward to disguise you from the cameras. A hand on you and Rin's shoulders, he whispers, "Takahashi wants us to do something. Play something."

You look between him and Rin, run your tongue over the front of your teeth. "Why not... That one?"

Rin raises an eyebrow, cocks his head at you. "Think so Atsumu?"

Atsumu beams, lightly squeezing both of your shoulders. He nods his head and rushes away as quick as he came to get his guitar.

You uncross your legs, black boots hitting the top of the stage with more force than necessary. You press your lips to Rin's forehead, leaving a small, dark lipstick stain. Ruffling his hair, you rise onto your feet. Rin's hand leaves your waist at the same time he lightly hits your ass with the drumsticks.

You keep your head high as you walk to pick up your guitar from its stand. You hang it round your neck, fix your hair, and step before the microphone. The cymbal crashes from behind you, the sheer force of Rin's hit enough to silence everyone; Oikawa and Emiko included.

You clear your throat, smile into the microphone. "We've just been told the DJ's running late. So, we're going to keep you guys entertained by watching us perform an unreleased song! Yeah, um- Well, enjoy. And if it's bad, that's why it was unreleased." You laugh into the microphone a little, trying to ease the tension lingering in the air.

You try your hardest to get the lyrics right, lips pressing against the microphone with your fingers strumming the guitar around your neck. You move around as much as you can while singing, taking every opportunity show yourself off.

No one can know how ruined you are except Rin. No one.

You pause the strumming, drop down low before rising and continuing where you left off. You approach Rin on the drums, nudge your head towards Atsumu before making your way to him. Atsumu turns his back on you, crouching so yours was pressing against his. You keep eye contact with Rin, unable to help the smile tugging at your lips.

Adrenaline pumps through you as you come to the end of the song, dropping to your knees as you finish. There's a scattered applause by the time you rise back onto your feet, removing the guitar from around your neck and making your way to place it on the stand once again. That's when you see her.

Emiko storming towards you, an unfamiliar look in her eyes. You can't look away from her, putting your guitar in place before approaching her. You kneel before her, hands gripping the edge of the stage. You watch as she leans in close to you.

"When did we get together? In your timeline?"

Her shoulders slump forward at the words she's just uttered to you. "Two weeks before he dumped me," you answer honestly, taken aback when Emiko wraps her arms around you.

"I'm so sorry! If I'd known, I never would have," she assures you, quick to pull herself away from you. She wipes her eyes, steps back and rushes towards the exit.

You sit with a heavy heart, looking over your shoulder. You stand, quickly hurrying over to Rin and unplugging the mic from your ear and pulling out your earplugs. "I'm gonna check on her. She needs someone like how I had you guys. I love you." You kiss the top of his head and drop everything in his hands before rushing to the stairs by the stage. You run after her as fast as you can, following to find her outside sat on the ground.

You sit quietly by her side, taking a moment to regather yourself before speaking. "I, uh... When I met him, I thought he was amazing," you start, glancing to the girl at your side. "And then he fucked me over. I forgave him. And that happened every time we were together. And he always messed up after. It was a ruthless cycle I wanted to break, but couldn't. Because I started to believe all the rumours and chatter that he's this godlike figure who I'm lucky to be able to be with. And then he cheated with you. And this is going to sound really fucking strange and possibly awful for you to hear, but there's a part of me that wishes he just slept with you. It would have hurt less, been easier for me to understand. But he had to have feelings for you.

"I know what you feel. I promise I do, and it gets easier. Especially because it's Oikawa. But when he told me at that restaurant, I thought I was going to die. I was so hurt that someone would do that to me, but then he revealed you didn't know. And I wanted to tell you, but I was scared. I was so scared you would think I was a vengeful and crazy ex and then I would get cancelled and ruin everything but his image. And then Hajime messaged me. Asked me to tell you through song."

You can't help the laugh that comes out. "That second last song. I wrote some of that when I was about seventeen and he first broke my heart. And I forgave him because he begged for my forgiveness. If you're anything like me, you'll probably want to forgive him right now, but don't listen to that voice. It'll be the biggest mistake of your life. I promise you. But it will get better. I promise you that, too."

"You guys okay?" Rin and Atsumu crouch down in front of you both.

You look to Emiko beside you. "I think Oikawa Tooru's hate club just got one member bigger?" You wait for confirmation from Emiko, watching her laugh and nod through her tears.

Rin smiles, rests a hand on your knee. "Welcome aboard. It's a lot better on this side of the world."

masterlist. previous | next

summary. as a world-famous singer, everyone knows everything about all of your relationships. namely, your renowned on-again/off-again relationship with one tooru oikawa. it’s hard not to when every song you write is about him. but no one truly knows all of the gory details of all your dirty breakups, except from the two of you. and after announcing in a drunken red-carpet interview that you never want to see his face again, everyone starts desperately searching for the truth behind your twisted relationship. and just when you think you can escape these rumours, in comes a job opportunity your band can’t turn down.

taglist (open!). @writing-for-the-hell-of-it @iaminyourfloors @rrosiitas @v3nusplanetofluv @draculauracullen @lollbecca @honeytwo @wakashudou @tojirin @makki0s @alexithemiyatic @aboutkiyoomi @hermaeusmorax @theepitomeofswag @qyoongi @esunarint @frootloopscos @kimigiri09 @sweetlyvibe @hhoneyhan @jlly1 @nizaii @mdmraz @gigiiiiislife @jpegarchives

[cottoncandywhispers]

the fine line between wanting to look cute to disguise your instability and wanting to be fearful to show how messed up you are

[front-facing-pokemon]

[iamthemaestro]

I need to stop romanticizing careers I am not mentally stable enough to maintain

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

it's probably the sunnier weather that's doing stuff to my brain to make me more optimistic but it's so interesting having a brain that craves a lot of self-fulfillment to the point where I can move past some hang-ups around perfection by going "oh I really wanna do that though" and then I do it well because researching how to do it right is also a rewarding part of the process

[starpros-sunshine]

You can use a lot of words you know? You don't have to talk yourself around stuff like "It's famous Nazi code for an abbreviation for their popular motto which I won't be repeating here" when you really can just explain that 88 is supposed to represent the Hitler salute because H is the 8th letter in the alphabet? You don't even have to say the words but I mean wouldn't it make more sense to actually explain something instead of vaguely talking around it for some sense of...of what? What's the use in nor calling the thing by it's name? Won't that do more harm than good? I mean if people know they shouldnt do something but don't really know why then they won't take it that serious no?

[knight-intraining]

The fact that there was once a time where I was like, "being a theatre teacher is not for me. Alas, I must find a new path posthaste".

When I directed my first play in literally 5th grade and then got to middle school and was like "I think I want to do this for the rest of my life" is kind of hilarious, I'm not gonna lie

Like the kids ask me about my life path or whatever, and I'm like yeah this will be my 10th show I've directed, and I knew in middle school I wanted to do this forever. And then I have to be like - but worry not! For there was a time in my life that I was incredibly stupid and thought this was, in fact, not my correct path 🤦🏼

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

...It has been So Long since I've actually sung a song and indulged in Feeling the Music and actually Using My Voice Aloud.

It really is cathartic and I'm smiling now. So. There's that.

[anachrosims]

Maybe this is just a White People(tm) thing-- and none of you better come at me because a) I am a White People and b) even if I weren't, it's a fucking valid criticism--

Why is it that Gen X and older are so fucking hard to get assistance from? Like, "hey I've been super ill and am struggling to do basic self-care on top of my job can you be an extra pair of hands for 2-4hrs tops to help me throw stuff into boxes" is apparently a tall enough ask that every older adult in my life has tiptoed around just outright saying "no." But the second I ask my brother, who is an older Millennial, he's like "oh yeah sure, do you have a plan? You do? Great, I'll see when I can come over. ... Is Wednesday good? Awesome, I'll be there." EIGHT MONTHS of asking people and I should've just gone to my brother in the first place.

The fuck is up with that???? Like, I'm not even sorting stuff, or asking people to haul large furniture. I just cannot logistically do this alone and a second pair of hands for ONE SATURDAY tossing shit at random into boxes is all I ask. And I just wonder-- is this a generational thing or is this a White People/Generational thing? FFS.

EDIT: I ask if it's a White People Thing because I am well aware of many WASP and WASP-adjacent American cultural habits and that not everyone else does them. And I don't want to sit here and blame All Gen Xers and Boomers either. It is just... absolutely wild to me. Dealing with Millennials on the whole is so much easier than dealing with the general populace of older white folk and the older I get the less patience I have for all their stupid bullshit.

[seaofreverie]

Anyway.... Back to what I was pondering earlier today... It's been 4 months but I'm still as deeply obsessed with Exotic Creatures of the Deep as at the very start

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

Why do I still hate myself for not livin up to the person I used to pretend to be

[youremyonlyhope]

Me: I don't like Cats the musical. You could not pay me to ever see it live.

Perelman Performing Arts Center: We're doing a version of Cats inspired by ballroom culture!

Me: Ok... that's definitely interesting... I could be into it... but NO still you can't make me want to see it.

PAC: Here's some rehearsal footage of the cast vogueing to Jellicle Ball!

Me: ...I hate that this actually is working... it fits a little too well...

PAC: Also André De Shields is playing Old Deuteronomy!

Me: ...Why must satan tempt me in this way...

[psalmsofpsychosis]

a bit of a sad talk ahead, but

people who say that they just "love talking to other people" might as well just tell me that they have 3 pairs of extra eyes on their buttocks and i'd believe them, like that's how alien the whole experience feels to me. It speaks of a level of inherent... trust in the way you fit into the world, an intrinsic unchallenged belief that not only are you a good listener and in tune with other ordinary and non-ordinary people, but also you are wanted and the way you are and what you believe is valued and cherished enough to be listened to. And that way of thinking is so foreign to me. In the span of my life i have been friends with so few likeminded people that the basis of my socialising isn't an easy relatedness that would result in effortless enjoyment of what other people will tell me, or what i might tell them. To put it in simple terms, before every single interaction my brain puts forth a statement that "noone present is interested in what i think or feel or have to say, noone cares" and i proceed with that deep seated belief, actively override it if i'm feeling okay, or just choose to keep silent sometimes. But overall it adds an edge of... almost hostility to my communication??? And people often like it, but it's not enjoyable easy experience for me. Like, when the simplest talks you have with other people has that undercurrent of separation that you "i'm not wanted and i will talk anyway" your way through it, social interaction becomes a tiring and bitter thing by default, so naturally i talk to people but i dont enjoy like, 85% of my interactions, they feel like a necessary evil if anything.

And like, a lot of people talk with the underlying belief that they're listened to and cared about and recieved well, and it shows. It's amazing to me, even though i dont really understand the assumption, since my own assumption is that i'm not wanted.

[aeide-thea]

wot show is so obsessed with architecture and tbh i'm not mad about it???

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Anyone else hear this rumor about a Final Fantasy X Remake? I guess it's for FFX's 25th anniversary.

I don't quite know how to feel about that for a few reasons (if it is true, we'll have an FFVII Remake, probably an FFIX one, and an FFX one)?